#think i might be a bad person and idk how to stop being an emotional terroristst/sadomasochist in my relationships with men…

[number1girl]

good morning.

[yongseungkim]

.

[sylus-doll]

Synopsis: It's normal to feel insecure every once in a while. But what would Sylus think of it? You wonder if he'll think that you're too much but you still ask to look through his phone anyway. And he willingly lets you.

Warnings: Low self-esteem and self-doubt, insecurity, jealousy issues (thinking he has other girls), bad relationships (not with Sylus), mentions of stalking (done by Sylus to you), mentions of threat messages.

Author's note: Is this controversial. Idk. I think I'm overbearing, so this is self-indulgent but I hope that it helps if you can relate to it as well. This is based on one of his Destiny Café and affinity level up lines. Comments and reblogs are appreciated! <3

You had always been a little insecure of yourself. Comparing yourself to others, envying the life they have, wishing to be a different person entirely. All of this had been ingrained into you like heated iron scorching skin, branding itself onto the fragile fabric of your soul. It would be alright, if it didn't consume your being and take the reigns of your mind at the worst of times.

Previous partners always brushed you off when you wanted to speak to them about your troubles. Telling you that it was fine— that they could handle it. Lies. Maybe they would indulge you once or twice, but they would always end up angry at you for being... difficult. Your jealousy is out of control, your clinginess is overbearing, your need for reassurance is exhausting. Always too much, too high maintenance. It all ends sour.

But you can't help it. The need to satiate this overwhelming emotion withers you away. Your desperate want for someone to claim you as their number one— the only one—overrides rationality. Yet you have learned to bite your tongue. Force your words to die in your throat because you never want to be too much. Especially not for someone like Sylus. Sylus who has always been so understanding and patient and you are terrified that this might tip him over the edge.

Sylus, however, notices that you seem rather lost in thought. Although he has been on his phone for quite some time, nothing gets past him. Not your jittery behaviour or the sighs that escape past your lips as if they were the words you wished to convey but held back on. He sees you fiddling with a trinket, some gemstone he left lying around the base that Mephisto probably went for. Switching off his phone, he sets it aside in favour of staring intently at you, two fingers resting on his temple as he leans on his elbow.

“You seem quite fascinated with that pretty gem, sweetie. Has Mephisto influenced you with a crow's instinct?” Sylus teases you, an opening line for conversation.

You jerk, scowling at the man, “Don't compare me to that bird!”

He only chuckles, shaking his head.

“What's on your mind, sweetie?” The tone of his voice shifts, now noticeably softer. So are his eyes.

Sylus is worried about you, it seems. You glance at him, taking in the way he keeps his eyes only on you. Then briefly direct your gaze towards that damn phone of his before looking into his eyes. Vicious scarlet turned lovesick velvet; it engulfs you in safety. Your lip quivers, and you bite down to stop it from doing so. What would Sylus say if you asked to look through his phone? How irritated or annoyed would he be? But his eyes are so warm, and you crave the gentle adoration it drowns you in.

“Can I... look through your phone?” You ask hesitantly, breaking eye contact first.

Well. That was the last thing he expected you'd ask him. He stares at you a little dumbfounded, only briefly, before regaining his composure. He expected a favor, something grand or perhaps requested the impossible from him. Of all things Sylus owns, and you ask for his mobile device. With a quirk of his brow and small tug at his lips, he gestures for you to come closer. When you do, he sits you across his lap, pulling his phone from the coffee table with his evol and drops it off in your hands.

“Go ahead, sweetie. I have nothing to hide from you, only the authorities.”

Sylus is patient when you begin your... search. Throughout all the apps he has; social media, websites, albums, contacts. You find that most of it contains you and N109 business. Pictures of you that you don't recall him taking, candid ones looking away from the camera. Auction sites where he's betting on antique weapons and vintage wine. Messages to Luke and Kieran regarding missions, and sometimes about keeping an eye on you. Ominous ones from others that come in the form of—

“What do the codes mean?” The question tumbles out of you before you fully think it through. Damn you.

His hand envelops yours, scrolling through the messages with his thumb.

“This one, is a location. Some sort of trap, most likely. The one you looked at earlier was a threat. And as for this...” Sylus explains every single one, not even hesitating.

Once you're satisfied, you give him back his phone. There was nothing. No other girl, no secret lover, not a single piece of incriminating evidence. Shame and guilt immediately take root within you. Sylus is not that kind of person, you should have known that. Should have trusted him more and let it be. Why were you like this? Apologize. It's what you need to do now because maybe he thought you were doubting him.

“I'm sorry—” he cuts you off.

“No. You have nothing to apologize for. Didn't I tell you that you have access to all my resources? Including, but not limited to, my phone. You can take a mile if I give you an inch.”

He brings your hand to his lips, kissing each knuckle. Even the tips of your fingers, and a final one on the inside of your palm.

“Next time, you don't need to ask. Just snatch it away from me if you think I'm giving it too much attention. I'll drop anything to show you how much I adore you.” He looks at you, gaze unwavering.

You will never be too much for Sylus. Everything that you have to offer, he will devour like a dog starved. He has been deprived of the intensity of your affections for far too long to be picky. If your love is tender, he will soften himself from metal to clay and be molded by your hands as best he can. And if your love is untamed ferocity he will embrace you with open arms, ready to be ripped apart. It will be alright— Sylus will stitch himself back together if that was what you needed him to do. That is what he will do to love you.

[tevanbuckley]

some low points from the ry*an g*zman interview because i need you all to feel my pain.

when talking about his celibacy (yes he uses that word): "I haven't entertained any interactions with any other females" — gave me the ick 0/10

uses the phrase "a woman's touch," to explain why women are inherently good at interior decorating(?) and that this skill is how women are able to enrich a successful man's life — side note: at no point do they talk about how men enrich women’s lives.

immediately after this the religious imagery takes a left turn and exits my frame of reference, bc instead of just asking "do you think you still have things to work on?" like a normal person, the host says "I want to know what one Thorn is in your flesh." — someone raised more religious than i was needs to chime in on if this is normal christian doctrine or a sign he might be in a cult. (is it a reference to the thorns in jesus' crown?)

ryan makes a weird comment about how "you've seen civilizations built on [a man in love]" — genuinely idk what the fuck this means — but it leads into a tangent about like, men as providers and how "I would do anything for my women."

"peace is key yeah we got enough problems in the world outside the house and so long as I come back to the house and I get peace," — maybe i'm being pedantic but the way he keeps framing woman as belonging in the home is 🚩🚩🚩🚩

"for the next woman I would have in my life I can see that they navigate their their problems and still offer peace to their men." — again 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

surprisingly claims he has been to therapy, which assuming is true, idk it worked.

the host: "women may be fighting internal battles you know kind of themselves do you believe that a woman still fighting those battles are able to still bring peace" — because remember ladies, no matter what you're going through your job is to bring peace to your man's home.

there's some more brief gender essentialist bs where ryan talks about how men "like to fix things," but are bad listeners, and how "problems within women are so specific to women that I wouldn't even try and and say that I have a grasp on them."

then the host randomly asks him if he thinks men need to be financially stable before entering a relationship or if dating a broke guy is a way to "present loyalty."

weirdly ryan actually kind of dodges this question, but ends up suggesting social media is a good place to get "great examples of what does and what doesn't seem to work." in relationships — and no. no it isn't.

oh and then he starts talking about conor mcgregor for some reason? and how it's bad he disrespected his wife by stepping outside their marriage — and i mean sure, although infidelity feels second to the rape accusations??

says it's harder for a woman to come into a man's life when he's already established because "now the man has proven to himself that he never needed a woman." — which, interesting given how later he talks about how women need to stop trying to do the independent woman thing.

he also gets weirdly possessive over his daughter at one point. does the classic "God forbid I find out that man disrespects my little baby." — idk, on the surface he talks about how he wants her to know her value, but it seems like he has a pretty limited view of what that value is.

the host drops lore about how she moved out of her parents house at 14/15 and how she had to "stop thinking like a woman and start thinking also like a man," but stay feminine and "know what a man wants and how to cater to that but also still be soft." — i mean good lord, i don't even know where to start 🤢.

this btw is the preamble to ryan's rant about "independent women."

and god the more i read the more i am deeply concerned about the woman hosting (i saw someone earlier say she's 21). this woman is barely an adult and has so much internalised misogyny, talking about how "us women don't know how to direct our emotions." and "in today's generation a lot of men are deprived of even the small things because a lot of women are takers."

this whole interview is utterly bizarre and i feel like it's taken years off my life. like i said earlier, this isn't a normal podcast he got weird on, this is straight up christian propaganda

[taeaura]

I've been thinking about this for a while because I haven't actually seen or read any Thomas Hewitt x reader fanfic where the main character is a meek/shy individual with an emotional nature. By that, I mean somebody who is timid, not self-assured, soft-spoken, gentle, pacifistic, and often afraid to speak up for himself/herself. Not to mention that if being mocked or bullied, will start to tear up a bit and become more secluded.

