#they wont be able to handle me now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ableedingheartdove · 2 years ago

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Just finished Hannibal.

This is the most brilliant shit i've ever seen in my entire life wtf

#hannibal #im still scared shitless to go out of my apartment to take a smoke #but it was so so worth it #omg this is insane how was this acrually produced #from time to time i just stare off into the nothingness and half gasp half laugh cause like #wtf #they were insane for this #bryan fuller was insane for this #and mads and hugh omg #this was so #i cant i cant #the way that hannibal knew that will knew he was in love with him #and will knew he knew that he knew #and there was just this implicit understanding between them #fully wordless #that carried the whole chapter #omg i am going insane over this i will never be normal again #my friends will all desert me I already got drunk af a couple days ago and said that 'sex is like cannibalism'#they wont be able to handle me now #omg omg omg

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nabaath-areng · 19 days ago

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im having the worst body day in a good while in terms of pain but i refuse to lay down. for there lies the road to the devil (mental health spiraling with nothing to distract from it). i SHOULD cook. but im not sure ill be able to with the pain. especially since the pain is because it feels like literally nothing is sticking together, like im much more bendy and hypermobile and useless than normal, which severely affects both motor skills and body strength. not to mention that this is causing a bad jaw day where so chewing is pain cause i already cant keep it in place and keep my mouth properly closed. i keep complaining but like, holy fuck i want off this illness ride

#i wanna paint my nails also but i dont need to i just feel like it and also thatd cause worse pain but also hhrhgghh #glitter................. sparkles.....#but also i wanna shower cause im cold but i wont be able to stand up right now AND handle potentially passing out #id like to not slip and injure myself if i can at all help it if thats not too much to ask...#man im typing and causing myself pain from it but like what else am i supposed to fucking DOOOOOO #GGRRREAAAAAAAAA #im struggling to comprehend how its NOT the norm to be like this #like what do you MEAN this isnt the default human experience. what do you mean there are people who are free from this #at first i didnt understand i was fucked up because everyone told me im overreacting and everyone has it #only to find out that no they fucking dont and ive been damaged beyond repair trying to reach other peoples ability level #like how do you NOT feel angry and bitter about that? i dont WANT to be but abled people sell you a fucking lie #and then punish you for noticing signs that somethings amiss. and then YOURE the one whos demanding for being burnt out beyond repair #and unable to pretend youre fine and just like them for their comforts sake. god im sorry im just so #i cannot explain this as anything else but an ongoing process of grief and trauma and mourning #and i want to believe in reincarnation solely so that i could have another chance at life #where im not sick and forced to continue giving up the only things that made this pain at all bearable in the first place #im sorry ill be fine or rather i HAVE to be fine because otherwise i dont know what to do with myself and thats crushing me from within #silvi talks #i need a tag for my stupid annoying whining about my fucked up flesh lmao

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unablethethird · 2 months ago

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i hate my mum so much

#every night she turns every little thing into an argument #i cant stop crying #i try to explain to her that im feeling tired and im not doing that well mentally right now #trying to ask her for help #and she goes #why should i care #and starts traumadumping to me #turning it into a competition #if i start crying again rn i wont be able to breath #ik its not that deep #but argument after argument i cant handle it

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halogalopaghost · 1 year ago

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#IM SO STRESSED IM SO STRESSED #I feel like I'm not handling ANYTHING well rn #so many people have symptoms that are WAAAAAAY fucking worse and they're like. working full time jobs and being a parent and shit and #I'm like waaah oh no I have body aches and chronic fatigue looks like I'll have to be unemployed and never do anything ever 💀#how am I gonna live?? like. my parents are taking care of me and I'm so fucking glad but #SOMEDAY THEY WONT BE AROUND and that stresses me out so bad #I'm 25 years old and I NEED my mom every day if not physically then emotionally because I'm a little bitch baby that can't do anything for #herself. im having a hard time feeding myself I'm having a hard time keeping my living space clean #I'm not taking care of anything except the dogs sometimes and my lizard and she's not getting as much attention as she used to #I need a job and I need to be able to suck it up and DO THINGS but I feel like I'm not the person u was anymore #I was strong and I could push thru things and make myself do things and now I can't???? I just lay on the fucking couch!! and feel bad abtit #is it the tism. is it the ADHD. what about the chronic depression. how bout the fibromyalgia?#and the thing is that ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE MILD #I don't have severe pain (yet).#I just can't handle it I don't WANT to handle it #so. shoutout to my mom I guess because if it wasn't for her I simply wouldn't be alive #I feel like I've never been happy!! why can't I just be content and be happy!!!!#I have no fucking reason to be unhappy!!!!!!

