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[chitty-chitty-bang-bang-bang]

“Tell me, where did you sleep last night?” (Colin Robinson x werewolf!reader)

Word count: 1,142

Age restriction: 16+ (vulgar language)

Tags: Fluff, crack, teasing, implied romance.

Synopsis: Your work doesn’t let you go home early on a full moon, so now you have to rush away from the office building to transform. Unfortunately one very nosy colleague won’t leave you alone.

Author’s note: Cringe culture needs to die. Let’s enjoy werewolves and balding men.

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You tapped your fingers on the table. At first it was rhythmic, almost like a military drum, but with time it just started to sound unsteady, matching the beat of your own heart. Anxiety filled you up so strongly, that only the tips of your fingers were loose enough to move. The rest of the body was tense and getting tenser, as you watched the sky gradually darken and a faint silhouette of the moon appear.

“Only five minutes…” you mumbled to yourself. “Only five minutes…”

“Five minutes ‘till what?” Someone popped their head into your cubicle. You didn’t have to look, to know who exactly it was.

“The end of my shift, Colin.”

Your insides churned violently, as you noticed new dark brown hairs pop out on your hands. So thick and dense, it looked nothing like human hair and you knew it, so you haphazardly tried to cover them with the sleeves of your office shirt. It was getting late. Too late for your liking.

“Oh, right. It sucks to be you, huh? Working, because you have no more sick days to slack off.” He chuckled. “Well, I could keep you company until the end of your shift. You know what they say, good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter, am I right? That’s a quote by Izaak Walton. Oh, by the way, interesting fact about Izaak Walton! Did you know that his wife and seven kids died almost at the same time? Yeah, can’t imagine being that poor fella. Probably way worse, than sitting in this office.” You felt your eyelids start to get heavy as Colin kept on ranting about stuff you literally couldn’t care less about, but the good person in you didn’t allow the pleasure of shutting him up. “… Why are you wearing sweatpants by the way? Wee-ooh! Wee-ooh! Dress code violation detected!” He laughed to himself.

You barely even listened to whatever Colin was saying at this point. The hair on your hands started to become more noticeable and you felt the same happening all over your body. You stood up, ignoring the fact, that your shift wasn’t over as well as your very annoying colleague and hurried towards the elevator, leaving behind your belongings. There was no time to think of this.

“I gotta go.”

“Go where?” Colin wondered, as you stomped onwards.

This was incredibly frustrating for him. He heated being ignored, because that was the only way to counter his powers. Now it was more of a challenge, than a need to actually drain you. It was a matter of honour, that Robinson had very little of, but still wanted to protect, so he followed you into the elevator.

“Oops, wrong floor! Didn’t mean that.” He smiled, as he pressed several wrong buttons.

You felt your face flush with annoyance and his eyes briefly flashed bright electric blue. The matter was too urgent for his dumb tricks, so you left the elevator at the next floor and started running down the stairs, because you felt your body slowly starting to expand with muscles and fur. Of course, Colin persisted as well. Turns out, it is way more fun to insensibly break you down and watch you slowly loose your cool.

You ran out onto the street and shouted into the alleyway. Robinson looked at you, scrunched on the pavement. Tossing and turning, as if you were possessed by something ungodly.

“Hey there, friendo… You’re good?” He walked a bit closer.

“Get the fuck away from me, you imbecile!” You cried, before completely turning into a Northwestern wolf, being ready to attack at any moment.

You howled and shook, making it seem like your whole body was in intense pain, trying to retain your human consciousness and stop yourself from tearing Colin to literal shreds. He saw how you aggressively turned your head from side to side and whinged. Usually, he’s not too keen on helping random humans, but this instance felt like a symbiotic relationship.

“Woah… Okay, that was not on my 2024 bingo card.” He chuckled. “Uhm… Did you know, that there is a very rare condition called hypertrichosis - which causes sufferers to grow hair all over their body, including their faces! It's also called werewolf syndrome for obvious reasons.”

His eyes flashed blue again and you felt yourself getting tired. It became a bit easier to suppress that primal urge to attack.

“You know, your kind might have an Ancient Greek origin. There's a very gory myth that Zeus turned King Lycaon into a wolfman as punishment for eating human flesh. In fact, this is where the fancy term for a werewolf comes from - Lycanthrope. From King Lycaon!” Once again, the alley was slightly illuminated by a bright blue light.

You laid down on the pavement, feeling less and less feral. Your consciousness was more present than ever before in this state.

Colin slowly walked over to you and crouched down. “Not looking very good, are you?” He poked you lightly and smiled. You were a bit too tired to react. “So that’s why you’re wearing those ugly sweatpants. Well, it’s nice to know that I’m not the only supernatural creature in the office. You’ve probably guessed what I am by now, right?”

You looked up at his face then nodded slightly. To be honest, you weren’t sure what exactly he was, you just knew that something wasn’t human in any way shape or form.

“Say it… Out loud.” He pronounced dramatically, with strobe lights reflecting in his glasses. “Oh wait, you literally can’t, I forgot. Shit. Anyway, I’m a vampire. An energy vampire to be precise, so it means I’m a day walker. I feast on your life energy by either boring you or annoying you. As you can see, I’m a professional at both.” He grinned with joy.

That definitely made sense for you. And it definitely made sense why he would choose your office as the hunting ground. He crawled even closer to you and started gently petting your fur in steady motion.

“Aw, this feels nice. It’s like petting a dog.” He started to brush you against the grain and his eyes flashed blue again at your irritation. “You know, this is calming. I could get used to doing this once a month.” You looked up at him once again, amazed. He returned your gaze with a shrug. “If you need it I mean, because seeing you fight your own self is kind of pathetic.” He chuckled.

You leaned your head a bit more into his touch and he continued to pet you the proper way. The night was spent in that cold alleyway with Colin slowly putting you to sleep with random babbling. Ironically, one of the most infuriating people you know created one of your most comforting memories.

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Bros, just so you know, I’m a bit behind on schoolwork rn + my drama lessons started so yeah. Fuck college, but I might be a bit slow with posting these days.

I’m currently working on:

Colin Robinson x werewolf!reader oneshot

A choose your own path series for movie vampires

The second one will have like a poll at the end of each chapter to let y’all decide which direction the story will go. I think that will be fun, eh?

Anyways, I’m still open to requests, just taking my time with writing :)

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Kinda want to write a Colin Robinson oneshot, but also feel like I’ll get flamed for liking him lmao

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Vlad, Viago and Deacon as parents [pt. 3]

[part 1] [part 2]

Requested by @italakthoughts (btw, is it pronounced like “eehtalak” or “aytalak”?)

Author’s note: There will be some angst in this part, sorry guys, couldn’t help myself. This is probably the last part of this as headcanons, but I might make a one shot later. Also, I am still open to requests, but I will be a bit slower with posting, bc college is kicking my ass so hard it’s ridiculous.

