#theyre still good but. i mean from what ive been told if you get a contract once you dont even have to audition again

[starsofthestorm]

I think it's insane that even in a wonderful community like marching band I have witnessed people receive death threats for simply not liking the blue devils

[forehead451]

stream of consciousness type deal.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

wibta if i keep having sex with my friends dad? nsfw warning

i (20s cismale) got invited by my friend (20s nonbinary) to try out some new edibles they made last thursday. this isnt too weird because both of us are unemployed (they get disability, i get money from unemployment, and we both live with our parents) and usually during the day their dad (50s cismale) is at work so we get the house to ourselves. well last thursday was different because i came over late in the night when their dad was home, and he offered to make me some dinner too. i get the munchies really bad so i was immediately like yes please and thank you while i fucked off to my friends room. we played some smash bros while we waited for the cookies to kick in, and when it started to hit his dad called us both out for dinner. dinner was great, and his dad is super chill — so he let us raid his alcohol cabinet. i dont think he knew either of us were stoned for the record (im naturally really quiet/dont make eye contact, my friend sounds high 24/7 naturally) so i dont think he was like trying to get anyone drunk or anything. my tolerance is pretty good but my friends is shit so it didnt take long until they were like blackout drunk and passing out on the couch, while their dad and i were both drunk too (not blackout but pretty drunk, and i was still high) and sitting on the opposite side of the couch next to eachother

important fact about me - i crossdress like femboys or whatever theyre called. i like looking really feminine and cute and confusing people. im not trans or anything like that gender is just a game and i am winning it. but i do tend to dress up in very egirl/goth gf clothes if you know what i mean, and i look pretty convincing ive been told (friend tells me i would pass for ciswoman with the makeup on). i think their dad maybe forgot that i was me (he usually sees me in boy clothes) and he started hitting on me? i didnt think i was gay or bi either until he started doing it and i got really flustered but i didnt stop him? again i was fucked up so the attention felt really nice despite it being my friends dad. but anyways he kept getting closer until he kissed me, and it felt nice so i let it keep going? which was probably super fucked up in retrospect. but anyways stuff gets hot and steamy, their dad doesnt bother lifting up my skirt, one thing leads to another and we have sex. he definitely noticed im not a girl during that (its pretty hard to miss lol) but he didnt stop so we kept going for a while

after we were done he and i passed out on the couch in a kind of awkward position, we both woke up in the morning and i think thats when he realized im me, but he didnt seem to freak out even though hes straight?? or at least i thought he was straight. but we had sex again in the morning and then when my friend woke up we all had breakfast and i went back to my friends room and we hung out more and got high again. while we were though i accidentally spilled the beans to my friend, and they FREAKED out on me and said that i was so gross for doing that, and they cant believe that it happened, stuff like that. they kicked me out of their room and their dad had to drive me home because i was shaking bad from it. but while their dad drove me home i was super pissed and mad and not thinking straight (haha) and so i tried to convince their dad to take a detour so we could fuck again. and he was like, okay sure, so we did?? but now i feel horrible for doing it knowing that it grossed my friend out so much, but i really like their dad and he seems to like me too, and i want to keep banging him :(

What are these acronyms?

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 164 spoilers and thoughts that are totally not late what are you talking about this is on time for sure <- writing the day that 165 drops

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JAVIER WAS THE ACTUAL MVP OF THIS WHOLE EPISODE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA HAHAHAHAH GOD I LOVE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH

THAT SIGNATURE SLIGHT SMIRK, THE MENACE IN HIS EYES. YES!!! SAVE UR MAN FROM GRIEF!!! GO KNIGHT BOY GO!!!!!!!

oh how he's grown, oh how he's learned from lloyd,,, truly using all the skills hes seen and putting them to the test. ITS SO FUNNY HOW EFFECTIVE THIS IS HAHAHAHAA THE EXPRESSIONS ARE SO SO GOOD THEYRE SO UNHINGED I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

back to the top!

lloyd trying to bargain and figure out loopholes only to realize there really is no other way besides losing it all over again makes my heart ACHE. OOOWWW. OWWWWWWWW.

just. watching that shutdown happen is so so so cruel why would u do this to me. the way the artist shows the energy and life just leaving his eyes and then subsequently showing how. tired he is. makes me so so emotional

it fucking HURTS. and by god ive been there before - certainly not to this extent ofc, but ive also been in tough spots where all the work ive done for my engineering projects ends up being,,, pointless. it is VERY real, how demoralizing that feels and lloyds reaction to that, and i cant imagine the scale of how that despair increases when its related to the work you did to simply just live in peace. god. ow. ow ow ow ueueueuuee

like he just essentially got told that it didnt matter how hard he fought to live, to survive, it doesn't matter that he's "lloyd" now; kim suho is destined for an ill-fate. and considering we know him as someone who lives almost entirely for others? it's basically "hey, all this stuff u did for other people to make urself not a burden, became a burden. tough luck!" GOD THATS SO. GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHH

and he's trying so hard to think of himself as lloyd frontera still but like. whats the point? his association with lloyd frontera became the thing that doomed him

this panel in particular is INSANEE AAGHGHGHHGGG the colors washed out, how limp he looks, the blankness of the background like nothings there. this is where lloyd is right now, hope ripped from him, this reflects that really well. it HURTS.

is dissociated the right word for this? in despair? either way he's emotionally and mentally going THROUGH it, and essentially back to isolation considering how he ignores javier

i also wonder now if lloyd has already made a choice, to let javier live? we dont get to see more of his thoughts beyond this point, so its hard to say whether or not he's already made the decision of which protagonist lives,,, god im so worried for him. a part of me suspects that maybe he already chose javier to live,,, IM SO SCARED,,,,

speaking of javier,,, we see him talking to arcos and marbella!! and AGGGHHH AAAHHH MY HEART i really really think that javier was being completely genuine here. i think he really believes this. javier in general has a tendency to be incredibly genuine in the things he says (examples i cant think of off the top of my head but this episode has a lot of em LOL). he's asserted multiple times that he believes lloyd can save their estate, and its clear he means it every time. the faith javier has in lloyd is so so strong and it makes me so fucking EMOTIONALLL im getting ahead of myself a little bit sorry

but then the stare that arcos gives to javier,,, i think silent was the one who mentioned it but its as if arcos isnt sure if he should believe him, and if u take into account the last time they asked about lloyd's status,,, it's very much possible that he doesnt believe javier, but javier has so much faith in lloyd that he leaves them alone anyway. god,,, gghh,,, mmy heart,,,,

AND JAVIER ASKING LLOYD TO WAIT FOR HIM AND THAT HE'LL HELP LLOYD GET BACK TO HIS FEET GOD GHGHGH HE LOVES HIM SO FUCKING MUCH GOD FUCK GOD DAMMIT YOU!!! YOU!!!!

lloyd doesnt even respond but javier doesnt need to wait for a response bc he'll do whatever it takes now to protect this noble he's come to care for and love and gone on so many adventures with GOD DAMMIT GOD DAMMIT FUCK

and now we reach the second half of the episode and it made me giggle SO FUCKING HARD HAHAHAHAHAHAA

LIKE I SAW THIS PANEL AND MY JAW DROPPED PLEASE JAVIER ALDKJFLSKJDF

ppl were posting that apparently someone in ORV does this too and like thats so fucking funny . if i had a nickel for every time there was identity fraud in a manhwa id have two nickels

POOR RAPHAEL GETTING CAUGHT IN THE FIRE TOO HAHAHAHA HE LOOKS SO NERVOUS

some more panels of javier harnessing all that unhinged lloyd energy IT'S SO SO GOOD. it feels like javier's now a really really strong prosecutor i think he'd do a good job as a lawyer. THIS IS SO SO FUN

LIKE HE LOOKS SO MENACING GOD ITS SO FUNNY AHHAHAHAHA while making entirely good points he's so golden i love u sm javier. yes save ur man. outargue the FUCK out of these angels u clever little knight.

