#they’re all different flavors of idiots

[alittlelessalone]

Svsss illustrations really make the best coloring pages and this is one of my favorite scenes! Look at those idiots! I love them!

[fryingpan1234567]

superheroes and social media

do you KNOW how often I see a cute trend on ig or tiktok or anything and I’m just like “man that would be cute for (insert hero ship)”

but that’s an issue because like… putting your face on the internet is DANGEROUS🙅‍♂️

I had. an idea. to solve all the issues!

as fun as it is to imagine the RobinOfficial account having 4 million followers, I think it’s more fun for everyone to have accounts that only follow and allow following in the caped community

so basically Instagram for just superheroes

the ones whose identities are known can post their faces, and the ones who are still under the radar have a close friends list that consists of the people who do know them

a very few amount of people who aren’t heroes are allowed on this Super IG

including Lois Lane, whose entire presence is standard mom posts but with like. Superkids and other Kryptonians. you get it

uhh Bernard Dowd too but he only follows Tim and Steph

Alfred, who only posts the Manor and London with captions like poetry

Selina Kyle because she already had a regular account but B was like “oh that’s dangerous now that we’re affiliated”

she was like “well how am I supposed to fuel my ego with no instagram for people to thirst after me”

B sighed and was like “well,,,,,”

Harley Quinn fluctuates between being banned and interacting with EVERYONE’S content with offensive amounts of emojis

anyways tell me WHY Conner Kent has the most iconic page on the internet

it’s full of these aesthetic photo dumps and crackhead videos of YJ doing dumb shit

also Tim. he’s got chaotic gen z billionaire vibes and most of his stuff is on his close friends list because B doesn’t need to see the REALLY dumb shit he gets up to

yeah they’re both hot and yeah they’re both elite pages. but Kon’s is Sabrina Carpenter energy and Tim’s is P!ATD energy so they’re different flavors of slay

on the opposite end of the spectrum we’ve got B, who has four posts, all exactly 365 days apart

it’s the yearly Father’s Day family portrait

Dick Grayson does that millennial vlog thing but Not

“a day in the life of a 24 year old cop (who also happens to be a vigilante)”

also a compilation of clips of him jumping off buildings, some taken by him and some by other people

can you IMAGINE this dumbass with a gopro

Red Bull wants to sponsor him what can I say

he lets his favorite villains follow him

WHEN I TELL YOU BILLY BATSON HAS THE MOST FAMOUS PAGE OF ANYONE IN THE COMMUNITY

because he was a public figure ANYWAYS. this is the idiot who used to walk around charging people’s phones with his powers and taking selfies for cash. people know him

so Captain Marvel has this crazy account with him doing memes and slo mo compilations of him punching guys from his body cam

his most hit post is a video where he found a cop harassing a bunch of kids on the street (who he happened to KNOW) and without saying anything at first just kindaaaaa walked over and fried the cruiser’s entire inner workings

“yo, copper! I think somethin’s up with your system, man!”

while the cop was trying to figure out how to start his fucking car again, Billy herded the kids down the sidewalk and they all took off running, giggling like maniacs

Damian Wayne doesn’t post a lot, but when he does, it’s to match with Jon

I mean like taking pictures of each other from across the same table and the captions are each half of a whole song lyric, stuff like that

his personal favorite is actually their softlaunch— they found an entire wall of mirrors at the planetarium on a date, Jon had his right hand on Dami’s waist and the other in his pocket, and Dami was standing in front of him, holding the phone with his right and tilting Jon’s face down with his left to press a kiss to the underside of his jaw. neither of their faces are in it and it was Damian’s wallpaper for a WHILE

my babies ANYWAYS

Diana Prince posts exclusively about her favorite ice cream shops

Bart is the kid whose note is always like “in the hospital👍” / “sick again” / “hate broken ribs I can’t eat seven burgers in this condition” / “got possessed by a death god again :/ third time this week” and it’s like jesus man can you catch a break

can you imagine finding fucking Superman has a verified instagram account but it’s private so you can’t even follow freaking SUPERMAN

Duke Thomas is thoroughly over his siblings’ shit and there’s a ton of videos of them being dumbasses with captions like “someone save me it’s two in the morning”

anyways A COMPILATION OF TRENDS

“nobody move, there’s blood on the floor” for LITERALLY any ship it’s so funny

“what? you’re not coming to my tea party? Bethany, I made BISCUITS” with increasingly low res crack pics of Red Hood falling off of things, generously edited and posted by Tim Drake

dance trends with Steph and Cass

“guess which outfit is whose” with Tim and Steph but they’re both in their Robin uniforms

Tim making a cringey thirst trap edit of Jason who in response posted a clip of Tim tripping his own gear and setting off an alarm

“wearing the same outfit so no one can tell us apart” and it’s all the Batkids in their Robin uniforms (most of which barely fit) ((Bruce and Alfred cried))

the Superkids did the same thing a few days later and dragged Clark into it

not-quite-thirst-traps where they just kinda stand there over music but everyone in normal comments would’ve gone crazy

calisthenics trends. Thanks

it’s like a THING between all the Titans where they’ll sneak up behind each other, yell “THIS IS SPARTA,” and kick each other off roofs

someone sneaking up behind Jason while he’s belting Seasons of Love

MOTORCYCLE CONTENT

somewhere out in the world there’s a shaky, blurry video of Robin, Superboy, Spoiler, Blue Beetle, and Beast Boy dancing to and half-singing-half-yelling Tell Your Girlfriend

if you think of any more social media trends or videos or pics you see that remind you of a hero tag me because I’m obsessed with the idea of these idiots on socials

[zachsbees]

Hi yes so I have a hanzo headcanon id like to share.

When hanzo first joins overwatch, for obvious reasons, most of the other members don’t trust him. Some more openly than others. But it’s something hanzo expected. Whether it hurts him or not, he understands. Maybe even respects them more for it, for their loyalty.

(And it does hurt. He probably doesn’t even realize that their coldness stings because of his own emotional constipation, a lack of understanding when it comes to his own feelings, but it damages all the same in its own quiet way)

I think it’d be Cole that’d be the one to make his distaste most known, sneering and passive aggressive. Genji is one of his closest friends; he got to see firsthand exactly how horrifically hanzo mutilated his own brother. Family is a sensitive topic for him. How could he ever even consider trusting a kin slayer?

Regardless, hanzo can handle their different flavors of distaste. It takes a lot more than some mean spirited words (and a particularly threatening warning from Cole) to break him. He’s not there for them anyway; he’s there for genji alone.

But I think Cole would end up taking it a step further into violent territory, maybe not even fully aware of it. Like. Maybe they’re sparring or something and things start getting a little too violent. Hanzo isn’t an idiot; he sees exactly what’s going on almost immediately. How cole’s face darkens with vengeful anger. How his blows become sharper, deadly intent growing with each miss. Cole is getting lost in his own anger— bubbling to the surface after a lifetime of stewing.

Because it’s not just about hanzo’s mistake. It’s about cole’s anger over losing the people he cares about. His own insecurity.

And hanzo? He isn’t about to let that shit fly. There is no honor is dying to a teammate in a petty brawl, or potentially getting each other killed during a mission over a grudge that leaks onto the battlefield.

Which is exactly what hanzo lays out, plainly, bluntly, and in much more sophisticated words than I can come up with. But this next line I thought up, this is important, the one that brought this idea to me in the first place:

“You will not steal my brother’s revenge from him. I will not allow it.”

And he’s deadly serious. Because the only person that hanzo would ever let kill him would be genji. Period. And he will wait for that day for the rest of his life.

Hanzo then proceeds to gracefully kick cole’s ass to the mat. Cole is talented, he was in blackwatch and trained under Gabriel after all, but he’s not as good as a man who’s been trained to be an assassin from birth.

The gunslinger has a bit more respect for hanzo after that, albeit begrudgingly.

(And if you wanna get yeehan with it, maybe he’s a little turned on too. I could see him being into someone who can kick his ass, and hanzo would certainly look gorgeous doing it)

[suzukiblu]

love your baby/child acquisition wips so yj accidental baby acquisition for wip Wednesday please?

“They’re taking forever!” Bart complains, near-vibrating. Cassie folds her arms with a troubled expression, glancing towards the door. 

“Calm down, Impulse,” she says. “They’ll be here soon enough.” 

They’ve all been using their code names in front of Kenley, for obvious reasons, but Tim can’t help thinking about the mango lollipop. Just . . . 

That’s a very specific flavor, is all. 

Tim runs some very paranoid mental calculations. They came to Titans Tower over the Watchtower, and Kenley doesn’t have any obvious trackers or surveillance equipment or weird nanobots in their body, and their DNA looks stable, and they haven’t attacked anyone or done anything more aggressive than look at a few of them like they’re idiots. They’re responsive to Kon and listening to him. 