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lemon-wedges · 7 months ago

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#havening trouble falling asleep and i KNOW anything i think about right now is just blown out of proportion #but genuinely not looking forward to my grandfather coming home tomorrow #living with him stresses me out so much #in some fucked up way im glad he wasnt here when kevin died #i cant imagine those first few days of grief having to also deal with him #i guess im just afraid that whatever progress ive gone thru is going to get lost the moment he comes #or if i trigger myself i wont be able to handle it as well #sigh #i know ill just have to take it as it comes

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bruiisedfawn · 14 days ago

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₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ☆.𖥔 ݁ ˖

#so anxious all the time. there s just too much going on rn and everything is changing and i dont like any of it.#i've had the exact same life for years and years and years and i dont like change.. even if itmight be needed i dont like it #my sister moved and as my mom is there with out dog all the time.. i realized how hard it is to be so far away #and i'm mostly in waiting lists for student housing in cities further away. but thats bc it's so hard to get appartments in cities close by #so now im realizing how hard it's gonna be to be so far away from my dog :c and he is 9 & this breed's estimated lifespan is 13yrs.... :(((#plus being far away from the only support system i have. even if we are dysfunctional it's like #if smth happens to my cat then my family could help me but if im several hours away im on my own :/#and not only that. i have to first get accepted to a program. then find an appartment...#but before that i need to pass my two classes.... and then do a test for a third class and somehow pass that #just to get grades in all courses i need to be able to get my highschool diploma #buuuuut also. i need to apply for university in march. and i wont get my grades until may. so.. i need to get documents showing #im taking the classes needed that will make me be eligible for the program when it starts #i get overwhelmed by just running several errands in one day my brain is shutting downnnn #i dont wanna be an adult and independent. i dont want to.#ppl can talk all they want abt how you're 'supposed' to live. but i just dont agree. i dont think everyone are buikt to live the same way #i dont want to be in charge or have responsibilities. i could have a job yes but i dont wanna live alone or whatever whatever id #im just so anxious and stressed qnd i cant relax at all. i dont like being alone and have to figure out all of these things alone #it's so stressful and too much for me to handle and think abt and i just wish #.. im so envious of other ppl lol #like all my old friends are in relationships.... they dont have to be stressed abt where to move and what to do on their own #idk. i just dont know!!!!!!!!! i want to love w my family forever bc like in the future we could afford a house together.#but they dont wanna do that 😭😭😭😭😭 i get it but im just stressed #hmm.. i dont know. im not good under time pressure either.. like.. there is such a short span of time now where everything will change #i dont like it :///////

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xviruserrorx · 3 months ago

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I really hate having to depend on people to get very very important things done

#oh the joys of being disabled and not being able to do thing or having to constantly get help with things #literally have been asking my landlord MONTHS gor paperwork i need from him #and ive been trying to get other paperwork and documents from people that i otherwise should have had #but i was in the hospital and very sick so i dont have these documents and so now im trying to get them but #its just so annoying and im suffering because its affecting my health and people just dont care and im so frustrated #and i also still am not able to drive and i dont have money to get the bus or anything and Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #and im still trying to get like my frivken birth certificate from my mother because she had all this stuff because i was sick #and again in the hospital and when i finally got out and tried to get a grip on all my legal medical stuff #i find out that she just let it all go to waste and she literally told me that she was just waiting for me to get out #so that i can handle it myself when jsncjsncjsjcnccn #THATS WHAT SHE LITERALLY WAS THERE FOR SHE HAD ALL MEDICAL RIGHTS BY ME AND SHE DIDN'T DO IT #and gosh... i just really hope i still qualify for disability because i cant work ive tried to do it and #i literally worked a 9-5 day and the next three days after that i was running a fever and throwing up #i thought it was a one time thing so i tried again and the same thing happened #and i keep fricken trying and it keeps happening and its frustrating my body wont tolerate working #and im stressed because the person coming into presidency doesn't like disabled people and i feel like im just not gonna qualify #i just hope i qualify for the insurance part at least thats what i really really need because yeah just yeah

