#they trans their genders good for them good for them!

[sundemonlord]

I think people are going to need to start having real discussions

Real quick and real smart

About how and why people become radicalized

St. Luigi is a folk-hero example of radicalization

Radical feminists are an exclusionist and bigoted example

..

But back to how/why

Because life is shitty.

Monsters, victims, heroes, and mixes of them (or more)

ARE NOT CREATED IN A FUCKING VACUUM

Experiences are radicalizing people

That's always what it is

"What makes a person do unspeakable things?"

Love.

Hate.

Fear.

Shame.

Anger.

Hope.

What direction you go depends on how/why you were radicalized and how you deal with it.

As a disabled trans man of color?

Being ignored, seen as a predator, seen as creepy, etc is a part of ALL of those minority experiences that are innate to me

Characteristics I was born with that I can't control being used against me (whether they're good or bad or neutral)

That's radicalized me.

Yet this experience itself doesn't exist in a vacuum

As a trans man I have seen things a cis man or woman wouldn't.

But some they would.

Likewise, with race, disability, gender expression etc

Anyway: acting like men "just suck" all be themselves? That's fucked. Everyone is shitty to different degrees and we're not the same.

A lot of yall aren't dealing with your shit and it shows by how you expect us to play along with it

The same sort of reductionist nonsense we've been trying to evolve away from

[bingsoo-jung]

I said this in the comments of someone else’s post, but I’m going to say this here. Taash identifying as non-binary is good actually, and in fact better than the dev’s making up some new term for them. Let’s get into it.

So for a bit of background, I’m non-binary and Thai. If you don’t know, Thai has specific terms for different gender-sexual identities, they’re quite old, they date back a few hundred years. However, the thing about culturally specific terms is just that, they’re culturally specific. The reason you use them is because you are tied to the culture in such a way that you gender-sexual identity cannot be disassociated from it. Because, to be clear, these terms are never just about your gender or sexual identity. They encompass a role you play within society itself.

For instance, in Thai culture we have tom/tomboys. These are AFAB folks who occupy a masculine societal role and date women. If you’re AMAB you cannot be tom. If you’re transmasc and feminine? You cannot be tom. If you’re transmasc and not attracted to women? You cannot be tom. If you’re transmasc and mostly date men? You cannot be tom. If you’re transmasc but don’t particularly feel like taking care of the girl you date, taking her out, being the ‘man’ in the relationship? You can’t really be tom.

Because the thing about culturally specific genders is that they come with a lot of rules. Being tom isn’t being non-binary. There are cis women who are tom, and there are non-binary people who are toms. You do not get eschew gender roles in these cases. You are quite literally taking one on. You have a role and place in society that has been made for you, and you are expected to carry it out.

Because of this, none of these terms are a one-to-one for other identities, and nor should they be. Being kathoey or hijra is not the same as being a trans woman or non-binary, and visa versa. You can be kathoey and not be trans. You can be trans and not be kathoey. Being aqun-athlok or any other specific term shouldn’t be either. The idea that it is, is more ahistorical and inaccurate than the word non-binary itself. Giving Taash some new, culturally specific term, would inherently tie them to a culture, and one perhaps that they didn’t feel apart of. Especially since Taash’s entire story is about struggling to figure out where they belong. Arguably the biggest issue with their story is that you have to make them decide, and fundamentally tying them to a term would’ve compounded that problem.

The reason I identify as non-binary and not a tom, is because I am not occupying some specific role in Thai culture. Despite living in LA, I rarely interact with other Thai people who aren’t my family. I do not live in a cultural context that would allow me to identify as a tom.

The thing about terms like non-binary, or trans, or agender, is that they’re meant to be acultural terms encapsulating the concept of truth to oneself and ones identity. Whereas culturally specific terms aren’t, they’re about the role you hold in society and where you fit in. It’s about your identity within a status quo. Taash is a character who is eschewing societal roles, and breaking the status quo, giving them those terms just wouldn’t work.

And finally? Using non-binary itself allows the writers to very specifically say where they stand. There is no space given to transphobes. You either accept that DA is queer-friendly or bust. And that’s a very important stance to make in an era where trans and non-binary folks are being actively targeted. There’s no ‘well Taash isn’t actually trans or non-binary they’re [insert term here]!’ Because people would’ve done that, we know they would’ve. This means people can’t do that. They have to just say that they have an issue with the term, and thus we can call them for what they are. Transphobes. Plain and simple.

So yeah, Taash’s identity does have nuance, it has a lot of it. And to be honest with you, I wouldn’t be surprised if Trick Weekes, a non-binary person whose wife is First Nations and thus from a group with culturally specific gender identities, knows about the difference between something like two-spirit and trans. And to be honest with you, using something like non-binary has nuance I doubt was actually afforded to Krem, considering they cast a cis woman to play Krem.

So yeah.