But they’re listening more than they’re talking. But they keep clocking threats in a very different way than a normal kid would be. But they haven’t actually said anything about their feelings about the people who created them or what they were created for. 

And they asked for the mango lollipop.

[haoreo]

✿ message in a bottle | park jeongseong

content: jay x fem!reader, student au, secret admirer!reader, both of yall are idiots, just fluff tbh

disclaimer: nothing in particular, a lil bit of swearing. i mean no harm to any of the members, this is purely a work of fiction.

word count: 1.7k+

jay was either extremely clueless or simply in denial about his multiple admirers across campus. the multiple chocolates and coffees left on his desk in the morning, the constant invite to be their plus one at whoever’s party - were all politely declined by the boy who was too kind for his own good.

you, on the other hand, were very familiar with such admirers. being jay’s best friend since childhood, you had to endure all of the questions that they would shoot you left and right all about his likes and dislikes. a constant nagging of what his favorite color, flavor, or scent was what you had to endure for most of your friendship with jay.

“you know, you should really start giving this to other people. i think my blood sugar levels are gonna skyrocket with all of this chocolate,” you said thoughtfully one day.

looking up from his textbook, he watched you as you were scanning the pile of sweets in front of you, looking for your next victim. “i never said that you needed to eat them, you know,” he said as he gazed back to the material in front of him.

“but they’re such a waste! you know if you actually gave on of these poor souls a chance, these gifts would stop like right away,” you said in a rush, with your mouth half-full with a candy bar.

little did jay know that you wanted to take back the words that you said right then and there. why, do you ask? because you have had a long-running crush on said boy before you even knew what a crush was. it didn’t take much for you to fall for him, really. all of the times where he held out his hand when you tripped, when he would always make sure that you felt included in every group setting, when he would always arrive with your favorite food to cheer you up whenever you were upset, even if you swore you hid your feelings really well.

but all of that didn’t matter now because you just suggested that he start pursuing other people, probably losing all the little hope you’ve had with him.

“look, all of these gifts are great and all, but,” he paused, briefly looking at you, “they’re not from the person i want,” he finished softly.

because jay had a secret of his own, of course.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

now, you don’t know what 2000s romantic comedy possessed you since that conversation with jay, but you decided to take matters into your own hands, writing and rewriting the same letter that you plan  on slipping into his locker the next day. anonymously, of course.

what could go wrong, right?

which is why you had to put on your greatest acting skills when a little pink note written in red pen fell out of his locker one day.

‘hi jay! weather forecast says it’s gonna be really hot today. don’t forget to drink water okie? ily!’

it could have been the weather, but jay’s cheeks immediately warmed upon reading the note. what made this note different from all of the other things he received? he wasn’t sure, but he was already looking forward to the next one.

“well that one’s new,” you said, reading the note over his shoulder, “somebody’s got a secret admirer,” you said as you wiggled your eyebrows at him with a wide smile.

while temporarily distracted by the sweetness of the note, jay was reminded once again that you didn’t see him the way that he saw you. this note was most definitely from his existing admirers and not from the person he wants the most.

you.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

“hi jay! i heard you got a perfect score on our math exam yesterday. i’m so proud of you! ily!”

as jay had hoped, the secret admirer had been writing to him everyday. a lot of them were oddly specific and definitely not general information, but brushed it off thinking that the news would get around somehow.

“what if write them back?” he suddenly questioned during one random lunch break, making you choke on your food.

“well, do you even have a clue on who they are?” now, you were very careful about leaving any signs on who you were in your notes, not leaving any sign that can help jay trace it back to you.

jay paused for a moment before replying “well, nothing about them, i guess. but isn’t it weird that they knew about my exam score? i’m pretty sure you were the only one i told.”

and in that moment, jay’s eyes widened as he felt his heartbeat quicken. “is it you?-“

“no!” you said so loud that the whole cafeteria glanced at where you and jay were seated. you regained your composure and cleared your throat, wracking your brain for a good excuse. “come on jay, i’ve known you since we were in diapers. i even saw you ate your own boogers. somebody probably just took a peak at your paper that day,” you said hastily, forcing out a laugh.

jay forced a small laugh too, returning his attention to his food. of course, because who was jay to you that you’d write love notes to?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

it’s almost been a month, and the little pink notes quickly became the favorite part of jay’s day. the person behind them always seemed to know exactly what to say at the right time. which is why it bothered him so much when one day the notes had stopped.

what was worse was that you texted him that you were sick that day, leaving him no other option than to stare at your empty desk by the classroom window.

“by the unhealthy amount of time you stare at her, it’s a miracle she hasn’t caught on about your little secret,” his close friend sunghoon said as he sat in his assigned seat.

jay immediately straightened up and brought his focus to his friend. “i don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said defensively.

“yeah, you and ___, both,” sunghoon laughed, “the two of you are so clueless it hurts,” sunghoon finished. he looked to his friend and noticed that he was once again lost in his thoughts.

“hey, i know i’m barely ever serious. but i think it’s about time that you told her, hm?” sunghoon said softly to his friend.

jay could only offer a small nod to his friend. he thought about what sunghoon said. why would he tell you? and ruin your friendship? no, he couldn’t do that. he couldn’t bare the thought of losing your company that he enjoys almost too much.

your excited smile whenever you were about to tell him the latest gossip, your frustrated frown when you couldn’t understand the material he was teaching you, and your peaceful face whenever you end up falling asleep on his shoulder in the middle of one of your movie nights. possibly losing all that over three silly words. no, it wasn’t worth it.

loving you from afar would be enough for jay.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

three days. three days without letters and three days without you. and jay was going to go crazy.

which is why he marched his way to your house with your favorite soup in hand. he didn’t bother knocking anymore, because being your childhood friend, he didn’t really need to.

“what are you doing here?” you said under your fort of pillows and three blankets. you honestly were feeling better, but you still didn’t feel a hundred percent, so you opted in staying home still.

“i brought you your favorite, and honestly school was getting so boring without you,” he said as he took off his jacket and placing his things down before approaching your bed side.

he placed his hand on your forehead, feeling your temperature. “your fever’s not that bad anymore, how are you feeling?”

“better, just not exactly up to go back to school yet,” you said quietly. you kept your gaze on jay, who went and started preparing your food on your desk. curse jay for being so perfect. for being so handsome, caring, and selfless. it was almost impossible to move on from him. but it wasn’t like you wanted to anyway.

after a little bit of fuss from you, you eventually allowed jay to feed you. you hoped that he’d think that any heat that emanated from you was from your fever, and not from his sweet gesture. eventually you finished your food and you started talking about what you’ve missed at school.

“wait, wait. i can’t remember all of this, can you hand me the notepad in my bag? it’s in the front pocket with a pen,” you said without another thought.

jay picked up your bag from your desk chair and brought it to your bed. he opened the front pocket and pulled out the pen and notepad you were talking about.

both of you stared at it in silence.

it was the same pink note that he’s been receiving this past month, with little white hearts printed around its border. and a red pen clipped on.

jay looked at you, waiting for you to speak first. but between fight or flight? oh you definitely weren’t a fighter. so you ran.

but jay ran after you, trapping you between him and your bedroom door.

you couldn’t do anything but close your eyes and hope that the earth would swallow you and save you from this situation.

“look at me,” jay whispered.

“no,” you said even quieter.

jay let out a sigh. “why?” he said desperately.

“because i’m scared,” you shuddered out, “i’m scared of losing you because i’m pretty sure i fucked it all up.”

this was it, all or nothing. “why would it be? i love you the same, don’t i?”

you quickly opened your eyes to witness jay’s warm smile. “i’m sorry i took so long, baby.”

if you were already warm from your fever, you were definitely burning up now.

“can i kiss you?” jay said as he leaned closer.

“you’re gonna get sick,” you whispered back, shifting your gaze back and forth from his eyes and his lips.

“i don’t care. just let me, please,” he begged.

and with the slightest of nods, he brought your face to his, capturing your lips in a kiss. a well overdue one at that.

[whisker-biscuit]

To Gag a Gagster

Fandom: Critical Role, Legend of Vox Machina verse

Rating: T for Kidnapping, Violence, Threats of Mutilation, Mild Sexual Fantasies (AKA Scanlan Being Scanlan)

Summary: When Scanlan wakes up at the mercy of kidnappers looking for a quick ransom, he's not overly concerned - until he's threatened with losing his greatest (and only) weapon.

His voice.

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Scanlan comes to in a daze, head pounding and body stiff. This isn’t unusual for him depending on the kind of night he’s just had, and the lack of memory from the last several hours doesn’t particularly concern him, either. He moans; the sound is muffled by a thick strip of fabric in his mouth. That’s pretty par for the course, too.

