#this is a personal affirmation i felt like making but feel free to share if you'd like

[zaneclodon]

🧡💛🤍🩵💙

valentine's day is traditionally a celebration of romantic love for one's partner(s), and i'll happily support expressions of that between my friends and those i love (platonically). but not all of us want or need romance or partners. i'm proudly aroace, and i'm complete the way i am.

[only-lonely-star]

LOVED THE SODA HCS CAN YOU DO SOME WITH X READER ONES WITH HIM? OR AT LEAST HIM WITH A ROMANTIC PARTNER HCS

‧₊˚ Dating Sodapop Curtis HCs ₊˚⋅

Warnings - There are a few that are for a fem!reader !! Majority are gender neutral.

Author’s Note - I was diagnosed with PNEUMONIA last week, I felt like absolute shit and the last thing I wanted to do was write. I’m feeling better now, so here’s some sweet headcanons! I hope you all enjoy!!!! 🤗🤍

·•·⚬·• ·•·⚬·•·•·⚬·•·•·⚬·•·•·⚬·•୨ৎ•·⚬·•· •·⚬·•· •·⚬·•· •·⚬·•· •·⚬·•·

Fight me on this one, Sodapop Curtis is a lover boy.

No seriously, I can’t see him hoeing around and seeing other people behind your back. Now. I will say, he might check someone out or partake in catcalling once in a while but he wouldn’t go beyond that. If anything, it’s probably to impress the other boys.

He would only date someone he’s totally infatuated with. He would never commit to a relationship if he wasn’t 100% about you.

I don’t think clingy is the right word, but Soda would always try to plan little dates with you or at least try to spend some free time with you whenever possible.

Quality time and words of affirmation are the love languages he likes to receive, and he likes to give physical touch and gifts.

He lovesss giving you hugs and small kisses specifically on the tip of your nose, chin, and practically any spot that typically goes unnoticed.

The day Soda brought you home to meet his brothers, Ponyboy stood gawking. His mouth wide open, eyes glued to yours, he quite literally fell in love. I don’t mean romantically, I mean he was just in total adoration. I just think it’s so cute to imagine Ponyboy finding you to be the most beautiful girl (which he gets to see almost daily since you’re at his brother’s side 24/7.)

Since you’re a 2 in-1 for him and serve as a best friend and a lover, he sometimes forgets he can’t roughhouse with you like he typically does with the boys. Play-fighting goes crazyyyy.

He shares literally everything with you. Clothing, food, secrets - everything.

He has a picture of you above his side of the bed (Like what he did with Sandy ☹️❤️)

He lives for the soft moments when he can just kiss you and gently massage your back and not have to worry about anything else because he’s comforted in your presence.

Since he’s a dropout he’d probably ask Darry to pick you up from school on their way home from work. That way he gets to spend the evening with you or maybe invite you to stay over for dinner.

On weekends, he invites you to hang around the DX with him and kill time. He gets so sick of Steve after working the weekdays that he wants a change in company LMFAO

I feel like he just has so much love to give, so having one person (you) to give it all to is so relieving. Bonus points if you’d rather have him all over you 24/7 specifically because you KNOW how loving he is. He hates feeling like he’s bothering you or annoying you by giving you constant attention.

Late-night calls are so funny. He’ll try to whisper and not wake Darry and/or Ponyboy up but he ends up forgetting it’s literally two in the morning and starts talking normally.

He ends every call with “I love you, see you soon” because he’s one of those people who thinks ‘it’s not goodbye, it’s see you later,’ PLUS he probably already made plans to see you the next day anyway 😭

Even though he isn’t the brightest when it comes to the 4 core classes, he tries his best to write little love notes and cards for special occasions. Valentine’s Day, your birthday, religious holidays, etc. He asks Ponyboy to proofread it and then help him make it sound “more romantic” since he can’t spell for shit and has to use the most basic words.

“Happy Birthday! You are my favrit person to talk to. You are funny and nice. I can not wait to grow old with you. I hope we have a butiful fewture. I duhsire to keep you by my side. I have not known some one like you buhfore. I love you more than you will ever know. - XOXO Sodapop Curtis” LMFAO STOP

Since he can’t afford much, he usually offers himself for the day. I mean like he’ll offer his time and efforts for you. “We can do whatever you want, have whatever snacks you want, watch any movie you want. My birthday treat :)”

He loves going to small concerts with you (like super underground local artists that are affordable) and letting you sit on his shoulders to see the stage.

If you have a super feminine room just TRUST he’s so entertained with it. He’ll fidget with the teddy bear on your bed, smell every perfume you have, trace the flowers on the wallpaper - he’s INVESTED.

If you were treated badly in the past by a horrible ex he would make it his life mission to be better than them and prove himself to you.

He includes you at family events as if you were married. Thanksgiving? Already made a plate for you at the table. Ponyboy’s graduation? You’re sitting in the rows of chairs with a congratulations card and everything. Family game night? Soda already decided you’ll deal cards first. You’re like family to his brothers and like a spouse to him.

If you tell him you’re proud of him just one time he will never forget it. He wants to feel validated by someone who isn’t his family so then it doesn’t feel ‘forced’.

If he’s not complimenting you, he’s busy admiring you.

Soda would so go for a girl who reminds him of his mother 🥲🥲. I headcanon him to be a momma's boy, so looking for motherly traits as well as the same charm and love his mother had for him would be a top priority for him.

He quite literally never shuts up. He feels comfortable with you, so TMI doesn’t exist. He’ll talk and talk and talk until you shut him up with kisses. That’s like the only way to get him to stop. He knows what he’s doing too.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING !!

- Sophia 🫶🏼

[thesunloveschips]

Eye of the Storm - Chapter 13: Dreams and Desires

Summary: In the wake of Rhysand’s ascension as High Lord, the Bone Carver gifts a prophecy. More than five hundred years later, Azriel continues to wait for the one who is finally reborn as his High Lady’s sister. All it takes a dip in the Cauldron for things to start falling into place.

Chapter Summary: Azriel dreams of love and lust and then he finally dares to hope. Nyra's desires begin.

Warnings: not pure smut but still 18+, angst because we see baby Az and his mum, fluff, fluff, SHIRTLESS Azriel and the Truth Teller!

Word count: 9.1k (Enjoy!!)

A/N: @feerique thank you!! for waiting for weeks for this chapter and for giving me your heart in the comments as you reviewed it!! 💜✨✨

Click here to access the Masterlist of the Eye of the Storm

****

Azriel couldn’t believe it. Nyra was in his arms, looking up at him as if he’d brought the world to her feet. She was content with everything and he could feel her satisfaction through their bond. 

But this was a dream and he was a spectator living in his own head.

“Everything was wonderful today, wasn’t it?” Her voice was a gentle affirmation over some happy thing he did not know. 

“We had a very nice morning.” She looked at the collar of his shirt, biting her lip bashfully. Azriel wanted to tilt her chin and kiss her right there. One of her palms was situated over his chest, right where his heart rested beneath the shirt and his skin. Her fingers started tapping on his chest. 

“A good breakfast. Work finished early. And the dinner! Gods. Az, I didn’t realise how much I needed that dinner with you. It’s been a while since we went on a date.” 

Azriel felt his heart soar at her words. He leaned towards her and kissed her cheek. Nyra’s eyes closed and her answering smile was a bright thing filling him with more love and energy than he ever believed he would hold in his heart. 

The shadowsinger realised that he had never seen Nyra smile like that in real life. A smile so unrestrained and bright. There was always something that she carried and this Nyra in his dream was so free of everything, so happy. And she was happy in his presence, smiling at his kiss. 

“We will, my love.” He heard himself speaking. 

How did he even reach here? To the point where he could call her his love? And this slice of happiness that they were sharing right now—oh, what wouldn’t he do for her happiness.

“We'll go on many dates.” His kisses descended to the area beneath her ear. “Go to many places.” He pressed a featherlight kiss to the nape of her neck and she craned. “We’ll do a lot of things.” 

“Today was exceptional.” She turned around and led him by the hand to a door. 

A bedroom. 

Oh shit. 

Azriel had no experience with this. No experience with any sort of intimacy with her. He was a mere spectator in his own body as the words flew out of his mouth and this tender moment between them continued. 

He was surprised to find that it was not a room he was familiar with nor was the view from the window. He followed her inside and closed the door behind them. He looked around as if seeing the room for the first time. 

Their scent was all over it and he inhaled in delight. He also saw many personal effects ranging from clothing to weaponry. The bookshelves were filled. Papers were stuck on the wall. Portraits of the two of them. He swore he’d spotted a blue silk gown of hers lying on a chair. 

“Upset at not being able to rip it like you’d wanted?” Nyra teased. His eyes snapped back to meet hers. A mixture of mirth and lust danced around her as she turned to look at that gown. “I do like it. The colour, the fabric, the design—everything makes it too precious for it to be subjected to destruction.” 

Her left arm was crossed beneath her breasts while the other’s elbow rested on the wrist of the left. Her fingers played with the loose strands of her hair, her neck and Azriel was aching to taste her skin. 

“It does suit you well.” Azriel admitted. The onlooker in his head did not even remember Nyra’s blue gown. Was this something only the Azriel and Nyra in his dream shared? “And you continue to wear it, knowing what it does to me.” 

He blushed at his own words. This dream made him feel like a voyeur in his own life.

“Is it the gown that does it to you or is it me?” He had never heard that tone from her. Azriel learned that he was somehow always ready to kneel before her—for her.

“Always you. But the gown speeds things up.” Nyra laughed at that and Azriel felt his own mood lighten at being the cause of her joy. 

The last few minutes had so much happiness, so much love—the male he was before could have this much happiness and love over the span of weeks. And everything was with her—between them and gods, he was loving this dream. 

The sudden realisation that this was a dream brought him back to another fact that he was a mere spectator, watching this scene through the eyes of the Azriel who was here. The one who said the words he would never have the courage to say. 

Envy coursed through him, at how much the Azriel in the dream could freely be with Nyra, love her, touch her. And gods damned his fucking soul but if the talk about that blue silk had any truth in it, then this Azriel was definitely having the time of his life with this lovely female. 

“I’ll be a very happy male the day I tear that gown.” He declared. Nyra’s brows raised and she walked towards him and kissed his lips softly. 

Azriel wanted to close his eyes or at least look away. This was an intimate moment and he did not want to seem like a pervert indulging in voyeuristic tendencies but gods did he want more of her touch. More of her kisses. More of her.

“Not that gown, Az.” She pulled back and turned around with a hand holding the periwinkle skirts of the gown she was wearing. “Rip this one.” And she threw him a look he immediately classified as erotic, inviting him for a salacious night. “That is, if you can.” 

Azriel felt his soul darken at her challenge. He stalked forward, ready with the strength of a predator. His mate stood right where she was. She raised her hand for him to take and found herself flush against him as he kissed her, his other hand grabbing her chin with the palm resting on the side of her neck. 

He walked her backwards to where a table was. There was also a chair and Nyra’s legs would’ve hit it but Azriel had grabbed the obstacle and flung it to some other part of the room. His shadows caught the chair mid-air and set it down somewhere without any destruction to the room. 

And while the shadowsinger flung the chair elsewhere, his mate grabbed the collar of his shirt to pull him closer. Her hand came to where the shirt was beginning to cover him with its buttons and descended with enough force for the buttons to pop off. And with that, he felt the touch of her fingers through the planes of his chest to his abdomen.

“I thought you said I looked good in that shirt.” Azriel, the spectator, couldn’t believe that this was Nyra. 

“And you were taking too long to remove it.” She now had a view of Azriel’s bare chest even as he was wearing his shirt and blazer. She looked like she could not decide if she wanted him like this or in a state of complete undress.

“Patience is a virtue.” He chuckled. Azriel loved the way she looked at him. Like she wanted him.

“I’m anything but virtuous right now.” Her hand found its way to his pants as if to prove her point. Four of her fingers found its way inside his pants and his undershorts, and Azriel’s heart almost jumped up to his throat. He clenched his fists for some semblance of control. 

“Take off my belt, Nyra.” And her hand left him, trailing just a bit upwards with her nails. Nails he wanted to feel on his arms and back as she held him while he fucked her senseless. 