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gifti3 · 3 months ago

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so yea running servers isnt like a cheap thing is what ive been learning these past couple weeks

#fair warning this is me just like going off new knowledge so i could be getting things wrong #buying an actual server isnt really that expensive itself! the issue is like actually running it and when you have actual ppl on said serve #thats where costs start racking up #theres different ways to go about handling a server but mainly what ive been getting from this is:#self hosting (running urself) or managed hosting (having a 3rd party run it for you)#so when ur small or solo u can get away with managed servers cause theyre pretty lowcost or free #and you usually want to go this route if you dont have the skills built up to take care of a server yourself #or if you arent interested in learning cause its pretty time consuming and u have to upkeep it #but they are scary expensive once u get a certain amount of users from what ive seen #its extremely convenient and gives u peace of mind but theres no point using the service if ur making enough money #especially since you wont have as much control of your server if its managed #so at that point just hire people to take care of your own servers you buy #however there are still server costs u need to pay (along with the people u have hired)#im only bringing this up to say that solmare is running ''two'' separate servers for two seperate games (as far as ik)#and probably arent making that much more in profit cause #me as a user...if i have two games that r practically the same on my phone im not spending money on both #its either one or the other #but you still need to pay accordingly to have both of these servers up #like realistically they arent gonna be able to keep both apps running indefinitely #but yea whatever they were saying in the beginning about having both games running and not forgetting about the og #was either a very generous guess or they were just lying #if it were like a nikki game situation where all the games r very different then maybe it would have been feasible #anyways yea sorry i needed an excuse to talk about the website stuff ive been learning!! and obey me is always in the back of my head #im like thinking about this stuff a lot cause for my site i need to have a server and its like okay we r gucci rn #i can stick with managed for now cause im assuming its gonna stay small #but like...theres always that non zero percent chance that it might not be gucci later on lol #so been researching a lot and i just dont wanna run my own server that sounds so boring its not even funny #so yea im just like AHHH

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skunkes · 2 years ago

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#talkys #realizing now that ive never really been able to see a future where i drive ykwim #not in the sense of Lol I Dont Wanna Do It So I Wont but in the sense that its never been something ive been #excited or hopeful about/for #same with moving out. same with having a job. same with transitioning #i cant See that in my future it doesnt even seem far away it just seems like. unthinkable #i think i might still be stuck in the 'didnt expect to live this long' mode bc its true i feel like i should be dead i feel i should die #tomorrow. ykwim. which makes it all so much harder. 0 motivation bc its unrealistic to me #to imagine any sort of future #because i dont really have a future !#why learn to drive if i dont have a future #no way to find a job that doesnt suck bc i dont have qualifications for anything Good (my fault) so #putting it off for as long as possible. bc i really dont have a future. i dont !#i am inept and cant handle being alive #and thats that ive had no real issues or tribulations.

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mikuyuuss · 8 months ago

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Guess who just got her hands on a survival horror game

#personal #survival horror #horror #fatal frame 4 #fatal frame #Gone where the days where I used to just watch youtubers play horror games for me #this time I PLAY it myself #ngl I thought i wont be able to handle it and yeah its still scary #but also IM HAVING FUN!#cant wait to unlock the cute outfits #also now I wanna play ff5 too

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imabiscuitinthousandworlds · 1 year ago

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i would like to thank any gods out there that the physics exam was in fact manageable and most questions worked like the ones i did manage to look over. no idea if i got to the correct conclusion but i'm pretty sure my formulas are all in order. i'm careful not to hope too much but i definitely didn't completely screw it up.

i would also like to thank the snow that i got to go home earlier.

i would also like to fight my french teacher and stop french classes immediately i don't understand a damn thing and there's too much grammar and i can't focus and i'm too demotivated to spend the time on it i should and i wanna cry

