#this is enough to drag me right back in
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Giggling. Twirling my hair. Kicking my feet. I’m in love.
𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐩𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐚 | 𝐚𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐧𝐞𝐫
Hotch touches your face much more than a boss should. Or, 5 times you have a nosebleed +1 time Hotch does.
8k words, a slightly bloody coworkers to lovers, fem!reader, nosebleeds, reader works in the BAU but isn't a profiler, jack is a sweetheart, hotch has game fr, fluff + hurt/comfort
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You like your desk job. You handle paperwork primarily, and act as a sort of assistant unofficially. Anything to be useful — you get paid either way. It's why you don't mind trying to be helpful in the office and take on some of the office administrator's overflow.
Today, that's fixing the coffee machines. The office can function on one at a stretch but both being broken means an entire roster of grumpy agents and all of them are on your back. And when they have to see all the stuff they say? You figure fixing the coffee machines is the least you can do.
You're ignoring the weight of their waiting, elbow deep in one of the machines. The instruction manual had mentioned a little spout that can get clogged with detriment. Hopefully, you can clean it out and get at least one machine working by midday.
"Oh no," you murmur.
The piece you're trying to unscrew is tightly wound, too tight for your fingers to work behind. You're probably going to need a small tool, like an allen key.
"No luck?" Agent Prentiss asks, sounding defeated.
You look up from the machine and smile quickly. "I need smaller hands," you joke, letting the machine sit back on the counter and pulling out your aching fingers. "I'll have one working by the end of the day, Agent Prentiss. Scout's honour."
She shrugs and waves a hand at you. "It's alright. What's one day without caffeine?"
You laugh at her good-natured sarcasm and go back to your machine. When you're certain you can't jimmy it you turn your attention to the second machine and run through the steps. You're too determined to lose. Your coworkers depend on you.
You start by changing the filter and are unsurprised when that doesn't work. You check the button connectivity, the fuse, and then you turn again to that small piece that needs to be washed.
"Yes," you cheer under your breath, pulling the piece from its home to assess the problem.
It's a tiny pipe with a piece of mesh that acts as a sieve to trap dust. Maybe. Whatever it is, it's full of caramelised coffee grounds. You move to the sink basin and turn on the faucet to clean it, washing with anticipation as the burned coffee trickles down the drain.
You're pleased enough to feel a mild adrenaline rush, and your excitement leads to butter fingers: you drop the prized piece of pipe and it rolls out of sight.
This is not a good time for business casual.
You tug your too-tight pants from your thighs and bend down in search. When it doesn't reveal itself you get on your knees and run your hands along the seams of the kitchen cabinets, face lowered.
"Is everything okay?"
You wince at a very familiar, very unfortunately timed voice.
"Yes, sir, everything is perfect," you say, looking up to meet the eye of your boss' boss, unit chief SSA Aaron Hotchner. "I've misplaced a piece but I'll have the coffee machine working again in no time. I'm sorry."
He raises his eyebrows at you. It's a very nice expression on him, his eyes light with an emotion you don't often see on him. "Is fixing the coffee machine in your job description?" he asks.
You think it might be a polite reprimand. You won't insult him by insisting you're always on time with your actual delegated workload because he and your supervisor have to send you emails asking for missing paperwork all the time, so you try to disarm him.
You beam.
You're not a supermodel but everybody is pretty when they smile. "Sir, I thought I could sacrifice my lunch break for the good of the Bureau."
"Yes, well." He looks like he wants to smile back. You might be seeing what you want to see, though. "That won't be necessary. Take your time."
Your smile falters as you feel a telling heat at the back of your nose. "Thank you," you say quickly, covering your nostril with the pad of your index finger.
You're hoping your swift words will send him on his way, but he's literally the lead profiler of the BAU. He knows suspicious activity when he sees it.
"Is something wrong?"
Blood starts to trickle down your palm. You slide your hand up to cover your nose the best that you can. The alarm on his face when he spots the blood sliding down your bare forearm can't be understated.
"It's just a nosebleed," you placate, sounding stuffed up.
He's a quick thinker, tearing a wad of paper towel off of the dispenser above the microwave and offering it to you.
If you weren't so distracted by your current predicament you'd say thank you.
He turns back to the paper towels and tears off another wad. To your horror, Hotch bends down right there in the kitchenette and waits for you to open your palm, feeding the towels into your spare hand.
"Should you tilt your head back?"
"I think that's a myth," you say.
Your skin starts to scrawl with embarrassment, the itchy, awful feeling of being pinned by his eyes.
"How long do they usually last?"
"Not very long, sir. I'm sure you're busy."
He tilts his head slightly to one side as if conceding your point. "Let me help you up," he commands.
You can't make yourself reject his help. Honestly, it's nice to have somebody care even if the nosebleed is purely superficial. His fingers curl around the crook of your elbow and he helps you onto your feet just in time for Agent Prentiss to return.
"Hotch, what did you do?" she asks, bewildered.
You try not to laugh too much, worried you'll force another burst of blood.
—
Confidential information. You hear it, you ignore it. Harder to ignore the whiteboards in the conference room that are currently choc-a-block with prints of crime scene photos.
You don't mean to gawk at them. It's severely unprofessional and you shouldn't really be in here to begin with. The electronic screen is off, as are the monitors, so you know the room isn't in use.
That could change any second, and it does.
You hide your clammy palms behind your back at the sound of footsteps and try not to rush obviously toward the mug you'd come in here to collect.
The door creaks open as you're leaning over the table.
"I'm sorry," you say without looking.
"You don't have to clean up after anyone."
"Actually," you say quietly, abashed at having been caught, "this is my mug."
You turn to face him.
Agent Hotchner is tall and handsome. These are two undeniable facts and yet every time you see him it feels like a surprise. It might have something to do with how composed he is, how deliberate his movements are, or it might just be 'cause you have a crush on him.
It's anybody's guess.
"I can make Reid wash it," he says.
You're so whipped that your chest confuses his offer for something much worse. Like, he's on your side.
"That's okay, I don't wanna punish him for my own fussiness." You cover the mugs printed sides subtly, or as subtly as you're able.
"What's special?"
You smile at him, lips pressed together tight and eyes squinting slightly. You know what he's getting at but you ask anyways, stalling now he's caught you. "About what?"
"About the mug."
You peer behind him.
"You can't tell anyone," you murmur, rounding the table to stand by his side with your shoulders to the door. "I'm not sure anybody knows it's mine."
The mug is a corn-husk yellow and printed with a scene from a vintage Peanuts comic, dark-haired Lucy standing behind her lemonade stand that boasts 'Psychiatric Help 5¢'. Charlie Brown sits in front of it looking morose.
It's hard to describe why you like it so much.
"I see," Agent Hotchner says.
It's become something of an office joke, offering each other five cents on bad days, calling someone Charlie Brown when they look lost. You doubt very much that anyone is making fun of you, you're just hiding that it's your mug because that's part of the fun. The mystery of the Peanuts mug.
"I can't drink out of anything else," you confide, turning your face to his.
He's definitely smiling this time. "Why would you?"
You nod in genuine delight. "Exactly! Vintage Peanuts, and I searched so much for this because they used to use lead in glassware paint, and-"
The nosebleed comes on suddenly. There's a drop of blood running down your lips before you've even realised. Agent Hotchner's eyes follow it all the way down.
"Oh, no," you say, blood dripping to the hill of your chin.
You use the back of the hand that's holding the mug to catch what's rolling down your neck and the other to pinch your nose closed, bending forward on instinct to hide your face. You're seasoned in nosebleeds. You know how you look — scary. Ridiculous.
"Here," Agent Hotchner says.
His hand comes into your eyeline, offering a dark square of fabric. You cringe at the idea of marring his likely expensive handkerchief but you can't not accept, pressing it haphazard to your bloody nose.
"What were you saying about lead?"
You're so frazzled about the blood you don't realise he's made a joke until it's too late to laugh.
"Do you know what causes them?" he asks.
"I'm not really sure, sir. I used to get them all the time as a kid, um…" You pull the handkerchief away from your nose to check if it's still bleeding. When it doesn't continue, you say, "They're pretty harmless. It's done already."
"If you need time off for a check-up, I'm sure the office administrator can find a sick day for you."
You smile at him, and then remember the blood and grimace. I must look like Carrie right now, you think morosely.
"That won't be necessary, sir, thank you. It's apparently the dry air." You're starting to feel more and more warm under his serious gaze. There's a startling amount of concern there. "I'm gonna go clean up now. Excuse me," you say, face glowing with heat.
"Of course."
You cover your bloody face with the back of your hand, his handkerchief held in red-stained fingers. You pass Agent Prentiss on the stairs, hurrying past her with an I'm okay smile.
"Hotch, again?" you hear Agent Prentiss ask incredulously. "Where do you get off?"
—
You can't return Hotch's handkerchief, it's a biohazard, but the fabric had felt so soft and the monogram in the corner had cued you in on how expensive it must have been. Your guilt manifests itself into three new handkerchiefs with the embroidered A.H. They aren't half as nice as the one he'd let you ruin. You leave them on his desk — or rather, you get Dr. Reid to leave them on his desk, as walking into his office doesn't feel like something you're allowed to do — and try to forget about them.
For a week, you do. Agent Hotchner doesn't visit his office, Agent Jareau apprehends him on his way in that morning and the profiling team gather around their round table, and you don't see any of them for four days. The Friday they return, you're already on your way home.
That's why his actions the following Monday shock you.
It's unusual that he walks anywhere that isn't a straight shot to his desk. You're doing paperwork for once in your life, sitting awkwardly with your foot hooked under your thigh and a pair of wired earphones in. It's not technically allowed but he really doesn't venture over to you often. You've become complicit in your unsupervised nirvana of a desk job.
You snatch your earphone out and struggle into a normal position. "Agent Hotchner," you say, wondering if you should call him Special Supervisory, or maybe something cooler, like your Highness. Your grace. He's intimidating in his accomplishments at the FBI, and he's super handsome.
"Can I see you in my office? Ten minutes."
You nod brainlessly.
Your desk buddy doesn't wait long after he's left to investigate.
"What did you do?" they ask from across the short partition.
"I really don't know," you say, though you have your suspicions.
"Were you reading on your computer again? I told you, read under the desk like a normal person."
"No, I learned my lesson with that one when Agent Morgan started reciting Pride and Prejudice from over my shoulder."
