#they apparently don’t do that anymore
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More add-ons to the Steve Has Older Siblings agenda:
1. Steve would love for no one he talks to on a regular basis to ever meet any of his family but he’s not mad about Jason coming into Scoops Ahoy to be a dick to him and promptly having Robin say, “Wow. You’re going to act like that with that hairline? Bold.”
Its the first time she has said anything even somewhat nice to/about/for him. (She finds out post-Starcourt that Steve has a brother)
2. Their dad threatened to cut them out of their inheritance if they didn’t spend half the summer at his house at least until they finished an undergrad. Coincidentally, this time always corresponds to when Richard and Angela have to travel out of town to meet with an “important client.” This is somehow Steve’s fault.
3. One time for the entire summer, all three of them pretended he was invisible. It made him cry multiple times. They still make jokes about it even though they’re trying to be better siblings to him because being an asshole is inherited from your father and the only way to get rid of that trait is to have it beaten out of you.
4. When the fire department came to school and walked them through a house fire simulation, Steve thought it was so cool that he reacted it at home with a smoke machine pressed up against Claire’s bedroom door. She did not appreciate the fire safety lesson.
5. Everytime Tommy came over on their weekend, they all made a point to talk about how much they liked Tommy and how cool Tommy was. Tommy was the little brother they always wanted. No reason. Just being assholes.
#did anyone else do a house fire simulation in elementary school?#where they stuck you in a small room and filled it with fog and you had to crawl out of it?#they apparently don’t do that anymore#anyways I’ve spent my entire work day writing a bunch of these so be prepared for that#als I decided to get a tag for this AU so I can stop having to find my posts to link them lol#not very creative but to the point:#Steve Has Older Siblings AU#steve harrington#robin buckley#tommy hagan
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Right, I need to say my piece on the recent Asagiri drama.
I wasn’t going to say anything because I try to avoid fandom drama as it only takes away my enjoyment. However, I decided to do so anyway. I know I don’t have a large audience or post very often, but I would really appreciate it if people spread the word.
Do not. Under ANY circumstances, send threats, harass or anything of the sort to Asagiri or anyone involved in the creation of BSD.
It is rude. It is bad internet and fandom etiquette. It ruins the enjoyment for both the creators AND fans alike.
In a worst case scenario, it could lead to the premature end of BSD. (I’ve seen it happen before and it never ends well.)
This sort of thing is becoming a real issue in this fandom, especially as it grows. And I find it to be immature and pathetic behavior.
I understand liking your ships, I too have ships, but we must keep in mind that BSD was never supposed to be about romance or ships. It’s not a romance series.
Be respectful of Asagiri and the creators. Show your support of the series instead of sending hate and negativity when something happens that you don’t like. If you must, use that energy to make meaningful and respectful critique, or simply disengage. This applies with fandom content for the series as well.
It’s the polite and respectful thing to do. And it fosters a better community for everyone involved.
