#things are genuinely fine.
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me three weeks ago: i’m never going to make it in my preferred field my life is going nowhere everything sucks i don’t want this to be all there is in my life
me now: i have multiple exciting opportunities, i may have more exciting opportunities by the fall, the sun is shining, things are fine
#personal#it's honestly a little comical that i had a few crying sessions a few weeks ago and now it's like. things are fine actually#i *do* have a summer production position and i got offered another one so i would've been okay anyway.#i might have a teaching position for fall that would work with both my day job and the baby musical (if i still get to do that)#things are genuinely fine.#@ past me: calm down. it's okay. yes it's not ideal but it's still okay#do i want a full-time theater ed position so i can quit the day job? yes!!! of course!!!#can i make do with this for another few years while i coordinate if grad school is feasible? also yes
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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unconditionally
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiita#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#megumi#yuuji#im shaky and numb the way this took years off my life#genuinely cannot believe i thought it was smart to make it a comic i could have stuck at a painting and it would have been fine#but nooooooo in my hubris i thought Surely im an expert at this longform stuff now Surely i can do it :)#and then it killed me it killed me dead this is like over twice as long as the train comic and 4 times as detailed#backgrounds . angles. i yearn fr death.#AND I HAD 2 WRITE THEM ACTUALLY TALKING GGSDH i am actually so insecure abt the way the dialogue flows gomen....#i wanted to add more to it to fix how clipped and rushed i think it reads#but that would mean drawing more expressions would mean drawing more panels would mean more gd hyDRANGEAS#so ultimately i decided 2 have the conversation take the hit because let me tell u.#if i have to draw. one more blue petal i will snap i will lose it#i knew tht would happen n wanted to alleviate some of the pain so i found a few brushes that helped speed up the process#but the thing w a lot of premade flower brushes is they also come preshaded n look uniform in a way that stands out badly against my style#so i had 2 render over them anyway........#yuuji's domain rly putting me through the wringer first the train station now death by a bajillion petals smh#all that to say tho . my labour of love . i am going to take a nap#hina.comic
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Jason finally giving into affection re: Bruce but he does it Mandalorian style. which is to say he headbutts Bruce so hard he breaks his nose and then presses their foreheads together while Bruce bleeds everywhere. somehow this is cathartic for them both.
#bonus points if this is right after some large fight together#love how in mando culture#a headbutt is basically the same thing as a kiss#a platonic kiss sometimes for the record!#so sometimes#when you break someone's nose with a headbutt#it can be construed as a very violent but genuine gesture of affection#anyway#back on my mando bullshit#bruce wayne#batman#dc#batfamily#jason todd#red hood#and like#bruce LETS him break his nose#and just lets him headbutt him#like if jason's affection is only done this way#then that's fine with bruce right
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You don't understand how much I actually love you shang siblings au!
And it's funny that all it took for og!sqh to survive is a little sibling. Just, "you wouldn't kill a guy who's also a father, would you my king?"
If someone kidnapped airplane, how would og sqh react?
Ah I'm so glad you do!!! They're so cute like a wide eyed little airplane going around the world spouting the most nonsensical things known to man while also saying some things absolutely NO ONE knows but iy somehow is true??? All while the OG dots on his weird little brother, who he would do anything for, anything.
Of course he'll get you that double chocolate chip ice cream, once he can find it. Also Airplane talking about all the games he used to play so OG the master of lying is just guessing on what they are
"Playing Minecraft" is going outside to dig holes and chop some things
#svsss#shang qinghua#original shang qinghua#scum villain's self saving system#scum villian self saving system#scum villain#shang bros#shang brothers#ask#my art#nibbelraz#ARENT THEY THE BEST SIBLINGS!!!!#poor Airplane god kidnapped but he genuinely wasnt worried he knew his brother would find him but ah#why is he so scared something bad might happen to his brother?#why is he so worried someone is going to get him?#kid airplane is stuck firguring out two worlds and he knows a lot of things he shouldnt but doesnt remember where eahc thiught goes#but he feels his brother might get hurt so hes svared that if he saves him soemthing will happen#but hes fine!#and he wasnt scared of his brother which was a worry from OG he knows his brother is kinda ruthless!!!!#blood#tw blood
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i feel like people are sleeping on the occam's razor situation of how buckwild it is to outright accuse a guy of being a clone of your friend even if you DO have a lot of circumstantial evidence. there's other options is what im saying. they could just be like. a guy. that's a sensible deduction. you should explore that deduction. ignore my shirt that reads I <3 RED HERRINGS.
