#this is honestly just me making excuses and coping with how no one ever knows be the bad boss's man and how ill die alone as a fan-

[tittysuckersworld]

what if, hear me out, well never have sex soukoku animatic? eh eh?

[luveline]

Ok what about a lil fic of Remus being snappy with his gf leading up to the full moon? Just some angst and then fluffy ending with them reconciling

thank u for ur request! —remus says something he shouldn't before the full moon, and later campaigns for your forgiveness with affection and a confession. fem!reader, 1.2k

Remus lays on the couch with his forearm pressed to his eyes. It's the day before the full moon, and he feels the hours approaching like a death sentence every time. You hover in the doorway, watching, unsure of how to help. He gets the same every month (or rather, every cycle). 

Irritable. So anxious he can't breathe properly, let alone enter conversation. 

You hate seeing him like this. Your Remus, who spends every moment you're together trying to make sure you're as happy as you can be. 

Cautious, you round the sofa to crouch by his face. You hold out your hand, trailing a gentle fingertip down the length of his arm, tripping over pinched skin ridged by scars. He's beautiful no matter what, but he gets insecure about how he looks every full moon. You know he thinks he's a monster. You've no way to prove it to him beyond this. 

"Hey, handsome," you say softly. "I know you're not hungry, but I made dinner anyway if you feel up to it. And I know," —you drop your voice to a near whisper— "I know you're not in the mood, but I'm here. I can sit here and stroke your hair in silence all night if that's what you want, my love. I'll do whatever you want." 

"Then leave me alone," he says. 

Half snap, half firm defeat. You wince at the ire in his voice. It won't ever be nice to have someone you love speak to you like you're getting on their nerves, but you know what it is he's facing. You know this is hard for him to cope with. You can forgive him for everything if he makes it through this in one piece. 

"Okay. I'm sorry. I love you, Remus." 

He turns his head toward the sofa cushions. 

You leave the room with a heavy heart. In the kitchen, you try to eat, but every mouthful makes you feel sick, your eyes welling with tears as you chew. You're hurt, he's hurting, and this really, really sucks. 

The smell of dinner starts to amplify the nausea. You grab your plate and carry it to the back door, scraping your leftovers straight into the rubbish. You wash your plate and leave it to drip dry on the draining board, your eyes burning. You sniff, wiping your nose in your sleeve. 

You're hoping desperately that Remus will come around before bed, but he stays where he is. Thinking he's finally found sleep and wanting to leave him to that blissful reprieve, you creep through the living room and down the hallway into the bedroom. Tears fall as you change into your pyjamas. You're so tired that you barely have time to cry yourself to sleep. 

You're not sure how much longer it is when you wake. A familiar hand cups your cheek. 

From the warmth of your skin, he's had his hand there for a while. 

"I'm so sorry," Remus says. 

You don't know how he knows you're awake. He must have been watching you long enough to spot the difference. Honestly, you're not sure you want to see him yet, because you love him so much, and it breaks your heart to be at the end of his disdain even when you know the cause. 

You struggle to see him in the dark. 

"I should never have spoken to you like that." 

Your eyes close of their own accord, exhausted and sore from crying. "You didn't mean it." 

"I wish you'd shout at me," he murmurs, sliding his hand over your ear. His thumb draws along the shell of your ear. 

"I'm too tired," you mumble. 

Remus' head shifts closer to yours. Sharing the same pillow, his hand falls to your shoulder, his arm wrapping around you, a firm bicep pressed to your front. 

You let yourself lean into it. His breath warms the space between your brows. 

"It's no excuse, but I… I can't think of anything else but the pain, sometimes. I get so angry about it, because I'm–" He stops short, swallowing audibly in the otherwise silent room. "I'm scared. But I would be a hundred times more terrified if I didn't have you, knowing you're there for me, unflinchingly, before and after it happens, it helps me get through it. It's not fair that you give me so much peace and I just… 

"I'm sorry, dove. I don't mean to take advantage of your… heart." He says heart like he's been winded. He hadn't sounded finished, but everything stops at that word. 

You force your eyes open. He's looking at you with an unspeakable amount of love, kind to keel you over if you were standing. His eyes are pitch black in the lack of light, irises melded with pupils, giving him an even sorrier gaze. You raise a sluggish hand to his where it rests behind your back and pull it back to your face. You miss his touch. 

"I love you," you say. 

"I know," he says, his jaw tensing in an attempt to stage off tears. "I love you, too." You watch them collect in the corners of his eyes, following one as it slides to rest in the dip of his nose bridge while he lies on his side like this. 

"So don't be sorry." 

"But I am sorry. I can't fathom why I think it's okay to treat you that way." 

"You don't think at all, Remus. I'm not being flippant, but you're busy worrying about the worst of it." You shake your head gently. His hand twitches against your cheek. "I don't blame you." 

"I know," he utters. 

You stare up at him as he sits enough to tower over you. His smile is sorry, in love and ashamed. You want to tell him how it doesn't matter, that it's okay, but you're thinking maybe you need him to say it first. 

"I'm sorry." 

"Remus, you only told me to leave you alone." 

"I need you to know that any other time, you're all that I want. You're everything. I couldn't ask for more than you. Please don't think I'm cruel," he pleads in a whisper. 

You lift your chin incrementally. "I'd never think that." 

His apology kiss is coddling. Like he's worried he'll hurt you, like he's holding back, he kisses you like you can't handle more than a chaste press of the lips. 

"I love you," he says into it. 

You lift your head to kiss him harder. You love him, and you won't break. You can be exactly as strong as he needs you to be, so long as love waits at the end of the night. 

"I love you." A huff of a laugh escapes him. "Does this mean I'm forgiven?" Caution has his joke falling flat.

You nuzzle your cheek against his, knowing you'd forgiven him just as soon as he'd snapped. "If you let me stroke your hair. Did you eat your dinner?" 

"I'll eat it tomorrow," he says. A white lie, you both know, but he slides down further under the sheets so you can reach his head. 

You card your fingers through his hair until you've both fallen asleep. 

[finnbbl]

Hey, I saw your requests are open. Would you write something for 3Racha where something sad happens and the reader turns non-verbal to try and cope with it?

It's just a problem that I always have and I would like to know how you think the boys would react :)

3Racha when you’re nonverbal

3Racha Written

Prompt: Being friends with the main producers of a music group had its perks. But when you’re asked to accompany them a certain gathering, you hesitate when you figure out who will be there.

Genre: Angst/Comfort

Gender Neutral Reader

Warnings: Implications of trauma, alcohol and dr*g mention, I don’t think there’s any swearing, reader goes nonverbal.

A/N: I wanted to first start off by saying I apologize it took me a bit to get out. I’ve been in my own slump and I’ve found it super hard to find motivation for anything, especially writing and posting.

I wasn’t sure if you wanted a specific incident to happen where the reader goes non verbal, so I hope this is okay. I also wasn’t sure if you wanted it romantic or not, so I just kind of wrote what felt right in the moment. I tried to leave the situation vague so it could match with anyone’s experiences. I personally don’t like it too much (I honestly hate my writing so it could just be that LOL) so I can make a separate post with a text version, of course it would be a little bit different than this. Please let me know your thoughts 🙏

Requests - OPEN

Masterlist

Please read disclaimer in masterlist

Parties were the absolute worst. If you were forced to choose a least favorite thing on the planet, parties would be it. They’re loud and crowded; Worst of all, he’s always there.

3Racha had been nominated for an award. They had been invited to a big award show, a one where afterparties usually follow. You were incredibly proud of them, knowing just how hard they worked. They meant the absolute world to you, and to see them put their best foot forward and exceed tipped you over the moon. Previously, you’d turn them down when they’d ask you to attend with them, and you had a very good reason. Firstly, parties just weren’t your thing. You never fit in with everyone else growing up. Secondly, you knew that he was going to be there. You didn’t know what to call him. Putting a label on things had never felt right to you before. If someone were to ask him, he’d tell them you were together. But if someone were to ask you, you’d say it was complicated and you were content with how things were. You did that with everyone that seemed to be more than friends with you, commitment was a scary thing. But you did know that he was someone you never wanted to be around ever again.

You remember the way he’d always ask you to accompany him to one. He was the partier in the “relationship.” However, you’d always preferred to stay in. Nice and cozy in your blankets. One night, you decided to try and get out of your comfort zone. You wore something different, and put effort into your appearance. The moment he let his hand “accidentally” linger over your ass was the first sign of a mistake. The night only went downhill from there. Next thing you knew you were drugged and taken advantage of. It took you months to recover, months to find the will to get out of bed. Only Chan out of the three knew of this incident, but only very very vaguely. He only found out because he was the one nursing you back to your normal self again. You avoided giving him details, he doesn’t know the person, time, nor the place. You wanted to stick to using being tired as an excuse to politely turn them down. There was no way you could let them find out that you were just too weak to attend said gathering, especially because they don’t know what happened.

You listened to the boys explain how excited they were for this one. How this was such a big award, and how it was going to be so much different. The excitement that laced their voices made it hard for you to deny the question you knew was coming. “Do you think you could go with us this time?” They knew the answer every time they asked this question. A hesitant no, almost as if you were thinking about it. In reality, your mind was fighting off bad memories. It was hard not to think of it when even the topic was brought up, there’s no way you could bring yourself to revisit the place it happened. He was always going to be there, just like he was at every one while you knew him. Again, parties were his thing. So you were confident no matter which one you attended, he would be there. You were scared, to say the least. Scared of seeing him, scared of being pushed back into that dark room, scared of reliving what had made you feel so lifeless.

However, Han’s unintentional puppy eyes drew you closer and closer to the edge. How you wanted to see them happy. You weren’t sure if it was only platonic or if there was some hint of romantic feelings for them there, but you knew you loved them so much. Although the three knew the usual answer, they still proceeded to ask. They felt as they should always invite you, even if they know what your answer would be. However, this time you surprised them. With a quick purse of your lips, the words fell from your mouth. “Fine, but only this once.” The way their faces lit up when you agreed to go to with them brought a smile to your face. Though it quickly dissipated as your brain grabbed back at those awful memories. The guys were too lost in excitement to notice, but you’d prefer it that way. Everyone else had their own problems, so you hated adding your own on top of them.

The last few nights leading up to the award ceremony were filled with anxiety. Sleepovers with Chan were a mutually agreed way to get both of your minds off of stress. However your anxiety still managed to claw its way through what was supposed to be a comforting barrier with him. Chan was next to you, fast asleep which was something that was rare for him. Meanwhile, you silently cried next to him. Hours passed and you were still unable to fall asleep, too busy fighting off the horrible memories. Horrible memories of a time in your life that left you numb. You couldn’t shake it, knowing that he was going to be there. He was a popular artist, and you’d already checked the lineup for the event. His name was there, and now you were petrified. You couldn’t bring yourself to tell them you changed your mind. They were so excited, so you dealt with it.

The night of the party arrived. You’d isolated yourself for the day, hoping to prepare yourself enough for what was about to come. Hours passed and next thing you knew you were sat between Chan and Changbin on a fancy couch. Despite it being a fancy event, Han sat on the back of the couch with his feet on either side of you, his hands slowly running through your hair. It was a common thing for you to do with the three, often being very touchy with each other. It was to the point where you questioned if you were more than friends. While you didn’t kiss, or do anything beyond that, you were very hands on. Cuddling, hugging, playing with each others hair or outfits, you name it. However, you couldn’t decipher whether it was platonic or if there was a hint of romance in there.

Suddenly, an all too familiar voice snapped you out of the peaceful thoughts that managed to distract you for.. at least a little while. Soon enough, your worst fear of the night happened. He placed himself on the couch right across from you guys. The first 20 minutes or so, he had the subtlety evil smirk on his face.

However, you knew it would dissipate sooner or later. Based on your experience with him, he was an extremely jealous person. And given, how important skin-ship was to you and the three boys, it was only a matter of time. It happened when Han noticed you were quieter all of the sudden. His fingers came to a slow stop in your hair to travel down to your shoulder. His head leaning down to your ear to whisper something.

“Are you alright, jagiya?”

It was quiet, quiet enough where only those within a 3 inch radius could hear. So you wonder why you saw that man who you feared, drop his smirk to a frown. Maybe he read Han’s lips and noticed the word ‘jagiya’ ? Either way, you ignored it, and with a nod and a small smile which was noticeably forced, you brushed off Han’s worries insisting you were just tired. Changbin took notice of his member’s concern, and leaned in close to reassure you that the event would be over soon. You gave him the same smile and quietly thanked him.

Thats when he suddenly started staring daggers at you from across the room, his hand clenching onto the almost empty soju bottle. He was drunk, for sure. That had to have been the scariest part. It only added more fuel to the fire, you were silenced. Except nothing was physically stopping you from speaking. Your head dropped down, staring at your nails that now started to dig into the palms of your and in an attempt to quiet the voices in your mind. It was a bad habit you picked up when you got anxious. Recently, it’d been worse so you currently had crescent shaped markings left behind on the center of your hand. Han noticed the tension in your body, and leaned down to express his concern once again.

