#maybe more? or less when theyre eating consistently

[termagax]

i will admit i did watch that video of that guy butchering that alligator and every time he made a comment about how fatty the tail was i was like. taking notes.

[is-this-yuri]

have you been doomscrolling? feeling awful about it? do you feel out of control? does it seem your autonomy has been swallowed by the ever present beast that is the internet?

we live in the most overwhelmingly stimulating age of humanity ever seen, and it's only getting worse. our brains are sponges, soaking up whatever we smear them across, and it seems more and more difficult to find a clean surface to rest on. i'm no expert or professional, but ive been born and raised into the internet, and i'd like to hand out some wisdom regarding this.

the main issue: brain poison

since the brain absorbs whatever it's exposed to, media consumption is unsurprisingly going to effect it. the type of media, the amount of media, and the frequency of the media all play a factor.

it's not the internet itself that's bad here. it's the media on the internet, and the platforms designed to suck in our attention and keep it there until we're rotting inside our skulls.

we're never going to escape the internet. it's just a fact of life now, and a tool that can be used for wonderful things. so how do we learn to live with the internet and take advantage of its potential?

treat it like a dietary balance

staying aware of what goes in your brain is just as important as being aware of what you're eating. if you eat carelessly, don't listen to how your body feels after you eat certain things, and ignore any sickness that might result from rotten food, you're going to have a bad time and wreck your guts. the same goes for the brain.

you want to have a good mix of various types of media in the right amounts, or approximately so. if things are feeling bland, maybe diversify. if things are feeling stupid, try something more intellectual. if it's feeling too much, cut back on all of it

the following are three things you can do to maintain a sense of control and awareness over your media diet. this isnt a step by step and is in no particular order, theyre just ideas to carry forward in general any time it could be helpful.

1. digest

this is the process of thinking about and remembering what youve done throughout your time on the internet. it could apply to any period of time. so you might think, 'man, i've done nothing but watch tiktok all day.' or 'i've been scrolling twitter a lot more this past week.'

i feel like most people already do this to some extent, but it manifests as a fleeting sense of anxiety or shame that doesn't lead anywhere. analyze that feeling, and ask if it's really true or helpful.

ask if your media consumption is making you feel less focused, distracted, putting you into a brain fog, making you fall asleep when you don't want to, making you irritable and angry, drawing you into arguments, keeping you awake at night, or upsetting/disrupting you in any way.

digestion also means appreciating the good stuff and recognizing the good feelings you get too. so also ask if it's enriching you, helping you learn something new, giving you a new perspective, exposing you to something beautiful, passing the time, relaxing you, honing your focus, or generally lifting your mood.

2. cut

cut certain types of content from your life once you've decided they're not good for your media diet. block people. move on. tell youtube to stop reccomending that channel. block them. unfollow people. unfollow tags. block the tags. blacklist things. do it. forget the awful things that make your brain hurty. click the block button. uninstall the app. you know you want to

consider removing yourself entirely from websites that are designed to be attention predators. if you consistently feel like youre 'stuck' on a site and cant leave, it's probably best to just delete your account and get out of there. tiktok is NOTORIOUS for this.

i also tend to keep my following or subscribed count low. keeping the stream of content short forces me to find other things to do with my time. this goes hand in hand with things like turning off infinite scroll. it provides an 'end point' where the repetitive action of scrolling down stops bearing fruit, breaking the doomscrolling cycle. the internet is almost an infinite place, and its up to you to build walls around yourself so you arent lost in it forever.

its also important to get off the internet in general sometimes. i know this is obvious, but literally touch grass on occasion. doing anything with your physical body away from the screen will be more enriching than sitting there scrolling for hours. whether it's just a 5 minute walk around your house to stretch your legs or a 6 hour hike every weekend, part of cutting media will mean replacing it with real life. looking at some plants, doing a pushup, or working on a knitting project can be like rinsing your brain sponge under some cold, clean water.

3. curate

the flip side of cutting is curating. you'll want to be looking for media that makes you happy and feels productive or meaningful in some way. anything that not only doesnt make you feel like you wasted your time, but specifically makes you feel like you spent your time well, is a green flag.

keep in mind entertainment just for entertainment's sake is good for you too. you don't have to be watching university lectures and tutorials and stuff all day. finding high quality entertainment, such as personalities you enjoy, good production values, and inventive ideas can be really difficult. find the people who dont make you feel like a cocomelon baby and stick with them. from there you should be able to find similar content.

what's good for your soul is going to depend very much on you as an individual. this is also going to be an ongoing process as not only you but the internet both change and evolve. the important thing about this step is that you Make Decisions about what to consume. even bad decisions! it's all part of the process, and it's all about reclaiming your autonomy.

4. eat your junk food

this isn't a military drill or an exact science. i'm just a guy on tumblr with an intimate connection to his own brain and a LOT of time on the internet. that's my only credential. sometimes i want to turn that brain off and just mindlessly consume without putting any thought into what dirty dishwater is soaking into my sponge. sometimes adhd brain wants me to watch a shitty B movie in recap form so i dont have to commit to a full movie. sometimes i get stuck in the youtube shorts for like 3 hours.

that's fine. the most important part of any kind of self care is that a little bit is better than nothing. even just being aware that youre consuming something bad for you and knowing you arent ready to stop just yet is better than nothing.

thats it!!

now you should be prepared to take back some control over your media consumption. be gentle with yourself and take your time. eventually this stuff will become second nature, and you'll be effortlessly digesting, curating, and cutting media like it's just part of your personality. remember YOU have control over what the internet thinks you want to see. dont let it force feed you nasty slop anymore. let it be a reflection of your mind, not the other way around.

and good luck!

[krunchylegs]

rambles

im actually gonna go insane bc why is it that every time i make my lunch for college its literally always above 600 cals??? like atm i think its just bc ive added rice to the meal which that alone is like 300cals, and then everything else just adds to it 😓 but i dont want to pack a lunch thats way too obviously a restrictive lunch. i think i just need to look at more restrictive mealspo, bc i literally have no idea what to do.

also is it just me or is eating in public genuinely the most uncomfortable feeling ever??? especially if youre eating with someone and theyre eating less than you. idk it just makes me feel so fat when that happens

also ive changed my calorie intake rules bc im feeling like i might end up going into a restrict 'binge' cycle so my daily intake limit is now 1000cals per day which ik isnt the biggest restriction ever but for me i need a little bit of leeway to actually be consistent and it makes me less tempted to swallow the entire pantry. but i have to get my 12k steps in, which burns just under 300cal for me, so hopefully that makes up for it a little bit. im also going to make saturday my fasting day every week or at the least every other week bc i have to eat a sunday dinner with my family (which is how ill break my fast every weekend) but through monday to friday i have to be seen eating in front of ppl so food doesnt even get brought up bc well im seen eating??

and bc i dont want to isolate myself anymore and breaks and lunch is the only proper times to socialize 😭 idk why it makes me so anxious though, i keep feeling like im being judged for my food or that i have too much and shouldnt be eating allat.. im hoping i see more ppl bring in lunch boxes bc maybe then i wont feel as weird pulling one out and using it

[gorewh0re90x-blog]

diary entries...

TW: substances, ed, TMI situations

1/7/2024

6pm

im so tired. i havent been this tired since i quit doing dope 7 months ago. i still miss her almost everyday. my one true love. she was with me through everything the last 12 years. our relationship was toxic as hell but she will always be the one who got away. even if (when) i relapse and run back to her it will always end. it might end in death or just another rehab but it will always end. thats the thing with her, no matter how many times i run back i always have to leave, even if its for a little bit. theres no way around it. i start doing good in life and i run back to her warm and beautiful arms. the beginning is always the best, the honeymoon phase, but it doesnt last longer than 6 months. she always asks for more and more. more time, more money, more attention, more destruction. we lay in bed all day and all night as she whispers sweetly in my ear 'you dont need any of this..not this job, not this money, not your friends, not your family, not the outside world..you only need me..' and i always agree because its true, i only need her to be ok with being alive. no matter how many times we go through the same notions, i always listen to her..how can i not? when im with her nothing else matters, nothing means a thing. she makes me feel so safe, so warm, so invincible, so beautiful, so amazing.. its only her, always and forever.. until she takes everything away from me, as she always does, and drags me to rock bottom where the only choice i have left, is to leave her again..

9pm

idk whats wrong with me the last few days. im so tired and feeling like crap. it cant be not enough sleep because im sleeping. it cant be not enough food because im eating. im tired, my stomach hurts, im cold until I get in bed and under the covers and then im hot. my head hurts. my body aches, although that could be just me trying to work out too much. it feels like im constipated but im still going a little everyday. consistency of soft serve ice cream, which is super foreign to me. ive been constipated for the last 12 years, going once a week, if i was lucky, and when i did go it was like pushing out baseballs made out of rocks. this whole thing is just strange and exhausting. i just feel like I have the flu. i took dulcolax, my savior, an hour and a half ago and im hoping it clears out everything i ate the last 4 days and not just little swirls of crap that take 10mins of wiping to clean up. gross, i know. i just want to sleep but i don't want to wake up at midnight and be wide awake til i get back from the clinic at 6:30am. maybe ill be able to sleep for the next 6 hours and then just work out some until its time to head to the clinic at 5:30. i took an hour nap earlier around 5pm and had a weird dream.. it had to do with 2 guys breaking in and trying to shoot us unsuccessfully and ended up with me stabbing one and the other getting shot. hopefully its not some premission.. im gonna try to nap.

1/8/2024

12:05am

i decided to let myself get an oreo mcflurry every sunday since ive been doing so well with my diet and exercise. i figured that since i burn more than the 510cal thats in the dam thing every day anyway, i can be a fat fucking pig and have one. theyre just so dam good 😩 cutting out all sugar has been a nightmare over the last month. ive spent the whole time i was an h addict living on sugar so its been rough. it will be totally worth it though. i should reach my current goal weight of 100lbs in the next 10 months or less as long as i keep doing what ive been doing. i cant wait to be thin and beautiful. i dont need drugs as long as im thin 🖤

1/9/2024

1am

i ate that slice of cheese pizza i said i wouldnt touch..378cals. 378!! im such a fat pig. disgusting. it doesnt matter that i burned twice as much in calories today. the only thing that matters is that i didn't have enough self control to not eat that dam slice of pizza. i hate that my husband eats the foods i cant have every freaking day. i know me needing to lose weight is not his problem but it still sucks to be put in these situations everyday. if its not pizza its cookies and sweets and danishes and everything else I cant eat. fuck this sucks so bad! starting tomorrow i need to burn more than 700-900cals each day. i need to walk more than 10-13k steps. i need to eat less than 1400cal each day. idc if im technically still losing weight. its not enough. i need to do better and damnit i will do better.

11pm

i ate less but didnt get to work out as much as i wanted to. i guess tomorrow will be better. it better be at least. i need to get to sleep before 3am tonight so i dont sleep til 5pm tomorrow.. i have to be up at 530am to go to the clinic 5 times a week and by 11am im so exhausted i need a freaking nap or im falling over on my feet. i think they need to lower the dose on my medicine. this is getting super annoying. i just wanna be thin already. fml.

