#theres only one thing worse than a
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"We're special, Case"
#cod black ops 6#call of duty#black ops 6#black ops 6 spoilers#is it spoilers?#case cod#cod case#william case calderon#artists on tumblr#scopophobia tw#maybe? im not sure#wish they explored more into cases background :/#in fact i wish they characterized case more#i feel like theres so much potential in the stuff they set up for case but never delved into it#as far as i know they set up the whole cradle past thing in emergence then forgot abt it until the last fight w harrow#eh its fine im not here to rant anyways#ill take what i can get#btw it looks worse than normal bc#1. i could only find one pic of case#2. i just drew it today and i have a project due tonight#anyways#im gonna go back to procrastinating
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Quick hand sketch that turned into elrond with athelas water
I always forget to draw him with it but I headcanon him having pretty bad burn scars on his right arm/side from the kinslaying
#silm#silmarillion#lotr#elrond#also hc that elros burned his left hand pulling elrond out of the fires#which is why elrond became a healer in the first place#even up to the third age he still has to rinse it w athelas water once in a while#bc maedhros' fire-fea may or may not have been making the fire a lot worse than it would have been naturally#hes not /actively/ influencing the fire but him just being there is not exactly helping the situation#elrond only really heals Shadow-wounds by the late TA#bc they have other healers for smaller stuff that dont necessarily need the attention of a part-maiarin legendary healer#and in the war of the ring theres enough people that he needs to focus on tending to the most grievously wounded#kind of like those super specialized surgeons#but hes actually better w burns#the first thing he healed was elros' burnt hand (with some help from maglors song he regained almost full use of it)#later he helped soothe maglor's silmaril burns#but during the war hes needed the most for treating the Shadow because hes like one of two people in the world who can properly use athelas#aragorn taking frodo to rivendell was basically like those cases when a patient gets helicoptered to a specific hospital#to see a specific surgeon about a really rare/difficult/dangerous procedure
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americans learn what the middle ages are challenge
#15th century? that's the very very tail end (depending on what landmark you chose for an end)#16th century? ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT#and also the witch hunts weren't really a medieval thing they mostly took place in the early modern era#and largely weren't perpetuated by 'the church'#and the inquisition spanish or otherwise had nothing to do with them#because church doctrine actually was that belief in witchcraft is superstition; only god is all-powerful#yes heinrich kramer called himself institoris. that doesnt mean anything it's just a fancy title he gave himself.#and hey guess what! protestant regions were way worse about killing witches than catholic ones. 'the church'? that's catholicism babe#do you see the flaw in your argument#anyway of course theres not an exact endpoint to the middle ages however#it's a period of a relatively stable socioeconomic system that collapses for various reasons#& things like the witch panic are a symptom of that collapse#so to talk about that in the same breath as *actual* medieval folklore & blame them on 'the church'#(when the catholic church losing power and influence was ALSO part of that collapse!)#is careless and silly#esp when you call yourself a historian#rant over
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Erin, to her crush: You're a dick
Mason, the crush: I won't argue! But to clarify -
#my characters#its so sad that all of erins character development and kindness is on paper and nothing digital to show her growth#she picks on mason for many reasons and she kinda narrows her eyes at him but its more to squint than to glare#because she watches him from a distance when hes off laughing with others#though they are united on peter being worse than mason at least they can agree no matter what peter is worse#but also masons right arm is metal and she thinks its fascinating bc theres so many high tech prosthetics#why is he using the equivalent of a trash can ? is it some weird flex to not needing advanced stuff?#and its just he was from a poor family and was born with one full arm and then a stump#and he lived a lot of his youth with just one arm so once he got a second arm (installed basically) he went cheap#since he only wanted the other arm to get better jobs cause not many people would hire him with one arm#and he never really cared much about her comments because her lil verbal pokes of#so rogers whod you piss off? the mafia? is actually nicer than stuff he heard as a kid without the fake arm#so he tells her the only reason he has a metal limb is because god knew hed be two strong if born with two arms#and shes like uh huh sure thing rogers#and yeeeeah eventually something happens where mason is injured and erin is panicking#and hes acting like its okay to die because hes a dick remember TRYING to make light of it and she gets so sad#and after hes recovering and better he feels guilty making her so sad and hes talking to her#and she says that she doesnt have a lot of friends and she didnt want to lose one of the few people she liked#and hes just oh.......................... ididntthinkthatwouldbeme#so he starts to be super friendly to her and enforcing the crush that she doesnt wanna own up to#and then she does eventually confess and mason is baffled as to since when and shes like day one? and he just#erin you have got to be kidding me you were glaring at me for months#and shes just i have bad eye sight and im shy what did you expect#he isnt super smart or super stupid hes just exceedingly average
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since we all appear to be talking about izzy 'calling the police' on stede id like to offer my silly little two cents:
its not like the navy wasn't actively looking for him anyway??????