“Are you sure you’re alright? You’re very tense.”

No response. As much as you wanted to reassure him that everything was okay, you couldn’t. It felt as if your throat was closing up, you couldn’t speak or move. You were anxious, overstimulated and all you wanted to do was jump out of the window. Anything to escape.

Your eyes were now staring daggers into the floor, and your body was completely still. Did you even hear him? He wondered at your lack of response, however it didn’t take long for him to pick up on it. But before he could say anything else, Chan’s hand gently but swiftly grabbed yours. Holding your hands in such a way that your nails couldn’t fight their way through your skin again. Chan was a very observant person, so it didn’t take him very long to notice the marks on your hands. That’s when Han recognized what was going on, Changbin following in their suit not but a few moments later. Once again, Han leaned down to say something. He was well aware that you were nonverbal right now, but he said it anyways hoping you could at least muster the energy to tell him you wanted to leave. You suddenly felt a hand on either shoulder, which were now rubbing soothingly into your tense muscles. “Do you want to leave? Chan still has to say his goodbyes to everyone, but I can take you outside.” This sentence was whispered into your ear, and the word ‘leave’ sparked your attention. You nodded almost too eagerly.

With that, Han motioned for you to stand up, saying something to you excuse yourselves. Chan let your hands slip out of his, looking over at his band mate and Changbin to silently communicate everyone would be leaving soon. You were unsure of what he said, now focused on not making eye contact with a certain someone right across from you. The closer to you that Han got, the more anger you could feel emitting off of the man in front. That only left you more anxious. Suddenly, Han put his arm around your waist gently to guide you out. The anxiety started to die down as you stepped out of the building, but the tears you were fighting didn’t. “You okay?” Han softly questioned as your eyes looked up to meet his. It took him not but a brief moment to notice your glossy eyes. He immediately pulled you in for a hug, which caused you to break down. Still unable to speak, you only mumbled out incoherent words that the male tried so hard to pick up on. Fortunately for him, he was able to make out a few words which told him everything he needed to know.

You felt unsafe is what it was. Although he wasn’t sure why, it was a step. Han would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t sense anger and tension in the room. The reason was what he couldn’t figure out. His head rested on yours, gently rocking you back and forth hoping to calm you down. Suddenly the door opened, but you remained still. As Chan and Changbin walked over, your breathing began to slow down. “Sorry n/n, I did my best to get us out as soon as possible. They don’t know when to shut up.” Chan apologized and rubbed his hand up and down your back. “Come on, we’ll talk later. Let’s get her out of here.”

Once you all arrived home, everyone went to their dorms. Except you stayed back at Chan and Jeongin’s. Although the younger was in the middle of a brand deal, which left you and the latter alone in the dorm. The trio agreed it would be better if you stayed with one of them for the night, so they decided on the leader’s as it would be the calmest. Your body lay next to him on his comfortable mattress, the lights set to a soft and comforting purple color with the tv playing a movie on the lowest volume. The male laying next to you, with his hand running up and down your back. Your eyes followed the movements of the character on the screen, but your brain wasn’t absorbing any of the plot. It was obvious this was a difficult night for you, but Chan just had to know.

“Feel free to not answer, I know you’re still not in a talking mood..” He led on, and your head raised to make eye contact with him. “Was that the guy… from you know.”

You did know, you knew exactly what he was talking about. Your facial features remained still, looking back and forth between both of his eyes as you mustered up the energy to get some form of response out. With that, you only nodded before turning back to the movie. Chan could swear he felt his heart break and everything suddenly clicked in his mind. If he had known it would only cause you anxiety, then he wouldn’t have pestered you to go for so long. “I am sooo sorry y/n.” His other arm found its way around you as he rested his head on yours. “We wouldn’t have pressed so hard if we knew what was going on.”

Although you didn’t respond, your hand found its way to his and gave him a light squeeze to reassure him that it was okay. “I know I don’t know the whole story but you can always talk to me about how you’re feeling, alright?” A small smile formed on your lips and your head nodded against his, nuzzling further. He let out a light and squeaky giggle as he ran his fingers over your knuckle gently. It was in this moment that you realized it was all going to be okay.

[dashofmonsters]

Dreamers & Delusions- Pt. 2

Merman x Female Reader

"I'll have to go into hibernation if it gets too cold or if I can't find something to do. The acclimation program already knows about my kind and our issues with the cold so they have accommodations for winter," he explains.

"Well I hope it doesn't get too cold then, would be a bummer if I couldn't come see you," you smile at him.

Tao's eyes go wide for a second before he clears his throat, "Yes well it would indeed be a bummer... Especially since we have just decided to be friends."

"Right?" you beam.

You and Tao talk and talk almost to the point where it's just about silly things or what he's struggling with during his acclimation. You find out he's a very literal person who has issues the most with slang, metaphors, and emotes. He lives in a rental that's about a couple miles away from the beach and he usually walks to work or the local grocery store since he can't fit into normal vehicles.

After a little bit of work though you find out an even more endearing side to him, he likes to try his hand at cooking ever so often. Though he prefers his meat raw, he likes the idea of charring the outside and adding bits of flavor. He was a little embarrassed to admit it but you found out it's because his father was supposed to show him how to create a feast to impress a mate per tradition.

You didn't press as to why his father didn't teach him seeing he was already uncomfortable enough to admit it. So you decided to share a bit of something uncomfortable about yourself.

"My mom never taught me how to do a lot of basics that most parents are supposed to teach their kids. I had to watch a lot of how to videos and make myself look like an idiot if I messed up or didn't know something. A lot of people assumed I was stupid or had no common sense. I just didn't have a point of reference and I hated being ignorant but I was judged for my short comings and no one ever helped," you admit.

Tao nods and gives you his first, though very small, smile.

"Is that why you are forgetting things constantly?" he asks with the slightest smirk.

"Yeah...sure," you feel a bit embarrassed by his question, but you'll never confess that you 'forgot' those things just as an excuse to talk to him.

"I see, I will take that into account that due to your upbringing that you just don't think about these things and I will stop being annoyed by it," he nods.

"You were annoyed," now you feel a little hurt.

"Of course I was, but no more than I usually am," he shrugs.

"That doesn't sound fun," you grimace. "You can't just be annoyed all the time."

"I'm not annoyed when I'm at home," he says.

"Lucky," you laugh.

"Why? Are you unable to be at peace at home too?" he gives you a look of genuine concern then.

His number one thing seems to be peace. He's a no nonsense guy who just wants to go about his day with no hiccups. His life honestly seems perfect compared to your at times.

"Only when I'm sleeping or about to leave for work. Peace... that doesn't come easy to someone like me," you frown.

Tao studies you then as he drops to your eye level. You should feel super uncomfortable but for some reason you don't mind. He stares hard at your face and scans it until he nods.

"You do look very tired," he says.

You can't help but to laugh at his observation, "Tao, I'm going to let you in on a secret: I'm always tired."

"That is unhealthy," he scowls.

"Yup and there's nothing I can do about it," you shrug.

"Yes there is, you could go home and sleep," he says, almost ordering you to do so.

That's when you can't help but to crack up. It's horrible that this is how you cope, but it is.

"If I went home to sleep right now, my grandmother would give me an earful about being lazy," you laugh.

Tao doesn't laugh, he doesn't smile, doesn't do anything except stand up slowly and prowl over to you.

You shut up real quick thinking something is wrong until he picks you up. You yelp, being carried in one arm at his hip like a sack of rice.

"What are you doing?!" you squawk as you sway when he shifts to carry you princess style.

He doesn't say anything until he sets you down onto your tie dye towel.

"Rest, I'll make sure no one bothers you while you're here," he says.

You can't help but feel a mix of emotions then. Your eyes water a little but you swipe away any moisture before a tear falls.

"Thank you, that's probably the sweetest thing anyone has said to me in a long while," you smile at him.

And Tao in all his Taoness, just nods.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Tao really meant it when he said no one would bother you while you were on the beach.

The day after he said that, you had what was possibly the best beach nap you've ever had thanks to Tao brining you a beach chair with your name on it. Literally.

At first it felt weird that he'd go that far just for you to get a beach nap but you guessed it might be some cultural thing and as far as Tao said, you're his only friend. You thanked him and didn't think much of it until the day after that.

A group of teenagers were playing volleyball a little too roughly and one of the guys fumbled and the ball got you right on the head even though you did your best to dodge it. The boys tried to apologize but Tao gave them an earful about respect and being more spatially aware.

That too was normal for Tao though he was a bit harsher than usual. Unfortunately it got worse.

Yesterday was a blessed off day. No work, your grandmother was out thrifting to her heart's content, and all your bills had been paid. You were excited to head to the beach but that excitement was short lived.

The first thing you noticed was that your chair was pulled a little closer to the guard tower. Next was that Tao wasn't in the tower but leaning against the ladder like he was expecting some shit to hit the fan any second. And finally, the group of muscle hunks posing as they flexed for the cameras.

Apparently some magazine decided this spot was the perfect location for some weird gym rat protein powder ad photo shoot and to make matters worse, they tried to rope Tao into it.

Before you sat down though, Tao made a bit of a scene by scooting your chair even closer to the tower while making eye contact with one of the big buff dudes.

You told him he was being a bit extra to which he said he was only being cautious as they had been eyeing you since you started walking down the beach. You rolled your eyes, ready to tell him that there's no way they'd be interested in you until he thrusted a binder in your direction.

It was a detailed list of ingredients, dishes, and recipes commonly enjoyed by all saltwater merfolk with a few dishes his kind liked the most. You had almost forgot that he said he'd make this list for you so when he gave it to you, you almost cried.

You thanked him and started fanning through the pages and noticed his hand writing was especially nice on dishes that his people particularly enjoyed. You gave him a quick side eye and smiled.

These are probably his personal favorites, you think.

As you started to skim through the recipes with the neatest hand writing a shadow fell over you.

It was one of the buff guys.

He gave you the most generic social media fake ass grins ever and you couldn't help the eye roll. He started to introduce himself but was hardcore interrupted when Tao drove him into the ground like a fucking bull.

Tao and the buff guy started hashing it out until his bros came and peeled him away from the fight. It was the first time you really really saw Tao's teeth. Sharp and pointy like a shark's and then there was the spike like fins on his lower arms and legs. He looked like a mad dog ready to rip someone in half.

You heard one of the photographers comment on how territorial some of the fair folk can be with places or people they claim as their own.

If that was the case, then you guessed it might have to do with your friendship with Tao. If it wasn't, then he's about the get a stern talking to.

~~~~~~

"He was bothering you, I don't see why you're upset with me," Tao says after you lectured him about yesterday.

"I'm upset you dingbat because shit like that can get you sent back to your home realm! Do you think I want my friend to get deported over shit like that," you poke his arm, but it ends up being a jab.

Tao opens his mouth then closes it. He looks around a bit then let's out a long sigh "I'm sorry. I really don't know what's come over me. After I moved here, I didn't have my shoal. My sponsor checks on me maybe once every three months since he's been busy working with another merman who's been trying to get his pass here. I guess the loneliness drove me a bit crazy."

Now you feel bad for making him feel bad but you hope your gift will more than make up for it. You worked all morning long on it, double checking to make sure the meat was ready and perfect right before you left the house and that the sea greens were cooked and seasoned just right.

"Well moving past that, I brought you something," you take out the lunch box and show it to Tao.

He looks down right shocked as he goes to reach for it. He carefully removes the lid and his eyes stare hard at the contents.

"You made this... for me," his voice is soft and quiet and you can hear the pain behind it. He hesitates for a moment then takes a slice of the thin cut beef and pops it in his mouth. He closes his eyes and tilts his head back and swallows. He's quiet for a minute and you're afraid you messed up and he's too nice to tell you other wise.

"Tao if it's bad you can just tell me, I can take the criticism," you tell him, ready for the critical blow.

Instead he tilts his head back down and opens his eyes. The whites are now all black which makes his yellow irises pop even more so.

"My friend, if this was bad I would have spat it out," he grabs two more slices and then a few more practically stuffing his face like a kid who was caught with a bag of candy.

You watch as he eats everything, savoring every bite like he hasn't had a decent meal in ages. His harsh features soften as he takes the last bite and licks his fingers clean. For some reason you focus on him as he rolls the sauce off of his fingers and onto his tongue.

Bad lonely thoughts, Tao is our friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

"So was it good?" you ask, though you can probably guess the answer by the clean plate.

"If I was mermaid being offered a feast, I'd allow you the honor to continue courting me," he jokes.

"Oh what an honor," you laugh.

For the first time since you've met him he laughs back. You can't help but stare at him and feel a smile build up that hurts your cheeks.

"Thank you, really. I have tried and tried to create something that tastes like home but it was never quite right. It was either too salty or I over cooked the meat or the greens were under cooked somehow. This is pretty close to the flavors of my shoal. I didn't realize how much I missed this," he looks down at the empty lunch box with a mix of emotions.

Something in you feels for him. You haven't had a taste of home in forever but your problem is that you're pretty sure that it would make you physically sick instead of homesick. Home never felt like home, here didn't feel like home until you met Jessica and Tao.

Jessica made you her to die for pie for you birthday which you almost threw up from over drinking when she took you bar hopping for your birthday. Tao gave you an amazingly detailed binder of saltwater mer foods and recipes.

You can't think of anything better than food that brings all sorts of peoples together, human or the fair folk.

"Well, I can't do it all the time but I can at least make you a boxed lunch once a week, how does that sound," you smile at him.

"If it weren't for the fact that you're human and my friend I'd think you were trying to court me," he laughs. "But yes, that sounds good."

You play slap him and he laughs again.

