#these two make me so ill sigh
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bringing your husband some flowers after hes had a long day ❤️ (spent fighting you and your brotherhood of evil mutants)
#OLD MAN YAOI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#these two make me so ill sigh#my art#art#fanart#doodle#erik lehnsherr#magneto#charles xavier#cherik#x-men
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Part One / Part Two--you are here/ Part Three
Hellfire did in fact, have cookies to sell.
More than cookies, which Dustin practically preened over when Eddie dragged himself back to their table.
The ornaments they had made were still there, but now the centerpiece was an array of baked goods. Spread out in a spiral, it started from the large cake in the center and spun out into miniature cookies held in tiny decorated bags, all while Harrington stood over them like a proud parent.
It smelled mockingly delicious.
Eddie glared at the display, resisting the urge to upend the whole thing onto the floor.
Cookies and cakes and (--was that frickin bread pudding?) whatever other treats Harrington had shown up with might look good, but Eddie didn’t trust it.
Didn’t trust Harrington, even if the bastard had never really done anything himself--but then, he never had to, had he?
That was the point of all that money, after all. So he could pay other people to do his dirty work while he kept his hands squeaky clean.
“Inch a bit to the left--there, stop!” Harrington was saying, like the bossy asshole he was.
Like he thought he could just come in and expect everyone to follow his lead.
“Perfect! Now don’t touch it.”
God, Eddie had to nip this in the butt, now. Before King Horrorton harassed his sheep all day, and cemented the club's undeserved bad name in the minds of Hawkins.
“Dustin what did I just say--”
Eddie stepped up to the front of their table, preparing himself for war.
Looked over to his friends knowing they'd likely need a nod of reassurance. A show from him that said he had this handled.
There was no cowering.
No pleading, helpless, 'What do we do Eddie!?' gazes aimed his direction.
Hellfire wasn’t even looking at him, and not because they were all avoiding Harrington's line of sight.
No, the fucking traiters were flanking the King. Like they were buddies with the bastard instead of mortal enemies.
“Hey, Ed’s, Harrington brought pies. Cakes too!” Gareth said around a mouthful of cookie when he noticed Eddie standing before him.
It came out a garbled mess, but years of experience had Eddie understanding him anyway.
Jeff was busy playing what sounded like twenty fucking questions regarding the setup, and even Grant appeared comfortable, happily letting Harrington order him around as they finished setting up.
Like this was some kind of cutesy Disney movie where they all held hands and sang songs instead of a hostile takeover situation.
Eddie’s eye twitched.
Sensing a disturbance in the force, Jeff looked up and immediately interrupted himself to point to a series of red and green cookies placed dead center, delighted.
“Check it out man, Steve made some shaped like dice!”
(And he did say ‘Steve.’
Not Harrington, or This Asshole, or The Invading Evil Forces of Darkness.
Just Steve, like Steve was someone Jeff hung out with everyday.
Jeff’s cleric was a dead elf walking.)
Eddie took note of what was in fact, dice cookies.
He hated how good they looked.
“There’s four flavors.” Steve told him, cocky little grin on his face as he observed his work. “Chocolate chip, peanut butter, snickerdoodle--and the dice ones are sugar cookies.”
He licked his lips before finally turning to look at Eddie, hair curling over his face and making him wave a hand to brush them out of his eyes.
Eddie hated how good he looked too.
‘Hate, hate, hate, absolutely loathe-’
“Great, sure, wonderful.” Eddie managed, though given the look Grant and Jeff both shot him it might have come out as more of a growl.
Dustin rolled his eyes, and Eddie couldn’t help but notice that Hellfire’s other two youngest hadn’t dared to show their faces yet.
Likely they knew Eddie was having an absolute meltdown over Steve’s presence and were waiting for his reaction to blow over.
(Their characters were dead too.)
“I have two full cakes--one chocolate, on vanilla--and a few individual slices we can sell.” Steve was continuing, as if Eddie wasn’t glaring a hole in his forehead. “Those did really well last year when I made them for the basketball team.”
Insults fought for space on Eddie’s tongue, but he managed to roll a 20 to pick the best one, opening his mouth to let it fly.
"Harr-" is as far as he got before he was rudely interrupted.
“Steve? Is that you?” A woman Eddie didn’t recognize but was clearly someone's mom came up cautiously to the table, side eyeing the Hellfire banner like a nervous horse. “That can’t be your famous tiramisu, is it?”
Steve beamed at her. “Well hi Miss Carpenter. It is!”
Eddie was bumped aside by a massive purse, the woman not even glancing in his direction as she stepped up to the table.
With a sneer, he finally slumped to the back of their little spot as Miss Carpenter looked over all Steve’s (not Hellfire’s and absolutely not Eddie’s) offerings.
Didn’t care to wipe it off right then, even if he knew he needed to if he wanted to make sales.
Jeff sent him a look.
The same one he usually aimed Eddie’s way when he thought Eddie’s antics were going to cause problems.
He ignored it, on grounds that traitors don’t get to be judgy.
“Oh,” Miss Caprtender tittered, the draw of Harrington’s baked goods clearly overcoming whatever fear she had about Hellfire. “Well I just can’t pass that up. The swim team meets aren’t the same without you!”
Eddie pretended to gag.
Waited for her to comment on Hellfire--their clothes, their music, hell even the length of Eddie’s hair--and found he was almost disappointed when there wasn't even a single question about why Hawkins precious golden child was slumming it with the weirdos.