1/11/2024

12:36am

today was good. i walked over 13k steps, worked out for an hour, burned about 1000cals and only ate about 800cals. definitely getting a hang of this. didnt have a headache either. got a decent amount of sleep too. im definitely gonna ask my clinic to lower the dose on my medication because im sure thats why im tired all the time. im super sore from the gym the other day but tomorrow i have to go either way. hopefully it wont be too crowded because i get really bad anxiety and paranoia around strangers. i hate going outside. goodnight my lovelies, i hope youre all staying on track and getting closer to your ugw 🖤🚬🦋

1/13/2024

5:16am

i had a good day yesterday but not a great night. i burned around 1200cals and had a 90min work out plus 15k steps. less food as well. ordered some stuff off amazon ive been wanting since beginning of december so i was super happy until my husband decided to drink and be..not great. he hasnt been drinking since we moved states 7 months ago except 1 or 2 previous occasions because he gets wasted and acts a fool. he was doing good until he wasnt. it just wasnt a good experience but hes finally asleep. im exhausted from not getting more than 3 hours of sleep the previous night and having to deep clean the whole house and do my workout and now being up all night. i want to go to sleep but i have a few things to worry about due to his drinking so its not looking so good right now.. i fed the stray cats i take care of just now and im gonna lay down and listen to some creepypastas and hope for sleep to come. hope everyone is doing well 🖤🚬🦋

[vexingsmoke]

this is mostly just me rambling - because its something that ive been processing sort of slowly - and i havent been around much to talk or write down any of my thoughts - plus its been heightened recently - especially since we recently started taking our adhd meds with more regularity - but the realization of being a subsystem - and veer fronting a lot - has affected me a lot - for multiple reasons -

one of the reasons is whenever we - the smoke subsystem - have been in front - its usually been veer instead of me - and obviously its not tyr fault - but it still kind of sucks - even before the weird system thing that meant nobody could really front properly for like a week - i essentially only got to front if we were having an episode that i get queried by - and when im having one of those episodes - its incredibly difficult for me to have the energy or thought to reach out or talk to anyone - which means i havent really gotten to talk to basically the only person i care about for more than a minute or two - and thats only when i get queried for a moment - i could basically only be in front for longer if i was very actively handling symptoms - or if i was barely in front - like im just doing my doodles - and thats the only thing im doing - and someone else is the rest of front - and its really hard for me and veer to both be in front at the same time - which means that i just dont get to front much - and when i do - im usually in the back of front - and cant really do anything - like as far as i can tell - by memory and by checking message counts - i have sent 3 messages since ty was discovered - aka in the past over a month - in the 3 ish weeks before that - i had sent around 200 messages - which is a lot seeing as i currently have about 650 registered - and the person with the highest in our system is a little over 3000 -

and the other reason - and again this isnt really something veer can control - but it fronting so much - has kind of ruined our ability to eat properly - especially me - i like eating food - i usually enjoy it - and have a wider tolerance than most others insys - but veer basically cant eat or even smell most food without gagging - and sometimes ty will gag so much that we will fully vomit - there are a few things that it can sometimes eat - but thats mostly when its being distracted or not fully in front - and when we arent on our adhd meds - but weve been on our adhd meds - and its been in front a decent amount due to one of its queries being pikmin 4 - which just sucks - like we have vomited more times in the past month - than in the past few years - and thats not including the amount of times its almost vomited - but either managed to not - or we just didnt have anything in our stomach to throw up - and so it just wont really eat much when its in front - but not eating also will make us nauseous - which makes it extremely hard to eat - to not be hungry - to be less nauseous - and this extends to when its not fully in front - but just partially - which makes it harder for whoever is in front to eat - and its just so infuriating - fun fact - i saved this as a draft because i was having trouble articulating my thoughts - and we were gagging into a toilet again within an hour -

all of this is complicated by my - - - internal emotions and relationship with veer - or maybe you could call them my exomemories - i dont know - neither sets of emotions are particularly good - but theyre both different -

a big reason why its consistently near front - is because a youtuber that we like a lot has been doing a recorded playthrough of pikmin 4 - and they upload episodes of it fairly regularly - and theyre all quite long - and we always watch them - and so veer just gets queried and stays for a bit after - which translates to it fronting for a minimum of usually 2 hours every time an episode is uploaded - which is a decently large chunk of our day -

i dunno - i just dont feel great - and im not super used to this specific way of not feeling great - usually my feeling not great is just feeling a gnawing hollow nothingness - and sometimes some psychosis stuff - but this is different - and weird -

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

Omg do you have more cute hcs with the lov and class1a/1b

I dont care how long or short it is, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE READING THEM 💕💕💕💕💖 😊😊

Theyre so comforting <333

YES I HAVE A BUNCH. COME TAKE IT ALL.

Tomura is an expert in video games, right? Well, he's currently working from afar with Hatsume and Melissa to create a VR system to help the kids at UA train.

Everything because the first thing he did when meeting Nezu was telling him the UA system sucked.

No more public exposure, no more simple barriers keeping away the villains from the kids, no more pushing them to dangerous places with no proper supervision.

The new job of the League when it comes to working is the UA is keeping the place as safe as possible and helping the kids recover from the trauma of the war.

Dabi doesn't like working directly with the kids, so his job consist on patrolling around the UA. In case a crisis is reported, he's the first at the place and his job is to keep the crisis on minimum 'til the teachers arrive.

The funniest part is the type of crisis he has solved so far. They include:

Helping people with their crushes because they tried to confess and caused an accident. (Dabi has the fun of his life with it, being honest).

Accidents in the kitchen. (No much he can do except using Shoto as a way of taking down the flames).

Stupid fights (He is banned from helping in those since he cheered for Shoto when he was fistfighting Iida for saying something to Midoriya).

And his favorite: keeping Mineta at bay. Dabi is not the type of gentleman that defends women constantly, because he just doesn't care about helping anyone. But Mineta is a type of gross he would have incinerate in the streets if he was a man and not a kid. So instead, he just walks from a safe distance and keeps scaring the kid when he's about to annoy one of the girls.

Tomura always find Dabi is the halls complaining about the no smoking rule

They make fun of each other a little until they realize they should be working and there are kids staring at them.

Class 1-A talks about Dabi like the older brother who was in jail.

Oh, but Dabi told me...

They are actually well informed about a bunch of stuff and they know how to take care of street criminals better now.

Ah, but they're also the ones who check if he is not drinking too much, if he's having proper rest, if his burns and staples are taken care of, if he's not too anxious or depressed, if hes' taking his meds...

If he's not following one of those, they call Natsuo. Oh man, Natsuo has become the emergency contact of half the League somehow. Maybe because he has a golden heart or maybe because they all are scared of Fuyumi by some weird reason.

Shoto is the other emergency contact when it comes to Dabi, hmmm, but sometimes he just follows Dabi bad example and well.

Dabi is the anti-Santa. He's gonna give you that one gift you wanted but everyone said no because it's dangerous.

"Dabi, I'm trying to make a safer space for the kids" , "Tomura, I'm trying to make them relax".

After getting fired twice by Aizawa, Dabi is finally behaving.

This has nothing to do with the fact that he's finally dating Tomura tho.

WHICH TAKE US TO: SPINNER, THE BROTHER WHO ACTUALLY ACKNOWLEDGES HIS RESPONSIBILITIES.

Spinner works in the same thing as Dabi, but he's the reliable one.

Getting Uraraka down when she starts floating on her sleep, calming people down when they're having anxiety attacks, noting when someone is having a bad day and requesting the teachers to let the person rest...

Spinner is the one actually helping them with their ptsd. He makes everything so easy and pleasant. It's like they're just kids taking classes and having fun.

Besides, class 1-B knows he is amazing at cuddling and people love his hugs. Just by seeing Spinner, they cheer up.

He and Shinso are responsible for the purple hair tendency among the kids of General Studies. Their heroes.

He's also the one who helps the kids with their training sessions when they need a partner but there's no one else to help them.

He became one of the official bus drivers of the school after taking some lessons and requesting a license.

He sings with them while they travel, he always has snacks in case someone is hungry and he has pills in case someone is motion sick. Well, a bunch of pills since Dabi is always motion sick.

He had a crush on Tomura but he realized it was more platonic than anything.

Now now, Tomura and Spinner have matching gamer tattoos that said Player #1 and Player #2. Dumbasses in action.

If Dabi is the problematic uncle and Spinner is the responsible uncle...

That leave us with: Compress the artistic dad and Kurogiri the dad who's always working far away but you can totally rely on.

THE VIDEO CALLS WITH KUROGIRI AND COMPRESS ARE SO CUTE.

101 Flirting with Compress.

All the kids in all courses have a personalized mask. Compress is addicted to creating them.

His beautiful, mischievous kids that once, trying to distract him, stole his prosthesis and kept it going around the school from room to room.

Turns out it was a surprise party, but man if it was fun because Compress pretended the whole time he was a pirate looking for his long buried treasure.

HE GOT A PARROT AND HE NAMED HIM RED BEAK.

Bakugo almost exploded the whole place after hearing such a ridiculous name.

Well, Red Beak loves making fun of Bakugo, repeating everything he says.

RED BEAK AND KIRISHIMA ARE BESTIES. YES YES.

The Bakusquad would kill for Red Beak.

Sero is teaching him Spanish, Mina is teaching him to dance, Denki is teaching him bad jokes and Jirou is teaching him to sing.

Tokoyami is the official protector of Red Beak. Koda is the translator.

On the other hand, Kurogiri always gives them some honey and other things when he visits the school.

He congratulates them on their achievements, he hears them for hours talking about their adventures and he is the old friend you call when it's 3am, you're feeling bad but you don't want to worry no one else.

If you want to solve a problem, call Kurogiri. He's gonna give you the clues but let you solve it yourself.

The award for the dad with more patience goes to: KUROGIRI.

If you really really need to run away from some hours, he can use his quirk to rescue you and he would prepare some tea for you, wrap you in a soft sweater and walk with you through his yard. You can pick flowers or fruit with him until you calm down. Or you can watch old movies with him. Or bake. Being with him is like floating around in the sky, no worries, just clouds and stars and soft noises and lights.

The school always knows when it happens and they are okay with it. Mostly. Just don't do it too much.

Toga is another good option if you need to talk but you don't know with who.

She's actually a great listener and an expert on making things look less stressing than they are. You see, she pays attention at your triggers and moods and if she sees something is bothering the students, she finds a way to distract them immediately, while letting the teachers deal with the problem.

Ah, the queen of gossip.

If you want to know something about someone you need to pay the prize, tho. And she won't even tell you if she considers the secret must be guarded 'til the grave.

She's the one who takes the messages to the parents because she's fast, can hide at plain sight and doesn't put them in danger.

You never know where Toga is. She someone studies like the rest of them, but she's like, selected to secret missions. She has a lot of info but they all trust her somehow.

Maybe is the fact that she would kill and take a stab for you. And that she would never put Deku or Ochaco in danger. Or her family.

She's also Mineta's biggest nightmare.

Try sexualizing the girl and win a terrifying week, courtesy of Toga Himiko.

She won't let you sleep, she won't let you eat, you're gonna wish you were never born. She can make you feel as sexualized, observed and stalked as you make the girls feel. Oh, she's gonna show you exactly how it feels to be a girl.

Also don't sexualize the boys around her either. Stabby queen is not gentle to those who are not gentle with her friends. Period.

Friendly reminder: 0 stabbing accidents since she started studying at UA.

BECAUSE THEY GAVE HER A RUBBER KNIFE.

And finally, the Tomura headcanons.

He's always falling asleep on odd places. The kids have a new name called "let's put a blanket on Tomura".

And then they call Dabi or Spinner to take him somewhere more comfortable.

He's working so hard. He's really working so hard on redeeming himself, even when everyone has already forgiven him. But he has this fear of being a failure or being too much...

The kids are also well trained on how to help him through his anxiety or panic attacks. Even more, some of them have always a pair of gloves in them just in case.

Momo is more than happy to make him more.

It's kinda sad how much he's suffering even now. That's way they all do their best to let him know his doing great.

Kisses in the cheek, compliments on how he's looking, new products to his hair and skin, playing the games he recommends, telling how badass he is when he trains them...

Somehow being around Tomura has help them realize how important is communicating stuff. They all are way healthier now.

Tomura is just... So sincere. He's been instructed to share his thoughts, because he had a problem before with communicating properly. That means he used to forget saying certain information because it was obvious to him, but not to others.

He doesn't mean to hurt people. He's just saying what he thinks. Which also means he offends a bunch of people not by accident. And he doesn't apologize because he is just doing what he's been told.