You check your face in a compact before you report to Agent Hotchner's office. Your heart beats in your throat as you knock his open door.
"Come in," he says without looking up.
You take a cautious step.
He finishes off quickly and lifts his chin. His eyes are dark in the early morning light, his hair in mild disarray from the wind and drizzle.
"Come in," he says again.
You wish there was a word that could describe his voice accurately. He talks in the peaceable kind of cadence that comes with hushed tones without truly being hushed.
"Sir…" You bite the bullet. "If this is about the macadamia cookies, I promise I'll replace them. I didn't actually eat any of them. They kind of fell out of the cabinet and exploded, it was a freak accident."
He holds up his hand. "Thank you. For the handkerchiefs. They were unnecessary."
He says 'unnecessary' with a smile.
"Actually, sir, I think they were entirely necessary." You just disagreed with your boss. "Sir. I couldn't return the first, I ruined it and I- I didn't think you'd want it even if I got it dry cleaned."
He raises his eyebrows. "It was unnecessary," he repeats, the word drawn out carefully. "But, I appreciate the gesture. Thank you."
Two thank you's. You stop while you're ahead. "You're more than welcome, Agent Hotchner, sir."
You share an amicable glance and turn to leave.
"L/N?"
You stutter to a halt. "Sir?"
"Hotch is fine."
You try not to swallow your own tongue. "Hotch," you say, and then worry that's something people only do in movies.
A few days later, your humming along to your earphones and wading through the chaos of the bullpen feeling pretty happy. The office has been busy but not in the scary, suffocating way, and you're happy to be here. The BAU can be hard (and that's as someone who isn't on the front line). Times like this are cherished.
You pause a foot from your desk, eyes creasing into a suspicious squint.
There's a small box on your desk.
"What is that?" you ask your desk buddy.
"What?" they ask.
"That. There's a thing on my desk."
"Nothing to do with me."
"Think I should call the bomb squad?"
"I'm sure you'll be alright. Maybe read the note before you raise the alarm."
"There's a note?" you mumble, caution swiftly overrun by a burning curiosity.
You'd be sincerely worried about a bomb, only this is the FBI. If a bomb got this far into the building half the people in it would lose their jobs. You kick your bag under the desk and drop your ipod onto the desk, tinny music blaring from your earphones.
"What are you?" you ask under your breath.
The box is wrapped in crepe paper and a yellow sticky note has been attached to the top.
Rest assured, made without lead.
That only confuses you more. You're hesitance has your desk mate sitting up in their chair. "Wait," they say, peering over the glass partition, "should I raise the alarm?"
You slide a trim fingernail under a neat stripe of tape. "No, I think we're good," you mumble.
And lo and behold, a mug is homed inside. A Peanuts mug no less; the mug has been printed with a Peanuts comic panel. Charlie Brown lays on the floor in a straight plank, and standing overy him is his friend Linus, who says, "I have been asked to tell you that your cries of anguish are keeping the whole neighbourhood awake!"
You laugh loud and instinctively, shrill enough to attract the attention of half the office. Slapping a hand over your mouth, you slouch down as low as possible in your desk chair. Heat pools in your cheeks.
"What is it?" your desk mate asks.
"A present."
And hence your new favourite mug is brought into life. You write your name on the bottom with black sharpie and continue to deny all knowledge of the first, which you retire to the drawer of your desk.
For a while your nosebleeds go away. You know exactly who left the mug on your desk, and you remember the joke he'd made. Maybe Hotch had been on to something, and you'd inadvertently poisoned yourself.
You smile practically every time you see your new mug, and you're unsurprised when others appreciate its humour.
You're not sure how to explain it to an eight year old, though.
You're slumped over, nose to the desk and hand working diligently across your notes. Having a crush on your boss makes doing your work easier because you're constantly trying to impress him — an impossible task, but trying all the same. Your earphones bump a soft love song, something sweet to cut through the unhappy details of the case file you're working on.
"What are you listening to?" a small voice asks.
You drag your gaze up slowly and find Jack Hotchner standing beside your desk. You've seen him in person a few times, and once as Hotch's phone wallpaper, but he grows so much between visits you almost don't recognise him.
"I'm sorry," you say, pulling your earphone out, "what did you say?"
"What song are you listening to?" he asks, hands creeping up over the lip of your desk.
You sit up and smile at him. You can't say he looks like Hotch, though maybe you can see it in his tiny grin, that hint of cheekiness. "I'm listening to a song called At Last. It's a love song. Do you… want to listen?" you offer quietly.
He nods.
You push your chair away from your desk and turn down the ipod's volume so it doesn't damage his hearing. "Here," you say, offering one of your earbuds. "Don't push it in, okay? I don't want it to hurt your ears."
Jack takes the proffered earbud but doesn't seem super interested. "Do you have The Beatles?" he asks.
"The Beatles! Is that what you and your dad listen to?"
He nods, pleased, and you nod yourself, flicking through your songs in search of what he wants.
"I have Here Comes the Sun. Do you like that one?"
He beams. "Yes! Me and dad sing that one in the car."
That's a really nice image, Hotch and Jack belting happy lyrics together in the busy mornings. It's also odd. Hotch singing isn't an image you can say you've ever thought of before.
"I love this one," you tell him, letting your elbows dig into your thighs so the two of you are eye level with one another.
"Me too."
You share the earbuds, Jack combing your desk for something interesting no doubt. You cover a case detail that involves some gory images and almost knock over your mug in your haste.
"What does that say?" he asks, pointing.
Jack looks between you and the mug for answers.
You lick your lips. "Uh, do you want me to read it to you?"
He thinks about it. "Can I try?"
"Of course you can."
You clear a path for the mug and place it in front of him.
"I have been asked to tell you," he begins confidently, "that your cries of an-" He frowns. "Anguish are keeping the whole ne… I don't know that."
"I'm sure you do, it just looks weird. Neighbourhood."
"Neighbourhood," he repeats. "Keeping the whole neighbourhood awake." He huffs a boyish, gentle laugh that makes your heart spin.
"Good job, buddy."
He melts under your praise. He's a cute kid, and his hair shines golden under the office lighting. It flops to one side as he tilts his head. "What's 'anguish'?"
"Anguish. Uhm, it's like sadness."
"Oh." He takes this in. "Do you have Let It Be?"
You eventually give up your chair and let Jack sit with your ipod in his lap, playing through all The Beatles songs that you have. Nobody seems to be watching you and Hotch has yet to come out of his office and tell you off for supplying his son with technology, so you work around him, leaning over the back of the chair to fill in what's missing from your reports.
Jack leans back in his chair, his adorable singing coming to a stop. "Do you have movies on the computer?"
Yes, but should my boss' son know that? "It's for work," you say regretfully.
"Not even FernGully?"
"I'm sorry."
He shakes his head. "It's okay, it's not your fault."
"Do you like to draw? I don't have many colours, but we can play a game."
He smiles for a moment, then hesitation crawls over his features. "Dad says not to disturb anyone."
"I'm on my lunch break," you assure him. You hadn't been, but you don't mind taking it now. "Are you hungry? I have oranges."
You and Jack end up sitting under your desk. You really don't mean to end up like that; you sit on your knees because your back has started to ache and Jack wants to sit with you. You can't say no to him. (You could, you just don't want to.)
"What did she say after that?" you ask, fingers digging into two orange segments to pull them apart. You shave off all of the strands of white pith before you pass it to Jack, who says thank you every time.
"She said to ask Stacy who said to ask Morgan P who said to ask Joan. And Joan said she didn't wanna know, but then she changed her mind after I told her abd she said to ask Cooper."
"What did Cooper say?"
"Cooper says he doesn't think he knows where it is."
You nod, chewing your own orange slice slovenly. "Well, what did your dad say?"
"I haven't told dad."
You lift your head from the paper where Jack has drawn an impressive house with five windows. "You haven't told your dad?"
"He worries about everything."
"That's his job, Jack. He has to worry about you."
"He worries about everybody."
"Some people do." You clean another orange slice for him, and he says thank you again. "You're welcome… Jack, I really think you should tell you dad. It sounds like somebody might have taken your pencil case on purpose. And even if he can't find out who did, he can get you some new pencils for school."
"I told mom but she hasn't done anything yet."
Your stomach hurts.
"Well," you murmur, picking up the green pen, "I'm sure she's trying her best, baby. Can I help colour in these trees?"
You and Jack fall into a companionable silence, his head bobbing to You Make My Dreams (Come True) the cutest thing you've ever seen. You're not sure how long you sit there, but all good things must come to an end, and your half hour for lunch draws to a close.
"Hey, Jack?" you say, straightening where you kneel and preparing to stand. "I have some stuff I have to do but you're welcome to stay there."
Unfortunately, you don't manage to grab his attention. Double unfortunately, somebody else does.
"Morgan, where's Jack?"
You peek past your desk chair. A little ways away, Hotch stands looking sick to his stomach, and Agent Morgan looks lost.
"I didn't have him?"
"I asked him to sit with you," Hotch says miserably, throwing his gaze over the office. "Jack?"
Jack hears that loud and clear. Something in his dad's tone must spark some urgency, as he stands in a rush and trips on his own shoelace, smacking the top of his head into your nose.
You gasp.
"Ouch," Jack moans.
Blinking, you shake off your disorientation. "Oh no, are you okay? Here, sweetheart, stand up," you encourage gently, "I'm so sorry, have I hurt your head?"
Jack's gaze to the floor, he rubs the top of his head with a clumsy hand. "It's okay, Miss Agent, it wasn't you and-" He stares at you.
"What?" you ask.
"Dad!" he shouts, backing away from you. "Daddy!"
Jack runs out of your little alcove and straight into his father's legs, almost bowling him over. Hotch drops two relieved hands down to his small shoulders. "What?" he asks, startled, "What happened?"
Your nose stings, admittedly, but you've felt worse. It's a light throbbing that distracts you entirely from the blood racing down your lips until you taste it.
Shit, you think, crawling out from under the desk with one hand, the other clamped over your bleeding nose. Your movement draws Hotch's attention, which in turn gathers at least a quarter of the office's.
"I didn't mean to," Jack says shrilly.
"It's okay. It wasn't your fault," you say stuffily, clambering onto shaky legs.
You turn your head away from the collective gaze of the office and start toward the kitchen and hear at least three different people say, "Wait!"
You ignore them, using your elbow to help tear off a paper towel from the roll and pushing it without finesse against your face. You squirm under the weight of tens of eyes, more embarrassed than anything else, worse when a warm hand turns you by the shoulder.
