#this is a good start to my resolution of sharing my brain words with more people.

[laurasilvasmith]

Emoji movie rewrite

Movie starts with a heart being drawn in a piece of paper. The pen falters before the heart is fully drawn, so it's almost like a crooked M.

This little heart animates and opens its eyes.

This BIC pen paper heart finds itself in a place not unlike the movie Soul (2020)'s zone plane. As in, it's a place where its characters interact with each other but are also active in other things.

The characters are emojis. Yes. But every emoji. I'm talking 😃 emojis and :D emojis, :-) emojis, and even the cute Japanese (⋋°̧̧̧ω°̧̧̧⋌) emojis.

The human face emojis are there, the full bodied ones, the hand emojis will high-five the prosthetic arm emoji at one point of the movie.

There's no separation of emojis by what message/emotion their technically supposed to transmit. They just make a face in the zone and their job is done.

The heart emoji also changes colors frequently.

Every symbol that ever was to transmit a thought exists in this universe.

Our protagonist M-heart walks around confused because they can't enter the zone. Very quickly a full cast of characters jump in to find out who this newcomer is and are happy to help them on their quest to find meaning.

I'm not sure the order of who they meet, but I think the full-body emojis would be fun just to get a tango dance scene from these two in 4k 💃🏻🕺🏻

The multi-colored heart emoji would bring a moment of "I'm almost like you, but not like you at all."

There is no villain. The fun will be meeting colorful new characters who represent the joy of EXPRESSION and OPEN COMMUNICATION. How wonderful it is be seen and heard for exactly who you are. Which is why this quest is so important for M, and becomes more urgent as they lose hope of ever being able to reach that joy.

Eventually they travel to places with the bigger "emojis". These don't need dialogue, but Words, Emails, Hand-written letters and Books sort of fly up in the sky. They come across mute giants painted in cave walls that inspire M to persevere, because just by existing it means that they already are filling some innate purpose.

The climax is M's fight for existence. The "real world" Person A starts scrunching up the paper with the heart and flings it to the trash.

M's push against it is what makes the paper bounce off the trash and tumble at the feet of Person B, who picks it up and unfurls it. Then smiles at Person A. Bam. Connection.

Cuts back to M, finally floating in the zone. Like the Beast's transformation.

Movie ends with them floating back down, looking more solid and happy. And being cheered and celebrated by all their new friends.

Dance party a la Shrek ensues while the credits role.

[pshbites]

LOVE ON AiR: 16. YAP CENTRAL EP.136: did social media ruin relationships?

WARNiNGS » profanity, mentions of d wording, sexual jokes, crying, ynhoon teasing, yn never being safe

wc: 3.1k

episode desc - enjoy your stay today in yap central! as we’ve done the whole cycle, todays episode is a deeper one! we open up with a positive impact we’ve seen on each other. then we go right in with how our presence on social media has affected our relationships. following that up we keep the theme of the deeper episode and go over the influence social media has on us and how we view ourselves. we end the episode off by saying one thing we’ve noticed about one another as we’ve grown and how we think it affects the friendship. the episode ends off on a bittersweet note but we hope you enjoyed your stay today in yap central!

*the 6 of you are seated in your assigned seats. jungwon adjusts the soundboard and riki tests the mic out, then giving him a thumbs up. sunoo sets his mic up a little closer to pick up his audio and looks to the camera, setting his phone down*

sunoo: it’s been so long since we sat in here

giselle: i know like two weeks right?

yn: i think almost three *you say, adjusting your outfit as well as your seating position. riki scoots over so you have more room.*

jungwon: i mean it counts as like a summer break since we didn’t really take one.

kat: good point. you know guys do you guys remember those um fuck what were they called

riki: it would help if you gave a description

kat: shut up im thinking

*the rest of you stare at kat in silence until jungwon breaks the silence to laugh, the rest of you following suit*

jungwon: im sorry it’s just what could it be that has you thinking that long

giselle: she’s using everything in that little brain come on now!

*giselles comment makes the rest of you laugh even harder, kat laughing as well*

kat: i can’t even think of it nevermind

yn: it’s okay babe you’ll find it later.

riki: i have to say these costumes are amazing actually. might be my favorite theme

giselle: you know riki you’ve been hating a lot less recently.

jungwon: i was gonna say that too, he’s a bit nicer

riki: what can i say, finally holding my deal for the new year’s resolution

yn: watch now that we said this he’s gonna be doing some fucked up shit by the time the episode comes out

*a text box pops up on the screen saying “he in fact did do some fucked up shit during the editing process of the episode - jungwon” then disappears after a couple seconds.*

riki: you have no faith in me

yn: simply stating the facts

jungwon: you guys ready for me to sign in?

kat: go for it man *she nods at jungwon who smiles back. jungwon adjusts himself and looks to the camera*

jungwon: beep beep! you’ve arrived in yap central i am your host today, jungwon or aang. starting from my far left we have.

kat: toph

riki: zuko

yn: katara!

giselle: azula

sunoo: appa!! *he shows off his fuzzy appa bucket hat, earning a smile from all of you*

yn: sunoo i love you please don’t die

*sunoo looks at you in horror as the others burst out laughing*

jungwon: anyways.. *nervous laugh* the cycle is complete so today is a deep episode!

giselle: oh my god last time i literally bawled on my way home

kat: won you always pick the most brutal questions

sunoo: i cannot believe you asked us if the younger versions of ourselves would like the us now. like that is so ugh

riki: look at the way he’s smiling i think it’s something torturing again

*jungwon grins evilly at everyone making the rest of you groan in both discomfort and agony.*

jungwon: starting with my first question! what is a positive impact you have noticed on each of us. let’s start with sunoo. you guys don’t have to go one at a time just build it up.

sunoo: okay well.. lay it on me. *he looks to the rest of you, nervously, then shocked at who speaks up first*

riki: you laugh a lot more

*giselles eyes widened as riki spoke, the rest of you sharing the same reaction. everyone stayed quiet so riki could talk.*

riki: like when we were in highschool you always seemed to be bothered, or like you just never really were happy. and i think when we started doing this and you started tiktok you’ve been a lot happier

yn: i was honestly gonna say the same thing. you seem happier when we go out sunoo, like you want to be there.

sunoo: i feel a lot happier, honestly it sounds stupid but doing this with you guys does make me really happy.

kat: i agree. i mean i really wouldn’t trade it for anything.

giselle: awww look at us having our moment!

*both you and sunoo giggle at giselles comment, jungwon nodding to giselle, signaling she’s next*

kat: giselle, you don’t really care what people have to say about you anymore.

jungwon: ahhhh i was gonna say that

kat: like you seem so much more confident now than you did before.

giselle: when though? because i feel like i just started feeling like this overnight.

yn: if i were to pinpoint a time frame id say when you broke up with [BLEEP]

sunoo: no i COMPLETELY agree, like there’s a brightness to you now.

giselle: aw thank you guys *she pouted then smiled*

jungwon: guys please be nice to me.

riki: you’ve always been a natural born leader. i just think you’ve always been positive.

yn: i agree but there’s like a glow to him now

kat: oh my god are you pregnant?

*everyone looks at kat then bursts out laughing. some of you stop but jungwon and giselle can’t stop laughing.*

sunoo: oh my god it has something to do with who gave you that bracelet

jungwon: sunoo seriously *his cheeks turn pink, hand now covering the friendship bracelet*

giselle: oooo who made it for you?

jungwon: it was a mutual swap

yn: mutual swap.. or she gave you that wap?

*the others start laughing again, jungwon as well. riki daps you up*

riki: that was a bar

jungwon: i’m not admitting anything.. on camera.

everyone: OOOOOOOO

jungwon: next! go flame yn!!

yn: not fair, we weren’t even done with you

jungwon: don’t care, you’re not as closed off as you used to be

riki: oh my god yeah, when we were kids you were so shy

yn: really? i feel like im still in my little shell

kat: no i get what they mean. i mean even when i met you, you were really shy.

yn: thank you?

riki: i think jungwon means it in the way that you’re more open to meeting others now. like you enjoy being a people person

yn: ahhh, i see now. i guess the podcast really helped with that. like seeing people say how they enjoy my little bits and just things like that. it sounds conceited but it almost made me feel like people actually valued me? you know.

giselle: i get it, it doesn’t sound conceited babe

yn: okay i don’t like this much attention

giselle: this sounds weird to say but riki has gotten nicer atleast to us

kat: yeah i see

riki: die

sunoo: glad to know you haven’t changed..

jungwon: guess someone doesn’t wanna open up today

riki: oh would you look at that! it’s kats turn!!

yn: i think kats tells us a lot more now. like before you never really told us anything about yourself.

kat: i just have trust issues, it was nothing personal.

giselle: it’s true it took her so long to open up to me

riki: i honestly think the podcast brought out the best in us. surprisingly enough

jungwon: i see what you mean. maybe another way to put it is that we realized how much closer the camera brought us

giselle: or this friendship is just a ploy for jungwon to make more money off of us

*everyone laughs*

sunoo: we’re such coworkers

yn: heard it here first!! giselle hates her friends

giselle: can you stop with that *laughs*

yn: oh i’ll drag it through the mud

giselle: then i’ll drag yn[BLEEP] through the mud

*everyone laughs even harder now, you side eyeing giselle.*

sunoo: she kinda got you there

yn: let’s move on?

jungwon: speaking of relationships. *you glare jungwon down as he chuckles a little, looking at his phone once more.* how do you guys think social media affected your relationships and how do you think social media just influences how you view yourself. you can answer it in any order.

sunoo: i feel like having a presence on social media just makes having a relationship so much harder.

giselle: it kinda does, like people just expect for you to lay out your entire lives on social media.

jungwon: i think it depends on what kind of person you’re with, it’s almost like that person has to be up to your fans standards you know.

yn: i think there’s some people who can be normal about it but at the same time you have to be okay with everyone knowing everything about you.

kat: yeah but then it just shows that people online think that we don’t deserve privacy. it’s fucked up like they’re borderline stalking us you know?