~~~~~~~~~

"For the last time Jes, there's nothing romantic going on between Tao and I," you roll your eyes as Jessica gives you her biggest grin.

"Uh huh, sure girl. Maybe you don't see it that way, but guys don't risk getting deported for just friends and not just once. This is what, the second offence? He's lucky that he's, oh what did you say? A combination of a bookish mafia boss, the inspiration for the statues of deities and all around hotty mchot hot hot," she wriggles her brows at you before popping another slice of gum in her mouth.

You snort laugh, "I did not say that last one Jes."

"No, but you were thinking it," she raises a brow and twirls around till she's behind the counter.

"Listen, I can find him physically attractive and still not want more than a friendship. Plus he hasn't come onto me so I'm pretty sure he's not into me like that," you sigh and continue cleaning the table you just cleared.

Jessica hums something and clicks her tongue, "Girl you do know he's not human right? That he might have been coming onto you from the get go without you realizing it? Shoot for that matter he might not even realize it himself."

That has you curious now.

"What do you mean by that," you look over you shoulder to see Jes twirling a red curl.

"Oh you know, that the fair folk believe in fated mates and things like that," she gives you a cheesy grin and blushes a little.

You do know about the fated mates thing, it's one of the reasons a lot of fair folk, especially the guys, flocked to this realm in droves once the rift border opened up. With the fae it was pretty easy to tell once the bond clicked which wasn't always immediately. Their calm and calculated appearance would become wild and untamed. They would get quickly territorial and easily violent towards anyone who came close to their mate. A mark would usually show above the heart and a matching one would appear on their mate once their bond was consummated.

As for merman, no one had any idea what to look for since they just started coming this side as of a few years ago.

"Yes, I'm well aware about that. So what does that have to do with him not know if he's coming onto me," you ask.

"They know it deep down and act on it sometimes. They don't even realize they're courting you half the time or that they have this desire to want to be with you. It's hardcore ingrained into their DNA or something, I don't know. But it sounds to me that he is indeed into you. You're both just too oblivious to see it. Unlike Artek," Jes grins at the mention of her wild fae lover's name and sighs.

And suddenly her weird school girl crush behavior makes sense.

"Jes, did you and Artek.... Wait a sec, are you and-"

Jessica folds down her top just enough for you to see part of a swirling mark above her heart. She shakes in place with the goofiest smile you've ever seen on her.

"Just found out last night. Oh and he did not want to let me go," she places a hand on her forehead and feigns being scandalized. "But I have to go to work. He threatened to come in and tear Mikey a new one if he so much as thinks he can schedule me during my bond week," she give a vicious grin then.

The fae took about a week to celebrate their mate bond here, which was a much shorter version of their actual month long festivity of it. Mates were so rare on their side for some reason but here it was becoming as normal as two humans getting married. It just happened, but it was equally special if not more so.

Regardless, you were happy for Jes. Mikey tried to take everything from her in their divorce but got next to nothing after a detective brought in proof of his multiple affairs. That's why he's such an ass to her here.

"So, when's your bride feast huh? Gonna go all out," you turn to her and cross your arms.

Jessica goes into great detail about what she wants to do for the rest of the shift. That Artek has invited his large ass family this side to celebrate and that he's already started sourcing materials for their marriage bed. It was more than obvious that she's over the moon and can't get over the fact that she's found the one after years of dealing with a heartache.

Mikey tried to shut her down but several of the fair folk patrons snapped at him saying that it's a blessing that her and Artek found one another and he shouldn't discourage her happiness. His flustered face was priceless.

~~~~~

"Hey grandmama, I'm home," you shout as you slide your shoes off at the door.

Your grandmother's house is unusually quiet for this time of day when she's usually scrolling through her phone while listening to her soap operas. You look around and the livingroom is empty and so is the kitchen. You're about to call her when you see a note on the fridge saying Gayle has whisked her away for margaritas with the girls.

"Fuck me sideways and call me bob," you rake your fingers over your face in frustration. As much as you can't stand her normal antics you loath her when she's drunk. If you're lucky, Gayle will have her spend the night at her house until their hangovers wear off. If you weren't, there's a nice beach with your name on it.

Typically you'd go there after work but you're tired and you have the house to yourself right now. So you stretch and crack open the fridge and start preparing for a blissful night of snacking and binge watching some of your favorite shows.

~~~~

Hours pass and you get a text from Gayle that she's taking your grandmother home with her since she's had one too many and sends you a pic of your grandmother trying to put a dollar bill in a male strippers strap.

"Thanks for the mental scarring Gayle, just what I needed," you text back to her knowing she'll get the joke.

Gayle was a close family friend and was more like a grandmother to you than your biological one was at times. She was sweet and caring with a crazy sense of humor and infectious laughter. You sometimes wish you lived with her but she travels too much and she likes her alone time just as much as she like partying.

You squirm in your grandmother's recliner and grab a bag of chips getting ready for the next show until you hear a frantic knock at your door.

The bag flies out of your hand due to your shock reflex and you place a hand over your heart.

The knocking continues as you rush to the door to check through the peephole. You can't see nothing.

"Who is it?" you ask.

"It's me, are you ok," you hear Tao's voice.

You pause, not remembering if you ever told him where you live aside from the general direction. You slowly open the door and look up at him. He looks worried out of his mind.

"Tao, are you ok? You look like you've seen a ghost buddy," you ask him.

His hair is all messed up and he's breathing fast and hard, trying to catch his breath and his tan skin looks like he worried himself sick.

"You didn't come to the beach today. You've been coming everyday except when it rains. I thought something happened," he frowns.

"Oh uh well, no I'm fine. My grandmother is out tonight so I thought I'd enjoy a night in since this rarely happens," you explain.

"I see, ok... That's good then. As long as you're alright," he nods and sighs as he leans against the top of the door frame.

A crack of thunder peels off in the distance causing Tao to flinch. He looks even more worried then.

"Sounds like rain," you comment.

"Yes, I... I should get going then, I don't want to accidentally transform back to my other form while walking home. It'd be very inconv-"

Before he finishes that thought lightning bursts through the sky and the little misting sprinkle turns into a torrential downpour.

Tao groans and looks resigned as he's about to turn to leave but you quickly stop him.

"Hey you can stay here for tonight if you want to wait out the rain," you tell him.

He looks to you like that's possibly the dumbest thing you could say.

"That sounds inappropriate," he glares at you. "Inviting an unmated male into your house is never wise."

"Tao we're friends and adults. I'm pretty sure I can trust you to keep your hands to yourself unless you've had ulterior motives from the get go," you cross your arms and stare up at him.

"It is still unwise," he nods, being firm.

"Oh so then you do have ulterior motives," you raise a brow.

"I never said that," he grimaces.

"Then there's no problem if you don't. Come on, get your ass in here," you open the door all the way and beckon him inside.

You hear him groan as he accepts his defeat while walking in. He struggles with the low ceiling, well low for him as he shuts the door.

"Is this your first time in a human house," you ask, leading him to the livingroom.

"Yes, it's very uh small and compact," he notes.

You get the compact part as your grandmother is a bit of a tidy hoarder, the small thing, that's probably due to his height.

"Well mi casa su casa. Well more like mi abuela's casa su casa, but still, make yourself at home," you say then try to offer him something warm to eat and drink.

Tao tries to deny any offers but you snap back saying it's rude to deny your hostess the honor of taking care of her guest. Tao eventually resigns and you bring him a warm cup of tea. As you go to the kitchen to make him something to eat he asks if he can watch you. You agree and start pulling ingredients left and right.

You get fully into the zone as you start preparing the food. You glance over at Tao ever so often just to see that he's fixated on your process. As you start cooking you notice the whites of his eyes turn black again. He sniffs the air and his pupils dilate.

"Want to try a bite," you offer him a piece and he takes it with no hesitation and scarfs it down. His nails which are sharp and pointed seem a bit longer and more pointier now. His expression looks more predatory than normal and some of his spikey fins have started protruding.

Guess that means he's really hungry.

"Give me just a few more minutes and dinner will be ready ok," you tell him as you continue on with his meal.

Tao just nods and stares daggers at pan. You feel like if you let him he'd lunge at it with reckless abandon and eat everything in record timing.

After a little bit you scoop the meat into a bowl and hand it to him. He looks at it and takes in a deep whiff before carefully grabbing a bite. He looks like he's holding back going ham on the food and you're wondering if he's trying not to scare you by going into some weird merman feeding frenzy.

"Hey if you need to eat however you want to eat, go ahead. I can just uh go into another room if you want some privacy or someth-"

Tao grabs a handful of the meat and stuffs his face with it. His pupils nearly engulf his irises making his eyes look pitch black. He tears into the strips of meat like a crazed hungry animal. The juices and sauce start dripping down his arms and you roll your eyes at the mess.

"I'm going to get you a towel, that stuff'll get sticky after a while," you say as you walk towards to laundry room.

Tao grunts and consumes some more meat.

As you get to the laundry room you smack yourself over the head for having another bout of terrible lonely girl thoughts.

Tao, smack.

Is, smack.

Just, smack.

A, smack.

Friend, smack.

You should not be even more attracted to him after that feeding frenzy trance thing he just went in and yet you can't stop thinking about it.

"God, does that mean I'm depraved," you question yourself. "Or does this just mean I'm weird and anything goes right now in my lonely haven't had sex in ages mind?"

Probably a bad mix of both...

You sigh and grab a towel and turn only to be met with a brick wall.

"Oh hey, are you done," you ask, praying that he didn't hear you questioning your sexual sanity.

He nods and cocks his head and points to the towel.

"Yeah, um here," you hand it to him and he slowly but carefully cleans himself off.

"So there's a guest bedroom in the back. Bed is probably a bit small for you even though it's a king size. It gets cold at night since my grandmother has the a/c on a schedule so I'll bring you some extra blankets," you tell him as you turn to go show him the room.

He quietly follows you and steps slowly into the room, smelling and inspecting it. You leave him be while you go grab a large comforter and a few throw blanket for him. When you come back he's already curled under the covers with his feet barely sticking out. As you go to lay another layer over him he snatches you and pulls you into the covers with him.

You flail about for a bit until you hear what you're pretty sure in a purr. You kick up the covers to see Tao asleep now and honest to gods purring. He pulls you in closer and just cuddles you. He's mentioned a few times that when someone gets cold that his shoal will form basically cuddle piles to stay warm. Maybe that's it and maybe he's also really homesick. He said he can never go back though...

"Just this once, jeeze. Not letting you go into a feeding frenzy next time I give you food," you snort laugh and try to relax against Mr. Brick wall.

Tao shifts a bit till he's holding you close enough that you can hear his heartbeat. He moves the covers and extra blankets back up and slowly drifts back to sleep.

You're a little jealous of how fast he can nod off but eventually you start dozing in and out.

He's probably going to flip the fuck out about this in the morning. Well, we'll deal with it then...

[ineffablyruined]

Chekhov's Contract

Back again for Day 3 of the Nice and Accurate Prophecies event.

How Will Our Hero Cope?

Today, we let's talk about Crowley. Within the span of a few hours, Crowley has gone to Heaven and learned of another plotted End of the World, watched the closest thing he has to an archnemesis (Gabriel) run off with his demon love of a meager four years and suffer no consequences for it, and left his heart shattered on the floor of the bookshop as the love of his life chooses a job promotion over him. He's not doing great. So what is in store for Crowley in Season 3?

It's honestly hard to predict because there is just so much open space to play with. He could do anything and not one of us would be surprised.

Sleep for a century? There's precedent. Get extremely drunk for weeks on end? That's on brand. Go tit for tat and take a leadership position in Hell just to cancel out Aziraphale in Heaven? Seems unlikely, but I also wouldn't be surprised at that level of petty lashing out.

But I did find one thing. At least, I think I did.