#this took a bit longer to get out because of the election#to me this is basic common decency but apparently not#we can’t let this go on unchecked anymore#if you know people who have been doing this encourage them against it#we don’t want a repeat of Voltron#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bsd manga#bsd anime#bsd dazai#kafka asagiri#bsd fandom#bsd chuuya#bsd kunikida#Bsd an
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hong kong miku,,,
#hopping on the trend jumpscare i’m from hong kong surprise#i haven’t seen that many hk mikus around#lowkey chat i think i kinda ate with this one#however i will say i am coloring in the dark so if any colors look off that’s why#and also i haven’t opened this program in literal months i jumped straight into this no warmup no nothing#miku is what pulls me out of art block apparently i was locked in for 5 hours STRAIGHT#someone needs to teach me how to paint properly holy#not sure how i feel about the bottom left one but that was a quick one anyways#i am from hk originally but i haven’t been back in years so i have no idea about the culture other than food and mirror#OKAY let me explain the context#street food is a big thing in hk and quick and easy things like fish balls egg waffles and like siu mai and wonton noodles are popular#back then people really would just squat down on the side of the road or right in front of the shop to eat it and go#but i don’t think anyone does that anymore city life and all that#ohh i should have done instant noodles breakfasts god i loved those#if anyones from hk if you go to the causeway bay mtr station exit that leads up to the big road near sogo. do they still sell siu mai there#that shit was BANGER i remember asking for them all the time#a good majority of parents in hk would get their daughters ears pierced as a baby something about them not feeling as much pain idk#that’s just what i was told#i used the neon for her friendly standard greeting cause i wanted to incorporate the neon signs somehow without actually drawing a whole bg#lots of neon signs in hk. i heard they had to take them down cause of light pollution which is sad but understandable#everyone got their shoes from dr kong. at least when i was younger they did#boy band is self explanatory. i heard they’re really popular my mom listens to them#oh i had her messing with her shoes cause hk people move FAST. you stop for one second and you get shoved#so like a fun little allusion#gave her black roots just for fun. she is violating every school uniform code possible#this is all based off of my memory by the way so like. anyone who knows this better than i do hit me up#hatsune miku#miku from my culture#jellos scribbles#i haven’t tag yapped in so long welcome back my love i missed you
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I did a thing…again.
Just realized that ya’ll need to click for better quality for some reason this post looks especially bad 🤚
#OKAY so this piece is a little old#I think I posted it on my twitter (of which I do not use anymore) and nobody really cared for it#WHICH IS FINE#I don’t make art for others I do it for me#BUT I know for a fact that some of you will definelty like this so I’m posting it on here as well#I added a WHOLE new just standing still sketch of Killer and a bunch of doodles to make it more fun#but technically the orginal piece was just the ‘in murder mode leaning over one’#which I could post seperately if ya’ll wanna see that idk??#ya know without the extra image of him and the doodles so its looks less like a collage#ANYWAYS back to the art I REALLY like how I drew Killer in this#LIKE HE LOOKS SO GOOD#ITS CRAZY#so pretty so lucious so cute#I’m literally obessed with drawing flame lighting#everything looks pretty in a nice warm glow#so yeah#he be standing#he be killing#hes killer#OH and all the doodles are of course easily apparent the rest are his trivia#oda thinks his flower is a snow drop#that boy would be a chef in a real world au#and one of his hobbies is playing the drums#so if ya’ll didn’t know that now you do#i also like to think how I wrote his name is how he signs his name#killer one piece#kid pirates#illustration#digital art#one piece
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not to be annoying about VHS christmas carols against but i’m gonna be bc
i can’t stop thinking about something curt said in his interview with james about starkid and how you can see the seams of the production in each performance, and how it adds to the experience, and i think that’s why so many people love starkid. not only is it extremely accessible for people who can’t afford broadway tickets (which are ABSURDLY expensive without a doubt) and exposes people to the joy of performance in a palpable and fun way. its unpolished sometimes, and not every run goes PERFECTLY, but that only elevates the experience.
as a recovering theater kid who’s also a fairly new starkid & tin can bros fan, its imperfections are what drew me in. my first musical i watched (TGWDLM) is AMAZING and still my favorite, but its not perfect, and i wouldn’t have it any other way. imperfections are human, they’re fun stumbles that can be brought up later as something unique that happened at that showing and no other. it shows the seams and doesn’t take you out of it. you hear people improvise lines to make their costar laugh, you see actors try really hard not to break character, you watch someone cry ACTUAL TEARS during a solo, so engrossed that you’re drawn in with them. you become a part of this world for a moment because starkid is nothing but passion and love for their craft, and they show it through ingenuity, creativity, and craftiness.
just like curt said in that same interview, VHS christmas carols is the embodiment of all that. its a small and intimate stage (MY FAVORITES), so the line between actor and viewer is blurred. there’s parts in the digital ticket where you hear clark laugh at a few line readings, which i love so much. it’s simpler than a lot of their other stuff, band wise and set wise, but what they DO have is excellent. the VHS-shaped stage, the play button on the box lids, the CANDLES UGH. they’re all enjoying themselves, putting their entire heart and soul into each performance, and it shows. even the happy songs brought tears to my eyes. seeing that reminded me of how much i loved being in theater and the friends i made doing it.