Midoriya and Shigaraki's discussions are epic. And so are their fights. Yes, they fight like siblings. Which is crazy funny because they are like "friendly reminder you tried to KILL ME" and "WELL YOU DESERVED THAT FOR BEING A DICK".

They've finally found out that you can complain to him or get a little violent and he's not gonna even blink, just hear you out.

It was because Bakugo got a little violent with him and yeah, he just stared back waiting.

You can't imagine Dabi's anger when Tomura told him about Kotaro. He was frustrated because at least Tomura did step on Endeavor and humiliated him for life, but him? He is angry with a man that's dead and gone.

Okay no, the whole League is angry about the things that has happened to the whole League. That's the thing with finally being able to relax and feel. It all comes back in a flood.

They have prohibited being around school when the parents visit. Specially because they are no very civil to shitty parents.

And if a kid confess about having shitty parents, oh boy. The League is gonna BE PISSED.

The UA is still a total chaos, but now in the right ways. They have more normal problems, they don't have to win war and kill evil lords, they complain about not having money to go out and forgetting their homework. And the ex-villians can complain about life being boring a needing more action.

That's a good thing. That means they all are healing, together.

They're gonna be fine.

[an-army-of-nightmares]

PLEASE talk more about that immortal au scenario where the whole society time-travels. i've been daydreaming about this for a couple hours now (also, tell us about what henry thinks about modern food. specially fast food and soda.)

I dont think I'd be the whole society, that's like 20+ people, maybe just a handful?

Anyway, the whole time traveling scenario is probably the most confusing part of this au and im not sure how it works nor does it really matter. The important part is that they need the dna of everyone who was around to get back. (Just a stand of hair could work but it's probably not reccomended for such a large group)

Everyone involved was whoever this handful of lodgers is and Jekyll, although whatever method they used did not allow 1885 Jekyll to travel with them, It just forced him back at the society (because one cannot travel to a time where they are alive)

They fortunately can tell Jekyll is safe, just didn't travel with them. (They dont realize why Jekyll couldnt travel with them). And thus starts the quest to find dna similar enough to Jekyll to get back. So theyre looking to find Jekyll's great great something grandchildren (if he had any) they're really hoping he had some sort of close relative still around. They do some research and find out about a man named Jekyll who looks a bit like their Jekyll living in the mountains, turns out it is their Jekyll! He immortal now apparently! And really wants them off his property

Now. Jekyll could quite easily just give them what they need and let them be on their merry way. But he hates them and decides to be kind of an asshole and just. Not help. He's also rather lonely

Now saying Jekyll hates then may actually be a bit extreme. As I've stated in other posts of the au, he hates them because they betrayed him and didn't do the exhibition which did kinda cause the whole domino effect of him being immortal and alone. He hates Lanyon because Hyde hates Lanyon so obviously theres something going on there. And it's been over a century so he doesn't much feel any of the positive feelings for Lanyon anymore (this'd be less confusing if we knew their relationship but whatever) anyways it's been over a century so alot of his hate is from him wanting to hate them, wanting to hold a grudge. He stopped truly hating them awhile ago at this point

So the whole story is basically them trying to get Jekyll to help and Jekyll going out of his way to Not Do That. Eventually they do get back, idk how long they spend in the modern world but it cant be more than a month, and little to no time has passed in 1885. After they leave Jekyll goes out and gets Zosi so he can have an immortal old friend, and not be alone, maybe he even goes out and tries to find creature!

He drinks Dr. Pepper. and tbh his diet probably consists entirely of fast food, mac n cheese, and ramen noodles. Jekyll doesn't strike me as someone who'd put effort into meals so hes much enjoying not having to. But when he does remember that eating is important and can will himself to do it, he will go out and get something actually good for his body

[graffitibible]

how do killjoys treat raygun burns? i genuinely have no idea and i know you've already gone pretty in-depth with raygun wounds in general but i was curious about the treatment

cw: we’re gonna be talking about medical stuff and injuries in here. i’m not gonna include any graphic pictures and also i’m gonna warn anyone who wants to do further research that some of the images that’ll come up are gonna be pretty damn graphic. tread carefully!

SO i’m gonna be going off this ask here, and running with the assumption that raygun burns probably both bleed and burn. thats important since thats gonna affect how youd do treatment. it also means that raygun injuries are messy. most burn injuries in the real world can cauterize - theyre unique in that the site of injury is usually sterile at the time of injury. however, since the rayguns in this world are capable of making someone bleed (rather a lot too, if the comics are any indication), that means that these wounds can get pretty gnarly.

the important thing about how rayguns in danger days seem to work is that they are not pure laser bolts! if they were, they’d be able to pass through something and cauterize it pretty neatly, like a lightsaber. the raygun blasts have an obvious physical component - they can physically knock someone back, for example, and we see sparks shower when people are shot in the music videos. so rayguns in danger days have an apparent kinetic component to them: you are basically applying heat to the human body at high velocity. 

ONCE AGAIN, THIS GOT LONG. THE REST IS UNDER A CUT. mind the content warnings above!!

other than that, we’re not sure what specifically the makeup of the lasers like...are. electromagnetic radiation? plasma? heat? electricity? i doubt its pure electricity since that would be more consistently fatal, but it is some kind of bolt that has both heat and velocity on its side to be sure, but thats the extent of what we know.

now logically, this would actually cause the human body to like. explode. cause thats what happens when you apply that much heat to something made of mostly water. getting hit with a bolt of something that hot would cause all that water to boil off abruptly and then the steam would fucking parboil you. not a fun way to go though it is funny that the steam would be the thing that causes the most damage. so yeah actually a very gory kind of injury.

obviously thats not what happens in danger days, since no one to my knowledge Fucking Explodes when theyre hit with a laser bolt. but lasers from rayguns can make blood FOUNTAIN OUT OF A DUDE’S GUT in the comics so obviously they can do a hell of a lot of damage (the mvs are way less explicit but they also werent allowed to like, swear in the mvs and had to tone down some of the violence and shit so im taking the comics canon as the more “realistic” one wrt rayguns here) the science here is kinda...eh, cause laser bolts don’t appear to be a penetrating injury but rather a messy “burn and blister” kind of injury that are nonetheless capable of making someone eat it pretty quick.

but this is danger days and this is kinda where science goes to die so here is how i view laser injuries in the universe:

danger days laser bolts have a kinetic or explosive quality to them.

what this means is that the injury is twofold: first, the heat damages the external layer of skin. i’d hazard that we’re talking second-to-third degree burn levels of injury on immediate contact. second, the kinetic energy released at that velocity and force generates an explosive impact that does damage to surrounding tissue.

what’s left is an injury that both burns and bleeds. my take on it is that the bolt impact creates the open wound, while the heat intensifies that damage and disseminates it. you need a temp of maybe 300ºF and higher to cauterize a wound so lasers would have to burn at least a little bit lower than that since the injuries do consistently bleed. but since the human body is pretty sensitive to high temperatures that works out in our favor seeing as if you heat things too much, again, the risk is that we would Fucking Explode.

lots of burn injuries, especially third degree and higher, tend to bleed. since thats the closest thing i have to compare to a laser wound in danger days, thats going to be my basis here.

treating a raygun injury is likely to resemble burn treatment in a lot of ways

burn treatment stuff varies a lot and i will spare you guys from googling this and going “oh thank you google images thank you for showing me what a graphic third degree burn looks like i am so glad that i know this and that this is in my search history and keeps popping up in my search history im SO GLAD.” 

burn injuries go by degrees. first degree is like mild sunburn basically, and only affects the epidermis or external layer of skin. second degree affects the top and middle layers of skin and can leave blisters. third degree burns go all the way to the subcutaneous fat layer and can leave the skin white and charred. fourth degree burns can go through nerves and muscles and even down to the bone and can cause permanent damage that requires amputation. at fifth degree you have significant risk of organ injury and at sixth it’s basically like “fifth degree, but with the common side effect of Death.” 

again im not linking to anything here because pretty much every information article you get on this stuff is gonna have some nice graphic images. so if you look this stuff up on your own do it at your own risk or have an image/media blocker extension ready if that kinda thing squicks you out

the main takeaway is that any burn from like the third degree downward can be very brutal and hard to heal over - they can cause swelling and severe scarring and the destruction of the epidermis and hair follicles means that new hair won’t grow. add to that the idea of raygun blasts tearing open that external layer of skin that means that you can get burns that go in pretty deep which would go a long way to explain how it is a weapon that doesn’t appear to have a lot of “penetrating” energy is capable of killing someone relatively immediately, especially if theyve got that initial kinetic impact thats capable of tearing open the dermis and making the injury go deeper.

im going to tentatively say that raygun injuries are basically full-thickness burns with a few bells and whistles. basically, they destroy the epidermis and the layer of skin below it, the dermis. thats the level of third/fourth degree burns and worse, essentially.

so, serious burn treatment usually goes as follows:

clean! that! wound! it’s best to do this in a sterile environment, cause otherwise youre gonna end up blistering the injury and agitating it further. you wanna get all the dead tissue and gunk off the burn.

pain medication. with most burns the nerve endings can get pretty fried and you might not immediately experience any pain, but since raygun injuries go a little harder than your average burn, thats probably not the case. people definitely consistently react in pain after theyre shot with a raygun in the both the mvs and the comics. so yeah, its painful. pain medication is nice to mute that feeling.

antibiotics and/or tetanus shots to make sure that you don’t get an infection

intravenous fluids containing electrolytes as well as a diet high in protein and nutritional supplements

antibiotic ointments/creams for the injury

skin grafts to close the injury since a burn of that severity would have difficulty closing completely on its own. yikes.

continuous monitoring of the patient to prevent sepsis and eschar from fucking with the blood vessels and healing tissue.

obviously killjoys do not have the benefit of a fully stocked hospital. if youre in bat city youre probably gonna be in more luck. but if youre slumming it or if youre in the zones, heres what i imagine the killjoy diy procedure would likely be:

application of water over the wound. cool water is best, not ice-cold (alright alright alright alright alright etc)

cleaning the injury comes next to prevent infection. ideally you would use soap. do not scrub as youll agitate the wound

pain medication might be helpful here, but who knows if thats common out in the zones - and i imagine city-born killjoys might have some hang-ups with taking meds, so who fuckin knows there.

bandages, ideally clean ones, would help cover up the injury and keep it from the elements in time for it to heal. that will also cover up the skin while the bleeding heals up. keep the wound as closed from infection as possible.

check up on the injury consistently especially since the burn probably wasnt sterilized on impact the way most burns are. a messy injury like that one can go south very very quick.

realistically i doubt that skin grafts are readily available. its recommended that you stay out of the sun and avoid lots of exercise that might risk reopening the injury. and that...is going to be nigh impossible if youre a zonerunner lol. its likely that improper treatment can lead to infection and then death. it is also likely that too much agitation of the injury can lead to the wound reopening, infection, and then death.

if you get stuff like light grazes, where the bolts clip you but dont fully impact you, that means youre like to get some surface-level burns that cover a larger surface area. theyll heal quicker if you treat them right, but thats a larger area thats open to infection. burns that go deep into the skin have more immediate fatality risk. there could be variation here as well! maybe a laser gun with a lower or dying charge will do less damage. maybe some guns have fancy “stun” settings that don’t do permanent damage.

the human body is surprisingly resilient and can recover from a lot. but burns are no joke and a raygun blast can easily be fatal either immediately or a little bit after the fact. even if you survive the blast, there are likely to be a lot of repercussions to taking a serious hit, which im again basing on the noted consequences of major burn injuries

likely consequences of surviving a raygun hit in the zones:

scarring. especially without skin grafts, this ones gonna be a gimme, and likely permanent. serious burns can leave lots of color changes to the skin as well as keloid tissue (which is a raised, lumpy kind of scar tissue. you can google it if you want but as i warned before: images might be pretty grody). this would also prevent the growth of new hair in those areas. most hospitals try to excise this and replace it with skin grafts to speed healing but like i said thats not likely to be an obvious solution in the desert.

nerve damage. burns that go super deep can permanently remove the feeling from the affected part of the body. this is likely to be permanent. deep contact usually remains intact but stuff like subtle pressure changes can be outright impossible to sense. this can also cause contractures in the affected area.

weakness in the affected area. related to the above point, damage to muscle tissue and nerves can reduce range of motion, strength in that area, and more.

itching and pain at the site of injury. pretty self-explanatory. that one might get better as you go on depending on how good the medical treatment was at the time of injury.

inability to sweat. the destruction of sweat glands in affected areas are possible if the burn goes deep enough. in the desert this can be very bad news lol

psychological trauma. a given. any traumatic injury can have long-term psychological effects.

my main takeaway here is that killjoys who’ve been in lots of serious firefights are gonna have a sHITTON of scarring, some of it obvious. lots of killjoys looking pretty fucked up. lookin wiped out. my other takeaway is that surviving a raygun blast is pretty dependent on getting care for it as soon as possible, cause the infection/hemorrhage risk seems pretty high.

ofc this is just me analyzing this shit to hell and back and it’s probably nowhere near that scientifically DENSE im just detail-oriented as hell. so take or leave this answer, whichever you like lol. i like writing the nitty gritty details of injuries since i generally wanna emphasize how rough life in the zones can be so this is something im interested in exploring.