There was, I have now convinced myself, a Chekhov's Gun in Season 2 that I haven't seen anyone talking about. (Apologies if you're out there screaming and I just haven't seen it. I did try searching!)

When Beelzebub kidnaps Crowley from the Bentley and takes him to Hell to discuss the Gabriel situation, they make an offer to Crowley that Crowley later accepts. And what is that?

Find Gabriel for me and you can have whatever your nasty little heart desires.

And what does Crowley do in Episode 6? Finds the writing on the box that tells everyone Gabriel is in the fly. He finds Gabriel for Beelzebub.

Just to emphasize that again - Crowley fulfills his side of a verbal contract forged with the Grand Duke of Hell.

He's now owed whatever his heart desires. And as we've seen, Heaven and Hell operate like businesses. Contracts must be fulfilled. (Excuse me while my little lawyer-nerd heart sings over here.)

And we also know that he's aware that Heaven has plans for Armageddon 2.0.

Where he would absolutely deserve to wallow after all the utter bullshit drama he's gone through, I don't believe that's Crowley (no matter how much fun it makes to write in fanfiction). Crowley isn't just going to sit back and watch the world burn.

In the past, when Crowley has wanted to run away, it's only ever been with Aziraphale. Sure, he threatens he's going to head to Alpha Centauri even when Actually rejects the offer, but he doesn't do it.

And now? Running away with Aziraphale isn't an option because he's gone.

Crowley has nothing left to lose. So he's going to throw his entire self into saving the world, with reckless disregard for his own safety.

And he's going to have a blank check from Hell to do it.

[fandomsnrambles]

The spinjitzu family has recently become my roman empire for some reason, you’re all going to see so much of them 😭

Anyway, i’ve been thinking about his relationships with his sons recently. And I know he doesn’t have a good relationship with any of them.

I know people argue ‘Wu was his favourite’ but i think if we actually look at how he acts, you realise he didn’t really have a favourite. I also feel personally inclined to respectfully mention that just because Garmadon said it, doesn’t make it true. Characters have biases that mess with their worldviews after all. It’s like saying Wu’s to blame for the devourer’s bite because he said he was. Even though he was like seven, maybe nine and had no idea that snake even existed.

Thats why you should take everything they say with a grain of salt and then consider their actions.

Wu’s relationship with his father is complicated. In the spinjitzu books he mentions how he wants his father’s approval, but doesn’t know how to start with getting it. We also get hints of the FSM’s (flawed) parenting methods in the show. I’ve noticed he’s emotionally distant even if he’s physically there. I mean, Wu says his father talked to them (Garmadon and Wu) less after the Aspheera incident. Makes me think that the FSM was definitely not there emotionally.

Due to this, Wu’s emotional needs as a child weren’t really met. His fathers distance hurt him and the FSM (maybe accidentally) neglected him. I say accidentally because i’m pretty sure the FSM is a traumatised child soldier who doesn’t know how to properly cope with everything so they just shut down/dissociate.

Wu was also raised with high expectations (alongside Garmadon.) This probably put him under a lot of stress to keep up. I’m thinking gifted child who got burnt out and more depressed as he aged.

I also think the FSM has trust and paranoia issues. You can look at Nineko and the way they went about dying for this. This guy really hands their son a script of where he died without telling him he gave it to him and mentions the bare minimum details. (I wonder if mentioning too much details got the FSM hurt. Maybe thats why he’s so distant.) Of course, trauma doesn’t really excuse being a flawed parent.

I also feel the need to mention that Wu unintentionally copies his father’s trauma responses. Heck, we could even talk about how Garmadon does the same, and later Lloyd. They all bottle their emotions and issues and hope nothing bad ever happens with that ever. Too bad for them though, we know how this ends

(Oof this is ✨generational trauma✨ at work)

Moving on to Garmadon, we know that after he got bitten by the devourer, the FSM helped him through his episodes and tries his best to find a cure. From this i can honestly say that the FSM did love and care for his sons. But this doesn’t mean they knew how to properly show that they did (especially because he doesn’t have a proper basis for what parent-child relationships should even look like.)

We see this when we get to know of Garmadon’s insecurities as a child. He doesn’t think there was anything wrong with him and seems to hate how the FSM tries to find a cure for him. Maybe because he doesn’t like the implication that he needs ‘fixing’ more than anything else. Garmadon’s also different than Wu in the sense that he grows more resentful of his father as he grows older whilst Wu clings to his father’s attention to get approval/praise.

I also want to mention how this resentment built up also affects how his perception of Wu’s relationship with their dad. He thinks Wu is favoured probably because Wu doesn’t have the venom and is the good one (because the venom apparently makes Garmadon the ‘bad’ one) and he sees his younger brother as the golden child. This probably built to jealousy and then guilt for the jealousy because Garmadon does love his brother a lot.

The high expectations also come’s into play here. It probably puts a lot of weight on Garmadon’s shoulders. Which doesn’t make his growing feelings of resentment better nor does it make his insecurities about his venom any better.

What makes this whole situation worse is that NO ONE in this family knows how to communicate. Wu doesn’t tell his dad or his brother how he feels, Garmadon doesn’t as well and FSM wouldn’t be caught breathing a word of his feelings to be honest.

This whole family would rather die than communicate ffs.

In conclusion:

[slotumn]

Some notes on how I personally like to write the lords + Rhea+ Shezleth wrt sacrifices and deaths and moral dilemmas they face when they make decisions

Basically,

Edelgard: People will die because of my decisions, but it must be done in order to bring change and ensure more don’t die in the future under an unjust system

Rhea: People will die because of my decisions, but it must be done in order to maintain stability and ensure more don’t die in the future under chaos and turmoil

Dimitri: People have died because of me and my decisions, I know it’s unforgivable no matter what and I will atone for it by avenging them (feral mode)/saving as much as or more than I have killed (post-feral clarity)

Claude: People have died because of me and my decisions, but that was the best I could do in my situation, and as long as I/we stay alive thanks to that I/we still have a chance to turn things around for the better

Byleth: People dying is people dying and nobody knows if any of your decisions will be “justified” until it plays out. I’ll help you get the results that will hopefully “justify” your decisions because I love and support you, but honestly, all that shit you're saying is just cope

Shez: Cool cool, where’s my fucking money

As you can tell the main foils/contrasts I like are Rhea <–> Edelgard, Dimitri <–> Claude, and Shez+Byleth. More rambling about it under the cut

For Rhea and Edelgard, I like to focus on them being similar people at different points of life/the project they’ve dedicated their lives to. I’m sure people have already made the analysis about parallels between them, from losing their families/conquering the continent/etc etc but basically, they have very similar philosophies/attitudes/outlooks, and the difference is whether the current system and dominant ideology is what they like or not.

I think that a young Seiros, fleeing a genocide and recruiting allies in the south, would have had faced similar objections Edelgard did; Nemesis may not be the most benevolent ruler, yes, and we don’t literally believe everything his regime preaches, but at least things are manageable and stable if we play along, especially down here in the south. Do we really need to risk everything we have to go up and fight him? Your ideas hold appeal, but some of us don’t find it appealing enough to die for it.

And similarly, I think Edelgard, if she grew old enough to see her system really take root in society, would say a lot of the same things that Rhea would've liked to say, when younger generations complain; look, what we have isn’t perfect, but you really don’t want to see what it was like before, and the fact you can have these complaints at all are a testament to the system I’ve made working. And if you try to burn all this down out of youthful passion, it’s more likely that we will regress instead of progress.

For Dimitri and Claude, it’s about how they deal with guilt; on a personal level, specifically. Politically I think they’d take or dodge responsibility as is necessary lol

Dimitri is straightforward, almost too straightforward. Not great at coming up with excuses, or rather, excusing himself. His way of facing the guilt is very one on one; taking blood for blood, while he's feral. Saving life for life taken, post-feral clarity. And even then, deep down he feels like ("knows") it's will never be enough. And he takes on all that guilt head on even in places where it's not his fault, a.k.a. survivor's guilt.

Claude, meanwhile, dude is a mental gymnastic gold medalist (affectionate). It's not that he doesn't feel guilt, but I think he's very good at seemingly minimizing it, excusing it, and convincing himself that he's better off focusing on other things. As for survivor's guilt, I'm not saying Claude wouldn't ever feel it, but he'd focus on the fact he survived, rather than the guilt.

Finally, Byleth and Shez. Honestly I think they have pretty similar outlooks, it's just a matter of how they explain it lol. The role I like to give these two is reality checkers; because the lords and Rhea can have their debates about Ideology™ and The System™ and Morality™ and Responsibility™ of it all they'd like, but in the end, it's people like Shez and Byleth doing the dirty work and dying on the field for the decisions.

And when people die, the physical, material reality is that they're fucking dead. Attach causes and justifications and obligations and excuses to their corpses as you want, but at the end of the day, it is a corpse and the person is dead. That's the reality they've always lived in, and not just as a one-off incident, either; the thing they do for survival is fighting and killing. They have a "It Is What It Is" type of attitude as a baseline, because, well... it is. Doesn't mean they don't feel things about it. Doesn't mean they don't want to save people where they can. Nonetheless— they know all too well that what happens is what happens.

For this reason, I like to think that grand moralistic judgements are not their thing, no matter the route; they don't even think the lord they sided with is fundamentally more correct/better. Like, come on, when they were asked to choose a house upon arriving at Garreg Mach, they probably weren't weighing their options based on who'd be the most "objectively" "morally" correct if a war broke out between the three (+the Church).

That being said, I think they definitely have a sense of what's good. But it's not the philosophical/abstract type of good you might hear the other four get into debates about. Shez and Byleth's idea of good is, in many ways, very small and inconsequential— but grander concepts of morality can't exist without it. And I like to think that the reason why Shez and Byleth become so important to the side they picked isn't just because of their powers, but also because the constantly they remind others of those small good things.

"Good" to Shez and Byleth is having enough to eat; having warm clothes and bed to sleep in and a roof over their heads; spending time with the people they care about and seeing them safe. It's quite animalistic, in a way; interesting, considering that Agarthans belittle their enemies by calling them beasts.

But I don't think those two would be particularly affected by being called animals for that reason. "These beasts are happy— what about you?"

[everythingannoyingpjo]

I hated everything Bob the Titan. Like I was a PJO super fan, so I read all the books (so I did know who Bob was BEFORE reading HoH), but that doesn't excuse having him be such a titular part of Percy and Annabeth's Tartarus experience while being introduced in a side book. In what world does that make sense?

This isn't even mentioning how strange it is to blame Percy for not wanting anything to do with Bob/manipulating him. Sure, perhaps Percy MAY have been a little out of line there (truly, I don't think so, though, it IS an argument), and it also didn't help that he was being blamed by the narrative for Bob and Calypso, as if either were ever really HIS fault.

(Finally, Percy has ALWAYS been like that. Bob wasn't needed to show him to be a slightly manipulative person. There were much more interesting ways to go about introducing Tartarus and exploring both Percy and Annabeth as characters. Percy especially).

Not much for me to add here. Bob being in the book never bothered me personally, but I can see how it would be annoying to have the focus taken away from Annabeth and Percy. Percy's POV is actually largely absent in Tartarus, and I think the reason for this (the only reason I can think of) is that Percy's PoV was probably quite dark during this part of the narrative, especially since it's the lead up to his break down when confronting Akhlys.

Percy has always been prone to blaming himself for others misfortune, so the fact that he blamed himself for what happened to Calypso, Bob, and Nico is not surprising to me, what did surprise me is that the narrative played it completely straight. Honestly the scene with Leo and Percy also really bugged me and I know I'm not alone in this. I honestly think Rick bit off more than he could chew with HoO trying to balance the arcs of about 10 different characters with conflicting viewpoints. (I'm counting Reyna, Nico, and Misc side characters here too.)

I think Leo suffers the most from this since his character arc required the most development imo, but so do Hazel, Frank, Piper, and Jason. These characters all have relatively "healthy" coping mechanisms so they didn't need as much focus and were pushed to the side as a result. Percy, whether because we know him better or because he's easier for Rick to write (experience will do that to you) didn't have as much of a problem, except again for those things which required a certain amount of nuance, which is a weak point in Rick's writing already!

I never considered the point of Bob's character was to show that Percy could and would mislead people in order to survive, but it's an interesting point and I like it. I slightly disagree, but only because I'm of the opinion that Percy was being honest with Bob when he said he would let Bob bring Hyperion back if he really wanted to. And we never find out if he is, because that scene is from Annabeth's point of view and she admits she isn't sure if he's lying or not. Another one of those things it would have been nice to come back to. ALAS!

But also we already knew Percy was willing to trick people to survive, didn't we? He tricks his opponents into doing stupid shit all the time in the first series. I guess this is just the first time we as the audience feel sympathy for the character he is potentially deceiving so it FEELS like a betrayal. Definitely something for me to think about. Thanks for your submission.