VHS christmas carols is like a reminder that starkid isn’t just a production company making high quality musicals for us to watch, it’s also a group of dorky friends having the time of their lives on stage.
#i don’t care if its not christmas anymore#i’m gonna keep talking about this musical#starkid#vhs christmas carols#curt mega#hello curt if you see this#which is apparently a possibility i hadn’t anticipated#you were amazing as jim and young scrooge#and i cannot wait to see what you all do next#please do VHS next year too so i can see it#if you’re not curt uhhhh#i love you#drink some water#start off your year well :)
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Imo Jason is “irredeemable” by default because I don’t see what he needs redemption from.
#I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before but joining this fandom made me fucking hate the word ‘redemption’#no person I’ve seen who is in love with the concept knows the who what where when why or how it should work in a story#apparently it isn’t just themes and tropes anymore people don’t understand the proper use of the word ‘villain’#kelseethe#also hilarious: Jason should recieve sensitivity training HR style from Bruce ‘I’m the government and children are my cronies’ wayne#if Jasons headstrong/‘answers to no one’ attitude towards vigilantism is what makes people think he's villainous#I hate to be a broken record but the baddie you’re describing is Bruce#nobody thinks he’s a villain for only trusting in his own methods/self and repeatedly isolating himself#and on top of that gaslighting and hurting people around him in attempts to do what HE **thinks** is the right thing#you people always thought *him* heroic not problematic for all these traits#the only difference is Jason isn’t psychologically abusive & controlling#yet he’s still the bad guy just cause he liberally kills folks in the crime business.#l'd argue goth ham war is the b*tman story to remind you of everything that makes Bruce authentically himself#Idk how to tell you that Bruce mentally compromising/crippling his son in a twisted attempt to ‘save him from himself’#is perfectly in line with slitting the same son’s throat because he couldn’t stand to see him avenge his own killer#and yk what a redemption arc could be interesting for someone like Bruce#because he rarely questions or doubts his choices esp wrt Jason. no matter how morally dubious they may be#I think it would be quite fun to witness his extremely restricted worldview be challenged/shattered he deserves that humbling experience
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heyyy, guess who’s back with more thoughts about itoshi rin????
so, we’ve already established that rin is a very extrinsically motivated person, at least when it comes to football. he doesn’t play football for himself, and he never has. and in a setting like blue lock i just don’t think that’s a sustainably way to play football. blue lock is a place that wants people have a real love for the sport, and would play it every single day of their lives if they could. ego wants people who want to win and want to be the best striker in the world.
rin,, doesn’t really want that. sure, he wants to beat isagi and prove his brother wrong, but that’s not really a longterm, sustainable goal. what happens when he succeeds? does he just stop and say, “okay, that’s good enough”? what happens if he never succeeds? if isagi just continually gets better and better and rin never beats him in a way that makes sae acknowledge him?
having extrinsic motivations is good and normal, but you also eventually have to do things that you want to do for you or you’re going to get burnt out. and i feel like that’s the path that rin’s headed towards if we’re being realistic about this. he just goes and goes and goes in a really unsustainable way, and eventually it’s going to catch up to him.
he’s a really interesting foil to isagi, who’s motivations are almost entirely intrinsic. part of why isagi’s mindset feels more sustainable to me is because he really only plays football for himself. he plays because he really loves the sport. and we don’t ever really see that in rin, so i feel like it’s eventually going to kind of blow up in his face as we’ve seen in previous rounds of blue lock.