[conceptofjoy]

could you please explain how you think rose's gender/gender presentation works (i really like your interpretations of these things and. also rose lalonde)

YUEESSS. i have posts sprinkled about my blog at varying levels of understanding of rose's character. i can summarize the recent one better now.

rose was flexing her punk muscles when she got in the game, her alternative and contrarian wardrobe is a stark contrast to her mother's clothing. she totally felt invincible, and she acted and dressed like it too. of course, she was under the thumb of doc scratch at the time, and crashed hard post cascade, but you can kinda see the 180 in clothing style when she tried to be more mature for her date with kanaya.

light colors, drinking to be more closer to her mother who she has complex feelings about, it's very... inline with mainstream fashion trends? not that that's a bad thing, but it's a visual indicator of her thought processes. this is what she thinks is what she SHOULD be doing, wallowing in the regret for the relationships she had with her mom. that's not to say that the date was like,,, cishet in the slightest LMFAO. this happens in parallel to the dirkjake volcano scene. its supposed mean like HEY, these fucked up teens are going about this the wrong way!!! i could analyze that, but the post would be too long.

im a big fan of tfem rose getting a godtier 'cis' body "at the cost of her mother's death". roxy's also a trans girl to me, triptychgardner has a lot of stellar posts about trans woman rose's mom and was rlly who opened my eyes to rose's gender.

in the end, queerness is like... the final revelation every kid starts to come across. doing what is good for YOU, and trying to shake the cultural roles that try to hold back their self actualization. a few posts ago, i was like how does a queer identify what is them and what is beliefs planted in them by society,,, LOL IDK. it just seems like rose would be happier if she was gnc and a studfem.

[arimiadev]

recommendations of visual novels on sale for the steam winter sale 2024

steam's winter sale just started and will run for the next two weeks, so if you're looking for a new visual novel to try (or want to get into them), here's a lot that I've played that are on sale on steam.

umineko when they cry

the ushiromiya family returns to the family head's home on an isolated island for their annual conference with the intention of settling how his vast amount of wealth is divided. instead, though, a letter is left from someone claiming to be a "witch". with the ushiromiyas dropping dead left and right, the mystery behind everything remains to be solved by you, the reader.

I can't make a recommendation list without mentioning umineko. it's life changing. it might even trans your gender. it's hard to describe umineko, but just know that it's absolutely deserving of the "cult classic" tag.

notes:

kinetic/linear - no choices

VERY long, 120+ hours (over all 8 episodes)

divided into two games on steam - Questions Arcs is the first 4 episodes and Answers Arcs is the last 4 episodes (8 episodes in total, play Questions Arcs first)

created by Ryukishi07, creator of Higurashi

fantasy vs mystery

ace attorney

follow phoenix wright as he embarks on his career as a lawyer to help people. meet a variety of clients and prove their innocence by collecting evidence, interviewing witnesses, and exposing lies in court.

ace attorney is a classic mystery visual novels, being a blend of point-and-click elements via investigations and visual novel storytelling. the steam port is a massive collection, combining the first 3 games (the original phoenix wright trilogy) as 1 game.

notes:

investigative gameplay segments, a good chunk of the story is point-and-click parts

pretty long for the whole trilogy- each game is around 20 hours long and the steam edition is 3 games

modern mystery with supernatural elements

ai: the somnium files

play as detective kaname date as he hunts down a serial killer using a cutting-edge technology which allows him to "psync" with a person, diving into the memories of others to solve crimes in a limited amount of time with the help of his AI assistant/eyeball Aiba.

aitsf is a lot. it's probably the raunchiest non-eroge game I've ever played and despite my low tolerance for dirty jokes I found most of it to be laughable and a fun experience, though I did play this with friends. if it's a miss for you, it's gonna miss you by a wide margin, but if it's a hit for you, you're going to be recommending it nonstop. either way you'll want to hit kaname date with a car.

notes:

long, around 25-35 hours

this game heavily relies on going back to prior choices via their branching menu to try other options in order to get the full story (and true ending). there are several endings to this game but you're meant to play through them all, not just one or two.

a lot of gameplay and interactive segments

sci-fi mystery

english voice acting

witch on the holy night

aoko aozaki is a highschooler who has to balance her class president, perfect grades life with her secret afterschool life of being a mage—a secret she has to keep at the risk of death. keeping this balance already isn’t easy but one day she gets a wrench thrown into it with the introduction of a transfer student, soujuurou shizuki, a country boy so out of touch that he’s never seen electricity before.