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All three have their favourite game to play with you.

For Deacon it’s tag. You run around the whole house, climbing walls and ceilings, turning into bats or dogs and always trying to outsmart each other.

With all the excessive energy both of you have, this is literally the perfect activity to get you to fall asleep faster, because your tag is hardcore. A human wouldn’t stand a chance.

With Vlad it’s blind man’s buff. Because of vampire’s heightened sensitivity, this game becomes all the more challenging for the one hiding, because you have to move very smoothly and be completely silent.

Of course, Vladislav still senses where you are, but he likes to give way to you. Your happy smile whenever you win is absolutely worth it.

Viago always goes for hide and seek. At first, you weren’t a very good at it and chose the most obvious hiding places. But with time you improved to the point, where Viago sometimes legitimately wonders if he lost you.

When he can’t find you for way too long, he just gives up and asks you to come out of your hiding place.

You also do a lot of tea parties together.

Just imagine the three of them sitting at a tiny table with toy cups filled with blood.

You usually made up some kind of weird circumstances for the party. For example, you pretend that you’re aristocratic mice, who conquered a cat’s lair and now celebrate your victory with a tea party. Or you are all wives of a wealthy king and you plot his murder to share the power between the four of you.

They really get into their imaginary roles. Though sometimes this can lead to them getting a bit carried away and actually starting a fight over a fictional event.

Nick and Stu often join in as well.

You really like playing with Vlad’s hair, since he has the longest out of the three and that means you can do a lot of funny hairdos. He doesn’t really mind, as long as you’re careful to not rip anything out (it grows back very fast, but it’s still an unpleasant feeling).

Deacon often gives you piggyback rides anywhere and everywhere. You basically use him as a jungle gym and while it sometimes annoys him, he rarely protests.

In winter, Viago always takes you ice skating. Even though you’re a vampire and you can’t catch a cold (or feel cold for that matter), he still insist on you wearing very warm clothes. People might think he’s not taking good care of his kid!

When they go to New York for the vampiric council duties (shoutout to wwdits show), they take you with them. Viago definitely takes you to see a musical. He’s not bailing on that. And it’s probably going to be something incredibly campy. Probably Andrew Lloyd Webber too.

You and Deacon have an absolute blast in the NY subway, scaring random people to death with little to no repercussions or getting into the last car and drinking whoever dared to sit there alone.

Some random blogger accidentally caught you and Vladislav turning into bats in an alleyway of Manhattan on video. So you had to hunt him down and hypnotise his whole audience into forgetting about the existence of that footage. It felt nice to be famous even if only for a bit.

As any flatting situation, these three have a lot of bickering and arguments.

They really try to avoid having any of those arguments in front of you, but sometimes it gets out of control. In those cases, they try to either deflate it or just ask you to leave the room and let them sort this out.

Petty or not, parents’ arguments are not something a child should be watching.

If you ever die from being burnt by sunlight or get killed by a vampire slayer they will be utterly devastated.

Vladislav is probably the best at handling it. He grieves silently by himself, reminiscing about all the fun silly things you’d say and do when he wasn’t in the mood. With time, the sadness numbs. But there is still that gaping emptiness somewhere in his immortal soul.

Viago would never forgive himself. Maybe if he took better care of you, if he paid more attention, if he took more precautions, if he kept a closer eye on you, if he was just by your side at the right time… maybe you’d still be running through the halls of this dusty house…

Deacon is just furious. He’s furious at whatever caused your death and he’s furious at you for being so reckless and getting yourself killed. Why do his closest ones keep leaving him so suddenly?

But that won’t happen obviously, you’re not dumb enough to die twice ;)

Genuinely, your time with them could be considered one of the happiest periods of your life. And if you tell them that, they will feel very proud of themselves.

All three of them really mean well and want to give you the childhood they never had.

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Vladislav’s Fluff alphabet

Original template by @eekshade

Requested by @rthounasty (you’re right, Vlad deserves more love)

Warnings: Occasionally vulgar language

Author’s note: The reader will be human here. The whole fucking edited draft of this got deleted bc of my bad WiFi and I had to redo it… Perks of living in a shit hole ig.

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Admiration. (what do they admire about their S/O)

Vladislav admires the fact, that you see him for what he is. You’re not intimidated by his past or reputation and he doesn’t have to keep up this front around you, because you see him right through and it is such a peculiar feeling to have someone who loves him for him.

Boldness. (how bold are they in regard to their S/O? who confessed first?)

Funnily enough, I feel like you would be the one to confess first. He is a very proud vampire and the thought of a rejection subconsciously scares him way too much to hit it off with you. But after you two are already dating, he’ll be the more bold/initiative one.

Comfort. (how do they comfort their S/O?)

Vlad is very observant. Much more observant than you think. Even if you try to hide it, he always notices when you’re down and starts a conversation with you. Usually on some random unrelated theme, but it slowly gets you to open up and talking about what’s got you so bothered. He’ll just listen and let you get it out of the system.

Dates. (do they prefer going out or staying in? do they prefer fancy or simple?)

Staying in is a more plausible option in Vlad’s eyes, because you get to relax in privacy together. In public, there is still some level of discomfort that might prevent you from being that affectionate together or having deep personal conversations. Usually you go out on the town, if some of your/Vlad’s friends call you along.

Equal. (are they more dominant or passive?)

Once he really gets comfortable within your relationship, he starts taking initiative and mostly volunteers to make the decisions. However, if you have a more persuasive type of character he’ll probably slow down a bit. It is quite refreshing for him to not have any competitiveness in a relationship.

Family. (do they want to start a family?)

I think, that if you don’t initiate this yourself, it wouldn’t be in his plans. Children are quite complicated creatures and he’s not sure, if he’s cut out to handle one, especially considering that the child in question will be from a completely different world, that he struggles to understand. But if you end up raising a child together, he turns out to be more than a decent father figure.

Goofy. (how serious are they when it comes to a relationship?)

Vlad takes your relationship very seriously. He has rather clear intentions on one day making you a vampire and living together forever. But that doesn’t mean he’s constantly dwelling on it. The best part of having a partner is getting to be laid back and genuinely unwind.

Hugs. (how do they hug?)

Two words: bear hugs. He straight up scoops you up and squeezes the last breath out of your lungs in the most affectionate way possible. Sometimes you have to remind him to be gentler, because he legitimately can crush your ribcage (he won’t though, I promise).

Interests. (what Interests do they want to share with their S/O)

You really inspire Vlad to create. He already creates a lot, but after you appeared, his amount of poetry/art done almost doubled. He doesn’t show you everything he makes. Instead he carefully picks out the best works to present. The other “rejects” will forever stay swept under his coffin or tucked away somewhere in a cupboard.

Jealousy. (do they get jealous?)

