#theres a lot i didnt talk about but whatever

[jadethetransfem]

ARCANE S1 AND S2 SPOILERS!

ok so i just finished arcane (s1 and s2) and i have some thoughts also

tw: mentions of suicide and some nsfw stuff neither are that bad though

first off this is a sfw blog but i will be talking a bit about the caitvi scene because i'm the loneliest sapphic to ever live x3 ive never made a review like this before so idk what i'm doing but i'm gonna try my best!

so first off Vi and jinx/powder's relationship really hits deep for me being both a older and a younger sister i mean just the fucking dynamic is incredible! so i give them full marks for that

and oh my gods the fucking music i mean tøp with 'the line' linkin park with 'heavy is the crown' its all so fucking good i dont recognize anyone else on here but both s1 and s2 have some really good songs i genuinely cant stop listening to 'playground' its all so good!

ok heres the kinda nsfw stuff: the caitvi scene in season 2 episode 8 (i think) was clearly made by a longing sapphic, no straight person could make this i mean everything, every frame meticulously crafted the way Vi fumbles with the belt ah fuck its soo fucking good also ive already talked about music but the song matches sooo well (its called 'fantastic' by king princess btw) and the best part about the scene is that none of it is unrealistic and i'm still waiting for someone, anyone to find the extended cut of that scene one last thing about this is that ive seen people *cough cough* penguinz0 *cough cough* say that they feel like this scene was kinda placed poorly and well i see where theyre coming from, i disagree Vi desperately needed a distraction more then ever because this is the most stressed shes been maybe ever i mean if my sister told me that she was going to attempt suicide and i physically couldnt stop her i dont think i would be able to think straight(hehe get it) either one last thing before i move on to other things, when cait takes off Vi's shirt she inspects her wounds which is subtle and could be missed or just ignored if you arent paying attention but it shows cait's care for Vi (this is just one of the many small details in this scene)

ok ok i'm done being a sad lesbian now (not actually i physically cant stop but i'm done talking about that scene) ok the endings for s1 and s2. theyre both really good s1 ends with jinx blowing up the council killing like half of them and s2 ends with jinx dying to save Vi and anyone who can feel real emotion (lucky bastards) will cry during both of them. ive seen people asking if there will be a s3 and i think that they should just let the show die, dont beat a dead horse and all that. so in conclusion arcane is an incredible show and in my opinion is a must watch. also the sesbian lex is cool too! thats all i have today make sure to drink water lovelys!

[twilightakiishi]

made that template for three :3 venchiya rundown!!! more in tags if u care

[erodingsinner]

Arrow if Slade and Oliver had a fucked up toxic romantic thing going

[orcelito]

Had a moment of listening to music I liked back when I was a teenager (& still like) and having a whole. Realization . That I like myself as I am now sooooo much better than I like teenage me. And I started thinking about Why.

There's a lot to it I'm pretty sure, & most of it centers around the fact that I just... didn't really know who I was as a person. I didn't really have hobbies outside of what I did in school (aka orchestra) and like. Video games + anime. I did creative writing in middle school, but dropped off in high school for... some reason? I still made original characters and played around with them a lot, but it was mostly just in drawing and thinking about them. I never actually *wrote*, and I in fact didn't get back into creative writing at all until I was 23 years old. I was someone who had spent so long hiding behind others and just doing what I was told that I just... didn't have any real direction. I didn't know what I even *wanted*. I thought I knew, but in hindsight, I can confidently say that I didn't. I was just an insecure teen drifting through life and not thinking about things beyond what was immediately in front of me. Which is pretty standard for teenagers I guess, but not all of them. Not at all.