or i’m entirely wrong about this. idk, i’m not kaneshiro. i’m just saying that i don’t think that rin’s got anything sustainable going on in how he plays football ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯
#original post#blue lock#itoshi rin#rin’s really good at football#that’s why he’s survived in blue lock for so long#i just don’t think that being really good at football is all that ego’s looking for in a striker#also#jsyk#i love rin so so so much#he’s my special little boy#i just also think that maybe just maybe he should find a reason to play football for himself before he burns out and decides to never play#again#he doesn’t seem like he really enjoys the sport anymore#and that makes me sad#because he deserves to have fun with the thing that he’s apparently going to spend the rest of his life doing#he’s only sixteen#he deserves to enjoy the life that he’s living#isagi yoichi#ig#he was mentioned#i feel like i talk a lot#get him on a volleyball court with hinata and kageyama#they’ll force him to find some enjoyment with what he’s doing#okay i’m done#does this count as meta?#meta post#blue lock meta#okay for real this time#bye
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okay hear me out. i know i love science and i’m very good at chemistry and physics. but what if i became a fucking accountant
#IM SERIOUS…….#like i’ve been doing research about what career path to tailor my degree towards when i go back to school#and it seems like chemistry careers outside of phd research and academia just. barely exist in the US anymore#they’ve been largely outsourced or are extremely geographically limited. or it’s pure bench work that barely pays better than retail#and i’m like. knowing what i know now about my health i just cannot go into academia. i cant. it would take up 100% of my life#and as much as i think i could be smart enough i just like don’t. want to give up on hobbies or having a personal life.#i’m a slow reader/writer. i cant be writing all those papers and making all of those curriculums. it would be all i ever did#and i don’t want to constantly move across the country in pursuit of unicorn chem/bio jobs that would actually interest me#i need to be near my family or a few very close friends on case of a medical emergency#and as for accounting like. look at my hobbies. i love optimizing dragon capitalism on FR. i love making charts and solving puzzles#i don’t mind menial tasks. i need a job with consistent hours that i can leave at the office. bc otherwise i can get too wound up#accountants are in demand everywhere and the pay is actually proportional to the amount of schooling required#depending on the company you work for the work/life balance can be pretty reasonable apparently#i’m good at math enjoy solving problems and have job experience recruiting clients and solving their unique problems#it’s not as spiritually fulfilling as astrobiology but like does it have to be? if i could have a stable and healthy life with people i love#idfk man
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they activating the gooner in me!!!!!! it’s getting really bad lmao!!!!!!!!!
#this is vee speaking#no one: but don’t already goon for kuukou—#me: SHUT UP#i’ve been trying to not publicise my descent in nakanishi kuukou stanning but he makes it really difficult LOL#his calf muscles sir………………….. s…. ste…………. step—#this pose……………….. this angle………………… t…. tongue………….. anything you want—#read a report he’s been channeling a lot of hirono kuukou in his performances now like the way hirono-san tended to strip#nakanishi-san has occasionally flashed his arms doing his thing lol#i finally found someone talk about jyushi!!!!!! and he apparently is killing it with his insert raps!!!!!!#like the way sakakihara-san tearfully sang kaigen during bat live day 2 is the energy sakayori jyushi has rapping about his bullies#*clenches fist* i need…………… i need the stream……………… let me in………………. let ME IN—#unrelatedly i think it’s hilarious every day mtr and bat’s merch keeps selling out LOL#the bat stan in me is like that’s so based lol but what i think it is is that nagojuku’s 2nd drb stage battle didn’t get as many votes#and so management assumed their merch wouldn’t sell as well as the others lol#i don’t have many mtr people on my feed anymore but i would like to know how mtr is being received 🤔
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Chappel Roan saying she’s sad she’s demisexual and then there’s me being aroace as a whole like don’t you think I’m even more sad 😭