i still think odile has the correct theory on lock but she's smart enough to know it needs like... a real smoking gun to be able to bring it up without sounding insane.
anyway. (mirabelle voice) i know its rude to speculate but has anyone else noticed the grieving? they seem to be grieving. does anyone have any thoughts on the grieving? i have some thoughts on the grieving.
#[isabeau voice] am i insane or does sometimes loop talk like they might have killed their whole family. is that just me? just checking.#nille design highly inspired by @kiwibrain's since its the one that imprinted in my mind. liberties taken since i didnt look @ reference#anyway i have a lot more thoughts on this? i guess ill hide them in the tags...? scroll down i suppose.#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 6 spoilers#isat loop#isat siffrin#isat bonnie#isat nille#isat fanart#in stars and time fanart#doodlebyte#----------------------------------------------------------------------#anyway the extra thoughts. are literally just my general thoughts on postcanon. (and thus are the context for all of my postcanon doodles!)#which is i think nille joins the party before loop reappears for a start (either from a period of nonexistence or just wandering around)#and that like. i think the party should be able to integrate loop as a completely new person. because they are! the secrecy isn't great but#They and Siffrin shuffle into different ecological niches in the party (eg. i think sif is more squeamish after it all but loop isnt)#and while it's not *exactly* what Loop wanted they get that beggars can't be choosers. and its pretty good#(i am glossing over how i think loop's reappearence drags both them and siffrin into a massive behavioural backslide and is likely a bit#distressing to watch go down. cycle of argument -> lovebombing -> normalcy -> repeat. etc etc. but since they are no longer literally#stewing in the worst pressure cooker of all time they do resolve it via productive conversation on their own time. its fine)#the party well-meaningly tries to deduce things from loop's vagueries and are able to pin down the DEAD FAMILY vibe pretty quickly.#but eventually the question of their prior identity falls by the wayside because well! they're just their friend loop! (also change belief)#as for how The Truth Come Out... this is what i mean by The Isabeau Torment Nexus(tm). which is that i think... isiloop should almost occur#BEFORE isabeau knows who loop is. he's just genuinely charmed by them eventually and tries to close the open end of the polycule#which FREAKS LOOP THE FUCK OUT because thats just too genuinely sick and wrong. and obviously w emotions high its not a great confrontation#ANYWAY told u i had more thoughts. if i were normal itd be a text post but.
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Hot 4am take but I feel like if we want to get people more interested in making their yards a more habitable space for wildlife like insects, we have to acknowledge that ‘Don’t want bugs in your house’ is still a 100% fair and valid point of view. ‘Loves nature’ and ‘doesn’t want roaches spiders and mosquitoes in the house’ aren’t opposites.
And with that in mind, when we propose to people that spraying pesticides around houses is Not A Good Idea, Actually, I feel like we need to give an alternative asides from ‘deal with it.’