Instead, Miss Carpenter's hand went fishing in her purse for her wallet as she loudly called out over her shoulder, to, presumably another annoying woman;
“Terry, Steve’s here! He’s been baking!”
For two terrifying seconds, there was a notable dip in the conversations around them.
Grant’s eyes went wide as several women responded to the announcement like dogs hearing food hit the floor, and within seconds their table was absolutely swarmed by the mothers of Hawkins.
Even Eddie was taken aback at the sheer number of them.
“Hold, men, hold.” Dustin cautioned as Jeff and Grant both flinched. “Come on, we need to get our gold!”
“They���re scary though.” Gareth whispered in horror as four women tried to talk at once, jostling each other so hard they shook the table menacingly.
“Ladies, ladies there’s enough here for everyone!” Steve laughed, showing off his disgustingly cute dimples as he did, getting several of the mom’s to blush at their own behavior in the process.
The sheer amount of attention of course, drew in even more people, and Dustin quickly took up directing, planting Jeff and Grant at either end of their table while he and Steve fended off the hoard from the front.
(Given the way he and Steve were equally ordering Hellfire around, Eddie finally knew where the little shit had picked that attitude up from. He was going to have to cure Dustin of it, ASAP. )
“Here you go Miss Harper.” Steve said sweetly, handing over yet another stack of baked goods.
Without turning his head, and in the tone of voice one used to warn a misbehaving dog, he added; “Gareth don’t think I can’t fucking see you, get back up here.”
Caught trying to sink under the table with another cookie in his mouth, Gareth found himself hauled back to his feet by his collar, putting a snarl on Eddie’s face immediately.
“Hey--” He started, defensive and more than ready to intercede, except Gareth wasn’t flinching or cursing or doing that thing he did with his mouth when he was desperately trying to hold in his temper.
Instead he was giving a sheepish grin and a half-assed apology while he hung in Harrington’s grasp, before doing what the guy told him to do.
(It did not help that Steve patted him on the shoulder when he released him, before handing Gareth a third fucking cookie.)
Eddie’s eye twitched a second time.
(He told it to knock it off.
It didn’t listen.)
No one acknowledged Eddie or his outburst, which meant he was just skulking behind the boys while they all worked.
Arms crossed, rings tapping a rhythm on his forearm, far too keyed up to do anything other than glare at the back of Harrington's skull.
The King seemed perfectly happy to ignore him.
Likewise, Gareth and Grant knew better than to bother him when he was in a snit.
Henderson made the occasional snappy little comment, but the brat had mostly left him alone now that they were well into the swing of selling, chortling over the increasing stack of cash Steve kept trying to get him to put into a “safe place.”
Eddie was seconds away from walking up and snatching the cash himself when Jeff decided it was on him to attempt the impossible.
Get him to help Harrington.
“More hands would be nice, Eddie!” Jeff called, looking more than a little harassed as the mom he was helping changed her order a second time, snaking out the last single slice of chocolate cake from another mom who was eyeing it. “Steve and I could really use your assistance over here!”
Eddie’s glare, which had been doing its level best to try and vaporize the King’s brain, switched targets instantly.
“I’m supervising.”
Jeff made a face like he was about to argue, but the King beat him to it.
“It must be tough,” Harrington said, tilting his head to look back towards Eddie, “to supervise people who are working so much harder than you.”
Which promptly set the mood for the next full hour.
xXx
Harrington was matching him tit for tat.
Every shitty, sneered word out of Eddie’s mouth was met with an equally mean toned barb, though given the repeated looks everyone kept shooting him, Eddie was very much considered the aggressor here.
A fact he cannot believe is coming from his own friends.
What happened to comradery? To Eddie stepping in and protecting them, from the likes of people just like Harrington?
But no, Eddie makes one fucking comment about how the cookies are probably half hair-spray and suddenly he’s the bad guy.
(Nevermind that Steve had fired right back, telling Eddie that any hair-spray taste was probably from all the drugs he did.)
Was somewhat, halfway--okay maybe amazing, Eddie might have snuck a cookie himself--food really all it took to get them all to turn on him like this?
Erase the years of Eddie being their shield?
Act like Harrington wasn’t just as bitchy and awful as he had been in high school (even if he was, admittedly, being nicer about it all right now? Almost--aloof, like he couldn’t figure out why Eddie hated him so much, but likewise wasn’t going to take even one eye roll sitting down--and no, no, Eddie wasn't derailing this by thinking about Harrington's stupid eyes, he wasn't!)
Frankly he would have flipped them all the bird and stormed off, if it weren’t for the increasingly weird little comments people were making.
‘Oh Steve, it's a shock to see you here.’
‘Are you doing someone a favor?’
‘You know Pastor Jim said something about this game…’
The last one had put Eddie’s teeth on edge, even if Dustin had brushed it off. It hadn’t been aimed at Steve directly but the women saying it had absolutely been looking at the King, as if waiting for his reaction.
Not that Harrington would take the bait this soon, though.
There were too many people buying fricken…cupcakes and shit, while Horrorton enjoyed the attention of the masses.
Eventually this tiny crowd would die down though, and that’s when Steve would change his tune. Start answering some of the questions he seemed to be dodging as more and more people got braver about coming up to the table.
This whole thing was a ticking time bomb, and Eddie would be ready when it inevitably blew.
To defend his table, his club, his friends.
Even Henderson, who absolutely didn’t deserve it just then.
“Dude perk up would you? You look like you’re going to stab somebody.” Jeff hissed at him ten minutes later, when there was finally a break in the flood.