Compared to now, where I have Many hobbies, most notably being writing. As I am now, I am just Intrinsically a writer. And it's weird to remember that I wasn't even really *writing* before 5 years ago (besides text rps, which did a lot for developing my writing skill! But still aren't a replacement for writing individually). As a teen, I wasnt into dnd, I was incredibly out of shape, & I was a lot less aggressive and focused. I was the type to avoid sports!!! I hated them!!!! But as I am now, I Love biking and can easily bike for an hour+ no problem (I remember being a teen and trying to go on just 10 minute bike rides in the summer and just *dying* from it), & I love working out. I wanna be strong!!! I LOVE being strong!!! And I was an absolute mess with things like public speaking & working in groups, vs now where I can do an impromptu presentation no problem & I'm often the unofficial leader in group projects bc im typically the one who does the organizing and allotments of work. A side effect of working as a supervisor and then assistant manager for so long. I have a lot more confidence in my perceptions and judgements, & I have the self-assurance to assert these things. And this is only really the tip of the iceberg with all the differences.

I just feel like an entirely different person, almost. The cores are the same, or at least damn near similar, with the things I want out of life & the sorts of things I enjoy, but it's like. The difference between finding a random rock off the side of the road & then that rock when it's been sanded and carved and decorated to be something individual and unique. You look at them side by side and it's something dull vs something shiny and intricate. The origins can't be ignored and dismissed, & I certainly would never resent younger me for just doing the best with what I knew at the time. But it's just astounding how much difference time and experience will have for growing and developing as a person. Things I consider integral to my personhood weren't even thoughts in my mind back then. We are almost entirely different people.

[mbat]

theres so many kinds of ways to go about redemption but i love redemption in the powerlessness

like call it a little cruel but i love the idea of someone who got too powerful getting their power taken away and they have to live that life now and become better through seeing what its like on the other side of the line they were so sure theyd never cross

[bfish]

.

[sneefsnorf]

people on here love neurodivergent ppl until they get confused on what's satire or not. or just like. need a joke explaining to them. then theyre stupid idiot babies that are ruining the funny shit. and its such fuckass nonsense

[perilegs]

i am my father's son (enjoyer of irl sidequests)

[elegyofthemoon]

today on "clover continues to mourn sqenix"

[joshuamj]

in regards to last reblog (specifically my tags on it), very friendly reminder that i would love to receive asks, i promise u will not be bothering me. Just be prepared cuz depending on what u say i may ramble on and on.

[mbat]

i fr need some sort of (probably queer) friend into world of warcraft so that the person i directly talk to about it isnt my brother. cause on my life his opinions suck and his gameplay kills me a little inside

[molusca]

hey sorry if this is a pain but do you mind posting/pasting the whole thread to tumblr? ppl without twitter accounts can't see it

sorry for the wait, i forgot about this detail. i added almost everything under a read more in the post. thanks for pointing this out

[oceanwithouthermoon]

okay just to clarify, i really dont have anything against x readers in general or as a concept.. in fact, i enjoy reading them myself sometimes! i would be lying if i said the reason i have all these specific examples isnt because i READ them lmao..

tbh i am personally very obsessed with tdlosk, so i dont enjoy stories that are too ooc, but in all honestly thats just a personal preference and i really dont gaf if people like writing their characters a bit ooc.. i mean, if it goes too far (like forcing the mean bitch label on teruhashi and just being actually misogynistic, or making it seem like saiki hates all his friends so they can make y/n like the "savior" archetype for saiki, or force any character like teru, yume, or even kaido to be a bad person so SAIKI can be the savior for y/n instead) then it can be problematic, but the whole point of fanfiction is, like you said, to be self-indulgent so it doesnt matter if people wanna stray away from canon a little bit..

one of the problems comes when they do things like i said in the og post like make basically a kinsona, but instead of acknowledging that thats what it is, they brand it as their own original character, and most of the time (with the exception being the little sister thing lol) they basically use their y/n as a replacement for that character and ignore their existence as a whole.. the whole "meeting someone like this for the first time-" and then its just ripped off from someone the character already knows is what bothers me about this.. even then, this particular problem isn't necessarily morally wrong, its just stupid and annoying and ever so slightly messed up LMAO

obviously the misogyny (talked about this more in the other notes of this post) and stuff like that is also a huge problem, but like i said it's definitely not exclusive to x readers/x oc stories so.. yea.. lol..