[tendoki]

Hi hi! Could you do a tendo headcannons/scenario about a S/O that always gushes about how handsome he is?! Because he is a handsome boy 🥺 he deserves it thank u

YES I CERTAINLY CAN !!!!! I HOPE THIS IS WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR ANON AND IM SORRY THAT THIS IS KINDA WORD VOMIT - Y I HAVENT WRITTEN FANDOM STUFF IN JUST LESS THAT A YEAR

Tendou with a GENIUS, CORRECT IN EVERYWAY AND INCREDIBLY BIG BRAIN S/O

this boy

does not have much confidence. like at all.

he is ushis bff, and even tho our wakakun is a DARLING BABY, hes also fairly popular and very VERY well known by many people

which can overshadow tendou (along w most of the team rlly) and make even his 'paradise' into something that hes maybe not too happy about

PLUS PLUS PLUS all those comments about him bein a monster as a kid? THAT SHIT HURTED

so if you, his gorgeously handsome and downright CELESTIAL s/o started praising and complimenting him on everything,,,,,,,,,,, u can bet his ass is GONE

this boy has reached peak serotonin

pls,,,,, take his perfect little cheeks into yr hands and kiss all over his face,,,,,,,,,,, the results will shock u

(he passes out <3)

PLS make this boy eat more. he has the second smallest appetite of the whole hq universe and its not fair that all of us have been robbed of tendou tummy

when u two have a sleep over,,, and ur in his bed cuddlin',,,,,,, just wrap ur arms around this perfect boy and start telling him how handsome he is 🥺

talk about EVERYTHING

there is no part of this man i wouldnt murder a child to touch

his NOSE????? KISS IT

his BANDAGED FINGY WINGYS??????? KISS HIS KNUCKLES AND WATCH HIS KNEES BUCKLE

body worship is a two way street ngl

in a sfw way 😳😳😳 (or nsft i mean 👀)

if you sit there and tell him about how fucking cute his little >:3c is he will do the same to you

hey, did you know that you actually have a pretty consistant habit of pulling a little •з• face when youre distracted? now u fucking do thats for sure

u also now know how hard tendou has to try n stop himself from kissing u bc of it

tendou loses his shit whenever you show any sign of enjoying his company or liking who he is

he finds it incredibly hard to believe that you actually have feelings for him

so you? cuddling this perfect boy and kissing him on the cheek?? IN PUBLIC??? WHERE OTHER PEOPLE CAN SEE YOU AND WILL UNDERSTAND FROM CONTEXT CLUES THAT HES UR BF??????? OH U FREAKY FREAKY

hes so thankful for you

he WILL get overwhelmed. full stop he cried the first time you went through and told him all the parts of himself you wish he liked more

start from either his palms or his forehead w little kisses

be careful near the neck bc i know this boy is Ticklish with a CAPITAL T

these lovin sessions only go into a sexual territory if you initiate it

hes perfectly content just having you love up on him without anything actually sexual go down. if ur there his mind is at peace

however he does have a praise kink so his dick isnt. if you arent comfortable taking it there just give him a couple minutes in the bathroom and he will be back good as new

TELL HIM HOW GOOD HIS HAIR IS WITH IT DOWN

he uses a lot of product and it had UNDOUBTEDLY taken its toll on my perfect boys head so maybe convince him to go without putting it up for a week or two?

his hair thanks you for it and the SIGHT is (un)holy

a LOT of girls notice him w it down tho and hes just :I at them

u aint rlly fuck w me way back then but how bout now :// cus my hairs not up right now :// and u simply suck right now

DO NOT COMPLIMENT HIM AT PRACTISE THE BOYS (except Ushi and Reon bc theyre Angels) WILL THROW FITS AND TELL YOU TO GET A ROOM

like damb bitch let me kiss my perfect boyfriend in peace tf

overall.

he is so so so in love with you

hes hard to get through to, but after a while of telling him these things he does start to believe it :)

the team as MESSY as they are, appreciate u alot

tendous confidence since u started dating and doting on him? 📈📈📈

which translates into his blocks!! he was right most of the time anyway but now that he knows ur LIPS have touched the palm of his hand? bous tryna imprint that shit on every ball hes faced with

also, watch anime with him. do it. compare him to ur fave characters. buy him things that remind you of him, even like just pickin up a lil pebble and saying you thought of him when u saw it.... doki doki

unrelated but he has a tiktok

none of the thirsty stans he has can make him blush the same way ur smile does. everything you do is addictive to this man

he does his best to compliment you as frequently and as intense as you do him, but the boy isnt There yet, yk?

give him time and soon enough the two of you will b like that one couple on the train kissing eachother every 5 seconds and telling the other how perfect they are

all u need is time

[citialiin]

@zhrets​ sent a signal: 10, 38, 35

10. What’s the most challenging thing about writing replies for you? consistency. sometimes i feel like my writing iz bland, to the point and entirely boring and other times i feel like it’s excessively frilly.  when im tired i dont have da brainpower to think of nice poetics ... and when im in the mood to write my poeticz get out of hand.  i just feel like my ideas are usually pretty good, and i have the basis of what i want to write, but when i try 2 write it it sounds clunky or the transitions don’t work.  so less da ideas ... more the act of writing itself fux w mi

35. How many ships do you have? How would you describe them?  ziggy x kirei, obviously.  kirei grabs his head and twists until his neck rips in half like an overcooked piece of asparagus.  and while this clearly is the only ship i actually care about, maybe i have some other ones too    - ziggy x thomas (blossomingbeelzebug) ; the only two aliens in this neighborhood.  its a lot about being completely opposites in every regard but having the common thread of being 1. an alien hiding in plain site on earth 2. trying to understand one’s own individuality using humanity as a guide.  but other than that, even the way they’re designed is completely different; thomas is from a primitive planet and he’s more like some animal given freak sentience, no one is alike because they’re all made from ramshackle pieces sewn together. blood and guts and eating each other is the norm. ziggy is from a jetsons planet where everything is tidy and shiny and chrome and clean, his race is so genetically identical they’re starting to look like clones of each other and he has a complex about standing out.  theyre so beyond violence or even conflict in general that ziggy passes out if he sees blood.  thomas had the shittiest life on earth possible and he still tries to make the best of it.  he stole his “human” name from someone.  ziggy has a very nice life on earth and he’s a spoiled little cunt who thinks he deserves even more, his name was given to him by others.  thomas is shy and soft spoken and is afraid of attention, he thinks the universe is nothing more than random entropy, ziggy is loud and abrasive and is obsessed with getting people’s attention and being praised, he has this delusion that the universe has a destiny for him.  a whole lot. they are a fun scifi couple.      - ziggy x jonathan (gothsic) isnt really a ship, it’s more like ... unrequited feelings?  ziggy has this weird delusion that he’s jonathan’s muse and they’re both tortured artists and only jonathan can understand me waaah and whatever, jonathan’s the scruffy sarcastic goth moon to his dazzling perfect glittery sun.  jonathan is a puzzle and he is the key.  but jonathan is like ... oh man ... he’s going to make me employed and i really need money even though i hate this son of a bitch so much i hate him i hate him i hate him. j knows how to string z along and he probably also enjoys the attention of someone arguably famouser than he is (even if he’d rather die than reciprocate)      - ziggy x annie (also gothsic) is the flip side because annie is an NPC in jonathan’s story. she’s ... the girl jonathans’s stalking ... and she keeps really good tabs on jonathan because it’s kind of what she Does.  so when she found out that z was his new employer she felt like she had to at least tell z that jonathan was a Nutjob.  and clearly z isnt listening, but he thinks she’s ... c-cute ... and he keeps spending more time around her ... something mesmerizing about cute girl in glasses ... she’s just a welcome reprieve from the self-obsessed dickwads he spends most of his time with.  and annie usually kind of feels like she fades into the background or she’s not special and partners have historically treated her kind of poorly but ... z is actually bizarrely nice and respectful and chipper and he’s also ... really famous! so his attention is worth at least 2x more than the attention of a rando. there are a ton of other platonic ships but then this list would be too long and it’s already too long.

38. Do you have a wishlist? Can you share what’s on it? also already answered. but if i could wish for a thread for us, i just want kirei to either Kill him or just mess with his head and make him Sad.  it’s pretty easy to do.

[lumosinlove]

Solntse

part ii

Remus sits in Lily and James’ tiny living room and tries to ignore the subtly laid out pillow and blankets set on the corner of the couch. Lily doesn’t let him.

“Your apartment has flees.”

Remus sets his glass down, “That was one bug and it was a beetle.”

Lily twists her hair over one shoulder, unrelenting, “Remus. Please.” She nods towards the pillow, “Just—I’m worried. We’re worried.”

Remus looks away so he doesn’t have to see the way James nods, they way they’re both looking at him like he’s already a lost cause. He wishes for a moment he’d never told them what he does other than serve pizza and take the early shifts at the gas station around the block, but then he’d be all alone in it. And they were his best friends, that was why he had told them. Just in case one day all of James’ fears came true and some guy murdered Remus in a hotel room. Or something.

James sighs, “Mate, we’re not ganging up on you.”

“No, I know.” Remus nods down at his mug of tea, “I know. I just…I don’t want to be that friend you can’t get rid of. Like. That would be awful.”

“Re, you’re never going to become that.” Lily puts a warm hand on his shoulder, squeezing, “That’s not how we think about it at all. We just want to know your safe.”

James raises his mug to his mouth, “As safe as you can be…”

“James.” Lily snips, then her face turns soft again for Remus, “Will you stay here?”

“Lils, really, my apartment is fine.” He curls his feet further beneath him, “I’ll finish my tea and go. Don’t worry.”

He thinks back to his two night hotel escapade and shakes his head more firmly at Lily. He already feels enough like a charity case as it is. Even if he did get good money for it. Sirius had pushed an extra eighty dollars into his hand at the door and closed it before Remus could protest. He had pressed a chapped kiss to his cheek too. Remus was still mulling that over.

When he finally does make it out of the apartment he pulls his ratty coat tightly over his shoulders and ducks his head against the wind. He could probably buy a new one if Sirius called again. He did ask for two nights in a row, and it went great so, maybe. But he didn’t want to be flashy about any new money. His landlord had already raised his eyebrows when Remus had handed over two months rent in advanced.