*riki glanced at you as kat spoke, noticing how you stiffened at the word stalking*

riki: a lot of people aren’t okay online, it’s weird. like being so obsessed with someone to the point of finding out their personal information

giselle: if that ever happened to any of us i really don’t know what i would do.

jungwon: i think i honestly would try to sue you know. you have to be a certain level of fucked to do something like that.

yn: yeah, i agree it’s so weird.

kat: i kinda don’t wanna sound like a pick me

riki: just say it, you won’t sound like one.

kat: it’s so much harder being a girl with a social media presence.

sunoo: the fact that you had to hesitate to even say that says everything

jungwon: i really don’t get it either, like i’ve seen both women and men do the same things online and sometimes the guy is worse than the girl and yet it’s always the girl getting attacked and harassed.

giselle: i think it’s because people just view girls as easy targets almost. like a girl could do something completely normal and the internet would spin it to make her a villain

yn: it’s disgusting really, no one really ever really wants to side with a girl.

jungwon: do the comments still get you guys? i mean i know it was really bad in the beginning

kat: actually no i remember when it got bad. it got bad that episode where [BLEEP]

*jungwon and giselle glance at each other then start laughing*

giselle: remind me to edit that out.

yn: honestly no, the comments don’t bother as much anymore. after a while i realized that they’re just saying this because they have nothing else to talk about so i just stopped looking.

kat: i agree, it gets better when you just stop reading the comments all together.

riki: god please take periods away from women and give it all to me.

*you and kat give riki a look then burst out laughing, sunoo jungwon and giselle following that.*

sunoo: can’t stay serious for a second

riki: i would never joke about women in pain

*jungwon and kat keep laughing as riki goes on, unable to take him seriously*

yn: going back to the original question i just think it’s hard, like seeing people overstep a boundary or intrude on your life and just be okay with it

sunoo: and people just say oh well you asked for this um? no i didn’t actually i just wanted post skincare videos

*jungwon snorts, causing a chain reaction for everyone else to laugh*

kat: im glad we haven’t cried in this episode yet.

giselle: oh my god don’t jinx it he still has two more questions

jungwon: you might cry at this next one *kat sends a look to jungwon and he gives her an evil smile* my next question is what changes have we seen in one another as we’ve grown up together. it can be good or bad.

riki: jungwons lost it this is so similar to the first question

yn: i feel like he means overall

jungwon: thank you! atleast someon listens to me

yn: *you look around shocked and confused* oh my god.. did you guys hear that? was that a ghost?

*jungwon stares at you as everyone else laughs at your joke*

sunoo: so are we gonna go around in a circle?

jungwon: no how about.. the person sitting across from you. like riki sits across from giselle so they can say it about each other

kat: wait i wanna start

sunoo: this is too much pressure

kat: *she stares at sunoo and smiles warmly* sunoo i admire your love for us. like i don’t know you always support all of us no matter what and i feel like as we’ve grown closer you just have so much love to give

giselle: that’s so adorable

riki: sunoo i love your videos please don’t die

sunoo: STOP WITH THAT JOKE *he turns to look at kat* thank you kat i love you. i have to say sometimes i feel like you don’t tell us everything but it’s okay, just because we’re your friends doesn’t mean we have to know everything about you. i just want you to know that we’ll always listen no matter what.

*kat stares at sunoo as he smiles at her, then looks down when she feels tears welling up in her eyes. riki looks at giselle and jungwon panicked as they pass him the box of tissues.*

yn: aw babe *you frown looking at her as she lifts her head up to see tears streaming down her cheeks*

sunoo: wait i didn’t mean to make you cry

kat: it’s okay i jinxed myself

*everyone laughs slightly, still worried about her. sunoo moves his mic and gets up to hug kat. they stay like that for a few seconds until he lets go, patting her head. he says something but the mic can’t pick it up then walks back to his seat.*

kat: it’s not that i don’t want there was just a time where i felt like no one really care you know?

jungwon: you’re not obligated to tell us everything, but we care more than you think even if we have weird ways of showing it. *he glares at riki who only throws his hands up*

*the rest of you laugh at riki’s reaction and even kat lets out a chuckle after wiping her tears*

kat: to the viewers watching.. this never happened i am mysterious and batman doesn’t cry

giselle: nurse.. she’s out again

riki: okay giselle! lay it on me! *claps his hands together*

giselle: you use being mean as a cover up you actually care a lot about what people think but you use being rude or mean as a shield.

*sunoo gasps, the rest of you stare in silence because giselle is 100% right*

riki: okay cut the cameras

jungwon: i mean she’s not wrong

riki: if you wanted me to cry it’s not gonna happen

giselle: i know

riki: i hate you guys

sunoo: yeah sure you do

riki: well, since you want a taste of your own medicine *riki clears his throat* you shouldn’t get into another relationship, atleast until you evaluate how you act during them.

giselle: excuse me?

jungwon: weird ass time to admit your feelings

riki: you’re a weirdo that’s not how i meant it

yn: well then how did you mean it

kat: i’m curious

riki: every time i've seen you get into a relationship you just stop acting like yourself. you’re less confident and it’s almost as if you change yourself to please the guy you’re with. I just don’t like seeing any of my friends like that.

*all of you stare in silence at giselle, the air feeling heavy as she pushes her mic away and mumbles something to jungwon then ups and leaves.*

yn: um. is she okay?

jungwon: she needs a second

riki: was it something i said?

jungwon: it’ll be okay, she just said she needs a second.

sunoo: she’ll be okay guys, let’s move on yeah?

yn: okay well.. jungwon i think you bottle a lot of things up, intentional or not.

jungwon: *he sighs, crossing his arms* it’s not intentional i just think you guys have too many worries on your own plates to worry about mine.

kat: even if we have a lot going on that’ll never stop us from wanting to know what’s going on won

jungwon: i know i guess it’s just hard? to admit i need help?

sunoo: there’s never anything wrong with that

jungwon: thanks guys

riki: yeah yeah

jungwon: okay yn, im glad you like yourself more

kat: um

riki: wow!

sunoo: that is certainly a statement

yn: excuse me??

jungwon: no i worded that terribly

*the 5 of you burst out laughing at jungwons poor word choice. within this time giselle walks back in, closing the door slightly. the mics can’t pick it up but riki mouths “im sorry” to her. causing her to shake her head and smile. “it’s good” she mouths back making him smile back.*

jungwon: what i mean to say is that you’re more confident now. not just about yourself but your videos too. i’m glad to see this change in you

yn: thank you won, it means a lot

jungwon: of course

giselle: well this was certainly an episode

yn: one of us always ends up crying

sunoo: that sadist probably likes it too

jungwon: woah? the term isn’t sadist

*the rest of you laugh*

sunoo: let’s have a group hug! everyone up on your feet

*sunoo stands up, kat and giselle following suit. you and jungwon stand up and riki groans, then reluctantly stands up. the 6 of you huddle around one another and go for a group hug. the mics can’t pick up your voices but the recording has slight shuffling and giggles from you 6. after a couple seconds you pull apart and sit back down in your respective seats.*

giselle: i love you guys

kat: me too

sunoo: me three

jungwon: me four

yn: me five

*everyone looks at riki who only rolls his eyes*

riki: me six..

jungwon: well guys hope you enjoyed your stay in yap central we hope you didn’t cry too much. i have been your host jungwon and please make sure to check out our links in this description and like, share, subscribe, and comment! till next time!!

previous masterlist next

AUTHORS NOTE » lol UMMMMMMM sorry guys i didnt realize how long it had been without an update WE ARE SO BACK THO

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[procyonloser]

Adamsapple mini ~space~ au that maybe I'll adapt into an actual fic after I'm done with eve of Adam.

Read more below the cut

Klaxons were blaring and the ship was painted in flashes of red and blue. His soldiers were running around like headless fucking chickens, trying to contain the fires and the leaks before they got out of hand, but bodies lay on the ground and they were drifting on no life support.

"Sir!?" His first officer screamed, holding her bleeding arm. Her eyes were wide in fear, fury, and a resolution that was quickly leaving him. But, they still shared a similar need for revenge.

They were outgunned. The traitors and outcasts had won, the scum of the fucking galaxy. Disgusting hybrids and freaks.

And the worst of all of them...

Adam stumbled to the front of his ship, stepping over the body of his navigator. He'd not live much longer, a piece of metal had gone straight through him in the last barrage. Lucifer's lead ship, the Morning Star, stayed locked onto them. He'd gotten a few good hits in on Charlie's ship, she'd not be able to warp out of here.

Adam stared out the window, and decided he had one song left in him.

"Attention, this is your fucking Captain speaking. Abandon ship. Get to your escape pods and get your asses back to Peter's Gate space station." Adam barked out, feeling a sharp pain digging through him with every word. Lute started to protest behind him, but he carried on. "I'm not leaving the ship, I wouldn't survive the trip anyway. Lute is your new acting Captain. Now - fucking go already!"

There was chaos as his soldiers realized all hope was lost and the fight was over for them. Lute had tears running down her face, but Adam just shook his head.

"I gave you an order. Get out of here unless you want to die too." Adam said, without looking back up at her. Instead, he focused on yanking the chuck of metal out of his stomach. His white and gold suit had been stained a deep red. The only spot of human blood on the ship.

"Sir-" Lute moved closer, but Adam just flopped down into what was left of the Captain's chair.

"I'm not going down without one last trick up my sleeve. Get out of here before I bleed out. I'm giving you one minute to get to warp." Adam finally met her gaze with a weary grin. She knew what it meant, and it took her a moment to find the courage to do what she knew she had to.

Leave.

By the time he saw her escape pod launch from the port, and eventually flash away in a beam of light, Adam's vision had grown hazy. His entire body felt cold from blood loss, or maybe it was just the systems of the ship failing in the depths of space.

Either way, he had enough in him to punch in the self destruct codes.

Hopefully, he'd damaged enough of their ships warp cores that one wouldn't be able to flee, maybe even Charlie's ship. He doubted Lucifer's ship was damaged enough, but he could always dream. That's about all he'd be doing soon.

Adam sighed and looked out the window, wondering what Lucifer was thinking right now. It didn't need to be like this, if he hadn't rebelled, hadn't fucked Lilith and made that revolting hybrid. Lucifer could have been King of more than just the trash of the Galaxy. Lucifer had been more than that to Adam, once upon a time.

"I'll see you in hell, Lucifer." Adam said to himself, closing his eyes, as the countdown neared zero.

But explosion followed, none that Adam remembered. Which meant, he thought, that he'd died beforehand. Or maybe the nuclear blast was enough so that he died instantly before his brain or body had the chance to catch up with the feeling.

So, then, why was he thinking?

Adam opened his eyes to a bright white light, which he remembered from ancient human history as the description of an afterlife, before they'd mostly given up on religions. Two pairs of eyes seemed to appear above him, floating there in the brightness.

