#this is also me trying to make myself feel better about the show writing

[localcanadiancreature62]

BillfordWeek2024,Week 4 - What Could've Been

Buckle up chucklefucks,this is the last week of BillfordWeek2024 and y'alls have until the 25th to finish your entries. Kiddingg,it doesn't matter if you get them done like two or three days after loll i just wanted the event to have an official end. This is also my own written entry that i was supposed to make at the 19th whoopsss. @aria-greenhoodie @aaabatteryy @wind-tail @spaghettipal @cecilscribbles

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Title - In a different life,in a different time (hehe. a different form,a different time)

Ford is drinking coffee in his bedroom at night while he writes about his new findings regarding the existence of Jackalopes and the Boogeyman in his new Journal 4,sighing contentedly as he recalls capturing the antlered creatures with his niece and nephew without feeling any sort of dread or paranoia this time. "Finally. A moment to myself without having to deal with the portal Bill's tomfoolery and alll of that nonsense. It's just me,and my wonderful memories of my family. Nothing can ruin this blissful moment." Ford says to himself as he embraces the peace that the universe has finally given him,he then continues documenting his findings as he sketches the Jackalopes into the Journal. He then pours himself another cup of coffee straight from the brewing machine,sniffing the bitter beans as he then slowly slurps the beverage while enjoying the moment. Only for him to drop the cup after getting startled by the sudden ringing of the telephone on the table. He then scoffs in frustration after realizing what he had done as he then answers the phone to see who is calling him at this hour.

"Stanley i swear if this is another one of your prank calls-." Ford remarks as he thought it was his brother trying to contact him for another one of his dumb jokes,only for him to hear a familiar high-pitched shrill voice yell into the other line. "SIXER PLEASE LET COME OVER HERE! I NEED TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING!. MAYBE THIS'LL MAKE YOU GET BACK WITH ME!." Bill exclaims as he desperately screams into the Theraprism landline while Ford sighs in exasperation after realizing that this is the billionth time his triangular ex has called.

"Oh. It's you. Bill,how many times do i have to tell you that we're done?!. I don't need you in my life anymore,all you did was ruin it whenever you were around!." Ford shouts as he then roughly puts the phone back on the rotary in anger,only for him to hesitantly grab it back after realizing that the triangle won't hang up until he gets what he wants. "You're still there,aren't you?." Ford asks as he then hears the isosceles practically crushing the phone in excitement. "Yes. Please come over. I found something that'll finally convince you. I'm begging." Bill replied as the genius can hear the pathetic desperation oozing from his voice.

Ford then pinches the bridge of his nose as he tries to consider visiting his dumb ex once more despite knowing that it'll end in them arguing again while the creature gets sent to solitary confinement for aggression,but part of him misses his muse and he remembers that they used to have such a great partnership before things soured between them. "Fine. I'll hear out your pathetic whining again. So much for a peaceful evening.." Ford says as he then hangs up,not allowing the triangle to excitedly ramble about how he's so happy that he's visiting again.

Bill then has the Axolotl prepare to teleport his genius to the Theraprism as Ford then puts his trenchcoat back as he then puts a laser gun into his pocket. As while the triangle won't be able to hurt him anymore,he can never be too careful and he figured that it'd be better to be safe than sorry especially regarding his volatile former muse who still has his powers albeit they're limited. The researcher then goes over outside as he waits for get himself transported to the glorified insane asylum that is the Theraprism,and he closes his eyes only to arrive at the asylum while eyeing the rows of prison phone cubicles before him. He then spots his former muse waving at him and urging him to come over. Ford then sighs as he walks over to the cubicle where the isosceles is.

"So what is it that you so desperately wanted to show me?." Ford questions while glaring at the triangle who's staring at him with an adoring eye only to snap out of it once the man calls his name. "You're so handsome- Wait huh?. Oh right. Check this out." Bill says as he then projects an alternate version of himself and Ford,where he appears to be human while his genius is like 80 years old via beaming up a holographic image of the other reality onto the glass wall of the cubicle. The holographic projection flashes images of the alternate Bill and Ford being so happy together,getting married having fun dates and even spending time with the rest of the Pines without any chaos or destruction caused by the triangle ruining everything. The og Ford has his mouth agape in shock over the projection,not expecting to see himself being so.. peaceful with his former muse albeit in a different reality. "Wh-Why are you showing me this?. Is this even real?,is this an actual alternate reality or are you tricking me again?." Ford remarks in confusion,only for the triangle to look at him distantly.

"It's real,i saw it with my own eye while sulking about the many realities where i succeeded in my plan but we're happy together in the end after some trial and error. I looked through a lot of different universes where we're happy to cope,but this one stood out. Look at this,look at the projection closely. This is what happens,when i actually talk about my issues and therapy works out and we make up instead of me pushing you away." Bill explains as he then started crying in guilt,big fat tears streaming from his eye.

"Look at what could've been,look at what happens to us when i actually deal with my dumb problems instead of ruining everything for myself like i always do." Bill says as he kept crying,the man wincing as he saw the isosceles cry while not knowing what to make of it as it could be another trick. "And you're telling me this,because?." Ford questions in annoyance despite also feeling bad about letting their relationship become so bitter.

"Because maybe we can be like them. Maybe we can make up and i can have the happy ending that alternate reality gave the other me. Where we're married and i actually get along with the rest of the Pines." Bill remarks while wiping off his own tears as the genius stares at him in disbelief. Ford then clutches the telephone as he watches the triangle keep holding onto the Theraprism landline while still projecting the image onto the wall. "I- Bill,i know you want us to get back together because you want to get out of this glorified asylum and for.. other reasons. But this is impossible with the current sluggish rate of your recovery. And i'm not even sure if this future scenario happens in our reality,for all we know this 'happy ending' that you speak of only takes place in that reality and you're destined to rot here for all of eternity." Ford says coldly as the isosceles gasps in shock over his reaction.

"Okay. If you want me to rot here,fine. Be that way. But i just want you to know,that you never stopped being my genius even after everything." Bill replied bitterly as the man ignores him and walks away from the prison phone cubicle. The triangle looks at his genius sadly as he watched him walk away but he knew it was for the best since all he has done is ruin him like Ford himself said.

'And you never stopped being my dear muse.. I wish we could make up too,but things have just gotten so difficult for us.' Ford thought to himself as he voices what he wanted to say to his own mind rather than his beloved muse whom a part of him still missed even with everything the isosceles had done to hurt him,he secretly yearned for the great partnership they used to have before the betrayal but he knows that he can't fix something that's been broken beyond repair.

[nicxxx5]

i have a couple thoughts that maybe buck actually hasn't fully processed his bisexuality? and like that's why we haven't explicitly heard him call himself bi?

we remember the conversation he had with maddie about how he's "always loved women" and doesn't know how long he's been "leaning in the other direction". and he literally didn't know he was attracted to men until tommy, the first and only guy he's dated.

maybe he doesn't actually know yet what to consider himself. maybe he was just going with the vibes of "okay, i liked all these women and i like tommy" and just going along with his current (at the time) relationship.

i just feel like maybe buck hasn't fully processed what it means to him to be attracted to both women and men now. he's just seemed really unsure of himself in that regards in the last two episodes. for example, when he felt conflicted of noticing that those women at dinner were attractive, and when he says he doesn't know which pond to jump back in.

i'm just thinking that maybe he knows he's attracted to men but doesn't know what that means for him in the grand scheme of dating and his identity.

[figofswords]

anybody remember the stephanie brown essay I was working on under a research grant fully last summer? yeah it’s not done yet it super needs to be done and I’ve been avoiding working on it for weeks. someone tell me to just do it already

[pepprs]

it’s actually fucking stupid that journaling actually makes me worse now. like what the hell else am i supposed to do

[shiegra]

super brief thoughts on Li Su Su

I feel like I ragged a little on her in the last post and I want to clarify - I find both her book and show counterparts fascinating. While I do love the uneasy-frenemy banter in the books between Li Su Su and Tantai Jin, where they always know the other is up to something and all their repartee has the edge of a knife even as they grow to have a strange understanding and twisted fascination of the other deeper than anyone else’s -

The narrative as it stood, this serial oft-travelogue in that subgenre of batshit action and over the top characters, would have been harder to sell on screen. I think they made an excellent choice to focus on Tantai Jin as a more complex, nuanced character and build up his personal journey. While the webnovel’s fast pace and action could carry the roadtrip adventures as they meandered back to main plot, both budget and the need for consistent overarching story structure complicate that for show.

(I also think this politely avoided some incredibly Unfortunate Implications regarding people with antisocial personality disorders due to the in-your-face allegory lol.)

In doing so they had to change up her character, and possibly played it safe due to genre conventions leaned into her directness to keep the plot moving. (Given the care and energy with which they fleshed out the two biggest secondary female characters.) But it’s also fascinating to me because even her lighter show characterization feels like it’s calling back to book characterization - but book characterization from the second dream, of her younger mischievous fairy self before the weight of apocalypse crushed her into what she is in the opening of the book.

(Plus on just a personal level maybe partly due to early fandoms I had and neglected female characters there, female characters with somewhat messy writing but who are so fascinating to explore the implications and potential layers of are like catnip to me.)

[planetallure]

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺ dark!fic recs

CW: once again, these works contain dark and explicit themes that may be upsetting or triggering to some. please use your discretion and discernment.

@cherienymphe : when i first seriously got back on tumblr and got into dark!fanfic, cherie's was one of the first blogs i found. her writing was essentially my indoctrination. it was terrifying how much i loved it/her writing. truly phenomenal. i've read quite of few of her stories (mainly for rafe cameron, jj maybank, steve rogers, and peter parker) but i'll list my faves.

"when the party's over" - its something about this series...i think about it often. if you're into forced pregnancy or corruption tropes, tap in.

"wicked games" - i actually first read this one on ao3 before i discovered her tumblr and was absolutely gagged. another one i think of often.

"amnesiac" - the first series of hers that i ever read. absolutely traumatized me and i sobbed reading it. amazing storytelling.

"the hills" - another bangerrr. a one night stand ends in complete and total blackmail and entrapment. he just wanted to give her a better life *clown face emoji*.

"his father's son" - after ward death, rafe takes over the reins in more ways than one.

"teenage dirtbag" - this series single handedly made me a jj girl. the tension??? yup yup mhm.

"the less i know the better" - ironically my favorite part of this story is readers relationship with rafe but seeing jj slowly and then rapidly descend into madness? yeah.

"claimed" - a/b/o dynamics. brought me back to my wattpad days. still eat it up.

"daddy dearest" - steve meets a single mom and decides to be not the stepdad, but the dad who stepped up.

i'll be honest, i was a non believer in dark!peter but: "she's with me", "one last time." "suburbia" and "basic training" made a believer outta me. hands. down.

@lambtotheslaughterr : it absolutely amazes me the things that come from her mind. the level of creativity and originality needs to be studied. oona, you are criminally underrated.

“rise” - the first series of hers that i read. arguably the best series i’ve read on here thus far. this is the first part to her “the day the world ended” universe and it completely blew me away. i couldn’t believe that something like it had come from some silly little boat show. just brilliant.

“when the bough breaks” - the first work of hers i read. this one for me was a heartbreaking slow burn story, but the smut…makes up for it. yes yes.

“i burn” - sex!addict reader x rafe cameron. need i say more? actually, i will. the smut and tension in this one towards the end? it was shameful how turned on i was.

“one way or another” - buckle up, grab a snack, and prepare for the ride of a lifetime. that’s it.

“something wicked this way comes” - a single mom trying to escape her past, except her past is rafe cameron. this was one very spooky scary la la.

"summit" - the second part to the tdtwe universe. its still brand new but its already feeling like another banger, i mean it's oona. tap in.