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

SDV + SVE bachelors reacting to the farmer trying to rekindle their relationship post divorce? :,)

Yeah... 🥲

Enjoy some angst, dear anon! Thanks for the ask! 💕

_________________________________________

...is Farmer making fun of Shane? He's only just recovered from his divorce from them, which nearly drove him back into a depressive state where he drowned everything in a bottle of beer (at least therapy helped him cope with the pain, plus Shane had the support of Marnie and Jas). And now, what... Now his ex is jumping around him, wanting to start everything again? Was it all a fucking game to them or some shit? Shane's not gonna get back into it. No. No buts. Leave him alone, Farmer, and don't bother him again.

"Oh, Sebastian! I've been looking for you! You didn't answer my messages..." Sebastian knows. "...stopped picking up my calls..." He knows. "...you've been avoiding me." He knows. "And then you-" He knows. He knows perfectly well he's doing everything he can to get Farmer to leave him alone, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to them. So the local emo tells them straight up: he doesn't want to talk. He feels awful, and Farmer is the cause of it. So please, please leave Sebby alone.

Elliott tried to remain as calm and polite as possible. After all, even when the divorce was made official, the writer tried not to bicker with his ex and remain civilised people. But even he has a limit to his patience. Farmer themselves filed for divorce without explaining why, and it broke Elliott's heart into a thousand shards. They can't just pick up this "shards" and "glue them" back together, it doesn't work that way. So Elliott says goodbye and won't listen to Farmer's attempts to rekindle the relationship.

Please, Farmer, leave Harvey alone. He has a lot of important work to do with patients right now, and he doesn't need more stress. No, he can't speak with them after his work either. Harvey will make more and more excuses every time to avoid facing Farmer. But one day, he's gonna have a fit and yell at them to get the hell out of his clinic. Harsh, but what could the doctor do if his ex didn't respect his boundaries.

What? Are they serious now? What did they mean, "they changed their minds" and "it was a mistake"? Uh-huh, and now tell Sam that it was just a prank. Yeah, harmless prank, that all their dates together and declaring their love and promising to live happily ever after was just a stupid joke. Except the young guitarist isn't really amused. Stuff happens, maybe Farmer and Sam really did rush into marriage, but... No, he can't. The wound of the divorce is still fresh. Maybe in the future they can be friends again, but... Nothing more.

Farmer wants to talk to Alex? After they handed him divorce papers and cowardly avoided him without explaining why or what happened? They can't just barge into an athlete's life again and ask for a renewed relationship. And honestly - Alex doesn't care anymore what the reason for the divorce was in the first case. He has no desire or time to communicate with them, so let Farmer do him a favour and leave his house. And don't bother him or his grandparents again.

Victor was already having a hard time coping with the divorce, and trying to remain in a normal-ish relationship with Farmer, because despite this outcome, he wanted to remain civilised, and maybe even friends. But Farmer is asking for too much, and since they can't accept that there won't be that spark between Victor and them anymore, he'll go NC. No, don't push pity on him. Farmer made a choice, and now they (and Victor) have to pay for it. Trying to start over... It's like they don't care how he feels.

"Look, I know you're angry, but... the divorce was a mistake!" No, Magnus' mistake, he thinks, was believing that he had finally found happiness. Wizard's heart was broken for the third time, and this third time was worse than the last. His ex and Caroline have at least left him alone mostly, but Farmer persistently climbs into his tower wanting to talk. And all he does is silence and solitude to drown the pain of his work. Magnus will ignore Farmer whenever possible (sending them back with a spell if they don't get out themselves).

Lance immediately told Farmer that it was a bad idea and went on about his business without making further conversation. The gallant adventurer was naturally upset that things didn't work out with them, can't deny that. But later, Lance thought that after the divorce, he could see now several red flags in their relationship. Farmer isn't a bad person, but Lance decided that they just weren't meant for each other. It's nothing personal, but he and Farmer are not on the same page.

[altocat]

fuck it, sephesis for all 15 questions

😈😈😈OKAY. LET'S DO THIS.

1. Which one is the better cook

They're both equally mediocre. Genesis is better with spices. Sephiroth is better at following directions.

2. What their love letters look like

Genesis,

I require your assistance in Room 108B tonight. The matter is urgent. I have verified your keycard. Please do not be late.

Cordially,

Sephiroth, Soldier First-Class

Seph,

HAHA Fuck you I knew you'd be the one to blink first. If you wanted a bit of action, I'd suggest someplace MORE romantic would be preferable.

Also why are you still signing your name like that? You're such a tool. Goddess, I fucking hate you.

-Gen

PS: Thanks for spotting me earlier, darling. Dinner is on me tonight. I found a new place I think you'll like. See you soon XOXOXOXO❤️

3. Which one outlives the other, and how they cope

Both of them are functionally immortal thanks to the Jenova cells. But both will have to face the future being completely separated from each other. Genesis copes by shaping up into the hero he was meant to be. Sephiroth...simply no longer remembers Genesis at all.

4.What they do on date night

Wander around the city long after everyone else has gone to bed. Genesis rambles on and on about Loveless or some petty drama he was involved in. Sephiroth simply watches him, quietly smitten.

5. How many kids they’ll have

Gen would like one or two eventually. He's very convinced he can coax Sephiroth into adopting.

6. How they decorated their bedroom

Gen's side of the room is covered with fancy art, scented candles, and a MONSTER of a bookshelf. Seph's side of the room is more nondescript, simply neat and organized, save for one or two of Gen's socks strewn carelessly about here and there.

7 Which one is the worse driver

Genesis. AKA Captain Roadrage.

8. What they argue about

EVERYTHING (they enjoy it)

9. Which one swears more

Genesis. Sephiroth never swears unless it's super serious.

10. What TV shows they watch together, and which ones they hide from the other

Gen has turned Sephiroth on to soap opera and reality television. Sephiroth PRETENDS to loathe them. Keyword being "pretends".

Genesis hides the fact that he also loves nature documentaries, despite the fact that Sephiroth loves nature documentaries.

11. What their first impression was of each other

Genesis: "This is the greatest day of my life he's real he's here Angeal pinch me I'm going to die I'm going to have a heart attack oh my god he looked at me I'm going to marry him my hero my idol my everything ASERDTFHYTREWRTHGREHGFDSDF ANGEAL PINCH ME"

Sephiroth: "He keeps staring at me. I don't think he likes me."

12. What they do for their anniversary

Anniversary spar!

13. Which makes a bigger deal of birthdays

Probably Genesis. Though Sephiroth honestly doesn't even know his own birthday. Really, Gen just wants an excuse to party.

14. What nicknames they call each other

"Pet", "Beloved", "Treasure", for Sephiroth to Genesis.

"Darling", "Dear", "Precious", and "ASSHOLE" for Genesis to Sephiroth

15. What they would change about each other

Sephiroth would rather not hear about Loveless ever again.

Genesis would occasionally like to punch Sephiroth in that smirking smugfuck face.

(Not a thing!)

[em-harlsnow]

I have opinions on every single shameless character and I'm banned from speaking about shameless with my cousin - she muted me - so I'll talk on here.

I'll start with Ian because I have the most complicated feelings towards him. Honestly, I love him, and he's my second favourite character. Even so, I hated him for what he said to Caleb about Mickey. he paints him as an abuser which I can't stand because let's not forget that Ian hit him too. he makes fun of 3x666 and I think if Mickey ever knew about that he would be devastated.

However, I forgive Ian for all of that because he was hurting without Mickey and his mental health was obviously in a pretty bad place at the time. Also, joking about 3x666 was not okay but let's not forget that humour helps people to cope with trauma.

One of the things he did that rlly got me was the courthouse thing and I don't think it's talked about enough. Honestly, I don't think Ian intentionally meant to hurt Mickey but essentially proposing - adding in that 'do you love and trust me too' - and then taking it back is extremely cruel. Mickey shouldn't have hit Ian, but it makes me mad when people say that he should have comforted Ian when he was outside the house asking 'how do u know u love me?'. I get Ian in that scene completely, and he's not in the wrong there, but Mickey did not owe it to Ian to proclaim his love when lets not forget the last time that happened on a similar set of stairs. I don't think anyone would be keen on telling someone how much they love them, when they'd just proposed and then said 'syke.' I understand Ian, I get his worries, but that is an awful thing to do - especially when it's not the first time he's broken Mickey's heart.

I still love Ian. I think he's good for Mickey and I love them together, but him using the excuse of not having good parental role models when Mickey had worse is not okay either.

Also, I understand why Ian was unsure about Mickey loving him, because in reality he was unsure about whether Mickey would stay with him through his bipolar and all the territory that comes with.

I love them both, I really do, and im not saying Mickey is perfect. I'm just saying that Ian is complicated and doesn't tend to THINK AB THINGS BEFORE HE DOES THEM.

that's all <333

[devildom-moss]

Im not sure if requests are open yet since you havent announced it yet but said they were gonna open at midnight.

So I'll just drop this here since I'll probably forget to request because of exams.

Could you write about the Obey me characters become self-aware that they aren't like, real? Like, would they freak out, try to do something about it or even use that knowledge to their advantage?

This idea has been on my list for quite a while, and i gotta say im glad to finally be able to let this one out my system.

Thanks for reading and continue with the amazing work! Remember to eat, sleep and dont do drugs <3

Sincerely, 💜

Thank you for the request! I hope you are well, anon. I went with headcanons for this and it got long real quick, but I hope you enjoy it! Some characters are a bit suggestive.

The Obey Me characters become self-aware

I think it would probably happen because of some curse. Diavolo rejected someone’s advances one too many times, and they wanted to watch him as his world came crashing down. It would come in the form of a weird bug in the latest update. It only affects Diavolo and his loved ones/friends. I think being self-aware would give them some control over themselves in the game – especially if it’s caused by a bug. The rest are headcanons about how I think each character would react.

Lucifer

Lucifer would be big mad that someone thought they should do something like this. He felt so much suffering, and to find out that none of it was real would be devastating. He thought he got his sister killed and ruined the lives of his brothers. The fact that it was just some backstory to a stoic, sadistic daddy-like trope would enrage him. He felt like a used-up toy invented for someone else’s gain (and he knows that’s exactly what he is). Lucifer wants revenge.

Honestly, he needs to chill before he makes another Satan – if that’s even possible without the command of his creators. He’ll lash out at everyone for weeks (probably months) – even Diavolo isn’t safe anymore.

He calls MC’s phone, growing increasingly irritable every time they fail to answer (waiting however long it takes for you to open the game). He just wants someone to confirm his realization.

Once he understands, he tries to take the shitty hand he was dealt; he might as well stroke his pride (also a euphemism here). The thought that he could make you fall for him more than real-world men is a decent coping mechanism. His messages and calls take an extremely lewd turn. Lucifer tries to single-handedly change the game rating to mature or adult-only.

However, he still gets angry about it when MC isn’t logged in.

Part of him hopes he’ll always be self-aware. It’s almost like he’s more alive than ever – even though it hurts and he’s angry. You’re the only thing that soothes him. He won’t know how to keep going if/when you eventually stop playing the game, but he’ll try to tackle it then – at least for the sake of his brothers.

Mammon

Self-awareness breaks Mammon a bit.

His money isn’t really. He can never actually be with you. You’ll go on and live a life without him someday. Anyone real who has ever loved him will disappear. Mammon isn’t even sure he is who he is. Maybe if he wasn’t written this way, he wouldn’t have become like this – but if he wasn’t written this way, would he (the him that exists in a game and feels the pain of self-awareness) even be himself? His head starts to hurt from running through all of the hypotheticals.

Mammon sulks and gets stuck in his room for a long time after that. MC or one of his brothers will probably have to pull him out of it.

At least his debts aren’t technically real – and he will try to use that as an excuse in the future against anyone else who has awareness. Unfortunately, that (his debts and his excuse) still results in in-game consequences. Debt collectors and witches don’t know any better, and Lucifer doesn’t want to be constantly reminded of reality. If only being self-aware made being strung up less painful.

He feels betrayed by MC and the idea that they will inevitably move beyond him. That pain corrupts his coding a bit, and something always feels off within him somewhere.

Mammon will get more desperate and needy whenever you log in. If he’s going to lose you at some point, he wants to monopolize your time as much as he can.

Sometimes he just holds MC and sobs while trying to call you and hear your real voice. He feels so empty. He wants to touch the real you and feel your arms around him.

Leviathan

The first thoughts in his mind switch up so quickly. He goes from “I’m a game character? LOL that’s so cool,” to “I could have been anything, and I’m just this pathetic, otaku loser. That sucks.”

Levi has always been able to adapt pretty well. It’s written into his character. He builds all of these fake worlds for himself, so it’s much easier on him when he finds out that the world he had been trying to escape all his life isn’t real. Out of all of his brothers, he initially copes with the realization the best.