Vlad can’t help, but sometimes view your friends as potential rivals. These are just intrusive thoughts, that can never leave his head, even though he knows it’s stupid. He never acts on them, to be sure. But just the feeling itself is very unpleasant to him.

Kiss. (how they kiss/favorite place to be kissed, and vise versa.)

Vlad loves neck/shoulder kisses both on the giving and the receiving end. He finds these especially romantic and intimate. To him, the fact that you let him kiss your neck really shows how much you trust Vladislav to not hurt you. Also, I have to mention that Vlad is probably the best kisser ever, since he had a lot of time to practice.

Love Language.

Quality time is definitely Vlad’s main love language. Nothing shows his love and devotion more than just sitting together for hours and talking about anything and everything. Sometimes you don’t even have to talk. Even being together in one room, being close to each other, it means so much to both of you.

Meals. (kitchen dynamics.)

Vladislav doesn’t cook, obviously, but he’s willing to try for you. He might cook something in your kitchen, using some old recipe he found in Viago’s library and it’s probably going to taste absolutely inedible, but it’s the thought that counts, right? But honestly, with time he actually gets really good and can cook a legitimately tasty meal for you.

Nicknames. (what do they call their S/O?)

He is very straightforward in that way, I think. He either just calls you by your actual name or “My Love” / “Dragostea mea”. He might occasionally use some other pet names like “Darling” / “Lubi”. But overall, sticks to the classics.

Openness. (how open are they about their past/emotions with their S/O?)

Vlad takes his time with opening up to you. He slowly shares random snippets of his thoughts and watches how you react to them. When he knows you well enough, he’ll be completely transparent about his present and past experiences/feelings.

PDA.

He is rather hesitant with public affection. To him this sort of stuff is private, not something to be shared with the world. But simple gestures like holding hands or leaning into each other are totally okay with him.

Quarrel. (how they apologize/ how long it takes them to forgive their S/O?)

It all depends on you. Vladislav is a very proud vampire and even if he knows, that he’s in the wrong, it takes him a while to apologise. If you give him time, he will come around to it on his own, but if you confront him about it really speeds up the process. He doesn’t really hold grudges on you for mundane arguments and forgives you easily.

Rules. (boundaries they have.)

No violence. He’s got enough of that in both his normal and romantic life and he’s sick and tired. Vlad just wants something sweet and peaceful for once and having these aggressive outbursts is the exact opposite of his ideal relationship.

Security. (how protective they are of their S/O.)

Vladislav seems to be a bit more on edge when you are around people he doesn’t know. Even if they are your friends, it takes a while to get him to trust them. He remains very vigilant and observant, as if he’s expecting some kind of a catch. This tension disappears after a bit of time spent with the new people.

Time. (how long does it take to fall for their S/О?)

Vladislav is all about slow burn, I think. Only after he truly gets to know you close he starts to develop romantic feelings. It’s the little parts of your personality that are hidden from most people that really make you special to him and Vlad wants to have this personal connection, before a romantic one.

Upset (what things upset them in a relationship?)

He is really upset, if you are afraid of him. Of course, you’re not terrified. Otherwise you two definitely wouldn’t date. But if you flinch when he gets close to your neck or fidget uncomfortably at the sight of his fangs it makes Vladislav so angry about his own nature. He really wishes he could be human sometimes.

Vacation. (what kind of traveler are they with their S/O?)

Vlad is pretty spontaneous with this sort of stuff. One day he may just wake you up and say you’re going to Transylvania with zero explanation. He does prepare himself for travelling somewhere he has never been before, but it’s usually done by reading books with very very very outdated information, so please do your research too. Don’t let him plan the whole thing by himself.

Words. (promises they make to their S/O.)

He promised to keep you safe. Vladislav has lost way too many close people throughout his existence and he’s not about to let you be one of them. The world is full of dangers both for the living and the undead and if he can provide you any sense of security, he will.

Xenial. (how they make you feel welcome/what makes them feel welcome?)

Every time you walk into the room, you are greeted with this signature toothy grin of his, that just can’t not make your heart swell with warmth. Such a small gesture, but really shows Vlad’s true feelings towards you. And when you reach out to hug him anytime he’s close enough to you to do so, it makes him feel like the most important person in the world.

Yearning. (do they miss their S/O easily? what do they do about it?)

He doesn’t look like someone, who gets separation anxiety… but he does get it. He doesn’t like to be away from you for too long, because it makes him feel lonesome. Sure, his flatmates are still there and that is great, but it’s just not the same feeling. He knows it’s not entirely healthy, but what can you do?

Zzz. (sleeping habits/how they cuddle.)

Vladislav likes, when you lay on top of him. He sleeps in a rather straight position, so he’s stable enough to use him as a second mattress and he just enjoys your weight on top of his chest. It calms him to feel your presence so apparently. If you get cold from his body temperature, he first lays a blanket over himself, then you go on top.

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Guys, this might not seem like a lot, but I am genuinely so grateful to all of you, who support this account.

Writing here makes me so happy and it’s a thing that I really can look forward to doing throughout the day.

I hope I am making someone feel as giddy with my word scrambles as I feel myself :)

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I was searching up Romanian pet names for Vlad’s fluff alphabet and I couldn’t stop playing “Dragostea Din Tei” in my head. Like literally, this song won’t shut up in my mind now.

[chitty-chitty-bang-bang-bang]

Vlad, Viago and Deacon as parents headcanons [pt.2]

[Part 1] [Part 3]

Author’s note: I love writing this shit to a very unhealthy degree. I might make a oneshots out of this later. Also does anyone know Deacon’s nationality? Some say Polish, others say German. I’m still not sure.

Also, if some of you want pt. 3, please let me know what scenarios would you want me to explore specifically, because I am running out of ideas a bit…

When you first appeared in the house, Viago found some old suitcase in the attic and proposed that you’ll sleep in it, until they get you an actual casket.

You tried it, but couldn’t really slumber because of the constant nightmares and it was too scary to open the lid, because of the sun.

So you started sharing a coffin with Viago, at least until you felt calmer.

It resulted in him sacrificing a bit of his sleep to your rather constant tossing and turning, but he quickly got used to it.

He sang you German lullabies to put you to sleep or whispered some calming affirmations (you didn’t understand a word, but it was sweet).

He found these moments so precious, that he actually got upset, when you obtained your own coffin and started sleeping separately in the attic.

Since the attic was now technically your room, Vlad, Viago and Deacon decided to help you decorate it to your liking, so you went on the town basically robbing thrift stores and supermarkets by hypnotising the cashiers.

They helped you assemble the random ikea furniture you got, even though neither of you could understand the instructions on the box.

In your free time, you’ll often find yourself hanging around in Vladislav’s room, posing for his portraits. He likes your expressiveness, it really gives his paintings the right look. And so you won’t get bored sitting there for hours, he asks you about your life before you became a vampire.

