#there's no other way to do it. and every time i look at the moral directly it dissapears. its always there in the corner of my eye

[ama3003]

You Caught Me

Character: Bucky Barnes

Requested: No

Type: Angst/ Fluff

Summary: You're Valentina's assistant, and somehow, you manage to fall in love with a certain Congressman.

A.N: DO NOT READ IF YOU DON'T WANT THUNDERBOLTS TO BE SEMI SPOILED!!!!!!!!! I have seen Thunderbolts* on Thursday (amazing btw) and have been craving Thunderbolts!Bucky. Also reader is like 25.

Again THUNDERBOLTS* SPOILERS ARE IN THIS FIC

3...2..1...

You worked your whole life to get here. Straight A’s, a top-tier college, a string of impressive jobs that made your parents brag to their friends.

But that wasn’t the point. You didn’t do all of that just to climb a ladder. You wanted to help people. To actually do good. To give the voiceless a voice, to step in where others wouldn’t. You wanted to make the world better, even if it was just piece by piece.

That’s what led you to OXE. And eventually, to Valentina Allegra de Fontaine.

Or, more accurately, to being her assistant. Though calling it that feels like selling it short.

You’ve been working with her for a few years now. From the very beginning, she seemed to like you. Said you reminded her of herself. You’re still not sure if that was a compliment or a warning.

Valentina can be cold. She’s sharp, calculated, sarcastic to the point of painful. Some of her decisions don’t exactly land on the moral high ground. But she took you in, brought you closer, taught you how to survive in a world most people don't even know exists. And you’ve done things others your age only dream about. You were actually making a difference.

But now everything’s falling apart.

She’s under investigation. Impeachment is on the table. And you’re left trying to put out fires.

You’d been tense the entire hearing. And not the kind of tension that goes away with a few deep breaths. This was chest-tightening, eye-twitching, every-decision-matters tension.

Your job was on the line. Everything you’d worked for — or convinced yourself was worth it — was balancing on Valentina’s ability to lie with a smile.

She was performing. You were managing the fallout.

Your eyes kept drifting — trying to find some kind of anchor. And that’s when you caught a pair of them.

Blue. Cold but curious. Watching.

Congressman Bucky Barnes.

You met his stare, held it a second longer than you should’ve, then forced yourself to look away. Whatever that was — whatever he was trying to read — you didn’t have time to entertain it.

Then Valentina dropped the line you’d been dreading: “By all means, dig as deep as you like. I promise—there’s nothing to find.”

You knew that tone. It meant you had twenty minutes to erase every breadcrumb.

By the time the hearing adjourned, you were already outside, typing fast, juggling secure files and decoy trails on your tablet. You barely noticed the footsteps until—

“Y/N?”

You looked up, and there he was. Again.

That same cool stare, now paired with a too-casual smile.

“Congressman Barnes,” you said smoothly, tucking the tablet under your arm. “Nice to officially meet you. I’ve heard...great things.”

“I doubt it. Also, please just Bucky,” he said, offering a hand. “Unless you want to start talking tax policy — then I’ll put the tie back on.”

You cracked a smile and shook his hand. Firm. Warm. Too steady.

“You okay?” he asked, glancing back toward the hearing room. “I mean, what happened in there was... honestly? Kind of worrying. Extremely worrying. Kind of concerning if you ask me...in like a worrying way.”

You tilted your head. “You mean ‘concerning,’ or ‘I’m building a case against your boss’ worrying?”

He blinked. Didn’t expect you to hit back that fast.

You smiled politely. “No need to dance around it. I’m sure you’ve got a folder somewhere with Valentina's name on it.”

His grin crooked slightly. “Maybe. It’s a very organized folder. Color-coded tabs.”

“She always did love being underestimated,” you said with a shrug. “O.X.E. has nothing to hide, of course.”

He didn’t argue, but the look he gave you said he wasn’t buying it.

There was a beat of silence, and then he glanced over your shoulder — where Valentina was watching the two of you, pretending she wasn’t.

“She always stare like that?” he asked casually.

“Only when she thinks someone’s wasting my time.”

“And am I?”

“Depends on why you’re really here.”

He smiled. “Okay, fine. I’m new to D.C. First term, still finding my way. Thought maybe... you could give me a tour. Show me the non-corrupt parts.”

You laughed softly. “That’s a short list.”

“Still. Monuments, museums, a little fresh air — maybe a conversation?”

You narrowed your eyes slightly. “Right. A conversation. Just two people talking. No ulterior motives, no recording devices, no traps.”

He held up his hands. “I left the wire at home.”

You smirked, but you didn’t let it reach your eyes. “You’re a terrible liar.”

“I’m not lying,” he said. “Just... improvising.”

You leaned in just enough for him to know you were done playing. “You’re fishing, Congressman. I’m just not the one you’ll catch.”

He opened his mouth — maybe to protest, maybe to flirt again — but you stepped back as Valentina waved you over.

“You're a very good-looking man,” you added, softer now. “And I appreciate the effort. But whatever you’re hoping to dig up from me? You won’t get it over coffee and small talk.”

A beat passed between you.

Then you gave him one last smirk, turned, and walked back toward Valentina — leaving him standing there, watching.

And even though you didn’t look back, you knew those blue eyes hadn’t moved.

*******

You had three things on your mind.

Shut down headquarters.

Erase every trace of Project Sentry.

Clean up Valentina’s reputation before the whole thing implodes.

And somehow, you're doing all of that in a dress and heels at a fundraiser.

“Honestly, Y/N, you have such an amazing brain,” Valentina says, her smile more calculated than warm. “Putting this fundraiser together? Brilliant move. This has to sway at least some of the votes.”

“Thanks,” you reply, quickly scrolling through your tablet. “I’ve categorized the guest list: influencers, allies, and the undecideds. Left off the hard no’s. No point wasting time. I just sent the files to you.”

“Perfect. Do I need you for anything else?”

“No, you should be good. I’ll stay close though. Just in case.”

“Smart. Stay where I can see you. And hear you. Actually, just don’t go far,” she says, already turning to work the room. “Time to network.”

As soon as she walks away, you exhale, realizing you hadn’t even noticed you were holding your breath.

This job is not for the weak. Especially not under someone like her.

You glance around the room, taking in the glittering lights, expensive suits, and fake smiles. Your eyes find Valentina again, instinctively keeping track of her. Then they drift to the large Avengers logo on display at the front of the gala.

You were still a kid the first time you saw the Avengers on screen. They were larger than life. Heroes. They saved people. They made things right.

Now? You’ve seen the world fall apart more times than you can count. And more often than not, no one shows up to fix it.

That’s why you’ve stuck by Valentina. Why you’ve been willing to blur the lines. The world still needs saving. People still need heroes.

They just don’t always look the way you imagined.

“You know,” a voice says beside you, calm but unmistakably familiar, “this whole gala is impressive. The Avengers memorabilia is a nice touch.”

You turn and see him. Congressman Bucky Barnes, standing just a few feet away, his gaze locked on the towering Avengers "A" on display like it still meant something.

“Valentina thought it would help raise awareness,” you reply, keeping your tone neutral, polite. “Tie the past to the present. Nostalgia works.”

You’re careful with your words. You know why he’s here, what game he’s playing. And more importantly, you know where your loyalty lies.

He glances at you now, the full weight of those ice-blue eyes meeting yours. “Awareness for what, exactly?”

You offer a small smile, one that doesn’t quite reach your eyes. “The mission has always been simple. Help the people. The world’s been falling apart, and heroes… they’ve disappeared. People need someone to believe in again.”

He nods slowly, a flicker of something unreadable in his expression. “Again, call me Bucky. Also, that was good. Very rehearsed. Very polished. Bet Valentina was proud of that one.”

You narrow your eyes slightly. “I know what you’re doing.”

“I’m just here for the hors d'oeuvres,” he says, voice smooth, but you catch the edge underneath it.

You take a step closer. “Look, Congressman Barnes. I know your history. And we both know what happens when evil comes and no one is there to stop it. OXE is trying to prevent that. Everything we do is for the people. Valentina’s impeachment? It won’t go anywhere.”

Even as you say it, there's a flicker of doubt. Small, but there.

He studies you for a moment before pulling a card from inside his jacket and holding it out.

“What’s this?” you ask, accepting it cautiously.

“My direct line. In case you remember something useful.”

You blink at him, caught slightly off guard by how calm he is. How sure.

You move closer, slow and deliberate, then reach up and tuck the card neatly into his chest pocket. “I don’t know what you think you’re implying, but I don’t appreciate it."

The two of you lock eyes, silence stretching between you. Not hostile, exactly. But charged. Neither of you blinks.

Then your phone buzzes.

You glance at your phone. Valentina. Of course.

You slip it back into your pocket and look up at him one more time.

“I have to go,” you say, steady. “Enjoy the rest of the gala, Bucky.”

Your smile is polite, but your eyes stay sharp. You turn and walk off without waiting for a response, the sound of your heels swallowed by the noise of the event.

Behind you, he watches you disappear into the crowd, quiet and thoughtful. Then, without a word, he finds himself slipping the card into your bag later in the night. Not for pressure. Not even for leverage.

Just in case.

And whether you used the card or not—that was your choice. Bucky just hoped he’d planted the seed.

Later that night, you sat beside Valentina in the back of a sleek black car, the city lights flickering across her face as she debriefed the night with a grin.

“I think that went incredibly well,” she said, proud and pleased with herself. “Honestly, I’m so proud of us. Oh—hand me my tablet. I gave it to you earlier when Gary started sniffing around asking too many questions.”

Your fingers found something thin. Smooth edges. Not the tablet.

The card.

Bucky’s card.

Your stomach tightened, just for a second.

He’d slipped it in without you noticing. Of course he had.

You stared at it between your fingers. You should’ve tossed it the second you felt it. Should’ve never looked at it again. But something kept your hand still.

“Y/N?” Valentina’s voice cuts in, sharp and expectant. “Tablet. Me. Now.”

You snap out of it, quickly pushing the card deeper into your bag before pulling out the tablet and handing it over.

She doesn’t notice. She’s already scrolling.

You tried to focus on the night’s success, the way people clapped when Valentina spoke, the headlines you knew would be glowing by morning. But that card was still in your bag. And the worst part? You couldn’t stop thinking about it.

About the look in his eyes.

About the weight of what he said.

Maybe—just maybe—he really did get in your head. And maybe that seed he planted was already starting to grow.

*********

You’d made a mistake. A big one.

And you knew it.

Your heart raced as you paced the cramped hallway, mind spiraling. You'd believed you were making a difference—helping Valentina clean up her reputation felt like part of that. She said she needed you. That this was how things got done. So you listened.

Then she told you to burn the loose ends. Literally burn them.

Human beings.

And still, you followed orders. You rationalized. You looked the other way.

But the plan didn’t go as expected. They didn’t go quietly.

They were fighting back.

And Valentina didn’t like that.

Now a SWAT team is going to finish the job.

You couldn't let them die. You knew their names. Their stories. You didn’t believe they deserved this—not like this. Maybe it was too late to save them all, but maybe you could help save others.

Maybe there was still a chance.

So you did the only thing you could think of.

You dug into your bag, searching through the chaos until your fingers found it. That damn card.

You stared at it for a beat. Then you called.

It rang once. Then again. And then he picked up.

“This is Y/N,” you said before he could get a word in, your voice low, rushed, almost breathless. “I’ve, uh... been thinking. Remember that tour you wanted? You were right. Since you’re new to D.C., I figured—why not? Let’s hit the monuments. Maybe a museum. Or... I don’t know. Just talk. Just you and me.”

There was a beat of silence.

“A chat?” Bucky’s voice came through, teasingly. You started biting your nails, heart pounding. “Yeah. I’m down for a chat. When and where?”

Before you could answer, Valentina’s voice sliced through the hallway outside.

“I swear to god, Y/N, do I have to spell it out for you? You're coming with us. Get your ass in the car. Who else is going to make my coffee right? I swear, you Gen Zers make me want to throw myself off this damn building.”

You went silent, your jaw clenched. Bucky didn’t say anything either, but you knew he heard it.

Everything inside you was pulling in different directions. Guilt. Fear. Fury. Shame.

You swallowed hard.

“Look…” you whispered, voice shaking a little. “I’m sorry about the last few times. You were right. You were always right. I was so stupid. She doesn’t care about the world. She just wants the glory.”

You were rambling now. You always did when your anxiety started creeping up your throat.

“Whoa, hey—slow down, sweetheart,” he said gently. “It’s okay. You’re okay. Just tell me what I need to know.”

But before you could speak again, Valentina shouted your name, louder this time.

You turned slightly, lowered your voice again.

“Do you have an iPhone?”

“No. Samsung.”

You rolled your eyes. Of course. “Do you know how to track a phone?”

“I mean, yeah. But I don’t really do that anymore.”

“Well... start doing it again.”

You paused, then added quietly, “I have to go. Track my location. You'll get your answer.”

Then you hung up.

You let out a long breath, pushed the card deep back into your bag, and ran toward Valentina’s voice.

Hoping Bucky understood.

**********

You were pacing again. Nerves buzzing. Mind racing. You were worried about the others. They escaped when Bob distracted them. Then they couldn't find them. But something told you Bucky had gotten to them first. You could feel it in your gut.

He pulled through. Of course he did.

But now… there was a new problem.

Bob.

The new guy. The unstable one.

He wasn’t like the others. Something about him was off from the start. Too volatile. Too quick to react. And now he had powers — real powers — thanks to Valentina.

She said he was the future. Said he was the key.

But all you saw was a ticking bomb with a name tag.

He didn’t need power or exposure. He needed help. And if no one stepped in soon, he was going to destroy everything — maybe even himself.

You ducked into a quiet hallway, slipped into an empty supply closet, and dialed Bucky’s number with shaking hands.

He picked up on the first ring.

“Y/N,” he said, breathless like he’d been mid-action. “We’re good. I got them. Everyone’s safe. I’m keeping them under wraps as witnesses, so we’re covered. You did the right thing calling me. Thank you.”

You closed your eyes and leaned your head back against the wall.

“No,” you said softly. “Bucky, there’s more. A lot more.”

There was a pause.

“Talk to me.”

“She did it,” you whispered. “She actually made one. A super soldier. His name’s Bob.”

“Bob?” he repeated, half in disbelief, half already bracing for what was coming next.

You could hear background chatter on his end — voices muttering “Yeah, Bob,”

“Yes. Bob the super soldier. He’s... not stable, Bucky. He’s got powers, strength, speed — but his head isn’t right. He’s spiraling, and Valentina’s using him like he’s a tool.

You were rambling now, the anxiety bubbling up in your chest.

“She’s restarting the entire program, and this guy — he’s the prototype. And if she gets away with this, there will be more. Stronger. You have to stop it before it turns into something we can’t come back from.”

There was silence on the line. Then you heard him moving, footsteps pacing across concrete.

“Alright,” he said. “I’m coming. I’ll handle it.”

You let out a shaky breath. “Thank you.”

“Hey,” his voice softened, “are you okay?”

“I... I don’t know,” you admitted, voice cracking just slightly. “Everything I worked for is going to be for nothing. I'm freaking out.”

“You don’t have to carry this alone, you know.”

“I can't tell my friends or family.” you said, quieter now. “I already feel guilty and shameful enough. They would just make me feel worse.”

Another pause. Then softer, “Y/N... I meant what I said. You did the right thing. And I’m proud of you. Really.”

You smiled, even though he couldn’t see it. “Thanks. That means more than you probably realize.”

“I realize it,” he said. And it was quiet, but it hit you harder than it should’ve.

You hesitated, fingers fidgeting with the edge of your sleeve. “Are they okay? The others?”

“They’re safe. A little roughed up, but they’re going to be fine.”

“Good. That’s good,” you said, exhaling. “I should go. I’ll keep feeding you updates when I can. Just… get here fast, alright?”

“Okay,” He finally whispered. “I’ll see you soon.”

You hung up and slipped the phone back into your pocket before walking out the door. You immediately froze when your boss stared at you with raised eyebrows.

“Well,” she said coolly, “out of everyone, I never thought you would be the one second-guessing your work.”

You didn’t flinch. Not this time. “Giving Bob those powers? It’s reckless. And you know it.”

She clicked her tongue, shaking her head like you were some disappointing intern instead of her right hand. “I’m not going to argue with you, kid. I like you. I really do. You’ve done exceptional work—with me. For us. That’s why I’m giving you a little time to get your head on straight.”