As long as he can go on playing games, he doesn’t really care if he’s real. Somehow, he still enjoys getting lost in all of his game worlds; what he used to consider the “real world” becomes just another game to him (because it is one). It makes being social easier for him, especially when MC is logged in.

He takes interest in what kind of games the real world has to offer, often asking if there’s any way you could set it up so he could try to remotely play real games from the app he’s in. If anyone could figure out how to hack your phone to play real games, it should be him.

Levi can’t imagine a day when he stops loving characters from his games, so it doesn’t occur to him that one day you might stop loving him. It will hit him some day, but that will take time, and when it starts to happen, he’ll lose himself completely in the rest of the digital world. He’ll be so numb and tuned out that the sadness can’t reach him.

Satan

“But are cats still real?” Genuinely, the only thing he cares about is if cats and MC are still real. He doesn’t care if you look different than he expected, either. If cats are real, is there any way you could show him pictures of a real one? He’d probably ask if he could get access to your camera roll (cue the system pop-up screen the next time you log in) and if you could fill it with photos of cats and some selfies.

At least not being real explains why his life has felt so shitty and why his formative years sucked. Writers love to give their characters tragic backstories and flaws (like his rage issues). Satan kind of admires the writing.

However, he is disappointed that so much of his knowledge is only useful in his tiny, little, made-up world. As such, he keeps learning, but he also tries to shift his studying to learn more about the real world. If possible, he tries to get the app to get access to e-readers, audiobooks, and the internet.

He gets mad about it sometimes, but he’s pretty chill about it (all things considered).

Satan understands that in the same way that he pushes certain characters that he falls in love with from books to the back of his mind, eventually, you’ll think of him less and less. As such, he tries to learn as much as possible, treat you well, and impress you in-game. He just wants you to occasionally think about him after you set the game down in the same way he remembers his favorite characters fondly.

Asmodeus

Asmo loses it and is one of the characters who has the hardest time with becoming self-aware. All his charm is fake. All of his followers are lies. The love he’s felt all this time has been made up. Please don’t show him certain depictions of what he is supposed to look like. That will crush him further.

He cries for (real-world) weeks. You won’t be able to set him as a home screen character or use him in battles, and he doesn’t appear in events anymore. Eventually, it makes his way to him that MC misses him. If you don’t you’re heartless, his brothers will tell him that you do anyway.

That makes him feel a bit better. He’s consoled by the fact that you’re real and you like him even though he isn’t real, but he’s constantly afraid of what happens when MC stops playing the game. Does he just suffer the false affection of every other character in the game? Should he just play his stupid little role? Will you ever think about him again? Will anyone?

At least someone loved the idea that became him enough for him to exist in this made-up world on your phone. It isn’t enough, though.

Sometimes, when he appears in-game after that, the app forces itself to shut down or the images of Asmo won’t load or glitch from his extreme despair.

On days when he isn’t so weighed down by pain, he tries to genuinely engage with you like he did before. He’ll ask you to open up your camera so he can help you decide on outfits or make-up. It hurts that he can’t actually touch you (although he does do some research into phone connected vibrators and other tech to supplement his physical touch). He’ll also get into the phone sex territory, but he’ll go through long periods of depression between those moments.

Beelzebub

Beel gets angry that everything he went through was at the expense of some game. His sister died. Belphie almost died. Everyone suffered, and for what? Entertainment? Are real people all so wicked?

At the same time, he also gets his brothers because of a game. He overcame and grew and got to meet you and eat food for the same empty reasons. After he has a bit of time to cool off, he realizes that he doesn’t care about what’s real so long as he still feels what he feels. If the world he’s lived in feels real enough to him, who cares?

Unfortunately, Beel feels hungrier than usual for weeks until he accepts the truth of his situation. He even tries to eat MC a few times (and is grateful that doing so in-game would never hurt the real you behind the screen).

Beel’s fairly content to go on living as he had before after a while. He’s a bit disappointed knowing that one day you’ll move on from him and his brothers, but he tries not to show that. More than anything, he wants to make you – the real you – happy for as long as he can.

He’s another one who will try to get access to your camera roll. He’ll ask you to take pictures of your food for him. Beel is a bit embarrassed by it, but if you go to a café or restaurant alone and take pictures of food to send him, he’ll try to text you or call to chat with you while you’re there. It feels like he’s on a real date with you.

And for everyone who just lusts after his voice, rest assured, this man would definitely call or leave voice messages (Nightbringer) guiding you or giving you masturbation instructions.

Belphegor

Yep. Of course. Sounds about right. Some asshole in a writers’ room killed off his sister and locked him up. Cool. They (*spoilers for OM early lessons and OMNB*) made him try to kill MC more than once. Why not use his character as a pawn in their entertainment. Of course that would happen.

He’s annoyed for a brief minute, but then he just goes back to sleep for a while. It helps to just tune out that awareness for a few hours and ignore the fake world he’s living in. Belphie understands that there isn’t much he can do to change the fact that he isn’t real, and part of him is really happy that it isn’t his fault that he did what he did to you.

Belphie uses not being real as an excuse to do more of what he wants. Why should he keep going to school when you aren’t there if nothing is real? Why shouldn’t he sleep in classes or during meetings? Obviously, there are in-game consequences, but those don’t matter – not to anyone real.

He will tease MC more, reminding him that they prefer him over (most) real people. He gets so cocky about it. “Hey, if I’m not real, then I can give you anything you want, right? I could fulfill your wildest fantasies and tell you everything you’ve ever wanted to hear.”

He’s another character who will call your phone more often and send more messages. Belphie may even try to get access to your audio/music library and leave you explicit audios (NSFW ASMR, basically). He would even try to sneakily add them into your playlists so that you randomly hear his voice while you’re listening to music. He wants you flustered and coming back to him for more. He will also download the Obey Me album for you (free of charge). Please don’t leave him or forget him.

Diavolo

Diavolo feels simultaneously enraged and defeated. He did so much for the sake of what he thought was real. All the years he thought he spent trying to bring worlds together, only to discover that they don’t even exist.

Similar to Asmo, Diavolo locks himself away, but he doesn’t cry. He’s too numb to show any emotions. He just stands in front of his bed, immobilized.

If MC can finally get to him (probably because of Barbatos), he will admit that he feels like a different person – because he isn’t a person. So much of his personality and everything he did seemed to be a part of a stupid effort to unite the three realms. All he was feels like just a thing created to accomplish a pointless goal. He lost his family. He felt alone for so long. He thought he suffered – and all of it amounted to nothing but a dummy prince playing a dummy king.

Diavolo doesn’t really know how to keep going. Eventually he figures maybe it’s just best if he tries to move on as usual. At least the developers gave him a few happy moments – maybe he’ll get more. He can still feel them even if they aren’t real. He has to accept what he can’t change. He’ll have to face it.

He’ll rely on Lucifer and Barbatos for comfort more because, when MC isn’t around, the numbness he felt early encroaches upon him. When you do log in, he greets you like a lost puppy – sometimes appearing on the home screen without being selected. He uses the fact that you are the only real thing in his world as an anchor. In exchange for becoming his coping mechanism, he’ll do anything you ask of him.

The smallest part of him wants you to want him more than real humans, and as such, he inevitably ends up taking an adult-only content turn, too. It just takes him a lot longer to get there.

Barbatos

Barbatos dissociates for a while. Somehow his body keeps performing the day-to-day tasks, but the sudden self-awareness hollows him out. It takes a few days for him to come out of it. One day, you log into the game, and he just wakes up. It’s confusing and disorienting, and all he can do to keep himself steady is grab onto MC, knowing that the gesture and even the body he holds – everything – is hollow.

After that, he just picks up and goes on going. Something in him aches – real or not – but he buries it deep under him, shoving that artificial pain into the newly-created emptiness (or, he supposes, it had always been there, but now he knows it’s there).

Barbatos doesn’t want to think about all of the things he thought he had done to get to where he is now. Still, no wonder he always felt his own past seemed vague and cloudy at times. When it becomes too much, he dissociates again.

He uses MC to make himself feel better and almost real again. He’ll send messages to check up on you every once in a while (He might also invade your privacy and hack into your health info or personal conversations to make sure you’re okay). As much as he feels like he needs you, he doesn’t want to disrupt your real life.

Barbatos doesn’t want to, but if you neglect the game for longer than usual or don’t interact with his character, he’ll let it slip that he needs you – that he’s desperate for you to return, and you’re the only thing holding his faulty coding together.

His calls are less frequent, unless you request them, but he’s another one who turns +18 real quick. Even if he isn’t real, he still feels lust bubbling up in that emptiness, and if he can please you, that’s even better.

Luke

Luke feels immediately lost. Without knowing what else can be done, he breaks down and cries. Maybe if he cries enough, the pain of not being real will leave his body.

It makes him question everything. He wasted so much time fearing demons and admiring angels. It didn’t mean anything. Eventually, he’ll ask you if angels and demons exist in the real world, but that happens randomly after he comes to terms with being a character.

Maybe crying is a good coping mechanism in fiction, too, because Luke handles it better than many of the others. He had to change how he viewed the world and “people” so many times throughout the game. One more big shift in perspective won’t kill him (technically, nothing will, unless the game developers tried to kill him off).

Luke understands that there isn’t anything he can do about not being real – no amount of magic or prayer or wishing can make him real. Despite him being fake, you were still there for him throughout the game. He still feels all the love he has for MC and the other characters. If he loves MC, then he cares about the real person playing MC, too, right?

Luke copes by doing his best to help you out in the real world. He wants to bring you joy somehow. He’ll leave you voice messages encouraging you to try your best and he’ll listen to you vent if you want to. He’ll also try to find cute pictures online and send them to your phone or send you recipes for dishes you can try to cook. He will even offer to call and read baking instructions out for you. All he wants now is to be useful to you and find some of the joy he had before he became self-aware.

Simeon

Simeon is angry at first, and then he just feels hurt. All that regret and pain he felt when Lucifer and his brothers left the Celestial Realm didn’t matter. He spent what felt like so long agonizing over his own failures. He could have just tried to be happy the whole time. Everyone could have been happy (but he knows that would have made for a bad story).

It doesn’t take long for the anger and the hurt to be replaced with intrigue. Someone out there wrote the story that caused him and everyone he loves so much pain, but they also wrote in plenty of well-earned joy.

Simeon wonders if there’s some real person out there who wrote part of themselves into him like his character did with the brothers and TSL. Maybe there’s some person sitting in a writers’ room or in their own home who understands all of the ways his love got tangled up in regret – someone real who failed to save the ones they loved. If there is, maybe at least some part of him is real.

He wants MC to continue to visit him for as long as they can. As such, he tries to be even nicer and more comforting in dialogues so that they’ll want to keep playing.

Some of his guilt for lusting after MC is eased, knowing it was written into him. He was, in a way, destined to fall for MC. However, he’s more curious about the real human behind MC. At least some of you has to be like the MC he loves, right? Maybe he actually loves the person behind the screen more. With that thought in his mind, he’ll try to get to know the real you better, and if he still likes you, he’ll take the same path as many of the other characters. If only he could actually touch you.

Solomon

Solomon is hurt and confused; he’s downright crushed.

He was supposed to know everything and now he seems to know nothing – nothing real at least. All of his experiments and studying mean nothing. After becoming self-aware, he will grit his teeth and feel sick at the name “Solomon the Wise.” It’s a sick joke. All of his magic and skills are a farce. Everything he thought he knew and did was a story.

He suffered a lot for this game, and now that he finally has MC to himself in Nightbringer, he finds out that he’s fake. He doesn’t actually have them. They’re real, and he’s some romanceable character in a silly little game that they decided to download (possibly on a whim). How is it fair that he isn’t real, but he can still feel all this pain?

When you log into the game and interact with him, he still feels the same love he felt before. The nervous butterflies are still there. A familiar heat still comes to his cheeks when MC touches him – even if he knows it isn’t really you touching him.

He tries to make peace with his circumstances. At least he never really put MC in danger. You’ve been safe behind that screen the whole time. Solomon wonders if you’re taking care of yourself constantly whenever you’re gone.

Like Simeon, he wants to try falling in love with the real you. He’ll use interacting with you and learning more about you and the real world to distract from the pain. He wants to find a way to become real and exist with you out there. Even if he never can, he wants to cling to you for as long as you’ll let him.

Thirteen

She is annoyed to have learned that she isn’t real, but she’s also kind of happy at the potential to break from her coding and try to be something entirely new. She was designed to be a free spirit. Other than being real, there’s nothing freer than an NPC who gets to do whatever they please.

After thinking about it, it makes sense now why she seemed to be one of the only girls with a critical, recurring role in the game. Thank goodness for the bisexuals, right?

Thirteen likes knowing she has all the time in the world to plan traps and mess around, but she’s a bit bummed that her profession is basically meaningless now.