#not saying she’s not allowed to feel sad at all#just makes me think about myself LOL#I hate being aroace it’s like everyone’s part of a secret club I will never be a part of#and that people don’t tend to understand and if they do they never uphold that fact#like I actually have thrown up before from the concept of being in a relationship because it’s horrifying#and disgusting to me in a practical sense#like I don’t want to throw up every time I start thinking about those things I just want to be normal#and not panic like a relationship sounds like even worse than a death sentence#ppl think aroace is cute and problem free but it’s literally so uncomfortable and inconvenient when you’re in a world which a) doesn’t#understand wth aroace is b) doesn’t respect it at all c) has shit povs on what friendship is and how it can be more fulfilling than somethin#and d) how badly it impacts some ;-; like ik it sounds easy but try telling yourself omg I want to have a forever bestie#but then said forever bestie will never end up truly putting you first because they’d have a partner who will be their number one#and as usual you won’t even be second place you will be last like always#because I’ve noticed that the moment ppl get a partner suddenly they become their forever bestie role and then I can’t have that cause it#freaks me out and disgusts me all at once so I’m literally just cursed with forever feeling lonely and not meaning anywhere near as much to#someone who you wish could even look your way the way you do to them …#honestly by the day these reminders make me feel more and more aplatonic but it’ll simultaneously always feel like a hole in my heart#because apparently being aroace is like being some weird person and some freak#and not in the 𝒻𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓀𝓎 type of connotation LMAO I mean just plain freak#and then that loneliness will always accumulate and accumulate and accumulate until I physically cannot handle it anymore or I take matters#into my own hands and just off with her head to myself LMAO#dora daily#and that is why despite aroace being cool to me it’s just not placed in an environement which makes it cool#as those assholes tend to say oh meh meh meh you never struggled girl … we’re in the 21st century every person in the lgbt community is#living the life dating who they want and being with who they want#but allegedly it is but a crime I can’t like anyone and that nobody fucking listens to me when I say I have an attraction deficit#and that they take it upon their hands to define what I’m attracted to or head canon me as whatever they are#I swear I’m not even fucking worth that shit just leave me alone 😭#I promise like if I was with somebody they will regret the day they were born by being with me LOL I am not all that in fact me being aroace#is saving them from torture ☠️ anyways ! rant over :3
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Great googley moogley it’s all going to shit! Every day becomes exponentially more terrifying!
And all perfectly timed to just right at the start of what’s supposed to be my adult life where I get my shit together and be useful and productive!
#we’re cooked#we’re doomed#idk the end is nigh or whatever god damn#I just wanna be able to live in my own house and draw a guy sometimes without the ever present threat of the horrors is that too much#apparently yeah cause houses aren’t achievable anymore but man#m a n#especially if you didn’t/couldn’t go to college and aren’t capable of working most jobs#doesn’t help there’s the chance some part of my existence might be suddenly illegal or extremely dangerous yippie!#the options are literally 1. people die 2. people die what the hell do you even do man#how the fuck is this the election I’m gonna get forced to be a part of we’re living in hell#and nobody around me believes it’ll get bad yay great oh so wonderful#I can’t wait to lose rights and cause millions of deaths regardless of who gets chosen#I think one of these days I’m literally just gonna die of stress#it’ll either be a stroke or a heart attack or cancer or uh well ya know#we’re fucked#we’re screwed#I wanna have some kind of an actually visible break down but ive suppressed everything so much that I don’t outwardly emote much anymore :)#and the constantly dissociating thing too I guess#if you ever think ‘oh yeah I can just think of guy in a situation that’s so cool’ don’t it’s a trap—#although tbh this would be significantly worse without it so uh law of equivalent exchange I guess#fuck fuck fuck anyway#not putting this in the main tags#definitely deleting this later#if anyone in my house got any hints that I may or may not have different opinions than them well uh I’m financially dependent on them so um#literally wouldn’t have anywhere to go if anything happened#oh we’re really in it now Simon#hell world#there’s like what 7 genocides going on too I hate everything I hate everything I hate everything#I can’t do anything to help anyone either cause I don’t have a job and I could get kicked out or treated badly at home for it#not that anyone thinks very highly of me at home anyway I am kinda family disappointment number 2 I pretty sure
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Finished Miles Morales again while of course cried and losing my mind were Phin and Miles foreshadowing Peter and Harry. Is it so. Are our best friends our greatest enemies but we still love them anyway. Will Peter forgive Harry for all the destruction but still have to lose him. MJ will also be there.