"He really didn't mean to," you say, looking up into Hotch's concerned face.
"I know."
"Is he okay?”
"He's not the one with a nosebleed," Hotch says, neither kind nor unkind.
"I honestly didn't even feel it."
His fingers curl around your wrist, a slow tightening. "That doesn't surprise me, Y/N."
You bite your tongue to stop from laughing. “He bumped his head into me."
"Mm. Just a red mark. It won't even bruise."
You deflate in relief. "Oh, good."
Hotch's hands have found their way onto yours. He pulls one from your nose, gaze hardening at the strong river of blood that makes its way into the dip of your cupid's bow.
"I'm sorry, sir."
He shakes his head and gathers another wad of tissue paper, a light blue that quickly turns to a wine dark when he presses it to your face. Your heart hammers at his proximity, a thousand and one nerves aflame.
He's close but not too close, nothing anyone could mistake for something else, and still it feels like a strangely intimate moment. His careful touches. He directs your hand to hold a fresh paper towel to the stream of blood and discards the bloody tissue. You watch him push up his sleeves carefully and give his hands a quick rinse in the sink before he dampens another paper towel.
It's cool against your neck.
"I think your shirt is ruined," he says, dabbing at a line of dried blood.
You shiver at the feeling of cold water dripping under your starched collar.
"Does it hurt?" he asks, moving up to your jaw.
You don't know how to admit it to him. No, it doesn't hurt. Your hands are really warm, and you're touching me so gently I can barely feel it.
"A little."
"Well, Jack is very sorry."
"He doesn't have to be. He tripped, he…" You fade off as Hotch lays his hand across your cheek, thumb lifting your head slightly so he can clean your chin.
"How are you faring?" he asks.
You pull your tissue away and wait for the tell-tale heat of continued blood flow. You're ashamed to admit it but you're almost glad it hasn't stopped, Hotch's hand warm and large and impossibly comforting. Nosebleeds don't stress you out, exactly, but it's not fun to be covered in your own blood at work where everyone can see you. It's nice to have somebody wiping it away.
"I think I'll live," you say.
—
Jack sends you an apology card.
It's hand delivered. Hotch is coming up to the BAU main floor as you're heading out. Like a rock dividing a river, his teammates stream from the elevator around you and Hotch remains inside.
"I'll catch up," he promises.
Agent JJ raises her eyebrows. Agent Morgan chuckles.
You draw in on yourself self-consciously. You don't dress as nicely when he isn't here, and today you're rivalling Dr. Reid for most lovable dork in a pair of brown pants and a big sweater. Teetering the line between professional and unprofessional.
"Sir," you greet, stepping into the elevator.
He presses the ground floor button. "I have something for you."
Your eyebrows jump up high. Hotch unzips the main zipper of his duffle back and threads between clothes and papers for a smaller envelope.
"It's for you."
You accept, careful not to tear the thin sheet of folded paper as you pull it free. You're thrilled to see a drawing of Charlie Brown on the front, crudely drawn but clearly him with his head-wrapped in bandages. His puppy Snoopy sits beside him with something in his hands. You're not sure what.
The inside is even sweeter.
To Y/N
I am sorry if I made your nose angwished. Please feel better soon
Love, Jack Hotchner.
"Oh, I love it," you say, rubbing your thumb over a heart drawn in red crayon. "He's really something else, Hotch. He's brilliant, and so smart. I mean, anguished."
He laughs and it twists your chest in five different directions. "He is."
"It wasn't his fault though. If my nose weren't so sensitive it really wouldn't have bled at all, I didn't bruise. How is he? Did his head feel better?"
The doors open. You hesitate, waiting for his reply.
"Children are made of harder stuff than we are," he says.
You step backwards out of the elevator. "I felt so bad. I don't suppose he'll want to come and sit with me again."
"Actually," Hotch says, stepping out of the elevator just as the doors close again, "he thinks you're, uh, in his own words, the 'coolest friend' I've ever had."
"Friend," you repeat with a smile.
You've focused on the wrong word, and you worry an awkward silence will ensue, but Hotch steps up to the plate and says, "Yeah. He wouldn't stop telling me about all the cool songs you have on your ipod."
"Purely for non-working hours."
"Right." His smile says that he's seen straight through you.
You're thinking maybe he likes what he sees.
"This is really amazing," you reaffirm, pressing Jack's card to your chest.
"He felt guilty."
"He doesn't have to. Please, tell him I said thank you. And that he's amazing. And that my nose was being dramatic." You smile softly. "He can sit with me whenever he likes."
"Maybe at the desk, next time, rather than under it."
"Yes, sir."
You nod at him and he nods back, and you take it as a dismissal, turning on your heel. You've barely walked a metre when he's speaking up.
"Y/N?"
You look at him from over your shoulder. "Yeah?"
"Are you hungry?"
You bite your cheek in a hurry to answer, “Yeah. I’m starving.”
Your heart is basically a ticking time bomb in your chest as you and Hotch make your way into the heart of the city. He's a fast walker with long legs and you rush to keep up. That’s totally why you’re breathless. Not because he makes you nervous.
Hotch is a really surprising guy, though maybe he isn’t surprising at all, you’re simply unversed in how he is outside of work. He talks more and his voice grows louder the further into the city you go, more expressive.
You’re no profiler, but you’d bet money on Aaron Hotchner being nervous.
Good thing you’re nervous, too.
“It’s not far now. You like Thai?” he asks.
“Yeah, of course. Have you ever had Tom Yum?”
“With shrimp?”
“Exactly.”
“I think I’ve tried it. I lived off of pad Thai when I was a prosecutor,” he says, head tilting back very slightly. His Adam’s apple works under the skin.
He looks back down, a sheepishness to his voice as he continues, “A lot of late nights.”
“More than now?” you ask skeptically.
His laugh is low and warm. “No. The firm was much closer to the city than the bureau. It’s a long walk.”
“It is,” you say, taking a small step closer to his side to share a secret smile, “but it hasn’t felt that way tonight.”
You try to keep it light. You don’t want to scare him off.
“No,” he agrees. “It hasn’t.”
You duck into a fragrant Thai restaurant and order fast, the two of you knee to knee in the very corner. A potted plant threatens to blind him every time he moves, and so he endeavours to stay very still.
The food's a little on the spicy side, and while you're laughing you can't find it in you to feel embarrassed about your runny nose.
"You didn't like Seinfeld?" you ask, and how you got here's a mystery, but Hotch is extremely passionate about it in the best way.
"No, of course not. How could you? George was always worrying about something, he was the definition of a self-fulfilling prophecy and he never learned!" he debates, all in a rush, chopsticks moving in emphasis.
You snort and wipe your nose again. "It was like a relief, though, that it was happening to him and not to you, you know? You might be having a bad day but George Costanza's having a worse one."
"Oh, honey," he says.
It takes you a second to realise that he's talking to you.
"What?" you ask, perplexed.
Hotch stands up though there's no space for it, chopsticks ditched and hand pushed into the recesses of his pocket swiftly. He pulls out a small packet of tissues, and he lifts his chin, a jut. You lift your own, and he's quick to press the tissue to your nose.
"It's bleeding?" you ask, startled.
"Just a little."
"Sorry."
"No, no," he says, bent down, a comforting hand around your shoulder, "don't be. It gives me an excuse."
"To do what?"
"To be this close."
Your smile is a slow, molasses thick thing. You can't get a handle on it, and Hotch's answering one is worse. He looks so happy to be here with you, to be wiping your bloody nose.
It's only a small nose bleed. Hotch pulls the tissue away once or twice to check, wiping at it tenderly and giving you a comforting squeeze each time. The silence feels natural as breathing.
"There," he says eventually, pulling the bloodied tissue away with a smile. "All done."
"Thank you, Hotch."
"I'd think you'd better start calling me Aaron, considering."
"Considering what?"
His hand climbs from your shoulder to the column of your throat. He doesn't make you wait any longer, leaning down with a sure, brave deliberateness. He presses his lips to yours.
A sweet kiss but too short — barely two seconds and he's taking a half-step away, your lips tingling in want.
You go to stand and he pushes you down into your seat, not unkindly. "I'm gonna go see if I can get some hot water for you," he says, placating your gutted look with a kiss to your cheek.
He wipes it thoughtlessly with the pad of his thumb before he goes.
You're genuinely surprised your nose doesn't start bleeding again at the look he gives you as he turns the corner toward the restaurant's kitchen. Protective, knowing. Your heart races in your chest.
You probe at your face, elated. Your sensitive nose is good for something after all.
—
The first time you sleepover with Aaron is an accident. You don't "mess around," as you'd crooned over the phone, joking but with enough salaciousness to make him smile. The gas and hot water had stopped working in your apartment, and though the landlord had promised they'd fix it the very next morning, Aaron couldn't stand to think about you cold and alone when you could easily be warm and with him.
So here you are.
"Are you sure this is okay?" you whisper, peering over his shoulder at Jack.
His son stands in the living room in his pyjamas.
"It's okay," he says, "I asked him, and you know he's obsessed with you. His one condition is that you watch FernGully."
"FernGully," you say, enthused.
"You'll like it."
You actually really do. Showered and dressed in your own pyjamas, a little shy but not too much to stop from laying against his side on the sofa. He's got one arm around you and one around Jack but he might as well be invisible, the two of you talking in murmurs across his chest.
"And that's-"
"Pips," Jack supplies helpfully.
"Pips," you say, hand spread over Aaron's chest.
If he didn't know better he'd think this was a slice of heaven.
"So many people," you whisper in Aaron's ear.
"More in the second one."
"There's two?"
After the movies finished — "It was better than you said, Jack," — and dinner’s been eaten and cleared away, Aaron takes Jack to bed.
"Do you want a story?" Aaron asks, flitting around the room in a half-hearted attempt to square away the mess.
"No."
"You sure?"
Jack's eyes are heavy, and they have been since dinner. "Yes," he mumbles, face turned into his pillow, hands lax on top of his blanket.
Aaron smiles and makes his way to Jack's side. He kisses his son's cheek, and strokes the soft hair from his face. He smells like strawberry toothpaste and kids shampoo.
You're sitting on the end of the bed when he gets to you, face damp with skincare and shining in the light. Aaron kisses you without touching it, worried he'll mess it up.
“He’s wiped. All the excitement,” he says.
“Excitement- From me?” you ask.