"God?" Adam mumbled in confusion.

"No, but you can call me that if you'd like, sweetheart." Lucifer said mockingly, and Adam's vision became more clear. "I saved your sorry ass before your ship went kablooey. You're now a prison of my Kingdom and my ring of coalition planets, Adam. We'll be seeing a lot of each other from now on. How's mercy taste?" Lucifer's grin was sharp, pointed, predatory.

Adam remembered that ancient humans used to have another name for the devil.

Maybe he was in hell.

[formulapookie]

🦂🌊

under the cut to read on Tumblr, on here to read on Ao3 <33

I get high on your voice bezzetti, 3.2k words

It’s not long ago they started messing around.

Sure, from Celin’s part there had been a teenage crush since the early days of their friendship, but he never would’ve bet on an actual something happening to them during their life.

He had fallen for Marco after a particularly bad day at the ranch, he had set the worst lap out of all the academy boys and couldn’t fucking stand it.

He knew he was good, or at least he thought that, but at that moment, looking at the results, he wasn’t so sure anymore.

And he was so afraid Vale would dump him, or worse, Bezz would.

He couldn’t picture a future for himself where Bezz wasn’t involved in the even slightest part.

But Marco had come to him first thing finished training to talk to him about it, claiming it wouldn’t matter once on track, those were the real results, it just happens sometimes and everyone has to come to terms with it.

Celin had stopped listening to look at the light in Bezz’s eyes, the joy he radiated and the care he had for him made the trick.

and after months of pining and rushing off to his room to touch himself as soon as he saw Marco undressing or doing something even remotely considerable sexual the two of them had shared a drunken confession where Celin had gone completely red, staring at his feet, and Marco had laughed and kissed him with a bit too much tongue.

They had ended up jerking each other off in a bathroom stall, and the day after Celin was sure Marco was going to act like they didn’t do anything but instead he was taken away by Bezz immediately after breakfast for the most intense and fulfilling make out session of his life, and from then on they’d been exclusively with one another.

They didn’t label it, not truly, but they both knew what they were.

And all those feelings and memories were coming at full speed in Celin’s brain right now, high as fuck and hungry for the ungodly amount of fries he was consuming in the front seat of Bezz’s Cupra.

“Stopf here gotta piss” Celin pointed to a lay-by alongside the road and made Bezz stop the car there, leaving crumbs of fries all over his seat for him to clean.

“Next time you smoke without me and you end up doing this shit to my car i’m killing you”

Celin flipped him off as he finished cleaning himself and zipped up his pants, going to sit again.

He met Bezz’s stare and something moved in his brain.

Fuck he looked good like that, he wanted him now. 

But he didn’t even have the time to speak that Bezz was already speeding off, cutting the way of a few cars who honked at him.

The sunset was hitting the highway right that moment, painting it all a pretty pink and orange, doing the same to Bezz’s curls and face, framed like what Celin would’ve described a painting.

His gaze didn’t come off Bezz’s face for a long time, running around his nose and lips, getting lost in his hair, until its attention was caught by his hands, one stalled on the steering wheel and the other on Bezz’s thigh, frozen.

Celin gently but resolutely grabbed Bezz’s right hand, moving it to his own thigh, looking at it with a smirk, just to turn his head to Bezz a second later.

His cheeks looked a bit red, even with the sunset lighting it was too red to be just that, and Celin began laughing under his breath.

He felt Bezz’s thumb beginning to trace little circles on his thigh, but it wasn’t enough. Not nearly so.

He wanted more, wanted to feel his breath being sucked out of his lungs by Bezz’s kiss, and for his hand to get closer and have him cry in the car for a release.

But he wanted Bezz to be the one to move up his hand, not having it stroking and occasionally squeezing his thigh so far from the actual point where he needed him.

“Bezz” it’s slurred, coated by arousal and the feeling of being high with the love of his life beside him.

“Celin come on it’s still half an hour ride from here we’ll do it once we’re th-“

“I could ride you for half an hour and not get tired if you wished so”

And Bezz is suddenly unfocused on the street, he doesn’t care for the speed limit.

“Fuck Celin you can’t just say that”

“Mmh but why? You are all red but it’s the truth. You are really hot today, did you change perfume? I like this one it’s…stronger”

Bezz is hot in his seat, he can feel the arousal coming at him, he wants to turn his head towards Celin and kiss his stupid face to shut him up.

“Beeeezz come on stop the car, I promise I’m gonna make you feel good, you look tense you need a bit of a release no?”

Celin is being an asshole right now because he knows Bezz is weak for this type of thing, he’s weak for pretty much everything regarding Celin, especially if it’s praise or this type of flirting.

“One day I’m gonna kill you for real Celin” as he says it he’s already stopping in an emergency lay-by, hoping there’s no cameras and that no one comes to take a look at the two.

Celin is smiling proudly, eyes still a bit red and mouth dry, the only thing in his mind being Bezz.

Bezz’s hands around his dick, Bezz’s mouth hot on his neck, Bezz’s hair between his fingers as he rides him.

The boy doesn’t even bother to open the door and walk to the backseat, he just squeezes through the space between the front ones, gaining a scoff from Bezz as he does. 

He on the other hands walks out and then in again, barely having time to seat down that Celin is already all over him. Hands going for his shirt, pulling it up, hands in his hairs, lips grazing his jaw hungrily.

His fingers indulge on the piercing sitting proudly on his nipple, knowing the sweet sounds he produces once teased for the right amount of time. 

“Celin Celin calm down we’re not gonna die if we don’t fuck this second” “I will. Bezz I need it just- let me suck your cock please, I’ve got a surprise just…just close your eyes and let me suck you off”

And who is Bezz to say no to him when Celin’s staring up at him with his doe eyes and looking so hot the sun would shy away?

The boy smiles, and asks again for Bezz to close his eyes, which the other does gratefully.

He sinks down on his knees the best he can, moving the front seat as far as possible, unzipping Bezz’s horrible cargo pants and taking off his boxers too, which are unsurprisingly already wet with a patch of precum on the front.

Celin takes Bezz’s dick in his hand, and he’s met with a sight he got familiar with some time ago, when after one fucking month and a half of not having Bezz’s dick instide he finally got the chance to blow him with his new piercing.

He starts pumping it a few times before he licks it with just the tip of his tonge, bringing Bezz on edge of tugging at his hair and fucking his face to punish the teasing.

But he’s glad he doesn’t, because as soon as he takes him in whole, or at least what he can handle Bezz can feel something cold on his cock, dragging up and down and he’s about to faint because he knows what it is but he also didn’t know Celin had one.

But after all they’ve been separated for more than a month, Celin going off with his friends to whatever location for their holidays and Bezz settling for staying in Romagna. And from what he remembered it took up to four weeks for it to heal.

God. Four weeks without this feeling, how did he survive?

The confirmation came when Celin went to lick at his tip, tongue teasing his head cruelly, the goddamn tongue piercing adding to the already blissful sensation.

“God Celin when- when did you get it pierced fuck it feels good”

The younger smirks, lips stretched over Bezz’s dick, and he just rolls his tongue over the tip, where Bezz’s own piercing resided, making a cruelly heavenly sensation come alive inside Bezz.

Vibrations spreading all over his body, making him buck his hips and moving one of his hands to cling on Celin’s hair

Metal clinging against metal, the tease and the sensitivity doubling, triplicating as Celin’s movement didn’t seem to slow down, instead getting more and more messy, spit and precum making their way on the seats of the car.

“Celin I- I’m close and I still need to fuck you you have to come off” but Celin is keen on getting Marco to break down completely under him.

He feels his hair being pulled backwards, his eyes meeting Bezz’s

“Seriously Celin, I love you and you’re amazing but I still need to be inside you and I-”

“What, can't you get hard twice? I distinctly remember us going for more than three rounds last year after your first win, I couldn’t fucking walk the next day.

What’s gotten into you now? I don’t want you to be soft and caring Bezz I want you to fuck me until I cry, I need to feel you inside”

“It’s been a while Celin it’s gonna hurt” “Who cares, aren’t you the first one that loves pain? I can see it when you get tattooed, you always come out of that studio bricked up and once you moaned when the guy started working on your ribcage. I don’t care if I feel it hurting Bezz because then it’s so good”

Woah. Celin had never acted like this, he’d have to thank whoever rolled him that joint for years.

“Ok ok fuck finish sucking me off then you’ll ride me, you promised me no?”

Celin smirks again, sinking down on Bezz’s cock once more, bobbing his head up and down with a quick pace, almost as if it was some sort of compensation.

His dark curls are sticking to his forehead, sweat rolling down his temples.

He keeps sucking, hollowing his cheeks and teasing the tip so much it becomes red, and Bezz is doing a hard work trying not to fuck his face while Celin’s on his knees looking so pretty and dishelved.

He cums fast, strong, the four weeks of separation had taken their hold on both of them and Bezz is glad he gave into the teasing because he feels almost light headed now that he’s gotten his release.

Celin moves onto the seat and Bezz grabs him by the back of his neck, mouths messily pushed against each other, Bezz can taste himself and that damn piercing, he feels the little ball roll onto his tongue, cold and inviting.

“Celin wait I need- pass me the lube got to-” he’s interrupted by another kiss “already done it, before you came to pick me up, I knew I wouldn’t have had the patience to wait and do it later”

Bezz is speechless, but not disappointed in the slightest, god his mind was something else.

Celin climbs onto his lap, his hands pulling and tugging at Bezz’s hair, they cannot break the kiss, they’re glued to one another, breaths tied together and little moans escaping both their lips.

Bezz feels the boy rolling his hips on his thigh, feels the wet spot in front moving back and forth back and forth, and smiles at the opportunity.

He pulls away from the messy make out and starts kissing at Celin’s collarbone, biting on it slightly from time to time, he grabs the other’s shirt, lifting it up and tossing it somewhere in the car, the hungry gaze coming from Celin never leaving his movements. 

He keeps on moving his hips slightly, lips parted and shiny with spit, cheeks so red he looks feverish.

“You like that Celin? Want to ride my thigh until I’m hard again and can fuck you properly?” and the only answer Celin can get out of himself is yes.

Yes yes yes yes he wants that, being able to get Bezz hard by riding his fucking thigh, the one where he’s most sensitive, where Bezz is covered in tattoos.

Tattoos.

The same tattoos that get the older aroused when he gets them done, those indeleble marks on his skin he wishes to cover and replace with permanent hickeys of his.