Every time I read about Y/n, they are always this Mary Sue like temple who still ends up with odd or disrespectful issues. Like there's too many of them. Get rid of them! Bring me something new! Because I have no idea what the Hewitt's would do with that sort of person. Especially if it was a female instead of a male. What would Thomas and the family do with such a person? In theory, it seems obvious, but I genuinely don't know.

Hi again! I broke this up into headcanons as well as a little one shot - Hope that's okay!

Below are other posts dealing with similar topics if you'd like to view those additionally:

Soft-spoken s/o | mauswyx

Slashers x Socially Anxious! Reader | tac-the-unseen

Thomas Hewitt x Meek/Emotional Reader

This GIF felt fitting idk why god I wish that was me

_____

Thomas is a shy individual himself - Knowing this, I doubt he'd have an issue with any aspect of your nature. He'd actually be more protective of you than of someone who's much more..vocal about their displeasure.

Thomas doesn't mind the timidness, he's fully willing to be the 'strong' one in the relationship..he's kinda been forced into the roll within his family.

Charlie will tease you. A lot. He knows what gets on your nerves, how to pry under your skin - What makes you tick, cry, and breakdown; It's a favorite pastime of his, that is, when you're still a 'guest' captive.

He'll bring up traumatizing moments, taunting you with the possibility of 'ending up like the rest.' Hoyt pulls strings not even you knew were there:

"One word, and you'll end up splattered 'cross this damn wall."

{If you're fem-presenting} "Momma only likes you 'cause you're a girl, Once she see's how much of a harlot you are, she'll throw you right on out."

Once he's gotten used to you {or you've proved your 'worth'}, he'll switch things up a bit:

"Y'know, Tommy's got a real sensitive heart..you break it, s'not gone end well for any of us."

{Talking to a family member} "They're not too bad, huh? Small, quiet, always does as they're told, not too much of a hassle, now, are they?"

--

Thomas won't necessarily stand up for you, but he'll comfort you almost immediately

If you're ever in a particular mood, Thomas is pretty respectful of boundaries. If you need to be left alone, he's just fine with that. He might leave you a note and slide it under your door - Just a quick little "I love you" or something similar.

If you prefer direct comfort, he's fully willing to let you cry it out , or vent to him. He won't be able to respond much, but know he's processing it all. Depending on how comfortable the two of you are, he's willing to hold you/your hand, some pats on the back and such.

Any comfort you show him, he'll show back. For example; If you gently wipe/caress his face down after {or when} he cries, he'll do the same for you. Ask for what you want, and he'll do just that..most of the time 🫀

--

Thomas isn't a huge fan of confrontation - Anything confrontational outside of 'work', really. He knows his 'place' in the family, and isn't willing to push it {aka, argue with his family}. He won't argue for you, or get any family members to stop their pestering, but he will kill for you. Anytime a victim gets too close, he's got something sharp in his hands.

If they hurt you {or anyone in the family, really}, whether it be emotionally or physically, prepare for the goriest, most blood-caked basement you've ever encountered. He needs to take his anger out, and believe me, he will - Even with your pacifistic pleas.

--

Outside of his protective nature, your pacifistic and emotional nature tends to rub off on Thomas. He knows what he's doing, and how important it is to the family - But he gets moments of doubt at times, which are amplified around you.

Those people had lives..families just like his.

Meat.

Meat is all they are.

Don't fail the family, Thomas. They're {you} disposable, family isn't.

_____

Everyone was overwhelmed with the new..'livestock' that came in this afternoon. Although a small group, they fought hard. Hoyt had gotten his nose punched in just thirty minutes prior - It was all crooked and overflowed with blood dripping down his cupid's bow. Momma had gotten it taken care of - Thomas had helped 'realign' his nose best he could, whilst momma helped pack the bleeding. Hoyt would sure swell up and bruise within the next few days..if he hasn't already..

Instead of trying to rest, he bombarded you with insults - "What the fuck is wrong with you?! You didn't think to tell us one of them got out?" - "How fucking useless are you?!" He was really mad at you for that one..

Just like last time, you cried. Frantic, raw, disheveled cries. You fucked up...badly. The thought plagued you terribly, it ate away every ounce of assurance you had. I'm sorry..I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry..it rung through your mind, but your body was paralyzed as it knelt on the carpet; You wouldn't be speaking for quite some time..

It wouldn't matter anyway - Hoyt wasn't the type to hear it. You put the family in danger, that's all that mattered. It didn't matter if you were "sorry" or not - You threatened the Family. Who the hell do you think you are? After all we've given you? Food, shelter, safety, a place of purpose?

Ungrateful. That's what you are. A selfish, clumsy, inconsiderate ingrate.

You were shaking - Desperate to apologize, make it up to them. Your hands covered your face, leaving only small opening to peer through. The room was lit only by a small, vintage lamp in the corner, though that light suddenly blurred within darkness -

You felt your hands being pried from your face, though gently. It was Thomas - Wasn't much of a surprise, he was always the one to ground you.

He held eye contact with you as he lightly dusted away your tears with the backside of his index finger. He held your shaking hands tenderly, placing them at your knees. As he let go of your hands, he slowly raised his {hands} back to your face, tilting his head slightly as if to ask for permission -You continued to sniffle and gasp, providing a small, shaky nod in affirmation. Thomas benevolently grasped your cheeks, wiping tears as he did. You and Thomas had developed this wordless affirmation - a way to ground each other in times of need; He placed his forehead to yours. You often joked that you two 'looked like bugs' from the unconventional angle, and he'd chuckled best he could. He loved you. Truly, loved you.

The room was unusually silent - You looked beside you to see Luda Mae and Hoyt gone, only Uncle Monty facing the window as he read the news. Momma must've dragged Hoyt out...thankfully. You finally looked back at him, he really did look like a bug from this angle.., but he was the sweetest man. He left you a note earlier this morning, right after Charlie had yelled at you the night before:

Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby - I love you.

-Thomas

_____

I hope this isn't too bad - Love you guys thank you so much for the request 🫀

[thosecactussharks]

Idk how to articulate this properly, so I appreciate any insight and nuance that other people can add to this sentiment that I might not have been able to properly explain.

But...can we stop demonizing people with low empathy? Why is that becoming so normal?

"What happened to empathy?"

"Why is empathy a foreign concept to these people?"

"It's not that hard to have empathy!"

All of these statements blatantly disregard people with personality disorders, mental illnesses, or people like me who are Autistic and ADHD, who also just...don't have normal levels of empathy for people.

Low empathy isn't an excuse to be a piece of shit.

Low empathy also doesn't inherently make you a bad person.

I struggle to connect with people. I struggle to care and feel what people feel.

I struggle not to be critical or make remarks that upset people, because I struggle to see from other people's points of view without having personally been in that situation.

But I do care about people. I might show it differently, or not feel the same as you do, but I do care.

