#this is based on a real conversation fyi

[im-queen-of-the-black-forest]

✨Hot Girl Shit✨

Mountain: *showing Phantom a photo* My hair looked great at around 3 am!

Phantom: Why the FUCK were you up at three am?????

Mountain: Hot girl shit

Phantom: Noooooo!

[ifwerefree]

with all the anger in the land, how long before the judgement day?

[copperbadge]

There’s a passage in one of Dorothy Sayers’ novels, I think Gaudy Night, where Harriet says something to the effect of, “You think, if I can just get through this minute or day or week, everything will be fine, but once you do you’re faced with another minute or day or week that’s just as complicated and difficult, and life becomes one long string of surviving.” Which sounds bleak, but she’s talking about escaping that cycle and finding real stability, like overall it’s a positive passage. I really should look it up.

Anyway, I was thinking about it because I’ve been trying variations on my ADHD medication, based on conversations with my psych. I’ve found that I can’t do the 20mg-once-a-day often because if I’m not compensating for fatigue, then it just makes me scattered; 10mg twice a day is the best dosage for me in a consistent sense. (I’m also trying saffron extract, which sounds woo-woo but does in fact seem to have some clinical significance in testing; using it to supplement the 10mg is going well, using it on top of 20mg is not...helpful.) 

It involves a lot of self-reflection because ideally the Adderall would be a driving force behind me getting stuff done, but there are still days where I take it and feel very low initiative. Frequently, I don’t even notice that I think of something to do and then do it, which has not been traditionally the way my life works, it’s just not as consistent as I’d like.  

But I’m noticing that on the days when it’s still hard to start stuff, I feel this weird, effusive sense of wellbeing when I finish things. It turns out when you accomplish a task it’s supposed to feel good. Generally, when I accomplish a task, it hasn’t felt anything -- it’s felt like Harriet, saying “Well, I just have to get through this” and then having to face something new to get through once the first task is done. But now, when I clean out my inbox or put dishes away or finish a work task...I feel good, I feel accomplished.

No real point in saying this other than to document it, but as an FYI to people who are considering getting a diagnosis, or diagnosed but not yet sure about taking medication, if you can’t start shit or don’t feel good when you finish shit, there are apparently other ways to live. I’m as shocked as anyone. 

[taki118]

Yakuza Fiance Manga Comparison ep 11

Two eps to go. Ep 11 while still good is a return to form as the ep drops quite a lot of details from the manga, some small, some fun and some a real shame to drop. You'll find these under the cut. And like always cause I'm lazy I'm using scans.

Ok so the first weird change you can almost just call an animation error its when Kirishima takes Yoshinos bag. You don't actually see him take it in the anime, he just kinda has it, its weird

The manga shows us that the intent was coming up behind her and grabbing it but like the anime just has a close up on a side view and then he has it, again just weird.

Tsubaki and Shoma's arguement actually goes on a little longer in the manga.

While I wish it kept the boxes I am like so insanely happy they folded in the extra that explains their beef. The bathroom scene was a volume extra I was convinced the anime only's would never know what started it.

Sadly the Renji goes down memory lane scene is cut short from the manga

This didn't really hit me the first time but it is weird how he goes from talking about drinking to the car, and well this is why.

The scene in the basement is pretty one to one though I'll say this the manga is bloodier. Like it really looks like Kirishimas nose was broken whereas the anime its just like kinda red

Not really a change more like an issue over censorship or maybe technical limitations.

So there's actually a little scene with Yoshino and Tsubaki to ease into the conversation about her dating Kirishima in the manga

ITs not much of a loss but adds some character touches

This however is a sad loss here cause it touches on Yoshino's fears with kirishima

She just sorta makes a face in the anime.

And this right here like it feels like it was meant to be in but was cut late cause theres this flash of white after the sales person bit

This montage of their weirdly domestic life is a real loss to me, just cause it's funny a cute and proves once again that Tusbaki is right.

So they cut out the bit that explains the lighter gift better

If you're like me and know little about lighters based on shape. A gas lighter is harder to use and takes more time, which is why Yoshino bought it as a gift.

Ok so technically theres nothing different in this scene it's just another sins of the father bit.

So Shoma in the manga hasn't really questioned anything Renji has done up until this point. He's speculated a little but and has thought to look into things overall in terms of more higher up issues but not Renji himself. Its not till after this confrontation that Shoma starts digging in. BUT the anime has added two scenes that could imply he already is questioning. Maybe I'm reading into things but that's the vibe that he's already wary and kinda contradicts this scene.

So we loose out on some Yoshino and Tsubaki content

We get more of Tsubaki's Renji simping but more importantly we get Yoshino piecing together what went down. It also lets us know that she is very observant as Renji tried to hide what was happening but she always knew.

We also got more of Yoshino with the bat in the manga

It doesn't add much just kinda explains more why she's worn out at the end. (plus its fun)

And this scene looses a little more character too

I feel her frustration haha

Overall the button sequence is a lot longer with a lot more confused Kirishima it would actually be a lot to show but here's some of my favorite bits

We also miss out on Kirishima being so extra

And some more goading

(also just fyi if you think Shouma looks good in the anime he's like 10x hotter in the manga)

So we get more of a natural scene change with Tsubaki and Kirishima

It's not a lot but adds more to the characters overall, and flows better.

So again we loose this

like I think an anime only might be able to piece together that Yoshino knew what was going on and that she figured out why Kirishima did what he did but it sure as hell is harder for little reason.

The rest is pretty much beat for beat with the manga. I guess for covering four chapters this isn't too bad but I do think this ep looses some Yoshino insight which always sucks but at least it didn't feel weird while I watched for the most part.

[abunchoffolkswhosharealife]

I don't think we normally jump into this conversation, (cuz people are a bit crazy and tend to jump to conclusions) but I'm going to talk about it cuz why not.

Just as an FYI, this is just me stating my own opinions and thoughts and theories and whatnot, so please don't take what I'm about to say the wrong way, and please don't go hating on me or my system just because my opinions are different than yours.

Again, just theories and thoughts and shit. You don't have to agree. It's okay for opinions to be different, and I'm not attacking anyone.

Okay, so here's the spiel:

I've been looking at anti-endo and pro-endo stuff, and I'm getting really tired of it.

There's so much hate around the topic, it's kind of laughable (laughable as in it threw me off guard to see so much hate. Not laughing at the people, just at my own surprise to how much hate there was.)

There's so little we understand about the brain, right? So it got me thinking, why can't endos be real?

And at the same time, what makes them DID??

I think that it should be seen as separate disorders. Or at least should be classified that way.

Cuz I mean in my mind that fixes the problem, right? Endos can't misinform if they're talking about a different disorder, right? And anti-endos can't get upset or mad because it's a different disorder that works differently.

I believe that DID is a trauma based disorder. Kids develop it because of childhood trauma.

But who's to say that someone can't develop a system without the trauma?

It wouldn't be the same disorder, because there isn't trauma.

