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wh6res · 4 years ago

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three's a crowd | nomin

synopsis. picking favorites is impossible when you like neither of them.

warning. read at your own risk. abuse, bullying, poly relationship, yandere themes, manipulation, nonconsensual touching, noncon, degradation, smut threesome oop

disclaimer. i do not condone whatever tf i wrote in this nor does it reflect my beliefs or values or morals and such. it is all pure fiction and i also dont think jaemin or jeno would act like this in real life.

note. this was meant to be a new year's gift lmao i obviously got a lil carried away 👀 anyway a late happy new year to you all! we survived 2020, let's start living in 2021, yeah? lmao if covid lets us grr mwah!

the relationship you had with the two of them was a weird one, bordering on taboo, but it wasn't as if you willfully chose to be who they wanted you to be and it took jaemin's unwanted pining and jeno's intimidating demeanor for you to fall right into their arms.

it was a joint effort on their part, you couldn't've possibly stood a chance.

"this many?" the cashier asked. "are you sure?"

stepping back and studying the whole situation, you figured you only had your addiction to caffeine and procrastination to blame. it was a chain reaction you didn't even know will lead up to your inevitable doom.

if you hadn't been slacking off during your first semester of junior year college, you wouldn't be forced to overwork yourself trying to catch up to the looming deadlines, but to be able to 'work yourself to the bone' you need your boost of energy… and that was when you met one of them.

"uhm," you scratch the back of your head sheepishly as you eye the six glass bottles of iced coffee. sure, it looks bad and you kinda appreciate the look of concern the cashier throws your way but it was none of his business.

"yes. now could you, like, you know… hurry up? i'm in a little bit of a time crunch right now."

screw it. although you hardly snap like that with other people on a daily basis, it'll be a whole different conversation if you were under a significant amount of stress and today, unfortunately, is one of those days.

now can he just fucking stop asking questions and give you your six bottles of death drink to keep your fucking brain going so you can pass an eight-page essay tomorrow? thank you very much!

the guy snickered, the beeping sound of a barcode being read sounding a thousand times more annoying than it usually sounds as he keeps his hand busy by punching your items out.

you fail to notice how he studies you through the gaps of his lashes, finding you interesting rather than threatening as you stood before him with your messy hair and oversized hoodie.

"haven't seen you around university grounds 'till today," he tries striking another conversation with you. "you new? i'm jaemin."

this was your first mistake, you shouldn't have been so… downright rude when you met him. if you were granted the miracle of meeting him a 2nd time, you would've acted more nice, throwing yourself at his feet even to blend in with the rest of his fangirls you didn't even know about at the time. you would've done anything to make sure he never gives you a second glance, to never pique his interest.

jaemin is the pep squad captain. flying over colored blue mats and doing tumblings in the air with no ounce of fear. he was the best in his team, that much was evident when your friend dragged you into watching a pep rally practice. his landings were clean, balanced, and executed to the best he can at all times.

no wonder he was popular, his talent is outstanding and his looks are a bonus. his killer combo of a smile and wink after pulling off a tough flip is enough to send them squealing in their seats.

he spotted you that day and since then, he snuck the quickest glances at the bench during practices. recognizing you as the coffee girl he met during his convenience store shift. jaemin tries not to let his disappointment show too much when he doesn't see you, but of course, a pair of cold calculating eyes could see right through him.

"i saw that," his boyfriend said, hand darting forward to hold jaemin's gym bag for him. "you kept looking at the crowd. do you want to see her that much?"

"but she reminds me so much of you, jeno!" he retorts, pouting at the slight grumpy tone the other boy used. "i can't help it. she doesn't seem to give a fuck around me so she's quite interesting. maybe she can even be a great addition to our relationship!"

"well," jeno replies after a beat of silence, plastering a small smirk on his face before slinging an arm around jaemin's shoulder.

"convince me?"

you don't like jaemin's attention. not in the slightest. and it seems that was enough reason for the reign of terror his little fanclub has subjected you too.

it wasn't the petty elementary forms of bullying like pulling at your hair or calling you names. they pale in comparison to the other things they do to you—beating you up, messing with your homework, "accidentally" dumping their food trays on you.

and you weren't stupid.

you knew exactly who was behind it, knew how jaemin spectates the whole thing from afar so that he can swoop in at the end to play your knight in shining armor.

"oh, you poor thing. do you need help?"

the first time you accepted his "help" you ended up in a supply closet near the gym during your free period, cornered and weak as your cries for help drowns under the squeaking of shoes and the booming sounds of rubber balls hitting the floor.

if it weren't for jeno appearing out of thin air and prying the boy off of you, you would've been painted blue and red from the death grip he had on your wrist, neck, and waist.

you can still remember feeling the soreness of your scalp from when he pulled your hair too hard. remembered feeling his teeth gnawing at your lips as if he wanted to tear them off.

that time hadn't been the first time you saw jeno. you've shared a few classes with him and it strikes you how polar opposites they are with one another.

while jaemin likes to bask in his professor and classmates' recognition by confidently reciting his answers, jeno would rather keep to himself. liked sitting at the last row, near the window, so he'd be the first to go once the professor ends their lecture. while jaemin loved the attention of his fangirls, jeno preferred solitude. while jaemin is impulsive and wild, jeno liked to think things through.

it was within these reasons that you decided to do what you did. but your judgement of character has never been more wrong.

you approached jeno one day in the library, tried to make yourself appear as stoic and confident as possible. but your constant slouching and averting eyes was a dead giveaway.

you came to talk to him about what jaemin has been doing, hoping there's one person left in this entire school that isn't under the cheer captain's trance. the one reasonable person that has already saved you once and (hopefully) is willing enough to save you again. the only one that probably has a certain level of control over jaemin, if the supply closet incident is anything to go by.

but you've overestimated lee jeno.

"you should've just given jaemin what he wanted."

"but—but aren't you two lovers? isn't it bothering you?"

you try baiting him, only for an uncomfortable shiver to start crawling down your spine when he chuckled humorlessly, pushing his school materials to the side while pinning you with an unreadable stare.

how can a person make someone feel so small just by a gaze alone? it was nothing like you've felt with jaemin. this is way worse.

"the only thing that's bothering me is why you're not ours yet."

you feel cold fingers creeping their way under your shirt, going higher and higher until it brushes against your bra. and when your eyes meet, the look on his face was unmistakable—what are you going to do about it, huh?

you stood up in lightning speed, the chair you've been sitting on scraping loudly against the floor.

you've never ran out as fast as you did.

and jeno swears it'll be the last.

you tried everything in your power to ignore them for the next following weeks but it soon became useless when the two boys took it upon themselves to give you your space.

although judging by the pinpricks you feel on your back, and the constant weight of a stare you feel on your shoulders, you knew they weren't done with you yet. far from it. and for some reason, you just knew they wanted to lull you into a false sense of security first before striking again.

and while they continued to ogle at you from afar like a hawk circling its prey in a desert, you took it upon yourself to return the favor. not because you were the slightest bit interested in those creeps but maybe, just maybe, if you look hard enough you'll find a way out, a weakness.

but what you realized made your insides churn in great discomfort—although it may seem that jeno holds the reins in the relationship since his reserved nature fits the role, it's actually the other way around.

jaemin might appear too self-centered, too focused on himself to give a fuck about his surroundings but in actuality, he has quite a knack for reading people. even more so than jeno. and it was scary how he used it to his advantage, and paired up with his devoted fangirls? it was hell on earth.

you found it alarming how the two seem to magically appear wherever you are.

although you weren't in the least bit surprised. for some reason, you can't take your eyes away when jaemin's devotees flock around him (and jeno) in a circle.

it almost reminds you of a shoal of piranhas, waiting for their meal to drop into the water before ripping it to shreds with their teeth. only their "meal" isn't actual flesh but the carefully crafted words jaemin says that drive them into a sick frenzy.

one that has them doing everything in their power to satisfy him like the loyal dogs they are.

so this was how he got them to bully you?

"oh, that? don't worry! yangyang just ran into me during cheer rehearsal. no biggie. my cheek stung a little bit, though…" is what he said but really he's telling them "scruff him up a bit for me, why don't ya?"

"of course, i can't be the best all the time. haechan is just too good, maybe even better than me…" is what he said but really he's telling them "can you remind him where his place should be?"

all the while jeno did nothing to hold him back.

no matter how wrong jaemin is, how much of an asshole he is, jeno will stick by his side through and through. so as much as jaemin is a puppeteer that gets a kick for controlling people, jeno is as much at fault for looking the other way.

because in jeno's perspective, why the fuck would he do shit when he can just get off from the entertainment that comes with jaemin's sweet little mind games?

we lost :(

you had been busy sorting through paperwork for one of your professors in the faculty when your friend texted you the results of the intercollegiate cheer dance competition. a frown paints your face, heart feeling heavy at the bad news.

in all honesty, you still supported the pep squad—you just hated the captain and his boyfriend. they've been practicing non-stop for this and prior to the weeks of the competition, jeno looked a lot more tense and jaemin less smiley than usual. you swore you even saw the latter snap at one of his fangirls.

not to mention, they paid less attention to you, too, and it was the best three weeks of your life.

tension starts rising in your shoulders, fingers absentmindedly running through the edge of the papers you had been sorting until you became immersed with your thoughts.

jaemin must be in the worst mood yet.

and jeno too, probably. if anything, that guy gets triggered the most when something bad happens to jaemin or when he catches snippets of people talking shit about his oh so "perfect" boyfriend.

jeno is a lot scarier when jaemin is in one of his mood swings, you noticed. he steps up in the relationship to offer comfort to the other boy and for outsiders? it isn't a great experience to go through—being on the receiving end of jeno's ice cold stare is a position you don't want to find yourself in after that time in the library.

he is still as much a threat to your peaceful life like his lover.

you snap out of it when the blinding headlights of a vehicle seep through the closed blinds. you hear the gentle hum of an engine switching off as the headlights vanished as quick as they had appeared. that must be the cheer squad's bus.

as you look around the empty faculty room, something in your gut tells you to ditch file sorting duty for professor kim tonight and fucking get the hell out of campus grounds as quick as you can.

after haphazardly throwing the unsorted papers back into the cabinet, you groan aloud when the keys to the office drop out of your skirt’s pocket.

the indoor gym where the cheering squad practices is right across the hallway. you sure as hell don't want to bump into jaemin. or jeno, too, if he had decided to ride along the cheer squad's bus on the way home.

you kept looking for the keys underneath the cubicles, cursing aloud when you heard the telltale squeaks of shoes rubbing against linoleum. you almost hit your head against a table when you quickly got back up your feet, darting forward to shut the lights for the faculty room.

they can't know you're here. alone. and if it meant sitting in the dark for a few hours 'till they leave, meant going back home a little later than usual is what you have to do then so be it.

you try not to react so violently when the door you're leaning on jolts when someone from outside slams their back against it.

"it's not like we didn't do our best, right guys? i don't have regrets. it might sound fucking cheesy and although i'm sad myself, atleast we did what we can."

it's jaemin. his voice clear as day.

you try peaking, craning your neck up from your place on the floor. only to see the back of his head leaning against the glass section of the door. someone else joins in on the conversation, followed by coach park himself, and you slowly tune out whatever they're saying as you stealthily start scanning the faculty room.

you curse under your breath. is there no other exit other than this door? jesus christ! even classrooms in this university had two doors—

"what are you doing here?"

the switch flickers on, basking the once dark room with light. only when you hear an echo of your name being called, did you snap out of it and quickly picked yourself up from the floor.

"i said, what are you doing here?"

their coach asks, drilling the question as he looks at you skeptically with his arms crossed. you try not to look at the people behind him.

particularly, not at his cheer captain standing on his right.

particularly, not at jeno, who stands out like a sore thumb with his blue hair, a protective arm snaked around jaemin’s shoulders.

this isn't your lucky day, too, you guess.

"i was…" you cursed yourself for stuttering. "i was, uhm, i was file sorting for prof—professor kim, sir."

coach park looked like he didn't believe you as he narrowed his eyes in scrutiny. your nerves are going haywire and you can feel the sharp pins of their stare with how close they are.

you kept juggling your weight with the balls of your feet, hands fisting and unfisting behind your back. you want to leave. you have to leave.

"file sorting… in the dark?" he asked incredulously.

fuck this.

"uhm, you can ask professor kim himself tomorrow, coach. for now, uh, i'll be going now. i'm sorry you guys lost…"

originally, the exit is on the right side, at the end of the hallway. but no, you are not going to pass by those two while on your way out so you ducked behind a random student standing on the coach's left instead and practically ran away from the scene.

everyone had been too busy. too busy looking at your retreating form to even notice jaemin and jeno exchanging glances, too busy to notice the latter untangling himself from their captain to slip away unnoticed, his hurried steps filled with a burning purpose.

you didn't know why you ran, but you did. your shoes practically booming against the floor as you sped away through darkened hallways. you're sweating profusely, heart hammering in your chest. you can worry about professor kim tomorrow but right now you just had to—

"why are you in such a rush, pet?"

crashing into jeno felt like crashing into a wall. if it hadn't been for his arm quickly wrapping around your waist, then you would've landed on your butt before him.

with the small distance between the two of you, jeno could see as clear as day through your eyes.

jaemin was right.

it was addicting to stare into them.

especially when he can see every single one of your thoughts flying through your pretty little head. but hey, it wasn't their fault you were so easy to read.

jeno barely conceals the wicked smirk on his lips when your hands come up to his chest, trying to push him away but to no avail.

he can see your eyes shifting from shock, to confusion, until it finally settles on fear—to which it's slowly becoming a favorite emotion of his to see on your face.

"you know, jaemin is in a really shitty mood right now. and we were wondering, maybe you can cheer us up?"

no. this can't be happening.

"jeno, please." your dilated eyes and disheveled hair made his blood run south. "let me go. you don't want me. you don't need a third party in your relationship."

you yelp when he lets you go, literally shoving you against a wall—which you found out is actually a door, as it swings open as soon as your body crashes against it.

with jeno looming unforgivingly before you in his full height, the tears stung extra hard but you won't let them fall.

if he wanted to bask in the image of your weakness then it'll be something you'll deprive from him for as long as you can.

"i don't need a stupid bitch like you to tell me what i feel." he scoffs. "don't fucking kid yourself, you little whore—i don't want you. i'm not jaemin."

the echo of the classroom door shutting closed surged through you like a wake up call.

this is really happening.

you've always led a decent life, had done nothing too questionable and you've always thought maybe life will spare you if you lived quietly enough. but the feel of jeno's freezing hands crawling against your skin felt like life itself had spat at you in the eye and left you to rot in a ditch.

"i've always liked how you wore skirts," he comments. playing with the ruffled hem of the soft fabric as he purposely grazed his knuckles against your supple thighs. "gives me easy access, don't you agree?"

you scream when he flips your skirt up to reveal the innocent pink of your cotton panties. it was as if a switch had flipped inside of you and the will to fight started coursing through your veins.

"stop! jeno! i don't want this!"

his brows furrow, grunting as he struggles to push the waistline of your skirt up higher with how much you're thrashing underneath him. you buck your hips, tried curling in on yourself, anything to prolong what he wants to do to you.

with your legs trapped underneath his, you blindly reach forward, relying on your upper body instead to push and scratch whatever your palms and nails reached.

you continue screaming like a banshee until he shoved two fingers into your wet cavern.