#solarpunk#anti pesticides#ani rambles#this is coming from personal opinion at 4am keep that in mind but like#I’m scared of roaches. i’m fine with them outside though#my parents dont like roaches and for good reason. they spray Ortho Home Defense along the veeery edge of the concrete by the doors to#keep roaches and shit from coming in because yknow. Florida.#if I tell them ‘hey actually we shouldn’t spray pesticides inside (ie raid spray) or outside (ie home defense)#theyre gonna ask wtf to do instead to prevent roaches#and if I tell them ‘nothing suck it up buttercup’ they’re gonna laugh and then double down on the sprays#we gotta have an alternative ready and honestly maybe I’m not looking in the right places but I genuinely don’t know of any#like one online friend told me leaving brush piles around the yard decreased the amount of bugs trying to come in but like#thats one person. anecdotal. and I haven’t seen anything online confirming that as a thing (yet)#idk man I’m going to bed.#might delete later#house pest saga
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doing chibi is a good design exercise bc it forces u to think on shapes n essential details, essentially thumbnailing ur designs. its also a terrible design exercise bc it ends up looking cute no matter what
#dimension 20#fantasy high#riz gukgak#very specifically class swap bard!riz#fh class quangle#mm. I may need tags for all the asides Ive been doing lmao#riz's canon design is so coherent and thematically clean that I genuinely struggle to keep up...#bard!riz's whole thing is working out his identity through abject fear so it kiiiinda makes sense that hes got a different thing going#on every year I guess? like lmao the directive I go into each of these designs with changes vastly#freshman bard!riz has to look extremely nonthreatening. and also make you wanna pick him up and chuck him at a wall#annoyingly inoffensive. slides off your memory pretty much immediately. a void of an experience#crucially Does Not Show Teeth While Smiling#sophomore year bard!riz I have been keeping the like. cameraman direction for#I want him to be swimming in clothes a little bit... he kinda lands at like. 80s/90s shlocky horror protag too which I do like#bc what is season 2 to riz if not a horror story lmao#junior year bard!riz I want to be somewhere between clark kent and tintin#the journalist aesthetics is not so clear and easy to build as the detective or spy aesthetics...#but also I just. really like boy journalist lmao this is the BD blood speaking again#and! I actually do draw his hair differently than in my canon junior year riz stuff. its a bit shorter here so it doesn't#obscure as much of his face#its so funny actually going from drawing canon stuff to class swap esp. with riz bc he's smiling SO much here#and it's 100% trained like its crucial for u guys to know he is equally if not more fucked up as a bard#barely anybody can wrangle him in canon it's already been mostly him keeping himself on track. imagine if he actually learned how to act#mmm. I think these designs are still gonna soft change as I draw them. thats fine we have fun#drawing sophomore year bard!riz for those comiclets was fun as hell. I think on this factor alone I call it a success lol
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I feel bad for neglecting Hazel so much, I do have many thoughts about her.. and also a mermaid au that im probably not going to do anything with
#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#hazel wells#fop hazel#fop dev#dev dimmadome#art#digital art#doodles#I wish Hazels parents were more flawed tbh...#Like I get why they wanted to have them be good rep so that young people could know what a good family is supposed to look like#but it felt like every time there was an opportunity to have them do something genuinely flawed-#they would perfectly sidestep it before it even became a problem#I really enjoyed the first episode because it showed a hint of a very unique emotional issue Hazel had related to having a therapist mother#The idea that she has to be mature all the time#constantly living around therapy speak makes her feel like she isnt allowed room to breathe#Feeling unable to express her emotions without someone there giving advice that she isnt ready for yet#just small things!#She feels so pressured to be emotionally mature all the time BECAUSE she gets praised for it#maybe im projecting everyone always tell me I was so mature for my age...#But like I really really wanted to see that from her!!#And then after that episode it doesnt even come up again#The only other episode that features the moms job as a conflict is the one where she wants to spend more time with her#which is a fine conflict I guess but it still ends with her saying all the perfect things#I wanted Markus to be more of a genuine threat too. even if he didnt actually do anything having him be more looming would have been nice#I feel like they mostly forget hes a para scientist most of the time idk.#I just felt like his interactions could have been more unique#Maybe he will be in future seasons idk
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"oh please purchase the movies/shows you've been pirating uwu face"
how. where. where am i supposed to purchase movies/shows that do not ever get physical releases because streaming services would rather you pay to access them only to completely remove them on a whim?
