#things alastor said

[that-hazbin]

Things Alastor Has Definitely Said 5

Alastor: Everyone has different opinions on what I should do, so I can't make all of you happy. But! I can make all of you equally unhappy by doing something none of you wanted me to do!

—

Lucifer: You're more of a clown than I am!

Alastor: No, dear, I'm a jester. I mock you, the king, and you can't even execute me for it. It's like the job was made for me!

—

Angel: What's your body count?

Alastor: In life, afterlife, or both?

Angel: Damn! Enough to separate them into categories?!

Alastor: I've killed a lot of people.

Angel:

Angel: You killed my brief moment of excitement too.

—

Charlie: Angel, you need to stop with the come-ons. Alastor's asexual!

Alastor: What's "a sexual?" Charlie, dear, did you just call me a whore?

—

Alastor: Hah! Brave of you to think I would ever care about your insignificant feelings.

Vox: ... Did you just meme at me?

Alastor: I don't know what that is and I don't care to know.

—

Alastor: Who wants to hear a joke?

Angel: Is it another dad joke?

Alastor: Come, now, Angel, you know me well enough by now to know the answer to that.

—

Alastor: Lucifer's threat displays are getting out of hand. Poor Nifty is overworked as is!

Vaggie: His what?

Alastor: His wings! He's been flapping them about and shaking them at my face every time he talks to me! It's leaving feathers EVERYWHERE! Vaggie, dear, you're the disciplinarian, please talk to the man about—

Vaggie: NO. NO I WILL ABSOLUTELY NOT DO THAT.

Vaggie: IN FACT, LET'S NEVER SPEAK ABOUT THIS AGAIN.

Alastor: ... I am not going to ask.

—

Alastor: I made eggs, bacon, waffles, oatmeal, fried plantain, both savory and sweet crepes, and you have the NERVE to make a beeline towards the CEREAL?!

Lucifer: ...I didn't see pancakes?

Alastor: YOU UNGRATEFUL, PRIVILEGED BRAT, SEE IF I EVER MAKE BREAKFAST AGAIN!

[notherpuppet]

Let’s Dance

Part 9/12

Part 8 | Part 10

[circuscrypt1d]

sleepover in angel's room 💖

[that-bitch-kat3]

sirius: if you don’t let me go on this mission i will be such a pain in your ass-

moody: you’re already a pain in my ass

sirius: i feel like we both know i can get worse

[onesidedradiostatic]

wondering now which of the main characters from hazbin have the updated lgbtq+ lingo down. just velvette and rosie perhaps? i was going to say angel, but my guy died in the 40s and i think probably got as far as "bi is a thing for some people." i would actually wonder if val knows more than he does RIP. (imagining someone - probably charlie - realising there's all this new queer language and symbolism and doing a deep-dive and she gets everyone a flag, and they're all just ??? thank you? for random flag?)

velvette and rosie for sure, val to an extent if the art of him holding up the bi and pan flags means anything LMAO and also because velvette probably at least tried to explain to him and vox, how much they understood? who knows.

angel dust… likely not…? but this is also pretty old

because then again, some of these characters own modern phones and surf the web in hell, if they keep up to date with technology, they gotta have at least heard of some of these more modern terms

I do like the idea of them just randomly getting flags they don't understand though be it by charlie or rosie. alastor gets the aromantic and asexual flags and he wonders why he gets 2 when everyone else gets 1 and he goes "is it because I'm mixed?????" he doesn't think those are the right country flags though

[vaggieslefteye]

ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴍᴇ ᴄʜᴏᴏꜱᴇ ↳ anonymous asked: HUSK and ALASTOR or angel and valentino?

[celtrist]

[maerhiya]

in regards to the constant dismissal of his aroace identity, i hate it when alastor 'fans' say and use the excuse: "he's fictional, he won't get offended."

like, you're right, but it can and will offend us.

when you see yourself being represented on screen, of course you'd feel enthusiastic about it — representation allows individuals to see themselves reflected in the media they consume, validating their identities and experiences. but when so many people take that representation and decide to disregard and discard it, it is so fucking frustrating. we finally have another character to be part of the tiny amount of representation we have, but then people don't even care about how much it means to us? like yeah, alastor won't get offended because he's not real, but it frustrates and annoys us. do you realize that it's also technically invalidating the aroace community? that you're invalidating our feelings? imagine feeling like you're finally being seen because your orientation is finally being represented in media, and people just decide to blatantly ignore, discard, and invalidate it.

media has such a powerful influence on real life, representation being a prevalent factor of it. there are numerous posts that dictate how people went to watch a movie/show or read a book just because a character depicts their identity in it — obviously, being represented is an incredibly uplifting and validating experience.

which is why seeing an aroace character in a popular show is so meaningful to us because we live in a world where romance and sex are literally everywhere and prioritized above all else. (and it's pretty obvious that alastor's on the repulsed end of the spectrum, but even if he wasn't, at least make an effort to acknowledge his sexuality instead of continuing to portray him as allo; aroace folks can be in relationships but it's not going to be the same thing with allos' experiences.)

any and every representation matters, but why does that seem to stop at people under the aroace spectrum? like y'all can't even let us appreciate the scraps of representation we have. we barely have any, so are we really that dramatic for being upset at how people easily disregard and dismiss our identities that are being depicted on screen just like that? is it truly wrong of us to want to defend and maintain the little representation we have?