“Good then go on, ride my thigh baby, I want to see you desperate for me”

It does the ultimate trick, it has Celin speeding up the movement on Bezz’s thigh, small whimpers escaping his mouth echoing in the car together with the sound of the fabric moving against naked skin and Celin’s ragged breath, forming an orchestra of desire.

It doesn’t get that long to get to the edge, he’s almost there when the grip on his hips strengthens, and he looks up at Bezz, eyes half lidded and coated with lust.

“I think it’s enough, no? take it all off for me” and Celin would want to protest, he’s so close he needs his release, but also he loves following whatever Bezz says and so he does, he climbs down his thigh and removes shorts and boxers in one go, his dick standing hard and wet against his abs.

“Pretty” and he’s dead, because when Bezz calls him pretty he ascends to heaven, the word charges him to be even better for the man.

He climbs back on his lap, lips sealed together in a confused kiss, one hand wrapped around both their cocks, while Bezz's hands travel all over his hips, squeezing every time he reaches his ass.

“Need to ride you Bezz it feels-you feel so good” and god every moment Bezz looks at him he’s prettier than before, his lips now red and puffy, his cheeks rose-colored and his hair ruffled.

“Do it Celin do it you’re so pretty when you do it, I think of you riding me every time we’re far away, I need to have you now”

And the boy doesn’t wait to hear it twice, he’s moving so fast Bezz is almost shocked, sinking down on his cock, wet with slick and precum from both of them.

Celin bites his lip, trying to maintain a bit of composure, while Bezz goes to kiss his chest languidly, dragging out his tongue over his pecs, tasting sweat.

He begins moving, slowly at first, hands on Bezz’ shoulders to balance himself.

Bezz moves his hands to Celin’s milky thighs, stroking them as he picks up the pace of his own movements.

Bezz throws his head back, a deep moan forming in his chest, the lust after being separate for so long having his effect on both men.

Celin goes to attack Bezz’s lips with his,one of his hands moving down to tease the piercing who’d been staring at him this whole time, the one above the rib cage tattoo that got Bezz moaning in the studio.

“Ride to live, live to ride” 

It's funny if he thinks about it, right now he feels like doing this was keeping him alive, like it was giving him a purpose.

He can feel Bezz playing with his own piercing, everytime their tongues meet he stays there a bit more teasing his piercing, almost tasting it.

All of their moans are muffled by their constant kissing and Celin is really glad for that because he gets to keep a bit of integrity and not crumble down like a bitch.

Bezz breaks the kiss, his mouth forming a path of small kisses all along Celin’s jaw, his neck, the juncture of his collarbone, where he presses a kiss deeper than the others, then sucks on it, trying to mark his territory.

“I know you’re close Celin, can feel you getting desperate for it, you deserve to cum first since you haven’t yet”  he says it smiling, like it’s fucking normal, and Celin moans, clenching against him even more, his movements getting erratic and chasing his orgasm.

“Marco Marco god you’re so good at it you fuck me so well I ah I remember it for days everytime”

the bastard. He fucking knows how to get back at Bezz, all it takes is for him to call the other “good” and he’s gone.

Bezz moans, leaving his grip on the boy’s thighs and getting one hand on Celin’s dick and the other on his nipple, tipping him over the edge, Celin coming all over his hand, feeling him clench against his dick as he comes and his own orgasm following in quick succession, everything too much and too good to resist.

Bezz pumps Celin’s cock a few times more, feeling him whine from the crook of his neck where he hid his face, jolting slightly at the tease.

“Fuck Bezz sorry I got it all over you I’ll grab a tissue” says Celin while raising his head from Bezz’s shoulder, but Bezz is already licking his hand clean, gaze not leaving Celin as the other looks in awe, as if it was the most beautiful sight on earth.

“You are a fcuking psycho god I could get hard again” and Bezz laughs, a honey sweet laugh he somehow manages to throw in even in this situation.

“Yeah no gotta wait to be at home for that, they’re gonna kill us if we get there too late”

Celin pouts, then starts laughing, until Bezz slides out of him, the emptiness reaching him with a whine.

“Come on Celin, get back on front we need to go like now”

“But Bezz what about…like what about the car it’s drenched”

“Mh well not my fault you come as hard as a girl now is it?” Celin is as red as the fucking Ducati now, and he makes a quick work of putting back on his boxers and pants, grabbing the shirt somewhere from the ground, as Bezz does the same.

By the time they get to Tavullia it’s well over 40 minutes late, and Vale is obviously fucking angry, they kept the windows rolled down to get rid of the scent of one another on their skin, but it’s still there, Celin can feel it.

Vale goes to comment something then shakes his head and makes the two come inside, Pecco and the others saying hi as Vale has them served a re heated dinner  (which is still very good)

They spend the night all together talking about racing and shit, laughing and drinking, Celin comfortably falling asleep on Marco, who strokes his hair absentmindedly, with a gentleness he didn’t reserve for him back in the car.

Only weird thing Pecco and all the others noticed was Bezz wearing a shirt with a small 13 printed on the front left and Celin coming there dressed in a huge 72 shirt with a scorpion as a background.

“Not very subtle” were the words Pecco had said to Migno as the pair had entered the house, still a bit blushy and with their hair all ruffled. 

[vodika-vibes]

Vodika, my love, I'm back. I know, it was fast, but I love these prompts!

Can I get "Being playfully clingy in the mornings when one has an off day and the other has to rush to work" with Fives?

You know I love Fives, and he is such a playful man. He would totally get clingy if he had the day off and I had to go to work. Like, full-on tackle me back into bed 😂

Please and thank you 💚 (probably back again)

@the-bad-batch-baroness

Playful Mornings

Summary: You have to work, but Fives would rather you spend time with him.

Pairing: ARC Trooper Fives x Reader

Word Count: 1307

Warnings: Fluff

Tagging: @trixie2023

A/N: So...this kind of moved away from the prompt and into domestic morning softness. Sorry.

Divider by Saradika

You wake before your alarm clock goes off. An event that would normally have you cursing your brain and trying to roll over and fall back to sleep.

But this isn’t a normal morning. This morning, the love of your life, and probably all of your other lives, is fast asleep behind you. And waking before your alarm clock means that he gets to stay asleep.

You turn off your alarm, and roll over in bed, your gaze tracing the very familiar features of Fives, who’s still fast asleep. In sleep he actually looks his age, stress lines fading away until you can only see them if you look for them.

Fives has the day off.

You, however, don’t. And while you would love nothing more than to just not go into work, that isn’t an option. 

Still, you’ve made sure that your home is full of things for him to keep himself busy, and there’s plenty of food that’s already been prepped, and he just has to throw it in the oven to warm up.

You smile at his peaceful face, and then roll over to slip out of bed. You need to start getting ready for the day. You release a startled squeak when a strong arm slings around your waist and you’re tugged back against a solid chest.

“Cyare,” His voice is a low, sleep-filled, rumble, and you shiver when he rubs his nose against the back of your neck, “Where are you going?”

“I have to get ready for work,” You say as you try to squirm out of his grasp, before giving it up as a lost cause. Fives can overpower you without even trying, so you’re not sure why you thought you would be able to slip away.

“Mm…or we can cuddle,” Fives offers, as he starts pressing feather light kisses against your neck and shoulder, “And sleep.”

You laugh and reach behind you to card your fingers through his curls, “Or,” You offer, “I can go to work, so I can keep this apartment.”

He rumbles out a noise that you would call a purr if he wasn’t human, and leans into your touch, “But, cyare,” He flips you so you’re facing him, and you come eye to eye with his lethal tooka eyes, “How am I supposed to sleep without you?”

You sigh and cup his face with your hands, “How do you sleep without me on the Resolute?” 

His eyes become even sadder, but there’s a smirk playing on his lips, “I don’t.”

“...you lie-”

Fives laughs, and pulls you closer, “True, but I almost had you.” He says with a grin, “Just a little longer and I could have gotten you to call out.”

You huff and press your nose against his chest, “You know, I could have dated Echo. He’s the nice twin. He never would do this to me.”

Fives rolls onto his back laughing, dragging you with him, “Oh, ner cyare, Echo is worse.” He looks up at you, a grin on his face and his eyes sparkling, “Believe it or not, I’m the good twin.”

You squint at him, and then sigh, “Yeah, I believe it.” You press a quick kiss against his lips, “But I really do have to get up, Fives.”

He tightens his grip around you, and pulls you down into a proper kiss, “Just a little longer?”

“Fives-” You grin against his lips, “Look, I only have to work half a day today, and then I’m yours for the weekend.”

“You’re mine anyway,” He corrects smugly, “But I suppose I can share you with the rest of the galaxy for a couple of hours.”

“That’s very magnanimous of you,” You reply sarcastically.

“What can I say, I’m a giving man.” Fives replies as he steals one last kiss, and then releases you.

You roll off of him, and then out of bed, slightly surprised that he actually released you. You shoot him a suspicious look, and he smiles angelically as he shifts in bed so he’s sitting up against the headboard.

Deciding to take the win, which feels more like a loss honestly, you slip into the bathroom and hop into the shower. You take a quick shower, less than ten minutes, and then you quickly do your hair and pull on your work clothes, before you step back into the bedroom.

You’re still on time to leave, but if you want caf, or breakfast, you need to get a move on.

“Gorgeous,” You look up and see Fives sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed in the dark blue sleep pants you bought him when he first started spending the night, and nothing else. “You look gorgeous, cyare.”

You look down at your outfit, and then back at Fives, bemused. “It’s just some leggings and a sweater-dress, Fives. I’m not dressed up at all.”

He holds out his hands towards you, “Like I said, gorgeous.”

You sigh and shake your head, “You’re biased, love.”

“Absolutely.” He makes grabby hands towards you, “Cyare~”

You laugh and walk over to him, taking his hands in yours, and then you yelp when he tugs you against him, and topples you both back on the bed, “Fives!”

“Hm, I like this material,” He murmurs as he runs his fingers against the soft material of your dress, and then he grins at you, “Soft and warm, just like you.”

You flush red, and press your face against his chest, “The things you say…-”

“I’m an honest man, ner cyare.”

“Fives, if I don’t get up for food-”

“Relax,” he kisses the top of your head, “Caf is brewing and muffins are in the oven. You’re right on time.”

You blink, and look up at him, “What?”

He grins, “I know exactly how much mischief I can get up to and not make you late, cyare. You won’t be late, I promise.”