His apartment wasn’t flea infested although it did give off that sort of look. He had a cheep futon bed frame, just to keep his mattress off the floor so it didn’t mold, and a dresser from IKEA. His kitchen consisted of a stove and a sink. The gas was usually pretty iffy and his sink ran mostly cold, like his shower, but…he had a roof and food. It’s fine. He has James and Lily if he was really, really in trouble but he doesn’t want it to come to that. He’ll never want it to come to that.

He throws his keys down on the dresser and goes to check the leak under the sink. It hasn’t gotten worse but he empties out what water is in the bucket just while he’s there. He re-tapes the crack in the window and makes a note to ask his landlord about that. Again. He’s just sitting down on his bed when his phone rings. He groans and closes his eyes when he pulls it out, hoping it isn’t one of his less polite customers. He sighs in relief when he sees the name.

“Frank, hi.” Frank almost never wants sex. He likes to talk. He’s lonely. Remus can relate. He’s the son of two wealth-soaked parents who don’t pay him a lick of attention. Remus can half relate. “How are you, mate?”

“Oh. Hi, Remus. Wasn’t sure I’d get you, um. I’m fine. I—um. Was wondering…” He trails off.

“Sure, when were you thinking? I’ve got something Tuesday and Sunday and you know when I work, so…”

“Actually, I was thinking now?” His voice is up an entire octave with nerves, “I just…Family problems right now. Was hoping to just talk a bit.”

Remus runs a hand over his face but tries not to pause too long. He doesn’t want Frank to think he doesn’t want to, “Sounds great! Should I meet you at the—“

“I couldn’t get the usual room. It’s 207 tonight. Same hotel though, the Pierre.”

Remus nods, tries to keep a smile in his voice, “Great. See you soon.”

He’s barely hung up when another name flashes up at him. He’s almost embarrassed by how fast he answers, “Sirius. Hi.” That didn’t come out anywhere close to how he wanted it to.

“Remus! Life is good?”

Remus laughs lightly, still caught off guard but warmed by Sirius’ simple honesty, “Uh, yeah, life is good. How are you?”

“Good. Busy. Always busy, you know? I’m at airport now, going to be in town on Wednesday. You want see together? Or, ah, not together.”

“Each other.” Remus supplies.

“Yes, perfect. You always know. What you think, Remus?”

Remus half wishes Sirius would stop saying his name like that and half wishes he’ll never stop saying his name like that, “Yeah, that works for me. What time were you thinking?”

“Seven? I get us dinner in room, so don’t eat. I’m, ah…” Sirius lets out a soft laugh and Remus presses the speaker closer to his ear, “I’m think about you a lot.”

Remus swallows over a suddenly dry throat, “Yeah?”

“Hm.” There’s a loud speaker in the background and Sirius says something low in Russian, “Flight calling me. Wednesday okay, yes?”

“Yes. Have a good flight.”

“You too. Or—“ They both laugh, “Okay, I’m go now. Bye, Remus.”

The line goes dead and Remus lets the phone fall to the bed. He breathes in deeply and looks down. He’s half hard in his pants now and he really doesn’t know why. He’s suppose to be on his way to Frank’s, he tips well, he honestly needs Remus a little bit and…fuck. He splashes some freezing water on his face from the sink and yanks his door shut as he leaves.

Frank’s is fine. The hotel room is nice and Remus ends up sucking him off—twice. He doesn’t get hard either time but Frank seems either completely fine with that or he doesn’t notice. What does get him going is the ping he gets on his phone while he’s walking home from the tube. It’s a picture. Of Sirius. A selfie. He’s grinning in front of a beautiful sunset outside a plane window. There’s no message except a few sideways parentheses that Remus takes as smiles. Looking at the grin triggers thinking about Sirius’ large, warm hands on his hips and back. That leads to thinking about the way Sirius had carefully pushed his fingers inside of Remus, then the hot slide of his cock to replace them, his weight covering Remus’ back—

By the time Remus is walking up the stairs to his apartment again he’s more or less waddling around his tented trousers. By the time he’s throwing his keys on his dresser all he can do is lean back against his door and shove his hand into his boxers. They’re already damp with pre-come so what’s the point anyway? He smears his thumb over his head and squeezes the base, letting out a breath. It’s not as good as Sirius and his fucking huge palms. Now that he’s got a hand wrapped around himself he can really feel the difference. He pushes his pants down around his knees so he can get two hands around himself instead, twisting around the head and keeping a tight grip around the shaft. It barely takes a dozen pulls before he’s shooting into his fist with a harsh sound, Sirius’ name almost on his lips. Almost. He makes the mistake of thinking about the way Sirius had trailed his fingertips over his sensitive cock after he’d made Remus come in his mouth, keeping the pleasurable nerves alight, and takes a cold shower so he doesn’t have to go again. The shower only makes him think about how, next time, maybe Sirius won’t come untouched. Maybe Remus will get to return the favor. He doesn’t even know how much of Sirius he could fit in his mouth but fuck if he doesn’t want to try. He groans and wraps a hand around himself again. He’s too sensitive but he doesn’t care. He works himself fast and hard until his cock is a flushed red and he comes weakly against the shower wall, panting into the cool spray.

He looks at his phone as he towels off his hair. It’s Saturday, and it’s going to be a long couple days.

~

There’s a different woman at the front desk this time and Remus is glad. Not that he thinks the other one would remember him but, still. He stares at the twelve on the door for a moment, trying to calm his heart rate, before he knocks.

The door doesn’t open immediately so he knocks again, feeling more awkward by the second.

This time there’s a muffled shout and a few seconds later the door is yanked open by Sirius—dripping wet and a towel hastily wrapped around his waist.

“Sorry!” He gasps, “Sorry, flight late, felt kind of like plane—plane all over me? Thought I be fast, sorry.”

“Okay.” Remus meant to say it’s okay but, well, Sirius’ towel is slipping sort of low.

“Come in, come in, I’m be ready in minute.”

Ready for what? Remus wants to ask.

He goes to sit on one of the couches and strokes his hands over a soft pillows while Sirius pads back to the shower, dropping his towel without closing the door. For a second, Remus debates on whether he can consider that as an invitation or not. He stands up twice and sits back down before the water shuts off and he sits again. Sirius emerges a second later, grabbing the towel from the floor to wrap around his waist and another for his hair.  He rubs at his hair until the waves fluff around his ears and into his eyes. He smiles over at Remus somewhat guiltily.

“Sorry again. You want look at menu?” Sirius flips open a sleek looking suitcase and starts rifling through it, “Starving. Airplane food most bad, you know?”

Remus doesn’t but he’s not about to start that conversation. Instead he reaches for the leather-bound hotel book, “Where did you come from?”

“Sydney, ah…Hard for me to say.”

“Australia.”

Sirius laughs and pulls a loose fitting pair of sweatpants on—bare, “Yes, right.” A white long sleeve shirt follows and—to Remus’ surprised delight—a black snapback. It sits snugly on his damp hair, pushing the front part back out of his eyes while the rest wings out above his ears. Remus can see the shape of his ring necklace through his shirt. He swallows. Sirius looks good.

He pulls some warm looking socks on and Remus glances briefly at the hole in the heel on his own left foot. The couch bounces a little as Sirius settles next to him, leaning in close to look at the menu, “Good food? What you like?”

Remus tries to read the menu, he really does, but Sirius’ arm is thrown over the back of the couch  and his fingertips are brushing over where he sweater gives way to skin. He holds the menu out to Sirius, “You decide. I’ll eat anything.”

Sirius gives him a teasingly disapproving look but takes the menu and reaches towards the side table for the phone. He orders too much. A steak, fries, a plate of brisket ravioli, a cheese board, a salad, calamari, and two slices of chocolate cake. Remus doesn’t know where they’re going to put it all, but he hopes maybe he can take some of it home.

“We do tea later,” Sirius reaches out and fans one of Remus’ curls between his fingers. “After.” He amends, “They say thirty minutes.” Then his fingers are lightly brushing Remus’ hip, just beneath his sweater, “We stay busy while wait. Is okay?”

“Yeah.” Remus breathes, because what Sirius doesn’t know is that he got off to the mere memories of what they did last time every night leading up to now. Sometimes twice. Of course it’s okay. He’s never had a job this fucking okay, and he’ll damn sure make the most of it until Sirius moves on. They always do. Remus usually feels more grateful when they do, but he has a feeling Sirius will be different.

Sirius flashes him a grin and tugs him right into his lap. His lips are warm and chapped against Remus’, but the rough texture is nice. Remus feels like it keeps him there, in Sirius’ arms. He runs his tongue across Sirius’ bottom lip just to feel it and is rewarded with a soft sound and a palm to the small of his back. Sirius, who seems to be able to take Remus aback in almost everything he does, is holding Remus close, chest to chest. Not by the hips, not by the shoulders. Remus has never had any problems with abuse and he’s lucky in that way but Sirius, Sirius isn’t holding him like he’s there for sex at all. He’s cradling Remus in his lap, hands running lazily up and down his back. He’s licking into his mouth like they have all the time in the world, like they’ve been kissing forever and they’ll do it tomorrow, and tomorrow.

Remus’ palms cup his jaw and he runs his fingers along the edge of the snapback.

“You want off?” Sirius’ voice sounds like he’s just woken up.

Remus shakes his head and his eyes slip closed as Sirius’ mouth moves to his jaw, “No.”

Sirius’ warm breath against his neck as he laughs softly almost feels better than the wet kisses he’s leaving there. Almost.

They stay like that until the knock on the door makes Remus blink his eyes open blearily, suddenly aware of how warm he is.

Sirius shifts him to the side gently, kneeling on the couch for one last peck, “I’m get food, relax here.”

Remus blinks at him, licks his kiss-swollen lips, and honestly just wants to ask Sirius why he is like this. He rests his head back on the couch and listens to Sirius’ bright voice chatting away to the bell boy who brought their food. He’s thanking him, telling him how good it all looks, and Remus thinks maybe he’s just this nice to everyone he meets. He isn’t sure what to do with that.

“Hey,” Sirius head pokes back through the door, cart trailing him, “Food.”

Remus isn’t going to say no to that.

The spread of food looks even bigger when laid out and Remus can’t help but laugh as Sirus sits down next to him again, “Sirius, this is…a lot.”

Sirius shrugs one shoulder, “We don’t finish, you take home.”

Remus isn’t going to say no to that, either. He has a brief moment of wondering whether ordering this much was purposeful on Sirius’ part, but pushes it aside. That’s ridiculous. Sirius doesn’t even know him, much less anything about his financial situation. Well. He might know a little given who they are to each other.

Remus spends most of the meal listening to Sirius try to explain some funny story that happened on his trip, and anticipating the occasional moments of being fed bits of steak and such by Sirius, who barely breaks in talking despite how it takes Remus’ breath for a moment.

“I spend lot of time in hotel, you know?” Sirius’ voice breaks into Remus’ thoughts, mid story. He wished he’d been listening fully to know how to respond.

“I, ah, lonely?”

Sirius shrugs, but shoves a large scoop of pasta in his mouth. Remus takes that as a yes.

“How did you…” Remus searches for the right word before trying, “find me?”

Sirius actually pinks a little at that, “Ah. Friend. You know him. Recommend. Say you very sweet.”

Remus nods and respects the anonymity even if he’s dying to know who, “Sweet, huh?”

Sirius smiles a little, “I’m think so, too.”

They move onto the cake and the hotel had sent up an two extra desserts, seemingly just because Sirius is Sirius.

“I’m stay here lot, they know me.”

“Probably because you order the entire menu anyway.” Remus jokes.

It makes Sirius’ entire face light up, spreading his hands, “Hey, why not? Hungry after long day of flying.” He knocks his ankle against Remus’, “Good food, best company.”

Remus rolls his eyes a little and Sirius snorts. That shouldn’t be attractive, but it is.

“You live here always?” Sirius asks through a bite of cheesecake, “London?”

“Yeah, always.”

“Born here?”