THE BITS WHERE ITS REVEALED HE'S TRULY GENUINE TOO ARE SOOOO FUCKING GOOD

ITS FUNNY ON TOP OF BEING SO REAL OF JAVIER

i talked about it above but like. when javier really truly believes something, when he really truly wants something, it's so fucking obvious. this boy does not lie or pretend about how he feels, point blank period. hell we've seen his behavior when he lies/is not telling the truth; his words are stiff and out of character, and his expression is either menacingly tight or stiffly robotic. he has so, so SO much faith and such a deep desire to save lloyd, and it shows in how he's genuinely fucking thankful that the angels agreed to (or well, were coaxed into agreeing) with what he asked for. i think it's a really interesting character trait and it completely tracks that javier was the protagonist of knight of blood and iron. genuine, emotional characters who love and lose, who have hope and can believe and can also experience despair, can make for an extremely compelling story. javier nails it right on the head

i also think that this character trait completely influenced the way javier used the tactics that lloyd uses. like yes, this is something that lloyd could do, but he also would never be able to pull it off because he doesnt have that same protagonist heart and honest-to-god (pun intended) genuineness that javier has. this inherent authenticity that javier seems to just naturally possess is what allowed him to make these statements and demands, because the sincerity he wears on his sleeve makes it all end up feeling reasonable. only javier could have done something like this, and no one else. i think thats REALLY fun!!!

that is all for this ep for now,,, i am SUPER excited to see where this'll go. hopefully we will hear from alicia abt the eye of summer!!! god javier u clever lil thing im so glad he was able to do this SAVE UR BOYF!!! AAAAHHHH

see y'all next week! aka tmrw! today? whenever 165 drops!

[hauntingkiki]

HII!!! can i request Venture with pregnant reader? how will they react finding out shes pregnant? headcanons on them taking care of her throughout the pregnancy, giving birth, etc? Even them taking care of the baby later on!! and Venture parent headcanons in general!! sorry if it’s a lot, i’m just thinking of Venture as a parent!! SO CUTE!!! love ur writing btw!!

OMG AWWW YES! this is so cute! and it’s not a lot dwdw!! and thank you! i’m glad you enjoy reading my work!

Venture x Pregnant! Reader

Overwatch

2nd POV

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

- i want to start this off by giving a quick headcanon!!(idk if ive said it already) but i TOTALLY believe that sloan has a huge family, and i mean HUGE. bunch of brothers, sisters, cousins, nieces and nephews, so they’ve ‘experienced’ what it’s like to have someone who’s pregnant

- but anyways, into the request!

- so! a few weeks after the two of you got 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂, sloan noticed that you were a little…off?

- something didn’t sit right with them, but they kind of shrugged it off to ‘it’s been a while, and we both have shitty sleep schedules; it’s probably that’ and they went to work

- you knew something was wrong, so you took a pregnancy test from the bathroom

- ^ the girls in sloan’s family gave some tests for you just in case

- but anyways, you took the test, patiently waited the three minutes and-

- you were pregnant.

- sloan got home a few hours later, and you told them you made a discovery while they were at work. sloan’s mind immediately clicked to you finding a geo in the backyard but they closed their eyes, and opened them to reveal a positive pregnancy test!

- they were so happy!! started crying tears of joy while they peppered you in kisses and engulfed you into so many hugs!

- when you’d have really bad morning sickness, sloan would hold your hair back and just sit with you on the bathroom floor

- they know you’re going through a lot, and you’re going to go through more as the months go on, so they’ll accommodate to your every need:)

- one of my irl pookies gave me a headcanon😳 she said, “venture the typa parent to act ike theyre calm and collected the whole pregnancy but constantly freak out and worry about their partner” WHICH I SO AGREE ON!

- even though sloan went through this multiple times, they’re so stressed out because it’s YOU! their partner!!

- you’d be in bed, upset about something then sloan will come to the rescue!

“don’t worry, i’ll go get you something!” *stands completely still*

*in disbelief while tears are STREAMING down your face* “WHAT ARE YOU DOING??”

“I-I DONT KNOWWW!”

- they panic so much cause they don’t want to make you more upset or anything:)

- sloan tries their HARDEST to not make you mad at them, but it just ends up with you crying because of how sweet they are towards you

- whenever you have a new craving, sloan is so down to try it. a good 70% of the times they like them! but the other 30%…never again.

- have you seen those cute gender reveals where it’s just the parents and they cut the cake? yall did that

- this and this tiktok are MY FAVORITE GENDER REVEALS EVERRR!! and it’s EXACTLY how i imagine it!!(kinda)

- the two of you were somewhere pretty, like a lake, flower garden or a beautiful meadow! and you two had the cake in front of you, the glasses in hand.

- little oneshot real quick for this😳:

��you ready?” sloan muttered, hands shaking as they held the beautiful champagne glass that was going to cut the cake to reveal the gender.

you nodded faintly, heart hammering against your chest. your hands shook violently, your wedding ring tapping against the glass, a faint ding sound ringed through the glass.

the two of you hovered over the cake, both glasses clinking together.

“i’m so scared.” you sighed, your voice cracking as tears stung your eyes.

sloan brought their fee hand up to your face, caressing your cheek before letting their hand rest on your arm. “it’s okay!” they reassured with a chuckle, rubbing their thumb across your forearm.

sighing, you nodded, the two of you closing your eyes and pressing down into the cake, pulling your glasses up once they were filled with cake.

“okay.” sloan chuckled, rolling their shoulders. “3…2…1…”

the two of you opened your eyes, you bursting into tears while you dropped your glass into your lap, the frosting staining your dress.

sloan let out a breath, eyes wide as they examined the glass in their hands before leaning it against the cake, pulling you into a hug as they two of you cried tears of joy.

it was a girl.

- once sloan found out you two were having a baby girl, they went on an outfit shopping spree; buying everything that they found cute for her.

- months have past and you were going to name your baby girl, d/n (daughter name), but, you were trying to figure out what she was going to call sloan when she starts talking

- you were looking for gender neutral titles for your lover, before sloan walked into the living room and sat next to you, unaware of what you were doing

- they turned to you the same time you turned to them, a sad look on your face as you open your mouth but sloan beats you to the punch

“…i’m going to be a dad.”

- your due date inching closer, the stress was getting to both of you. both of you were ready to see this baby but, what the fuck do you do?

- sloan backed a backpack full of necessities and left it in the car a month prior, so you were good there. the nursery was all set with everything the baby needed, baby monitor was also installed, stroller was purchased- the list went on

- then, it happened.

- as soon as the words “my water broke” left your lips, sloan suddenly locked in and knew what to do

- it all happened so fast, one minute you were in your apartment then the next you were in the hospital

- while sloan and you were waiting for you to be fully dilated, they helped you do some stretches and get your mind somewhat off of the pain, which helped a ton

- they held your hand the entire time, not letting go at all. they held your hand when you were getting your medication for the pain relief, and when you were pushing- they were at your side the whole time

- when you were pushing, you were expecting them to pass out, but they didn’t (you weren’t super surprised since they’ve been through this before)

- constant words of encouragement from them! they’d also give you small pecks on the lips during your breaks before kissing the top of your head

- then, many hours of pushing, the baby had arrived

- sloan started bawling the second they saw her, obviously letting you hold her first as the two of you cried happily together

- when you passed d/n off to sloan, you were a little nervous, but they did fantastic holding your baby

- while you were getting some sleep after the birth, they were just holding her. their mind was blown that they were a father, a parent!