But then he tries to lift his arms towards the gag in his mouth and finds he’s unable to. They’re tied behind his back, pressed up against a hard, flat surface. That is…a lot more unusual than the rest. Scanlan’s eyes flutter open to find himself sitting on the floor of a completely empty room, propped up against a wall. His feet aren’t bound and he’s fully clothed, which are both pluses. He barely has the time to process that maaaaybe this isn’t what he’d thought it was before a flat voice on his right side makes him freeze.

“Gnome’s awake.”

Scanlan turns his head only to lock eyes with those of a stout half-elf who is squatting nearby. She wrinkles her nose with disdain when their gazes meet and elbows something behind her that he can’t see. From the “oof” sound that comes out in response, it’s another mystery person.

“Wake up! I said the gnome’s awake!”

“Fuck do you want me to do about that?” The other stranger stands and stretches in one fluid motion. This one is pure human; incredibly lanky in a way that might remind Scanlan of Keyleth if Keyleth wasn’t a treat to look at.

“You’re the spellcaster. Put him back to sleep.” Half-Elf Lady reaches forward to grab Scanlan by his chain necklace. He lets out a choked noise through the gag when she yanks him forward with it. “I heard rumors that he can use magic. I don’t want any trouble while we’re waiting.”

“What is he going to do tied up like that? He’s harmless,” Human Guy scoffs. “I’m not wasting any energy until we hear back from the de Rolo.”

Scanlan’s throbbing head spins with a hundred different thoughts. In order, the first twenty or so are “what the hell is going on?”; the next eleven are “what does Percy have to do with this?” and the final sixty-nine (nice – shut up, idiot, you’ve been kidnapped) are all different flavors of “I need to get the fuck out of here right the fuck now.” He starts trying to get his feet under him but the half-elf scowls and pushes him back against the wall with enough force his brain rattles in his skull when he hits it.

“Stay still if you know what’s good for you,” she hisses, pointing a threatening finger in his face. “We’re waiting for your nobleman friend to pay ransom to return you alive, but we didn’t say anything about unharmed. If you get annoying then we’re going to have a problem.”

It’s a damned good thing they had the foresight to gag him, then, and not because he’s a caster. Scanlan rolls his eyes to accompany the acknowledging nod he gives her. She shoots him a dubious glare but doesn’t start manhandling him again, which he counts as both a win and a loss.

Listen, the trip to Whitestone and back is the longest he’s gone without a lay in a while. Not his fault he’s got needs.

Seemingly satisfied, the half-elf stands up and heads for a door on the opposite side of the room. The click of the lock when she closes it behind her has him audibly groaning; he did not sign up for wrestling with a door without A Vax on top of the rest of this bullshit. The human still in the room pulls out a book, crisscrosses his legs onto the floor, and starts reading. Instead of giving any more thought to the impossible barriers in his future escape plans, Scanlan slumps backwards against the wall in the perfect picture of defeat.

But here's the thing about binding someone’s hands: there are three factors you have to consider when doing it. One, the material you use had better be solid enough not to fray or snap against pressure. From the feel of the ropes around Scanlan’s wrists, these are well past their prime. Two, the knot you tie better actually be tight and not easily pulled apart at the slightest tug. This part, at least, his kidnappers seem to have a decent handle on. There aren’t any quick-release strings from a quick run through with his fingers on the ends he can reach.

And then there’s three: you better be fucking sure you haven’t kidnapped an expert escape artist. As far as Scanlan’s concerned, decades of bondage experience – both professional and really, really amateurish – has pretty much made him the second-best thing to that.

All that to say that it takes about eight minutes for him to get his hands free. Closer to nine if he feels like being generous to his captors, and he’s really fucking not.

The human is still reading, completely oblivious as Scanlan flexes his fingers behind his back to get the blood flowing back in them. Taking down the Briarwoods and their asshole cronies is a new and prideful notch in his belt, but he’s not about to let it get to his head and think he can easily ditch these clowns without all his tools in place.

He’ll let it get to his head after he gets out of here. Both heads, actually, preferably accompanied with at least two partners and a shit-ton of wine. Maybe that one elderly nobleman who loved his after-dinner performance has friends who are just as repressed as he was.

Scanlan starts working the knot to the gag at the back of his head, trying not to drool at the fantasy already growing in his mind. An entire country club of old folks all clamoring for his attention as he makes them feel young again, experiencing things that never would’ve crossed their minds before he arrived to show them the light –

The human looks up just as he gets the gag out of his mouth. There’s a single moment where they lock gazes, both wide-eyed and startled by the other, before the man’s hand raises. The hairs on the back of Scanlan’s neck prickle and he barely starts to scream the first syllable to Scanlan’s Hand when a sickly familiar muffling smacks into his entire body. He gasps as Silence overtakes him, a looping mantra of fuck not again fuck not again, and the spell on his tongue disappears before even a whisp of purple can manifest.

Scanlan doesn’t think. He just runs.

He gets his fingers on the doorknob before much bigger hands grab him around the waist and tear him away. Scanlan screams an inaudible scream, half in frustration and half in fear, flailing and kicking for all his little limbs are worth as his captor picks him up. The muted scream cuts off in a wheeze when he’s slammed back-first onto hard floor, wind knocked completely out of him.

“How the hell did you get loose?!” The man exclaims, incredulous and furious. He wraps one hand around Scanlan’s throat to lift him partially off the ground and begins shaking him. “What did you use? A knife? A spell? What the fuck did you use?!”

Those deceptively strong fingers tighten enough that Scanlan starts gasping for an entirely different reason. He claws desperately at the grip cutting off his air, babbling excuses and pleas and word salads that never get farther than his paling lips. Nothing he does weakens the hold; nothing he says even has a chance at helping as his only real weapon has been silenced.

His captor finally seems to realize that he’s not going to get answers from a Silenced, choking hostage. He releases his hands and Scanlan gulps for breath beneath him, blinking away the black spots in his eyes without much success.

“Partner warned me you might be trouble,” the man grumbles to himself. He starts rummaging in his pockets, still keeping the gnome pinned under his knees. “I don’t want to keep wasting spells if you keep finding a way to get out of your bonds.”

Scanlan’s faculties return to him just in time to see a knife pulled out. He freezes, unblinking as he stares at the weapon hovering uncomfortably close to his face. The human makes a contemplative face like he’s considering what to make for lunch instead of whatever he’s thinking of doing with that knife.

“Hey!” He suddenly shouts towards the closed door. “You still have that healing potion with you? I wanna cut the little fucker’s tongue out but I don’t want him to bleed out.”

Scanlan’s heart stops beating.

He goes limp out of sheer shock for a single moment; so wholly stunned by the very idea that his brain almost can’t process what it would mean. But then the world comes back into focus by the glint of the knife right before it presses against his closed lips.

No.

His struggling renews with a fervor unmatched by anything in his life.

No. No. No.

A body so much bigger than his pins him down with its weight alone. His fingers claw and scratch against the ground until every single one is bleeding.

No! No! No!

He wants to scream against the horror of what he’s facing even though it would condemn him, but he doesn’t dare. He’s still Silenced; he wouldn’t even get the luxury of hearing his own voice one last time before his very existence shatters.

The hand not holding the knife grabs him by his jaw. Starts to force it open.

NO NO NO NO NO

The door swings open suddenly, silhouetting the form of the half-elf standing in the doorway. She takes a single step forward before a bullet smashes through her skull from the back, exploding out of her forehead. She’s dead before she even hits the ground.

“What the fuck?!” The man yells, jumping to his feet only to be met with a simultaneous arrow and dagger to his chest. He keels over, landing back on top of Scanlan who loses his breath for a third time in ten minutes.

Someone – maybe Grog, maybe an angel, maybe the fucking devil at this point – hauls the body off of him while smaller hands glowing a familiar gold are immediately at his side. Scanlan sees Pike above him, her lips moving in what must be reassurances, but he can’t hear anything through the static in his head. Maybe the Silence spell fucked with his ears, too. Maybe he’s just dying.

Dying would almost be better than –

He gasps as if possessed and throws a hand up to his mouth. The feel of blood against his fingers nearly sends him spiraling again but it’s just his bottom lip that’s been nicked; he finds his tongue safe and untouched within his mouth.

The relief that hits him is so powerful he loses all ability to hold himself up. Scanlan sags against Pike so thoroughly she squeaks out a surprised little “oh” that he finally hears now that the nightmare he was facing has passed.

“Scanlan! Are you still hurt? Are you okay?” She suddenly grips his arm as if noticing something on his shirt. “Oh, you’ve got some kind of effect all over you – are you Silenced?”

He gives a haggard nod. For the first time in his life, he’s grateful not to have to use his voice. He doesn’t know what would come out of his mouth right now but he knows none of it would be good.

