#i wonder how your grades would be if u studied because its crazy that u can keep up without any/very minimal studying
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bfish · 2 months ago
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weirdsht · 3 years ago
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warning: a long ranting character analysis ahead. its a character analysis but i put my own personal experience in it hence why a rant. also my vocabulary sucks and i might use wrong words im sorry in advance difuhgopeihpgerty
not sure if this is because i'm a humanities student or its just i can relate because of what i realized while trying to find out about myself but i have some 2cents about Cale's personality.
everything happened late to Cale and that has a big impact on his beliefs and values
it was too late when he met the Soos and became freinds with them. it was too late when that grandma doted on him.
because from what i learned its hard to undo your mindset specially when it has been built up since you were young
consciously or unconsciously
from since he was young cale probably unconsciously concluded that he isn't worth that much and that things could always be worse than this
thats why as long as his alive that's good enough for him. even if his barely on the edge of living with his plate in shambles
like even though Jung Soo and Soo Hyuk and other people he has met later on showed him and tried to teach him that what his doing isnt okay. that he should have higher standards and not just settle for "at least i'm alive". they can't really reset years of accumulated mindset
basically what im saying is its nearly impossible to undo trauma guys
specially with what he went through during his childhood since childhoods always have a great affect in our lives
it doesn't matter if the treatment change or the one inflicting it is gone, once you get used to thinking like that it's hard to turn back y'know
idk how to explain so i'll give a personal example instead
my mom is an overachiever and is very intelligent, and as her child she also expect me to be the same or even surpass her, she's also someone who has a lot of trust issues specially in relationships
imagine that mixing and being projected lol
so for years its just her grilling me to do better. saying that i'm lazy and not putting enough effort on my studies because i can't maintain being a honor student, not realizing the fact fact that maybe, just maybe it's just that i'm not as smart as her. even her standards are crazy high, just passing isn't enough heck a passing grade is a fail for her (asian mom's amiright)
and that also became detrimental to my social life because she's always comparing. she also keeps engraving that they don't really care for me and such and u know the typical manipulation
but nowadays she's calmed downed a bit. she's more open about me having friends and she isn't as strict about me being an honorable student
did that change anything? not really lmaoo
because in the back of my mind i'm thinking that if i dont do well she's gonna have an outburst again, or if i tell her about my friends she's going to say all sorts of things again and i don't want to lonely again. and so the result is me being constantly on guard and her wondering why im hostile
i hope that explains how it greatly affect things
you bring those thoughts and beliefs with you even when you grow up. even when things get better. whether you realize it or not
its really just something you can't get rid of honestly
and that's what i think happened to cale
unknowingly getting the share of White Star's curse made him lose everything he loves and care for
his parents dying
his uncle abusing him
him getting abandoned
just the world falling in ruin
all those things probably made him unintentionally come to the conclusion that he isn't really worth much, and view things that other people would consider necessity, the basic necessities, a luxury
i'd like to believe that maybe he was slowly getting rid of that toxic mindset when he was with the Soos
then boom
they dead now
and so since that's what happened the one time he let his guard down his walls built up even more and his coping mechanisms got worse than they originally were
so probably thats why he acts the way he does when he finally became Cale
that's why this lovable mfer is so guarded, oblivious and so annoyingly dense
i just want for him to break out of it honestly. it wouldn't even matter to me if he realizes it or not. tbh him not realizing it is probably better. just accept the love being given to you damnit
and i thank you, thank you for coming to my ted talk HAHAHAHAHAHHASDGIUUSTPGW
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starryseung · 4 years ago
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𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒚 𝒌𝒊𝒅𝒔 𝒂𝒔 90'𝒔 𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒔 [ 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒏𝒂𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆 ]
𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒋𝒊𝒔𝒖𝒏𝒈
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I would travel thousands of miles just to be with you.
𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒎𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈
you and han might’ve met at school, through mutual friends
then of course the classic ‘mutual pining without you two realizing you’re falling for each other’ game until one of your friends point it out
and then on days he doesn’t have a busy schedule, he’ll walk you home from school
slowly it’ll be a habit, and you’ll grow closer and closer
sometimes unconsciously he’ll intertwine your fingers with his
sometimes when it’s raining / freezing cold he’ll give you his jacket
“no ji, you’ll freeze to death,”
“at least i’ll freeze to death for you,”
*winks*
𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒔
dates with jisung aren’t fixed at one spot
he loves showing you different places he discovered throughout the weekend
usually its the townside, because he loves watching nature and sunsets
also loves taking you through the woods (but only during broad daylight because he still hasn’t recovered from that werewolf story his friend told him in grade 2)
once you’ve reached your destination, he’ll laugh and jump up and down, kissing your hand and face a thousand times
but the journey towards the destination is literal hell
“y/n, i know men are supposed to carry women, but i’m pretty lightweight, and my legs might snap any moment now,”
“y/nnnn please gimme a piggy back ride up the hill i might faint”
“wow y/n i’m offended i don’t think you deserve all these awesome places i take you to,”
and when you glare at him, he’s a 180 flip, because you might just break his bones for choosing such a faraway location in the first place
“i-i mean you don’t deserve them because you’re so much prettier than them!”
𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒔
okay see kisses with jisung are always quick and short because even if you’ve shared these moments a hundred times, each of them still feels like the first one
but sometimes he takes his time, kissing your forehead, then your nose, then your cheeks, then skips your lips and moves down to your chin
but when you pout / whine he’ll chuckle softly and come back up to kiss you
so yeah kissing with jisung is very giggly and soft all the time
but otherwise, he’d never notice how soft and bubbly his cheeks are if it weren’t for you
you’re always kissing and pinching his cheeks (like you should!!)
and he won’t act like he doesn’t like it; he’ll laugh it off or reciprocate your love because he feels very loved around you and wouldn’t change it for the world or better.
thank you, y/n
𝒍𝒆𝒆 𝒇𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒙 
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I want to grow old with you.
𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒎𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈
you first meet him at the café he works!
initially it wouldn’t be much, just you hurriedly ordering your coffee and leaving
but then you’ll notice the small hearts he scribbles after your name on the cup, sometimes even going as far to write a lil “you’ll do great!” or “you look really sweet today”
so one day you decide to go to his café with your friend
and while leaving you slip in your number to him, but turns out this ball of sunshine is trying to slip in his number to you; so you have a new thing to laugh about
so yeah you start hanging out after his shifts, sometimes you wait for him to close the café for the day
“y/n you know you don’t have to wait for me tonight, it’ll get pretty late,”
“no lixie, i’d rather go home late with you than go home alone,”
but he knows you only wait for him so that you can eat all the donuts and cupcakes with him after his shift ends
but its a win-win for both of you, so he doesn’t mind :D
𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒔
so he knows it’s like top 10 anime betrayals to his workplace, but he loves taking you to pet cafés
one, because he loves animals
two, because you love animals
three, because he loves you playing around with these animals
“awh felix can we steal this one? it’s so cute,”
and he’s just laughing because you’re so c u t e
“i don’t think that’s allowed, y/n,”
but not gonna lie i bet he has tried sneaking out a dog for you, but he got caught by one of the workers there
“o-oh! when d-did this little guy fit into my j-jacket pocket!”
super adorable uwu
calls you angel and princess, while you’re calling him sunshine all the time
loves decorating your hair with flowers
oh! he loves braiding your hair too
like when you’re over at his place he’s always experimenting with your hair; doing little salon roleplays with you and prettying your hair
but sometimes when he’s tired from work he’ll let you braid his hair
also loves having matching outfits
before dating him you thought matching couple outfits were cliché and stupid, but after dating him, you realize how different they are
dating felix also means your fashion sense improves a lot👀
𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒔
felix, like hyunjin, has very kissable lips
he probably tastes like vanilla,plus he’s a great kisser
you’re wondering where he learnt all that from
making out with felix happens every other day, but its usually in bed with him on top of you while you guys are watching some movie / playing video games
also he’ll probably end up sleeping like that as you two slowly get tired
his face on your chest / on your shoulders and hands tight around your waist
this boy really loves you okay you better not make him sad >:(
𝒌𝒊𝒎 𝒔𝒆𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒎𝒊𝒏 
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You complete me.
𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒎𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈
at! the!! library!!!
you’re trying to pick a book from the second-to-top shelf, but since the universe decided to give you the most inconvenient height possible, here you are, contemplating if you should just drop the whole shelf down to get that book
but thankfully, seungmin is to the rescue!
he’ll smile and wordlessly take the book and hand it down to you
everyday its the same story; there’s a book that you really like, but its too far for you, but slowly you don’t mind because somehow seungmin is always there around at the same time to take that book for you
one day he decides to take initiative, but realizes he’s a coward and can’t do shit
so he’s over the moon when you come and sit next to him
“hey, i’m sorry for the trouble, but uhh i need some help with this assignment…”
and of course he’s there to help you! he’ll clarify where you need him to and explain you better than ever
slowly interactions increase and before you know it, you’re lying on your stomach on his bed with your legs dangling in the air as you two have your noses in a book
you learn more and more about each other, ultimately to the point where you know better about each other than about yourselves
𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒔
initially when you two have just started dating, there would be study dates at the café down your block
but later you two take each other out on weekends, sometimes to the movies, sometimes to the town fair.
ahh but when dates are at the fair… >:)
let’s assume seungmin doesn’t have good experiences with rides
so naturally you will… take him to the rides only mwahaha
“y/n do you not love me? why are you doing this,”
you’re just evil laughing, you sadist
dates for seung-y/n are just sleepovers at each others house
he’s laughing like crazy when you’re messing shit up
“seungmin can you help me i’m stuck in this shirt,”
seungmin: proceeds to laugh for the next ten minutes at your contortionist-self
now unlike changbin, seungmin will not show you off to his friends
he doesn’t like the concept of ‘claiming you’, but he doesn’t like sharing you either.
“hey, isn’t that too revealing for a party?”
“seungmin? its a knee length skirt??”
𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒔
kisses = pecks on the lips / cheeks
you’re simply cooking / studying and he’ll wrap his hands around your waist from behind and rest his head on your shoulder
“what is my y/n doinggg?”
and he’ll kiss your cheek
sometimes leans forward to kiss you on your lips too
but in general kisses are soft
he’ll have a hand on your stomach, one on the back of your neck to rub smooth comforting circles
to be honest your relationship is more like best friends because you’re just always there for each other and can talk about the most stupidest things openly
you: “you know i’ve heard stars are all our forefathers looking down at us,”
seung: “really? i though they were just balls of gas though,”
you: “nah, i don’t think that’s true,”
𝒚𝒂𝒏𝒈 𝒋𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒏
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I love everything there is to love about you.
𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒎𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈
he moved in the same neighbourhood as yours, and since he was the only person around your age (and the only normal one your age), you had to be friends with him
you two meet up every evening at the neighbourhood park, and he doesn’t really mind your company, especially when you bring you little brother with you
“awh, is that your little brother? he’s so cute!”
“yeah, he is; thanks!”
“he looks nothing like you!”
he’s initially very shy to talk to you
but when he realizes how cool your personality is (and how pretty you are🤭)
he’s knocking at your door everyday to take you and your little brother to the park
he always buys you ice cream though, and somehow it’s always the flavour you like
“oh thanks jeo— ah i don’t like this flavour” :(
“don’t worry y/n! i’ll get you another one!”
𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒔
homeboi is very shy
the fact that he’s dating the perfect person for him (!!!) is enough for butterflies and grasshoppers and bees and dinosaurs to fly in his stomach
he gets really fidgety, but he feels a little nervous thinking about the fact that most of the ‘firsts’ in your relationship are celebrated by you; first ‘kiss’ (to which he held your hand home, then went to his house to dolphin scream into his pillows), first ‘date’ (in which you took him out to the beach to watch the sunset and have snacks) and first ‘one month’ (where you took him out to an expensive restaurant, even when he refused a couple billion times)
phew that was a long point
so he decided to celebrate your first ‘out-of-town trip’, where he drove you all the way to a cherry blossom forest
he also took a thousand pictures of you, coming back home to print one of them and safely put it in his wallet
he feels every small moment spent with you so endearing, he finds himself smiling randomly
𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒔
as previously mentioned, your first kiss was initiated by you; you two were walking home from the neighbourhood park like always, and jeongin had carried your brother in his arms, playing with him
you couldn’t stop thinking about how your first kiss would be, and so when he dropped you off to your house, you simply had to kiss him
he puts your brother down, waving him goodbye, and just when he’s about to say his farewells to you, you instantly peck his lips, after which both your eyes were wide is plates
“i-i’m sorry i should've—”
“ah no it’s okay, uh,” he scratches his neck, biting his lip to control his smile
and you simply chuckle at his cuteness, muttering a small ‘bye’ and ‘love you’ before going into your house
and the way his face changes once he’s out of your sight is just— *chef’s kiss*
he’s running home, and when his brothers ask him what happened, he’s just ignoring them and goes to his room to scream and laugh his heart out into the sheets
his family thinks he’s insane by now, but of course! he’s in love!
plus that with the cutest person in the whole world!
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a/n; and it’s finally up! it didn’t take me long to write this because the ideas just came flooding in sdfkhsdjk but thank you so much for your feedback for hyung line! also!!! this is the only two fics which do not have a read more cut because I’m using a mobile device for posting these,, sorry🙈
note; credits to @neocult-icons​ @chnsbbg @district9edits @skzicons for the pictures!!
taglist; @hyukminie @cherryeol04 @lomlminho @bruh-changbin @yooniversalstudios @ann0325441904 @yourdaddychan @mahalau​ (message me if you want to be added!)
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liberty-barnes · 5 years ago
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Done Wondering
Jock!Tom Holland x Female!Reader
Highschool AU
@danicarosaline requested: Hi pretty!! i saw your requests are open so may i please request a jock Tom x reader! Tom is a big softy and the captain of his football team and reader is a tough ‘not taking shits from anybody’ type of person? Like Tom gets in an argument with a team mate and he’s being all nice and calm about it but reader thinks his team mate deserves a good punch in the face so she punches him and it shocks the entire team and Tom himself even though he expected it!!
Warnings: F L U F F, not sure that the football talk is 100% accurate, all I know about American football is that Tom Brady's a quarterback, their jerseys are cool and apparently I'm supposed to cheer for the Pats? (yeah, that's my dad's fault), B99 references (i fucking love that show), cursing, a bit of violence ig
Word Count: 2.3k words (why can i not write short things?)
Estimated Reading Time: 9 minutes
A/N: so sorry it took so long to get this out! also, i got waaaaaay to invested in this... oopsie
Masterlist
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You ran across the field as people all around you celebrated with only one goal in mind: kiss your boyfriend.
You and Tom had been dating for almost seven months now, to many people's surprise. The entire school thought you'd be together for a week tops, but you surpassed all their expectations by becoming the longest standing couple in junior year (not that it was hard, high schoolers change partners like discardable gloves). 
Tom was one of Sunset High's best and brightest, loved by the teachers, captain of the football team, and the object of many's affection.
You, however, were nothing like that. You hated sports (everyone knows art's better anyway), social interactions were your personal little slice of hell, and everyone was too scared to approach you since you threatened to gut Charles after he accidentally forgot to give you back your pencil.
All in all, there was no way you two could stay together.
There was no way you could even make a friendship work, let alone a romantic relationship.
But then there was that fateful summer night...
Your mind ran at a thousand miles an hour as you rocked in the park's nest swing. The stars looming over you were the only thing keeping you from spiraling, and after an hour of watching them, the peace in your mind was crumbling.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there."
You sat up on the swing and looked to your right where stood a sheepish-looking Tom.
"It's okay, I should probably leave anyway..."
"No! I mean, it's okay, you were here first I didn't mean to disturb you."
You cast your eyes down until he spoke again.
"You go to my school, right? (Y/n)? We were in the same English class in freshman year."
"Yeah, I think so... I'm surprised you remember me, we didn't have any classes together last year..."
He huffed out a laugh and leaned against the support beam, hands in his pockets.
"It's kinda hard to forget someone like you. You stood up to the teacher on the first day after he yelled at a kid and spent the next year having actual coherent debates about the books that most of the class never even read, let alone understood. You're kind of amazing."
You ducked your head once more to try to cover the blush on your cheeks, biting your lip.
"Thanks."
He nodded and took a deep breath, then sat in front of you and pushed so the swing was rocking softly, always catching it before it hit his face.
You giggled a bit and sat criss-cross applesauce, back straight, your mother's words permanently etched into your brain.
"So, what are you doing alone in the town's most secluded park at midnight?"
"Oh, you know, questioning my life choices, freaking out because in three weeks we're going back to school while simultaneously feeling stir crazy after having nothing cool to do all summer, regretting ever being born, the usual. What about you?"
"Getting crushed by everyone's expectations, feeling constricted cause I have to set a good example for my little brothers, freaking out cause I have no idea what I want to do with my life, the usual."
A comfortable silence settled between you.
"Do our lives really suck or is it just the teenagers in us that dramatize everything?"
He huffed out a laugh.
"I don't know, tell me your story and I'll let you know."
You scooched to the side and patted the now empty spot on the too-small swing so he could lay down next to you. Looking at the stars seemed like a better idea than looking at him.
"I never really liked school, people are jerks, cafeteria food is disgusting at best, I have no friends -not that I care about that, I'm better off alone. Still, it's better than being home. When my father isn't working in his study, he's berating me about getting better grades, even though I'm a straight-A student, not that he cares enough to actually know that. My mother's usually either gossiping with her other rich friends or telling me to correct my posture, dress better, act like a lady, it's infuriating...
"My older brother, the only person in that family that I genuinely like, left for MIT today, so I guess I'm just now realizing that I'm really... alone. I'll have to suffer through my father's lectures about getting high grades and act like someone I'm not so my mother doesn't take away everything I love until I "learn to act like a respectable woman". Jake used to get them to lay off me, but now he's not here. Sometimes I wonder why they even adopted me if I'm such a bad daughter. It just sucks."
You felt his hand twitch next to yours and his eyes on your face.
"Your turn."
He took a shuddering breath before speaking.
"My parents are amazing, they really are, they only want what's best for me, but sometimes it's a little much. They constantly remind me of going to training, doing my homework, studying for tests, and even though they always say it's okay, I see the disappointment in their eyes when my grades lower even by a single point.
"My little brothers look up to me a lot, and they're always telling me how much they want to be just like me when they grow up. I know they mean it in the best possible way, but it's just that much more pressure. I just... feel the need to always be the best at everything. The best football player, the best captain, the best student, the kindest person in that school, most helpful... it's all a bit much."
This time, it was you who were looking at his profile while he gazed at the stars.
"It's okay to feel overwhelmed, Tom. It doesn't matter that they have the best intentions, they're still putting too much pressure on you and you deserve the chance to relax."
He turned towards you and for the first time that night, you realized just how close you were.
"You're not a bad daughter just because you have different interests. I, for one, think you are a strong and independent woman who doesn't need to change because of some mere peasants. You're a queen... You deserve someone that'll treat you as one."
Your breath caught in your throat as you locked eyes with him.
"Wanna make a deal?"
You nodded tentatively, though at this point you'd probably agree to murder someone as long as he kept looking at you that way.
"I'll be your friend, give you something to do whenever you need it, save you from your asshole parents and remind you of just how awesome you are every day..."
"And in return?"
"And in return, you'll say stuff like what you said before when I get too stuck in my head, save me from my so-called friends when they're being jerks, and come to every practice with me so you have something to do and I have someone to make silly faces at."
"I'm pretty sure there are a thousand girls in that school that would kill to have you make silly faces at them."
"Maybe so, but they aren't you. A lock of your hair is worth more than all of them combined."
You bit your lip and smiled.
"Okay."
"Cool."
"Cool."
He pecked you softly on the lips before he lost his nerve, quick and fleeting, feather-light but strong enough to leave fires in its wake. You pulled him back and gave him a slightly longer kiss before setting your head on his shoulder and going back to stargazing, now with someone to keep you company.
Three weeks later, you walked into school hand in hand and haven't let go since.
"Tommy!"
You jumped into his arms, ignoring the smell of sweat and how it would probably cling to your clothes.
"You did so good baby!"
He kissed you straight on the lips, not minding his teammate's wolf-whistles, having grown used to them already.
"I had a pretty good motivation."
"Oh?"
"Mm-hm, my girl told me she'd bake me cookies if I won this match, and I really like her cookies."
"Sounds like you have a great girlfriend."
"The best."
You kissed him again and he smiled when he felt the fabric of his spare jersey adorning your figure.
"Yo, Holland!"
You forced apart by Teddy's call, one of the newer players. Since you went to every single practice, you knew that Teddy was being an ass lately, always wanting the glory, never passing the ball to his teammates. If it weren't for Tom's skill as captain of the team, he would've cost them most matches, including this one.
"Why didn't you pass me the ball?"
"Pardon?"
"That last play, I was free and you passed the ball to Harrison even though he almost lost it. You should have passed it to me, we almost lost because you want to make your useless bestie feel included!"
"Johnson was closing in on you, if I'd passed it to you, we would have lost for sure. Passing it to Harrison bought me the time I needed to get out of danger. It was purely strategical, you would know that if you paid attention to your teammates instead of playing all on your own. Haz is an amazing player and I don't treat him differently just because he's my best friend. I'd like you to apologize to him, please, it's not kind to insult your teammates."
You admired the fact that he managed to remain calm and collected throughout the whole conversation, looking like the embodiment of 'I'm not mad, I'm disappointed'. You, however, were not having such an easy time keeping your cool, hands firmly clenched at your side.
"The hell it was! You just feel threatened by me because you'll never be as good as me, so you never pass me the ball, it's ridiculous!"
"Okay, buddy, you need to back the hell off and close your mouth before I punch it shut."
His eyes flickered to you and he rose a brow mockingly.
"Oh, your little slut's standing up for you know? I always knew you were a chicken, guess my theory's been pro-"
You cut him off with a punch to the nose, smiling when you heard the satisfying crack of his bones and his howls of pain.
A collective 'ooh' came from the crowd, and they took a few steps back (excluding Tom of course, who was only looking at you with wide eyes).
"What the fuck?"
"I warned you, didn't I?"
You smirked evilly as Teddy was pulled away by the coach to check his injury.
"You're a bitch!"
"Baddest of them all, sweetheart. Have a fun time at the hospital!"
The whole crowd had gone silent by the time you turned back around, seemingly satisfied with your vengeance.
"What?"
You tilted your head in confusion at the awestruck looks on the team's faces.
"You broke his nose!"
"Uh-huh."
"With just your hand."
"Uh-huh."
"Since when are you so violent?"
You were actually kind of offended at that.
"I know that I bring you guys snacks after practice, but do none of you hear when I threaten other people? It's a daily occurrence."
The rubbed their necks sheepishly.
"Well, you see..."
Haz started, seemingly measuring his words.
"You're kind of like Rosa from Brooklyn Nine-Nine. No one actually knows what you're capable of, no one thinks you'd actually kill someone, but we're also kind of too scared to test you, so we just... wonder."
"Well, when you're done wondering, go take a shower so we can go celebrate, I'm hungry."
They all scrambled away in a chorus of 'yes ma'am' before you turned back to Tom with a smile on your face.
"You didn't have to punch him, you know?"
"Yeah, but I've been wanting to for weeks now."
He huffed out a laugh and kissed your forehead.
"How're your knuckles?"
"A bit sore, but I'm pretty sure that if we put some ice it'll be good, the rings took most of the impact."
You wiggled your hand, showing off the array of rings covering your fingers in what you deemed to be an aesthetically pleasing way.
"I love you, babygirl."
You kissed him, smiling into his lips.
"I love you too. Now go, shower!"
You patted his butt and laughed at the look he threw you, standing next to the field while you waited for them to get out.
Their coach came to stand next to you and you smiled at him, having taken a liking for him. He was a good teacher and treated the team well.
"Coach Jeffords."
"(Y/n)."
"What's the verdict?"
"Nurse says it's broken but we'll only know the full extent of his injuries after he gets examined at the ER. He's on his way there as we speak."
You nodded.
"You'll be pleased to know that he's been taken off the team and suspended for a week for unruly behavior. His parents aren't going to press charges since they feel it's deserved."
You smirked evilly.
"I'd advise you to watch out for Pembroke. He's starting to become a nuisance. If he keeps it up, he might be next."
He nodded, fighting back his smile even though you knew damn well he agreed.
"I'll do my best."
"And I'll do mine."
"(Y/n)! Ready to go?"
You nodded in goodbye at the coach and walked over to a freshly showered Tom, interlacing your fingers.
"Always."
«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»
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miioouu · 5 years ago
Text
I'm going to teach you something else…
Ok so ever since I finished that Asahi fic, I can't stop thinking about the love of my life, the reason I'm still alive, the one I think of when I wake up, and the last person on my mind before I go to bed…. Shiraboo baby 🥺🥺
Warning: smut…
tags: @tsukkismamagucci @ahegaobaku
      Studying was never your forte. You were more of a "yeah I'll read my notes one night before the test and hope that I'll do decent" kind of person. But now that you've graduated school, and you're in university, you have to do better. Just laying around and looking at your textbook, calling it revising when in reality you were probably thinking about something else, isn't going to cut it. That's why you decided to look for a tutor. Searching around and asking friends, they all recommended the same person: Shirabu Kenjiro. While you've heard some… interesting things about him, you never thought he'd agree to help you out. Well he didn't. It took you approximately two weeks to get him to do it. Two weeks of begging and pleading, of puppy eyes and promises. Though it was all worth it for he finally accepted.
        It's already been quite a while since he's been helping you, and you can already see the improvement it had on your grades. Seriously, this guy is a genius, no wonder why everyone is so obsessed with him. It's been quite a while since the two of you meet up regularly, either at the library, or the cafe, either at your dorm room or his. No matter the location he always seemed so tense, so uncomfortable, but you just figured out that it was only his personality, nothing to do with you.
     It was another friday, meaning another study session. And because of the awful weather, you decided to hold it at his place. Walking in the cold air, pushing through big drops of water, once you reached your destination, you were soaking wet. It was your fault after all, you should've brought an umbrella with you. Knocking at his door with a shaky fist, you were begging him internally to move faster for you were freezing. Opening the door, he was met with your soaking form. His orbs couldn't leave your see-through shirt, hard nipples poking through that he just wants to suck in his mouth. Though he was quick to shake this idea off and scold you for walking in the rain. Inviting you inside his room finally, he grabbed you a towel and one of his shirts for you to change in. Entering his bathroom, you couldn't help but feel a bit unease, like you were violating his private life. But at the same time, your thighs were rubbing together as the scent of his perfume still left on his top hit your nose, your mind going blank and yet wild at the feeling of the soft cotton on your skin. You knew you shouldn't stay inside too long but you needed a minute to calm down.