Remus nods, “Yeah. I live a few streets over from my parent’s flat.”

“Must be so nice.” Sirius is smiling, but his eyes are down at his plate and he looks a little mournful. His fingertips not holding his fork are twisting the ring around his neck,  “Be near family always.”

Remus takes a bite instead of answering. It had been nice. For a while.

“Not…Not nice?” Sirius says softly, “Sorry, not want to bring up bad things, Remus—“

“No. No, it’s okay. It’s fine, I just…yeah, I don’t really talk to my parents much these days.”

Sirius places a warm hand on his thigh, thumb rubbing on the inside slowly. But it isn’t sexual. It isn’t even verging on sexual. It’s soothing and warm, and it makes Remus want to keep talking.

“Not since I came out.” He finally manages, “To them. They weren’t…” But it turns out that’s all he can say on the matter.

“Make you feel better…” Sirius wets his lips, “Parents not know. Mine, I’m saying. Scared to tell, not good thing in Russia.” He gives Remus’ thigh a little squeeze, “I understand. Remus, it’s—it’s most brave.”

Remus blinks hard, “Yeah.” He doesn’t know why he’s sitting here having this semi-melt down with Sirius. Sirius definitely isn’t paying for this. He’s probably annoyed with him under all his kind words and so Remus snuffles and digs his palms into his eyes, trying to wipe the tears away and the redness that’s probably there both. There’s nothing really to do to make this not an awkward transition. How do you go from tears to sex? And with a stranger? “I’m sorry.” He begins, “Fuck, this—was not what I had planned.”

“Remus, it’s not apology—no, okay?” He’s suddenly pushing the food table away and tucking his legs beneath himself, sitting on his socked-heels and taking both of Remus’ hands, thumbs rubbing gently against the vulnerable insides of Remus’ wrists, “I’m not mind, really. Really.”

“I’ll take this out of your pay. Honestly, Sirius, this isn’t what you brought me here for, I just want you to know that I know that.” Remus can’t help it though, and despite his words curls his fingers around Sirius’, “Sorry."

“Please stop saying, Remus.” Sirius tone is firm, “Please, you—not an apology.” Even the word ‘apology’ sounds nice in Sirius’ mouth.

“I…make okay? A bit?” Sirius tugs very lightly on Remus’ hands but when Remus shakes his head he—he lets go. Which Remus can’t decide how he feels about that.

“Sorry.” He says again, then at Sirius’ face, he pushes a hand through his hair, “Fuck, sorry—Sor—“

And then Sirius is kissing him. His thumbs are stroking slowly along his cheeks and he’s sucking Remus’ bottom lip slowly into his mouth, brushing his tongue along it with the same amount of leisure. Remus sighs into it, fingers digging into his own thighs for a moment before he’s leaning forward and pressing his palms flat on Sirius’.

“Only if want.” Sirius says against his mouth, “Remus.” He pulls away just enough to look at Remus’ glassy eyes, “You not want a second ago, I’m just want no more sorry. No, ah, not need to do anything, okay?” He curls his fingers back around Remus’ ears, around the curls there, “карамель, can just put movie on. Have more cake.”

Remus sniffles a little, blinking hard at Sirius, “Did—Did you just call me caramel?” He remembers the soft word from last time.

Sirius smiles, a bit, and lifts one shoulder, “It’s good, no? It’s…not sure how to say…small names important in Russia. Mean two people are close.”

Is that really what we are? Remus wants to ask. He sort of wants to yell it because, as great as this is, he sees nothing but a darker end. For himself, anyway.

“Oh.” Is all he says out loud and falls sideways a little on the couch into the cushions. He’s suddenly so tired. Sirius doesn’t seem to mind, though, and mirrors his position, their knees knocking together. His soft smile is still aimed right at Remus. “What’s yours then?”

Sirius’ smile grows, “Mama give to me when little.” He raises his eyebrows, “Little bit funny, not laugh.”

Remus feels a smile of his own start up and he uses his sleeve to wipe his nose, sitting up a little more, “I won’t laugh.”

“Sivushka.” It rolls nicely off of Sirius’ tongue, and his cheeks pink a little but he looks pleased, “Sort of…for family? Friends. Not so much lover, too…small?”

“Casual?” Remus offers, “Like, it means a different feeling.”

Sirius’ smile is soft, “So good with english. So helpful.”

“Sivushka.” Remus tries it out, but it doesn’t sound half as good. Then, he can’t help it, heart in his throat when he asks, “What’s…what’s more than friends? Like, not—just, I’m curious what that would be.”

“Lover? Sirusya, maybe.” Then he smiles, eyes crinkling warmly, “You like? You call me?”

“Surely someone already calls you that.” Remus tries to keep his voice light. I mean, look at you. He wants to add.

Sirius sits up at that a little, eyes going hard, hand—that had been rubbing idly against Remus’ knee—going still, “No. No one call me.”

Remus swallows, “I—I didn’t mean—“

“I’m not—изменя́ть.” He huffs in frustration, “изменя́ть—I’m not know, not know, okay?”

Remus’s chest goes cold, “Okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply anything.”

“Not be here if with—someone else.” Sirius shakes his head, “Not like that, Remus. I’m not.” The phrase is followed by a disgruntled spell of Russian that Remus does his best to follow through tone alone.

“I know.” Remus finally says, “I know you aren’t.” Because he’s only met Sirius twice but he can honestly say he does know this about him, “I’m sorry.”

“Not apology, карамель.” Sirius rubs his hands over his face, “Too much action, sorry.”

Remus looks on in confusion, “What?”

“Me, me,” Sirius gestures aggressively towards himself, “Me. Too much action. Not right.”

Overreaction, Remus thinks and nods, “No, I understand.”

“I’m know…what guys you probably see doing…this.” Sirius doesn’t look at him as he acknowledges exactly why Remus is there for what feels like the first time other than money exchanges, “Not wrong for you to think. But no.”

“Sirius, it’s okay.” But that feels wrong somehow and so he says instead, “I mean, we’ve done this three times.”

Sirius is quiet for a long moment this time. “It’s true.” Then, after running his fingers over his necklace a few times, “You have other small name?”

The topic change pings a little, “Um. Not anything big. Re, mostly, if anything.”

“Re.” It sounds like a lovely mess of vowel in Sirius’ mouth, “That’s all?”

Remus nods, “Nothing like Russia, huh?”

Sirius runs a hand over his face one more time but when he moves it there’s a trace of his usual smile, “I’m find you one, not worry.” Then, eyes down and voice quiet but questioning, “You have…small name…for lover?”

Remus swallows. His throat is so dry all of a sudden so he just shakes his head, then realizes Sirius isn’t looking at him so he croaks out, “No.”

Sirius nods back, “Oh.” Then he grabs the remote and pushes it into Remus’ hand, “Find something. I’m call for tea and get money before forget. Be back.”

It seems like the end of the conversation, but the conversation doesn’t feel over. Remus choses a movie, but he couldn’t say what it was about. When its over Sirius has to tuck the money into Remus’ back pocket himself. He presses another kiss to Remus’ cheek. Then Remus doesn’t hear from him for two weeks.

[loveisbraveandwild]

*anon with body dysmorphia here* Thank you so much for your kindness and understanding with my last message. I used to have a severe eating disorder about 5 years ago, and I’m still in the process of “proving” I’m not sick anymore to my family. So I have no one to talk to about my struggle right now, or they’ll think I’m back to square one. I just keep staring at my body knowing it’s fine, and knowing there’s nothing wrong or changed overnight but I feel like I’m trapped in my own thoughts

hi! firstly, im so frickin proud of u for seeking advice and for confronting ur ed and working on it and urself and ur confidence and body. i know how hard that can be and im so so so proud of u!!!! do u have a friend u could talk to that maybe wouldnt freak out if u asked for advice??? if not, i assume there are excersizes and steps uve taken in the past and maybe see if you can create a list of those things and write them down. that way in moments of anxiety or chaos or self doubt and overthinking u can read that list. whether its watching a tv show, reading a book, going for a walk, journaling, meditating that way the list is accessible. also i know i would write down an affirmative or something i loved abt myself every day and when i needed to i would refer back to it. whether it was “you have a beautiful smile” or “today so-and-so thanked me for helping them studying and it made me feel appreciated” and it just reminded me of the good things abt myself ya know, the things that are less physical and things i already felt consistently confident abt.

i will say these thoughts r completely normal as you recover. the number of days i still wake up feeling like im gonna relapse or im back to square one is sometimes hard for me to admit, but feeling that way doesnt mean u actually are at square one. recovery is hard and those thoughts have been in ur head for over five straight yrs so at this point theyre habit and it takes more work to get rid of then to just let them sit but. but know ure so strong and u will get to the point where u rnt constantly trapped, i promise. pls keep reading out to me or anyone u can!!! i def dont have all the answers but i hoped this helped a little!!! i love u!!!! 💗💘💓💖💗💘💓💖

[imagineurfavs]

iKON Donghyuk A-Z

“ikon donghyuk a-z please 🥺”

(A/N this is pretty much just “how many ways can i reiterate that donghyuk is a total sweetheart in 26 letters”)

-------

A - Aftercare

I don’t think he’s even really aware about aftercare tbh, he will always be sure to make you both eat and drink afterwards though but I think that’s the extent of it.

B - Body Part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner)

On himself, he likes his thighs (for obvious reasons wow theyre magnificent), on you he likes your hips, his hands spend the majority of their time there, even in non sexual situations.

C - Cum

Likes cumming on your belly, or your butt, they’re his favourite features of yours so seeing them covered in his cum just turns him on immensely.

D - Dirty Secret (a dirty secret of theirs)

He’s secretly always really wanted you to try thigh riding on him, but he’d never ask just in case you think he sounds weird. He knows how much you love his thighs though, so hes just waiting for you to suggest it.

E - Experience

Little to none, he’s been busy since he was very young so tbh i just don’t think he’s had enough time.

F - Favourite Position

probably spooning, he loves that he can keep himself super close to you and he can still touch you where ever he wants to

G - Goofy (are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous etc)

he’s just a total ball of sunshine 24/7 tbh, so of course its gonna carry over to the bedroom. Pretty much always smiley and full of compliments.

H - Hair (how well groomed are they)

Almost totally bare but not entirely, he likes to keep everything clean.

I - Intimacy (how are they during the moment, romantic aspect)

So, so intimate. Definitely more of the “love making rather than just fucking” type. Always makes sure to be holding your hands and looking deep into your eyes.

J - Jack Off (Masturbation)

I feel like he’s quite easily aroused, so quite a lot? Every other day maybe?

K - Kinks (one of more of their kinks)

Femdom, but like, soft femdom. He wants you to teach him, show him new things and take care of him. I feel like a praise kink probably goes hand in hand with that also, 

L - Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Only really comfortable in the bedroom tbh, might venture into shower/bathtub sex if he was totally certain no one would walk in on you.

M - Motivation (What turns them on)

Probably just bc he’s a dancer, but he loves seeing you dance. Even more if he’s the one teaching you a dance you do together. Being so up close to each other, breathing heavily and sweating, in a totally non sexual situation just drives him crazy.

N - NO (something they won’t do, turn offs)

Nothing involving too much pain, like anything outside of biting/scratching and maaaaybe light spanking. He just doesn't understand how someone would enjoy being hurt.

O - Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Giving, he’s tentative and sweet, looks up at you every so often to see how you're reacting to him, kinda slow. When receiving, he keeps one hand in your hair at all times, stroking in softly with his head thrown back.

P - Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc)

A lil fast, thrusts get hella sloppy just before he cums

Q - Quickies (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc)

He likes them, he thinks they're super fun. They usually happen when he’s got somewhere to be super soon but you did something he liked and now, oh great, he’s popped a boner. Usually ends up being super giggly and playful sessions rather than his usual deep romantic ones.

R - Risk (are they down to experiment, do they take risks?)