“From you.” He puts his hands carefully either side of your neck.
You haven’t been dating very long, and still he knows how easy it is to fluster you. And while he loves to see it, see you giddy and shy, blinking at nothing like there’s a light shining in your eyes. He’d once pressed his thumb with the very faintest of pressure into your windpipe while kissing you, and you hadn’t been able to look him in the eye for three days.
He loves that, but he’d prefer if you slept facing him. He wants to see what you look like asleep, as odd as it sounds, he assumes you’ll be beautiful. He wouldn’t be surprised if you were more.
“Aaron,” you whisper.
“What?”
“Want me to massage your bad shoulder?”
He wonders, as he thinks is more than allowed, if that’s a seduction trick, but you genuinely just give him a massage, as you have a couple of times in his office after noticing how sore it gets now the weather’s cold.
You rub into the problem spot carefully, sighing with sympathy. “Oh, baby,” you say, more to yourself than him.
He fucking loves the way you say it. Aaron’s never been called baby like that — like it’s his name, and it’s sweet to say. Your tired yawns warm the back of his neck as you go. He doesn’t think he’s getting lucky tonight, and he doesn’t care one bit. He feels pretty lucky just having you near.
He gets you under the covers before you can fall asleep against his back and makes sure you know how grateful he is for the massage with two kisses. The first is a genuine thank you and the second is to make you laugh, nipping and playful under your jaw.
Aaron falls asleep thinking about it.
He wakes to something much less idyllic.
It’s that strange feeling. Being a dad has honed it, but he’s always had it. It’s one of the things that makes him so good at his job, a prickling at the back of his neck. At first he can’t pin it down.
Your waist rises under his hand with your breathing. He remembers that you’re there and smiles contentedly, hand sliding behind your back to pull you in. You’d fallen asleep on your back, and you’ve turned toward him in your sleep.
The metallic stick of blood is sudden and sharp in his nose. He knows what it is before he opens his eyes. The room is dark, lit only by the red light of his alarm clock on the nightstand. His eyes ache with fatigue, and he knows in his gut that it’s too early to get up.
Blood pools under your nose. Not a lot, nothing to panic over, but blood all the same. He sits up, quickly turns on his bedside lamp, and rouses you as gently as he can, a hand slid under your shoulders to drag you up.
You blink blearily. “What?” you ask, voice scratchy.
“Nosebleed,” he informs, pinching your nose before blood can slink down your neck and ruin your pyjama shirt.
You wince and he hates the way you flinch away from his touch, your clouded confusion. It’s only a second but it doesn’t sit right with him.
“Sorry, honey.”
You catch hold of his bicep and blink some more.
“You okay to pinch it yourself? I’ll go grab some tissue paper.”
You nod robotically and replace his light pinching with your own, much less kind. He rushes to grab a roll of toilet paper from the bathroom, and when he returns you've pulled yourself into an alert sitting position, awaiting his return.
He tears you off a wad of paper. “Here, honey.”
“I think it’s stopped.”
“Yeah? Let me grab you a towel.”
Back to the bathroom. When he returns for the second time you’re holding his given toilet paper against your face. He’s alarmed to find your eyes glassy with tears, shimmering in the bedroom light.
“What’s wrong?” he asks softly, sitting across from you.
He’d been right about sleepy you. You look lovely, a little funny with your rumpled pyjamas, and now quite sad because of your tears. “Honey,” he says again, pulling your hand from your face so he can assess the damage, “you’re okay. Is it hurting?”
You’ve told him before the nosebleeds are painless, but maybe they’re a symptom of something, maybe you’re sick—
“I ruined your pillow,” you mutter.
Ah. That’s much better than your being sick. He can work with that easily.
“You didn’t ruin anything.”
He takes your chin between his thumb and his forefinger to lift your head. The blood has stopped already; your nosebleeds are often a whirlwind, over by the time you’ve started panicking.
“I’m sorry.”
He drops your bloodied tissue into his lap and brings the dampened towel to your face. He’s cautious. Your nose gets irritated and any roughness could disrupt the blood clot or agitate the anterior blood vessels inside.
“You think I’m mad over a pillow?”
“No, of course not.”
You sound stuffy. It’s adorable. Adorable and sad. He rubs the hill of your chin in a show of affection.
“Then why?”
“Sorry, I think I’m just tired. I- I was trying to make tonight perfect because,” — a small tear bumps down your cheek — “it’s our first night together even if it was accidental.”
He dabs at your upper lip and the wet blood there with a smile growing. “It was perfect. It is perfect. You getting a nosebleed on a seven dollar pillow doesn’t change that.” His hand moves to your cheek, squashing your baby tear. “You know I love any opportunity to touch you… Now, do you want a glass of water?”
You close your eyes and lean your face heavily into his palm. “Can I have one of those kisses from earlier?”
“Can you keep your blood inside your body?” he asks with a smile, rubbing your cheek with his thumb.
“Depends how hard you bite me.”
He’s very, very gentle.
—
+1
Aaron breaks his nose. You are not supposed to know that he breaks his nose, only he breaks it so bad that he has to go to the hospital to get it set, and he decides he’d like you there.
Technically, somebody else broke his nose. The details aren’t important. What matters is that Aaron makes a rookie mistake and he has to deal with the consequences, which is a biting, aching pain behind his eyes and a trip to the ER. He does not let them take him in an ambulance, and it really isn’t urgent. He sits in a waiting room chair with a stiff back and it doesn’t take long before you’re striding inside looking terrified.
“Hey, baby,” he says, testing it out. He doesn’t really like it.
“What did they give you?” you ask, bending at the waist to take his face into your kind hands.
“Vicodin when I got here.”
“Lucky you.” You turn his face in your hands.
“You look beautiful,” he says.
“I wish I could say the same, but somebody messed you up bad.”
He laughs and takes your face into his hands, the two of you smiling way too much for the situation that you’re in. “I was so worried,” you say with a little laugh.
He kisses you soundly. It hurts, but it’s worth it.
They call his name not long after and a nurse takes you both into a grey examination room. The doctor is a short, stern woman who has to use a stool to reach Aaron’s face, and she sets his nose with a swiftness that even he manages to recognise for the brutality that it is in his drug haze.
You hold his hand. He has to try very hard not to crush your fingers.
It starts bleeding immediately.
Aaron meets your gaze over the doctor's head, eyes wide and in similar fashion as your own, and he knows it’s an adverse reaction to shocking pain but he starts giggling. Aaron Hotchner doesn’t giggle, really. He laughs, and sometimes when he’s with Jack that laugh can get super loose and high, but this is a bona fide giggle.
You try to gasp in shock but you’re laughing too. “Aaron,” you reproach.
He holds his breath as the doctor presses gauze to his face.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” he says.
You snicker behind your hand. The doctor presses gauze to his face and rolls her eyes. She likely does not get paid enough.
“You’re still handsome,” you say giddily.
“Oh, well that's good.”
There’s a small silence rife with tension, and when it breaks it bursts like a dam. You laugh so hard you end up clinging to his arm, chest pressed to his bicep. He strokes the back of your head with a wobbly hand, wondering how miserable he’d be if you weren’t here with him right now.
“What happened to keeping all your blood inside your body, Hotchner?” you ask, delighted.
He beams at you dopily. “I’ve never been any good at that.”
You kiss his forehead. The doctor is furious.
༺༻
#it’s been so long since I glanced in this fandom#I used to be so into this show#but Jesus Christ#this is enough to drag me right back in#I’m SOFT#brb watching criminal minds
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can’t talk about it
[ID: Black and white comic of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. The comic starts with the sounds "thud, thud, click". Vash, mid-action of peeling an apple, turns to the sound, noticing who it was that entered, and says, "Oh, Wolfwood, you're back." He resumes back to his apple in the next panel as he speaks, "Where'd you go? You snuck out of bed quickly this morning..." Wolfwood's hand then enters the panel, hovering over Vash's cheek and Vash looks up as Wolfwood asks, "Can I?" Vash responds, "Not going to talk about it?" while using a hand to gently hold Wolfwood's hovering hand and presses a kiss to his inner palm.
Vash then gets up fully, setting down the knife down on the table and the apple onto a plate, He leans into Wolfwood as Wolfwood explains, "Had to meet someone. Nothing interesting to talk about." Vash kisses Wolfwood's left cheek and a hand moves to cup his other cheek while muttering, "You're being vague." Wolfwood says neutrally, "If yer really that curious, keep askin'. We can talk about that instead of doing this." Vash leans back and responds, "Let's talk after, since... You look so tired."
The panel pans to a close up of Wolfwood's downcast eyes, bags heavy underneath his eyes. He doesn't allow Vash to sit in that moment for long though, then saying, "Yer not helping, Spikey. Being all slow with it... I could fall asleep right now." He moves his hand to start unclasping Vash's coat, starting from his collar. Vash with red cheeks, responds briskly, "Oh, shut up. I'm worried about you. I can't be worried?"
The final shot shows Wolfwood's back to the viewer while Vash's softened expression can be seen as he holds gently onto the side of Wolfwood's face and a hand firm on his waist. Wolfwood responds, "I'm fine, seriously," pausing for a moment before continuing, "Is it okay to still..?" Vash responds, "Yeah, it's okay."
The next image is a shot from later that night after the previous comic. Vash and Wolfwood are now in bed, half naked. Wolfwood's buries his face into Vash's chest, his arms wrapped around him, while Vash is petting at his hair. Vash reminds him, "Hey. You said we'd talk about it." Wolfwood pauses for a moment before piping up, "In the morning? I'm sleepy." Vash says, "Okay..."
The next two pages start from the morning after. Wolfwood is already fully awake, pulling on his outer jacket as he says to Vash, whos' still bundled in his blankets, "Breakfast is on the table. Make sure to eat it. I'm going to grab some things in town and then we're leavin'. Got it?" Vash says, "Mh." Wolfwood responds, "Good. See ya in a bit." The dialogue starts to shift into Vash's inner thoughts now, as he gets up and eats toast, thinking, "Wait. Weren't we supposed to... talk about it?" The next shot then shows him fully up, meeting Wolfwood in town. He carries a half worried expression with him while Wolfwood slides on his glasses for him. A quick panel shows Wolfwood's tired expression from the night before and quickly juxtaposes with Wolfwood in front of him who's smiling gently, the shades covering his eye bags. Wolfwood asks him, "Still not awake yet?" Vash pauses, his thoughts stirring, thinking, "Oh. I guess I was getting ahead of myself... thinking you owe me that kind of honesty." He smiles at Wolfwood and responds, "I'm awake!" His thoughts continue, "Maybe one day, you'd trust me enough to share your burdens."
