#this is half a year old oh my god
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made gf sourdough today and i didn’t have very high hopes (it was just the recipe on the flour bag that called for the starter to be made just the day before) but it turned out actually pretty good!!!
#the last time i made bread it was like. completely solid and stodgy bc it hadn’t risen at all so any air bubbles at all feels like a huge#success!!#and it tastes good! not super sourdoughy obvs bc. day old starter. but i haven’t had good crusty bread in years 😭#i want to make an actual gf sourdough started but gf flour is sooooooo expensive so discarding half every day for a while to get it#started sounds so agonizing....... even if i'm able to use the discard it's just SO much money that i wouldn't've spent. but sourdough.....#oh my god and i made it in a dutch oven that apparently my mom got for christmas years ago and never used it's a GORGEOUS#marquette like bright red and giant and i didn't know we had it!!! so i'm gonna use it for other stuff i think bc it's just gotten dusty in#the back of a cupboard for god knows how long. i'll save you princess
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i guess im being offered the job lol
#i didnt even have to interview????? here i was worrying about oh god going for an interview#but i guess not???#manager called me just now and was like hey i spoke w the people they want to know if you can start on these dates#like. okay???????#theres a week of training for me to do and then the following week id start at thee job#like an idiot as i was saying bye on the phone i only remembered then that i should have asked if it was PAID training ugh.#im assuming so . but maybe not. idk#im gonna call him back on monday to give my answer#this is it.... i may finally be free of the annoying people....#but like anything i have my trepidations. bc who know if itll work out#well thats life. as the song goes#fortunately im still within the timeframe to change the amount for my commuter benefits pretax card thing#bc the monthly pass id need for the new job#costs like less than half of what i pay now for the bus to ny#crazyyyyy. anyway i gotta do that if i decide to take the job#its more money (a little. but still more. ok its like a dollar and 4 cents more. which not a lot but still)#i get more sleepytime (always good) and im saving on commuting#plus ill only have to pay nj (and federal) taxes. instead of also paying ny yay. thats good#sorry again weighing the pros and cons onstage here#UH. what else#well a shorter commute is good but it means less reading/music listening time#although ive only resumed reading recently lol#idk. well then i could read at home and not worry about my books getting messed up#these past couple weeks ive been :( that the like 70-something year old paperback ive been taking is getting a bit rougher#only a little. but yesterday it got a bit wet bc my bag got soaked in the rain#why am i taking a super old book to work well i dont know what to tell you we have some old books#ok getting off topic. everything seems good about the new job so fuck dude i guess ill go for it#finally free of the stupid people here.... on to new stupid people (undoubtedly)#well it's probably all good then but unfortunately i always worry what if it isnt. hm
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I watched hellraiser for the first time and it was funsies, good gore, I liked it. But how the hell did kirsty know what was happening. Like at all.
#she is by far the smartest horror protagonist I’ve ever seen I’ll give her that#but under the same pressure she was under I must admit#I would not put together ‘these demons that came from that box must be searching for my skinless half dead uncle bc he wanted the box’#I’d just go ‘oh god oh fuck what the hell’ so like#good for her. problem solving. I’ll give her that.#hellraiser#im not tagging spoilers the movie is like 40 years old
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to commemorate the occasion
#to mutuals that didnt know my age before: oopsyy. guess youre finding out#im an adult if thats anything#also this will be weird for northern hemisphere people bc your school year ends in like half a year ig#ok but genuinely im SO HAPPY#high school hasnt been as bad as it couldve been for me considering im gay and weird and all that (see: im on tumblr)#but im so glad to be done with it#idk what the rest of my life will be like but at least i wont have to be doing it while an old lady checks the colour of my socks#OH MY GOD I DONT HAVE TO SING A FUCKING SCHOOL SONG EVER AGAIN WOOOOOO#omg and i wont have to go to mass anymore and all that#but yeah YAYYYYYYYY#happy graduation to me#graduation#high school
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its important to watch a new movie or read a new book sometimes. largely because 1) its nice to experience all the art this world has to offer but also 2) you might be able to find new scenarios to imagine your OCs in