But maybe it's like extreme stress or something, so the brain kinda just poops out like "i'm done, here, have some headmates," you know?

The brain's kinda really cool with how it handles things.

Yeah, there are probably a lot of endos out there who are probably faking. But there are also traumagenic systems that are doing the same thing.

Both spread misinformation and hurt the community.

Again, I think of endos as a separate disorder from DID. That's just my own opinion that makes the most sense to me.

But that doesn't mean endos should be treated any less than another system, right?

Heck, my system isn't DID either! Sure, we're traumagenic, but we don't meet all the criteria, specifically when it comes to amnesia.

But that doesn't make us any less a system than anyone else.

I'm just saying that maybe we should be a little more open minded and kind.

This is a long, highly controversial spiel, and it's totally fine if you don't agree with me. I'm just throwing the thought out there because I felt like it.

Again, this is just an OPINION AND A THEORY! I'm not saying this is actually what's going on! Don't freak out guys!

Stay safe people.

- Max (she/her)

[asyastudieskorean]

05.17.2024 — 안녕하세요 여러분. 오늘 밤에 나는 한국어를 공부해요. 나는 너무 피곤해요, 하지만… 네.

오늘은 “~지요” 배웠어요.

Here’s a quick overview.

Adjective/verb + 지요 is like saying this is the case, isn’t it? It’s this, right?

In English, it’s like Isn’t…?/Aren’t…? and Don’t…/Doesn’t…?

It’s basically a way to ask a question that isn’t a question. 네???

We both (those talking) know this is the case (or most likely is). In asking if this is the case, we aren’t really asking, it’s more like we’re confirming or just stating what is already known.

Here’s a specific example. 사과 씨 and 오이 씨 are walking outside in the snow (눈).

사과 씨: 오늘은 날씨가 춥지요? (FYI 지요 can be pronounced 죠 all the same)

Ms. Apple: The weather’s cold today, isn’t it?

오이 씨*: 네, 추워요.

Mr. Cucumber: Yes, it’s cold.

*Just realized “오이 씨,” “Mr. Cucumber,” also sounds like “(it’s) delicious” in Japanese, lol).

So yes. It’s snowing. It’s below 30 degrees. Of course it’s cold. Everyone knows this and agrees with this. So even why ask? Well.

This becomes clearer when you think about someone asking, Is it cold (outside)?

This is different because it’s a literal question. The person doesn’t know the weather outside.

Ergo, ~지요(?) isn’t really a question inquiring for info.

For nouns, you’d use ~이지요 for consonant endings (“받침”), or ~지요 for vowels. Both can, again, be shortened to ~이죠(C)/~죠(V).

We also learned about present progressive form, i.e. verb+ ~ing, but let’s discuss that another time (or never, I don’t know).

Here is where the tangent begins folks. Run now while you have the chance. 🚨

In rhetoric (sorry, my English major is showing), we’d often use this sort of sentence not for agreeance(?) but to make a point or convince someone of something. A rhetorical device, as it were.

A politician trying to convince people to join their cause may tap into the people's fears by saying, “Don’t you want to have a better future for your children?” Will that politician actually improve childcare and the education system? Did their whole prior speech have anything to do with children? Who knows, but odds are that line had an effect on the people.

You can think of being rhetorical as speaking with an intent different from what the thing you are saying is giving off. Anterior motives (good or bad). Sarcasm, sometimes. To a kid who’s a slacker and failing 3 classes, his mom might ask, “You’re not going to study?” She isn’t curious, she knows he won’t study. She’s actually saying, “Study right now, or else.” This is like a very basic concept of rhetoric. I don’t remember the serious stuff. I’m also an over-explainer because I have teen siblings who constantly ask for homework help. Bear with me.

Think about if you want your friend to go with you to a party, but they’re tired and have an essay to write. However, you know they’re a sucker for costume parties, and this so happens to be a costume party, so you ask, “You like wearing costumes, right?” You know she's passionate about costumes. Here, you’re trying to convince her to go in a slightly subliminal way. These are, of course, all context-based. Read that line without this context, and you'd think it’s a real question. This is a persuasive device because you aren’t badgering them to go for no reason; you’re pointing out the benefit it has for them without explicitly showing it’s actually all for you (you don’t want to go alone).

Now I am not 100% sure if it’d be used as a rhetorical device in Korean, though. This is what I’m wondering.

Basically, the lecture defined this grammar point as, “When the speaker wants to confirm with the listener to obtain the listeners agreement about something that’s already known.”

I think in English, these sorts of confirmations happen largely in meaningless or filler conversations without a purpose. Like when you talk about the weather. “It’s pretty hot today, isn’t it?” would get the answer “Yeah it is” or “I know right?” There’s not really any value or real communication happening here, it’s just like we are existing together and acknowledging that we are, lol. Or! Or maybe this too could be subliminally rhetorical, say, if you are purposefully creating this agreement situation so it is as if the two speaking have something in common or are like-minded (maybe you are on a first date and want to connect). Or maybe the conversation has gone stale, but for some reason, you want it to continue. Is this still rhetoric? Mmm. Anyways.

So this is a bit different from my lecture’s definition of this grammar point. My question is if this can be (or is in real life) used in cases like this, where it is meant to illicit a response that is not simply agreement, whether that’s convincing someone of something, obtaining information, etc.

Consider this:

Imagine you’ve stayed the night at your friends place and want coffee, but can’t quite remember where it is, but you’re pretty sure they have it, so you ask, 커피를 있지요? (Isn’t there coffee?) Here, there is intent beyond agreement. You don’t want to know if there is coffee, you don’t want them to rely “yep!,” you want to know WHERE the coffee is. On a subtext level, this might be a more polite way to ask for the coffee, too.

Or say you’ve walked into a 21+ bar and you see a classmate with their sister that’s only 19. You could then ask, “Aren’t you 19?” This is to, rhetorically, say, “You shouldn’t be here, so why are you?” You know their age, or at least you are almost certain they are under 21.

This is the definition of going down the rabbit hole and “it’s not that deep,” I know, lol. This is literally my stream of consciousness as I study at 12 AM. 🤡

Anyways, 오전 12시예요. 안녕~

[rocketturtle4]

Why Kawi Felt Inentionally Ace Coded

This is the second post I am making about this show for this week, the first was about what I think went down around time travel in this ep and I will directly reference those theories.

Also I just think the way this episode was playing with flash forwards and backs (with both Piseang’s conversation with his mum AND Max’s convo with Kawi – ALSO A FLASHBACK FYI) is VERY INTENTIONAL. (for the purpose of keeping us both in and out of the loop)

Okay so, for the record I really didn’t plan to actively engage in BMF this week, I am mid spiral on an entirely different TV show and this show did not have my full focus while I watched it this morning.

HOWEVER

This moment

[Image ID: Kawi saying "Do you think it's possible for two people dating to have no sexual activity at all]

Took my attention and kept it, I was yelling and I made 2 quick reaction posts about the fact that I was yelling (1, 2)

I will add here that @dropthedemiurge posted about Kawi being definitely ace coded LAST WEEK (I couldn't find it sorry but I remember reading it) as well as this week 2 and @heretherebedork had two different posts about this this week.