one of my favorite (/sarcastic but not really cuz its like funny idk) things in fandoms is when people make ocs or self inserts or 'x readers' being shipped with characters, but the oc/sona/reader is literally just another character from the source material.. its like youre shipping the characters but didnt want to admit it, so you made a kinsona and branded it as something else..

and its NEVER subtle, actually its super blatant every time and im always shocked when nobody points it out..

i have seen uncountable saiki k x readers where the description is like:

"saiki meets someone whose thoughts he cant read for the first time, and even though he doesnt trust her at first, she keeps proving that she is kind and has good intentions!" you mean nendo? reader is girl nendo?

"this time, he meets a girl whose thoughts honestly match up with her spoken words almost perfectly for the first time!" hairo. youre shipping saiki with girl hairo.

"saiki meets someone whose thoughts are too fast and jumbled to re-" ITS AKECHI, THATS AKECHI, ITS LITERALLY AKECHI.

"saiki meets someone whose just as immune to teruhashi as he is for the first and only tim-" this is hairo again, awe bae you secretly LOVE haisai ?!?

"saiki sees his old childhood friend for the first time in years after an incident caused them to be apart and then they fall in lov-" WHY DID YOU EVEN WRITE THIS AND NOT CALL IT SAIKECHI.

its even funnier when they say its like that characters little sister, but the way they write it is still literally just the character, like their personality, dialogue, even their relationship, is the same..

not all of them fit this exactly, but the ones that take a boy character and turn them into a girl oc to ship them with a boy, it reminds of how in equestria girls they couldnt make applejack and rarity endgame so they gave them boyfriends who looked IDENTICAL to each other.. thats what youre creating, guys, youre creating heterosexual rarijack.

[ohmy-gojo]

'i just have to go, hey lets eat together! how hard can this be?'

"hey! give me you lunch!" sukuna barked at you

fml

you blinked. the whole class gasped in shock, was this the infamous thing where the delinquent steals a nerds lunch? they were at the edges of their seats

meanwhile sukuna wanted to hit himself. that was not what he wanted to say. every interaction with you only has him looking like a fool in front of you

the reason behind... whatever this was, is him wanting to get closer to you. unlike a normal human being going hi youre nice lets be friends he threatened you to give your lunch to him

"you give me your lunch and ill give you mine!" sukuna rephrased

"wha- wait, your lunch?" your eyes sparkled

heh.. gotcha sukuna thought to himself. he baited you right there, he knew that you knew his lunch was prepared by 5 star chefs.

"hey but wait.. why are you doing this?" you inquired, raising an eyebrow

sukuna furrowed his brows at you, acting like you offended him "because i want to! a dumbass like you should feel honored to share lunch with me, you ungrateful idiot."

"omg is this the enemies to lovers turning arc.." you mumbled

"the fuck are you talking about?!"

"AAAH okay dont make such a ruckus," you looked around you to see people heavily interested in whatever was going on between you two. "fine, ill exchange lunch with you. but.." you paused for quite some time, creating suspense. even the janitor was now invested to see what was happening

"the movie effect you think you are having is not happening!" sukuna busted you

you scoffed. "bru- i bought lunch money today, as in i will buy food." you sassily replied

ugh

"fine," sukuna nodded his head, "tomorrow. me and you. exchange lunch. got it?" he threatened asked you again

"i cant tomorrow either..." you adverted your eyes with a heavy sigh

"AARGH why now??!!" he shaked your shoulders

"tomorrow is sunday!"

sukunas forehead popped a vein.

monday finally came. everything happened normally but the whole class- even the teachers and janitors were anticipating something

the lunch exchange event between ryomen sukuna and y/n.

everyone was peering at the the duo, not even trying to be discreet. it was okay though, sukuna was satisfied. this way everyone will know you are off limits

lunch bell finally rang. sukuna patted your shoulder and you looked at him with a huge smile. he wanted to squeeze his chest badly. he glared at you "i hope you didnt forget our promise you idiot."