Your jaw clenched. You said nothing.

“But,” she added, stepping a little closer, lowering her voice, “don’t let Barnes cloud that beautiful brain of yours. He’s a distraction. A loud, inconvenient one. And he’s getting in the way.”

You met her gaze evenly, letting the silence stretch.

Then, without a word, you grabbed your purse and walked past her—heels clicking, spine straight.

You needed to find Bucky.

*********

"Ladies and gentlemen, meet the New Avengers."

After countless photos and a barrage of questions, you kept your smile steady, doing your job one last time.

“Thank you all for coming,” you said with calm finality. “Photos and questions will stop here. I’ll be in touch about the next press briefing soon. Seriously—thank you again.”

You gave a polite nod as Valentina waved beside you, her signature smirk in place.

As the crowd began to disperse, you turned your attention to the Thunderbolts. With a gentle but firm push, you guided them out of view, away from the cameras. And then—without thinking—you grabbed Bucky and pulled him into a hug.

You couldn’t stop yourself.

You’d been searching for him. Panicking. Lost. The last image you had was of him stepping into the Void. The moment his silhouette became just that—a shadow—you screamed his name. And then… nothing.

You thought you’d lost him.

But now, here he was. Alive. Solid. Real. And all the emotions you’d buried came rushing back.

You knew there was something between you—something electric, something raw and waiting. It had barely started, but it already meant something. And for a bit, you'd been mourning the future that never got a chance to begin.

Now, you didn’t have to mourn anymore.

The moment stretched. Everyone around you went quiet. You barely registered your boss muttering an uneasy, “Oh dear.”

Bucky froze, stiff in your arms. He glanced around, uncertain. John gave him a look before mimicking hugging someone. Alexei flashed a thumbs-up. The girls? They just smirked.

“I saw you,” you whispered, pulling back just slightly. “I saw you walk into the Void. You became a shadow. I—I was trying to find you, and then you pulled that crap. What the hell, Barnes?”

He opened his mouth, but you beat him to it—stepping back before he could even return the embrace.

“I’m okay,” he said gently. “I swear, I’m fine.” He just wanted you back into his arms.

“You still scared the hell out of me,” you said, your voice breaking just a little. “I thought you were gone for good.”

Bucky's expression softened. “I’m not going anywhere. You still owe me that tour, remember?”

You laughed—half out of relief, half because it suddenly felt so easy to breathe again. You stepped closer, pulled him into a kiss, and he kissed you back without hesitation. Sparks. Heat. Home.

When you finally pulled away, smiling, you whispered, “Looks like you caught me.”

He grinned. “Looks like I have.”

Then you kissed again.

A loud groan broke the moment. “I feel like I’m gonna barf,” Val muttered.

“Shut up, Val,” the entire team replied in unison.

[litnerdwrites]

Not sure if this is a hot take or not, but there should've been a larger time skip between ACOTAR and ACOMAF.

It would've given Feyre more time to mature, to learn the Spring Court, and Prythian. During that time, the overt ways in which Spring is framed as not being meant for Feyre (the traditions, rules, lack of support, Ianthe, and relationship issues) could begin to deepen and fester. Become something more understated, that appears to be a functioning relationship on the outside, but through Feyre's POV, we'd see what a fragile foundation it's standing on.

I don't hate Tamlin, and honestly, I think what Feyre did was worse anyway, because she dragged innocent people into it, who didn't do anything to hurt anyone. But I think it would've been interesting to see their relationship become more mutually toxic, and show that they're bad for one another. After all, their relationship seemed very rushed. If you remember, Tamlin needed to make a human fall in love with him to break a curse. It wouldn't matter if he loves her, just that she loved him.

Given how desperate he probably got, it would make sense that Tamlin would do anything to make Feyre fall in love with him. In which case, being stricter about things like tradition and governing would be a reasonable change to see in him. It would also be more compelling to see these parts of him clash with Feyre's free spirit. I think it would be easier to see a clear contrast between the way Feyre lived in Spring, and the way she lives in Velaris.

That's why her fears in ACOMAF, about moving on too fast, and how it would look, then her getting over it the second she realised she and Rhys were mates, would feel less forced than having Feyre need to worry about Spring because she's spent time growing to love it, and becoming responsible for its people.

The plot where he allied with Hybern to save her could still be there, but maybe add in details and context, like hearing rumours about Feyre stealing from Summer, or running through the Middle to give him a sense of urgency, as well as providing more reasons to believe Feyre is being controlled. It would also give Ianthe more information to manipulate to begin convincing Tamlin that every fear and paranoia she planted in his mind were true.

I also think it could play into how naive Feyre is compared to these fae, reminding her of her human instincs when she thinks they're gone. Feyre's destruction of the Spring Court could've been done in a way where she didn't intend to allow civilians to get hurt, but either through naiveté, the machinations of others, and just plain carelessness, people did get hurt, and she helped it happen. Give her some consequences, let her learn just how smart and cunning and otherworldly those ancient fae are, after we spent ACOMTAR and ACOMAF slowly separating ourselves from the human lands, their beliefs while growing accustomed to Prythian and the fae. I want to There could be more subtle reminders of this humanity through Feyre's sisters too, that she may initially turn her nose up at. I want to see juxtapositions between humans and fae throughout the books, leading to a moment of realizatdion and fear, that has her feeling human again, but in the most vulnerable way.

I think that seeing Feyre slowly become the Feyre from ACOTAR, to something more similar to Feyre from about ACOWAR onwards would've been a lot less jarring if she had more time to transition. Feyre feared what she might become if things in Spring didn't change, if she was stuck there for too long, she might turn into something as spiteful and vicious as Amarantha, and I think that should've been played into more. It would've been much more interesting to see. Feyre having to struggle between her morals and what she needed to do, not just regarding her relationship with Tamlin, but adjusting to life in Night.

Perhaps have Feyre push to request the book of breathings in a more diplomatic, and honest way, but only steal it when that fails. Let her snap and snarl at members of the IC, or random citizens, for remaining untouched under Amarantha's reign, and let her have some crueler impulses from time to time, to show how she's changed, rather than justifying the cruelty she committed.

I think much more time should've passed between Feyre returning to Spring from UTM, and Feyre leaving for Night. One that allows for comparisons, contrast, context, and and a far more emotionally complex and layered story that feels like more of a natural progression, than what we got. One that ends with her embracing the roll of villain. One where more comparisons can be made between her and Amarantha. One where the NC aren't just hypocrites and assholes, but intriguing, morally complex characters, that are able to learn some kindness and humanity from Feyre. They can learn to ditch the mask, and be more honest about the good intentions behind their actions, and willingness to repent for it.

[gorgeousarrangements]

BSD rhetorical analysis ramblings part 1: Selflessness gives life meaning & saves us from ourselves...but:

I really wanted to do a bit of ramblings on some rhetorical analysis about BSD & some themes I've seen displayed bc Asagiri has laid them out beautifully, but I feel they need to be teased out. I'm doing this pretty much entirely for myself so it's not gonna be in a formal essay style, mostly just ramblings.

I want to start with the concept of "selflessness" as it's the crux of many of the poems & short stories that make up the ADA and, in addition, Selflessness is the quality that is tested for when entering the ADA. you have to prove you're willing to give up your life for good, for the sake of others. I always thought that an interesting test with interesting implications morally.

To start off with the most clear testament to Selflessness that I've read so far is in Kenji Miyazawas "be not defeated by the rain" here is a line from it:

“Count yourself last in everything. Put others before you.

Watch well and listen closely. Hold the learned lessons dear.”

Very clearly written, almost like a guidebook, the poem goes on encouraging the reader to help those who are sick, to nurse the old, to break up arguments, essentially to devote themselves to goodness. At the end of the poem the poem itself turns inwards, we realize the author is talking about himself, to direct himself to be a good man. This poem was written in his dying days, and ends with the line, "that is the man I strive to be." (I find this interesting because we can even say the poem was written in a selfless form -- directed externally, as a guide, instead of focusing on the writer's obvious but only implied regrets)

Moving on theres some interesting insight into the nature of selflessness in Chuuya Nakahara's poem "Voice of Life," here are selected lines from it:

“If happiness is like this, like the limits of unselfishness…if so, this world where one cannot live without eating, is unfair…” 

I thought this a beautiful line...happiness as the limits of unselfishness. We see in this poem Nakahara argues happiness comes when we are unselfish, when we put others needs before our own. Thr next line takes this even further, with the phrase "cannot live without eating," we are reminded of the human form, suggesting that to live for others is to escape the entrapment of the human form, to transcend human constraints. Interestingly it also triggers the societal connotations around "man has to eat to live," which is essentially that man has to be self serving, look into his own interests. "Man has to eat" is a phrase often used to excuse greed, selfishness, often immoral decisions. Here Nakahara perhaps also rues such a society, but points out the distinct happiness achieved in rejecting these, also manmade, constraints. Theres a bit of absurdity pointed out here too in the "unfair--" We are trapped in a paradigm where we must to some degree self serve to keep living, both in a literal and societal way -- yet our happiness comes from transcending that, from serving others. Interesting that this is in Nakahara's poetry -- says a lot about his character aswell.

In Akutagawa's short story Rashomon, which i will not be quoting but describing, we also see a struggle with the morality of selflessness. But most notably we see it in Flawless, which is Oda's short story, where a man gives out all his money to his friends constantly and is very self sacrificing and sees the best in people, but is very naive and disorganized, and has a wife who continually tries to see the best in him despite his failings. The story is like a wall of frustrations and complaints, but ends on a very interesting and jarring note when his wife asks why he refuses to consistently fill his time card:

“It’s not like I’ll turn into some big deal if I do every tiny thing, will I? He glared at me with an uncharacteristically frightening expression. Ever since then, I’ve spent my days wondering if he goes out of his way to take on enough work that he can lie down as soon as he gets home and fall fast asleep.”

This seemed a strange way to end the story at first. At most it is a story that exhibits the optimism of humanity, the innate hopefulness and innocence of us that can be taken advantage of, so this ending seemed different from the theme. However, i think it links in an interesting way. If we understand "falling asleep" to follow the connotations around the idiom "how do you sleep at night?" Perhaps we can understand this as a commentary on guilt; and not "turning into a big deal" as perhaps a commentary on human futility. After all, there is no end goal to life -- so what is there? What is the reason for this? When put into the context of a man who is essentially giving his money -- ergo his body, his livelihood -- away for free, we may be able to read the last sentence as self efacing being an act of assuaging the guilt inherent to existence.

From here there is an almost direct link to No Longer Human, where the main character, Yozo, repeatedly comments on the guilt and shame he feels around the sheer act of existence, as if he were born with it. In a couple lines from Nakahara's poems as well, we get these words:

“I am seeking something, always seeking something…” 

“Since it's inexplicable, indescribable, I believe my life is worth living.” 

Though he does not explicitly comment on guilt, he does comment on an emptiness we are constantly trying to fill, and therefore live for -- guilt, a sense of purpose, a hole inside -- these are all connected. How do we excuse ourselves to keep living? We see in these iterations of literature that selflessness is something we reach for as we die, something we reach for for happiness, something we reach for to save ourselves from the futility of life, something we use to fill the hole of purpose, of guilt, of want inside us. We feel the need to give ourselves away. This is not a lesson or a "should," but a fact of life -- we devote ourselves to something or other. We are all part sacrifice.

“‘Humans live to save themselves. They will understand this before they die.’

-Oda's last words, Dark Era LN.

But Asagiri brings with this recognition of the ubiquity of selflessness a warning: in Yosano. In Yosano Akiko's poem, Thou Shalt Not Die, she writes of how her brother has been sent off to war to die for the country, and how horrible an act of violence and self sacrifice this is. But how common it is as well, how it's even seen as patriotic, to sacrifice onself for a king who doesn't even fight. This is Yosano's story as well, as a character -- someone who was used, sacrificed, for the sake of war.

To me this reads as a warning. We all have emptiness, so we all give ourselves away. This is a fact of life, so it's crucial to be aware and intimate with one's emptiness, and aware of where its being filled. What are you giving yourself to?

We see again & again, both quietly, by Dazai, and out loud, by Atsushi and Akutagawa, the question "why should I live?" Behind this question is "what am I living for?"

Are you living for your friends? For honor? For approval? For guilt, for shame? For justice? For witness? What is the shape of your debt? Who are you paying it to?

Is it saving you?

[some-pers0n]

Every once in a while I think about the ship I've been obsessed over for close to two years now and feel like I'm ascending to another plane of reality. Like sometimes you just encounter a ship that hits every single mark and is perfect in every regard and you're left stunned how something like that can even exist

[triglycercule]

in undertale you choose to care for the characters and if you do you can get the happy ending you want

but if you dont then you might just kill some out of inpatience (me fr) or greed for G or because you suck at fighting or really you might kill them ALL because you just want to see what would happen,,,,, you want to get that delicious 0/100 (idk how many monsters there are in the underground) full completion with all side quests unlocked and all possible dialogues read and every single little thing done no matter how cruel those actions could be,,,,

it's the lack of care for these characters due to just seeing them as nothing more than video game scripted characters and just something to have fun with that causes players of games to do cruel and immoral things

ok but triglycercule what does this have to do with the murder time trio?? idk maybe the fact that killer completely embodies that last sentence to me

[gibbearish]

btw similar to the whole "if you try adderall at a party and it calms you down, get an adhd test" thing, if at some point in your life you try microdosing shrooms with a friend and end up feeling like a functional person for the first time in your life, get tested for depression. like yeah hallucinogens come with elation so youre probably gonna have some "this is the best ive ever felt in my life" vibes regardless, but like. if that in and of itself feels like finally breathing in for the first time in years, thats for sure a sign that something is up with your ability to process serotonin most of the time. feeling better than ever before should be a nice bonus, not a crushing weight off your chest

[bumblingbabooshka]

Chakotay leaning on the fact that he was Maquis to play-flirt with Janeway as they work on reports after hours and Janeway laughs, waving him off with a smirk and at the moment she says something like “I haven’t been charmed by the bad boy routine since I was in 8th grade” she turns to see Tuvok (also with them, has been there the whole time) looking very much charmed by the bad boy routine. (Only she can tell this.)

[dandyshucks]

if I try to mess with the eyes on the first one anymore I'm going to lose my mind DBDNDML so here have some self insert art,,,, also the houndoom was largely copied from someone else's art (dvixie/SkyVixie on deviantart, the art seems to have been taken down from their gallery though, I just found the art on pinterest and then had to track down the artist fjfkdl idk why ppl repost art with no credit 😭), I was trying to just get a feel for drawing them so I figured (HEAVILY) referencing someone else's piece would be alright for this sort of personal art thing!!

[tenok]

.

[hyperlexichypatia]

Okay, here's my criticism of this post I keep seeing -- and no, it's not what you think. I know, my longtime followers who know the kinds of things I post about a lot are probably thinking, "Oh, I know what their objection is going to be. It's going to be that 18-19 year olds are adults who can date older partners if they choose to." But no, that's not it this time! Yes, I do believe it's fine for young adults to date older adults if they choose to (and am accordingly rolling my eyes at all the "This should go up to 25!" comments in the notes), but. That's not my issue here. In fact, precisely because I believe that young adults dating older adults is morally neutral, I'm not at all concerned about the efficacy of the messaging against it. My concern is that underage minors being in sexual/romantic relationships with adults is actually harmful and dangerous, and therefore young people actually should be warned against it, and this is not an effective warning.

Fellow old people, do y'all remember being 14? At all? Would you have found this warning effective and compelling at that age?

I for sure would not! I did not! Quite the opposite!

Put yourself in the young person's position here. You have no rights. You're treated as someone with no agency. Your parents, teachers, government, and society as a whole treats you as some combination of "nuisance," "ticking time bomb," and "unthinking blob." Developmentally, you're at a phase of life when you should be transitioning to a more adult role, but everyone around you demonizes you for that desire. All your thoughts, feelings, and opinions are dismissed as the inconsequential ravings of Just A Dumb Kid Who Doesn't Know Any Better. You meet someone who treats you with basic human politeness, tells you that he likes you and that you're mature, actually treats you like you have two brain cells to rub together. Of course you're going to be drawn to him. And then when other adults warn you that obviously of course he doesn't really like you, that's impossible, of course you're not really mature, no one could possibly see you that way; actually you're naive and incapable of making your own decisions, and the way your parents/teachers/society treat you is completely justified. Are you going to heed those warnings?