(Below is personal experience, so I can only speak for myself as an AuDHD person. I cannot speak on other disorders that involve lower empathy. I would love your input if you have a better view on your experience!)

I might not feel empathy, but I can break down logically what is and isn't bad one way or another. I can break down and understand when something bad has happened and, logically, deduce that another person feels bad.

I, personally, have cognitive empathy. Not a lot, and I do tend to think hyper-logically, but I can break a situation down into facts and work from there.

I'm alexithymic, so emotional empathy doesn't really work for me. My normal emotions are hard to feel or pinpoint accurately, so the ones I should feel for other people are practically nonexistent.

But, that doesn't give me the excuse to be an asshole.

Sure, maybe it could explain my thought process or reasons behind my actions, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't apologize or try to understand why I said something upsetting if others express that I did something shitty.

So, maybe, instead of demonizing low empathy folks, we should be calling out assholes because they're being assholes - NOT because they feel and experience things differently from you.

[robustcornhusk]

due to the circumstances, fell into a hole of reading through the archives of a blog that got deleted ~8 years ago

Reminds me of research on how ‘gaze aversion’ (e.g. avoiding eye contact) helps people think by removing the cognitive and emotional load of face processing, etc., so teachers who get caught up in forcing students to make eye contact are missing the point. Likewise abstract doodling while listening helps improve recall. Speech is so bad for conveying information, people need all the help they can get when forced into speech-based learning scenarios, really.

the writer has a bone to pick with lectures & orally-delivered information: they don't like 'em. i don't disagree from personal experience but i don't know enough to agree in the general case. maybe other people do learn well from lectures.

the gaze aversion link led to me to this paper on gaze aversion in adults with and without autism, williams syndrome by the same researcher.

[...] in phase 2 participants were required to maintain eye contact with the experimenter at all times. Looking at faces decreased task accuracy for individuals who were developing typically. Critically, the same pattern was seen in WS and ASD, whereby task performance decreased when participants were required to hold face gaze. The results show that looking at faces interferes with task performance in all groups.

to listen to some people talk about it, you'd think that only autistic people suffer do worse from being made to maintain eye contact. ... actually, given the rest of the wording in the paper, you might be able to say that NT people don't suffer from it, they just suck more when made to maintain eye contact, whereas the autists suffer. but i think more research is required.

this is only one paper and i haven't bothered to look into replicability or reliability or literally anything else about it. perhaps the author has been kicked out of the profession for making shit up. perhaps they are a pioneer. idk. i bring it up only as 'some authoritative-looking people have this position, so it's probably not completely without basis'.

....

perhaps one issue with lectures is that the audience can't fidget without causing a problem. (i can't sit still to watch movies but can watch them for hours with a treadmill)

---

less thought out position: i think people as a whole are bad at teaching.

i tried to look up why the fuck every curry i cook at home sucks, and instead i got a bunch of people talking about how it's impossible to learn to cook it if you haven't grown up there copying your parents' (=your mother's) cooking. that which can be destroyed by women's liberation should be.

went to a certain woodblock studio once. as i recall, the owner talked admiring about how the traditional way to learn to do the prints was to 'steal' the techniques from the person working next to you; very little direct instruction, but pick it up from noticing. it takes years and years to get good.

this works okay -- i mean, i suspect a large part of it was hazing, so i hesitate to say it worked well -- if you don't have better options, but what happens when there's no one able to take years and years to get good?

transmitting information is hard! it's really, really hard! i can't blame the people writing it down (or lecturing, or otherwise) for stopping at 'good enough'.

but like....

Have you ever had a book like this—one you’d read—come up in conversation, only to discover that you’d absorbed what amounts to a few sentences? I’ll be honest: it happens to me regularly. Often things go well at first. I’ll feel I can sketch the basic claims, paint the surface; but when someone asks a basic probing question, the edifice instantly collapses. Sometimes it’s a memory issue: I simply can’t recall the relevant details. But just as often, as I grasp about, I’ll realize I had never really understood the idea in question, though I’d certainly thought I understood when I read the book. Indeed, I’ll realize that I had barely noticed how little I’d absorbed until that very moment.

though given how many (nonfiction) books suck (=get the facts wrong, make logical jumps that are unjustified, etc), perhaps it's for the best we don't remember much

It’s easy to attend a lecture and feel that you understand, only to discover over that night’s problem set that you understood very little. Memory feels partly to blame: you might sense that you knew certain details at one time, but you’ve forgotten. Yet we can’t pin this all on memory. When you pull on certain strings from the lecture, you might discover that you had never really understood, though you’d certainly thought you understood during the lecture.

partner had a beloved professor in university who had a particular reality-warping field; it was so easy to come away from the lectures on a very hard topic believing one had understood everything! everything!

[namgyunation]

Do you see Nam-gyu introducing his s/o to drugs or do you think he’d be the type to shield you from that type of thing?

cw; talking about drug usage and unhealthy stuff here

mmmm based off of my interpretation of him, i don’t think he’d really try to “shield” you. just doesn't seem like something he'd do

i also don't think he would gaf if you knew about his substance abuse. you're his s/o. if you're with him, he's prob thinking "this is what you signed up for when you got with me." i could see him hiding it from his family, but not you.

with a job like his, it'd be pretty hard to hide, anyways. if anything, i think he'd try to at least hide or be vague about the intensity of the drugs he takes and just how addicted / dependent he is on them. he'd probably try to convince you that it's just something casual that he does or brush you off if you display any concern

i could see him wanting to keep the details of his drug usage off your radar, but not because he’s like. concerned that he’ll be a bad influence or rub off on you, or anything. nor would he do it with the intent of trying to protect you or keep you "innocent" / drug-free.

i don’t think he’d enthusiastically be like “here baby, snort this!!! take this pill!!! ❤️” out of nowhere or straight from the jump when he enters a relationship with his s/o. he also doesn’t seem like the type of dude to go out of his way to share what drugs he’s taking or even just his emotions in general. he seems like he’d be very closed off and be more than happy to keep that part of his life from you if you never asked / pushed the issue.

i think he’d just want to avoid his s/o giving him a hard time: asking too many questions about what he’s doing, how it’s affecting him, his health, their finances, and their relationship, and/or trying to get him to stop. he just wants to do what he wants while still keeping you in his life. he doesn't want you to complicate or overdramaticize things with your concern. he knows what hes doing and can handle himself.

but i think if you expressed any sort of interest or vague curiosity, he might initially be shocked, find it amusing, and be surprisingly interested in the idea of introducing you to something, jokingly offer to get you stuff, though he genuinely would if you just straight up asked him to do so.

i think he’d find it interesting / somewhat exciting to see your first-time reactions to things and would find himself enjoying it more than he expected to somewhere along the way, though i don’t think he’d force it on you. if you wanted to stop, he would be cool with that and drop it immediately. it doesn't matter to him whether or not you do drugs or are on the same page as him. he's doing his thing, and you're doing yours. he wouldn't mind and would be just as open to it if you were to ask him about it again later down the line, though.

if you asked him to give you something and lead you through it, i think he’d derive some sort of enjoyment from knowing a lot about something that you don’t, being your sole source of information on the topic, and knowing he's the first and only person that you experience those types of things with.

i could see him being an obnoxious ass trip-sitter just because he thinks it's funny / even getting some sort of ego because of it.

eg. if you start off with weed, he’s laughing at you for coughing, not knowing how to inhale right, and/or making a stupid, exaggerated face when you exhale. when you overestimate your tolerance and get high as fuck, he’s purposefully putting stupid shit on the tv to gauge your reaction (maybe some dumb children’s cartoon or compilation of idk. plants growing timelapse), laughing at you when you're super focused on it (not mean, just teasing / amused), and maybe he takes a few selfies with you to tease you about it later. he would smoke with you, too, but purposefully stays mostly sober so he can take care of you. also, his tolerance is naturally way higher than yours, and i think he'd find it funny if you got high extremely quick.

he says shit like "oh, i invited your entire family and also a hundred of your friends over to the apartment, and they're outside right now. i hope you don't mind" just to get a funny reaction out of you.