@harryspet : rae was also apart of my indoctrination and boy did she do what needed to be done. her perfectly curated moodboards alone did it for me. very mindful, very demure.

"homestead" - what can i say...i'm a sucker for pregnancy stories :( and this series was no exception. absolutely delectable. enjoy.

"well kept" - classic millionaire ceo x reader, my younger wp reading self cheered gleefully. my love language is acts of service and boyy was this one speaking my language. had me at "scheduled braiding appointment."

"bambi eyes" - this one was one of those that made me want to take a good long look in the mirror and ask myself, "is this who we are...is this what we represent?"

@sherrybaby14 : this one is for the mcu girlies. more fics than you could ever ask for. everyone say "thank you, mother!"

"the distraction" - i'm starting to notice a kidnapping/stockholm syndrome pattern here...ANYWAY! work is realllyy stressful for steve and you just happen to be the perfect distraction.

@straywords : she's no longer active but her incredible writings remain so please, peruse. its like a beautiful museum over there.

"a break" - *gasp* another pregnancy story! stucky edition.

@darkficsyouneveraskedfor : an icon, a legend, she is the moment! another infinite library for my mcu girls. roo has all you could ever want or ask for.

@perlelune

"all too well" - yes, yes, another one, its who i am. rafe cameron proving once again that you can't escape him.

"lucky" - best friend!rafe x reader. he didn't know what he had until it was almost gone

"tag, you're it" - never read a scream fanfic before this one but boy did i have fun! chad is so pookie in this too :(

@honestsycrets : back when i was in my miguel era, sy single handedly kept me fed.

"starved | mio" - "mio", in which you babysit mayday and it gives miguel baby fever and "starved", in which he made you a mom...but its left less time for other activities.

"stung" - sex pollen/abo. reader gets bitten by an anomaly causing a reaction that only miguel can cure

"amor y respeto" - he just can't love you the way you need to be. so you and miguel break up...at the worst possible time.

"exclusive" - you and miguel are fuckbuddies. you want more, but miguel can't bring himself to give it to you. so you find company in hobie, who's there for you in all the ways that you need. miguel's not happy about that.

"canary" - you're a singer in the 1920s who's fallen in with the dangerous o'hara brothers.

"grande" - sex!worker miguel x assistant!reader. think...a pepper x tony kinda dynamic. except, miguel doesn't take kindly to certain slights. :)

@starfxkrinc : last but certainly not least! moony is a ridiculously talented writer and a mutal of mine. i found her early on during my resurgence on here. this is her new side blog (rip lovesickbrat and starfxkr!!) luckily she was able to salvage a lot of her past works and is back like she never left. i recommend her "western nights" series (really just the trailer park!jj tag in general) and her "ode to eaters" au. a queen of all things taboo. she does it for the girls who are drawn to the dark and scary. the gross and weird. <3

[neil-gaiman]

This may very well get lost in the flood, but if you see this, I just wanted to say that there were a lot of things I thought I wanted for good omens 2 (a happy ending for one, of course!)

But my favourite thing that a writer can do to my experience of a story is to make me go "okay forget EVERYTHING I said before, this is the outcome I didn't know I needed." This show took my hopes and said "no u don't actually :) i got something better" and it had the audacity to be SO RIGHT.

The finale I *thought* I wanted would have probably had me giggling and kicking my feet and then moving on with my day while in a bright mood for a bit.

The finale I got had me absolutely devastated, inconsolable for maybe an hour, and then just...immediately rewatching. And talking about it behind a fortress of spoiler tags. And writing, and drawing, and being invested in theories and trying to find all the easter eggs and just...falling in love with the story and the characters all over again. And I can tell that feeling will stay with me for a whole lot longer than a couple days.

I'm bad at brevity, I apologize! This is just a very long-winded way to say thank you (and thank you to everyone else on the team) for giving us these idiots (affectionately) to have Way Too Many Feelings about!! Thank you for sharing them with us.

I'm running GO in the background, crossing my fingers and looking forward to a season 3—whether or not it'll be what I'm *hoping* for, I am just beyond excited for whatever story it is that you want to tell us, and I trust that whatever it is, it will be wonderfully told! 🩶🩶

(But also, please, for your consideration...I am in fact soft and innocent, I can only take so much damage before I cry myself to critical dehydration—do with that what you must, I shall leave my electrolyte balance in your hands and hope for mercy. You did say everything would be okay, and thankfully we all know a writer would never lie!)

I wouldn't lie about that, anyway.

[wolfiesmoon]

When you suddenly cry in front of them :(

Riddle, Vil, Kalim, Malleus x gn!reader (riddle's and vil's are explicitly post overblot tho it's not super important)

i'm back to entering tartarus every day (school started again) so i thought i might as well distract myself with some hot twst guys :)

i havent been very active i know, i just cant get myself to do anything at all these days 😞i am so so sorry for making a kinda lazy short collection of blurbs but i need to get back into my writing groove somehow

(as a sidenote, i'm worried some of these might be ooc? i sincerely apologise if they are :( )

RIDDLE honestly doesn't know what to do with himself. He never really got the comfort he needed whenever he cried as a child so he had no idea how to comfort you now. He scolds himself internally for not immediately acting and just kind of freezing up beside you so he panics and tries to recall of all the times he saw someone else comforting others in order to end the extremely awkward tension as quickly as possible. He pats your back somewhat rigidly and says "There, there." In an all too awkward manner. You're caught off guard so hard by the sheer akwardness of Riddle's comfort technique that you burst out laughing, troubling Riddle even further. "W...Why are you laughing now?" The dumbfounded expression on his face is the perfect medicine for forgetting your troubles just now. Riddle unintentionally just cheered you up. After the incident, he seemingly becomes less strict with you and starts asking about how you're doing umprompted, which always pleasantly surprises you. Sometimes, Trey even shows up at Ramshackle dorm, holding a tart of your favourite flavour and saying he got orders from Riddle to deliver it to you.

VIL drops his usual strict nature for a bit. Of all people, he would be the one who could tell you were constantly acting strong and unbothered by everything going on around you. He thought of it equal parts admirable as he did foolish. Such intense emotion is not something to keep bottled up inside you and you made him realise that. His expression is surprisingly soft as he places one arm on your back, gently stroking it. He talks you through your feelings with a big sense of maturity and care and you're suprised by just how much he cares for you and your feelings. You don't exactly get that same impression when he's scolding you for not sitting straight or not wearing your uniform properly... regardless, you're very thankful for his words, even the harsher ones about needing to tell someone about things like this. "Tell me, if you must. I will always listen." After the incident, nothing much changes, really. Atleast from the perspective of others. He still gets on your case for not wearing your uniform properly, but he also asks about how you're doing when he gets the chance and does not accept simply "fine" or "okay" for an answer. You simply must elaborate why that is.

KALIM enters big brother mode. He's comforted crying siblings for various reasons before so what makes you any different? He gives you a tight hug, gently rubbing your back and trying to cheer you up with comforting phrases. He'd also try making jokes you to cheer you up and the puns are so bad you might as well start laughing. He didn't even start asking what's wrong but instead waited for you to tell him yourself. He surprised you with how mature (or perhaps just experienced) he is when it comes to crying people. You feel much better even only after a few minutes and you ask Kalim how you can thank him for hearing you out. "Seeing you smile again is reward enough!" He replies and you feel like crying again (but this time not from sadness or stress). After that incident, he always personally invites you to Scarabia parties, hoping they might inject a little joy in your life and keep your mind off things. If you're not a fan of parties, he takes you on carpet rides around the dorm instead.

MALLEUS is shocked into silence. You were smiling at him as sweetly as you always do just a moment ago... He knows how to comfort someone in theory, but now that he has to put it into practice, it feels like he's forgotten everything. He needs to show you that you can rely on him when it comes to your comfort, and that includes crying around him. This might just be one of the most heartbreaking sights he's ever had the displeasure of witnessing. He vows to himself that he never wishes to see you cry again (unless it's at your wedding) and would do anything to prevent it. He wordlessly pulls you into a secure hug, worried that if he does anything else, you might start crying even more. You hug him back and just sob in his arms, thankful for his warm embrace. "It will all be okay, child of man. I'm here, after all." And somehow, you can't help but trust those words with every fiber of your being. After the incident, Malleus ends up confessing what happened to Lilia and Lilia goes into one of those "Oh, how my baby has grown..." rants. But he also does say that Malleus should start inviting you to new places to keep your mind off things and help you let loose. So he does just that, with an added sprinkle of gargoyle-hunting and gargoyle facts. You're now very well educated about gargoyles lol.

[senmiyaazx]

SPOILERS FOR TKATB UPDATE (day one)

it's only been day one and yet SO MANY CROWE SCENES?????? gosh I'm foamig at the mouth I didn't know fantasia was cooking THIS hard behind the scenes

only got to day one for now cuz I'm pretty dizzy n there's things to do but gosh there's so many new content added. old day one was good but now it's even BETTER (no wonder it took so long tbh it was worth the wait)

everyone's been given so much personality omg. fantasia probably initially didn't expect the game to be so popular so the old version felt a bit monotonous imo but it was still really good and lots of lore hidden in just one day!

back to Crowe... Crowe... crowe...crwocrowwcoroccrowcrorohehehejejejej.e,....,..

FLIRTY/TEASING CROWE IS REAL MY FICS ARE ACCURATE I'M SO JUMPING AROUND THE WALLS

gah this new Crowe is so.. cute?! back then it felt like he was kind of distant in a way? like there's some sort of longing from mc while Crowe is just kind of oblivious to it. or maybe that's how I've always seen their relationship. but now, so many things have changed and i loveit so much omgomgomg

this new change emphasized their relationship further and portrayed how close they really were being the MC's only close friend in the entire college. he's the only one noticed the mc and actually tried to get to know them. he's the one who saw the color in mc when they thought they blended into the colorless crowd okay fine I'll write a fic soon

he's so endearing and only shit did i mention the stargazing scene

(sorry if it looks weird i play tkatb on an emulator)

HE'S SO PRETTY WHAT???

fantasia. how could you make us hover on top of him. no one's getting ME off of Crowe now. you'd have to tie me to a truck and drag me at full speed.

and finally, the kiss. myfuckinggod the kiss (although this will probably cost me huge consequences later)

no words

THE FUCKING HEART EYES??? careful Crowe you're gonna give someone heart diseases one day (aka me and crowe fans)

okay that's it

extra notes cause i cant stop yapping about how much i loved this

the reveal about crowe being a puppy following mc around even if mc ignored him was so cute lmao him defending mc was so heartwarming too I couldn't stop giggling (also shorter haired Crowe?? wowow)

as for mc, i really liked the slight changes to their personality. it added more depth and made them feel so much more relatable. i won't be going deep into myself but them being a 'side character' or an outcast was just so relatable.

as for sol, i haven't seen much yet:( but the scene in the clinic had some changes and sol made much more impact than he did originally. when he looked back at mc before he left i actually felt a little nervous lol.

even in the classroom meeting he mumbled "It's you...." which was super cute tbh why is everyone so cute? the drawing scene didn't change much but it was after it that was my favorite. when mc asked him to be their friend it was such a cute interaction, and later when the game showed Sol's reaction blushing. he's so cute<3

for the other characters I don't have much to say. Brittney is still hot as fuck, Jess is cute, Geo is scary, and Darryl is more endearing than before. Hyugo I haven't met yet:(

edit:

so um. finished part 2

hehehe. what is this. hehehehe. are you trying to kill me. hehehehe

[lady-buggerinton]

My Top Five Polin Scenes in Part One (and why!)