       Back in his room, your study session went normally, except for the weird tension around you that only grew stronger whenever your hands accidentally touched, or your knees made contact. Sending butterflies to your stomach, sending heat right through your core. Somehow, you found yourself sitting closer to him, you found yourself not focusing on his words but more on his voice, the way his arms flex whenever they reached for something, the way his abs got slightly exposed whenever he stretched to get more comfortable, the way the bulge in his pants seem to grow bigger as studying approached its end. And honestly, Shirabu wasn't doing any better. Finding himself losing his words, stuttering and confused. Finding himself staring at your naked legs poking from his shirt, wishing it would ride a little bit higher so he could see more. The way the curve of your ass showed just the tiniest bit when you moved around to get a much more comfortable position, the way your chest heaved with lust and horniness, he could tell, he was feeling the sexual tension getting thicker. And maybe that's the reason his control got lost. His body's been begging him to get as close to you as possible for the last weeks that he's been tutoring. His mind had been going wild every night ever since he started teaching you. And, according to his body moving on its own, it's time to do something about it.
       Leaning up, chest so close to touch the table as you tried to reach for your glass of water on the opposite side, shirt riding up exposing so much of your thighs but not enough for Shirabu's satisfaction. So his hand, having a mind on its own, lifted your, well his, shirt up revealing your panties. Simple black lacy thong, wet from either the heavy rain or your own imagination, he doesn't know. Cold finger pushing the cotton fabric up, ghosting over your skin seeing goosebumps in their trail. "Shi-Shirabu! What do you think you're doing?" As harsh and demanding as you wanted to sound, you failed. Instead sounding desperate, needy, and your hips bucking back trying to get as close to him as possible, wasn't particularly helping. "Tutoring you… But this time, I'm going to teach you something else." His hands placed on your hips, pushing you down and forcing your chest to hit the cold surface of the table. Standing behind you, hard cock pressing on your folds, on the clearly wet spot of your panties and grinding hard. Your hips rolling back, your blood boiling up with desire as your hands were searching for something, anything to keep your grounded to reality. Though with the immense pleasure radiating from Kenjiro, your mind's slowly slipping from sanity and descending to lust-crazy state. With a tight grip in your underwear, he pushed them aside, and digits delving in your heat. Moaning at the sudden movement, your limbs grew weak as your entire body leaned on the table. Incoherent words leaving your mouth, but a begging tone can be heard. Twisting and thrusting his fingers in and out of you, he couldn't believe how wet you were and he hasn't even done anything yet. So wet, your juices were flowing down your thighs, dripping on the floor creating a puddle underneath you. A low whistle broke the silence in the air, silence mixed with whimpers from your part, Shirabu pulled away.
       Taking off his shirt, revealing toned chest, flexing muscles, a sight to drool over. And you did. You couldn't keep your hands to yourself, you'd be lying if you said you never found the boy hot. His harsh attitude, his stern look always made you dream, wish he was between your legs. Nails digging in his flesh as you straddle him. Still feeling his aching cock confined in his trousers, rubbing against your sweet bundle of pleasure. His hands on either side of your body, running up and down, sending little electric waves through your system. His lips working on your neck, blues and reds and purples mixing all together to make a sensual masterpiece. It was all becoming too much, too overwhelming, even when nothing is happening. Getting up, and pulling his shirt away, sliding your panties down, a string of arousal connecting the lace to your cunt. Slowly approaching him, like a lion approaching a prey, your eyes never leaving his, full of desire and passion, of secrecy you'll keep for yourself for the time being, only to reveal it when you're close enough. Unbuttoning his jeans, pulling them down and his boxers in one swift movement, finally freeing his dick from the cage. Dropping down to your knees, hand wrapped around his thick, long shaft, pumping it. And needing a little bit more slick, your fingers left his dick, traveled down your body dipping into your wet folds only to come back to jerk Kenjiro off. Head fell back, eyes shut close and chest heaving, yet not getting exactly what he needed. Blindly thrusting up, his digits entangling in your locks, pushing your head down to have his dick rubbing against your mouth. Pink and swollen, you parted your lips, taking him in. Slowly, painfully slow, taking inch by inch, shallow sucking and when he had the audacity to buckle up, you didn't hesitate to use your teeth. Finally all the way in, head hitting the back of your throat, tears running down your cheeks, you took your sweet time to suck him off. Taking to long, which displeased him, holding your head tight and steady, thrusting his hips up, face fucking you in a brutal pace.
     He didn't cum, not so easily. He pulled off just before he reached his climax, teasing himself, and pulled you up to your feet. Grabbing your waist and pulling you close, so you can straddle him again. Though this time, no barrier to stop you from feeling him. Thick vein rubbing right along your clit, eyes rolling so far back up your skull, you swear you can see your brains. And when you were enjoying his little teasing way too much, Shirabu decided to get to the goal. In one swift motion, he pushed through your folds , relishing in the way your inner wall clenched in shock around him. Relishing in the sound that left your mouth. A breathy gasp of his name rolling off your tongue, making him lose all control, all sanity and he started off a fast pace. Your hips meeting his, bouncing up and down his length, nails digging in his shoulders creating bloody red half moons as your teeth found purchase in the crook of his neck, biting to stop your loud moans, sucking to prevent him from hearing his name. Which obviously upset him. Standing up and yet still connected to you, only pulling away a second to flip you over. You found yourself in your very first position from earlier, pressed against the table. Chest and face moving back and forth with every single one of his thrust. One of his hand keeping your hips up, fingers tight around your skin leaving bruises for sure. As the other one lifting in the air every so often, only to come down on your ass with a smack. The intensity in his movements launching you forward, making books and pens around your body fly around, rolling off the surface and onto the floor. With each roll of his hips, his head is kissing your cervix, drool dripping down your chin and incomprehensible words leaving your mouth, nothing can be understood other than his name being yelled ever so passionately. It took him a few more in and out of his length for you to reach your never ending state of pleasure, cuming down on his dick, walls fluttering around him, milking him for all his seed, making him reach climax too. Spilling inside you, covering your inner walls white, only for his cum to ooze out when he finally pulled away from riding out your high, covering your inner thighs and dripping on the table.
     It took you a while to regain consciousness, to breathe normally again. Your body completely drained out, exhausted from the "tutoring" and yet a smile stretched on your face. Approaching him again, hand playing with his hair as your naked, sweaty chest pressed up to his. Lips mere inches away from his ear, kissing his cheek and going all the way down to his lips, capturing them in a kiss, soft and sweet at the beginning, only to turn heated a couple of seconds. "Kenjiro, I don't think I understood this chapter very well, could you maybe…. Explain it a few times again?"
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today-we-will-survive · 6 years ago
Text
meet me in the tree house
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Moodboard made by @snowflakeu25
BTS au-imagine
Yoongi x Reader Y/N
fluff, romance
Word Count: 3.5K
A/N: This was a request from @snowflakeu25 💜
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Three knocks on his studio door.
A gruff voice, muffled by the walls enters your ears and you twist the knob and push into the room with your hip since your other hand is preoccupied carrying a shallow box of takeout containers. A boy sits in a computer chair facing a mountain of recording equipment. Speakers jut from the two corners of the ceiling. Three large monitors sit atop the mountain, an expanse of panels, keyboards, knobs and sliders filling the valley below. At the sound of you entering the room, he turns around, his mouth twitching into a quick smirk before his eyes fall to the food in your hands.
“Hey,” you say.
“Hey,” Yoongi replies spinning around fully to face the coffee table as you set the box down on its surface.
“Working hard?” you ask and take a seat on the leather couch that sits adjacent to him.
Yoongi stretches, arching his back and raising his arms in the air with a groan. “Always,” he says. “Chinese?”
“You know it.”
The two of you are quiet for a while as you work at getting all of the take out containers open and onto the coffee table. Then you pass him a pair of chopsticks before taking your own pair and grabbing the closest container. You’ve watched Yoongi become a big time producer, his songs winning award after award. You’ve seen him on tv, standing on stages, making speeches, wearing designer clothes and being adored by people that don’t know him.
Yet every Wednesday, you come to Bighit, the security guard giving you a smile and a nod of recognition and you take the elevator up to the fourth floor, carrying take out, walk down that hallway lined with albums that have gone gold and platinum before reaching the studio. And there you find him, in his baggy sweats and baggy shirt, sometimes a beanie to keep his hair out of his eyes and he’d turn and greet you with that same tired smile. He’s never treated you different. He’s never let the fame get to him. Probably because he knows how far of a fall it would be back to the bottom where he started if he were to let it all go to his head.
You moved to the city not long after Yoongi got the job at Bighit. The two of you have been best friends since you were in fourth grade, when he moved into the house next door to yours. He had a tree house in his backyard that you had been eying for a while and when his mom had forced him to come over and ask you to play, you’d been ecstatic to finally be able to see the inside of it. It was as cool as you’d thought it would be, and that was where you’d spend a lot of late nights during the summer.
As you got older, the tree house transformed from a playhouse to a safe house. If your parents were fighting or lashing out at you, you’d send a quick text to him asking him to meet you there. And by the time you climbed up the rope ladder, the hatch would already be open and Yoongi would be waiting for you, his ears open to listen or his arms open to hold you, whichever you needed. Usually, it was both.
Once he moved away after college, there wasn’t much left for you in your small town, so you followed him, getting a job in the city and hanging out whenever he was free. Which wasn’t as often lately.
“So what have you been working on?” you ask before shoving a piece of orange chicken into your mouth.
Yoongi perks up, swallowing his mouthful of food before spinning to face his desk again. “Tell me what you think of this. Then with a couple clicks of his mouse and a press of a button on one of his keyboards, the room fills with music.
You close your eyes so you’re not distracted by anything and listen to the steady rhythm as it builds. After a few measures, Yoongi’s familiar voice starts in, delivering the deep lyrics he’s become so well-known for. You can feel the smile spreading your mouth as you listen, your head automatically bobbing to the beat. You’re really enjoying the song when suddenly it cuts off and you open your eyes to find Yoongi looking at you, his hand poised on his keyboard. You frown.
“What did you stop it for?”
“I just wanted to give you a sneak peek. You can’t hear the whole song until the mixtape is done.”
“Mixtape?” you ask as your smile returns.
Yoongi smiles back and looks down at his hands shyly. “By the way, I’m making a mixtape.
You let out an excited squeal, reaching out to hit his arm over and over, his smile growing bigger with every hit. “Are you serious?” you finally ask when he’s rolled out of your reach. “You’ve been wanting to do a mixtape forever!”
“Yeah,” he chuckles and scratches the back of his neck. “Yeah, I’ve finally gotten some time to work on it so I’ve been kind of messing around, writing some stuff.”
You pick up the container of pork fried rice, poking at it as you shake your head. “I’m really excited for you, Yoongi. It’s going to be amazing.”
“I hope.”
“It will be,” you say. “You’re crazy talented.”
Just then you feel your phone vibrate in your back pocket and when you reach for it and look at the screen, you can’t help but smile. The room is silent as you type a response to the message you received.
“Who has the audacity to interrupt our Wednesday night dinner?” Yoongi asks jokingly as he wheels back over and swipes a container off of the coffee table.
You send the message and set your phone onto the table before taking another bite of rice. “Just a guy I’ve been talking to,” you say. “Sorry.”
Yoongi blinks, obviously caught off guard by your response. “Oh, no, it’s okay. I didn’t know you were talking to someone.”
“Yeah,” you say with a shy smile. “I met him at a party last weekend and, I don’t know. We got to talking and now we’ve been texting each other a bit.”
Yoonig lets out a grunt, suddenly very interested in the container he’s holding.
“I don’t know,” you say again. “I think I’m finally in a place to start wanting to date again…you know, after everything that happened with—”
“Y/N,” Yoongi says cutting you off. “It’s okay. You don’t have to talk about him. I’m glad you’re able to move on now. I’m happy for you.”
You tilt your head as you study your best friend. His words sound genuine but the sentiment doesn’t seem to reach his eyes. “Thanks,” you utter. You hear your phone vibrate against the coffee table and you watch as Yoongi’s gaze falls to it for a split second before focusing back on poking his chopstick into his food.
*
*
Y/N: So Chinese again tonight or something different?
Yoongi: Ive got a lot of work to do tonight. I dont think I can hang out.
Y/N: Oh ok. See u next week then?
Yoongi: Sure.
*
*
Y/N: Hey, did u want to go out tonight instead of me bringing something? Theres a new ramen place I wanted to try.
Yoongi: cant hang out tonight. Busy.
Y/N: …ok. Next week then? I miss u.
Yoongi: Sure.
*
*
Y/N: ok. Im kidnapping u tmrrw night. I kno u dont rlly like going anywhere on Wednesday nights since u hav to work but we havnt hung out in like 3 weeks and I want to take u to see this new horror movie with me. And I kno that telling u Im kidnapping u kind of negates the whole “kidnapping” thing but I kno u dont like surprises.
Yoongi: cant.
Y/N:…really?
Yoongi: Sorry. I have to work.
Y/N: man…ur working a lot lately, arnt u?
Yoongi: its my job, Y/N. Maybe next week.
Y/N: Next week Im going to be back home to visit some family.
Yoongi: oh ok.
Y/N: Whatever, Yoongi. If u dont want to hang out anymor, just say it.
Y/N: Or dont. Whatever.
*
*
Yoongi: hey
Yoongi: Y/N
Yoongi: I know ur mad at me but please respond.
Yoongi: Y/N I was just being an idiot.
Yoongi: Y/N
Yoongi: Please talk to me.
Yoongi: look, I kno ur reading my texts and I kno u probably wont respond but if u end up seeing this, please meet me in the tree house in like twenty minutes. Alright? Thats where Ill be. I need to talk to u.
*
“The tree house?” you utter as you re-read his last text. As in the one at his parent’s house? The one that’s over an hour away from the city the two of you live in now?
You’re at a family dinner at the moment but you’ve all already eaten and now your parents are just talking to your aunt and uncle and though you’re a bit reluctant to actually meet up with Yoongi (since you’re still pretty pissed at him for ditching you for the past three weeks) he’s the perfect excuse for you to duck out early. And you do just that, saying goodnight to your extended family before telling your parents that you have to run but you’ll see them back at home later. Then you head out before anyone can argue.
It’s about a thirty minute drive from the restaurant back to your house. You can’t even bring yourself to pretend to feel bad for making him wait those ten extra minutes wondering if you’re even going to show up. It serves him right. The two of you have been best friends for as long as you can remember and have been doing Wednesday night dinner together ever since he got the job at Bighit. After all this, he decides he’s too busy to hang out? He’s never been too busy. Has the fame finally gotten to his head?
A terrible thought occurs to you as you pull into the driveway at your childhood home. What if he wants to meet you to break things off? To tell you that he doesn’t have time for friends anymore. That you shouldn’t come around anymore because it’s interfering with his work. That he’s outgrown you.
With an angry jerk of the stick shift, you jam your car into park and turn off the engine, yanking the key out. You can already feel yourself getting worked up as you slam the door and stomp across the yard to Yoongi’s house. When you get through the gate and enter the backyard, your eyes trail up to the tree house where it resides in the tall maple in the middle of the lawn. The sun is almost all the way set and the sky is already turning a medium shade of blue. It’s getting dark fast and you can see golden light filtering out of the windows in the tree house. He’s there. Good.
You take a deep breath then make your way up the rope ladder. This was a lot easier when you were younger, and smaller, and you can’t help but wonder how much longer this rope will even hold. With that thought, you scurry up the last few rungs, hoping the whole time that it won’t snap on you. Then, when you poke your head up through the hole, your eyes fall on Yoongi.
He’s laying on his back, hands on his stomach and his eyes fixed on the ceiling. At the sound of your arrival, he turns his head, his gaze locking with yours.
He sits up quickly. “I thought you weren’t going to come.”
You back away from the hole in the floor until your spine rests against the wall. “I wasn’t going to but it was an excuse to duck out of dinner early.” You cross your arms. “What are you even doing here, Yoongi?”
Your best friend gets to his feet. “I wanted to talk to you about…everything.”
“Well?”
Yoongi sighs, bringing up a hand to scratch behind his ear. A nervous tick you’ve always thought was a bit endearing. “I guess I just got kind of…jealous.”
Um…
You stand there against the wall blinking for several seconds, not really sure if you heard him right. “Jealous,” you finally say. Yoongi nods. Your brow furrows and you let out a humorless laugh. “I’m sorry, Mr. Big-shot producer, what the heck would you be jealous of?”
As if on cue, your phone chimes in your pocket and Yoongi’s eyes fall to the outline of it against your thigh. You’ve still been talking to that other guy from several weeks ago and now it kind of dawns on you, just what Yoongi is jealous of. The two of you lock eyes again.
“Yoongi…”
The apples of his cheeks dust a light pink, contrasting against his pale mint hair and he shifts on his feet. “No, it’s stupid. I shouldn’t have been like that. Not when I’ve never even told you how I feel. I just wanted you to meet me here so I could tell you that I’m sorry and I want to keep doing our Wednesday night thing and you can text that guy all you want. And I know you don’t need my permission but I’m just letting you know that I won’t be a jerk about this. And I won’t start acting all weird. Date him. Marry him. I’ll still be your best friend as long as you want me to be. And if you don’t, I understand that too because what kind of person freezes their best friend out over another guy? You’re more important to me than that and…Y/N?”
His words finally trail off when he looks up and realizes you’ve been standing there gaping at him the whole time. Your heart is in your stomach and your breaths have become shallow. Are you having a panic attack? Here? In Yoongi’s tree house? In front of Yoongi?
“Y/N?” he asks again.
“What did you say?” you utter.
“What?”
“What did you say?” you ask louder. “Just now. What did you say?”
Yoongi fumbles with his hands for a second, running his fingers through his hair and switching his weight to his other foot again. “Uh…that you’re my best friend?”
“Before that.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Before that.”
“I was being stupid?”
“After that.”
Yoongi bites his bottom lip, the pink in his cheeks becoming darker. “…that I haven’t told you how I feel?”
“Yeah,” you say. “How do you feel, Yoongi?”
“I feel like…” he takes a tentative step toward you, keeping his eyes locked on yours even as the blush spreads down to his neck. “…like I’ve been in love with my best friend for the past five years.” He takes another step toward you. The tree house isn’t very big so even after just these two steps, there’s only about a foot of space between you now. “How do you feel, Y/N?” he asks, his voice much lower than it was before. You peer up at him, heat creeping up your own neck to settle on your cheeks.
“I…uh…I—” your phone chimes in your pocket again and Yoongi sucks in a sharp breath. “Give me two seconds,” you whisper then pull your phone out of your pocket with trembling fingers and check the screen. Yoongi leans in a bit to peek too. “It’s my mom,” you say and you hear him chuckle under his breath. “She wants to know if I want them to pick up ice cream on their way back.”
“Do you?” he asks leaning in more, his dark eyes now drilling into yours. You’d back up if you could but you’re already pressed against the wall.
“Do I what?” you ask him.
He hesitates for just a moment, a smile quirking the corner of his mouth. “Want ice cream?”
You both know that’s not the question he’s really asking and for a split second, your eyes dart down to his lips. You pull your own into your mouth as you try to conjure up the words. You’re already a flustered mess with this boy so close to you, looking at you the way he is, his body heat radiating across the small space between you.
“Of course I want ice cream. I frikin’ love ice cream.”
The tension in the small space seems to burst as Yoongi falls forward, his head landing on your shoulder and laughter bubbling up out of him. You can’t help but laugh too as you feel his shoulders shake against yours and then he’s wrapping his arms around your waist to keep either of you from tumbling to the floor. The room is filled with your giggling and tears have sprung to your eyes and finally, once the muscles in both of your stomachs are good and sore, he lifts his head back up.
The laughter dies down as the two of you lock eyes again. You watch with bated breath as he reaches up to brush the hair back from your forehead, his fingers sliding down the side of your face and lingering on your jaw. “Can I kiss you, Y/N?” he utters.
You don’t even hesitate to nod before he closes the small gap, his lips moulding to yours along with the rest of his body. His one hand tightens on your waist and the other slides to the back of your neck and then he’s tilting his head to kiss you deeper. Of course, then your phone chimes AGAIN causing him to jump back with a small gasp.
“Sorry,” you mumble, your head swimming as you look down at your phone still in your hand. You look back up at Yoongi again. “Flavor?”
Yoongi stands there breathing hard for a second, staring at you as he processes your question. His tongue flicks out of his mouth for just a second. “Chocolate,” he finally says breathlessly.
You type the word as fast as you can, getting frustrated when you keep screwing up, before hitting send and dropping your phone onto the rug. Then you reach out to grasp Yoongi by the shoulders, pulling him to you once again.
*
*
“Just listen to this one,” Yoongi says as he pulls you back down into his lap.
The computer chair creaks under the weight of the two of you and you grip the arms to keep from toppling over. “Yoongi, I have to go. I have to get up early for work tomorrow.”
“Just this last one,” he says and slides the headphones back onto your ears. You’ve tried taking them off for the last five songs but every time you do, he wants you to listen to just one more. This is the last one, I promise.
“Yoongi, you’re really making me seem like a jerk of a girlfriend that doesn’t want to listen to your music.”
“But you do want to listen to my music, right?”
You smile and reach up to touch your palm to his cheek. “Of course, I do,” you say. Yoongi’s mouth lifts into a gummy smile as he nuzzles your hand. “You know I’m your biggest fan.”
“I know,” he says with a contented sigh.
He’s too perfect for his own good. So talented and so soft lately. Yoongi has always been more on the reserved side. Never cold but a bit closed off, even to you. But ever since the two of you talked—if you can even call it that—in the tree house, everything has changed. He’s revealed a different side of himself to you. A softer side. A happier side. You can hear it in his music, too. How happy he’s become.
“Alright,” you say. “Just one more.”
Yoongi claps excitedly before pressing a button on his keyboard and then settling back in under you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his cheek against your arm. He loves watching your expression as you listen to his music. Loves seeing how it affects you, loves seeing the uncensored reaction. He knows you’ll always be honest with him, because you want him to give his best. Besides his colleagues, you’re the only one who’s opinion he trusts.
As you listen, Yoongi starts playing with your fingers, pressing the pads of his own against yours so you mirror his movements, and then when he glances at the screen and sees that the song is almost over, he slides his fingers through the gaps between yours and locks your hand in his. You knew he wouldn’t let you go after this song.
You shake your head until the headphones slip from your ears. “Yoongi,” you say.
“Just one more,” he says quickly and releases one of your hands to pull the headphones back up.
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thelonelytraveler11 · 6 years ago
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Is this really the best I can do?!
It's been three years since I've done any form of research. I haven't worked in almost three years. Just in case anyone's wondering, yes, I filled out job applications (a lot, like ~250 before I gave up). For the past couple years, I've been living off my savings, the little bit of money I get from my family, and the little bit of money I get from having part time jobs. My work experience since dropping out has been pretty dismal (on average), I haven't been able to hold down a job that gave an appreciable amount of money for longer than 3 months at a time without being fired or being so miserable that I just said "fuck it" and quit.
I understand the concern some may have. You may consider it my fault for being unemployed. Quitting a job that I'm miserable while doing may seem irrational or irresponsible, but speaking as a person who spent almost the entirety of his college years being miserable, I can say with all honesty that being broke is better than being miserable. I envy those that can’t seem to comprehend my way of thinking, because that probably means they have a very good life. I wouldn't want to work in an environment that negatively affects my emotional state for 4 decades anyways. Having disposable income isn’t more important than my well being. Having a job I actually enjoy doing is very important to me because I don't have many sources of happiness in my life.
I'm kind of a loner. I don't have a strong relationship with any of my relatives and I don't have friends anymore (and even more troubling, I don't care to have those types of relationships anymore). The only potential source of happiness is my job. I don't foresee me failing in love or developing a close relationship with anyone. If the current trend continues, I think its more probable that it doesn’t happen.
I feel numb most of the time and when I do feel something, I'm usually thinking about my college days and that something is usually anger. It honestly was my biggest regret, going to the University of Illinois. Sometimes I wished I never went to college. Literally the only thing that was even remotely good about my college experience was my grades, everything else sucked. Looking back, I wish I went back to working at CVS after I graduated from HS.
In the alternate timeline, I probably would have been better off in the long run (very little stress, no debt, live rent free at my mom's house for a couple of years after graduation while working a presumably full time job which would enable me to save up a fair amount of cash before moving out). Instead, I came away with nothing. My college education was completely worthless, I reaped no benefits from being a degree recipient. All I did was waste 7 years of my life and thousands of other people’s dollars studying stuff that ultimately wouldn't matter. If I were a benefactor for the UIUC department of chemistry, I would be pissed to hear my story because that means my money isn't being put to good use, especially if I added into one of the scholarships that was awarded to me.
So, I know what your wondering, why am I writing this post? Well, I was trying to get ride time with CFD and I called for a specific person that wasn't in. Someone took a message and wrote my name down as Joel Dennison. Dennison was the last name of the NMR guy at UCI. That got me thinking about my college days and how I hated basically everyone. I caught myself looking through emails and for the most part, the more I read, the more I remembered, the more enraged I got. Now that's one sure fire way to put me in a bad mood, get me thinking about the bad ol' days. I bet many of the people I went to grad school with are enjoying their careers, while I was completely forgotten (and if they're not enjoying them, well at least they have them).
I’ve always wondered why were the other students so complicit? Is racism really that prevalent? Is there something else going on? See, it's one thing to not say anything while they were still students because it runs the risk of them being treated like I was treated. But to not even offer a helping hand even after their careers were established, knowing what they know, is un-fucking-real.
I never really felt welcomed in chemistry. People seemed to be more in love with the idea of me. I noticed the longer I stayed, the worse I was treated. At U of I, it was .... kinda bad. I experienced a form a discrimination where I would have written essentially the same answer as my lighter counterparts but received lower grades (slightly lower, but still). People assumed I did well in certain classes because the professor "liked me" (pretty sure no one at U of I liked me much). People also made statements that are crazy racist and then tried to pass them off as jokes. I fucking hated life in Champaign-Urbana.
SIDE NOTE: the following story doesn't necessarily reflect the chemists, but it does represent a subset of the student body at U of I. So, I'm sitting in the cafeteria with three dudes I already knew and some guy from the next table looks over to me and says "Sorry, if I offended you". I calmly replied "what did you say?" And Oh....My....God.... the look of utter fear was plastered all over his face. I said, "What did you say?", again, calmly. I can not stress enough that I was visibly calm throughout this entire situation. And then I noticed he was shivering, I figured I would warm up a lil bit by using my hot ass breath, so I repeated the question louder and slower (you know, to give the guy's body time to come to thermal equilibrium), again.......calmly. He was still frozen in fear. So now I am mentally gearing up to jump across this table to snatch this little boy's neck out from under him. And then something miraculous happened, my tunnel vision broke down and I realized someone was calling me. It was Jon (one of the kids I was sitting with) telling me to drop it...so I did......so, yeah, that's the story of how I almost got kicked out of U of I for snatching the neck out from under some little white kid during sophomore year. 