he's not entirely mean, though, and despite having his fun, he still wanted to make sure that your experience was good and comfortable from the get-go. he thought ahead and set out snacks and drinks for when you inevitably got the munchies / dry mouth. he has a line up of funny things to watch and a blanket set out to make sure that you're fine. he doesn't leave you alone. even though it's just weed, he doesn't want to scare you.

he feels good and pats himself on the back for taking care of you. he probably enjoys knowing that in that moment, you're completely depending on him and looking at him like he has all the knowledge in the world. he deeply enjoys the fact that you trust him enough to rely on him and trust that you'll come out of the experience okay, because he's there.

nowww, getting on to other drugs outside of weed, i could see him being more serious about it and wanting to make sure that you're okay. he's open and more than happy to provide you with the things you're showing interest in. sharing his knowledge that's completely foreign and new to you and bringing you into 'his world' is satisfying for him, but once it starts to get a little more dodgy / serious, he's very firm on asking you if you're sure and asks a lot more questions. "what are you feeling?" "what do you see?" "do you need water?" "tell me what's going on." etc. he doesn't completely coddle you, but he's not going to leave you alone, either.

also, i was obsessed with breaking bad in middle school LMAO, so it's leaking into this post... sometimes when i think about nam-gyu, i can't help but think about jessie pinkman. there's a particular scene in the show where jessie's gf, jane, introduces him to heroin for the first time, and i think i could see nam-gyu being like jane in this particular scene, with jessie being his s/o that he's introducing shit to.

over time, if you continued to express clear, enthusiastic interest and prove to him that you could handle it, i think that's when he'd finally let himself relax and do drugs with you, rather than staying sober to monitor you. i think he'd grow accustomed to doing things with you, almost falling into a routine or having it be "your thing." he'd sneak things from work that other people gave to him or things that he was supposed to be giving to VIPs and bring it home to share with you. he'd find that getting high with you specifically was more fun for him than when he did it with others.

ending it off with something somewhat lighthearted: after a while, nam-gyu realizes that he's actually kind of excited to have a long-term buddy to get high with. he would start suggesting that the two of you smoke a joint and then go to the aquarium, art gallery, the zoo, etc. if he got something new, he wouldn't let himself try it and wait until he got home to be with you.

tldr; i don't think he'd shield you, but he wouldn't be super open about it either if you didn't ask or push him to talk about it. if you asked him to introduce you to it, he'd find himself oddly excited by the idea. he'd do it but would make sure to keep you comfortable and ask you over and over if you were sure once you got to the more serious shit. he wouldn't push it, either, in the case that you wanted to stop or were uncertain.

[mrnightingale]

DBDA Character Appreciation Week: #4 Niko Sasaki

I love her sm!!! Outfit ideas here by @katygorl

The yellow one is w a pastel highlighter, and the other two w colouring pencils and greyish purple and violet highlighter. I really like this one, I think I'm starting to find a colouring technique I don't completely hate!!! Whoohoo! (Btw in the purple one, the flowers on her top and boots are two different types of Violets, and she's holding a pink sea glass bc palasaki my beloved ones, they're matching ✨✨✨).

Words can't explain how much I love Niko, she's incredibly sweet and friendly and empathetic, and I love her dynamic with practically every character in the show, but what I love the most is that we can actually see on-screen how much she grows through the chapters, how stronger she's getting. I love DBDA because it portrays how different people deals with their feelings in a realistic way, how every teen has their own problems and it takes them with the care it deserves, it doesn't feel exaggerated but every topic is given the adequate seriousness it requires, and honestly is such a masterpiece in the storytelling and pacing through the chapters between the cases and their own character arcs that their evolution doesn't feel rushed at all, but then you look back and see how much they changed, and is really heartwarming.

I love Niko because at first she's locked up in her room and doesn't talk with anyone, and slowly starts opening up with Crystal, and the boys, and then you think she's okay, but she's not. Dealing with depression and mental health issues it's much more difficult than it might seem from the outside, because one day you're feeling Good Enough to go and talk to people with a smile on the face, but that doesn't mean you're really okay. That just means you're feeling Good Enough to keep the mask on through a conversation. And Niko feels pretty realistic and natural to me because healing requires time, and support, and the agency is supporting her but they're not rushing her up to join on cases until she's ready, and that's beautiful. I think it's beautiful bc it shows a healthy environment that provides comfort and support and she's getting better thanks to it, and thanks her own hidden strength, and they're helping her realize where that strength comes from.

And, idk, as I have already said millions of times, I really love Niko and Edwin's relationship, it feels so genuine and heartwarming and bro I want the Niko to my Edwin soooo bad. Help. But my point is. I think the best word I could find to describe their relationship is "comfort" bc they can be themselves with each other, talk about their problems without pressure, knowing that the other will accept them no matter what and will help and support them and, idk, the scene when they're watching Scooby Doo while Niko writers the letter to her mother and Edwin is just there, not intervening but just saying there so she's not alone, idk, it spokes so deeply to me. Like if they could face everything as long as they have each other. I know there's always been Charles and Edwin, and they fighting together against everything, but the relationship w Niko is set in a different emotional basis and I think that's something Edwin needed, being able to talk about his feelings, and the same with Niko.

Brooooo help I love this show so fucking much, it's a masterpiece in every aspect but I'll never stop rewatching and looked amazed by the characters. They're unapologetically queer, and real, and they deal with the Life, and oh fuck, Life is hard as hell, Life is a kick after kick and punch after punch and somehow we have to keep living through it, and I feel so seen when I look at the screen and I can relate with some things that I used to think they were so personal and that I was alone w that, only bc there wasn't any representation of it. We're not alone dealing with Life, and this masterpiece of art that it's Dead Boy Detectives shows it perfectly.

It's queer and flamboyant and bizarre, you have ghosts running for their afterlifes, you have a psychic dealing with her toxic demon ex-boyfriend, and a quirky witch and her familiar twink that actually shows real abusive relationships, you have a Cat King whose only relationships are shallow, and a Night Nurse that knows everything about everything and still has a lot to learn, and you have Niko, a lonely, aloof girl with two dandelion spirits in a bell jar in her room, a girl who grew up with the support of their friends and started to live again, and love again, and love Life, and still, she gave her life for their friends.

And her death matters.

[proshippers-against-censorship]

Rant/vent, feel free to delete I just need to get this out

I'm gonna be honest I feel like antis have ruined my ability to really gaf about problematic people

Like I don't care enough to look into controversies anymore about creators I like and if I do happen to learn the worst I'll say is "that's fucking awful" but I just. Don't feel anything the way I used to.

It used to be if I heard a creator I liked was a rapist or a groomer or whatever, I'd immediately stop interacting with their stuff and block everything about them, but now the most I'll do is just shrug and move on. Might feel weird around the content and might have it lingering in the back of my mind but it doesn't ruin the experience for me anymore.

I just don't have the emotional energy for that

It's like seeing all the "oh they're a bad person for drawing x" has like...minimized serious issues (for me). Serious controversies. And it doesn't help that antis place "proshipping" and "icky fictional content" as being a worse crime than actually awful, harmful things. They really show this in their callouts and how "proshipping" is always the focus of their discussions when talking shit about someone

(Ex: talking about melanie martinez, and all the focus is on that one nsfw drawing she made of a child oc or smth, but never do the literal rape allegations against her pop up)(idk if that's up to date)

My most recent experience of this (and what led me to this realization) is Tamakuz. Tamakuz has these two ocs (the ocs in question are Masarcik and Ushka from psychocuties) in an abusive relationship--apparently one of these ocs looks like a child to a LOT of people which I honestly had a really hard time understanding. Then I heard about them drawing these characters in a scene from the Lolita movie and one of them in a nazi uniform. Check em out, yup, they exist.