Eddie ignored him in place of taking stock of the table. (And maybe, sneaking another cookie.)
“Hope you brought more than this, Harrington.” He said, knowing he sounded like a stuck up ass and not feeling an iota of guilt about it. “Unless you plan to run home and bake more like a good little housewife.”
“Dude.” Grant said, casting him a look like King Dick might leave and take the cookies with him.
“Oh I brought more.” Harrington dismissed, with a small flick of his fingers. “And I’ll have you know you’d never find a housewife more perfect than I am, Munson.”
Then he turned to nail Eddie with the most shit eating grin he’d ever seen the King wear.
Facing flaming a brilliant red, Eddie sputtered for a second before finally getting ahold of himself and spitting;
“How delightful. I--”
“Okay.” Jeff cut in, forever the mediator. “Gary, Dustin can you help Steve pull the extra stuff out from under the tables? While I go talk to Eddie?”
“Can I try the tiramisu?” Gareth asked, inching hopefully towards the treat while keeping an eye on Harrington’s hands, lest he get smacked again.
“Only if you’re a good boy.” Harrington told him sarcastically and goddammit why did that make Eddie blush harder!?
Jeff sighed, before grabbing his arm and hauling Eddie back, away from the table, right as a younger man in some stupid sport’s jacket asked questions about one of the dice cookies.
“Look I get it man, I do,” Jeff started, voice talking in the sort of wheelding, pleading tone it did when he really wanted something and knew Eddie was opposed. “but Steve’s been super cool. We might actually make money off this, and he’s giving us all of it. Can you just… not antagonize him for five minutes?”
Eddie stared at his best friend in abject horror.
“You couldn’t have talked to him for more than twenty minutes total. Half of which he spent bitching that you were bagging a cake wrong! At what point was Harrington "being cool!?"
The asterisks were made by his fingers, which Eddie mockingly framed his face with.
He got a flat, unimpressed stare in return.
“It was a very informative twenty minutes and he was right about the cake. Now are you going to help or are you going to glower in the corner?”
Eddie gaped.
“I cannot believe you right now--”
Jeff didn’t even wait to hear him out.
“You’ve chosen to glower. I can’t help you man, but we’d all have a much better day if you weren’t at Harrington’s throat every five seconds.” Jeff turned smoothly on his heel.
Over his shoulder he added; “Seriously, don’t come back until you’ve worked your way out of your snit.��
Shocked, Eddie watched Jeff float back to the front, inserting himself easily between Grant and Steve and immediately striking up a conversation.
With the enemy.
“I didn’t know you baked.” Jeff told Steve loudly (and very obviously, for Eddie to see.)
Steve gave a bashful little smile, then shrugged. “It’s a hobby. Got into it back when the basketball team needed to fundraise a few years ago and Tommy’s mom got it in her head we should sell home baked goods. Turns out its kinda fun.”
“Please never get out of it.” Gareth insisted, a piece of God knows what crammed in his mouth.
“Dude, how many of those have you gotten into!? Stop eating the merchandise!” Dustin commanded, smacking at Gareth’s shoulder.
“I physically cannot stop man.” Gareth dodged, reaching out for another cookie. “I’m not sorry.”
Steve just laughed. All charming and buddy-buddy, like it was natural for him to be here.
Wearing a Hellfire shirt. Making jokes and teasing the guys.
In Eddie’s fucking place.
He seethed, fingers twitching, and envisioned the very unsexy murder of one Steve Harrington.
Cartoon X’s for eyes and all.
xXx
Trouble didn't hit the table.
It in fact, seemed to stay away as if on purpose, to shove in Eddie's face that he was the one in the wrong here.
Even the questions toned done as the second wave of moms showed up, this round prompted by some former teammate of Steve’s Eddie didn’t recognize yelling about his apple pie.
Instead, Eddie’s wayward sheep finally made their appearance Mike and Lucas trying to sneak in as if Eddie wouldn’t notice during the new rush.
(Eddie himself almost caused trouble when he realized Lucas was wearing a Not-A-Hellfire shirt, which solved the mystery of where Harrington had gotten his.
He was inching his way towards them, a snarky word on his tongue when he saw Sinclair said something about how he was “already on Eddie’s shitlist for joining the basketball team,” in relation to what must have been a question about his Hellfire shirt, that caused Eddie to freeze.
With the air of a sad, wet kitten, Lucas followed it with; “I’m sure it won’t be long before he kicks me out of Hellfire anyway.”
Like he'd been punched in the gut, all the air left Eddie’s lungs.
Because before Lucas had said that, Eddie had been thinking it.
Not really--he’d never kick anyone out of Hellfire.
It was more that he'd thought about it in the way one does when you know you're in the right, and are having to resort to underhanded tactics to force the other party to come to their senses.
Like a sort of shitty, angry “I should kick you out, let you see what happens when you don’t have us!” kind of intervention.
The same kind he had heard the jocks sling before, when they were mad at each other and--God he wasn’t--he couldn’t be, like them...could he?
Like fucking Harrington, who oh fuck, was patting Lucas sympathetically on the shoulder and giving him some kind of whispered advice.
Sonovabitch.
“I’m going for a smoke.” Eddie bit out, vision tunneling.
He knew he needed to go sit down somewhere, before he fucking lost it in front of Hawkins, Harrington and everyone.
And wouldn’t that just be a treat for King Steve?
To watch Eddie realize he had turned into the very thing he hated, preached against, even?
That Steve was, maybe, possibly, doing a better job of following Eddie’s own Munson Doctrine than he was?
