#this is actual agony
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Makin shit
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Fighting the adhd "i dont wanna do this anymore" so i can get even a fraction of this work done
#i did no work yesterday#and this shit is due tuesday#and im busy tomorrow#i hate that my brain cannot sit still for one minute so i can do this#this is actual agony#adhd
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I think it should be illegal to be inspired to make something and then still not have the mental creative capacity to do it
#this is actual agony#i want to write music. like i genuinely want to#which is rare#but inspiration doesn't even matter#i can be inspired and still lack the ability to write#like. how. why does this still happen#idk i'll shut up now there is literally no way i could explain this to anyone#kind of feel like i'm the only person in the universe with this problem#mine
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My favourite thing ever is when Jason is drawn to resemble Bruce because I KNOWW his ass would HATE it😭😭
Dick: hey Jason you haven’t forgotten our meet u— oh my god are you ok?? What happened?
Jason *rocking back and forth on the floor with a traumatised look in his eyes, whispering in horror* someone mistook me for Bruce in the grocery store today.
Random kid at a charity event pointing at Jason standing grumpily in a corner: who’s that?
Bruce (smiling fondly): that’s my son Jason!
Random kid: he looks like you! :D
Jason: *leaves the room*
Bruce (running after him): jason, Jason they didn’t mean anything by it, Jason, you’re going to jump off a balcony just because of a child’s observation Jason?
#Jason dangling off the balcony sobbing#THIS IS THE WORST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE#I CANT TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE#I SHOULD HAVE STAYED DEAD ITS TOO LATE FOR ME#WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO DESERVE THIS#actually don’t answer that#AGONY PURE AGONY#I WISH I WAS BACK IN ETHIOPIA AT LEAST THAT WAS MORE MERCIFUL#Bruce: *nervously* Jason please step back from the ledge#dc comics#batman#batfam#dcu#batfamily#bruce wayne#dc robin#jason todd#red hood#bruce Wayne and Jason Todd#good dad bruce wayne#shitpost#incorrect batman quotes#incorrect batfamily quotes
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FNAF Into the pit got William Afton a new hater..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#micheal afton#oswald fnaf#springtrap#william afton#pittrap#into the pit#fnaf itp#sister location#fazbear frights#INTO THE PIT IS SOO FUN#I’ve been playing through it and god I hope they make 50 more of these#I genuinely think all the frights and tales stories can fit into this game style#SO I wanted to draw a lil thing here about Oswald#feel like I gotta draw the lil guy more#THINKING of Oswald and Michael meeting is so funny#they TECHNICALLY both had the same dad for at least a moment#Michael just actually confused of what his ‘dad’ did#LEAST the nightmare agony version of him#William sucks as a dad EVEN as a weird ghost hallucination
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my paper topic is so cool but i wish i didn’t have to write it right now cuz guys i’m just not feeling it i’m sorry but i’m not
#this is actual agony#i’d love to be writing about nuxalk syllabic structure#sometime else#my brain is not fucking working#corpus mental breakdown watch
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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.
sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.
you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.
it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.
but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.
they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.
they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.
barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.
and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.
but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.
they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!
this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.
#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone#yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr#ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person#and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens#have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists#and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference#we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender#and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different#i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.
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switching from fine to depressed and/or near suicidal like a traffic light 😭
#˚₊‧꒰ა all knowing and all agony#lukayaps#jiraiblr#jirai kei#jiraiblogging#landmineblr#jirai danshi#vent#mental illness#landmine type#subcul jirai#lifestyle jirai#lifestyle landmine#jirai#jiraikei#actually borderline#bpd#actually bpd#bpd things#landmine blogging#landmine posting#jirai posting
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#i am suffering i’m not even joking#living in agony at the thought i’ll never actually have him#just wanna sit in his lap and be called princess 😩🫠#old man!logan#logan howlett#logan howlett x reader#wolverine x reader
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Delighted to discover that the way shadow unlocks new abilities in sxsg is a perfect parallel of the pringles iron maiden
#fr the genuine unhappiness of those cutscenes paired with the 'yahoo!' energy of the unlock Kills me each time#rewatched a few of them to get a ref of that weird gear thing and realized they actually made unique character animations for each one#like I thought they were just reusing shadow writhing in agony every time but No they did a Whole New Thing each go around!#I respect the dedication to making unique iterations of one guy having a very not good time#sxsg#shadow#shadow the hedgehog#sonic x shadow generations#I don't thiiink this counts as a spoiler? cause most of those cutscenes were already shared in trailers?#lmk if i'm off base there#doodles#my art#comic#anyways the pringles iron maiden kills me again like it's impossible for that dialogue to not be fucking hilarious#i'll probably reblog the ling one tomorrow it's still one of my favorite things i've ever drawn lmfao#the 'SHIT FUCKING HELL!!!' always gets me#slowly figuring out how to draw this guy#these games have a very unique style especially for the eyes and mouths that's a bit of a trick to get used to
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Laios's three Boy Best Friends. And yes, they hate him.