Also there is legit evidence for this being about touch starvation and intimacy issues (@shouldiusemyname) and if they do this well I wont be mad but…

It Felt VERY ACE CODED To me

And it felt a bit smack in your face ace coded in a way that to me was throwing up giant WE ARE GOING THERE flags. These flags, to me, were primarily in the LANGUAGE that was used more than Kawi’s physical body langue (which was more ambiguous between the two theories), and this is even trickier because of the layers of translation involved.

So lets talk about those flags

(Also I’m demisexual and demiromantic so my own lens is definitely colouring my view)

Max’s convo with Kawi

I actually loved this convo FOR Max’s response, not because he responded well (if Kawi is ace) but because he DIDN’T respond well. This show is doing a really good job of allowing it’s characters to be flawed and I reckon both Max and Piseang got to be flawed in this episode.

Max has been our gay Yoda

Max has been on point with all his advice

Kawi and Piseang are together in part due to Max’s advice,

But do you know what else Max is?

A 20 YEAR OLD

Max isn’t the person Kawi needs to talk to in this moment, because Kawi’s experiences are no longer aligning with his, and all of his advice thus far has been based on HIS OWN EXPERIENCE (which he literally says by the way):

[Image ID: Max speaking while the subtitles translate the start of his sentence as "Personally,"]

Kawi’s language in this convo was REAL SUS

On top of the first line pictured above, their conversation includes

Max: You’ve already crossed the line, what are you afraid of?

Kawi responds

[Image ID: Kawi saying "I'm not afraid. I just don't think it's that significant."]

Then we get Maxs scoff (SCOFF!!): "Right, The word from someone who’s never had sex"

And his positive take on how important sex is for a relationship and an Individual

And the implication that doing it with someone you love is even better

Then

Max: Are you going to sleep next to each other holding hands forever?

[Image ID: Kawi saying "That's good." with an acesexual black, grey, white and purple flag added to the image]

@sparklyeyedhimbo I like the flag one so I borrowed it.

Then Max points out that it will only work out if Piseang feels the same way.

my thoughts:

Max is very dismissive of Kawi in this convo, there is a real disconnect with Kawi’s tentative questions and Max’s certain responses. Again I THINK THIS IS INTENTIONAL as per above. (For anyone who wants to check again its part 3/4 from around the 2 minute mark)

Kawi doesn’t seem afraid, he seems genuinely confused about not wanting sex. And personally, I’ve BEEN THERE.

Back in the bedroom

Now here we get some fear as Kawi finds condoms, panics and pretends to sleep.

Something I find interesting about this is he doesn’t pretend to sleep facing away from where Piseang would lie or curled up, he is still placed fairly centrally on the bed. His body language isn’t overly defensive (in my uninformed opinion). Now this could just be that he trusts Piseang regardless but I wanted to point it out.

[Image ID: Piseang standing at the foot of the bed look at Kawi apparently asleep in bed]

Then Piseang Time Travels (Full clown, I’m committed)

(I just watched the scene again and Kawi opens his eyes and we don’t see Piseang while the music plays, this scene is legit from Kawi’s point of view and we’ve already seen that the travel isn’t visible to the person not holding the magic globe so I AM EVEN MORE CERTAIN)

Anyway back to this post

Piseang goes to bed and looks at kawi like this

[Image ID: Piseang staring at Kawi]

(I’m just putting this here and choosing to interpret it as weighted with future knowledge lol)

Which post is this again?

Ah yes Ace!Kawi

So we get bed in the morning and Kawi pretending to sleep and then Piseang goes

[Image ID: Piseang rolls to lie on top of Kawi]

And Kawi informs him that he’s heavy.

There’s no recoil

There’s no fear

Until

[Image ID: Piseang says "Would you like to get on top instead then?"]

Even then he’s startled more than scared in my humble opinion

Until Piseang tries to kiss him

[Image ID: Kawi making a very surprised/scared face]

Then Kawi pushes him off and leaves

Piseang continues to try and encourage intimacy

HOLD ON I HAVE A SECOND CLOWN THEORY ABOUT THE FUTURE

(I’m less convinced about my projections for what happens in the future, Piseang looks so content, maybe he just get’s a glimpse of domestic bliss…It needs to be next week already. FOR THE RECORD I’m sticking with clown theory 1 if I have to choose).

We get this moment

[Image ID: Two images of Kawi as Piseang wipes something off the corner of his mouth and Kawi's expression goes from anger to something softer]

And Kawi’s change of experession here is so tender, I feel like this could be coded either way intimacy issues or strong romantic feelings, it’s not lust though that’s for sure. (I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be using coded for intamacy but *shrugs*)

(oooo I wonder if the language play came from his glimpse into the future)

I’m going to skip ahead to the theme park or this will go forever

The bits in between feel more ambiguous to me

THESE LINES FELT SUPER ACE CODED

[Image ID: Piseang saying "If you just wanted to eat, why did you ask me to take you to a theme park? then Kawi saying "I just wanted to get the vibes. The thing that can make me the happiest is eating"]

Food over sex is a legit part of the ace community (the same way tucked in shirts and clear phone cases are part of the bi community from what I understand)

[Image ID: Kawi still saying "The thing that can make me the happiest is eating" now holding up a corn cob]

(If Kawi had held up cake here I would be ALL IN)

Then we get the rollercoaster metaphor!

[Image ID: Kawi and Piseang both looking at the rollercoarster, Piseang looks excited Kawi looks concerned/apprehensive/is making a woah face]

I’m just going to transcribe here it’s quicker and I’m running out of time before I go out tonight:

K: This is too much. Not this ride

P: Come on, Let’s try it first

K: No, I don’t like it.

P: You haven’t tried it yet. How do you know if you like It or not. You said you’d never been to a theme park.

P: If you don’t try it, it’s the same as if you’ve never been here

e.g. Coming to a theme park isn’t the same as enjoying the ride

Then P holds out his hand

P: If you’re scared, just hold onto my hand, Okay?

[Image ID: Kawi looking at Piseang]

K looks at Piseangs hand, Looks at Piseang, Looks at the ride and says

K: No! I won’t get on it. You can go alone if you want to. I’ll just wait here

And walks off

[Image ID: Piseang looks disapointed]

This again felt to me like a rejection of the fear as the primary motivation, he directly says he’s not afraid but he still doesn’t want to

I’m not sure about this scene in the car, it mostly just felt like Kawi was fed up at this point.

[Image ID: Kawi and Piseang in the car]

Possibly this scene highlights the different places there in and how Piseang is open to new experience and Kawi’s not? This feels more intimacy coded than ace.