You also speak a lot of Romanian together, because Vlad wanted you to know another language, so he only communicated to you in Romanian for a while and you unwillingly started to understand it with time.

If you miss your family, he will take you to your childhood home. Of course, you can’t really interact with them anymore, but you can at least watch and it might make you feel a bit better to know they are still living a good life and that they miss you just as much.

At one point all three of them realise, that you would benefit from some friends within your age group. So they take you out to an arcade pretty early in the evening.

Unfortunately, living with ancient vampires kind of killed any chance for your social skills to develop properly, so you ended up scaring a bunch of kids and getting very upset.

To compensate for it, Deacon called you along to watch videos on the laptop, that Stu set up. You accidentally stumbled upon Bill Nye reuploads and binged them together, because you thought he’s the smartest person to ever roam the earth.

All of them have some kind of a default nickname for you. Viago calls you “Mäuschen” (little mouse), Vlad calls you very simply “Child” and to Deacon you are “Rodent”.

Stu and Nick are kind of like uncles/siblings to you. When the three have to leave somewhere, they usually leave them to babysit you. You have a lot of fun together! Since all three of you still remember what it’s like to actually be a living and breathing human, you get to talk more about recent news and events, rather than reminisce about the past.

You are also the only person in the group, who can’t really steal your clothes from victims, since neither of the vampires is very keen on killing children. Mostly, they ask their newfound werewolf friends to pick something up for you during the day or steal it themselves during the night.

Considering you can’t go to a normal school, they decided to teach you at home. Vlad teaches you literacy and art, Viago teaches you sciences and history and Deacon teaches you actually important shit like hypnotising tax collectors, draining the blood of your victims into mason jars and looking cool as fuck.

If you call Viago “dad”, he will be over the goddamn moon. It’s like he accomplished a goal he didn’t even know he set.

If you call Vladislav your dad, for a moment he would almost feel this long forgotten warmth in his chest. It’s like his heart started to beat again.

If you refer to Deacon as “dad”, he will be very startled and confused at first. It’s a weird feeling for him to have someone trust him and depend on him so much. He won’t admit it, but he really loved that emotion.

The more you are around, the more they get into being parental figures.

Tagging people who asked for part two: @italakthoughts and @rthounasty (this is a fire username btw)

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Vlad, Viago and Deacon as parents headcanons

Author’s note: I could make a series out of this maybe. Would you guys be interested in that? Let me know.

Update: Here’s the part two and part three

When Viago found a child, freshly turned into a vampire on the side of the road in the Wellington suburbs, he knew he couldn’t just leave it there. So he did the only natural thing and brought you home.

At first, Vladislav and Deacon protested the idea firmly. A child did not belong in their household. But with enough persuasion from their favourite dandy and your puppy-dog eyes, they unenthusiastically gave in.

In the beginning, all three of them were a bit annoyed by you. As a child, you were very nosy and did a lot of things you shouldn’t, like touching their stuff, accidentally or purposely waking them up too early, making messes and all of that stuff.

But with time you learned to play by their rules and they learned to accept your premature nature.

Viago is the mom. Nobody cares for you more than him. He treats you like his own descendant and nurtures you constantly.

He makes sure you act properly with all due respect and manners.

He teaches you human anatomy and even a thing or two about hunting, though in the first few months he would just kill a victim and bring it to you.

He’s the one you come to talk to about your feelings and concerns, because you trust him to actually listen and understand.

You remind him of himself, when he was young. He had long forgotten that feeling.

Sometimes he can be a bit overbearing with his care and attempts at upbringing, but you have a very close and loving relationship.

Vladislav was the second person to slowly warm up to you.

He loved your infinite curiosity for everything he did. You soaked in knowledge like a sponge.

He read you all of his poetry (aside from the ones, which are obviously inappropriate for kids) and told you stories of his life and death.

Vlad insisted on you learning through experience, so he constantly took you out hunting. Though he was still nearby, to make sure you don’t accidentally come across any vampire slayers or get outed.

You usually come to him for advice on important matters and it flatters him way more than he likes to admit.

You made him wonder what it would’ve been like to have children of his own.

Then there was Deacon.

Your relationship was very complicated at first.

To put it simply, he ignored your existence or just dismissed it, because he was mad that the decision to let you stay here was made against his will.

He didn’t want you here.

But that all changed when you started rambling about how much you loved his knitting projects and asked him to teach you.

He liked teaching you. Not just knitting, but teaching you anything new in general.

Whatever you ask he will always answer with a smart look, even if he doesn’t know the actual answer.

He found hanging out with you much more fun, than it seemed before.

He’s like the fun parent. The one who lets you do things Viago and Vladislav would never allow.

Like jumping off some very high surface and turning into a bad seconds before hitting the ground just for the thrill of it or drinking liquor blood from people outside “Boogie Wonderland”.

He still has a bit of a protective streak, so Deacon never got you into actual real danger.

That doesn’t mean he wasn’t later scolded by the other two vampires for even making you think doing this stuff was okay.

He’s also a surprisingly good empath and always senses when you’re upset about something.

I imagine he’d do the same talk about immortality with you, that he did with Nick.

They guided you through that phase of realisation, that you will be a child for the rest of your undead existence. They helped you through your worst. Even if they weren’t really sure how to, just the fact that they tried their best was enough.

This lifestyle can be miserable and very depressing. But not with them.

With them it is never boring or dull. Even the usual routine can be brightened up by vibrant stories of the past, hobbies, that they can engage you in or a nice night out on the town.

With time, you actually start feeling, like you have a family once again.

A sincere and loving family of bloodthirsty old men.

[chitty-chitty-bang-bang-bang]

Viago’s Fluff alphabet

Original template by @eekshade

Warnings: Occasionally vulgar language

Author’s note: The reader will be human here

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A - Admiration. (what do they admire about their S/O)

Viago is absolutely smitten with the way you research stuff about his heritage, how people lived in Germany during his youth, what were their traditions and so on. Whenever you drop a little Easter egg related to his past, it makes the vampire feel so… human and adequate. It always makes him reminisce about his past, but also appreciate the present with you.

B - Boldness. (how bold are they in regard to their S/O? who confessed first?)

He’s probably the one who confessed first, since he had a lot more relationship experience. But he’s not that bold with you. After all, Viago is a true gentleman and is rather cautious in his advanced. He doesn’t want to go too far too fast and tries to stay within both of your comfort zones.

Comfort. (how do they comfort their S/O?)

Viago picks up on your sadness/bad mood very fast and asks, whether you want to talk about it or not. If you do, he will listen, but most likely not give you a practical solution, because he doesn’t want to accidentally give you a bad advice. He’s not sure if he’s qualified to advise on modern people’s problems. If you don’t want to talk, he will just cuddle and offer to serenade you.

Dates. (do they prefer going out or staying in? do they prefer fancy or simple?)