You sigh and relax against him, “...can we at least move out of the bedroom? I’m going to get all static-y.” 

“I think you’re always shocking, cyare.” Fives says loyally.

You groan against his chest, “That was awful and you should feel bad for making me listen to it.”

“Yeah, but you fell in love with me because of my bad jokes.” Fives replies gleefully as he sits up and sets you on your feet.

“I fell in love with you in spite of your bad jokes,” You correct with a sniff, though there’s a smile on your lips.

His grin is broad, “It was the hair wasn’t it?”

“Well, see, I took one look at you and was like, ‘this poor man will never get anyone, so I should take one for the team-’” You tease, a laugh slipping from you as a look of mock offense crosses his face.

“Just for that you don’t get any of my muffins, cyare. You’re just going to go hungry.” Fives replies.

You pout, “Please?”

“Hm…maybe,” He stands and sets his hands on your hips, effortlessly lifting you and carrying you out of the bedroom, “If you ask really nice.”

You fling your arms around his neck, “Pretty please? With a kiss?”

He carries you into the kitchen, and kisses you quickly before setting you back on your feet, “I suppose, if you’re offering kisses as a form of payment.”

“You’re so easy to bribe,” You say warmly.

“Only for you, cyare.” He kisses you again, “Mugs and plates for the food, please.”

You stand on your toes and kiss him, “Love you.”

“Mm, love you too.” He lazily caresses your hip, and then releases you and turns his attention to the simple breakfast he’s making you. And you stare at his broad back for a moment, a feeling of adoration swelling in you.

You want this for the rest of your life.

[fereldanwench]

WIP Whenever (Actually on a Wednesday!)

@chevvy-yates had tagged me in a WIP Whenever thingy last week (I think? What is time) and @breezypunk sharing their WIPs reminded me I meant to do this. So, stuff I'm working on!

Over my Christmas break, I just started barely scratching the surface of working on my own custom poses. Because I'm me, I desperately need some battle couple poses--Fighting side-by-side, holding the other one while they're wounded, maybe fighting each other, etc. I compiled a Pinterest inspo board here to get an idea of what I'm going for.

This pose isn't anywhere close to being finished, but it's a start:

A small confession: while I actually like working in Blender quite a bit, I kind of hate everything else about modding, lmao. I've probably said it before, but my day job requires me to use so many shitty apps and software that always require 37 workarounds just to perform normally--I really don't have a lot of patience for troubleshooting shit during my leisure hours. Hopefully, the project won't become too much of a headache when I get into importing and working with props. 🤞

Virtual photography is always a constant for me these days--I was actually thinking yesterday how it feels like the absolute perfect creative medium for me. I like drawing and writing and 'real' photography, and I very much need to make sure I have more analog and tactile creative projects to keep me sane, but VP just hits in a way nothing else really has.

I am still working on the photostory I shared last time, but I don't want to give away too much there. It's also on a bit of a pause while I figure out some tech issues (read: I regret updating my game, lmao). However, I already have a ton of shots/mini-stories I need to queue up:

Other than that, it's kind of personal reflection shit and contemplating goals/resolutions for 2024. Getting long-winded and a little blunt under the cut:

I've always really struggled with making goals--I don't think I've ever had a situation in which I explicitly stated "I have a goal of XYZ" and then I achieved XYZ. I've had plenty of nebulous "Hey, I think I'd like to do XYZ" thoughts and then lo and behold, I do actually make XYZ a reality, but as soon as the word "goal" is attached to something, I just check tf out.

It was actually something I was trying to talk to my therapist about last summer, and then we kind of hit a dead end on that specific topic and decided I had other problems that were more pressing to deal with, lmao. But all the best goal advice in the world--following the SMART method, sharing it with someone for extra accountability, etc.--Just does not work with my brain.

(The accountability thing in particular always hugely backfires for me because just telling someone I want to do a thing tricks my brain into thinking I did that thing and now I don't need to anymore. Also, I don't like people telling me what to do, so if someone was like "hey, shouldn't you do this thing so you can meet your goal" I will say no just on principle of being a brat, lmao. I really hate that piece of advice.)

I know some of it, probably a lot of it, is fear of failure if I don't meet the goal. I'm very hard on myself--That's a no-brainer.

But I also think some of it, maybe just as much, is fear of success. Which I used to think was the stupidest fucking thing anyone could say about this shit, but success can mean big change. Success can mean increased feelings of imposter syndrome. Success can mean attention and responsibility I don't want. Success can mean bigger consequences if I do fuck up later.

I've come to realize that success is honestly as equally scary to me as failing.

I think this is a big reason I've always been content (or convinced myself to be content) with being good and not great, even if that means I'm not reaching my ~*full potential*~. (There are other external/macro reasons for that too, like my loathing of people trying to push me to monetize my passions, but I don't feel like getting into systemic gripes, lmao.)

Goals that require me to step outside of my usual routine also give me a lot of anxiety, which is something I've working towards managing (you could say that it's a goal of mine to get that under control dfgjhfjgdf), but that's still a very real hurdle for me.

Like I've been trying to go back to a minimum of 20 minutes of dedicated exercise (versus just walking a lot) a 3 times a week, and I get stressed if I miss it, or even just feel like I'm going to miss it (like if 7 PM starts creeping up and I haven't started it yet), but I also get all bent out shape spending 20 minutes on exercising while I'm doing it as if there's a better use of that time and THERE'S NOT. Like, what am I really missing? 20 minutes of scrolling Tumblr? Shut the fuck up, lmao.

All this to say that I don't really feel like I'm ready to set goals in a traditional sense, and that might not be something that ever works for me, but there are things I think would just be... kinda nice for me to do for myself that I want to do this year:

I need to actually be nicer to myself. As a matter of fact, @ren3gade--I hope you don't mind the tag, but I've been meaning to thank you for the "forgive yourself" advice you shared a couple of months back. I started making it a point to use that in my self-talk when I start spiraling, and it has been one of the best means of mitigating certain aspects of my social anxiety. I felt goofy as hell when I first started doing it, but that shit works. Positive self-talk makes you feel better, wow, who knew certainly not me

In a similar spirit, I want to stop being so judgemental about my limitations, and I need to mitigate feelings of guilt when I set boundaries for my mental health and energy. This is something I want to achieve in all areas of my life, but I think the easiest place for me to start flexing these muscles is with fandom. Because, damn, I let myself get into some really bad habits with the CP77 fandom (and I forgive myself for that 🙌). One of the big ones has been putting pressure on myself to keep up with what all my CP77 mutuals are doing at all times, and I'm not doing that to myself anymore. I've spent so much time in the past two years methodically going through tags and blogs to catch up on stuff I missed, and I'm just... relieving myself of this obligation. I know a lot of folks have tried to mitigate that for themselves by encouraging everyone to use their username-tracked tag--I'm not doing that. I'm not giving y'all more tagging work, and I'm not going to give myself the same obligation just in a different way. If I miss a post, I miss a post. Of course y'all are always more than welcome to @ me or send me things you think I'd enjoy (I love that, actually!!), but I'm just one person--I'm incapable of being an omnipresent fandom cheerleader and I don't know why I was pushing myself to be that. Well, that's not entirely true--I have some idea of why, but that's also a mentality I'm leaving in the dust. 😘 Also, for a long time, I did not use the like button for anything other than personal posts purely out of spite because I got tired of people complaining when they'd get likes but not reblogs--My asshole mentality was "Fine, now you get nothing." And that worked for me for several years and several fandoms, but I'm frankly tired of the "like" slander on Tumblr. It's a valid form of interaction and letting someone know you liked their stuff. I don't say this with malice, but other people's mentality of being unhappy with likes instead of reblogs is not my burden to bear. Anyway, I don't want to turn this into a rant about fandom stuff, lmao, but the point is I need more boundaries in my life, and I'm starting here.

I'm happier when I spend more time than I have been on traditional art and creative things that get me off my PC. Like I said above, I love VP so much, but it does unfortunately tether me to my computer desk longer than is probably good for me in the long run, mentally and physically. I stocked up on some new traditional art supplies, and I need to put those to use now that I'm settled into my new place. (And I've been itching to do a charcoal portrait of my bb girl.)

Reading books (gotta be physical, no screens) also makes me feel better. I've got about 7 books on my nightstand that I could totally finish this year--Doing that might be the one stereotypical goal I make for myself.

I want to reevaluate how I "multitask;" in particular, I want to break the habit of always having to have a background show/movie on OR always feeling the need to do something on my computer/phone while I watch a show/movie. Even as a kid (way before I lost my attention span to my smartphone lmao), I've always been inclined to doing something else while I watch shows and movies, but that used to be limited to drawing or painting my nails, which I think is fine. Now I just always feel like I need a screen nearby to do something else, even if there's really not something else worth doing. And listening to music or podcasts while I work on a thing is also fine, but it's gotten to the point where I almost can't have complete silence, and I don't like that. I miss being comfortable with silence while I pour all of my focus into a project. I just need to find some equilibrium here.

I know this isn't exactly a standard WIP Whenever, but me is what I'm working on, and I think it's all essential stuff to nurturing my creativity. 😊

[jazzythursday]

Hiiii, Jazzy! For the ask game: 🍓 🥑 🔪 🌿 🪲 (hehe sorry djsakgjkdg <3)

Hi Sparrow!!

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

I’m a long time fanfic reader, but I didn’t start really writing anything until 2021. I think, probably, because of the pandemic and needing some kind of outlet for creating things (and also because the Miraculous Ladybug plotlines were haunting my dreams, rattling their chains around in my brain until I finally caved and wrote some actual communication/emotional resolution for the characters that I wasn't getting from the show)

🥑 ⇢ you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help?

You and @waterloou lol

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

Bahaha there are SO many, because I frequently have to look things up to write all the fun little facts Wylan has in his head. But I’m not sure researching poisons and how to build bombs/fireworks is all that weird, to be honest.

I’m going to go with the time I was writing a Good Omens fic, and I used google street view to virtually walk from the Ritz to around where Aziraphale’s bookshop would be in soho, so I could know exactly what it looked like and if/when they would likely pass by St. James’s park on the way, and what named streets would be on that route. (I’m not even sure that’s that weird. Maybe I need to be weirder...)

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

I do generally believe in the whole “not forcing it and take breaks if you need to” thing usually, but as for advice:

Consume some type of media you really like. Movie, show, book, an old favorite fic, anything that inspires you. I also like going back to the source material for things like fic because it gives me ideas or gets me into the right mental place to write the characters, and I like reading my own fics to brush up on my own interpretations/style.