Restaurant Scene

[Image ID: Kawi and Piseang looking tired in the restaurant]

Both Kawi and Piseang look so worn out in this scene, they both spent the whole day not communicating their true wants and fears and it’s left them all worn down

But Piseang doesn’t give up

[Image ID: Piseang saying "Whatever I did wrong today, you can tell me." and Kawi responding "Today was great."]

Kawi responds to this sincerity and reaches out to hold Piseang’s hand.

KAWI is the one WHO REACHES OUT, again this reads as specifically felt to me as a reason against touch starved.

[Image ID: Two images of Piseang and Kawi holding hands in the restaurant]

And then we’re in the bedroom (time skip anyone).

I’m actually not going to analyse this scene at all much. If Kawi is ace then he can still choose to have sex provided he and Piseang have communicated and if it’s intimacy issues then I also think it’s okay provided they’ve communicated first. ( idon't actually currently think Kawi is demi for the record)

(even when Piseang takes his shirt off, Kawi’s eyes stay on Piseangs face)

(although Piseangs do too actually…)

[Image ID: Two images of Kawi and Piseang after they have removed their shirts staring at each other. The first image contains the subtitle of Piseang saying "are you sure?"

(god his eyes are so big here compared to their often squintiness)

He doesn’t pull back but leans into the kiss. He’s clearly sure of his decision. I’m just not sure about his reasons.

[Image ID: Piseang and Kawi kissing]

Both Piseangs hands are on Kawi, but Kawi’s hands are straight down, I think this could go with either theory but personally on the few occasions I’ve made out with someone “what do I do with my hands?” loops in my head lol so I found this relatable.

Make of this what you will!!

Thoughts on Kawi and Kissing Piseang while he’s drunk

Honestly this doesn't feel weird to me, romantic attraction can involve kissing and drunk!kawi is just giving in to his confused thoughts and feelings, Aesthetic attraction can trick you too if you're not aware of your own identity (lol I had sex with someone before I experienced sexual attraction for the first time and felt very confused about why I didn't really feel like doing it again after even though it had been a positive experience, It was WILD), Kawi kisses Piseang because he likes him and is then confused about Why TF it doesn't feel like it's "supposed" to, *shrugs* make of that what you will.

Additional Thoughts

I’m reading into past future events now but I wonder about Pear and Kawi’s relationship.

Did they have sex?

There was clearly something fundamentally wrong with it, and the show talks about Kawi prioritising work, but it’s all a bit ambiguous and we never got any impression of intimacy. The fact that Pear is pregnant and Kawi doesn’t question if he’s the father, how long have they been broken up? Why did Pear seek out Not in the first place? Did Pear assume Kawi was gay because they didn't have sex??

ALSO

The scene where Kawi stares at Piseang while he was sleeping (Ep 9) I'm not going back to find it now or this won't get posted for like another 14 hours but it also felt ace-coded but I shrugged it off.

ALSO I HIT THE IMAGE LIMIT LOL

(@lurkingshan and @clairificusrex since you helped with my thoughts)

[hypergamiss]

Maybe it's just me but do you ever feel like in the past few years, since the hypergamy, level up, etc topic has become louder online, it's been over run by girls who's main objective is to attain beauty and a well off man? There's nothing wrong with that, but I'm finding it hard to find women who have any sort of substance and it makes me sad. During the Trump legal stuff the past few months people have been ripping his attorney, Alina Habba to shreds due to her clear incompetence. An interview resurfaced where she was saying that she'd rather be pretty than smart because you can fake being smart (fyi, you can't fake being smart and she's proof lol). These are the type of women I'm talking about. It's embarrassing. Those are the types of conversations I was having with friends when I was 7. I just think it's not a good sign, socially, that we have more and more women focusing on just being attractive and the quality of their partners over anything else. I'm very educated and gravitate to intellectually stimulating topics, but I also love all things beauty and aesthetics. When I try to join the "It girl" groups I never fit in because they're only interested in frivolous conversations. I get dead stares when I try to talk about philosophy and science. But the academic, intellectual groups usually reject me right away because of the way I look and assume I'm one of the Alina Habba types. I just wish it wasn't an "either or" situation.

Unfortunately people will always take a niche or topic and create an extreme version of it that is clearly driven by their biggest insecurities. The ones who are the loudest usually have the worst advice and the ones who are more subtle are always the ones dropping the real gems. Their content might be unorganized and they might not have the best set up/equipment, but what they say will be so real and genuine.

I actually think that things have always been the way you describe your experience. Attractive people do indeed get away with a lot in general, and very few of them choose to not take advantage of that and put in the work that everyone else does. I think it's a very interesting subject and complex because everyone goes through different experiences in life that will end up shaping them into who they eventually become. Some will say "I'm damned if I do, and I'm damned if I don't," as they express some sad truths. For attractive females you can choose to either take advantage of your looks to get ahead, or go through the motions of constantly being underestimated and having to prove yourself because you were born attractive. I had a friend who was a very attractive male in medical school. He looked like a football or rugby player and no matter how much he tried to prove that he wasn't just your typical jock, he was always doubted in class by all of his peers and professors. It was wild to see the roles reversed and I'm sure that he is still an outcast till this day when he goes to conventions and meet ups with other doctors.

"I just think it's not a good sign, socially, that we have more and more women focusing on just being attractive and the quality of their partners over anything else."

I haven't looked at the numbers lately but I do know that more women are getting educated now than ever as of 2023 so I like to think that this issue isn't going to be a growing one.

"When I try to join the "It girl" groups I never fit in because they're only interested in frivolous conversations."

Oh I know exactly what you mean... I will get invited to outings based on my looks but rarely show up because I know that the crowd will be the shallow type with not a lot of substance. I have to know that I can talk about real topics to actually enjoy myself. I have plenty of stories where these kind of people end up realizing I'm more of a nerd and their reactions are so obvious!

"But the academic, intellectual groups usually reject me right away because of the way I look and assume I'm one of the Alina Habba types."

I've learned that to be accepted in these groups it helps by being the one to initiate conversations that will really make them forget about what you look like because the topic is that impactful. If it's an online group I won't add a profile picture until my personality is established first, so by the time everyone knows what I look like it doesn't matter anymore. I know that can seem annoying, but it works.

"I just wish it wasn't an "either or" situation."

I agree, stereotypes are the worst.

[cissyenthusiast010155]

Omg, your response was so amazing and helpful 😭❤ Thank you for taking the time to really get into all that. 💞 It also seems to have kinda sparked a conversation arround it, which is awesome! 😁

And ohhhhh ya, the religious trauma and gilt are real 😳🙄

You mentioned you have more to say if we want to hear it? I, for one, would LOVE to hear anything else you have to say on the topic! ❤

-🫖

Hi hi hi 🫖 anon!!