#dungeon meshi#laios touden#toshiro nakamoto#chilchuck tims#kabru#BF in this context could be boyfriend or best friend. The line is so blurry.#Chilchuck less so but whatever is going on between Shuro and Laios & Kabru and Laios is giving strong:#“dude if you were a girl I'd date the hell out of you”. And from the genderswap extra's that sentiment is canon for BOTH.#This was made prior to the translation of the Laios & Kabru & Shuro restaurant date comic and honestly I am just feeling vindicated.#I don't even know what to call this dynamic other than a situationship. There is so much going on between all of them.#Even on a purely platonic reading - the miscommunication and male yearning for friendship hurt so bad.#When we got the Big Hug scene in the epilogue arc I was whooping and hollering! Pure catharsis moment!#I also don't like hugs very much so I really felt it went Shuro ('hates being touched') went in for the bear hug.#Do not get me started on the agony of 'always lying' Kabru telling the truth (I just wanted to be friends)#and 'always believes' Laios thinking it's another lie and brushing him off.#I am once again supporting dungeon meshi day by posting art. Please watch dungeon meshi.#obligatory edit because I’m tired: YES. Chilchuck cares for Laios and him admitting it was a huge part of his arc#YES he is more just fed up with him that actually hating him.#I needed a third guy to be canonically done with his ass for the THREE WEED SMOKING GIRLFRIENDS reference
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fuck studio bones for not including chuuya’s “no witty commentary” line and dazai’s slow and almost mournful reply. dazai doesn’t jest about his victory or flaunt it in front of nikolai like he does with other villains. he lets him mourn.
dazai knows what it’s like to lose the only person that looked past your violent and cruel exterior and into your true essence. your heart. dazai knows what it’s like to lose the only person that ever understood you. and that’s why he digresses and tells chuuya to leave quietly by his side.
#every time i think about fyolai and oda/dazai parallels i actually become sick with agony#also back to my bones slander era for giving dazai no fucking emotion for the 100000th time#bungou stray dogs
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when the star is in time or something idk i never played the game
#marshdoodles#isat#in stars and time#THE LOOPER!#i drew these like. a full month ago#and just never got around to posting them#also i’m MAD because i CAN’T INFODUMP ABOUT MY COLOR CHOICES WITHOUT SPOILERS!#who am i if not the guy who’s deranged about colors#<- not actually that mad just full of Agony#anyways. enjoy the Loomp!!!!
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thinking about how kim dokja thinks he's alone in the world and there is no one in the world who understands him or can possibly understand him.
but. there yoo sangah is. yoo sangah who discusses literature with him. yoo sangah who understands kim dokja bc she is very perceptive about people and very empathetic and also bc they have the kind of friendship where words aren't needed. yoo sangah who read every book in the library about kim dokja bc she was genuinely interested in her friend's life and bc she wanted to understand him. yoo sangah who figured out it was 49 and not real kdj and figured out what he did but didn't say a word bc she understood and respected his decision even though she wanted her friend back more than anything.
yoo sangah who witnessed his mundanity and monstrosity both, and loved him either way. loves him despite every irredeemable quality he thinks he has. yoo sangah who wants to be his best friend in every lifetime and live together right next to each other. yoo sangah, his best friend who understands him without words.
#orv#orv spoilers#yoo sangah#kim dokja#idk i just feel like she gets him in a way that few people do and wordlessly#like ofc she's never been through the things he has and cant relate in that sense#but she doesnt need to bc she just gets him. bc shes really good at reading people and very empathetic#but also their conversations are like.. they have this silent understanding. tacit understanding we have a phrase for it in mandarin#LIKE SHE JUST GETS HIM#THEYRE PLATONIC SOULMATES#THEYRE BEST FRIENDS IN EVERY LIFETIME#PLATONIC DOKSANG ENDS ME. THEYRE MY EVERYTHING#PLATONIC SOULMATES ARE REAL AND THEYRE IT#IS2G!!!#i wrote the post in calm language but im actually screaming and clutching my head in agony#mp: orv
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lesbian beauty & the beast 👑💔
#original#beauty and the beast#actually posting art today too wo!w!! hi#ive been working on this one in short bursts for the last week and ahalf or so#im so normal about this and it doesnt reflect on my mental health in any way#love my beast women gross and handsome and torn apart by the agonies.#two women going through it. i hope you can infer.
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this is when i come clean and admit i sketched some stuff based on my own fic :///
(the full version is on my bsky, but its not actually explicit. tmblr just has Odd Rules)
#one piece#luffy#trafalgar law#lulaw#suggestive#cw suggestive#like. racier than my usual stuff. but nothing is actually shown thanks to angles and luffy’s big head#these are actually almost a year old. i just relined/tweaked stuff over the old sketches#i cannot express enough that no nudity is actually shown but i was SUFFERING THE AGONIES posting this#also linking it to my fic. bc embarrassingly i used to be a fic author who occasionally drew#and now im a fan artist who occasionally writes#pls. i need to write again or ill die. but i forget how#OH#wano spoilers
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