- when they were getting sleepy too, they joined you on the small ass hospital bed, but they let you be practically on top of them, so it was a win in their book LMAO

- i think that’s all the pregnancy head canons😓 so let’s dive into the general parenting headcanons!

- they’re 100% playing in the dirt with your daughter, looking for rocks, worms, and other critters and surprises

- d/n definitely got sloan’s love for rocks and nature, she’s constantly begging her father if they can go outside

- you two hardly get mad at her, since she’s such an easy kid

- sloan deffo limited the amount of trips for work, only going on week long trips instead of month+ trips, but as she got older and more mature, they started going back to work again

- the wayfinder’s absolutely ADORE HER! she calls everyone aunty/uncle there and they treat her like she’s family(she basically is)

- if you and sloan want to go on a date night, sloan would drop her off and they’d happily take her in:)

- as she got older, sloan and her got more into archeology; them telling her all about their adventures and even about overwatch too!

- oh, and (mostly) everyone at overwatch loves her too

- rein, ana, and sigma have honorably taken grandparent titles

- they would so want to give her a quinceañera when she’s 15 (since mexican from sloan), but they won’t force her to have one if she doesn’t want one

- they’ll speak spanish to/around her, that way she can get familiar with the language and she can communicate with family members who only speak spanish

- and you do the same too! if you speak another language, that is

- they’re the overprotective parent when it comes to dating/boys

- if she wanted to have a sleepover with 10 friends, they’d so let her! sure, you’d probably get a little upset, but sloan would help feed them and clean up after them:)

- but, overall, they just really love their little girl. they’re so happy to have a family, especially with you!

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

THIS WAS SO FUN TO WRITE!! thank you for requesting!! i hope you enjoyed!:)

[antiendovents]

// vent, medical ableism

tldr; my fucking DOCTOR is pro-endo and her source is a dumbass paper that proves nothing and now my healthcare is at risk!!

just had my appointment with my gender wellness doctor. she asked how i've been and i mentioned finding a 2nd therapist for specific stuff. she asked what and i said dissociative disorders. i wanted to be vague but she pressed me to talk about it and reluctantly i talked about having alters and answered her questions bc i struggle with saying no.

i told her i was ok with doing an adverse childhood experiences scale but that i had stuff i wanted to talk about (like my hrt not being at the pharmacy for months) she said "we'll get to it".

after the assessment she asked abt it causing distress and she was talking about how in the office they use the term "plural identities" i said that was fine but that its still a disorder. she was like "disorder is negative" and compared it to how it used to be called gender identity disorder (comparing the two as if she has any place to talk on it, being cis and a singlet) but its better to use "plural identities"

i was like "thats fine as long as its still seen as a disorder and caused by trauma" and she was like "no its not always caused by trauma" and i straight up said "do you have a source for that?" and she was like "google my husbands name" and i did and THEN she moved on to my actual issues with struggling to get hrt for months.

the whole time after i had to mask how i was feeling so i could get basic healthcare. after she hung up i burst into tears. its been like 10 min and im still crying and feel sick. ive had doctors say they dont know what DID/OSDD-1 is before. ive had them say DID is a personality disorder. ive never had anything like this before and i feel unsafe. the fucking endo community IS affecting healthcare. i dont feel like i can ever talk to a doctor about this stuff again. she completely talked over me and then moved on like it was nothing

btw this is the stupid study her husband worked on. read it and its not even PROVING ANY OF WHAT SHE SAID. its just "oh well some people THINK theyre plural and of course disordered people have to be miserable so if you like ur alters they must be magically there!" and was from the plural association. its fucking disgusting this is being used as fact when theres nothing but subjective opinion.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S246874992300042X

i genuinely think im going to go to planned parenthood from now on. i cant work with her anymore. its been 2? maybe more years of working with her but im done. im sorry to ramble so much. im still having a breakdown over this.

-arachnid anon

im really sorry about that arachnid anon. That sucks and if you can we hope you manage to get a new doctor because she is clearly causing you distress. This really sucks, I feel like endos don't always realise how dangerous this stuff can be for actual systems. If doctors don't see it as a disorder then they won't treat it as such, meaning you won't get the help you need and you won't feel safe with her (as you said), which like,, isn't good. She's not a specialist meaning if anything she shouldn't really be saying stuff about DID/OSDD at all, because that's not her job or her place ((I understand you brought it up, but still. She should keep her opinions out of her damn job))

[cosmobrain00]

wanna talk about your ocs some moreee? (plsplsplsplsplsplspls)

DO I. vibrating at incredibly high frequencies rn what better place to start than once again w the yarrow siblings bc WOW. THEY DRIVE ME NUTS!! like. for example ive been thinking of bella again more recently n feel incredibly sick ovr it all, ik I briefly mentioned sm stuff abt her before BUT? shes actually the eldest sister of all time guys n let me explain:

where to even begin. she was the first of her parent's eventual "failures", while being graced w gen love n kindness at first from them they quickly grew "tired" of her n she could never understand why. one day they were indulging her whims, pinching her cheeks n letting her come everywhere w them, n the next she was tugging at her mother's skirt hem n her fathers hand asking to be picked up n they only tiredly looked at her this time n told her to "stop being fussy" n that was that. when she heard they were having another kid it felt like she was being "replaced" n her chest hurt so bad and her eyes welled up n she ended up running to her room n slamming the door n crying into her pillow bc she just wanted her parents back n knew that now she'd really never get to have them again. when her baby brother was finally born tho, her mother made her hold him n at first bella only frowned sullenly down at him bc really- this is what they were replacing her with? but something inexplicable softened inside of her against her will when he softly smacked his little fist against her chest n ended up snuggling closer to her, n she ended up walking around the house simply carrying him for a while until he fell asleep so her mom could rest. when they eventually realized there was something wrong w myer- that being his near inability to see pretty much anything- suddenly he wasnt their cute kid anymore he was something that was "too much work" bc of this, n so what do they do? they pawn him off on bella of course, n u can guess how well that goes over. not only have they replaced her but now they've turned her into myers sole caretaker pretty much bc theyre gone so much of the time (AT AGE 8 MIND YOU.) once, bella shut the door in myers face n told him to go away, only to open it hours later n see him sitting right outside fiddling w the carpet in the dark. she felt so guilty tht she started crying n hugged him close n said she was sorry over n over. like she really felt like he “took” her parents love at first, but now? it feels like he's simply in the same boat as her n she has no choice but to step up for him bc if not her then who else. tht doesnt mean she still didnt struggle w him, far from it in fact, but while she has these mixed emotions, she also knows that despite myer not being able to see her much, whenever he hears her voice its enough to bring him running from the opposite end of the house to her n that means something to her. AND I HAVENT EVEN GOTTEN TO KEITH N LORELEI YET THE FUCK OF IT ALLLLL. when bella once AGAIN hears tht her mom is having another kid, TWINS this time she nearly loses it because she simply doesnt understand why both her n myer arent good enough n why theyve been discarded. when keith n lorelei arrive ofc its only a matter of time bf theyre all but pushed onto bella to take care of, n shes so so tired at this point but she simply steels herself n accepts bc she wont allow them to be abandoned. keith is a sullen little brat who's too angry so much of the time but she understands bc shes like that too deep down still. lorelei nearly never sleeps n her n keith cause so much trouble tgt but shes also the one to hug bellas leg n tell her she loves her no matter if they just fought or not. n bella may feel bitter but she'll still read them the books she found at the dump at night n listen to them all n let them pull on her apron n whine when shes trying to make things n like. they annoy her so much she wishes her parents never had them she doesnt know how to live without them now she'd do anything to protect her broken little family she wouldnt know what to do if she lost any of them, n all of these feelings just explode when the draft comes n her parents abandon them all n now its officially her turn to be the head of their fam. do not even get me started on bella being the one to go to the war in place of myer either bc I will not stop SOMEBODY SEDATE MEEEEE