Eddie barely saw the room anymore--waived off whatever Grant was trying to say to him as flew past, shaking hands fishing for a desperately needed cigarette.
Maybe a hope and a prayer too, because apparently he needed it.
How long had he been like this?
Been a douchebag asshole?
Was it the whole year? More than? Or was it just now, with stupid Steve involved? Could he trace this back to that stupidly cute--no, no, annoying, asshole?
Was this some fucked up way of coping with his growing crush!?
Lost in thought and growing self hatred he nearly careened right into Robin Buckley.
Her slightly bent paper reindeer ears marked her as a memeber of the high school band, who had been absolutely butchering ‘Jingle Bell Rock’ a few minutes earlier.
Vaguely heard her yell Steve’s name as he ran off (because that’s what Eddie was doing. What he always did.
Run--from himself and his own fucking feelings, like a total cliche.)
--but didn’t take in that she was doing more than saying hi to, oh fuck him sideways--her friend.
Because she and Steve were friends now.
Good ones, if the freshmen were to be believed.
Rather than go outside and catastrophize in the cold, Eddie threw himself threw the doors at the end of the hall, then up the stairwell, to the second floor.
Tucked himself into a corner, right there by the stairs.
Sank down into a crouch, hands scrubbing up his face before tangling in his hair, head dropping between his knees, cigarette shoved into his mouth.
Somehow, Eddie decided, this was Steve’s fault.
He'd have come up with a reason for that, he was sure. A good one even, except he forgot one of the key features of his life.
He was a Munson, and as a general rule of life, nice neat things did not happen to Munson's--but they did get kicked while they were down.
“Okay, what happened?” Steve fucking Harrington asked, voice loudly echoing up the stairwell from down below, and Eddie threw his head back, nearly slamming it against the wall.
(Maybe he’d pissed off a witch. His life would make a lot more sense if someone had cursed it.)
“She gave me her number!”
That was Buckley, the shrill timber identifiable even as she whispered the words.
Eddie can’t really see them without giving himself away--could probably make his escape if he got down and army-crawled past the railing he’s huddled by, but figured this is their fault anyway.
Not his problem if he overhears a private conversation because they’re both too stupid to check to see if someone was seated literally right up above them.
“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?" Steve was saying. "That’s what we wanted!”
“Is it!? What if she’s just, you know, giving it to me?”
“...I’m not following.”
“Like in a friend way. Not a--”
“Romantic way?”
Harrington has the smarts to say the words quietly. So quietly in fact, that had Eddie not been in the exact right position he wouldn’t have heard--but he almost swallowed his unlit (he should have lit it, maybe they'd have smelled the smoke and fucked off) cigarette anyway.
“Sssshh!” Robin hissed, and Eddie can’t see either of them but he imagined her jamming her hand over Harrington’s big fat mouth.
“Not so loud, Steve!”
“Sorry, God.” Sure enough, Harrington’s voice is muffled. “How did she give it to you? Did she say anything?”
“She asked if I want to hang out after band, but because I have that stupid family thing, I told her I couldn’t today, but I can literally any other day, and she said she’d call me, and I said--”
“Robs, breathe.”
“Don’t interrupt me, Dingus!” Robin said, voice shrill again, before she clearly listened to Harrington and took a breath.
It was big, and deep, and she blasted it back out loud enough for the fucking birds on the roof to hear.
In a calmer voice, Robin continued; “I said we never traded phone numbers so I didn’t have hers. She grabbed my arm and wrote her number on it. Look, she added a heart!”
“Okay, here you go! A hearts a good sign!"
And Harrington sounded--sounds happy for her, practically ecstatic, which doesn’t make much sense given Robin is talking about a ‘her’ and-
And-and-and--
Eddie’s always been quick to connect the dots.
It’s something he inherited from his old man. A Munson trait he’s tried to make his own through being an excellent DM (and not by robbing people blind or boosting cars.)
Here, the dots clearly screamed that Robin Buckley was trying to ask a woman out.
You know, in a gay way.
Which Harrington not only knew, but was supportive of.
Steve Harrington, who famously called Jonathan Byers' a queer before smashing the guy's beloved camera into the ground.
Eddie’s head exploded.
Or was in the process of exploding--he’s not entirely sure given the tunnel vision was back and his soul felt like it had exited his body entirely.
Just knew that his world was being remade for a second time in five minutes, and that he was dealing with it pretty damn poorly.
(Maybe God would be nice for once, and just give him the aneurism he clearly deserved.)
Which was of course, when trouble finally did decide to show face, in the form of Dustin Henderson barging through the doors and into Steve and Robin's little meeting.
Eddie knew, because Eddie could hear him.
“Steve! Steve we have a problem!”
“I’m busy Dustin--”
“Be busy later, we have an emergency on our hands!”
“And what, pray tell, do you think is an emergency?”
Eddie, who had instantly latched onto the conversation by the sheer need to have something distract him from his own thoughts, wondered the very same.
“Jason Carver showed up at the table, with a priest. They’re trying to do some whole kind of crazy sermon--is that a good enough emergency for you!?”
“Oh shit. ” Steve spat, at the same time Eddie yelled it from up high.
He sprang up, all thoughts of Robin and Steve knowing he’d eavesdropped vanishing entirely from his head as he lunged for the stairs.
Flew down them, because the thing he'd been waiting all fucking day for had finally happened.
He nearly crashed into Robin once again as he blew through the barely closed doors, Steve and Dustin already far ahead of him.