We all know, that Viago is very extroverted. He loves being out on the town and most of your “official” dates are spent in places like Boogie Wonderland. But you also just spend time together at his or your house, drinking tea/blood, spilling the tea, watching stupid movies or indulging in each other’s hobbies. Sometimes, he would do a whole romantic dinner with candles and rose petals for literally no reason, other than that he can and you deserve it.

Equal. (are they more dominant or passive?)

I think that really depends on your character. He’s not insistent on dominating, so I think he could easily be passive and let you take charge and set the pace of your relationship, but if you’d rather have him be the more persuasive one, he will step in no problem. Again, he’s a dandy, you won’t catch him forcing anything on you.

Family. (do they want to start a family?)

He’s a very “good old fashioned lover boy” type, so he would definitely propose and commit to a relationship. Having children, however, is a whole different aspect of it. You might adopt a child and he’d probably be very happy with the idea, but also kind of awkward, because it would be quite hard to spend time with his human kid, since kids obviously have a very early curfew. He’d worry a lot about not being involved in the child’s life enough.

Goofy. (how serious are they when it comes to a relationship?)

Viago likes to play silly harmless pranks on you. It brightens up your day (night) a bunch and he always gets giddy when you fall for it, so it’s a win-win. He did, however, once turn your spaghetti into worms and you didn’t like that at all. Otherwise, he takes your relationship seriously, but prefers to just have a good time with you. After all, no reason to be uptight here.

Hugs. (how do they hug?)

No matter how much I’d like to say, that Viago has the sweetest, warmest, coziest hugs, let’s face the truth. The man is dead and it’s basically like hugging a huge block of ice. He is soft, yes. Gentle? Very. But cold as shit, so you don’t usually cuddle too long, because your body temperature legitimately starts to drop.

Interests. (what Interests do they want to share with their S/O)

He makes an obscene amount of crappy pottery for you. To the point, where you had to dedicate a whole cupboard solely to his different sculptures, plates, chugs and so on. He invites you to join him in this artistic expression and you find it surprisingly fun and kind of hot, especially, when he puts his hands over yours and you both fuck up whatever you were making.

Jealousy. (do they get jealous?)

He does get a bit jealous from time to time. Mostly about your human friends. He feels like they understand you better, than he does. Whenever he sees you making some inside jokes with them or talking about some novelty that he’s not aware of, he feels like he’s just antique furniture and maybe you like your friends more. He is still a bit afraid that you will leave him for someone mortal, since he already had that experience.

Kiss. (how they kiss/favorite place to be kissed, and vise versa.)

He kisses a lot. He doesn’t need a reason to peck your cheek or the knuckles of your hands. It’s mostly quick little smooches, but when you are alone it can be a whole make out session, that can turn into something more if you two feel like it. He doesn’t kiss your neck, because sometimes it is way too tempting to get a bite, but he loves when you kiss his or even bite it. He finds it a bit funny, but also endearing.

Love Language.

I firmly believe, that Viago’s main love language is acts of service. Dirty clothes? He already took it to the laundry. Forgot your coat? Take his. Feeling sick? He’s already at the pharmacy, just say what you need. Sometimes his care can get a bit overbearing. Like a mother goose.

Meals. (kitchen dynamics.)

Even though Viago doesn’t cook for himself, he still tries to help you out in the kitchen. He chops up vegetables/fruits, preheats the oven, boils water and other little tasks of this kind. In turn, you help him wash the dishes, whenever it’s his turn. In general, you two don’t cross over in the kitchen that often. For obvious reasons.

Nicknames. (what do they call their S/O?)

I think he’s pretty standard with stuff like: “love”, “darling”, “honey”. He would throw in some occasional pet name in German like: “schatz”, “biene”, “lieben” and more. I also like to believe, that if your first language isn’t English, he’ll try to learn some pet names in your native tongue and call you that a lot (probably butcher the pronunciation, but he’s really trying).

Openness. (how open are they about their past/emotions with their S/O?)

It takes him quite a while to get comfortable enough with you to fully open up, but when he does, you’ll probably know everything about him. He’s very talkative and rather good at expressing his inner emotions and talking it out. Viago is just mature like that. He doesn’t want to just constantly info dump you with stories from his past, because he has a lot, so he patiently waits for you to ask or until the topic is similar to something he experienced himself.

PDA.

Viago enjoys PDA immensely. It’s mostly small gestures, like holding hands, giving quick kisses and hugs or running hands through the other’s hair. If you don’t feel comfortable doing this stuff around people he will understand, but still feel a bit disappointed (he won’t show it though)

Quarrel. (how they apologize/ how long it takes them to forgive their S/O?)

You don’t fight that often, but when you do, Viago usually ends up being the first one to apologise, even if he’s not wrong. Sometimes it annoys you a bit and you try to tell him, that he’s not the person who should be apologetic, but he still finds a way to spin it the other way. It’s not that he’s scared of confrontation. He can stand his ground firmly. He just doesn’t like it, especially with you and it doesn’t take him a lot of willpower to just apologise and move on.

Rules. (boundaries they have.)

Viago has only three rules in every single one of his relationships:

1. Be honest. Even if it hurts, bitter truth is better than a sweet lie.

2. Talk it through (as a crew). If there’s something in your relationship that upsets you, don’t bottle up your emotions. Talk about them.

3. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

Security. (how protective they are of their S/O.)

Usually, there are not many reasons for Viago to get protective of you. If you’re around his friends, he knows them well enough to be sure they won’t eat you. If you’re around your friends, he believes that if you choose to spend your time with them, they are good people. However, he is a bit more hyper aware of your friends’ actions around you to make sure they don’t get up to any suspicious activities.

Time. (how long does it take to fall for their S/О?)

Viago falls in love very easily. It can happen for the most random reason ever. He just has this sort of gut feeling that you are right for him, that you two will fit like puzzle pieces. He can’t really explain that sixth sense, but it rarely ever deceives him.

Upset (what things upset them in a relationship?)

He gets really upset whenever either of you don’t have the energy to hang out. A lot of the times for your dates either you have to stay up very late at night or Viago has to delay his slumber to stay awake in the morning. It isn’t really fun to spend time with someone, who is half asleep and he wished you’d have the same sleeping schedule.

Vacation. (what kind of traveler are they with their S/O?)

Traveling with Viago can be… challenging. For obvious reasons. Usually, he would be in the luggage compartment and you’d be with other passengers, so nobody really knows you’re travelling with someone else or why you’re carrying a coffin into the country. He scrupulously plans every single step of your journey and makes sure you get to see all the tourist attractions, that you wanted. Overall, he doesn’t let things go wrong.

Words. (promises they make to their S/O.)

He promised to always love you. No matter mortal or undead, alive or deceased, young or old, healthy or sick. He had sworn to be by your side no matter what, giving you the only thing he can: unconditional love and affection. He doesn’t intend on breaking it anytime soon.