[danphantom]

oh hey i wanna talk abt smth thats been on my mind both lately and on and off for a while in general. sorry this ended up being a hella long post lol. but i have a lot to say

so...for context, ive been in the phandom for 10 years--since 2014--though it has admittedly been on and off in terms of engagement from me. in 2017 i got into dragon ball and all but dropped danny phantom completely with a few small drawings here and there. it was only like..within the past week that i actually got back into the phandom legitimately again, actively making art and posts about it and engaging with the source material and etc

anyway, i was obsessed with dp from 2014-late 2017 (until i got into dbz). i made lots and lots of fanart, played the gba games like all the damn time (i got to where i could speedrun tue lol), rewatched the show regularly...i was even one of those fans that bought obscure merch and learned useless trivia that ive since forgotten. in 2015 a lot of you may remember that i made @doppelgangercomic, a comic about an au i had where dan got a redemption arc (albeit a bumpy one) and future vlad was there and stuff happened (go read the comic LOL). it got a LOT of love and traction! it made me really happy to see all the positivity around my work like that :) i actually got a lot of positive responses towards my work in general. i had a really great time in the phandom back then

then i changed fandoms and kinda fell out of the phandom space. after being on a hiatus from the phandom until literally a week ago, i honestly have to say ive felt like i kind of...faded into obscurity in the phandom's eyes? basically i feel like old news. people dont generally know what doppelganger is now. they may have seen my art in passing here and there but they dont know who i am anymore. i think the only place people actively still find my old danny phantom art from when i was heavily active is...deviantart lol. i get notifications from favorites literally every day there. but uh anyway--im not saying this to garner pity or tell a sob story or anything! im just expressing some thoughts and feelings ive had for a long time lol.

the reason i bring this ^ up though, is because like...i know its not true? logically, i know that i DID make an impact in the fandom i loved/love so so much. i left my mark on both the fandom in an artistic sense, and also the people in the fandom, and sometimes i forget that because i get significantly less engagement on my posts than i used to. but i know that doesnt mean that people dont like my stuff anymore, or that ive been forgotten.

i actually got a message from someone today--a friend i made kinda recently who approached me bc they liked doppelganger actually. they told me that basically its surreal to them that theyre talking to me as a friend because they remember reading doppelganger when they were younger and looking up to me because of it. and it really reminded me of what i said previously--ive not been forgotten, and people still do appreciate and love what ive put out into the world (specifically about danny phantom in this case). ive made an impact on people's lives even when i dont realize it or see it physically. the message and sentiment made me feel really really good and nice and happy and honestly relieved, because the phandom and danny phantom as a media has been an extremely important and impactful part of my life ever since i got into it ten years ago. i literally changed my name to dan because of it lol. it was the reason i found stephen silver's work and went down that path of my art journey. its the reason i found so many amazing people and friends and artists and continue to do that even now. i owe a lot to danny phantom and the phandom as a whole, and i try to give back in the only ways i know how--mainly thru showing my passion through my art and posts.

anyway erm. yeah. all of this to say i wanted to thank yall--the phandom--for supporting me all this time, whether youve been with me from the beginning or if youre just joining me recently. youve been an absolute delight in my life and i know youll continue to be for a long time. :)

[causenessus]

HELLOOO GOOD AFTERNOON!! how are you doing <3 i already told u ab what happened at my school today but MORE HAPPENED. i was walking out to my friend's car since it was the end of the day and we were gonna drive back to our apt BUT BRO???? ness idefk what happened but a car bumped into me im not even joking 💔 like bumped me from behind and made me fall over. like how does that even happen omf 💔 not demure, nor mindful. BUT IM PERFECTLY FINE DONT WORRY!! i just scraped up my palms and my arms a liiiittle bit 🙂‍↕️ so i hate parking lots that was not cute at all

I SAW YOU AND MANGO ANON TALKING ABOUT ZODIACS A LITTLE BIT ONE TIME WHEN U ANSWERED THEIR ASK AND WAS LIKE OH!! NOW IM CURIOUS!! like im really not big on astrology i only know that im an aquarius thats all ive got! but i was searching up like what certain signs' relationships look like? i guess? or like compatibility? one of my friends are a cancer AND I KEPT SEEING THAT THEYRE THE LEAST COMPATIBLE W AQUARIUSES? (is that the right plural of it? aquarians? idk whatever) so like i had a revelation and i remembered you were a cancer so i was lowkey disappointed with all of the zodiac compatibility stuff i was seeing online 😞 ALSO I SAW THAT MANGO ANON GOT A BURNER!! (i mean like i saw through your post i didnt find their blog LMAOAOA) is this the end of an era?? if it is im gonna miss seeing their asks and your responses on my dash aaaaadbsjk they are so cute!!

ANYWAY lately ive been really pondering (i feel like this word is funny to me) what an ideal friend looks like to me because someone at school asked me that😭 i feel like the first people that came to mind were you and mango anon!!! i keep mentioning them SORRY i just adore how sweet they are omf 💔 why am i telling you this? idk! but i feel like in terms of friendships i seek out people like you!! i cant really describe the traits SPECIFICALLY but i feel like you're a super good friend ‼️ i was also curious what an ideal friend looks like to you though! cause i feel like people always look for specific traits or have traits that theyre naturally gravitated towards and they're always super different from person to person, yk? KINDA RANDOM THO LMAO

ALSO today in my speech n debate class my friend started drawing on my hand as we listened to people's oo's from the national oratorical (is that even what it's called i have no idea) and like... i totally zoned out.. so now im behind in that class JUST A LITTLE!! listening to peoples speeches can be so boring i have serious regrets regarding choosing that class honestly 😞 but i feel like it's also one of the more fun classes you can take to fulfill the speech credits for graduation so i GUESS im staying... some of the people in that class are super cool!! getting peer pressured into joining the competitive team sigh

THATS ALL IVE GOT TODAY!! I FEEL LIKE THIS ONE WAS KINDA LONG OOPS. how are you doing ness!! i hope you're getting enough rest! make sure you're drinking enough water and eating! AND DONT FORGET YOUR MEDS ‼️ I LOVE YOU

HELLO SAV!! i??? i??? i can't? A CAR BUMPED INTO YOU??? LITERALLY DID THEY LIKE APOLOGIZE??? MAKE SURE YOU WERE OKAY??? ANYTHING AT ALL???? THAT IS SO HORRIBLE 😭 I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE OKAY BUT OMG THAT'S LITERALLY AN INJURY?? LIKE????????????????????????

AND AWH DW 😭 tbh i don't think i know many aquariuses (idk the plural version either!!) BUT THE STARS HAVE NOTHING ON US </3 AND YES!! MANGO ANON GOT A BURNER BUT I THINK WE'LL STILL BE YAPPING THROUGH ASKS A LOT <3 IT'S JUST FOR US TO BE LIKE "i miss u </3" and tell each other short things in the meantime 😭

AND AW THAT'S SO SWEET AND KIND THANK YOU SO MUCH :((( PLEASE DON'T APOLOGIZE AT ALL FOR BRINGING US/MANGO ANON UP!! you're not doing it a lot or anything so don't worry at all <33 idk who my ideal kind of friend is!! like everyone is so unique and i think i get along with most people <3 i just really appreciate people who are like very understanding and kind!! like obviously i'm very?? like soft hearted?? or like gentle. like for example i don't like to curse outside my fics bc for me i always associated it with being mad?? or just kind of scary?? like ofc i really don't care if other people curse!! it's just a personal preference/choice and so i think i just appreciate people who are observant and kind!! idk everyone super cool :D and i've learned a lot from people who are different from me so i like most people!! (just not middle school freshmen boys who are super rude and annoying and loud yk 🌝)

SPEECH AND DEBATE SOUNDS HORRIBLE 😭 I'M SORRY BUT I COULD NEVER I'M SO LUCKY MY SCHOOL DIDN'T HAVE A SPEECH REQUIREMENT OR ANYTHING BC I WOULD NOT HAVE SURVIVED </33 and i've always been like a very "idc!! u have ur opinion and i have mine i'm not gonna try and convince u to have my opinion!! like seriously idc pls i don't want to argue or debate!!" so i really just could not survive that class at all but best of luck to you!!