#I FJDJWJJEEJ IDJEJ. I really want MJ to have a strong hearty relevant role in the Peter - Harry drama I know is gonna happen#BC LIKE. they’re all a friendgroup I just feel like she will be like weirdly pushed to the side IM NOT SAYING ITLL HAPPEN. BUT.#I really really like MJ in the game… theoretically… I do not think Peter and her should date however. please please please be ex’s#ex’s who are friends don’t will they won’t they anymore I’ve had enough. Peter is either bisexual and has a thing w Harry. Lone wolfing it.#OR. perhaps a thing w Felicia since it is already cannon they raw dog apparently 😭????#anyways i actually really love phin as a character i wish Mile’s game was a little longer to explore her#miles morales#spiderman 2 ps5#miles morales ps5 spoilers
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so i turned mr waiter down and he reacted with 👍 to my message
#— ai rambles#i went radio silent with him last night bc i was trying to gather my thoughts#and he did keep messaging me very odd stuff#like i hope you are thinking of me blah blah#or do you not want me anymore#HEAD IN MY HANDS#like the moment i don’t reply back he throws a fit#this guy apparently knows no personal space 😭#and today i just felt compelled to be super direct and tell him as it is#maybe i hurt his ego#idc but i def dodged a bullet there
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#okay i actually want to rant a bit 😭 - not advised to read this because then you might get brain damage#because oh my god??????? weird#(was going to write an entire diary but nvm here’s the gist of it)#basically i was coming home from this chem thing right#i used the train as i always do when it comes to this. and because the new station just got a shiny renovation it is now connected to the#new mall in front of it (we have two now it’s an addition to the first one). and guess what 😭#i had to go in and get to the first mall because my dad said he’d just pick me up at the lobby instead of the bus stop in front of#the station entrance right.#and when i was on the elevator going up on a call with my mom about food orders 😭#the guy i used to have a very very VERY heavy crush on in middle grade got to the elevator leading down just as i was on the landing 😭😭#and i had to make sure i wasn’t hallucinating so as he was descending and his back turned to me i examined the back of his head and i’m#pretty sure it was him. curiosity killed the cat i should’ve remembered that shit because you know what my stupid ass did??#i was already walking away on my way to cross to the first mall but then that curiosity got the better off me and i steppedonto the elevato#leading down 😭 and followed him out into (apparently) the fucking bus stop#oh my goddd I JUST REALIZED this is my the one moment help#except i don’t think he recognized me because i was never even friends with him lmao. wrote tons of poetry about him ✅#actually had one proper conversation with him ❌#i was delusional and kept alone with my thoughts living in my head do not judge me#but seriously even though i don’t really care about him anymore this would’ve been (unfortunately) SUPER important to middle grade me#she would’ve taken it as a sign or something and write like five pages about it#and i just keep thinking about that#funny how things change because IF YOU KNEW how many credits and exaggerated compliments i gave him in my old journal#oh you would’ve laugheddd#like i used to SPEND SO MUCH TIME pondering over him it’s so 😭#i used to have an oc and i think i based it on my idea of him and then i think that idea of him was even the reason i started to TRY to#write poetically. and i used to relate every taylor swift love songs to him (esp the ones in debut lover and rep and fearless) IT WAS SO#FUNNY LOOKING BACK AT IT NOW#i think he did see me though. i put on this act as if i was searching for someone confused and then (my go to) pretended someone called me#and then i whisked off as if to find that someone#i’d like to think i look pretty cool though. not because of anything (def not my looks because i was SO TIRED from that extra chem lessons
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i feel like a part of my soul has been ripped from my chest and i dont know why.