“Eddie?” Robin asked, voice noticeably nervous. "Were you--"
"Not now Starbuck, but we can talk later." Eddie told her, flying right past.
After he saved Hellfire.
#Its my birthday have a thing!#sighs in why can’t I ever make things into two parts#THREE IT IS#yes ill do tags#you do have to comment though bc I will miss it if its just in the tags#this will be only three parts so help me#pre steddie#hellfire#steven harrington#eddie munson#dustin henderson#The Party#Robin Buckley#Steve is a Good Friend#Chaotic Gremlin Eddie#and Bitchy Mean Girl Steve#I will die on the “bitchy mean girl” Steve is VERY different from “rich kid asshole” Steve hill#Eddie loves it even if he hates that he loves it rn lol#Eddie does some grade A tier catastrophizing here#things are not nearly as bad as he spirals himself into thinking lol#0o0 fanfics#stranger things#hellfire club
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lads it is mostly my fault (was sick, didn't tell healthcare until it was Dire, was sentenced to bed rest for the rest of my time at camp) that I literally can't say goodbye to these 100+ people I've come to love properly before I leave. I'm not permitted to participate in any singing, dancing, communal joy, any event that's remotely fun (that's nearly word for word what they said) here at camp. and I'm leaving EARLY, am still miserably sick, and have a four hour commute back home on top of that, because there's no one available to drive. literally cried my eyes out over everything just now and am This Close to crying my eyes out againnnnn
#not to list my woes again but today was Pretty Bad#the horrors: learned that one of the girls I'm working with is the cousin of the boy whom I was so torn up over last year (lol)#received a message from the second boy I was torn up over in the spring saying: do you want to live together? (LOL)#and was hit with the two-by-four of reality today about my own Delusions and such repeatedly over the head. over and over and over LOLLLL !#HOWEVER. the joys: tea. Bible reading time. lots of prayer. laughed a lot with my coworkers.#confided in a friend whom i know can hold secrets close. listened to another friend's voice message on loop. the rain made it not too hot.#i know joy cometh in the metaphorical morning but i wanted joy to come in the form of dancing and singing and worshipping together#and being able to tell each and every person goodbye properly and with the gravity and love they each deserve#i simply!!!!! cannae take this!!!!!! and yet I WILL :'))))))))) bear it with grace#(THAT'S dramatic)#sighhhh anyhow i'm currently mentally digging a little grave for the third disappointment in love i've experienced#since breaking up with my ex boyfriend. the ground is hard my hands are tired and the earth won't budge but i WILL dig that grave#and leave that little ill-formed ill-judged ill-managed love in it#dang i'm tired in all senses of the word!#and YET. there is still a part of me that is light and buoyant and determined to make the most of things#it is so hard to be miserable when the anneish part of you never dies.........sigh#healing girl era summer '24
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ty for the tag @lavenderhaze
Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤
for real this time
what if your eyes looked up and met mine one more time
some part of me came alive, the first time that you called me baby
broken cars and cowboys
truth, dare, spin bottles
np tag: @arviyya @galaxostars @just--vi @ultravioletbrit @howmanyfrecklesdoyousee
editing bc vi told me to link my ao3
<3333
#im ALWAYS so late to these oh my god#sigh#I always say ill get better at these but alas#it did make me go look at my ao3 and think about which ones I really love#also realized all but two of my fics are jegulus#but there's one fluffy as fuck wolfstar with farmer remus#also a weird as fuck rosekiller and regulus lmao#ANYWAYS someday ill get better at these
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"i hated owen for all/most of s1 i only started liking him in s2" weak. i liked owen since he got choked against a wall by an angry woman and then told her he wanted to shag her immediately afterwards. and then even more when he spent ep3 trying to intimidate and murder a rapist
#txt#torchwood posting#owen in the pilot? trash. but i tend to think ep3 was his comeuppance#anyway i was biased goin into tw but nonetheless. i loved him near immediately#i was like oh hermann from pr but hes a mean shitty little twink ohh???#oh hes fucked up! oh he has murder in his eyes and hes crying! oh im obsessed! and it spiraled from there#which is usually how it goes#sigh#but yeah ep3 was when i rllyyyy started to love owen#the obsession. the vigilantism. going against jack's orders.#that one shot where gwen looks at him and he looks dangerous#i think what got me was in ep1 we see torchwood broke suzie and pushed her to kill#so seeing that a second torchwood member was also at that point only two eps later#it was like ohhhhh. ohhh thats whats going on here#and then it's amplified like the end of s1 is just owen spiraling so hard he almost destroys the world. and it was fucking fantastic#even if the cgi was bad lmfao#s1s character arcs all have to do with exploring how that life breaks people. esp ppl who were already broken. as we find out in s2e12#& owen's the best example he's sooo fucking mentally ill and self destructive and toxic and miserable and he means the fucking world to me#and then they threw it all away in s2 to make him palatable 😒#but thats a me problem. i do luv s2 owen just in a diff way#and im v fond of the undead arc#but s1 owen just hits diff for me. burn played him as a scared little boy and it rlly rlly shows#sss
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No seroquel means no sleep for me I guess. I've been trying for hours
#decided if im gonna be awake i may as well do something other than wallow in thoughts that cause me anxiety#just super fucked up that i went from believing i could no longer feel romantic attraction#to suddenly being flooded with feelings#and like he didn't even confess romantic feelings for me he just said hed be down to fuck sometime#usually id just be like yeah that's fine i don't usually catch feelings#so it's fucking me up that im having romantic feelings towards someone who probably doesnt feel that way#and it's fucking me up that i caught feelings from being TOLD he'd like to fuck we haven't even done that#sigh i can't pretend like those feelings weren't already there and just extremely repressed....#kept having so many dreams about being in love w him... I'd do everything i could to shake the feeling off#it comes down to insecurities#feeling like i make too many mistakes to be with someone as good as him#the fear that I'll stress him out#one of the most amazing people I've ever met. he has respected my boundaries for years#and i guess those boundaries were only firmly in place bc i knew deep down it would spark something#honestly i felt a huge spark hours before he even told me#whenever he came up behind me and hugged me on the neck#his lips accidentally brushed against my neck and i swooned#we haven't talked since that night but he said he wants to have a conversation about it when he's not busy#he has two jobs#his 2nd one lasting til 1am#but yeah thinking about what he might say is making me nervous#like what if he suddenly decides that it IS too risky#i don't think ill be able to kick these feelings#at least i let him know head on that i might fall in love w him if we pursue anything else#but we haven't even pursued shit!! and i feel this way already!!#i guess not ''in love'' but the crush is hard-fucking-core#the kind of crush i havent had since meeting my ex 7 years ago...#i forgot what the feeling was like. and it's.... so strong#.bdo
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I mean this from a social perspective not a health one : why does everything feel weird right now. Like yes I’m heartbroken about the reality of my position in the lives of my so called friends but now I just feel confused. I don’t understand why I’m not important and why I can’t change to be important to others, nor what makes a person important either.