“Hey, Scanlan, hey, it’s okay! It’ll fade soon, I’m sure.”

She brushes a tear from under his eye and – huh. When did he start crying?

Best not to think about it. The danger is over, the threat is past, and the last thing he needs to do is make his team think he’s crying over a stupid Silence spell.

Scanlan meets Pike’s worried expression and manages to smile. It’s shaky at the edges, wobbly and wet, but it’s enough to make her shoulders relax. A pathetic substitute that is still more potent than what anyone else in Vox Machina could ever do.

Everything’s fine, it says for him.

I’m fine.

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A/N: This was half a spur-of-the-moment idea that sounded fun to write, and half a way for me to practice Scanlan's voice because Critical Role (and this little bastard in particular) has had me in a chokehold for about 8 months now.

Please send help.

[return-of-a-space-cowboy]

🧚‍♀️ Anon

I’m not sure about what to suggest for your 1,000 milestone, but I want to say congratulations!!

I’m rewatching Tim Burton Batman Movies and I thought to myself, what about JJBA as a Batman AU? (But maybe different versions of Batman besides Tim Burton to give more flavor and depth)

Jonathan, Joseph and Jotaro are Batman (They all fit as Batman and I honestly couldn’t pick one) and they’re siblings

Jonathan is 28, Joseph is 26 and Jotaro is 24 (He’s in college)

Jonathan - He donates to charity and holds charity balls to help the less fortunate while working with his pal Speedwagon to make the streets better (He’s the eldest and handles the Joestar Family Company)

Joseph - The Playboy of the brothers and flirts with different women, he hangs out with his friend Caesar a detective, he’ll get serious under the mask but will mostly stay behind to keep appearances with the Public

Jotaro - The stoic and serious one of the three and is currently the only one who’s still doing school (He’s the youngest) and is friends with Kakyoin who’s an Art Major at the University they go to

Giorno, Josuke and Jolyne can fit as the Robins and Batgirl (I refuse to see how this wouldn’t work) but they’re mainly young teenagers to kid (Josuke

I’m still working on the Villains’ list but this is what I have so far

Dio/DIO - Joker (But he knows how to stay in the Shadows and hide) and his partner is Pucci who’s his Harley Quinn (I actually keep forgetting Dio is canonically Bisexual 😭)

Kars - Poison Ivy and Ra’s la Ghul (It was the earth that birthed him) and has no problem killing millions, half or all of Humanity for the planet (He also looks very cunty already)

Wammu - Bane (This works because he ‘breaks’ the Bat *Joseph*) but he’s intelligent and not an idiot (I actually rage whenever there’s versions of Bane that are unintelligent) he still has a code of honor in battle or course

Diavolo/Doppio - Two-Face (Doppio being a lawyer does sound interesting to me, but he’s seen as a joke by his fellow lawyers because he’s clumsy and timid, until his accident) Doppio and Diavolo share the same body, with one side of their Face Doppio and the other a disfigured Diavolo (Because Diavolo is the evil one) and now they’re the most dangerous Mobster out there with Passione

Darling is either a Therapist who works at the Asylum for the Criminally Insane (No she will not become Harley Quinn) or a Reporter and Photographer who thinks the Caped Crusaders are Heroes to her City instead of Threats (She’ll work with Caesar as his partner)

There’s more but I’m trying to figure out who fits where and it’s actually very fun for this AU

Ooh batman, I do love the Tim Burton adaptation, his style in my opinion really gives Gotham a stand out feel. Big fan of Tim Burton's older works. Though I do feel his modern works have lost the German impressionist roots that really drew me into his work (can you tell that I did a Tim Burton analysis for a whole semester in art class?)

Darling is a psychologist that works at the asylum and knows all three Joestars. She's very bold and speaks her mind. Both complimenting and criticizing those she speaks to.

Jonathan visits the asylum often as he wants to help reform the justice system and as one of their biggest funders it's his right to know how they are conducting their operations as well as a secret second thing...

He usually offers darling invitations to any galas as she's a huge help to him.

Joesph is a university friend of hers, they both studied criminology. Though it was Joesph's major. He has tried to ask her out but due to his playboy status she is quick to remind him that they maybe close but she doesn't believe he's serious about a relationship. (At most it'd be a secret friend's with benefits relationship)

Jotaro like his brother also chose criminology, though his major is Marine ecology. Occasionally daling comes in to help her former teacher as a guest presenter and perhaps through her was able to get an internship at the asylum.

He probably ends up going through and copying all her work files to share with the other two.

She's at this point the only one equipped enough to deal with the high risk inmates. Of course they all have specialized cells to keep them in.

Dio was adopted into the Joestar family at the age of 12 and was set to be another successful member of the Joestar family before George's death. He was found guilty of murdering him as well as planning to kill Jonathan so he could get his hands on the inheritance. Of course in the asylum he tries to gain the empathy of others with half truths. Doesn't work on darling, it's technically a conflict of interest due to her association with the Joestars but she's the only one who can work with him. She knows the other side of the story. She also knows Jonathan also visits him during his inspections and is trying his best to reason with Dio.

As she puts it

"You were set for success, you had the money, the intellect and the looks but like Icarus you flew to close to the sun"

He likes the challenge darling presents, most would have fallen head over heels for him. He just wants to get in that pretty little head of hers. He's already planned his escape with the asylum priest Pucci, who he's already charmed.

Kars was prolific scientist in the bio engineering field before his DNA was was spliced with an unknown material. He's gone mad, claims he's the apex being and that humans are destroying the natural order.

She doesn't really get anywhere with him at first. But when Wammu and Saitana (who I imagine could be clayface) got incarcerated, darling finds out they're cousins. Kars actually cared for them when they were younger but they became estranged as adults due to their careers. She brings it up and it strikes a cord. Gets him to finally start talking. He realizes that darling is a good person, just very misguided in his eyes. Perhaps he could get her to realize the truth.

Wammu was an athlete, always pushed his body to the limits and so when his body began to fail him he began relying on steroids to keep him competing. Eventually that was not enough and he underwent a experimental treatment that worked a little too well. He needs to be in a mostly metal cell in the basement as he could've easily punched through a brick wall. Even now he seems to only be getting stronger, soon steel won't be enough. The staff decide to sedate him to keep him in check. Even a specialized diet to avoid anymore muscle development.

Despite being sedated he's still awake just not entirely there. Darling does still visit him and talks. She also informs him that Kars is there and relays conversations between the two as it's giving her a lot of insight.

Doppio's life was changed when the priest who adopted him was murdered and home was set on fire. He wanted to become a lawyer to bring justice to those who who ruined the lives of the less fortunate. Little did he know the one who had ruined his was himself.

No one really took him seriously, he seemed way to soft to be in that position. Even though he was the top of his classes at university. He is hopelessly clumsy, dropping documents or tripping over himself. However during one trial he was able to put a major crime lord behind bars and it felt like he was finally getting somewhere... until one of his subordinates caught him and pushed half his face into acid.

That was when he became aware of his other, darker half. Who managed to break out of his binds and kill the perpetrator. He was let go as it was self defense but Doppio was no longer the same, two people now fully aware of one another in a shared body.

After a string of crimes he was brought in and darling was assigned to him.

Doppio is very understanding and soft spoken, and thus darling offers him the same. He knows why and has no objections to being imprisoned.

Diavolo is more cold but is prone to outbursts. Doppio is always his greatest concern and know that he has a crush on their cute psychologist and he promise him he'll get her, he promises.

[mdhwrites]

Why Can I Say So Much About The Owl House?