Not into it. At least not the risk part. He’s open to experiment a little bit, but only if it’s within the vicinity of your bedroom, with no one else involved, and with no chance of anyone getting hurt or people finding out. He’s got a lot of caveats, but he’s open to it a tiny bit...maybe

S - Stamina (how many rounds can they go, how long do they last? etc)

Can last a decent while, he likes to take his time and make you're your both totally satisfied before he’s willing to call it a night. 

T - Toy (do they own toys do they use them on a partner or on themselves?)

Doesn’t own any. He’d probably buy you a vibrator to use when you're not together but that’s it. He wants to please you totally by himself so he doesn't see the need for them.

U - Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He doesn't really think what he does is teasing, but boy, yes. He’s a tease. He’s always shooting you naughty looks when y’all are out in public, with one hand consistently massaging your upper thigh. To him it’s just showing affection but...boy smh

V - Volume (how loud are they, what type of sounds they make)

Quiet high pitched moans, kinda cute tbh.

W - Wild Card (a random headcannon)

He knows inside that he has dom tendencies, but he doesn't know how to bring it up to you. For most of your relationship he’s been more on the sub side just because he was less experienced; but the more he’s gotten to know himself, the more hes longing to be the one pinning you down and pounding you into the mattress. 

X - X-ray (what’s going on inside those pants)

Average length, definitely on the thicker side.

Y - Yearning (How high is their sex drive)

It’s pretty high, he just wants to spend all his time showing his love for you lol and sex is his favourite way to do it. So he’s always down for some lovin’

Z - Zzz… (How quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

If you're super tired, then he’s always down to cuddle up with you and go asleep, but I feel like he’d be surprisingly chirpy afterwards. He’d just be so full of adrenaline and smiles, wants to stay up and talk about everything and telling you how much he cherishes you.

[hypmicscenarios]

Chance Meeting (2)

A/N broke it up into three parts but you can read full work on Ao3! 

“Riou, Riou, Riou,”you said outloud,”hes....kind of cute isnt he?”,you said, looking down at dog in your lap who was flipped over, demanding belly rubs. “Aaaaa D/N, I think Im catching feelings. not serious though! I mean, we’ve never even held a conversation but...he is cute...and hot..ahhh!”,you covered your face. No no, it was only proof that he was way out of your league if you continued to list the good things about him. When it came to love, you definitely had the least bit of experience in that area. Besides, your cute dog came into your life and you just sort of got into your own routine. Love had become the last thing on your mind. However, you couldn’t stop yourself from being curious about him. “Well, we saw him yesterday. I say our chances might be low. I have to get ready for work anyway, I have the night shift,”you said towards your dog. You didnt mind the night shifts, but you would rather not have them. Your job was in a pinch though and you were simply too kind to say no. You were a waiter at a restaurant. The only thing that bothered you was coming home down the sketchy streets at night, but you always carried pepper spray with....and maybe a mini knife disguised as a pen. You always made it home safe though....until today. Everything was cleaned up at work and the guests were gone. Your boss offered a ride but you declined, saying your place wasn’t too far. Also you were considering his exhaustion. He was sweet, but you knew the night had been pretty busy and you were understaffed. So, you walked home yourself. You always had your headphones on, looking down at your phone. 5 minutes into your walk, you felt like you heard something, so you stopped and turned around. Seeing a mysterious man, dressed in all black. It just smelled trouble. You walked a bit faster, then faster, eventually you found yourself running as fast as you possibly could until you ran into another person, half afraid it was him, but your terrified eyes disappeared once you saw it was Riou. You bit your lips, trying not to cry and spoke,”t-theres a man chasing me and he-”,before you could finish, Riou walked forward, his hands clenched, waiting for the man to show up. Which, he did. “Sir, you should know not to pick on women or any helpless and innocent being at all,”he said firmly. What happened next made your eyes almost pop out of their sockets. Riou had single-handily taken the guy down, like nothing! Was he a police officer or something? That was way too smooth. You saw him take out his phone, assuming he was calling the cops, then he walked back to you. You quickly bowed,”Thank you so much Busujima-san! really, you saved my life,”you looked up,”how can I repay you?” He shook his head in disagreement,”I used to be a naval officer, my whole job is based on protecting those who cannot protect themselves, so no payment is needed.but you should be more careful at night, do you not read or watch the news?” You bit your lip and looked away,”maybe...not. I suppose I should though. I definitely would have let my boss drive me home,”you said. You now had a frown because you were a bit sad you were so careless. “Im sorry, I really will start doing that from now on but still, thank you again, I really appreciate,”you said, looking up with the small smile you could muster up.  “Come on, I’ll take you home. do not leave my side.”he stated firmly. You nodded and spoke,”u-uh, yea, thanks, sir yes sir,”you said and mentally hit yourself. Really? Sir yes sir? But you were surprised when you heard a chuckle. or...you think you heard a chuckle. It was gone too quickly. Did he laugh at you? Why did he have to keep doing more things each time to pull him to you?

Once you arrived at your doorstep, you bowed your head,”sorry for making you go out of your way to take me back. Please get home safe.” You looked up and you couldn’t believe his next words. “theres no need to worry, I live right there,”he said, pointing to the door next to yours. You were neighbors?! Since when! You could have sworn on your life that no one lived next to you, least of all him. Oh no...and you had screamed so many times. Did he hear that too? Before you could process it, he spoke,”have a goodnight then Y/N-san,”and he left, opening the door to his apartment and shutting it. You quickly went into yours and slid down as you shut the door, your dog greeting you. “No fucking way....”,you said aloud, ignoring the consistent licks on your face.  This was all too much, thank god you had no work tomorrow. 

Change of POV to Rio’s

He closed his door and took off his jacket. What an eventful day. And he did that person seemed so shock he lived next to her? He was already aware of the fact, so why weren’t they. and how could they be so careless? This L/N-san was an interesting person. and their paths seemed to cross a lot. He also needed to get some sleep. First, he had to take a shower though. For the rest of the night though, he couldn’t get L/N out of his head. A bit irritated as to why, he forced himself to sleep sooner than expected.  The next day, he woke up and figured it was cleaning duty. He took out the trash first, opening the door and seeing L/N standing there. Riou blinked as she got scared and dropped her keys. “sorry for the scare,”he said and went to take out his trash. As he went back up to the apartment, he saw L/N and their dog, who went towards Riou. “Hes fine, I dont dislike dogs,”Riou said, bending down and giving him a couple of rubs. “I never asked his name.” he said, while petting him. “Ah, D/N, thats his name,”they responded. “I see, Im done with my pets,”he said as he stood up, looking as they laughed and said,”you dont really have to state that...but thanks, he loves them.” Riou nodded and headed back to his place. That person definitely made fun of him and his way of speaking, but he less upset, and more couldn’t stop thinking about their smile. Why was that? No...he should turn on some music, do his chores, workout, and forget about it. A couple of hours later, he sat down on the couch. His shirt was off and sweat was dripping down his body. Suddenly, his phone rang and he furrowed his brows,”how much?”,he asked. Dice responded over the phone,”how rude! I just miss your cooking, say say can I come over today please??,”he asked. Riou answered,”by all means. so, how much?” Dice chuckled,”okay you win, I’ll message you the amount.”

Once Dice showed up, Riou let him in,”eat first, money second,”he said, blinking as Dice hugged him. “Ri-chan I missed you so muchhh”,he said, moving his head in Riou’s chest. Riou couldn’t take the physical display of affections and took Dice off of him,”thanks, the food is ready.” Dice pouted as he mumbled,”not even an I miss you back.” They sat down at the table and Dice spoke,”soooo, whats going on with Doctor Isolation in these parts? anything new? give me something, you never have anything.” Riou sighed as he ate his food,”I rescued the person who lives next to me from the attacker on the news, will that suffice?”,he said. Dice’s eyes lit up,”Woah! How cool! were they cute?” Riou lowered his eyes,”why is that of any concern? you should just be glad theyre safe.” Dice smirked,”and...do you know their name?” “Yes, why?”,he answered.  “do you think theyre cute?”  “no comment.” 

“you need more friends you know...or even a partner,”Dice said. “I have you, why would I need more?”, Riou asked. Dice frowned,”I make you hang out with me. I want you to have someone you want to hangout with...even though you never make plans with me.” Riou rolled his eyes,”thats because thats you job.” Dice continued to question him about L/N that he eventually kicked the other out...but of course L/N had to be coming back from work. “Dice n-”

“Hey hey! my names Dice! Im this loners friend,”he said as he pointed at Riou,”please take care of him, I’ll leave him in your care,”he turned around,”They are cute by the way, just like you said,”Dice said with a wink, knowing it would it make him mad. He held onto his bag of money and dipped before he was choked,”Buh-bye Ri-chan!~” Riou sighed and looked towards L/N,”sorry...he’s a handful. have a good day.” and then he left. Its not like he could exactly deny what Dice said, then that would just put him in an even stickier situation! He sighed and flopped down on his couch, planning out Dice’s murder in his head.

[coalessscence]

one of my favorite worst things to Think About are the ways herb’s casually neglectful childhood sometimes just....surfaces in the every day world of his life now. and since his whole shtick is my childhood was perfect my father is basically god and i have absolutely no parent issues idk what ur talking abt, he winds up having to flail, having to learn on the way down, and try to keep up a cover that he knew all along. which, usually, doesn’t work, and just makes it all the more sad. here’s a few examples i’ve thought of because i don’t love myself:

someone around the station gets stuck with something metal and comments they might need a tetanus shot. herb was definitely never taken to the doctor’s for a checkup and regular vaccinations as a child, and since he works daytime hours lucille takes the kids while he’s at work, so he literally has never had a shot and he doesn’t fully understand what vaccines are, aside from cultural osmosis, so he asks in telling confusion, “what’s that supposed to mean?” @piper-aileen-lenox specifically, thnx for making me think of this and ruining my life xx

when herb and lucille moved in together (i imagine they were engaged but maybe not married just yet) lucille made it clear to her rather sexist fiance that she was expecting him to tow the line around the house just as much as her, which he agreed to, except when she asked him to do the grocery shopping thinking that was a harmless thing he could do (not like she’d trust him to actually get the dishes clean or fold her clothes so they don’t wrinkle). they almost never had food consistently in the house growing up and if they did eat full meals, they only had the food for THAT MEAL around because 1. herb sr. and ruby (herb’s parents) lived an erratic lifestyle of little to no money or a whole lot of money but only for a second because it was burning a hole in herb sr.’s pocket, and because 2. ruby quickly learned spending money on food ahead was pointless because either herb sr. hecked off somewhere w/o warning and it went bad, or his deadbeat friends hung around and ate it all, so she only bought for that day if they had the money for anything. but since no one was ever around to TEACH herb anything and he figured most things out on his own, herb doesn’t understand all this and he literally thinks you’re not supposed to by food until you run out or that you have to throw out whatever you have left at the end of the week because....... who knows ???? that’s just what he thought. it caused multiple arguments early into herb and lucille’s relationship before she figured it out and explained it to him because he didn’t know well enough to ask.

when herb and lucille’s first child, bunny, was born, he had to be shown how to hold a baby by the doctor. he had literally never held or even interacted with a baby before until that moment. he had no siblings (that he knew of), he had no friends as a child because if he wasn’t the bully he was the target and he was an ass just like dear old dad so no one liked him anyway, and he had 0 other family. lucille realized in that moment as she watched his palpable confusion when she extended their newborn child to him that he was going to have a lot of learning and growing to do. she hoped he was ready for it.