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

Oh...did you say 50? becuase I slipped and wrote 283...

(from Jesper's pov of the bookshop scene in ch 1 of Everyday)

At some point he loses Wylan to an art book he seems keen on and quietly drifts away with, leaving Jesper to talk to the enthusiastic bookeep on his own.

Jesper’s arms are getting progressively heavier with book recommendations, and the bookkeeper is somehow still holding at least twice as many. He doesn’t understand where they're even coming from at this rate, because more just seem to, to appear each time he looks away. 

He thinks about Kaz and his sleight of hand, and wonders at the chance that the bastard of the Barrel has been giving magic lessons to Wijnstraat booksellers in his free time. 

He actually has read some of the books the man recommends, either because they were commonly popular in his parents house or on the frontier, or from his short stint in university.

Unfortunately, mentioning that prompts the bookeep to ask, “Ah, so you’re a student, then?”

“Er—” Jesper blanches, in such a pitifully uncomposed way that he’s sure he can just feel Kaz shaking his head in judgemental spirit. The bookeep raises one solitary eyebrow, and Jesper, for some reason—probably because he’s Jesper—keeps bloody talking. “Yea-up. Yeah,” he bobs his head in a jerky nod, “Students, at the university. Good ol’ U of K. Woo...” Jesper cheers. Actually cheers. 

Great fucking work Fahey, very believable.

The bookkeep raises his other eyebrow, but smiles kindly. “That must be exciting. What are you studying?”  “Business,” Jesper answers quickly, and makes a concerted effort to not let it sound like a question. 

His fingers twitch, longing to trace over the pearl handles of his revolvers, but they’re hidden deep under the folds of his coat, and—apparently—he’s a university student now. 

I'm probably (definitely) going to be late to my fist class today now, but I really don't regret it.

Thanks for the questions!! 💖

[jemmo]

omg thank you so much for replying to my rant with another rant, i love your takes on this show so much istg my brain is just his man 2 these days 😭 i also wanted to rant about junsungho because i'm so obsessed with them, they've completely taken over my heart. like even without a date, they've progressed so beautifully and naturally, it's just impossible for me to not root for them. it's the way junsung takes every opportunity he can to show sungho all his love languages - gift giving in the form of zero coke and cookies, the adorable quality time they shared when they were roommates and throughout ep 7, physical touch in the form of head pats to wake sungho up, words of affirmation 24/7 and especially through his phonecalls, and the continuous acts of service 🥹 he's so sincere and straightforward, yet he never does anything to burden sungho with his feelings. he never expects anything in return and just follows his heart, so whenever sungho does do something for him it feels extra special and god why is he the cutest ever 😭 i'd like to think that junsung is definitely starting to affect sungho way more than he thought he would (like hello, the 100% friendship turning into him being 50/50) and it's so apparent why - he looks so comfortable around junsung, their banter is so natural and the way junsung's phonecalls make him smile like THAT every time is just so telling. i really hope they get a chance to go on a date real soon because i think just the two of them hanging out and focusing on each other is what sungho really needs (what we all need honestly) 🥺

we are well and truly stuck in his man 2 land until this ends arent we?? who am i kidding, im gonna be stuck here afterwards too i seriously cannot get this show out of my mind and at this point ive gone past coherent thought, all my rants are just me gushing.

and you are so so right about junsung and sungho, my roommates that arent even roommates anymore but will always be roommates in my heart. there is just something so special about watching the way junsung has approached sungho, it honestly feels like something ive never seen before neither in fiction or reality bc it is just so pure hearted and sincere and simple. like he likes this person and he's just showing it in whatever way he can and not ever demanding anything in return, its the kind of affection that is like i just wanna see you happy and i'd really like it if i could be the one to make you happy. and there's something so special about how he's had such rubbish experiences both with coming out and dating and we don't even know the half of it and yet he remains this good of a person, its like in the face of the shit life has thrown him, he's stood resolutely and said i won't let this change me, i will still be me. like he is truly someone that is not hiding, and the way he instantly claimed his sexuality when forced to come out tells me that he will not stand for people making him doubt or feel ashamed about who he is. and you can feel that steadfast resolution in how he pursues sungho, and this faith in his own feelings that singled him out on day one and not wavering since. and yet he never demands reciprocation. that's why its so nice to watch, bc you arent watching someone pursue someone unwantedly, or make them feel pressured to return that affection. he just constantly makes sure sungho knows and is reminded of his feelings and sungho can reciprocate if/when he wants to. and thats why i never feel uneasy watching them, bc i dont feel like sungho is uneasy or under any pressure to do anything or change his behaviour or tiptoe around junsung's feelings. its pure ease, and thats why its so beautiful to see sungho slowly develop those feelings for junsung. its giving fell first vs fell harder yknow, like look at this person doing so much not just with this arbitrary end to date me, but bc he actually likes and cares about me, the person, not the goal. and when i watched the first ep of the show, sungho was my instant favourite bc he is so cute and hot and charming and loveable and kind and funny, he has so many sides to him that you wouldnt expect, and i adore junsung for all the reasons ive just ranted about too, so it says a lot when i say these two people are so deserving of each other, like i would not settle for anything less than someone who appreciates these people for everything they are, and thats what these two are.

and when we get that 1 on 1 date, bc i know its happening, i feel it in my bones, you know im gonna be in tears in front of that screen, with the biggest dumbest smile on my face, and i wont be able to move on from it

[acupofqueercoffee]

“On again, off again, love you like oxygen”

whumptober 2022 // Lin Beifong x Reader

cw : implied self-harm

i got into watching legend of korra at the beginning of this year because of lin (only while watching it did i realise i’ve seen some of it on nickelodeon lol) and believe it or not i’ve been raking my brain for ideas of a good lin x reader ever since, but it has not been quite successful. however i got this little thing out for whumptober and having been inspired by it, i might write a longer piece for it when i’m feeling particularly in the mood

I have held my breath in a pool before, but this is nothing like that.

This is akin to plucking a thin, dainty silver betwixt a thumb and a forefinger, and willing my hand that seems to have a mind of its own not to gravitate towards the already messy canvas.

Of course, when has the body ever known to comply with the boring old brain when the ever arresting heart is right there?

After all, romantics tend to value insanity over sanity.

And just as it is out of my control that my hand decides to help the edge of a silver draw scarlet onto my skin, my nose will inhale, and my lungs will absorb regardless of what my brain tells them to do, or rather, what not to do.

In this battle that the heart has started so foolishly itself, it becomes the defeated.

The outcome is not so much a bombshell as a disappointment, I conclude, because in the end, what I want does not matter.

It is always what is supposed to be.

But alas, the water enveloping me is not a beautiful cerulean blue.

The water rushing into my lungs is a breathtaking emerald green.

She has stubbornness for a heart, and gentleness for hands.

She soothes the stings, writes poetry on the empty canvas of my soul, and breathes warmness into my ice cold lips.

Believe it or not. Being smothered in her embrace, even at the expense of having my breath taken away from me, does not feel suffocating.

It feels safe.

She drenches me in loving glances, swaddles me in words secretly shared, and finally, finally when I am least expecting, asphyxiate me with heartbroken eyes.

I will say; it is a slow, painful death.

“Do you take Lin Beifong to have and to hold from this day forward, to love and to cherish her, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others for as long as you shall live?”

“I do, I do, I do, oh I do!”

Except that it is not her name caressing my ears, leaving a trail of colourful flowers in its wake.

It is red hot tar seeping through the pores of my skin, eating away at my flesh and bones, until it tarnishes my lungs at which point will have long been shrivelled and sucked dry of air.

“Do you take this man to be your husband, to love him, to cherish him, to…”

Anytime now, I will be turning into sea foam, nothing more than flesh and bones ready to decay in the depressing currents.

“I am not yours and you are certainly not mine.”

Her words from last night echoes.

And as I stare beyond the man in front of me and intensely into the deepest depths of those greenest eyes, I utter with resolute conviction.

“I do.”

Perhaps in another world, another universe, another dimension, I will get to live life as Lin’s instead of a walking shell of a person who is simply not Lin’s.

[bahbahhh]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

Tagged by @novantinuum and @marimbles. thanks friends! <3 I loved reading your responses.

__

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

ten!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

108,441

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Legend of Zelda. I like what I like. I have dabbled with FFX, too.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

the killing moon

begin again

desire path

like someone would

windows

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! Honestly, it means so much that people take time out of their day to let me know their thoughts/reactions to my stuff. I love the interaction, and I've shared this story before, but it was @embyrinitalics outreaching to let me know she enjoyed the killing moon (which had been on hiatus for YEARS) that help spring-boarded me into creativity again. A lot of these comments keep me motivated and energized, so I want to let people know I pay attention and care.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

LOL this is hard. Angst is my jam.

I'm tempted to say the Killing Moon but probably almost beautiful? It's the death memory from botw and it's a oneshot without any resolution whatsoever.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

This is a tie between begin again and desire path.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've gotten some coldish comments, but not direct hate. I don't understand it. If you don't like something, just move on by? It's free content. It literally takes so much more of your previous energy to generate hate. Put it somewhere else. Find something else you actually like and pour love into that. Or as my kid's favorite book right bow Teeth are not for biting (send help) says "Try this instead: take a break, drink a cold drink, take a rest, get a hug!"

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have written ONE smut fit. I was possessed by an idea. It is not my wheelhouse for sure. It was porn with plotish and I had more fun with the dialogue between the side characters than the actual sexy stuff. And I'm me, so it was sexy yet depressing LOL

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I wrote a FFX x BotW oneshot a few years ago that I actually took off my ao3.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I am aware of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I am aware of!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I feel like this would be fun with the right idea. I really like doing collabs for events.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Zelink!

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I'm a little worried about currents. I love the idea in my head, but its very VERY specific writing and of course I started it right before linktober and now my brain is all about the depths au. It's hard for me to switch gears.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I love a good turn of phrase, man.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I get BIG ideas and a lot of them and a lot of the time, I get lost in them. This happened in The Killing Moon. Of course, it was my first stab at fanfiction and I decided to write a massive multichapter monster, and perhaps, that is evidence enough for you, but I had so many ideas for the story/conflict/direction and I didn't spend enough time organizing it and weeding out what I don't need. I think it translated okay because of the mystery leading up to TotK and the fact I was working with characters that were trying to make sense of lost, incomplete, and inconsistently reported history over 10,000 but

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think the most important question a writer can ask themselves when doing this in a fic is "why am I doing this?" And then close follow up to that is "how can I do this correctly and respectfully?"