I love witch on the holy night so, so much. it's one of the most beautifully directed visual novels ever made with so much love and care put into each frame. the cast is wonderful (touko my beloved) and it's a must-read for anyone who likes modern-ish fantasy.

notes:

kinetic / linear - no choices

long, around 25-30 hours

originally written by kinoko nasu, one of the co-founders of type-moon and creators of fate/stay night. has some relation to tsukihime and garden of sinners but you don't need any knowledge of those going in

modern-ish (1980s) fantasy with lots of talking about magic

ghostpia

a snowy town filled with "ghosts" is where the young woman sayako finds herself trapped, feeling like she doesn't belong and wants to leave this town where no one dies.

it's hard to describe ghostpia. it's a surreal-ish story about "ghosts" where every character is quirkier than the last but every part is made with so much heart behind it. you never really know where the story is going, but unfortunately only 1 season is currently out on steam.

notes:

medium length, around 10 hours

very innovative and unique use of visuals and paneling

surreal-ish (sometimes violent) fantasy

please be happy

as a shapeshifting fox called a "gumiho", miho has traveled the world in search for a traveler who showed her kindness many years ago. afraid of sticking around in one place for too long, miho has never stayed anywhere for more than a few nights- but all of that changes when she arrives in wellington, new zealand and meets the barista/writer aspen and the vampire archivist juliet.

okay I did work on this one but hear me out. please be happy was a labor of love for our team that took over 3 years to make and is a slice of life story about love, trust, and what it means to be human. and you get to play as a gay fox girl voiced by dottovu.

notes:

medium to long, about 20 hours

2 romanceable ladies, aspen and juliet, and a plethora of side characters to meet via a map system

modern slice-of-life fantasy

english voice acting

WE KNOW THE DEVIL

find yourself back at summer camp with all the queer religious horror of it.

WE KNOW THE DEVIL is a short, atmospheric and slightly surreal story about 3 teens at a religious summer camp waiting for the devil. if you want something that feels familiar and otherworldly at the same time, this is right up your alley.

notes:

very short, about 2 hours

3 endings and 1 true ending

isolation, psychological horror

fate/stay night

seven mages known as masters summon heroic and fictional characters from the pantheon of history to fight it out over the ultimate magical item - the holy grail.

fate/stay night is one of the most well-known visual novel properties out there and it's finally not only available in english officially but on steam! this remaster is a treat and done with a lot of care put into it, it's a great way to get into the fateverse if you've never tried it before.

notes:

pretty long, 70+ hours

3 routes / heroines to be with with lots of bad endings

modern fantasy, battle royale

mamiya

the end of the world is near. what will you do in the final months? and who is this "MAMIYA" who proclaims their love for you?

MAMIYA is a dark mystery visual novel about a group of guys who meet during the funeral for a friend, a stranger, a passerby, and become entangled in the web of an entity known as "MAMIYA". the presentation and style feels fresh.

notes:

check out the content warnings before reading

medium length, but is segmented into a lot of chapters that make it easy to pick back up

dark modern mystery with supernatural elements

a date with death

the grim reaper contacts you saying he wants your soul. naturally, you respond...with flirting??

a date with death is a free game but it does have paid DLC so I'm including it here because I want to. it's a comfy chatsim romance visual novel about, well, courting the grim reaper.

notes:

short, around 8 hours for the base game

customizable protag

1 male love interest

cute modern supernatural romance

twofold

Olive has 1 last chance to graduate college - pass a filler class. when their situation comes to light, 2 club presidents agree to help them but end up dragging them in the middle of their feud...

I also worked on this one. the writing and art is truly charming and heartfelt. it's a story about romance but also relationships in general - friendships, platonic relationships, familial bonds, etc. this visual novel took several years to be completed and the final result is one made with a lot of love.

notes:

medium, around 15-20+ hours for both routes

nonbinary protagonist, 2 female love interests

modern slice-of-life, college setting

english voice acting

slay the princess

you're tasked with a simple goal - slay the princess, or else she'll destroy the world.

talk about taking a simple premise and running with it. slay the princess is a mind-bending psychological horror about love and repeating things a lot of times. after all, all you have to do is slay the princess, right?

notes:

short to medium, around 10 hours for a full run

lots and lots and lots of branching paths

psychological horror, does contain gore

english voice acting

canvas menagerie

Niko is a trans man and lifelong actor who's been down on his luck until he gets the lead role in a major TV show. there, he starts to fall for his annoying celebrity costar.

well I wrote and drew and programmed this one by myself so I can't really give an indepth recommendation for it but I think it came out pretty nice. it's a comfy gay romance about actors.

notes:

medium length, around 10-12 hours

boys love romance

modern slice-of-life, adult cast

------------

note that all of the indie visual novels listed are also available on itchio as DRM-free versions. there's a ton of VNs on sale over there right now as well.

[percivaltheknight]

Yeah, this says it so fucking well.

I have some big feelings about this entire thing. As a trans man, and as someone who was raised in a very gendered parenting heavy culture.

As much as my mom claims to not care about gender stereotypes, there's so many things she's said or done or expected from me, that she expected to see, that she prepared to see in her growing Girl Child, that she never got. And it shocked and annoyed her every time, because I wasn't following the Rules TM.

And my dad was always the type to keep his opinions to himself, but it's clear to see that he's always been a very firm believer in gender roles and stereotypes.