I effectively got asked this on Twitter and A: If not for all of yours asks, I probably would not even half of the blogs I do about TOH, if not closer to a tenth. B: I’m an analytical person, like talking about things like this and writing is my passion. Above all else is C though. The writers of TOH obviously know what a good story looks like... But they don’t know WHY it looks that way. They understand that character arcs are good so the more character arcs, the better. They understand that rivals to lovers is a great archtype ripe with storytelling possibilities but also that people complain about couples only getting together at the end. It understands that fantasy tropes are mocked so it’s good to mock them or lampshade our own use of them instead of asking if that mocking is in good faith. This one especially rings true for this concept to me because of how many times the show will try to claim they’re not using a fantasy trope before going “OH! We actually NEED to use the trope to make our story function, almost like the thing we’re mocking is actually just a part of fantasy storytelling as much as it’s a trope.” It’s very much so a “What do idiots on Twitter complain about��� method of learning writing. You learn it by what people criticize as much as you learn by what is praised. The Cinema Sins approach effectively where there’s no nuance. The point is to attack every ‘problem’ you can claim in a product mixed with the question of “What do people praise the most about Avatar?” And for a simple story... That can work. It’s part of why S1 works. In general, S1′s storytelling is very much so nothing special but it’s done with charm and confidence. The only problem is that the show is setting itself up for larger topics, themes, concepts, etc. that it also isn’t prepared to tackle at the same time because there’s not enough thought put into each element so that they don’t contradict each other. Or, for that matter, function as a whole instead of disparate parts. From a narrative standpoint, this is a NIGHTMARE. You’re in effectively a narrative uncanny valley where all the elements for a good story are there but the skill of the writers, their priorities, etc. like that are NOT equipped to cash the checks their pencils are writing. It’s effectively a mindset that will ALWAYS have a crash happen narratively where things just fall apart and you’re going to divide audience the second that happens depending on where they land on the twin sides of the Uncanny Valley. And while ruinous for a story... It’s amazing from the standpoint of a teaching perspective. Most bad works after all have a core rot to them. Their main character is bad, the concept from go is flawed, the writing is just atrocious, etc. like that. Most have works one or two glaring flaws that tank the rest of the work, or that rot is purely in the form of lack of effort and it’s just boring with little to even care enough about to analyze. TOH IS different in that way. There is obviously a lot of love put into it. A lot of passion and a lot of confidence. It understands ALL of the tropes that work well for the type of story it’s trying to tell. On paper, TOH actually has a really good story and the different elements have a lot of potential for different ways for that story to go. But you need to know WHY those elements are useful for the story being told. If you don’t... You’re making a stew without the meat. There is no core flavor because you’ve shoved everything into it regardless of if it clashes, if it needs to be prepared in a certain way to work, if it needs to be cooked in an entirely different way before being added, etc. like that. It can’t even really have any real inventiveness to it like using bread as a scoop because it’s checking boxes. It’s saying “X is liked so we do X.” You need to know the why before you can give a unique answer to the problem that X solves or the like. This is probably why things most praised about TOH are titles. Swap Luz for a guy and how much changes, especially since Luz is bi? But because Luz is female, she’s heralded as part of a new wave of female protagonists that she is nowhere near the start of. Amity could have been an asshole dude and not much changes with her either but making her female as well gets you titled as the first openly gay, Disney TV cartoon (which god if that’s not a lot of caveats). It’s stuff that is frankly more easily answered in a panel than ever on screen because they’re elements that don’t matter to the show, as much I appreciate it for inclusive. It’s not an LGBTQIA+ story though. It only happens to have those characters. It’s not a story about race and ethnicity and being an outcast, Luz just happens to be Afro-Latina and no one rejects her simply for who she is. It’s not a story about gender because the show steadfastly refused to say racism and bigotry exist outside of just being a part of how we know the bad guys are bad people. It wants to be praised for these elements, it wants to appear smart about and unique for having them... But it’s a basic fantasy story at the end of the day. It’s none of these other things and it hardly wants to be any of them, even as it also won’t commit to just being another fantasy story. And... I guess that is kind of the personal motivation behind this. I LIKE basic fantasy stories. I LOVE fantasy as a genre in general. I think it gets WAY too much shit and that people try way too hard to claim to not be like other fantasy stories, either with gratuitous sex and nudity (Hi Game of Thrones) or constant subversion like The Owl House. TOH giving a middle finger to its genre though, while also not being willing to actually commit the proper care and attention to be something more complex is INFURIATING to me as a writer. I mean... I’m still angry just from a conceptual standpoint that Reaching Out has this setup:

Character A is normally brash and impulsive and energetic. Due to issues with their father, they are acting more reserved, scared and cautious, specifically because he DIED. Character B is normally more reserved, cautious and thinks things through. Due to issues with their father, they are acting more brash, impulsive and putting themselves in danger to prove themselves. And they’re dating. And Reaching Out does NOTHING with what is narrative GOLD. What is usually so hard to setup in a story because you want to show these sorts of contrasts, you want these sorts of changes of pace, you want this sort of reasonable, unreasonable conflict sources because they are such perfect ways to show how characters interact with their own problems, with others, what other sides of them can look like, etc. like that, LET ALONE WHEN THE TWO ARE IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP! And the whole episode the two aren’t actually different from their normal behaviors, including Luz lying since that’s not new behavior for her, outside of Luz showing that despite death and loss being on her mind, she doesn’t give a fuck about that Amity is actively putting her life potentially at risk in this tournament. She literally gets BORED watching Amity fight and so joins herself for the sake of a distraction. Which... Different blog. I’ve made my point on how misguided these writers are but GOD there’s so many reasons why Reaching Out is one of the worst episodes of the series in my opinion. But that is also an example of what I’m talking about. They are trying a LOT. And failing a LOT. And instead of being really basic failures, figuring out what went wrong is an interesting puzzle and it’s understandable why some may not see the flaws, unlike with a more blatantly bad work like The Room or Teen Titans Go. Talking about either of those would be boring and almost pointless because... Look at them. Their flaws are so obvious and blunt and simple that you could teach with them but it’s not exciting and you’re going to run dry pretty quickly because neither ambitious enough not to be making the same mistakes over and over and over again. And for someone who’s brain NEVER turns off... I find ambition that obliterates itself far more compelling than something that is just straightforwardly bad. So I want to talk about it. Talk about the whys that the writers didn’t get. ======== I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead, If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

[run-on-lightning]

Polykessoku Headcanons (part 2?)

(first Polykessoku Headcanons post)

i needed a break from all the coding (i’m working on a Bocchi fan game), so im back to dumping headcanons and tropes on our favorite Kessoku Band

here’s some college era headcanons

Nijika and Kita-chan attend university (maybe different uni, maybe same, idk) while still managing their band practice and duties.

Bocchi achieved her dream of living off music, between Guitar Hero ad revenue and royalties from Kessoku Band’s albums (mild manga spoilers: a label had found interest in their music, so i imagine things kept snowballing from there)

Ryou also decided to live off making music, between Kessoku Band and royalty free music/sfx on various websites.

At some point, they all decided to live together. Maybe an apartment close to Nijika’s and Kita-chan’s campuses? And if it’s with the band, Bocchi wouldn’t have to deal with strangers.

Ryou wasn’t in on the plan initially, not until Nijika was sure she could trust Ryou to be responsible with money. But even when Kita-chan, Bocchi, and Nijika started living together, Nijika keeps randomly dropping by Ryou’s bedroom

(She just doesn’t want to admit she misses Ryou, okay?)

To help distract each other from their splurging-on-music-gear tendencies, Ryou and Bocchi experiment with non-music hobbies while Kita-chan and Nijika are at school or work.

The two idiots still end up spending a lot of money on their non-music experiments anyway xD

They stick with cooking/baking though, since they can’t expect Nijika to cook all the time with her already packed schedule.

(a bit of a sidebar: Ryou’s cooking has better flavor, but Bocchi is better at plating and presentation. Mostly because Ryou doesn’t bother and just scoops the food however which way onto the plate.)

Speaking of Nijika, she works on campus mostly for convenience. But sometimes she still works at Starry when she has time. She doesn’t have to work to visit her onee-chan, but she loves Starry too much to not work and interact with the customers there.

Meanwhile, Kita-chan does a lot of odd jobs for part-time work. She says it’s because she enjoys meeting and helping a lot of people. But maybe deep down, a subconscious part of her is still searching for that special talent she lacks.

At some point, Bocchi finds out about all this and points out that she’s not lacking anything, and that the bland ordinary life she fears is very different from her current everyday life. C’mon Kita-chan, you have 3 wonderful girlfriends who love and adore you!

also i just realized i didn’t get into these pairs when i talked about dating headcanons last time, so here you go

Kita-chan and Ryou have a lot to work through to get to a place where they’d date each other. But even when they do start dating, Ryou still enjoys messing with Ikuyo and, honestly, Kita-chan also enjoys it when Ryou does things to her. They can have a very mutually beneficial S and M dynamic. I think they’re very likely to explore kinky stuff more than the others. (I will say tho, I think Ryou and Nijika tried experimenting with this stuff before, but it’s a very very different dynamic)

On the other hand, Nijika would likely take Bocchi to some chill and lowkey places, like maybe a quiet cafe or a public library. She wants Bocchi to be comfortable and relaxed, but also gently nudge her into opening up more. Eventually, Bocchi does open up and their dates have a lot of heart-to-heart talks and getting to know each other’s thoughts and feelings on a deeper level.

Tangentially related, but i’m headcanoning so hard that “Hitoribocchi Tokyo” is a song Bocchi wrote about Nijika. Meeting Nijika is the catalyst for Bocchi to feel less lonely, to see Tokyo as a kinder place. Also also, the lines “Hey, um! What’s up? / There’s a dream I can’t talk about / But, one day, if you were to ask / Then maybe if it’s you...” is so reminiscent of their heart-to-heart in front of the vending machine, and then later at the after party.