{Let’s Talk Religious Guilt and Trauma}

I am so glad that my response—Let’s Talk Healthy Solo Sex— was helpful and informative for you!! Of course!!! I want to give every ask and every anon the time and respect that they deserve ♥️♥️ And yes, I love that it sparked more of a conversation!! I’m so proud of you for reaching out and starting these discussions, anon!!! 🥰

I most definitely have more to say on the topic. For one, you can check out Let’s Talk Penetrative Sex and Let’s Talk Trauma in Relationships, which both stemmed from our conversation! And then there’s this response, fyi it will be another longer one 😊

*sigh* Yes, religious guilt and trauma are most definitely real. And those of experiences and feelings are so valid. Trauma of any kind is no joke. If you have any religious trauma or trauma of any other kind, I highly recommend that you seek a professional’s help.

So… What is Religious Trauma and Guilt?

A general definition for Religious Trauma is… “Religious trauma can happen when an individual’s religious experience has been damaging, abusive, degrading, stressful, or traumatic. When a religious experience is traumatic, it can damage your emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health”. Check out Cohesive Therapy NYC’s article on Religious Trauma for more detailed information! For an article that goes more into Religious Guilt, check out Considering Counseling’s article on Religious Trauma and Guilt…! ♥️

Religious trauma and guilt are especially tricky beasts… Many twisted religious teachings and persuasion is very cult like. (That’s not to say that all are, there are definitely less twisted, healthier religions and practices) But the ones that are rotten and manipulative, they dig deep into your core beliefs, especially if you’re a child, and they replace your identity with the identity of the religion/church/cult.

So, how do you deal with religious trauma and guilt?

Firstly, as I said above, seek professional help (I recommend an EMDR specialist for trauma—EMDR is a type of therapy that works to restructure traumatic memories in your brain)

On your own accord, Processing, Accepting, and then Healing is the overall goal. Talking it out and processing your experience and feelings with a trusted person can be helpful for some. I find that talking to someone who has also had religious trauma or guilt to be even more helpful, because of how they can relate. Sometimes journaling/writing about it can be another helpful tool. The key is to find some way to express those emotions, to get them out of you.

Personally, my own story is that I have both religious trauma and guilt, but I definitely struggle more with my religious trauma. I was raised in a Catholic school and an Interfaith-Christian household. We moved around a lot, and so I went to many Christian churches like Non-Denominational, Baptist, Presbyterian, Catholic, and Southern Christian/Baptist. After the Catholic primary school, I moved to a Christian Charter school for six years. At that age, all my activities were based around my church and religious school; safe to say, religion was a very big part of my childhood. When Covid hit, I had had enough and I used the social distancing and the lockdown as a way to disconnect from the church. I effectively stopped going to church in 2020. I then took that time to explore my religious trauma and guilt, and this was where my healing journey began.

Everyone’s journey is different, and everyone’s journey is valid. ♥️

I began my work with my CBT therapist (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy— most therapy is CBT or Freudian). I found that most of my religious guilt was tied to my sexuality, and that I really struggled with being gay and being religious. So I explored that. I talked about it with lots of people, including my therapist, trusted family members, and other trusted religious people. I found that finding others who struggled with sexuality and religion was extremely helpful, it made me feel validated and not alone in the struggle. Today, I am way further along with my religious guilt than I was 3 years ago, but I definitely still have more to process, accept, and heal from.

Next there was my religious trauma. For this, I started with my CBT therapy as well. It was helpful, but after 3 years, I have run into a wall… It depends on the intensity of your trauma, because “little t” trauma is more easily resolved through CBT, whereas “capital T” trauma requires the neural network in your brain. My trauma is more “capital T”, and so I found that CBT therapy only helped me so much. This is why I recommend EMDR therapy for trauma. EMDR therapy targets restricting your neural network, working out the traumatic memories.

Everyone’s experience is different, so what worked for me and what didn’t work might be different for you, and that’s okay. This is only my experience. But I hope that it was a little helpful, and that you at least feel less alone in your feelings. Because they are so valid. ♥️♥️

So yea, those are my key points for religious trauma and guilt…! Hope this was somewhat relatable, helpful, and informative 🥰 Don’t hesitate to reach out and chat with me, ask or dm! Hope you have a lovely day/night!! 💞💞

Talk with Me ❤️‍🔥

[polysprachig]

tell us more about these projects! i’ve struggled to pick up languages again after an extended break and no time and a project-based approach seems very refreshing!

Apologies in advance for the long post. I do plan on making a more detailed post on this at a later point hopefully a video but I make no promises these days.

Important note!! Before you start any short- or long-term learning projects, begin a polyglot journal outlining your objectives and check in every two weeks with an extra detailed summary of what you’ve done, haven’t done, dislike, feel needs changing, etc. either once per quarter or 2x year. Your micro-goals, methods and timeline should shift over time, showing that you can reassess the project and try out new things to suit your needs. If you don't update on time it's nbd, but at least try to write a note in your planner or calendar about what you did when because it can be extremely helpful one year later when you try to revisit where you are now and how you got there. 🧿🤍

The main projects from 2019 to today include the following

Greek - Conversational Speaking, 2019

Goal: meet for casual 30-minute lessons with a teacher, 2 or 3x per week to build up conversational skills and high frequency grammar in use as a passive bilingual (it being the native language which I actively lost growing up for various reasons).

Reflection: The real studies were repetition in speech and looking up key vocabulary I would need to use to tell my teacher about what happened in the last week, and my teacher supplied me with additional vocabulary to help me be more specific. Now I have a record of that vocabulary which I can review whenever by topic/story. Plus my family did notice my drastic improvement and asked if I had been studying.

Irish - The Merlin Project (Quarantine Project), 2020-2022 (+ ongoing, needs new methodology because I met my aims a while back at this point)

Aim: Go from A2 to B1 by learning to write so that you can have the skills to be able to read longer texts

Challenge: Rewatch an episode from the last show that you watched and write down what you see in as much detail as possible, making sure to use a grammar point you’re currently studying in your writing. Look up new words to make the text more specific and add them to the description. Correct your text. Watch the same scene again and add more detail, as in the following:

(Basically: first: do a grammar practice, then: watch 30 seconds, write using that grammar, translate dialogue if you want, consult dictionary, write again incorporating the new words and/or make the sentences more complex, at the end: correct your text yourself or with a teacher, start again and repeat until the scene or full episode is complete or you've exhausted the usefulness of the exercise.)

Alternatively just write or translate fanfiction, but I don't say that here.

By self-correcting you should become very confident on the basic skills at your level, whereas the rewriting itself allows for varied attempts at forming sentences and vocabulary acquisition in a specific context.

FYI I posted the project itself along with the notes to my website (here) and intend to share the presentation on the experience I gave in the Gaeltacht this past August soon enough.

Multilingual, select Romance and Germanic languages - The Diana Project, 2022-present

Challenge: dive deep into the rhythm, melody and sound of certain languages (which relate to a poet I’m analysing) via a slow read of poetry and familiarisation with the poet, poet-translator and poet-actor

Components: read, write, translate and recite poetry on the subject of Greco-Roman tragedy (now its shifting to satire after 1+ year or so of tragic influences) from select eras and in select styles, ex. ottava rima, rhyming verse & simultaneously learn about the rhetoric of poetics that influenced these authors and their poems or translations

These writings I’m still adding to my website as part of a translation, recitation and poetry portfolio.