But after all of that, I was just kinda left there wondering "okay but what else is there? What's really the issue here?"

like the most I thought was about the nazi drawing, and while I definitely think it was done in poor taste, I doubt I know everything about it and all I really care to do is assume it was a joke made in poor taste and say "well it's fucking weird" and then just...not really care beyond that.

Idc if not caring anymore makes me a bad person, honestly. Maybe it's the depression numbing me, maybe it's the antis, maybe both. Idk.

(Sorry if I already sent in smth like this, i have the memory of a goldfish)

.

[shellyfirebug]

Dr. Xeno is a Sleep Deprived Lunatic

Something I wish was more clear in the anime is just how bad the bags under Xeno's eyes are. Specifically in the flashback before petrification day. I mean, LOOK AT THIS!

Dude is either...

a) Super stressed

b) Uber depressed

c) Getting only 2 hours of sleep

d) All of the above

Not gonna lie, I kinda relate to him. Not the dictator part (duh), but just being done with everyone around you. There have been moments where I feel like I'm the only one giving it my all. Obviously, this is never true, but I'm not considering facts or perspectives when I'm tired and cranky. I don't think most people are. This is why I like the addition of the scene in the anime where Xeno is trying to get his project approved and being denied.

It shows that he was definitely TRYING to make a difference and push for new things.

His bio implies that he was a lot like Senku when it came to playing with machinery as a kid. The biggest difference is where Senku makes a static electricity ray to scare away his bullies, Xeno would make a modified gun. Both say very different things.

Senku: Shut up! Science is awesome and here's why! Look! I'm like Static Shock!

Xeno: I'll make a gun that drills into your head if you don't shut up and let me make cool shit.

I bring this up to remind myself and everyone else that XENO WAS NEVER AN ANGEL!!! He got arrested for making MODIFIED GUNS!! FOR PETE'S SAKE! He kept trying to get his 10 year old student into making missles and bio-weapons! I can't stress this enough! Senku's more like a 'Bill Nye' type while Xeno was more of a 'Tony Stark before Ironman'.

WITH THAT SAID! Xeno was trying to work with the system and constantly being told no. That can bring anyone's mood down. Especially when everyone around you is telling you how smart and talented you are.

"If you think that, then why do you keep shutting down my ideas?!"

The sad part is I think he got a bit more motivated after mentoring Senku. He probably studied Japanese just so he could communicate with him easier (not officially stated tmk, but heavily implied). Xeno probably found a new spark to keep trying to push new projects after talking to his pupil. I'd be jaded too if my ideas got beaten to the curb. Especially after a sudden burst of inspiration.

Finally, that brings me to this scene.

When I first saw this, my first thought was, "DOES NOBODY SEE THIS AS A RED FLAG?!! HELLO?!!!!!" But after I stopped to think. I've definitely said weird things like this before. Heck, I've seen a lot of people say things like this. Mostly stuff like "I'm going to burn this place to the ground someday." I usually only say this when I'm super tired, cranky, or was recently talked down to by a colleague. I never actually mean it! (I'd hope no one does), but sometimes you let the intrusive thoughts leak out. And Xeno was definitely leaning hard into that thought/fantasy! Based on everyone's reaction to Xeno's response, this is definitely not the first time he's said shit like this. I can believe that his coworkers were just thinking, "Looks like Xeno's in one of his moods again (laugh track)." However, if they saw his 'Science is power' message to Senku, THAT is WAAAAY more of a red flag!!!

"Oh. Oh! Oh, he's serious! Yeah, we should bring this up with HR. He might need an intervention."

Getting back to the suitcases we call his bagged eyes...

Not sleeping enough can screw with your emotional senses big time! And something tells me he wasn't a sensitive person to begin with. Not narcissistic but definitely had a superiority complex that just kept getting worse over time. The intrusive thoughts became fantasy. But he still wasn't dangerous, just really needed to go on a trip with his husband on a honeymoon. Dude needed R&R. Send that man to Hawaii! Make him hibernate! Idk, DO SOMETHING!! He was probably running on nothing but coffee beans and spite at that point! And even when he turned to stone for 3,700 years, HE STILL WASN'T SLEEPING!! GET THIS MAN SOME MELATONIN!! MY GOD!!!

Remember, kids! Go to bed on time, or you might become a power-hungry dictator!

[timegnosticproductions]

Ghosts: BBC vs CBS

It’s been almost a month since I finished BBC’s Ghosts, and I cannot stop thinking about it. It has quickly become one of my favourite TV shows. I watched the US-American version first because it had been plaguing my TikTok FYP. It was a fine show, but it didn’t have the grip the BBC version currently has on me.

This is an exploration of why I found UK Ghosts to be a much more compelling story than US Ghosts, even if they are “the same show”.

DISCLAIMER: There will be spoilers for both shows.

The Main Couple

Underappreciated in both shows, let’s begin with the two livings: Alison and Mike, and Sam and Jay.

Sam and Jay feel, to me, like they just spawned at the beginning of the show. They aren’t people, with lives before the fragments we see, which will continue after the show ends. Sam is the biggest offender of the two. Where are her friends from before she moved to Woodstone Manor? I would understand if she didn’t have any friends over, and we also have to consider that the US is massive compared to the UK, and her friends might live on the other side of the country. But not one call? No facetime? Not even one text message? And let me be clear: I don’t want this to be a show about her living friends, and I don’t need them to be characters in the show, but do Sam and Jay have to be completely cut off from the real world?

Alison and Mike, on the other hand, have a friend group, and when these friends play a role in an episode, the focus is still on the ghosts’ reactions. They don’t distract from the main characters, while still making Alison and Mike feel more grounded in reality.

Character moments vs. cheap jokes

I’m not the first person to point this out, and I certainly won’t be the last, but it’s still worth saying: why would you change a ghost’s powers from Mary reliving the moment of her death, being “burned at the stake” again, and subsequently making the living people that have passed through her smell the burning of the fire that killed her, to a fart joke. Isaac’s life/death is tragic, but his ghost power being “fart” get’s really exhausting really quickly.

Ghost lore

Expanding on ghost powers, let’s talk about the other ghosts. This point, I realise, is less black and white and more about personal preference rather than bad writing. I like that Ghosts (UK) doesn’t always directly answer the viewer’s questions about the afterlife. Some ghosts have powers, and some don’t and the ones that don’t aren’t searching for them. Mary gets “sucked off” but we don’t know what comes next.

In the US version, however, there is explicitly a hell and a heaven, and Elias comes back from hell to tell us what happens there.

That is one of the many charms of the UK version, the uncertainty. What comes next? I don’t want to know.

I also think it helps the emotional punch of Mary’s death (re-death, moving on? idk) land better. If one of the CBS ghosts were to die, the grieving wouldn’t be as devastating, because we know what comes next, and how could we be sad when a character has, certainly, gone to heaven? It could still be made into an interesting episode, maybe exploring the other ghosts’ (especially the older ones) jealousy, who also want to get “sucked off”. Still, I much prefer the uncertainty of Mary’s death (would also very much like to see a main character from the US version move on, just because I would like to see how they handle it when it isn’t a fake out like with Flower).

Found family vs. pair the spares

CBS’s Ghosts has an obsession with romance, to the point where it is quite frankly absurd.

You know when in a fandom there is a four-person friend group (or other even number) and two of those characters are in a really popular ship, so the fandom decides to ship the other two characters together as if they couldn’t be happily single, or aromantic, or whatever? (Author’s note: yes, aromantic people can still date, doesn’t take away from my point.) Yeah, I feel like that watching CBS’s Ghosts. Some characters are single, but I still think there is too much of a focus on romance/sex, with Flower and Thor, Isaac and Nigel, Hetty and Trevor, Pete and Alberta/Donna since he discovered his ghost power, and I’m sure when the series is over I will have more examples. Maybe, if these couples had more chemistry and were properly set up, I wouldn’t be so hard on them, but my point still stands.