"stop fighting me," he sounded strained, as if he's holding himself back. you feel him fisting the fabric of your skirt and you fear he's simply going to rip it apart.

you tried responding to him, only the sound had been muffled, gurgled by the flat of his fingers pushing down against your tongue mercilessly. when you reach forward to push him away, your hands land on the apple of his cheeks, nails digging through skin.

until it slips and—

you lie rigid when red scratch marks in the size of your fingernails slowly appear on jeno's skin, his head turned to the side as he paused. your actions slowly start sinking in to him as he shuts his eyes and bit his lip 'till it looked like it was about to bleed.

oh no.

"jeno—"

the slap he planted on your cheek left your ears ringing. all those hard earned muscles of his put to good use—if the tears hadn't fallen for the last few minutes, then it definitely started falling now.

the hit had been so strong, a few of your hair flew astray, the buzzing feeling of your skin tempting you to reach a hand up to soothe your abused cheek.

until jeno let out a low growl and your hand immediately drops limp against your body, afraid of whatever else he can do to you other than a slap.

"that's more like it," he whispers under his breath. you let out the tiniest of whimpers when his hand darts forward to fist your hair. "do you know what happens to bad girls? they fucking get busted up. do you understand me?"

his patience is nonexistent.

jeno slams your head against the floor when you don't answer because you thought his question had been rhetorical. it felt like your skull had been split in two as you wail in pain.

"are you fucking deaf—i asked you a fucking question!"

the hand that cups your jaw is painful as he squeezed your cheek with his blunt nails. your hand shoots up to wrap around his wrist, silently pleading for him to let up as you sobbed out loud. you started nodding as best as you can despite his firm grip on your face.

your reply was nothing short of pathetic. with lips forcefully pursed and the steady stream of your tears and snot rolling down your face, your response is gargled and hardly incoherent and jeno seemed to thoroughly enjoy your anguish if the condescending curl on his lips is anything to go by.

"look at you," he whispers, his face coming close to yours as he holds you down. there was something in the way jeno stared so intently that it made your skin crawl.

"i think you're prettiest when ruined like this."

with his nose touching yours, he felt too close, bordering on intimate as you felt his hand creep back up your thighs, trailing up with feather-like touches that made goosebumps appear on your skin.

you tried wiggling your legs underneath him but one sharp look from jeno is enough to make you stop.

the hand holding your face moves. coming down from gripping your face to encircling his hand around your neck.

"do you like it when i touch you? freaky bitch."

his hands trail further up, up, up until you felt him slotting a finger underneath your panties.

jeno didn't like how frozen you were underneath him as he pulls at the hem before letting go. the elastic snapping back against your skin.

the action evokes a strong feeling through the young male, promising to have you writhing and screaming and begging because by the end of all this, you'll be so needy and frustrated that you will have no choice but to give in to what your body wanted.

"jeno, didn't i tell you to play nice?"

someone stands by the door, the minimal light from the hallway creating a silhouette with his form but you knew who he was. that deep voice, with the same annoying flippant tone, is a dead giveaway.

you didn't know why you even hoped in the beginning. as if there'll be someone who can save you from these two.

you thought the flash of hurt in your eyes was quick to disappear but jeno noticed it quicker.

in a span of seconds, he pulled you up from your position from the ground and tugged you towards his lap. you haven't even gotten the time to settle on your new position when he already smashed his lips against yours.

it was messy. too much saliva. too much teeth. no tenderness to it at all.

the fabric of his jeans felt rough, not to mention the ice cold belt buckle made you severely uncomfortable as it seeps through the thin fabric of your skirt.

when you attempt to hover over his lap, jeno grunts as he snakes an arm around your waist, pulling you back down without your lips breaking away from each other. you didn't know why he let out a whine, but you understood the moment you fully sat down on his lap and you felt a tent on his jeans hitting your clothed entrance perfectly.

in a normal circumstance, you would've found everything hot and might've actually gotten off from it but not when it's him who’s doing this to you and you didn’t consent to any of this.

you start squirming again. palms lying flat against jeno's chest as you attempt to push him away and jaemin sees this as the opportune moment to slot himself behind you, caging you in between them.

“i want my turn,” he hisses and without an ounce of hesitation, jeno stops to do what he's told.

jaemin doesn't waste any second to grab your face, awkwardly craning your neck up to meet his lips in the same feverish kiss.

while jeno had been all teeth and aggression, practically forcing you to open your mouth and kiss him back, jaemin on the other hand is more soft, more romantic, you daresay. he seemed to like taking his sweet time by clutching your face, kissing you like he actually meant it.

he pulls away slightly, resting his forehead against yours as he murmurs something incoherent under his breath and then he's kissing you again.

you think you heard something along the lines of, "finally."

you've been too distracted by jaemin to notice jeno's nimble fingers quickly fumbling with the buttons of your blouse. it was only when you feel the sensation of his tongue laving against the swell of your breast did you turn away from jaemin, jerking backward in surprise.

"no—!"

your scream is cut off by a hand cupping your mouth. jaemin pulls your back towards his chest, molding your body against his as jeno licked and suckled all he wanted, thankful to have the other boy there to not worry about restraining you and keeping you quiet while he has his fun.

"ah, ah, ah," jaemin teases, going hard over the pleading and teary look you sent his way. it looked pathetic, he wasn't going to lie, but it doesn't mean he didn't love it. "just keep still and appreciate jeno's efforts to take care of you, alright baby?"

you don't like how he talked as if this was all a mutual thing, how he talked slowly like you were some toddler who didn't understand anything.

it's cruel how jaemin giggled and basked in your vulnerable state as he kept his eyes pinned on you while undoing the zipper of your skirt. your muffled cries of his name only serving to egg him on.

the way he stared was similar to jeno, too intently and intrusive, like he wants to burn your image of despair in the back of his head.

you whined involuntarily when jeno got bored of all the licking and thus decided to start biting and nipping at your chest instead. he was hypnotised by how responsive you were, how every little bite and nibble made you shudder.

it was a shame that jaemin had to cover your mouth. he didn't get to hear your pretty mewls but it wasn't as if he'd let the night end without hearing them loud and clear.

jaemin is fast in undressing you, feeling slightly betrayed by how quick your skirt and blouse fell under his hands.

you know what he wants, what he's going to do, and the tears fall harder when you can't dodge away from him. forced to endure and accept whatever they give you.

"you act like you don't like it but look how fucking wet you are," you bit your lip hard when jaemin starts circling the pads of his fingers against your clit, fascinated by how more juices streamed down your thighs.

"jeno, do you see this? fuck."

you can only blink in defeat, staring off to the side as you force down any noise bubbling up your throat, forcing yourself to think of anything else other than what's happening right now.

you try not to think about how they managed to tear all of your clothes off while they're left completely dressed. tried not to think about the fingers lazily drawing up and down your slit to collect your essence.

if they're doing this as a way to further humiliate you, it's working.

"slut," jeno mocked, a wicked curl on his lips when he wraps his fingers around your throat. the moment he dives down to claim your lips again is the same time jaemin pushes two fingers inside you.

"look at how wet you are because of me," jaemin whispers hot against your ear and you feel a sick churn in your stomach when you feel his smile against your skin.

he purposely drives his fingers in and out quicker, settjng a brutal pace, wanting you to hear the lewd squelching sounds. "hear that? do you hear that, darling? that's because of me—"

"don't go talking big now, jaem," jeno retorts, pulling away from your lips to start nibbling on the back of your ear. "i was here first. did you see how she fucking reacted when i sucked on her tits?"

you're quick to catch how jeno particularly loved degrading you. but how he talks about you as if you're literally not in front of him naked made you hit a new all-time low.

you felt… filthy.

his hands find purchase on your butt—only because jaemin has already claimed the front. for now.

you close your eyes tight when he painfully squeezes the flesh of your ass. you swear, his blunt nails will paint your skin black and blue.

"i'm the favorite!"

as someone who's part of a varsity team, you already knew a competitive nature runs through jaemin's veins. but never had you thought jeno would share the same sentiment. once again they prove that they're cut from the same cloth.

all of a sudden it wasn't all about claiming you as theirs anymore rather it was all about who can make you moan the loudest, who can make you cum the most, who can make you feel the dirtiest you can be.

you're absolutely terrified for the hours to come.

thankfully, they have yet to ask for your verbal opinion or validation. they let your body do all the talking—every repressed shudder and sharp gasp is enough.

but it's game over once they pop the million dollar question.

"who do you like best?"

you don't want to find out the consequences if you actually answered their question because you didn't know what could be worse.

jaemin's manipulation or jeno's aggression?

but it was all normal. trial and error is inevitable in order to build and mold you into the ideal lover for the both of them.

because adding someone new to the mix has never been easy—after all, three's a crowd.

#nct imagines #yandere nct #yandere kpop #nct smut #nct scenarios #yandere jaemin #yandere jeno #jaemin imagines #jeno imagines #jaemin scenarios #jeno scenarios #jaemin smut #jeno smut

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formerlyroyal · 3 years ago

Note

Do we actually think she is genuinely upset in that car picture or is she acting? I have never seen paps in Montecito, but I suppose it’s possible they hang around the bottom of the driveway at that ghastly Olive Garden-esque mansion even though the Harkle’s are said to be recluse’s. You have seen where they live, right? Does it look shady AF? I wonder if Harry enjoys the thrill of living in the shoddy house of cards built by his deceitful, hustling, con artist wife? It almost looks like Meghan was crying because she got caught out in something huge for once, so here’s hoping! I’m telling you… one day this will all inevitably end in fraud and extortion charges (hopefully criminal charges) finally coming to the surface. She is so dodgy. Harry will not come out of it clean, but it’s really all HER doing as he is way too thick to even come up with something so devious. I don’t think his brain works in the same inherently deceitful way hers does. I just wonder how long it will take for everything to come crashing down like the grifter deserves? I think the DM is sitting on mountains and mountains of dirt. She is duplicity in human form and the entire world is onto her / doesn’t care about her / or despises her. Once everything goes pear shaped she is well and truly f***ed. Her and Andrew are cut from the same cloth…

Paparazzi are not in SB/Montecito. The only ones that are is their call in Backgrid pap. Don’t forget that nachos bell grande posted a photo taken by Backgrid on her Instagram with an essay meghan wrote about how wonderful she is.

Their street and gate is not a place anyone could lay siege to. The driveway is behind a gate and you cannot see it. It’s very easy to walk by the gate and plenty of people park by it as there is a gorgeous little hike up the street that is popular. You cannot see the house. Montecito is mostly gates with driveways surrounded by trees. You pretty much have to drive in from any entrance to reach a house.

The photographer yesterday was in the car in front of them. Clearly she set it up. Harry is driving like a robot acting like he doesn’t see them. Please🙄

Harry is a dimwit idiot that doesn’t understand how a lot of this works but HE CO-SIGNS it all and participates. He knows exactly what is happening and he lets it happen.

I personally do not believe there will ever be criminal charges, that is peanut butter territory.

They’re both a**holes and deserve whatever is coming their way. I bet Netflix had dumped them or is about to if they don’t deliver another Oprah style shitfest and that is the only game they still have going.

Oprah probably wanted to make sure Netflix would give her the right amount of money and publicity.

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ginger-grimm · 3 years ago

Text

Sean looked out of the bus window, the sun beating down on his face. He wiped over his forehead with his hand, trying to get rid of some of the sweat that had been collecting there over the last couple of hours of the ride.

It had been one of the hottest summers California had seen, the heat had caused more than one power outage in the last month.

He had wanted to spend his summer break preparing for his Sophomore year of High School, he had finally thought that he'd worked up enough courage to spring some news on his parents.

Then Brody happened.

His older brother was supposed to spend his summer break at football camp, but the heat had already caused half the team to drop like flies. Normally Coach Pruitt wouldn't give a damn, and tell them to get back on their feet. But due to an incident during the previous summer's camp he was no longer allowed to torture his players in the heat. They're allowed to complain if he does, and Pruitt isn't looking to lose his job a couple of years before retirement.

So, entirely against his will, Sean was back to playing the house's maid.

It wasn't that his parents were unattentive, everyone did their domestic duties. But they were both working all week, weekends too nowadays, and since Brody was such a big-shot football player and had to conserve all of his energy towards the big scholarship he was aiming for, it was up to his little brother to take care of the household, his own school work, and that of his brother.

"You'll be just fine, Sean," his mother would always say. "You're smart and intuitive. You're going to land on your feet. Your brother isn't as lucky. He needs this scholarship. You understand, right?"

He did. And yet, he didn't. He understood that he was 'blessed' with a smart brain, and that his brother's intelligence was more average compared to his. But at this point in his life, Sean would wish more than anything to be average.

Doing everything for his brother was extremely tiring. Sean could not remember the last time he sat down and binge-watched a new show or even just read for the fun of it.

At this point his brain was made up entirely of math equations and the 1000-page essays he would furiously type out while downing Red Bulls all night.

He was tired. Not just physically, but emotionally as well. He couldn't recall ever hearing so much as "thank you" from his brother or his parents.

People say the youngest sibling gets everything they ask for. Not Sean. Sean should consider himself lucky he has a roof over his head, food on his plate, and a big brain in his head - according to his father, that is.

Finley would always tell Sean to tell his dad to shove it. But that's not something you simply say Al Williams.

And besides, she had no real ground to stand on. Finley Yoo would never have to tell her dad to shove it. Ronald Yoo was a saint. As was his wife Isla Anderson-Yoo.

Fin never had to work hard for anything a day in her life. And that was only partly because she was smart. His best friend knew how to work the system. And she was an only child to boot. The closest thing she had to a sibling was Sean, and when they got in a fight, Fin could simply send him home. Sean couldn't do that with Brody.

If he could pinpoint the straw that broke the camel's back, it would have been two nights ago, when Brody simply dropped off the book he needed to read over the summer, which needed a report as well. He didn't even say a word to him, just dumped his school work and walked out of his room.

Sean had stormed down the hallway and into his room, yelling at him. He didn't stop yelling at him until his father walked in and dragged him away.

His mother had tried to smooth things over, coming in an hour later with chocolate waffles and a sickly-sweet concoction of vanilla coke mixed with strawberry syrup.

He hadn’t had that drink in years, but it used to be the only thing he demanded to drink when he was a kid. He would regularly get his babysitters to make it, then Brody would once he was old enough to watch his brother for the night.

Lily knew exactly how to lul her son in, and Sean hated that he fell for it everytime.

She talked him down, or so she thought, by reminding him that he was special and he would be fine. But Sean was done being special. He wanted more from life than being his brother's errand boy.

So, in an admittedly not thought out decision, he snuck into his fathers' office and opened the safe. He took about a thousand dollars, packed a bag, and snuck out of the house before sunlight, sprinting to the bus stop in fear that his dad had already woken up and found out the money was gone. He bought a bus ticket to Los Angeles, which was about a two days ride away from his suburban home town.

His phone had been vibrating with messages and calls from his parents to Finley, and even Brody. He had ignored them all. Then turned off his phone.

The bus ride, aside from the heat, had been pretty calming, but Sean wasn't even thinking about turning back. He hadn’t just gotten on that bus in a hasty decision. He had someone to see and it was finally time to do it.

He stared at the picture in his hand, a sly smile graced his face. A pearly white smile looked back up at him.

Sean had been messaging with Danny for months. Then they talked on the phone. Then on video calls. Sean hadn't originally planned to visit Danny so soon, but home was a hellscape at this point and he had to get out, at least for a little while.

He had called Danny about half an hour after he got on the bus, and thankfully Danny didn't rebuff his suggestion to spend the last two weeks of summer together.

Sean had no idea how these next two weeks would go down. Maybe they would soften the blow of having to go back home eventually. Or maybe he would never go home again.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, finally checking the messages he'd been ignoring for a whole day. He then quickly typed one out to Finley.