This created a very awkward environment for my brother and I. My brother who liked sewing and crocheting and origami, who hated the fixing and yard work that dad expected him to learn how to do. My brother who's now teaching himself how to cook, who buys himself cookbooks, because my parents never took the time to teach him anything besides how to turn on a grill.

And then me, who was dragged to knitting circles by my mom and grandma, who said, "it's good for you to learn a craft" but ignored all my interest in other things, because clearly those aren't Real Interests. Me who learned anyways, and then taught my little brother, because he wanted to be involved but was never brought with. Me who learned chess so I could play with my dad, who always said no, not today, but was always disappointed when my bro showed no interest. Me who borrowed my dad's sword art books, and his castle books, and toddled after him to his fencing clubs and through the hardware store and into his work shed to see what he was doing, who listened for hours when he'd tell me about medieval culture and building techniques and weapons and armor and knights, who watched all of the documentaries with him long after mom and my little bro got bored and wandered off to do other things.

And my dumbass parents were surprised that I named myself after a knight from arthurian legend when I came out as trans.

And at the same time, while my brother is teaching himself how to sew and how to cook and is making crafts and knitting, because he enjoys those things, they ask, "why didn't you tell us you wanted to learn?" and we both just sit there and share a look, because really? Where have you even been? Were you paying attention at all while you were raising us, or were you just on autopilot for 18 years?

I mean, yeah, there are still things we like that belong in the Assigned Gender Category. My bro likes his tools, and he's always been proud of his skill with computers and videogames. And I do like crocheting, and cooking, and makeup, now that i've found my own way of doing it. But those aren't things we like because we're supposed to like them. Those are just things we like.

But I think I figured out why I hated pink and purple so much as a kid. When every birthday and christmas present you get is the same color that you've never shown interest in before, and when everything in your room is the same bright happy shade of Something Someone Else Likes, you tend to cringe at the sight of it.

Gendered parenting is so weird. As a little kid I was a total daddy's girl, I was told I would always try to sneak into the garage, I was always very interested in everything he was doing and would follow him around while he was working, but while my family was never the type to outright say "you can't do that because you're a girl", they simply didn't entertain the idea that I could possibly be interested in cars. Then when my little brother was born, it was just assumed he would become a mechanic like our dad because he was a boy. Even though he, unlike me, didn't like being in the garage much and wasn't all that interested in what dad was doing. Once he got to a certain age, dad started making him help and would drag him away from his actual interests for it, which lead to a lot of arguing and not much actual learning.

Gendered expectations sort of create doubles of children. There's the real child with their actual personality, interests and behaviors, and then there's the Gender Child.

My real brother hated soccer and team sports. The Gender Child that existed only the minds of the adults in his life needed to play soccer because that's what a Boy Child does.

Growing up, I always felt like adults didn't actually know me as a person and they weren't interested in getting to know me. Because they felt they'd already learned everything there was to know about me when they were told "it's a girl".

When I talk about how I never got gifts I actually liked from my relatives (to this day I still don't like getting gifts that aren't something I picked out myself), it isn't actually about the gifts themselves. I don't even remember them. What I do remember is the feeling of being given gifts that were seemingly not bought with the real me in mind. They were for the Girl Child™️ version of me. The me that adults wanted me to be, not who I actually was.

[genderqueerdykes]

hi um. i’d like to ask you for some advice, since it seems like a lot of people come to you when they need it. i’m a trans girl who’s been taking estrogen for 2.5 years but. i’m just so disappointed and unhappy with what hrt has done for me. i feel like i’ve been completely taken over by doomerism from me constantly comparing myself to other transfems both online and irl, and from spending too much time on trans reddit (i’m sending you this ask instead of writing another vent post on r/mtf). through this i’ve convinced myself that i will never be happy with my body, or that i’ll never have real boobs or a feminine body at all. i really really don’t want to give up hope, but it just seems so far out of reach, and i’m stuck down here in this inky abyss. what do you do in dark times when you need to regain hope, but you can’t do it yourself?

first of all, i wanted to say i'm sorry that you're feeling this way. medical transition is a very finicky thing. there is no way to predict what will happen and when, so it's okay to feel just. completely bummed the hell out when you're not seeing the changes you hoped for yet. i definitely see how it can be crushing, especially when you know your body needs to look a different way for you to be happy. it's important to consider people look a lot different irl than they do in photos and videos. camera lenses can only capture so much. pictures and videos can be edited. it's hard to compare yourself to something like that