She moved forward, pressing her clothed breasts against his bare chest, feeling him breathe against her. Nyra kissed his lips softly before she whispered. “Make me.” 

Azriel woke up, sweating like he’d been subject to a heatwave. Despite the night being cooler than was normal for the season, he sweated enough to have the sheets dampen. The smell of his own sweat was a reminder of the dream he’d just woken from. 

Azriel was familiar with nightmares. He had a routine of escaping them by drowning in his work, late night training or maybe a night of sex. 

The last one was no longer an option. Maybe he should’ve never bedded anyone, ever. Yes, that would’ve been a wise choice. But the past couldn’t be rewritten and so for now, he’d be celibate until marriage. 

Azriel knew he was hard and it was pain and pleasure and such sweet pain he dared not touch it. Mother curse him, Nyra was simply existing in one of the rooms in the House of Wind, completely minding her own business, dealing with her own trauma, probably sleeping since it was so late. She probably saw him as a friend at best and an acquaintance at worst and he was already dreaming of a life with her. 

A life where he’d go on a dinner date with her, retire to the privacy of their rooms, kiss her for her smiles and indulge in his desires with her. 

That dream which showed the possibility of a life with her—that was the sort of dream people look up at the night sky and wish for. The sort of dreams that one would wish for in the most desperate of moments. 

He remembered a conversation with his mother the day his hands were burned. The sweet female that she was, his mother told him something he kept in his heart for all this time. 

A female held her son so close to her, so afraid of letting him go. The flames had hurt her son’s hands. He couldn’t even hug his mother back with how much his hands were hurting. 

Rain poured that night, heavy and cold. She saw herself in the rain and thanked whatever power that made the clouds weep. The rain had begun falling just as his hands had started burning and was the only reason why there was still a chance his hands would remain functional. 

And even though it rained outside their small, dirty cottage, the female could not stop crying. As a mother, she wanted to be strong for her son but what could she do? 

She was weak and that was her reality. So weak that she couldn’t even keep her son with her. So weak she couldn’t stop him from being imprisoned from the day he’d been taken from her as a toddler. 

She should’ve fled the camp but she’d been worried about how they’d treat a female and babe with no male protection. But her poor son, her darling son, this wonderful boy she’d been blessed with. Perhaps the only blessing she’d ever received in this world and the only one she’ll ever have. 

She couldn’t go with this again. She’d go to Windhaven the next time the High Lord’s visit was due. She was once a friend of the female who was now the Lady of the Night. She’d beg for her son’s freedom if need be. But as she felt the tremors of her son who sobbed in her arms, her newfound determination and strength faltered. 

“Will it always be like this?” Azriel’s voice was so small, so unpractised in conversation. 

“No.” That was the only thing she’d wanted for him. For his life to not remain like this. She didn’t know if it could be better or to what extent it could be better but his life had to be outside that damned cell. “It won’t be like this. You’ll be out in the world, flying. My boy will be strong.” 

His mother hoped that the mandatory training for the Illyrians would bring him freedom. War was coming soon and there could never be too many soldiers now. Not with the High Lord’s own son approaching the age of training and whispers of whether the Heir would come to Illyria to train. 

“And you’ll have a family of your own and-”

“Please don’t leave me.” Azriel begged, fat tears flowing down his cheeks. “Please. Please. Please. Please.” He’d thought that a new family of his own meant that his mother would be far away. “Please don’t go.” 

“I’m not going anywhere, my boy.” She kissed his forehead. “I’m here for you. Always.” 

“I don’t want a new family.” Azriel sobbed and hiccuped and it was agony not being able to hold his mother or to even clench his own fists. “I only want to live with you.” 

“Soon, Azriel. What I meant was that we will have a new family.” 

“We?” Azriel peered up at his mother, vision still blurred by his own tears.

“Yes. You, me and the one you love.” His mother sounded hopeful and hopeless at the same time. “And all three of us will be a family together.” 

Azriel’s mother had meant to explain romantic love to her son. That she’d prayed for every single day of her life that he’d meet someone good and kind and wonderful and that person would love her son and that her son would love that person and they’d have a happy life together whether or not she’d live long to see that. He knew that now because this conversation had been revisited a few times after he entered adulthood. 

His mother had harboured reservations against the mating bond due to how bad it had turned out for her and for many others around her with the former Lady of the Night being the only exception but even then, that wasn’t a legendary romance. It wasn’t until Rhysand himself visited her for her blessings that she felt a little good about it but even then Feyre had yet to meet his mother. 

Azriel supposed he was lucky. He was the only one in the Inner Circle with a living parent who was good and kind and so much more. And now, Rhys was the first one in the Inner Circle to have a family of his own with Feyre. And Azriel had the mating bond with Nyra and he wondered and hoped and prayed so badly that he could have something with her. 

Something. 

Anything. 

He would be content with friendship even if she fell in love with another. No matter how much it would kill him. 

Liar! The shadows hissed and continued to chant it. 

Of course, he was a liar.

A liar because the thought of another male near her making her smile and laugh. Another male kissing her, naked with her. Nyra’s eyes half closed in desire, her hair untied and curls free, completely disrobed as her shoulders and curves for that faceless bastard. . .

The Truth Teller landed on the bookshelf with a thump. The force behind his favourite dagger had caused a long crack on the side of the shelf.  The wooden structure would probably fall if he took the dagger off. 

The dream triumphed over him again. 

And now he was imagining things rather vividly. Images of loving her. Of going to places with her. Kissing her and making her smile so brightly. To rip that gown and make her take off his belt. . .

He needed to get up. He needed a good release, some late night training but his aching cock reminded him how much he needed another kind of release.  

****

Nyra woke up from a dreamless sleep in the middle of the night. She found herself in an unfamiliar place but it took time for her to process everything that had happened and realise that this was her bedroom in the House of Wind. 

There were a few notes on the bedside table. She guessed that Nesta might’ve written one of them but what about the others? The first note she picked up had Nesta’s name on display. She unfolded it and read its contents. 

You became angry at the mention of Hybern and lost control of your power. No one and nothing was harmed. Azriel brought you to bed. I accompanied him. 

The two of you disappeared into his shadows right before you completely lost control and when he brought you back, you had fainted from exhaustion. 

Food is on the study table if you need some. Your nightdress is on the chair should you feel the need to change.

Rest well.

Nyra found the food and the nightdress. She decided to reread the note in the morning and then meet Azriel to talk to him about whatever happened in the shadows. She was starting to recollect some things but it was mostly her own power trying to release itself. 

She took the next note with Azriel’s name and unfolded it. 

We can talk about what happened in the shadows over some chocolate cake. After all, I did lure you into attending dinner and you did not even get your reward. I’ll meet you after your lessons with Amren. 

Azriel.

Nyra read and reread that note. Azriel’s handwriting was cursive and therefore a little difficult to comprehend since she was seeing it for the first time. The letters that were supposed to be capital letters were small ones written in a bigger size. The Ys looked like they had a tail, the small Ds and Bs had feather-like extensions. The only crinkle on the note was in the middle from where it had been folded. Very fancy handwriting indeed.

There was another note with no name. She took it and opened it. 

Hey! I just wanted to know if you were okay. If you need anything, we’re here. 

Nyra frowned upon seeing no name. She looked at the entire page and then flipped it and there was still nothing to identify its writer. The handwriting was an unfamiliar one and rather bad according to her standards. Nyra looked around and rose from bed, heading over to the table where Amren’s books were neatly stacked. A little note was on top of it. 

Read. 

-Amren.

Nyra took the first book and opened it. She skinned through the pages and then closed it. A lidded bowl was placed next to the books with cutlery wrapped in a napkin. It was a bowl of hot soup and the steam carried its aroma. She closed it and looked at the nightdress on the chair—a thin, white thing. She had to change. 

She removed her dress where she stood and removed her undergarments and quickly put on the nightdress. She found a full length robe in the wardrobe which was more extravagant than practical with the silk and lace but at least, it reached the floor and was full sleeved. 

The first book was a general introduction to magic. She read that rather easily and quickly. The next was on types and uses. 

And hours passed. She’d woken up at eleven at night and it was now nearly four. She’d finished three out of five books and had had that soup at some point.

A yawn escaped her and she stood up to stretch her arms and twist her body. Nyra looked around and decided to sleep. In response to her wishes, the magic of the House turned off the lights and that was when she noticed the shadow outside her door. It was prominent due to the lighting outside her room. 

The lights turned on again and she finally noticed the wisps of darkness creeping in from under the door. She walked over and opened the door. Azriel stood there, his hand in a fist as if he was going to knock, his eyes widening as he met her gaze.

“I. . .” He swallowed. Azriel saw her, what she was wearing and the way her hair was untied. The warm light seemed to accentuate her features—the softness of her hair, the smoothness of her skin, those lips he’d only kissed in that dream.

And that robe that was wrapped around her frame only because Nyra held on to it like that. She hadn’t tied it and had opted to simply hold it tight against herself. The way her breasts moved with every step as she walked out of that door and he realised that she was probably not wearing her undergarments. At least not her bra. 

He made all of these observations within the first second and by the next, he was looking at her face, desperate to kiss her after the dream he’d just had. He needed her touch. 

“Are you okay?” He finally asked and exhaled deeply.

Nyra looked at him not knowing why he looked so nervous. Was there something on her face? “I’m fine. I think. Are you alright? You look rather. . . flushed.”

Azriel felt the warmth in his body increase. He looked to the ground, suddenly shy and Nyra had no way of knowing that this incredibly beautiful male could be so enchantingly adorable. 

“What happened?” She asked softly. “Do you have a fever?”

Azriel looked at her. Oh fuck, he looked bad enough that she was worried for a fever. “Why are you worrying for me when you’re the one who’s been awake for hours?” 

“I have no reason not to be worried for you. And have you not been awake for hours with the way you’re dressed? Did you come back from somewhere?” Nyra replied. “And how long have you been standing outside my room?”

“I’ve been awake. . . for some time. I was training.” He mumbled, averting his gaze once again. He did feel rather warm at her worry for him. “It’s only been a few minutes since I’ve been outside your door.” 

Ninety two minutes. The shadows whispered mockingly. 

“Do you want to come in?” Her invitation was an innocent one but the one Azriel did not trust was his own self. 

He’d had a partially erotic dream about her and had woken up with a very hard cock that seemed to have an issue calming down. He’d been forced to take care of it and it seemed to have a mind of its own and with a very clear obsession. And now that he knew that Nyra was in her nightdress with that pathetically thin robe and no underwear, he couldn’t trust himself around her in a bedroom of all places. 

“No, thank you.” Azriel was mortified by the way he spoke. Did his desire reveal itself through his voice or did he sound pathetic? “It’s late. We need our sleep.” 

And he’d scare her if he said he wanted to sleep with her. Wanted to know her skin and the feel of it against his own. He wanted to be deep within her, her bare breasts against his chest as he pounded deep and hard into her. To suck on her neck and have her lose her mind enough to make her cling to him as he pleasured her. 

He wanted to tell her that he was attracted to her. That he liked her. That he loved talking to her when she was a human and that he missed those talks. The way she showed interest in this world and how she’d eagerly listen to his stories of Velaris and his life. The stories she told him about the human lands. The scare he got when she coughed blood in front of him as a weakened mortal. 

She was weakened. She was not born weak. The shadows raged. She was harmed. 

Azriel knew his shadows had stalked her like the creepiest of beings and had been dead set on obtaining every morsel of information on Nyra that existed. They’d found the old cottage where they lived, the ruins of their former estate where the sisters spent their childhood, and investigated every corner. 

The bed has answers. The shadows whispered. Let us investigate. The bed on which she was born. Azriel knew exactly what the shadows were talking about. They were psychometric like that but some of their abilities required his express consent. And that is precisely what he granted. 

Meanwhile, Nyra looked at Azriel who wore his leathers, the weapons strapped to different parts of his body revealed that much. But god knew why he was training in the middle of the night. He was behaving rather oddly. He was staring at her face. 

“Is there something on my face?” Nyra touched her cheek and frowned. 

“No. Why’d you ask?” Yes, your face is beautiful. I want to hold it and kiss it. Please don’t frown. He couldn’t say any of that.

“You’ve been staring at me for so long.”

“I apologise for making you feel uncomfortable” Azriel looked away. 