Both shows try to pull off the found family angle, but only one of them succeeds. You can’t call it a found family if your only “family dynamic” is “romantic relationship”, that’s just a regular friend group. The Captain and Kitty’s father-daughter relationship is one of my favourite things about the original, and I also love Julian being a sort of mentor to Alison in all things scheming. It can even be played for laughs, with Robin being the “family dog”. None of this charm is carried over to the US-American version, and I really, really wish it was, because it has made me fall in love with the BBC’s version.

Pacing

You know, for a show with 20-ish episodes per season instead of six, you’d think they could take more than an episode to develop a storyline properly. Let’s take a closer look at two storylines that appear in both shows.

Firstly, the one with Alison’s/Sam’s long-lost sister. In the BBC’s version, this is a season-long arch, and it is not solely centred around uncovering whether she is lying, but also discussing Kitty’s jealousy and possessiveness over Alison; and Alison’s deep desire for a family, and how the ghosts have become that for her. And, generally, it makes you believe that Alison would believe the lie, and wouldn’t see the holes in the story, because she just really wanted a sister. Sam’s story plays almost the same but is reduced to a single episode. I know it is the classic sitcom formula, things must return to the status quo by the end of the episode. Still, I wish it wasn’t so rushed.

Secondly, the Captain(s) coming out. In both shows, the queerness of these characters is very obvious, but in the UK version, coming to terms with his queerness and learning to express his feelings is the core of his character. However, the US version takes this in another direction, placing more importance on the budding relationship between Isaac and Nigel (see: my point about this version’s obsession with romance). The UK version is hardly subtle, but compared to the US version… I wouldn’t be so angry if they hadn’t decided to undo their development by having Isaac leave Nigel at the altar.

Bad people vs. bad characters

This discussion should extend beyond Ghosts and into literature/art in general. To quote Oscar Wilde, “It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.” A character being a bad person doesn’t mean they are a bad character, those two qualities can coexist, but don’t always come together. CBS’s Ghosts seems wary of making any of the characters bad people. BBC’s Ghosts doesn’t have this problem. Julian (the equivalent to Trevor in the CBS version) is a bad person, especially at the beginning of the show. And he is probably my favourite character. He died of a heart attack while cheating on his wife, he didn’t bother to take care of his daughter and he attempted to kill Alison, which ultimately resulted in her being able to see ghosts. He is not nice, and the show doesn’t want you to think that. And you watch him grow throughout the series and it is great.

None of the characters in the US version are bad. This is mostly just a pet peeve of mine, but I do think it makes things much more static. Everyone in this version is just too nice. And too excited about everything. Why is Sam so onboard with the ghosts? Why is she never annoyed with them? And why do they never talk over each other? Do they never get tired of each other? I mean, some of them have been “living” together for centuries!

This topic in particular is something I want to write about more extensively, looking at other shows and fandom perception and that kind of stuff, so I’m going to cut myself here.

Conclusion

I don’t think that CBS’s Ghosts is, like, the worst show ever, it just doesn’t live up to its predecessor. That was just, from my point of view, a really high bar. There is one thing I think it does better than its BBC counterpart, and that is Jay’s relationship with the Ghosts (as opposed to Mike’s), which is to say, he actually has one.

So, yes, CBC’s Ghosts has lots of issues that may come from adapting the story for an American audience, or may just be lousy writing. Either way, I still enjoy it, although the episodes are definitely harder to get through.

[sugarlywhispers]

Laysa … your recent lavagirl and Bakugou post was so 😋

1) Bakugou is about to crash tf out THIS IS NOT A DRILL 🚨‼️🙅🏾‍♀️

2) idk what that villain thought this was but lavagirl and Bakugou DO NOT play about each other frfr .. like the villain is soo cooked it’s not even funny

3) also angstier thought about this but like Bakugou was so torn up about slightly hurting lavagirl even though it wasn’t even her. So now I’m thinking about a villain that has a puppet control quirk and like they control someone completely but the person is still aware of what’s happening yet can’t stop it. And the villain sends Bakugou after lavagirl 😣. Like… she hesitated so bad even though the villain WASNT Bakugou.. imagine if it really was him 💔

Me thinking about how heartbreaking that would be:

(Sorry to be a Debby downer I literally just read this three part angst fic that had tears streaming down my face fr 🤕🤧)

NO, BECAUSE—

1) THAT VILLAIN IS FUCKING DEAD. LIKE, THIS IS NO JOKE. 🔥🔥

2) It's so not funny how Dynamight –the real one– is about to shred to pieces his own image. Like, think about the symbolism for a sec… NOT EVEN HIMSELF IS ALLOWED TO HURT HIS BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT WIFE. AND THAT'S A CLEAR THREAT TO EVEN HEROES. NO FUCKING ONE GETS TO TOUCH Y/N. PERIOD.

3) ADKANXNDBAQLWIWYGSKDJSJS MY HEART. 💔💔 Just imagine—

Bakugou Katsuki is freaking crying, loudly begging, and desperately pleading inside his head to any possible god existing up there in the sky to fucking please… STOP. All as he sees you recoil, genuine fear splattered in all your factions and body stance while he is forcibly ordered to walk towards you. He can feel it, his body getting ready to attack against his own will. He's going to attack you. You, the most important person of his life. The person he chose to share everything with. Gentle and soothing touches every night, laying together in the same bed, before falling asleep in each other's arms. From small pecks of ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ to deep, passionate kisses that show how in love you're with each other. Gentle words that reassure how well each of you did for the day and even healthy arguments in which you worriedly reprend each other if the other did something stupid and put their life in danger. Either way, it always ended in a forgiven strong embrace of a hug and a touch of lips that means: ‘I still love you over all’.

It's not clear to everyone watching. It's not even clear to you as he approaches, deadly looking, ready to fight you with all his might –yet eyes turned white, void of any emotion, coldly inexpensive, and obviously in a trance that no matter how hard Red Riot or Deku try while throwing stuff or even themselves at Dynamight, they can not break the spell the villain has their best friend in.

Pro Hero Dynamight just looks like he's ready to kill.

To kill you.

No one can actually see the battle he is having inside his head with himself.

STOP. FUCKIN’ STOP! STUPID BODY!! FUCKIN’ STOP MOVING! DON'T YOU DARE HURT HER. NO. STOP!!!

He's howling inside his head, and it's no use. No matter how desperately and loud he screams in his head, he isn't in control of his body. But he can see. He sees and feels his body blowing away the stuff Izuku throws to stop him. He sees and feels when Eijirou puts himself in front of him, all turned into rock, as he punches and tries to pull Katsuki away; yet he ends up being thrown probably a kilometer away and against the bricks of a fallen building by the force of one of Katsuki's explosions.

Inside his head he grimaces at what he has done to his two best friends. They look pretty wounded, and it's all because of him. 

Fuck!

And Katsuki sees and feels his arm raising, cannon directed at you, who stand several meters in front of him quite unsure on what to do.

MOVE. DODGE. RUN AWAY. DON'T LET ME HURT YOU! FUCKIN’ FIGHT ME!! 

But you don't. Your lava completely retracts into your body, no longer standing in an attack nor defensive position.

NO. FUCK! DON'T! Y/N, DON'T!

His other hand raises, fingers directing at the side of the cannon that would activate the shoot of his accumulated nitroglycerin sweat that would bring hell into the world. Fuckin’ directed at you!

NO! NOOO! Please… No…

Dynamight fires.

Right at the last minute he sees Deku standing in front of you, fully ready to receive the blast. And then Red Riot in his rock form appears in front of Deku, fully receiving the blast. 

Mentally, Katsuki groans with relief. Kirishima has trained thousands of times with him, enduring his shots in his rock form. The red-head is strong enough to endure a blast like that one. However, the amount of nitroglycerin collected has been too big, even for what Dynamight himself is used to. He feels the recoil in his shoulder, he knows one more move and it will break. And he truly wishes it does if it means he won't get another chance to hurt any of you or his friends.