But there was one instance of me being the butt of racist jokes in chemistry that I can remember. Then UIUC grad student, John Overcash (who I believed worked for Ken Suslick), made mention of me "cooking crack up in the kitchen" on more than one occasion. Apparently, since I was a black chem major (that specialized in organic chemistry) I must have been a drug dealer beforehand. Or maybe he thought I was a drug dealer then....who knows...
To make matters worst, people have used the stuff other people made up to put themselves a head of me. Senior year I had an interview with eli lilly. My interview was at 9 am and there was one person interviewing before me at 8 am. The 8 am slot was taken by one Joseph Cullen (a fellow undergrad). During the end of his interview , I could vaguely hear what was said, but it sounded like Cullen told the interviewers that I was a drug dealer. The door opens up, the interviewer shoots me a look and goes into the room where my interviewers were and talks to them. Meanwhile Cullen walks past me. I give him a thumbs up and he walks away chuckling to himself. These are not good signs. I can’t say for certain that these people really believed I was a drug dealer, but their behavior suggested it. It was their reaction to me saying the phrase "nice white crystalline product", that’s what suggested it. I was describing the physical characteristics of the product from a reaction I ran and it just so happen to be a white crystalline solid (...smh). What I want to know why were these people so quick to believe Cullen? Yes, what Cullen said could be true (which it wasn't) but couldn't it also be true that he's trying to give himself a better chance of getting a job by undercutting the competition?
I wish I got a job offer as an undergrad. I honestly didn't want to go to grad school, but I had no other choice. Visiting grad schools was a whole ordeal, I was told in one way or another that I wasn’t welcomed ... at every school. At Scripps I was told explicitly that I wasn’t good enough to be there by complete strangers (how exactly would they know given that they never assessed my ability to think ... who knows). At Indiana University, I was placed in a hotel room by myself because they heard I slept naked. At UCI, I was told that I wouldn’t make it pass my first year (again, by complete strangers). At Caltech, I was told I didn’t belong because I was a drug dealer (or that I look like a drug dealer, apparently).
Now, I ask you, how do drug dealers look exactly? What are they’re defining characteristics? I ask because if you asked someone who lived in Champaign-Urbana for four years to imagine what a drug dealer looks like, they might imagine a srcawny white boy in a frat (not someone that looks like me). What makes the Caltech visit even weirder was that Prof. Sarah Reisman was just standing by, staring at me while I was being told I didn’t belong (by the help, you know, the people who was serving drinks). It was like she was trying to read my facial expressions to get a sense of what type of person I was (or am). Or was she using the help as a proxy to express her own thoughts (I’m not sure)? Was she waiting for me to “defend myself”? 
How would I be able to do that exactly?
SIDE NOTE: it’s impossible to defend yourself when there’s no evidence for or against whatever accusations there may be. It all comes down to what people choose to believe. The help has already chosen to believe I’m a drug dealer (or at least look like one) and I’m willing to bet there’s really nothing I can really do about.
No matter how I analyze the situation, Reisman’s behavior does not reflect positively on her as a person. I’m not sure if she knows this, but she was the primary reason I had to not go to Caltech. I found her behavior to be very off-putting and I got the sense that she didn’t really want me to go to school there. On top of that there was talk of her wanting to have (oral) sex. 