“You didn’t make me uncomfortable.” Nyra quickly spoke. Azriel was rather shy right now and it was new to her. It was different from the male who visited their estate late at night to tell them stories of the fae. But Azriel was still Azriel. He was. . . divine. “I thought I had food or something else on my face.” 

“Your face is. . . fine.” It was a struggle not to compliment her face. That adorable face. She was a dainty being compared to his powerfully built self even when she was taller than most females. And she looked so inviting in a homely sense, ready for bed with that nightdress and hair down and the dim lights. 

And he wanted to be with her. 

From the moment he first held her, he wanted her in his arms all day, everyday. 

But he had to focus on the conversation right now. She’d said something about food on her face. “That means you’ve had the food?” 

“Yes?” She looked at him, pleasantly surprised that he’d made that observation. 

“You mentioned you couldn’t sleep.”

She simply nodded, her gaze now far away. 

“If you need anything—a tonic, or a healer or someone to talk-”

“That’s the thing.” She whispered, a pained look haunting her eyes. She was looking to his left. Maybe at his siphon. “I don’t know what I need.” 

“What do you feel?” Azriel focused on the bond and found it beginning to close but with whatever was still open, he took a peak. The storms in her mind had grown. 

“Why do you keep asking so many questions?” Nyra looked at him defensively. He could feel the power of her mind, her storms and felt her walls build up more.

“Because I do not wish for you to remain where you are right now.” He hoped he was saying the right thing. If not the right thing, then he did not want to make it worse. 

“I’m here. In your city. In your home. I’m no longer. . . at liberty to return to my own. I am stuck here.”

Azriel decided to pretend that her words did not break him and continue this. To provoke her so that she’d talk. It was the only thing he knew how to do. To make people talk. This would help her acknowledge. Talking out loud could be a step to acceptance. 

“I don’t know if I’ve gained anything and I’ve lost everything.” She was trying to control her tears. “Nesta feels like she’s in the middle of a war and everything about Elain feels like she’s ready to float away into nothingness.” And the tears began falling. “I. . . I don’t. . There’s so much and. . . So much information and everything is jumbled and all over the place and I don’t even know if. . . And there was so much miasma in the Cauldron—it was so unbreathable and. . .” 

Azriel walked forward and laid a hand on her cheek and wrapped another around her middle and rested it on her back. There was one duty he had right now—to help her through this. 

His instincts roared at him to care and he was more than ready to do that. The shadows gently caressed her, taking away the strands of hair on her face. And Nyra still held her robe tightly even as he was now closer. 

“Why are you here?” Azriel knew she would ask this question. She would probably never stop asking this question. 

“Because I want to be.” He answered. This is where I want to be—with you. You are who I want to take care of.

Because there was no lie in that. His desires aside, he’d been waiting for his mate solely because he wanted to take care of her. He didn’t know what species or what sex or when his mate would be reborn. He just knew that the next time she was in the same realm as him, he wanted to take care of her. 

Even when he did not know for sure that there could be any form of attraction between them, he only wanted this. For five centuries, the only thing he clung onto was his wish to take care of his mate. And he’d be damned if he let something like sexual attraction cloud his mind while she was confused and upset. 

Not that he was denying that he wasn’t attracted to her. He was. Nyra was a beautiful female as a human. He’d noted that. She was a female unlike any other. And when she became fae, it became a struggle to be in her presence so that he wouldn’t fall to his knees in front of her just like that. And not even twenty four hours had passed since she woke up.

But the one thing he knew for sure was that he wanted to take care of her. And he would do that no matter what. Her tears had cleared his mind and there was a purpose now—to nurture and protect.

Nyra pulled back from the hug, eyes still tearful and cheeks redder and puffier. He wiped the tears on her cheeks and released her from his touch. She could do nothing but watch as Azriel and his gentle behaviour reached something within her. She wanted this. More of his softness. But her mind was too disoriented at the moment to ponder more on that.

“Go to sleep. Alright? No reading books or convincing yourself that you’d sleep after one more chapter. Hm? We’ll have that chocolate cake tomorrow. I’ll meet you after your lessons for Amren.” 

Nyra nodded at him and yawned. She covered her mouth with a hand and then looked at him again with that sleepy face. “Good night.” She waved her hand. “Go to sleep, Az. You need it just as much as I do. If not more.”

“Good night.” And the door closed and was locked. The lights went off and Azriel could hear her breathing as it slowly evened into a slow melody. 

Azriel walked away. He went to his room, tapped his siphon to remove his leathers and wore the sweatpants and settled in for sleep. It was easy. He thought of her. The progress both of them had made and soon, he fell asleep. The shadows remained quiet, letting their master sleep, even with all the things they were planning to investigate. There was much to uncover and a few of them slithered away into the night to begin their task.

****

Morning brought clarity and doubt. Nyra remembered so many things now. Her own memories from the earliest days of her life including her life as a babe. Her memories from other lives that were scattered like sheets of paper stacked in dusty piles, ready to fall down and make a mess. She had to sort through all of them. 

She looked at her hands. The right hand had the tattoo after her bargain with Rhysand. The left was, well… Her scar remained but it had become a bit faint. Just a bit. She remembered her own insistence that it remain as her body was weaved inside the Cauldron. 

And she remembered Azriel’s voice telling her to let it all out as her power roared like an untamed beast within her. The darkness that had surrounded them and him holding her. All that pain and relief as the storm within her was unleashed. Lightning followed thunder and so did the shadows and winds.

Nyra remembered hearing a very soothing sound. She remembered trying to focus on it and eventually telling him how tired he was. He did say something after that but Nyra was far too close to sleep at that point to be able to remember right now what he said. 

The memory of Azriel holding her felt too intimate. And she’d touched his chest and grabbed his shirt. She felt his touch on her head and waist—how she had leaned on to his chest as she caught her breath. And that soothing sound was so clear at that moment. It finally felt like she could breathe. 

And when he’d visited her not more than a couple of hours ago, Nyra remembered her own nervousness. Things had changed between them since she became fae. Whatever friendship they’d forged while she was still human was now a forgotten painting in the background. Now, it was as if they were familiar and yet so distant with one another. And she did not like that.

Azriel was her first friend outside her little circle which comprised only of her sisters. He was the first person unrelated by blood who had begun to inch closer to her circle. And suddenly, he was no longer there. 

These thoughts continued to haunt Nyra as she bathed and dressed for the day. The mirror kept showing her a resplendent female, brimming with health. But her mind began whispering of the broken, wretched woman she was. The scar on her left palm reminded her of the past she had attempted to bury. Would things be better if she accepted this? A life as a fae? The future of an immortal?

Nyra exited her room and saw Nesta and Feyre engrossed in a very serious conversation. 

“We shall resume later.” Nesta declared in a low voice, allowing no room for opposition and walked towards Nyra, followed by Feyre. 

“I take it you did not rest well.” Nesta was still walking over and when she finally reached her, she cupped Nyra’s face and examined her. 

“Did you have soup?” Feyre asked. 

“Couldn’t sleep.” Nyra took Nesta’s hands and removed them from her cheek but continued to hold them. She was supposed to be mad at Nesta for not properly addressing things between her and Feyre but the way the two of them were fussing over her first thing in the morning did calm the skies in her mind. 

“I had the soup. It was delicious.” She looked at Feyre. Nyra didn’t have it within her to smile but she hoped her expression was appreciative enough. “Thank you.” She added for good measure. 

“I read the notes. Yours.” She turned to Nesta. “Azriel’s. Amren’s. And an anonymous one.” 

“That was me.” Feyre smiled sheepishly. 

“Write your name the next time so that I know it’s you.” Nyra watched her beam with a smile. Truly, her youngest sister looked radiant like the brightest star. 

Nyra noted that Feyre looked happy. She was happy. So carefree. Like the wind was blowing and Feyre only needed to enjoy the pleasant breeze on her cheek than worry about any worn out clothing on her back. And despite not being able to recognise her, Nyra did feel relief. Feyre had no more responsibility to provide for the family. 

“This is good.” She took Feyre’s hands in her own and the latter knew that Nyra was not talking about dresses or pants. Nyra felt something warm and cosy rising within her. Feyre was starting to be recognisable. 

Nyra lifted a hand to touch her sister’s cheek. “You’ve done so well, my dear. Thank you for everything.” 

Feyre inhaled sharply, tears pooling in her eyes but she craned her face upwards and shut her eyes tightly to prevent the tears. Nyra felt like she shouldn’t hug Feyre. As if the tears she was trying to control would fall if she did hug her. And if Feyre did not want to cry, then Nyra was not going to make her. 

“The two of you should wear pants.” Feyre breathed. “Amren’s flat is in the city. Pants are more practical for flight.”

Nesta turned her body to look at Feyre, her coldness melting into nothing. “What’s a flat?” 

Feyre blinked and then let out an awkward laugh. “A flat is a residence in a building. A building usually has multiple flats. You’ll get a better understanding once you visit Amren.”

“Flight?” Nyra was confused. 

“You’ll be flying to reach Amren.” Feyre smiled brightly. “Cassian and Azriel will take you.”

“And how will we fly?”

“They’ll carry you.” Feyre looked a little lost. 

Nesta’s spine straightened at the mention of being carried. She would choose Azriel unless he walked over to Nyra. She had no interest in being touched by Cassian lest she combust from the contact alone. Nesta could barely breathe in his presence. Concentration was something else she lost in his vicinity. Nesta hoped Nyra would be fine with Cassian. They seemed to be normal around each other. As normal as could be considering the present circumstance. 

“Pants. Alright.” Nyra’s voice brought Nesta back to the present, away from her own head. She looked at Nyra, appreciating that effect she had on her. “We need to wear pants.” 

The sisters went into the rooms, scoured the wardrobes, found appropriate clothing and wore them. 

“Are you sure this is okay?” Nyra turned and looked at the mirror, seeing how nicely the pants fit her and how cosily the fabric rested from behind. “And this won’t be too improper or anything?” 

“I’m wearing pants.” Feyre pointed towards her own pair of brown pants and twirled once. 

“You’re used to life here. We’re not.” Nesta gave that reminder. The twins were still unsure. They were not used to something that showed the shape of their legs no matter how much they liked how the pants looked on them. 

“If you’re uncomfortable with it, you can still change.” Feyre offered. Nyra knew there were enough gowns for her to wear each day of the month without repeating any of them. But she couldn’t stop admiring herself and how good she looked in these clothes. Especially the behind. Nyra could not stop admiring her legs. 

“Yes, your legs look particularly good.” Feyre teased. A thought popped up. She immediately connected with Rhys over their bond and simply told him to bring Azriel and Cassian for breakfast no matter what. “Now, I’m hungry. If you are comfortable with your outfit, shall we have breakfast?” 

The three Archerons exited the room and then stopped outside Elain’s room. When the door remained unanswered after they’d knocked and waited, they finally went inside. Elain was sleeping unexpectedly peacefully. They decided not to disturb her and moved ahead. 

As they descended the stairs, they discussed Amren’s books. Nesta had also been given the same set of books which she found in her room after dinner. She read it through the night and now, the sisters were discussing its contents. 

“It’s all theory.” Nesta explained to Feyre. “Books on history, introduction, types. Mostly the classifications according to Courts and the other types for daily use. Then there was combat magic with a brief mention of the Illyrians’ killing power.” 

“That section had less information compared to what Azriel already told us.” Nyra recalled. 

“Azriel told you?” Feyre was now curious like a cat. Rhys had just informed her that he’d told Azriel and Cassian to come to breakfast. Or he’d drag them anyway. 

“He did frequent us when we were still humans.” Nyra sounded upset. “And he told us a lot and we told him a lot.” 

“Good morning! Oooh! The pants look good.” Morrigan’s cheerful voice was far too loud. Nesta nodded at her once and then headed towards the dining table, ignoring Rhysand’s curious eyes as she searched for something. She finally found it and took a mug full of it for herself. One sip and she found herself at peace. 

“Had your coffee?” Nyra’s voice came from behind. Morrigan had caught hold of Nyra’s free arm and led her and Feyre to the dining table with much enthusiasm. 

“So that’s what you were looking for.” Rhysand noted, a little amused. 

“Yes.” Nesta looked at both of them in turn. She then took another sip and felt some sense of peace within her. “I feel like a new woman.” Nesta looked at the coffee as she remembered that she was in fact a new woman after becoming fae. A new female. She did not understand how to deal with that.