piracy is media preservation and I'll die on this hill
#One's Notebook#genuinely where am i supposed to buy some of the things i watch#most of them have no physical release to purchase#and some of them that do only have region locked releases so they're obviously not meant for me without doing more unintended cracking#and others are locked behind paywalls streaming wants you to pay so they can bankrupt everyone in their impossible ploy to make profit#i'm not paying 14.99 a month to watch one or two shows every 6 months that's ridiculous to even ask that#and anyone who thinks this is fine is a fuckign brown nose boot licker#because you can't JUST pay 14.99 for one service#you have to pay 14.99 for EVERY service on the off chance you want to watch something
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ooough jebin me beloved <3
#soundleer's art#sprunki#i think i may have love him a bit too much to where i anthromorphized him#also idk why but for the first image i hc sky to be a runaway child due to emotional abuse and finds comfort from jevin#i like to think sky often visits the building where jevin practices his cultivation when he ran away from home and uhh yea-#i need to flesh out the headcanon bc i do genuinely like it but yee#run away hc aside im still not over this interactive jevin game like WHY IS HE SO CUTE HES A GOOBERRR 😭😭#who gave him permission to be this cute im gonna scrungle him but i have a heart so i cant do affectionate things aggressively waaa-#fine ill feed jebin the tunner muffin and the black cookie. they'll be killed but at least my 42 year old baby is happy :33#sprunki jevin#sprunki sky#sprunki tunner#sprunki black#<- last two tagged charas are the foods lol
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I had an epiphany about ships today.
#dinostar#lab partners#darius bowman#soyona santos#brooklynn#jwcc#jwct#chaos theory#camp cretaceous#kenlynn is fine but he still came on to her at the start for the whole rich and famous thing#HE GREW I GET THAT#she felt normal around him!#but there was always that special aspect of Dinostar with that first gyrosphere ride#where he has no idea who she is doesn't put her on a pedestal and is just trying to share interesting facts#like...he never knew her superstar side and just wanted her to cheer up like anyone else#meanwhile the extent of Soyona's recognition of her limb difference is to USE THE WORDS “LIMB DIFFERENCE”#and politely ask in exchange for a note about her own uncle#it's genuine curiosity#an icebreaker#and then she never mentions it again#and you can tell from brooklynn's behavior and dialogue that this is the FIRST TIME#she probably had to spend half a deleted episode proving herself to Earnest and the DPN#but Soyona is then tossing keys at her and having her drive and carry stuff#both of them found her fascinating
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Idk who needs to hear this but time and time again isn't over!!!
Webtoon removed the "time and time again will return!!!" Banner and I don't know why, but it's not over!!! There's still another 1/3 of the comic to go! There's a lot more stuff that I'm working on and it'll be coming back soon!
Please be patient with me, I know it's been a long time... But the stuff I'm making is really good and there's a lot of reasons it's taken this long. I promise I want it back more than anyone.
I'm trying to come back around the end of October. I'm doing my best to get everything ready in time, so no promises, but I'm on track to do so! I'm just one person writing and drawing everything, and my editor was fired so I'm not even getting any notes anymore. It's literally just me. I'm doing my best I promise!
#im so frustrated that banner has been gone#and people think the comic is over because of that#which is reasonable to think#but it... idk#its already an uphill battle to try snd retain audience after a hiatus this long#let alone when webtoon is actively building thr expectation that theres no need to come back...#im so frustrated#every day there is something new with them its so exhausting#this isnt even the thing I've been majorly stressed about this is a fresh new frustration#i feel like they're not just being unhelpful#at this point i feel like theyre actively sabotaging my career.#im not allowed to promote my books#i can't make my links too big so no one can find me#people dont even know i have a patreon#i can't make any announcements on the comic#and now people think th whole thing is over and it isnt!#im so ;_;#im so frustrated and demoralized#and people complete reasonably are losing patience and interest#and. ah... it's fine. like genuinely it is fine.#it will come back soon and i am doing a good job#and everyone who sees it's back will be happy with what ive done#cause it's good. its really good...#but. yeah. idk. webtoon has been actively keeping me down since the beginning and im so over them#I've been so mistreated aysudjejjdjdjdj#i just want to finish the series and go ;_;#taking all my power to not **** ******#just gotta power through and get the fuck out#text post#update
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A lil guy !