My darling gossipers, so far this show is making literally all of my hopeless romantic dreams for this couple come true and who knows what kind of angst and drama were in for in part two, so before things gets too real I just wanted to go into (too much) depth on my favorite scenes and a few swoon-worthy details from part one! *whips reigns on carriage* shall we?

5. Drawing Room Lesson/Journal

Pen's brain: TOUCH ALERT! HIS HAND IS ON MY BACK.

This scene is so best friend coded with the way they are bantering and flirting the whole time. There's an adorable contrast between Penelope's fear of being discovered and Colin being like it's chill!(when in fact it is not Chill because they get interrupted after 5 minutes of gazing into each others eyes)

He just clearly wanted to be completely alone and behind closed doors platonically with his very beautiful friend (who looks like an angel in this scene) to pretend they are courting. Nothing suspicious about that!

I love how he's so into the lesson to the point that he has set out the lemonade as a prop and brought her to Bridgerton house in the first place specifically because she said it was where she was most comfortable (previously, but he's doing his best, and probably hoping she will become comfortable again, ouch)

Colin being the "dashing suitor" for her to flirt with (loser) and when she's resistant to fake flirting with him he hits her with the, "you don't have to be embarrassed, you know me!" trying to put her at ease. And he succeeds! Penelope is so comfortable during this scene when she's opening up about how it's hard for her to get her personality across, it's so sweet and honest.

And this is when the ROMANCING really starts, I love how it's Penelope who takes the lead here. mostly by accident, but the poor man is still left in shambles.

I do kind of wish for this scene they had gone with a more back and forth flirting moment, and seen them both get a little taste of how overtly flirting with each other would feel rather than her little poetic moment, but it was sweet to see her expose a corner of her feelings for him and watching him get a tad flustered at the compliment.

Ok, while it was rather uncool of her to read his journal, I love this part so much. Because I am no better, I would 100 percent do this given the chance. Her examining the space where he spends time, her running her hand over his pirate coat, (who wouldn't) the quiet yearning of that action. As a snoop myself, this was wish fulfillment.

Penelope being hit with a confusing mix of jealousy and intrigue by the contents of the journal entry, the way she stops reading for just a second and then gives in and devours his writing, not being able to hold back from getting inside his head. Don't think about how she probably missed his letters.

Colin's anger here is warranted, and I liked how he didn't come across as aggro-angry Colin from the books but is still justifiably upset that his privacy has been violated. He is likely aware that there are certain DETAILS he wouldn't want her to be reading, like how he's a lonely lonely sad little man trying to be rakish and roguish because his beautiful platonic friend isn't writing him back and encouraging him like she usually does.

Can I just mention that bandaging a wound is an excellent trope and it's such a good romancing vehicle: the care, the tenderness, the touching! the GRUMPINESS! But my favorite thing about the wound bandaging is his reaction to her complimenting his work, of which he hasn't shown ANYONE. He's just so shocked that she likes it, and clearly starved for her encouragement/anyone to be interested in his travels.

I think its also worth noting that this is THE moment that Colin thinks back to when he's considering activating his chaos tendencies by rolling up to the red ball to interrupt her proposal, so I'm gonna interpret that as him recalling his first realization/admittance to himself that he has feelings for her beyond friendship.

It wouldn't surprise me since it is after this moment that we see the hints of jealousy start to manifest at the full moon ball (looking for her, asking her if she likes a suitor, he's not subtle with it). Can't blame him, he was just touched with intimacy and care, and told his creative outlet is well-written, he is being ROMANCED to the max and he can't handle it.

We also have our first "please" as Pen asks to help, and as we will see, these two can't say no to each other once the magic word is spoken! I hope this theme makes a comeback in part two (please please please)

4. Market Scene

ok, besides a semi-silly looking wig on Colin (reshoots) this scene is first of all, so beautiful.

SHE IS SO FINE IN THIS SCENE I CAN'T EVEN THINK. She looks like a preraphaelite painting and I'm gnawing at the bars of my enclosure.

I literally kept saying "wow" out loud. It actually makes the scene very silly to me because she keeps talking about how she'll never snag a husband and I'm over here on one knee begging for a chance.

If Penelope has been Colin's cheerleader and #1 supporter for their whole friendship, this is where that flips. This scene is all about Pen feeling dejected about her prospects and Colin trying to lift her spirits -basically by saying she doesn't need to work on anything because he already likes her so much without her doing anything but I digress!

There is nothing hotter than your crush talking about a shared memory! Literally nothing! You can see her absolutely light up here when he talks about their first meeting like "I can't believe he remembered" and "Shit, I'm trying to not be in love" and it makes me ache for her.

I am very sad we didn't get a meet cute flashback (hello romcom!!) but this was the next best thing. He's also definitely still in Rake Mode with the way he is being charming and flirty, but there is a core of genuine feeling here as he is trying to get her find her confidence and be more like the non-self conscious children they once were. I believe a lot of the rift between them was directly because she had such strong feelings for him and couldn't just connect with him as friends due to the pedestal she put him on, this scene shows that without that as a barrier, they are able to connect much more naturally.

"Living for the estimation of others is a trap, once you break free the world opens up," he says, and he's starting to realize this idea but hasn't quite put it into practice. I think seeing Penelope struggling to be something she's not, just like he is, shows him how it's not working for either of them. This I think kickstarts his self-reflection and eventual rejection of external pressures later on, leaving him open to pursue other passions.

Ok but what I LOVE most in this scene is his subtle digging for information about her that she isn't forthcoming with. He asks her why she wants a husband and where she feels most comfortable, peppering her with questions and also giving her zero personal space. He's very curious about her and what is going on inside, but she's not exactly open with him at this point, giving short and simple answers.

She's genuinely not used to someone asking her this many questions about herself, receiving this kind of devoted attention, and she clearly doesn't know quite how to respond. In fact, the dynamic has always been reversed, where she was encouraging and inquiring about him, so this switch is just excellent. there have been little moments throughout the series where he asks about her and she always seems to deflect to talking more about him, so it's nice to see this shift.

Also fun detail, the grecian statues behind them are a little nod to the eros and psyche vibes of the scene as cupid is trying to find a match for his psyche, but is slowly beginning to fall for her, his curiosity the first step towards total downfall.

When he asks about Eloise is where Pen just completely shuts down and says she has to leave, and the "before we are noticed" with the little smile? I have fallen in love. She's clearly using that as an excuse to dodge the question, and it is almost an inside joke, sadly. As if she's saying "No one would believe you are courting me anyway haha". And yet he's clearly bummed she's leaving, he was having such a good time, and she leaves him hanging, wanting to know more. I also absolutely love the Rae side eye, lethal!

3. Candy Tent

Post-kiss insanity is on full display here. The way she beckons him with a sexy head tilt and he came running, the way his hands give away his nervousness and his eyes keep locking on her helplessly. Just FULL ON crush mode. The soft "How are you?" he missed her!

Also outfits are incredible here, the pearls in the hair, the painted vest, Colin inventing the color brown, it's a rococo dream. The plushy pink of the tent, the ambiance, everything is just in a word: sumptuous? never used that but it feels right here.

Pen's giddiness here is just adorable, she's experiencing blatant interest for the first time and I couldn't be happier for her. But someone else is very peeved, indeed. He's trying to play the part of supportive friend while also just kind of feeling a lot of "confounding feelings"

The way he is trying to be so casual and attempting to keep up his swagger, but his true feelings are showing through BAD kind of harkens back to how Pen would interact with Colin in s1 and 2, with barely contained affection and hope. The script has been FLIPPED and it feels so good!!

I literally squeal every time he asks her if she's formed an attachment to Debling, this is the shit I signed up for!! Her saying Debling is not "unpleasant to gaze upon" and watching Colin just completely glitch out with jealousy. He's like AND WHAT ABOUT ME! Must be frustrating to be the most eligible bachelor of the season, and yet your very beautiful crush friend is complementing another man on his looks. When your crush expresses interest in someone it can be truly insanity inducing, so I feel for him here.

Pen is oblivious completely, she doesn't think any of what she is saying is negatively affecting him, in fact she thinks this news will make him happy! His lessons worked, she didn't care about being perceived and it is having the desired affect! and yet, he's miserable. Mission accomplished unsuccessfully if you will.

He does ALMOST a good job of hiding his feelings, but if Pen were not completely convinced he couldn't have feelings for her, I think she would've picked up on the vibes here. He's way less enthusiastic about the lessons, and is giving fairly curt responses, when before he was yapping on about being yourself and such.

Then of course the blatant staring at her mouth, being the yearning sort of man he is and likely recalling their kiss in detail, reminder it's been at least a week since. She's romancing him without even trying. It also makes sense for "food motivated" Colin to have Penelope + cake equals critical override of his facial expressions and his literally standing there slack-jawed with lust.

His soft "good luck", when she leaves and the fact that he doesn't mean it AT ALL.

I've seen it talked about, but it makes a lot of sense that Penelope wasn't as affected by the kiss as he was. I'm sure she enjoyed it, but for her the kiss was an end (more on that later) and for him it was the moment he admitted his feelings (which were already growing slowly). so it makes sense the yearning is very colin-sided in this scene.

Apart from the yearning, it's also just sweet to see them in cahoots and discussing this development with Debling like its a little group project, and its the perfect scene to show Down Bad Colin, and I love it. She also clearly wants him to share with her in her success, still wanting to be close to him in any way she can, which if I think about too much I'll cry.

Bonus points for him eating the cake later on, such an intimate detail, he just wants to be close to her in any way he can. CRIMINAL! ARREST HIM!

2. First kiss/Dream Sequence

Ok I'm combining these scenes because they happen back to back and sort of like a mirror of each other, sue me. This first kiss scene is, as Whistledown says, RECKLESS. It's nonsensical, it's desperate, and it's beautiful.

This scene has only improved upon rewatches, it really has everything. Best kiss scene on Bridgerton and possibly in anything ever? no doubt no doubt?

The silly back and forth on the "You're not going to die" and the way she doesn't back down when he seems to get embarrassed, but instead says what? The Magic Word! "Please" she says, which of course is both of their activation word. His expressions here definitely mirror the book, where as soon as she asks him to kiss her, he's a bit taken aback by how much he realizes he wants to already.

This is such a low moment for Penelope, and it's one parts embarrassing and two parts brave of her to ask him to kiss her. In her position, she doesn't even have her pride left, so why not ask the boy you love to kiss you? nothing will come of it anyway, and he probably won't even do it, so why not ask? And what are friends for!

then the moment comes, and the music swells, as does the tension as he closes the distance between them, her shocked face and shallow breaths as she realizes its actually going to happen, the way he lifts her face to his with his hand under her chin. It's just pure romance. and this thing between them, this space that has never been crossed, is being crossed, and it feels insane. reckless. intimate!!

What I love is the shot that focuses on his face after they deepen the kiss, he's intent and confused by how good this feels, how little like kindness this is for him as soon as their lips touch. Like we will see later, he just kind of mind-blanks and forgets what is happening.

Whatever he thought they were has just crumbled with this kiss, and he leans his forehead against hers, no awkwardness when there is such tenderness. which is why he's so shook when she whispers "thank you", and rushes off. he's like "wait why is she thanking me? where am I? weren't we doing something here?" The hopeful strings as it focuses on his dumbstruck face, the earth literally shifting under his feet in that moment. UNREAL.

THE DREAM: I won't say a lot about the dream sequence but I just had to throw it in here because it shows how aligned they are romantically. They are both HUGE romantics, and he has orchestrated this sort of do-over kiss where he's really going for it and proving to her that he wants this too, he wants her. And she's enjoying herself, clearly, which we know is something Colin wants more than anything. It's a great way to show his inner feelings with the lack of an inner monologue that a book brings. And this is clearly a sort of parody of Bridgerton itself, or at least the books. It's over the top, a little silly, and exactly what we all want to see.