“Have a croissant, Nesta Archeron.” And Rhysand was now walking towards them. He took a stop to pick up a plate and a croissant and then walked ahead. He extended the plate to Nesta who looked at him questioningly but took it from his hand. She found a seat, set her mug and plate on the table, broke a piece of it and dipped it into the coffee. 

Nyra watched the odd interaction between her twin and Rhysand. She was sure that the two of them did not like each other and would only be civil for everybody else’s sake but this was not mere civility. Nyra looked at Feyre who was equally shocked at this behaviour from both of them. Even more shocked when Nesta thanked him for the croissant. 

“Fancy some coffee, Nyra?” Rhysand turned to her with an easy smile. 

“Or some wine? You missed a few good bottles last night.” Morrigan was far too excited this early in the morning. “The two of you definitely need wine if you’re going to Amren’s for lessons.”

Feyre simply let go of Nyra’s arm and went to a side of the table from where she produced a mug. It was a hot beverage but it was not coffee. “Here.” And she extended it to Nyra who recognised the aroma after ages. 

“Hot chocolate?” Mor looked confused but by then, Nyra had taken a sip and sighed in content. She hugged Feyre from the side and then turned to Mor. 

“It’s far too good.” And then she turned to Rhysand. “Superior to coffee.” 

“Nothing is superior to coffee.” Rhysand declared. 

“It breathes life into the body.” Nesta’s words had them all surprised. Not only was she siding with Rhys but the High Lord seemed pleased by her answer. 

“This would be good with chocolate spread too.” And Nesta stood up, searching the long table for that. A bowl with the same flew over to her, carried by night. It was settled right in front of her croissant and she looked up at Rhys and offered him an awkward word of gratitude. 

“I find good wine to be an elixir for the soul.” Mor declared. 

“Will you be saving some space in your stomach for anything other than this elixir? A healthy breakfast, perhaps?” Nyra asked, looking rather amused. Mor smiled brightly, took her arm and brought her to the table where a good array of breakfast foods were served. 

“With all of this, I most certainly will.” Mor set her wine glass on the table and grabbed three plates, before handing one to Nyra and Feyre. “Take a round and pick your pick.” And Mor led the way as three females circled the table, chose their foods and finally sat down. 

“How’s Elain?” Mor asked, genuinely worried. 

Nesta looked up at that question, took a sip of her coffee and finally answered the question. “Asleep with no nightmares.” 

“You should sleep at night, Nesta.” Mor spoke seriously. 

Nesta glared at her as an indication to be quiet. 

“You purposefully kept yourself awake to escape your own nightmares and ensure you’d be there if they had any.” Nesta believed that Mor had a death wish with the way she wouldn’t stop speaking.

“Wait. What?” Nyra turned to her and then looked at Mor and then at Feyre. Everyone knew that this revelation before Nyra had been purposefully made because she was the only one Nesta would ever listen to. Nyra marched over to Nesta and sat next to her and just as she was about to start lecturing, they heard Cassian’s voice from the doorway. 

“Who has nightmares?” The general asked as he sauntered into the room, half naked and sweaty. Nesta stared into her coffee mug, absolutely determined not to look at Cassian or even contemplate how delicious he looked. 

“Nesta.” Rhys answered, frowning at Cassian. Something other than coffee seemed to be breathing life into her twin’s body and Nyra knew she’d have the time of her life teasing Nesta about this. 

But all that mirth seemed to dissipate into thin air as Azriel walked in, shirtless and equally sweaty, with the Truth Teller spinning between his fingers. His chest seemed to be a work of art with his sweat providing it with an additional layer that had Nyra’s mind blank within the next second. 

With his black curly hair sticking to his face at the side, the shadowsinger walked in oozing raw power and a level of satisfaction he had only after a good spar. 

He had a light beard and the more Nyra looked at him, the more she felt something in her stomach. Did she eat something bad? But she had yet to have breakfast and even then that tingling feeling in her stomach rose. Her breasts felt warm and heavier and she did not understand this at all. Was this some effect shadowsingers had on the people around them?

And Nyra did not know where to look. His very umm. . . nice chest? With all those muscles and uh. . . . A little hairline that disappeared into his pants? Nyra knew she had to look away from his unreasonably attractive chest and the pants and. . . oh gods, she was also wearing pants today. But his muscles seemed to be such a delicacy. She wondered whether she could take a bite and. . . no. She had to breathe and be normal. 

Nothing wrong with Azriel and the lack of a shirt. Except, it was the first time she’d seen someone without a shirt because Cassian walking in ten seconds earlier clearly slipped from her mind. And Azriel already had a very beautiful face—the kind of face you’d imagine for the male leads in historical romances. So swoon worthy that the ladies would have to fan themselves constantly lest they faint from the heat upon watching him.

Nyra took a sip of her hot chocolate, effectively hiding her face behind it for all of seven seconds before she had to put the mug down for appearance’s sake.

There was something strong in the air and it became stronger as Azriel walked towards the table. Nyra slowly realised that the smell of Nesta’s coffee, Mor’s wine and her own hot chocolate had somehow parted the way for something. . . woody? She had yet to identify it but this was not the scent of any of the foods or drinks on the table. She began focusing on people. Nesta smelled like snow touched by the sun. Feyre was like water from a stream. But this scent was cold. What was it? 

And Nyra was transported back to a time when she and Nesta snuck out to the lake near their estate back when they were seven. It was a misty night and they held each other’s hands. Nyra held a lantern for the way and Nesta held a stick. They realised far too late that they had neared the lake until Nyra took a step and they heard the water beneath her foot. They had wanted to see the stars but the mist was too thick. And Nyra loved it. She loved the lake situated in the middle of the woods. 

And that was the scent she recalled as Azriel walked in. And just as she realised it, Nyra tried to look away only to notice something else.

His hand—what was his hand doing and why was it doing that? Why was it playing with the Truth Teller like it was just a stick or something? She could rotate a pen in her hand like that but that was a bloody dagger. A dagger darker than the shadows, crafted from something greater. She could feel its power and how it submitted to the one who was effortlessly playing with it and what did she want with these thoughts? And his fingerless gloves with the siphon at the back of it. . . 

Azriel’s face was probably the most lethal feature at the moment because this male’s face was something else entirely. Thick well-shaped eyebrows, a beautiful nose, and lips and that tongue darting out to wet his lips as he looked around with a plate for whatever he wanted for breakfast. And Nyra inhaled sharply when something tugged at her wrists. 

Somewhere between looking—it was only looking, she had only seen him, it was not like she’d observed him too closely, no, no, no. Anyway, the shadows had already approached her and had secured themselves around her wrists. 

Nyra looked at them and her thoughts about Azriel poofed away. She felt all her being soften for these wonderful little darlings. The shadows danced around her hands and the moment they became ticklish, she let out a laugh. The shadows seemed to take that laugh as encouragement and continued to tickle her. “Stop it.” She couldn’t stop laughing but it did end when the shadows retreated. 

Nyra watched as the wonderful beings floated back to their master, realising that Azriel commanded them to retreat after she’d told them to stop. Azriel was watching her and his lips spread into a grin. Nyra suddenly felt a jolt of joy within her and she grinned back. 

“Read your books?” The shadowsinger took a seat in all his bare-chested glory, finding a pear and taking a bite. The shadows poured him something she did not notice.

“Do they tell you about all that?” She spared a glance at the shadows and then returned her gaze to his. . . eyes. Of course, she was looking at his eyes. Not at his. . . the rest of his phenomenally statuesque body that she suddenly started having unspeakable thoughts about. 

“That they do.” Azriel nodded. He had been surprised at seeing a wall blocking the bond from her side but Nyra this morning was somewhat of an open book. 

“Are you spying on me?” Nyra asked playfully and Azriel’s eyes widened in surprise. Not much of an open book, it seemed. 

“They waited outside your bedroom. They’re worried after last night.” For someone who was the Spymaster, he was openly revealing how he spied on her. Or how the shadows spied on her. Rhysand watched with a smirk hidden behind his glass of juice. Feyre hit his leg before telling him mind to mind to control his expressions. 

“You waited outside my bedroom last night” The words escaped her before she could even think and once it did, she felt free and she wanted to feel like that. Nyra raised her eyebrows and smirked like a cat. Azriel choked on his beverage, not at all expecting Nyra to be flirtatious first thing in the morning. This female was never predictable. 

By then, Nesta slid a plate towards Nyra, filled with toast and eggs. A bowl of fruits soon followed and so did Nesta’s piercing glare. “Eat.” 

Nyra knew Nesta was probably horrified at her recent comment at Azriel. “Yes, mum.” She began with the fruits, enjoying all that she previously could not.

“Don’t ever call me that.” Nesta glared at her, taking a sip of her coffee to calm herself. 

“All right.” Nyra had another piece of melon. “Mum.” At that, another plate of toast was slammed in front of her. 

“Have a variety, my dear.” There was something wicked in Nesta’s voice. And Nyra knew that her perceptive twin had probably noticed her after Azriel had entered. “You need not worry about a strict diet from now on anyway.” Nesta grinned impishly. Nyra faltered, feeling like a child wary of her mother’s scolding if she did not comply. “Eat till you’re full.”

Nyra did eat. Conversation floated with Mor from Nyra’s right telling them about Amren and how cranky the old witch was and how she might end up threatening to drink their blood for lunch. The old story of Rhys and his failed flirtation with Amren came up. 

“I just remembered.” And Nyra turned to Azriel. “We need to talk about last night.” 

Nesta spat her coffee to the side and looked between the two of them. “What?” She asked, partially mortified at what Nyra’s words seemed to imply. 

“When I lost control of my powers. I need to know more about it.” Nyra looked at her. “Don’t look at me like that.” Nesta was looking at her in complete mortification despite her clarification. 

“That sounded like something else.” Nesta spoke, taking a napkin and dabbing at her chin. 

“How is it my fault that those smutty romances are messing with your head?” Nyra shot back. 

“Your words seemed to insinuate something.” Nesta countered. 

Nyra continued to look at Nesta, unimpressed. “A whole load of your delusions, I imagine.” 

“Well…” Nesta trailed away, blushing slightly and it was the horror of the morning when she accidentally met Cassian’s gaze and saw how he was looking at her. Like someone had punched him in the gut. And then he grinned like a buffoon and Nesta looked at her mug. It was empty but her mind certainly wasn’t.

“You fell asleep when we were in the shadows. I brought you back to your room.” Azriel spoke, his voice a little too deep that Nyra did notice. She looked at him. Azriel wanted to reach out and touch her cheek and hold her. Last night had been a wild stroke of luck. Not only had he held her but she had also clutched his shirt. And then he’d been privileged to embrace her again outside her bedroom. Outside was the key word here. “Nobody was hurt. You’re unhurt. That’s all.”

“That’s all?” Nyra repeated, unconvinced and stared at him. Azriel held her stare, adamant at making her believe that everything was fine. Nyra broke their eye contact. “Fine.” And she resumed her meal. Azriel had finished his pear and was now moving on to the contents of his plate. Neither of them spoke or even looked at each other for the reminder of the breakfast. 

****

TAGLIST:

@waytoomanyteenagefeels @impossibelle @esposadomd @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @judig92 @bunnyredgirl @sh4nn @a-frog-with-a-laptop @kattzillaa @ronnieglennn @wallacewillow0773638 @forgiveliv @justdreamstars @donttellthecats @cat-or-kitten @jojodojo02 @wandas-dream @evylynny @weasleyreidstyles @stqrgirlies-blog @why4anne @acourtofdreamsandshadows @saltedcoffeescotch @mybestfriendmademe @macimads @footyandformula @noelli-smv @mqlfoyelf @thehighlordishere @slytherintaco @spideytingley @deeshag @footyandformula @nebarious @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @prettylittlewrites @lilah-asteria @5onedirection5 @hanitastic @sevikas-whore @krowiathemythologynerd @myladysapphire @freyagallileaevans @azrielrot

****

[pink-amethyst-tarot]

What you need to hear right now - Pick A Card

The world is really fucking sad, so here is some good news

Here are some families and causes you can help that are in Palestine.

Song of the Day - Big Boy by Sikey M.