[browser5]

An Incredible Poop

AU Where Mr. Incredible still works at an office and Dash is an adult. Bob comes home from work. Dash is on the couch watching TV.

Dash

Hiii dad, how was work

Bob

Hi Dash. Work... well, you remember my boss Mr. Huph? Always watching my every move to see if he can get me fired and my family goes poor? Yeah he's back at it again...

Dash

Uh Oh, well he's just an idiot so don't worry about him

Bob

That's always good advice. And by the way...No capes! You remember that?

Dash

Yes aunt edna called the other day

Bob

How is she doing? I still miss her all the time. She was like a second mother to me... and a great designer.

Dash

She's fine, she asked me to model for the new collection

Bob

Really? Man that would be great if you could do that. She made the best super suits. No one could make one like she did. 

Dash

Omg do you know what happend at school today??

Bob

Tell me! I love it when you talk about your life. I'm sure nothing could compare to what I have to deal with at work. I'm sure nothing could surprise me...

Dash

At lunch today I saved another student from choking. Guess he couldn't wait to gobble up his pbj sandwich, he choked on it real bad.

Bob

Wow... I'm impressed. How did you help him? Did you perform the heimlich maneuver? I bet it was tense.

Dash

Well I sorta kicked his stomach. But it's the same result!

Bob

That’s amazing… I’m so proud of you right now! Just think, you saved that patient’s life! That’s incredible.

Dash

Thanks dad, I'm so glad to be super like you, you’re always a hero to me

Bob

You are my son. You make me so proud.

And remember, if something happens to me or Helen I want you to be brave, okay?

Dash

Nothings gonna happen to you and mom, right?

Bob

Of course not! Everything’s going to be just fine! But if anything… happens… just remember how much I love you. Okay?

Dash

I know that…Dad can I ask you something?

Bob

Of course you can. If it makes you uncomfortable, then you don’t have to tell me and I promise I won’t be mad… but go ahead, son. Ask me anything. Nothing is off the table in this household. No secrets.

Dash

Well, it's a little embarrassing…

Bob

Hey… nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m your dad. There’s nothing that you could say to make me think less of you… what’s on your mind, champ?

Dash

I've been having stomach problems lately and I wanted to ask if you could help me?

Bob

Stomach Problem? Like you’re not, uh… having an easy time going to the bathroom? Is that what you mean?

Dash

Yeah...my belly is just full with shit but I just can’t like get it out

Bob

Hmm. Okay, I got you. Are you drinking enough water? It might seem simple, but if you drink enough water and eat enough fiber it’ll be easier. But, if you’re really stopped up, I have a few tricks that might help clear your system out. But those might be a little gross for you, do you still want me to share?

Dash

Yeah dad I need to know

Bob

Okay, buddy. So drink a lot of water. That will help. In addition, eat beans with your dinner. And if all else fails, eat a handful of prunes. Prunes are gross and slimy, but they’re nature’s colon clean-out. They’ll make you poop to a point to where you might not even have to push. That should help get you going again…How was that? Too gross and TMI?

Dash

Huh, but I don’t really like prunes…What about those husk seed thingys? Aren't they like a natural laxative?

Bob

Ooh. You mean the psyllium husk things? Sure, they might help. But be careful, they really expand in your stomach. You’ll be taking a massive…you know.

Dash

Well dad, that’s the goal, taking a massive shit.

Bob

Right, I just wanted to make sure you knew what would happen. But if that’s the result you’re looking for, then give those a shot. They come in different flavors too, like apple & cinnamon…

Dash

How do you know all that, do you suffer from constipation

Bob

Sometimes! It can be a pain. And I know you’re probably not a fan of all the details, but you did say you wanted to know! Being a supers is fun but we’re prone to a pretty intense diet and the whole thing isn’t always friendly to my digestive tract.

Dash

Gotcha, but I don't think that it relates to my power. It feels like I shouldn't have eaten so many chilli dogs...stomach growl oww

Bob

Ha! I know all about the chili dog struggles. I’ve been there before.

They both walk toward the bathroom while Dash holds his stomach

Dash

Great then you’re a pro. 

growl. Mom got me those husk pills, maybe they will help

Bob

I hope they work, your stomach sounds like its turning upside down

Dash

Yes I know dad, but this turd needs to come out first

Bob

Okay, Champ. Well do me a favor? When you… you know. When you’re done… can you give me a holler? I just want to make sure everything came out okay.

Bob stands in the doorway, trying to close the door to let Dash do his business until

Dash

Actually dad...can you stay and hold my hand? I’m kinda scared

Bob

Kiddo, are you kidding me? Of course. I’ll be right at your side.

You got this.

Bob is a little reluctant, but he wants to help his poor son and locks the door behind him

Dash

Thanks dad, ugh I think they’re working...my insides are moving

Bob

Keep pushing, son. You can do this.

Dash

You sure you won't mind dad?

Bob

Of course not. You are my son. What do you think I am, the poop policeman?

Dash plants his ass on the toilet, while Bob sits next to him on the bathtub rim

Dash

Ok here it...goes hnng

carl strains as he farts intensely, so far things seem normal to Bob

Bob

You okay, kid? Everything come out okay?

Dash

I- groan 

Dash's stomach growls and a big load comes out, Dash grits his teeth and the bathroom starts to reek of foul shit

Bob

Holy mother. The smell is unbelievable… oh my God.

You okay, buddy? It was… that bad?

Dash

Yes it is, I didn’t mean to be so loud. Fuck, I’m sorry dad, theres no air freshner.

Bob

Don’t apologize, my son. I’m not angry. But, and this is something you need to hear, that was absolutely foul. Well, I think it’s best-

Dash

Growl OOH that wasn't all of it, here comes round...2...ahhh 

Dash ejects a jet of diarrhea and grasps his dads hand for support while Bob can’t help but hold his nose with his other hand

Bob

Jesus H. Christ kiddo. I have no words… I’m not sure if I’m more impressed or more concerned right now.

Dash

Hehe I hope impressed dad...oh god, dad I need both of your hands to concentrate, another wave is coming in hot!

Bob

(Oh lord…)Alright, kid... I'm ready.

Dash

Phew ok, pushinggg 

Dash pushes out more gas, vibrating the room. He starts sweating

Bob

Hang in there champ. It's gonna be a tough one.

Remember... you're the son of Mr. Incredible. You can do anything.

Dash

Thanks dad, you taught me how to shit big after all. I can still feel some in there, can you massage my belly to get it out? I feel like I’m seeing stars at the moment…

Bob

Alright buddy, you got it. Just be ready for a big one.

Bob starts massaging Dash's stomach resulting in

Dash

Thanks dad, your the best. Huh think that might've been a false alarm? Maybe it's got stagefright?

Bob

Could be. Or, in the words of your mother, you can't rush a good poop.

Maybe we just need to wait a few minutes? Let your body take its time. How does that sou-

Dash

OH HOLD ON HOLD ON!

Bob

It’s happening isn’t it? OH MY GOD!

Dash squeezes Bobs hands as he poops out the chunky remains of the chilli dogs, the toilet is filled to the brim with shit, Bob can't believe it, Dash exhales relaxed as he's finishing

Dash

…wow

Bob

That…That was one of the most intense poops on the planet. You okay champ?

Dash

I think so

Bob

I can’t even believe that just happened. That was the poop of legend. You filled the toilet all the way to the top?

Dash

Fuck I guess I did papa hahaha. This pile is huge!

Bob couldn’t help but look down to the bowl and it was true

Bob

That’s got to be the biggest poop I’ve ever seen. I bet you feel 10 pounds lighter now.

Dash

More like 50 pounds

Bob

Wow… that must have been one hell of a chili dog. I’m so proud of you for pushing through it. That was some next level super-pooping.

The young man leans back and tries to recover from the pushing

Dash

They really came for seconds. Do you think it'll flush?

Bob

I think you better grab a plunger. That thing isn’t going down without a fight, chuckles.

Dash

Ok, we'll i hope that's it for pooping

Bob

Yeah, I think you're done. You're completely empty. Well, I am very proud of you. You did it. That really was something.

Do you feel better now?

Dash

Yeah I definit- fart ahhh definitely feel better 

Bob

Uh oh... you feel like you've got more?

Dash

Nono it's just leftover toxins, see?

Dash grins as Bob starts to get gassed up by his son

Bob

Oh for the love of all things good...Mm, that stinks. It's better out than in, right?

Dash

Well lets try flushing it

Bob

Okay, let's give it a shot. Flush away, son!

The toilet flushes but clogs halfway

Dash

hmm better than expected

Bob

I'll say! I thought for sure it would overflow.Do you have a plunger handy? Let's see what we can do about this...

Dash

Yeah just give it a minute 

Dash starts wiping up his messy ass to Bobs disgust, bob sprays some air freshener as the toilet recovers

Bob

God, that smells awful... let's get all of that cleaned up. And make sure we open a window to let some fresh air in. I'm dying here.