Why are adults absolutely constitutionally incapable of giving good, necessary advice to teenagers without fucking insulting them in the process? Of course teenagers don't listen to it! Why would anyone??

"Oh, well, of course teenagers don't listen, because they're stubborn, and immature, and biologically determined to make bad decisions, which is all the more reason they need to be controlled," say adults, completely oblivious to the actual problem.

When I was a teenager, the big moral panic at the time was teen pregnancy, and we were all inundated with the least effective cautionary tales in the world: "If you get pregnant as a teen, you'll have to leave your parents' care and function as an adult!" Which left every girl who'd intentionally gotten pregnant for the explicit purpose of escaping her abusive parents saying "Yeah, that was the goal." And every girl who was looking for a way of escaping her abusive parents to think "What a great idea!" Today the big moral panic is older partners, but if the appeal of an older partner is that he treats you like someone capable of making your own decisions, why would you be persuaded by a counterargument of "Don't listen to him, of course you're not capable of making your own decisions!"?

Again. I'm saying this because I agree that adults dating minors is a bad thing and that minors should be warned against it. EFFECTIVELY.

That said, this is my advice to any 17-or-younger person being pursued by an 18+-year-old partner: Listen. You deserve so much better than the way society treats you. You deserve to be taken seriously. You deserve to make your own decisions in life. You have a mind of your own, and people should recognize that instead of treating your pesky "free will" as a personal affront or an inconvenient glitch. You can and should think for yourself. You deserve, and I hope you have, relationships with older people who validate those truths about you. However. You are still legally and materially powerless. I don't have to tell you that. You live it every day. Someone older than you -- and therefore, inherently, legally, more powerful than you -- should not be trying to extract things from you. Money, sex, unpaid labor, anything of value. Someone more powerful than you who truly values you, values your friendship, values you as a person, will be mindful of your status and not try to extract anything from you. Cross-age friendships are good. Older people can and should genuinely like and appreciate you, and you can and should genuinely like and appreciate them. But if they try to extract anything from you, run away.

[stellamarielu]

on the job

joel miller x female reader

summary: you and joel are forced to work together, but neither of you can get past the others stubborn attitude or contractor!joel and interior designer!reader fuck in a walk-in closet

content: nsfw, 18+ mdni, pre outbreak!joel, he’s kind of a huge asshole sorry, teasing, degradation, dirty talk, slightly dubcon, fingering, use of nicknames such as princess sweetheart and good girl, finger sucking, unprotected p in v sex, rough sex, sex against a wall, kinda public sex bc it’s on a job site?? pull out game strong with this one

author’s note: based on this lovely request. i made joel a little mean bc it felt right but at the end of the day he will forever be babygirl. also, i know very little about both of these professions so i apologize for any inaccuracies in that department

You liked to think that you were easy to work with, always polite and mindful— pleasant even.

You mostly kept to yourself, especially when you were working on a project alongside others, however, not everyone shared your cooperative mindset.

In fact, you had worked with a multitude of assholes. Men who thought they held some kind of power over you, who flourished under the opportunity to demean and mock your job like theirs was more important, but none of them even held a candle to Joel Miller.

Your paths crossed when you were hired by a pretentious, middle-aged woman in Austin to help design the interior of her new home— a home that was still under construction.

To make yourself familiar with the layout, you visited the site multiple times in the weeks before construction was scheduled to finish.

It was always an easy and uneventful trip. You greeted the workers, took a few pictures, wrote down some dimensions and then you were gone in twenty minutes tops; but that all changed the day you met Joel. 

You waltzed into the house, waving to one of the men you had come to know from your previous visits and then you heard it, a deep berating voice targeted directly at you.

“Who the hell are you and why are you on my site without a fuckin’ hard hat?”

You stopped in your tracks as you were met with an unknown face. 

“Uh sorry. I’m working on an interior design project for the Johnson’s. They told me I was welcome to come check out the space if I needed anything.” You didn’t know why, but your voice was coming out in compliance, the tone hushed. 

The way this man approached you was incredibly entitled and unabashedly rude.

Normally you wouldn’t let some asshole like this get within two feet of you, let alone talk to you like that; but this guy had you questioning your morals for a split second. He was tall, and broad, and handsome. The southern drawl slipping from the smug curl of his lips and the flex of his biceps as his arms crossed over his chest, had your words stuttering.

“Well, until my job is finished, and the Johnson’s have the keys to their front door, I call the shots. And I don’t do well with unexpected visitors walkin’ around while my guys are trying to get work done.”

Your mouth nearly hung open at his words.

You’d barely said a word to him and he was coming at you with a disgustingly brash and assertive attitude. What the hell was his deal?

“Okay...” The word was drawn-out as it fell from your lips in annoyance.

“Well, it’s kind of funny, because this is probably the fifth time I’ve been here, and none of your guys seem to give a rats ass, so how about you let me do my job and I’ll let you do yours.” 

Finally, you had gotten past the stranger’s criminally good looks and stuck to your guns.

There was no way in hell you were going to let him reprimand you for doing your job. Afterall, you had every right to be here. 

“Yeah well, my guys will let you do whatever you want when you’re prancin’ around here in tight little dresses and high heels. You think they’re just bein’ nice for the hell of it?” 

His irritation was masked by amusement as he looked you up and down, dramatically raking his eyes over your body. 

“I don’t know who you think you are, but I’d really appreciate it if you could just drop the attitude and keep things professional.” The quality of your voice was stern, juxtaposing the way his eyes on your body had you suddenly feeling a rush of heat throughout your chest.

Anger.

The warmth was an angry fervor, definitely not one of lust or temptation. It was a burning irritation for the man standing in front of you, not a curious warmth for how his eyes clung to every curve of your body, taking his time drinking in any exposed skin.

His smile widened as he watched you falter under his stare. “I’ll drop my attitude when you drop yours sweetheart.”

“Listen, Mr-“

“Miller. Joel Miller.”

“Okay, Mr. Joel Miller. I have work to do, so I’m just going to walk past you, take a few notes and I’ll be out of your hair. Deal?” 

“Fine. But if I see you back here again you better be wearin’ a hard hat. Don’t need any trouble because you trip and hit your pretty little head.” He let his eyes wander down your body once more, his voice full of sarcasm.

“Yeah yeah, got it boss.” You scoffed as you pushed past his broad frame. You didn’t turn to look back, but you could practically feel his eyes burning into you as you swayed into the entry way, hoping it was the last time you’d ever have to speak to him.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t.

You ran into Joel a few more times, each meeting more infuriating and demeaning than the last. He always had a smart comment on his tongue or a mocking intention in his voice. 

Joel Miller had quickly become the bane of your existence; yet, for some reason there was a part of you, deep down, that always hoped to run into him when you went to scout out a new project for the house.   

Maybe because he was undeniably handsome, always walking around with a charming smirk on his lips and a devious glint in his big brown eyes. It was almost as if he were challenging you— seeing how far he could push you before you snapped. 

He continued to test your patience as you now stood in the giant walk-in closet off the primary bedroom.

You were trying to establish a color scheme sophisticated enough to fit Miss Johnson’s impossible to please pallet while Joel was making unnecessarily loud noises across the room.

He was far from graceful, the slamming and pounding of tools was all you could hear as he worked on one of the many intricate shoe shelves on the wall.

“I thought this side of the house was done.” You were speaking without looking in his direction, your eyes following the paint swatches on the wall. 

“Was.” Joel’s voice was gruff as he continued working.

“Until the queen decided she needed more storage for all her designer shit.” He was chuckling at his own words, side eyeing you from his spot kneeling on the floor. 

“You are genuinely the most unprofessional person I’ve ever met.” You dismissed his rude comment about the woman you were both employed by.

“That right?”

You refused to look at him, but you could hear the delight in his voice. 

“Absolutely.” Your response was curt, a quick and straight-forward delivery.

“Good.”

As if you couldn’t hate him more, the word leaving his lips had you turning your head sharply in his direction, an appalled expression plastered across your face. 

“God you get on my last nerve.”

“That right?” Again, his lips tugged into a smirk as he looked at you. 

You raised your brows in annoyance with a single nod of your head at his question.

“Good.” His voice was taunting as he watched you shake your head in frustration. 

You brought your eyes back to the wall in front of you, not giving Joel another second of your attention.

After a few seconds of silence his deep voice broke into the room. “You know, if you weren’t so uptight, maybe I’d ask you out for a drink sometime.” 

It took you a minute to register his words. Was he implying that he wanted to ask you on a date while insulting you at the same time? What a fucked-up, backhanded compliment; one that had your chest stirring with warmth.

“Well, I guess it’s too bad I’m such an high-strung bitch then.” Sarcasm dripped from your words as you kept your eyes trained ahead, your head spinning from Joel’s implicit interest. 

“I doubt you’d last one minute in the bar I’d take you to anyway.”

His comment had your head snapping back again. This time his eyes were already on you, waiting to see a reaction. 

“And why’s that?” Your voice cut through the room at his assumption. 

“Because it’s not exactly a five star establishment, and I think you’re just like all these pretentious fucks you work for.” He raised an eyebrow at you before turning back to the shelf in front of him, tending to a few finishing touches. 

“Always so put together, walking around here with your shoulders high.” He was nonchalant as he criticized you, hands busy taking measurements, not even paying an ounce of attention to the dirty look you were currently shooting at him from the other side of the room. 

“You think you’re better than everyone, but you’re just another pretty face with an overblown ego.”

There it was. The final blow that had your body tensing with anger.

You couldn’t believe that just a few seconds ago you were letting him flatter you, swooning under the smallest inkling of positivity he threw your way.

He was the worst kind of guy, the kind that built you up just to tear you down. The kind that wanted to make you feel worse about yourself so you would go running to him for a semblance of positive reinforcement.

Joel Miller liked the chase— thrived off being such a douchebag that women somehow ended up falling on their knees for him. But you, you weren’t going to be that woman. 

“Me? Talk about a massive-fucking-ego, take a look in the mirror Miller. You’re the one always making sure I know my place around here, acting like a fucking sociopath. It’s like you get off on being an asshole.”

He stopped what he was doing and looked directly at you, his expression unreadable, like your cruel words caused a switch in him to flip. 

“Maybe I do.”

“What?”

“Maybe I like gettin’ under your skin, watchin’ you get all flustered.” He spoke slowly, setting down his materials and standing to his feet.

“Think it’s kinda cute. You’re always tryin’ to act all big and bad, but I know I make you nervous. I can see it in the way you look at me.” He didn’t move, the smirk on his face causing your eyebrows to furrow in irritation. 

You crossed your arms over your chest, standing strong on your opinion that Joel was the world’s biggest asshole. You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of letting his words get to you.

“You can stop wherever you’re going with this. I’m not here to play your little bullshit games, I’m here to do a job and get paid.”

“Who says you can’t have a little fun on the job?” His voice was laced with a deep seriousness as he set his tools down on one of the many shelves adorning the walls. You watched him over your shoulder but kept your back turned, your body still facing the wall.

“Turn around.” The command left his lips and you wanted to laugh at his attempt of authority but the sincerity in his voice stopped you in your tracks. 

“What? No-“

“C’mon sweetheart, I think we both know you like bein’ told what to do.” His voice cut you off, the signature smirk on his lips sending a buzz straight to your head.

You didn’t mean to, or maybe you did, but your body turned to face him, watching intently as he continued speaking. His broad frame emphatic as he stood across from you.

“I bet you like it, having someone boss you around. Makes you feel a little inferior.”

As the words left his lips he began walking toward you.

It was a casual stroll, not intense or threatening, yet you felt your pulse racing and your posture slumping at his advances.

“Oh please. You need a reality check Joel.” 

“Wanna give it to me princess?”

You kept the appearance of control as he continued moving forward, but internally you were fighting feelings of complete disarray.

You wanted to be offended— maybe even slap him across the face for his wildly inappropriate nickname and the implication of his words. But instead, you froze, his body now less than a foot away from yours and his words ringing in your ears. 

There was absolutely no denying the way his statement had your thighs clenching and your head spinning. Something in his delivery, smug and dirty with his eyes holding a perverted hunger and a promise of follow through, made you weak.

You kept your body from jolting when you felt the touch of his hand wrapping around your waist, finding purchase dangerously low on your back. 

“Bet you’ve never done anythin’ like this.” His voice was sturdy— rigid with power.

The weight of his hand was rough, his palm resting just above the curve of your ass. His touch was heavy yet temperate as he held you, softly pulling you’re your body further into his. 

“Lettin’ some guy you barely know put his hands all over you.”

You watched his eyes carefully, your lips parted but you couldn’t find any words to fill them. You weren’t sure if you wanted to tell him to stop or keep going. 

“Bet all the guys you hook up with are just as prim and proper as you. Can’t imagine that those dipshits graduating from UT with a business degree are fuckin’ you the right way.”

His other hand came to the small of your waist, the movement sending a faint gasp straight to your lips. Your reaction had Joel smirking, reinforcing his grip on your body.

“Probably don’t even know how to get you off.” 

“You’re disgusting.” Your voice was a whisper. The insult that you meant to hurl his way dissolved in a pitiful sigh at the way his fingertips were latching onto you.

“Am I? Bet you like that too.” This time he leaned in, causing his words to land directly in your ear, his breath warm on your neck.  

“Bet you want someone a little rough around the edges. Someone to fuck you real nice.” 

As he spoke, his fingers curled into your body. His grip on you constricting.

His frame pushed into yours, sending you shuffling backward until your back was met with the solid friction of the wall.

“Joel..” 

You were searching in your mind, trying to form an articulate sentence to explain why this was wrong; why you couldn’t be in this position with him.

But he had you trapped against the weight of his body— big and wide and rough.

Every single rational thought in your head dissipated, replaced by an instinctual need to have him fuck you against the wall of this ridiculously expensive closet.

He was right, you’d never done anything like this and the excitement of it— the risk, had your entire body burning with white-hot desire. 

“Tell me to stop and I will.” His hands were holding your hips, pressing you into the wall with his chest dangerously close to yours. 

“But I don’t think you want me to.” For a single second you could see an indication of honesty in his eyes as he looked you over, searching for any sign of distress on your face. And when he couldn’t find it, his stare narrowed and his hands held tighter, rotating your body in his grasp until your chest was pressed against the wall. 

“I think,” He leaned into you, your ass pushing against the bulge in his jeans as his hum landed on the skin right beneath your ear. 

“You want me to lift up this pretty little dress and fuck you nice and hard right here, against this wall.”

His hands found the hem of your dress, bringing it up just enough to bunch at your waist.

Your lower half was almost bare, the only clothing keeping your cunt from being fully exposed to him was the little black thong encasing the dripping mess that had now built up between your legs. It didn’t stop him from reaching between your bodies, pressing his thumb against your clothed entrance. 

“Fuck- you’re soaked princess.” The first word was a prolonged throaty groan, the rest of the sentence fumbling behind it. 

“How long you been thinkin’ bout this huh? Me touchin’ you, makin’ you beg for it.” He was having too much fun playing with you through your panties, his thumb threatening to dip into you even with the lace still covering your entrance.

He pushed against it, moving between your clothed folds and marveling at the wetness seeping through the material. 

“I’m not begging.” You managed to hiss out a response, turning your head to peer at him, your cheek nearly pressing against the wall. 

“Oh, so she’s always mouthy huh?” 

You watched the diabolical grin eat away at his face from the power trip of having you trapped under his weight.

You could talk-back all you wanted— be as bratty and uncooperative as possible, but it didn’t change the fact that he had you right where he wanted you. 

“Keep talkin’ baby, go on.” He innocently raised his brows at you, his voice taunting as the weight of his thumb danced between your legs.

“I Know you want this too. You act like you can’t stand me, but I see the way you look at me…” Your voice was quiet but strong as you held onto the last bit of composure you had left, using it to defy the man at your back.

You were trying your best not to lose your train of thought as you spoke. You wouldn’t give up the fight that easily, succumbing to his tempting words and lewd touches. You could tell Joel was used to getting his way and every muscle in your body ached to challenge him. 

“The way your eyes are glued to my ass every time I walk past you.” You glared over your shoulder as the words drifted off your lips in a gentle accusation. 