IT WAS GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU SAV!! i am doing ok!!! it's nice bc idk my manager didn't really schedule me this entire week 😭 BUT I'M NOT COMPLAINING!! I AM LIVING MY BEST LIFE WITH ALL THIS FREETIME LIKE I ACTUALLY AM REALLY ENJOYING IT so that's been nice!! AND THANK YOU SO MUCH <33 TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOO!! I HOPE YOU TOOK YOUR MEDS!!

[mekatrio]

the next game i plan to play is TWEWY. unlike the other games ive been playing recently i will not be going into this game blind bc that is impossible for me, cuz ive lived with the worlds biggest twewy fan who is my brother. literally have memories from 2009/2010 of hearing the twewy ost from his ds first thing in the morning. he has also told me the entire lore of this game multiple times. i also tried to play it before in like 2016 or 2017 cuz my brother rly wanted me to and he was like 'its shorttt you can do it'. He Was Lying. and i also watched like 80% of his neotwewy playthru.

so im going to try again now as a More Experienced Gamer. hoping to finish before the end of january cuz thats when i see him again and i wanna hv scholarly discussions abt it with him. and maybe ill play neotwewy if i feel like it (i doubt this). for fun i want to list down everything i know abt the game from my brother so after i finish it i can revisit this post and laugh at it

- "What's a meme?"

- i dont actually know what a meme is. i remember this gameplay mechanic confusing me

- everybody is DEAD and this is PURGATORY or something like that. i still dont really understand what the reaper's game is despite knowing abt twewy for like 16 years

- this game is not a week long my brother LIED. i thought the game would end after one week which is why i tried it back then LOL i know that theres three weeks.. i think..

- shiki doesnt actually look like that thts actually the appearance of her toxic yuri friend or something. i remember this Very vividly bc its like the biggest plot reveal from week one and i remember being like WOAHHHH and jaw-dropped and it was so awesome. its still so awesome! im excited to experience that again

- beat and rhythm are hit by a car but the cars look like sharks bc uh.. hm...

- i actually dont know why the enemies look like that. i know theyre like..... Negative Spirit Energy or SMTH LIKE THAT but why they take the form of animals... idk

- Calling..... Someone is Callinggg 🎶

- the music is really good

- EVERYONE IS SO SKINNY ITS ALMOST SCARY

- fashion fashion that mechanic is fun. you need bravery in order to crossdress which gives you epic stats. which i think is very fun!

- also fuck im realizing that this is a squarenix jrpg meaning im gonna have to be planning members stats and all that shit again. and while i do miss doing that, i hope twewy's 2008 (2007?) design isnt too asswater and is actually functional

- THE COMBAT IS HARD i remember having to draw shit with my left hand while my right hand had to tap buttons! like what!!! according to my brother the combat utilizes every part of the ds, even things like the microphone and closing the screen, and is why he likes this game so much. i hope i can like it as much as him

- im nekuuuu and im rude and unfriendly and i cant remember anything and im mean but I'll Become Kinder as the game progresses

- neku chokes shiki??? i think he was trying to kill her??? so he could leave the game or something.. and she was floating? i have levitation powers???

- i dont remember if i get epic powers.. i feel like thats something i shouldve remembered

- i dont know what the math dude does in this game. i dont remember what all the dudes with the wings are called or what their deal is but ohhh i remember them all pissing me off

- THE FUCKING PIN GAME pins??? badges?? bottlecaps??? i dont remember but i remember that minigame pissing me offff. fuck im gonna have to experience squarenix minigames again

- there is so much dialogue wohfuisdhfjk Squarenix JRPG.

- shiki DISAPPEARS at the end of the first week.. for some reason.. and neku plays a second week so he can bring her back. and that happens again for the third week where i think??? beat and rhythm disappears at the end of the second week? but this time neku isnt just betting on bringing his friends back HES BETTING ON THE FAITH AND GOODWILL OF THE ENTIRE WORLD somethinggg like that

- joshua is the new partner for week 2 and he is such a gay boy.

- Mother and father calls me Joshua ohohohoho

- only dead people can enter the reaper's game and if you win you get another chance at life or something?? idk why tho..

- beat and rhythm entered the game bc they were running away from home cuz they have shitty parentsss and then they got hit by a car

- and shiki attempted suicide i think

- and neku can't remember how he entered the game.. oh... so mysterious....

- it was because joshua shot him with a gun

- and joshua is God because this is a Squarenix JRPG

- joshua wanted neku to show him humanity's worth or SOMETHING cuz neku was a kid who had lost faith in humanity or something like that??

- and joshua disappears in the ending i think very ambiguousss

- The World Begins With You....

[terranceholdsapencil]

73 yards thoughts from while watching :)

-hehe theyre in wales

-"wait, what year are you from?" Actually love that the doctors forget that.

-ohhhy the doctor's gone :0

-locked tardis?? Man thats insane how does that happen

-voices????

-wow that old woman is scary. How is she next to the tardis now.

-Snow???

-very pretty shots :) like lookint at them. Not as overwhelming/fast as most morern who stuff. Loving this.

-susan twist???

-wait ruby asks her if she knows her. Are they realising??

-question is does susan twist know she keeps reappearing or is it a clara thing where shes unaware

-oh shes running :(

-"well apparently next week were getting christianity"

-absolutely terrifying score 10/10 for murray gold once again

-semperdistans :)

-actually the welsh pub people making fun of ruby having an absolute blast pranking her was great

-"i would love to see you again" man that made me SAD :(

-shes going back to her mum?? Wow

-"I mean i dont know. ive never had a garden, never had a shed. Ive never had a man! but thats what they say. And your intergalactic nutcase is doing it on a cosmic scale! But hes still, essentially, inside his shed. Pottering! He must be."

-mrs flood hello :)

-the call idea is really good. I love rubys mum. Wait a second oh no rubys mum COME BACK CARLA NO-

-locking ruby out?? Telling her to go away?? Telling her shes not her daughter? VILE.

-the shot with ruby sitting outside the door was really pretty but still sad af

-KATE LETHBRIDGE-STEWART I HAVE MISSED YOU

Wait since when is she introducing herself as lethbridge-stewart? I mean I love remembering her connection to the brigadier but is there any narrative reason? Shes made a point back when she was introduced thar shed rather just be kate stewart.

-its been a year?? Her mum put an INJUNCTION against her?? Vile. Absolutely vile. Poor Ruby.

-and more and more the supernatural? So theyre acknowledging the genre shift from sci-fi to more fantasy. Funky.

-"And you work with the doctor?" "With him, despite him, against him sometimes."

-73 yards is probably going to be relevant and not just a random number right (terry youre in for a blast)

-"does that sound mad?" "Sounds wise"

-KATE NO. KATE LETHBRIDGE-STEWART COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT.