Xenial. (how they make you feel welcome/what makes them feel welcome?)

Viago has a big thing for praise. He loves it, when his efforts are acknowledged and appreciated. That makes him feel on top of the world and it’s especially pleasing, coming from someone like you. He feels like your number one. To make you feel desired and welcome, he texts you very often for no reason. To just check up on your mood or chitchat.

Yearning. (do they miss their S/O easily? what do they do about it?)

I feel like Viago would always have a little trinket, that reminds him of you or oozes your presence. Be it part of your clothes, some sort of gift you gave him or something as simple as your photo. Whenever he starts to miss you (that happens rather frequently), he just holds it close and feels better.

Zzz. (sleeping habits/how they cuddle.)

He really likes cuddling with you in his sleep. If you are okay with taking a nap in his coffin or letting him sleep under your covers in the morning, he will be all over you like a koala on a eucalyptus with both his arms and legs around your body. Unfortunately, in the winter you don’t do that a lot, because I remind you, his body is very cold. But in the summer it’s just what the doctor ordered.

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why is there such a small amount of viago fics 🫠

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“Dream Team, Baby!” (Nandor x reader)

Word count: 1,090

Age restrictions: 16+ (vulgar language)

Tags: Fluff, crack, you determine whether the relationship is platonic or romantic

Synopsis: Nandor and Guillermo decided that local community Basketball practices would be a fun pastime activity. But Nandor becomes way too competitive with the coach.

Author’s note: WRITERS BLOCK IS KILLING ME:_( Had to learn rules of basketball for this one. Please forgive me, actual basketball players.

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The strobe lights illuminated a sterile changing room in the local sports complex of Staten Island. You picked one of the lockers and put away the clothes, that you were planning on changing into after the practice. Once you closed it up, you took your towel, water bottle, whistle and made your way into the hallway, that led to the good old basketball court. It was clean, newly polished and ready to be stomped all over by your students. With your keys, you opened the supply closet and started to prepare for the practice, that would start in fifteen minutes.

You were a coach for the local community sports club. Mostly, your student base consisted of people over 40, who either had a mid-life crisis or had nothing better to do. They didn’t really play well or even try for that matter. On average, they were there to chat and get a little bit of physical activity into their lives and you were okay with that. Ever since you got out of professional basketball, due to really toxic circumstances, you just wanted a calm and simple life.

People started to slowly fill the spacious gym. You greeted every single one by name and smiled as they told you about some mundane shit that happened since the last time you saw each other, which was literally two days ago. To your delight, there were some new younger faces in the community. Two men, who couldn’t look more different from each other, but also strangely completed one another.

“Hello! You’re here for the basketball practice, right? My name is [reader]. I will be your coach.” You shook each of their hands.

“Greetings, [reader]. My name is Nandor. This is my fami-… I mean, totally normal friend Guillermo.” The taller man smiled.

“Nandor and Guillermo. Got it! First name basis is okay?” They nodded. “Right. It’s very nice to have you here today. Now, tell me, do you have any prior experience in basketball?” You went by the standard script.

“I have played some basketball in high school, but… not much after that. I know the rules though.” Guillermo explained.

“Okay, that’s a good start. And you, Nandor?”

“Well, I have had quite the practice over the years, so I would say that I am rather skilled in this sport. Maybe even more skilled than you.” He proudly said.

“That is greaaaat…” You uttered through a very strained smile. You heard this type of comments a lot from people who could barely throw a ball into the hoop. “Let’s hit the court, shall we?”

You’ve collected all the students to stand in the line.

“Okay, everyone, let’s start with a light jog around the court. Two laps, let’s go.” You led people behind you.

The warmup was quite normal. You glanced at the new guys from time to time and they seemed to be keeping up very well with the rest. After some simple stretches you went on to actual practice, doing little obstacle race with the balls to learn control and speed. Your job there was to just make sure everyone’s doing their part, observe and pick up the cones that people occasionally knocked over by accident. You couldn’t help, but notice, that Nandor guy was actually very comfortable with the ball. Maybe he did play a lot, like he said. But you were yet to see him in action.

Finally, the majority of the lesson passed and there was about twenty minutes left for a match.

“Alrighty, guys, gather up here.” They all came over. “We’re going to play now. Liam, Sophie, Joseph, Dylan and Madison, you are team number one. Will, Aiden, Nandor, Guillermo and Val, you are team two. Now, remember, this is just a practise game. Don’t get too competitive. Focus on your techniques.” People nodded and mumbled in affirmation. “Good. Let’s put you in your places.”

Once you’ve briefly ran through the main positions for the newbies, you let them play, to see how they do. Surprisingly, that Nandor guy was actually good. Very good even. You could tell he actually practiced basketball before. Guillermo was also doing unexpectedly well. Although, you realised your mistake of putting the only two good players on the same team. Obviously, team number two absolutely crushed the other one, but thankfully, nobody was really upset about it. You were happy that people accepted both newbies so quickly. They complemented each other’s games and you concluded the lesson.

Finally, working hours are over! You were already heading for the changing room, when someone tapped your shoulder. You turned to discover it was in fact Nandor.

“Hello?” You smiled.

“Greetings, [reader]. I would like to play a game with you one on one.”

Not this shit again. “Oh, I’m sorry, I really have to get home. I’m babysitting my niece this evening and-.”

“Okay, let’s try another way.” He looked right into your eyes. “You will submit to my dark power… and play basketball with me.”

“I-… Okay… Yeah, okay. Sure. Let’s do it.” For some reason you changed your mind rather quickly and returned to the court, taking a ball out of the bin on the way.

You stood on one side of the mid-court line and he stood on the other, both of you getting heated with sheer competitiveness. And so, it was on. You were stepping on each other’s heels. He scored, then you did and it was always a tie. That is, until you saw through his tactics and started to score way more, which definitely infuriated Nandor and he started to play even harder. Suddenly, a voice broke out:

“Master! There you are! We really have to go now.” Guillermo came to the court and both stopped playing for a second.

“Guillermo, I will leave, when I find that it is time to leave.” Nandor protested.

“But you have the council duties remember? It’s an important hearing today.”

“You’re on the city council?” You looked at Nandor, because to you he seemed like the last person to be a part of it.

“No, I’m on the vampi- I mean, yes. Yes, city council. My favourite.” He nodded.

“Master, Nadja will execute us, if we don’t show up on time…” Guillermo mumbled.

“I’m not scared of her!… Fine, we will leave now.” He turned to look at you. “But it’s not the end, [reader]. You will suffer defeat. Next week.”

Both men left, bickering quietly with each other.

It was true though, Nandor started to challenge you after every practice.

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“Dress to Impress” (Deacon x reader)

Word count: 1, 274 words

Age restrictions: 16+ (vulgar language)

Tags: Fluff, crack, you determine whether the relationship is platonic or romantic

Synopsis: You’re having a party planned for the New Year’s Eve, so your undead friend decided to offer his helping hand in picking a presentable outfit.