#it gets the cogs turning if ur imaginary scenarios get stale#wait did anyone else do this. when i was a kid i played with my toys in the very storytelling heavy style#like every toy was a character type thing. ten million large spanning melodramatic stories of epic proportions with my littlest pet shops#like that was the type of play i liked. and i would#sit in front of the TV with whatever playing half watching cartoons#or watching some kids movie on vhs borrowed from the library back when they still had tapes#and the whole time i would be playing with my toys. seeming more engrossed in the story among my toys than the movie i was watching#but i WAS watching the movie i was just using it largely as a. jumping off point. to make up stories about like#my lps cat who can see ghosts and her search for her long lost twin sister or something#Oh god and when i was a little older like 10 years old making ms paint animations age#whenever i was watching a movie with like famiy or in class or whatever and maybe it was a little boring at parts#i would like. start focusing on the score only and just imagine my own sparklewolf OCs to it instead of paying attention#my dad often fondly remembers watching avatar in theatres with the whole family and looking over to me and seeing me mentally GONE hfkjdfhs#mother and older brother were pretty engrossed with the effects and visuals and i was like. eyes glazed over staring into space#imagining blue wolves with anime hair like :) my dad thought it was very funny. he cant judge the reason he was looking around was because#often hes more interested in watching other people react to a movie than the movie itself LOL we are cut from similar cloths..#i still dont remember a thing about that movie. but the score wasnt bad HJKDBJFKLSHJFDs#but yeah i dunno. watch a horror movie. think about putting your ocs through the horrors. thats how ive lived my entire life
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god i really forgot that every business management professor specifically is the most unpleasant human being alive for no good reason. i have two business classes with like econ and accounting professors respectively and those look fine and then oh my god if i have to go back to this class with this professor i think i might actually kill myself
#red rambles#she's not. *mean*. she is. um. fucking. i think condescendiing is the word#she made us do a kahoot in class on questions we didn't know explicitly because she knew we didn't know them. i hate kahoots#she went through the syllabus like we were children which. fine whatever every professor does that it's why i hate the first class#but she also kept going off topic to give us life advice. never give me life advice ill fucking kill you#im really not sure what else was my fucking problem but i genuinely felt like i was being psychologically tortured#also i have done one of the several assignments for the class already and they're babyshit but its going to be one of my most#busywork heavy classes and she wants us doing discussion questions every fucking week#and i have to download yet another fucking app for her class#and i need it for my degree plan but oh my GOD. i need to get the fuck out of it#im gonna try and find a different session of the class taught by a different professor and switch in#do you know how much i have to hate a class if im willing to eat two entire finished homework assignments to get out of it#eta. i take it with this professor or i take it with a different professor i know and already know i cant stand#who is also going to work us like dogs unlike this prof who is going to apparently treat us like we are 14 years old#i guess its not college if i'm not being forced to experience psychological torment for an hour and a half every couple days lol#ill just have to like eat something before that class and do my best to fortify myself before i go in and turn evil
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There Is Someone In My House And They Know I'm Here They Saw My Car On The Driveway I've Been Living Alone In The House For The Last 2 Days I'm Not Ready To Meet A Roommate I Don't Want To Put Pants On Or Get Out Of Bed And I Haven't Even Gotten To A Beaded Row On My Knitting Yet
#my sibling just called and said that the tattoo shop in town is taking walk-ins for the next hour and a half anf asked if they should get#their first tattoo right now. and our parents hate tattoos and our extended family fucking hates tattoos#oh my god i'm too young to have raised a 20 year old i'm not ready for these kinds of questions#and i haven't even gotten to a beaded row on my knittinggggggggg and that was the only thing getting me through work today :(#and it's my bedtime in fucking 20 something minutes and i'm not gonna get to one tonight and still get enough sleep before work and my baby#sibling might be getting a fucking tattoo how am i meant to sleep in these conditions!#girl. the stress.#a post
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#*beep* oh. hey. guess you're sleeping? maybe you're at work. or out with friends. i hope wherever you are it's good#or that it's getting better. i really do#i'm not good. but you knew that already. otherwise why would i be leaving this message?#sorry. i just need to talk for a bit i guess#cause it's like. every day i write a hundred posts and every day i delete most if not all of them#and i could not tell you why#this is my blog after all. my words and thoughts go here#but also. this is my third place. and i can't lose that#isn't that crazy? i can't lose the handful of notes from reblogging other people's posts#the idea that somehow i'm constructing myself in the cut and paste instead of doing something myself#and i do try to make posts of my own. but nothing's ever worth posting. i don't even let it rot in the drafts. it's just gone#and i try to think about what would stop me from doing this#which inevitably brought me here - what would i be doing if it were fifty years ago#and i think the answer is i'd be calling someone who used to care and blowing up their answering machine#and i think about old answering machines. the ones that need a tape to record the message#does dora just re-record over the tapes that harry fills?