-how long has it been what the fuck

-there is something sort of lovely about her toasting the scary woman :) on christmas

-ITS 2046??? WERE SEEING THE GUY?? I THOUGHT THAT WAS FORESHADOWING SOMETHING ELSE

-2031, the great russian war, Id rather not

-something something hes the worst prime minister and a monster something something master

-somehow thought ruby was gonna kill him. This makes more sense. Day saved :)

-wait why is she still here. Shes old now. What.

-the overgrown tardis and the flowers remind me of the mural painted on it back in hell bent. Just me? Okay Ill go back into my cave.

-no one ever told ruby that her mum died?? Thats so sad oh my god. And it never snowed again?? Love you need a great big hug

-"And I think, at the end, I have hope. Because thats very you, isnt it, my old friend? I dare to hope"

-hospital??? Shes dying??

-"i could make it snow once upon a time" -if I had a drink I wouldve spat it out that was so bloody funny

-woman in corner of the room is scaring me. Please go away.

Oh no shes coming closer

OH NO THE MUSIC IS TERRIFYING I didnt sign up for a horror movie-

-rubt is the woman??? Is she??

-shouldnt that get them into paradox city cause old ruby warned her but she couldnt if it didnt happen. Nah whatever

-this was it?? But thats not a conclusion?? I mean I LOVED this ep absolutely captivating but did they really now have another 5 minutes for an actual ending?? Please explain

-ohhh next ep preview :) reminds me a little bit of the happiness patrol somehow

[terraliensvent]

good gpd im so frustrated with stuff in terras rn. idont care anymore if they know who i am im jyst. so so frustrayed. its so hard to get stuff u want without spending money and im really lucky i have 3 terras. but oh god its so frustrating seeing people ask for. what even was it. asking for 14 myos. for 1 terra. it makes me so unvelievably angry!!

not tomention the way terra staff picked all the people who werent that active in chats. but just because they knew eachother well and were friends. it makes me lose hope for ever being a syaff and helping make this cs a little better :(

also how terra gas are always peopel with super detailled "pop" styles. like yeah youre picking smaller artists but.. yhey all have very similar styles and. its discouraging to someone with a chibi style who just really likes designing terras. it makes me wanna leave so bad.

and i. i cannot handle some of the members sometimes. some members will talk about how they dony have much money, like someone said they didnt have money for something. then immediately after bought a terra??? i mean i get that it can be addicting n stuff but. its so so frustrating oh god.

especially when people like. are talking about stuff and someone mentions something cpmpletely off topic. i could understanf if!!! maybe !! they asked nicely for a topic change and left it at tht but. ive seen people spam their own topics in the middle of another convo.

also i dont even wanna mention the trading scene. its insane. man i. ive been condidering leaving for sonlong mostly from members and specific staff. but. aughhhgg i love terras so much i just. wish i could make it better. i genuinely cry over it bc . i love terras so so much but its all going to shit . :C

im mostly just frustrated with dtaff constantly taking customs because if the staff customs channel and their new godly role. it sucks. it makes people feel like their artvisnt worth it, seeinh bids surpass thr hundreds while some camnot sell a fullbody for $5 just bc bias.

if staff see this, im sorry. i wish i didnt have yo go on a vent blog to say this. but i know saying it in the server would just get me silenced. please try to help with these issues seen here. and im genuinely so sorry, i really want to help, but this is the only way i can help now: giving criticism. i hope things change and i can enjoy terras again. i also hope staff are okay, i do not eant this to be mean or stressing in any way. :C [sorry for the typos mod i am very shaky rn and in a bus and carsick so im trying to fix them as mucj as i can. and ty for dealing witg all the drama.]

im sorry youre having such a bad time anon, it can be difficult once you realize all the deep cracks within the foundation of something you like

youre right in saying the trading scene is absolutely insane rn, people have decided that myos arent as powerful of a trading chip anymore but theyre still just as difficult to get, what the FUCK would someone even need 14 myos for

the staff has always been cliquey, if youre not in their little friend group you might as well be dirt, and theyre so biased toward pop artists, thats why kiwi rot was allowed to make a feral terra custom even while the hammer was coming down hard on them.

members are so rude and im tired of people pretending theyre not. at some point you gotta wonder how many times someone will breach social contract again and again regardless of every single time theyre politely told to wait their turn, just say you want to butt in and be done with it. ive never seen so many people absolutely unable to actually pay attention to the conversation at hand and it really seems like they just want to hear themselves talk

staff as a role is just a pretty little modifier to say “im elite, now drop $100s on my customs so you can immediately trade it off and say ‘looking for staff swaps ONLY if you offer me anything else u r getting blocked xoxox’”, none of them actually really use the new role to bring new viewpoints to the species or to make systems move faster, if they were then youd think we would actually have implemented more site functionality than one single fucking forage button and people wouldnt have to wait upwards of 2 weeks to get a myo design approved

terras biggest downfall is that every single person in the server is too sensitive for criticism and take it way too personally, that way everything gets silenced and nothing gets better.

personally anon, i suggest distancing yourself a bit. when i started moving away from the species and focusing on irl self improvement, i felt so much better (and started saving a lot of money)

[wanderrlust0]

sorry i wont shut up about this but i feel so conflicted right now!!D; and maybe typing it all out will help???

and I highly suggest to not read this unless you want to be here for an hour reading nonsense LOL

im seeing my bestie friday so im gonna tell her everythinggg and get her opinion on all of this before i see him again in a few days.

i just started to hang out with a "new" friend but it makes my bf uncomfortable and idk what to do about it... and tbh im not going to stop being friends with them:/ ik that sounds kinda shitty on the surface but its like asking me to cut someone off right after getting to know them.

im gonna explain almost all of the context....

okay, so... 2020 was a ruff year. it was covid and quarantine. my mom was super super strict about it. once people began to hang out in small circles bc cdc said it was okay to, while still being careful, i was still not allowed to leave my house. i felt soso isolated and alone and it was def one of my lowest moments. me & my bf were basically in a long distance relationship.. or thats what it felt like. all we had was facetime. he started to hang out with his friend from school more often (i had stuff to say to him about that & its in another post). after a couple of months, my mom finally let us see each other.. but it had to be in my backyard only and we couldn't be close. it was okay at first but after a while we got bored and wanted more. he got impatient and petty about it. i understood where he was coming from but i was trying to be as optimistic as i could, even tho it was hard. its bc even for like the 1-2 hrs i got to see him, it made my day. (my friends were also starting to hangout in their backyards but i never told my mom bc i figured she wouldnt let me go.. but when i told her afterwards, she said she would have..??)

it was getting colder outside which made it harder for us to see each other. it was also just a sucky situation and it was creating some resentment. he wanted to talk with me on ft about it and i knew it would be serious. AND IT WAS. he did most of the talking and it was leading to a breakup. BUT (this is important) he couldnt for the life of him break up with me, let alone say the words.. SO.. he suggested that we do a break. neither of us have done that before but its obvious that it means its temporary and you use that time to figure things out and get some space (we DEFINITELY shouldve been clearer about it). he got emotional and i held mine in. he was saying all these good things about me and how he still wants me in his life and that we can get together again; that we would still talk everyday and be friends. at the time, weve been dating for about a year and a half. right after we hung up i bawled my eyes out and immediately facetimed my best friend in FL.

days go by and me and him are still talking everyday, only in a more friendly, platonic manner. eventually, he starts replying later and later, he turns off his location, and its like i feel forgotten about. im so used to knowing what hes doing that now it feels weird to not know and its hard to adapt to these changes.

I download tinder to find some FRIENDS to talk to (only for girls). he was barely talking to me and i was questioning our friendship relationship (situationship i guess). although i dont remember the details of my profile, i DEF made it clear that i was on there for making friends only. i had no intention of pursuing anyone for a relationship... bc i had my "bf" still. HE clearly went a diff route during our break....too much to unpack there but in the end, it just made him want to come back to me.