His dark chuckle filled the room as his eyes darted away from yours for a short second. Then his stare was back on you— more intense than before. The two of you watching each other, sitting in a pool of mutual revelation. 

You both knew it.

You knew since day one that there was a shared attraction, an unspoken sexual tension hidden behind rude words and unsavory exchanges.

What was happening now was just a detonation of built-up pressure that had been stewing for weeks; evident in the wetness at your core and the bulge in Joel’s jeans. 

“Anythin’ else you wanna say? Should probably get it all out before I have you all fucked-out on my cock.” His voice dropped to a low whisper as he hooked his thumb into your underwear, pulling the material to the side, not even bothering to take them off completely. 

A soft gasp slid from your lips at the cool air meeting your newly exposed center, the slick pooling at your entrance only adding to the airy sensation. 

“You’re so fucking arrogant.” 

The words barely left your lips when you felt his touch meet your core, his fingers spreading your arousal.

You had more to say to him, you wanted to tell him how annoying he was and how you had lost every ounce of decency by letting him talk to you this way, but the words were caught in your throat as he pushed two fingers into you. 

“Maybe I have good reason to be.” 

Your eyes were squeezed shut at the unexpected feeling of him filling you with his fingers, yet you could hear the smirk dripping in his voice.

“You ever think about that sweetheart?”

His words were impatient, the initial drive of his fingers into your entrance was rough, but now they slowly worked into you. His movements were careful— cautious even.

It was as if he wanted to take his time, watching your body and listening to the shaky breaths leave your lips.

His hand worked between your legs, searching for the exact technique that would send you spewing profanities and crumbling against the wall.  

He curled his fingertips at just the right spot, not too deep and not too forceful, just a gentle pulse that had an impulsive whimper pouring from your chest.

“Maybe I’m so arrogant because I know I’m good at what I do.” His words held a double meaning as he added a third finger to stroke your newfound sweet spot.

You almost yelped from the stretch, but you held it back as best you could, refusing to give him the gratification of your submission. 

The position he had you in; back arched and ass pushed out, made it almost embarrassingly easy for the addition of a third digit as he watched them to sink into you.

You couldn’t help but hum in approval as he stroked you repeatedly, rubbing against the inviting drawl of your walls. You tried not to lose yourself at his fingertips, knowing from the familiar coil of pleasure in your core that he could have you coming on his fingers at any given moment. 

“Thought you were gonna fuck me, huh?” Your voice was a string of moans as you tried your best to form a coherent sentence with his hand pushed between your bodies. 

As much as you didn’t want his movements to stop, you also didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of making you finish when he’d barely even gotten his hands on you.

Knowing Joel, he would never let you live it down. He’d ride around on his metaphorical high horse and crown himself the king of female orgasms. So instead of letting him bring you to the precipice of release, you met him with a phrase of defiance. But your challenging words were really just a gateway to get what you wanted. You could put on a tough act, but at the end of the day Joel was right, you did want him to fuck you in way no one ever had— hungry and hard against the wall, right here in your client’s house.

In fact, the thought of it had taken over every fiber of your being. The anticipation of feeling him rail into you was clouding your judgement and coursing through your veins at an alarming speed. 

“Think you can take it?” His growl stuck in your ears as he pulled out of you. The lewd noises of his fingers plunging into the slick mess at your folds was quickly replaced by the sound of him fumbling with his belt buckle. 

“How d’you want it, huh baby? You the sentimental type? Want it nice and slow and deep? Or d’you just wanna be ruined? Want someone to be a little rough with ya?” He was asking, but you couldn’t help but note the rhetorical quality of his words as you heard the rustle of his jeans pushing down his thighs. 

“That’s sweet of you to give me choice, maybe you don’t like control as much as I thought- “

Your sarcastic remark was cut short at the abrupt stretch of Joel’s length slamming into you.

“Rough it is then.” His voice was a deep grunt echoing from behind you as he paused, giving you a split second to adjust before pulling back out and thrusting into you again. 

“Shit princess, didn’t think you’d be this fuckin’ tight.”

His voice swam with amusement and pleasure as he watched the way his dick fully disappeared into you with each thrust of his hips.

Hands pulled at your waist as you felt Joel drive deeper with every breathless groan floating off his lips. 

“Look at you, takin’ me like such a good girl.” The words weren’t sweet, instead they teased you, shooting out of his mouth with a mocking tenor. 

You couldn’t keep your body from reacting to his praise, albeit contemptuous, the words still held a deep truth about the situation unfolding against the wall of your shared employer’s closet. 

“Oh, you like that don’t ya? When I tell you what a good girl you are?” His voice was a broken growl of grunts and sighs as he fucked into you— vigorous and desperate.

His pace was unrelenting as he held onto your waist, pulling you back to meet him with every drive of his hips into yours. 

He let one of his hands travel up your body until he was reaching for your jaw, tilting your head up and back until your body was arched at a sinful angle.

“See, I knew you just needed a good fuck.” His groan was right in your ear now that he held your head close to his, the grip he had on your jaw was firm.

It was becoming impossible for you to keep quiet, the strength and depth of his thrusts were causing explicit moans to skate past yours lips.

The hand that Joel was using to hold your face was now maneuvering to your mouth in an effort to muffle the obscene sounds rolling off your tongue. Two of his fingers pushed at your lips, hooking into your mouth. 

“Knew that little attitude a’yours was all for show.”

You closed your lips around his digits as he railed into you, a guttural moan sliding up your throat and humming onto his fingers. 

“Fuck.” His fowl groan was a direct result of your soft mouth sucking around his fingers, mimicking the way you had his cock encased between your legs.

You invited his touch onto your tongue, swirling around his thick digits and sucking him in deeper, earning a prolonged sigh from Joel as he fucked into you even harder.

Each stroke of his cock had your body pressing further into the wall— his pace was mean and unyielding, like he had something to prove. 

With the hand not in your mouth, Joel reached around your body, his fingertips finding your clit and rubbing quick careless circles over the bundle of nerves.

Your body faltered under his touch, your knees slightly buckling, and if it weren’t for the weight of his body trapping you against the wall, you’d be a puddle on the floor. 

He slowed his pace slightly, taking his time to find that spot along your walls again. The one that he discovered just minutes ago when he was three fingers deep in your dripping cunt. 

Whines of approval vibrated against the pads of his fingertips still pressing down on your tongue. His hips began rocking into you at just the right angle— slow and deliberate, with the goal of feeling you coming undone on his cock. 

“That it baby? Right there?” Again, his words were a sadistic tease, but his voice gave way to pitiful throaty whines.

You couldn’t speak, couldn’t even think with the way he was working you toward your release.

Everything felt so overwhelming, his unrelenting thrusts hitting you in the perfect place, his touch on your clit, rough and impatient and his fingers filling your mouth— all of it creating the perfect storm of inconceivable pleasure. 

A jolt of relief surged through your body as the pressure inside you snapped. You let yourself fall further into the wall as Joel’s name slipped from your mouth in a chant.

Hearing his name on your lips in such a distant and dazed voice, had Joel’s cock pulsing. Your walls were clenching from your climax, sucking him in deeper and he couldn’t handle the abundance of warmth enveloping him. 

Both of his hands came down to your hips, fingers digging into your skin as held tight.

His thrusts were merciless as he used you to reach his peak, chasing the familiar buildup of tension in his core as he drove into you at a startling pace. 

Then he pulled out abruptly. 

One hand on his cock, stroking just twice before spilling onto the skin of your lower back, the other pushing your dress further up your body to keep it from becoming a jizz painted mess. 

Silence filled the room.

Neither of you spoke as your hands pushed against the wall underneath your palms. You stayed pressed there, Joel’s body still behind you evident in the ragged breaths leaving his chest. 

Still no words were exchanged as you felt Joel take a step back, the warmth of his presence fading just slightly.

You dared to break your pleasure induced trance to look over your shoulder, only find him pulling his jeans back up his body and tightening his belt without even sparing you a glance.

You began to move until you were reminded of the thick warm mess resting on your back, keeping you from pulling your dress down.

Before you could do anything, Joel was back behind you, hooking his fingers into the waist band of your panties and tugging them down your legs. He stopped at your ankles to tap against your skin, prompting you to step out of them.

Once the lacy material was fully in his grasp, he brought them up to your lower back, using them to gather his spend. He cleaned his mess with the lacy material then pulled your dress back down to cover your lower half. A sticky residue was left on your backside as a plaguing reminder of what had just transpired between you. 

You turned to face him, watching as he crumpled up your ruined underwear and shoved it into his back pocket with a smirk on his face. 

“How about that drink? Could meet you tomorrow night, should be done here around five.” He was back across the room in an instant, gathering tools and not bothering to look in your direction.

His invitation was genuine, but his words lacked interest. 

“I’ll get these back to you then.” His hand came to rest on his back pocket, fingers tapping against the denim holding your used panties.

A self-righteous smile sat on his face as he shot you a look of pure deviance before his eyes were back on his hands as they worked to gather his materials. 

“Yeah, okay.” Your voice came out more flustered than you intended as you smoothed out your dress over your thighs.

Joel was heading for the closet door, tool bag clutched in his hand as he gave you one last gaze of victory.

“It’s a date.” The words were a grumble from his lips, the same ones that were busy parading a smug smile. 

Then he left you standing alone in the small room, your mind racing around itself and your legs still trembling.

A subtle grin rested on your face as you stared down at the floor, trying to find some sort of equilibrium before even attempting to move.

The giant walk-in closet still encasing a lingering heat of reckless choices as you prepared to go on with your day— business as usual.

my masterlist

[stromblessed]

Mizu, femininity, and fallen sparrows

In my last post about Mizu and Akemi, I feel like I came across as overly critical of Mizu given that Mizu is a woman who - in her own words - has to live as a man in order to go down the path of revenge.

If she is ever discovered to be female by the wrong person, she will not only be unable to complete her quest, but there's a good chance that she'll be arrested or killed.

So it makes complete sense for Mizu to distance herself as much as possible from any behavior that she feels like would make someone question her sex.

I felt so indignant toward Mizu on my first couple watchthroughs for this moment. Why couldn't Mizu bribe the woman and her child's way into the city too? If Mizu is presenting as a man, couldn't she claim to be the woman's escort?

However, this moment makes things pretty clear. Mizu knows all too well the plight of women in her society. She knows it so well that she cannot risk ever finding herself back in their position again. She helps in what little way she can - without drawing attention to herself.

Mizu is not a hero and she is not one to make of herself a martyr - she will not set herself on fire to keep others warm. There's room to argue that Mizu shouldn't prioritize her quest over people's lives, but given the collateral damage Mizu can live with in almost every episode of season 1, Mizu is simply not operating under that kind of morality at this point. ("You don't know what I've done to reach you," Mizu tells Fowler.)

And while I still feel like Mizu has an obvious and established blind spot when it comes to Akemi because of their differences in station, such that Mizu's judgment of Akemi and actions in episode 5 are the result of prejudice rather than the result of Mizu's caution, I also want to establish that Mizu is just as caged as Akemi is, despite her technically having more freedom while living as a man.

Mizu can hide her mixed race identity some of the time, and she can hide her sex almost all of the time, but being able to operate outside of her society's strict rules for women does not mean she cannot see their plight.

It does not mean she doesn't hurt for them.

Back to Mizu and collateral damage, remember that sparrow?

While Mizu is breaking into Boss Hamata's manse, she gets startled by a bird and kills it on reflex. She then cradles it in her hands - much more tenderly than we've seen Mizu treat almost anything up to this point in the season:

She then puts it in its nest, with its unhatched eggs. Almost like she's trying to make the death look natural. Or like an accident.

You see where I'm going with this.

When Mizu kills Kinuyo, Mizu lingers in the moment, holding the body tenderly:

And btw a lot of stuff about this show hit me hard, but this remains the biggest gut punch of them all for me, Mizu holding that poor girl's body close, GOD

When Mizu arranges the "scene of the crime," Kinuyo's body is delicate, birdlike. And Mizu is so shaken afterward that she gets sloppy. She's horrified at this kill to the point that she can't bring herself to take another innocent life - the boy who rats her out.

MIZU'S ONE MOMENT OF SOFTNESS AND MERCY, COMING ON THE HEELS OF HER NEEDING TO KILL A GIRL TO SPARE HER THE WORST FATE THAT THIS RIGID SOCIETY HAS TO OFFER WOMEN, AND TO SPARE A BROTHEL FULL OF INNOCENT WOMEN WHO ARE THE CASTOFFS OF SOCIETY, NEARLY RESULTS IN ALL OF THEIR DEATHS

No wonder Mizu is as stoic and cold as she is.

And no wonder Mizu has no patience for Akemi whatsoever right before the terrible reveal and the fight breaks out:

Speaking of Akemi - guess who else is compared to a bird!

The plumage is more colorful, a bit flashier. But a bird is a bird.

And, uh

Yeah.

I like to think that Mizu killing the sparrow is not only foreshadowing for what she must do to Kinuyo, but is also a representation of the choice she makes on Akemi's behalf. She decides to cage the bird because she believes the bird is "better off." Better off caged than... dead.

But because Mizu doesn't know Akemi or her situation, she of course doesn't realize that the bird is fated to die if it is caged and sent back home.

Mizu is clearly not happy, or pleased, or satisfied by allowing Akemi to be dragged back to her father:

But softness and mercy haven't gotten Mizu anywhere good, recently.

There is so much tragedy layered into Mizu's character, and it includes the things she has to witness and the choices she makes - or believes she has to make - involving women, when she herself can skirt around a lot of what her society throws at women. Although, I do believe that it comes at the cost of a part of Mizu's soul.

After all, I'm gonna be haunted for the rest of this show by Mizu's very first prayer in episode 1:

"LET" her die. Because as Ringo points out, she doesn't "know how" to die.

Kind of like another bird in this show:

[urcoolgf]

can you do rafe still wants you but you’re barry’s gf

this is so good yesssss

OFF LIMITS?

pairing. boyfriend’s bsf¡rafe && reader

content. 18+. smut. cheating (not on reader). unprotected sex. breeding kink(ig?). language. mention of drugs.

he couldn’t believe you were with barry.

you were everything he wasn’t; kind, smart, well-mannered, innocent.

God, you were so fucking innocent—not in the ‘never been kissed way’ just the way you looked at him, eyes wide like you’d let him do anything to you. it drove him crazy. rafe couldn’t help but think about ruining you. you were so delicate, so breakable. and rafe—he wanted to break you in. it was all he thought about; at night with his dick in his hand, at dinner when he was supposed to be partaking in family conversation, when he woke up in the morning, every. single. shower. you were every thought—even his dreams had you in them.

and you were with barry? what did he do to deserve you?

he was a drug dealer—a bad guy. he was an asshole with no morals, a guy who’d do anything for a stack of cash, or a bag of coke. rafe liked to tell himself that you were only doing it to prove a point, maybe fuck with your parents or friends, freak them out by dating ‘the drug dealer’. that was the only thing that kept him sane—not that he was. he was far from it when it came to you.

so, it was inconvenient that every time he needed his next fix, he had to see you.

—

rafe’s fist banged against the metal door of barry’s trailer. he didn’t bother to wait for him to open it—his pounding was a warning rather than a request.

he walked into the trailer only to find barry sitting on the couch… with you in his lap. barry played with the hem of your shorts with one hand, the other occupied with a beer bottle. your tiny tank top left little to the imagination, and your shorts had the same effect. the ‘B’ necklace hanging from your neck made rafe’s skin crawl. he hated it, hated you for wearing it, hated barry the most. your dark hair fell perfectly against your flawless skin, and your perfect legs were on full display across the couch.

this sight should be considered a form of torture.

“ayo country club! what’s goin’ on my man,” barry greeted rafe with a faux level of enthusiasm… and you just sat there, all pretty and perfect and fuckable and rafe was losing his damn mind. your big doe eyes looking up at rafe when he entered had blood rushing to his crotch. it was pathetic, and he hated it (he loved it).

you climbed off barry’s lap so he could retrieve rafe’s coke. you knew how this worked—not only with barry, but with rafe. he was a loyal customer. you sat yourself back down on the lumpy couch, the tv playing something on a low volume. you pretended to watch, but all you could focus on was rafe’s gaze burning into you. you shifted uncomfortably—mainly because the couch was uncomfortable, but rafe’s eyes didn’t help either.

barry came back with a bag of cocaine, exchanging it with rafe for some cash the blonde pulled out of his pocket. a sudden ring was heard through the trailer, barry reaching into his pocket to pull out a phone.