This dream also isn't just ripping off clothes, it's emotional, a key element is him expressing how he's been thinking about her, consumed by her. This kiss also isn't as innocent and patient as the first kiss, and it's full of Reciprocation, she can't stop thinking about him either. AND NEITHER CAN I!!!

Both of these kiss scenes also set up our contrasting feelings, where Pen views their first kiss as an end of a dream, a bittersweet act to finally let go off him, the dream of him. And then his dream shows the opposite, how she's ignited something in him that begins his dream of her, awake and asleep. Dream-swap! Also the hand on the wall behind her to catch her from hitting the wall. no comment.

1. Carriage Scene

Yeah like what can I say! It's incredible! I honestly have no idea how they can top this scene, but honestly if this is the best love scene they share in the season I am 10000% content. All of my little qualms with how they did the season melt away when I watch this scene because this was what was crucial to nail and they NAILED IT. TO THE WALL BABY. YAY.

And how did he gain access to the carriage (and Penelope)?? by saying please!! we love the magic word!! I do like the confession a lot, especially the "what if I did have feelings for you?" and the way he gets to his KNEES, a truly inspired moment.

How he completely dies inside when she says they are friends, and still accepts it with grace. There were SO many obstacles to him expressing his feelings to her this night, and he just red rovered each one, and we are all very grateful.

Something about this scene is just built different, I like a lot of the love scenes in the show, but this one has some kind of secret ingredient that we didn't know we'd been missing. Maybe its the location, the context, the way they are just grasping at each other desperately (which if you think about how Penelope thought this was a one time thing in the books and she wanted to make the most of it, actually don't think about that)

He's also just so sweet about it, he's not angry, or insistent, he's just honest and intent. and she's just bewildered and INTO IT.

The lightning is gorgeous, the way it looks like Penelope is catching on fire and glowing. the catharsis, the giving into passion. The way she smiles like her dreams are coming true (because they are) before he just completely attacks her. What else can I say but EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

so many of the kisses are so tender and gentle, and they just build and build and build in intensity as they get lost in each other.

on a more horny note, so many moments here actually make me physically roll my eyes back in my head with how insane they make me. The desperate boob grab, the consensual nod, the way his hand slips under her dress, they were truly so insane for this. something tells me they knew I've waited literal years for this, so they knew they had to make it good.

Someone said Nicola should get an Emmy nom for moans, and she should, somehow they don't come across as cartoonish at all, and it doesn't take me out of the scene like some "noise making" does in these types of scenes. and for the record I'm not jealous at all, of either of them. in fact, no sooner did my head hit the pillow that I was met with complete and total darkness....not even a dream....

Like everything I could say has already been said, but it was so much better than I thought it was going to be, blew my expectations out of the water and DELIVERED. and DEVOURED. and RUINED ME. AND I AM VERY GRATEFUL.

Anyway that's all, I'm very afraid for part two so I needed some escapism, why am I already nostalgic for the good ol' times when Polin was happy for 6 minutes. thanks for reading! <3

[garagepaperback]

What are your favorite drarry fics?

oh. ooooooooooooh oh oh.

here are my staples:

draco, the magic dragon - libbydrew a fic i first read on livejournal (showing off the varnish of my casket here) that i thought about regularly for the almost two decades i fell out of fandom. canon to me tbh. libby invented my draco rubric: proud lil showboat even when everything around him has gone to rancid shit, sarcastic and aloof personality as a poor facade to distract from the big ol' gaping well of hurt.

Potter took a great breath, then let it out slowly – a low whistle between his teeth. "Malfoy, I had no idea. I thought—" "Why are you here?" Draco cut him off before the idiot embarrassed them both. Their shared past was water under the bridge – even if Draco had drowned in it.

nightingale - michi_the_killer

another back-in-my-day fav, even though i can only stand to read half of it. actually even thinking about it is making me stare off in a distance for upwards of three minutes. this one i would hand off wrapped in about a million miles of caution tape. + also a huge fan of michi's gory veela fic.

It was better than fighting, Harry thought, although sometimes he still wanted to rip into Malfoy, to hurt him. Other days, he thought, it was better than anything.

rookie moves - peu_a_peu

what can i say that hasn't already been said - peu is a MASTER. if you somehow know who i am but haven't read this, reassess your life choices through professional means but not until after you dive in.

“Feels kinda big,” Malfoy said, smirking. “For a guy your height.” “My height is average,” Harry said, although he was undeniably glaring upward at Malfoy’s face when they stood so close together. “And it is kinda big.”

stately homes of wiltshire - waspabi another one that crept into my heart and made a home. hard to choose between this and waspabi's other drarry fic, but there's something about the decrepit manor that just does it for me. a perfect harry and draco, perfect soft reaching towards each other.

Draco smiled and dragged Potter from the shop before he could charm any more elderly ladies with his unkept, take-care-of-me-I’m-confused-and-have-nice-shoulders aesthetic. Once outside in the drizzle, he realised he still had his hand around Potter’s forearm. He yanked his hand back immediately.

i wake up falling - warmfoothills

warmfoothills :,) just reading this moniker makes me vision go soft around the edges. their writing has made me out loud, quietly say "oh," multiple times. the prose is darling, this story is such a brief, aching glance. it was also really hard to pick just one (flashback, warm nights i also go in for).

“I love you,” he says, unable to stop himself. Draco blinks, a barely-there flinch, like Harry’s taken a swing at him. “I know,” he says, still oblivious to the reference, oblivious to the way his words scoop right into the meat of Harry’s stupid, hopeful heart. “It’s not enough, is it?” Draco shakes his head. Above, the stars watch unfeelingly on.

the pure and simple truth - lettered no one does dialogue with the mastery lettered does. my GOD. my god. i feel like this fic is drarry perfectly distilled.

“What’s he going to be?” Blaise raised a brow. “Pardon?” “You said he says Hermione should be Minister, and all those other things. What does Malfoy think he should be?” There was something much like pity in Blaise’s eyes. “He thinks he should never, ever be forgiven for the things he’s done.” Harry felt ill. “That’s not fair.” “When has Draco ever been fair?” “I meant―” Harry swallowed hard. “That’s not right.” Blaise looked more pitying still. “When has Draco ever been right?”

far from the tree - aideomai

the writer i avoid talking about the most bc once i start i cannot physically restrain myself from going on about their beauty forever. i sat for forty-five solid minutes frowning, trying to choose between this one and in the hand. and dwelling. okay anyway. i keep a doc of quotes from fics that resonate and it's 50% aideomai.

Draco wondered what Potter thought of this day, in the future the twins came from. If he had told Ginny about it. If he had forgotten it. He couldn���t forget it, could he? It felt burned into Draco’s body already, a final point that he had been moving toward for years without knowing.

i could go on but i think seven is a nice solid number tyvm for this ask!

[buckyownsmylife]

out of the woods (chris evans x famous!reader smut)

the one where Chris watches an interview of you on the Ellen show

Warnings: mention of small stature in comparison to Chris, smut thoughts, Ellen Degeneres trash talking/thinking, cursing, mention of prescription medicine, talk of age gap (reader is younger than Chris), jacking off, daddy kink

WC: 3k

A/N: this doesn't really have an ending, so if you all like it, I might make a series out of it - the idea is that you are also famous (for acting, singing, writing) and have been friends with Chris but there's always this underlying tension between the two of you. It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway: no, he's not married in this story nor do I intend to feature Alba in any part of it whatsoever.

Chris’ P.O.V.

I was scrolling through Twitter when I realized some fans were tagging me in a short video of Y/N on Ellen DeGeneres’ show. I knew she had gone there by herself, mostly to promote her new album, but also to give some publicity for our movie, so I was aware that she would probably talk about me at least a bit… Curiosity got the best of me and I clicked the link to check the video for myself.

She looked gorgeous as always, her hair down in that way I loved so much and her skin seemed to be as soft as ever under the mini dress she chose to wear, her legs stretching out and making her look taller than she actually was. I chuckled, remembering just how small she looked by my side.

I remembered one time when I lifted her up, bridal style, and spun her around the pub we had close to the set, after the Patriots had won a game. Despite not understanding the game, she tagged along and celebrated every time I got excited, like the cute person that she was. I got so transfixed by her giggles back then. They were the sweetest sound and the only thing I heard, despite the fact that we were in the middle of a very loud bunch of dudes. 

I found myself imagining again, as I had then, what it would be like to have her under me, trapped by my arms in bed, or better yet, against a wall, only my thighs securing her in place while I made her moan with my touch. How would she sound? Or, better yet, how would she feel?

Christ. 

Shaking my head, I tried to gather my thoughts so as to not let them stray too far in that direction, something I didn’t have much success in doing, despite the fact that I had been practicing that simple habit every single day since I met her. But it was proving to be a nightmare. She was just far too tempting.

Shaking my head once more, I focused on the video in front of me. My heartbeat had sped up as soon as it started, but I tried to tell myself it was because I was scared for her, since I knew how Ellen could get invasive sometimes.

“So, Y/N…” She started, eyeing my co-star. “You have just finished working on a movie with someone we’re very familiar with, isn’t it?”

Y/N giggled, nodding at the blonde woman. “I suppose so. We have just finished the promotion for it, maybe you guys have already seen it?” She asked the crowd, who went nuts at her. It was sweet to see this kind of feedback, I truly believed in our movie and the fact that I got to know her was just an added bonus.

“For those of you who don’t know what we’re talking about, it’s called ‘Be Here Now’ and it’s currently in a theater near you. Y/N stars alongside Chris Evans, who we love so dearly here, and they play brother and sister as they try to reconnect after their parents' passing.”

More applause at that. I couldn’t stop myself from rolling my eyes at her idea of love. Last time I was there, she made me pretty uncomfortable, and I knew I wasn’t the only one who felt that way.

“So, how was the process for you? We know you’re familiar with the filming process, since you star in your own series ‘Evermore’, that sent you to stardom, along with your songs, but you had said before you’d never act outside of it, since your true passion relies on music. What changed your mind?” Ellen sat back as she said that, already comfortable with the fact that something good would come out of this interview, since Y/N had been pretty vocal about what made her decide to do the movie, even with me.

“Chris did, actually. Or, in fact, the fact that he was cast in it.” A chorus of “aws” echoed around the room and there was no way to know if they were real or prompted, but they were quickly interrupted by the host.

“So, you were a fan?” She instigated, as to what Y/N nodded again.

“Of course. Well, my mom more than me, but I was the one who introduced his work to her, so…” She poked her tongue out at the camera, to which my heart (and my cock) jumped in response. “Ever since I got into this, when I first had the idea for Evermore with James, I told him time and time again I would never act outside of this, because I had no intention whatsoever on becoming an actress. I have always been in this for the music. Well, the writing. I’m a writer, I like writing scripts and songs, I’ve fallen into this performer thing by accident. But I’ve always been adamant about the fact that if I ever had the opportunity to act alongside Chris, I’d take it. It doesn’t matter that I don’t think I’m good enough. It didn’t even matter if the script was terrible, which thankfully wasn’t the case, I just really admire him and his work and I would never live with myself if I turned this opportunity down.”

Even though I knew most of this, I couldn’t help but to gloat at the fact that this incredible woman actually admired me. She was so much better than me in so many things, even acting, and she still thought I was great enough to get her to participate in a movie. 

“So, what I’m hearing is, you have a little crush, that’s right?” And there it was. The coup. Of course. That evil wench…

“That’s what you took out of everything I said? Jesus, Ellen, has anyone ever told you that you listen like a man?” Ouch. That one was perfect. Being the ambassador for females and lesbians everywhere, it couldn’t not hurt her, especially coming from someone as angelical, sweet and universally-loved as Y/N. I appreciated the quick second her smile faltered before it became plastered on her again.