#like okay yeah I’ve been lowkey crying in the middle of the night because of how unimportant I feel but that’s down pat now we get it#I just want to know why am I not ? like am I doing something wrong ? I could’ve sworn I’m trying my best to not be annoying frustrating and#to be there but the reality of things is that I can’t always be there given my condition#sometimes I wonder how hard it is to ask me a simple ‘are you okay’ or ‘how are you’ or god forbid that I am missed lmao pls fniesksn ignore#the last one I think that’s too much but at least the other two#I don’t want to tell people to ask me these because then it feels fake and that they’re doing it just for the sake of getting me to shut up#about it but I don’t know#dora daily#a reason why I hate insta with my whole life because it just never fails to prove how worthless I really am#like I could’ve died yk … and it’d still be the sahara desert there#anyways I like being alone a lot something I’ve found out about myself#(I hate it actually but I only like it because I cannot make myself do anything like even talking seems so very exhausting so I can manage#with the loneliness when I’m ill but I can’t cope with it when I’m even a smidge better)#sigh.#just sigh. where did I get my friends from and why does everyone seem to love their friends so much but I cannot#don’t get me wrong I talk about how much I love them to everyone and if I don’t I obsess abt them in my head but it is not reciprocated to#be honest. not at all#and that’s what makes me sad. I still love them because I love unconditionally it seems#but from a conditional viewpoint they do not cut it#and that makes me disappointed#that’s why I’d kill to be loved or heck even remotely liked the way I like others even half of that yk#I am not a good person in my eyes but I would do so much just to be liked like that I wish I knew why I’m not worth being liked only worthy#of being tolerated.
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quick should I do my project on continued influence and relevance of medieval literature on how Skyrim is a Beowulf esque heroic poem yes /no. Or how parasite is an estate satire I rly don't want to do this project 😭
#theres a lot you could compare w estate satires. slumdog millionaire etc i havnt seen that movie#i have like over two weeks for thus project just a powerponnt but she said shell give us time on thurday to work jn class and i#dont want her to see me make a new document and start researching ideas in front of her 😭#i want to do something like more major. cause like yeah La Règle du Jeu is a cult clasic and can be likened to an estate satire but it was#a flop on release and also idk the influence that has had over the years.#sigh. its an examination of the genres and also i have never read any arthurian beyond jsut now reading gawain so i dont want#to look at those#worst case i show up tmr and she tells me that i need to pick smthn else like what can uou do#ill find a direct adaptatikn then who gives a fuck. but the cultural relevance of the genre focus#shes so vague but its her first time making and assigning this project so yeah. sign#sigh
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help I can't stop thinking about furniture. it's keeping me from thinking about the other way more important things I need to be thinking about (Jenkins, Dan Fielding, etc.)
#I could have just said John Larroquette but. I didn't#but anyway kitchens are expensive furniture is expensive paint is expensive#if we were rich I would be having the best time of my life. I'd love moving to a new place.#I'm having the best time playing with my 3d model of the apartment like it's a doll house#BUT actually buying things in real life is hell and it makes me so sad#god. imagine all the furniture I could assemble if I had money... sigh#trying to think about my guys to fall asleep but the furniture won't let me. ugh. I love furniture so much.#I know we're going to ikea next week and it's so bad how stupidly excited I am about it#ikea was probably my first hyperfixation as a kid and I haven't liked anything else for this long (it's been like. 27 years lol)#I cannot be normal about it#I will get to build shelves. and put things in shelves. organise things. build our wardrobe (for the third time in three years)#whenever we buy the kitchen I'll get to build most of that and then organise it too#I'm soooo excited!! and this time I'm only like... slightly chronically ill! and I won't have two surgeries right after we move (I hope....)#so maybe I'll have enough energy that it won't be awful this time!#anyway#need to sleep it's 6:30 and I'm so tired but my brain won't shut up#also my cat. he is yelling at me. I don't know what he's trying to say but he's very upset apparently#personal
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ouch haha i might have gotten my first fracture today
#🔮rambles~#vent beneath pls ignore i need to get it out#everytime someone asked me i always replied with a dont worry im fine ill be better soon#like ouch. i have been. smiling through the pain the entire day.#acting as if im not in agony inside lol#i mean im probably making like a huge deal out of it im kinda embarassed lmao#but it hurts.#its in my foot too so like i cant even walk. literally.#ugh i cried a bit too wtf#and a tear or two slipped out IN FRONT OF THE TEACHER gosh i hate myself for that#thank god the lights were off so i dont think she noticed#but still#ugh.#i hate thissss the last time i experienced acute physical pain was around 3 years ago when i fell from the cycle haha#dhdhdgdhhdtdhsjsjshd#ik my mom thinks its probably a fracture bc the skin around has like swelled up. but shes trying to make me feel better#tysm for that mom#we'll be going to the doctors in the evening probably#sigh lets see how this works out bye#delete later
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I hate when I'm ringing up nd chatting a bunch with a cute and/or cool person but then I'm struck by the realization that they're not wearing a mask inside the crowded store and it just :((( sours the whole thing for me.