Author’s note: Yes, I named it after a Roblox game. No, I’m not twelve years old.

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Ever since you heard about your coworker throwing a New Year’s Eve party and inviting you over, it hadn’t left your mind. You just started working at this company at the end of November and you felt a bit awkward, because of the lack of friends and connections. So this was a perfect opportunity to make a good impression on your new colleagues and be the social butterfly you hoped you’d be someday.

Today was the day. 31st of December, almost 7pm. You still had plenty of time to get your shit together, since the even started at nine and the venue was at a walking distance from your apartment. You dug through your full closet, trying to find that one outfit, that would blow everyone away in a matter of seconds. Something classy, but not pretentious. Something to show personality without making you look like a weirdo. Something to be eye-catching without it seeming like you’re trying too hard.

Finally, it presented itself. Falling from the top shelf and landing right onto your head was a beautiful gift from destiny. It was your old blazer with dress-pants, that you wore to a friend’s wedding. Pair this up with any top you want and you’ll look like you pay your taxes on time. Perfectly styled for a responsible office worker.

You put it on, messed a bit with your hair, until you could finally say you tolerated that person in the mirror and was about to start cleaning the mess of unworn clothes that you made, but the sound of a bat squeaking outside of your window stopped you. Seems like your dear friend came again and waited to be invited inside.

You met Deacon about two years ago, when you worked as a shopping assistant in a thrift store. It was almost the end of your shift, when some guy in a vampire costume knocked on the door of the shop and asked to be invited in. You thought this was a bit and found it rather funny, so you invited him in, without questioning. He entered and navigated his way to an oversized leather jacket with furry collar.

He put it on and turned to you: “How does it fit?”

“There’s a mirror right over there.” His question threw you off a bit.

“I need your opinion.” He rotated 360 degrees in front of you. You found it just as amusing, as you did confusing.

“It fits nicely. I think it suits your aesthetic rather well. But…” You thought out loud.

“But?” He was getting a bit impatient.

“But maybe you shouldn’t button it all the way up? Like leave it a little loose at the top. Makes it look hot.” You mentally facepalmed and quickly added. “With all due respect.”

He followed your advice, buttoning it down and fixing the collars a bit. He proceeded to do another spin. “Better now?”

“Oh, yes. You look very good.” You smiled.

“Good. Thank you…” He squinted his eyes at your name tag. “[reader].”

“You’re welcome…”

“Deacon.” He said.

“Deacon.” You mentally noted his name, just in case he comes back. Customers liked it, when you remembered their names.

After this brief interaction your late customer simply headed for the door, without regards for the simple rules or retail. Which is paying for the item, that he currently had on. You cleared your throat to get his attention. “You didn’t pay.”

He waved his palm at your face and said: “I don’t need to pay for this jacket.” Then left the store.

You weren’t paid enough to care and your negligence towards your own job turned out to worth it! Because he returned the next night… and the night after… and the night after the night after. So now, despite losing your job for letting a robbery happen at least 12 times, you had a cool vampire friend, who continued to visit you almost nightly, even after you stopped working in the thrift store.

“Please, come in.” You told him and the bat flew in through the window, turning into a hundred and something year old vampire on your couch.

“What in the world do you have on?” He looked you up and down.

“My Saturday Night’s best.” You chuckled.

“Where are you going?”

“I should remind you, it’s usually more proper to greet a person, before starting an interrogation, but I am going to a very important party tonight.” You sat in the armchair.

“In that?”

“Yeah, why?”

Despite your confusion, he examined your clothes again and looked away. “Nothing.”

“Come on, spit it out. What’s wrong?”

“I have never seen anything more bland than this. It’s not how you usually dress.” He finally gave in.

“How I usually dress is not suitable for a colleague’s get-together.” You looked at your clothes on the floor. “If I put on something like this…” You picked up a brown pair of pants with fake human and animal teeth sawn into them. “It wouldn’t make a good impression. I want to look approachable. Not like a manic psychopath with evident violent tendencies.”

“But now you look like what Nick probably dressed like, before he stole my style.” He huffed.

“No need to attack me like that.” You playfully scoffed. “Look, it’s my favourite colour. Already showing some personality, huh? A good conversation starter, I say.”

“If you’re planning on being this boring the whole time, I am leaving.” Deacon pointed at the window.

“Okay, fine… What do you suggest?” You almost felt, like a movie montage of you trying out clothes with Deacon would start, but unfortunately it didn’t.

He stood up and started searching through the stuff you had lying on the floor. Whenever he found something that looked presentable, he threw it on the couch. Soon enough, there was a full set of clothes. A velvet jumpsuit, a turtleneck and a belt with chains, because it’s fun. “And you’ll take my coat.” He added.

“Won’t you be cold? It’s like zero degrees outside.”

“I’m a vampire. I’ll be fine.” He insisted.

You looked at the clock. Still an hour left. Naturally, you took the clothes and changed in the next room. You returned into the room like a model doing a catwalk. After spinning around you stopped.

“I don’t know… What if everyone else will come in black tie and I’ll be there like this?” You gestured at your new attire.

“Then you’ll be showing personality.” That made you smile and gave you the last bit of confidence you needed to wing the night.

You spent a bunch of time just hanging around in your apartment, while you cleaned up the mess that inevitably occurred whenever Deacon showed up for some reason. You got caught up in talking to the point of completely losing track of time.

“Shit, I’m running late!” You scurried from the couch. “Can you, like… fly me there? It’s about to start in two minutes.” You begged with the expression of a kicked puppy.

“Fine, come on.” You got onto the fire escape outside of your window and he floated you to your friend’s house, avoiding any curious bystanders.

“Thank you so much!” You exclaimed and quickly gave him a warm hug, before running up the stairs to your coworker’s apartment, leaving Deacon to stare at you from behind.

Turned out, that this wasn’t exactly a ‘party’ in the traditional sense of the word, that you thought of. It was more of a casual evening. Everyone was dressed down, the same way you’d come to a close friend’s house. Everyone, except for you.

Well, at least you showed plenty of personality ;)

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Guys, I beg you, give me some requests

My creative well is drier than the Sahara😭

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Hey there! You can call me Kip. I am a beginner fic-writer! Here are some of my works:

Masterlist!

If you’d like to request something, first check the request status in my bio! If it’s open, then there are some rules :)

1. This is a “What We Do in the Shadows” writing blog

Please, request only WWDITS characters

2. I will not write NSFW/SMUT

Please do not request this, I am deeply uncomfortable and I will, unfortunately, ignore your request.

3. I will not write character x character

Trust me, I’m horrible at it, you don’t even want to see it.

4. I will not write OC x character

I don’t know your character well enough to write about them. Again, I will ignore your request.