P I L E 1 ~ P I L E 2 ~ P I L E 3

P I L E 1 - Be Radical.

Eight of Pentacles (Reversed), Queen of Wands (Reversed), The Fool, The Emperor

You don't have to push yourself so hard. There is no need to overcompensate because you believe that you aren't worried or special. You are where you are because you are someone special and worthy and so much more than you know. Spirit wants you to take that leap of faith. Sometimes believing in yourself is radical. Sometimes loving yourself is a radical act. You would be so upset if someone treated someone you cared about the way you treat yourself. Image in you had to live as someone you cared about for one whole year. What you do for that person in that time? How would you take care of them? What good would you have them do for themselves? That is how you should treat yourself. You are not your enemy. The negative thoughts you may have about yourself were never something that just came out of nowhere for your own head. People and life told you that you were wrong either through verbal or nonverbal communication. If you did not create these thoughts, why should you keep them? This Emperor is who you are meant to be. Take the leap. Be radical.

Thank you so much for participating in this reading. Feel free to like, reblog and share. If you would like a personal reading, you can check that out by clicking here.

P I L E 2 - Let Me Be Your Peace.

The Emperor (Reversed), King of Pentacles, Four of Wands, King of Cups

"Let me be your peace." is what I keep hearing. This could be one person or more than one person that wants to come in and your support. You have had people in your life that would come in and just treat you so awful but this person or people that are coming in, will not be like the people from your past. I say, "person or people" but I feel like that even if it's one person, that one person is going to come with people if that makes sense. and for someone of you, you may be meeting someone romantically and I think that's why even if it's one person, it will turn into people. Meeting one person will lead you to the one. The people that are coming in want to pour into you and they want to commune with you. You don't have to show up with something to give; don't worry about "what you bring to the table". The fact that you showed up to the function is enough. Your presence is enough. YOUR PRESENCE IS ENOUGH. YOUR PRESENCE IS ENOUGH. I just felt the need to say that way more than once so I can make sure you know. Maybe it can be your affirmation. The people coming in are less worried about what you can do for them but rather what they can do for you. They want to pour into your cups. I don't think it's because they don't expect less of you or expect you do less. I think it's because they trust and believe you will do right by them so they will trust and do right by you. They trust you. They believe in you. For those of you that have a romantic partner coming in, I hope you are ready to settle down/get married/have babies. Whatever the big step is for you and how that fits into your life, you will be doing that with this person.

Thank you so much for participating in this reading. Feel free to like, reblog and share. If you would like a personal reading, you can check that out by clicking here.

P I L E 3

Three of Pentacles, Two of Wands, Queen of Cups, The Star

This is your path. No one can make the decisions for you. You might be scared to get it wrong but there is no need. Open your heart and do what you truly believe is right for you; even if others would disagree. (212, 12, 2112 and/or 211 might be significant to you.) You can talk to the people that you respect and trust most in your life to get their opinion but, ultimately, it's all up to you. I keep getting distracted while doing this reading, which is weird because I was so focused for the other two. Losing focus of what you need to do or finding ways to distract yourself could be something that you relate to. I feel like if that's you, you're doing it because you don't want to make decisions but THAT'S NOW HOW THIS WORKS! The time is going to pass anyway, so might as well buckle down and handle your business. Yes, you could wait until it's the last minute but then you'll be all stressed out and it will make it even harder for you. Why put yourself through more anguish than you already are in? I feel like no matter what you choose, it will lead to a new beginning that will be very healing for you. Almost like you will be made new. you'll be born again in some, way, shape or form. Also hearing something about others making decision for you. Maybe people have made choices for you for a long time, maybe even your whole life. It doesn't have to be like that forever though. You got this. Believe in yourself.

Thank you so much for participating in this reading. Feel free to like, reblog and share. If you would like a personal reading, you can check that out by clicking here.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. THESE READINGS ARE FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. no guarantees are implied. These readings are not a substitute or replacement for any professional help or services. My readings are not a substitute for any form of professional legal, medical/psychiatric, relationship, religious/spiritual or financial/ business advice nor consultations. You should always see a professional legal/trained adviser for help in any matter. I am not responsible for any decisions/ actions you take.

[valtsv]

hi hello! i recall you talking about how you used to have an unhealthy dependence on attention you got from the internet a while ago, and was wondering if you had any tips on how to help with that? i recently found myself sorta relying too much on the affirmation i get from Numbers Going Up and i wanna nip it in the bud before it becomes a Thing. thank you! ^^

i found that the best way to curb the addiction was to wean myself off it bit by bit. start with something small and achievable, like setting a time limit for how long you spend online in one sitting (set a timer to help you if necessary), or setting aside specific free periods in the day when you can check your notifications or whatever, then gradually limit it further until you've reached a point you're comfortable with. you'll find that the more you stick to the goals you've set for yourself, the more it'll start to feel like a reward and substitute for the affirmation you get from number go up (and you'll start to pay more attention to how you spend your limited time and what are the best ways to do so).

place your phone or laptop or whatever device you use for social media out of sight while doing other activities, so that you have to make the conscious effort to seek them out (and thus consider whether you really want to do it) (if i'm trying to concentrate on something, for example, i'll put my phone in a drawer or in my bag/pocket, and make sure i can't hear or see any notification messages). if you feel you can, turn off or temporarily mute your notifications - that works wonders for me.

use the free time you've created for yourself to seek out things you've always wanted to do but never felt like you had the time for. read the book you've been putting off, write something, draw something, get into that crafting hobby, or go for a walk and feed some birds at the pond, go out and challenge yourself to take a photo of something eyecatching to share with your friends, go to a cafe, meet up with a friend, try out that recipe you saved because you thought it sounded nice, look into social groups, events and clubs that cater to your interests/hobbies in your local area - even make use of the time you'd normally spend on social media to do something else online, like wikipedia deep diving, watching a show, or replying to that person you forgot to get back to.

above all, don't beat yourself up along the way. take each day as it comes and each relapse as motivation to keep pushing forwards and make it a little longer between the next one. don't blame yourself for what you can't change (the past) but try to focus on what you can (the future).

[raayllum]

Why is Clauderry together / why is Terry with Claudia?

This is a question I've seen posed more than a few times in the fandom, of people feeling confused with why Claudia is with Terry (despite her dislike of elves) and more so why Terry is with Claudia despite her being a walking collection of red flags. This has, admittedly, always questions I felt the show answered quite well and obviously, but if it's still being probed, then... why not?

Let's talk about it.

Why is Claudia with Terry?

The only prior examples we have with Claudia having any kind of romantic connection is with Callum, which never came to fruition; I've also gone on record saying myself that the show made it clear Callum's feelings for Claudia were a lot stronger than whatever, if any, she held for him. However, in her interactions with Callum even just as a friend, we can see what she appreciates in her free time. For starters, we see that Claudia enjoys being a goofball:

We see that a shared sense of humour is something that Claudia cares about, as one of the only compliments she gives to Callum is "You always make me laugh" and "That was very confident Callum" as he was able to go with the flow while asserting himself.

Words of affirmation is also something she clearly enjoys. Appreciation, acknowledgement, and gratitude are very important to her.

(Side note: This is also part of why she spirals into "I did all THIS FOR YOU" on the beach in a "You owe me your life" kind of way, because she was prepared and sacrificed and saved you, and doesn't that deserve acknowledgement? Doesn't that mean getting what she wants? What she's owed? But I digress.)

We also see early fracturing in Callum not trusting her (1x03, 2x03), a subsequent breakdown in honest communication on both sides, and that Claudia reads Callum as being judgemental of her dark magic use, which is also something that frustrates her about Soren:

(Part of this is because Claudia has gone from seeing dark magic as just an amazing beautiful tool to a terrible but necessary one, so necessary that it overrules any other reservations... because she's attached to seeing herself as a Good Person—"But I'm not evil, it's me"—but again, I digress.)

Conversely, Terry has all of those things in spades. He admires and relies upon her dark magic use, he's someone she can be reciprocally goofy with, he's extremely attentive and loyal (and loyalty/devotion is something that is also extremely important to her), and perhaps most importantly, he's helpful and non-judgemental.

Terry also explains that one of the things Claudia likes about him is his smarts / creative thinking ("Goofy and glorious, just like you" / "You saved the day Ter-Bear") and his thoughtfulness:

Claudia says I think too much about everything, and that makes me weird, and wonderful, so...

This makes sense as Claudia values being prepared in her own day-to-day life curtesy of being a dark mage, and that Soren's tendency to being impatient when they were growing up together (lying about Harrow without consulting her, picking the fight with the dragon, etc) was something that got on her nerves.

As for the Elf 'elephant' in the room... Claudia also doesn't have an issue trusting Aaravos for one simple reason: he's helping her save her dad.

Even while she's warning Soren against trusting or forming friendships with other elves and dragons because they might "take advantage" of him and be fake friends, she can't see that's precisely what Aaravos is doing to her. In a similar vein, Terry also believes in her (as he says directly in 4x09) and is helping her save her father, so why would she have a problem with him even if he's an elf?

That doesn't mean there aren't problems in Claudia's worldview, or that exceptionalizing people is a Good thing to do, particularly to your partner, but it's a clearly defined and realistic cognitive dissonance. Claudia has moved past seeing all elves as Bad™ to "these ones are good" because they're helping her, and not getting in her way, and that's all she really personally cares about.

However, I think most people can understand why Claudia's with Terry, given how sweet and routinely supportive she is. The bigger thornier question then is the opposite. So let's talk about that too.

Why is Terry with Claudia?

One of the most common things people say when it comes to Terry and Claudia is that they wish we could see how they met (and presumably whether that initial attraction was there from the start or how it developed). This usually leans into an underpinning idea (and I could be wrong) that seeing their beginning would help indicate why Terry fell for her (and thereby why he stays). And I would definitely be interested in how they met, and am open to seeing it, whether in a show, graphic novel, or novelization mention.

That said, I think the show has also answered these accordingly. In a lot of ways, there's really only two reasons why Terry is with Claudia as she is in arc 2:

1) He doesn't have an Issue with dark magic.

He admires Claudia's use of it ("And your daughter's amazing, she brought you back from the dead, wow!"), is open and receptive to using it ("Dark magic has a tingly aftertaste, nobody ever tells you that"), and doesn't see anything fundamentally wrong with it ("Should I give up dark magic? Terry, tell me what to do" "Claudia, I can't"). On the one hand, this makes sense; there are spell ingredients of dark magic that aren't that different from hunting and given that Terry grew up near the Drakeriders, I'd find it hard to believe if the Drake riders don't hunt and eat meat, so even if Terry's village didn't, he was at least somewhat close to societies that did.

That doesn't mean he has zero reservations about dark magic ("I've seen you do some awful things, dark magic things" / "Are you mixing the pentapus ink with your own blood?") but that to him, it's not any different from how Claudia thinks about it. She also thinks she's done terrible things in the name of saving her father:

But I'm not evil. It's me. You know me.

I had to do things... [starts crying] I never imagined I would be able to do. (4x01)

This is also how Terry copes with murdering Ibis, citing "I had to, I couldn't let him hurt you," "and he was going to take Claudia's life, I had no choice," and "I'm going to be strong enough to do whatever I need to do and still have feelings." To Terry what matters most is exactly what he says in 4x09: why are you doing these things? Are they actually necessary?

Terry loves Claudia (and Viren by extension) above anything else. Everything he does is for them, good or bad. That devotional loyalty is something that Claudia also lives by, and is arguably her and Terry's biggest shared life value.

Doing terrible things is okay if it's in the name of love, and if it's not, then you shouldn't do them. This is why when he talks about his grief/guilt with Ibis, Terry always scaffolds it alongside the reason why he did it.

This is also why Terry steps in exclusively when what Claudia is doing is unnecessary. She didn't need to trick Rayla in order to get away. She doesn't need to kill the dragon ("It won't follow us anymore, it's trapped") as it's already helpless. They're actions without good reasons, which is also why Terry distrusts Aaravos, because he realizes:

Maybe this story started out as a story of love, but along the way it got twisted. [...] He isn't doing anything for love. He's doing it out of revenge.

So long as Claudia is doing things out of love, Terry will stick by her. And if she stops doing it out of love, then she stops being the Claudia he knows.