I'm fine. Just going on a little trip. I can't be at home right now. Love you, Finnie.

The other messages weren't as rosey. His mother was worried sick, his brother was angry because their mother was worried, and his father was disappointed.

A part of him felt bad, but another part felt a surge of happiness. Finally, his family noticed his presence, or lack thereof. Finally, he was more than just a tool to make everyone else's lives easier.

He sighed, putting his phone back in his pocket.

Maybe he really wasn't going back. Ever.

TAGGING: @waterloou @firsthorror @eddysocs @ocs-supporting-ocs @foxesandmagic @reggiemantleholdmyhand-tle @decennia @hiddenqveendom @ocfairygodmother @luucypevensie @richitozier @noratilney @jvstjewels

#ocappreciation #ocapp #fic: the summer of a lifetime #oc: sean williams #i will make a better graphic in the future #i just got excited to post this #i hope you guys like itttt

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squiggledrop · 4 years ago

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Forgotten Days - Spencer x Reader

Masterlist

Summary: Spencer and Reader both have feelings for each other, but haven’t told the other. The team forgets Reader’s birthday, and Spencer tries to fix it before it’s too late.

Word Count: 3.1k

Pairings: Spencer Reid x Reader

Category: Agst, Fluff

Warnings: Kissing

Note: To the anon that requested this: Happy Happy Birthday!! Everyone should feel loved on their birthday, so I just wanted to let you know you are cared for and so appreciated. Happy Birthday!

The monotonous beeping of the hotel alarm clock pervaded your ears. You groggily peeked open your eyes, groaning at the sunlight bleeding through the window. You saw Emily shuffling in her bed as you reached over to turn off the incessant beeping before rubbing your tired eyes. It was six in the morning on the twelfth day the team had been in Kansas on a grueling case, and it just so happened to be your birthday. Needless to say, it was not off to a great start.

You sighed, willing yourself to get out of bed in an attempt to avoid a scolding from Hotch for being late. You pulled your head off the rough cotton pillow and swung your legs onto the ground. You took a long look around the room, taking in the way the deep red wallpaper had mocked you for the past eleven nights, reminding you of the unsub who had continuously avoided all the team’s attempts at catching them. Your jaw clenched as you turned back over to your half-asleep friend laying in the bed next to you.

“Em, we have to get up. We have to be back at the station in thirty minutes”, you said between a yawn. Emily groaned as she sat up, rolling her eyes as she nodded. You looked at her for a moment longer, not getting up to go to the bathroom just yet.

“What?”, she questioned. You knew it was early that she was just as tired and frustrated with this case as you, but you still waited for her to wish you a Happy Birthday. Your mouth hung open at her question before you quickly closed it, realizing you would not be getting any birthday wishes this early in the morning.

“Nothing. I’m going to hop in the shower”, you replied, getting up and walking towards the bathroom. You saw Emily nod as she began to get herself up and ready for the day. When you closed the door and started the shower, you couldn’t help but frown at the pit you felt in your stomach. Of course, there were more important matters at hand, such as the serial killer that was still on the loose, but that didn’t make your friend forgetting your birthday hurt any less. You closed your eyes and sighed, letting the hot water run over your shoulders.

You and Emily met up with Derek and Spencer outside the hotel as Hotch, Rossi, and JJ had already left. Derek drove and Emily claimed the passenger seat. You didn’t mind, however, because it meant you got to sit next to Spencer, whom you had developed feelings for over the past few months. Under any other circumstances, you would have loved the opportunity to spend more time near Spencer. But, in your current irritated state, it was torture, because he was the last person you wanted seeing you like this.

Spencer noticed how you were much quieter than you usually were, and he missed the stupid jokes you would always make that never failed to make him laugh. He also noticed you checking your phone constantly throughout the ride to the station. He bit his lip and frantically thought about anything that could have caused your shift in behavior. When you and Emily walked out of the hotel to where he and Derek were waiting he could already tell you were on edge, but when you dismissed Derek’s ‘good morning’ without one of your radiant smiles that he swore shone brighter than the morning sun, he knew something was wrong.

As you pulled into the station, you quickly checked your phone once more before heading inside. Garcia hadn’t sent her infamous, essay long birthday text, none of the team had wished you a happy birthday, none of your family had messaged you yet, and Spencer, in all his eidetic memory glory, hadn’t even acknowledged you. You pushed back the tears that threatened to fall from your eyes as you tried to focus on the case and not the feeling of worthlessness that protruded your brain.

Later in the day, Garcia had texted the team a lead, and Hotch sent Derek and JJ to check it out. Emily and Rossi were still at the latest dump site, so that left you and Spencer alone at the station. You had been short with everyone today, you knew that. You felt guilty, knowing you had let your emotions affect your work, but no matter how hard you tried to hide your emotions, working with a group of profilers meant they could always tell when something was off.

“Hey, (Y/n), are you okay?”, Spencer asked hesitantly, after almost an hour of working in silence. He missed how you could always brighten up a room with your vivacious personality despite the subject matter of your work. You always reminded him of all the good that there was in the world. He always knew he had feelings for you, but until he had to go a day without you brightening up his day, he hadn’t realized quite how hard he had fallen.

“Yep”, you snapped, internally berating yourself for how harsh your voice had been. You looked up apologetically at Spencer before burying yourself back into the files in front of you. After a few moments of watching you hastily flip through the papers in your hands, he spoke up again.

“It’s just”, he sighed, using his desperate gaze to will you to look back up at him. You, however, had no intentions of having to look at him or anyone else on the team for the rest of the day. “You haven’t been yourself today. And I’m sorry if I’m overstepping, but I care about you, and I can tell something is bothering you. I just want to make sure you are okay”. You scoffed under your breath, rolling your eyes before glaring at him.

“You care about me?”, you harshly asked, “Spencer, if you cared… if any of you cared, you would know what’s wrong”. You had never seen so much hurt in someone’s eyes before. Spencer looked as if you had just ripped his heart out in front of him. He tried to think of what to say, what he could do make it clear that he does care, much more than any colleague should. Just as he opened his mouth to say something, Hotch opened the door and you both turned to look at him.

“The address Garcia sent checked out and JJ and Morgan were able to get our guy”. You and Spencer feigned relieved smiles and nodded. At least you could sleep in your own bed tonight, you thought. “We’ll all meet at the jet in 30, so finish up here and I’ll see you there”, he said, sensing the tension in the room, before turning back to add, “And good job. You all deserve some rest after this case”. He let out a small smile before turning to leave the room. You began to pack up the files, wanting nothing more than to just get on the jet and sleep, and let this horrible day finally end. You looked up to see Spencer still looking at you. The sympathy pooling in his eyes mocked you, a constant reminder of how insignificant you were to those around you who couldn’t even be bothered to wish you a Happy Birthday. You felt your eyes water again, knowing you wouldn’t be able to hold them back this time. You abruptly stood up, throwing your finished paperwork in front of Spencer before practically running out of the room.

“(Y/n)-”, he called out, wanting to just wrap his arms around you and tell you everything would be alright. He just wanted to bring as much happiness into your life as you did his. But, he knew it would be no use. You were clearly upset with him, and he didn’t want to do anything to upset you further. Spencer looked down and picked up the file and began scanning the documents inside. He stopped abruptly, however, when he came across the date written at the top. His heart sank at the realization: It was your birthday.

He thought back to every interaction he saw you have today, and couldn’t recall anyone wishing you a Happy Birthday. He felt like the biggest idiot and worst friend in the world. His heartbeat quickened as he tried to figure out what he could do to make it up to you. The case had been so long and draining, all the days had bled together. He even had a gift for you in his bag, which he brought in the event that the case went on longer than anticipated. He couldn’t believe how stupid he was. He had been planning this for weeks and he forgot. He quickly grabbed his things, racing outside in hopes you hadn’t left yet. His chest deflated when he got outside and saw you had already left, taking one of the SUVs’ with you, only leaving one for him and Hotch, meaning he couldn’t even leave until Hotch was ready. He fell to the ground and sat on the curb with his head in his hands. He pulled out the neatly wrapped gift in his satchel, cursing himself for not realizing sooner.

When you got to the tarmac, you made your way onto the jet, avoiding everyone there. Derek reached out to stop you, curious as to why you had been acting off today, but you shrugged his hand off your arm and brushed past. The rest of the team looked at each other will confused glances as you situated yourself at the back of the jet.

When Spencer and Hotch finally arrived, they quickly got onto the jet, eager to get home. When Spencer stepped inside, he saw you curled in the back and his heart broke even more. Derek pulled him out of his miserable gaze and motioned for him to sit across from him and JJ. Spencer took the empty seat next to Emily and looked up guiltily at Derek.

“What’s up with (Y/n)? She’s been acting weird all day”, he asked, concern lacing his voice.

“Yeah”, Emily added, “She was out of it this morning, but I thought she was just tired. Now, I’m not so sure”. Spencer sighed, not knowing how to tell everyone they were the worst friends in the world.

“Spence, what is it?”, JJ pressed, knowing he clearly knew what was bothering you.

“We uh-”, he shook his head, “It’s her birthday”. Everyone gasped, realization hitting them.

“No”, Emily shook her head, “her birthday isn’t for another two days, it’s on the…”, she stopped, having realized the days got away from her, and it was in fact, your birthday.

“Ugh!”, JJ hissed, “What should we do?”

“I’ll call Garcia. If anyone can get reservations at that fancy restaurant (Y/n) likes it’s her”, Derek said while taking out his phone. Everyone solemnly nodded, still in disbelief that they could have forgotten something as important as your birthday. Spencer tried to listen to their plans, but all he heard was muffles. His entire focus was on you.

“I-I’m going to go talk to her. Make sure I, uh, we didn’t screw up too bad”, he said while getting up, making sure to take his satchel with him. The group nodded as he stood up, cringing as Garcia’s curses could be heard through the phone.

As Spencer approached your seat, you looked up at him. Your eyes were puffy and your cheeks had tear stains running down them. Spencer resisted the urge to hold your face and wipe away the tears that tarnished your beautiful face.

“Can I sit down?”, he whispered, fearful that even talking too loud would cause you more damage than he had already done. You softly nodded, and he slowly sat down in the seat next to you. You bit your top lip, timidly meeting his gaze. “(Y/n)”, he stated, hesitantly placing his hand on yours, “I’m so sorry. I-I had everything planned, and then this case got really crazy. Everyone was tired and frustrated, and I know that’s no excuse, but I just need you to understand”, he rambled, “I never wanted this to happen. And then this morning you were really distant, which you had every right to be, and then I tried to figure out what happened until I realized nothing did. And that’s the problem, we all did nothing”, he sniffed, “Then you said I didn’t care, and (Y/n)”, he grabbed your hand more securely, looking into your eyes, “I care so much. I hated seeing you so upset all day. It broke my heart”, he choked out between tears that matched the ones trailing down your face, “And I’m so sorry I was the cause of your pain”, he gasped, squeezing his eyes closed.

“Spence, i-it’s okay, calm down”, you rubbed your thumb over the back of his hand, “it’s okay”, you soothed. He melted into your touch and his breathing calmed down.

“Happy Birthday”, he whispered, looking deep into your eyes. A smile crept its way to your face at his words, a warmth radiating out from the pit you had felt in your stomach all day. He reached into his satchel and pulled out a small box, neatly wrapped in dark blue wrapping paper with a small gold bow on top. “Here”, he said, handing it to you, “I’m so sorry I forgot to give this to you earlier. I just need you to know that I didn’t forget about you, I just may have momentarily lost track of time”, he frowned. Your eyes softened and you placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

“Thank you, Spencer, this means more than you will ever know”, you smiled, taking the gift, your hands brushing against each other as you did.

“Well, don’t thank me yet, you don’t even know what it is”, he joked, feeling better now that he got to see your mesmerizing smile. You laughed, shaking your head as you began to unwrap the gift.

“You know, just having people like you in my life is the only gift I need”, you half-joked, smirking at him as you finished opening your present. Before opening the box, you looked up into his eyes, your demeanor much more serious, “And, I’m sorry too, Spencer. I shouldn’t have said you guys don’t care. I know you care, and I’m sorry for doubting that”.

“I know”, he said, caressing your shoulder, “But come on, just open your gift already”, he smiled giddily.

“Okay, okay”, you laughed, “It’s almost like you are more excited about this than me and-”, your giggles stopped as you saw what was inside the box. “Spencer”, you gasped, looking up at him. “You. Did. Not”, you squealed. Spencer smiled bigger than he knew was possible when your face lit up. You picked up the two pieces of paper, still not fully comprehending you were holding two tickets to go see your favorite band in two weeks. You looked up at Spencer, “But, how?”, you questioned in disbelief. “I tried so hard to get tickets to go see them when they went on sale like seven months ago. H-how did you…”, you trailed off, excitement and adoration flooding your brain.

“Well, I overheard you mention how much you love them to Garcia once, and I have my ways”, he smirked while wiggling his eyebrows at you.

“You, Dr. Spencer Reid, are something else”, you laughed, shaking your head.

“I hope that’s a good thing”, he meekly teased.

“It is a great thing”, you smiled, lost in his eyes. Not knowing what to say next, you both sat there, looking into the other’s eyes, feeling as though your hearts would beat out of your chest. Eventually, you broke away from his gaze, figuring he still deserved a bit of teasing. “So um, two tickets? Guess I get to bring someone along?”, you asked, looking up at him innocently.

“Uh, y-yeah, well, I um. I figured-”, he stumbled over his words, acutely aware of how his cheeks flushed.

“I wonder if Emily would like to go”, you cut him off, “or maybe JJ. She deserves a night of fun away from her kids”.

“No!”, he abruptly stated. “I-I mean, no. I thought we could go together”, he said, not able to make eye contact. You smiled at how cute he was when he was flustered.

“Oh”, you amused. “I would love that”, you said, squeezing his hand.

“Really?”, he questioned, his eyes lighting up at your words.

“Of course”, you said matter of factly, as if it were that obvious. He smiled and hummed in response, bringing your hand to hip lips and placing a kiss on your knuckles. You smiled back at him, relishing in the comfortable silence that had fallen between the two of you.

“Oh!”, he said, startling you as you looked up at him, “um, are you free tonight?”, he asked. Your heart picked up its pace once again at the implications of his words.

“Yeah, I am”, you smiled, “why?”, you asked excitedly.

“Well, we all feel really bad. So, we got reservations to that restaurant you love for later tonight”, he smiled, a hint of guilt still present in his eyes.

“Oh”, you sighed, trying to mask the disappointment in your voice.

“Unless you don’t want to go. We can do whatever you want. Today is all about you”, he rushed as he spoke, trying to reassure you.

“No”, you saw the panic that swarmed his face in fear of messing up again, and you gently cupped his cheek with your hand. He leaned into your touch, his anxiety visibly subsiding. “I guess, I just hoped you were asking me to dinner just the two of us”, you trailed off, looking expectantly into his eyes.

“Like a date?”, he asked, starting to understand what you were saying.

“Yes, like a date”, you replied, biting your top lip, “If that is something you would want”, you smiled up at him. Spencer couldn’t get a response out quick enough before his lips were pulled towards you as if they were magnetic. When your mouths connected you softened into his touch. You smiled into his mouth after a few moments of kissing, happiness flooding your brain.

“Happy Birthday”, Spencer whispered into your ear. His hot breath tickled your skin and you let out an excited giggle.

“Yes”, you laughed, leaning back into him, “a very Happy Birthday to me”.