#idk idk idk maybe im just a paranoid bitter shrew but. sigh#there's also two coworkers ive been really enjoying and were like friends now???#buuuuut neither of them wear masks/do unsafe shit so like. idk if ill ever hang out outside of work#which makes me so fkn sad i just want to connect with people :(#one of em helps manage a women's shelter for their other time nd im like WHY ARENT YOU MASKING 😭😭😭#id bet a bunch of the folks there are disabled!!! come on now!#*other job. fkn typos...
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new years resolution,,,,,,,,,,, draw more barnaby. end post
#dolly's rambles#but really new years resolution is to draw more in general#push our art limits more#draw more backgrounds and full drawings#which is so much easier with my new art tablet!! thank god#uhhh also learn (more) polish#Polish grammar will hit me like a truck this I know but I'm trying to stick to bulking up my vocabulary first#Vocabulary and spelling then grammar#til then we write po polsku like a toddler tak tak#apparently nouns have different forms depending on conjugation too??#something about it being explained as 3D nouns to me but it made me physically ill knowing i will hate learning it#i will hope to be pleasantly surprsised who knows who knows!#aaah oh yes and comics#I'd like to make a comic or two even if they're short here and there#I have high hopes! high goals!#oh yes and hopefully i can get an at-home job or a desk job of some kind#because physical work is off the table i've absolutely ruined our body this way#i am built for the endless pursuit of knowledge! Not so much physical work#Which honestly wouldn't be such an issue unless work would actually abide by the limitations i've told them i have than pushing it#sigh....... but i digress#a new year! moving in two and a half weeks!! goodness gracious it hardly feels true...#I am excited! I am nervous! But I am filled with love and light for the first time in a very long time#my heart is filled with honey and i've never felt so sweet#That is something I have learned. Did you know?#It's a polish saying when you've been touched.. That it's honey for your heart#sort of like saying “that's so sweet!”#Miód na serce!#I wish you all a honey to your heart like that
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part of me (most of me) wants to open sketch requests for fom farmers or wizard/pirate101 ocs but i know i need to prioritize commissions so i feel like i shouldn't </3
#there are two wolves inside me#requests are SO fun but i feel like they make ppl less likely to commission u bc they can just get it for free yknow:(#idk maybe thats wrong#i just wanna draw things for ppl and have fun but unfortunately i need money#ive seen so many cute fields of mistria farmers im like ouyywkshdksjeoejek#and wizard101 will always have my heart#the struggle.... who knows maybe ill do requests anyways.... sigh#em.talk
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i am. severely depressed lol.
#ghost talk#dont rb#sigh#i knew this was coming. ive felt the lead up for awhile but to be honest.#i havent had anyone to talk to i guess#i feel. very lonely.#like dont get me wrong i love my partner#and my sister is alright#but i cant only talk to two people ever who have their own shit going on and#never talk about whats going on with me#because i never talk about it. not really.#idk i dont feel like i can tell them everything#at least not yet#and i honestly dont trust my sister on some things anyway#but. that leaves my partner#and. idk i feel like im not. ready. to tall to them.#but then who do i talk to? certainly not the other members of my family.#definitely not my coworkers. my friends hardly talk to me as is so trauma dumping is a no there.#i currently dont even have health insurance so i cant get a therapist#i dont feel comfortable talking about this with a stranger anyway.#so what? im left with the issues burning my soul to be worked through. alone?#i just wish people. especially my friends. would ever talk to me.#do you know how tired i am. for 12 goddamn years ive had to intiate conversations first or else go without talking to anyone.#its exhausting#and yet i still try to be a good friend. check up on people. see how theyre doing. if i can help.#is it even worth it? they never check on me. does it even matter?#not that anyone will see this. no one ever looks at my posts. but. i dont know if ill make it to next year.#2025. if i live to see you. please be kind.
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cute nurse man stabbed me today, t shots not nearly as painful as people say but good god keeping my dignity in front of that guy was
#i almost blushed so hard i passed out#which with my history of injections i could have played off#but still#when is it my turn to have a pretty tattooed blue eyed man at my side sigh#all seriousness though hes so nice and gis energy is just so reassuring#like hes not the rougher type of masculine i tend to usually see safety in but he seems to really be good at being gentle#in a way that isnt pitiful or belittling#caus ei hate that#im baby but also dont baby me#but it was very much a moment i brushed off my anxiety like ive always had to do and he paused a second to make sure i knew i was okay#if anyone needs me ill be laying face down on the floor#partially becaus eive had an exhausting two weeks and partially because i need more if that but cant find it😭
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toji’s little pregnant wife who’s only pregnancy craving is his thick, bitter cum </3
“but.. i want it..” you pester toji, tugging on his arm. you groan at the way your big, soft belly gets in the way of completely smothering the man, but it doesn’t stop you.