[this-fine-day]

Sometimes your pet falls asleep on you, and you end up going into hibernate mode to save battery.

[iwillfightgodandwin]

People are really going "You just haven't found the right person yet" to Alastor

[hazbinstohell]

Charlie so happy to be praised!!! Yep, I officially think Charlie having a praise kink is a thing.

[that-hazbin]

Things Alastor Has Definitely Said 6

Charlie: Alright, everyone! Any more suggestions for our activity today? We have art therapy, karaoke, and go fish!

Alastor: Hmm... How about red flag, green flag?

Charlie: ... Do you mean red light, green light?

Alastor: No, no, dear. Red flag green flag is where you share a story about an interaction you had with another person, and the people you share it with tell you whether the person you spoke about is a red flag, or a green flag!

Charlie: That... actually sounds like a GREAT bonding activity!

Alastor: Isn't it? Me and Rosie play it all the time!

Charlie: Oh!

Alastor: We usually use it to decide whether or not she should eat her current husband. HAH!

Charlie: Oh.

—

Angel: Wait, so you support women's rights?

Alastor: Yes, as well as women's wrongs! Mostly women's wrongs.

Alastor: Also, I don't support Vaggie's rights, I consider that something separate.

Vaggie: Fuck you too, asshole.

—

Alastor: *taps Lucifer's head* Is this thing on?

—

Lucifer: There's no way he'll want to come with, we're going to a drag show! This old-timey bastard's heart would give out!

Alastor: I was born with feminine anatomy and wore suits until people forgot about it. I helped men and women crossdress backstage for performances. The clubs I frequented while alive would make your ancient heart sputter and fail with a dramatic puff of smoke.

Lucifer:

Alastor: Why does everyone assume we didn't have fun in the 1920s?

—

Alastor: Angel, your pig is somehow breaking into my room. Do something about it.

Angel: What? Why is he even going to your room?

Alastor: I assume it's because he wants to frolic in my bayou, pigs like mud, correct? In any case, unless you want your pig to be eaten by my gators, you best stop him.

Angel: You have a swamp in your room? You have fuckin' GATORS?!

Alastor: Bayou, Angel, bayou. Goodness, get your hearing checked.

—

Alastor: So! After my near-death experience after facing Adam—

Charlie: WHAT?!

Alastor: Hush, dear, let me finish!

Alastor: As I was saying, after my near-death experience, I decided to write a will in case the angels decide to retaliate for ending the last extermination!

Alastor: My body will go to Rosie!

Vaggie: Gross.

Alastor: Shut up, just for that, you get nothing. Anyways, Lucifer gets my parenting books.

Lucifer: Oh you motherfucker—

Alastor: Husk gets his soul back, obviously, as well as my tarot cards. Nifty gets my bone collection. Angel gets my wardrobe, including my lingerie—

Angel: YOUR WHAT?!

Alastor: And Charlie gets everything else!

Charlie: I what?

Alastor: Everything else! My radio tower, my magic tomes, my bayou, my pet alligator Betty— Oh I'll have to introduce you to her, can't have her thinking you're food!

Charlie: Alastor, that is very sweet of you and I'm genuinely honored, but can we go back to the part where you mentioned that Adam nearly fucking killed you?

Alastor: I'd rather not! :)

[thinkingrocks]

there is something to be said about Vox, despite being primarily associated with electricity and hardware, being covered in WIFI symbols. you know, WIFI. the radio waves. you know

[allastoredeer]

Aren't you guys kinda over feminizing Alastor a little bit????? like I get it that we want him to sub/bottom, but aren't you guys doing the same thing you hate that people do with Lucifer???? Like Alastor to me would never wear a dress? unless like he's joking or something??

....Alastor wore a nun outfit....out of the two, he's canonically worn a dress.

If you're going just by the show--no headcanons, no fanon, no tropes, no fan-art--Alastor has exhibited more fem-like qualities, has acted more feminine, than Lucifer ever has. I'd go as far to say that Lucifer is actually pretty masculine in the show, he just happens to have a pretty face.

And I mean, we don't know if Lucifer would wear a dress either. He's only ever worn pants, shirt, and a jacket, we have no evidence that he would wear a dress. But people like to put him in them anyway because of ✨vibes✨ - which I totally get. Vibes are important. It's not like I don't think Lucifer wouldn't wear a dress. I totally think he would and he'd rock it.