& i did want to say that you're definitely not alone! there are a lot of girls in your exact situation. with everyone responding to HRT differently, you'll see girls who get changes right away, and girls where it takes a long time. changes with HRT generally happen very slowly, way slower than the eye can perceive, so it's okay if you feel like nothing is happening. your body just may need more time to adjust

have you ever increased your dose? if not, that is totally an option! you may also want to look into progesterone if you find that you're not happy with your breast growth after some time. it's best to look into progesterone first to make sure it's right for you, as it will affect more than just breast growth, but i wanted to throw it out there as an option! if you're not on an androgen blocker, this could also potentially help you

for both estrogen and testosterone HRT, it can take a minimum of 5 years for people to begin seeing the effects they were desiring. 5 years, minimum! that's a very long time, comparatively, you are very early on in your journey. the effects you want to see may just come along further on down the road. i know it's easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others. it's good to remind yourself that they are not you, they do not share your genetics. they look like them. you look like you. it's okay that you don't look like those people- they're not you.

it doesn't make you any less of a woman just because you haven't seen these changes yet. there are plenty of women who look just like you, cis, intersex, trans, genderqueer, and otherwise. there are many cis and intersex women who don't "pass", and it doesn't make them any less of a woman: the same applies to you, and every trans girl. dysphoria can be a real pain in the ass and make things harder than it needs to be. it's okay to not be content with where you're at now. it's okay to be frustrated that you're not seeing the changes you want to right now. many, many trans people feel just the same way you do.

you may feel awkward and uncomfortable right now because you're literally in a transitional phase. think about when teenagers go through puberty, about how awkward they look and feel. cracking voices, bodies that are "in the middle" and not fully developed. that's what you're going through at the moment, and its okay. it just takes time for things to fully settle in.

what i would suggest is trying to find ways to do some self care that affirm your gender that don't involve your appearance. validating yourself in other ways is extremely important. building yourself up takes time. if you feel insecure about how you look, it's okay. you can start building your confidence in your identity and gender in other areas of yourself, first, then move on to your appearance. try to spend time with people who respect you for who you are, no matter how you look. try to surround yourself with people and things that affirm you

i hope you start seeing those changes you want to see soon. if you need more advice, feel free to ask! if any other trans girls on E have any advice for the asker, or relate to the experience, please feel free to chip in with some feedback on this ask, or by sending an ask! due to being intersex, i was taking estrogen and progesterone despite not wanting to, so i was not cataloguing what was changing or anything like that, so i can't speak from personal experience there despite having been on E HRT in the past.

take care of yourself for now. try to go easy on yourself, you're still in your coocoon. the day where you emerge as a butterfly is on its way, it just takes a little time. please feel free to come back any time. i hope we can get some good insight for you

[velvetvexations]

Not gonna lie the whole "trans women are women because they experience misogyny or [xyz tangible reason like dysphoria or whatever]" thing confuses me so much because every single time I have seen a trans person or group take on the big "why are trans people the gender they say they are" question it quickly becomes clear the only real answer that exists and will ever exist is "because they say they are".

We've tried hinging it on dysphoria or brain gender or hormones or presentation or societal oppression(or lack thereof) and every single time we end up excluding people who are trans, and the only answer that includes the full, beautiful, diverse trans experience is "because we say we are".

I just don't understand the drive to make sense of it, it doesn't have to make sense, it doesn't have to hinge on anything, let alone societal oppression, and we don't have to have a perfect answer for the bigots because our word should be all that matters! Why am I transmasc? Because I say I am. Because it makes me happy. Is it a choice? I don't really know anymore, but if it is a choice I would choose it over and over again, every single time, and that doesn't make me any less trans. We make ourselves out of a mess of chemicals and electricity and salt and water every day. We make sense out of light and air and rocks and everything and nothing, that's all reality is! So what if it's a choice, or if it isn't? So what if gender doesn't really matter! Nothing matters!! And that means you have the freedom to decide what has meaning. What matters.

You're a woman because you say you are, because you choose to be, just like I'm a butch genderwhatever because I say I am, I choose to be, and that really should be all the justification we need. And for fucks sake we do NOT need to suffer to prove we're real. I do not oppressed therefore I am and I'm genuinely concerned that anyone would try to base their rationalization for their existence on SUFFERING!! You're not here to suffer, you're here to go spinny in a skirt and eat delicious food and piss off your family by shaving your head and play dumb computer games with your friends. Isn't that enough?

And like, there will never be a perfect argument that convinces people who are determined to misunderstand you that you are what you say you are, no scars spelling out the word misogyny or patriarchy you can show them to get them to go "oh yes sorry I was mistaken you are indeed woman pls go on your merry way", and even if there was they'd just move the goalposts. So ffs stop fucking waiting for the approval of people who hate you. You're a woman because you say you are, if that's not good enough for some people frankly they can go fuck themselves.

Anyway sorry for getting philosophical in your inbox I just have a lot of feelings about this. I had a really bad existential crisis in high school and came out fully believing that if nothing matters then everything matters and it seems so silly to me to keep trying to like, rationalize the existence of trans people with cold hard facts because like. We exist. We are what we say we are because we say we are. I don't have to have a man soul or whatever, I just know putting on guy's jeans and calling myself a dyke makes me happy, and I try to make a habit of not being shaken to my core every time some asshole tells me that's not good enough.