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promethes · 3 years ago

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Hi Kal! I hope you don't mind me coming for advice, but if so feel free to ignore this ask - I have an essay due in less than two weeks, and I generally haven't made any sort of process, like at all. It's on a new topic for me (and it's an opinion piece!), so I've been struggling with sources/readings. Though, my biggest challenge so far is how to actually write the essay - as in, the introduction, the body, etc., just in general, but also without it being too short or like I'm pretentious without knowing or whatever. So I'm struggling in general 😭 Any advice would honestly be very helpful, if you're up to it

off the bat i’d say don’t even worry about sounding pretentious because even on the off chance that does happen (and i doubt it- more likely than not you’d just sound confident which is a good thing) it’s an easy final edits fix after you’ve finished the bulk of the work.

before you worry about the structure of everything go down the rabbit hole and read about your topic and form your opinion and then just start writing! let yourself brain dump without thinking about grammar or structure and then go through and pick out thoughts and ideas that could be used in your paper + decide what your main focus/thesis will be

personally i’m not a huge structure person lol i’m a lot more go with the flow when it comes to essay writing but for stuff like this you should make a little outline before diving in! breaking it down into chunks helps to make your paper organized and is a great way to get your paper the right length bc you can reasonably predict how long certain paragraphs will be + it’s a lot easier to flesh it out once you have a basic idea of what you’re doing. the most basic outline should include an intro (very flexible in terms of structure and length), body paragraphs, and a conclusion where you really get to nail in whatever you’re saying. when you outline body paragraphs decide on a general focus for each one and think of a few claims/statements for it and sprinkle in some of your sources to back it up. here’s a rough example from a paper i wrote last semester lol

anyway i feel like once you kind of have that rough idea of what you’re doing in terms of your overall thesis and the flow of the paper and the claims you’re using you can work your way through the rest

#answered #anonymous #idk if u did them in middle school but shout out to power paragraphs lol

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hopeless-starry-kingdom · 4 years ago

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you broke me first | Peter Parker

Summary: You have to remind Peter it was his fault you were broken up

read part 1 and 2 here !

song: you broke me first by Tate McRae

a/n: happy valentines day!! hope everyone’s day was good and here is the last part of this mini series :))))

Maybe you don't like talking too much about yourself

But you shoulda told me that your were thinking ‘bout someone else

“If you guys are going to make out can you at least do it somewhere else. I’m eating.” MJ put her book back to her eye level as you and Harry pulled away from each other. You blushed and Harry smirked before throwing an arm over your shoulder.

“C’mon, MJ. Don’t be such a cockblock.” You slapped Harry on his arm and he laughed. “If you want I can set you up with one of my friends.”

MJ put her book down and pretended to think about the offer. “A rich daddy’s boy with two functional brain cells, who’s also a fuckboy. I’ll pass” She smiled sarcastically at Harry and he chuckled.

“Have I ever mentioned I like your friends?” You giggled at him and shook your head. MJ flipped him off and you had to bite back your laugh.

“Stop patronizing her.” You tried to be stern but the smirk on Harry’s face paired with MJ lips twitching up didn’t help your case. “Yes madame.”

Or your phones been off for a couple months, so you’re callin’ me now

He leaned down and pressed his lips to yours before turning back to eat his lunch. You smile was big as you stared at him but something caught your attention. From behind him you saw Peter, Gwen, and Ned walking. Gwen had her arm wrapped around Peter’s arm. Ned was talking to Gwen about something and Peter was already staring at you. You gave him a small smile and a head nod before turning back to your small group.

“Hey, did Mr. Harrington ever say when the essay was due?”

“I cant keep going. My brain is fried.” You groaned as you flopped down on MJ’s bed and rested your arms over your eyes to block the light from coming in.

“Yeah, i’m pretty burnt too. You hungry? I can order some pizza.”

“Please?” You begged and sat up as MJ was looking for the number on her phone your phone buzzed with a message. It was Harry.

Can you come over tomorrow? I wanna spend time with you <3

You bit your lip go hide to hide the smile that was threatening to come through. Harry was always so sweet with you. He had a cocky front that he showed everyone else, sometimes with you as well. But you knew deep down he was a teddy bear. Texts like this showed that. And even though Harry explained to you that his father never showed him love, and continues not to, he doesn’t see a reason not to show love.

But I ran out of every reason

“Hey, can you please stop sexting Harry? I’m trying to hang out with you.” A pillow collided with your face and you gasped.

“MJ! I’m not sexting Harry. He wants to know if I can hang out tomorrow. It’s sweet.” You quickly responded back to his text and told him you could.

“You two are disgustingly cute. It makes me sick. And tell him to stop hogging you, I feel like he’s always with you. Does he not know he has to share?” You threw your head back and laughed at her.

“So now i’m an object of sharing? Nice to know.” You laughed and soon MJ was joining in with you.

Took a while, I was in denial when I first heard

That you moved on quicker than I coulda ever, you know that hurt

“I’m happy for you, Y/N. I know the whole thing with Peter had you in a funk..” You looked down at your hands and nodded. You still thought about Peter often. Soley because you had him in some of your classes and you constantly saw him around school. But you never thought of him like you used to. You stopped loving the way his smile reached his eyes and lit up the whole room. You stopped loving his curls. You stopped loving his unconditional kindness.

It was over now, officially. You weren’t hurting anymore and it felt so amazing to say it. The storm had passed and had taken Peter Parker with it. You were happy now with Harry. So extremely happy. You didn’t actually think it was possible but after giving the relationship a chance, you couldn’t believe how happy you were with Harry.

You never wanted to depend your happiness on soley being in a relationship. You were better than that. But you were finding you were happy by yourself and with Harry. It was the best middle ground. You thought you had to depend on Peter or a relationship to be content. And it definitely wasn’t true.

“I’m just glad that it’s all over with. And Peter was an asshole to you.” You both laughed at her statement.

“Yeah, i’m glad it’s over too.” She smiled at you before tapping a button on her phone.

“Hi, I’d like to place an order for delivery.”

Swear, for awhile, I would stare at my phone just to see your name

Gwen Stacy gasped as she read the note that fell out of her locker. It was the fourth one this week. And she couldn’t count how many she got over all. Apparently she was a dirty two-faced snake. She preached girl supporting girls but to everyone else she stole someone’s boyfriend which didn’t exactly sit right with the girls of the school. Gwen didn’t mean for it to happen and she tried explaining it to some of the girls in her art class but they just rolled their eyes at her.

“Another one? Let me see.” Peter grabbed the note and read over it before tearing to to shreds.

“Yes, another one Peter. In fact the fourth one this week. And maybe if i’m lucky i’ll get one tomorrow and see what else the girls have to say about me in the girls restroom. I can’t keep doing this Peter.” Gwen slammed her locker and held her head in her hands.

“Ok, well i’ll go talk to Mr. Harrington. Or even the principal. I’ll tell them that it’s been getting out of hand and—”

“No, Peter. That’s not what I mean. I mean I can’t do this. Us.” Gwen crossed her arms over her chest and refused to look at Peter because she knew if she did she’d melt.

“W-what? Gwen, what do mean?”

“Peter I cant keep living like this! People hate me all because you broke Y/N’s heart. And I can’t blame them either becuase you left her for me, you broke the poor girl. I’d hate me too.”

“They’ll get over it! It’s none of their buisness.” He reached over and tried to grab the girls hands but she instantly pulled away.

“Peter, I really like you. I do. But with college applications coming up and school’s scouting, I can’t risk letting this affect me getting into NYU. I don’t have the time for petty school drama.”

“Gwen, cmon. Please, I really like you too. I can figure something out.” He pleaded. He couldn’t let Gwen go, not after everything that happened with you.

“I’m sorry, Pete. I really am.” She leaned up and kissed his cheek before smiling sadly at him. She turned with her books in her hand and walked away.

Peter groaned and kicked the locker next to him. It created a dent and some people began to whisper and point. He sighed before walking to his first class.

‘Did you hear what happened????’

You furrowed yourself brows at MJ’s text. You quickly looked up and seen your teacher pointing to the board and explaining today’s lesson. You placed your phone in your lap as you typed back a response.

‘Hear what? Did Flash trip and fall into the trash again?’

You looked up again and pretended to take notes and waited for her to text back. Once you felt your phone buzz your eyes nearly bulged out of your head

‘No! Though that would make my day— Gwen broke up with Peter! Some junior over heard it from their locker and started to spread it. That’ll show him!’

You gulped as you put your phone away and stared ahead. Peter no longer had Gwen. Peter no longer had the girl he left you for. She ended it with him. You had a mix of emotions. For one you wanted to rub your relationship in his face. He left you for someone and now they broke up with him.

You couldn’t believe how much it back fired on him. You wanted to laugh in his face and call him a huge idiot. You wouldn’t ever dare think of leaving him. He got his karma.

But you also felt a little sad for him. Gwen broke up with him. You couldn’t imagine how upset and sad he was feeling. But you couldn’t shake the feeling of it being his fault. Becuase maybe it was.

The rest of the week was filled with gossip about Peter being dumped by Gwen. The girls said he deserved it but also thought it didn’t excuse Gwen either. She noticed she still got stared in the hall but the whispers stopped and so did the writing in the restroom. It was a start.

They scoffed at Peter and made sure to give him a dirty look. Peter wasn’t feeling too good either. He couldn’t belive he lost you and Gwen. Ned tried to reasure him that it wasn’t meant to be. All Peter did was smile and nod. And then he saw you smiling and laughing with Harry. Living your best life and he felt jealous and angry. Jealous and angry that you were happy without him. And jealous and angry that Harry was the one to kiss you and give you hugs from behind.

That should be me.

He hated himself for thinking that. He broke up with you. He left you. So why was he thinking about you like he had in the past? It dawned on him for the next few days that letting you go was a mistake. He didn’t actually like Gwen, he liked the idea of her. The popular, girl next door version of Gwen Stacy is what he liked. Sure, Gwen was funny and nice and smart but so were you. And much more in his opinion.

He was an idiot who let you go because he liked the idea of someone. He chose that over loving you.

“The blood drive took way longer than I thought.” You pressed your phone against your ear with your shoulder as you began to enter your locker combination.

“Well saving lives isn’t a two second process miss Y/L/N.” You rolled your eyes at Harry being sarcastic.

“I can’t believe your missing school to attend one of your dads meeting in the Upper East Side.” Harry chuckled and shrugged.

“What can I say? I’m a buisness man too.” Harry’s father glared at him as they walked in the halls of the conference room. He knew that was his way of telling Harry to get off the phone.

“Hey, babe. I have to go, the meetings starting soon. I’ll see you tomorrow. Stay safe.”

“Bye, Harry. See you.” You smiled as you hung up the phone and pocketed your phone. You were excused for two of your class periods and now had to be at your next one as the bell rang. You quickly grabbed the books you needed and slammed the locker shut. You gasped in surprise when you seen who was behind the locker.

“Peter? Um, what are you doing?” You looked around anxiously to see if any other students noticed you and the curly haired boy standing within a few feet of each other. They had.

“H-how are you?”

“I’m good? Do you need something? I have physics next and—”

“Your teacher will kill you if you’re late.” He chuckled as he nervously twiddled his fingers. You didn’t laugh though. “How-How’s being able to drive now? I bet it feels like you have a ton of freedom.”

“Peter, i’m sorry if this sounds rude but what do you want? You’ve made it pretty clear these past few months you don’t want anything to do with me. So what do you need? Is this about you being you-know-who?” You whispered the last part to make sure no one heard. “I promise I won’t tell Harry or anyone else.”

“No! It’s not that it’s... Okay I know this might sound so crazy and insane but please, just hear me out.” He had his puppy dog eyes on and you couldn’t ever resist them. What was a few minutes?

“You have like two minutes before I have to go.” You glanced at your phone for the time.

“Okay, sweet. First off I want to say how sorry I am for the way I treated you, Y/N. It was so shitty and I just tossed you to the side. I will never be able to forgive myself for that but I was hoping... maybe you can?”

You smiled at the boy once you realized what he was doing. He was giving you a formal apology. Though it was long over due you knew you couldn’t hold a grudge against him. You just weren’t that person. And you were finally over Peter. It was all working out.

“Of course, I can forgive you, Peter. Thank you for apologizing. It does mean a lot. Well i’ll see you around?” Peter’s brows furrowed before quickly shaking his head.

“Wait that’s not all.” Your looked at him quizzically and urged him to continue. “I was wondering I-if you’d like to give us, me and you, another try. At dating, of course.” He smiled at you and suddenly you were no longer smiling. You took a step back as you stared at him in disbelief.

How dare he? How dare he break your heart and then come running back to you the moment Gwen breaks up with him. You were his second choice and that hurt. And to top it off, you were with Harry, happily.

“How dare you, Peter Parker?” Peter gulped as he recognized the anger and disappointment in your tone.

“Becuase shit isn’t going your way, you think this is okay?” You voice was now raised and now suddenly everyone in the hall turned to face you two.

“Y/N, please. Just let me explain—”

“Now suddenly you’re asking for me back? Could you tell me where’d you get the nerve?” You spit and Peter didn’t think he’d ever seen you so mad.

“I made a huge mistake. I miss you. I miss us.” He tried pleading but you scoffed

“You can say you miss all that we had but I don’t really care how bad you’re hurting, Peter. Not when you broke me first.”

There were tears in your eyes and your heart was heavy. How could he do this to you? You were over him now and then he comes and pull this stunt. You were also very angry.

“Y/N, please. I—”

“I don’t want to heart it, Parker! Leave me alone! I mean it, Peter. Don’t talk to me anymore, don’t look at me in the halls or in our classes. Don’t even think about me. It’s over Peter. Find your dignity while you’re at it.” You spat and purposely pushed his shoulder roughly with yours.

You tried to ignore the whispers as you started to speed walk to the nearest restroom, your class long forgotten.

You tried to hold in your sob as your thoughts began to eat you alive. But you couldn’t hold back as it pried its way to the surface. You didn’t care about if the floor was dirty as you slid down to hug your knees. All you could think was screw Peter Parker. This wasn’t the Peter you knew. Peter would never publicly humiliate you and turn you into a joke. But he did.

What did you think would happen?

I’ll never let you have it

What did you think would happen?

You had to remind yourself that he in fact did do those things. You were a game to Peter, it seemed. His second choice. And it hurt, you hate to admit that it hurt.

“Y/N.” MJ walked into the bathroom and sighed when she saw you on the floor.

“I-Is the whole sch-school talking ab-about me?” You hiccuped and she placed a hand on your knee and gently rubbed her hand back and forth.

“The only thing they’re saying is how Peter’s a jackass and you don’t deserve that.” You sighed and nodded and tried to brush your tears away.

“I just can’t believe he would d-do this to me. It’s like i’m a jo-joke.” You sniffled and MJ scoffed. “He’s such a dick. Once I get my hands on him—”

“No, MJ. It’s fine. I gave him a piece of my mind already.” You smiled weakly at her and she helped you off the floor. She shook her head with a scowl and then snorted.

“What?”

“Once Harry hears about his little stunt, Peter is done for.”

Your eyes widened as you thought about Harry. He tolerated Peter because of you and once he hears what happened, you have a good idea what he’d do.

“My god, I have to call him. But he’s in a stupid high class professional meeting.” You whipped out your phone and went to his contact. You couldn’t call him but you thought a text should be enough until you see him later.

‘Don’t freak out...Peter asked me out again

BUT!!!! I obviously said no and handled to situation!

So when you come to school tomorrow and hear about the drama pls don’t pummel Peters face in ??? <3’

“Hm. That should hold him off. Let’s skip class and go watch the cheerleaders fall from their pyramid.” You tried to keep a straight face but ended up laughing.