"of course not!" you gave him a closed eye smile

"uhuh," as much as sukuna found your smile cute, he found it a little- what was the word you always say- sus

"we are having lunch here." he declared

"oh but i would suggest the rooftop,"

honestly sukuna would prefer that himself but he needed everyone to know that youre his

he cleared his throat, "no. here."

"well.. wherever you wish." you smiled again

everyone was intrigued to see what was gonna happen next. so students who originally planned to eat in the cafeteria or generally outside the classroom were still inside. there should be some witness in case sukuna decided to maul you for not making the lunch properly (they actually dgaf, just want to witness the tea). though you certainly dont look bothered at all

sukuna grabbed his chair and placed it in front of your desk. he then placed his lunch box, a bit larger sized than the usual in the desk "my lunch." he said proudly at your look of amazement

"oh wow, thats a lot.." you said amazed

"well," he smirked "for me its the usual but for a simpleton like you i guess this is probably grand."

"fine anyways! lets eat." you honestly couldnt care less about what he was bluffing about now that theres such a grand meal in front of you

sukuna smirked again at your excitement which he actually found cute. if only you were his girlfriend, he wouldve made sure that you eat food like this for breakfast and dinner too. which then made him annoyed how youre not his girlfriend yet and flick your forehead

"whaff???" you asked, mouth stuffed with onigiris

"idiot."

you rolled you eyes at him. he then proceeded to open the lunch you claimed to make. he could tell by the aroma that it tasted good. everyone held their breath in anticipation at what you could possibly make to appease the mighty ryomen sukuna, as he opened the lid of the lunch box slowly

the well known and strong, ryomen sukuna, whos known for his rough personality, intimidating aura and authoritative presence

one who everyone knows to steer clear away and not mess with

opened his lunch

that revealed

a hello kitty themed lunch.

with everything dyed pink.

sukuna gawked at you. everyone else's jaws were on the floor at your bravery- or stupidity. they were now planning a funeral for you

"what the fuck is this??!!"

"you dont like?" you held a sad expression. though sukuna could clearly see that you were holding your laugh. oh he figured you out, you were trying to humiliate him. he squinted his eyes at you. normally hed be fucking furious but now though

he was.. glad. this means you feel close to him right?

and he also refused to let you humiliate him. hes not gonna let you feel the satisfaction of embarrassing him

so he picked his chopsticks and ate the food you made, without breaking eye contact. like a man.

you were actually shocked. then laughed heartily "you absolute madlad!"

even though you didnt initially find him interesting, you couldnt deny the chad vibes he was radiating right now. being a fearsome delinquent and eating a cutesy lunch? what a chad.

"hurry up and eat your lunch!!" sukuna then proceeded to shove food in your mouth with his chopsticks

everyone still had yet to pick up their hanging jaws. what was happening to the world. not only sukuna ryomen was eating a pink themed lunch but also letting someone go scot free for laughing at him and feed her?? you were now talking about world domination and saving bees while he listened attentively. they couldnt believe it was actually him until he glared at them for staring so obviously

sukuna was now over the moon. not only was he eating lunch with you, he also made you laugh