But I’m impressed, that was quite an ordeal. I am glad that it's over, but I’m very proud of you. 

Dash

Uhuh (Damn still dirty)

Bob

Dash, make sure to wash your hands…seriously. Did the toilet loosen up or do we need a plumber?

Dash

Hehe, guess I really gassed you up huh, it loosened up a little.

Bob

You sure did. Jesus christ this is going to be hard to get down. Damn, I can't even imagine what would happen if your mother came in here. Ha! If I didn’t have a super nose, I’d probably be throwing up right now. Holy smokes...I think "gassed up" is a bit of an understatement...

Bob leans against the wall, wiping the sweat off his face

Dash

Thank you for being here daddo, now let's try this again

Bob

No problem, son. You're my son. You can call me for anything.So what do you mean by we should "try this again?" Like you want to push for round two???

Dash

No dad, I meant try flushing again

Bob

Oh, of course. Yeah, let's give it another shot. 

Bob flips the handle on the toilet to flush again

Come on, baby, come on... you can do it! Come on!

The toilet flushes more away but clogs again, they try the plunger but to no avail

Bob

Ugh…we can't get down this beast. This is unbelievable. What kind of chili dogs have you been eating? This thing is like a concrete block. 

We may need to call a plumber at this point. This is quite the load.

Dash

I guess so, man…

Bob

I guess we're gonna need, like... some draino or something? I gotta admit... you are a poop-master. This thing is clogging even after flushing again and using the plunger.

Dash

Sorry dad. But calling a plumber would be really embarrassing. Maybe the drainio will do it?

Bob

Eh, I understand. But trust me. He’s seen way worse, I’m sure.

We can try that draino stuff first. And if that doesn’t work, we’ll call a plumber, okay? That okay with you?

Dash

Okay pops. Let's try the draino.

Bob gets the draino from the cabinet underneath the sink and opens the container, pouring around 1/3 of the bottle into the toilet

Bob

There you go, son. Give it five minutes and give it another shot.

I gotta tell you... I respect and fear your pooping power.

Dash

Maybe that's my secret second power. Don't you poop big dad? Your superpower is super strength after all?

Bob

Oh yeah, I've definitely had my shares of super poops, especially after a good meal out, or a really unhealthy lunch. But I don't think anything's matched up to your super poops... you're on another level. I am both impressed and fearful.

Dash

lets just hope this doesn't become a regular thing. Did the draino work?

Bob

Only time will tell…

Bob checks the toilet

Wow. I'll tell you what, that did the trick. The toilet is completely drained. That... that was impressive. Are you... is there anymore? Are you all done now?

Dash

No pops, I pray that that was it. I feel really empty tough. I feel almost hungry

Bob

Well, good. I think we should be all set now. Now how about we celebrate your victory... with some ice cream! I think you might have earned something sweet... don't you think?

Dash

YEAHHH. Damn, maybe I should destroy the can more often to be rewarded some ice cream huh?

Bob

Hahaha! Don't get any ideas, buckaroo.No, you got ice cream today because you persevered and pushed hard, and I'm proud of you for doing that. And I wanted to reward you. So, pick your ice cream, big fella. What do you want?

Dash

I want mint chocolate

Bob

Excellent choice!

Bob gets mint chocolate from the fridge

Mint chocolate is my favorite too.

Here you go, champ. You earned this.

Dash

Thanks dad, lets hope this doesnt kick off round 2

Bob

You and me both!I'm proud of you. You pushed hard... and I know it was pretty taxing... but you did it. You're a very special kid, you know that?

Dash

And you are a special dad. But I guess that means we are super

Bob gives Carl an "I see what you did there" kind of look

Bob

I like the way you think, kiddo. I guess we're super special! Maybe we are. But you know? You are something special too. I just wanted to make sure you knew that. You're my son, you know that? I love you very much, and I'm so proud of you.

Bob gives Carl a strong hug

Dash

heh, love ya too dad. But please don't squeeze too hard, I still have ghost pains.

Bob

Oops, sorry. How's the ice cream by the way?

Dash

Tastes great, a nice reward after all of this

Dash lets out a booming fart

Bob

Ok mister, that's enough. No farting while we’re eating

Dash

yes sir, I promise

Dash secretly crossed his fingers as they continued to enjoy their ice cream

[sp4rrowdoll]

Another request before i sleep, i hope I'm not bothering you💀😭

BUT! this is your post to share any headcanons about literally anyone from dol😌 just a space for you to put stuff youve been thinking about but not knowing where to organise your thoughts. Hit me with anything abt anything bro let's fucking GO

(and i ask this just before heading to bed so goodnight😩🤌)

You are not bothering me at all!!! I love getting asks and requests, and getting to write for people, it's genuinely really helpful and inspiring. Gimme all the asks! I want them all!! Sometimes I do sit on them a bit though, they need to incubate. Marinate, if you will, for maximum flavor and tenderness.

Alrighty, headcanon time. I've got some headcanons for both Bailey and Mason. (Mason is fantastic and I love them so much) Bailey:

Bailey was a good person once. 

Not anymore, certainly—that ship sailed a long fuckin’ time ago, and he doesn’t even bother to pretend that he wants what’s best for the orphans under his care, regardless of age—they aren’t quite livestock to him, but they’re close. When he’s doing the accounting for the orphanage, the younger ones are labeled “investments,” and the ones that have hit eighteen are moved into the “assets” list. It’s cold and brutal of him, and he knows it. But that’s part of the problem, isn’t it? No matter what he does, he knows it’s immoral as shit, that it’s fucked up and evil of him, and he keeps doing it anyway. 

He wouldn’t call himself tormented about his actions, or his lifestyle, but something has him showing up to the hookah parlor regularly, huffing sweet smoke and doing his best to forget.

He wasn’t born here. Sometimes he wishes that he was, so the effects of the town didn’t hit him like a fucking truck, unwinding all of the baser impulses he’d stashed away and accumulated over the years. And sometimes he’s glad he wasn’t, because he still has at least some control over himself, and he’s sharper than the rest of the idiots trying and failing to run the place. There was a point in time where he’d wanted to be a good person. When he’d gotten a degree in developmental psyche, and was bright eyed and pursuing the advertisements in the local paper. When he’d seen a job opening in a small town that he’d never heard of before, for a caretaker at an orphanage, and something inside him had compelled him to take it, even though the pay was shit.

Sometimes he feels like two different people stuffed into the same skin suit, and the person that he used to be is clawing at the edges of his mind, begging to be let out. That’s when he sighs, rolls back his ostentatious leather-backed office chair from his desk, and heads down to Barb Street.

He needs another pipe. Mason:

Mason is a virgin. 

He has no idea how he managed to get past his twenty-first birthday in this town without having been forced to have—intercourse—with someone, and maybe it’s the fact that he can’t even think about sex without flushing like it’s his very first health class, and maybe it's the fact that he’s been swimming since before he could walk. His parents were big on physical fitness, before they—he still doesn’t know exactly what happened to them. Maybe they died, maybe they left, he doesn’t know and he can’t quite remember. He can’t muster up any feelings of regret or abandonment, so at least there’s that. They must have told him where they were going, or he must have known what happened to them, but he just can’t remember, no matter how hard he tries.

He thinks about teaching a self-defense class sometimes. God knows there’s plenty of kids—he doesn’t know why he calls them kids, they’re barely that much younger than he is—in this town who could use them. And then he spends all day getting leered at by them, and he remembers exactly why he doesn’t do that.

At least the lake is always there for him. It’s the only place in this town where he feels like he can breathe. Even if it’s raining and the sheets of water from above and below surround him, and there’s barely any air at all. It’s like flying. 

It’s like freedom.

[randomgarbagecan]

something I find really interesting about orv AUs in fanfiction is how they decide to portray yjh and kdj. In this case, i’m talking more specifically about modern/no scenarios AUs.

bc when you think about it, yjh from the 0th turn…from the 3rd turn…from the 999th turn…1863rd turn. they’re so wildly different, but also the same. He’s always a quiet character, a man of a few words. that doesn’t change with each turn, but in the later turns, he’s bitter and cruel and exhausted in a way that’s bone deep, yet at the start, he’s uncoordinated, and naive, and sorta stupid (affectionate). i think that’s part of what makes no scenario AUs such a wild card to me is because you might be getting a version of yjh that is rude, and cutthroat, and full of anger until he befriends kdj. or you might get a dorky guy who broods the same way i did when i was 15.

and then with kdj’d character, it’s crazy because we mainly see him through the lense of this all knowing reader with cunning plans and a bad habit of sacrificing himself to get on everyone’s nerves. but before all that, we only get glimpses. he was still the same, but his personality was watered down. he had a sad childhood, and a sad adulthood without any friends and only a novel to keep him company. depending on the author, they might keep that part accurate, or they might throw in others like hsy and ysa among others to give him some of that development back. but it’s crazy because kdj survived to read that story, and only started living when it became a reality. so like yjh, you don’t know what flavor of kdj you might get.

but all the same, they’re still the two same idiots. and I think that’s what i like the most. it doesn’t matter how far one way or the other their personalities are thrown. if it’s the most obnoxious kdj ever, paired with the meanest yjh, or the quietest kdj befriending the most awkward yjh, they always counterbalance. they’ll always be companions through life and death.