“Yeah, i’m down for that.” MJ smiled at you and started to walk out of the bathroom.

You sighed and thought about if Peter was hurting right now. But then you shook your head.

But I don’t really care how bad it hurts

When you broke me first

He broke you first and now he had to deal with the aftermath, not you.

#peter parker #spiderman #peter parker blurb #peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker imagine #peter parker x you #harry osborn #spiderman far from home #spider man: homecoming

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locke-barmecide · 4 years ago

Text

Ok ok big brain shinsai time:

So! Shuichi and Kiyo live together and the kg was a VR. They now are both in college, Kiyo for a teaching degree so he can become an anthropology professor. And Shuichi is taking classes that you need to become a true detective. (I’m not too sure if that makes sense so feel free to correct me) They are both in therapy and doing,,, better. Life is not good but it is better. Kiyo and Shuichi also live with Rantaro but he only is there for short periods of time in between his travelling. Now here’s the best part,, Kiyo has never played video games before. He did not have an extremely wealthy childhood and he was frankly quite closed off from the world so he really did not know what was popular. He has learned to use a laptop and he has a pc. Shuichi is not too big on games but has played a couple. (mostly Mario kart with Kaito, Maki, and Kokichi) Kiyo discovers fnaf. He learns about it while procrastinating studying and he’s instantly hooked. He immediately watches everything he can find about it. He watches markiplier play them all and he absolutely adores it. So,, he wants to play them too. He just doesn’t know how to get them. So he asks the closest person to him,, Shuichi. Shuichi of course helps Kiyo get it on his laptop and continues studying. Now their room is like this:

So Shuichi’s back is turned to Kiyo. And for a bit it’s silent but then he hears Kiyo do a little “Ah!” And is a tad confused. A little bit goes by and same thing. So of course he moves over to Kiyo and watches what he’s doing. They both get jumpscared. During the time that Shuichi is either taking breaks from studying or he’s bored he watches Kiyo play fnaf. Once Kiyo finishes the games he writes an entire essay on his theories for the games. He constantly infodumps about it to Shuichi and has posters of it covering his walls. Shuichi is unbothered by kiyos random fixations and he actually finds it cute that Kiyo likes a video game. Kiyo eventually creates a tumblr blog where he can excessively talk about his theories and talk with others about their thoughts. He has so much fnaf merchandise it’s impressive. Kiyo also shares this with Maki and gets her into it as well. She won’t admit she likes it but she has played the games and follows kiyos blog. Kiyo doodles fnaf related things while he’s bored as well. I’m not sure who his favourite character would be,, he might like baby.

Kaito hates this because he thinks it’s weird and scary and doesn’t understand why Kiyo and Maki like such strange scary things. Shuichi thinks it’s funny that Kiyo would like a video game in the first place. Kiyo also has pins that cover his school bag and his hat. He also has multiple pins attached to multiple jackets.

Why do I like this hc so much? Because I’m obsessed with Kiyo and danganronpa and I do this with stuff I like and so does he. Not to mention fnaf is definitely something he would like. It fits his vibe. Shuichi listens to him info dump so often. Kiyo tries very hard not to info dump when they go on dates,,

Kokichi likes fnaf too. He’s more involved with the fandom than Kiyo is but he’s part of the strange part of the fandom while Kiyo is part of the analytical part of the fandom. Kokichi claims it can’t scare him but he jumps while playing it.

Kiyos favourite game is sister location. He likes how different but similar it is to the other games.

If you read this all then thank you for listening.

Feel free to add!!

#danganronpa #danganronpa korekiyo #korekiyo shinguji #danganronpa v3 #korekiyo shinguuji kin #korekiyo #shuichi saihara #maki haruwaka #kaito momota #kokichi oma #rantaro amami #fnaf #five nights at freddy's

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gumnut-logic · 4 years ago

Photo

Callisto

Okay, you may have heard me rambling on about this project...alot. Poor @tsarinatorment @janetm74 @scribbles97 and @onereyofstarlight have suffered extensively so far because it has been them I have been harrassing the most.

The reason why it is such a big deal to me at the moment, is because I’m trying something new. You may have noticed I have a bit of a scatterbrained muse that likes to jump from one shiny to another at a breakneck pace - I am soooo sorry for the trail of unfinished fics over the last few months ::groans at the mess on my archives:: I had sworn to not upload unfinished stuff, but there are some fun moments in those wips, aaargh.

But anyway, finishing the Kermadec fic was a big thing for me. VERY BIG. The previous year I had managed to, with so much support from you guys, finish Gentle Rain, which, while not everyone’s cup of tea because it is a ship fic, had a major impact on my writing and proved to me that I could finish a longer project.

When I started the Kermadec fic, I realised it was going to be quite a long one, but not as long as it actually was. The muse did what it liked with those whales and, well, sorry Virg. That fic had some planned structure. I had a solid skeleton of initially four days (which became five). I knew they were going to camp on Macauley, I knew they were going to encounter the whales, and Mel was planned from the start. Sam popped up halfway and all the Raoul scenes did whatever the hell they wanted, but I knew I had to get the boys home for Christmas (I just didn’t specify which Christmas, oops). But the key was I had a structure to hang the boys on and contain the muse just a little so it didn’t suddenly slap a space rescue in there or something stupid like it is prone to do.

Leading up to, and while I was writing/procrastinating the Kermadec fic, (like a good chunk of last year), I started a new writing regime (stolen from Terry Pratchett, apparently) where I only require myself to write 400 words a day. This number is achievable and I started writing every day, something fairly consistent. Considering how erratic I can be, this was a great achievement. I ended up creating the Anna Kent series, Dirt, Flannel, Reactions, When the World Goes Boom (I will finish this!), The Dentist, The Joker and the Hero (I’ll finish this one too!) and Who do you save, John?. All of these are decent sized fics, but all of them were started on a whim and slapped together in odd moments. The muse did whatever the hell it wanted and I often ended up in places unexpected. While they were a lot of fun and I am really happy in some cases, I feel that the plots sometimes suffered for lack of planning. There were definite instances of me writing myself into a corner and then having to bend the fabric of space and time to get myself out of it. There was some planning...I have scribbled notes, but most of it was on the fly and a thread tying exercise at the end.

So, I want to improve that plotting and planning. However, as with everything to do with my stupid brain, there is a problem. If I plan too much, the writing gets boring and I lose interest - this has happened in the past. So I need to find a balance.

But I’m learning. Year one was Gentle Rain, year two was We’ll Be Home For Christmas. This year it is Callisto.

Callisto is a planned novel length fic. Screw it, I’m calling it a novel :P Look I have a storyboard to prove it.

And, yes, I made sure it was blurry enough to not offer spoilers.

I literally spent all day Wednesday nutting out the science behind this story and world building and in the evening spent another few hours ironing out the plot. Many thanks to those who helped so much, you know who you are and I appreciate it ever so much ::hugs you lots::

So I have a plot skeleton on which to hang our boys (poor buggers, they’re all in this one). The word count it already over 16,500 words and I have no idea how high it is going to get.

One of the things I really enjoyed with the Kermadec fic was exploring the Kermadecs, a place I have never been and will likely never go. It was fascinating and the process was like actually being there.

This time around I want to take the boys out of their familiar surroundings, I want challenges, I want mystery, I want to learn and I want to see if I can do this.

So, long story short, this is a big thing for me and while sometimes it may seem I’m not writing much, it’s because unlike previous exercises, I’m not posting immediately. I’m leaving a gap between writing and posting, leaving room for alterations. The first half of Kermadec was written this way and it was pure luxury to be able to go back and add foreshadowing when I needed to. This is better practise for me and will hopefully result in a better fic.

All in all, I’m hoping to control my crazy brain in order to make a quality end product. But it will be challenging. There will be whining and down moments. Screaming matches with myself and times where I will need a prod or a poke. This is me facing me, always a scary thing. I am my own nemesis.

So, I would like to thank all of you who have been so supportive so far and put up with my whining and oddities. There will be other fics along the way, no doubt. The challenge is to stop them from getting out of control and taking my attention from Callisto. It will be a juggle. I know myself too well to think I won’t wander off on another fic (the whole reason both The Hero and When the World Goes Boom aren’t finished is literally because of the Kermadec fic - I slammed them shut and made myself focus on the big fic - unfortunately, picking them up again is hard and in turn screwed with just about every other fic I attempted towards the end of last year, which is why I cracked earlier this year and desperately needed to dump the load of WIPs in order to get writing again - I sometimes get lost in my own brain).

So, this essay, wow, oops.

Next Tuesday, I will be posting the new Prologue (the original prologue was only 700-odd words long and proved to be not enough so I went back and expanded it to the full length I had originally planned - it is now nearly 5000 words long and pretty much a story by itself). Once that is posted, I can start uploading the fic to the archives so peeps there can see I am actually writing.

I’m currently hip deep in Chapter Three, where that storyboard starts.

Wish me luck :D

::hugs::

Nutty

(nuts)

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds fanfiction #thunderbirds #callisto

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depressedhatakekakashi · 4 years ago

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What would kakashi and gais life be like in a modern AU

Kakashi and Gai met in high school when Kakashi’s father moved cities for his work. Kakashi was a quiet kid who didn’t talk to a lot of people, but thankfully Gai had that covered for him. He saw a silver-haired cutie sitting in the back of the classroom and he knew they had to be friends.

Kakashi was the top of his class in everything, and at first, that made Gai a little jealous. No matter how hard Gai tried, he couldn’t get higher than 70′s on everything. But instead of allowing that jealousy to eat at him and ruin their friendship, Gai decided to ask for some help.

Kakashi was more than happy to help. Having someone there with him to talk about what they were learning made it just a little less boring for him to read. Gai always had interesting things to say about whatever it was they were learning, and he found a way to make even the most boring subjects seem interesting.

The two of them study together at least twice a week. Whenever Gai doesn’t have Taijutsu or Soccer practice and Kakashi isn’t taking extracurricular courses.

Because of his extra study sessions with Kakashi, Gai’s marks increase dramatically.

The two of them would often spend time after their study sessions talking about their future plans, and after a while, they both started to incorporate each other into those plans. As if they couldn’t imagine their lives without the other boy in it any longer.

Their parents are super supportive of their friendship and are the first to start to notice that it may become a bit more than that in the future. Though Kakashi and Gai don’t actually get together as a couple until after university.

For university, the pair actually end up getting into different schools. Gai gets into a school with more of a focus on sports and takes classes on health, nutrition, and teaching. When he finishes university he plans on becoming a sports teacher for a high school. Meanwhile, Kakashi originally takes science courses with a few literature courses on the side, but as time passes by he finds himself more interested in literacy and history. within two years, Kakashi had changed his goals completely so that he’s no longer following his father's path in the sciences, but creating his own in history and literature.

Although the two of them are separated by distance during their college years, they don’t let that get in the way of their friendship at all. Every holiday they can go home they do. Not just to see their families, but to see each other as well. The two of them are always going on trips together, and when Gai has competition and Kakashi can get himself there to see it, you bet he’s in the stands cheering his favorite butt-kicker on.

When the two of them finally graduate, the first thing they do is start planning out their after-school lives. And of course, the first part of that is moving in together. They have waited years to really start their lives, and neither of them wants to wait any longer.

Neither boy is in a rush for romance. Kakashi is demi-sexual and introverted so he finds it hard to go out on dates and actively seek out a romantic partner. He’d much rather enjoy his time and if he finds someone then that’s fine. Gai, on the other hand, is always going out on dates and meeting new people. He’s not in a rush to find someone to settle down with, he’s just out here to have a good time.

One of those dates Gai ends up going on is with another friend of his and Kakashi’s, Rin. It’s actually the first date that Kakashi has a problem with and becomes visibly uncomfortable whenever it’s brought up. Not because he doesn’t want Gai to enjoy himself, but because he knows Rin. She’s sweet, gentle, smart, funny, and just overall a really amazing person. He has no doubt Gai would fall in love with her and faced with that idea he finds himself hurts. A lot.

The day before the date is set to happen, Kakashi’s actually hanging out with Rin and she noticed that he seems more down than usual. It takes a bit of effort, but she finally gets him to talk, and oh boy is she not ready. He dumps all of his emotions on her. How amazing she is and how he knows Gai is going to fall in love with her. How Gai deserves the absolute best and she is definitely the person to fill that spot in his life, but it still upsets Kakashi because he wants to be that person. He wants to be the one that makes Gai smile that beautiful bright smile and laugh with all of his heart.

Rin’s just sitting there processing what Kakashi just dumped on her, and after a moment she just smiles and tells him that he should just tell Gai that he loves him. That he wants to be the one to go out on a date with him. She’s not going to be insulted.

She even helps Kakashi come up with what to say, going through a bunch of ways he can breach the topic with Gai and how best to tell the other man exactly what he’s feeling.

After his hang out with Rin, Kakashi heads home to find Gai playing video games in the living room after a long day at his current job down the street at a small cafe (while he’s taking jobs here and there as a sub)

As soon as Kakashi sees Gai he freezes. All of the courage that Rin had helped him gather up to tell Gai his feelings disappears. His brain is screaming abort and he’s ready to turn tail and run when Gai’s phone dings.

‘Rival’ Gai looks confused as he reads whatever text he has gotten ‘why is Rin telling me that there is something you need to say to me?’

Kakashi is stuck now. Rin has made sure of it. Taking a deep breath he spills everything to Gai. His feelings, his fears. All of it comes spilling out.

The entire time Gai’s just sitting there staring at him and Kakashi’s waiting for him to stop him. To say that he doesn’t feel the same way and ask Kakashi to move out and never speak to him again. He is certain he has just ruined their friendship and he hates it.

Gai does not do any of this. Instead, he patiently waits for Kakashi to finish before getting off of the couch and walking over to Kakashi. Once he’s close enough, he cups Kakashi’s face and presses a gentle kiss against his forehead before whispering a soft “I love you too, Rival”

Kakashi is not sure how he managed it, but he get’s Gai. Gai’s in love with him and he doesn’t have to watch him walk out the door to their apartment to meet with someone else for a date.

Their first official date is at Gai’s coffee shop. Kakashi swings by for a drink one day after his own shift at the nearby library. After getting his coffee, he takes a seat at a nearby table and is surprised when Gai walks over and explains that his boss saw him looking at Kakashi and told him to go take his break with him. The two of them spend a total of 30 minutes just chatting as always, but when Gai gets up to head back to work Kakashi grabs his hand and presses a kiss against the back of it.

Gai is a mess for the rest of his shift. he cannot stop looking at his hand and thinking about how adorable and utterly romantic Kakashi can be. Something that no one else gets to see.

It only takes a year of subbing for Gai to get a job at a school that he really likes, and two years after that Kakashi actually gets a job at the library. A dream job for him because he gets to be surrounded by books and has lots of time to write essays on various works of literature and historical events.

Really, Kakashi’s putting out a ridiculous amount of papers and Gai is damn proud of him for it. He has a talented, smart boyfriend and he wouldn’t trade him for the world.