"we should do this again sometimes," you gave him a genuine smile. sukunas eyes widened in glee

mission accomplished

[vonbabbitt]

i found the chiba loredrop i sent to my staff thirty years ago. enjoy

CHIBA!!!! so chiba was born in a pretty broke family as an only child. she was always a super peppy kid with a lot of energy and so she made friends pretty easily and generally had a good time. she got along with her dad but he wasnt super involved, mostly the type that sees child-rearing as a woman's job and left most of the work to chiba's mom while he did Guy Stuff like drink and watch tv and go to work and sometimes chat with his daughter! chibas mom was also very old-fashioned so she didnt mind because she had pretty much the same mindset! so she'd do the cooking and cleaning and raising chiba while her dad would just kinda go to work and hang around. they were mad broke. neither of her parents were SUPER affectionate towards her and her mom was a bit more focused with making sure she stayed out of trouble than making sure she was happy, so while she was allowed to go run around and be a kid, she wasnt really allowed to do anything that would get her super dirty or disturb her parents

when chiba was about four, her mom got this idea in her head that she would be a fantastic child actor (and it would also pull their family out of debt which would be great!) so she starts taking chiba to auditions and local theatre and trying to get her an agent and such and such. chibas not really into acting but she likes meeting all the new people and she likes playing pretend so she really doesnt mind! except soon the push for chiba to act starts working and she starts getting cast in stuff. shes cute and extroverted and energetic so of course shed be good in an instant noodle commercial or whatever tf. the point is that she starts getting work and starts appearing on tv! her family starts making a bit of money and her mom starts pushing HARD to get her into bigger roles. this means that she also starts getting a lot stricter. chiba gets pulled out of school because theres no time for school when she has to be on set. tutours only. her mom starts making sure she's always dressed well and her hair is always neat and shes always clean and tidy and most importantly, always smiling! because its cute and makes her look approachable and pleasant to work with!

so by the time chiba is six, the push is going well. shes getting minor roles in random shows here and there, usually as an extra or minor character, nothing super massive but its definitely something. shes honestly kind of over the whole thing by now though. she misses being at school and seeing her friends. she misses getting to go out and play whenever she wants. she does not really like acting! but money is coming in fast and offers are coming in fast and her mom is not ready to lose the good life quite yet. her dad doesnt really notice or care cuz hes not that involved. but chiba is starting to burn out and its starting to show in her performance. her mom does basically everything she can think of - shes taking her to extra acting classes, shes trying to bribe her with toys and gifts, shes scolding her for not being upbeat enough - nothing is really working for her, sooooooo

at age seven, chibas mom puts her on caffeine pills! its fine cuz theyre only caffeine its not like its meth or anything.......is chibas moms defence. but chiba starts taking caffeine pills to boost her performance and now shes back in action. shes usually pretty exhausted but the important part is that shes awake and shes peppy and shes acting. huzzah!

so chiba is getting more and more popular and shes ending up on a lot of TV shows, usually shows aimed at other kids, which she thinks is neat because its almost like shes talking to other kids again but not really but still! so shes doing a lot of television and her family is making BIG money now. they move to a very nice place in kyoto on chiba's dime and from there her career is allowed to REALLY skyrocket because shes basically living in the media capitol now. shes on set constantly, her face is everywhere and shes hustling hard. its around age nine that chiba starts getting a bit bigger (because. yknow, age) and her mom does not love that. if chibas entire appeal is that shes a little angel baby girl, how can she get bigger? shes gotta stay small! so this is where chibas mom has a super brilliant idea: chiba should start smoking! nicotine is an appetite suppressant and chiba needs to keep thin, so smoking it is! chiba ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HATES IT, which she expresses, but then her mom cries and starts going on about how horrible of a mother she is and chiba feels bad so THE SMOKING BEGINS.

when chiba gets to be about twelve, her career is in full swing and shes picked up her first regular sitcom role as a lead, which is huge news. her family is ROLLING in money now and theres no way theyre ever going to give that up so shes basically locked into the industry for life. the only problem is that......shes twelve! so now puberty begins! chiba realizes her body is starting to change and FLIPS THE FUCK OUT BECAUSE SHE NEEDS TO LOOK LIKE A KID FOREVER THATS HER ENTIRE APPEAL IN THE INDUSTRY. sooooooo

chiba starts taking diet pills! now on a steady diet of diet pills, caffeine and cigarettes, you can probably imagine that chibas doing just fkin fantastic! shes a good actor of course, so very little of this ever goes noticed by anyone, because she does a very good job of appearing cheerful and peppy and healthy! but the fact is that shes horribly, HORRIBLY malnourished and exhausted and suffering from a lot of physical and mental health problems. however, shes making a LOT of money, so her mom just keeps encouraging her to keep going and telling her how happy their family is now that they have money and crying every time chiba talks about wanting to quit until chiba feels guilty and backs down. huzzah!