19. First fandom you wrote for?

LoZ

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

I really, really love like someone would. I love the complex characterization of Link and have carried it forward into other pieces. It's one big love letter to botw side quests and zelink and was also written in tribute to two of my favorite fanfiction pieces by others.

_

tagging: @embyrinitalics @fioreofthemarch @zeldaelmo @flutefemme

[ohnoseptember]

birthday (blues) / that time of the year i feel like i am at the bottom of the pit

I turn 23 in 8 days. I’m counting friends like money, I’ve got barely any of either. One best friend I’ve had since school, 7 years of her and I. We’re making plans, but I’m too nervous to say the wrong thing and upsetting her. The second my phone starts dinging with notifications continuously, I immediately pick it up, too afraid to respond to her a little too late and have her mad at me. Or too afraid to miss my father’s death when he lives an hour too long from my place. I’m too nervous to say the wrong thing to the person I say is the love of my life too. In the 2 years I’ve known of him, I’ve always bit my tongue and held back so much. I’ve questioned within if I ever made the right choice marrying him in front of a thousand people on a hot Sunday afternoon. In all honesty, I don’t even remember if it was a Saturday or Sunday. 

Your 20s are supposed to be about liberation and freedom, about loving, losing and learning. My 20s have become about suppressing memories and forgetting everything from yesterday, from a year back, from 5 years back. I don’t remember my wedding, or my graduation. All I remember lately is the people I loved, how much I loved them, how I lost them and this I don’t need to remember because it happens daily, but the hurt from losing them. I remember my cat, being 16 and its parcel of truths and the words to songs I heard first a decade back.

Your 20s are supposed to be about living fearlessly, risking it all and growing. My 20s have become about immediately apologising for mistakes I made and mistakes I didn’t, apologising immediately after a fight that lasts a total of 3 minutes, apologising for being too early or too late. My 20s have become about being too afraid to end the call with my mom without saying I love her, too afraid to sleep upset with the man who won’t remember why I got mad in the first place by the time he wakes up, too afraid to step out of my house and wanting to stay alone all the time. 

I’m counting health issues like regrets, I’ve got plenty of both. Jobs, houses, kids and I feel too young to be wondering about any of this. A loveless marriage where I blow my candles in secret because he has decreed that "birthday" is a forbidden word, and an illicit affair that only sees me when the whole city sleeps and the only sound is of the keys unlocking the gate, they go hand in hand it seems.

Every year, September comes and I see people I look up to celebrate their lives, their art. I am reminded why I love this month so much, the joy of sharing a month with people who don’t know me but I feel like I’ve known them my whole life, the despair of turning older but not any happier, the happiness of being safe, secure and a family that loves me, the grief of all the piling regrets and unaccomplished resolutions and goals. 

It’s tiring being 23 already, and I’ve still got 8 days left. 

I’ll make more resolutions, and tell myself it’ll get better although my brain has convinced itself it won’t. It doesn’t know what "better" is. 

Maybe this is as good as it gets, and if it is, I’ll be grateful regardless. I’ll learn to be grateful. 

And if it’s meant to get better, I’ll wait patiently and pray I make the right choices. 

The number 23 feels scary, daunting, mournful and no good emotions so far. I don't want to be alone for what feels like a walk through a horror house. I'm not, I'll tell myself. I'll read myself bedtime stories, dream of more tales when I make my own birthday cake, and come up with cliffhangers as I cook my birthday dinner.

I'll be eating alone on a Friday night at home, I'll hear jazz and I'll sleep early.

This is 23, my loneliness loves it and hates it.

[kawff33]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by the lovely @cnnmonbimee <3

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

9 works!

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

183,378 words. Good lord.

3. What fandoms do you write for? 

JSHK and The Legend of Zelda. I’ve written things for other fandoms but never posted them online! I write so much more than I post.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Undertow

Each Gentle Pass of Sun

Here at the Top of the World

must be the season of the witch

Hallow Fates

5. Do you respond to comments? 

Absolutely! Sometimes it takes me a while, but I always try to respond. Comments give me so much joy and more energy to write!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? 

Honestly, I have the angstiest ending written, but not posted on AO3 yet, and I’d hate to spoil it! Save your tears!

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 

I think the happiest ending might be Undertow, just because I took us deep into the angst/pain, so the high was that much sweeter after that.

8. Do you get hate on fics? 

I’ve gotten a couple…odd comments. I wouldn’t go so far as to say hate, which I am so thankful for, but a few people have shared some interesting opinions.

9. Do you write smut? 

Yes. And then I hardly ever post it because I’m a coward. The smut I have posted I literally never look at again because I’m so embarrassed.

10. Do you write crossovers? 

No :)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 

No? At least I hope not!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

No, but that would be such an honor.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

No, but I’ve always wanted to!!! I’m moots with some incredible writers. I just send out psychic vibes and hope they receive them lmao

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? 

I have a few favorite ships (Hananene/Amanene and ZeLink are a couple of them!) and they just reorder themselves in my top 5 all the time.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? 

NO. I’ve sworn to myself that every WIP will get its ending, and I’m definitely still working on that.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hm. I guess my greatest strength might be creating atmosphere. At least, it’s what I give a lot of thought to, and a few people have pointed it out before.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I write like there’s someone watching me from over my shoulder at all times. I feel like there’s an audience in my brain, so I end up being super critical of my own work, or hesitant to try things. It’s silly, but I’m trying to grow out of that. It’s my New Year's resolution!

Also: comma splices >:(

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? 

I don’t have the confidence for it yet!

19. First fandom you wrote for? 

JSHK, of course <3

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? 

The one that started it all: Undertow :) There's always something special about your first fic, right? It holds a special place in my heart.

Unfortunately I have no one to tag who hasn't already done this. If you see this post, take it as an open invitation (yes, I'm in inviting YOU) to do this!

[shywhispersunknown]

Alive

"By your spirit I will rise, from the ashes of defeat. The resurrected King is resurrecting me. In your name I come alive, to declare your victory. The resurrected King is resurrecting me."

Whenever I hear this song, I'm moved to tears. The above lyrics are so relevant to my present day life. As I reflect on the goodness of God and how he's brought me out of some tough situations, my heart aches as I flashback to my life before. 2016 to 2020 was probably some of my hardest years . Mentally I was on the brink of losing it and emotionally I was a complete wreck. My life had slowly morphed into a nightmare and nobody knew. On the surface I was thriving, my person and I had just bought a brand new home and life seemed good. But in reality, we had just had our 1st physical fight and I moved into our house alone. As I sat on my bedroom floor in disbelief ...I thought to myself, how did I get here? If I'm being honest, we should've never bought that house...let alone be together. We had a turbulent relationship, marred with cheating, arguments that never reached a resolution and a host of other harmful things. We were two wounded souls who should've let each other go a long time ago. But in all my girlie feels, I wanted the fantasy. I was willing to let the past be past, leaving all of our drama back at our old spot. But that didn't happen.

The night after we celebrated our closing, I was finishing up boxing our items when I knocked over a book. Inside that book were an assortment of special occasion cards over the years. His "girlfriend" was professing her love for him on these special days. She'd even written him a note, saying that hopefully he'd be able to resolve his issue,(that would be me) soon. She said she loved him and would be waiting. I was so jarred by this I was literally sick to my stomach. I knew about this woman. We'd fought about her before. She was a college friend he said, but refused to give me more than that. Id seen exchanges between the two that most would deem unforgivable...but something about reading those words, and seeing how we'd gotten this far with each other and she was still in the picture, crushed me. I could never fully share what was happening in my relationship, it was far too embarrassing. People would say, "hey! you got the house now, where's the ring? when are you guys making this official?" Id just smile and deflect to him. I was miserable. I knew this was a huge mistake. In my heart, I knew that there would never be a marriage, a family... hell, even real love. But deep down, I still wanted it. When we were peaceful, Id try to get to the bottom of why we couldn't just start over and move forward. I was often met with excuses, never a real resolution. Over time I morphed into someone I no longer recognized. I became jealous, insecure and a bonafide stalker. Id always thought of myself as strong, but that version of me was long gone. As time went on more soul crushing things were happening ..things that totally made me understand the women on Snapped. After another night of him allegedly working late...Id had enough. I knew where she lived, I even knew where she worked, I knew more about her than I should have. But anyway, I had just cased her entire block looking for his car. 1st lap...nothing.. 2nd lap...bingo! He must've just arrived, or perhaps he was already there and I didn't notice.. I sat in my car contemplating my next move. Do I ring the bell? Steal his car and park it a few blocks away? YUP! I had his spare key and made that an option if I found him there. Do I drive home get his clothes and throw them out front? I eventually did that...but that happens later on in this story...I wound up taking pictures of his car, sending it to the both of them, advising him not to come home. He threatened to call the cops on me if I refused to let him in, but he used his brain that night and didn't come. It was clear the woman was here to stay. A shell of myself, and literally on the verge of a nervous breakdown I finally told a friend what was happening. She recommended an amazing therapist who I believe was sent by God himself.

I went into my 1st session open ,honest and ready for whatever she thought would best help my situation. Dr Pyant was no joke! The truths she dropped on me I was not ready for. By our 3rd session she had already devised a plan of escape for me. "Escape!?" " Yes girl escape. I want you to close your eyes to what you think foreclosure is. You have no children with this man, there's is nothing holding you back. Stop paying that mortgage save your money and leave! God sees what's happening and he will take care of you." That was the advice. Leave. This situation was becoming more about me and less about us. I didn't wanna hear that though. I cant tell you what I was hoping for, but it wasn't that. I continued my sessions, him and I even managed to do one together. But nothing changed. He'd stop dealing with her for a few weeks. She'd cry leaving voicemail after voicemail, (yea, I had his passcode) and Id watch him mope around the house because it was obvious that's where he wanted to be. Dr Pyant was never pushy, but she wanted to make it crystal clear that reconciliation should not be an option. The things that I longed for, marriage, children etc...would never come from him. I knew she was right, but I was scared. Id lost so much of myself...my independence, my fight...I had no idea who I was anymore.