at most, izzys actions sped up badminton catching up with stede, but its made very clear that badminton wanted Stede dead well before this, and was willing to use whatever he could to find him- whos to say jackie wouldnt have cut a deal on her own? that any other pirate thats seen them being unsubtle in a port wouldn't take the opportunity to make a quick buck over a guy who is Nobody and holds no influence that could lead to any consequences for them?
in reality izzy is probably the only person who would receive negative repercussions to selling out stede, given his personal connection with ed- any other pirate would probably have gotten away unscathed, anonymous. they likely wouldnt have even been present like izzy was. izzy had personal stakes, anyone else would have taken the money and ran
the way i see it, with or without izzy the events of episode 10 probably would have happened in some degree, izzy just expedited the timeline
#like ok. i dont exactly support izzys actions but i honestly dont see it as that big of a deal??? to our characters i mean#idk i just. its a dick move!! but i struggle to see it as any more than that#its the actions of a desperate man who made a stupid decision to get his.... ed. out of what he saw as a bad situation#whether it is or not i cant say! but you cant deny ed drastically changed in the time he was on the revenge#in a way that could be concerning from the outside#(i saw a good post kinda comparing it to your friend ending up in a cult and. yeah. excellent description from an outside perspective)#idk theres a lot of. undertones in the way people say 'calling the police' and also they always say ed too and its like. no! izzy tried to#get ed out of there! he set the navy on everyone BUT ed. and its not like the navy really cared about the crew. only stede#i am not the person to talk about why 'calling the cops' is a bad take but the posts are out there. ive seen them.#izzy did what hundreds of pirates did to save their own hide- including hornigold himself (but honestly that was worse because he actively#turned hunter. not just a guy with a tip)#also side historic note that uhh. the navy was casually in Nassau. what exactly was the situation there??? was shit occurring. w#we know it did in history#idk#nyxtalks#ofmd#izzy hands#israel hands#spanish jackie 🤝 izzy: girlbosses for selling stede out to the British/Spanish for their own gain#idk i think thats the one thing he did 'wrong' but ita still very sympathetic to me#its not like izzy dibbed in a guy nobody cared about#'hey hey ill sell you information about this pirate please let me sell you information' ' i mean i guess we are supposed to be doing that'#badminton had an active vendetta against stede and kinda seemed like. he would stop at nothing to get him???#given. the whole 'id rather let blackbeard go and kill Stede than take a huge pirate into custody' thing
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POV u are Ned Stark entering the throne room ca. 283 AC
og pose reference which made me even attempt to draw the whole thing and 1 (one) close up under the cut
once again furthering my young nico rosberg as baby jaime agenda (jaime is literally so insane sportsperson coded) bc like look at this and tell me u cant see a future amputee in this picture
baby boy. baby. hes not even evil yet <3
also look at the kittycat sword lol
#this looks wonky bc i am out of practice and neither crayon nor the paper i used are any good for what i wanted to do#but it is what i had at hand and for that it turned out p alright so im happy :)#theres only One thing worse than a kingslayer... - A CHILD!!#jaime lannister#asioaf#cavetext#love how u can tell from the pic quality (read. lack thereof) that my phone is seven years old lmfao
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maybe i do need to go to therapy bc its probably not good that ive been living on autopilot and the last 7 years went by so fast but also bc i was deliberatly Wanting the time to go by to put as much space between me and the events of 2017-2020 as possible all while somewhat knowing my young adulthood was slipping me by and now both my teenage years and my early 20s are gone and i still feel like my 19th birthday was yesterday yeesh!!