DISCLAIMER: I am effectively asexual, I don’t have sex ... with anyone ... or anything (yes, I actually needed to say both).
Now, I didn’t believe the talk when I first heard it because I thought there was no way a self-respecting, competent professor would admit to wanting to engage in a sexual relationship with a perspective student ... this is what I choose to think. However, the more I heard of her desires to have (oral) sex, the more I believed it. But I never fully accepted the rumors as the truth until my first year at UCI. Reisman came to Irvine for a talk and as always almost all the Organic students showed up. Before the event, I was sitting at the small table with another grad student in my year, her name was Beth R. (I don’t know how to spell her last name and I’m not going to try to google it). Beth ended up mentioning how pretty Reisman looked .... I “mmmhmmm”ed her. I could hear the chatter going on behind me, Reisman seemed mildly disappointed that I didn’t agree. Beth soothed her ill feelings by saying that I didn’t disagree. After the event, I was talking to Prof. Scott Rychnovsky and Reisman came up in the conversion. This was the final nail in the coffin that made me believe the rumors were true. It wasn’t the fact that he said she would’ve blown me, it was the fact that he said it soooo enthusiastically. He was as enthused as a person could possibly be in a professional/academic setting. No one should that enthused by the thought of a man getting his dick sucked as much as Rychnovsky was by the thought of Reisman putting my dick in her mouth, no one. It was kinda weird. 