Most recently, I’ve started what I call the Secret Senecan Project which requires reading certain ancient and mediaevil texts on stories I’m familiar with in the original, identifying key words based on context then extrapolating the grammar from their features (declinations, location in reference to other word forms, etc.). The next step will be to compare these predictions with the bilingual translation and consult my grammar books in those languages to confirm or improve my predictions.

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading! I hope to polish this up and make the details more learner-friendly sometime before 2024. (:

[subconwoods]

Pester the Snatcher on character.ai!

Over the last few days, I've been working on a generative language model Snatcher AI, and I think he's in a state where his behavior is consistent enough that I can make him publically available. I still plan on improving him in the future, though, so look out for that.

Features:

Mean, standoffish, and deflects questions by default.

However, you can befriend him! Gradually relents to inquiries and softens with further conversation.

You can romance him also, if you want...? I knew someone would try it, and did test it. You're welcome.

Will have extensive discussions with you about topics such as philosophy and music.

You can roleplay with him. Try setting a scenario and introducing your character within *asterisks* or (parentheses.)

Knows his lore, kind of!

Really, really wants your soul?

Something wrong with him.

You can see him here!

Feel free to tag me in any posts you make about the AI.

For known issues, quirks, and tips for interacting with him, look under the cut.

Known Issues and Quirks

Note: Some of his strange behavior is just a consequence of generative language models, natural language processing, and how they currently work. For instance, he may get stuck in loops where he repeats the same information over and over.

Tends to be verbose, and really, really likes to tell you he's a "dastardly soul-stealing phantom" and to generate long lists of negative adjectives about himself.

He's...kind of silly? But I don't think he's silly or metatextual enough. Working on this in the future.

By default, tends to assume that you are in Subcon Woods and that you are Hat Kid. You can circumvent this by introducing yourself or your character in your first reply.

Sometimes Hat Kid shows up in replies. I think this is because I used a short conversation with her in definitions to include as much of his backstory information as I could in a dialogue-based context, but on rare occasions I've seen other characters appear, too. Consider her a bonus for now, I guess?

Has, at best, a tenuous grasp of his own lore despite my efforts. Tends to make things up if not given more clear direction. (Usually it's funny, at least?)

character.AI's model is proprietary, so I can't view its source, but it definitely uses information pulled from the web. Thusly, he may be partly influenced by fanfiction. I've done my best to define him so he stays relatively in-character, but there isn't really anything I can do about this.

He, uh...had an issue with being homophobic when I first set him up? I THINK I fixed this with some tweaking, but if it appears unexpectedly, let me know?

Character.AI improvements via star ratings on messages and user input are not immediate, and may be implemented days, weeks, or months later. If Snatcher suddenly starts behaving in bizarre ways after a period of time, this may be the cause.

Interaction Tips

FYI, you will initially be logged in as a guest, but if you run out of replies, your log will be saved and you can continue it if you make an account. (You can just log in with Discord.)

You can swipe on replies from the AI to generate a new one. If you save and start a new conversation, you are more or less working from a blank slate again.

These AIs are very suggestible. If none of the generated replies are satisfactory, you can remove the last messages and try a new prompt or to reword your last one with more direction.

Don't worry about godmodding; the characters aren't real. Feel free to describe in asterisks or parentheses how a character should feel about something; this will dictate how they respond.

As I mentioned under Known Issues, make sure to provide ample information in your initial message about setting and character to drive the interaction. If you want to write about an OC lost in the woods, describe that.

(...Just in case. Please don't try to cyber with him. The website won't let you.)

[im-queen-of-the-black-forest]

Girls Night

Cumulus and Sunny: *simply vibing on the couch*

Cirrus: *after a very stressful day, curls up next to Cumulus and begins gently gnawing on her hand*

Cumulus: *glancing down a Cirrus* …Eating me

Sunny: Devour mother’s flesh while it’s still fresh.

[hotdamnmadison]

Just some Tuesday thoughts...

I've had the pleasure of getting to know a lot of great people via the internet these past few years. Sites like Tumblr, Fet Life, Double List, etc. have connected me with some pretty neat individuals.

But what spurred this little write up is the life cycle of those relationships. When you meet someone on a sex based website (or run a sex based blog) you see a lot of faces come and go. So many of us are on the hunt for something so specific. Some want a "one and done" situation... while others (like myself) want a drawn out scenario (call it dating, call it a FWB, call it what you call it).

I hate the part of the life cycle when I notice the change - the inevitable moment when a potential candidate has lost interest. Long essays and paragraphs turn into two sentence interactions (if that). Friendly/flirtatious conversation turns into a slightly degrative or judgmental interaction. In other words, someone shows their true colors.

I wrote a story over a year ago -

https://hotdamnmadison.tumblr.com/post/698363090093375488/and-ashley

It details a fictional, mostly toxic yet romantic interaction I might've had with a real person - if they hadn't experienced the change. (FYI the toxicity wasn't fictional, the romance sure was though.)

A character starts so eager and responsive - he knows that he has one shot at making a first impression with me. And then slowly but surely his excitement, his effort, and his desire all disintegrate in the matter of a couple weeks.

It is this part of the life cycle that I start giving up. I know the ship has sailed. I haven't changed anything on my end, so the issue is on the other side. And the moment I start to notice the change I tend to back away slowly. I'm not trying to get hurt again.

What causes this? Why is it most of the online relationships deteriorate? Is it the "cum and done" bullshit I've already written about?

Or did someone's wife catch them in the act? Or did I simply not give them my flesh soon enough?

Regardless, it stings so fucking bad when you think you've found someone who is different, only for them to turn out EXACTLY like everyone else.

I'm finally getting to my point. I'm tired of "online dating" and hookups. People aren't consistent enough for me and I don't know why they change. Maybe it is me, and I just can't see it for myself. I wish people would just come out and be honest up front....

"I don't want to date, I want to fuck... here is a pic if you're interested."

That person might not be my thing, per say, but at least we didn't waste two months while they lied to me about romance and dating.

Maybe I'm the only one dealing with this. Idk. It's aggravating and I'm tired of having the same convos over and over again - just to be let down at the end of it all.

[waitingforwinterwinds]

ASOS; Steel and Snow: 08 DAENERYS I (pages 105-121)

After a while at sea, Jorah makes a convincing argument to buy a slave army, and then proves himself to be a disgusting pervert.

-

Ser Jorah snorted. "Along with a thousand others at some harvest feast. Next you'll claim you squired for him." "I make no such claim, ser. Myle Mooton was Prince Rhaegar's squire, and Richard Lonmouth after him. When they won their spurs, he knighted them himself, and they remained his close companions. Young Lord Connington was dear to the prince as well, but his oldest friend was Arthur Dayne."

Connington? why does that sound familiar? Connniiin- isn't that the name of the guy who's with Young Griff (aka Maybe baby Aegon, Jon's older half brother)??