So.... Snow (that is their nickname ive given them for tumblr) was one of those people who i chatted with on tinder. theyre female but identify as they/them (i dont think they used those pronouns when we first started talking tho). they msgd first and our convo was actually really long-lasting so we followed each other on IG. (theyre also not the only one i've exchanged IG with so its not like i only gave it to them). Yes, I thought they were pretty when i swiped. sue me. i think many people are pretty. its just me acknowledging when someones aesthetically pleasing. eventually, we talked less and i also went on tinder less. After about a month into me and my bfs break, he begins to talk to me more like he used to. Then he asks if he can see me bc he missed me. Still cant leave my house with him but we hang out and its nice. HE ASKS ME IF I MET ANYONE NEW. i say no and hes like ...really?you sure? I ask him the same and he says no (while breaking eye contact,, literal red flag but i was blindsided). he tells me the truth over FT and that ruined me way more than i let on. (i think he's feeling a similar way now but for diff reasons)

we got back together after and the rest of the year (2021) was super fun. weve now been together for almost 4 1/2 years! since our BREAK NOT BREAKUP (not me @ ing him when he wont even see this) me and snow comment on each others IG posts now and again. for ex, ive said they looked so prettyyy & i would compliment their makeup skills. they would reply in a cute/flattery way. thats how they reply to comments. theyre also very embellished, like with emojis. theyve commented on my pics saying i look cute and hyping me up with compliments as well. it just turned into a natural, mutual thing; idk how else to describe it. its like having an online friend where you only interact thru the comments to show kindness. LOL IDK that sounds corny but yeah. girly things i guess. & then irl its so subdued.

so aside from the comments, we would react to each others stories like once in a blue moon. they posted about watching demon slayer so i said its a good anime. i posted me and my bfs halloween costumes and they said we looked so cute. fast fwd to the end of last yr... we said happy bday to each other and i brought up the idea of possibly hanging out one day if theyre down. so yes, i asked first. they said they would love to and that they were glad i asked bc they were too anxious to ask themselves (mood). im surprised at myself that i even asked but i guess i felt comfortable enough.

(i feel like im writing my own biography omg..) anyways, we get each others numbers and talk about our schedules. we were both very busy so nothing happened. we sporadically made small talk, as one does with their internet friend, over a couple of months. we talked on IG more & also thought about the plans for when we hang out. its now like almost summer and they text me asking if i was free last minute to hang out bc they were gonna be in my town but i was busy.

its now like a month later and i see them at the mall with their friend when i was with my bf. (i already spoke about this so i wont repeat it). after that day, we finally made a day to hang out. bf wasnt happy about it; i tried to reassure him; he saw and still sees them as someone to worry about; he thinks im gonna do something stupid and act out on any fantasies i may have. he knows im bi; he sees snow as someone who looks queer. he thinks that our intentions are to get closer to each other in a way that crosses a friendship.

he saw me listening to a playlist titled sapphic energy. it just consists of songs i enjoy by female artists and ive had that playlist for a long time now. i only edited the title.. but just now i switched it back to what it was before so thats ONE thing "fixed" to make him at ease.

he doesnt believe me when i tell him that my only intention and motive here is to make a good, new friendship. THATS ALL I WANT. AND THATS ALL SNOW WANTS. i can see how it can look like its more from an outside perspective bc of our IG comments but it was not like that in person at all!! it just felt like hanging out with a friend and introducing new things to each other like shows and foods. snow even made it clear that once someone is their friend, they cant see them any other way and that formed to protect their feelings. when we hung out there were literally no signs of feelings or anything that would cross boundaries. i didnt get that feeling i get when i have a crush and lose all my brain cells. by our second hang out we were past any awkwardness and it felt like a regular day out with a friend.

I did look cute that day but i always dress up!!! i dress up like every time i see my bf. i dress up for work. i dress up when im going out with friends. i enjoy fashion and makeup and looking pretty,,

last yr he was using bumble friends and he met up with a guy but they havent hung out since. ive helped him swipe on people before and i was okay with it, except when it was like an attractive girl.. would that be hypocritical of me tho?...idk. we def both get kinda jealous over these things. i can get territorial, like he is mine lol i am his. we would never be open or add a third and the thought of him befriending new females made me nervous. especially after what happened during our break. like idk, that still sticks with me and makes me think of bad feelings..and even more especially now after finding out about what he and his friend did.. but me feeling nervous about that is like what HE is feeling (T-T) I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT I CAN DO TO HELP AND IT SUCKS. i dont think i catch feelings easily. i dont get butterflies over people easily. im not an openly sexual person.

like. am i being unfair by continuing this friendship? snow doesnt know how he feels about us. idek if its worth telling but im gonna wait till more time passes and see how things go. would him hanging out with us make him feel better?? would it be too weird? he already doesnt like the idea of snow so how would he be in a room with them.

i wanna fast fwd to friday so i can tell my bestie about it and then fast fwd to sunday so i can see him. he is still not back to his usual self when we talk on snap. he tries to save serious confrontations for in person bc he sounds angry thru text so even tho itll make me nervous, i still wanna work this out so it doesnt ruin our relationship.

[soleillunne]

OKAY OKAY SO!! do you have any book recs?? i want to get back into reading, it feels like i've mostly been focused on writing these days

i have a bunch but most are fantasy!

the folk of the air trilogy - holly black

enemies to friends-ish to enemies to lovers, mc is a badass and the li is so in love (hes also a menace but mc kinda covers that lmao)

this is a 3 book series with a new series that just dropped that happens after the events of these 3 books

the order is: the cruel prince, the wicked king, the queen of nothing, stolen heir (the new book) but there are also books you can read in between (that i havent read myself)

by far the best book series ive read, i would sell my soul to read it again for the first time

circe - madelline miller

this is a story about circe, a godess (i think) from greek myth. the writing was beautiful, but since its myth, if youre not interested i dont reccomend

(same goes w song of achilles by the same writer)

shadow and bone & six of crows - leigh bardugo

(this one has a two season series on netflix too if youre interested)

shadow and bone - 3 books;

mc is so op honestly, she discovers magical powers early in the book and finds out shes grisha (ppl that have magical powers), but not just any grisha, shes a legend grisha, one of a kind

i dont really remember who she ends up with as its been a while since i read the books but one li is an ass while the other gives golden retriever vibes and i didnt like either of them /lh

six of crows - 2 books;

now listen, i didnt actually read these two books but in the tv show the two series are shown at the same time and i like the characters in this one more

badass gang, thats it. (look more info pls dont trust me)

the kane chronicles - rick riordan

percy jackson is so famous people forget this absolute gem right here.

the idea is the same as percy jackson, except this time its about egyptian gods instead (also techically mc isnt a child of the gods)

it has 3 books, with extra crossover books w pjo (that are also really good once you have the basics)

the midnight library - matt haig

i'm actually not sure what category this falls into.