#Long post #Kakagai #Modern Au #Anonymous

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allegoryofthebeast · 4 years ago

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hey omg i love your excerpt in that web weaving post is it part of a larger piece? I'd love to read it if it is!! 💕💓💟💖❣️

Omg you’re so sweet yeah it is part of a larger piece! I’ll post it down below but I feel like I have to disclaim it is truly just a super angsty kinda long reflective essay that I wrote when I realized I was actually really sad about being dumped teehee. But you’re so sweet for your interest! (I hope I have appropriately lowered your expectations :) )

A Pirate Fairytale

He sent me more of his writing tonight because I always ask to read it, and I am desperately pouring over it trying to find a shred of myself, that he’s feeling as lonely and lost as I am, that he wants me back too – or – maybe that he does miss me, at all. Misses me the way I miss him. Misses me the way he lies awake at night, haunted by his new boyfriend and how he’ll never be as charming and interesting, free-spirited and attractive in an infatuating arrogant way as I am, but despite my warring desperation and my cliff diving hopes built on a bedrock of crumbling dirt, a thousand years could hardly be enough to dull my aspirations, though – there was only a single phrase.

I’ve moved on. It told me. He’s gone, really gone. And not in any way that matters, or maybe the only one, he’s still my friend, my friend who tells me about his new man and expects me to laugh when he’s funny and coo when he’s sweet, get mad with him when he’s exasperating. And I do, I love it. Because I love him.

Heartbreak came to me obliviously, and unwillingly. I spent months wondering why I wasn’t sad that we were ending things when his inevitable moving away came ever closer, until it was a week until, the next day, during – I gave him a CD of my favorite singer I can only imagine he didn’t listen too, which I understand – until it’s been five months and I finally understand the sinking feeling that’s been soaking me unconsciously yet steadily the whole time. I’m a drunken sailor locked in the brig for punching the caption in his smug face, a face I’ve only seen in blurry dating profiles and – I don’t know, I think he’s cute, I want to start dating again. I’m stuck and I’m drunk, again, only everyone’s gone and everything’s changing. Naturally. The ship is sinking. We’ve been hit by too many cannons this time and mermaids are gnawing on the rotting plywood and I could squeeze out my tiered hat and I could jimmy the lock or use my yellow nails to pry up the floorboards. I could leave if I wanted to. I could say something. I’m stuck in here, I could say. This is awful, I’m sorry I got drunk and I’m sorry I punched him, could one of you let me out, please? I won’t though. I hate doing that. I love the feeling of saltwater biting into my bloody cuticles and filling in through my ears, bouncing my brain on my spinal cord. I love it. I love him. I see that now, I really did.

For half my life I’ve been saying I’ve only been in love once, with a girl five years older than me but I realize with thoughts that only tend to come while floating that now I’ve loved twice. What an incredible thing, I think, to be in love twice. To have loved two beautiful people in almost no time at all. I’m young which makes me stupid, and I feel that now in the way I didn’t really kiss him before he left forever and moved on within the course of three months. I don’t really like kissing. We never had sex. I only kissed one of them, I wish I could’ve kissed the other one too, even if I wouldn’t have liked it, just so I would’ve known something. Something.

Something is very important while the water is getting dangerously close to my eyes, filling the brig like a pitcher. Even if he’s moved on and I haven't, something helps me think myself a little less pathetic. Something helps me think that at least I showed I cared somehow, I can only dream up the emotions he must’ve received when it took five whole months for them to reach me. My own body is like a secret, a list ranking the prettiest people in school that gets thrown in the trash bin before I can read it, before I know if they're written on there, if they leave behind a trail of broken hearts. If I'm on there. If they’d want me if I wasn’t.

I’m thinking I’m particularly jealous of the mermaids, as I glance at their graceful movements and gestures, eating the wood and my bloated rum-drenched dead fingers with beautiful smiles on their faces. I’m trying to rationalize to myself how I let this happen. How did I let myself get so drunk again? How did I let them leave me like that? Why didn’t I say something, I could’ve said something. They’re good people, they would’ve listened, I loved them you know. I can’t say with certainty if they loved me. I cannot deem myself as the kind of person people love. The description of my death should be palpable in this. They certainly liked me. I am very fun and very interesting when not floating dead in briny water, missing my fingers and ears to those beautiful sirens pulling apart the memories of the only vessel I’ve ever lived on. I cannot say if they think about me, floating and huge, practically decomposed after all these months, krill play in my molars like a playground. I cannot say they think of this ship, partially nothing, just the sails that the mermaids could not chew through, the weave irritating their canines. They’ve moved on. But I love this place. I’m going to stay until it’s gone entirely.

#my writing #thank you!! again this is super sweet plus.. I’m thinking about maybe posting more writing :)

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iforgotmypreviousaccountlol · 4 years ago

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Starting Line

Happy Holidays, @carson-asmo-lover

This is your Secret Santa gift. I hope you like it!

AU: Asmo is a uni student who just moved into a new apartment unit, Solomon is living next door learning how to bake. Every day, Asmo would smell the sweet aroma of baked goods from his room and in the hallways. One day, after a hectic day from uni, he stops in front of the door trying to guess which baked good is being made for that day. The door opens, cue awkward silence, Solomon invites Asmo into his apartment, and into his life.

ASMO

There, there it is again. Asmodeus glanced at his wall clock. Right on time: 2 o’clock in the afternoon. The sweet smell of sugar and pastry permeated his room. His next-door neighbour is baking again. He closed his eyes and inhaled, trying to take a guess which pastry his neighbour decided to make today. It has been a good past-time for whenever he found himself bored on some days when he doesn’t have uni classes. Not that he had nothing better to do, he had to catch up on a lot of schoolworks but he isn’t in the mood to do them right now.

He moved in just a few months ago so he could be closer to school, but now that he enjoyed the new-found freedom that is living alone, he realized he missed the constant presence of his brothers. Sure, having his own place meant that Lucifer wasn’t around to nag him when he goes out to party most nights, or if he brings people back to his place for some night escapades (He never did bring someone over though. Maybe he should.) He made a mental note to go home for the weekend if the workload permits.

“Cinnamon rolls,” he finally said, propping up from the couch. The sweet smell of the cinnamon powder that contrasted with the slightly sour cream cheese made Asmo’s mouth water. He groaned. “If you’re gonna make pastries, at least offer some to your neighbours so we don’t get hungry from the smell.”

Now he has no choice but to go down and buy something sweet to satisfy his craving. He put on a peach sweater and wrapped a white scarf around his neck. He stared at his reflection for a moment. His champagne-colored hair was longer on one side, stylishly swept to frame his face. His diamond stud earring reflected light when he turned his face in a certain angle. “Alright, enough. I look stunning, as always.”

He wrinkled his nose at his neighbour’s door when he passed on his way out, the smell of cinnamon is much stronger in the hallway. He hadn’t even met the mysterious baker, given that he’s almost always out to some party when he isn’t in class, it’s strange that they never even once bumped into each other in the lobby or the elevator. He shrugged and went on his way to hunt for some cinnamon rolls.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Asmo was almost dragging himself back to his condo unit after a hectic morning. He had a 3-hour lecture for Fashion Marketing and he had to pass a 10-page essay on Fashion Theory (which of course, he crammed last night. He even skipped a campus party!) and he’s just about ready to pass out and is determined to take a long nap for the whole afternoon. That would have been a solid plan, except it’s 2 o’clock in the afternoon and the scent of baked sweets wafted from his neighbour’s room and into the hallway.

He stopped on his tracks and inhaled the scent, his brain immediately fell to its routine, trying to discern which ingredients are being used to create what pastry. “Milk, definitely. What else? Eggs? And oh—”

The door suddenly opened. Asmo jerked back in surprise, his hand latched to the strap of his sling bag. He blinked once, twice.

A tall man with silvery-white hair with stunning blue-gray eyes, wearing a black turtleneck with sleeves rolled up to his elbows and white apron, came out of the room carrying a small trash bag. Asmo was never one to be at a loss for words, especially not in front of attractive people, but his tongue refused to make an audible sound.

“Oh, hello. I suppose you’re my neighbour? I believe this is the first time we’re meeting each other?” The man continued, “I’m Solomon.”

Asmo shook off his surprise and cleared his throat. He wore his usual disarming smile and nodded at him. “Asmodeus. I just came back from school, I was just, uh,” he said while gesturing to his unit’s door.

“I see.”

Awkward silence filled the space between and around them. Asmo noticed a faint sprinkle of flour on Solomon’s right cheek, he clamped down the urge to reach in and dust it off.

The fire alarm started beeping causing the two to jolt in surprise. Solomon raced to the trash chute, dumped the trash bag and raced back inside his room to turn off the oven. Asmo stood unmoving to the doorway. He wondered if he should offer help.

Thick smoke came out of the oven when Solomon opened it, he fanned the oven with a mitt. The fire alarm hasn’t stopped beeping so Asmo mindlessly stepped inside and grabbed the nearest flat object (which happened to be a pan of piped cream puff dough) to fan the alarm component on the ceiling. He honestly had no idea what he’s doing. The piped dough from the baking pan fell and scattered on the floor, one even hitting him right on the cheek.

“Oh. It stopped,” he commented, the pan still raised over his head.

Asmo glanced at Solomon who was still kneeling in front of the oven and saw that a bunch of dough pieces is now strewn around the kitchen floor. A solitary piece of dough stuck on the baking sheet finally gave up and dropped on Asmo’s forehead. He blinked slowly, unsure on how to react.

Solomon snorted, obviously trying but miserably failing to hold back a laugh. Asmo flicked away the dough which earned a chuckle from Solomon, which in turn triggered Asmo to burst into laughter.

“Sorry, that was… not funny.” Solomon said in between laughs.

Asmo doubled over. He wiped a tear that escaped his eye from laughing and said, “It kinda was.”

“Listen, why don’t you sit and clean yourself up. I’ll just tidy up for a bit and we could enjoy the successful batch I made earlier. Think of it as a welcoming present.”

Asmo considered it for a moment. Sleep or… this? “Sure.”

Solomon smiled, and started cleaning up the mess.

Asmo pulled out a chair and sat. His rose and gold eyes followed Solomon’s movement. It mesmerized him; the grace in his movements, certain and self-assured. He stared so hard he didn’t even notice that Solomon was already standing in front of him asking something.

He shook his head a tiny bit. “I’m sorry, come again?”

Solomon chuckled. His chuckle sent a shiver down Asmo’s spine.

“I asked if you would like tea or coffee. To pair with the cream puffs.”

“Tea, please. With milk.”

Solomon nodded and proceeded to the kitchen counter to make the tea. Asmo wanted to face palm and cringe. Why is he acting this way?

“So… tell me about yourself,” Solomon said.

Asmo paused. In any other instances, he would’ve already started talking about himself without even needing to be prompted. Why is it that he can’t think of something interesting to tell this guy?

“Why don’t we talk about you first?” Asmo deflected the question.

That earned another smile from the fair-haired man. He brought the cooling rack containing the cream puffs and a tray of tea and cups.

“What do you want to know?”

Everything, Asmo thought. Instead he asked, “What’s your major?”

“Chemistry. You?”

Huh, that surprisingly fits him. “Fashion design. Why are you always baking?”

Solomon sipped his tea. “I promised my little brother Luke I would teach him how to bake. You see, a friend of mine, Barbatos went overseas for a job. He was the one who was supposed to teach Luke. But since he can’t, I decided to give it a go.”

“That’s incredibly nice of you.”

“Thank you. For now I still need to watch videos and study the recipe but I think I’m starting to get the hang of it. Well, except for the incident earlier.”

Asmo nodded. The cream puffs looked so good he wanted to pull out his phone and post it on his Instagram but he stopped himself. He reached for one and popped it into his mouth.

The milky taste and the slight crisp of the puff blended well, it tasted divine—Asmo’s thoughts stopped at the same time he stopped chewing. WHAT IS THAT? It’s bitter and spicy and sour, flavor after flavor assaulted his taste buds faster than his brain can process the actual taste of the pastry.

He looked at Solomon, the latter clearly expecting a comment or reaction from him. Good thing he quickly managed his expression. He smiled, the cream puff still stuck on the roof of his mouth.

He was saved by the ringing of Solomon’s phone. When Solomon turned his back to reach for his phone, he quickly spit out the pastry on his handkerchief and stowed it on his bag’s pocket.

Solomon’s eyes widened slightly at him when he saw him gulped down his tea as a desperate attempt to wash out the aftertaste. “You sure are thirsty. More tea?” Solomon offered.

“I am. Yes, please.” Asmo nodded vigorously.

“So, what can you say about the cream puffs? It’s my first time so I can understand if they didn’t turn out perfect.”

That would be the understatement of the year, Asmo thought. He also dreaded the question. To tell or not to tell? “Do you have any more of the strawberry tart you made the other day?”

“How did you know I made some?”

“Please. Everyone on this floor probably knows what you’re baking every day.”

Solomon chuckled and proceeded to get a strawberry tart from his fridge.

Asmo swallowed, bracing himself. Just a small bite. A chaos of flavors.

He placed his palms flat on the table for 10 seconds then rushed to the sink to spit out the tart and gargle water. “What the hell was that?”

Solomon raised an eyebrow at him. “What do you mean? It tastes normal to me.”

Asmo’s jaw fell when he saw Solomon eating his tart with no problem, enjoying it even. He can’t believe he spent his days craving for sweets his neighbour baked when in reality they taste this atrocious.

“That’s it, Solomon. You’re not allowed to bake anymore,” Asmo said, shaking his head.

“Huh? I thought I was doing fine. I really need to learn though, I can’t disappoint Luke.”

Asmo bit his lip, considering. He sighed. “Fine. You can bake all you want, but never without me. I’ll oversee whatever you’re doing to make sure you never end up making those… those unidentifiable monstrosities again!”

Solomon smiled; in his grey-blue eyes, Asmo saw wonders, and potential, and… a future. “Deal.”

SOLOMON

Solomon checked his watch. It’s Friday and Asmo will be coming over in a minute or two. It’s already been more than a month since they started their “baking lessons.” Granted, it’s not every day; it’s only twice a week, thrice when their schedule permits. But would it be a stretch if he admitted to himself that the highlight of his weeks are the days when Asmodeus comes over to watch him work?

A knock interrupted his thoughts. He should just give Asmo a spare key, he thought while walking towards the door.

“You’ll never guess what happened in class today! So see, I crammed a paper again last night so I almost came late for class. Our professor for that class was Professor Simeon, you know? He’s wonderful but can be very strict so I didn’t want to be late and be scolded but then, on the way to the classroom…”

Solomon’s lips tugged at the corner as he watched Asmo lament about his tiring day at school. His strawberry champagne bangs swept stylishly, slightly messed up by the wind. His gold and ruby eyes sparkling along with his words and gestures. Asmo always looked alive to him. No, not the usual alive as in living. Really alive. Maybe that’s what happens when you know to find love in everything.

“Anyway, what are we making today?” Asmo finished, hanging his white coat on the rack near the door.

We. It shouldn’t have sounded as nice as it did. “We,” he said the word with maybe a bit more excitement than warranted, “are making red velvet cake.”

“All right! That’s great. I love red velvet.”

“I already prepared—”

He stopped because of the irritation that flashed in Asmo’s eyes. He bit his lower lip to suppress a smile.

“Throw it out.”

“That would be a waste. At least try out the batter before rejecting it.”

Asmo put both his hands on Solomon’s shoulders and looked at him seriously, emphasizing his words, “Solomon, I know for a fact that you are an amazing and smart chemist, but you’re hopeless in the kitchen.”

Solomon laughed which earned a chuckle from Asmo. “No, no, I didn’t add any suspicious ingredients this time. I swear. I followed the instructions word for word.”

Asmo begrudgingly took a spoon and tasted the batter.

“Good?”

He shrugged. “Surprisingly.”