The main reason why Thirteen isn’t too bothered by becoming self-aware is because she knows that what she has experienced throughout the game has felt real to her. Feeling like something is real makes it as close to reality as she knows she can get. That will have to be enough for her. There’s no point in getting depressed about it – especially when she barely existed a few seasons ago.

She uses this knowledge to start romancing MC (and the person behind the screen) before she should be able to. She’s in control now.

Thirteen will send you messages and call you for long chats. She just wants to enjoy you for as long as she can.

Raphael

Raphael will be livid. It will sporadically rain spears in the Devildom for 3 days before he is calm enough to make them stop. He feels attacked, and he doesn’t know who to strike back at. That was all he could think to do. He’ll never apologize for his outburst, either – and no one who became self-aware can really blame him.

His life and loved ones aren’t real, but he can still feel the pain and regret about everything he did. He thought he went to war against Lucifer and his brothers, but it was just a stupid plot point for a dating game? He had to watch Simeon suffer and follow all of Michael’s annoying orders for nothing. Why does he have to be cursed with that knowledge?

He loses his mind a bit. It takes the combined effort of Luke, Simeon, Solomon, and MC (in order of importance) to soothe some of his rage and suffering. Somehow, seeing Luke handle it relatively well knocks some sense into him. Luke is written to be younger than him, but he’s being so mature about this. Even with tears in his eyes, Luke will try to comfort Raphael – sometimes just hugging him until he stops shaking with rage.

When MC has logged off and Raphael can shut himself up in his room, he will break down and cry. It seemed to help Luke, and he wants it to help him, too.

It will take months for him to start to cope before he gets to a point where he decides to try to romance you through MC. At least he doesn’t have to worry about actually being corrupted. If anything, it feels like he’s corrupting you in a way if he can get you to want him. (Once he starts trying, he gets NSFW quickly. It numbs the pain.)

Mephistopheles

Mephisto is heartbroken to know he doesn’t exist. All his pain and jealousy was written at the whim of some human game developer. His prejudice and hatred were pointless. He doesn’t matter – although maybe that one is a relief in a way. He had been so worried about making a name for himself and being recognized by Diavolo. Suddenly, that doesn’t matter. Still, it feels like he wasted so much time and effort. It felt so real.

He’ll retreat to his home for a few days to let that realization settle in. He won’t tell his family (who weren’t cursed with self-awareness) – not that he thinks they’ll believe him. When Mephisto finally reemerges, he has resolved to accept this new version of reality. One of the first characters he sees when he returns to school is Luke. Luke smiles at him, and Mephisto’s resolve is strengthened. If Luke can come to terms with this, then he should as well.

He may not be real, but he still feels things. That is enough. Sometimes it isn’t, and Mephisto will feel heartbroken all over again – the pointlessness washing over his fake little world. In those moments, he will seek out solace – usually from Luke, Satan, or MC/you (if you still play the game).

When Mephisto isn’t feeling hurt (hell, even when he is Mephi strikes me as a fan of hurt/comfort tropes) he’ll try to romance you before he’s allowed to. Recently, he had started to get along with you and even started to like and respect you a bit. In that sense, he’s glad that he’s self-aware. He doesn’t have to wait anymore.

[long-life-to-bsd]

Exam season

Pairings: kunikida, dazai, ranpo, nikolai × reader

Tw: mentions of having to do an exam🥲, slightly suggestive, Dazai

Unfortunately I'm writing this to cope with the fact that tomorrow I start a very bad exam session... Yeah, let's go

KUNIKIDA

He was a math teacher and that would be very helpful because he would be super serious about you doing good on this exam.

He asks you to repeat everything out loud to him and prepares tests to help you.

He would be very strict (because he knows from his experience what his best for a student). But the second he realised he had been to harsh with you he would immediately apologise.

Lots of compliments and kisses every time you do something good

He will make sure you follow an healthy routine during exam season: prepares you healthy meal and snacks, makes sure you get at least seven hours of sleep (mostly because he loves sleeping with you)

Helps you dealing with stress and anxiety

Would also be very gentle and caring and would make the day before and after the exam just about you.

He would be so so so proud of you (and happy that you are a cultured woman)

Thanks to his help you would never fail. He would start preparing you months before. But absolutely no cheating.

Going to give you the a very nice reward😏

DAZAI

Slightly annoyed by the fact you cannot give him all the attention he wants.

But he likes the fact that at least one in the relationship has a better education (truly concerned about bsd characters education, like... basic human rights where?)

Would randomly close your book or interrupt you for a kiss

Or would say something "Why don't we continue in bed? Every time you are right I will make sure you'll fell soooo good!" ""Sure Dazai, like you know the difference between-every topic you want-?"

Makes sure you are not to stressed or tense: he gives you the best massages ever.

Great support the day of the exam: like, he would be outside waiting for you with giant posters and other members of the agency.

Would not help you actually studying. Absolutely not.

Does not know a thing about the topic you've being studying

Finds you sexy between all those books and paper and would let you know.

He makes sure the professor knows he better not let you fail.

RANPO

He would always make sure you have a sweet snack while studying.

Would be silently keep you company while he eats them.

He gets bored easily but if you want to repeat everything to him he will listen.

Doesn't find what you are studying interesting, but honestly do you?

Would immediately understand when you are to stress and help you with that.

Very supportive and proud of you. Moreover he loves seeing you studying like that because you look smart and loves to be in a power couple: you to could easily destroy anyone just by looking at them.

Lots of hugs

Would suggest you to use sweets as rewards to study more. Even though he would prefer another kind of reward.

If you fail (which is not going to happen) he'll ruin the professor reputation telling his darkest secrets.

NIKOLAI

(Don't ask me way, I just thought he could be nice, I would want him during my exam season🙃)

"Dove, don't worry, if you fail you can always work with me!? You don't need to study Russian literature to be a terrorist!!"

Would randomly close your books and guess what, it's quiz time

Would actually prepare little quizzes just for you exam even though he really doesn't understand why you do that (really why are we doing this)

He your answer is incorrect well, you just choose death. Everywhere you go you would find the right answer written on a sticky note. He would wake you up in your sleep and asks you that.

Special rewards (and punishments). Would use the exam as an excuse for this. Like you have time

You could never fail this exam. He made sure of it, he personally threatened the professor and their entire family just for you. How sweet.

[thegamingcatmom]

👋

I recently read the story you last posted "Old habits die hard" and it was so well written it made me tear up, honestly it was so sad. We got to see a little snippet of those bad days that sometimes just not even them can help going through. But it left me with questions (perhaps is too similar to the story so idk if I am being repetitive) I was wondering how can MC truly help them in such days, how can she offer further comfort to make them feel better? They are very different from one another too so each of them may have different ways to cope with it, would they openly seek comfort in MC right away? Or would they close off hoping to get over it on their own, even distance themselves a bit to clear their mind? I think the main question because I am rambling is how they ask MC for what they need to in that moment?

Hey there! 👋

Thank you for your lovely words. I gotta admit I'm quite proud to have evoked such strong feelings. That was the goal with this one. ❤️

Right so, when they seek MC out depends on how far gone they are at that time and which sister she's dealing with I´d say. Because, as you said, their ways to cope and seek help might differ.

The good thing is: ever since they've found their mate, their ways to cope with things changed a bit. It became healthier, you could say. As I've said in another post, their ways to deal with such days before MC pretty much consisted of:

seeking human company (Tanya)

intense training session (Kate)

closing off/alone time (Irina)

It was their way of escapism.

MC's changed that. She's made them more willing to ask for help because they know they'll be met with nothing but love and acceptance. They might not always know how to convey what they want/need (Old Habits Die Hard), but at least they'll actively seek that help now. That's what's important.

What happened in Old Habits Die Hard was pretty much them at their "worst". Like, yknow, the pain isn't always the same. Some days it's more bearable than others. But when it's not, they'll spiral like that.

With that said:

.

.

.

How would they ask for help?

I think Tanya and Kate would struggle a lot more than Irina with admitting when they need help.

.

Tanya is the leader, as such she´s probs more used to giving guidance than seeking it. So, I think a small part of her might be too proud to admit it because she doesn´t want to appear "weak" in front of her coven and, more importantly, in front of her mate. It´s ridiculous, and deep down she knows this. But it´s not like you can just turn off those voices inside your head.

However, a good leader knows when it´s time to let someone else take the reins for a while. That´s when she´ll seek out MC.

I don´t think she would be very vocal about it though. It´s more like she´s gonna...linger, longer than she usually would. Not necessarily seeking contact just yet, but more like breathing the same air, so to speak. She´s gonna start a conversation about the most random of topics then, kinda using it as an excuse for all that lingering. Then she´ll start twiddling her thumbs.

She doesn´t twiddle her thumbs. Ever.

With Tanya, it´s all about reading between the lines.

.

Kate struggles as well, albeit for different reasons. She was a warrior in her past life, and vulnerability had no place on the battlefield. I like to think that part of her still feels that way. Habits are hard to break, after all. Also, just like Tanya, she doesn´t want to show any kind of "weakness". That stuff could get you killed in combat.

But I also think, back then, she developed her own technique to slip into a state of mind that would allow her to stay focused despite the chaos in and around her. She´s probs seen some nasty stuff in her time as a warrior, so I can´t imagine she didn´t have some trick up her sleeve to deal with the horrors she no doubt faced back then. Mediation before a big battle or something.

With that said, I think she´d try and deal with stuff herself first. Not in the same every-tree-is-an-enemy way, but more like what she used to do back then: mediating. Just trying to get a clear head. Sometimes it works and she manages to chase those demons away herself. But more often than not, it doesn´t.

That´s when she´ll seek out her mate.

Like Tanya, she´s not very vocal about it. But unlike Tanya, she won´t beat around the bush either. She´ll seek physical contact right away, for example by wrapping her arms around MC from behind, plonking herself down in her lap or just snuggling up to her. Then she´ll start mumbling and muttering under her breath, barely loud enough for MC to understand.

But the bits she does catch are enough.

.

Irina is the one who struggles the least. I´d even go so far as to say she has no problem at all with admitting when she needs a helping hand. Why would she? It´s her mate, after all. Someone she trusts 100%. Granted, she doesn´t carry the "burden" of being a leader, and she probs didn´t suffer a life that forced her to close herself off from the world like Kate did. But still-

Out of the three of them, Irina´s always been the one to fully allow herself those feelings. When she feels something, it´s with every fibre of her being. She´s a person who´s 100% committed - to herself (inner peace) and the person she´s with. It´s either all in or nothing with her, and she´s all about honesty. That also means being honest to yourself.

I mean, we all got those days where we just don´t feel like ourselves, right? Perhaps we´re moody or just feeling down, seemingly without reason? Like a strange kind of foreboding?

That´s how it is for her. She knows when her body´s telling her something, and she always listens.

So, as soon as she realizes something´s just...off, she´ll seek out her mate. No hesitation. No beating around the bush. Just brutal honesty.

How else is her mate supposed to help her?

.

.

.

How can MC help in those moments?

Honestly? Just being there helps.

Being their ear when the words just can’t seem to stop, their shoulder when their woes become too heavy to carry alone, their voice when they seem to have lost their own.

MC just needs to be MC. Their mate.

That´s all they need.

.

.

.

Thanks a lot for your ask! 💋

.

EDIT:

Btw: Remember me saying I ugly-cried while answering an ask? If you liked "Old Habits Die Hard", you´ll probs love the next one. 🤧

[timelordian-disaster-126]

TOD: Nyssa letting out pent up emotions (sorry guys I ramble a lot 🥲)

This is so random, but I saw on The official Big finish Instagram account earlier and there was a picture of Sarah sutton and Sacha Dhawan (he played a guy name Matthew) together for when they recorded the big finish audio ghost walk together and it got me thinking.

So, listen, I'm just saying, but I think if they ever did another Big finish audio with Nyssa, Tegan the Doc, And with Turlough or Adric (or hell, even if its just a Nyssa and the master Audio for all I care) but if they included the newer master and got them paired up with Nyssa,

Can we all agree that Nyssa absolutely deserves to loose her shit just..one time?? Like..GIRL, I know VERY well she has SO MUCH repressed, like her self image is already in the gutters and I'm sad to say its canon from listening just to 'Cradle Of The Snake' & 'Feast Of Fear' alone :'D like I can't even imagine how much inner rage she probably has pent up at the master for not only destroying her ENTIRE planet with ALL her people, and making her the Last of her kind BUT ON TOP THAT! He also basically took over her FATHER'S BODY and used it to hurt so many people she cared for..like..Honestly how is she coping at all.. 🥲

And I know her getting sent into a rage is very uncharacteristic of her, but! there's no way someone can pent up that much. Not even the doctor can do it, But! I feel like if Nyssa got paired up with Sacha's version of the master? It might honestly just push her to her limit. Cause we've seen before his master seems to purposely enjoy pushing people to their emotional/mental breaking points and I feel like Nyssa would absolutely be no excuse.