Yet when he focuses his attention back to the place where you were once the smoke dissipates, he freezes. Red Riot is fully knocked out, lying almost moveless on the ground if not for the slow intakes of breath. Deku is also down, a big portion of rock that exploded up from the ground over his legs that prevents him from moving it off him. Fuck, Katsuki knows if Izuku wasn't so weakened as he is at the moment he would be able to easily punch the rock away and fight him. But the villain had already taken care of tiring Deku a lot before Dynamight and Y/H/N landed on the scene.

And you… Oh, no… 

You are lying motionless on the dirty ground, torches of fire close to your body but not close enough to burn you. But the blast has been strong enough to even reach you behind two of the biggest heroes there are.

Katsuki is yelling in agony inside his head.

He still sees and feels his body move. Walking slowly but surely towards where you lay. Passing by the two completely beating up pro heroes like he doesn't care a damn thing about them.

Fuck! No… NO. STOP ALREADY. PLEASE!! FUCKIN’ STOP!!!

When he stands next to you, he moves you with his boot to lay on your back. He sees your beaten and weak body barely respond as he straddles your hips, but you're looking at his eyes. And he feels his own ready to attack again.

NO, FUCKIN’ NO!

His hand raises, palm open, getting closer to your face, heat increasing with each second that passes. He feels it coming, a big blast ready to shoot at your face. Ready to kill you.

Bakugou Katsuki is bawling inside his head, fucking desperate and metaphorically pulling the hairs of his head at how incompetent, how out of control he feels.

He's going to kill you, with his own hands, and there's nothing he can do to stop it.

And then… You smile at him. That loving and comprehensive smile you used to give him when he didn't know how to express his feelings. Filled with love and assurance.

Everything freezes again, including his body.

“I know you're in there, Katsuki,” you speak in such a gentle tone it physically makes the pit of his stomach contract in painful love. Both of your hands weakly hold the one a few centimeters away from your face.

His complete body starts to tremble, and you know that Katsuki is inside there fighting. He's battling to regain the power over his own body as hard as he can. You know your Katsuki is there.

Tears start to escape your eyes, but they still show the immense love you feel for the man above you. You know that even though he is about to kill you, it's not his fault. It's not him. Katsuki would never kill you. You trust him. You love him. And even if he does end up killing you, you would still love him.

“It's me, Katsuki. Y/N… Your Y/N,” you cry, one of your hands cups his face that holds an angry, deadly expression, his eyes still white and void of any emotion. But you can feel him trembling, droplets of sweat sliding over the skin of his temples thanks to the strength you know his mind is putting against the control the villain has over his body.

And you smile bigger, still looking at him with adoring love. Weakly directing his hand down towards your chest, right where your heart is. You press his hand against it, for him to feel the beats that jump against your chest for him. Because of him. Your beating heart that loves him. That lives for him. And that would gladly die for him too.

“All I… all I want you to know… is that… I still love you over all.”

You close your eyes, ready for the outcome that it's most surely about to happen. Ready to receive with open and welcoming arms the mutual friend every hero has: Death.

A real and loud roar escapes Dynamight's mouth. Everyone witnessing the immense struggle, the hard fight the pro hero is battling inside.

And then a snap. It feels as if someone cut something off with a katana, the typical sound the weapon makes as it slides heads off in movies.

You feel the hand over your chest leave its place forcefully, and when you open your eyes, that hand fires a blast towards the air. Katsuki's arm is raised over his head, palm open at the sky as the blast bellows in rage, just like the scream that came within his chest and out.

Katsuki eyes open as fire lightens above his head, teary ruby eyes looking down at you in deep relief and love.

You sob happily as Katsuki lets his body fall languid over you, but still putting his forearms on each side of your head to avoid completely falling with his weight over you.

“I love you,” his head is hiding in your neck as he takes rapid and deep inhales of breath, so you kiss his cheek several times while your arms surround his body.

Your Katsuki is back.

You help him turn to the side and lay on his back, body still trembling and breathing fastly. You know he's seconds away from losing consciousness, so you kiss him one more time, this time on his forehead lovingly. He relaxes and he's out.

Your eyes travel to the villain, who looks dumbfounded that your husband broke the spell and gained his control back. But when their eyes find yours, they gulp. You stand and begin to walk towards him, your lava activating with each step you give closer. Your eyes hold so much rage, your body lightening up and showing the demonic look you're known for. It's the villain's turn to recoil, unsure and afraid.

“Now, is fucking personal…”

[resist-salty-parabolas]

Idk who is watching severance but there might be some spoilers in my theory so warning.

Lumon’s ultimate goal is to completely erase a person. To basically reset consciousness to create perfect workers. And it all started with Kier Eagan. I don’t believe that James Eagan has all of the former CEOs in his head. I believe he is Kier Eagan.

Kier wanted to live forever. And he does that by taking out the consciousness of his offspring, and replacing them. However, he isn’t able to just erase that consciousness. So instead all of those “former ceos” he replaced have their consciousness stored in a computer (or natalie)

The board is made up of all of their collective consciousnesses that have been removed from their bodies to be replaced with Kier. His ultimate goal is to be able to perfectly balance the four tempers. Which would essentially erase all emotion and consciousness

When Kobel invented the severance process Lumon got a huge jump in reaching their goal of “reseting” a person. But the innies still “feel” what their outie is going through

They have no memory of why they feel this way but they can’t escape the feelings. Petey straight up tells Mark this. Its also why Dylan is so desperate to know and connect with his outie’s wife. Because he still feels the love he has for her

The Mark finishing an entire file on his first day in Lumon is because of how desperate he was to forget everything about Gemma. He is erasing memories, specifically her memories

Helena was also put in MDR for the same reason. She is desperate to forget her life and the role she has to play as the Eagan heir. This also serves Kier’s purpose to erase her as he will eventually take over her body next

When Kobel says that Gemma will die if cold harbor is finished its not that her body will die. But her conciousness the estential being of Gemma will cease to exist. The body will be an empty shell that Lumon can use as the perfect mindless worker

Over and over again there are references to feeling. Specifically being desperate to forget everything, to stop feeling the bad things. I think this perfect balance of the four tempers is the religious doctrine of Kier and truly means having no emotion

Kier and Lumon’s ultimate goal is to erase everything that makes a person a person. Leaving behind a living automaton thag can be either the perfect worker or be replaced with the consciousness of other (like Kier) to achieve eternal life

[msp9]

THIS IS MY LIKES AND DISLIKES OF CHAOS THEORY ⚠️Spoilers below cut⚠️

When i first finished this season, I too like some people, was skeptical about it. I get why some people say its bad, I just thought it was very different from cc. At points the characters didin't feel like themsleves, the way some of them were written and the designs gave me a real hard time to get used to them. Also i felt as if it was just too much to process at times so i rewatched it and my final answer is that its a good show the pacing is incredeble, the plot, the suspence and character development. i just had a hard time getting used to everything new? Ig. I'm still doubting whether its a 10 but sure thing is that it was a very good first season its a easy 9/10. So here are the thinks i liked abt it:

-THE WAY THEY POTRAYED EVERYONES TRAUMA/STRUGGLES , Sammy having anxiety, Yaz overcoming her ptsd, and KENJI. MY BOY. That must have been the best breakdown i've seen in animated series. Whoever wrote that scene. Wow. It was the best thing in the whole show honestly. His vision gtting blurry, having truble breathing. The panick. Wow. I CANNOT SAY THIS LOUD ENOUGH.

-Ben and Sammy duo? Hello? Im srry to say but you might just be better than Yaz and Ben duo. Idk i really loved them.

- "Benjamin."

- Showing Yaz is doing better. Despite her ongoing struggles, she has clearly grown and matured the last 6 years, and the way she calmed Sammy in the sinking van? Ig all those therapy sessions and college paid off. That scene is a clear illustration of the progress she has made. I mean sammy did say "i can tell shes still struggling" but there wasnt really a clear scene of her getting stuck in place as she used to. So my guess is that it was just Sammys anxiety and the fact that they didint talk much. Bc then Sammy was surprised how she kept herselve together. So yeah

-YASAMMY. NOTHING MORE TO ADD.