Which, I'll also note, is fundamentally different from the Claudia that everyone else knows, because

2) He didn't know Claudia beforehand.

Terry doesn't know Claudia as a semi sheltered girl growing up in the palace who did dark magic solely for fun, nor how most of her close personal relationships (Soren, Callum, Ezran) got destroyed in the span of 3ish weeks. He only knows Claudia who uses dark magic (seemingly) 90% out of complete necessity for flight, safety, and bringing her father back. He seemingly doesn't really know how Soren and Claudia had their falling out, nor does he have any real clue who Callum or Ezran are.

Because Claudia was his only way to know these things rather than knowing multiple people involved, or even living through experiences, Terry would've gotten sparse details or the version that is how Claudia experienced them, and he has no reason to doubt her.

To be clear, I'm not saying that their set up is perfect or that their relationships is perfectly healthy. It's not. Claudia's singular control over how Terry knows the experiences of her life when we as an audience know it's very different is an issue, but is not that dissimilar from when you meet / date new people to begin with (i.e. was their ex really that bad, or were they the problem is sometimes something that can only be known in time). Terry's passivity and mirrored worldview helps enable Claudia's even when she's being destructive to herself and others, and her treating Terry as an exception for his people is also not good in the long run. Clauderry walks this line of being incredibly sweet and uncomfortable, and I think that's one of the things that makes it interesting and with spades of tragedy, particularly going into S7. Terry may not yet have a deep seated issue with dark magic (which enables Claudia but also frees her up to grow on her own terms), but it is the reason they may be torn apart in the future for a time.

I do think they'll find their way back together eventually (even if they'll always be Divorced Eventually in my head). To me, it's clear why they love each other, and while TDP could say that's not enough (and I think that'd be a very interesting valid route to take), I don't think that they will. This scene exists, after all:

[erabu-san]

First of all, I would like to thank you so much for all your support and your kind message !! Thank you so much for being patient with me too !! (you will see, I thanks a lot in this post lol)

Haha tbh I believe that ignoring and move on is a great way too! Yeees when I read this anon ask, I was wondering if they are living somewhere where pale person are oppressed and they are personally in this case and it affects them so badly that they have so much hate in them or they are just being hateful toward poc w/o any explication ? It was a bit uncomfortable And what is appealing with Genshin Impact (for me) is the fact that they use real culture to create their game ; even in the last survey, they ask if we like Natlan's authenticity (weird they only ask abt environment and music, i think they know they have issue with character design bahaha). I learn a lot about persian, algerian, but also chinese and even about french culture ! It is because people recognize themself that they start talking about it. I know there is a lot of controversial topic in Natlan, but because of this, I learn a lot on Hawai'i 's culture too. So yes, even if it is fiction, representation *is* important. And it is because they take inspiration of their culture that there is people who want a better representation, and in my opinion, this is something to not ignore !

About taking well what anon said, thank you so much ! If i can be honest tho, I didn't take it very well neither, or just I don't know how do I really felt at the moment I am an adult but I still hard time to distinguish what is morally okay or not, what is bad and good ? So if someone doesn't tell me they are explicitly a bad person with bad intention, I won't get it haha (ofc I grew up and now I identify my value and morals, but I still questionning if my morals are objectively great or not- yeaaah i was called weird for that, I am aware) Since forever I always try to understand other so I can communicate properly (at least I try), and that's why I am always interested on how does people think, why do they react in this specific way etc etc. Pro, I am patient and can take even the most violent take "well" (all depends. I am still a human) Con, I give free speech to those who have a "bad" take </3 and I apologize for that aaaa

KFSDLFSD I wish to express my angryness sometime but I just don't know if it is really adequate What if I interpret their text in wrong way as they initially try to say ? I wasn't feel offended by what they said, I was just uncomfortable because their opinion is something I consider hateful. and what if i was wrong??? But reading you all's opinion just affirm that's they were indeed rude ! I should stop overthink, life would be easier Maybe next time I have a doubt I will ask my friends's opinion before answering ksdkfsf

Oh my god thank you !!! If i can be honest, I draw Kinich this way because when I draw him w a darker skin for the first time, I thought "Oh !!! he looks so cool !!!!" and seeing a lot of positive comment abt my Kinich just makes me happy so I keep him like this ! And thank you for sharing with me informations !<<333 This is not overstepping at all ! And it is a reciprocate feeling anon ! It might be a bit weird but "angry" is such a complex feeling for me. I feel it but I don't really know how to express it in the most healthy way and it is super frustrating. So... seeing people getting mad at something I also disagree on makes me feel better !! And for this, thank you all !

I SNORT SO HAAAARD Damn Macron you again..........!! I didn't put all ask here but I read them all !! Thank you for sharing with me your opinion and reaction, it is truly interesting (and way more relaxing that the hater anon kskskss) !! and again, your support is truly meaningful for me. You all have sincere gratitude Hope y'all have a great day !! Stay hydrated too <3

[just-a-little-cellist]

WWDITS Preference: When You're Sad/Depressed

(A/N: I've felt my depression flaring up lately (doesn't help that I can't watch the new WWDITS season yet lmao) so this is, as usual, totally self-indulgent. hope you enjoy, and feel free to request more stuff like this :D)

(Includes Nadja, Laszlo and Nandor x gender neutral reader)

Nadja:

When she notices that you're feeling out of sorts, Nadja is surprisingly compassionate. While not particularly good at talking things through with you, she does try - at the very least she'll let you rant if you need to - and will loudly assure you that to think lowly of yourself at all is ridiculous, I mean, look at you! You're wonderful! Once you're done talking she takes it upon herself to organize a movie night in an effort to cheer you up. Hearing her enthusiastically sing along to the Mamma Mia soundtrack is at worst a good distraction, and at best it'll get you smiling and singing along too.

(It also goes without saying that if a person has caused your sadness, she'll hunt them down without a second thought.)

Laszlo:

Not that he'd do it for anyone else, but Laszlo will immediately sit down to have a conversation with you if he notices you feeling depressed. It hurts him to see you so deflated and he won't stand for it. He will offer advice and affirmations as you talk, and reassures you that you can always confide in him in future if it'll prevent you feeling this way (and, like Nadja, will kill for you if a person caused this).

The same day, he'll compose a song for you on the piano and requests that you sit beside him while he plays it to you for the first time. He'll play that song to you in future whenever you feel down as a reminder of how much he cares for you.

Nandor:

When Nandor sees that you're feeling depressed, he's very empathetic. He's been through his fair share of it, after all. His methods of helping aim more towards taking your mind off of things and making you smile. He'll take you out somewhere if you feel up to it, dance with you at home if you want to stay in (honestly I'd kill to slow dance with Nandor), and gives you plenty of physical affection.

Everything that he does, he watches your face carefully until he sees you smile and then beams at you like you're his entire world. He will not stop until he's sure that you feel loved and wanted, and on particularly bad days he will go to the lengths of making a glitter portrait for you.

[chitty-chitty-bang-bang-bang]

Vlad, Viago and Deacon as parents headcanons [pt.2]

[Part 1] [Part 3]

Author’s note: I love writing this shit to a very unhealthy degree. I might make a oneshots out of this later. Also does anyone know Deacon’s nationality? Some say Polish, others say German. I’m still not sure.

Also, if some of you want pt. 3, please let me know what scenarios would you want me to explore specifically, because I am running out of ideas a bit…

When you first appeared in the house, Viago found some old suitcase in the attic and proposed that you’ll sleep in it, until they get you an actual casket.

You tried it, but couldn’t really slumber because of the constant nightmares and it was too scary to open the lid, because of the sun.

So you started sharing a coffin with Viago, at least until you felt calmer.

It resulted in him sacrificing a bit of his sleep to your rather constant tossing and turning, but he quickly got used to it.

He sang you German lullabies to put you to sleep or whispered some calming affirmations (you didn’t understand a word, but it was sweet).

He found these moments so precious, that he actually got upset, when you obtained your own coffin and started sleeping separately in the attic.

Since the attic was now technically your room, Vlad, Viago and Deacon decided to help you decorate it to your liking, so you went on the town basically robbing thrift stores and supermarkets by hypnotising the cashiers.

They helped you assemble the random ikea furniture you got, even though neither of you could understand the instructions on the box.

In your free time, you’ll often find yourself hanging around in Vladislav’s room, posing for his portraits. He likes your expressiveness, it really gives his paintings the right look. And so you won’t get bored sitting there for hours, he asks you about your life before you became a vampire.

You also speak a lot of Romanian together, because Vlad wanted you to know another language, so he only communicated to you in Romanian for a while and you unwillingly started to understand it with time.

If you miss your family, he will take you to your childhood home. Of course, you can’t really interact with them anymore, but you can at least watch and it might make you feel a bit better to know they are still living a good life and that they miss you just as much.

At one point all three of them realise, that you would benefit from some friends within your age group. So they take you out to an arcade pretty early in the evening.

Unfortunately, living with ancient vampires kind of killed any chance for your social skills to develop properly, so you ended up scaring a bunch of kids and getting very upset.

To compensate for it, Deacon called you along to watch videos on the laptop, that Stu set up. You accidentally stumbled upon Bill Nye reuploads and binged them together, because you thought he’s the smartest person to ever roam the earth.

All of them have some kind of a default nickname for you. Viago calls you “Mäuschen” (little mouse), Vlad calls you very simply “Child” and to Deacon you are “Rodent”.

Stu and Nick are kind of like uncles/siblings to you. When the three have to leave somewhere, they usually leave them to babysit you. You have a lot of fun together! Since all three of you still remember what it’s like to actually be a living and breathing human, you get to talk more about recent news and events, rather than reminisce about the past.

You are also the only person in the group, who can’t really steal your clothes from victims, since neither of the vampires is very keen on killing children. Mostly, they ask their newfound werewolf friends to pick something up for you during the day or steal it themselves during the night.

Considering you can’t go to a normal school, they decided to teach you at home. Vlad teaches you literacy and art, Viago teaches you sciences and history and Deacon teaches you actually important shit like hypnotising tax collectors, draining the blood of your victims into mason jars and looking cool as fuck.

If you call Viago “dad”, he will be over the goddamn moon. It’s like he accomplished a goal he didn’t even know he set.

If you call Vladislav your dad, for a moment he would almost feel this long forgotten warmth in his chest. It’s like his heart started to beat again.

If you refer to Deacon as “dad”, he will be very startled and confused at first. It’s a weird feeling for him to have someone trust him and depend on him so much. He won’t admit it, but he really loved that emotion.

The more you are around, the more they get into being parental figures.

Tagging people who asked for part two: @italakthoughts and @rthounasty (this is a fire username btw)

[unavailableapple]

Excuse me for coming to your askbox, I am not a radfem and don't agree with a lot of it's principles, yet I find radfem spaces are the only place where discussion of nonbinary identity has any nuance. Personally I have no problem with people doing whatever they want with their own bodies/minds/labels but I did struggle to wrap my head around just how many people started IDing as nonbinary during the last few years. Now recently it's been a bit of the opposite, with a noticeable amount of previously out and proud nonbinary people dropping the label. I've heard some people discuss it like it was just "in fashion" for a while, while others insist it's a result of gender experimentation or having to go back in the closet due to the political climate. But it's not just the young, I noticed that includes some of the first nb people I knew, who were nonbinary before 2020, hell, before 2015. I know you had a similar experience, so I just wanted to hear your opinion on this whole phenomenon, why it's happening and why now, and if you expect the trend to continue?

So I’ve been thinking about this a lot and honestly the short answer is: I’m not sure.

The long answer:

I think that these things come in waves. Think about BBL surgery (Brazilian butt-lift surgery). When that surgery was really popular, I’m sure it felt like a very real need to the women who got it. Similarly, my nonbinary identity felt very real to me. But once you apply any amount of pressure to either of these, they start to break. Because really what does it mean to be nonbinary? Why do I NEED to express myself as nonbinary? Why does she NEED to have a large posterior? Eventually you realize, it is misogyny. That’s all it is. And then the whole thing falls apart…Aside from that, even if you don’t acknowledge the misogyny, these things are ultimately superficial and, as such, fall away once one reaches a certain point of adulthood.