“No, I haven’t heard that before… But tell me, have you met any of the other Marvel actors? I mean, granted, there are a lot of them now, but especially those who have worked closely with Chris?” Y/N shrugged at that.

“I have been friends with Elizabeth Olsen for a very long time, we’re very close, but other than that, no. I haven’t had the chance to properly meet, or rather, hang out with any of them.”

“Who’s first on your list?”

“Anthony Mackie,” Y/N promptly responded, getting a few laughs and claps from the audience.

“My, you had that answer ready” Ellen teased, to which Y/N simply shrugged again. 

“We talk through social media sometimes and I know for a fact he’s hilarious. I hope we get to meet sometime. I might just have to bug Chris about it.” She had already, in fact. I couldn’t wait to introduce them to each other and I was already planning my next party just to be able to make that happen.

“What about Sebastian?” Ellen asked, a glinter of something extremely suspicious in her eyes.

“Sebastian Stan? No, we haven’t met, but I’d love to get the chance to someday. He seems extremely sweet and I know he’s very talented and Chris loves him, so I think it’s a matter of time until it happens.”

“I heard somewhere you had a bit of a crush on him, right? Even if you don’t admit that you have one on Chris?” This fucking woman. I could fucking kill her right now. But, to my surprise, Y/N simply laughed.

“Truly, you have got to check your hearing sometime soon, because that is absolutely false.” 

“Really?” Ellen pushed, to which Y/N beamed even brighter at her.

“Positive.” A beat as the two women stared at each other down. “I think what you meant is that I have had a huge crush on his character, Bucky Barnes.” Y/N explained, laughing at the host. “I admit that only happened after I saw Sebastian’s portrayal of him, but my attraction to a fictional character can’t be really connected to him.”

Ellen nodded, obviously not paying attention to anything she was just saying. “Well, let’s figure out who do you actually feel attracted to, shall we? Let’s play fuck, marry or kill!”

The audience screamed and, to my surprise, Y/N didn’t even blink, a patient smile painting her lips as she calmly watched the interviewer. “So, Y/N, between Anthony, Sebastian and Chris, who would you rather fuck, marry or kill?”

Y/N shook her head, still smiling at the older woman. “I couldn’t possibly answer truthfully to this question, Ellen, mostly because I am not capable of feeling carnal attraction to people I have never met, but I can 100% assure you that I would marry Chris without blinking twice if there was a choice.” 

My heart skipped a beat at her words. The crowd went crazy, obviously satisfied with the answer.

“And you’re sure you don’t have a crush on him?” Ellen’s eyes glistened with mischief, as she stared at the younger woman.

“Ellen, I think the question here is… Are you sure *you don’t have a crush on him?” The laughs from the audience was the last thing to come from the video before it stopped, and I found myself echoing them in the silent living room. Oh my, how I missed this girl.

I tapped my fingers nervously on my jean-clad thigh, looking around the room. I had been staying in Boston with my family for the last few weeks, since the movie premiered and we had finished promotion, and I had found myself constantly calling her to share funny stories from my nephews or to hear about her day. I knew she wanted to meet my family, she had always said she admired the fact that we were so close, despite there being so many of us.

My mom obviously loved her, having been a fan of hers long before I even heard about her existence. So what if…? 

Before I could second-guess myself, I pressed call in the name of the woman I had been thinking about. The phone rang three times before she picked up, stopping me from giving up on this crazy idea.

“Hey, Chris! How are you? I missed talking to you, it’s so weird seeing you everyday for four months and then suddenly not at all anymore.” I know I was literally forty, but I literally melted at this girl’s words.

“Did you now? Is that because you wish we were married, so we could see each other everyday?” Her breath hitched as she realized I had seen the video and I could just imagine the cute little embarrassed expression she was probably sporting right now. I tried to ignore the fact that my words and tone of speaking had suddenly become way too similar to when I was flirting with a girl.

“Fuck, you saw the interview.” I had never heard Y/N curse before, so the fact that I suddenly had no control over my mouth could be explained by the unavailability of blood in my head, since it had all gone south.

“Come stay with me for a while,” I spilled suddenly. Silence was the only answer I got from the other side of the call and my heart sped up in a way that only happened when I was truly anxious. I was already cursing myself out for scaring the poor girl when she finally answered.

“Are you serious?” She asked, her voice barely over a whisper. It was obvious how vulnerable she was feeling, and a sense of overprotectiveness overcame me. “Please don’t joke about this, Evans. This better not be a prank. ‘Cause I really do miss you a lot.”

Fuck indeed. There was no way something good would come out of this idea, but there was no way I would go back either.

“Of course I’m being serious. Come to Boston. You can stay with me, but I think my mom is going to steal you before you even settle in.” A large breath came from the other side.

“Okay. Okay! I’m going to pack my bags. Yay! I’m so excited!” She was clearly jumping up and down with the perspective of what was to come, and I couldn’t help the smile that painted my lips not only at her cuteness, but also due to my own excitement at her arrival. 

“Great! I’ll be waiting.” My heartbeat still hadn’t gotten back to a normal speed. “Text me the details of your arrival, I’ll pick you up at the airport.”

“Chris, I don’t think that’s such a good idea…” I knew what she meant. If someone caught sight of us together at the airport, or even the fact that she was here in Boston, all hell would break loose in the press.

“Shhh, don’t worry about it, baby girl. I’ll take care of it.” I froze, only then realizing what I had just called her. A few seconds ticked by while I silently freaked out, wondering how I could brush this over, when she intervened.

“Thanks, Chris. That was pretty much the best thing I’ve ever heard. I just might forgo my prescription medicine while I’m over there, because you’ve been able to completely relax me with just two sentences.” She giggled and if I was at first leaning towards thinking she was sarcastically teasing me, just by the nature of her words, the tone of her voice made it clear that she actually meant what she had just said.

Once again, I was at a loss for words, especially because I couldn’t help but to allow myself to imagine that this was her, flirting with me a little bit. The blood I so desperately needed in my brain had once again left to pump another organ full of life. I was saved from having to answer, though, as Y/N quickly wrapped up the conversation.

“I’ll text you the details of my flight in a little bit. See you soon, angel.” She hung up before I could process the nickname she had given me. 

“Fucking hell,” I whispered, finally relenting and getting up from the couch to take a shower to rub one off.

I had found myself in this situation more times than usual after meeting Y/N. Normally, I’d only do it out of boredom, preferring to fuck someone whenever I’d get sexually frustrated. But the last few times I had taken girls from parties into my bedroom, I could only see her. Y/N. And I hated how disgusting I felt after it was done, the fact that I didn’t care about the girl I just fucked and the fact that I imagined my younger friend.

So now I resorted to this kind of activity. As the warm water started to hit my body, I allowed my right hand to travel the extent of my body until I found my hardened member. “Fuck,” I found myself whispering into the bathroom as I tugged on my cock. Images that I had spent a lot of time concocting in my head flashed in front of me, all of them starred by Y/N. 

I imagined her nude body here with me, under the falling water. How her breasts would heave with every breath she took. Would she be as filled with desire for me as I was for her? I imagined the path the warm droplets of water would run across her skin and how I wished I could lick its remnants. 

Maybe she’d fall to her knees before me, looking up from under her eyelashes with that coy expression that drove me crazy. Her lips would softly kiss the tip of my cock and she’d still be watching me, analyzing my reactions. I would do my best to restrain myself, allowing her to get accustomed to my member, but my hands would eventually find their way to her wet strands, creating a makeshift ponytail that would facilitate my vision of her work while I still managed to control myself and not use it to guide her.

She’d kiss the skin all around my cock, quick little kisses just to tease me before going further down to suck on my balls. I’d throw my head back, begging her to do what I needed, and she’d finally succumb, wrapping her lips around my tip before slowly sucking further down my dick. She’d be relentless, eventually being able to swallow my whole member down her throat, and I would look down again to see her looking up at me with a proud gaze in her eyes.

“Such a good girl,” I would whisper, just before I finally snapped, using my grip on her hair to pull her from my cock until just the tip remained tightly squeezed by her lips, until I pushed her all the way against me again. “Take this fucking cock like the little perfect girl you are for daddy.”

And she’d take it like a pro, a satisfied smile on her lips as I fucked her mouth, eventually breaching into her throat, making her gasp for air, tears in her eyes as her hands flew to my hips in an attempt to slow me down. But she wouldn’t really, opting for simply carving her nails on my flesh as she took every single rope of cum I’d deposit between her eager lips.

Fuck. I let the water wash away the sin I had just committed while sending up a prayer for better control when Y/N arrived. The last thing I needed was to be stuck in the bathroom, touching myself while she was at my house.

[sweet1delusi0ns]

Nicknames Naruto boys call you—☆*:・ﾟ

Characters: Naruto🦊,sasuke🗡️,kiba🐺, shikamaru🀄️,shino🪲,neji🎋,Lee🥋, choji🍥,gaara⏳, kankuro🪆

Naruto🦊-*

He always calls you complimenting nicknames such as beautiful, gorgeous and pretty ect. He doesn’t care about your looks honestly you could be the ugliest person alive and he’s still love you. He just needs you to know your attractive no matter what! But also calls you the classics like babe n sweetheart!

“Good morning gorgeous!!” “I look like a fucking raccoon babe.” “Your still attractive no matter what y/nnnn” side note he loves giving morning kisses~

Sasuke🗡️-*

Darling. Without a doubt he calls you darling or love. He’s not sure what he would call you at first other than your name but it soon came to him. He is soooo soft for You idc what anyone says I can just imagine his soft voice “oh love” “anything else darling?” “I have a surprise for you my love” (I’m crying)

He will genuinely start crying if you called him sweet nicknames like that. (I’m writing abt that later😋)

Kiba🐺-*

Hes so Basic yet so complex honestly he will call you the most basic nicknames like babe or sweetie but then go on for hours how your the only one for him and how your were like a missing piece in his heart that he has finally found, yet he can’t come up with any better nicknames😭

“Babe have I ever told you how I feel like I’m missing apart of myself every time your away. Honestly just going to bed without you pains me so much. I’m so happy I found the one for me~” “not even baby just babe?” “I’m trying to be sincere and sensitive y/n!”

Shikamaru🀄️-*

He mainly called you dear like a old couple (LOL). Other than the sweet compliments he gives you about how hot you are n such he’s similar to kiba, basic nicknames but a lot of meaning

“Dear, I have put together a small picnic for us. I finally have time to treat you right so I figured I’d take you on a date” “Aw your the sweetest old man ever~” “anything for you dear!….HEY.”

Shino🪲-*

Call me stereotypical but he totally calls you love bug, cuddle bug or flower, cuz your his little love bug yk just full of happiness (mostly). He isn’t one to just use nicknames every sentence, he thinks nicknames should be special not matter how many times he uses them!

“Shino! I’m so happy your back home ugh I’ve missed that face! Cmon give me a hug~” “of course, I’ve missed you too love bug, or should I say cuddle bug” “either one is fine Shino~”

Neji🎋-*

Destiny (ha get it) I’m jus joking. Similar to shikamaru he talks you like you guys are an old couple but still romantic, so names like sweetheart, love and gorgeous. He uses them frequently thought so throughout the day you get to hear his pretty voice

“Sweetheart how was your day?” “Love do you want to tag along with me to the store? Or just for a walk” “you look gorgeous as always” AGH

Lee🥋-*

Ez he calls you precious. He finds it complex enough to show the love he truly feels for you without the nickname being overwhelming. “You are my precious! I will spent my whole life protecting and serving you! You deserve the best!!” I love him.

“So pretty! You are so special y/n! You are the most precious person to me!” “My precious I have a surprise!” “Precious, do you care for some tea, I’m making it fresh!”