The final image shows Wolfwood pulling at Vash's cheek and Vash complains, "Owwwww why..." Wolfwood quickly says, "You were thinking something stupid, right? It's all over yer face." Vash mutters, "Nooo, I wasn't..." END ID]
#vashwood#trigun#trigun maximum#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#Theyre both thoroughly exhausted tired individuals -- vash having to fight this lonely battle for over a hundred years and getting dragged#back into inevitable situation with knives after a 2 years hiatus of being a gunslinger. they both need so much Rest and comfort in this#department... .SIGHS. BUT I JUST THINK ABOUT WOLFWOOD . AND HOW... LITTLE He has existed on no man's land. how majority of his years being#alive is being used as a weapon and to kill when him at his very core is the most giving and selfless individual ever#badlands rumble inspired me a bit but i do think wolfwood gets dragged into occasional tasks from the eye of michael while on his duty of#guiding vash -- or i think that one chapter where we got to see other members of eom -- there's like a clear division within the eom too#i think.... so i figured similarly to vash but not to the same amount -- there are people that look for wolfwood too. but most of the time#it's probably wolfwood that has to look for someone else and take them out. i feel like it happens ever so occasionally.#evidentially these two don't talk enough canonically but they always know how to express things properly to affirm that they're okay#they have the worst time ever sharing burdens - can't willingly burden the other and has neeever asked for help or reprieve in their#desperate situations... vw is a huge case of right person wrong time syndrome so they just. in the time they get to spend together -- even#if romantically - they don't have enough time to heal to get over that kind of hurdle. They've just never asked for help in all the years#they've been alive -- they don't even know how to and its just aughhhsgskg#and well! they don't even need to ask! because they'll be there for each other anyway at the end of the day -- company and presence alone.#ruporas art
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Lilia said this line as a dialogue so its not from him, I personally think since the flashback of his magic only covered the three fairies' escape from the Silver Owls, I think this sentence and wish is originally said by Princess Leia😭😭😭
GODDD what if thats her wish to Silver, because Leia had to see Knight of Dawn being sad and solemn often (so she knows how his auroral eyes can be clouded with sorrow) because of his circumstance in the Silver Owls so she doesnt want Silver to grow up in a place where he feels depressed... 😭😭😭
#twst#twisted wonderland#disney twisted wonderland#twistedwonderland#disney twst#twst princess leia#lilia vanrouge#twst lilia vanrouge#twst knight of dawn#twst silver#silver vanrouge#sharing this realization to the class after searching through book 7#this book haunts me guys careful reading through book 7 its like a maze when i think i had enough hcs and theories out of him#it just drags me right back on it lmaoo#I NEED MORE DAWN AND LEIA CONTENT AUGHHH WHY DID WE GET HENRIC INSTEAD OF HER!!!!
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realizing i have. a lot of untapped trauma potential for clone^2 danny because i just Fully Processed Four Months Late the fact that his parents were capturing and torturing ghosts in the basement before he became Phantom. and the fact that he was on house rest for 2 weeks. during that time period. and he wasn't really leaving the house. he could hear their screaming through the floorboards
*points at clone danny* i can give you suuuuuuch a bad time babe ahaha. i've got two untouched years before you meet damian what fucks you up before then
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#clone^2#danny fenton is a clone#like i dont even need to traumatize you worse the pure explorative options from this aLONE is enough to feed me for a week.#like. tucks hair behind ear let me shatter you into glass pieces then glue you back together babe. i can put you back together so good.#i'm missing a few shards because some parts of you broke into such small pieces i couldn't pick them back up again so you'll be missing a#few chunks of yourself that you'll never get back but that's okay. you'll still be a resemblance of your old self :]#don't let anakin (me) listen to late night sad songs he makes angst.#hhh imagine being stuck in a house for two weeks where you can hear your parents torturing ghosts in the basement and not only that but#you're the only person who can undERSTAND the ghosts. how many times did he see his parents drag in a ghost with whatever capturing device#they made recently? iirc the thermos was like. brand new in episode one right? but gOD the trauma this alone would cause#nobody touch me im cooking rn i need to think about how this would impact danny. like obvs it would fuel into a developing obsession to#keep his parents away from ghosts and to help the dead but what *else.* i need to refine my becoming phantom ficlet i wrote back in winter#raaa#and like even after two weeks they were *still capturing ghosts* danny just wasn't in the house 24/7 at the time.#*but those two fucking weeks man*#i need to sleep on this first before i make any major moves bc i know im tired but i am having thOUGHTs
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RealAgeAU drabble - Moving
Hello I am back and I got another idea for this little silly au that I have @spotaus to thank for for the original idea :3 Though I think this may be officially becoming one of my AUs hahahaha
First part Prev Part Next part
Also yes. I know it would work better to number these uploads but also i am not writing these in any set order so it will become miserable for all of us if i number them because either they will be out of order or I will have to rework all the names and I am already editing links I don't need that extra energy in my life.
ANYWAY! :D
Next part! The one I lovingly clal in my head - The one where the gang finds a more permanent temporary home. (also yes. Before this they all speed-run the whole Parental bonding and emotional bonding to the idea of having a babybones. Which honestly can and probably will make four different drabbles)
-------
Horror stares at the door and wonders once again how he got to this point.
Well, no. That is a lie. He knows exactly how he got to his point.
He glances over his shoulder where the other four at hiding off to the side. Out of view from the doorway but still visable for Horror if he looks just right. Seems like Dust won the discussion, again, and is holding Nightmare, again.
Horror wants to say it is surprising how quickly they all just... accepted the situation they got into but he really isn't. Monsters are weird like that. Forced adoption is not that wild all things considered when you are talking about beings made of magic and emotions.
Horror stares at the door and raises his hand before knocking twice.
He really hadn't wanted to do this but they have no other choice. As he waits he can't help but think back to what made them decide this.
Cross walks from side to side "That was way to close! That was the third time we came across the Stars with Nightmare out. Third!"
Killer nods from where he is sitting wiht the sleeping Nightmare in his lap "Yeah no kidding. It is annoying as shit that they are hunting us."
Dust shrugs "Not surprising. Nightmare 'disappeared' after all. We are their only lead."
Killer grins "We were lucky Cross managed to lie his way out of the last one." and he shoots Cross a wink.
Cross sputters "I panicked!"
Killer grins and winks "Sure sure daddy crossy."
Horror holds up his hands between his two... co-parents "This is not the time. We need to figure out where we can go." and he thinks things over.
Cross sighs "I don't get how they keep finding us!"
Dust huffs as he packs their bags "We go to too little universes. Makes it easy for Ink and Dream to pick us out because they recognise us personally."
Killer frowns "Meaning. we need a big universe?" he taps his chin "But also mostly positive as we still don't know how obvious Nightmare would be otherwise."
Cross frowns "I think it will be fine. He can't feel the balance anymore right? And no one seems to have a reaction to him like they had before nor how people have a reaction to Dream's aura thing. Maybe with the corruption gone he really is just... ex-guardian now?"
Killer groans "I hope so. I am not a fan of child labor."
That is when it hits him. Horror sits up "I think I know a place."
All of them turn to him and he immediantly regrets saying anything. See? This is why he normally tries to limit what he says.
Either way. Here they are now and Horror prays this works. Please. They need one thing to work in their favor.
The door opens and a gasp "Horror! It has been ages! It is great to see you. How have you been?" Crop smiles at him.
Horror steels his nerves. Come on. Too much hangs on this moment "Hey Crop. Nice to see you. I am... okay. How are you?"
Crop frowns at him instantly "You sure? You don't sound okay. Trouble at home?"
Horror chuckles "Kinda? Not exactly. Euh... Can't go back to that place now?"
Crop frowns "Why? Need a place to stay? I got a spare room."
Okay yes! this is going great! just... gotta make sure he knows.
Horror nods "I do need a room. Not just for me though..." Crop starts to frown and Horror raises his hands "Just temporarily!"
Crop frowns "Did... something go wrong?"
Horror pauses and thinks this through once more. He trusts Crop. Crop has never been anything but kind even when Horror had been an ass. Even when he had to once drag Dust here to get healing before they could make the jump back home.
Horror looks to the side and he sees the others just beyond the treeline, hidden in shadows and waiting. Crop takes a look as well but he can't quite spot them. Crop looks back up at him.
Horror takes a deep breath "You need... to promise me, no not just promise you need to swear. That what you are about to learn will not leave this universe."
Crop frowns as he immediantly looks uncomfortable. It is the reaction a promise gets from most of them. But Crop also shoots him a considering look before he nods. He holds out a hand "I swear and promise I will not share the about to be giving information. UNLESS! It endangers anyone." and he waits.
Horror stares at the hand and thinks. That... That is fine right? That should be fine. Nightmare being a child doesn't endanger anyone. Only them and Nightmare. Horror nods and shakes the hand.
Crop nods and steps aside "Come inside. I bet you will be more comfortable explaining there." he glances at the forest "Do your... friends? Want to come in too?" a guess clearly. probably on multiple fronts.
Horror shakes his skull "Not yet. Need to know your answer and reaction first." He turns to the forest and makes a signal to wait a bit longer. He sees a thumbs up shot his way back. Probably Killer. He never bothered with the signals they had learned together.
Crop nods as he steps aside and Horror walks in, having to duck slightly for the door. The door closes behind him and Horror sees the small living room with fireplace.
Crop leads him to the kitchen "Lets talk there. I will get some tea."
A few minutes later they are both seated and with a cup of tea. Crop looks at him expectingly.
Horror takes a deep breath and takes out their most valuable resourch. The Dreamtale book. And places it on the table. Crop frowns at it before looking at Horror.
Horror nods to it "It will help explain... Very long story short... Nightmare was never an adult. He was a child with a magical shield of some type. That magic has ran out."
Crop stares at him for a moment, then he pulls the book closer and starts reading it. He pauses at the title before opening it.
And now he waits.
---------
Crop sits wiht his skull in his hands. Horror just sits across from him, with his empty cup of tea. Crop's own cup has grown cold a long time ago. Horror just waits for anymore questions but Crop hasn't said anyhting in the last ten minutes.