chiba is basically dead inside by this point. she just feels empty and sad and hungry all the time. this is when she starts realizing that the world she gets to live in on her sitcom - happy mom, happy dad, two big brothers who love her, funny plots and family love and yadda yadda - is a lot more appealing than her actual life! so if she could just be that character in that world forever, wouldnt that be awesome? so thats basically what she does! chiba starts just kinda playing pretend all the time. shes a little girl! life is good as a little girl! shes happy as a little girl! nothing bad or scary ever happens to her on tv, so if she can be that person from tv, nothing bad or scary will ever happen to her in real life either! all those insecurities she has about her body? her huge huge fear of ever appearing adult or being looked at in an adult way? no problem! shes a little girl!

+5 years and then shes in the killing game

[ivysprophecy]

sharpest tools

warnings: dual POV HAHA so im not saying i know jj or that this is how he thinks or whatever im simply doing it for a change of pace and writing style, wanted to experiment a little so by all means if this isnt your thing pls keep scrolling. mentions of extreme anxiety, mentions of chronic pain meds, over the counter meds

word count: 2299

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masterlist

summary: after your fight blows out of proportion both you and jj are left wondering what just happened? and the poor pogues are caught in the crossfires trying to delegate and reunite the two idiots. because neither of them are the sharpest tools in the shed.

jj's pov

"jj... jj wake up," my eyes open enough to see someone crouching in front of me.

why the hell is sarah waking me up?

i move to sit up forgetting i slept in the hammock last night so i swing and struggle for a second before gaining my balance back.

"whats up?"

she hands me a water and some aspirin she snagged from the kitchen, from the looks of it no one else is awake. "just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"i appreciate it sar but im good. i swear," i take a swig of the water before swallowing the pain killers, "theres absolutely nothing wrong," because really i dont know that the fuck is wrong.

"im guessing you dont wanna talk about what happened last night?"

"honest to god sarah im not even sure what happened- that girl kissed me and before i could get her off me y/n swooped in and exploded."

sarah sits criss cross on the grass next to the hammock looking over at me with an odd look on her face.

"so you didnt mean to kiss her?"

"no- sarah i didnt kiss that girl i swear on my life. she was asking me a question about directions and all of a sudden shes got me pinned against the rocks. honest," i hold my hands up in surrender feeling interrogated, "i'd never do that to y/n"

"im not saying you would- its just that we didnt know until last night so... speaking of that. what the fuck was that about?"

everyone has so many questions and honestly i do too, i dont know half of the answers. feels like i wiped out and i cant find the shore.

i just wish she'd talk to me. like im sure if shed just let me get two words in i could reassure her but i dont know what shes thinking right now and its killing me.

i hate it. i hate that i caused this.

but in my defense it kinda feels like she blew it way out of proportion if she had just let me explain this whole thing would be okay.

"i just... i dont know sar- she had all this anxiety about relationships and whatever- i dont really get it but she said she wanted to keep it between the two of us. who was i to tell her no ya know? i just wanna be with her."

sarah just kinda looks at me with wide eyes.

"what?"

"youre like- down bad arent you? youre totally whipped."

"i wouldnt say that-" she interrupts me.

"jj maybanks got a girlfriend... this is headline news," she chuckles making me roll my eyes. i thought we were having a serious conversation, not that i try to have those often but i could use her advice on the subject.