#honkai star rail#dan heng#genuinely have a million things i wanna draw and then zero energy#so dan heng in a hoodie#now i gotta go get dinner sooooo maybe that will give energy and then i can draw more of what i actually wanna draw#but i kinda spent like ... hours ? talking to my mom earlier today#since shes been in the hospital for many many days#so i was catching her up on whats been goin on and showed her silly lil videos#and telling her how hyped i was for summer hrid and she (very patient with my fe talk)#was like you always tell me about banners being bad so it must have made you REALLY happy to say the whole banner is good#and im like yeah and i had multiple people on multiple sites like hey salmon/moeblob did ya see the banner#and she was like thats so cool that people acknowledge who you like and im like yeah it is p cool#and then i told her how mad i was at the absolutely criminal act of limiting how you can watch clue (1985 hit movie)#like i told her yeah sure i own it twice on dvd and once on itunes and that the only way to watch those#are either desktop or ps2 and how i dont have access to my itunes email#and i dont have it on my laptop so i sadly would have to rebuy the movie on itunes under a new acct#then i said how i loved that it was free to watch with ads on yt and id watched it twice that way#but then recently wanted to watch it on there but laptop and hoo boy you have to buy or rent it now#so i v angrily was like fine whatever ill do the thing and leave my room and go watch it on my moms tv#while she isnt around and use her amazon prime where it should be included except ! IT WASNT!#YOU HAVE TO HAVE PRIME TO BUY OR RENT IT NOW TOO!#HOW ARE THEY DOING THIS AND WHY ! who in the world is watching this movie so much that isnt me that they have to charge for it now#on all platforms unless you straight up pirate it#and hey why would i of all people be needing to pirate a movie i own physically two times and digitally once#this is literally a personalized attack to me#and my mom was like i understand how you feel cause yeah thats really weird to do to a 1985 movie#and im like yes exactly i have morals and principles that make me opposed to this and its v maddening#and she said she understood and its ok next time we are having power issues and i have to shut down#that if i really wanna watch it i can rent it on her amazon account and i looked at her and shes like oh you feel v strongly about this#and i do! I HAVE HAD IT GIFTED TO ME TWICE ! I BOUGHT IT ONCE! WHY DO I HAVE TO RENT IT FOR MORE MONEY!
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more than anything in the world it kills me that illario did not do the easier thing, which would be to kill caterina. and i think that’s of course largely to do with lucanis. a world where he kills lucanis is fine because he doesn't think caterina was ever going to love him anyway. a world where he kills caterina, he loses lucanis too.
#or at least this is what is making sense to me. lol.#days on end i have hesitated to kill caterina in the rewrite ideas i have. because i kind of need her to live to cause issues#lucanis acknowledging he was abused is one thing. loving caterina anyway because its all he has is another#illario dellamorte#lucanis dellamorte#caterina dellamorte#genuinely sorry i have tried to shut the fuck up but its not happening. i have been genuinely just thinking#why would he not kill caterina. the source of his failure. lucanis is the one that trusts him#and realised ohhh. because what lucanis thinks matters more to him than he will ever admit. okay.#veilguard spoilers#txt#and the use of the word 'fine' is doing lots of heavy lifting because i still think that pos is fucking grieving a man HE KILLED#this all has to stop. im so sick and tired of him
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Let me make this very clear:
When it comes to Hellenic Polytheism, there is no human religious authority, especially not one that stands before or speaks for the gods.
It does not matter what someone tells you. It does not matter if they claim to be a priestess/priest of X deity or a messenger for Y deity. It does not matter what their supposed past life was like. It does not matter if they claim to be the literal fucking Oracle of Apollo.
No one has the right to tell you how to worship the gods. No one has the right to assert their authority over your religion.
And most of all, remember that people can and do lie.
#helpol#hellenic polytheism#hellenic pagan#deity worship#hellenic worship#deity work#tagging this with non-helpol tags because i feel this is a message even the wider pagan community needs to hear#the amount of people I've met who pose as some religious authority is genuinely disgusting#many of these people claimed these things in order to control others in some way#i think that's honestly fucking revolting#as a disclaimer: if you have it in your own practice that you are a “priestess/priest” that's fine#but do no attempt to assert some sort of self-given authority over others#because at the end of day your experience is just that: YOUR experience#do not force others to conform to YOUR experience; they have their OWN experience to learn from#paganblr#polytheism#paganism#pagan#reminder
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