#is this a bad time to mention i dont even believe in souls?#i really dk why.#no this isnt abt jiro somehow apparently having a loving family#(ok like. at least 1/4 of it is BUT STILL. NOT THE POINT)#(part of me feels awkward abt it bc just. huh? youre telling me. this guy. that i basically am the irl version of. has a loving family???)#(/j and all but just. idk part of me feels awkward now? it just. a guy who blew himself up for most of the same ideals i have)#(gets to have the one thing i yearn so very hard for. everyday of my life. but can never have.)#(ill get over this in like. 2 hours. hopefully. most of thats just shock anyways.)#just. for the past some days. besides a couple things and people. hurt and love havent really. made me feel much of anything#like being cared for by actual ppl even online. yeah. it still does but#even my fantasies don’t entertain me anymore#oh god am i becoming lopt. save me fuck#UNLESS this means i get mason as my bf. then hell fucking yeah (kidding kidding kIDDINGG i dont wanna be lopt. please.)#but srsly. usually i can envoke some sorta reaction from myself if its brutal enough#but. nothing.#id assume that im over doing it usually. but i havent in a good while#maybe this is some what where my art/writers block is coming from#whatever this hell is.#time to go on a spiral of mildly depressing and somewhat cryptic posts (cryptic if i didnt info dump in the tags that is)#why is it so hard to confront issues when you dont even know what the issue is?#i just. wanna be able to make myself feel something.#not in a “i have no one but myself” way for once. just. i dont wanna have to rely on others for my emotions#i want to feel a pang of hurt. yet it feels so empty. i dont want to harm myself. i just want to feel it.#anyways ig.#ig im gonna just sleep#which tbh im growing to hate bc like. i feel all i do is sleep. i sleep to avoid how much my own body hurts. i sleep to ignore my issues#i sleep to ignore the fact i keep forgetting to respond to people even though ik i have to at some point. i sleep to avoid the dread of not#getting anything done. i sleep just because im bored.#and im tired of sleeping.#but. it feels worse awake. my body hurts. my mind hurts. it all just hurts.
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It’s at times like these where I have to remind myself that people process loss and grief in different ways and I’m not like a sociopath for like … “I need to go to work tomorrow morning I can’t deal with this right now”.
Pet death discussion under the cut…
Unfortunately my family has had a stupidly pragmatic approach to death which is “the world moves on, just move on as well”. Like yeah we grieve but let me just say - when my grandma died, my dad told me to stay at school where I was because getting my ass across the country to her funeral was going to be a logistical nightmare since it was thanksgiving weekend. He was basically like “she’s already dead, you can say goodbye at the cemetery when you visit for Christmas” and I was like “… sounds good”
My mom didn’t even tell me my grandma died until a week later because “well you had a test that week and you were already not doing well in that class … and there wasn’t much you could have done anyway”
Guinea pig just died.
I’m just like “well got to get up for work in 6 hours. I can’t take time off. It’s rally week and it’s going to be a goddamn clusterfuck already.”
So … I’ve just gone into that coldly pragmatic state of mind while also crying. It’s very weird having the ADHD levels of emotional regulation and feeling sick to my stomach with grief with whatever the fuck is also going on where I’m like “yeah but I can’t do anything for her, pet cremation services are closed for the weekend and what the fuck else am I going to do at home tomorrow aside from just sit around and … do what exactly? Clean up her stuff? Pack up her cage?”
It’s just weird. I feel pain at her passing but I also just feel like I need to like … go on with life still because I have to.
The silence weighs heavy on the house tonight though. I’m not going to hear her tiny little wheeks as I walk into the room. Not going to hear her little feet thumping against the cage bottom. Going to feel guilty as hell for the rest of eternity for not getting her spayed which could have prevented some ovarian issues which may have shortened her life even though she lived to the ripe old age of 5 and peegs are considered old at that age (she was also pretty sickly when I got her, it’s a minor miracle she lived this long tbh).
#so yeah my guinea pig - Athena - just died#I don’t even know what to do anymore tbh#apparently go to work tomorrow and try to power through it
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