#i do feel like im out of time completely and its kind of.making me insane bc its not fair lol#life could be worse! but it couldve been a lot better too#like on one hand i think i had a normal reaction to exceptionally traumatic shit happening to me with no support system.#and everything that happened was caused by shit out of my control and i Know that bc i spent my teen years specifically working hard to Be#in control#like i did make the choice to give up sure. but that was when absolutely every effort had been exhausted#and theres only so much a human being can take especially when i was so young#but on the other hand!! even when i found a support system and things are better now than they were#i still feel like im trapped perpetually in this Waiting period#waiting for life to begin Waiting for an OPPORTUNITY to make my life begin already#and no effort on my part yields anything so i have no choice but to WAIT#but im TIRED. of waiting#im sick of seeing videos of people way younger than me making art ive always dreamed id have made by now#theres also this invisable wall i have always had built around me that is Impenetrable and i keep hitting it#and its gotta be me but it really feels like the universe has some unseeable chains on me which aounds so stupid#but im not allowed to get passed it#im way past the point of even being capable of showing the agony it causes me now like its just a dull joke#ANYWAY the fact ive typed all this makes me think ok. yeah maybe it is time to talk to someone LOL#carry on im fine this happens to me all the time. helps to get it written out at least
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Yall I'm so sorry I do not like Peacemaker
#that show annoys me down#my hatred for it is not as bad as the cw verse#but the writing in that show legit pisses me off#and i hate the directon the dcu film verse whatever is going#like theres one gross ass line about a certain flop actor that you wont get without context#that whole style of writing is bad and terrible and i hate how so many comic adaptations have that humor#ur not funny#Please do not bring up comic adaptations around me unless its the reeveverse#not even the new superman movie im interested in#its so funny that i disagree with the snyder fanbase on most things EXCEPT that the new superman movie looks bad but ik its gonna get praise#and clog my tl for like weeks afterwards#this is the part where i would like be sorry about the rent but i love bitching and moanjing about how much i hate comic adaptations like#i hate them sooooo much#doom patrol was a breath of fresh air since it actually LIKED the material and engaged in it in a edgy yet sincere way that so many comics#but ALSO it was actuallly good and played wth the medium in a really cool way and was well written and fun and actual good gay rep#Is the batman the best most well written thing ever? NOPE! but it does adapt the comkc in a way i find interesting#titans was shit from a butt and i only watched it because the actors were so well casted. like even krypto was perfect#I never watchrd harley quinn and dont plan too but i feel like i might like that#you couldnt pay me to watch that kite man shit#snyderverse was trashhhh except the snyder cut#for some reason i just never watched wonder woman 1 but i watched 1984 and i wanted to kms#nobody is doing it worse than marvel. even the bad movies get praised by critics#pure formulaic bs#idk i am obviously the target audiences for that shit but i have zero desire to see superman or the upcoming comic books movies from dc or#marvel
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if ppl telling you "jewish ppl in israel were already kicked out of other countries and have no where else to go" makes you feel compelled to call whoever said that a "zionist", I really just dont think you give af about jewish ppl's lives quite frankly.
if your "free palestine" means "getting rid" of all jewish civilians in israel I think you're probably just a heartless asshole.
#two state solution ftw#or at least something along those lines#yelling at average jewish ppl who ARENT in israel is antisemitic#anti semitism- no matter how 'big of a deal' you think it is naturally makes jewish ppl feel unsafe by default#where do they go when theres nowhere else thats safe? you guessed it- probably to israel.#which is WHAT netanyahu wants. he wants scared controllable civilians to think hes the only one who can protect them#so you being anti semitic and not checking yourself on it or being 'whatever its nbd' about it is making everything so much worse#STOP BEING SO FUCKING APATHETIC FUCK ILL BEAT YOU UP TO MAKE YOU FEEL SOMETHING IF I HAVE TO#i dont feel like i can in good conscious reblog your 'free palestine' posts bc idk wtf the op thinks about jewish ppl being in#israel. and at this point i dont have faith in leftists to not notice the antisemitism in some of these ppl and call it out#its not something we can 'push aside and deal with and apologize for later' its ACTIVELY MAKING THE SITUATION WORSE AND NEEDS#TO BE ADDRESSED RIGHT THE FUCK NOW#maybe jewish ppl wouldnt be calling it 'self defense' if yall didnt keep being antisemitic and making them feel like they have to cling#to israel to stay tf alive. fuck.#OBVIOUSLY the response to what hamas did is disproportionate and affecting more people than israel says it intends to target#but thats the govt. and actual regular people are worried about their families. its disproportionate and probably being used as an excuse#to genocide palestinians but this wouldnt be happening if hamas didnt basically GIVE the israeli govt the excuse to do it.#free palestine. from hamas and from the israeli govt. and dont have genocidal intent toward jewish ppl.#thats all i want.#hamas' escalation did nothing but hurt everyone and make things worse especially for palestinians.