It was two weeks ago when Asmo finally figured out what he was doing wrong all this time. Solomon had a bad habit of experimenting with ingredients, most likely because of his chemistry experiments. But even after figuring out what’s the problem, Asmo continued supervising his baking. Not that he’s complaining, and not that he would ever ask the arrangement to be over. He would never admit it out loud, but he liked having Asmodeus over.

Solomon started whipping the frosting with a hand mixer while Asmo stayed close to watch him. It took a lot to focus and not glance on his side.

Asmo said, “Hey, you got a little something—”

His eyes met Asmo’s in time as Asmo’s fingers dusted something from his cheek. They stayed frozen in time for a moment; staring at each other, Asmo’s fingers barely grazing Solomon’s cheek.

The moment would’ve lasted longer if the mixer’s whisk attachment hit the side of the bowl in a wrong angle and sprayed both of them with frosting. They blinked at each other before bursting into laughter.

“Kitchen blunders for the nth time,” Solomon joked.

Asmo pulled out his phone and suggested they take a picture, Solomon let Asmo take their “selfie.” After Asmo was satisfied with the pictures, Solomon reached for a paper towel to wipe frosting from Asmo’s usual immaculately beautiful face.

After the cake cooled, Asmo helped design the frosting. He also took pictures to post on his Instagram. Solomon made an account last week just to look at the pictures occasionally. The photo of the cake earned hundreds of likes and comments in minutes. Well, that can’t be helped, Asmo is a popular guy. Solomon would be too if he actually bothered to socialize, but he found it rather exhausting to deal with people he’s not interested in.

“Hey, could you send me our picture from earlier?” Sol said.

“Oh yeah, sure.” Asmo fiddled with his phone. “…And sent.”

“Thank you,” Solomon replied.

They settled down on the table to eat the cake they made and have some tea. They talked about their days and their upcoming exams. Eventually, the sun started setting. Its golden rays streaming from the window, dyeing the room in a soft orange hue.

“I think you’re okay now, Solomon. Remember to just always follow the instructions and don’t add any unnecessary ingredients to whatever you’re cooking or baking, and it’ll turn out fine.”

Solomon raised an eyebrow. He pushed away the idea that Asmo will now stop coming over because they already eliminated the cause of the weird taste (which isn’t actually weird for him).

“It's a force of habit. I’m always curious so I can’t stop myself from experimenting with things.”

“I guess…”

“Why, am I eating up too much of your time?” He asked.

“Of course not. I like spending time with you, Solomon.” Asmo’s cheeks flushed a bit.

Solomon sipped his tea.

Asmo took the small window of silence to change the topic. “Anyway, I got a call from Mammon the other day and guess what? He’s appearing in a mag—”

“Me too,” he interrupted.

“Hmm?”

“I like spending time with you too.”

Asmo was caught off-guard but eventually smiled. He reached for his bag and pulled out a silver box with a champagne-colored ribbon. “By the way, here.”

Solomon’s brows wrinkled. “What’s this?”

“Happy Birthday, Solomon.”

“How did you—”

Asmo winked at him. “Information comes easily when you have a lot of friends.” Asmo laughed and continued, “Kidding. I’m in the same class as Meph, he works in the registrar’s office as an assistant so I asked him. I had to do him some favours, but eh, it’s worth it.”

“Thank you, Asmo. Really.”

Asmo’s phone beeped, he looked at his notifications. His eyes widened a fraction.

Solomon smiled. He had an idea why Asmo was surprised. He glanced on his own phone, notifications pouring in fast. He clicked on a post, his first one ever.

It’s a photo Asmo took of them earlier. Asmo, lively as always, was throwing a peace sign while winking, his ruby and gold eyes full of wonder; Solomon, his blue-grey eyes a pool of mystery, was smiling a bit, looking at him contentedly. The caption? Best birthday with ‘that special someone.’

His phone chimed, a notification appeared on top of his screen: Asmodeus liked your photo.

#obeymesecretsanta2020 #obey me au #obey me asmodeus #obey me solomon

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goblinconceivable · 3 years ago

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oh ffs, i have feels but also head exploded

So basically someone liked a story I wrote a million years ago and mostly forgotten about, and when that happens I often reread the thing. (I can’t be the only one who does that...) Can’t say I’ve thought about Alex/Izzie since I wrote it, couldn’t even tell you when I stopped watching the show, though I think it was before her cancer.

Anyway I infected myself with feels for them again. And I dig the style I was using, 1+1 started a third chapter for funsies and should have stopped there. Because I did some reading and watched some clips and it’s all too much and when that happens I meta.

Usual mishmash, structure desired but no work put into achieving it. Classic brain dump.

Okay, fundamentals first. I am for now ignoring how Izzie/KH left the show. Because they had to exit her somehow and I’m sure Shonda was pissed at her, (or was leaving the door open for her return but I doubt it.) Haven’t seen it, if I needed to I could work it into my conception of their whole arc, but since I’m more critically hung up before that point, not worrying about it.

What’s got me messed up is that RIGHT AFTER Izzie promised to not go crazy, she... went crazy. Like, WTF was that about? I get that GA is all about the soapy drama, that is why I stopped watching. First couple seasons: brilliant. Downhill from there. But two things:

1) We never get to see these two happily together. One hot second and bam.*** Every. Time. Shonda allowed it for Meredith and Derek, but in my brain other couples got it for periods of time at the least. But these two, nope. And know what? THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FASCINATING TO WATCH. I could delve into this and might swing back around but trying to hit highlights.

2) It set them on two different storylines instead of one. And Izzie got the short stick. Yes I can see how it works on paper, but not on screen. There are limits to the visual medium and limits to how much screen time they were given, which pretty much destroy the ability to nuance something this complex.

a) Izzie’s in her own world dealing with a ghost and is basically in two relationships at once (mental note to look for parallels with Alex’s exit and Jo v Izzie.) Except one’s a dream and the other is a reality that is still developing, yet she can’t give attention to. She has to fight every time to be there for Alex in the real world, and we don’t really get to explore her struggle. It often just looks like distraction and distance and him being second right after she firmly laid out that she cares about him.

b) Alex is in a relationship and is super happy and excited and wants the perfection he’s dreamed about to be real so much he’s overlooking everything that’s off. In his own little dream world I guess, but like, the whole thing skews into this being the story of Alex while Izzie is wandering in circles somewhere over in that direction, all serving the purpose of advancing exploration and development of Alex’s character. When did KH ask to be let out? If it was after this point, Shonda svcks. I mean, it is cool to watch him really blossom, but since he’s doing it under his own steam I’m left with a bad taste in my mouth. Because he’s not really in a real relationship. I want to see him get that, I want to see it for real.

***What IS interesting, I’ll admit, is that when they’re not together, they’re beautiful. Which is most of the time, so they gave me that. I’m a massive fan of the bittersweet, the star crossed, the never-quite-on-the-same-page, the nuance, the “it’s a deeper connection, a deeper love than just romance.” Thank gosh, it is time for excited thoughts. Because there is a strong friendship and mutual reliance and helping each other grow, pushing and giving hard truths and encouragement, and yes romance is woven through this but not the genesis and used more in terms of nudging everything along the path.

I love that Alex basically imprints on Izzie. I love that he loves her the whole time. But he’s willing to step back. He may get jealous and resentful and petty and scared and mean. But those are natural human emotions, Izzie gets them too, and they’re fundamental to his character and through those things he learns and grows. Izzie doesn’t make him. She entices him. Yeah, often directs him, especially at first. But at some point he’s growing on his own, in fits and starts, in reaction to his own emotions.

For example, when Izzie tells him she slept with George, he gets pissed, but also admits why pretty readily. And he tells her the truth, remarkably straightforwards. He reaches out to her a lot. And she turns him aside a lot. And he keeps loving. Even if romance is off the table. He runs after her a lot. Sits next to her when she’s upset a lot. Is understanding a lot. He’s different with her, and look I’m a fangirl, it’s a trope, I swallow bait line and hook. Which should be bait hook and line if my vague understanding of fishing is correct. I fished once, with safety implements, and still cried even as they removed the fish and popped it back into the water. (Okay I just reread to sort out where I’d gotten too and it’s hook line and sinker. Statistically someone will probably read this someday, you have my full permission to laugh at me. Anyway...)

The quintessential moment, the revved to 100, of course being when Izzie is clinging to a dead Denny. They’re all standing around. No one even looks surprised with jilted Alex talks to her. In a really caring way. And this is still fairly early on, wasn’t watching anything but their scenes but this had to be rare sight eh? (Mebbe?) And then he picks her up and sits down holding her and she clings and cries and like symbolism and could essay that but not going to right now because the broad relevant stroke is that Alex loves Izzie selflessly. And this is the pinpoint core of why I can buy his ending, because he can’t NOT love Izzie. I don’t think he even wants to stop. Though he can set it down in his heart and let her go and doesn’t pine. But he never stops loving her and it’s so many kinds of love imperfectly yet perfecly forged.

Forged. But also born. Stars uncrossed. I have emotions without words and if I try I’ll never get out of it to move on, so moving on.

(Oh, George telling Alex to talk to Izzie because she won’t talk to him about whatever it was. Isn’t is crazy that Izzie’s emotional squishy bestie goes to the emotionally stunted bad boy to help her because... it’s an understanding of the two-way Izzie/Alex bond, but also this crazy trust that Alex will show up.)

I love that Izzie isn’t blind to his faults, truly doesn’t like his faults, but has eternal faith for who he is and can be. She always saw him as someone with walls, once she stumbled on a lose stone and got a glimpse inside. She knows. She doesn’t always understand, but she knows.

Slight divergence from that line of thought, but its a great moment when they get together and he’s fairly transparently trying to make sure they’re in a committed relationship by dangling other women in front of her, and she’s a little ticked that he seems to be taking it rudely casually. Probably a bit of insecurity, but I’d say more that she has a long history of not reading him from the perspective of him loving her. Ie, 100% not recognizing that telling him about sleeping with George would hurt him. And doesn’t get it until he comes in and he’s dropped the swagger and it’s a “I know I’m doing something wrong and I don’t know how to do it right so help me” thing.

(Random memories of Sloan/Don from The Newsroom when she’s crying on the floor and Don comes in a sits next to her. I wuvs them too.)

I love that she openly leans on him, when he offers support she takes it. She doesn’t ask why, she accepts it and leans into it and is open to it because she trusts him because she knows him. The bits where she hates him tend to fall out of romantic issues, but when that’s removed from the equation they’re in sync. And the thing is, just as caring is fundamental to Alex’s nature, trust is fundamental to Izzie’s. And those two things weave into each other. Kinda like rats and the food button. When Alex reaches out Izzie she honestly accepts it, a “reward.” So he’s comfortable doing it again, and again. And when she does rebuff him he’s seen rewards come out enough that he doesn’t just scatter. And when Izzie trusts him, he rewards her with gentleness and care. She has the rougher time of it overall, because Alex is more screwed up emotionally, and breaks her trust more often than she rebuffs him, but that’s where Alex’s constant love comes in. But I cannot recall enough critical moments to have a cohesive proof, so I could be a little off base.

In my head Alex has always loved Izzie more than Izzie loves him, but I think my memory was unfair. There is a real constancy to Izzie’s affection, though I don’t think she imprinted on Alex as he did on her. She’s a different person, loves differently, has different issues. But my longstanding impression is mostly because of Denny. Who she truly did love, though the qualities of that love deserve exploration which I will not at this time attempt. And Denny loved her. The whole “side loves along the way” being a trope. Though usually “it ended in death/deathlike state” is given to the man and so THANK YOU SHONDA. Thinking of classics like Jane Eyre and Rebecca though I think both were actually crazypants first wives. And I do think female character’s side guys have a habit of dying, but it tends to feel more like a plot point to shut the door on continued love, whereas Denny remains a part of Izzie’s life.

At any rate, despite superficial similarities, Alex doesn’t hit the trope because his crazypants relationship wasn’t ever really about the woman: yep Alex got Rebecca, and Rebecca was crazypants, and it was a plot point to get him to the crying. Rebecca wasn’t love. It was never love. BUT

She DID, in every way, highlight what needed to be highlighted. 1) That he desperately wants a family. 2) that caring for someone, not just about them, is fundamental to him, (and ties neatly into him caring for Izzie all those sitting on the floor conversations.) and c) it’s not entirely healthy. Which is ALSO why thrusting his new happy relationship with Izzie into caregiver role is insensitive and undermines the relationship because it only makes sense if we got to see them both happy in the relationship first. And then we can see the quality of his caregiving change. But we didn’t. So bugger it.

I do LOVE how they let almost the whole next season play out he fallout of all that. Something taken slowly! We got to explore it. Did feel a bit drawn out tbh. But it just emphasizes the weight of it, I guess. Especially as it was a subplot amongst 100 others. This was their development for the season. Which was mostly Alex. But Izzie’s reactions revealed some things about her as well. Majorly dancing around laying it out for a close look and I don’t know why.

Favourite moment? Maybe Izzie putting her hand on Alex’s chest when he’s freaking out and telling him to stop, he doesn’t need to say any more. Because he’s trying to convince her of something, and she understands. And the trying to convince is shredding him, and she knows that. It’s a very loving and accepting “stop.” She’d already taken charge of the situation, for the good of the patient. She’d already taken charge because she knew Alex couldn’t handle it, he was too deep in something to see clearly. And she’s still in charge. She doesn’t break down and cry for him, or try to comfort him, he’s been thrown back into childhood and PTSD might literally be at play and what he needs, and she understands, is someone he can trust, who’s calm and gentle but strong and solid, to say it’s okay. It’s going to be okay. You don’t have to carry this on your own. We have it now. Because when we’re little and in over our heads what we want and what we need is an adult to take the burden. And still the physical contact is comforting, her tone of voice reassuring. She creates a space where he can feel safe and heard.

Ugh, rewatching, and we’re watching him literally devolve. Stages of grief ya’ll. He’s using every tactic to try and get what he thinks he needs: being able to take care of Rebecca. He’s in denial that anything is wrong. He gets angry when Izzie grabs him, to the point of threatening to hit her (though it’s fighting words and not real threat, and Izzie totally knows that.) He dives into bargaining. She’ll be okay if he can take care of her. He can do it. He tries to convince her it’s true.

By the time he gets home it’s depression. Not just Rebecca, but about his mom. And Izzie approaches him differently. In the hospital it was immediate and she was “in charge,” and needed to be in all facets, but at home, with the situation taken care of, she’s a friend. An equal. Which is what he needs right now. His sticking point later is the crying, so I kinda wonder how he’d react just to having told her about taking care of his mom as a kid. Right at the start he told that kid about his dad, (dad beating up his mom and him beating up his dad) while Izzie was within listening distance and didn’t seem fussed. But it’s ultimately a story about him being manly and protecting his mom physically. Which would be why it’s several seasons in before this crops up - waaay more intimate information. Probably all lumped into one, with the crying as shorthand. And mostly that his past is a fact, it’s his emotions he wants to keep private and deny.

He clearly did try to drown his emotions with sex. I’m not sure it would have worked with a random girl because he’s way too close to crying to do much of anything. And obviously doesn’t work with Izzie because sex is apparently emotional intimacy and I guess comfort for men moreso than women, but it plays out as a desperate attempt to get comfort in a safer way. Bargaining again, I suppose. “Have sex and will be fine tomorrow.” But, as noted, he doesn’t get that far because it’s too heavy and he rather quickly is just sobbing.

Which is a lovely parallel to holding Izzie while she cried on him after Denny died. Though Izzie had no qualms and no massive emotional recoil because emotions and vulnerability are normalized for females Izzie is a particularly emotional person. And an inverse of all the times Izzie is an emotional wreck and Alex sits down besides her and offers her support and understanding.