Very powerfully worded anon, thank you.

[micah-nicholas]

wait so ur pro endo now??? there's genuinely no way 😭😭 i agree you were wrong about a lot but come on.... not that......

I was staunchly anti-endo for around 2-3 years, almost the entire time I've know what DID is. So, what changed?

I stopped needing to be validated by fakeclaimers and other people in general. My anti-endo stance came from a place of being 15 and feeling invalid in my experiences. It was during a time in my life when my mom and I were in a years-long power struggle over me trying to get her to believe I was trans, and by this point I was already diagnosed with gender dysphoria, and she still refused to believe me or let me socially transition.

So I was feeling invalidated in other areas of my life by that point, I was discovering a lot of my mental problems at that age, and anti-endos promised validation in exchange for throwing non-CDD systems under the bus. I felt safer being one of the "good ones" who was "real," it gave me an out anytime I felt self-doubt.

It took me a long time and half a year away from my abuser for me to fully stop needing validation from others in that way. I don't need anti-endos or syscringers or whomever to validate my experiences with DID. I'm secure in my understanding of my symptoms, and I don't feel threatened by non-CDD systems anymore. I never should have felt threatened by them.

In short, the hate endos get comes from a place of insecurity in oneself, more often than not. That, or the person was presented a bad faith argument to get them to believe endos are harming the system community somehow.

In becoming secure with myself and not needing hateful exclusionists to count me as valid, I've learned that I don't really care about endos existing. They've honestly never hurt me. Plenty of anti-endos have, actually. Endos are just people existing who have little to do with me.

I was apathetic/neutral for a while, but I very quickly became fully pro-endo from watching the discourse from both sides for once. I normally kept pro-endo tags blocked, so I only ever saw people who agreed with me and fed into my existing anti-endo mindset. Seeing both sides really highlighted just how much endogenic systems are attacked for existing in online spaces and trying to spread positivity or talk about their personal experiences with plurality.

So yeah, I'm pro-endo now. I consider it a big step in my personal growth as a person, to be honest.

- Nick

[in-mutual-weirdness]

@antiterfbutch , sorry people are being weird about your commentary, but you did really hit the nail on the head here re: the problem isn't minors having relationships with adults, the problem is an adult treating children like peers

My first foray into internet communities was an IRC channel for a game I was into as a high schooler. I was the second youngest person there - most everyone else was in their 20s or 30s. These people helped raise me in the "village of adults" kind of way. They were kind older presences in my life who bonded with me over our shared interest. They were willing to listen to what I had to say and lent me their experience and support when I needed it. I remember a particular incident when a post from a white supremacist on tumblr hit me where it fucking hurt, and I went to the community in tears. People were kind, and the channel admin took it upon himself to DM me cat pictures until I felt better.

Being around people like this helped me see a window into what adulthood could look like. They taught me how to interact in mixed age spaces, and being friends with some of them led to me meeting trans adults for the first time, in a way that directly aided my own gender realization and coming out years later. My experiences with them enriched my life, and greatly inform the way I speak to young people in my online and offline communities today. And this is precisely the kind of boundary I maintain with those young people. I take a mentor-esque role, offering advice and perspective, comfort and reassurance. I talk about my life to show them what adulthood can look like, and show them that queer and trans happiness is possible. I show interest in the things they're passionate about, and want them to do well and figure out good lives for themselves. I want to watch them become capable and fully realized people.

But most importantly, I do not seek support from them. The spaces which have a predominantly younger userbase, I don't talk about my life problems there. I don't vent there, I don't process shit there, and I don't take my interpersonal problems there. Those are for communities where the userbase is mostly adults like me. I especially don't talk to them about sex - that is for adults. There are kink and nsfw discussion spaces where I'm around college undergrads - while I'm clear to discuss sex around them because theyre 18+, I mostly talk about it from a sex ed perspective. In this way, we can be in this space and discuss our mutual interests on the topic while respecting their maturity and autonomy. But I am not treating them as peers whom I can flirt with as prospective partners. The way I talk about sex as a personal experience is different in spaces with different age ranges.

It is essential to be able to share space with each other because our communities are always going to be mixed-ages outside of rare self-selecting circumstances. The village of unaffiliated adults who supported me as a kid needs to also be there for other kids who're growing up and figuring things out. Everyone leads stronger and richer lives through healthy intergenerational community ties.

Saw a tiktok of a guy saying he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to minors because he’s 19. And it’s just. I’m so fucking tired of this.

And like to be clear, I’m speaking as a victim of pedophilia when I say: We need to get over this collective fear of endangering children. Because holy shit, this stuff is getting out of hand.

The average person is not a threat to a child.

And also!!! It is actually really really good for kids to have friendships with adults that aren’t their family.

Having friendships with adults when you’re younger prepares you for adult life in a better way then only interacting with adults that are family members or teacher as well.