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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I WANT WRITING PROOOOMPTSSSSSS
#im srry i keep asking for them trust me im not ignoring them#i literally write them....off the rails#like so much that it's like. i cant post this#this has become embarrassingly cumbersome#it happens with original ideas the most tho so it's like. having a prompt helps guide me better#but it can also be a double edged sword in springboarding my ideas off that even more#idk whats worse#a one-sided thanasis crush on jrue fic has turned into the older sibling sacrifice fic#bcs thanasis realizes giannis actually likes jrue too and thanasis has always lived his life#trying to help his baby brother#so he has to resign himself as the older brother once again#and tries to gaslight himself into thinking jrue only talks to him out of pity bcs he. like everyone else. sees thanasis as giannis brother#as his life has always been. attached to another name like a parasite#but jrue takes thanasis's shying away the wrong way and gets hurt over it bcs hes very forthright and not roundabout#which was one of things thanasis admired abt him#and when he gets traded he sits with thanasis to eat at a restaurant for some comfort and closure over this tension#but thanasis thinks it's just a ploy to get some info on whether giannis was involved or not#theres times where theyre very complementary bcs jrue hangs out with thanasis to help him bring out his actual person#since he knows being an older sibling can be more of an overshadowing name in life than a fun factor#but then this misunderstanding makes things uneasy#like jrue loves sitting on the same side of someone in a booth so when he sits right next to thanasis at dinner#thanasis gets all sweaty and blushy and keeps accidentally dropping his fork everytime their knees touch#it's cute until he starts wondering if this is some kind of intimadation tactic but thats just how jrue is. theres literally no#ulterior motive. like thanasis knows jrue can be cutthroat. but hes not cruel tho. he sits next to thanasis bcs he likes sitting next to ppl#not across. it's literally so simple what theyre dealing with externally but internally it's so locked in and convulsing#it's confusing. and it's so dumb of a fic like whos gonna read this shit lol CAN I BE NORMAL#anyways send stuff 😊😊 im bored#i need smthin light and easy (it doesnt rlly matter. im gonna turn it into smthing way worse than it should be idk why#(i need to go to a k*ll animal shelte
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chat how much aura did I lose for genuinely rolling around in bed, giggling, and kicking my feet when my friend asked to call with me last night
#in my defense i havent actually talked to any of my irl friends other than tiktoks/occasional texting since early june#and theres only so much minecraft/show binging/cleaning/getting worse/getting better you can do before you cant ignore being lonely#tbh bro i just missed the sound of a voice that didnt belong to myself or my siblings 😭😭#cant blame me for that one 🔥🔥🔥#ANYWAY#this is not a vent btw i am very happy with my current situation (LYING !!!)#anyway shout out to them for letting me text while they talked because im insecure about my voice#and also shoutout to them for reading my entire five page essay(/j) on the mandela catalogue and other horror genres related to it#gotta love it when people listen to the things youre autism about
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🐁☁️🌫️
#sorry gnna sound like a shit person now but im not feeling well i just need to rant#nothing good ever happens to me. every aspect of my life is a mess. im constantly miserable w nothing to pull me out of it#it's been getting worse nd worse for years nd if it keeps getting worse im not gnna be able to take it much longer#ofc there are sooo many others who have it way way way worse than i do. so i feel weak nd pathetic for being so affected by it when i know#it could be literally sm worse than it is now. like i get that. i know im not nearly as bad off as many ppl are#but idk still it's rlly tough to have *nothing* that makes me keep going. the literal only thing is that i dont kms bc i dont wanna hurt mom#bc im poor so i cant do ANYTHING. i cant go anywhere. not the cinema not concerts not to the mall not to the bookstore not an amusent park#i cant even go to cafées bc i dont have any money at all to spend on that#i have no friends to hang out w. even if i couldnt afford going anywhere i cant even just take a walk or sit nd talk to them bc there r none#my sisters havent talked for me in over a year#and like yada yada i dont have anything to pull me out of my misery bubble. no friends to comfort me no family to hang out w#nothing to do or nowhere to go. hell i havent even been able to eat for 8 months so i cant even like eat smth yummy nd watch a movie lmao#i cant even read bc of the constant noise! i cant go out into the forest bc there r always subway construction work or choppers or gun shots#i know im 'focusing on the negative' but what am i supposed to do when theres nothing positive to focus on lol?????