#a biscuit's rambles #EVEN IF I DONT USE THE SUBJONCTIF FRENCH PPL ARENT STUPID THEYLL KNOW WHAT I WANNA SAY #also leave me alone i was prepared for the way u usually test someone in class #not that #i woulda been able to handle that other stuff #also i KNEW my vocab okay that one phrase wasnt even in That vocab #we have two french lessons back-to-back on wednesdays and they make me wanna commit spontaneous self-ignition #just crumble to dust for a while. ill come back after french please and thank you #but hey physics went. well imma be a bit careful so i wont say well but better than expected for sure #at least thats done #now just small maths and politics tests on friday #and the spanish exam next week #and that other one in two weeks #and-- okay okay one exam at a time #im not gonna die but i will wish to be taken over by blue fungus for a prolonged if finite period of time

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autistic-shaiapouf · 1 year ago

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Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by

#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about #but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were #and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat #as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like #a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain #it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot #i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds #i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh #political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore #they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get #but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk #i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers #here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now #it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths #i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how #burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that #i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up #could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan?#to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me #coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage #you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao #i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now #bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will #i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail #also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e #no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it #i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course #idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do #anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand #shai speaks

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volfoss · 1 year ago

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genuinely such a great feeling when a project just works out like this....

#twist rambles #like i feel SO well equipped to handle this?? and the head is PERFECTLY in scale for the body and should match pretty decent and all the #neck mods ive done should ALSO be ok. like for me its really nice bc looking at this head initially i was like. no fucking way am i gonna b #able to do ANYTHING for her. i cant fix this and so i shouldnt even consider it. but now im like ok. i think this is gonna work out perfect #even if some parts. well are gonna be scary... im dreading doing the eyes lol. but future me's issue lol. but idk. its just been rly cool o #like. i rly looked up to other ppl in this hobby that were able to fix up REALLY damaged dolls like this. like one person ive talked to a #bit on the resin side of it all is so so sklled at repair and has so much knowledge. and idk its cool to take on a project like this and #know im well equipped for it. knowledge wise. like its... idk definitely the worst shape doll ive gotten since i got into this in 2018. so #im excited :) and i havent worked w vinyl dolls for a while so... idk im excited to get this doll... and hopefully it wont be TOO bad lmao #^currently in research hell but. idk im excited #bjd posting #<- again so bad at remembering to tag this bc i go turbo autism mode in the tags. sadly lol

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bare1ythere · 1 year ago

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Can someone tell me why my parents telling me they are proud of me fills me with deep anxiety

#shut up me #ahahahaha. oh god #Im trying to join a club right now and Im so scared Im gonna fumble it #That my resume wont be good enough to join or that I wont be able to handle to time commitment after I join #Cause I keep joining clubs getting overwhelmed with dread and leaving #the social anxiety is too much.#Severely burnt out with an anxiety disorder. Looking at the application form made me start to panic #help. help

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giverofempathy · 1 year ago

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i've actually been doing so well lately like i feel genuinely happy? i'm excited about so many things and i don't feel so anxious all the time anymore and i can deal with my emotions in a good and healthy way and the future doesn't feel like this big scary thing anymore...

#salisha speaks #like theres so many small things im excited about #and i stopped being so incredibly mean to myself #and i have so many things that make me happy #like i'm HERE and i'm ALIVE !!!#i get to read books and sew and watch movies and go to the forest #and i feel like even if things wont be so good i know i will be able to handle it now. :)

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thornsnvultures · 1 year ago

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I just need Eddie to hold me and tell me I'm being so strong and brave while I put in all these applications. This shit sucks.

#been lucky enough to not have to work for the last 7 years #to be able to stay home to take care of my kid with help from family #but it's just impossible now with inflation and our rent going up #and places wont look at me since it's been so long #and the places that do look at my fat ass during interview and say 'it's a lot of walking around do you think you can handle it?'#i hate it here i hate it here i hate it #it's just going to get worse #I'm a fucking deadbeat with no options and i don't know what to do #sorry #sorry for posting this #I'm not looking for sympathy I'm just tired

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