"sarah seriously- what the hell do i do? i barely know what happened last night how am i supposed to fix what i dont know is fucked up?"

"well from the tid bit you told me? sounds like shes massively overthinking and just saw the wrong thing at the wrong time, and it just so happened to fit into her warped little nightmare."

what the fuck did she just say?

"so youre saying this is just all in her head?"

"no- well- kind of... from the sounds of it shes got a lot of anxiety and trust issues. shes probably trying to self sabotage the relationship."

i let out a frustrated sigh, "can you not talk like a therapist for a minute?"

"jj what im saying is you both dont know how to handle the situation. you need to talk to each other, have a real discussion not just scream in each others faces like last night."

"i tried to talk to her! she wouldnt listen!"

sarah lets out a laugh letting her head hang as her body shook from the laughter. pushing some hair out of her face she turns her body to face me more head on.

"jj- it was the heat of the moment and she was scared and upset. of course she wasnt going to listen... now that shes had time to cool off? you might have a better shot."

"but what if she doesnt believe me?" look i dont like admitting that i get a little insecure sometimes, but id rather do that than fuck my relationship with y/n.

because god ive been trying for so long i dont know what im gonna do if i lose her.

i really need to see her. "is she awake?"

"not yet i dont think... why? what are you gonna do?" i stand up running my hands through my untamed hair trying to wake up a little bit.

"im gonna try to make it up to her- make sure shes up by the time i get home. 'kay?"

"home? what the fuck are you talking about jj? where are you going?" sarah stands up as she sees me walking towards my bike. her voice raising so it will carry enough for me to hear.

"dont worry bout it!"

with those final words i take off down the dirt road...

readers pov

ugh. my head is pounding. i need excedrin.

god last night was a horrible combination for my chronic migraines.

i walk into the kitchen and see john b and pope huddled in the corner making shushing noises before turning around to face me.

"there she is!" i shove my hand in john bs face to shut him up.

"its nine am. wheres the medicine cabinet my head is throbbing." poor sweet pope hands me the bottle of pills and a cold water. god bless him. "thank you," i let out a whine as i tilt my head back to take the medicine. "sorry ive got a killer migraine."

"oh-" they exchange glances with one another before pope speaks up in a hushed tone, "go lay down- let the meds work. and drink your water."

i squint at him, seeing how nervous he is. he wants to say something. they both do.

is this headache bearable enough to get this conversation over with? technically yes. should i use it as an excuse to ignore everything? probably not...

"its okay. we can talk. i can tell you want to."

"thank god" jb expresses before pope hits him in the chest, which leads to john b throwing his arms up in defense "what? you said we needed to talk to her!"

"yea but not force her to!"

"guys- cmon its fine. really. i know its a lot so lets just get this over with. yes jj and i had been dating for a month. yes we didnt tell anyone on purpose, i didnt want the pressure. i dont know if he kissed that girl or not but i freaked out and just wanted to be alone. i didnt mean to hurt his feelings but i was obviously upset so i said things i didnt mean. there. happy?"

both the boys look at me with bug eyes, "a month?!" they exclaim together.

"my god- yes. a month. its really not a big deal-"

"yes it is y/n- thats a huge step for you and jj. i thought the whole casual thing would flame out. this is a huge commitment for the both of you," pope reminds me, as if i wasnt aware. i

i was simply trying to down play it to give myself a reason to care less, seems like thats not happening any time soon.

"what are you my doctor?"

"i think what pope is trying to say is... were a little worried about you y/n/n... what happened last night- you kinda flew off the handle."

i whip my head around so fast i get dizzy, grabbing the counter for stability.

"excuse me? i flew off the handle? jj was the one kissing other girls-"

"y/n i think deep down you know thats not true-"

"no- no you dont get to tell me im crazy and then tell me what im thinking- this is my relationship. this is exactly why i didnt wanna tell everyone because i knew youd all stick your noses in it. what happened is between me and jj. no one else."

pope reaches out to steady me seeing me sway a little, "woah- okay maybe we should put a pause in this convo-"

"im fine pope. i just dont see how this is anyones business."