I don’t mean adulthood as in becoming an adult human I mean adulthood as in a certain level of struggle that makes fanciful discussions of pronouns seem taxing. Eventually real life catches up and you don’t feel like wasting your precious free time thinking about whether you use they, she, he, or meow pronouns. I think the lasting effects of COVID have meant terrible things for the general public and a lot of people are struggling to pay rent or afford food. I know that what first made me stop caring about pronouns was when I was homeless and thought a lot more about finding a safe place to sleep than making sure everyone calls me he/meow/it pronouns.

Then I think there’s the climate of the trans community right now. When I was younger, there was an idea of, “Being trans is equally hard for males AND females”. But now the dominant narrative seems to be that trans identified males have it a thousand times harder being trans and trans identified females face no oppression at all. I do think this drives more trans identified females out of trans spaces and leads them to find more community with other women. This was the case for several of my friends. Once the trans community told them, “You don’t face any oppression” even though they did (by right of being female), they stopped feeling aligned with a nonbinary identity and suddenly realized they felt more aligned with being female, on the basis of shared experiences.

Finally, it could genuinely just be that it’s falling out of fashion. I’m of an era where I, like a lot of young women my age, was the froggy jumper round glasses meow/it pronoun using boyflux aligned aroace nonbinary person and that was in style. Nowadays kids on TikTok make fun of that and it’s much less “in”. Recently Mitski cut her hair short and people started calling her “theyfab”. For the uninitiated, theyfab is a rude term the trans community uses for a female person who identifies as nonbinary, especially if she doesn’t do anything to express this nonbinary identity beyond cutting her hair. They were not trying to “affirm” Mitski, they were making fun of her for being a gender nonconforming woman, and they were making fun of the women who identify as nonbinary. No matter what, it’s always “in” to make fun of women so if a lot of women are identifying as nonbinary, it’s going to be “in” to make fun of them and it is. On pinterest, Nonbinary identities are already being relegated to “2010s nostalgia” the way moustache tattoos on pointer fingers are “2000s nostalgia”, these things come and go.

So yeah, I ultimately don’t know, and these are only a couple among my many many MANY different theories. But based on my own experience and the experiences of people I know, this is what I’ve been thinking.

[lokavisi]

So about two nights ago, I had a really solid conversation with Loki. A friend got some cues from him through their pendulum, we were both very confused, and then my wife (who barely gives a shit about the Guy lol) interprets this message so pristinely. It was like getting slapped upside the head when she gave her explanation. So I started free writing to continue the conversation more directly with Loki. There were a few big points made in this conversation.

First, he expressed frustration that, in spite of working with him for 4 years now, I still don't seem to "get" him. Like I keep coming to him to vent about some bullshit that's winding me up, he offers a suggestion to help me unwind, and then I brush it off or forget or just straight up ignore it. So he was like, "I've been telling you the same shit for 4 years now... It feels like you're just fundamentally ignoring all the parts of me that make me, ME." So...naturally I felt really fucking stupid and shitty.

Then he very lovingly affirmed that "this isn't me being facetious or angry or trying to put you down. I'm frustrated and irritated, yes, but surely you do realize by now that I fucking love you and you're stuck with me." This meant a lot to me more so than it might for others because my ADHD comes with mad rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Any time anyone says something that indicates some level of upset at me, my brain catastrophizes and breaks down because "clearly" it means they hate me. (This is basically never the case.) This leads me to the primary nugget of wisdom that came from this conversation.

I realized this whole time (once my wife interpreted the initial message) I was hearing him more clearly than I had in a long time. It was nearly as if a physical person sat next to me speaking. As the conversation was wrapping up, I made a note of this and asked, "Why do I feel l hear you clearest when you're frustrated with me?" We've had plenty of similar conversations, and when I look back at past moments when I simply couldn't deny the messages were coming from outside myself, he usually had some level of frustration with me. But to answer my question, he said:

"Because that's all you wanna hear. That's all you think you deserve. Even when you seek love or comfort and I provide, you don't always fully receive it. I try to be funny to cheer you up and you won't have it, just calling me stupid. You are terrible at receiving input that doesn't put you down or reinforce any negative thoughts you believe about yourself. So stop it. Seriously. Fucking stop believing bad shit about yourself."

He went on to talk about the rune readings I did for a bunch you on here (thanks again for the practice❤️), and how I should be pumping myself up from all the positive feedback I got from it. And we exchanged some jokes and "I love you"'s before calling it a night.

As per usual, I share my story in a giant block of text to remind everyone of what Loki reminded me: to not just take in the messaging that supports a negative view of yourself. Allow yourself to believe that you are the gods' gift to humanity. (I just heard him say, "Seriously. I do it all the time. It works wonders for your self-esteem." 😂❤️) Maybe that verbage doesn't have the greatest connotations, but the point is to think more highly of yourself. Believe in the power and confidence that you possess. Even if it doesn't feel like you have either of these things, fake it til you make it - until you realize they've been here this whole time.

I'm on this struggle bus, too, y'all. We're gonna find ourselves together. Hail Loki ❤️

[i-just-wanna-write-fanfic]

Not sure if it has been asked before but Mike (+ alters without Chester) reacting to transmasc reader without any surgeries/hrt yet?

Damn sure, Dude! I'm sorry if I get anything wrong, as I am a cis woman, but I will do my best!

WARNINGS/NOTES not understanding what being trans is, and struggling to accept one's body, a bit of transphobia from Mani :( +A FUCKING COME BACK!!!!! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

MIKE+ALTERS x TRANSMASC READER WITHOUT GENDER-AFFIRMING TREATMENTS

★彡[ᴍɪᴋᴇ]彡★

He doesn't... 100% get it, as he's a cis man, who's very comfortable in his own body, even if he shares it with others.

Though he doesn't really get it, he'll do his best to help you and understand along the way.

He'll do his best to help you feel affirmed (calling you by your preferred name and pronouns, getting you a binder and helping you with it, and comforting you)

Somedays he's really worried about you, but he knows you'll be okay in the end.

He does his best to try and get you what you need, whether it's comfort, the reassurance you ARE a man, or simply letting you take your time in deciding if you really need/want those surgeries or care and standing by your decision.

If you know you really need them, he'll do everything in his power to help you get that care. 💙

VƗŦØ

Like Mike, he doesn't understand, but mainly why you'd wanna change from a hot babe to a guy.

Once you explain, he doesn't really mind (even if he's never felt that way, seeing himself as the hottest person to walk the earth).

He does his best to let you know, that while you're not a hot babe, you're sure as hell a hot dude in his book, and anyone who disagrees can get a kick to the nuts for all he cares

He's not 100% sure if he's into guys or ready to date one, but you guys can still be the best of buds if he decides he's not okay dating a dude.

Either way, you're still his hottest bro. And your bromance will be forever. 🔥

M͓̽A͓̽N͓̽I͓̽T͓̽O͓̽B͓̽A͓̽

He doesn't get it.

He still thinks of you as a bit too feminine, mainly because you have boobs still and you're nothing like a guy.

He still treats you like a girl but will use your preferred pronouns and name.

He's all for helping you get your needed surgeries and care, but for now, he still thinks he should treat you like glass. 🥲

𝒮𝒱𝐸𝒯𝐿𝒜𝒩𝒜

She... Understands the feeling.

While she wishes she could get the care to be more of a girl, she can't change the body too much in fear of making the others feel uncomfortable in the body they share.

So she understands living in a body that doesn't feel yours/like you or doesn't fit into your gender.

She will do everything she can to help feel more like a man, no matter what it takes.

Even if she can't get the care that she needs, she know that you can, someday. 💜

Ḿ̴̭͉̙A̸̠̣̖̻̟͖͛̂́̋́L̸͍̙͈̟̒

#slay

He uses up all the free time he gets to find out what it's like to be you.

While sharing a body with a bunch of losers SUCKS he knows it can't be as bad as what you go through.

but while he hates her as much as he does, he will talk with Svetlana to get a better understanding of how you feel.

He tends to think about stealing money to afford HRT for you.

He may or may do it.

He's going to do it unless you stop him.

You're really the only person who can, but you're going to confuse him if you try.

He cares and will do anything (legal or illegal) to get you what you need. 🖤

[shiftersroom]

hi thala! 💞 so sorry if you don’t accept this kind of asks but i just feel like i need to vent and your vlog is always reassuring and comforting.

currently i’m in this situation where i just want to get out of this cr and permashift to my dr asap, but it seems like i can’t stop self sabotaging myself and i’m so so tired of it. last night i was crying my heart out because of how bad i felt about it. i’ve been practicing meditation so i can enter the void and even though it seems like i learned to keep my mind awake and body sleep i haven’t been able to get past that and it’s so frustrating. i know there’s tons of methods and also everyone says i don’t even need one but i idk why i have this idea that i need some method to detach from my cr really printed on my mind. for the self sabotaging part, i can’t help but have trust issues regarding myself and the community, sometimes it’s my intrusive thoughts making me doubt about shifting being real/posible and other’s successful experiences (saying it must have been a lucid dream or they are just making it up and i really HATE and feel guilty to discredit their experiences in that way 😭) and other times my belief in shifting is unwavering but i don’t feel capable of it. i'm not even the kind of person who has ever had any “closer attempts” or mini shifts and has been really hard for me to find what works best for me, meditation is by far what i’ve been trying the most but i’m just so impatient that sometimes i can’t help but feel that i’m going nowhere. my mind is really so stubborn when it comes to trying to change negative thoughts.

sorry for all of this, i don’t have shifting friends or someone i can share this stuff with. i don’t usually tend to feel this way but last night i just kinda collapsed, it crossed my mind that maybe i'm wasting my time and that i should just give up but i don’t want to, if this shii is real i need to experience it no matter what. i want to be with the ones i love and live the life i want. i don’t want to stay here any longer. i want to try loa along with shifting but then again, my intrusive thoughts say that i’ll be just gaslighting myself and all that.

i know no one else can fix these problems for me, but i’m so scared of failure or just being delusional for believing in all of this. sorry again for the long vent, i needed to get this off my chest. love you and your blog so much thala. if you don’t really want to accept this because honestly is like a long ass and probably demotivating ramble it’s totally okay, but thank you for taking the time if you do. hope you keep being happy and having success with everything you do. 😭🫶🏻

hello 💕 please feel free to vent, i don’t mind.

i completely understand your level of frustration, i badly want to permashift too and i have little breakdowns every few months once it catches up to me that nothing has fully worked yet.

the void can take a long time to perfect. i mean monks spend decades learning to meditate! why don’t you try something other than meditation? if you’ve given it a good go and it hasn’t worked, it’s probably not the method for you. i recommend a short break before trying a new method. rn i’m writing an affirmation 100 times a day. but honestly if that doesn’t work i’m straight up gonna lay there and visualize for 8 hours every night. i’m getting out of here no matter what.

try asking yourself what you think will work for you - sometimes we know the answer but we need to sit down and think about it. for example i keep doing affirmations, or short visualizations. but i feel what will make me shift is just laying there and telling myself to stfu and visualize until i’m there, even if it takes hours.

as for the self sabotage, i cope with that by watching my favorite creators and realizing that no one in their right mind would upload years of unpaid content that most people would ridicule us for, all for it to be a lie or joke. especially older shifters. and the other thing i like to do is remind myself that if i shifted and came back, no matter how ridiculous the experience was it’d still be real - so even if you don’t believe someone bc it sounds outlandish, it can still be real.

i’m also scared of being delusional but i simply cannot and will not remain here. there is no other option for me, so i’ll persist forever. the first time i shifted i had no idea id shift. that keeps me motivated, i could feel awful and still wake up in my dr tomorrow.

forever posting this reddit post by someone who shifted after 5 years, this was my fave comment of theirs:

and that motivates me even more - even if it’s fake i’m gonna make it real.

i also struggle with trying to change negative thoughts and my mindset, i’m in my mid 20s this stuff is harder to believe in at this age, and my mind has been tainted by years of bad experiences. but as hard as it is i’m forcing myself to get over it and try everything, bc i just need to shift once and all my bad experiences will be over.

i’m sorry if i gave you a big rant in return haha, but i hope this helps!! 💕 i’m so happy you like my blog and thanks for your sweet words 🥹