Horror looks back at the book and sees that Crop has turned the pages back to the one with the drawing of Nightmare's head being cracked open. The image makes a very clear show on how small Nightmare was compared to the ones attacking him.
Horror still thinks the book doesn't do it justice. Nightmare is much smaller in person than the picture makes him seem. The cracks had been much worse than the picture showed. But it is the closest they got.
Crop finally sighs and speaks. He doesn't look away from the picture "I don't... Know a lot about this whole... multiverse stuff. It isn't my place at all. And that is fine." he pauses for a moment "But this... You are telling me... That the one being that had everyone afraid. That everyone saw as a demon. Is a child... is this child?"
Horror nods before he explains more "Nightmare... gained a lot of magic and powers when he ate those apples. At least that is what the story implied. We haven't managed to get him to tell us yet, mostly because well... he is six again." Crops pulls a face as well, yeah. Horror agrees. A PTSD filled six year old is not easy. But they are managing.
Horror nods "so... What Cross nad Dust think what happened is that... The magic and negativity of the apples bond itself to Nightmare. Which game him the magic and powers he would use. The connection to the balance because the apples were part of the balance. and more importantly, an adult form and mind to fit all the magic. There was just no way all that magic and energy would have fit a babybones. Especially one that hadn't shown much magic beforehand." an assumption on their end as Nightmare was never said to use magic in the book.
"We think... We think that this magic of the apples just. ran out. We had been in battle at the time and Nightmare had been hit but it shouldn't have had that much of an effect. it was the same type of attack he had been hit by before. Dust thinks it was just the last bit of magic that the apples had having run out. Meaning that with the magic and energy so went the form." all a theory of course. But it is the only thing they have.
Crop nods as he clearly thinks "And as he was suddenly an adult. instead of just being afraid and scared. all that pain and emotions took a more violent turn. As he was an adult and was suddenly able to realise that it was unfair which made him angry..." Crop pauses.
Crop glares back at the table and shakes his skull "It is... It is a whole story about victim blaming. A victim is blamed for the abuse they suffered. They are made to believe they deserve it and should be abused. Then as soon as they fight back and defend themselves they are seen as guilty." Crop takes adeep breath as he leans back "What I don't get... Why come here? I can't help with any of this."
Horror shakes his skull "This isn't about any of the big stuff. We don't even care about it. We just... Nightmare is himself again. His real self." he taps the page lightly "Not his aged-up self that the corruption enabled him to be."
Crop stares before his face changes to shock "You are trying to hide him." Then a frown "Why not go to your own home? Has it been compromised?"
Horror snorts "At this point? probably." a confused look and Horror continues "Nightmare used his magic to shield off an universe and make a castle." he shrugs at the glance "Nightmare likes to read. I imagine he liked to read back then too. He may have been an adult technically but he was still a child at soul. Child him wanted a home and wanted that to be a castle and adult him made it happen... probably... that is Killer's theory at the moment."
Crop laughs and nods "Suonds reasonable- oh... and with his magic disappearing."
Horror sighs "When I left his universe the castle had already been decaying..."
Crop frowns "Left? The five of you you mean?"
Horror looks to the side and feels the shame return "We.... we did not react well... when we saw the changes at first... we... we obviously dind't know what was going on and well." he looks down "We abandoned him. I know it was wrong and stupid and we all regret it. We came back but we still did it." shame.
shame shame shame shame shame shame shame-
A hand on his shoulder. Horror glances up and Crop smiles at him "It is okay. You are trying to fix it now right? obviously. Not cool that you abandoned a child... but it can be nerve wrecking. Suddenly going from a position where a person is mostly guiding you, to going to a position where you suddenly are responsible over that same person."
Horror looks to the side "We still left." he can't believe they just left!
Crop nods "But you returned." he grins "And you are trying to fix it."
Horror nods again "We are..." he chuckles "Not that we have been doing a good job at it. Jumping from place to place."
Crop hums "So you are looking to settle, at least for a little bit, while also hidding. Why this universe?"
Horror nods "Yeah..." He looks to the side "We... we don't know how everyone will react. To him being like this. Maybe they will react well. Maybe not. We don't want to risk it. Risk him."
Crop stares at him for a long time and nods "There must be better places?"
Horror shakes his skull "The Stars kept finding us. Dust figured out we needed a big universe that leans towards positive. Yours is one of those. It is one of the wider and bigger ones. And overall leaning towards positive."
Crop frowns "It can't be the best one..."
Horror shrugs but continues "True... there are bigger and more positive ones. But those are busy. Many people. many places. Yours is quieter. more empty. Gives peace and room to work from."
Crop frowns as he taps his chin. He thinks deeply before sighing "You guys got any type of backstory we can use? The multiverse thing isn't a known thing here and the only reason my brother and I know is because you crash landed here."
Horror blinks "You will let us stay?"
Crop nods "Sure." and he grins "Can't kick out four parents with a babybones." and he gets up.
Horrro shakes his skull "That isn't... Well I mean technically." He knows that Killer has come close to killing quite a few people with how protective he has grown over Nightmare and that isn't even including the motherhenning of Cross nor the clinginess that Dust has.
Crop chuckles as he nods towards the stairs "The attic is messy and should be cleaned but can be used by you four, well five. There is an old bed and an old lounge chair up there." more thoughtful "How big is he exactly? we will need some clothes. Probably also get a healer to check him if he is developing okay after all those magical shenanigans."
Horror stares for a moment before smiling "Thank you... I know it is a lot."
Crop shrugs as he opens the linnen closet "Horror. Taking care of milking all the cows on your own is a lot. Having to fix your roof in the middle of a thunderstorm is a lot." He straightens his spine with blankets in his arms "Helping a friend and his friends who have somehow aqcuired a babybones, while strange, does not compare to either of those. Now get your friends out of those woods. They will make the animals nervous." he grins "I am excited to be one of the first ones to meet the real Nightmare."
Horror smiles as he packs his book and goes towards the door. "Thanks again Crop."
Crop waves it off as he moves the piles upstairs.
-------
Boom! and they are staying in FarmTale for now! Horror and Crop are homies and Dust is more of an acquaintance of Crop but it works. Aged-up Nightmare knew that Horror had an universe he liked to visit but never demanded details. *shrugs* Nightmare didn't see the point. as long as horror wasn't going to betray him what did it matter he didn't tell him?
Surprise Nightmare, this is your temporary home now. For a bit. or maybe longer? They are still figuring it out.
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#RealAgeAU#UTMV#fanfiction#drabble#nightmare sans#Deaged Nightmare Sans#Horror Sans#Dust Sans#Killer Sans#Cross Sans#Farm Sans#Look most of them aren't in it for long but they had to be included okay?! They are mentioned! It counts!#We are back with me writing stuff to indulge myself again#hihi i am having fun#The guys are all very attached to their immortal toddler.#does six year old equal a toddler?#okay one google search later and turns out it doesn't.#doesn't matter immortal toddler sounds funnier#What else.#Yeah right Horror 100% once crash landed in FarmTale and had to wait for his teleport crystal to recharge before he could leave#He made friends.#and once Dust got dragged along for the ride because the idiot got too hurt to teleport them and Horror's crystal didn't have enough charge#so they made a stop there#Dust was very confused to wake up in a random farmhouse#This is also why Dust hasn't just teleported away with Nightmare#because technically this isn't a strange universe and he kinda knows these people#so relatively okay#Killer and Cross however are not yet chill about this#But yeah they are rooming with Crop for a bit :D#Okay rambling over time to fix my links
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♠️♣️ Play your card ♥️♦️
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel husk#husk#was origionally going to base it of the king of hearts card but#then I was like a joker is more fitting#and then I was like nah he’s not a joker he’s a looser#my poor pathetic meow meow#I am grabbing him by the scruff of his neck and DRAGGING him#I have embedded so many headcanons in this like one of my friends said I could sell it at my stall in the summer#but it is so personalised to me I don’t think anyone would want it#right down to the different whiskers#and I said it on Instagram and I will say it again but chunky husk is peak male performance#this guy only drinks alcohol and only eats the shortest of foods#and you know he doesn’t exercise who are you kidding#it was oh so gracious of me to not give him a hunch back because we all know his old bones and fucked ahahaha#anyway enjoy#if this gets enough attention I’ll make a matching angle dust one but idk I’m happy with just leaving it as this guy#hazbin husk
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Actually I'm ok with the fact that I didn't get to go to NYCC for Alex's panel because, having reviewed the footage, I think if I was there in person I would have simply actually passed away
#the fucking instinctual Bill Cipher laugh he did without even initially thinking about it had me screaming lmfao#also him teasing that Bill and Ax's lore is deep enough to need to be kept secret I almost dropped my damn phone#and the fact that we lost two whole pages of info about Bill's dimension im SCREECHIGN#***and*** him teasing that he might be exploring those two things in later gravity falls content if he gets the chance?????#I have Ascended. I am no longer on this plane of existence. Bill Cipher has physically dragged my soul out of my body.#back to the laugh - I think it was fucking hilarious that no one else seemed to catch it (or at least no one really reacted)#and how he then talked about it afterward because he caught it himself and he was like#“if you're recording this rewind to that after this is over and listen and you'll hear it”#meanwhile the moment i fucking heard it my ears perk up like a damn cat and im like “IS THE TRIANGLE GUY IN THE ROOM WITH US RIGHT NOW-”
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maybe it's to maintain a sense of tension & turmoil that would eventually reach an explosive peak, a sense of tug-of-war, a back-and-forth to hammer home the ideals they want to deliver and for the viewers to chew on, but although these arguments regarding hiroshi & his stance as a man torn between his loyalty for his country & the loyalty for his Filipino friends and lover is of course important, how they write these scenes & the points they present from this week alone is getting too repetitive...? literally the argument scenes from last night & tonight between adelina & hiroshi is basically the same; the ideas were the same, the dynamics were the same: the aggressive, radical adelina, bristling rage and fear over the injustices she's seen thus far, and the cautious, inspiriting hiroshi, all hopefulness and reassurance one moment as a lover, defensiveness and sternness as a japanese soldier in another. this debate will be ever-present ofc, it is one of the series' biggest conflicts, but it is unfortunately so easy to tell when it is a.) being pulled up as a main topic to move the plot along / be a necessary conflict for character development/introspection / be the conflict to deliver the morals & messages the writers want to send to their viewers, or b.) when it is being pulled up only for the drama and filler to pass the time. like watching the characters sit down to argue for 10 minutes, do other things for the plot for 2 minutes, then sit down again to argue for the next 20 minutes. lol.