#im always physically uncomfortable bc of pain nd health issues nd im always anxious nd stressed too so like... yay#and. this is where i sound mean but like after years nd years of nothing good happening to me... idc for others anymore like#when they talk abt their loving relationships and their kind friends nd them going to concerts im like.. wow !! u get to be happy!! i dont!!#im just envious nd jealous nd bitter bc why cant i have ANYTHING good???? not just ONE fkn thing?#other ppl get to have multiple things but i get nothing?????#and its not exactly like i hate them or wish illwill on them im just like wow kinda dont feel sympathy for u bc u have sm things#i've never had :))) nd u can never understand how awful it feels to be deprived of it so idc :))))
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n one gets him like i do no one understands him like me no one is as insane about him as i am STARTS GNAWING AT THE THE BARS OF MY ENCLSOURE
#toxi.txt#and yet i feel bad for the way i love him because at what point does love for a fictional character simply become sad and pathetic#ive only grown more irritated the more ive started to love him. more annoyed than ive ever been by skinny williams. by bad characterization#by the way i feel like im in my own echo chamber and cant truly talk about him with anybody else because they dont get it -#or because ive talked of him so much its become irritating and annoying and no one wants to hear it anymore#but its not like i can just stop. i wouldnt want to even if i could. he makes me happy#at some point the love is simply... neglect for everything else. im sure people are tired of seeing me draw him over and over and over#and isnt it ridiculous? that i feel like a bad person just for loving a character?#but the amount of people who actually like william continues to dwindle#his tag is quiet and it only gets quieter and sometimes the only people who speak are thise who dont understand him#its a loneliness of my own design other times. its not like like-minded people dont exist#and i guess also#how long can you siphon a well until it runs dry?#i already lack creativity. it's been worse this month or so than ever. maybe sometimes theres nothing else to be done#maybe im only ever repeating myself saying things ive said before. maybe i have nothing good to say at all
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Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍
Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.
But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.
I do need to eat. But... later...
#speculation nation#im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry#which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh#well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to#i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge#or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 🙄#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way#i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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right but like the thing is forgiveness =/= continued association. i can forgive AND 'forget' (not dwell on it) and move on like bye bye ur not for me no more. in fact i think that's almost the only way *to* truly get over someone lol. like u cant flat out leave someone in the dust unless u rly accept what they did, accept their remorse, and put it behind both of u. idk if im in love w the whole attitude of like no some ppl shouldnt be forgiven ever >:C like wat good does it rly do to hold that bitterness within u?
#and that doesnt mean the trust isnt broken or that bad behavior doesnt have consequences it just means#that u rly dont know what the future holds and u cant write off the possibility of someone changing or rebuilding that trust in time#and ultimately i think that showing someone mercy while still acknowledging their wrongs affects more change than like#reinforcing this bizarre ideation that mistakes are permanent and no one can regret what theyve done and grow#idk personally i think.. none of us are perfect? and all of us are hurt.. and hurt others in turn.#+ it's harder for ppl like me who havent been as badly hurt to rly empathize w someone acting selfishly and making big mistakes#bc i cant imagine myself acting in that way and cant rly understand how they can#but i still realize that.. if things had gone differently n i was dealt a worse hand in life.. ofc i would have it in me to do that.#and it's precisely that attitude of bitterness and unforgiveness that CAUSES u to hurt others in reaction so#ur just perpetuating that cycle of hate and evil by not acknowledging both their ability to change and (inherently) ur own#[ok but disclaimer all of this is assuming that they are actually remorseful and regret what they did and acknowledge it and apologize]#[bc forgiveness is only available w apology obviously if they dont think theres anything to forgive u cant forgive them of it]#[and they will never change if they dont think its something that needs to be changed]
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