The thought this woman hocking loogies on my dick tip, and imagining the sensation of warm saliva slowly rolling down my shaft (as I quote lines from the movie, Shaft (the Samuel L. Jackson version...obviously)) as I knock my head back, praying to god that I don’t come away from this situation with paper cuts (she has thin lips) just to look back down after noticing she paused just so she could fill the waves from my pulsating erection and make eye contact as she goes deeper and increases the pace eventually moving to the point where she starts straggling my balls and moaning like Lady Gaga singing a lullaby to baby while stroking my hard cock until I cum for her as Nicole Nava sits beside her while taking notes shouldn’t be even remotely amusing.....TO ANYONE...EVER!!!!!! But apparently to Rychnovsky, it was. It was at that moment I never wanted to be affliated with Caltech as long as Reisman was there. If Caltech and Illinois were the only two places that offered me jobs after finishing the PhD, I’d have to change careers.

Okay, so here’s the thing. I don’t really view professors as people. When I was a student, they were more like encyclopedias that could talk to me. They simply took the form of a human, kinda like a barbie doll. They’re anatomically incorrect, they lack genitalia, so they don’t have a gender. I honestly, believed this. One time, during senior year, I walked in the third floor bathroom in RAL and I saw Prof Steven Zimmerman taking piss. My face immediately screws all the way up, my inside voice says “How is he standing up and taking a piss when he doesn’t have a dick?”.....I thought that....I literally thought that....I shit you not. Just so you know, it wasn’t just Zimmerman, it was every professor. The women are doubly dickless, in my mind Suzanne Blum was like —(Mia Khalifa) because she has negative two dicks inside of her at all times.
DISCLAIMER: just so we’re clear, I’m NOT alluding to the fact that Blum has to get people to agree to have sex with her. Nor am I alluding to the assertion she’ll probably be nothing more than an afterthought for literally anyone. I’m merely trying to stress the fact that I don’t think of professors as people, but as encyclopedias that can talk to me.
I was made to feel unwlecomed at every school I visited. Why? Well, you'll have to ask them. I can honestly say that by the time graduation (from U of I) came around I didn't believe that i would have a successful career as a chemist, but I put everything into this so I couldn't just leave...
Grad school was even worst because on top of being the black kid, I was also the social pariah. The other students did a real good of making me feel unwelcomed. So much so that after two weeks of living in Irvine I stopped trying to make friends. No one seemed interested in being cool with me (I'm basing this off people's behavior ... obviously). And if some of them were, the way they showed it was so unique that I couldn't even recognize it as a sincere attempt to get my attention.
I also experienced some the same stuff I did when I was at U of I. Namely, instructors not giving me what I earned. In Dave VanVraken’s class I always received the second highest score on the exams. The really curious thing is that no one knows who received the top score. Once, when I asked to see the printed out distribution, the TA refused to show me (why?). I'm willing to bet that single point ahead of me was a dummy point. In Liz Jarvo’s class, when the first exam came around, we found out the high score was a 83. Who got the high score?...no one knows, but when I received my test the number 38 was written on (Also note I just so happen to get the same score as the other kid from U of I). At first, I was puzzled and glanced over to Peg (the TA). She sees my score, turns to Jarvo and says "he knows he didn't get that low". While I don't remember Jarvo’s exact words, she stated in some way that I would come to her and argue my case for a higher grade. So, here's the thing. I shouldn't have to defend myself or argue with you to ensure that I'm treated like everyone else. It should be a given. 

From what I hear the reason why I was treated this way has something to do with them not wanting me to "talk stuff" to the other students. 

Okay, so where is this coming from? I ask because I’ve been me long enough to know their opinion of what I’m like isn’t actually based off me. If they actually talked to my fellow classmates, the most common thing you’d probably hear is that I’m quiet. So either these people are just making up stuff to justify treating me how they want to treat me or my classmates are liars. I’m not really the type to talk about my grades (or really anything) unless the topic is explicitly brought up in conversation (and this is assuming I feel like talking at all). You can dress it up however you want, but treating me like a second class student for any reason solely reflects poorly on you (it gives no indication as to what I’m like). There were instances like this in half the classes I took. Some, admittedly were a smaller deal than others. In Vanderwal’s class I got marked off once because I didn’t draw both arrows in a mechanism that included a homolytic cleavage. For those that don’t know, if a homolytic cleavage occurs and you show one electron going in one direction, it is assumed that the other electron goes in the opposite direction and therefore does not need to be explicitly stated (minor, but mildly annoying). In polymer chemistry (taught by Aaron Esser-Khan), we had one assignment where we needed to propose something that wasn’t in the primary literature. I proposed a polymerization based off a derivative of the Hiyama coupling. Khan’s critique was that since it wasn’t already in the primary literature, it probably wasn’t a good idea ... really?! And don’t even get me started on spec because that spec TA was sketchy as fuck. He intentionally told me the wrong due date for a homework assignment and I’m pretty sure he shaved a couple points off one of my exams...
Okay, so these experiences are only a subset of the shitty things I experienced as a UCI student. But do you know what made life at UCI worst than life at U of I? My research advisor (Suzanne Blum)....and to a slightly lesser extent my fellow group members. Over the years I grew to hate them. I was lied about, I had a homework assigns hidden behind water coolers (Darius Faizi), I’ve had the nitrogen lines removed from air sensitive reactions (Darius Faizi, Suzanne Blum), I had products from reactions switch out for reagent alcohol (it’s a mixture of ethanol, methanol, and isopropanol) (Josh Hirner), I’ve had septums removed from reaction mixtures (Josh Hirner), I’ve had people try to placate me with sex (Katrina Roth), I’ve had people try to use the fact that I was in an agitated state to get something they wanted (Katrina Roth), I’ve had people turn on the indoor lights in my car in an effort to drain my battery while I’m allowing them to use my car to practice driving so they can get a U.S. driver’s license (Muhammed Al-Amin), I’ve had people ask questions just so they can not listen to the answer (Chao Zheng, Drew), I’ve experienced asking people for help just so they can not even try to help brainstorm what the answer could be (Darius Faizi, Kim Tu), I helped others brain storm shortcomings for a proposal, just to catch an attitude when they realize I didn’t catch everything the first time around (Quinn Easter). 

SIDE NOTE: To provide context, Quinn asked me to look through a synthetic route in his proposal that he was intending to present in his advancement to candidacy exam. There was something I didn’t immediately see but did bring up during a group when he was giving a practice presentation. He became visibly upset and mentioned he thought I was trying to make him look bad. If I was really trying to make you look bad, I wouldn’t have told you anything, so that you would’ve made the same mistakes when it actually mattered. Quinn, you’re an idiot.  

l’ve had people call me after I already dropped out and given up on chemistry from a redacted telephone number claiming to be an official representative of UCI calling me in an effort to get my address (Suzanne Blum, Ashley Davis), and I’ve had the experience where I ask for information pertinent to group website maintenance and they act like I’m hitting on them (Adena).
SIDE NOTE: 
This is something that always amused/offended me, having  someone assume I’m attracted to them because I acknowledged their existence. It’s funny because because they have the audacity ... but it’s also offensive because the operating assumption is that I don’t have standards, which couldn’t be further from the truth. (They seem to make a lot of faulty assumptions)
What was this experience suppose to teach me? How was I supposed to become a better person or scientist because of my affiliation with the group/university? Me coming to Irvine and working for Blum was a total waste of my time. I’m not entirely sure what her deal was, but it seemed she had a preconceived notion of who I was. No matter what type of relationship we have (or suppose to have) this will cause problems where there shouldn’t be. 

Is the request that someone’s opinion of you is actually based on you too much to ask for? Because I feel it’s a basic request that most people should be able to easily do. The contemptuous treatment did subside with time (mostly because I avoided talking to other students when ever possible) but it never really stopped. Why did it start to begin with? I’m willing to bet the only things they don’t like about me has everything to do with me reacting to the way they treat me.  Again, I have to ask, is racism really that prevalent?

Then one day, I started getting so fed up with life that I decided I needed an escape, even if it’s only for a couple weeks. So, I started planning a trip to Europe. I worked hard in the weeks coming up to the trip. I was trying to finish my entire project before I left (sadly, I didn’t, but I tried). Things were looking on the up and up. Before I left, Blum even said I was meeting her expectations, that was the nicest thing she ever said to me (it was the nicest thing anyone at UCI has ever said to me). I went off on my trip, and during the middle of it I received an email essentially telling me that my time at UCI was finished. Why? I still don’t know. 3 years later and I still don’t know why my career was ended before it was even given a chance to start.  It’s hard to move on with your life when you don’t have closure. It’s really hard to move on when you still have to live with consequences of other people’s actions.
 SIDE NOTE: I got the sense sometimes that Suzanne Blum did not really care about her job 100% of the time. I’m not entirely sure what to make of it. It’s like, either she truly didn’t understand the importance of her role (as the leader of a research group) or she truly doesn’t give a shit. Either way, she doesn’t deserve to be in the position she’s in. 

I still remember my last day in Irvine. It was bitter sweet. I was so happy to finally get to leave but also a bit anxious because I knew that the thousands of hours I spent studying and doing research was time wasted and it would never amount to anything. I knew I wasn’t going to get a job with my credentials. I even saw Eric (the other kid from U of I) in the student center when I went over to get lunch. He was looking at me all sad and shit because he knew I didn’t have a future in chemistry. We didn’t talk, we just walked past each other and exchanged glances. I tried to conceal a smile as I walked by. By the time my Dad’s flight landed, I had moved most of the stuff out my apartment. 

Life at home was hard. Depression is a mother fucker. I liken it to  a less severe version of sleep paralysis. I felt like I was stuck in my own body. Kinda like how I felt in the early Irvine days when it would take me hours to roll out of bed. I would literally wake at 6 am and just stare at the ceiling for ~4 hrs before I could convince myself to get up. And to make things worst, no emotional support was offered by my family. Their assumptions that I’m somehow responsible for other people’s actions along with their snide remarks about me being lazy did the opposite of help. I regretted coming home, even more so when I found out I somehow failed the background check for CPD. 

Now, how in the holy fuck does someone without a criminal record fail a background check? The only reasonable thing I could come up with to explain this is that the work experience I listed (my research experience) doesn’t count as work experience because instead of working for a salary, I worked for credit hours or a stipend. I have to tell myself things like this to convince myself I’m not getting screwed over in every facet of my life. If this is true, then my college experiences are doubly worthless because not only can the credentials I’ve earned not be used to get a job I’m more than qualified to do, but they can’t even get me a job you don’t even need a bachelor’s degree for.  