mc has an accident and ends up at a library at exactly midnight, where the weird librarian tells her that this library is her life (of sorts). basically each book in the library is how her life couldve been like based on some decisions she made

and she keeps going to these other versions of her life by reading the books until she realizes hey, she wants to live, and goes back to her original life

not my favorite, but still an okay one

dune - frank herbert

this is a classic, but it was really good

i dont remember the details, all i really remember was that i had sth for the mc

fr tho its really good, give it a go if long books dont intimidate you

as for books to get into reading again, hmmm

cries okay so dont get mad but the cruel prince got me out of a reading slump

momo - michael ende

this book is so well written istg

mc is a child, first of all. and i dont mean like a teen i mean shes 8 max, shes a literal child but its okay bc there isnt that much action in this one

the main idea of the book is about how precious time is, but its told through such an interesting way. there are time thieves that steal other people's time to live, making it look like theyre helping people save time on mundane things, and momo stops them (not in an insane way i promise)

the secret garden - frances hodgson burnett

this is a classic, but dont let that fool you this is a really well written book

this one has almost no action in it btw

mc is also a child here (shes maybe 12 at most), she moves into the mansion of her uncle after her family dies where she starts to behave like an actual child instead of some spoiled princess/lh

so one day while going on a stroll in the garden area (?) bc no one is there to take care of her now, she finds a secret garden and decides hey since no one seems to care for this garden, this is mine now

also there are other children that she befriends along the way that help her w the garden

def recommend

extra;

anne of green gables (this is so long honestly i ended up just watching the series bc the fact that its 8 books intimidated me at the time - ill get to it eventually)

miss peregrines home for peculiar children (also same as above - i loved the concept tho and ill read it eventually)

percy jackson - a classic

Jayden's Rescue & Old Scroll - vladimir tumanov (these are techincally chrildrens books but theyre also great books so)

[sollucets]

ok so. so i made it out of midnight museum e3 alive but im gonna have to do something normal and calming for a while now because oh fuck me too many moths even like skipping scenes and cringing away from the screen. im unwell. many disorganized thoughts go here

so i Was right about dome frankly. i mean the hints were there (jib dialogue last episode + the long time no rent thing from e1) but for me it was that hes too stupid to be a full person (sorry baby i love u). like saying ‘is this normal’ about resurrection and lit. just going with whatever happens to him and running headlong into stupid situations. he literally Only just woke up. he has no brain head empty hes just doing the One thing hes been told hes good at and useful for. oh no baby :( they really keep putting him through it every episode LMAO.

got a Lot more worried khatha this episode plus a bunch more face touching. and sitting by his bedside. tor is So good with those shiny eyes of pain like … i dont know how he does that but its incredible. his face. his little tsundere look away / posture adjustment when dome woke up like you didnt literally die for this man recently. they are getting gayer each episode. again ive established i dont care about “bl status” it doesnt matter to me if they kiss but boy its just so…. they HAVE to know what theyre doing with this

i really like this show i Would Not have put myself through this for less agh. i still almost quit multiple times

that opening flashback scene with triphob’s grandfather was really good. by the way. i love immortals i love immortality. i love the moon (showing up just barely in blurry flashbacks)

bright did fucking Great this episode. im not too familiar with him, mostly from f4 thailand bits but he was so fucking creepy!!!!! tragic little murdery sadboy. what a mess. the whole house invasion scene was Sooooooooo. augh. freaky. everything he did was fucked up

i have some…. thoughts…. about the girl in this episode, rin, and her agency / lack thereof honestly. combined with the bride’s “men writing her story” thing….. its. hmmm. but i’m not sure i’m equipped to express that properly without rewatching and frankly i dont know if im capable of rewatching this episode

if i turn my lizard brain off also the vampire moths are a great horror concept and they were very aesthetically cool to someone who does not have. a lifelong fear of those fucking things

also yeah ‘cycle of death and rebirth’ confirms the reincarnation thing but i’m thinking that not only did khatha enounter past life dome / “that person” / “chan” but also like. present life pre-memories dome? and that’s why he was surprised when dome didnt remember him. it wouldnt make sense for him to be surprised a reincarnation didnt remember him. they definitely met pre-wipe

v fun to learn that june is immortal too??? but like. frankly im still so confused about her lmao. she was an immortal museum worker before this?? but she became the bride?? but they all forgot her past but she remembers being immortal and the artifacts? but she has bride magic now??? dont get me wrong i like her a lot shes great for wisdom and being the only one nice to dome but hoo boy

ok. theres all the bits in no particular order

so. yeah!!!! yeah i was so proud of myself for being mostly chill with the first two episodes of murder and body horror but uh i was NOT good with this. gods fuck why moths

[starsambrosia]

So i stop flooding peoples dash im gonna just make this a group, the tag is #livechatter

Im rambling about my life because i feel like it

mean in all reality they have saved me from a lot of bad people and bad things i just i dunno if i can belive that every single person i meet is some kind of malicous creature or person with bad intentions...its been years and im outgoing i like people but ive had to cut off most people because the gods told me some shit about them that was scary or my divination read something was up

I just dont know but i dont want to risk it...

But like, how many demons can one person come across and how many just so happen to be bad news for me

3 confirmed and funny thing is one of them actually scarred me both physically and astrally /wild/ one was my childhood friend who had a crush on me and also decided to get into a pact with a demon for ...funzies... but i cant recall if she had the bloodline or not because the last one who was actually super chill was following a family tradition

so yeah when the gods say "hey psst beckys a demon" im gonna be like "well golly gee 3 out of 3 demons the gods told me about were demons i wonder if this person is in a pact with a demon

and typically /usually/ me and demons dont get along, they find my energy tasty ig. Like demons are fine they are but like they just want to eat me usually or theyr mad at me on sight :")

But in any case im gonna belive it, its just...really?? I know im a beacon but seriously? Every person i meet is some mischievous or negative entity. I get out here fae are more common but /everyone?/ really? I dunno man i cant just be running into every non human on the planet both online and irl or if theyr normal theyr just the most shit person you can be to an almost cartoonish extent.

/idk man/

But i stare at my pendulum the one i warded clensed banished shit on and used rituals to invoke a gods name and boom its just "yup this ones no good"

Like...OK??? THEN WHO IS??? And theyll set me up with people and it never goes well like it always falls through because the people i click with just arent good enough??? Or they just all want me dead?

Am i the problem? Like its me or its them and theyr gods like idk idk man im lost im so lost, how can nobody be ok how can so many people just want to hurt me on sight am i seriously that pathetic looking?? Or are they playing some kind of protective roll? Thats kind assuming a lot about them

What are the fucking odds theyd just be over protective

Im kinda whirlling right now because i think i figured it out, Apollo always expressed guilt over the whole imprisonment thing even though that was literally my fault for directly disobeying his very clear instructions for some guy, yeah thats an embaressment ill never live down

Im wondering if Apollo felt bad and now hes just being really harsh on anyone who comes near me, i only wonder this because he had been around for a really long time before he helped me escape my home/cult

But like ive asked others too

In the same pantheon

That was responsible for a lot of fucking trauma

Who like most of them have a reason to be harsh on people

I just wonder what would happen if i asked maybe Zeus instead of literally anyone else besides maybe some of the goddesses.

Oh godsssss i think ive just deadass been asking the wrong people because everyone else is bias and angry at people

Jesus christ i knew it was my fault if i had just thought about it for a second and got my head out of the ground i wouldve seen it

But still i could be wrong so i need to go ask Zeus with my pendulum and see whats going on before i go removing anything...im also wondering what other people have to say about this because im honestly so tired of shutting up about my weird ass life

Pendulum with Zeus:

Is the reason i keep getting a no on my friends because everyone else is bias and angry at people

Yes

Will you give me non bias direct answers if i contact you?

Yes

I get so specific with my questions because if it can only say yes no or maybe i want to narrow it down as much as possible, questions are phrased intuitively or auto written but some times intentional, more gently guided though.

So i figured it out by live journaling basically...nice, ok so this is weird...but when is it ever not hhh

Thats sweet honestly, if it weren't so suffocating...i cant belive this this has taken me literally 3 and a half years to figure out and i just had to talk to Lord Zeus??? Hhhhhhh oh my gods

Going to him more often now honestly

I wouldve never guessed that i think i think too lowly of myself if it took 3 and a half years to realize they care enough to be mad at people who caused me like, irreparable damadge hahaaaa