Choji🍥-*

Also ez he calls you either honey, sweetie, or pretty. Honey and sweetie for obvious reasons, he finds you as sweet as candy and as yummy as honey, but he also finds you VERY attractive.

“Honey! I’m making dinner I hope your hungry pretty~” “your so nice to me y/n, like sweets! Ooooo that’s a good name, sweetie!”

Gaara⏳-*

He just calls you by your name, he doesn’t know what he’s doing LOL. You’ll have to coerce him into calling you cute nicknames by either promising him a reward or explaining how it’s normal to call loved ones names other than their name.

“You can call me anything you want gaara!!” “Can I Call You raccoon?” “No.” “Oh.. then what can I call you?” “Oml I’ll give you cuddles if you start calling me darling~” “sure thing y/n…uh darling..?” “Your so cute when you get flustered!”

Kankuro🪆-*

Flirt. So names along the lines of hotty, sexy, doll. Pretty self explanatory he thinks your fine asf so he’s gotta make it known. “Oo whos that hotty? Oh my gosh that my lover~” he teasing you, well atleast tried you but you just end up giggling at his attempts!

“Doll do you want to come help me in my work shop?” “Danm your so sexy~ honestly I’d let you do anything to me” “what’s your problem weirdo!” “Your hot thats my problem”

[scoobydoodean]

what is your opinion on people calling dean a heavy misogynist? i don’t agree personally but i feel like you could put my thoughts into better words

First, I have to chuckle a little at "heavy misogynist". Apparently, some people have begun to realize their fave is also guilty of misogyny crimes therefore they focus on making sure all of us know Sam is a light misogynist and Dean is a heavy misogynist. I just find that amusing.

This is a broad topic in a long show, so I won't endeavor to address every conceivable incidence of misogyny in the show I can think of. Instead, I'm going to create a few headings, at least one of which I think most criticism falls under.

Misogyny through the writing team

How Sam's misogyny gets a pass

Purity culture wank and Dean performing for Sam

How Dean actually treats women

Misogyny Through The Writing Team

First, Supernatural in of itself has issues with misogyny—as in, the writers of the show (including female writers) have issues with misogyny which they are happy to put on display semi-frequently. The show started in 2005, during a period of time where casual sexism was absolutely rampant on TV and no one thought anything about it. Female celebrities were regularly mocked and dragged on cable television in a way men simply weren't. They were called bitches and skanks and whores, and even "progressive" voices were inundated with casual misogyny and a fixation on purity culture (that largely applied to women only). Quite simply, I think fandom tends to be far too generous toward the writers, assuming certain things were "flaws" the writers intentionally wrote for the characters.

Put another way, there are some criticisms I prefer to level at the writing team rather than the characters, because what is written plainly reflects their ignorance in the real world rather than any intent to give Sam or Dean or any other character meaningful flaws—much less outright terrible ones that greatly harm their image. I'll give a few examples:

2.17 "Heart" makes me very uncomfortable as I sit here in 2024 and observe how Sam and Madison's romance develops. Me feeling that way does not mean the authorial intent of 2007 Sera Gamble was that I think to myself, "Man Sam comes off as uncomfortably rapey here." Hopelessly bad with women, perhaps—but not creepy.

In season 2, the writers begin to develop a running “joke” that Sam is afraid of not just clowns but also little people. The latter “joke” is (wisely) dropped fairly quickly. I have never criticized Sam for being afraid of little people, and I never will. It is readily apparent to me that this running "joke" reflects the ignorance of the writing team rather than an intent to give Sam meaningful or interesting flaws. Their intent was to use little people as the butt of a joke. I personally find this "joke" distasteful, and the idea of trying to take that and somehow "dunk" on Sam for the bigotry of the writers is more distasteful to me.

This is also how I feel about the running "joke" of a porn magazine and website (BAB) that solely features Asian women, that is put on display on multiple occasions during the show—first in 2.15 "Tall Tales", where the context is Gabriel infecting Sam's laptop with a virus from the website and making him believe Dean is responsible. BAB continues to make "Easter Egg" appearances in the show afterward. While often associated with Dean by fandom, the writers clearly think of BAB as a general, "funny" (it isn't), running gag with no more depth than "haha men like porn funny". An issue is stolen by a sentient teddy bear in 4.08 "Wishful Thinking". An issue is owned by the teenager who swapped bodies with Sam in 5.12 "Swap Meat". The Men of Letters also collected a considerable number of issues (8.17). I simply do not believe the writers thought for a single moment about BAB being a grossly racist gag. They most certainly did not write it as an intentional criticism of Dean from that perspective. It reflects nothing but their ignorance and racism here in the real world, and absolutely SHOULD be criticized from that REAL WORLD impact.

How Sam's misogyny largely gets a pass

One of the things I have not been able to stop noticing on this rewatch is Sam's issues with misogyny, and how often Sam's misogyny comes out in conflicts with Dean... starting from the very first episode of the show. Pretty much any time you get anything that feels like it might be a misogynist Dean or horn dog Dean moment... Sam either just has or is about to follow that up with some misogyny of his own.

In 1.01, right after entering Sam's apartment and meeting Jess, Dean mentions the Smurfs on Jess's shirt. We think to ourselves "Okay. A little misogynist... a little horn-dog Dean." Sam is happy to 1-Up that in two ways. First, Jess voices her intentions to go get dressed. Dean dismisses this, but while doing so, makes it clear he intends to leave the room with Sam, as he'd like to have a private conversation with Sam anyway. Sam objects, walking over to Jess and putting an arm around her, demanding Dean say whatever he needs to say right then and there. Maybe this would feel supportive if Jess wasn't in her underwear and hadn't just made it clear that now that the panic over a possible break-in is over, she'd really like to not be in her underwear in front of a stranger. But nope. By god she needs to stand there so Sam can prove a point about misogynist Dean! Second, Sam immediately (and I think quite erroneously) jumps to imply Dean is trying to cut Jess out of the conversation because she's... a woman? Or... something? He makes a big show of moving over Jess and standing beside her, saying anything Dean has to say, he can say in front of Jess. However, the moment Sam actually understands that Dean is here because John is missing on a hunting trip, he dismisses Jess to speak to Dean alone... because he's lying to her. By painting Dean erroneously with this "The men are talking" bullshit that had nothing to do with anything, Sam sets himself up to be viewed as a misogynist by his own framing of the situation and what it means to leave Jess out of a discussion. He also reveals his own alleged principles as a performative illusion. Despite being his intended life partner, Sam never intends to tell the woman he loves about his past as a hunter (he makes this clear later on the bridge). However, I think because Sam's actions usually co-occur with what gets called out more directly or more immediately recognized as misogyny from Dean (should have gotten him for the Smurf's comment, Sam!) Sam's misogyny often flies under the radar... and he's really... pretty bad.

I spoke here at length about how Sam tends to look down on women who interact with Dean (often before meeting them). There is absolutely an intersection with purity culture here and there's discussion in that thread about that as well, and whether this is a "2000s writers" issue or intentionally written flaws.

In 1.06, Sam cuts Dean off before Dean can accept an offered beer from Rebecca, but then as soon as Sam needs Rebecca out of the room, Sam asks her to not just bring them those beers... but also fix them sandwiches. Rebecca says, "What do you think this is, Hooters?" and Dean mumbles, "I wish" and we somehow lose sight of the fact that Sam literally just asked a woman to make him sandwiches which is possibly the number one misogynist man trope. Sam vaguely suggests Dean is a misogynist in 1.19 for nudging Sam to go on a date with Sarah Blake and possibly get information on the case, because that would be "using" her, but Sam wants to "use" Meg Masters in 1.22 and he wants to "use" Ruby to get what he wants, and when he said getting information from women was "Dean's job", he was also showing he was perfectly willing to use Dean and Sarah—he just doesn't want to get his hands dirty. It also comes to light in 1.19 that this is more about Sam's belief that he has to protect women from him, and Sarah herself ends up calling Sam antiquated for it.

I mentioned before that Sam doesn't plan to ever tell Jess who he is, and he makes the same plans with Amelia. Dean, meanwhile, confides in Cassie (it's what leads to their breakup) as well as Lisa.

I also have to mention... one of the funniest things I see deancrit samgirls in particular dig at time after time after time is Dean calling women "bitches". Never mind that Sam also calls women like Ruby and Bela bitches and calls a woman a bitch in front of Madison. Apparently none of these occurrences count because... *looks at notes* reasons. "Bitch" only counts as misogyny when it's Dean saying it. Also, let's not mention that Sam exclusively uses the word "bitch" to refer to women, while Dean also calls men and creatures bitches at different points so it isn't a gender specific insult for him.

Dean is definitely the "heavy" misogynist here... right? (I guess Sam is a "tall" misogynist instead).

Purity culture wank and Dean performing for Sam

Dean is commonly treated in fandom as if he's some kind of sex pest, and quite blatantly... he isn't one. Women almost always proposition Dean first (thejabberwock has sets on this here and here), but him asking people out also isn't inherently creepy in any way? Co-occurring with Sam's purity culture inundated judgements, we often see fandom's own as well, where Dean is some kind of sex pest because he... likes women? Or... because he has sex with consenting women who also want to have sex with him? Sometimes it's giving purity culture wank, sometimes it's given big radfem energy... but regardless, I sometimes see people talk about Dean like him so much as making eye contact with a woman is a violent sexual threat, and that's just laughable—as is denying the agency and autonomy of consenting women in general.

Even though it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, I'll also add that Dean... doesn't even actually have sex with the frequency that people talk about it? Dean has sex with Cassie—who was a long term partner of his in 1.13. He has sex with an actress in 2.18, and with Doublemint twins in 3.01. He has sex with a waitress 4.05. He plans to have sex with someone in 3.04, but turns her down when he realizes she's a prostitute who's working. This happens again in 10.07. I'm on season 4 of my rewatch and haven't been formally keeping up... but Dean is not actually having a lot of sex? We get implications he's been out partying a few times, and can maybe infer he scored, but we don't actually know.

I'm not a huge fan of performing Dean, in the sense that I think over the years I have seen it wildly overstated far too many times. But I do think Dean sometimes plays a character for Sam especially. Dean tells us this himself in 2.03 "Bloodlust" when confiding in Gordon. He never says so directly when it comes to the sexy sex guy doing sex persona, but his actions reveal him. One can think of plenty of examples of Dean saying horny stuff about women to Sam... but what about his actions?

How Dean actually treats women

Finally, there's how Dean actually treats women... and one would be very hard pressed to prove to me that Dean is sexist toward the women in his life. He's been close friends with multiple women and worked with women on hunts on multiple occasions and never once batted an eye. Jo in 2.06 is sometimes floated as an example, but it's actually discussed within the episode. Dean makes it very clear that he thinks women can do the job just fine. What he has a problem with is Jo's lack of experience and her romanticization of the job (especially during a period where Dean has fallen deeply out of love with the job himself). Everything we see as the series progresses supports Dean's assertion as truth. He's very good friends with Charlie, Jody, and Donna and doesn't go around excluding them on hunts while favoring men. That is not a thing that happens. While he initially tries to talk Claire out of the life (as he does everybody—this is not unique to women—see Adam for example) when she decides to hunt, he supports her regardless. There is nothing uniquely overprotective about how Dean treats women who hunt. End of. Dean has no illusions about traditional gender roles or any of that nonsense, jumping to clean dishes after dinner at Jody's and cooking breakfast for Lisa and Ben. (Our knowledge of Dean and the chores he does for his family already tell us this—but regardless). Even Demon Dean, an entity with no love for anyone and close to zero principles, targeted men who abuse and threaten women, and when Crowley ordered him to kill Lester's wife to fulfill the terms of Lester's demon deal, Demon Dean instead became so deeply annoyed with Lester's hypocrisy (he cheated on his wife first) and his assertion that it's different when men cheat, that he killed him and smiled while doing it.