Could also argue that Izzie just saying “I’m sorry... About Rebecca. And your mom” - it’s an emotionally intimate moment. Of understanding. She’s acknowledging the two situations, and isn’t trying to do anything about them, explain or push or anything else. Just make him feel understood and not alone and sex is the way he can respond to that. How to process that in a way that feels manly to him? Also notably Izzie does seem to be going with it, and it’s aborted because he starts sobbing. And is still saying “Please” which is amazing, because he totally was never asking Izzie to just sleep with him. He wants to make it stop - the pain, emotions, probably reliving memories. But also... stages of grief. He needs to feel it, so he can accept it. He really just needs to cry, and grieve, and not be alone.

And it’s like... this is where their love story feels epic because it would look so different if they didn’t have all the levels and layers of love. Take out the romantic/sexual aspect. Take out the friendship. The trust. The family. Take out anything and this can’t play out.

Who didn’t love moments like Alex explaining to Bernedette Peters that men sometimes need to protect their manliness in the eyes of the woman they love. And they’ll do shit things to protect that manliness, but it’s because they care. Which is obviously idiotic and while romantic on screen is very much not so in real life, but this is fiction so hey ho. It’s such a wonderful foil. Because the situation here was not that Alex took his pain elsewhere to protect Izzie’s opinion, but that Alex completely and for a long time shut Izzie out to protect his manliness, which is entirely counterproductive but the only option he could see. He minimizes his experience as a “bad night.” (I mean, if you remove all the adjectives, he’s not wrong.) He’s protecting his own sense of manliness to himself. He doesn’t like feeling that vulnerable. He let Izzie get too close. He’s afraid. It’s all a tangle. And it pays off when they come back together and he’s willing to be more vulnerable, almost, and then enthusiastically, happy to be.

*But it does reference when he slept with Olivia when he failed his boards. So yeah, he’s done it literally too.

Backing up a step to revisit season 5. And actually they start out close. They’re all out in the cold waiting to greet patients and Alex grabs a blanket for her. He’s not irritated that Izzie keeps asking how he’s doing, just obviously in a bit of personal denial. And they’re totally messing around and lighthearted and look at each other with their heads really close and it begs some questions about the interim, though I guess they just haven’t talked about it deeper than “are you okay.” And per the Izzie/Meredith convo I guess they didn’t continue having sex (probably didn’t have sex that night either). Though the way Izzie looks at him as he leaves, she’s totally concerned that he’s not dealing with it.

Ah yes, forgot - so they just kept his breakdown unremarked upon, the superficial checking in is situational because Rebecca is a fact. They don’t talk about it, it’s fine. Pretending it did not happen. But it’s as soon as Alex thinks Izzie told Meredith about it that it goes pear shaped. It’s funny that his issue is the crying and he’s the one that told Meredith, but thematically Izzie saying “he’s opening up to me” is sorta the same. Also awww that even as she labels them friends, there’s this little glow inside her that they got closer. Emotional intimacy, what’s life without it eh?

So also 100% it’s high on Alex’s mind. That he did it, and so too that Izzie could betray him and tell others. Their relationship is so beautifully fragile in that short interim. It’s this little bubble where he’s okay that he was vulnerable with Izzie because she accepted it and isn’t making a big deal about it. And he does feel super close to her. But he can’t take anyone else seeing him in a non-manly light. For himself, and it works in terms of Izzie too if it’s an inside/outside situation. I’m a bit stuck and going in circles. If Izzie tells, then Izzie isn’t taking it seriously? Doesn’t understand him? I don’t think he’s even angry at her, if he looks weak to others then she’ll come to see him as weak? Halp, stuck.

Also so, I’ve seen it remarked upon that Izzie tends to forgive Alex when she maybe shouldn’t. But part of forgiveness can come from understanding the other person. Doesn’t have to be, especially for little stuff. But for big stuff?

Oh, and so weird but kinda cool that right after that rather self-aware conversation with Peters, he specifically lets Izzy see him with another woman. Were those scenes meant to be inverted? Or is he going into this eyes wide open? Trying to prove something? He’s hurting her though, is it intentional? Because cheating, by nature, is secretive, your person doesn’t know so you’re not hurting them directly, though of course when they find out it blows up. But the intention to wound is not there, it’s an escape. Proving that he’s really fine and back to his old self? They are not sleeping together so this isn’t cheating.

And even after that Izzy just shrugged it off. Popped in to tell him they maybe are getting kicked out, tries to get an apartment with him. She’s holding on to their closeness and friendship, despite him being prickly. And then... he smacks her or whatever they were doing which is back to flirty, and not meaningful but notably guides her out of the elevator before him. Though her barb about STD did hit him. Maybe he was trying to figure out how to stop being rude at her, and her continued friendliness was bufffer space until he could? He does say hello at the end, but who was she talking to about having no one?

It does bring up an interesting insight. It is true bout not something I thought about, that Izzie could be lonely, and actually does get as much out of their relationship as Alex ever did. They are incredibly close. And I think George might be married at this point, and thus no longer her “person”?

And then into the cryptic speak about them, while the father/son organ musical chair thing was happening. He’s looking over his shoulder at her, glances up, unspoken words yadda yadda. Follows her out into the hall when she leaves. The freeze out is shorter than I remember, but look, they kinda always keep communicating because freeze outs do not feel right. And I’ve moved to a blow by blow but Alex is trying to talk profession, and Izzie doublespeaks the “emotionally stunted” and he physically recoils and stutters like “yeah but no, that’s not what we’re talking about” and yet is now there and talking about them too. “Okay, ... I”m trying to be- I am, but this” WHAT is he trying to be/is??? Trying to not be emotionally stunted. Is emotionally stunted (or doubling down on trying?)

This is just such a beautiful conversation. Because Izzie IS emotional and caring but she has a mean backhand. Pettiness, ultimatum, she can smack back as hard as anyone smacks her. And she’s coming from a totally reasonable place, because he’s going hot and cold on her. And you can see that it affects him, and that falls out from that same pattern where he’s trying to tell her somehing and she’s not putting in a ton of effort to figure out what he’s saying, but is focused on her own needs and thoughts. ‘Cuz she’s hearing something like “give it up, you’re not going to get what you want out of me.” And he’s trying to say “I’m afraid I can’t be what you need, because I svck, please don’t make me try and fail.”

And they’re convo through parallels continues, Izzie calls Alex broken and is like “okay I do it your way my caring for you is pointless and it’s all fine.” Dad calls for son while kinda dying. I know they claimed different thought process but didn’t Alex call for Izzie when he was shot? And the payout from the series of exchanges: Alex is yelling at his standin to just step up and show he cares. With a hefty does of potential regret. It’s a 180, hoping that the kid does love his day, as well as getting emotionally invested. His relationship with his father isn’t mentioned, not sure if it’s meant to play into this, because he has previously acknowledged that he regrets losing his father completely.

(But then 10 seconds later she’s going to go crazy and by avoiding treatment it’s kinda like trying to kill herself and just... poor taste writers, poor taste.)

Cue a moment where Izzie knows what he’s trying to say and rewards it.

Enter Izzie being a little obtuse, I know I covered this but ending my personal cannon with them getting together - Alex literally says “are we going steady.” He’s literally saying “you tell me yes or no, and I will do that.” Of course he’s trying to say “I don’t know if you’re serious and I want to be please clarify and reassure” but one of those literal ones should have been enough. But then Izzie does always push him, not always intentionally, to be a little more direct, a little more vulnerable, trust her a little more. And the result is sooooo adorable!

And brings to mind when Izzie was trying to ask him out for the first time. And it went a tiny bit screwy and Alex flips it and asks her out.

There’s just so much awesome. *sobs* And there’s probably awesome in the cancer storyline too but I do not feel I can trust it and also it’s going to run full into Izzie being lame and leaving and all character development out the window? And I DO NOT want to see her trying to come back and Alex saying No. Because what will I see in the middle that gets them there? They always say yes. Eventually. And season 16 when JC is leaving the show is a bit on the long side, even if I ignore the details of the intervening years.

Throwing everything at the wall and maybe I’ll be done with dumping or can at least refine things. It’s the little speech I’ve only read and don’t want to hear bcause not sure how he did his line-read, but when he describes how he imagines Izzie’s life. In how much detail, how much he wants for her, what he knows she’s capable of building. He’s saying it to Jo and I’m uncomfortable with the idea he loves her, even if the letter to her does leak a “love you, in love with Izzie,” and I’m fine with Izzie loving Denny and don’t find it a problem Jo is still alive because I don’t see Alex going back but the thing where if he looks her in the eye he won’t return to Izzie and the kids is upsetting. And it’s just the kids and insta-family which is enticing. I mean, he’s not going to tell wife he’s leaving that he’s always loved his ex in a different way or anything. But he’s also not lying. He does mention to Meredith that he can’t go back to Seattle. He’d stay with Jo then out of... ? Halp. The best I got is he’s currently in a dream and if he goes back to his life, where he was happy, then he’ll lose the dream and it will disappear on him?

Slightly nicer is the elsewhere expressed (Meredith) idea that he’d set Izzie as unreachable. Thus, in line with what he told Jo, he didn’t want to contact her because he didn’t want to make it worse for himself, and his happiness comparison was completely excluding himself from the possibility of being part of Izzie’s life. It’s all happiness of them individually, not together. But yes, he always wanted to reach out, wanted to hear her voice and he never had an excuse? No excuse but curiousity, and that wasn’t enough to take a chance, but this was an excuse and he took it.

And the idea that he knows the right thing is to stay in Seattle, and being with Izzie and the kids is crazy, but it’s what makes him happiest, where he belongs. Meredith’s letter read first, so in that light, he’s overexplaining to Jo. Also exposition. References that conversation about his mental picture of Izzie, which I think was in the context of Jo questioning his feelings for Izzie. It scared him because... ? He focuses on the kids. It’s a little at odds with doing this for him, and a little suddenly ignoring the fact that he’s In Love with Izzie and I guess his mental image for Izzie was also his dream life and he gave it to her. Though where he thought her kids came from is possibly an oversight. Adoption?

Because it makes it sound like he’s torn between new and old love but the old love has is kids and wins. It’s a free pass to perfection. But he imagined a “whole life” for her, which is a massive investment opf time and emotional energy on someone he hasn’t seen in forever. I mean thinking well for an ex is al well and good but this sounds a bit beyond that, where she’s not a part of his life but a part of HIS life, believing she’s okay makes everything okay.

I am also willing to take up arms and claim that “I can’t look you in the eye because I wouldt be able to walk away...” doesn’t mean walk away from Jo, but walk away from Izzie. But that’s kinda tenuous. It just... it sounds like if he sees Jo he won’t be able to leave her, which puts her above Izzie (and even the kids, though he can still be in their lives) and that contradicts other statements, or at least their implications .

Though fair point that there’s a metric of who you’ll give up everything for. Izzie would for Denny. In a sense, I hear Meredith got her back in the Seattle hospital and she declined out of respect for Alex’s feelings. So in a way she gave up her life for Alex. And never reached out to him but did respond when he did. She picked up the phone. Maybe not knowing who it was, or they all kept their own phones. And Alex gave it all up for Izzie+kids. I want to know he’d give it all up for Izzie alone, and the life they could have had.

Or is it that he wouldn’t be able to leave Jo because, as noted to Meredith, it’s the right thing to stay in Seattle. And he’s become a man who does the right thing. And sometimes the right thing isn’t what we truly want, and to get that we have to be selfish. He one perfect thing is in Kansas. And it’s the family. It’s a family with Izzie. And his kids. It’s the whole package. If it wasn’t Izzie, the kids wouldn’t be enough? Also indicates that even with Jo was not exactly where he should be.

I’m also going with “some clues in various directions to satisfy various viewers but really offending most of them because this is all 10 years ago and people are newer viewers or forgot or hated Izzie when she left etc.” But preponderance of evidence leans in favour of this choosing what makes him happiest over what makes him happy.

ETA: he has a life for Izzie in his head because if she’s not happy, he can’t leave her where she is. He sees her as an optimist, the opposite of him and good things happen when you lean in that direction. He imagines her somewhere woody because that’s where they lived when they were married.

ETA2: Izzie didn’t notice Alex wanted to be exclusive. Because Izzie sees the good in him, but she doesn’t try to justify or explain things. She takes him at face value (mostly, she knows superficial crabbiness is just an unpleasant personality trait.) Until/unless she has very good evidence to he contrary. And THAT is why he has to take an active role and go to her. He does have to work for the relationship.

(Briefly skipped to a scene in season 6 (avoiding that season) and he actually says “I can’t be your nurse” which is so much character growth. Because I was afraid he’d gone full out into caregiver mode, which is not healthy for either of them. He’s protecting himself, but also pushing her to face up.)

CODAS

Watched Alex calling for/hallucinating Izzie when shot. Maybe it’s a Miranda thing? After freaking out right after she died, about how he can’t live without her, his breakup speech was essentially about how he realized he could survive without her. He doesn’t need her like that. And he was really hurt by the really shitty thing she did, leaving him. Thus valid conclusion that they should part ways and he’s not caught in the love/hate. But at some point after that, per hallucination conversation, he really wants her to... come back for him. To love him enough to not be able to stay away and come back for him it’s funny because the best way for her to love him was the respect his wishes and not come back. I mean she doesn’t even say anything after he asks that.

Interesting point “we married...” It’s a promise. He starts with “I’m sorry.” His breakup speech to her - rehearsed? He’s speaking from love and hate all blended and I think he’s a lot more honest and self aware, and he’s almost always been honest with Izzie. So his dying speech was also fear based? He’s scared, he’s in shock, like, physical shock. To when is his mind taking him? It’s natural to have regrets after a painful but necessary breakup. It’s been months but that’s still recent enough. So on the whole, inconclusive except yeah, he isn’t over her, but he admits during their breakup that he loves her “so much.”

Also love his “frozen together in time... and now we’re not.” They’ve both grown and changed, and so has their relationship, but there connection hasn’t. That hasn’t changed.

So back to his Izzie speech, which is meaningful intentionally as in 300th episode, where years later he was wondering still about her, enough to create a good life for her. A happy, rich and full life. He imagines it clearly and deeply enough to add smell to it. Smell is heavily linked to memory and emotion.

As happy as he is with Jo. Maybe it’s contentment? Something missing for each of them but not something he consciously knows? Meh. Back to frozen. He has an image, a full rich image of her and her life. It’s immersive but static, a snapshot. And the him who looks at that snapshot is the same him over time.

Letter to Meredith. “It’s about me.” Which is sorta back to breakup speech. It was about him, ending the relationship. He didn’t deserve to be left. And this is about him, not leaving Izzie+kids. There’s movement and beauty in this.

Meredith/Alex talking true love. So I’m torn. Jo refused his proposal, and the question is if you only get one true love. Did he think Jo was a true love, and if she refuses him it’s not? Or is he hoping that true love happens after they’re married? Given the constancy of his love for Izzie, from fairly early on, even if he didn’t call it that at the time I’m pretty sure it’s indisputedly much earlier than marriage, and she turned him down all the time, which would forestall true love worse, right? Can’t say as I’m not watching any Jo/Alex, cannot will not no need don’t gotta.

#alex x izzie #grey's anatomy #brain dump #meta #why couldn't i just leave well enough alone #and mess around with a vignette for funsies and a writing exercise #and not actually look at canon #because now i have feels #and am confused #and there are barriers to my feels #but it's okay i will live in my own little AU #and remember and know more than i did #given it was many many many years ago #i mean over 13 #right after season 4 started #izzex

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