#does she trash them? i'm guessing she doesn't listen to them#i won't tell you what to do with this message. i'll spare you a call to action#it's not like a diary would fix this. i have a diary. i've been keeping one regularly for months now#i think i want to be perceived but i refuse to speak unless spoken to and i will not reach out on here unless i'm being a kindly anon#and when i talk irl it's all broken disjointed subjects without predicates#it takes such effort for me to talk that people stop asking me out of kindness. but there's still thoughts i haven't said#thoughts that don't need to be said. we don't *need* another person rambling on about whatever random fandom topic or half-assed scribbles#i tried making serious art and meta posts for like four years across different fandoms#it's all gone now. as is most of my poetry. lotta things i don't know or care to know#and i can't bring myself to do that again. esp if that's not why you're here. so like. it's easier just to remain quiet?#because. i know people *can* understand. but it takes effort#and i can't guarantee a return on investment. i don't know if the cost of teaching me how to talk again is worth it#god i want to infodump but that was beaten out of me. the need is still there but i can't. it hurts#idk. things are good and then things are bad and on the whole they're good and getting better
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Rereading the Percy Jackson series and holy shit, these are kids. Like, these are 11 and 12 year olds just… running around. Getting their lives threatened. Saving the world. Holy shit, who let this happen, THAT IS A WHOLE ASS CHILD.
#pjo#Percy Jackson and the olympians#my posts#fuck man I remembered this kids as like 16 or 17#which is still a child BUT LIKE 11 IS SO MUCH WORSE?? HOLY SHIT???#Percy you small child you were given so much at such a young age#every kid here at camp half blood really#but still#man imagine finding out your dad’s a god at fucking 11 years old#AND THEN THERES ANNABETH#percy ‘I can have anything? then pay your fucking child support’ Jackson makes a lot more sense now#rereading this series as an adult has me screaming at all these adults in here oh my god WHAT ARE YOU DOING
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you learn a lot of really depressing stuff when you research the sex pistols deep enough but to me nothing compares to hearing johnny lydon talk about how malcolm mclaren made him feel like a little toy to be taken out of its box just to shock ppl
imagine youre 19 years old and the first person who has ever encouraged your artistic abilities after a lifetime of having them be completely ignored, the first person who ever looked at you and said 'you deserve to have your voice heard bc you have smth important to say', is also the person who treats you like a party trick to parade around in front of a jeering audience despite it clearly having a terrible effect on your mental and physical health
#hoodie talks#sex pistols#idk how jon savage got half of this out of him bc oh my god its depressing#imagine being 19 and your parents kicked you out of the house and the only adult in your life treats you like this#and you cant say stop bc this is your only chance to go out there and make the art you want to make#and then the whole country hates you and wants you to die#and youre 19 years old#and then youre 22 and you have to go to court for the rights to YOUR SONGS that contain all of your pain bc he stole them#can you imagine how terrible that would be??#also tying this back into how a lot of ppl have testified that mclaren and westwood saw sid vicious as a toy#and not as a real full human being#punk rock posting
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Oddly specific but did anyone else's parents describe brutal torture methods in excruciating detail to them (under the pretense that they could/would happen to them) or was that just me?
#if anyone is wondering the context for telling a child (yeah i was about 8 or smthn) these things i shall explain#tw for holocaust mention#so my parents were pretty extreme in their religion- they called themselves Christians but were perhaps closer to some cults#and my parents held the general belief that a lot of shit would go down during or before the rapture- that is the second coming of god#not just plagues wars and pestilence but also a second holocaust#in which gunmen working under the antichrist would break into every home and shoot anyone who didnt renounce god#(btw this was considered the only 'unforgivable' sin in their religion meaning you either get shot or go to hell)#so i was of course encouraged to get shot in this scenario. at 8 years old#not only that but apparently for some reason they (the gunman/antichrist people) were going to take us to... camps essentially#and use various torture methods trying to get us to join them#a lot of those torture methods were described to me- things like removing fingernails the brazen bull and rat torture#and i was always terrified of those things#i was also told very emphatically that this WOULD happen in my lifetime. the rapture that is not necessarily torture#but it was just always a possibility that one day i would have to be a martyr#i used to have a lot of nightmares about the rapture happening and how i had chosen wrong and denounced god#scared me half to death#oh yeah i was also told there would be nuclear war? so i was always irrationally afraid of that too#everytime i heard an airplane i would think it was a bomb#anyway this is why i appreciate people not trying to reconvert me as you can imagine this sucked
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going through an honest-to-god SPN phase and just outed myself as having had an Emilie Autumn phase... and cannot bring myself to be ironic about admitting that at their best, they both totally fucking slapped. what can i say. go listen to Dead Is the New Alive and maybe you'll calm down.