As for Alastor only ever wearing a dress for a joke, I definitely agree, but I think that guy would do anything for the bit. He'll do whatever it takes to get the last laugh. He trolls for the sake of trolling. He's a menace. But it's not like he wore the nun outfit as a joke, it was more of a manipulation tactic when you think about it. He's as faithful as a nun 🙏 see how faithful he is, Charlie? He'll never lead you astray.

I love Alastor's masculine and feminine sides. He does both so well. If I have been leaning more into feminine Alastor recently, well, it could be on account that I haven't come across a lot of content of him being feminine, and make the content you wanna see, right?

But thing is, I don't think we have been over-feminizing Alastor, at least not to the extent that Lucifer has been feminized, in my opinion. I mean, Lucifer has been feminized to the point that he's--in some cases, not in all cases--unrecognizable from the show. Whereas with Alastor, at most, I've been posting gifs from the show of him being his girlypop self. Something's not mathing, because it's not adding up. These two things feel very different.

Tell me if I'm wrong, cuz I very well might be, but I'm getting the vibes that this is going back to Alastor's ego being the reason he wouldn't wear or act in a specific way.

I just don't see how his ego would stop him from wearing a dress. It's not like he has anything against feminine clothes or attributes, nor do we have any evidence at all that he would be against it. If anything, I get the vibes that he appreciates and respects femininity more than masculinity. I don't see why he would be against being in a dress, or appearing feminine, when he's done both in the show.

It smells of misogyny. My boy is many things, but a misogynist he ain't.

[stormikitty]

Vaggie's Past

I've seen tons of fics and tumblr posts with 2 different ideas about Vaggie's past. 1 being that she had a human life before she became an exorcist angel, and the other being that she grew up in heaven and was raised by Adam and Lute and the other exorcists. Idk which 1 I like better, but I have headcanons for both. And I've sort of imagined conversations for how the other characters would find out?

1:Vaggie had a human life:

Charlie: Hey Vaggie? Are you heavenborn, or a human soul?

Vaggie: it's complicated? When a human soul becomes an exorcist, the first part of their training involves magic induced amnesia. They're forced to forget everything about their lives including their own name, and they're given a new 1. I know I was a human at some point, but I don't remember anything. Some things stick, like languages, and some strong feelings about certain things even if there's a lack of context for it, but I don't remember who I was or any of the people I might've known. Every earthborn exorcist has maybe 1 vivid memory from their life, but it never actually tells them anything about who they used to be or who they know. I think that's to make it easier to erase any individuality more quickly and make us forget if any of our morals didn't originally align with what exorcists do. Turns us into perfect soldiers quicker. If I remembered my real name, I probably wouldn't be going by the 1 that Adam gave me. He literally named me after a vagina.

Chalie: *hugging Vaggie*

Anyone else who heard this: ...

2: Heavenborn Vaggie:

Vaggie: I was never a child.

Angel Dust: What did you just come into existence fully grown or something?

Vaggie: No, I still had to grow and develop like anyone else would.

Husk: Then you were a child.

Vaggie: I was raised to be the perfect soldier since the moment I was born. A soldier isn't allowed to be a child.

Everyone: WHAT?!

Charlie: Why didn't your parents protect your from that?

Vaggie: A lot of exorcist angels are born from flowers instead of other angels. I was 1 of them. I was raised by exorcists and grew up with exorcists.

Alastor or Angel Dust: You were born from a flower? Like Thumbilina?

Husk: They took away your childhood?!

Vaggie: Yeah. I had to be a grow up almost as soon as I could start walking and talking.

Nifty: What was it like being raised by exorcists? Other than the fact that you weren't allowed to be a kid?

Vaggie: I was surrounded by high standards and expectations I had to meet and not allowed to have much if any individuality. Exorcists aren't even given names until after their 1st extermination. They have numbers until then. Also, you know how exorcists have those black stipes on their wings? Those don't appear until their 1st extermination either. Also I was taught to value loyalty and strength more than anything else. Loyalty goes above strength, but not by much. And the second I showed even the slightest hesitation to follow an order, I was cast out of heaven in probably 1 of the most brutal and painful ways possible by 1 of the people I trusted the most. So there's that.

Everyone: *ready to throw hands with some exorcists again*

Charlie: *crying*

Nifty: ... Wanna build a pillow fort and watch cartoons?

Edit: I reread the post and realized it said "gown up" instead of "grow up", so I fixed it. I would appreciate if people pointed things like this out to me in the future.

[crowfromfoggyforest]

This but Valentino going "Ah yes. Me. My boyfriend. And his 500 dollar life-sized body pillow of the Radio Demon."