[lawofkitty]

how to manifest using the scientific method

heyyy i’m not sure if anyone has ever done this already but i thought of this two weeks ago and i finally decided to write about it. this could be helpful for anyone looking for a new challenge or anyone who prefers using science or “logical” methods to manifest. feel free to change or add anything to this if you want !!

step 1: observation <3

AKA do background research. Observe the circumstance that you want to change by asking Who?, What?, When?, Why?, Which?, and How? Who is involved in the circumstance? When did the circumstance occur? Is it current? Why and how did the circumstance occur? (this is a good time to consider how your assumptions created it, which reaffirms the fact that you create your own reality). Really analyze it and take time to think or write about it. (If you’re creating something brand new, observe the old story.)

step 2 - question <3

You might be thinking “I already asked questions.” But this is THE question. The question that you’re answering by doing the “experiment.” For example, “Do I have $1,000?” or “Am in a relationship with my SP?” could be good questions for manifesting money or a relationship. Make it a yes or no question because those are your only options. It’s either yes or no. You have it or you don’t.

step 3 - hypothesis <3

Scientifically, a hypothesis is considered an educated guess. In this case, it is your assumption. For example, your hypothesis could be “If I affirm that I have $1,000, then I have $1,000” or “If I decide that me and SP are together and persist in that assumption then we simply are.” It is answering your previous question with an explanation that can be “tested.”

step 4 - experiment <3

Your experiment will be done by using methods. You can use absolutely any method you want. You can even use the “no method” method or just affirm once and move on. Affirm and persist if you want. Listen to subliminals if you want. Write 500 affirmations if you want. Use the Parrot app. Use a counter app. Your experiment can be done however you want. It’s just you “testing” your hypothesis. For example, if you said “if i affirm once, it’s mine” affirm once as your experiment !

step 5 - analysis <3

When your experiment is completed, you analyze it and jot down the data you collected. You can do visualization or SATS in the middle of the experiment (state akin to sleep) and analyze it that way. You can also analyze it after your new story reflects in the 3D (if you like to describe it that way). You can even skip this step if you want to.

step 6 - conclusion <3

Your conclusion is garnered by taking your analysis and determining if you proved your hypothesis or not. You did! If you want, write about what you did in your experiment and how you proved your hypothesis correct. Write about what you enjoyed, what you didn’t enjoy, what methods you did or didn’t use, and how you felt. Would you do it all over again with a different desire?

step 7 - communicate results <3

This is optional but if you want to, share your success story with the community on whatever platform or space you’re comfortable with. Tell them about your hypothesis, your experiment, and the conclusion you drew! Tell them what worked, what didn’t work, what was enjoyable, what wasn’t, etc.

thanks for reading !! i hope this helps at least one person <33

[brainddeadd]

Having to choose between Nico and Jack.

You enjoy spending time with them both. But when it comes down to it…who is the guy for you?

That’s the request. You have free rein for this one.

(Love your writings. You’re my comfort blog xx)

nonnie, you're too sweet !! if you're comfortable with it, slide into my dms so we can chat !!

I decided to write both for you !!

I hope you enjoy !

You sat on the edge of your bed, the weight of the decision pressing heavily on your shoulders. The late afternoon sun streamed through the window, casting a warm glow around the room, but it did little to ease the swirling emotions inside you. Jack and Nico had both confessed their feelings for you, and now you had to choose between them.

You took a deep breath, trying to calm your racing heart. It had been a whirlwind of emotions—each moment spent with them felt so special, yet so different. Jack was spontaneous, always making you laugh and keeping you on your toes, while Nico’s calm and caring demeanor made you feel cherished in a way that was hard to describe.

After contemplating for what felt like hours, you picked up your phone and sent a quick message to Nico.

You: Can we talk? I need to tell you something.

His reply came almost instantly.

Nico: Of course! Is everything okay?

You took a moment to gather your thoughts. The last thing you wanted was to hurt Jack, but your heart was leading you toward Nico, and you needed to be honest about your feelings.

A few minutes later, there was a knock at your door. You opened it to find Nico standing there, a mix of concern and curiosity on his face. He stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

“Hey, is everything alright?” he asked, his brow furrowed slightly.

You nodded, taking a seat on the edge of your bed, and gestured for him to join you. “I wanted to talk to you about… everything that’s been happening.”

He sat down next to you, his demeanor shifting from concern to attentiveness. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it a lot too.”

You took a deep breath, your heart pounding as you spoke. “I’ve had a lot of fun with both you and Jack. You both mean a lot to me, and I appreciate everything you’ve done.”

Nico’s gaze was steady, encouraging you to continue.

“But,” you continued, “I’ve realized that what I feel with you is different. It’s deeper, more meaningful. I feel safe and understood with you, Nico. I think I’m ready to take that step.”

His expression softened, a mix of relief and happiness washing over his face. “So, you’re saying…”

“I choose you,” you said softly, your voice barely above a whisper. “I want to be with you.”

Nico’s smile widened, and he took your hand, squeezing it gently. “You don’t know how happy that makes me. I feel the same way about you. I’ve been hoping you’d say that.”

You smiled back, feeling a rush of joy at the affirmation of your feelings. “I just wanted to tell you in person, before anything else happens.”

“Thank you for being honest with me,” he said, his voice sincere. “I really care about you, and I want to make this work.”

As the weight of the decision lifted from your shoulders, you felt a sense of clarity and excitement about the future. You leaned in closer, wrapping your arms around him and pulling him into a warm embrace.

“Let’s take it slow,” you murmured against his shoulder, feeling his warmth envelop you.

“I’m all for that,” he replied, resting his chin on the top of your head. “I just want to enjoy being with you.”

As you pulled back, you both shared a smile that spoke volumes. You felt lighter, your heart full with the decision you had made.

Meanwhile, in the back of your mind, you knew you’d have to talk to Jack eventually. But for now, with Nico by your side, everything felt right.

You sat in your favorite café, the comforting hum of chatter and the aroma of fresh coffee surrounding you. It was a rainy afternoon, and the sound of raindrops tapping against the window added to the cozy atmosphere. But today, the ambiance did little to calm your racing heart. You had a decision to make.

Jack and Nico had both confessed their feelings for you, and while you cherished both of them, it was Jack who seemed to ignite a spark in you that was hard to ignore. His playful spirit and spontaneous nature always made you feel alive, like every moment with him was an adventure waiting to happen.

After a brief exchange with both of them earlier that week, you had decided to meet Jack alone today. He arrived, bright-eyed and grinning, his enthusiasm contagious. As you shared small talk, you could feel the tension building within you, your heart pounding with the weight of your choice.

“Hey, what’s on your mind?” Jack asked, his head tilting slightly as he leaned in closer. “You seem a bit distracted.”

You took a deep breath, your heart fluttering in your chest. “Yeah, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”

His expression shifted from playful to concerned. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine,” you assured him, although your voice trembled slightly. “It’s just… about us.”

Jack straightened up, his eyes searching yours. “Okay, I’m listening.”

You paused, gathering your thoughts. “I really value the time we’ve spent together. You make me laugh and feel alive, and I love how spontaneous and fun you are. But… it’s more than that. I feel a connection with you that I can’t ignore.”

His lips curled into a smile, and you could see the hope flickering in his eyes. “Really? I mean, I’ve felt it too, but I didn’t know if you were on the same page.”

“I am,” you said, feeling a rush of confidence. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I want to be with you, Jack. I choose you.”

The grin on Jack’s face widened, lighting up his entire expression. “Are you serious? You choose me?”

You nodded, feeling your heart swell. “Yes, I do. I want to explore what we have together.”

He leaned closer, his excitement palpable as he took your hands in his. “You have no idea how happy that makes me. I’ve been waiting for you to say that.”

As he spoke, the weight of your decision melted away, replaced by exhilaration and a sense of relief. Jack’s eyes sparkled with a mix of joy and mischief. “I can’t believe this is happening! We’re going to have so much fun together.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at his enthusiasm, the sound echoing in the cozy café. “I hope so! I mean, with you, I know it’ll be an adventure.”

“Absolutely,” he replied, his voice playful. “I can’t wait to show you just how much fun we can have.”

You leaned in, closing the distance between you, and pressed your lips against his in a soft kiss. His mouth moved against yours with a gentle urgency, sending butterflies fluttering through your stomach. You pulled back slightly, both of you smiling at the newfound spark between you.

“So, what’s the first adventure?” you asked, your voice teasing.

Jack’s grin widened. “How about a movie night? We can binge-watch something ridiculous, eat popcorn, and just be ourselves. Sound good?”

“Perfect,” you said, feeling lighter and excited about the future. “I’m in.”

As you shared your plans, you couldn’t shake the feeling of rightness that settled over you. You knew you’d eventually have to talk to Nico, but right now, in this moment with Jack, everything felt right. You were ready to embrace the adventure that lay ahead with him by your side.

[johnnyloa]

₊˚⊹♡

𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒾𝓂𝓅𝑜𝓇𝓉𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓇𝑜𝓊𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑒

Hi Guys! It’s been a long time since I’ve uploaded here on tumbler and recently I feel like coming back and sharing a few tips about improving your life. I know I used to talk mainly about manifestation but I honestly think that mental health and keeping yourself physically healthy can make such a big difference in your manifesting journey. That’s why I would like to focus on improving your daily life and definitely talk about it more.

💿☁♫₊˚.🎧 ✩｡💿☁♫₊˚.🎧 ✩｡💿☁♫₊˚.🎧 ✩｡

Let’s start with the basics. In the last few weeks (honestly since summer) I had the biggest problems with my sleep schedule. It was really so hard for me to fall asleep at normal time and it was the cause of me not being able to wake up on time and being late to classes everyday. It got to a point that I felt so physically unmotivated in the mornings I didn’t know what to do. Gladly now it’s over because of my morning and evening routines that I’ve created to feel better and do better. It honestly works wonders.

Let’s just assume that your whole day will go according to your morning. Even if u don’t believe that to be true, just imagine what if everything you do right after you wake up had the biggest impact on your day. How would your mornings look then? What would you do to have the best day ever? How would you manage your time? What things would you use to make waking up and getting ready the most pleasurable thing? Just try that for a few days and you will see the difference in your mood.

If your a heavy sleeper like me and it’s hard for you to get up in the morning, you should pay attention to your evening habits as well. I think one of the biggest part of ideal morning routines is a well constructed evening routine and sleep schedule. It makes your morning more enjoyable, since you don’t have to clean your room, pick your outfit or pack your bags. It’s a game changer as it makes your morning less stressful and more easygoing. So it’s good to remember that morning and evening routine go hand in hand and are not two separate things as you may think. They complete each other and work together.

Making morning/evening schedules:

I think you should make your to do lists as much aesthetically pleasing as you can. It will make you look at them a lot more and actually enjoy the process of making it. One of the best app to use for that kind of planning is Notion. It’s not only very easy to use but at the same time it has so many free features that you can easily use as you want. If your more of a lazy person and you’re not into spending your precious time on doing such lists you can download ready planners from the internet and just fill them out according to your needs. Go on Pinterest and search some examples of notion pages - I kid you not it’s so fun to make them and personalize them your gonna love it.

So what to actually put into your morning to do list? Here are some examples of my favorite things to do right after I wake up. But first you need to figure out how much time do you have before leaving your house. This way it will be less problematic to come up with how much time you can spend for example on skin care or doing your make up. There are also some essentials that I think you must allocate your time into such us making your bed (it subconsciously makes you believe that you already started doing your daily tasks and it will be much easier for you to go on with them) and other basic routine things as keeping your hygiene up as it will make you feel already good in the morning.

So one of the most important things in the morning routine are:

skin care and other basic hygiene needs

picking outfit according to the weather

packing my bag (I hate doing it the day before)

praying and setting intentions for the day

repeating some of my favorite affirmations

making myself breakfast and something to drink

When I’m done with all of those things I should be good to go. But there are actually some other things that you could do if you have more time. Sometimes if I have classes starting later than usual and I still want to wake up at the same time to keep my waking up hours streak I can do some of additional things listed below:

meditation

journaling

planning whole day ahead

deeper cleaning of my room

reading a book

taking a refreshing shower

You might also give yourself more sleep time. I don’t think it’s a bad thing although it can become that when you do it too often. So be responsible and don’t do it every morning.

My next post will be about evening routine and managing your sleeping schedule! ₊˚⊹♡

See ya! 🤍🩵