“yeah? … shit! a’ight, a’ight. … CALM DOWN. fuck ‘m on my way,” he hung up without another word.

“yo rafe, imma need ya to stay here with y/n. i gotta go handle somethin’,” he said frantically, grabbing the keys to his bike and something else before heading toward the door.

“wait! barry where–?!,” you started, you weren’t necessarily worried about him leaving—more worried about him leaving rafe alone with you.

“i’ll be back, princess. just gotta handle business. y’know how it is. stay here a’ight?,” and he was out the door without another protest from you or rafe—not that rafe had any protest.

“okay, bye…,” you muttered to yourself as you heard the bike starting, and sputtering off. rafe couldn’t help the smirk spreading across his face as he plopped down on the couch next to you.

“looks like it’s just me and you ‘princess’,” he mocked barry’s nickname for you (even though rafe would love to call you it at any given chance).

“looks like it,” you responded, bringing your knees to your chest. you didn’t mind rafe, but he had a tendency to ‘flip switches’, and you would be lying if you said that didn’t scare you… just a bit.

“c’mon doll… ‘m not gonna bite,” he taunted quietly. he scooched just a little closer to you. he leaned over so his mouth was right next to your ear, “unless you want me to,” he whispered. you would be lying if you said that didn’t send chills down your spine.

the next thing you felt were his fingers pushing strands of your hair out of your face. he peered down at that awful necklace, reaching out to toy with it. you couldn’t move—you should have, should have gotten up and walked to the other side of the trailer—but you were stuck. not physically—mentally. you didn’t know why, but your brain didn’t even want you to move. told you to ‘stay put. let him do it’.

he released the necklace, letting the metal fall back against your chest. his fingers trailed around your collarbone, featherlight like you would crack if he was too rough. your breathing was uneven and shallow, and rafe was thriving off it.

“haven’t pushed me away, sweetheart,” his low tone aggravated you. not because he was annoying, just because he was so smug. he knew what he was doing to you right now, and he was enjoying it.

“y’know you’re too good f’r him, baby,” he was whispering as if he had to keep it a secret, as if barry was on the other side of the wall. you were frustrated with your speechless-ness, frustrated with the way your thighs clenched together at his words, at his touch. your knees were starting to hurt from being pressed together so hard.

you finally looked toward him, met his lust-filled eyes. his pupils were so blown that his eyes barely looked blue anymore. your breath hitched, plump, glossed lips parting ever so slightly. rafe could feel your warm, unsteady breaths against his face, and his mind went foggy.

he closed the space between you like if he didn’t kiss you now barry might come back before he could—like he had to seize the moment.

you wished you had pulled away, slapped him right across his face, told him how wrong it was—how messed up he was, and kicked him out… but, you didn’t. you couldn’t.

—

“shit, doll… so fuckin’ tight f’r me. barry not big enough f’r ya?,” he said breathlessly as he pumped in and out of you. your naked body was caged against the couch, rafe’s equally naked body moving above you. all you could do was whimper in response. you didn’t know how long barry had been gone at this point, and shamefully… you didn’t care. if he walked in right now while rafe’s dick was making imprints on you, you don’t think you’d even want him to stop. you felt shitty, but rafe quickly distracted you.

"answer me,” he demanded, moving his hand to grasp your throat just enough to grab your attention, and knock the wind out of you.

“fuck! no– no rafe,” you responded. you couldn’t even think—the way his dick was hitting spots you didn’t even know existed was making your head spin.

“say it,” he spat at you—not in a mean way, he was being cocky. he wanted you to say he was better, say barry couldn’t compare… unfortunately, you were too cock drunk to protest.

“barry’s– not… he’s not big– enough. shit!,” your words were broken by moans and sobs—and the pressure rafe had on your throat right now. your back arched off the couch after a particularly deep thrust, sending your eyes to the back of your head.

“yeah… ‘nd fuckin’ remember it, too,” he was putting his all into fucking you. he would make sure he got this opportunity again, but he didn’t know when. he was going to make the absolute best of this. make the best of his best friend’s girlfriend opened on his dick, mascara running down your face, hair messy, totally gone.

his hand left your neck, moving both hands to squeeze your tits—stabilizing him in a way—as he continued moving in and out of you. he looked back at the ‘B’ resting on your chest. you noticed a smirk spread across his face, but you were too blissed out to say anything.

he wrapped his hand around the metal, ripping it from your neck forcefully. you shrieked from the sudden movement, the back of your neck stinging from the action.

“open up, baby,” he cooed. your lips parted instantly, he smiled at your obedience, placing the ‘B’ between your lips, instructing you to bite down on it.

“let barry hear your moans, princess. let him hear how good i make you feel,” the smug look on his face drove you insane—not in the way it did not even 30 minutes ago—in a way that had you clenching around him.

“fuck– jus’ like that… holy shit, pussy’s fuckin’ perfect,” his jaw tensed at the sensation. your arms were hooked around his neck, but when you felt your orgasm approaching, your manicured hands mindlessly raked down his back. a hiss could be heard from the man above you.

"there ya go… cum on this dick, sweetheart. make a mess f’r me,” his hand moved down to rub circles into your clit, and that was all you needed. you were convulsing around him, shaking beneath him, and coming undone with a loud moan that was barely muted by the metal in your mouth.

“want me to cum in ya? get ya all fat with my babies? let barry see you carryin’ my kid? fuck you’d look so hot all plump f’r me,” his words came out in breaths. you could tell he was close.

“mhm! fuck– please ray,” you looked up at him, innocent, big, doe eyes staring right at him, and he was done for. he came in you with a shattered moan, painting your walls white. he pulled out slowly, watching his release drip out of you, and onto barry’s couch. he groaned at the sight, quickly pulling out his phone, taking a picture of your current state—he got all of you, from your messy hair, fucked out expression and glossy eyes, to the mess between your thighs. the ‘B’ still sticking out of your mouth in a sinful way.

you didn’t care. you never let barry take pictures of you—said it was ‘creepy’ and ‘borderline sadistic’, but for some reason when rafe did it… it was the hottest thing you’d ever seen.

"hope you can keep a secret, doll… because this cannot be the last time i fuck you.”

an: i’m working my way thru some more reqs, so if you sent something i promise it’s in my drafts.ᐟ this was a super fun one to write tho, so thank you to whoever sent this :)

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[falesten-iw]

To Those Who Still Hold Onto a Shred of Morality and Humanity - Stand with Us and Don’t Forget Us.

Over 40,000 lives have been lost, with 70% of them being children and women. Among these numbers are my own family members—many of whom I’ve already lost.

My family, my cousin, aunt, their children, and grandchildren were all directly targeted by Israeli airstrikes. I’m sharing a video of my aunt and cousin to reveal the harsh reality we are facing in Gaza. In this video, my aunt bravely shares her story about how the Israeli army airstruck them along with their children and grandchildren. Even if you don’t understand Arabic, just watching her speak will help you grasp the immense suffering we are enduring in Gaza. You can see the vedeo in this post.

The few family members who remain are in grave danger, and I’m terrified of losing them too. We have a chance to make a real difference and give my 24 surviving family members a chance to live.

In Gaza, jobs are non-existent, and nonprofit organizations like the UN have drastically reduced their work on the ground. Basic necessities such as milk, food, and medicine are almost as expensive as gold. My family is struggling to afford even the essentials, and my mother urgently needs medication that we simply cannot afford.

I’m also sharing another video that shows the daily struggle people face just to get clean water. The suffering here extends far beyond my family; it’s a genocide affecting every aspect of life in Gaza.

Thanks to the generosity of those who have already donated, we’ve raised $535 toward our goal of $190,363- august 17th. I’m deeply grateful to each of you, but we still have a long way to go, and I need your help more than ever. Imagine if it were your family—how would you feel if they were in this situation?

For those who have created special posts or reblogged to amplify my voice, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your support means everything to me and to my family. If you haven’t yet shared our story, please take just one minute to do so. Your voice could be the lifeline my family desperately needs.

You cannot continue to treat human lives as mere numbers. This is a genocide that demands immediate action. How many more should be killed before you all wake up? Will 40,000 lives be enough to stir us to action? 50,000? 100,000? 150,000?

Asking for donations and charity is something we never imagined having to do in Gaza before the war, and it’s heartbreaking that it has come to this. But if everyone who saw my last post donated just $10 or $20, we could reach our goal in no time. If you’re looking for a way to contribute, consider giving up your coffee, tea, or other “cup” for one day, one week, one month, or anything in between. Then, donate what you would have spent to help me. Please help us and donate now!

This is about more than just donations—it’s about preserving human lives and upholding our shared moral values. Your contribution can make a world of difference in our survival and ensure I don’t lose more of the people I love.

Demanding an end to this suffering is a matter of basic humanity. You cannot remain neutral in the face of such genocide. Please, let’s stand together. Enough is enough.

Every donation, no matter how small, brings us closer to hope and healing. Thank you again for your kindness and support. I will never forget it.

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Listed even as number 282 in "The Vetted Gaza Evacuation Fundraiser Spreadsheet" compiled by @el-shab-hussein and @nabulsi : Link

Additionally, Al Jazeera News has documented apart of my family's case: Link

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[daryltwdixon]

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 4.5 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 6.5

Summary: Neither you or Joel had realized the fallout of facing each other after trying for a baby—something that never would have happened if Tommy could have given you one himself. And when the first time doesn't stick, you're back at Joel's door, asking for another favor.

|| smut MNDI 18+, pinv, f!receiving oral, dirty talk, no outbreak, not cheating but still def not kosher!!! don't do this!!!, breeding kink, rule breaking, baby making, talk of infertility, joel is absolutely filthy when he's turned on what can I say || notes: Tommy, hunny, if you're reading this, im sorry. im sure you're great in bed. im sorry this got so long!!! I was hella sick the past couple days and mightve wrote this with a fever sooo

You hadn’t meant for it to change anything.

In the days after the first time you… tried with Joel, you hadn’t really spoken to him. He’d left in a hurry, barely looking at you as he pulled his clothes back on, and you’d been too drunk on the aftershocks of what was possibly the best orgasm of your life to really think about what came next. Not until the hours stretched into days, and the reality of what you’d done started to settle in.

Now, standing by the pool in the thick, hazy heat of late summer, you realized just how weird it was going to be when you saw him again.

It was Frankie’s birthday, the last big cookout of the season—an annual thing the Morales family threw without fail, and especially this year with Marie now expecting their first baby. The beer was always cold, there was always too much food, and the night always ended with everyone gathered around the fire pit, full and tipsy and laughing. You’d been coming to these parties for years, always bringing appetizers, just as the Miller brothers always brought the beer. It was tradition. Comfortable.

Except this time, nothing felt comfortable at all.

You were in your string bikini, your loose, sheer cover-up thrown over the lounge chair you inhabited, still slick from the last dip in the pool. The air smelled like sunscreen and charcoal smoke, the buzz of cicadas tangled with the sound of splashing and distant laughter. You had just grabbed your drink from the poolside table when movement caught your eye.

Joel.

He was stepping into the backyard, a case of Miller Lite hooked in one hand, his other hand pushing through his hair. He looked good—annoyingly good—worn jeans hanging low on his hips, t-shirt stretched across broad shoulders, sunglasses tucked into the collar. He scanned the crowd until his gaze landed on you.

Your breath hitched. Not because of him—of course not—but because the moment stretched just a little too long.

And then Tommy turned, sitting next to you with an easy, unaware grin, and Joel’s eyes flicked to his brother like he’d just been caught red-handed. He gave an awkward nod—more of a grunt than a greeting—before turning on his heel and heading straight for the house.

You flushed.

Right. This was going to be weird.

Tommy laughed, like he hadn’t noticed the way you went red beside him. He leaned in, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek before getting to his feet. “Guess I better go say a proper hello before he drinks all the beer himself.”

And just like that, he strolled off, leaving you sitting there, drink in hand, watching the back door swing shut behind Joel.

The sun was starting to dip lower, stretching long golden streaks over the yard, and you were starting to feel it—the kind of lazy, sun-drenched exhaustion that came from too much heat, too much pool water, maybe one drink too many. The party was still going strong, laughter rising over the music, but you were more than happy to hover near the patio with a few of the other wives in the shade.

You hadn’t seen much of Joel.

Every now and then, you’d catch a glimpse—his broad shoulders making their way through the small crowd, the sound of his laughter, the sun catching in his hair—but he never seemed to linger anywhere long. It was like he was playing some kind of unspoken game, orbiting close enough that you were aware of him but never so close that you had to speak.

Which was fine.

It was fine.

You were definitely not hyper-aware of him. Not tracking his presence without meaning to. Not letting the memory of the filthy things he said to you crawl into your head every time you glimpsed those big, soulful eyes.

You exhaled, shaking the thought loose just as Marie called your name. She stood at the grill next to her husband who was flipping burgers, her hands full of side dishes that had to be put out for dinner.

"Can you grab the potato salad from the fridge?" she asked, nodding toward the house. "I meant to bring it out, but my hands are too full!"

"Yeah, of course," you said, already stepping toward the back door.

The second you slipped inside, the air-conditioning cooled the heat still clinging to your skin, the quiet settling heavy after the constant hum of the party outside. It felt nice. Like taking a breath you hadn’t realized you needed.

The house was mostly empty, everyone still out in the yard, and for a brief moment, you let yourself just enjoy the quiet. Then you stepped into the kitchen and saw him.

He was standing near the counter, one hand braced on the edge, the other loose around a beer as he looked out the kitchen window into the yard. His shoulders tensed when he heard you, but he didn’t turn, just flicked his gaze toward the fridge like that was suddenly the most interesting thing in the world.

Joel.

You ignored the way your pulse kicked up, forcing yourself to be normal. Chill. 

“Hey,” you said, casual, like this was fine. Just another Saturday afternoon.

Joel nodded once, barely glancing at you. “Hey.”

Oookay.

You moved toward the fridge, opening it and scanning the shelves. “Just need to grab something for Marie,” you said, reaching for the container of potato salad.

Joel exhaled, shifting to the side so you had more room, but he still didn’t look at you. His grip flexed around his beer, his jaw tight like he was concentrating very hard on ignoring you.

Fine.

Grabbing the container, you shut the fridge and turned to leave, but you found yourself hesitating.

You sighed, shifting your grip on the bowl before turning back around. “It doesn’t have to be like this, you know.”

Joel’s head lifted slightly, like he hadn’t expected you to say anything. “Like what?”

“This.” You gestured vaguely between the two of you. “The awkward. The avoiding.” You paused, tilting your head. “You can’t even look at me.”

He blinked, caught off guard, before his eyes flicked to yours—quick, hesitant. “I’m lookin’ at you right now.”

You huffed out a small, dry laugh. “Yeah. For the first time all day.”

He shifted on his feet, looking uncomfortable, his fingers tapping once against the beer bottle. “Ain’t avoidin’ you.”

You lifted an eyebrow.

Joel sighed through his nose, glancing at the floor before dragging a hand down his face. “Alright,” he admitted, “maybe a little.”

You crossed your arms, letting that hang in the air for a second.

Joel took a long breath like he was trying to collect his thoughts. Then he finally—finally—looked at you, really looked at you, with something almost hesitant in his gaze. “I’m sorry,” he said, low but firm. “You’re right.”

Your arms loosened slightly, tension easing just a fraction. “I do that a lot.”

Joel huffed a little laugh, shaking his head. “Yeah, yeah.”

Joel’s eyes flicked down—quick, instinctive, before he caught himself and looked away. But not fast enough. You saw it.

The humidity outside had been enough to keep you from throwing your cover-up back on after the pool, but now, standing here in the cool dim light of the kitchen, it felt like a mistake. The shift in temperature sent a shiver across your skin, every inch of you laid bare in nothing but damp, clinging fabric. You knew this bikini was thin but damn your nipples for hardening in the sudden cool air. Water still beaded along your collarbone, trailing in slow, lazy rivulets down your stomach, disappearing beneath the tiny scraps of your bikini.

And it seemed like Joel was very aware of these things as well.

You weren’t sure if he swallowed, but you thought you saw his jaw go tight. Then, just as fast, he looked away.

Something curled low in your stomach. Was he thinking about that night, too?

Not supposed to. That was Rule #2.