I wish I moved to LA after dropping out. If I stayed in Cali, I’d be force to move on with my life because I wouldn’t be able to sulk in my mother’s house for months. What would I do for work? idk...but I’d find something, and when I get fired, I’d just move on to the next dead end job.
As time went on, I found it easier to move, I still have scars though. Scars that may never heal. What can I do from here on out? I’m not sure. Going back to graduate school isn’t an option (or any program that requires letters of recommendations) because after experiencing what I’ve experienced and allowing those that I depended on for letters of rec to learn about my experiences, everyone seemed to be complicit. Either they didn’t do anything to change the course of action or it seemed like they were trying to cover it up by telling me to take the site down. I lost faith in everyone, I don’t think I can trust any of the profs to submit a letter of rec on my behalf when they either have done something that goes against my interests, are complicit in the wrong doing of others, or seem as though they’re attempting to cover up what happened to me. Even if I could get in anywhere, I still don’t want to go back to school. I lost faith in higher education. I lost faith in people. Whatever I do, I have to be able to do it without a college degree.
Just in case you’re wondering, I can’t depend on my college friends either. Mostly because I wasted no time trying to make friends. I’ve come to believe that friends are a worthless luxury.
I honestly believed that if I studied hard and knew my shit someone would hire me. I was wrong. I learned the hard way that to the outside world you are not you. You are not the sum total of your thoughts and actions. You are your skin color. You are your hair texture. You are the clothes you wear on your back. You are what people choose to believe you are. You are not you. People don’t care to get to know the people around them, they just want to feel as though their justified in believing the way they do. So I guess in order to get by in life you just need to be everyone’s friend and present yourself in such a way that everyone deems acceptable. Having the skills needed to do the job is more of an afterthought, huh? You know, one of the corollaries is that you’re expected to exhibit a certain level of extroversion. Welp, it just so happens to be the case that I’m an introvert and if the previous statements have some truth then I can honestly say this system was set up for me to fail. The only way I can get by in life is because I’m better than the other guy. No one will ever choose me because I’m their best friend.
I believe that’s where some of my problems stem from. When people see my face, they expect an extrovert (or at least someone who is more extroverted than me). When they find out I’m not who they want me to be, the reactions can range from essentially nothing, to mild disappointment, to mild hostility. And I think this is because people are more interested in the idea of me than actually getting to know me. So when they meet me and actually get to know me after building me up in their heads they’re kinda like “...oohh, this is it?!”. I don’t understand people. It’s like people just assume that you’re going to conform to their world view while refusing to even bend to yours. Now, I’m totally opposed to the very concept of “fitting in” because of all that. I got the sense “fitting in” means assimilation, which may involve losing qualities that make you unique (ones you may actually like about yourself). I don’t see why I should change in any way for people I don’t like, that I don’t see the benefit of being associated with, or for people that never liked me to begin with. People even sometimes mock my behavior, presumably because I’m not what they want me to be and this is just their way of trying to get me to conform.

The most recent example of this is my cousin Sonia (she’s multicultural). I went to her graduation party during the summer. And as with most family functions, it pretty much consisted of me sitting quietly most of the time. So fast forward to when it’s time to go home. My mother and 2/3 of my brother’s children are making their way to the car, noticing the third one is missing I go back for her. As I’m making my way up the front porch, three of my cousins (one of which is Sonia) are in my path and I say “watch out”. As I walk past Sonia, she says something along the lines of “woah, he must be serious....” while laughing... I’m going to say this once, “Mocking my behavior because I don’t act how you want me to act will never help anything”...... unless you’re actively trying to get me to dislike you. I have to remember that Sonia is just a child. Maybe it hadn’t dawn on her yet that there’s more to life than what she’s experienced. She’s probably never met a person like me, so she won’t know what to say in order to get me to interact with her. But then I’m like, “But what makes her think making herself look like an ass would actually help her in any capacity?” How does this explain the behavior of grown ass men and women who do the same thing?”. I wonder if it’s a cultural thing, and these people just don’t realize how bad they make themselves look to people that aren’t like them. 

On the way home, I started thinking, “Is this really the best I can do?”.  Have I been doomed to live a life where I’m not really happy? No, it can’t be the case. I still have faith. I may not have faith in other people anymore, but I still have faith in myself. I believe I can make something out of nothing, even if no one else does.
After going through all I’ve gone through, all I want is to not suffer anymore. I just want to be insanely rich for no reason. This won’t solve all my problems but it will eliminate many. If I ever come into having an ungodly amount of money, I’d give some of it to my family so they can afford many of the things that they want in life. Then I’d disappear, never to be seen or heard from again.

I’ve become acutely aware of the fact that people want to learn useless knowledge without ever having to talk to me.
DISCLAIMER: the knowledge is useless because we won’t/don’t have a relationship of any sort. Why waste your time learning information that isn’t relevant to your life?
So I’m going to take this opportunity to answers some personal questions because the thing I hated the most about you people is your unique combination of arrogance, ignorance, and obliviousness. While I can’t help with the arrogance and the obliviousness, I can help with your total lack of knowledge. So, without further ado ...
QUESTION TIME
Did you ever like life in Champaign county?
I was excited to be there in the beginning, then I met the people and all that excitement went away quick.
What’s your fondest memory from college?
That one time when Chipotle was doing that 2 for 1 deal. That was cold.
So, what’s up with your sexuality?
I don’t have sex because I don’t want to take the risk of having children, also no STDs. People were oddly obsessed with my sexuality and I never quite understood it. Here’s the thing, I’m a little self centered and I’m like you in the sense that I don’t immediately acknowledge other people’s way of thinking all the time. I honestly don’t understand why there was as much “interest” in knowing what I’m interested in (I use quotes because if people were actually interested they probably would have try talking to me). My viewpoint is that your claimed sexual orientation is irrelevant, it’s not even worth bring up in conversation. The reason why is simple. If you see a pretty girl and you know she’s interested in men, it doesn’t necessary mean she’s interested in you (assuming your male) right? That’s why the only thing that matters to me is whether or not the person I’m interested in is interested in me. 
It’s funny because if you completely ignore the fact that not everyone thinks like me, it would seem as though there were ALOT of dudes that wanted me to fuck them when I was in college.
To the people “interested” in knowing my sexual orientation. Ask yourself two questions. Do you want a shot? Do you think you have a shot? Think hard about it. If the answer to one of those questions is “no”, don’t waste your time.
If you haven’t already figured it out by now, I don’t think like a normal person. I’m never going to adjust or change to make you feel comfortable, the best thing I can do is not talk to you at all. I don’t adjust to you, you adjust to me. Why? because fuck you, that’s why.
Are you ever going to have sex?
Maybe, maybe not. What’s it to you?
Do you think people like you?
I know they don’t. Based off their actions, they don’t want to like me either. They’d spend less time gossiping about the negative characteristics I could have and more time actually getting to know me if they did.
You don’t think people know anything about you?
It all depends on what you think it means “to know”. Personally, I don’t. I’m never around people long enough for them to be able to get a true sense of who am I as a person. All people get are snapshots. Sadly, that isn’t good enough. That’s something I don’t think most people realize, actually.
What if after reading this, people actually started trying to get to know you, how would you react?
My recommendation is that you don’t waste your time. You can’t undo the damage that’s already been done. I’ve already stopped caring.
If you could go back in time and pick another college, which would you pick?
Xavier University in NOLA. I’d pick this HBCU because I’m fairly confident some of the problems I encountered at U of I wouldn’t have existed there.
Why did you choose UCI?
Because they told me I wasn’t going to make pass my first year.  I knew what type of student I was. I knew I had what it took to make it through any program. But I was at a low point in my life, where nothing seemed to be going right. I figure If I go there and get forced out after a year, it wouldn’t be my fault. The devastating thing is they let me get so close to graduating before just booting me out like they did.
Why did you use the word “they”?
Someone easily could have stepped in and did something. The department just enabled her (Suzanne Blum).
What grad program do you think you should have choose?
Indiana University or Rutgers probably would been better for me.
What motivates you to do well?
Meaningful positive reinforcement. Don’t just give out compliments for the sake of giving out compliments.
What’s one thing you hate most about people?
Their stupidity. Before I was told I failed the background check fro CPD. I’d get calls from some sort of case worker for CPD who was suppose to determine my eligibility. This dude asked me if I “resigned” from the Blum group and acted like that was a perfectly valid question. This wasn’t a job, it was a component of an academic program. I WAS A STUDENT. There was no resignation. You don’t resign from school. You either graduate, drop out, or get expelled. I know some college education is required for employment with CPD, so it’s far more likely that this guy is an idiot. REMEMBER GRAD SCHOOL IS STILL SCHOOL AND THERE ONLY 3 WAYS TO LEAVE.
Did you ever consider taking legal action?
Yes, but I know the people I’m dealing with aren’t above lying. Since there’s no physical evidence (that I have in my possession) proving that wrongs did occur, I’m reluctant to believe I’d actually win. It’s not smart to get into a “he said she said” battle with people that are believed to be pathological liars.
Are there any common misconceptions you’d like to clear up?
I wasn’t doing the school shit to make friends. I only wanted to make money. That’s the only reason why I was there, to make money. Every time someone why I as getting a PhD, my answer essentially went like, “I’m getting a PhD because money.” I see no point in trying to make friends with people who seemed to have been conditioned to dislike me.
Also, just because I’m quiet it doesn’t mean that I’m stuck up. It is in fact possible to be someone who isn’t a big talker.
Contrary to popular belief. I am in fact a HUMAN BEING. I have emotions and sometimes something could happen in one part of my life that can affect other parts of my life (like how well I do in school or how productive I am in lab).
Why did you just give up?
What’s the point of playing the game when you know you’ll never win.
It seems like the college years were a hard time for you, did you ever do something to ease the pain, like drugs or alcohol?
No, I love myself too much to potentially set myself up for problems later. I gave comedy a thought, but I found really hard to want to be funny when all I’m thinking about is the depressing shit that inspired the joke. If I’m gonna do something, it’s gonna be something were I don’t have to live with the consequences of my actions. I was suicidal. I was planning to kill myself the night before my thesis defense.
Why then?
I was fairly confident that no one there cared to save me from myself. But just in case someone wanted to surprise me, I figure it would be best to do when no one would expect it.
How?
potassium cyanide. The night before my defense I was going to make it my point to get a bottle of potassium cyanide. a couple months before my trip to Europe, I looked up who had it. It was on the fourth floor (or maybe the fifth). Go all the way down to the last lab space on the right hand side. When you walk into the lab space go along the right hand side and go through the door on your right. After that go to the first door on the right hand side. I placed a bottle on KCN in the first column on the left hand side, top shelf. The bottle should be on the wall on the left side (assuming it’s still in the same place I left it). I figured it wouldn’t get much use due to its inherent toxicity so it would probably be in the same place I left it when I needed it. I wouldn’t be surprise if the bottle is still in that exact spot.