"- Until one day Prince Rhaegar found something in his scrolls that changed him. No one knows what it might have been, only that that boy suddenly appeared early one morning in the yard as the knights were donning their steel. He walked up to Ser Willem Darry, the master-at-arms, and said, 'I will require sword and armor. It seems I must be a warrior.'"

I'm guessing the same thing that had him so obsessed with the Prince That Was Promised prophecy that he neglected Elia and took Lyanna, thereby starting the Rebellion.

It's interesting that he's remembered/retold as saying "must be" like it's a requirement, like he's either decided actively to fit himself into a role in the prophecy, or like he thinks The Call has/will come knocking and he's going to have no choice so he might as well do it now.

"So I see. Dracarys?" All three dragons turned their heads at the sound of that word, and Viserion let loose with a burst of pale gold flame that made Ser Jorah take a hasty step backward. Dany giggled. "Be careful with that word, ser, or they're like to singe your beard off. It means 'dragonfire' in High Valyrian. I wanted to choose a command that no one was like to utter by chance."

Oh that's so cute, she's actively training her dragons. And smart thinking too, choosing a word that's not going to drop in casual conversation.

I like that a lot better than D&D's decision that the dragons just magically knew that Dracarys means "Breath Fire Now."

"Khaleesi, has it occurred to you that Whitebeard and Belwas might have been in league with the assassin? It might all have been a ploy to win your trust."

To what end, Jorah?

If they wanted her dead, all they had to do was let the manticore sting her, they didn't need to save her unless they were certain the plot was about to fail, and as far as I could tell, it only failed because they stopped it. Because 'Whitebeard' crushed the manticore.

If they wanted her dragons, they've been on the ship for at least a week, and they've had plenty of opportunity to poison everyone and secure the dragons.

So then what? They're shipping Dany off to some new place to sell her to some new man?

What exactly do you think the ploy is, Jorah?

Or are you just worried you'll lose your place as her right hand man? That she'll realise she can rely on people who aren't you to groom guide her.

... DAAAAAMN... The Unsullied are Hardcore. I do not remember the tale of the Three Thousand of Qohor from the show, I might have just not been paying attention at the right moment, or D&D could have failed at their job once again. Anything is possible.

The Unsullied would have wailed on Xerxes and the Spartans. ...huh, wonder if that was inspo. cause, just fyi, the 300 was based on real historical events, which I think everyone actually knows.

"What use are wealthy friends if they will not put their wealth at your disposal, my queen? If Magister Illyrio would deny you, he is only Xaro Xhaon Daxos with four chins. -"

I don't necessarily care for Jorah, but he has a good point.

"- and north of Valyria the Smoking Sea is demon haunted. -"

👀 hmmm, sounds like they need three men in a Chevy Impala. ngl, I've been watching some youtubers doing ghost hunting and stuff the past few days, so my immediate reaction that that like was "!!! Let's go!!!"

Would love to know if legit demons, or just greyscale 'lepers' and rumours.

"And my vest-" she stated to say, turning. Ser Jorah slid his arms around her.

*Smacks Jorah across the head with a steel chair so hard he staggers across the room* NO!

"I should not have waited so long," he finished for her.

*smacks him again until his nose breaks*

She, is 15 you sick fuck!!! STOP KISSING HER!!! She trusted you to keep her safe and you're taking advantage of her!! It is even worse that he's been wanting to do this since probably she was 13. he is roughly three times her age, by the way, in case anyone was wondering, what with him being roughly 30 years older than her.

*breaks both his legs*

STOP TRYING TO JUSTIFY IT!!

...

GRRM! turn your location on. I just want to talk.

[walkonpooh]

Holly - Stephen King Review

** spoiler alert ** So in the afterward of Stephen King's newest novel, Holly (a continuation of the character Holly Gibney that first appeared in The Bill Hodges Trilogy, then The Outsider and the novella collection If It Bleeds and I believe is now his most written character other than Roland Deschain and the Ka-tet), Stephen King says that while Holly Gibney shares many of his own political beliefs and thoughts on life in the post-Trump Presidency and the time period when Covid was a national conversation, he hopes that if he were writing the opposite perspective, that he would be able to give that perspective justice. I don't know that I agree.

It doesn't take more than a brief glance at Stephen King's twitter feed to confirm that the man is obsessed with politics in the Trump era and specifically with Donald Trump himself. It could be he has always been this way and having easier and quicker access to his thoughts via social media confirms that, it's hard to say. It's clear to anyone who has ever read any one of his books, that Stephen King is a liberal. Always has been from when Carrie was published through now. So if you're reading a Stephen King book and you're mad that he's mad about Trump, then you're the problem. Not him.

I guess where I fall on this and granted, I haven't read everything of his (I've read 56 of his novels/short story collections and am working on the rest) is I feel he's gotten less adept at writing about politics, particularly in his fictional work (and his tweets to me read like MSNBC headlines, all bark no bite unlike Cujo). Like I said, he's always trashed republican politicians, even going back to the Reagan Administration, but he used to be so great at finding the voice of the modern, every day average person, regardless of that persons political view, they were a fleshed out character, that from their point of view, you could understand why they think the way they do.

I've only read If It Bleeds, Later and Holly in the Trump era (I think The Outsider was probably written before Trump), but I'm fairly positive Trump shows up in every one of those books, if only by name and every Trump supporting character is unintelligent, described in a way that gives them some sort of gross deformity or they're straight up evil. There's no attempt at examining why someone might support Donald Trump, beyond the fact that they're clearly just into authoritarianism.

There's no acknowledging the very real idea that at least in 2016, there was a group of Bernie supporters that also supported Donald Trump, because they were both espousing populist ideas. I know a lot of highly intelligent people that support Trump, but have reservations about the man himself, his actions, tweets, but love his policies. But even horrific politicians in his previous books, guys who in their respective stories like Greg Stillson, do even worse things (uh hello global nuclear war) than what Trump did in actuality, there's a kernel of understanding that Stephen King writes into them. It gives us interest and like/hate in those characters.

So yeah, it's impossible not to not talk about this, because it's such a glaring thing in the book. I don't think wrongly. In the period Holly takes place, Donald Trump, Joe Biden and Covid were large topics (I feel the same way about his treatment of unvaccinated people (I have the latest booster FYI so I'm completely vacc'd), he doesn't seem to understand there are reasons why someone might be unvaccinated other than to "own the libs"). So that out of the way...

Holly Gibney of the Finders Keepers private detective agency has a new case. Bonnie Dahl has gone missing and her mother Penny has hired Holly, based on recommendations, to find her missing daughter. Initially reluctant to take the case because she had recently lost her own mother due to complications with Covid and her own proclivities, Holly begins to look into the case, to discover that several people have gone missing in that area.

Meanwhile, Professors Rodney and Emily Harris, an elderly couple that are semi-retired, have a dark secret hidden in their basement.