Not supposed to think about it. Not supposed to talk about it outside the four walls of your bedroom.

Joel cleared his throat. “You feelin’ alright and all?”

You blinked, pulled from your thoughts. “What?”

His fingers tightened around his beer bottle. “Any signs yet?”

Oh.

You shifted your weight, trying to collect yourself. “No. Won’t know for a few more days. Won’t show up on a test yet.”

Joel nodded, looking thoughtful, like that was news to him. His gaze flicked downward again—this time, toward your stomach.

“Did Tommy not tell you that part?” you asked, amused despite yourself.

His mouth twitched. “Not exactly.”

You smirked. “You mean you didn’t ask.”

Joel scoffed, almost like a chuckle, shaking his head. “Wasn’t exactly a conversation I was rushin’ to have with my brother. Haven’t… had to think about this stuff in 15 years.”

That made you laugh—a soft, breathy thing—and just like that, something tilted in the air between you.

The tension didn’t go away. It just… changed.

Joel was still standing where he was, but now it felt like he was closer, and he was even smiling a little bit.

Maybe you were the one who had stepped closer.

You weren’t sure when it had happened, when the space had shrunk, but suddenly, it wasn’t enough. The air between you was buzzing, and you could feel his presence—solid, warm, steady across from you.

Joel’s fingers flexed once against the counter. His gaze flicked down again—quick, but not quick enough.

This time, when his eyes met yours, he didn’t immediately look away.

And neither did you.

The kitchen was quiet.

Not just in the absence of sound, but in the way the air felt thick, in the way neither of you spoke, in the way neither of you moved.

But you weren’t imagining it.

Joel’s eyes were still on you, his body still angled slightly toward yours, and you were very aware of the space between you.

Your skin prickled, still damp from the pool, and you wondered again if he was thinking about that night. If the way his fingers flexed against the counter meant he remembered how they’d felt on your skin. If the way he swallowed meant he was trying real hard not to think about the words you exchanged, low, filthy, depraved–

The sound of footsteps echoed down the hall, breaking the moment like a stone thrown into still water.

“Y’all hidin’ in here?” Tommy’s voice was easy, oblivious as he crossed the threshold, already making a beeline for the fridge.

“What?” you squeaked, “No, why’d we be hiding?”

Oh god. Your stomach flipped as heat prickled up your spine. Why the hell had you said it like that?

Tommy, thankfully, didn’t seem to notice—or if he did, he didn’t care.

“It’s hot as hell out there. Think I saw Frank fannin’ himself with a paper plate like some old lady in church.”

Joel straightened immediately, rolling his shoulders back like he’d just snapped to attention. He cleared his throat, shifting his grip on the beer bottle. “Damn near a hundred degrees, I’d say. Just… takin’ a minute.”

Tommy barely looked up, cracking open the fridge. He grabbed a beer for himself, glancing toward you. “That for Marie?”

You nodded, heart still kicking a little harder than it should. “Yeah.”

“Good. She was about five seconds from sending out a search party for it.”

Joel exhaled sharply through his nose—maybe a huff of a laugh, maybe just a breath—but he made sure to avert his eyes from you now.

You just nodded once, shifting the container in your arms before turning on your heel and walking out the way you came.

Joel

A week had passed, the tightness of unspoken things curling around him until the evening settled low one night and Joel finally started to relax.

The TV’s blue light flickered against the golden glow siphoning through the blinds, the last rays of daylight painting the floorboards in long, slanted streaks. The house was quiet aside from the hum of the sitcom playing, its canned laughter punctuated by the real thing—Sarah, curled up beside him on the arm of the couch, feet tucked up against his thigh as she giggled at another dumb joke.

But Joel was distracted.

He’d been distracted for days, really. 

It wasn’t just the wrongness of it—though there was plenty of that, enough to make his gut twist every time he let himself linger too long on it. 

It was the fact that he couldn’t seem to stop feeling it.

The way you’d tightened up around him, shuddering, gasping, falling apart with his name on your lips. The way you’d let him take you, let him fill you, let him say things he had no right to say.

He shook his head, forcing the thought away.

Wouldn’t let himself dwell on it. Wouldn’t let himself remember the way you felt, the way you sounded, wrecked and breathless beneath him. Wouldn’t let himself think about how easy it had been to lose himself in it, to let every filthy thought spill from his mouth like he didn’t give a damn about the consequences.

But you.

You had let him. Had taken everything he gave you, had needed it.

And worse than any of it—the thing that really messed him up—was knowing that Tommy, his own brother, couldn’t make you finish the way he had.

That knowledge had settled deep in his bones, twisting something dark and selfish in his gut. That he was the one who had made you come apart like that. That only he had. And God help him, but the idea stroked his ego like a cat purring into your hand. He hadn’t been able to think straight since.

And maybe that was why, when the knock came, it took him a second to register it.

Joel blinked, dragging himself out of his own damn head. He turned to Sarah, their eyes meeting in confusion. “You expectin’ anyone?” he asked. Sarah shook her head, brow furrowing. Joel exhaled, pushing himself up from the couch with a few protesting cracks in his knees before heading for the door, rubbing at the tension settled in his jaw before pulling it open.

For a second, he had to blink to make sure he was seeing right.

You stood on his porch, hoodie sleeves pulled over your hands, stuffed into the front pocket, your hair mussed from the evening breeze. The light had dipped enough that everything was softer now, blurred at the edges, but it didn’t hide the red rimming your eyes, the way your shoulders curled in just slightly.

Joel’s chest tightened.

“Hey,” you said softly.

He cleared his throat, opening and closing his mouth, but before he could say anything, Sarah appeared beside him.

He watched as your expression shifted instantly, the smile pulling at your lips effortless, natural. A mask, maybe—but a convincing one.

“Auntie!” Sarah beamed, rushing forward to wrap her arms around you. And just like that, your smile became real. He saw the way your eyes softened as you hugged her back, tucking your chin briefly over the top of her head.

Sarah pulled away just enough to grin up at you. “Whatcha doin’ here?”

Your gaze flicked between her and Joel before settling back on Sarah. “Was wonderin’ if I could steal your dad for a sec,” you said easily, voice light, “that okay?”

“Please,” Sarah teased, shooting Joel a smirk. “Any chance to take him off my hands is always appreciated.”

Joel snorted, shaking his head as Sarah turned back toward the couch, giggling to herself. But when he looked back at you, the brightness from a moment ago had already dimmed. The smile had slipped—not completely, but enough. Your lips were still quirked at the edges, but your eyes… your eyes looked tired.

Joel exhaled, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“So,” you sighed, shifting slightly on your feet. “Can we talk?”

There was something in your voice, something heavy, something that sat thick in the air between you. And Joel knew. He knew what this had to be about, but that didn’t stop his mind from racing, didn’t stop the sudden, gnawing pull in his gut as a dozen worst-case scenarios started clawing their way forward.

Were you here to tell him it was all a mistake? That he should’ve never come near you like that, never agreed to something so ridiculous? Were you going to say you couldn’t look at him the same, that you didn’t want to, that whatever had happened between you was too far over some invisible line?

Or worse—were you here to cut him out entirely? To tell him he was done, that he’d never step foot in your house again, never see the baby he had tried to put in you?

The thought settled cold in his stomach, but he didn’t let it show. He just jerked his head toward the hall, leading you through the quiet house and out to the back door.

The porch creaked beneath your weight as you moved, wordless, settling onto the old swing. Joel followed, standing a few paces away, one hand braced against the railing. You didn’t look at him. He didn’t look at you.

Your eyes were fixed on the pool in the yard—the above-ground one he’d put in for Sarah and her friends this summer, the water still rippling from whatever movement had last disturbed it. The tubes and pool rafts floated aimlessly, bobbing in the quiet evening breeze.

But you weren’t really looking at them. Joel could tell your stare was a thousand miles away.

Just say it, he thought. Just tell me you think it was all a mistake, so I can stop going crazy in my head.

“It didn’t work,” you finally said, voice cracking.

Joel’s eyes found yours, and for a moment, all he could do was look.

You were beautiful in the dying light—soft gold settling over your features, catching in the moisture gathering in your eyes. Your chin wobbled, lips parting slightly as you sucked in a shaky breath, fighting for control.

His chest ached.

Joel had never been good at this. Never been the type for soft reassurances or knowing what to say when someone was hurting. But he couldn’t just stand there, not when you looked like this. So he moved, stiff and uncertain, stepping toward the swing before lowering himself onto it beside you.

The wood groaned slightly beneath his weight and for a second he hesitated, fingers twitching against his thigh. Then, after a beat, he lifted a hand and rested it on your shoulder, squeezing gently.

The sound you let out was small, choked, a breath away from a sob. Your hands flew up to your face as your shoulders curled inward, your body trembling against the weight of it.

And then—before he could react—you turned into him. Pressed your face against his chest, curled against his side like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Joel stiffened.

For a long, still moment, he didn’t move, his body locked up tight. His breath was shallow, caught somewhere in his throat, but the sound of you—soft, muffled cries against his shirt, the uneven tremble of your breath—made his chest pull even tighter.

Carefully, slowly, he let his arm settle around you.

He wasn’t sure how much comfort he could offer, but he could do this. He could be solid. He could be warm. He could let his fingers trace slow, steady strokes over your arm, grounding you, letting you take what you needed.

“I’m sorry,” he finally whispered.

You sniffled, your body shifting as you pulled back slightly. It was like you suddenly realized how close you were, blinking up at him, eyes glassy but clearer now.

“It’s—” you exhaled shakily, rubbing at your face with the sleeve of your hoodie. “It’s okay. Not your fault, of course.”

Your shoulder still pressed lightly against his, and Joel’s arm, solid and steady around you, didn’t move. He wasn’t sure if it was to comfort you or to keep himself grounded, but his thumb was still tracing slow, absentminded strokes against your arm, like if he stopped, something might shift in a way he wasn’t ready for.

The quiet between you stretched, thick and full, the weight of everything that had transpired the past few weeks hanging in the warm evening air. The swing creaked softly beneath you, the distant chirp of crickets threading through the silence, but neither of you spoke.

Joel wasn’t sure what the hell he was supposed to say.

He didn’t know how to fix this. Didn’t know if you even wanted him to fix it. So he just sat there, his fingers still moving, his eyes still studying you—your profile washed in golden light, the way your lashes were still damp, the slow rise and fall of your chest as you tried to steady yourself.

And then—

“Would you…” Your voice was small, barely above a whisper.

Joel felt like his lungs stopped working, his heart kicking up before he even knew why. You were still staring down at your lap, fingers twisting together, your teeth catching at your lip as you sucked in a breath like you weren’t sure how to say what you wanted to.

You tried again. “Would you be okay with…”

You trailed off, shaking your head. Still not looking at him.

But Joel knew. Knew before you even said it, before the words could form, before you could force yourself to meet his gaze.

“You want to try again?” he asked quietly. 

That got you to look at him.

And when your eyes met his, something shifted. Because Joel suddenly realized just how close you were.

Close enough that he could make out every ridge and curve of your soft lips, every delicate flicker of color in your irises, every tiny freckle that summer had kissed onto your skin. He hadn’t noticed it before—not really. Not in the dark of your room, not when he’d been too caught up in the moment to see you the way he did now.

Yes, you were nice-looking—Tommy always had good taste in women. But Joel had never let himself notice something like that. Not before. Not until now, until you were watching him with that hesitant, quiet hope, until something deep and unfamiliar curled in his chest in a way he couldn’t quite name.

He could feel you shifting beside him, like you were fighting some sort of urge, like you didn’t quite know what to do with yourself. He got it. He felt it too. That strange, electric wrongness, the awareness that neither of you was saying what you were actually thinking. His fingers twitched where they laid, but he didn’t move them.

“Would you be okay with that?” you asked softly. “I’ll talk to Tommy, see what he thinks, of course. He’s out tonight, but I just—I couldn’t stand being alone. After taking the test this morning, it just felt so empty in the house. It’s okay if you don’t want to, of course. We can figure out something else, maybe a donor or some sort of IVF or surrogacy—”

You were rambling now, your words tumbling out too fast, your hands twisting in your lap, your eyes darting away from his like you didn’t really expect him to say yes.

Joel didn’t know what the hell to do with the mess of feelings twisting inside him as he watched you stumble over your words. It wasn’t like you to hesitate, to second-guess yourself—but now, you were looking anywhere but at him, your fingers fidgeting, your breath uneven. He should’ve let you work through it. Should’ve waited. But before he could think better of it, his hand moved, fingers brushing beneath your chin, tilting your face up to his.

Your breath hitched as he lifted your face toward him, guiding your eyes back to his in a slow, careful motion that had nothing to do with the things he wasn’t supposed to think about.

“I’ll do it,” he murmured, his voice low, steady. And damn him, he couldn't help the way his eyes flickered to your lips as they parted when he said, “We can try again.”

“Are you sure you have to go?” you asked, your hands resting on Tommy’s chest as he held your hips, fingers squeezing gently.

His smile was soft, easy—full of the kind of warmth Joel had no business standing in the middle of. There was so much love in your eyes, so much familiarity between you, and Joel felt like he was intruding.

But that didn’t make much sense, did it? You’d both invited him here. You’d both agreed to this. And yet, here he was, sitting on the damn couch, trying not to watch the way you looked at your husband—like you’d rather he stayed, like you weren’t about to let his older brother take his place in your bed for the night.

“Listen, hun,” Tommy said, brushing a strand of hair from your face. “You know how Frank’s been feelin’, all the pressure of havin’ a baby soon. Marie’s gonna pop any day now, and the least the fellas could do was plan a night away.”

You pouted up at him, fingers playing absently in the longer strands of hair at his nape.

Joel exhaled slowly through his nose, trying to focus on anything else. The clock ticking on the wall. The hum of the fridge. The feeling of his own damn skin crawling.

“Joel here’ll take good care of ya,” Tommy said, and Joel’s body locked up.

His head jerked up, his whole body locking up like he’d been physically struck.

When he met Tommy’s gaze, there wasn’t even a flicker of mischief there. No teasing, no knowing smirk. Like he hadn’t just said the worst goddamn innuendo Joel had ever heard in his life.

Christ.

“Jesus, Tommy,” Joel muttered under his breath, but his brother didn’t hear him.

Or maybe he just ignored him.

Either way, Joel didn’t look. Didn’t watch the way Tommy leaned down, kissed you slow and lingering. Didn’t watch the way you melted into it, or the way his little brother looked at you like you were the most precious thing in the world to him.

Not with what the night had in store for the two of you.

When the door shut behind Tommy a few minutes later, you turned, your eyes flicking to Joel—hesitant, uncertain—before darting away just as fast.

There was no getting over how weird this was.

“Can I… get you something to drink?” you asked from across the room, your voice just a little too casual, like you were trying to make this feel normal.

Joel nodded. Something to take the edge off was exactly what he needed.

With Sarah at a friend’s for the night, there was no rush, no curfew, no reason to be anywhere but here. He could take his time. He should take his time, not rush into it like last time. He still felt bad about how long it had taken him to get it up. But what the hell did anyone expect?

This was weird.

His younger brother asking him to put a baby in his wife.

His sweet, pretty, sexy wife.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Joel cleared his throat, rubbing a hand over his jaw as you turned to grab the bottle from the cabinet. His eyes flicked down—just for a second—catching the curve of your waist, the slope of your back as you reached for two glasses.

He needed to get his shit together.

“Whiskey, really?” he asked, surprised.

“I thought it would be for the best. Ya know. Calm the nerves.”

“You’re nervous?” He didn't mean for it to come out so rough, so low and gravely, but something in the way you were standing there, hand wrapped around the wide glass as you looked between him and the drink.

You handed him his glass, fingers brushing, and you pulled away as soon as his hand wrapped around it, grabbing yours and walking into the living room, “Aren’t you?”

Joel brought the glass to his lips, giving himself a second before responding as he sat down across from you. The whiskey burned, but not as much as the look you gave him over the rim of your own glass.

"Wouldn’t call it nervous," he muttered, setting his drink down on the table.

You hummed, taking another sip. "No?"

"Nah." He shifted, the leather couch creaking beneath him. "Just... y’know. Wrappin’ my head around it."

You studied him for a long beat, fingers curled loosely around your glass. "So you’re sayin’ it’s not weird for you at all?"

Joel let out a little chuckle, rubbing his palm over his thigh. "Didn’t say that."