"we're not saying its our business y/n/n, were just worried about you. youre not acting like yourself. you seem anxious, paranoid, you know- just not normal," pope pleaded with me, making me sit on one of the dining chairs.

"right-" john be interjected, "all were trying to point out is we all know jj would never ever put his whatever you wanna call it with you in jeopardy. hes whipped. theres no way he went and kissed another girl."

i see where theyre coming from. i really do. i want to believe it but there are too many things playing in my head that tell me otherwise.

on one hand, i know jj would never hurt me. not on purpose, and to cheat is definitely with a purpose. hes always reassured me that its just me and since we got serious he hasnt given me a reason to doubt him.

but on the other... just seeing her all over him is so hard to forget. it all happened so fast, i dont know how long theyd been kissing for, maybe i got there just as it happened or maybe itd been going on for a while i have no idea. too many factors.

"y/n if you listen to literally anything we say let it be that we know jj loves you," i look up at the curly haired boy whos basically grown to be my brother.

"thats a big word for elmo-"

pope runs a hand over his face with a sigh, "for the love of god be serious for a minute," 'theyre made for each other' he thinks to himself. "just hear him out. please. for some reason he loves you a lot-"

"hey!"

"-and if were speaking freely youre the one whos put all of this at stake because all the rest of know jj didnt kiss that girl. youre the only one who has doubts. so talk to him. please. were begging you."

"... 'we're?' youve all talked about this?"

"of course we have- it all unraveled in front of us what else did you expect? by the way i was supposed to tell you sarah is siked for you- maybe nows not the time," john be stops himself scratching the back of his head.

honestly it gets a giggle out of me.

"okay.. yea. ill talk to him. where is he? is he here?"

pope looks out the window in the front yard, where he can see sarah peeking in before moving out os sight to pretend she wasnt listening in.

"he was here- he slept outside last night. wanted to give you space since you both normally share the couch."

oh... thats- sweet.

fuck. maybe i am screwing all of this up.

"can i come in now??" i hear sarah yell from the other side of the door.

"get in here!" i raise my voice a little testing my headache, which ironically has somehow gotten a little better.

sarah walks through the door. letting out a rather dramatic sigh, "finally. sorry- jj got some big idea and left on his bike a few minutes ago. said to have y'n awake by the time he gets back so... i dont really know what to do now."

john b looks at his wife and i notice... its like how jj looks at me.

fuck.

fuck fuck fuck.

"do you know where he went??" i look at sarah with a begging tone and pleading tone.

she shakes her head "sorry honey bun," she teases with a smile. "but since weve got time... john b, pope, and i will go get some breakfast while we wait for jj to get back. you stay here- give you two some space to work it all out."

"what? no its fine- really you dont have to go..."

sarah walks up to me grabbing me by the shoulder with some stupid fucking grin like shes all knowing, "girl. youre gonna be fine. youll talk, kiss, and make up and be the happiest couple ever. it will be sickening, trust me id know. relax. it will be fine. you and jj will be able to work this out, im sure."

and with that john b grabs the keys to the twinkie heading out the door following wifes orders, with pope following in suit with an apologetic shrug.

sarah gives me a teasing kiss on the forehead, "well be back soon sweetie be safe."

"oh fuck off- bring back bacon and coffee please," she salutes me before walking outside with the boys.

"no one ever said she was the sharpest tool in the shed," john b quips as he steps into the twinkie with a sigh before turning the ignition.

pope hops in the back letting out a small laugh "yea thats for sure."

"neither of them are," sarah rebuts looking over at john b as they all laugh. "theyre both as sharp as a dull spoon"

"what the fuck did you just say?" jb looks over at her with a quizzical look on his face.

"just drive routledge."