-UM SAMMYS CHARACTER?? HELLO? GLOW UP, CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, i loved her sm. She moved up to my top 3.

And her anxiety? It was so well shown too

-the fight between Sammy and Yaz felt so natural and not at all forced. They both had valid points and in the end they did understand each other and were on the same page.

-Ben being Ben in almost every episode

- Yasmina's "boo."

-Brooklynns design?? Majestic to say the least.

- ingore what i said ealrier abt the acting out of character. They do remind themsleves they just grew

Well, all except Ben...

-Kenjis new voice actor, he did a real good job, as much as it doesn't sound like him, he really captured some emotional scenes very well.

- The robot lady. THEY REALLY SAID TAKE A WOMAN AND MAKE HER CREEPY ASF. I was genunanly creeped out. And the detail that at the ranch if u listen closesly u can hear the whistle. Hell nah that was scary.

-Benrius Ben and Darius friendship, okay actually u can't tell me u didint feel it too, the tention between ben and Darius cmon we all know what u are Ben stop making up girlfriends in Europe

-Brooklynn turning bad, or from what we are told worked for bad people ig. Personally as much as it shocked me, im sure theres a good reason as to why and i cant wait to hear more abt in season 2.

-I can now undertand what everyone meant in reviews saying "its more mature" not only in the more death and dinos but it woyud be kind of confusing for a younger audience to undertsand some stuff in this show.

-I really liked Daniels kon death, maybe it wasn't necesarry but im all in for that dark death scene.

-Lastly the comment Sammy makes when Ben asks how bumpy got pregnant, and the yazs smirk. Gurl i was suprised they added that but i loved it

Now, the things that i didint like and why:

- First of all, Darius being in love with brooklynn. I mean i get it but i also dont get it. In my opinion, there shouldn't have been a different reason as to why Darius was the most effected by her death. They were close and she died. Its okay to be really effected by someones death and not bc u liked them, and i also do believe that the reason for him not showing up the night she "died" should have been smth more serious. Then again i get it bc now he felt a lot more guilt bc it was for a not so important reason he didint show up and thats why he didint tell anyone. Well axtually it isnt that bad, but i just felt it was forced for the plot. This again could be bc i started to like kenlynn and now they turned the tables completly but sure.

-Brooklynns voice actor. I just couldn't connect her to brooklynn? She sounded a lot different, not a major bad thing it was just hard to get used to.

-Ben having a gf, or supposedly having one, u telling me this man has a gf:

I thought it funny but yk that man is a homosexual

- and lastly, Brooklynn being alive. This might sound bad but it made sense for her to die. And i was kinda lamed out that she wasnt dead. (Pls ironically enough, just weeks ago i begged for her to be alive.) But like the way everyone suffered bc of her death, going throught the 5 stages of grief, and the way the show was played. It just would have been better if she died, all those flashbacks, the emotional moments, i mean its not gonna be the same when i rewatch it bc i know shes alive. Anyways enough abt this.

Actually i have nothing more to add to my "bad stuff" list but i might come up with smth later. Bc i will be rewatchibg it obviously. Ig lastly i just wanted more episodes how dare they cutting the season of right there.

[charmedreincarnation]

Hey lovely charm!

I haven’t sent an ask to any blog all this time I’m here because I’m trying to avoid negativity and victim mentality, however I’d like to ask this one thing (of course you can ignore this ask if it’s been answered before or you just don’t want to respond, also I’ll throw a TW but there’s nothing really bad on here)

I read the latest success story which actually almost brought tears to my eyes, I’m proud of this person and everyone that managed to get out of their awful and undeserved circumstances!! My question though is that one thing that drives me crazy all this time and it might sound stupid: how do we actually surrender to our imagination?

Is it just believing everything is going to change? Because I think I might be doing something wrong and I don’t know what it is, I’m just tired of waking up and seeing the same awful and dreadful reality. I’m tired crying every night because I’m being “forgotten” even by friends like I don’t exist sometimes. I’m tired “trying” for the void. Every night before I sleep and every morning, even for the whole day, I’m just thinking as if I got it all already, I’m walking to my dreadful 7-3 work but I’m imagining walking in London going to my actual dream job, wearing my dream clothes and having my dream appearance. The problem is that I feel I’m living on a loop, keep doing the things I did before but kind of “dressing them up” with my mind, in my mind. Any advice you have, I hope it’s going to also help out any other kind soul on here that needs it.

Thank you in advance lovely, I follow your blog with devotion and one of these days I’ll send you my success! xx

Hiii 💓I can only speak for myself, but surrendering to imagination for me looked like letting go of the how and the when my desires would appear. And you know it seems kind of stupid at first, I get that. When people used to say that it made me mad,but that was before I actually understood what it meant. I used to think well “If I wanted it in my imagination I’d just daydream” which isn’t even correct because if you’re imagining of your desires instead of from them, it’s the reason you don’t feel fulfilled anyways. But it’s actually a great thing.

When I stopped trying to change the 3D and stopped trying figure out how/why/when my desired would appear and instead remembered I already had them, it got a little easier. I stopped worrying about if my crying would stop my desires from coming to fruition, bc if I already have it in my imagination why would that matter? just because you’re wealthy does that mean you can’t cry lmfao. it didn’t matter what I did, when I got mad I stopped spiraling, I stopped trying to repress my emotions, it got easier and it became more real. That’s when I understood what they meant when they say you don’t want your desires just to be freed from desiring.

The limitless changes didn’t really start until I was Immersed in my imagination, though I had a good amount of conscious “manifestations” before so. But in truth I've always been a maladaptive daydreamer, creating a different reality within my mind. Despite what others and myself perceived as a bland and middling childhood, my inner world was vibrant and full of possibilities. Then I found myself wondering why these vivid daydreams didn't manifest into reality during my childhood. Idk if it was due to my age or lack of conscious awareness of what I was doing.But again I think it was because I was thinking 'of' rather than 'from'.

It’s the imagination that is limitless and why every creation is possible. It really did free me from my doubts I carried here in this plane. In the grand theater of the multiverse, every dream, every desire you've ever had is playing out already since you can see it in your imagination. You can have your dream life - from your appearance and personality to your family, zodiac sign, and even your perfect partner. you can revise and embody the life you want in every aspect, and wake up in a whole new world tomorrow. You can indulge in every spiritual practice you could ever imagine. You can connect with the energy of the universe on such a profound level that you become one with everything around you. You can become the grass under your feet, the stars twinkling in the night sky.

Why? Because you are a limitless being. You are the universe experiencing itself, a manifestation of its infinite creativity. You're not separate from the universe; you are the universe, yet a human at the same time. So what does the 3D have to do with any of that. Yes you’re here and it is real and you will experience the best of love and humanity because of it but first surrender to imagination because that’s where it begins.

“Consciousness is the one and only reality, not figuratively but actually. This reality may for the sake of clarity be likened unto a stream which is divided into two parts, the conscious and the subconscious. In order to intelligently operate the law of consciousness it is necessary to understand the relationship between the conscious and the subconscious. The conscious is personal and selective; the subconscious is impersonal and non-selective. The conscious is the realm of effect; the subconscious is the realm of cause. These two aspects are the male and female divisions of consciousness. The conscious is male; the subconscious is female. The conscious generates ideas and impresses these ideas on the subconscious; the subconscious receives ideas and gives form and expression to them.”(Neville Goddard)

"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." (Genesis 1:27)

"And have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator." (Colossians 3:10)

In the realm of imagination, boundaries dissolve. Here, we're not just passive observers; we're active creators, shaping our reality with every thought, feeling, and belief we entertain. This isn't about escaping reality but rather embracing a more expansive view of it.

So, why would you ever limit yourself to the confines of the 3D world? Why not tap into the limitless potential of our imagination, where we are the architects of our own promise. I mean your imagination is your superpower. So, harness it. Dream big, unapologetically feel-deeply, and maintain unwavering faith in your creativity that everyone is born with.