Your lips quirked, but it wasn’t quite a smile. Maybe more like you were just relieved that he was talking to you again. Something in Joel shifted at the realization. He should’ve been better at this—at talking, at making this easier. At not making things so damn weird.

"Guess I just figured the second time would be easier," you admitted, voice softer now, quieter.

"Easier how?" Joel asked, his hands twitching on his thighs before he grabbed his glass again, taking another sip just to do something.

You hesitated. "Jus’ didn’t expect it to feel so…" Your eyes, previously glued to the contents of your drink, flickered up to meet his. Joel felt his stomach flip, his pulse tick up. Your gaze was steady, unsure but searching, and he could feel it— the weight of it settling somewhere deep in his chest, in the thick, charged air between you.

“Tense.” you finished, and Joel swallowed down his last sip of whiskey, the burn sinking all the way to his gut, welcome this time—anything to settle the fire licking up his spine. 

It took a moment before Joel realized the both of you were staring at each other, gazes locked and burning across the room.

The silence stretched, thick and unmoving, the weight of it pressing down on his chest. He should look away, should say something to break whatever spell this was, but his body wasn’t cooperating. His fingers flexed around his empty glass, his breath slow and measured like he was trying real hard not to give himself away.

Then, you blinked, inhaled, and wet your lips before forcing out a quiet, “Should we… get to it, then?”

Joel exhaled through his nose, tilting his head slightly, eyes dragging over your face, searching. “That what you wanna do?” His voice came out rougher than he meant, lower, like the whiskey had settled there and refused to budge.

You let out a breathy laugh—nervous, unsure. “Isn’t that what we’re here for?”

Joel didn’t answer at first. He just set his empty glass down on the table, slow and deliberate, the soft clink against the wood the only sound between you. Then, he leaned forward, elbows braced on his knees, watching you.

“I mean,” he murmured, voice low, “we got all night, don’t we?”

You nodded, slow, absent, your teeth catching your bottom lip as your fingers toyed with the hem of your shorts. Your bare legs shifted slightly, restless, and Joel could see the way your body carried the same tightly wound energy thrumming under his own skin.

And for the first time, he wondered if it wasn’t just him who felt different. If you’d been thinking about that night all along too. If this thing, this quiet, simmering thing between you, had started to crack open something neither of you were ready to face.

Joel swallowed, flexing his fingers against his knees before dragging one hand over his jaw. “You sure about this?” he asked, his voice rougher than he intended.

You exhaled, shifting in your seat, but when your eyes lifted to his, there was something there—something nervous, maybe, but certain.

“Yeah,” you said quietly. “I’m sure.”

Joel nodded once, slow, measured. “Alright.”

But neither of you moved.

Not yet.

And that might’ve been the worst part, the way the space between you suddenly felt charged, humming, like a live wire sparking at both ends, neither one of you quite willing to touch it first.

Joel finally sat back, spreading his legs slightly, running his tongue over his teeth in thought. “How you wanna do this?”

The words sent something sharp curling low in his stomach, but he kept his expression even. Neutral. Like this wasn’t the strangest damn conversation he’d ever had in his life.

Your lips parted slightly, like you hadn’t expected him to ask that, and something flickered in your gaze.

“I…” You hesitated, shifting again. “I don’t know.”

Joel huffed a quiet breath, rubbing a hand over his thigh. “Why don’t you tell me what you like,”

He meant it as a practical question. But the second the words left his mouth, something about them felt different. Felt thick.

Your throat bobbed as you swallowed, lips parting again—but no words came.

Joel’s fingers flexed where they rested, and then, slowly, deliberately, he lifted his hand and curled two fingers toward himself in a beckoning motion.

“C’mere.” His voice was low, rough, unwavering. His other hand patted the empty space beside him on the couch.

Your eyes went wide.

Joel’s gaze stayed steady, dark and unreadable, waiting, watching. And when you didn’t move, when you stayed frozen in place, teeth worrying your lip like you weren’t sure if you should—

He tilted his head slightly, exhaling through his nose.

“Don’t be all shy now,” he murmured. “You helped me last time. I’ll help you this time.” A pause, thick with meaning. “Come on, now.”

Your fingers twitched, and then slowly, hesitantly, you moved towards him.

You set down the empty whiskey glass with a soft clink, and Joel caught the slight tremble in your hands as you made your way over to him. You sat beside him, close but not too close, your body angled toward his, but still not touching. He could feel the heat of you, though, could sense the way you hovered in that charged space, your breath just a little uneven.

Your eyes flickered to his, uncertain, waiting.

Joel let the moment stretch before speaking, voice low, rough with the remnants of whiskey and something heavier. “Now,” he drawled, slow and deliberate, as his hand rested on the back of the couch as he turned towards you, “what’s got you all worked up, hm? Why you nervous tonight? Weren’t nervous last time.”

You blinked at him, “Yes, I was.”

Joel shot you a look, brows furrowing slightly.

You were?

Hell, he was the one who’d been in damn ribbons last time, all wound up so tight he couldn’t even get hard at first. But you…you’d been steady, patient, pulling him out of his own head with soft hands and softer words, guiding him through it like you’d done this a thousand times before.

But now, looking at you, at the way your fingers twisted absently in your lap, at the way you were still hesitating, hovering, he realized maybe he’d had it all wrong.

Maybe you’d just been better at hiding it.

Something in him shifted at that thought, something warm and unexpected. And then—just like that—the corner of your mouth quirked up, barely there, but enough.

Enough to break the tension just a little.

Joel’s gaze stayed locked on yours, watching the way your lips twitched with that barely-there smile, the way you shifted in your seat, still wound up tight. You might’ve been trying to play it off, but he could see it now. The way your body was holding something back, how much you were overthinking, just like he had last time.

He leaned in slightly, his voice dropping low and edged with something darker.

“How do you usually get off?”

He watched the way your body reacted to the question, your thighs pressing together just slightly, the way your fingers tensed against the couch cushion, like you needed something to hold onto.

“Joel—”

“C’mon, now,” he murmured, tilting his head, gaze flickering down your body before finding your eyes again. “You asked me the same question last time. Let me help you relax, sweetheart.”

Your breath came a little faster now, chest rising and falling, and for a second, Joel thought you might overthink your way out of this. Might shake your head, pull away, break the moment before it could go any further.

“I, um…” Your teeth caught your bottom lip harder now as your eyes flicked away, like you were thinking, trying to find the right words. “Tommy—he usually… he’ll go down on me.”

Joel hummed, urging you on. “Mhm.”

“And usually I’ll get off then—”

“Usually?” Joel interjected without thinking. His brow furrowed slightly as he looked at you.

You shrugged, like it wasn’t a big deal. “Sometimes it takes a while,” you admitted. “So I tell him to give up and—”

“Give up?!” Now Joel was incredulous. His head jerked slightly as he wiped a hand down his face, like he could scrub away the mental image of his little brother trying and failing to make his own damn wife finish on his tongue.

"Jesus Christ."

You gave a small, amused shake of your head. “Not everyone is as talented as you, Joel Miller.”

The words left your mouth so easily, a throwaway comment, but the second you said it, your face went red, realizing what you’d just admitted. You let out a breathy laugh, trying to play it off as a joke, but Joel wasn’t remotely amused.

Because he’d seen the way you shrugged when you said give up. Like it was normal. Like you didn’t expect anything else.

No. He wasn’t having any of that.

His expression hardened, jaw ticking.

“Lay back.”

Your eyes widened slightly, your lips parting as you released your lip from between your teeth. “What?”

“Lay back, dammit. Pants off.”

“Joel, we’re—”

“You keep breakin’ Rule Number Three, doll, I’m gonna start thinkin’ you don’t give a damn about ‘em.” His voice was firm, his gaze unwavering.

“Sorry,” you murmured, your voice softer now, almost breathless, and Joel’s stomach tightened at the sound of it.

Joel was already moving, shifting forward, his body his broad frame eclipsing yours, forcing you to either back up or let him take what he wanted. You braced yourself against the couch, your hands gripping at the cushions as he hovered over you, broad and unrelenting.

“You don’t have to–”

“I said lay back, baby,” he murmured, voice low and firm, edged with something dark and determined. His fingers brushed against your thigh, coaxing, teasing, his eyes locked onto yours. “Lemme show you how it’s supposed to be.”

You hesitated, your chest rising and falling too quickly, lips parting like you wanted to say something—maybe protest, maybe challenge him—but instead, you obeyed.

You let him guide you down, sinking back against the cushions, legs still bent, thighs pressed tight together.

Joel hummed at the sight of you beneath him, at the way you looked up at him now—uncertain, but wanting. He could see it in the way your breath hitched, in the way your fingers twitched like you didn’t know what to do with them.

“That’s a good girl,” he muttered, dragging his palm up the length of your thigh, heat radiating from his touch even through the fabric of your shorts.

He should take his time, should tease you like he’d been dreaming about in the weeks between last time and now—the way he’d pictured you squirming, begging for him. But then he remembered what you’d said.

How sometimes it took too long.

How you’d just tell Tommy to give up.

Like it was your fault. Like you were too much work.

Bullshit.

Joel’s jaw ticked, something dark and dangerous curling in his gut. His fingers flexed against your skin before slipping beneath the waistband of your shorts, tugging them down before you could say anything else.

You sucked in a breath, hips lifting instinctively, letting him pull them past your thighs, past your knees, tossing them somewhere behind him. His hands settled firm on your legs, his thumbs stroking slow, deliberate circles against your inner thighs as he spread them wider.

And fuck, you were already so wet, your panties clinging to you, a darkened patch right where he wanted to put his mouth.

His smirk was slow, satisfied.

"What’s this all about, hm?" he purred, pressing his thumb against the damp fabric, rubbing just enough to make you jolt. "Wanna tell me what’s got you all dripping for me already?"

Your breath hitched, a little mewl escaping you as you tried pushing your thighs together, squeezing tight, making the soft, puffy outline of your lips press perfectly against the thin fabric.

Joel swore he started salivating.

His hands ran up your legs as he sank onto the floor, knees pressing firm against the couch cushions, palms settling against the soft skin of your inner thighs. He wanted you spread open for him, wanted all of you.

"Tell me, baby," he urged, voice thick, coaxing.

Your throat bobbed, lips parting, your breath a little shaky. "I was…" You swallowed hard, fingers twisting in the couch cushion, "I was just remembering."

Joel’s eyes flicked to yours, heavy-lidded and dazed, thick with want. "Rememberin’ what?"

You met his gaze, lashes low, voice barely above a breath. "How good you made me feel last time. I’d never… felt that before. Not like that, at least."

Jesus fucking Christ.

Joel let out a low groan, his cock stiffening behind his zipper, aching in a way that made his breath come slow and deep through his nose. You had to feel it, the hard press of denim against your ass, the way his body reacted to your words, to the way you looked at him like you were already cock-drunk before he even touched you properly.

"You felt so good, Joel," you murmured, your voice thick, dreamy, like you were already sinking into it. "Made me feel so good."

His fingers curled against your thighs, pressing in just a little harder.

"Gonna make you feel real good again, baby," he muttered, voice rough as his fingers hooked into your panties. He pulled them down slow, savoring the sight of them peeling away from your slick folds, strings of arousal clinging to the fabric.

"Open these pretty legs for me," he murmured, gripping your thighs, easing them apart as he settled lower, gaze locked on the glistening heat between them.

You let him hold you open, bare to him, and all Joel could think about was getting his mouth on you, making you come undone the way you were supposed to.

The way he knew he could.

Joel’s breath was heavy, measured, but inside, he was burning.

He slid his palms up your thighs, pressing them wider, his thumbs tracing firm, slow strokes along the sensitive skin. His hands felt big where they gripped you, broad and rough, like they could hold you there forever, keep you open for him until he was satisfied.

And right now, he was hungry.

His gaze stayed locked between your legs, taking in the way you glistened in the low light, slick and dripping for him, already so ready. He exhaled sharply through his nose, his cock pulsing behind the tight confines of his jeans.

"Fuck, baby," he murmured, almost to himself, dragging his thumbs over your inner thighs, watching the way your muscles twitched beneath his touch. "You got no clue how pretty you are down here, do you?"

You whimpered, a small, needy sound, and Joel felt it straight in his gut.

He leaned in, inhaling against your core, lips just barely brushing against you—not quite a kiss, not quite a touch, just enough to tease, to let you feel the heat of his breath against your slick folds.

You gasped, your hips jerking slightly.

He smirked, the ghost of it pressing against your skin.

"Easy, sweetheart," he murmured, smoothing his hands over your thighs, grounding you, keeping you spread open for him. "Ain’t gotta rush. Gonna take my time with you."

And then, finally he let his tongue drag through your folds, broad and slow, from your dripping entrance up to your swollen clit.

You shuddered.

Your fingers scrambled at the couch cushion, a broken moan spilling from your lips, thighs trembling beneath his hands.

"That’s it," Joel muttered against you, voice thick, satisfied. He dragged his tongue over you again, slower this time, savoring the way you tasted, the way you reacted.

He loved this—loved watching you come undone beneath him, loved the way your body melted, how you gave in so easily when someone actually took their damn time with you.

His mouth latched onto your clit, sucking just enough to make your back arch off the couch, another moan breaking free.

"Joel—oh my God—"

"Mmm," he hummed in response, the vibration sending a sharp jolt through your core. His fingers dug into your thighs, holding you still, keeping you right where he wanted you.

You were practically dripping onto the couch, coating his lips, his chin, and Joel loved it. Lapped it up like he was dying for it, groaning against you, letting himself drown in you.

He flicked his tongue, slow and teasing, before dragging it down, prodding your entrance. His hands slid up, fingers pressing against the dips of your hips, holding you steady as his tongue dipped inside you.

You choked on a breath, your thighs twitching against his shoulders, and Joel grinned.

"Yeah?" he rasped, pulling back just slightly, his lips slick and shining with you. "That feel good, sweetheart?"

You barely managed to nod before his mouth was back on you, eating you like a man starved.

Your hands fisted in his hair, and he groaned against you. He loved how messy you were, how you squirmed just as he’d imagined, how you kept whispering his fucking name, breathless and desperate like you just couldnt help yourself.

He knew there was a reason that was a rule.

Because it sounded too fucking pretty coming from your mouth, tangled up in all those sweet little sounds you were making, and he never wanted to stop hearing it.

"Ain’t learned your lesson yet, huh?" he muttered against you, voice thick with sin, pressing a kiss against your clit before dragging his tongue over it again, slow and deliberate, feeling the way you jerked. "Keep breakin’ that rule, sweetheart, and I’m never gonna stop."

A little choked noise escaped you, hands pulling harder in his hair, but you weren’t pushing him away—you were pulling him in.

And fuck, did that make him ache.

"Bet you don’t come this quick for him, do you?" he rasped, letting his tongue dip down, teasing at your entrance before pressing inside, groaning as he felt you pulse around him. "How long’s it take you on my brother’s tongue, huh? You gotta work for it? Tell him it’s okay to give up?"

You whimpered, a full-body shudder rolling through you, your hips rolling up, chasing more, and fuck, that answer was all he needed.

Joel grinned against you.

"Not with me, baby. Nuh-uh. You come when I tell you to, and you ain't goin' nowhere 'til I get what I want."

His fingers dug into your thighs as he devoured you, tongue working you over, sucking slow, firm pulls on your clit until your whole body seized beneath him.

"Joel—"

Your thighs clamped around his head, hands flying to your mouth like you could stop it, like you knew you weren’t supposed to say it.

Joel groaned, filthy and deep, gripping your hips tighter, dragging you down against his mouth, forcing you to take it.

"That's it, baby," he growled against you, tongue curling, licking deep. "Say it again. Come on my tongue saying my name, just like that."

You shattered, a strangled, broken cry falling from your lips as you gushed against his tongue, whole body trembling, thighs shaking around his head.

And Joel fucking loved it.

But he wasn't done. Not even close.

Your breath was still uneven, your body twitching from the aftershocks, when he kept going.

"Too much—" your voice was a high, breathless plea, hips shifting like you were trying to get away, but Joel chuckled, gripping you tighter, keeping you exactly where he wanted you.

"Nah, sweetheart," he murmured, pressing an open-mouthed kiss against your soaked folds. "Tommy might let you tap out, but I ain’t him. You’re gonna take everything I give you."

And then he was back on you, devouring you, tongue pushing into you, working you open, tasting you like he was fucking starved for it.