...is that cringe enough to fulfill my patriotic duty of helping tank the property values around here? or do i have to dig up my Tenth Doctor reaction gif folder and my vintage cat macros to add the mix
#mentally flipping back through my old Embarrassing Phases and tbh? shocking and almost disappointing how well they hold up#most of them are only mortifying because of how SUPER OBVIOUSLY they date me as having been a teen in the early 2000s#sitting here asking myself 'is Johnny the Homicidal Maniac cringe? no. actually it may be 2edgy for half the miserable fucks on this site'#'okay how about the musical theater bootlegs. the Rammstein. hm Sandman's already cool again... oh god is that a Linkin Park album'#14-year-old me LOVED linkin park and thought they were horribly cringe bullshit adult-me would be ashamed of... dead wrong of her#30s-me: anyone who can harmonize perfectly with the shrieking woodchipper inside a 14-year-old's head is a genius and a hero
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if i had to guess, i’d estimate that only about 1/3 of all the fanfiction i’ve written has been posted.
#krav talks#i have posted 2 star wars fanfics that equal about 20k-28k words altogether iirc#but i estimate myself to have written probably like. 80k words worth of star wars fanfic#also i have like 200k words worth of gravity falls fics ive never posted#and 25k worth of steven universe fics#and you dont even wanna KNOW how much ive written for half life/hlvrai and never finished.#i was fucking insane in 2020. i was riding a high that im forever trying to recreate#a lil 18 year old freshly dropped out of high school right before the pandemic hit so i never had to do zoom school#i had just stopped going to therapy but at the same times just started taking adhd meds that actually worked after 2 years of duds#sometimes i wonder if i have bipolar disorder just because that whole entire era of my life could be classified as a manic episode#maybe i just hibernate in the winters actually. bcus consistently every single summer for the past 4-5 years have felt similarly#oh my god wait. no im dumb i just have seasonal depression.#i cant believe i was thinking that feeling good and motivated and happy and being full of life was mania
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oh my fucking god why is rebirth, immortal advent so good im going to go crazyinsane
#crow.txt#uniposting#I JUST NOTICED IT FINALLY GOT RIPPED AT WORK AND AAAAAAA?#THE PART AT 1:30???????? im ill. im diseased. the hook. is so good#cant wait to see his fuckshit playstyle later tonight oh im fucking NORMAL. SO NORMAL RN#well i guess now's the time to catch up on all the chronicle mode stuff i never ended up finishing. which is like#half of it... oof#also kaguya hype shes finally real thank GOD. ive been waiting a million fucking years. tearing bullet my beloved#like my 3rd relisten. its so oddly not Boss Music i dont know how to articulate it#not the big climactic final boss theme like hilda had or izanami or the murakumos for example#but also it feels apt? to not be that. in a sense. esp since its a remix of one of the old arcade themes or whatever#its final boss music but its not Final Boss Music. yknow. which in a sense makes sense
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i don't know what i expected from this episode but i don't think i expected this very strongly maternal urge to hug young ewan, logan, and rose.
#five and a half and four years old spending days adrift thinking you could die at any moment i mean. oh my GOD.#they must've been so scared :(#and ik rose wasn't with them but she deserves a hug too polio is awful#succession spoilers#succession
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………… WHY IS OLIVER LIKE THAT. IM SO UPSET-
ah. you mean his attitude uh…. good question but he wants a girl who isn’t a hassle to break up with 👍
#im todays years old when i found out that he’s actually half jap and a quarter German and Swedish#like wtf#I didn’t even see that coming#IM LIKE UHHHHHH#oh my god I can hear him and kaiser talkin….#THE AGEND EKFIEJFN#༊*·˚ koca has heard your wish#༊*·˚ a wish goes a long way#༊*·˚ a kiss of blessing#༊*·˚ pibby
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