5. I’m only writing gn!reader

Please, don’t request gendered reader.

6. I will NOT write incest, adult x minor, etc.

I’m sad I even have to say this, but you will get instantly blocked. I WILL, however, write adult x minor, if it is a parent/child relationship only.

If you want to just chat, feel free to do so! But don’t ask anything identifying/flirt. You will get blocked.

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Masterlist!

Oneshots:

“Corpse Groom” (Viago x reader)

“Dress to Impress” (Deacon x reader)

“Dream Team, Baby!” (Nandor x reader)

Headcanons:

Viago’s Fluff Alphabet! (Viago x human! reader)

Vladislav’s Fluff Alphabet! (Vladislav x human! reader)

Series:

Vlad, Viago and Deacon as parents headcanons [pt. 1] [pt. 2] [pt. 3]

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“Corpse Groom” (Viago x reader)

Word Count: 1,128 words (sorry that it’s short)

Age restriction: 16+ (improper language)

Tags: angst, hurt/no comfort, a bit of crack (?).

Synopsis: You are paying the toll, for your reckless handling of your relationship with Viago

Author’s note: This is my first fic, so I’m open to constructive criticism! I might make a part two, where I either mend the relationship or write even more angst, so please, choose in the comments what you’d want to see more.

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“Why am I here again?” You said, as two of your boyfriend’s roommates led you up the creaking stairs of their house.

“Silence, mortal.” Vladislav hissed out.

“You know my name, don’t call me ‘mortal’. That’s like if I called you just ‘undead’.” You followed them into a room that you hadn’t seen previously. It had crimson wallpapers with golden ornaments all over them and four portraits of the house residents: Viago, Vlad, Deacon and Petyr.

“We have no more respect for you, mortal. Not after your terrible crime. Sit down.” He pointed at the armchair, that was the only piece of furniture in the room, aside from a wooden podium, like one you’d use at debates.

“Seriously, guys, I don’t think we should be-“ You started, but got cut off.

“Silence!” Deacon yelled, already getting heated. “Let us begin the hearing.”

“The mortal, [full name]-“

“How do you know my full name?”

“Doesn’t matter. You are summoned here, by the vampiric council of Wellington, for crimes against our roommate Viago Von Dorna Schmarten Scheden Heimburg. You are accused of breaking his cold dead heart.” Vlad said in all seriousness. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

There was a long pause, as you collected your thoughts. It was hard to focus, when you are stared down by two very angry vampires. For the first time in a while, you felt unsafe with Viago’s friends.

“I have to say… that my and Viago’s personal life is not your concern. We can work with our own relationship, without outside… ‘help’.” You let out hesitantly.

“So, you’re not denying the allegations?” Deacon gripped the edges of the wooden podium.

“What I’m saying is you should stay out of our business. I don’t think Viago would like it either.”

“We can’t stay out of this. Thanks to you, our eternity is now more miserable than usual. You know how annoying it is to live in a house with a mopey vampire? It’s no joke, you’ve made all of us suffer and now, we will pay you back.” The Romanian man took a menacing step forward, making you lean a bit more into the chair.

“For your crimes against our peaceful domestic environment, you are…” Deacon took a dramatic pause. “Banished from our house and you cannot see or talk to Viago for the next hundred years!” He didn’t have a judge’s hammer, so he just put his fist on the platform instead.

“I’m sorry, what?” Your eyes widened. “In a hundred years I’ll be dead!”

“You don’t know that for sure.” Vlad shrugged.

“There’s no fucking way I’m living ‘till 132.”

“Even better.” Deacon stated. “Case closed. Shoo, human! Shoo!”

“What if I don’t?”

Both vampires started hissing loudly showing off the razor sharp fangs.

“Okay, got it…” You stood up and quickly left the house, mentally scolding your own cowardice.

‘Did it really affect him that much?’ You thought, as memories of your last interaction with Viago flooded back in.

Two weeks ago… Second of March…

You laid on the couch in pyjamas, with your arms tightly wrapped around a certain vampire, who was dressed in your shirt and pyjama pants. It was pretty late, around midnight, and you felt herself starting to drift into sleep, especially since the movie you guys were watching was boring as hell. Fucking “Mamma Mia!”. Though, Viago seemed to be highly invested in the plot, until he felt your grip on him gradually loosen.

“Lieben, you’re asleep?” He asked quietly, so that if you’re actually sleeping, he wouldn’t wake you up.

“Not yet…” You yawned and nuzzled your head into the crook of his neck.

“If you want to sleep, I can go. You have work tomorrow, right?” He turned around to face you.

“No, no… it’s okay. Let’s finish watching the movie.” You rubbed your eyes and tried to be more present.

“Okay.” He smiled and gladly turned back to the screen. ‘Take a chance on me! That's all I ask of you, honey’ sounded from the speakers of the old TV. “Soon we’ll get married like Sophie and Sky. I’ll turn you and we’ll have the whole eternity just for the two of us.” He whispered over the music.

“Oh… really?” Shit, you didn’t mean it to sound so offensive. Sleepiness was taking a toll on your sense of tact.

“Don’t you want to?” Viago turned to look at you, frankly surprised.

You really wanted to lie. You really wanted to tell him, that you’ll gladly marry him and spend the rest of your long ass existence together, but… you couldn’t. That’s not who you were and leading him on would be cruel. It was the time to break the news.

“Viago, I really love you, but… The prospect of eternal life doesn’t really amuse me. I don’t want to be turned into a vampire…”

He fidgeted nervously. “Oh… That’s… That’s okay. You don’t have to be turned into a vampire to marry me. We can still live the way we do…”

“And how would that work? I mean, I would grow old and frail and morbid. I’ll start forgetting things and… deteriorate. Would you really want to see that? Because I wouldn’t want to be like this in front of you. You, who will remain just as young and beautiful as you are now…”

Suddenly, nobody was paying attention to ABBA anymore.

“Then why are you with me?…” He wondered out loud. “Will you just be with me for a while, then leave to find someone human?”

Viago’s brows furrowed in a grimace of panic and discomfort as he fidgeted with the collar of your pyjama shirt on his neck.

“No! No… I-I… I don’t know. I was hoping I’ll figure out where we’re going with this, but I just found myself burying those thoughts so deep in me, that I stopped thinking about it at all. I want to be in the present. I want to be with you right here and right now, not in the future… I-… Please tell me you understand.” You gently cupped his hands in yours, tracing circles into them.

Once again, Viago learned the hard way, that humans belong with other humans. Not with him. He was suffocating you, taking away your precious time that you have so little of. The time, that you’d better spend on someone else. This led nowhere. He had to let you go.

He looked down at your hands and choked out a quiet: “I understand.” before turning into a bat and flying out the window, without even returning your clothes.

The same clothes you now saw lying torn up in the garden, outside Viago’s window, that was closed with embroidered curtains. You sighed heavily.

What a mess…