And also if there’s any sort of weird behavior happening with adults or teachers, it’s very helpful to have unrelated adults, you can go to, and also have a model for what normal adults are supposed to look like.

And also! You’re just making it way easier for pedophiles to prey on children when you completely avoid interacting with them as an adult. Because kids are naturally inquisitive and curious. They are going to want to interact with adults and they are going to want to ask questions. And if the only adult adults that are willing to interact and speak with them or adults who have ulterior motivations. Guess what’s gonna happen.

Also on a more general note. Having a model for what a normal healthy adult is supposed to look like makes it way easier for kids to be able to recognize and identify when adults in their personal life are being weird.

[heyitsspaceace]

don't let their seemingly straight-passing tension fool you, they are still very gay and dysfunctional

[sualne]

have some trans swan lake barbies

[ghost-bard]

how do i talk about taash being a realistic character while also acknowledging that they absolutely couldve and shouldve been written better in every aspect

[dukeofankh]

I'm gonna try and be charitable here, which is not something you have done to me so far. Please read the first sentence again. Does your vision for deradicalizing right wing men "begin AND end with other men telling them that that is gross and to stop it"? This posts starts with an if/then statement. If the "if" does not apply to you. The "then" does not apply to you.

Like, this is a response to a very specific idea, one that was plastered all over every social media environment I consume after the US election. The idea was that clearly, since Trump had done better among men, and since misogynistic men don't listen to women, feminist men needed to do their damn jobs and fix men. If they had been doing their jobs already, Harris would have won. Women will (because this was largely coming from radical feminist voices) just haaaave to go full separatist and abandon the project until men had sorted themselves out.

The idea I am railing against here is that men are some monolithic group, wherein feminist men can...pull rank? Peer pressure Trump voters? The idea I am criticizing is one that thinks that "men" and "The patriarchy" are synonyms and if women are looking around in feminist spaces and seeing men who claim to be allies, then they are clearly lying because if they were really feminists they would have gotten their whole gender in line by now.

If you also think that those ideas are dumb, then we are already in agreement. I am not pointing out how difficult this is because I don't think that it's important to try anyway, I'm pointing this out because plenty of people are saying things about how to change men's minds that betray complete ignorance of how patriarchal social structures between men actually operate. Both because a lot of women trust women's read on how men think more than men telling them how men think, and because they are not interested in changing men's minds. They are radfems, pouncing on a very shocked, hurt, and scared population and trying to use the situation to push gender essentialism.

I do, absolutely, do everything I can to push men I know in a less hateful direction. It doesn't do much. But hey, maybe it's doing something. Maybe when I tell my coworker that believing "men and women are just good at different things" is totally incompatible with the clear respect he has for the two female carpenters he works with, it makes him think twice the next time he flips out about trans people after listening to a podcast. I do that sort of thing. I do not just smile and nod. What I am saying is that the current worldwide scourge of misogynistic fascism on the rise is not because your personal male friend is only pretending to be a feminist to hang out with you. He does not, actually, have the ability to mind control every misogynist in the country.

If your vision for the deradicalization of right-wing men begins and ends with "other men telling them that that's gross and to stop it" then I'm sorry, you do not understand how masculinity works.

"Men who hold patriarchal status" and "men who are feminists" are two groups who overlap less than you want them to. I'm sorry. That's not solely because men are so happy with patriarchal status that they don't want to risk it by policing misogyny/queerphobia/racism, It's because being misogynistic, queerphobic, and racist, end expressing other forms of toxic masculinity(and often abusively so) are part of how people establish and maintain patriarchal status. The men who have the ability to stop this via nothing but peer pressure are the very people who are doing it. That's by design. And engaging in feminist intervention is, in and of itself, usually the abrupt end of that status and its associated power to persuade misogynistic men.

Like, I have worked in blue collar jobs as a notably queer person. It was pretty much a constant deluge of verbal abuse. In my experience, most blue collar work environments are exploitative, abusive, and bigoted, and very gleefully so. On the occasions I have spoken up about someone saying something that was super fucking out of line (asking me which of the girls walking by was hottest. We were installing a portable classroom at a middle school), believe it or not, they completely failed to be shamed! Because nobody else on the crew gave a fuck. *I* was the weird one. They ghosted me. A full blown company ghosted me. I suddenly didn't have a job anymore because they just straightforwardly stopped telling me where the next job site was.

Like, this doesn't mean that it's your job to do it, but this vision you have of these big groups of men where everyone is on the fence and there is precisely one shit stirrer who can be shut down by a brave feminist man who can single handedly set the example for all these other guys...you are high. You are describing an "everybody clapped" level absurd scenario. Most of these truly virulent misogynistic guys either have zero friends, because, you know, our society is atomized to fuck, or they are in a group where the feminist guy is actually the weirdo who can be shut down and ostracized much, much easier than the misogynists, because there is no such thing as a man misogynists respect who stands up for women.