#lots of things i wish they would soon improve but this 1 bothered me tonight..stopped watching halfway thru#these scenes would be like excellent breaks for when we need to take a breather to digest what's been going on#but at the slow pace they've set it it's just...nothing's been going on since like...4 days ago#except for eduardo's plot#it's just arguments..everywhere....all the time....over the same repetitive things#no progress nothing new to chew on despite there being drastic changes to their situation...? same vibes from the time they weren't occupie#yet lol. same dynamics mostly#only new points of debate is regarding hiroshi & his country vs friends conflict#& carmela being desperate to go back to comfort & luxury vs her family standing as firm as they could against the occupation#ahhh i am sooo not eloquent enough to express my full thoughts but like!!! fellow viewers if y'all r here u understand me right lmfoskadhsg#finding it hard to criticize bc i'm trying to make sense of where they r coming from#a.) seeing as unlike mcai this is a complete original story it's hard to see what direction they'd like to take it to#b.) fil shows really find it hard to break away from their normal formulas of family dramas & bastard children & love triangles :'))))#god the opportunity to tell a refreshing diff story but this is like gma show 67627627th but set in the japanese era....then mixed with 50%#of the mcai show feel#the editing the visuals the acting = good. 60% of the story line = can be compared to the hundreds of gma shows we've seen be4#anywy going off on a tangent...#c.) i can understand the slow pacing as them trying to establish the settings & the feel of that era so that the more intense tragedies-#later on would hit harder#but again. few scenes feel like they're dragging on for too long. some scenes & themes r too repetitive#need to see something differenttt something fresh something developing. something moving & feeling & connecting w/the audience#need to see more of the Philippines & the Filipino people in the 40s!! not the same afternoon prime drama shot in intramuros#need to see their messages staring into our souls instead of just being words uttered in tears#all this to say....flop era this week tbh sorry#EXCEPT FOR MAX COLLINS & HER LIKE. 3 MINS SCREEN TIME. MAX COLLINS I LOVE U QUEEN#rambles#pulang araw#putting this in the main tag i KNOW some ppl out there would feel the same & can explain this better lol i swear????
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thinking about mtt literally physically dragging eachother down and being restrained to eachother because theyre genuinely that fucking ass for eachother but then it means i'd have to decide which of them to humiliate by putting a collar on them. and i can't choose. if they dont all equally suffer than whats the point man 🙁🙁🙁
#i think they'd all have interesting reactions to it 2#like a permanent collar that cant be taken off. to make even more gruesome what if it were like built into the BONE????#or it could just be something less extreme like bone carvings. killer would absolutely do that shit#anyways i think horror would be the most reactive to it. anger is the most intriguing emotion#and also dog horror real. anyways he'd hate to be demeaned and disrespected like that. he has an ego and honor man and this is cutting it#dust drags him around constantly. killer pets him and disregards his boundaries. like a fucking DOG#because horror hates kist enough that he'd never let them get vulnerable enough. not that it stops killer LMAO#dust thinks some of horrors hatred towards them is a projection of his own self hatred (and hed lowkey be right)#loser. dust i think would be unique because to me he'd be a bit fine with it#i mean i think itd be hidden under paps scarf so it wouldn't be a constant reminder of horror n killer#but he lets the two hold the leash at least a bit. give him an eensy bit of touch and let a few insults slide#but the second he decides that even the smallest thing is enough he gets ticked off and then yk. someone has to put bunny back in his place#because dust is chill enough to let normal things in his eyes pass. he's not very reactionary or the type to immediately bite back#(since dust would just avoid horror and killer if he did meet them. means he has some sort of tolerance for them. keeping his peace fr)#but the moment hes reminded that god these two do suck and i shouldn't be letting this happen all of the held back anger comes out#killer would seek out the force and stuff. horror would treat him like shit because it makes himself feel good and killer look like an idio#dust doesn't even glance at him though and it pisses killer off. both of their actions do actually#like WTF DUST you guys literally put this on me. treat me like the piece of shit i know you think i am#but also STOP HORROR!!!! dont pull me around and demean me im not a pet i dont want to be treated that way even tho i say it do#yeah hes caught in a standstill. AND SO AM I do you see my issue. cannot pick one specific#all the trio would have such interesting reactions i cant just choose one to solely suffer......... anyways mttpoly am i right#should i tag this. like majority of the interesting stuff is in tags. but also i didnt post today i have a duty#dust sans#killer sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#tricule rant#this just ended up being me thinking about mtt with collars. maaan what about handcuffs and chains and other restrictive things#having them have restraining relationship isnt enough i need them to PHYSICALLY RESTRAIN EACHOTHER
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Ahhhh second first date! Second first date! Of course i need to know how it goes!!
"And the server was definitely super jealous of me."
Thena laughed again. That was all she'd been doing since they left the house, she was quite sure. Since Gil 'picked her up', that was to say.
It was very sweet. He had showed up at her guest room door, dressed up and with a charming smile, even making an attempt to look nervous. He asked if she was ready, offered his arm; he was the perfect gentleman for their first date.
Her second chance.
Of course she had to know more about their first-first date. And Gil was happy to elucidate her once she insisted enough that telling her that much would not cause her brain to catch fire (as the doctor seemed to have implied in some way).
"But it was a nice dinner, then I walked you back to where you were staying at the end of the beach," he recounted, his eyes completely starry. "I had never gotten to actually have a romantic walk on the beach, before. Total bucket list stuff."
"It sounds lovely," she remarked mildly, without much choice with no memory of it for herself.
"The moon was out and everything, and it looked really pretty with your hair and your white dress, and the shawl thing-y you had on over it." Gil gestured vaguely to simulate the flowing garment she had worn over her bare shoulders. It certainly painted a picture, and she was quite sure she knew what he was referring to, having glimpsed a long white shawl in their closet.
She tried not to laugh too hard, mindful of the gentle atmosphere of the bakery. The tables were really just for people waiting for orders. They didn't have a fancy coffee machine, or an official barista. But Gil did bring out cups of real, boiled hot cocoa from the back--a secret only for their own, of course. They were waiting on their fresh baked pastries to come out and cool.
"I was so distracted by you that I didn't even realise when we were back at your doorstep," he sighed, but his comedic tone faded. He looked at her more softly, leaning his cheek against his hand. "I told you flat out that I was having such a good time I wished you were staying further away."
Thena attempted to laugh into her mug, this time.
"You laughed at it then, too." He sounded more wistful now. "But I told you I was serious and asked if I could see you again. I don't know why you were so surprised."
Probably because she had never been one to be asked out by someone like him. Men, sure, but not very sweet, very funny, very honest gentlemen like Gil. Just...men. She wasn't approachable enough for someone as sweet and charming as Gil.
She still thought that, to a degree.
"But you agreed, and I asked if I could kiss you too," he at least smiled at this part of the story, although his longing for the past remained. "You said I didn't have to ask, which wasn't a yes, but I guessed I was supposed to read between the lines."
Again, the Thena in the story and Thena herself in the present were different people. But she felt her stomach clench faintly at the idea.
"I did kiss you," Gil sighed, returning to his lighter, more jovial tone. "And it totally blew my mind. I mean if I wasn't in love with you already, that would'a done it."
"Gil," she admonished lightly, partly laughing and partly sheepish at the description of this passionate kiss she couldn't remember at all.
"What?" he chuckled before taking a sip of his own hot chocolate. "You wanted to know. And that date changed the rest of my life, sweetheart."
She liked it when he called her that. She nodded, looking down at her mug. "I suppose I did. It's a nice story."
"Yeah," Gil concluded, although his sigh felt a little heavier.
She still didn't have any memories of her own to contribute. But she attempted to jump over that wave of guilt, trying to put a smile back on his handsome face. "What was our second date like?"
He clearly knew what she was trying to do, but he kept quiet about it at least. He pulled himself up in his seat and started his next story. "Well, we were still on vacation. I asked a little more about you, and you at least told me you were an artist, and you were there on leave because you found teaching wasn't really your thing."
Thena winced faintly. She was sure that was an understatement. She did have memories of teaching before moving to their current residence, and none of them made her glad to have them instead of memories of Gil.
"I told you that I had been a boxer in college, and that I was just working some boring office job and also wanted," he paused to shrug and make a face, "a change of scenery."
They were both in the midst of becoming different people when they met. How fascinating, Thena mused. Although she was quite sure Gil had always been sweet and charming and funny. Just a feeling.
"It was actually you, on that date, who asked what I liked to do for fun," he admitted much more quietly. He looked down at the table, picking at a chip in the lacquer. "I told you I liked baking and you said I could try working part time in it, just to see if I liked it enough to make it my job."
"It sounds like something I would suggest," she agreed. It was hard to imagine the man she knew now doing anything else, really. Although it was almost funny to imagine him stuffing those muscles of his into a regular office suit.
"I said I'd give it a try," he chuckled, reaching for her hand. She gave it reflexively, sense memory knowing Gil much better than her own mind. He kissed her knuckle. "And now I have the best job in the world."
She smiled down at their adjoined hands as well, feeling as if the weight of the world were on top of them. "The date, Gil?"
"Right, right," he chuckled, allowing her to move the story away from the more emotional of the topics. "Well, you suggested that, and I asked about your art some more. And since the restaurant looked kind of full, and I didn't think that was your scene, I asked if you wanted to walk along the boardwalk a little first."
"We walked by a bakery there, and you asked me what everything was, since I was 'the expert' and all."
That also sounded like something she would say; Thena attempted not to roll her eyes at herself.
"I pointed out the regular stuff," he shrugged and even looked at the pastry cases in front of them in the moment. "Croissants, cupcakes, they had some tarts. You asked about one in particular."
Thena tilted her head as he paused, but she leaned back as he did, having been so sucked into the story that she didn't even notice Ajak coming over with two small plates.
"Thanks," Gil smiled at the petite woman, obviously familiar with her.
"Thank you," Thena added, keeping her eyes on the woman who only smiled and waved in response. Ajak knew her, Thena was aware, but Gil had been determined that they could meet formally when Thena felt more ready to reintroduce those parts of their life to herself.
"This is called a petit four, just a small cake," he chuckled, turning his own plate so she could admire the little dessert from all sides. "It's pretty old school, but you asked me about it when I pointed it out to you. I bought one so you could sample it, even though you told me not to."