Did you ever think about getting help?
From who? When I did finally ask for help, the first thing I was told was that the department sided with Blum (mind you this is before any type of investigation occurred). As soon as I posted the email from Chris Vanderwal on this blog, his tune changed immediately. But his actions didn’t reflect the words he put out in the public space. He was of no use. He had no interest in helping me in any capacity. I’m sure of it. I’m all alone in this world, I don’t have a safety net so if I fall, that’s my ass.
What about the professors from UIUC?
My previous statement stands. I had no one.
Is that why you started the blog? You felt like your were all alone and just wanted someone talk to, even if that someone was actually a void in space?
Yes, that’s exactly it.
Is that why you’re still posting, you still feel alone?
yes
But what about your family?
With them I’m a dependent not a provider. They’d be okay without me.
So have you really never sought out a therapist?
I couldn’t find steady work. I can’t afford it. Depression is a rich people disease. When you’re broke you’re just labeled as lazy.
What’s one thing you want everyone to know?
You shouldn’t let your assumptions or the assumptions of others affect how you treat me. Remember, you don’t know me. I could come to be your best friend, your faithful and supportive business partner, or the love of your life and you’d just let me slip away all because someone told you dislike me.
(Also, please don’t waste my time talking to me about all the typos I made)
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studysnooze · 7 years ago
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i kind of felt like i needed to make this post because i have been stressed out of my actual mind as of late and that isn’t helping me with my anxiety so i thought i would share some tips with you guys- friends in hopes that this helps you and also in turn helps me bc i am s t r u g g l i n g right now haha 
If you find yourself in panic attack/mental breakdown situations (during studying, sleeping, whenever):
1. TAKE A DEEP BREATH: this is legit some of the most underrated advice but this is so so so so so important. i often find myself holding my breath without thinking and even if you look stupid forcing yourself to breath between shaking and crying just do it. please. you will instantly feel better because bottling things up is legit the most toxic thing you could do to yourself
2. if the resource is there: talk to someone. talk to a trusted adult like a teacher, mentor, counselor, or even your parents. i know how it is: you might not trust them, believe me- i have had a fair share of adults who have let me down from time to time and trust me, once you find someone that is perfect for you to talk to, you will cherish that person for the rest of your life. I will never forget my first middle school counselor, i don’t know her name mainly because i was having a panic attack when i met her but i’ll remember her face and her hospitality forever. and she was a stranger to me at the time: sometimes you need that outside stranger to talk to you know? that way, you get a less biased? (idk weird wording there but you get it) response
3. FOOD AND WATER: i cannot tell you how bad i am at drinking water like it’s hopeless at this point but its SOOO important for you! pleaseee drink water. i think water tastes like nothing and it’s pointless to drink it but that is really crazy thinking so don’t follow me on that please because i am seriously working on it these days and my skin has started to clear up majorly but i also feel so much better in general? like hydration does wonders i’m serious- you might not even notice but it’s doing something nice at least to your body. food food food food food please eat something. i know sometimes when i dont eat a few meals because i am so caught up in work, i forget what it feels like to be hungry and that is absolutely ridiculous, do not skip that many meals. i don’t care if your grade depends on it tomorrow for chem or that you need to finish your slide for that group project: if you cannot remember what you ate last literally drop whatever you are doing and get a freaking granola bar- not even- get a sandwich, some chips, and a water or a salad or some carrots and hummus LITERALLY ANYTHING put it in your mouth and chew it slowly and savor your food and thank the universe that your food is making you more energetic to complete your work because honestly not eating makes you feel so weak and it shuts you down. and you know what? when you shut down, it gives you more room to be stressed and anxious because that happens to me too many times in my life and it is the worst feeling in the world: being anxious, sleep deprived, weak :( its not okay and i need my people to stop suffering so eat your carrots kiddos❤
4. nap! this is also extremely simple but soooo underrated. literally nap for like 10 minutes and you will feel SO GOOD afterwards. i know it takes me at least 30 minutes to fall asleep because that’s just me but as soon as i feel sleepy, i turn on my alarm. shutting your brain off for a few minutes does wonders: it actually recharges and resets your brain for a little bit and as long as you don’t sleep for too long, you will wake up more motivated than ever before! 
4.5 going off of the previous point: if you are truly tired, sleep. sleep. sleep. i cannot tell you this enough. there is absolutely no point and no shame in going to bed if you have a headache, your eyes are closing and you cannot focus anymore. plain and simple: it’s just a major waste of time and you will have to end up studying it again anyways. i try to get to bed around 11 which i know is already pushing the late boundaries but if you go to sleep and really, truly, need to finish your work in the morning, wake up a couple hours earlier and finish it quickly- maybe catch a few more z’s. it’s better to get your hours in earlier and wake up feeling better than going to bed at 4:30 (cough thanks nonso) and waking up 3 minutes before school because you shut off your alarm. i’m only telling you guys my stupid mistakes just so you know there are consequences to not following this advice people- this is first hand experience haha
5. TAKE YA MEDS KIDDOS: that’s literally it, you may have forgotten and now are in deep doodoo with yourself whoops set a reminder
if you have trouble sleeping/resting at night or whenever:
1. i have had trouble staying asleep throughout the night for the past few years now. i’m not sure how it started but my brain is just too hot wired these days to stay put: there are some quick things i do when i wake up shaking, panicking, restless, miserable, whatever in the middle of the night: 
 listen to rain sounds on spotify
listen to my favorite podcasts (i gotta make a post about this, message me if you want podcasts like asap after reading this something)
watch “planet earth” or “round planet” on netflix-  round planet is by BBC so there’s that old british guy talking and i think it’s nice :) overall, it’s super therapeutic i highly recommend 
make a warm cup of tea or milk: i usually put honey and cinnamon in my milk or honey in my tea and it’s quite nice i think, it makes me sleepy again
sometimes i wrap myself in extra blankets and cuddle with more stuffed animals to help me fall/fall back asleep. i think there is some nostalgic feeling about being tucked in and being all warm and safe that makes me calm down again i’m not sure why 
if you’re having trouble focusing while studying (i got through this at least once a day omg):
1. take a breather! drinks a glass of cold water, stare around the room for a bit, walk around the neighborhood or the house or the library or wherever you are for a bit- get that blood flowing again
2. look at something motivational! i have a motivation tag kind of thing on my page called #feelgood so you can check it out if you want haha but there are tons of motivational videos and posts from the studyblr community so :)
3. study something you are interested first! this is by far the most useful study advice i have ever received because it motivates me to subconsciously focus my brain and keep me in a “grind” kind of mood 
3.5 related to the previous point, study in small chunks! also switch up on the subject if you get bored.
4. do a hobby! i LOVE reading for fun during study breaks or when i can’t focus especially when i’m super interested in the book because i get sucked into that universe and after i finish a chapter i want to finish more work in order to keep reading- it’s great. i also love doodling intricate designs on my moleskine to keep my busy and i also like writing poems or editing photos. just find something that is calming to you in order to give your brain a break! once you have that little reset, i promise you will feel better going back to work 
5. stop studying? sometimes i burnt out in the middle of studying and you just have to realize when you’ve reached your limit for the night/day so just stop and get some sleep, there’s nothing wrong with sleeping or taking a rest just a reminder <3 and sometimes that means you can get back to your work later or not and that’s okay :)
along with my finals series, i’m going to dedicate an entire post for reasons as to why you should stop comparing yourself so look for that in the next couple of days or so :) 
and just a reminder that you can do it! no matter your barriers you WILL overcome them with flying colors and you will have an amazing summer very soon✨
love,
Nonso
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rennyji · 4 years ago
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about party schools and proof and effect of their reputation...
May 27th tweets...
The reputed party school wants to spend 11 years wondering why “I don’t go out” in the sense of bars/partying. For their personalities or the kids they’re used to, from the low grade requirements for their school(nothing against anyone for getting admission there), -
-I suppose it’s to be expected. With my grades at Iona Prep High School, I had scholarships with free laptops at some decent private schools. But I chose to go to the Harvard of the SUNY’s: Binghamton University. -
-I transferred out, because I wanted a fresh start with a new major, late in my academic career, after an attempt at electricalEngineering. The only place that’d take me is a reputed party school. Theyre probably like F* you in reading this, but being the truth, it’s undeniable.-
-And at that point in my academic career, I thought, what's in a name to a school or its reputation. But look what happens when you go to some places. Leaving Binghamton was the worst decision for so many normal/abnormal reasons. -
- i mean, for one thing, your grades reflect on the kind of person you are. it can say your hard working, or equally smart but just want to take it easy and do things like party and alcohol and drugs all day. but different story, moving on...-
-I used to spend a lot of time in computer science lounge and in the faculty department common room, at said party school. Despite me being there almost everyday, and at the Starbucks in Colonie, NY for networking, where this location is at the center of multiple Universities,-
-the professors who had a role in this, sided with random kids they don’t see in that area often. I guess it’s because they partied and I studied. “Sided “in that they listened to random kids who don’t know me, rather than talk to the guy in their vicinity on a daily basis. -
-Such is the reputed party school. While in the common area, I heard one of their professors say, they take as many kids from a local community college: Hudson Valley, to boost their graduation rates. -
-I guess they don’t get the kids they need for that in normal admissions at a reputed party school. As I hear them talking sometimes, while making me look crazy for it, you should have heard their astonishment at the Binghamton common computer area in comparison to what they-
-have at their reputed party school. It says a lot about reputations. The orchestrators try to make it seem like, the way I am in a ridiculous situation(probably filmed or the equivalent all day), while living with my parents, is how I am. -
- They’ve been doing this for 11 years, after robbing me of my opportunities for 11 years. I had a life before this, and I intend to continue to, after, with my own network, family, etc, away from these orchestrators and their craziness.-
- &another thing, regarding the party school, think im just saying things? check the books. and are their graduates or students going to get mad at me, despite the school's clear role and for calling the students equally smart, a number of tweets ago? well, oops, OK..moving on.-
moving onto addressing something else...-
-The orchestrators are always misusing people under the pretense that I’m a picked on kid. I’m a successful, grown man. -
-Not because I’m conceited,  but from life experience, I wrote 11 yrs ago: “I’m not the last person people harass, but I’m also far from the first.” When it happens, with my image (while chubby, and not handsome now), I know somethings up. -
-Try me, and be direct about it, rather than do something ridiculous from afar. I don’t waste time on idiots. -
-The orchestrators perpetuate and take part, and make official and global, a small rumor of a girl I don’t know or knows me (or her misguided teenage friends who also don’t know me nor do I know them-big theme in this, with all involved) from 11 years ago.-
-The only thing that ever harmed me, abused me, or robbed me of health and opportunities, is the orchestrators. -
-Teenage kids have no power. Whatever effect they have dies down. It takes something big or reputable (like adults of a particular standing) to give their ideology power. -
-These adults...I don’t know them, they don’t know me...I don’t understand their 11 year project/vendetta/-whatever this massive lie is, against me. Maybe it started with just wanting to make money off of me and my life and my lifestyle. -
-In trying to address this 11 year problem, my true focus: my career, gets hidden, and you end up thinking I’m taking part, or after the cr*p-ola of the orchestrators. I’m big on what’s natural. -
-Anywho, I wrote this 1st in the “Notes app” on my iPhone yesterday, to publish on Twitter & tumbler today, in case I forgot. - in case todays posting was seen earlier...think it happens to emails sent to myself and other things...-
-Focus on what’s 4 each day on Twitter &tumbler, despite what cannot be helped i.e. the random relaying of everything @ any time, since no 1 helps me stop it by talking 2 me. Imagine what would happen if you told me-the power to save myself...what a great thing you'd be doing...
about that party school? before things escalated, as soon as I noticed the potential for a problem behind a situation occurring without telling me, I went to their Conflict Resolution office at their school and told them about my concerns and what I noticed-
- the next day, the guy that spoke to me, walks in a different direction, from a small distance, forces a head turn, and gives me a retarded smile. -
-Despite my "reporting things" like one does to the police in the face of a problem, that school went crazy against me on the day of my 2012 finals. can you imagine a school allowed to go nuts on the day of a student's final exams? -
-once again, goes back to the talk about reputations from several tweets ago - this morning. Ur reputation is who you are and reflects in your actions...and here we're dealing with a reputed party school...while they slander my reputation by putting me in retarded predicaments.-
- so many bad experiences with students and faculty at that school...in the first dorm suite i lived in, 5 guys pushed me into my room for pushing them back alone, by myself, for telling them to pitch in cleaning-
-&one of them - a stupid fraternity idiot - rushed to tell on me, saying i punched him. in a part time job, i told  the guy i was working w/to teach me the trade or get the phone in my cubicle working in an area with no cell reception. he just responds nastily and it culminates-
- on another occassion, i locked myself out of my room in a different dorm suite, b4 going to my next part time job, which was in their down town. took the highway to get there. went to the faculty and told them my problem - that i had work, can't be late, need to get in my room-
-they tell me that i have to wait 2 hours b/c that's when their services are officially available. what if it was class & i needed my backpack? when they eventually agreed 2 help me, the woman i was speaking with, probably saw me going to my dorm building, -
-& she drives around &past me w/a nasty look to spite me 4asking them, when saying she'll go to my room and unlock it. when i think i went back to their office &told them about it, she claims she went to my building &waited, but i didn't show up. i saw her drive in a circle.
- and that second part time job...to prove myself useful when things weren't busy with a computer job, i would, alone, move big shelves, i think desks, &other furniture, down a floor or two. It was a gesture on my part after hearing them talk about no one clearing their office-
-after the things i did for them, i emailed them if they knew anything about this, &never a response. -
this is the party school now wondering about why i'm not out, socializing, getting laid all day/everyday, hitting the bars, or whatever. To the orchestrators: leave my life alone. They're so much proof to all this...i guess amidst everything else, maybe they can see memories...-
- i mean would it kill these people to go the conventional route and use a lie detector with all involved? It's so easy to clear this up. Based on what I truly want for my life, all of this is a mess.
- based on tech they use, in claiming 2 help me(when i need no help aside from telling me whats happening), they try to justify lies 2slander me or try to get me 2write all day. They perpetuate nonsense 2get me 2write, 2 I guess, see if they can predict it-to put it another way.
and going back to conflict resolution at the party school? there was one thing i forgot to mention. not only did he allow this to transpire without telling me. -
-on the day of my exams, when the sounds projected 2 me, made threats 2 a relative of mine, there, by saying "maybe we should help him too", I called Conflict Resolution @ party school several times. They wouldn't pick up. I think I left messages, but no call back. -
- in the face of harassment, threats, evolving to what it is today, under a false impression by people of power, such is the party school.
- U gotta wonder amidst yrs of this mental strain, especially at party school, where was cr*p flowery Amerian psychology/counseling system, what was the school's Conflict Resolution doing. -
-at that party school, failures all around..at the time I was there, academic departments were closing like i think their French department. but whatever. orchestrators are people in power, parading as those of quality, when they're not. 11 years of torture attest to that.
and one normal tweet for when we can move past this...-
love the @onepeloton (peloton). love #leannehainsby (cycling trainer) for her appearance, personality, and training.
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wanna-17 · 7 years ago
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kim jaehwan first meeting! AU
warning: just in case if you might be uncomfortable or against religion,  i suggest not reading this as it has mentions 
summary: in which you meet the guy with the sweet voice and a crazy laugh at youth group 
length:  1.7k
a/n: i am back after 2 weeks i am so sorry...as you guys know i had finals for uni, that itself was stressful enough but then after my first exam i got really sick so i couldn’t bring myself to study or write or do anything so i’m really sorry. I FINALLY HAVE A SCENARIO FOR YOU GUYS YAY if you haven’t been to a youth group you can just imagine it as a social gathering where people play games and mingle but if you have i think we can all relate to wanting to meet the cute guy who plays guitar, sings and leads worship. its weird writing this bc im actually a youth leader HAHAHAH well this is something different to my other scenarios but i hope you guys enjoy it :) 
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so you’re a high school student and your church has recently had some issues so your family has been looking for a new church to join
so for the past month, you’ve literally been church hopping checking out different youth groups 
and it was just hard to find one where you felt welcomed and really enjoyed it 
so here you were, another friday comes around
and your parents have recently started going to a church saying that the service is really good so they encouraged you to check out the youth group which was on friday nights 
and so you do 
you’re in front of a surprising really modern looking church building 
you took a deep breath and headed in nervously 
you wandered around as it was pretty big inside and finally found the big hall where the youth group was to take place
when you entered you were greeted with loads of loud noise and energy and fairlylights decorated aestheticaly all over the hall
at the front of the room you could also see really professional looking experiments and you thought that the worship here would be really good
the room was also slightly dim creating a nice atmosphere
you were greeted by 3 youth leaders who had a welcome desk set up 
they had name tags on; seongwoo, minhyun and sejeong 
they all stood up and smiled brightly at you
“hello!!! welcome to our youth group!!!” said the girl named sejeong 
“hi uh this is my first time here” you replied nervously
“thats so great we’re so happy you can join us!!” said seongwoo 
“thanks” you replied as you started to be more comfortable around them as they were super friendly and welcoming 
you made some small talk with the three youth leaders and you were surprised at how easygoing and chill they were as most of the past youth leaders you’d encountered weren’t as laidback and harder to talk to 
they gave you a name tag to stick on your sweater and asked what grade you were in 
you told them and they called over the other girls that were in your grade
they came over and were also really nice 
you learned that their names were yoojung, somi, chungha and doyeon 
yoojung and doyeon were from the same school and were  good friends 
somi also recently started coming to the youth group and chungha was introduced by doyeon
they were super lovely and you chatted with them and got to know them before the night officially began 
the girls also pointed out which guys were in your grade 
“there aren’t really any cute guys but they’re all really nice” said chungha as she pointed at a group of guys on the other side of the room 
you weren’t that interested in boys atm so you were like meh 
“oh jaehwan’s the cutest out of all the guys in our grade but he’s a little crazy” said somi
somi looked over at the group of boys “he’s not here yet he’s always running late” 
you didn’t take much notice of what your new friends were saying about jaehwan as you were more focused on settling in 
so the youth group night officially began with prayer etc. etc. 
“ah jaehwan you’re late again” said minhyun who was the youth leader that was the mc
everyone burst into laughter and you turned around catching sight of a boy dumping his stuff at the back of the hall and you could only see his back view
you shrugged and focused to the front 
“ok we’re going to play a game called the chair game..” said minhyun 
you’d played it before so you were excited (basically its a game where everyone has a chair and its in a circle, the person in the middle doesn't have a chair and they have to say a statement e.g. “move if you have been overseas” and then everyone that has been overseas would have  to move to another chair and the last person remaining would be in the middle and it continues by them saying another statement) idk if that makes sense feel free to message me if u didn’t get it and i’ll explain it more coherently lmao
the game started and it was pretty basic and fun and not too crazy 
until.......
someone in the middle was like “move if you are wearing a jacket” 
you were only wearing a sweater so you didn’t have to move but it was hilarious 
bc 10 or so ppl were fighting for seats and when there were only 2 boys left fighting for one chair 
they both rushed to it and one of them started laughing like a psychopath and his laugh echoed throughout the hall as he ran and tried to fight for the chair 
you laughed along as you watched the poor boy with the crazy laugh determined to fight for the last seat 
unfortuately he missed out and fell to the ground as the other boy claimed the seat in victory 
you expected the crazy laughing boy to be pissed off or slightly annoyed but instead he had the brightest smile on his face while still laughing his head off 
“that was a good one sewoon, i admit defeat” said the boy cheekily 
you suddenly had newfound admiration for his sportsmanship and attitude 
“that’s jaehwan,” whispered somi who was next to you 
and when you looked at him, he definitely was a little bit cute 
just as you were eyeing him (well everyone was as he was in the middle) he noticed you and made eye contact with you while smiling cheekily 
“ok hmmmm....move if this is your first time at our youth group” said jaehwan 
you quickly stood up trying to find a chair but you realised you were the only person that was new and jaehwan had sprinted to your chair claiming it as his 
he smiled cheekily at you again and even though you were embarrassed his smile was actually really cute 
so now you were standing in the middle trying to think of a statement 
“WOOOOHOOOOO” cheered jaehwan “WELCOMEEEEEE” he said screamed in a high pitched voice 
everyone else laughed and clapped encouraging you to not be shy and you eventually thought of something and the game went on 
after several more rounds the game ended and it was time for the bible talk 
you were a little distracted as you wondered why jaehwan had singled you out but in reality he just wanted to welcome you and make you more comfortable
plus at youth group he was known for being friends with everyone and taking care of the younger ones too 
the talk was really good and encouraging and you learnt from it 
compared to the other youth groups you’d checked out this was definitely had a great atmosphere and you were able to learn as well 
then it was discussion groups
and then worship 
before issues started arising at your old church you were actually on the worship team and played piano so you curious as to how this church’s worship team was like as the instruments at the front looked quite pricey
minhyun asked the band to come up and you noticed someone familiar go up....jaehwan??
“is that jaehwan?” you whispered to yoojung who was sitting next to you
she nodded, “yeah, he also has a really nice voice” 
you nodded in curiousity as you eyed him go to the centre and take his guitar while standing in front of the microphone
the girl on the piano started and then jaehwan started to sing
and you were blown away 
mostly because was this crazy loud guy with a psychopathic laugh really the same guy that had a voice like an angels?????????
his voice was so pure and beautiful and natural and you happily sang along 
his voice was passionate and you could tell every word he sang he meant it with his heart 
you were so mesmerised by his voice that you didn’t even realise the song ended already 
you didn’t get to talk to jaehwan until youth group ended
it was when your parents came to pick you up and they were talking with another couple
you approached them and the couple started talking to you and asking you how you found it 
they were mr and mrs kim
“oh btw have you met our son?” asked mrs kim 
just as you were about to reply mr kim waved his hands 
“JAEHWAN HERE” 
you were shook bc the ppl your parents were talking to were jaehwan’s parents 
you looked over and jaehwan was pouncing over with a backpack put on at the front and his guitar case swung over his shoulder on his bag y’all pause and take a moment to picture this HOW cUTE WOULD HE BE O M G
he looked like an adorable muffin and you couldn’t help but lowkey fawn over how squishy and cute he looked
“jaehwan have you met y/n? this is her first time here” said mrs kim 
“not exactly” replied jaehwan and he turned to you smiling “hey i’m jaehwan nice to meet you” 
he offered his hand to shake and it was funny bc he had his bag stuck to his chest lmao this boy 
you gladly shook his hand and told him your name
the parents continued talking so you guys continued to talk
“by the way sorry if i made you feel a little uncomfortable during the game” said jaehwan
“nah its fine i enjoyed it” you replied which was true 
“thats good to hear! i just wanted to make you feel welcome we haven’t had a new person in a while so it’s really refreshing and encouraging that you came” said jaehwan
you were honestly touched at his words
“thanks that did help! by the way you were really great at singing and playing the guitar” you complimented him
and you guys started talking about both your fave ccm songs and he learnt that you could play piano too 
he made you promise to show him you playing the piano next time 
you guys talked for a while and it was super comfortable 
sooner than you hoped the parents said it was time to go home 
“oh y/n the kims actually only live two blocks away from us so from now on we’ll be taking turns sending you two to youth group” said your mum 
you and jaehwan smiled in response
you were happy bc that meant more time to get to know jaehwan 
“bye y/n see you next week!!!!” said jaehwan
“see you jaehwan!!!!” 
you knew you definitely wanted to stay at this youth group ^^ 
hope you guys enjoyed this !!  3 more to go get keen 
other members: daehwi (x), sungwon (x), woojin (x), guanlin (x), jisung (x), jinyoung (x), daniel (x) 
masterlist: (x)
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thirstyfortom · 8 years ago
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Since requests are open if you don't mind could ya do a extra petty MC/Reader giving RFA++ a case of blue balls because they got into an argument over the littlest thing. If you don't want to I completely understand. Thank you ❤️ AND I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR WRITING LIKE THIS ANON MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE TAKEN SOME TIME TO READ EVERYTHING ON YOUR MASTERLIST🙄❤️
Lol, I kept laughing everytime I read this request, idk why. Thank you, honey, hope u like this!^^
RFA with a MC on sex strike (NSFW-ish)
Zen
Hewas late for dinner with your family. Again.
Whenhe finally arrived, you pretended that everything was fine, and everybodybelieved, including Zen.
Soafter you two get home, he’s pretty sure you’ll be in a good mood and ready toplay with the beast a little… WRONG!
“Goodnight, Hyun.” You turn your back on him and keep it like this all night. And soit continued for the next two weeks.
TWO.WEEKS!
Andhe thought the beast would be crazy, drooling and biting its leash, but… thebeast now is just a puppy curled up in a corner, whining.
Youwish you could say you feel bad for him, but in your defense, it’s not thefirst time he prioritizes work over you, as he told a million times before hewouldn’t do.
Soyeah, you’re kinda having fun looking at him pouting at you and trying to getmore than a quick kiss or hug.
 Andthough he’s struggling so much, he knows why you’re doing this, he deserves. Buthe needs to focus, he can’t keep forgetting his lines and missing marks likethis, if you at least went to watch the musical he’s been working so hard…
Youmight be mad at him, but you wouldn’t lose a premiere of his new musical, itmust be really good for him to keep dumping you in order to rehearse for this.
Andboy… it’s not only good, it’s AMAZING! Maybe it’s because you’re missing him aswell, but… this character of his seems a little sexier.
Assoon as the musical is over, you run to his dressing room. “Hey, babe… did youlike the mus…mmmmm.” You practically attack him.
“B-babe?”“Why didn’t you tell me this was the musical that was taking all your time?”you ask, but don’t even let him answer, your mouth is on his again.
Zenis shook, but in a good way. He’s kinda relieved you missed him as much as hemissed you.
“B-babe…let me… ahh… let me just take the costume off…” he says breathlessly while youkiss his neck. “I want you to keep it on.”
Okay…so who’s the real beast here?
 Yoosung
Hefailed one of his tests in college. The one he did the morning after pulling anall nighter to play LOLOL
Youcan’t count all the times you told him to forget this game and go to sleep thatnight. Did he listen? No. So now here he is whining about this exam and you’renot having it.
 Allhe wanted was a little… comfort fromyou after the test fiasco.
“Goplay some LOLOL or whatever to get that comfort, since this works so well foryou.” And you go back to your book.
Thatlong book you’ve been reading for two weeks and a half now, it must be goodsince you’re not paying any attention to your boyfriend. Any kind of attention.
Thispoor baby, he could handle not having sex when he was single, but he neverprepared himself to be without it when you came along.
Soyeah… he’s back to those very loooong showers and that constant nervous stateof mind from when he was single.
Buthe never shows it in front of you, so you’re pretty sure he’s doing finewithout smexy times…
Andhe is, most of the times, the problem here is that it feels like he’s grounded,like a little kid. Because he behaved a like a little kid and ugh… he feels sopathetic.
Sohe replaces those long showers for long study sessions, he needs to ace thenext test to get his grades and his relationship back on track.
Andyou’re not made of steel, so of course you help him study. And having this boyso close, so focused, acting so serious and mature… it’s so sexy…
“Earthto MC?” he calls for you as he notices you keep staring at him. “I… think youunderstand a lot about the… constitution of amphibian’s hearts now, Yoosung.”
“Youthink? Well, we’ve been studying for a couple of hours now and… hum… MC?” youkeep coming close to him, he’s shuddering.
“Whydon’t we focus in human’s heart right now? For example, mine and how you’remaking it race by acting so grown up…” you manage to sit on his lap, and he’ssweating as you nip his jaw lightly.
“M-MC…what about… my test tomorrow?” “It’s early, you need some encouragement fortomorrow and after I’m done with you, you’ll sleep like a baby.”
That’sexactly what happened. And after he aced his test, you gave him a reward.
Jaehee
Ofcourse you like Zen’s DVDs, okay? You just don’t like that’s the only thing youtwo watch.
Youwant her to relax and have fun, but… come on, she really needs to be thatselfish and not even consider your suggestions for movie night?
Andshe gets so in the mood after watching it, so generally movie night leads tosomething else… well, not tonight.
Youdoze off in the couch while the DVD is still playing and wake up a littlelater, telling her you’re tired and going to bed now… oh, okay.
Andevery movie night has been ending like this for a couple of weeks now…
Okay,sex is not the most important thing in this relationship, she enjoys justspending time with you without getting all hot and bothered.
But…a woman has her needs, you know?