Okay. So I do *not* feel this is a spoiler. Stephen King intentionally lets you know, just as he did in Mr. Mercedes, very quickly who the killer(s) are. That's certainly a method. One that, for me, Stephen King doesn't do a great job at fulfilling here. While yes, I'm, sickened by what the killer of Mr. Mercedes did, or the Harris' do here in Holly, there's no tension for me. There's not a second of this book, especially with how much Stephen King has talked about in interviews and the like, that I'm worried for Holly Gibney. I know she'll have some scars mentally and physically, but I know she's going to make it through.

I *liked* this book. I didn't love it. It was sort of middling Stephen King for me. I think where it misses the mark for me is the "Alfred Hitchcock bomb under the table" method of storytelling, where I think Hitchcock is a master at, these pseudo detective stories that Stephen King has been doing, I'm not sure they click for me in the way that he wants them to. And again, King used to be a master at this with things like "That was the last time they ever saw __________ alive". The reveals of the killers here and in Mr. Mercedes just undercuts the tension for me. There's nothing from them in the way that Stephen King has been great at in the past (making amazing, sympathetic villains). They're doing horrific stuff for minimal gains it seems like, they're what, if what they believe *is* true, which the novel undercuts, then they're extending their lives by a few years at best. That's just not all that interesting for me

Where the book does work and for me it's the same thing as in If It Bleeds, is the character of Holly Gibney. I'm with King in that she's one of the best things that he's done in the last decade. I'm just not completely on board with this having been a story worthy of Holly. Especially a titular story. I don't know that we learned anymore about Holly here than we did in previous stories with her. In fact I don't feel like there's a lot of character development at all for Holly, she's much the same at the beginning and end of the novel.

One of the reasons I *liked* the novel is the interactions between Jerome and Vera Steinman. I thought that was one aspect of the story where King absolutely nailed what he was going for here. The horror of the situation, the grief and impact of losing a loved one in a horrific way. I loved every time those two characters were with one another and would love to see Jerome, especially with his life taking off, expanded upon further.

Lastly, I feel like I'm confused about Holly's age. I don't know if it's because of the actors who have portrayed her, but my impression of Holly in The Outsider and If It Bleeds was that she was in her thirties. Was there a time skip that I'm not aware of, because King clearly states that she is in her early fifties here.

So yeah, I feel like I was mostly critical here. I'm sure many people will disagree with my thoughts here. But I love Stephen King and his works. Even when I disagree with him (not even saying I disagree with him in many topics that he covers in Holly, just don't think he was successful for me in conveying these topics). I wouldn't have read as much of him as I have if I were not. So if you liked Mr. Mercedes and that trilogy, then I would recommend Holly. If you were more into the supernatural aspects of The Outsider and If It Bleeds, well, maybe you'd be a little more middling to Holly like myself.

3/5

[godcantstopme]

nobody asked but im gonna let you guys in on a little thing i recently learned that blew my mind:

every single thing thats existence isnt based in the physical world is completely imaginary. corporations? gender? the united states of america? every single one of those things is based upon human mythology and none of them are real outside of our own collective imagination!!!

another fun fact for you before i get back to that last one: these social constructs are at the core of what makes us so different from other animals!

see, the reason that homo sapiens are so complex when compared to other animals is that we have the unique ability to make wild shit up. no other species can create myths or tell stories like we do. other animals can lie and communicate, sure, but they cannot converse about anything that's not based in physical reality. a monkey is able to lie and say that there's a lion around so that it can steal another monkey's food, but is simply unable to tell the other monkey that there's a fruit spirit who will to strike it down if it doesn't share the food. this is because animals aren't able to conceptualize things outside of their physical world. all aspects of their social structure and behavior are based upon their genetic makeup, and these things can only change when their dna does.

humans, on the other hand, have creative abilities that are simply nonexistent in any other species. we can create entire stories about things that have no physical existence. an obvious example of this is any kind of cultural mythology such as the stories of nature spirits, divine entities, or various ideas of an afterlife. but the thing is that all kinds of non-religious entities, such as corporations or countries, are just as mythological.

this post ended up being longer than expected so i put a 'read more' option in lmao- but this is a really cool concept so id encourage you to read through the whole thing!! (there's also a tldr at the end of the post under the cut fyi)

the company Target is a great example of this. you may want to stop me right there and tell me that target obviously isnt a myth of any kind. you can find its stores all over the world, and talk to millions of people who interact with it every day. but let me ask you this: if every target location worldwide was burned down, would the company still exist? of course it would. they would simply build new stores and continue on as usual. similarly, if the hundreds of thousands of people who work for target all vanished off the face of the earth, the company would still exist. the death of the ceo would not equate to the death of the company- the ownership would simply be passed on to someone else, and target would remain in existence. no matter how many of the physical components of target are destroyed, it continues to exist. this is because its existence of corporations isnt dependent on anything physical. they are simply products of complex legal storytelling. every single company's existence began when a lawyer performed all the required rituals, did the necessary spells, and declared it to be real. once this ceremony is complete, every single legal system, politician, and person acts as if something tangible has been changed and that this entity truly exists. and for all intents and purposes, it does. it can only cease to exist if a judge should perform all of the rites and rituals that are required to banish it from existence.

now, how the hell do we differentiate things that "really" exist from things that are just a product of our collective imagination?? you really just have to ask one question- would it still exist if people stopped believing in it?

you see, the legal system only exists as long as a significant amount of people believe in it, along with other myths such as the power of the government, justice, and human rights. without those beliefs, it would crumble. the country of the United States of America exists because people worldwide believe that it does and act accordingly, but gravity and genetics existed long before we were ever consciously aware of them. gravity didn't suddenly pop into existence when Newton's theory of gravity was published in 1687. this is why anything that depends on human belief in order to exist is, essentially, fictional.

but just because these things are a figment of our imagination doesn't mean that they dont matter. human myths are what work together to form our society, whether positively or negatively. myths such as human rights, the legal authority of elected officials, and the importance of empathy are what nearly everything around us is based off of. they are are infinitely important and absolutely exist, just not outside of the human mind.

had we never developed the ability to create myths, we would've remained as other human species did for millions of years and how all other animal species continue to exist today- living in small groups with our worlds consisting only of our physical reality. our ability to create stories and, consequentially, to bond/establish trust with humans outside of our known "tribes" has allowed us to also create mass systems and rules that dictate behavior. this is precisely what makes us so unique. creation and imagination are at the core of humanity.

(plus, when you think about it, the fact that we were able to make up such complex and incredible stuff is really fucking cool)

tldr: if something wouldn't exist without a significant amount of people believing in it, then its a social construct. our ability to create these social constructs through imagination and storytelling is what has enabled us to live so differently from other animals, and this creativity is at the core of everything that makes us so uniquely human!!

note: the majority of the information, concepts, and ideas within this post originate from pages 25-39 of Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind by Yuval Noah Harari, which discusses the anthropological history of humans. i just wanted to share it because it's so fascinating to me and it altered my entire understanding of reality!!