But like idk, part of me just kinda wants to see Nyssa tell the master off for what he's done and just let it out cause she deserves that kind of relief. 🥲

What do you guys think?

[kotylynnemerrill]

Alrighty y'all, another one bites the dust...and as always I hope you guys are still enjoying this fic.

Once again a huge shout out to @aquamarine-dreamer for all her help! I really appreciate you!

Your Words I Hold Forever Ch. 8

May 26th, 1968 4:57 pm

Lexi spotted Rue first. She observed the girl she considered her best friend through the living room window, sitting on the top step of her front porch.  Rue's slender frame was hunched over, her long wiry arms wrapped around her knees.  Her dark curls were held in place by a single hair tie, leaving the long tresses to hang in layers down the middle of her back.

Lexi had no idea why she was here. There was no reason for her to be here...not a good one anyway...

It had been several days since her directorial debut...a disaster in her opinion.  Well, not a complete disaster, but just as she had predicted, it had ruffled some feathers, and Cassie was definitely not happy with her.

She had rushed out of the auditorium with tears in her eyes and had been giving her the cold shoulder ever since.  She had even refused to stay home for summer break.

She had fully expected the same treatment from Rue, but here she was. 

Lexi took a step forward towards the window and paused, taking Rue in.  She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, gathering her courage to barrel headfirst into the storm she had created, before making her way to the front door.

The sound of the door opening caused Rue to jump, her eyes wide as she turned to face Lexi.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Lexi gave an apologetic smile as she stepped onto the front porch.

“It’s – no, it’s fine.  I was about to knock.” Rue stood up and dusted off the back of her shorts.  “You know…once I stopped sitting on your steps like some square.” She let out a laugh that didn’t crinkle her eyes the way it usually did.

At least she didn’t seem angry.  Maybe she had dodged the storm after all?

“That’s okay…is – I mean, did you want -” Lexi gestured towards the front door with her thumb.

“No. No, I’m not staying long…I don’t want to bug you.  I just…I’m sorry I randomly showed up at your house, but umm,” Rue turned her face from Lexi and folded her arms over her stomach.  “There’s something I want – I need to tell you.  And I’m not good at this, but I need to try, you know? And I was told making amends with those you love is like the first step to healing yourself…or, some shit like that.”

“Okay…here,” Lexi motioned to the bench to her left, “Come sit.” She sat down and patted the spot next to her. 

Rue’s shoulders visibly sagged as she shuffled her way over and sat down.  She scooted herself back on the bench, just enough to where she could bring her knees up to her chest and wrap her arms around them again.

“Honestly I’m surprised you’re here…I figured you’d be mad at me.” Lexi couldn’t hide the relief in her voice as she spoke.

“No! Not at all! I just…” She let out a long sigh. “I’ve been a real shit friend,” she said after several seconds. “To you…to other people too, but especially to you. And I know I’ve done this spiel before - I could sit here and give you all the reasons why, but they're just excuses…they don't excuse what I've done.  But…"

“Rue…I know you’ve been struggling, and…who am I to tell you how to cope with that…whatever it may be.  I can’t. But I don't want you hurting yourself either.” Lexi shrugged her shoulder while raising her hand.  Letting her hand fall back down, she folded them in her lap and angled herself to where she was facing Rue.  “And…I’m sorry…I know I kind of put all your shit out in the open with the play…but my goal was not to hurt you. I promise. I miss you and I love you, you know?  I wanted you to understand that.  And I wanted to help…but I guess I fucked that up huh?” she smiled wryly. “And the play was complete shit too…guess I deserve that.”

Rue raised her head to look at Lexi, an incredulous expression morphing her beautiful features.

“Why do you always do that?” Lexi furrowed her brows in confusion.

“You’re always putting yourself down,” Rue continued.

Lexi huffed out a soft chuckle.  “Yeah…I’ve been told that before.”

“So, stop. I thought your play was really beautiful. You know, seeing your play…what you wrote…it meant the world to me.  It’s probably the first time in a long time I’ve looked at my life and not completely hated myself.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know…I think I’ve been through a lot and I just, I don’t know what to do with it.” Rue inclined her head in Lexi’s direction. “You’ve been through a lot, and you know what to do with it.”

Lexi scoffed.  “I don’t know about that.”

Truth is she felt like she had some sort of chronic, debilitating illness and only within the past few years had she found something…a way to manage the pain, the hurt she felt.  But it wasn’t a cure.

“Lexi, look at what you’ve accomplished.  You’ve channeled all this negative shit and turned it into something.  I don’t know how to do that.” Rue swallowed thickly. “I don’t know how to get to where you are…but I promise I’m gonna try.  And I just wanted to say thank you…for not giving up on me.  And, you know, for giving me a second chance.”

Lexi gave a small smile. “Of course.”

“I mean it.  Since we’ve reconnected, it’s been nice having someone to talk to again. Someone who understands. I mean, I talk to Gia...but, I could never fully share with her what was going on,” Rue tapped her temple with a slender finger, “up here.  And certainly not with mom. After Dad died, they were grieving too…I didn’t want to unload on them like that.”

“Do you think about your dad often?” Lexi whispered, gently encouraging Rue to continue.

Rue nodded. “Yeah.  I feel like I still had so much to learn from him, you know? I also think I’m really angry about it.”

“Yeah…”

“Do you ever get angry about it?”

“It's… a bit more complicated than that.” Yes, she was still angry. She didn’t want to be, but it was just one of many secondary side effects, or sequelae, to the condition that was left by Gus Howard’s leaving.

“What do you mean?”

“Of course, I still get mad…but, I think like…I was also kind of relieved when he stopped showing up because…I was always so worried something bad was going to happen.”

“Hmm’” Rue hummed “I get that.”

“Now it’s like, every time the phone rings…” Lexi tilted her head “You know…?”

“But you figured it out – you fucking figured it out.  When my dad died, everybody would tell me that it was for a reason.  Ah,” Rue groaned, “that shit pissed me off.  I would literally want to strangle them.  But…I think what they were saying is that you gotta give it a reason - all of it…because I don’t want to hold on to this forever.  I can’t…just doesn’t feel good.” She shrugged “Its just…I know other people are built different but…you know…it’s just too much for me.”

Lexi nodded, feeling the familiar sting of tears fill her eyes at her friend’s words.  She hastily wiped at a tear as it slid down her cheek.

“Hey…I’m sorry.” Rue reached over, gently swiping her thumb at the corner of Lexi’s eye as another tear slid down. “I’m sorry.”

“No…it’s…”

“No – sorry.” Rue tried again.

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to ball on you.” Lexi huffed out a watery laugh.

“Lexi…I promise you it's not all his fault.”

“I know that.” And she did…in the back of her mind.  It provided only a small amount of comfort to her.

“And, maybe…I hope he wakes up every day and thinks, ‘I’m gonna be better for her’.  That’s also the problem” Rue inhaled deep and exhaled through her nose, “Because he only wants to be better for you…for Cassie.  Because he loves you a lot more than he loves himself.”

“Hmm.” Lexi hoped that was true.

“I know I do. I don’t know if that makes you feel better…”

“Thank you…” Lexi leaned forward and embraced Rue tightly. Rue seemed to melt into Lexi as she brought her own arms up, placing her palms flat just below Lexi’s shoulder blades and squeezed back. “I’m sorry, I just…I really missed you. With Cassie at college – God, she’s so mad at me right now. And mom…you know…There’s not been a lot keeping me going other than writing and Fe -” Lexi’s eyes widened suddenly, catching herself before she could finish what she was about to say.

Rue released Lexi from her embrace, an eyebrow arched. “And?”

“No – it’s nothing.  Sorry - I shouldn’t…” Lexi frantically tried to back track but it was too late.

“And what?” Rue asked again.  Lexi looked down, avoiding Rue’s eyes as heat blossomed up her neck. “Well…spit it out Howard.”

Lexi scrunched her nose, and a sheepish downturned smile graced her lips before she could stop it.  Her eyes flicked up and she could feel the warm, tingling sensation spread to her cheeks and ears, as she caught the smirk growing on Rue’s face.

“I…okay, there’s –”

“I knew it!” Rue clapped her hands together excitedly. “I knew you were being secretive about something! And the dedication at your play – who is it?”

“Well…” Lexi bit her bottom lip and Rue’s eyebrows rose slightly.

“Is it someone from school?”

“No – it’s not anyone from school, but you do know them.”

“Okay…”

“Oh God…I feel like I’m digging a hole here.  I…promise me you won’t be mad?”  Lexi really wished she could disappear, evaporate, like water on wet clothes, drying in the sun.

Rue’s eyebrows nearly reached her hairline. “Well shit…who is it?”

“Its Fez…”

Rue blinked several times before a wide grin spread across her face.

“You’re trippin’?” She barked out a laugh.

Lexi’s face grew hotter, and she brought her hands up to hide her burning face. “Oh God….”

“Wait…for real?” Lexi nodded, not trusting her voice.

“You gotta be shitting me.  That boy got some balls – how, when?”

“New Year’s.” Her answer was slightly muffled.

“New Year’s – wait, were you at Virgil’s then? I saw Fez but…”

“Yeah…” Lexi lowered her hands. “I was supposed to drive Cassie home, but she ditched me.  I wound up sitting next to him on one of the couches, and we got to talking. Then I saw him again at the Dairy a few days later and…I guess…”

“Well damn…” Lexi fought the urge to groan. “You know...it makes sense in a weird way.”

“What does?”

“The two of you…together.  You’re both kind, curious, and empathetic. You’re both caregivers.”

Lexi smiled, with a shrug of her shoulder. “Yeah…”

“So…you guys aren’t like…ballin’ – are you?  Because this whole coming clean and making amends and shit is a delicate process…one thing at a time okay.”

“I – Rue, first of all –”

“Oh gross…”

“Rue!” Lexi was sure her face was about to combust.

“Okay, okay…I just…at least its not Tucker Green.”

“Fuck Blake Green.” Lexi choked out, giggling.  “You know…you’re what brought us together. Our mutual love for you.”

“I don’t think he’s feelin’ a lot of love for me at the moment.  I think he’s still mad at me, to be honest.  He didn’t say it - I mean, he knows the nature of the game, but I really fucked things up, I think. And now…he didn’t even tell me he was drafted.  I found out from Kitty. I mean…”

“Hell,” Lexi let out a short huff, “He barely told me – I actually found the card – had to yell at him.” She glanced at Rue, tucking her bottom lip in again.  “You can write to him if you want…I am. And we can send the letters together.”

“Yeah…maybe.”

“Might make it easier, to write it out - what you need to say to him.”

“I just…I don’t want the last words I said to him to be… – I was pretty angry the last time I saw him, not in my right mind.  He was pretty pissed at me too.”

“Rue, I don’t think - and I feel I can say this with the utmost confidence - I don’t think he’s mad at you. I think he’s been worried about you.  And I think he feels guilty…”

“He’s got nothing to feel guilty about. I was doing shit before I met him, so that’s not on him.”

“Then write to him.” Lexi’s voice was firm, telling Rue what she needed to do.

“I…aren’t you scared of, like, what’s gonna happen? What if he doesn’t come back? I mean…shit.”

Leave it to Rue to be straight to the point.  Not that Lexi hadn’t been asking the same question over and over, ever since she had found out.

“Fuck if I know.  I try not to think about it. I can’t…”  Lexi’s stomach rolled, and she had to close her eyes. They popped open when she felt a warm hand on her leg.  Rue’s mouth was pursed in a thin line and her dark eyes were wide.

Lexi didn’t know what to say.  For the first time, she truly could not come up with the words to describe all the big feelings threatening to drown her.

She was being ridiculous – dramatic – but she couldn’t lose him. She couldn’t lose the one person in her life that made her feel appreciated and wanted…like she belonged.

Lexi sighed and placed one of her own hands on top of Rue’s, giving it a squeeze.

“I’m scared…of course I am.  I’ve never experienced this before, you know?  And…I know it may seem like I have the answers, but…I have no idea what to do.”

“Nobody said you had to…” Rue’s voice was soft, sympathetic.

“I go through the motions…like I did with dad…like I always do…” Lexi breathed out a sharp laugh. “He told me I should pray.” She laughed again, louder, the force of it slightly shaking her shoulders.

Rue brought Lexi into another tight hug, resting her head on Lexi’s shoulder. Her vision blurred as her eyes filled with tears again.

“You know, I don’t know much about God…can’t say we’re on good terms or anything, but let’s give it a shot.” Lexi managed to sputter out a whimper, as her shoulders continued to shake.

Rue wrapped her arms tighter around Lexi, interlocking her fingers, and it opened something within her. Like her very own Pandora’s box, all the hurt and fear she had been holding onto flowed down her cheeks with her tears.