So anyway, nope—I don't think Dean is a "heavy" misogynist.

[moonstruckme]

I absolutely love your writing!! Could I request some hurt/comfort poly!marauders? Like maybe people are judging/really rude to reader about their relationship and the boys defend her and their relationship and make her feel better 🥹

Absolutely you can! Hope this is what you were looking for babe <3

cw: bullying, sexual shaming

poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 1.3k words

“Whore,” Lucius hisses as he brushes past you in the hall. 

You hear James’ inhale beside you a second before you whirl. “What was that, Malfoy?”

“Too fucked out to hear me?” he sneers, coming to a stop and turning to face you. Your heart stutters at his words, but you’re careful not to let anything show on your face. “Don’t suppose you’re good for much except sucking dick, but I have to say, I’m impressed those Gryffindors caught onto it before the rest of us. I mean, why else would they bring you in on their precious trio?” His lip curls, and while there’s amusement there, there’s also genuine disgust that makes some small, pathetic part of you shrivel up in shame. “Slut.” 

“Sweetheart?” James asks, and you wonder if the restraint in his voice is as obvious to everyone else as it is to you. Want me to step in here?

You shake your head at him, but your stare is zeroed in on Lucius. You pout at him sympathetically. “I know it must be hard for you to understand. How’d I get three hot people interested in me, when you can't even get one to look your way?” You shoot him your best impression of Sirius’ wolfish grin. “Don’t worry, Malfoy, someone will come along who’s into all your inbred, Nazi bullshit one day. Maybe even a cousin, if you’re lucky!”

You continue back on your way, pretending you don’t need the steadying hand James rests at the small of your back as you stride down the hall. You make it through the common room, up the stairs, and into the boys’ dorm room before you lose momentum, releasing a shell-shocked, tremulous breath. 

James’ arms are around you in an instant, though it takes you a second longer to melt into his embrace. 

“Are you okay? You seemed like you wanted to handle it yourself, but I wasn’t sure.” 

You take a deep breath. “No, you were right. Thanks, Jamie. It just would have made it worse if it looked like I couldn’t defend myself.” 

There’s a shuffling of sheets, and you turn your head to find you’d been so distracted you hadn’t noticed Remus on his bed, studying. He sits up to look at the pair of you with concerned amber eyes, a question evident in his face. 

James saves you from responding, clutching you tighter and pressing a kiss to your head. “Had a run-in with Malfoy.” 

Remus sighs, the sound knowing. “That’s never good, is it?” His gaze falls squarely on you. “You alright, lovely?” 

You nod automatically, though your hands are trembling slightly. You’ve never been good at conflict, but pricks like Malfoy sometimes require you to rise to the occasion. It bothers you that someone like him, whom you don’t respect and whose opinion you couldn’t value less, can still rattle you like this. You know your relationship is unconventional, but it’s good. You haven’t been dating for very long, but you feel the rightness of it every day. Your boyfriends treat you better than anyone can reasonably deserve. You love them. Still…

“Do you think that’s what everyone thinks?” You extricate yourself from James, trying not to sound as pathetic as you feel. At Remus’ bemused expression, you add, “That you guys are only dating me because I put out, I mean.” 

James looks horrified. “Do you think that?”

“No,” you say, apparently too quickly, because neither boy looks like they believe you. “I don’t. I just…I don’t know, it’s stupid to care what people think, right?”

James bites his lip, and Remus looks at you consideringly. “I wouldn’t call it stupid,” he says after a moment. “It may not be the best guiding principle to always do what people want you to, but they’re not usually easy to ignore either.”

You heave a sigh, collapsing onto Sirius’ empty bed. “Exactly. I don’t want everyone calling me a slut all the time now.” 

Remus’ eyebrows shoot up. “What exactly did Malfoy say to you?”

You hesitate, looking to James in the hopes he’ll answer for you again, but before either of you can say anything, Sirius whooshes in the door. 

He completely fails to read the room, all bright eyes and good spirits as he struts over to his bed and leans down over you, his forearms on either side of your head. 

“I just heard about your Malfoy kerfuffle from Marlene,” he says, kissing you with a smack. “That’s my girl.” 

You can’t help but smile a little, his energy infectious. James gets in on the action too, patting your cheek as he sits down beside the two of you. “She was pretty amazing,” he says. “I thought Malfoy was going to shit the stick right out of his ass.” 

“Alright,” Remus says, the tiniest hint of impatience in his tone, “apparently I need to be caught up. What happened?”

“Our sweet angel said that Malfoy gets no bitches,” Sirius proclaimed proudly. “And then she told him to fuck one of his cousins.” 

“Well,” you say sheepishly, sitting up, “that’s not exactly word-for-word.” 

Remus quirks an eyebrow, but he’s smiling. “No? Give me the summary, then.”

“Basically, Malfoy said you guys only brought me in on your relationship because I put out, and uh, something about me only being good for sucking dick,” you say hesitantly, as if every word he uttered isn’t going to be seared into your memory forever. “So then I said he was jealous that I got three people to like me while he has no one, but…um, I did say something like maybe if he was lucky, he’d find a cousin that was into him.” 

All three of the boys are grinning at you, and Sirius plants another smacker on your cheek. 

“Attagirl,” Remus says, nodding approvingly. 

“Thanks.” You hope your face isn’t as red as it feels. “I guess now, I’m just a little worried that Lucius was just the only one who would say something? Like, what if everyone else is thinking the same thing?”

“Sweetheart,” James says, reaching around you to rub your upper arm comfortingly, “anyone who’s spoken to you for, like, point five seconds is gonna know that’s not true.” 

“Wait.” Sirius shakes his head, working to catch up to the conversation that started when he wasn’t in the room. “Are you really worried about what that prick said?”

You shrug, sheepish and a bit ashamed. “It’s not him, it’s more like…my classmates, and my professors. I wonder who agrees with him.” 

“Baby, anyone who agrees with Lucius Malfoy is just placing themselves in the same camp of idiots he’s in,” Sirius insists. His tone is light, but his eyes lock in on yours, feeling out how serious you are about this. “Our relationship isn’t anybody’s business, but our friends already know how you are, and they’ll defend you to anyone who asks.”

Remus nods. “Agreed. If anyone wants to believe that sort of baseless, cruel gossip, they’re probably not the lot you want to be around anyways. Just like Malfoy, yeah? If you cared what he thought,” Remus pauses to raise a playful eyebrow at you, “you probably wouldn’t be suggesting he fuck his cousins.” 

You grin. “Please, like he needed my encouragement on that one. You’re right, though, thanks.” 

James squeezes your shoulder reassuringly. “Don’t let him get in your head, sweetheart. Everyone who matters already knows he’s full of shit.” 

“Yeah, and you should’ve heard Marl boasting about you in the common room,” Sirius adds. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she buys your butterbeers next time we’re in Hogsmeade.” 

You laugh, but stop when Remus levels you with a serious look. “Anyone talks like that to you again, you come straight to us, understand?”

You nod, and Sirius drags you into his side, eager to lighten the mood again. “Yeah,” he declares, “if anyone’s calling you a slut, it needs to be consensual, and it ought to be me.”

[stayevildarling]

May I please request Agatha x reader where reader has such bad anxiety that they often don't leave the house because of it. Reader thinks Agatha deserves someone better, but she comforts reader?

Agatha Harkness x Reader- Tangled in fear, wrapped in magic

A/N: Thank you so much for this request. I‘m a whore for mental health fics like these so. Also this is my first time writing Agatha so please be kind to me😅🫶🏼

tags/tw: established relationship, female reader, mention of anxiety, mention of depression, mention of panic attacks, mention of agoraphobia

word count: 3.5k

taglist:

@lunaticwhittaker , @billiebeanhoward , @lanawinters-ily , @kenzbro , @minaslittleone , @httpfiftyshadesofgay @whitelotus00 , @ninaahelvar , @paulsonsratched , @vintagepaulson , @isle-of-earle , @grilledcheeseandguavajelly , @lucyintheskywithxanax , @fanfics4world , @mymiraclewitch , @hazard-to-myself , @awritersometimes , @wastdstime , @p1pecleanerwitheyes , @queen2234 , @ihartnat , @lifebyinez , @ahsatanizgay , @blu3dimples , @stepintomyworld

When the days began blurring together you knew it was back. The endless nights, days filled with fear and your mind clouded with thoughts. The sadness and fear followed you like a cloud of rain, droplets running down your brain, leaving an emptiness that you couldn‘t shake or fight on your own. It had been bad before, years ago when it all began one afternoon, your chest tightening, your hands and knees shaky and the ability to breathe suddenly leaving you.

Back then it took months of therapy and medication to get over this, to work through the anxiety and depression that followed afterwards, leaving you drained and exhausted. And you had been happy since, enjoying your life and the things you adored, even meeting your perfect and beautiful girlfriend in the process, having been beside her for months, the two of you completing each other perfectly. The two of you had met when you followed your passions and despite the very obvious attraction, the brunette wrapping you around her finger perfectly and capturing your heart.

Life with Aggy was perfect, she spoiled you, reading every wish from your lips, showing you sides to yourself that you had never explored before. Making your body and soul feel cared for and nurtured at all times. Nothing was ever too much for the witch, whether it was spoiling you, taking you on dates or cracking silly jokes to make you laugh. And in return you would give her your world, trusting the older woman with your entire life, letting her guide you in every way. It all started a few weeks ago when she had taken you to lunch on a weekend, excited to try a new place with you that had been hyped for the longest time. You sat opposite each other, her hands always lingering somewhere on you, the two of you chatting and catching up from each other‘s week when it happened.

Your body froze, the entire restaurant spinning for a moment and your head telling you „you are going to pass out“. And that triggered it all, the shaking of your hands, your heart always beating out of your chest and the fear following you everywhere. You never told Agatha, knowing she was way too busy with her life and magic, knowing she had other things to worry about and not wanting to burden her with something this ridiculous. Things turned worse when fear took over your entire being, first the driving- a panic attack after another and making the whole thing impossible. Then simple things like leaving the house or going for a walk and then even moving inside your own shared home with Agatha felt impossible. The fear of going to the bathroom, taking a shower or even to leave the safety of bed, at this point your only safe space, and go to the living room or kitchen.

Fear lingered and followed you everywhere and despite remembering your tools, remembering that this had happened before and passed eventually, you couldn‘t do this again, knowing the mountain of work that was about to follow to work through this and stop the fear. Your health anxiety began coming back, scared to eat certain foods and worried about food poisoning, scared when you felt a small headache or your tummy was upset for a day. Everything scared you, breathing, talking and existing and when that realization hit you, you knew you were lost in the darkness again. It began with not eating much, too scared to even enter the kitchen, forcing yourself to eat with Agatha in the evenings or on the weekends but never feeling truly calm. Accepting Aggys offers about joined baths gladly as the thought of doing it alone scared you.

Of course your girlfriend had noticed, the change of seasons also brought her a different version of you, one that she hadn‘t met before. The rain seems to patter against the windows of your shared apartment for days on end, matching your inner turmoil. She noticed how you were suddenly more quiet, the smile never quite reaching your eyes anymore, often noticing your legs bouncing up and down during meals, the fidgeting which she had never noticed before. And of coure she noticed the tossing and turning at night, having tried countless times to soothe you back to sleep but without success. She had tried a few times to talk to you, offer her support but you couldn‘t confide in her, feeling like a burden.

