thaenad

[thaenad]

this is exactly how feedists flirt with each other

[thaenad]

i’m so glad my girl is going to be ok 🥺

[thaenad]

Hey! Came here from your fatlib account, but thought this was a better place to ask. As someone not super involved in the kink community, is it a place where heterosexual cis males can be present without causing discomfort? I know it is often a place for queer people to exist and celebrate sexuality without judgement, and I wouldn't want to insert myself into a place where I am not welcome. Of course, I also recognize acceptable behavior. Consent, respect, and I am not made at all uncomfortable by queer individuals, in fact, I find the community welcoming, and the kink community seems like a place where I could explore aspects of my sexuality relating to feederism, and would gladly engage in the wider community without discrimination or bigoted views. It may be worth mentioning that I am also asexual, but as someone who is otherwise heterosexual, and I would absolutely not equate to the same level of the queer experience as other queer individuals. Forgive me if this question seems a tad "victim-complexy." It's something I've had on my mind for a long time, and silly as it is, felt it was worth resolving. I ask you because you seem to be very immersed in this community, and especially experienced in writing about and reflecting on the community. Thanks!

hello and welcome!

there is absolutely zero gatekeeping to who can and cannot explore feedism. while the circles I run in are very queer, the feedism kink community is not synonymous with the lgbtq+ community. I'm pretty sure that cis & straight people are the majority here, anyway. I follow a bunch of cishet guys. I also know a ton of asexual feedists! you may come across a few blogs who don't want to engage with cishet men, but it's up to the individual's comfort level, definitely not a rule for the general queer community. you seem like a considerate and respectful person, so you'll be fine. let me know if you want me to point you toward any more resources and feel free to ask more questions here.

[thaenad]

My vibe about ships since forever tbh

[thaenad]

These kinds of posts are always so funny when they make it to our community because like. yeah, that 100 pounds I gained was just pretend weight...

[thaenad]

“[kink] is bad because [thing the kink is based on] is bad” is such a funny take. we’re acting. you hate theater. you’re standing up in the audience and mansplaining to lady macbeth that killing people is wrong

[thaenad]

[thaenad]

[thaenad]

I think this is the most romantic image in the world

[thaenad]

analyzing why we have certain kinks becomes pathologizing. it’s like analyzing what “made” you gay. you just are. humans having kinks and fetishes is as natural as humans having hobbies. some are extremely common, and some are niche.

Anyone else a little tired of posts saying that you should analyze why you have a particular kink? I’m not saying it isn’t valuable to analyze the societal context that a kink exists in, as nothing exists in a vacuum.

But I’m willing to bet that a lot of people with unusual kinks have spent a lot of time analyzing why they’re into something. I know I’ve analyzed my feedism kink backwards and forwards while figuratively tap dancing. I still don’t know exactly why I’m into it. Is it because it’s taboo? That could be part of it.

But at a certain point analysis becomes pointless anxiety and guilt. I do my best to engage in this kink ethically, so at the end of the day, I simply don’t want to waste my energy on analyzing this or my other kinks.

It is what it is, and given that I’ve liked feedism since I hit puberty, I don’t think this kink is going away

[thaenad]

"I'm anti-kink" .. what? like... all of them?

[thaenad]

Since there’s always complaints about behaviour from feedists here’s some communication hygiene knowledge to spread or use for yourself (non-exhaustive list, just some stuff from experience):

1. If they have one, read their bio/pinned post. People sometimes put their boundaries in these and important information for you in them, don’t skimp because you’re horny, it reads as lacklustre and not really interested if you message/ask before reading this. Don’t make them explain clearly available information about themselves and preferences.

2. Establish the kind of communication that both them and you want to have. Ask them what they want, explain what you would like. Do you want to just dirty talk, do you think the person is cool and want to talk outside of kink things, are you both comfortable talking irl things etc. having it upfront in the message saves you and the other person time to say yes please or no thnx to it and means you’re more likely to succeed. Permission is essential, if you don’t want the same kind of comms, respect it.

3. Check terminology/negotiate the scene. Discuss what terms the other person is comfortable with and what things turn them on and off/what you both want the scene to be. Just like good ol’ BDSM we can be playing with trauma fire here and fatphobia is very very real. Negotiation is sexy and helps you both get what you want.

4. Kink goes both ways. Feeders are not kink dispensers and deserve to be turned on too. Feedees aren’t just there to be your wankbank. All take and no give makes for a very dull experience, and feeder women are particularly swamped by people looking for one sided experiences. Think what you can offer in return for their efforts and be ready to do that.

5. Pay doesn’t mean play. Whatever you and the individual agree together is going to happen when money is exchanged is what will happen. Unless it has been pre-agreed otherwise donations for stuffing are just that; a gift. You wouldn’t ask a friend to do something for you just because you gave them a gift, don’t do that to people on the internet.

Hope this helps some of you, I might add more later and feel free to add what else you think needs to be on here

[thaenad]

Introducing the UK Queer Feedist Community discord server!

This server is intended to help UK queer feedists get to know each other, make friends and hopefully facilitate some safe community irl meet ups 😃

To join, you must be at least 18 years of age, queer, into feedism (feedees, feeders, encouragers and admirers welcome) and from the UK and Ireland

If you are interested in joining or have any questions, please DM me or @thatfatgoth ❤️ We're looking forward to chatting with you!

[thaenad]

girlfriend just said "we don't fit our clothes, but we still fit each other" as a sweet little anniversary statement and i just - love when feedism can feel cute and normal like any other part of the relationship. saying "you're so fat" and meaning "you're so beautiful" until the words become so natural that you say them in public, without thinking, because they *are* natural, it's the most natural thing in the world, what love and romance were always meant to be

[thaenad]

thinking about the way that the "if they are going to be disgusted by you, be disgusting" post has breached containment and is being reblogged by people who don't know it originated in forcemasc. there's actually so many people who are seen as disgusting by the world for who they are and we should have solidarity with each other. as a disabled person, i can feel the power of that sentiment even outside of my transness. it's your life! go be disgusting ! you do not have a duty to please by conforming, let them step back in revulsion, you didn't want them near you anyway.