AndZen’s DVDs may do the trick for a while, but… she’s missing the real thing…with you…
Shehandles pretty well, but she keeps getting distracted at work and getting alittle snappy even at Zen in the chat room.
Butshe knows why you’re mad and… well, it wouldn’t kill her to give a chance toyour choices, would it?
Soyeah, she’s wondering how to discuss it with you and apologize after you twoclose the café for the day.
Andyou’re kinda worried you’re being too harsh on her, since she’s obviouslyacting like she’s in some kind of abstinence crisis.
Sotime to make it up for lost time… “Honey, do you mind showing me how to do thatbrownie dough again?”
Shesighs, she’s so tired, but you just called her ‘honey’, how can she say no? Shestands by your side, you hands moving messily around the dough on purpose.
“No,MC. It’s not like this, it’s just…” “Why don’t you guide my hands? Here, youcan come behind me.” Lord help her…
She’sbehind you, but her hands are not guiding yours, they’re all over your body.
Jumin
Hegot jealous of an old friend of yours.
Nomatter how much you told him this guy was almost like a brother, he was stillacting cold and distant.
Usuallywhen this happens, you give him the most passionate kiss you can, and you twoend up in bed, but… he can’t get away this easy this time, not with such a goodfriend of yours…
Ishe acting cold? You’re acting colder as you told him you were sleeping withElizabeth in the guest room that night.
Andso it continued for the last three weeks.
Okay,this man lived not minding sex for a very long time, so he should be fine,right?
WRONG!He lived fine without sex because he had no idea it could be this good withsomeone he loves.
Thoughhe looks all calm and collected, deep inside he could climb up walls in despair.
He’sdrinking more wine than usual and coming back from work more and moreexhausted.
You’refeeling a little bad? Yes, but just remembering how your friend said goodbye toyou telling he didn’t want to put you in trouble with your fiancée makes yourblood boil and you end up enjoying this punishment a little longer.
Butthen you get a call from Jaehee asking if something is going on, since Mr. Hanis acting really weird, getting all distracted and rude to some employees.
Ugh…you didn’t want to harm his job and his employees… also, you miss him too.
Soyou show up to his office for your usual lunch with him, not so usual when yousit on his lap, he widens his eyes as he realizes you’re not wearing panties.
 “I-I apologize for what happened with yourfriend, MC, I…”. You reach for his ear “You’ve been a bad boy to me, and Ialready punished you enough. Am I not being bad to you right now?”
“I…yes, kitten. A little.” “So… what are you waiting for? To punish me?” his lipscrash to yours as you smile teasingly.
Mr.Han was calm for the rest of the afternoon, the employees now are trying tofind when it’s your birthday to send you a gift.
Saeyoung
Honestly,you don’t even remember why you were fighting.
Probablyit was because of a bunch of little things that turned into a big thing as youusually don’t discuss a lot.
 Becausehe quickly fixes what he did wrong with some big weird gesture like showing upat your workplace dressed as a teddy bear to apologize, you laugh and forgetwhy you were mad before.
Whichis usually adorable, but talking like the two adults you are would be better inorder to not get into big messy fights like this last one.
Andsince you’re not even talking, he wasn’t expecting you would let him touch you,so… yeah, he’s pretty conformed he’s not getting any of that.
But after almost three weeks, he’s starting tofreak out a little.
Andsince he doesn’t have his job anymore to hide himself in his office and justwork, he’s spending even more time with his brother.
Saeranknows these bonding moments are important, but… ugh, his brother is gettingeven more clingy than usual.
Seriously,his brother is annoying him more than he normally does, making him do theseweird hobbies like pedicure and gardening.
“Goeasy on my brother, MC.” Saeran asks you bluntly, but deep inside he wants tobeg on his knees for you to take his brother away from him, because he’sdriving him nuts.
Andthough it’s kinda of funny, you’re worried for both twins. Saeran really needshis own space and you… need your boyfriend.
Soat night, when you finally roll your body to face Saeyoung in bed, you smilesweetly and stroke his hair.
Yourmouth finds his quickly and he has no shame in showing how desperate he is andhow much he missed you.
“I’msorry. Let’s not fight anymore, please?” “We’ll fight again, but it will befine as long as we talk about it, okay?” he nods, and your lips crash againsthis again.
“MC,before we continue, just know that’s been three weeks of sexual frustration, Ihope you don’t have any plans tomorrow because I won’t allow you to leave thisbed so soon, copy that?”
Youcopied, and neither of you walked straight for the next two days, which grossedSaeran out.
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muypersonalblog · 5 years ago
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imagine you’re you and you’re smart you’re talented you’re the end all be all you’re infamous for your intelligence because that’s all the matters in this school and you’ve sat with the same people for years and you’ve all laughed together but you know deep down none of y’all like each other and you only stick together because of yalls mutal suffering but y’all aren’t even friends these people are your competition but you have no other options of people to talk to and you push yourself you drive your self to the limit everyday because you have to be the best you have to be the best you’re 2 classes ahead by the time you get to highschool and you’re in a bigger fish bowl but it’s a fish bowl nonetheless and you’re suffering more with more people friendlier people maybe you can make a friend maybe you can (escape this) and you’re trying hard you’re trying hard you’re doing well you’re doing (well?) your best friend leaves but maybe she wasn’t your best friend at all and so you push on you push on you push on suffering everyday for the A on the test, the top grade of the class a 4.0 GPA so you can leave everything behind and look at the stars like you’ve always wanted to and study them and see how they move because they’re so beautiful (and so far from this) and everything stops for a second when a girl you barely know pulls you out of the robotics lab (you like it (? Suffer for Yale)) and she tells you she likes you and you don’t know her you don’t know her at all but you don’t know what to do so you lie and you smile and you say I do too and she runs down the hallway jumping for how before running back and kissing you on the cheek and you’ve dug yourself a pit and oh no it’s that guy that asshole who won’t leave you alone well she’s a scapegoat we’re dating leave me alone you lie and she looks at you and asks if y’all are and you nod (why did you nod) but you’re a girl you can’t tell your mom she’ll kill you she already suffocates you for that A that A do better you can do better be better (SUFFER MORE FOR ME) and she’s crazy you went too far so you sit and you wait for her to get tired you wait for her to get tired (but waiting is tiring because you have to think about getting that A and dealing with Him, and trying to breath when you’re home, trying to leave this planet and escape into the stars and your drawings (that you show no one) [she loves them] and months go by months go by she won’t leave (why won’t she leave you’re obviously not interested) and so you wait and you wait and you don’t do anything but she still chases you around and forces you to be affectionate (you ask her to tone it down and she obliges, ever oblivious ever obedient [ever OBSESSED] ) she puts you on a pedestal (like everyone does) and it makes you uncomfortable but you don’t want to be the asshole (she’s crazy she’s crazy) so you wait and you wait crushing yourself burying yourself more and more in paperwork (school work, home work, you work, do you exist outside of these realms?) and she wants to go on a date and you oblige and she’s silly she’s stupid she makes a mess of herself with frozen yogurt (after y’all saw a movie) and you laugh and it’s nice [she thinks you’re so pretty, she likes you, she thinks] (but was it nice you’re lying to her you’re lying to her) the summer passes and you’re working and working there’s no rest everything requires 110 you have to get there you have to get there you have to be the best (you’re falling apart) and it’s junior year you have to pay attention (more so now, this is the most important year (YALE) they will all be watching) and you’re pressing you’re pushing you’re going hard (she won’t leave you alone nothing is god you’re surrounded you’re surrounded) you’ve found a friend you’ve finally found a friend (a real one oh god a real one) and 2 months in she (?) breaks it off and she’s fine(?) no she’s not she’s livid I have to make this right I have to be (NICE) and you wait for her to stop being sour
But she’s back to the crazy she’s back to the obsessed (you told her to stop, you told her that she’s crazy and she was angry she didn’t hear anything she made excuses what kind of insanity) she’s starting to be bitter but you can’t think about that right now (you don’t want to) there’s the overlooming (THREAT) (DOOM) you have to be perfect you have to get the best grades all your friends hate you (you hate them right back you were nice why are they like this) and so you suffer and grind and scream and cry (on the inside on the inside no one can see) and you’re falling apart so fast and now you’re dating your best (friend) and this is not how you wanted it to be it’s suffering (do you like him?) [she doesn’t want to know she’s angry she’s been cut out she’s hurt so Shes pretending it’s okay and not paying attention] you go and you’re working hard you get good scores on the (ALL IMPORTANT) exams (nothing less than the best nothing less than the best SUFFER FOR IT SUFFER FOR IT) and you’re at Yale oh god it’s summer so you can’t rest but you’re at Yale oh god this is a dream (?is IT?) it’s all going great you’ve made friends (people who like you for you oh god no one has seen me in so long) he’s angry he thinks you’re cheating on him (distance is a cold hard bitch) with your friend (a real one) or with her (why her I don’t want to be near her what a sad case what a sob story I don’t want to deal with her anymore) you break up with him (at senior orientation) [she hears about it, she agrees that you were the asshole there, how could you do that?] (you tell her your relationship taught you not to lie to people, she says that that’s good [she thinks it’s should’ve been obvious] (you’re still lying to her everytime she asks if you care about her though) ) she reports in he’s angry and your friends have turned even further on you your alone your alone (you have a boyfriend, no one knows about him) everything is so much worse oh god it’s all a nightmare she tells a teacher you’re not okay and you talk to her [she thinks you do, she’s so worried she’s so concerned, she loves you] (WHY DOES SHE STILL LOVE YOU) everything is going down hill there’s no Yale you don’t make it this is the worst thing you’re destroyed you have real friends (a teacher, another teacher, a good kind person, and someone who seems nice) [she thinks she’s iffy, she isn’t a big fan of her, she’s jealous why do you love them why do you talk to them why do you smile at them why do YOU LIKE THEM IVE BEEN HERE FOR LONGER IM ANGRY IM ANGRY] (oh god she’s angry) her grandpa dies she tries to kill her self (Again and she messaged you the whole time you can’t take it you tell someone else so they can deal with it instead) and everything is dying down nothing turned out how you want it you’re starting to (pity her more) (have a mild positive feeling towards her) you try to comfort her (she’s really angry) [shes BITTER she despises you and its come to now that you like her? she still loves you she still depends on you you’re the only one she has <her friends all tell her you don’t care about her as much as she does you and she knows she’s known the whole time but she persisted then and now> she gives you her feelings and get angrier] it’s all winding down you’re so close to the finish line it’s almost it you’ve almost escaped this hell hole and she leaves you a note (she’s ending it thank god) you go to talk to her about it (she runs away) [she regrets this and she wishes she had heard you out] (probably would have told her what you tell her almost a year later) and it’s pep rally going to (not Yale) it’s graduation (no prom, you never liked dances) [she wonders if you remembered her birthday, as she prances around the prom dance floor as the DJ announces it’s May 20th] and you take that diploma you’re not valedictorian (or salutatorian) but you cross that stage you take that paper [she does the same and she hates this day] she hugs you and tell you she’ll miss you (WHY WHY WHY WHY) and you tell her it doesn’t have to end (W H Y D I D Y O U L I E)
she got lipstick on your NHS collar (you don’t care it’s over) and it’s summer no rest I guess and she messages you on and off and you’re at Penn State (pretty good but not ya*le) and she’s still talking to you (why won’t she leave you alone) and you’re trying to figure everything out you’re the physics girl the star girl why are you failing your physics class this is who you are why isn’t this working why isn’t this working this is who I am and I can’t function anymore (she tries to kill herself again and she messages you again and you give the same reason you always do) you continue on in something else [she never hears what it is but she’s pretty sure it’s a humanities study] and she calls you the next year in the early spring (her phone dies thank god you don’t want to see her face) and she wants to talk she’s angry at you (not a shocker, did she finally take you off that pedestal?) and you tell her the truth [the jaw dropping bombshell truth that she still think about everytime you’re brought up] , that you never really loved or even cared for her until near the end near the end when she was angry and bitter and you say good bye for ever and ever and ever (she told you she still loves you and you cringe) (if she tries to talk to you again you don’t acknowledge it) and you move on because you never want to have to face anyone from that building again anyone from that school again you’re traumatized and you don’t want to think about any of it anymore it’s onto the future for you
[shes stuck there forever]
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shleezaemour · 8 years ago
Text
Cause who doesn't want to see Will Solace in panyhose! ( this is smut if u don't like don't read)
Will!! Did you bring ice?!" " Its in the Sink!!" Nico was scrambling before everyone arrived. Will had invited everyone over for Nicos 21st birthday and he was panicking. Nico hated his birthday. Every year it seemed like something bad happened ever since he was 10 and his sister died on his birthday. It was like a constant reminder. "I don't drink I don't know why everyone is coming!" "Your drinking tonight!" "Your supposed to be my best friend why do you hate me?" "I don't hate you. I love you. And I will love you as I hold your hair over the toilet tonight" "Uuuggghhhh" "Oh stop being a drama queen" "I am not a queen" "King whatever!" ———————— The party was in full swing and Nico was drunk to say the least. Everyone from camp was there and pretty much destroying Wills house but he had the Grace to let it happen and let go a little himself. Nico couldn't even taste what he was drinking anymore they just kept making him shot after shot until he began to slur his words. The entire group was circled in the living room and even in his drunk state he felt a certain dangerous energy. Something was about to happen and he didn't like it. Will was in on it too he could tell. Where was his sweet William who protected him from such things? The William who got Nico out of horrible Christmas parties and would have breakfast with him every Sunday. That William was gone. Now a drunk blonde with a twinkle of treachery in his eyes stood before him. "Truth or Dare time boys and girls!!" As he heard he words a burning shot of fireball hit his throat and he almost choked. Nico wasn't keen on games. Alas his friends were not taking no for an answer and since he was the birthday boy he was being told he was obligated to play. They said they would be nice to him. They are liars. Except Will. Will would be nice to him. Nico decided sitting on the floor between Wills legs was the safest route. Maybe if he made himself look small they would skip him (not that he wasn't small already he barely broke 5'4") Sitting and being good and drunk he leaned on Wills legs hoping he wouldn't get the spins. Annabeth was first. "Leo! Truth or dare ?" "Truth" "Is it true Jason had to take you to the hospital last year to get something out of your ass and if it is true what was the object...?" Nico thought he would die. Wow thats how we are starting out? Gods help him! "True... and it was a toy car" Laughter ensued and Will grabbed Nicos shoulders squeezing them to keep from falling over. Damn will was strong. When did he get so strong? "Ok I pick Piper!" "Bring it on sea breeze!" "Truth or Dare!" "Dare!" "I Dare you to.... give Annabeth a lap dance!" Piper didn't even hesitate even know full well that this was just a ploy for him and Jason to store something away in their spank bank. Piper was a good dancer though. Taking it to the point that she actually stripped down to her underwear with the dance. Nico had never seen a naked girl before (live) but he could appreciate Pipers pride in her body. Will leaned in to whisper. "Kinda makes you wish you liked girls huh?" "Gods no. I have enough trouble handling my own equipment let alone a whole new set that's nothing like mine" "So your gay out of laziness?" "Total laziness. That and a good dick is to good to pass up" "Very true. I like both so I must be an over achiever" "Yeah you do that. Good luck with it too. " "Oh your just salty cause you want my dick" "Ha yeah so salty! Maybe I just don't want someone who will sleep with anyone" "Prude!" "Slut!" They fell into eachother in a fit of giggles. "Hey you! Will want to share what's so funny with the class?" Jason bellowed. "Oh yeah I'm a slut!" "Oh that's no fun we all knew that" Will threw an empty solo cup at his head. "Truth or dare Will!" "Dare" "I dare you to switch outfits with Reyna!" Reyna had on a sundress with polka dot pantyhose. This was going to be a site! Both of them escaping until the bathroom the game continues. "Nico truth or dare" "Truth" "When was the last time you got laid and with who!" Fuck "Oh shit ummm. That would be.... wow a year ago! Damn it's been a year! His name was ... fuck what's his name!! I think it was Butch from the Iris cabin. " "You fucked Butch! I didn't even know he was gay!" "His mother is the rainbow goddess guys.. so yeah I had a one nighter with butch a year ago around Valentine's Day. I think we were both just super lonely" Will emerged wearing a yellow sundress and Reyna had on Wills stupid blue tank and khaki shorts. Wow they were the same size? Who knew? Going back to his seat Nico was back sitting between his legs and studying the pantyhose. Will has ripped holes in it. "Percy truth or dare!" "Oh Solace what do you take me for! Dare!" "I dare you to kiss Jason " Percy marched right over to Jason and straddled his lap planting a full on the mouth pretty sure tongue was involved kiss. "I won't lie Neeks that was a little hot" "Not as hot as you in that dress!" Will blushed. "Maybe if your a good boy I'll let you take it off me later" Nico choked on his beer. "Your such a slut" "You know it!" Will made a show of crossing his legs and fanning his face like my sister does when she's embarrassed. He was kidding right? Many more truths and dares were passed around lightning fast. Leo had to take a shot of hot sauce. Jason had to admit to falling asleep naked next to Percy's at his bachelor party. Hazel had to sing a Broadway song as if she was on broad way. Percy had to twerk upside down against the wall and in doing so broke a lamp. Reyna had to admit she went down on her professor for a better grade on a test. The night was starting to come to a close but it was a good close. Nico was happy with the party happier than he thought he would have been. It wasn't to big but it was loud. Wasn't to crazy but some shit was broken. Nico was drunk but not throw up won't remember a thing drunk. Only slightly uncoordinated. Will still in Reynas sundress mind you walked Nico up to his room. As best friends they were not strangers to sharing a bed. "Will thank you for talking me into this" "Your welcome Neeks. Your always so sad on your birthday I wanted to see you happy" They both collapsed on the bed. Will was still in the dress and panty hose. Reyna kept his clothes and fell asleep on top of Leo downstairs. "I'm to drunk to undress myself you need to undress me" "Ok you undress me too" "Ok" Both started taking clothes off in a very complicated hilarious way. "My shirt is caught on my earrings Will!" "Sorry I just ugh why do you wear a million layers!" "Cause im cold! I'm always cold!" "Get on your stomach ill unzip the dress." Nico started to unzip Will revealing his very tan and freckled back. Wow he must be working out again Nico thought. Ripping he dress over his head Nico realized that Will wasn't wearing any underwear under the pantyhose. Gulping audibly he looked away. And fell sideways to his pillow closing his eyes. Will flopped back as well so that they were face to face laying down. Will reached for Nicos belt and started the process of removing his pants. "I can see your dick through the pantyhose Will" "Yeah well I'm about to see yours too so I think we will be even" "What why would you see mine?" "Cause I'm taking off your pants prude!" "Yeah but you leaving my underwear" "No I'm not I know for a fact you sleep naked" "How do you know that?!" "Cause I walked in your room once to wake you for breakfast and your covers came off and your ass was showing" "How dare you look at my ass!" "It's a nice ass stop being a prude" "You think my ass is nice?" "Dude I'm kind jealous. I work out like 4 times a week and you eat chips dipped in milkshakes and you are skinny and toned." "Genetics what can I say" "Are you going to open your eyes and look at me when you talk?" "Your pretty much naked" " So are you! I just stripped you. And I'm looking!" "Slut!" "More like pervert I would only be a slut if I made a pass at you" Nico opens his eyes. Instead of looking down he looked at Will. The spray of freckles that danced on the bridge of his nose was glowing. He was always so adorable when he glowed. Reaching over he pushed Wills long hair behind his ear. Will leaned into Nicos touch. Nico began to shake slightly. That feeling was filling the room. The feeling of when your a little drunk but your in a bed with someone and your wondering "what if?" That tension that makes you restless and cold. Cold everywhere except your ears. That magnetic pull. This was Will though. His best friend. Will was the only friend he had that was not straight and that was the biggest reason he had never gone for him. Nico needed someone to talk to about sex and lovers and the like. Needed that friend that got where he was coming from. Fear filled him as he realized that with just a few touches he could ruin all of this. He could sleep with Will. It would be awkward tomorrow and they would be fine at first and then he would stop coming over on sundays and then the texts would become fewer and fewer. The thought made him feel like crying. Losing Will would be heartbreaking. "What are you thinking about?" "You I guess. Losing you." "Why would you ever lose me?" "Because I'm drunk and I'm horny and I can't stop looking at your freckles and I can't stop touching your hair" "Oh that's a coincidence cause I've probably looked at your lips like 12 times since you started touching my hair"' "You feel it to huh?" "Yeah I started feeling in stumbling up the stairs. Your adorable when your drunk" "Your pretty adorable in those pantyhose even if your erection is stretching out the front" "Oh the prude is peeking is he?" "Its kinda hard to ignore pun intended" Will reached out and started trailing his tan fingers down Nicos pale skin. It was smooth and flawless like alabaster. Will could feel Nico shaking. They were going to fail this test. "Are you cold?" "No" "Your shivering" "Actually im trembling. Your touching me. Your touching me and I want you to" "Nico?!" "Yeah" "Since your being bold right now and I know it's the alcohol but I need to ask you something." "Sure " "Would you kiss me?" Nico leaned in and was inches away from Wills lips. Looking in his eyes he saw they were dilated and with just a thin lapis ring around them. Fear kept him from breaching the gap. He could still pull away. Will decided to crush Nicos fear and breach it himself. Slowly. Touching his lips just barely with his just a brush really. Not quite a kiss just lips brushing lips. Nico was full on shaking now. Whispering against his lips Will encouraged him. "You won't ruin anything Neeks. I want this ok." "O-ok" Nico pushed into Wills mouth full force killing the fear residing inside him. Will pulled Nicos body into him as he kissed him. Nico could feel Wills erection through the pantyhose against his own. Nico tangled his hands in Wills hair. Taking his nails across Wills scalp Will moaned a deep growl into Nicos mouth surprising Nico into opening his mouth slightly. Pushing his tongue into Nicos mouth. The kiss was like fire. A heat spread across Nicos skin causing him to move and grind against Will. As much as he didn't want to admit this he wanted this. Nico wanted Will. It's funny how you could be best friends with someone and never think about them in a certain way and then it's like glass shatters and you find yourself needing them physically as well. Will moved to take the pantyhose off. Nico grabbed his wrist. "Leave them on. I think it's hot" Nico said into Wills ear and then as he completed the sentence wrapped his mouth around the cuff of Wills ear doing circle 8s with his tongue down to the lobe making Will buck his hips against Nico. Will had never thought of Nico as kinky. He should have though. With as prude and self contained as Nico was Will should have known he was a secret freak. Breathing against Wills neck Nico came up for air and to ask... "What do you like? What's on and off limits I don't want to ruin this doing the wrong thing" "Umm I... oh damn that feels amazing! Um I-i am versatile I don't mind topping or bottoming. I like dirty talk too. I-if you want to top your going to have to prep me really well I haven't had anything in there in like 4 years. I-I like teeth. Anything with your teeth.. I don't like tickling I don't like riding im terrible at it I never get he rhythm right..." he explained in a breathy moan. "You?" "Ok I'm good with all that. Your a little to tall to ride me anyway but I'm topping tonight it's my birthday damn it. I-i like it pretty rough I may be small but I'm not made of glass. I like a little pain. I like facials and swallowing and I'm pretty flexible. I also want to rip those hose apart when I fuck you!" Will shook at Nicos words he had never heard him speak like this and it only made it hotter. Pre cum was soaking through the hose making a large wet spot. Nico cupped him through the hose glazing his palm in it. "Wow your so wet for me already.." "Oh yeah that's thing with me. I get super wet but don't worry I'm not close yet" "Oh I hope it I want this to last a while. It's been a year since I've had sex" "Damn why didn't you tell me sooner no wonder you have been bitchy" "Listen you little cock slut if you want my dick inside you tonight be careful with the snark. Cause I will edge the fuck out of you" "Oh I'll behave babe I want you" Good cause I'm about to make you feel really really good" Nico pushed Will on his back and crawled down then bed. Gripping the hose he started to mouth his was over the hose lapping up Wills wet spot. Bunching the blanket under him fisting he sheets Will cried out watching the erotic display. "Fuck Nico oh my gods please...!" He could feel the smooth wet texture of Nicos tongue up and down his erection and licking over his balls. Gods was this the same person that was his best friend? If Will knew it was this good he would have done this years ago. Reaching under Will Nico ripped a hand sized hole in the hose over Wills entrance. Will grabbed for the nightstand. Fishing out lube and a condom he threw the bottle down the bed. Nico spread a little over the tips of his fingers. "Spread!" Will complied instantly and felt Nicos fingers circle his puckered hole. Will hadn't told Nico but he never actually had anyone breach him before. Sure he had used a few toys but no one has ever fingered him. He has also never bottomed. Honestly he has no clue why he told Nico he would bottom. Maybe because it was Nico. The trust maybe. He has never trusted anyone to but he trusted Nico. Also he was not going to ruin this by telling Nico he was a bottom Virgin while he had his fingers in him. That could wait til a better time. The lube was cold but Nicos middle finger entered him. Will thought it would be uncomfortable but Nico was surprisingly gentle. Maybe it because he has small fingers. Also he was distracting him by tonguing his dick through the hose. Pinching the hose with his teeth he ripped another hole giving Nicos mouth full access to him. Nico swallowed Will with a confidence he had never seen his best friend have. Looking into his eyes the whole time never breaking eye contact. Teeth grazed the head of his dick and the sight of Nico baring his teeth at him almost sent him over the edge. Nico added another finger. "You keep that up Di Angelo and I'm going to cum full force in your mouth." "If you do that in just going to spit it back out onto your dick and stroke you through til your hard again." Will decided that at that moment at those words he was going to choke Nico. Grabbing the back of his hair roughly he pressed the Italians head down onto his cock until he could feel him in the back of his throat. At that same moment Nico got his revenge by crooking his fingers inside him pressing on Will prostate. Everything in the room flashed into negatives. Bliss pure unadulterated bliss shot up his spine. Will had done that move to other people before but had never experienced it himself. It was mind blowing and earth shattering. Sitting up he grabbed the condom and ripped it open with his teeth. "Stand up off the bed now!" Nico removed his fingers and stood. Will put the tip of the condom on his mouth. Grabbing Nicos hips he pulled him forward. Pulling back his foreskin Will lowered the condom into Nicos tip and and rolled it onto Nicos length without any help of his hands. Bringing his mouth up he did a few long deep bobs before releasing him from his mouth. Grabbing the lube he prepared Nico to enter him. "Where did you learn that whorish little trick?" "HBO?" Nico cut him off with a rough kiss straddling his hips on the end of he bed. For both of them being as drunk as they were the aspect of sex had greatly increased their coordination. Nico was biting his lower lip as Will trailed the tip of his tongue along Nicos upper lip. Nico seemed to be the king of the build. He would work you up and then bring you back down over and over. Wills stomach was getting messy from the lube. Nicos erection kept poking it only making Will more and more aware that he was about to get fucked. Pulling back Nico got off Wills lap. "Turn the fuck over!" Complying Will got on all fours. Nico began to rip the hose more up his backside. Positioning Will into a reachable height Nico hovered his tip over the prepped entrance. "You ready for me Solace?" "Gods yes!" Placing both his thumbs either side of Wills hole he slid himself into him. Pushing slowly until he was fully seated. Will was panting and fisting the pillows. "Tell me when to move" "Oh just fucking move your driving me nuts !!" "You asked for it!" A snap of Nicos hips caused Will to cry out letting Nico know he had angled correctly to hit Wills prostate. Picking up speed Nico removed his thumbs taking his nails down Wills back as he slammed into him. Bringing his head down he bit into Wills side causing Will to whimper Nicos name and hearing that sent goosebumps across Nicos pale skin. "You like that Sunshine?" "Yeah only next time do it harder!" Nico bit down into Wills flesh leaving teeth marks and a reddish purple rose on his side. The build in his gut was getting close but he didn't want to finish like this. "Turn over I want to see you!" Obeying Will flipped and wrapped his legs hard around Nicos skinny waist. Nico slid in easily brought him arms under Wills shoulder blades. They were eye to eye nose to nose. The constant snapping of Nicos hips and the feeling of Wills erection sliding between them from the sweat made Will whimper into Nicos mouth. "You feeling good..?" "Oh fuck yes " Nico thrusted harder. Will was close he could feel it the way he clenched around him. The whites of his eyes were all Nico could see as Will lost himself in him. The sight of it sent Nico to his bliss as he emptied himself into Will shuttering and moaning. Pulling out quickly he crawled down to take Will into his mouth once more. Replacing his fingers inside him he worked in and out bobbing his head taking in every inch of him. Bursting in Nicos mouth with a sharp cry and heavy breathing Nico swallowed the spurts of salty arousal until Will visibly relaxed. Leaning over him his hair brushed his best friends stomach trying to get his breathing under control. Reaching down he removed the condom from his now wilting member and threw it toward the waste basket. He missed. Oh well. "Are you going to stare at my belly button all night or are you going to join me back up here?" "Yeah yeah give me a second" Pulling himself up the bed and next to Will he laid on his back. "Do you have any water?" "Yeah on the night stand. Give me some too." Nico took a few large gulps. With the last mouthful he kept it in his mouth and hovered his mouth over Will. Dripping the water from his mouth into Wills. "Ha and your asking me about where I learned slutty tricks and you pull that move!" "Yeah well I have HBO too." Pulling Will into a deep and languid kiss he took his time with it trying to pour a little emotion into the action. Will was his best friend and Nico didn't want him to feel neglected after. "Are you ok?" Will asked as the kiss broke with a sweet hum. "Yeah I'm fine. More than fine really. That... that was... oh I needed that." Will stared into Nico as they held eachother in their after glow. "Nico?" "Yeah?" "Do me a favor would you?" "Sure. Anything " "Tell me you love me. I know it's a lie but.. I need to hear it. Nico peppered little kisses on Wills face. The corners of his mouth. His eyelids. Dragging his nose along the plains of Wills jawline. "I love you. And it's not a lie."
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nh0betsm-blog · 5 years ago
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can this country afford all these people withot health insurance
can this country afford all these people withot health insurance
can this country afford all these people withot health insurance
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