Thena eyed the little dessert. It seemed to be vanilla, small and glazed completely white. There was something on the top of it.
"I add just a little sea salt to mine. Call it a secret ingredient."
It was just a hint of salt, but it sank into the sweetness immediately. Just like on that day five years ago, she had tasted the saltiness of the ocean air around them as she took a bite. She could remember the wind on her skin, and how warm Gil's hand was in contrast. The smell of the little shop and the breeze around them, and Gil's cologne wafting gently over to her.
Thena whipped her head up at him. He blinked at her sudden movement but didn't say anything. He was trying to read the expression on her face.
She didn't have any other memories of it. Just that one moment had jumped out at her as she had tasted that same taste--perhaps an improvement upon it. She could remember Gil's smile as she had told him that she liked it.
"You promised."
"Hm?"
She blinked, trying not to cry over a silly little cake. "You promised you would make me one sometime. I told you I expected it to be better, since you were indeed, 'the expert'."
Gil teared up immediately. Of course he did, the gentle hearted giant. "Y-You-"
She looked down at her cake again, the pressure immediately mounting. "It's just that one moment. I can't remember past that. But-"
Thena startled as he launched from his seat across the tiny cafe table from her. He caught her lips at a funny angle, but they both tasted like chocolate and vanilla and sea salt. Her eyes fluttered.
"Sorry," he chuckled, offering a sheepish grin as he seated himself, ignoring the worried glances of other bakery patrons. "Couldn't help myself."
"Hm," she pursed her lips faintly, and he returned to his cake, unable to keep himself from staring at her. She dabbed at her lips, resisting the urge to fan herself. She still had her coat on, but it felt far too hot now in their little corner by the window. "Whatever happened to asking?"
"You told me I didn't have to ask."
#Thenamesh Vow AU#thank you so much sweetheart!#I love this au so I'm very happy to write more believe me#so in the movie she actually never regains any memories at all#which I did find interesting#but I think Thena and Gil have been through enough#taste really can unlock a deluge of memories and sensations#and now that they've made this progress#Gil is gonna be obsessed with making her stuff they've had together#Thena tells him not to get too ahead of himself#she's worried about disappointing him if she doesn't remember more#but he's just so overcome with happiness#people in the bakery look at him like dude calm down#and he's like#sorry can't a man kiss his WIFE in a moment of passion?#Thena drags him back into his seat because he's embarrassing her#Ajak is just behind the counter like ah young love#Now Gil wants to repeat all their dates#in a sense of the word#They literally get home and have brunch right after this but still#Thena texts Kari like wow had a wonderful first date#Makkari: WITH WHO#Thena: my husband obviously
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WHAT LEONA DONT SAY THAT OMG THIS IS MAKING ME SO SAD
#ALL the effort u did just to quit like bro leona#sweetheart please#don’t drag the others dreams in the dirt omg frfr#I feel like he’s just a tad bit scared bc like it seems rn no matter what he does he can’t be good enough for himself#or for others maybe ish#and this hatred for this malleus guy#It’s like he finally found this place where he can be someone people looked up to and be a leader to them only to be knocked right back dow#by malleus the next year and that basically reminded him he will forever be a walking second place#bros#fat huge tears#AND THEN RUGGIE#UR A HYENIA THAT GREW UP IN A DUMP AHUG#AUAG#YES I SPELLED HYENA WRONG LEAVE ME ALONE IM CRYING
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need 2 isolate myself and unfriend everyone #asap
#this guy who is still my friend i guess annoys me and ive been avoiding him and he confronted me and cried yesterday and i felt bad but more#ab the situation than our friendship because he puts himself into places without friends by being judgy and rude and wondering why ppl dont#wanna stick around him idk. i guess we're still cool but he clings onto me and its really annoying bc i want him to stop but i dont want to#be rude and hes just getting on my nerves and ik its bad to be like annoyed w ur friends but i literally just .our energies dont match and#its so exhausting to be near him so i need to do the right thing and tell him the truth and let him decide if he wants to cling on more or#not but i already did that tbh yesterday like. i told him i genuinely dont have the energy to match his and he asked 'when can we go back to#being normal' ?? i just said i felt better and comfortable being more alone and off than w him cant he stop. do i need to break his heart#hes really intelligent and hes able to tell these signs so idk why hes so hellbent on being stuck on me when ive literally said he tires me#cant he leave me alone. i already feel bad enough for feeling this way but last yr i didnt get to have any other friends irl bc he would#just cling on and drag or follow me and i barely had time to spend with anyone else and im stuck in a club i dont care for now bc he kept#pushing. like two or three of then actually idk why he cant just understand i dont want this nor any codependency w him anymore when ivebeen#like telling him already#sorry i have tutoring soon but im exhausted and feel horrible but whatever ill be fine etc i just need him to stop#on a brighter note. idk. im going to disney soon#post#vent#to delete#my lover please come home . only person i can admit my feelings directly to !. not on a vague tumblr post lmfao#/nbh btw obv bc why would i post it if it was#i need to play genshin kaedehara kazuha save me please give me a big fat kiss now
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random but is anyone else into yosurise but in a doomed kind of way. like kind of one sided. like a yosuke is into rise in a puppydog kind of way and rise keeps trying to find a relationship but can’t and finally decides to give yosuke a try because at least he’s a friend and she knows he won’t try to take advantage of her being an idol etc. And yosuke is ECSTATIC and wants to give her the world but in an unsustainable kind of way, a desperate “i don’t deserve her but she’s giving me a chance and i need to do anything i can to keep her happy” kind of way. And rise is so flattered and like yosuke is nice but she can’t match that dedication, no one can or should, but it’s all so one sided and she feels so guilty about that but she doesn’t want to break his heart or be “mean”. all while yosuke is becoming almost self destructive by trying to give her “what she deserves” but it’s an unhealthy level of dedication and it’s honestly hurting both of them
#rambles#p4#not tagging this w the ship lol#before anyone even tries anything neither of them are ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ in this scenario#just a case of two people who aren’t compatible w each other making a relationship unhealthy#like yosuke lacking in self confidence and thinking he isn’t good enough#and rise trying to be into yosuke as much as he’s into her but you can’t force that!#and also it can be soooo uncomfortable when someone is way more into you than you are into them#in this scenario she doesn’t break up w him bc I mean he’s being so nice. so she’s wondering what’s ‘wrong’ w her#that she doesn’t feel the same way back and can’t force herself to develop those feelings…#btw bc i hate myself this would probably come after rise can’t get over souji no matter what she does or who else she tries to date#she’s a pretty girl so I imagine she would just keep encountering douchebags#and so she decides to give it a try w yosuke bc he’s seen the Real her and still likes her right??#meanwhile because it’s me ofc it’s because souji has feelings for yosuke but can’t bear the thought of ruining their friendship#and so instead he sits off to the side watching his friends drag each other down in a relationship that’s bad for both of them#THIS IS SO MUCH SORRY ITS SLOW AT WORK
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miss thang still had some hay left this morning from last night due to being picky and as this is not allowed according to the powers that be i left her for a few more minutes to see if she would eat it. then as i was walking by she did a little hungry chuckle at me and i looked to see if she had eaten the hay and in fact she had peed directly on top of it as she had now figured out if it's pissed on she doesn't have to eat it. and it worked here she is with her diabolically obtained breakfast
#i'm laughing it felt so calculated like girl i KNOW you dont have the frontal lobe capacity for this type of behavior it was so funny#not the first time shes done this the other day she dragged the hay she didn't want to the back of the stall to pee on it#but this time it was right there next to the water bucket. she hasnt been getting the net since shes not finishing the hay without it#but i brought it back to try and stop her from doing that. this is hilarious i love horses#we have six? different types of hay and shes picky about literally all of them it's really extra. she wont even eat the nice timothy#she usually eats the orchard grass but will still leave the stems until she gets hungry enough. like girl idk what to tell you#i personally wouldn't really mind throwing out some of the rejected stuff like in the pictured hay theres a lot of weeds etc and i feel like#its reasonable for them to not eat that but my friend feels rather strongly about not wasting it. whatever#me#horses
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i will admit i did watch that video of that guy butchering that alligator and every time he made a comment about how fatty the tail was i was like. taking notes.
#the way the tail looked when he broke it down was FASCINATING to me. the way the muscles were grouped.#idk what 🐟s looks like in there i dont think theres a realistic analogue for it but i do think its about 70% muscle tissue?#maybe more? or less when theyre eating consistently#i think they mostly stay really scrawny no matter how much they eat but when they eat better their 🐟 traits get more exaggerated.#takes a lot of energy to make new stuff#so i think it would accelerate a lot when they first leave oz and everyone is eating a Lot just because they can.#their fins would probably get bigger too#and i do think itd slow down again as they got used to consistently having enough to eat but i do think theyre just gonna keep getting More#for the rest of their life. i think at some point theyre gonna start getting 'fins' like. webbing style between their fingers and#maybe between their arms and chest. and i think their back fin is one of the main things that gets noticably a lot bigger really fast#have i mentioned before that i think give them another 20ish years and itll be so cumbersome to be on land that theyre just gonna have#to retire basically#i think about them settling on a river or lake or coast somewhere and just getting to be mermaid boyfriend#i do think theyd still drag themself up onto land especially to hang out with hog but they wouldnt go very far#theyre kind of a lazy shit anyways i think theyd be pretty content to do little tasks around the house and take sunnaps#i like imagining like a little house right on the water just stilts. so they can just pull themself right up without having to walk far#because i imagine itd be a total pain. heavy tail thats probably longer than they are tall...#but do like thinking abt them taking naps on a little dock while hog fishes. sighs.
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ah, he's finally getting to slut it up the way the gods (me) intended.
good for him. good for him.
#squirrel plays bg3#oc: petyr wildbrook#there should be an achievement for getting your back blown out by different characters on two consecutive nights#because uh#well uh#that happened#shadowheart's scene is really really adorable and i loved it#and man halsin's scene Hits Different if you intend to keep going with it#but either way#the boy Just Got Fucked (Twice)! yay for him!#and it's not even slightly awkward that his girlfriend and boyfriend have tents right across from each other#“I'll want details” she says....#i hope she's ready for them#maybe a demonstration tomorrow night is in order#meanwhile Gale dejectedly drags his tent over to Lae'zel's#“can i please bunk with you. this is the only spot far enough from Them for me to not have to hear the constant fucking”#yknow not with those words but. that's the sentiment
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