god that time there was a station fam barbecue early into herb’s wkrp career and someone, maybe mr. carlson, is like ‘WHO WANTS TO BE THE GRILL MASTER’ like its a big deal and everyone is like oh it has to be herb bc he’s the newest out of us and hes aware all the men see it as a status symbol and he CAN’T be less of a man than another man bc Ego (tm) so hes like of course im the grill master !!! and then panics for the next thirty minutes because he’s literally never even stood next to a grill let alone used one HOW DOES IT WORK the first fifteen minutes he doesnt even have the gas on rip

when herb was, like, 15, he taught himself how to drive a car because one of his “friends” (peers who was a bully that he called a friend and hung out with to stop also getting bullied but who was still bullying him anyway, herb was just brainwashed into thinking that’s what friendship is) wanted them to go out cruising and herb wanted to be a Cool Guy and not look like a chump so he lied and said he could drive. they got pulled over, because of course they did, and herb got in big trouble for you know, driving w/o a licences. the kicker though is that herb didn’t fucking know you can’t drive without a license or that licenses and road tests and drivers ed were even a THING because he literally raised himself and no one ever  t a u g h t   h i m   a n y t h i n g. anyways his dad got called home to deal with it from wherever he was away at at the time and he got in big trouble for interrupting dear old dad’s work anyways so :) what a healthy family

surprisingly, herb DID know how to cook the basics. grilled cheese, pasta, stir fries, a couple casseroles. lucille asked him about it because he was always such a Gender Roles (tm) type of man who wouldn’t even wear a brighter shade of red than like. maroon. in case it got loosely contaminated with the concept of the color pink and he’d have to change his name and move to alaska. so why was he doing a “ womans job “ (cooking) and herb just looked confused and said “what, guys don’t cook?” she told him that no, they usually didn’t and would have laughed at her if she tried to make them, and he laughed awkwardly and absently stirred the pot on the stove and shrugged in mild confusion. “that’s weird. if i didn’t cook i’d have... starved, i guess.”

the bad news is his cooking wasnt GREAT and lucille was happy to take over because again.........self taught. and he has one (1) brain cell so. not Great

LITERALLY DIDN’T KNOW ALL CLOTHES DON’T HAVE TO BE DRY CLEANED. his dad literally wore clothes that had to be dry cleaned Every Day (and we wonder why the tarlek family was short on the food budget god) (and they were ugly clothes too akdhfjfg) and ofc if ruby washed her clothes, it was while herb was at school. he dry cleaned so many clothes that do Not Make Sense to dry clean in college before he slowly figured that out.

did not know what an allowance was. bunny asked him for one and not willing to seem stupid to his swift daughter he told her to ‘ask her mother’, who thought it was hecking weird that her money obsessed husband would say that, so she asked him why and after several long minutes he just shrugged helplessly and said “what’s an allowance?”

don’t even get me started on herb and lucille planning their wedding ( ‘what kind of stuff should we put on the gift register?’ “put on the WHAT?”  ‘what are we going to put on top of the cake?’ “there’s gonna be CAKE?”  ‘i can’t wait for daddy to walk down the isle with me, it’ll mean a lot to him’ “your DAD is gonna walk you down the isle....?? but you’re marrying ME, right?”   ) also herb not knowing the wedding look of the bride is supposed to be a Secret and barging into the room w a question or smth while lucille and her bridesmaids are getting ready, and everyone is hella miffed and he’s like WHAT i’ve seen her naked before and theyre all like THATS NOT THE POINT HERB

herb did Not Know about seasonal allergies. he just........didn’t know. he just thought god hated him and every spring and fall his head sprung a leak. and the whole time he was growing up no one A. listened to him complain about them and put 2 and 2 together, nor B. just taught him about basic first aid stuff in general for that matter he doesnt know shit. anyways, then lucille was like why are you such a tough guy just stop complaining and take some medicine for your stupid allergies and he was like take some what for my what now

ANYWAYS herb’s mom left while he was v young and he doesn’t remember much about her. herb’s dad was literally   n e v e r   home. the people herb’s dad left him with would work for obscenely low amounts of pay or owed herb sr. money and largely used all the money for their own food, drugs, alcohol, or other more unsightly business, and left herb alone to fend for himself. this is the disaster human that that produced, thanks, family dynamics! don’t abandon your children, kids, thanks for coming to my ted talk

[solidburnreturned]

by popular demand, here is my oc chatter regarding stuff like relationships n random character traits. its rly long oops but i divided it by character at least lmao,, these are all things that i think id also wanna use if i ever use these characters as humans (which i def will at some point honestly)

- i thinkkkk i want toad and pike to date. toad would come across pike in their lagoon one day while hes wandering around on another wonked exploration and pike is like hey lol :B with their pointy teeth and long ass hair and toad is like :0 he just sits and talks with pike for hours and comes by a few times a week to hang out with them. they fall in LOVE

- fred and lani are def gonna date too. two butches who use he/him pronouns fuck yeah? they have a powerful relationship. mega BDE. power couple. not a lot of pda but alone together theyre both very loving and tender, its a vulnerability thing for both of them. like lani is very cool and can be either stoic or borderline obnoxious while fred is punkish. fred is very head over heels for lani tho 

- mardi n berg.....complicated....i gotta figure out how they actually end up together. berg is a jogger and mardi is a piercer/tattoo artist so that doesnt....make them line up very much in that department. ill think about it more and figure something out. itll probably have something to do with berg’s nose stripes and eye rings

- also side note on mardi......i want his backstory to include a grey period set off by his brother being eaten when they were both young at the troll tree. like he becomes angry and depressed, sorta like branch, his tattoos that he gives himself the only color on his body, until he learns to let go and his colors come back (high key this was inspired by 21 savage, mardi’s voice claim, and the line in his new song A Lot “my brother lost his life and it turned me to a beast”). ill develop this idea further but i just wanted to get it written down

- bismuth.......unsure. they had a crush on pepper and kept trying to ask her out until she came out to them as a lesbian, then they were like :’) but theyre ride or die theyre not gonna be an ass to her because they cant date her. they just care a lot about her. its like icarly

- gazpacho and jupiter CUTE two small trans trolls in That Love. i need to develop them more but. theyre just cute 

- talia is still a little too new for me to develop her......but im thinkin about it...

- kinda same with ernie and olive. they kinda mostly just exist as cute babby characters right now? if anything olive is a trouble maker and ernie is a chatterbox

- clem and thursday also fuckin cute as hell......clem was a nervous wreck asking thursday out but theyve been together like ever since, which is more than a few years. they have a rly cute gentle lovey dovey relationship. thursday is usually hanging around up on her gf’s shoulder giving her kisses on the cheek

- bea and crystal.......adorabl relationship......crystal is another character thats kinda nervous but bea is so chill n confident is helps calm her down. theyre both trans and love the hell out of each other. rly slow n steady relationship, bea is very patient

- pj and marcus!!!! dumb mlm rep relationship. pj is so so gay for marcus he can barely comprehend it. its a dumb ego boost for marcus but hes also very in love with pj, he just expresses it in a weird cocky way idk marcus is a nerd. i need to make more content for them i think about these two way more than it seems

- dwight!! he has a boat. he lives on the boat.....ive thought about maybe pairing him with toad and pike. deciding on his voice claim has been the most difficult thing ever

- kass and current HELL yeah buff gf and tol gf......they spar with swords and wrestle for fun and hang out at the beach a lot. kass fuckin loves the gem on current’s back. i gotta make more content for them 

- celia......i wanna do more with celia. friends with berg probs theyre both sporty. shes just a sweet giant troll who loves mushrooms. i gotta pair her with someone whose palette goes nicely with her pastels 

- carrot and harriet are literally cricket and tilly from big city greens just older. yeehaw siblings. havent thought about relationship stuff with harriet yet.....i think she also needs ANOTHER redesign her colors are just too heavy still. maybe if i can make her colors compliment celia’s that could work as a pairing? hm hm.....carrot tho is dating ford’s oc rye theyre gentle country gays

- rainer. hm. i dont think theyre rly the dating type......theyre just chill with being them. they just wanna swim and be funny

- hammond and andromeda are probs two of my least developed characters.....hammond still needs a redesign. he might be cute to pair with walter, theyre around the same age. andromeda tho i have no idea. she might be a nice pairing with eve? if i ever feel like pairing her with someone...who knows. eve is very carefree and might find andromeda’s energy too intense

- radish i wanna make more content for!! i rly like her a lot....i think shes another troll who isnt interested in dating. shes very focused on being a chef instead. loves her friends a lot!

- mack and pepper 2gether 4ever obvs......they have a relationship that gets richer with age for sure

- im just gonna ramble about mack. i thinkkkkkkk i wanna make her half latina? columbian specifically. she doesnt quite read as white and i didnt make her with the intention of making her white. anyway i love mack a whole lot and should really develop her backstory more. its not rly as like...””tragic”” or whatever as pepper’s i know that but she def has layers. i wanna give her whole family more depth. she has a very complicated relationship with her own feelings and motivations that i need to think about more fully. my powerful femme tho i lov her

- mack’s parents, robin and champagne, i need to like....think about them more. they have kinda a comedic relationship thats sorta inspired by roger rabbit and jessica rabbit. robin is a very caring, gentle troll who’s very smart and cares a lot about his nursing responsibilities in the village. champagne is very relaxed and the “voice of reason” character of the family. she loves a good party and has her party planning down to a science. both are very successful power parents. kickass family

- i already talked about topaz and marney in a separate post but i still love them both so much. big wesbiabs

- pepper....pebber. im gonna talk about her the most obviously gfhjdkrs i wanna talk about her mental health i feel like i think about it a lot but i never write about it explicitly? this is gonna be long oops hgjfksd she has depression and ptsd stemming from the trauma of her crash...im thinking she also has adhd and thats just something shes always had. her depression rly got heavy during her recovery and right after like...she hated being bed/housebound and felt rly powerless to her situation and just let it eat at her until her personality had actually changed considerably. like extroverted wild child rebel to introverted, soft-spoken sulker. this got better with time but she still is pretty introverted, just turned her moodiness into chill energy. 

- she has bad depression habits like letting dishes, old food, laundry, or just stuff pile up in her room until it gets overwhelming and she spends like two days just manically cleaning; or staying in bed for way longer than she should and messing with her hygiene; or eating way more or way less than she should eat in a day. just stuff thats hard to completely break out of when youre recovering. her color is pretty consistently the dark red but if shes having a particularly rough day she might look a little paler, or like a muddy brick color at her worst. thats kinda rare tho

- her ptsd is the thing she hates the most. for a while it made her feel very weak and she’d beat herself up over being traumatized by the crash which was obviously not helpful to her mental state but she was really all over the place during her bodily recovery. its part of the reason why she started working out, she wanted to reclaim some sort of feeling of strength and power that she felt she’d lost completely. she still gets really frustrated with this feeling of loss but she gets a lot of support from loved ones which has helped her not self-blame so much. her ptsd manifests mostly as nightmares/insomnia, chronic headaches/stomachaches, intrusive thoughts and sometimes flashbacks. the nightmares are what rly get to her, she really doesnt get a lot of good sleep and it can get to the point where she just doesnt want to sleep sometimes and she’ll stay awake until she crashes hard

- her scars used to be a big trigger for her ptsd, which is why she has her bangs covering the one on her face and wears long pants (her knee braces are too bulky for pants and would force her to wear shorts which would force her to expose her scars). she just. really really hates them. this is something she struggles with for a majority of her life

- once she and mack start going steady with their dating and start consistently sleeping in the same bed, pepper starts to sleep better. she still has nightmares that wake her up at least weekly, but having mack there to comfort her (whether she wakes mack up accidentally or if mack is already awake) helps a TON with getting her back to sleep soundly. it also just helps her sleep in general to have that comforting, loving presence in her bed snuggled up to her ;w; mack is a big help in general with pepper’s mental health, pushing pepper to make better, healthier choices and get out in the village more and have fun. mack for sure does not “”cure”” pepper of anything but shes a very positive light in pepper’s life that helps her pull thru tough times!

- i love all my goofy trolls so much. its so fun to just chill and blab about them to relax between working on big projects ;o; ty if u cared enough to read this whole thing ur so rad