You might be saying "well, we're talking about longstanding personal relationships, actually. Like, they need to have to want to spend time with you and then, as a side effect, you can mind control them out of being a threat to us."

Problem with that being:

1: Many feminist men also have no friends, see the atomized society above.

2: Feminist men already stopped hanging out with men who make rape jokes because why the fuck would we want to spend time with them.

3: That isn't just because we respect women so hard. We are in many cases talking about men who are also deeply queerphobic, heirarchical, violent and abusive to other men. What initially drew me to feminism and women was a lack of heirarchical squabbling and constant bullying, and the ability to be openly queer. A lot of men who came to feminism did so because they knew that the patriarchy was not a place they would find success or acceptance. These are not the men who are gonna be able to change right wing minds.

4. Men do not view themselves as a monolith. There is no universal brotherhood of men. The actual meaning of the term "Fragile masculinity" is that men are constantly expected to prove that they are deserving of the status of being a member of their own gender. There are large swathes of men--including most of the men who you'd look to as examples of good, feminist men who you want to undertake this project--who are considered failed men, sissies, f****ts, soyboys, ect. They are. Not. Going. To. Convince. These. Men. Of. Jack. Shit. Much less successfully *shame* them. Jesus.

I know all of this sucks. I know it would be cool to be able to just point at a group and have them be responsible for the work. But nah. It's gonna have to be a societal project, one that will probably outlast all of us. Sorry. The thing you want these men to do is, absolutely, the morally correct thing to do. But presuming that it would be effective is, and once again I am so sorry about this, just ignorance of how these social groups function.

[redditreceipts]

Random thought but have you ever noticed that breadtube is...misogynistic? Idk, as someone who used to watch a lot of breadtube (still a leftist, but as I've learned more about leftist politics and movements I find that breadtube often lacks substance - just seems like a lot of rambling without critical thinking/analysis).

Like, I can't help but notice that the lot of them shy away from topics around sex based oppression, male/female socialization, sexploitation etc (and if they're not ignoring it, they're saying that none of it is real and that those are just conservative talking points).

Idk. I just feel like a lot of people would rather watch transwomen talk about how important feminist works are actually bigoted to justify violent, misogynistic feelings toward radical feminists who discuss these things. It feels like they want to intellectualize misogyny and uphold a strawman of radical feminism so that they can validate telling women to shut the fuck up about our oppression. Am I making sense?

yes, you're totally making sense, and I decided to look into that. so I made an Excel list with the most prominent Bread Tubers, the number of their subscribers, their biological sexes and their gender identities:

if you just look at gender identity, the subscribers seem to be quite evenly distributed between men, women and non-binary people:

looks kinda fair, right?

but if we look into biological sex...

it's suddenly clear that biological males gather about 77 percent of the total subscribers, while biological females gather only about 24 percent.

doesn't seem that fair anymore, right?

but it gets even worse when you take into account the male's gender identities...

there are more subscribers to biological males with female or non-binary gender identities than subscribers to biological females???

I guess there is your answer on why bread tube does not cover issues of sexism and sex-based oppression.

...and that is why an analysis based on biological sex is important and trying to erase it will let us believe that we are closer to equality between the sexes than we actually are

[natsmagi]

honestly the more i hear about engstars and its TLs the more i absolutely dread the inevitable release of poltergeist and what may ensue from it, bc if if the translators themselves are already invalidating arashis identity then i Really Truly do not want to see how theyll translate natsume and tsumugis microaggressions/transphobia towards her. esp since ive noticed a rise in people being comfortably transphobic towards her, and i REALLY do not wish to see natsume and tsumugi being stupid fucking morons be used as evidence to discredit her

and i think this is all the more reason why its VERY IMPORTANT for engstars to DIRECTLY ACKNOWLEDGE arashi and her gender. bc sometimes characters are STUPID and RUDE and APATHETIC. enstars is a story with NUANCED and FLAWED CHARACTERS, and when a character is being a fucking asshole youre meant to PROVE THEM WRONG. but they dont even acknowledge arashi as a girl themselves. so, if you do use engstars, please keep pressuring them bc omfg this is so bad and i can only see it getting worse

[ftm-radio]

do any other trans masculine folks have this odd... not quite gender envy, but it's like 'oh if I was younger I would be having some envy for this person' where the person in question is a girl (or girl-adjacent) and you can recognize that back when you thought you were a girl and/or thought that was your only option, you'd have wanted to be this specific sort of girl? if that makes sense???

like before I gained any real, conscious gender awareness I would always admire the girls who were more boyish and less feminine (gee, i wonder why it'd be those girls, specifically... how peculiar, what a mystery, we will probably never solve it... 😐🏳️‍⚧️) and would think that I wanted to be like them. so now, as an adult guy who knows a lot more about themself and their identity, I still find myself fostering a certain fondness for those same sorts of girls and the kid who looked up to them before he finally woke up and found himself.