[notsocheezy]

Brain Curd #37 - Twenty-Minute Tuesday #5

Brain Curds are lightly edited flash fiction - practically first drafts - posted daily and sometimes written with the express intention of being terrible… but, you know, in an endearing way. Please enjoy.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to The Frank Program.” Frank took a pull from his vape and blew it out onto the microphone. “You hear that? That’s the sound of freedom. But the government doesn’t want you to have access to Sticky Maple Peanut Butter THC/CBD/NCT/CBT E-Juice! Right, Daryl?”

Daryl nodded. He had patchy burned splotches on his skin.

“That’s right. They’re banning all the good flavors because it ‘encourages children to vape more.’ Ridiculous.” He took another pull from his vape and started coughing. “God damn that tastes delicious. I couldn’t enjoy myself so much if I had to vape that smoke-flavored crap. So that’s why Daryl and me cooked up something special, and I’m happy to share our recipe with ya, America, because that’s what a good radio host does.”

“Podcast…” Daryl said with a small voice.

“Yeah, yeah, ‘podcast host,’ whatever. Same difference. The point is, we got a big cauldron from some kinda forest witch at the Home Depot parking lot, and we loaded it up with ingredients. Make sure you listen close, because if you don’t, you might have some problems.” He glared at Daryl, who cowered on his wooden stool in the corner. “First, get a jar of peanut butter. Smooth kind, not lumpy or crunchy or chunky or what-have-you, just smooth or you’ll clog your atomizer. Put a whole jar in there. Then, a bottle of your finest grade B maple syrup.”

“They don’t have grade B anymore, it’s all grade A with different levels of -”

“Goddamn it, Daryl, you know that don’t make no goddamn sense! There has to be another grade or grades ain’t even a thing!”

“But they changed -”

“Don’t argue with me, boy!” Frank took another puff to relax. “Right, you pour the syrup on in. Next step is you get one of those tea infusers with the metal basket and fill it with tobacco and Mary Jane. Chuck that in too. Next step, a gallon of propylene glycol. And after that, the most important step, which you do not want to get wrong! It’s a gallon of vegetable glycerin. VEGETABLE, Daryl!”

“I thought nitro meant it would go faster.”

“It did go faster, it went faster enough to burn through yer damn left eyebrow, ya idiot!”

“I’m sorry, Pa.”

“Hey man, it’s your fuckup. I don’t care. But to the listeners out there, uh… listening: the recipe is fantastic.” He took one more puff and choked on a chunk of peanut. Between coughs, he managed to say, “this has been… The Frank Program… Thank you for letting me be Frank with you!” He collapsed to the floor, wheezing.

[mommalosthermind]

The funniest thing for me so far about falling into bsd is my partner being baffled that I latched onto atsushi and akutagawa immediately. He’s all ‘dazai is RIGHT THERE?? Why do you like THEM?’

And then I had to remind him how we met: where a mutual friend had attempted to talk him up to me but mostly made him sound like a problem. And I dealt with problems by being a bigger problem.

Of course I like them. They’re idiots. They’re perfect parallels. They should kiss about it.

Dazai is also an idiot, just a different flavor, but I’m pretty sure he IS kissing Chuuya about it.

[hypnified]

Bear, Dipper and Irais being chaotic

Bear: *out cold on the ground*

Dipper: Oh my god, do you think they’re okay?!

Irais, holding a bucket of ice water: Who cares?! *dumps all of the water on Bear’s face*

-

Irais: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.

Dipper, used to Irais being dumb: Sure...

Irais: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

Dipper: Okay?

Irais: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.

Dipper:

Irais: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-

Dipper: Jesus, that one is a little-

Bear, interested: No, no, Irais, keep going.

-

Bear: I will find us a covered wagon and horses.

Bear: If you two can manage to not kill each other while I'm gone.

Dipper: Oh, please. We're not children.

*Bear leaves*

Dipper, casually: ...Eat shit and die.

Irais, also casually: Yes, fuck you.

-

Dipper: Hey, Irais. Why did the chicken cross the road?

Irais: To get to the other side?

Dipper: You were supposed to say “I dunno, why?“

Irais: Uh... fine. I don’t know. Why did it cross the road?

Dipper: To get to the idiot’s house.

Irais: ...Ok?

Bear: Hey, Irais. Knock knock.

Irais: No.

Bear: You were supposed to say “who’s there?”

Irais: Fine... let’s get this over with. Who’s there?

Bear: The chicken.

Irais:

Bear:

Dipper:

Irais: Listen here you little shits-

-

Dipper: It's locked. You got a lock pick?

Irais: Yeah-

Bear: *kicks in the door*

-

Dipper: It’s Pride Month, you know what that means!

Irais: I get to eat as many Skittles as I want?

Dipper: What? No! What has Bear been telling you?

Bear, walking in, pouring Skittles into their mouth: Taste the rainbow, bitch.

-

Dipper: You know what bothers me? Bats. Why can bats fly?

Bear: Not again!

Dipper: No. Seriously, who gave them the right? They're mammals! Mammals walk on land, no exceptions.

Irais: Just wait until you hear about whales.

Dipper: What now?

-

Bear: I think I did fairly well on my anatomy quiz! :)

Dipper: I forgot I was doing a test.

Bear: Dipper .

Dipper: I said the vertebrae was the back stick because I thought it was funny....

Irais: Dipper.

-

Bear: Do you think different paints have different tastes?

Irais: They do.

Dipper: ...Why did you say that with such certainty?

-

Bear: Dipper, I’m afraid.

Dipper: Just stay close to Irais.

Bear: That's why I’m afraid.

-

Dipper, reading a recipe: Beat three eggs?

Irais: It means like in hand-to-hand combat.

Dipper: Ohhhh-

Bear: Both of you get out of this kitchen.

-

Bear: Dinosaurs aren't extinct. I mean, Irais is walking in this room.

Dipper: *wheeze*

-

Irais: How is spring not everyone’s favorite season? The trees are PINK, guys!

Bear: Allergies are also a problem, y'know.

Irais: But pink.

Dipper: And it's hot.

Irais: PINK!

-

Dipper: Some people are like slinkies.

Irais: What?

Dipper: Not really good for much but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

Irais:

Irais: Please don't push Bear down the stairs.

Dipper, pushing Bear down the stairs: Too late.

-

Bear: Would you slap Irais-

Dipper: Yes.

Bear: I didn't even finish!

Dipper: Sorry, continue.

Bear: Would you slap Irais for 10 credits?

Dipper: I would do it for free.

Irais: Rude...

-

Dipper: How do you do that?

Irais: I'm fearless.

Bear: I saw you run from bees yesterday. You flailed around and tripped over a chair. It was both hysterical and sad.

Irais: I'm mostly fearless.

-

[merriclo]

uhh anyways. i was testing out an idea for Oracle and his Zelda’s relationship so here have a wip i wrote late last night. warning it’s a little angsty ig lmao

this is for hcau, but it can be read separately from it

Zelda bites into the apple, and the flavors twist her lips into a smile. Juice drips and stickies her fingers, sliding all the way down to the pearly bracelets on her wrist, but the way she looks at Link tells him she doesn’t mind.

His laugh is warm against the cool autumn day. “They turn out okay?” he asks, and Zelda nods enthusiastically.

“More than just okay, give yourself some credit,” she says once she’s swallowed.

“Well, I’ll make sure to send a bunch to the castle for you, then.”

She makes no attempt to hide the way her face lights up, and it occurs to Link that, maybe, if things were just slightly different, he could have loved her. Maybe if they weren’t chained to the triforce, if she wasn’t a princess, or if he was born right and didn’t lose himself in dreams, then maybe he might’ve just loved her.

Of course, the very thought appalls him, the selfishness of loving her on purpose, but that doesn’t stop it from lingering, from staying there in the back of his mind as he watches Zelda enjoy the fruits of his labor.

Link knows he can never tell her, so he settles for sitting back and watching the girl with the lemon hair eat in his orchard.

idk if this is coherent like at all but i’m obsessed with the “maybe in a different life we could have loved each other” trope. it’s so good. maybe expect more of these idiots and their stupid narrative by which they’re both doomed. i love them both i promise