“no,” he grunts back, shaking his hands off as he places back the last dish from your two’s meal prior. “i can’t have y’hurtin’ yourself. i’ll never forgive myself if ya do.”
“i-it’s a craving, toji,” you joke, but truthfully you know you’re serious. looking up at him with watery eyes, you’re undeniably desperate, your plush thighs growing achy and soft cunny growing hot at the thought. “please toji, wan’ y’r cum.” you purr.
he scowls, cursing at the hard bulge that undeniably presses against the countertop. he tried his very best to deny your little pleads , that’s enough right ? if his pregnant wife really insists, wouldn’t it be right to accept so ? he wonders.
“t-toji,” you moan, like a bunny in heat.
“fuck me, princess.”
“i-i wil—“
before you’re able to finish your sentence, he’s hoists you into his arms with no trouble, making his way towards the soft couch displayed in your home’s living room. you giggle uncontrollably when he nuzzles himself against your neck, blowing soft raspberries against your skin, which has grown sensitive throughout the term of your pregnancy.
“ill jus’ finger you, how about it ? i don’t want ya on yer knees , mama.”
“no.. n-not enough.” you mumble into his chest, tugging against his ribbed tank top. “wan’ your cock. in my mouth, your cum—“
he finds it hilarious, you’re so adorable. he thinks the celibacy for the sake of your two’s baby may have have been the cause of all this attention, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.
“insatiable little dolly, aren’t you ?”
“mhm, i missed you s’much.”
“‘m right here mama.” he lays you against the soft cushion, pressing a kiss against the back of your hand.
“y’sure ya wanna do this ? y’don’t have to.” as if you were doing it for his sake. your legs ache and shiver with anticipation, already able to feel your mouth salivating at the thought. “want to, i want to !”
“shh, don’t get so worked up, now.” he chuckles, “stress is bad for the baby.” he drops the softest plushie on the ground, and leading your supple body against his lower half. you sit obediently between his legs, sore cunt throbbing erratically at the anticipation.
“take him out, dolly.” he smirks, watching you tug down his thin sweats, huffing at the stiff bulge that presses against his cotton boxers. you fumble your little fingers against his cock, nervous at how he seems to be watching you so intently, watching your each and every move, finding any reason to stop.
your breath is hot against his budge, slithering your hand against his boxer clad cock before pulling the fabric below his plump balls. he groans at the juxtaposition of your soft fingers against his meaty dick; oh how much he missed the mere sight of such.
“‘m gonna cum just like this mama.” he jokes alongside panty groans, twitching when you press your plush lips against his tip without hesitation. you envelop your warmth around his swelling cock head, pink tongue lolling out and dragging through his hefty slit.
you moan at the taste of his salty musk coating your eager tongue, hands fondling at his pudgy balls as you ease yourself further closing in on his base.
“just like that, just like that mama. yer doin’ p-perfect.” he sighs, petting your hair gently. his fingers stroke through your soft locks, curling a finger around the stray pieces that’s fallen in front of your face, and tucking them behind your ear.
“gorgeous lady, my pretty wife, hm?” he watches you fuck your own cheek with his cock, drooling unexpectedly at the overwhelming girth. “juuust like that.”
“pwah—!”
“what’s wrong , dolly ?” he mumbles with a tint of worry. he runs a thumb across your swollen bottom lip, pressing his sticky thumb back into your mouth as you eagerly suck. “‘s-s too g-gud,” you mumble. “wan’ more.”
“s all yours, darling. take yer time.”
your hot breath causes toji to twitch, shoving his cock mindlessly back into your mouth. you press your throat onto the blunt tip, hot tongue swirling around the un-cut tip.
with a few more pumps of your hot mouth assaulting his sensitive tip, he spurts a heavy load into the warmth of your mouth with soft groans, hand leading yours to jerk at the rest of his cock. “fuck, damn.” he groans breathlessly, barely visible beads of sweat crowning at his forehead.
you swirl your nut-covered tongue against his dick, making a mess. it drools down his cock, dirtying his now-soft sack, coating your plush lips in a soft creme white. toji tugs on the cushion tightly, allowing you to have your fun although he’s well beyond overstimulation and close to passing out. not from the simulation itself, but the way you look so innocent below him, yet you’re really so nasty.
definitely his wife.
“that’s it.” he watches you slowly swallow his cum, throat bulging gently every time you take a gulp; just the prettiest sight. although your mouth emptied, lips licked clean, you continue licking at his dirtied shaft, taking everything you can get.
he scruffles your hair, a light tug at your head to pull your suckling lips away from his sensitive cock. he leans down, pressing a sloppy kiss against your lips and pressing your head to close in on him. he sucks on your flavorful tongue, tasting himself. “damn, doll. really haven’t lost yer touch, huh? no wonder we’re perfect f’eachother.”
#jjk#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#fushiguro toji x reader#toji <3#toji toji toji toji#toji smut#jujutsu toji#jjk toji#jujutsu kaisen toji#toji zenin#toji fushiguro#toji x reader#toji fushiguro smut#toji x you#drabbles ⋆⑅˚₊
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