My final straw was when I caught him with her again. It was a year or so later and he had just had a surgery. Id taken off work to look after him...despite the challenges we faced, I still cared. He was healing fairly well and mentioned wanting to step out to get some air. I didn't think nothing of it because he had been stuck in the house for awhile. Now if you're smart, I think you know what I'm gonna say next. That's right, after a few hours had passed my antennas where up and I was on the move. As soon as I hit her block, I saw them. They were sitting in his car eating ice cream. Lovebirds. They saw me as well and were stunned. I drove home, put as much of his crap I could fit in my car, drove back to her house and dumped it everywhere. I didn't care. I was broken and that was it for me.

But God is amazing! He came and saved me right in the nick of time. Id started going back to church more consistently, it legit was all I had. I couldn't contain my sadness and I knew only the Lord could fix it. My beautiful sister in love and in Christ introduced me to her church where I met 3 amazing souls who were ministering me back to life. The Lord had revealed through them that it was time for me to leave. He promised to establish me and keep me, but the time was now. I took that word to heart. When Dr Pyant delivered that message to me, I struggled with it. I wasn't ready, nor did I think it was fair. Why did I have to uproot my life? Id suffered enough. But God was changing me, the sadness was lifting a bit and I wanted MY LIFE more than I wanted the idea of what I thought my life should be. I didn't care about how I looked to people anymore. Yes my life is a mess right now so what? For years I hid my reality because I didn't wanna hear the " I told you so's or you're stupid for staying...couldn't be me" The only thing that mattered was making it out alive. I eventually left and God did everything he promised. Although relieved, it was hard. Everyday was different. More lows than highs. But refinement, exposure , healing etc isn't meant to be pretty. But its definitely for the greater good.

[chiccherrysblog]

Day 16? Of making life more interesting-

I read somewhere that writing five hundred or more words it can really benefit you if you want a career in writing. So far it really hasn't been that bad. I mean I know im not so good with actually posting on here but im trying and I've still been writing but there is just something more satisfying about writing on paper. The way it feels with the pen on it you know? It just satisfies my brain in ways I no longer understand. Anyway, I just watched the proposal with Sandra bullock and Ryan Reynolds. Since watching it I have noticed the fact that it is just a common theme for editors to fall in love with their assistants. I mean look at mirandy. It's basically a straight version of them. Also watching Sandra bullock climb down a ladder in stilettos has given me a higher respect for her. I mean I already respected her for participating in the masterpiece that is oceans eight, but now it has dramatically increased.

Also, I've just realised how much I actually have to save in order to even have enough money for a plane ticket to view apartments in New york, including the possibility of having roomates. I say plural due to the amount of time I've spent in an evening watching friends and reading the devil wears prada. Honestly would not complain with either option. After sharing a room with my sister for quite a few years now, I'm guessing I could survive living with random strangers who could either be the nicest people on the planet or make me want to tear my own hair out. It shouldn't be that hard. Right? Maybe? I dont know. As long as I can invest in some good headphones and WiFi it should mean I can still work my way to the top without seriously considering living in a random hotel somewhere. If miranda could do it, so can I. I hope. I mean I know i can do all the academic stuff but I seriously need to work on my people skills. And being able to tolerate random small noises. And certain people. And coffee being made differently to how i make it. It shouldn't be that hard. I mean I should get to the bit where I can just sort of zone out all of the potentially irritating and distracting and not completely necessary noises. I can still get my pulitzer prize after becoming a US citizen which is harder than I thought it was and oh my god if I keep writing about this I'm pretty sure I may have yet another not even at quarter life crisis. So um...today was okay other than the crisis and migraine that doesn't seem to want to leave no matter how many of those stupid painkillers I take. My new years resolution doesn't seem to have worked as I find myself drinking more coffee than when the year started.

[starboundanon]

Dad I am having a Hecking Day; headcanons/snippets/drawing/anything you want for Luke in subspace?

Oh, Inky, my brightest star, I’m sorry it’s been a Hecking Day™️.

Here’s a snippet from the dark trucker!Din fic I haven’t shared with you yet.

TW: dark!Din, NC, DC, subspace, kidnapping, dead dove: do not eat.

The brush of rough denim against his face should be grounding, maybe. But it only pulls Luke deeper beneath the waves.

His cheek has started to burn from nuzzling against Din’s thigh so forcefully. It adds to the warm, heavy haze filling his brain with fog. His skin feels rubbed raw, but the repetitive motion is addictive; almost soothing. Din’s hand is in his hair and his dick is hard against Luke’s other cheek, and the smell of him is so thick, so heady, Luke loses himself to the motions of rocking his face against the man’s clothed sac.

“Fuck, baby,” Din groans above him, his other hand tightening on the steering wheel until the leather creaks. His 18-wheeler rumbles steadily beneath them, but even that is calming, somehow. Like a twenty-two tonne white noise machine. “Where did this come from, huh? You’re being so good for me.”

Blunt fingernails gently scrape against his scalp, and Luke moans, a pitiful keen. He doesn’t know either. He wishes he did. Any shame he might have felt for the way he’s acting is swallowed by that encroaching mist; he has no mind to question himself, just the heat and scent of Din above and below him, surrounding him.

He presses his face a little firmer against the rounded bulge of the man’s balls, inhaling. Din’s cock twitches in the open air, unrestrained and untouched, a bead of precome dripping down its gentle curve. Through his haze, there’s a twinge of mortification for the hunger that sight arouses in him, but Luke can hardly feel it, mouth watering before his lips have even made contact with his shaft.

Curled up as he is, head pillowed on Din’s thigh, he has to shift to try to suck the head of his cock past his lips, but the hand in his hair stops him, easing him back down. Luke paws futilely against the man’s abdomen, but it doesn’t help.

“You should get some more sleep, sweetheart,” Din murmurs, gaze still resolutely locked onto the road. He shifts his leg beneath Luke’s head, thumb massaging his temple. “You’ll need it. We’ll be stopping for the night in two or three hours.”

His cock twitches again, as though whatever thought just crossed his mind brought a rush of pleasure with it. Luke longs to take him into his mouth, to worship every bronze inch of him with his lips and tongue, to feel his dick’s every jolt and shudder as it’s buried deep in his throat.

But Din had told him to rest, and though part of him screams that he shouldn’t, a larger part of him longs to obey.

“I’ll give you what you need.” He reaches down, but doesn’t tuck himself back into his jeans, just rests the heavy length of his cock against Luke’s face, sitting forwards a little to press them together. “Can you be my good boy, like I know you want to, and be patient for me?”

Luke wants to say yes. Wants to swear up and down that he is Din’s good boy, that he can behave, that the man never needs to ever hurt him.

But the word doesn’t come. Through the numb-warm haze filling his head, there’s a distant sensation of dissent, and ironically, it makes it easier to obey. The indignity is followed by an exhaustion so bone-deep, he can’t deny it; his eyelids slip closed almost of their own accord, and with the promise of what he will wake up to pressed against his lips, Luke drifts away and off to sleep.

[mindsmade]

home - aeren pulls sh closer until sh’s face rests in the crook of aeren’s neck

@weaveshadows / meme

The terror rarely ceases these days, but Aerendyl can find reprieve from them here and there. In a way, he's stumbled upon one such occasion tonight — and then silently retreated from it. That moment by the statue of Selûne was meant for Shadowheart and her parents, and he can only feel glad to have played some part in bringing them together at all, circumstances be damned.

He stands now in the abandoned chapel bordering their camp, casting a cursory glance at the broken statues, the ruined pews lying about, and the flickering candle flames every now and again. He spent a minute or two leaning against the altar before his thoughts veered elsewhere — away from the Hallowleaf family, their reunion and the aftermath they're faced with now, and towards that of his own.

In the absence of distractions, he thinks of the letter etched into his memory. His mother's sloppy handwriting was and is unmistakable, but that what it described bemuses him still. Aerendyl briefly dwells on the initial relief he'd felt upon receiving it, thinking her safe after all, indeed, but the lack of sense in her words swiftly whittles that sensation down to mild despair.

The answer as to why she'd chosen to reunite with his father now, after that momentous fall-out decades ago, eludes him. Their impromptu reunion said to only be lacking his presence might have induced unbridled elation in his ten-year-old self, but his present-day skepticism wins out every time he meditates on the matter.

Something is wrong. His first thought always leads to Orin playing games; his second leads to those accursed tadpoles. There are no alternatives — even if he tries to fool himself into thinking his paranoia's getting the better of him at last, and he can simply no longer recognise a good thing when he sees it. Reconciliation between those two was never an option.

Aerendyl snaps out of his thoughts and reaches a standstill amidst his pacing as the heavy wooden door creaks. He forgets what he was thinking about for a while, and he's all too content with that. There's a welcome distraction in studying what he soon recognises as Shadowheart's silhouette against the backdrop of moonlight pouring in.

❛  I hope my leaving didn't cause any offence. I thought the moment best kept between you three.  ❜ He remains stock still in the middle of the aisle for another moment, briefly wringing his hands. By the time his hands fall to his side, Shadowheart's already within arm's reach.

'Are you all right?' Somehow, it takes until the second echo of her words in this vaulted building for him to register it. They form a simple question with a complicated answer, for he's beyond pleased to see Shadowheart reunited with their family ( despite any initial unease ). They have a future with each other in it now, and something to fight the Elder Brain that much more fiercely for.

But Aerendyl finds himself hoping the same might lie in his future, yet fears – expects – he will see any possibility for it shatter before his eyes.

❛  I'm not sure. Are you?  ❜ He won't lie to her, and he expects she'll offer him the same courtesy. They're both navigating troubled waters now, even if the directions of the tides they sail vary all too greatly.

The absence of an instant answer begs a change of tactic. Perhaps not everything needs to be put into words; some things can simply be felt, rather than discussed. But he wishes to share and partake in the resolution of what ails them both, even if it proves only to be a temporary reprieve — and so he reaches out, his right hand to their left, and pulls them his way.

Close, closer, closest — until they come together and he can snake his arms about her, coaxing her into resting her head in the crook of his neck. A sigh flees him as he rests his chin atop her head and languidly starts thumbing her shoulder blade beneath his hand. The other seeks refuge at the base of her head, right where it meets her nape.

He drinks in the comfort of their embrace, registering every point of contact. His chin to their hair, their breath fanning across his collarbone, the gentle ( yet somehow urgent ) press of their arms along his shoulders and neck — all rousing a sense of connection he feels more at home in than he can describe.

The faintest smile touches upon his lips as he shuts his eyes, pondering the solace that's draped itself across him ( and hopefully across Shadowheart, too ) like a warm blanket. ❛ Well, I do feel much better for having you here, for what it's worth. ❜