Your girlfriend noticed how you didn‘t leave the house anymore. You didn‘t work, Agatha prefering to do that part and giving you the freedom you deserved. But you used to go out, to the libraries, your favorite flower shops and cafes, walks by the lake. You would do the grocery shopping mostly, making sure there is a warm meal waiting for her when she would return home. But lately there had been a lot of takeout meals, the fridge empty and when she mentioned it, you ended up ordering groceries, her finding the receipt a few days later. But she couldn‘t connect the pieces yet, not understanding the depths of your pain and fear, assuming at first that maybe you had been tired, possibly a little depressed.

Agatha didn‘t know about the darkness that eloped you, the reoccurring and daily fear, as soon as you would open your eyes and never ending through the silence of the night. It had gotten that bad that you wanted it all to stop, feeling like you aren‘t in control of your body or mind, at times feeling like you are going crazy and this never ending cycle of doom would follow you for all eternity. If it wasn‘t for the love you feel for her, you would have stopped it already, letting go off everything but even the thought of leaving her like that, left a guilt that hurt way worse than what you had been fighting in silence for weeks now. You wanted to explain so badly, wanting her to hold you but the insecurities and nasty thoughts kept you from doing so.

Today had been another slow day spent at home, you sit on the couch again, legs tucked beneath you as you half- heartedly flip through the pages of a book. It wasn‘t that you aren‘t interested in the story, you just couldn‘t focus. The soft patting of rain against the window feels way too loud, your breathing uneaven and your thoughts so loud they crash over you like waves. Every sound from the outside world, an occasional car zooming past, the faint barking of a dog or sirens, another reminder of the scary world outside that was slowly beginning to slip away from you.

Your mind travels to the only bright spot in your life, the woman filling your heart with joy rather than fear and emptiness. But even she had become a source of guilt, you had been avoiding her without ever meaning to, slowly withdrawing from her too, making excuses to stay home when she invited you out, retreating into yourself when she tried to have a conversation with you. She deserved better. Your chest tightens at the thought, Agatha with her charm and wit, her strength and confidence, her powers. What could she possibly still see in you? When the world out there was filled with way more interesting people, witches, people with their lifes together rather than being scared to go out their own front door. She was wasting her time with you, all the effort that she was giving you and not getting an ounce what she deserved in return. You had hoped lately that she would just walk away, take the last piece of will and guilt away and giving you the permission to give into the darkness.

When the front door to your apartment opens softly, your thoughts stop for a moment as you instinctively pull the blanket a little closer to your shivering form. She doesn‘t announce herself, doesn‘t make a show of her return the way she usually would. She never would when you are like this, not wanting to overwhelm you further. Instead , she moves quietly through the room, setting down her bag and slipping off her jacket before glancing at you. „Hi darling“ she greets you softly with a warm smile, trying to keep her concern hidden.

You force a small smile, barely glancing up from your book „Hey“. She pauses as she thinks back to the times you would practically jump into her arms, calling and messaging her on her way home out of excitement and missing her and despite knowing you are struggling with something, it fills her heart with sadness. She pauses, her eyes lingering on you for a moment longer before moving towards the kitchen. „I picked us up something for dinner“ she calls over her shoulder, her tone light and casual, like she wasn‘t trying to probe too much. „Figured we could have a quiet night in“ she offers and you sigh in relief ever so quietly, relieved she isn‘t offering to go somewhere and you having to think of another pathetic excuse. „Sounds good“ is all you manage to reply.

Agatha didn‘t push you, she never did and that almost made the whole thing worse. You knew she could tell something was wrong. But yet she gave you time and space, allowing you to retreat into yourself without demanding answers. It was both a blessing and a curse, because it filled you with relief but at the same time left you alone with your thoughts that hadn‘t been kind lately. You hear her moving around in the kitchen, the clatter of plates and cutlery. Normally, you would join her, help out and crack a few jokes, asking about her day but today you just can‘t, feeling on the verge of tears since she stepped inside your shared home.

Minutes pass in silence and you try and focus on your book again, the only sounds coming from the kitchen but you can‘t, the words bluring together, the weight of your thoughts and anxiety growing heavier by the second. Agatha returns, wiping her hands on a towel as she leans against the doorway, watching you with an unreadable expression. You glance at her briefly and take in her features, the slightly curled hair, her outfit plastered in different shades of purple and suddenly your heart swells, missing her arms around you, her soft kisses all over your body and the feeling of safety. „Hows the book?“ she asks, pulling you out of your thoughts momentarily.

„It‘s fine“ you confess, hoping she wasn‘t gonna ask about the plot as you didn‘t remember a single thing from it. She doesn‘t say anything, simply watching you in that way that makes you feel like she could see right through the walls that you had been trying to build. „Do you want to talk about anything?“ she asks, breaking the silence, her voice soft, almost like she wasn‘t sure if now was the right time to ask. Your stomach instantly twists at the thought of trying to explain the mess inside your head and so you shake your head „I‘m fine“ you say quietly, though even you couldn‘t believe the words coming from your mouth.

She doesn’t push, simply nodding before she turns on her heels, offering a quiet „Alright, I‘m here though“ and leaving back to the kitchen. When she calls out for you a few minutes later for dinner, you can feel the tension building in your chest again, your head feeling fuzzy and your legs barely taking you to the table where she is patiently waiting for you. She looks at you with so much love as she begins eating, so much patience that your heart hurts, you want to tell her so badly, feeling like you owe her some answers, to let her in and show her how terrified you are but the words won‘t come, staying locked inside, trapped behind the anxiety that grips you so tightly.

The brunette watches you carefully as you push your food around with your fork, noticing how you hadn‘t taken a bite yet, her eyes search your face and you can feel the concern radiate from her, even if she was trying to hide it for your sake. „You‘re not eating sweetheart“ she say softly, her tone non-judgmental. You force a small smile, hoping it would be enough to brush off her concern. „I‘m just not that hungry“ you explain. She doesn‘t respond right away, her gaze lingering on you for a moment longer before she finally speaks, her voice quieter now. „You have been like this for a while love, haven‘t you?“ she tries, tilting her head in order to lock eyes with you.

Your heart skips a beat, your stomach twisting painfully, unsure how to answer, knowing she deserved the truth. „I‘m fine“ you repeat, though your voice begins to shake, barely able to hide the tears and the knot in your throat. Agatha sighs softly, setting her fork down and leaning forward slightly. „You don‘t have to be fine with me“ she says gently, her eyes softening. „I don‘t need you to pretend with me“. And that was it, the gentlness in her voice, the concern in her beautiful eyes, enough to cause your fork to fall onto your plate and the tears spilling down your eyes as you catch your head in your hands, the sobs wrecking through you as you can‘t hide them for a second longer.

„Oh darling“ she sigh, in an instand abandoning her food and walking over to you, kneeling in front of you before pulling your frame into her arms. Her world breaks for a moment, seeing you so sad and feeling so helpless at the same time. The usual confident and witty woman knew that not even her magic could fix this but yet she feels some relief, hoping you will finally share what has been burdening you for weeks. „It‘s okay, I‘m here“ she reassures, one hand on your knee, stroking little circles and another on your back, holding you steady and making you feel safe. She lets you cry until the last sob wrecks through your body and when your tear stained, helpless face meets hers, she offers a hand to you, guiding you to the comfort of the sofa before sitting you down and taking a seat beside you.

Agatha gives you patience, sitting beside you for the longest time, through the loudest silence, holding you and passing you the occasional tissue to wipe the tears and blow your nose. „If I knew, I would have bought a life supply of tissues“ she jokes as you go through an entire packet, causing you to giggle for a moment through the tears, the sound so unfamiliar, it takes you both by surprise. „My little lamb..“ she begins, the pet name almost causing more tears to resurface. „Can you tell me what‘s been going on in that pretty little head of yours?“ she asks softly, her hand holding onto yours tightly, another reminder she is there, patient and willing and not considering to leave, not now, not ever.

Her gentleness is enough to break through your walls and slowly every single confession, every thought and all the fear leaves you as you tell her everything that had been going on. Your past struggles with this, the trigger in the restaurant weeks ago and everything since then. And every confession is more painful than the other, Agatha fighting her own tears as she understands the depth of your pain and the intensity of your fear, wishing she would have figured this out sooner as she undeniably would have stepped in, would have handled so many things differently. „My darling girl“ she whispers before her hands hold your cheeks gently „Why didn‘t you tell me?“ she asks, her voice filled with sadness and her eyes filled with tears.

„Because.. Aggy I‘m pathetic … and you deserve so“ but she doesn‘t let you finish. „No“ she snaps, her voice more firm this time, not ever wanting to hear those words leave your lips, struggling enough with the thought of your head having told you that for so long. „Don‘t say that“ she begins, a tear rolling down her cheek. There is silence for a while as the exhaustion of your honesty washes over you and your girlfriend tries collecting her thoughts, unable to believe you had been suffering so much on your own, feeling guilty for not having been there. „But Aggy it‘s true, there is so much more out there for you and you shouldn‘t have to deal with this, you deserve so much better“ you explain, the words hitting her like a billion knifes. She chuckles lowly, a painful one before she locks eyes with you „Kitten, I don‘t even deserve you“ she sighs, knowing how lucky she had been to be loved by you, with all her flaws and her entire past.

„And none of what your head is telling you is true, you are going through a tough time but that doesn‘t mean I deserve you any less or love you any less“ she admits, her hands instinctively holding yours a little tighter, wanting you to believe her statement but the honesty in her eyes already enough to make you believe. „Sweetheart“ she begins speaking again „I don‘t need you to be anything other than who you are, your struggles, they don‘t make you less to me. They are just parts of what make you you, and I happen to love all of you“ she confesses, her finger softly booping your nose and causing you to smile.

„You have never held me back kitten, if anything, you have made me want to stay even more, because don‘t you think I see how hard you fight? even when it feels impossible?“ Her voice drops a little lower, filled with honesty „I don‘t need you to be perfect, you could never be a burden to me, not in the slightest. I choose you every day, anxiety and all“ the softness in her voice makes you tear up again and this time you lean into her, practically holding on for dear life as she strokes your hair and kisses your head. „So, stop worrying about whether you are enough for me, because you, my little witch, are enough for me, alright? and I‘m not going anywhere“. You nod into her chest as you begin crying again, the walls finally tumbling down with each confession and reassuring of your girlfriend, finally feeling understood, your heart less heavy and your head feeling empty for the first time in weeks.

The two of you stay tangled in each others embrace, similar to the way your hearts are tangled in each other‘s chest, the connection between you stronger than ever before. Agatha asks questions, listening intently to your experience with this in the past, curious how you overcame it to begin with and offering her help. She offered to get you on your old medication again, offered to take you to the neccessary appointments and therapy, never forcing you, only wanting to get you the best help possible and what makes you comfortable. And you agreed, knowing there was no coming out of this on your own. And so, the two of you made a plan, Agatha knowing you hadn‘t left the house in a while and knowing this required just that. But the two of you spoke throughout the night, more confessions slipping from your lips and the usual tough woman telling you of similar struggles in her youth.

By the end of the night, the two of you are wrapped in each other‘s embrace in bed, you laying in her arms, listening to her soft breathing and her hands on your back, rubbing soothing circles and drawing patterns, knowing it would calm you. „Thank you Aggy“ you thank her eventually, feeling the exhaustion from the evening but also the comfort of her embrace. „Always, bunny“ she reassures before pressing a kiss to your cheek and pulling you a little closer. And so, for the first night in weeks, you manage to fall asleep without the racing thoughts, your heart beating out of your chest and your trembling hands. Tonight, you feel safe, knowing the truth was finally out there, knowing she wasn‘t going to leave. And Agatha wouldn‘t leave, not now and not in the future when the days would look so much brighter again and this would be a faint memory and reminder of some dark times. She was with you, forever and always.