You gasped, legs trembling, but Joel just held you still, broad hands locked tight around your thighs, thumbs digging into the soft flesh as he pinned you down.

He wasn’t sure what came over him in these moments. Wasn’t sure if he’d ever been like this before. He couldn’t remember another time a woman made him feel this insatiable, this hungry. He kept telling himself one more—just one more, to wring you out and leave you spent beneath him. But you were still so soft, still so wet, and he wasn’t finished yet.

He pulled back just enough to watch the way you twitched beneath him, your lips parted, your chest rising and falling fast. Your thighs gave a little shake where he held them apart, and fuck—you looked downright beautiful.

You were panting, wrecked, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes, legs trembling where he held them apart.

And Joel was grinning against you.

Because you hadn’t told him to stop yet.

And until you did, he was gonna pull another from you.

And another.

And another.

By the time you came the fifth time, you were boneless.

Joel leaned back slightly, watching the way you just lay there, sprawled out against the couch like your body had melted into it, chest rising and falling in uneven breaths. Your legs were still twitching, little aftershocks making you jolt every now and then, and he could feel the warmth of you still slick and messy against his mouth, his chin, his fingers.

He wasn’t sure if you were even conscious after that last one.

He swiped the back of his hand across his mouth, jaw tightening at the sight of you—wrecked, trembling, looking like you hadn’t even processed what the hell had just happened to you.

Joel exhaled through his nose, pleased, then dragged himself up over your body, bracing his forearms on either side of your head. You barely stirred, eyes fluttering, a sleepy little hum slipping from your lips as his hand slid into your hair, tucking it behind your ear.

"Sweetheart," he murmured, voice rough.

You made a noise, something breathy and spent, your eyes opening just barely.

“Hm?”

Joel smirked. "You need a break?"

There was a beat, like you were trying to process what that even meant—then a sleepy little giggle bubbled up in your throat, your hands finding his hair, fingertips scratching lightly against his scalp.

"Maybe like, five minutes," you murmured, smiling up at him, wrecked but glowing.

Joel huffed a laugh, shaking his head, before pulling you against him. You let out a surprised squeak as he stood up, gathering you into his arms like you weighed nothing.

“What the—?”

Joel shot you a lazy grin, shifting you higher against his chest. "My brother would kill me if I told him I knocked you up on a couch like a teenage boy."

That finally seemed to wake you up.

Your whole body stiffened, eyes going a little wide as reality set in.

"Oh, god…" you murmured, voice a little hoarse, your hands gripping at his shoulders. "I can't believe we just… I just did that…"

And fuck, something in Joel sank at the sound of your voice.

Because he knew that tone. Knew it well—that creeping guilt, that second-guessing, the way someone’s mind started running ahead of them, thinking about what it all meant instead of how it felt.

His jaw tightened.

He hadn’t meant to… he didn’t even know what came over him. He should’ve stopped earlier, should’ve slowed down, should’ve given you more space to breathe before he just took and took and took.

But Jesus, the way you responded to him, the way you gave it all back, the way you opened for him like you’d been waiting for someone to finally take care of you—

It did something to him. Still, he had to be sure.

"Hey." His voice was softer now, more even, as he shifted his grip on you, keeping you steady in his arms as he began to climb the stairs. "Ain't nobody gotta know. Stays between us."

You blinked up at him, chest still rising and falling a little too quickly, fingers curling slightly into his shirt.

“But Tommy—”

Joel shook his head, cutting you off gently. "Tommy don't need to know a damn thing ‘cept that we tried."

You swallowed, lips pressing together like you were still processing, like you wanted to say something else, but didn’t know how.

Joel exhaled, shifting his weight slightly, giving you something solid to hold onto.

"You still want this, don’t you?" he asked, quiet, steady.

You hesitated—but then, slowly, you nodded.

"Yeah."

Joel nodded back, just once.

"Then that's all that matters."

His hand smoothed over your back, solid and warm, grounding you. "We just keep doin' what we agreed on. Nothin’ more, nothin’ less."

Your breath hitched slightly, but you nodded again.

And Joel didn’t let himself think about why that felt like a lie as he crossed the threshold into your bedroom.

Eventually, he laid you down on the bed, and you settled back against the pillows, your chest still rising and falling in slow, deep breaths. You reached for the hem of your shirt, peeling it off and tossing it somewhere, your bra following it to the floor.

Joel took his time. He shucked off his jeans, then his shirt, watching the way heat crept up your neck, the flush deepening across your skin as you took him in. 

He told himself he just wanted to see your reaction—wanted to watch the way you took him in, wide-eyed and wanting—but the truth was, last time, he’d been so caught up in his own head, trying to wrap his mind around what the fuck he was doing, he barely let himself process it.

He wanted to commit this to memory.

In case it was the last time.

His hand wrapped around his cock, the poor thing aching, flushed dark at the tip, leaking, desperate for relief. He hissed through his teeth, exhaling sharply as he stroked himself, his eyes fluttering shut for just a second before he climbed onto the bed.

But before he could settle over you, you moved. You laid down flat on your belly, head toward the foot of the bed, your chest pressed flush to the mattress, your ass tilted up just slightly.

And right in front of you—the dresser mirror.

Joel’s body locked up as his eyes flicked up, finding his own reflection staring back at him. But then—your eyes met his through the glass, a little shy, a little hesitant.

Jesus fucking Christ.

His cock twitched in his hand, and his grip tightened around the base like he needed to ground himself, keep himself from losing control too fucking fast.

And then you smiled—small, soft, still lost in that post-orgasm haze, warm and pliant and looking like you’d do anything he told you to.

Joel climbed onto the bed, moving behind you, his weight shifting over your back as his broad hands settled on your hips, gripping firm.

His eyes flicked back up to the mirror, watching the way you looked at him, watching yourself.

He smirked.

“You dirty girl,” he murmured, his grip tightening as he ground his cock through your slick folds, coating himself in your arousal.

A breathy whimper slipped from your lips, your body arching, pressing your ass back into him, and he swore under his breath as his bulbous, leaking tip caught against your entrance.

The heat of you, still soaking, still so tight, made his breath catch as he  lowered himself, chest pressing into your back, caging you in, his lips grazing the shell of your ear as his cock teased against you, notching at your entrance, pushing just barely.

"You wanna watch me fuck you?" he rasped, his voice low, dark, dripping with sin.

You let out a shaky breath, eyes fluttering shut, and Joel rolled his hips forward, making you feel every inch of him stretching you open, slow, teasing, unbearable.

Your eyes snapped open, a choked gasp spilling from your lips as your gaze locked onto his in the mirror.

That wrecked, ruined expression, that wide-eyed shock as you took him inch by inch, deeper and deeper…

He knew was never gonna forget this.

Joel growled against your ear, his breath hot, his hips pressing flush against your ass as he bottomed out, stretching you open until there was nowhere left for you to go.

"Wanna watch your husband’s own brother knock you up, baby?" he purred.

Your jaw dropped, eyes going glassy, mouth parted in a silent cry as he felt you squeeze around him, your tight little pussy gripping him like you’d never let him go.

Joel had never felt anything this good.

He pulled back, just barely, before sinking home again, slow and deep, forcing you to feel every inch of him, every drag of his cock as he stretched you open all over again.

You whimpered, nails scraping against the sheets, already wrecked, but not nearly done.

He watched in the mirror as your lips parted, as your lashes fluttered, as your brows furrowed at the overwhelming sensation of it—of him, filling you to the brim, thick and unrelenting.

"That’s it, pretty girl," he groaned, grinding into you, pressing his full weight over you, hips rolling in a slow, deep rhythm. "Take it just like that. Nice ‘n easy, let me feel you, huh?"

Your mouth fell open, a breathy little moan spilling out as he fucked you slow, letting you feel every inch, dragging it out, stretching it thicker, deeper.

Then he pulled back, bracing a big, rough hand on your hip before thrusting forward, harder this time, deeper, dragging a sharp gasp from your lips as your eyes flew open— and as he looked up and saw your face, he could’ve finished right then and there, your eyes flashing open wide and your wrecked voice crying out for him.

His jaw clenched, his fingers digging into your hip as he set a punishing rhythm, hips snapping against your ass, the slick wet sounds of you taking him filling the room, mixing with the soft, broken noises slipping from your mouth as he fucked you hard, deep, like he’d been waiting his whole life to do this.

Joel’s body pinned you down, his weight heavy and solid as he laid over you. There was nowhere to go, nowhere to move—just him, pressing you into the mattress, keeping you exactly where he wanted you, exactly where you needed to be.

The heat of him burned into your back, his chest slick against your skin, his breaths hot and uneven at your ear as he worked himself slow and deep, grinding his hips down into you, forcing your body to take everything he gave you.

You couldn’t move.

You could barely breathe.

Every push forward drove you deeper into the mattress, your fingers gripping at the sheets, holding on as his pace built, each thrust sinking him deeper, stretching you open with long, deliberate strokes.

Joel groaned against the nape of your neck, his mouth grazing your skin as his hips rocked into you, dragging you forward with every heavy roll of his body. His weight bore down, pressing you into the bed, keeping you flush beneath him, letting him sink in to the very hilt, until you could feel every thick inch of him, filling you, claiming you.

He could feel everything—the way your body clenched around him, the way your walls fluttered, pulling him in deeper, tight and wet, keeping him locked inside you.

And in the mirror, he could see how flushed, how spent and wrecked you were, your soft lips in a perfect ‘o’ as he kept pushing himself to the hilt, your velvet walls constricting his cock with every thrust. He relished in the feeling, how deep he was inside you, how good you felt wrapped around him, how you had no choice but to take it.

Your moan was soft, needy, muffled by the sheets, your back arching, trying to press into him, trying to take him even deeper.

"You’re gonna come again, aren’t you?" Joel murmured against your sweat-slicked skin, feeling the way your walls squeezed him tighter, your body locking up, every muscle trembling beneath him. One of his hands slid under you, finding your clit easily and starting to rub slow circles using two thick fingers, "Gonna give me another, baby? Gonna let me feel you?"

His hand slid up, his fingers brushing over your throat, tilting your face to the mirror.

"Look at yourself." he said as his hand wrapped around your face, thumb pushing into your cheek and fingers digging into your jaw as he brought your gaze up to meet his.

Your eyes met his, glassy and fogged, your lips parted, your breath coming in short, desperate gasps as he ground into you, holding you still, keeping you stretched full and helpless beneath him.

"You see that, baby?" he whispered, his fingers tightening at your jaw, keeping you there, keeping you watching, “See how perfect you look takin’ my cock?”

Joel thrust deeper, grinding his hips against your ass, rocking into you, making sure you felt every thick inch stretching you, keeping you full.

“You know, my brother can pretend all he wants," Joel growled, driving into you harder, making you feel it, making you take it.

"But this pussy’s mine now," he snarled, his fingers gripping tight at your jaw, making you watch yourself begin to fall apart on him.

"Was mine the second you came on my cock last time, wasn’t it?" he rasped, thrusting deep, holding you full, his fingers grinding slow and taunting against your swollen, sensitive clit.

"Go on," he growled, fingers and thumb gripping your jaw, sliding one up to press firmly at your lips before pushing past them, hooking into your mouth. "Say it."

Your breath hitched, a muffled coo spilling around his thick finger.

“All yours, Joel,” you whimpered, voice broken, wrecked, helpless.

Your words turned into a sob, your thighs shaking, your body locking up as your orgasm tore through you, your muscles clenching down tight around him, your walls milking his cock, dragging him even deeper.

Joel groaned, his head tilting into your neck, feeling you pulse around him, trying to pull him in, hold him there, keep him inside you.

You heaved in breaths, trembling beneath him, as he released his tight hold on your face, your head met the bed, too wrecked to hold yourself up.

Joel followed you down, face pressed into your shoulder, holding you still as he thrust once more, deep and final, his body locking up as he filled you, spilling inside you, holding you down, making sure you took all of it.

He stayed there for a long moment, panting, his breath warm against the back of your neck, his body covering yours completely.

Joel didn’t move right away.

His breath was ragged, hot against your sweat-damp skin, his weight still pressing heavy over you, pinning you down, keeping you filled, stuffed, claimed.

His arms caged around you, his chest pressing into your back, the lingering aftershocks of release making both of you twitch, shuddering in the same unsteady rhythm.

But as the haze of it ebbed, something else crept in.

His own words, thrown into the thick air like a brand, still hanging there.

My brother can pretend all he wants.

This pussy’s mine now.

Was mine the second you came on my cock.

Joel exhaled slowly, eyes pressing shut, realization sinking into him like a heavy weight.

Jesus Christ.

He shouldn’t have said that.

He’d felt it—deep in his chest, in the pit of his stomach, in the way you clung to him, the way you let him take and take and take like you needed it just as badly. But saying it? Letting those thoughts slip out, low and raw and real—

That was something else entirely.

His grip loosened, fingers flexing where they’d held you too tight, his body finally easing up, lifting off you, just a little. Enough to give you air.

His mouth hovered at your shoulder, his breath still uneven, before he forced himself to speak.

"I’m sorry," he breathed, voice rough, thick with something he didn’t want to name. "I… I shouldn’t have—"

“Joel?” Your voice was weak, soft, barely above a breath.

And when he looked up at you, your eyes were open just a little, sleep-heavy, a small, lazy smile tugging at your lips.

He swallowed. "Yeah?" he asked, voice gentler now.

You sighed, shifting just enough to settle deeper beneath him, your body still pliant as you rested your head on your arms, "Don’t ruin it."

Joel stilled.

You breathed slow, eyes fluttering as exhaustion pulled at you.

"It’s okay. I won’t say anything if you don’t."

Something in his chest tightened, and for the first time since the haze had lifted, he let himself breathe.

Joel exhaled slowly, eyes tracing over your face—soft, spent, utterly at peace beneath him.

"Okay." he murmured finally, voice low, rough, unreadable.

And with that, he let it be.

tag list: @alidiggory92 @pinkylouise @izzy698

[kooktrash]

SHAMELESS ⊹ jeon jeonkook

summary: unsatisfied with your current relationship, you find yourself swept into an affair with a regular at your gym. it turns out he’s not the sweet, charming man you fooled yourself into believe he was but for some reason, you keep going back to him.

⊹ genre/au: gym instructor!y/n x jungkook. infidelity au. obsessive [she/her. afab] yandere

⊹ 31.6k

warnings: yandere towards the end. smut. coercion. morally gray characters. established relationship. cheating. heated arguments. aggression. angst. mentions of bl00d. manhandling. slight mind break. victim blaming in a sense. beware jk is very condescending and mean at times. he’s a munch. kissing in the bathroom. implied stalking. slutshaming.a lot more probs. manipulation. fight or flight response

[ song inspo: the greatest — billie eillish. phantom bride — deftones. jigsaw falling into place — radiohead. red sex — vessel ]

The first time you ever got a good look at the stranger was just a couple weeks ago. It was hard to keep track of the new members all the time and rarely had the chance to get to know any of them. You weren’t one of the ones at the front desk checking people in, getting them signed up and greeting them for their every visit. It made sense why you’d never seen him before that time.

You ran into him by pure coincidence one late evening when you were heading downstairs after a session and practically crashed into him at the water fountain. You apologized countless times, making sure he was alright and went on your way without thinking about it too hard. The only reason he was still on your mind was because of the others here. They wouldn’t shut up about him.

“He’s got a nice build, I think he’s my favorite,” Eunbi began with her usual rant about the new regular. You stood at the front lobby reading over your schedule for the morning when your friend started.

“Did you figure his name out?” Hoseok asked, only half interested in the conversation if not to entertain himself.

“Jeon Jungkook,” Eunbi said with certainty, “He’s from another location but looks like he’s switched over to this one. Y/n, just look at him.”

“Who?” You asked with feigned curiosity, looking over to the gym floor and who on Earth your friend could be talking about.

“The new guy, kind of tall, buff, tattoos,” Eunbi tried to explain but you and Hoseok just laughed. That describes most of the guys here nowadays.

“He’s over at Upper-Body,” He nodded his head toward the training area and found the presumed, Jeon Jungkook, Eunbi was going on about. It didn’t take long for you to realize she was talking about the guy you bumped into.

Today he wore a dark gray compression shirt under a baggy hoodie he had pulled off to do pull-ups and an entire sleeve of tattoos caught your attention, “So you found your newest victim?”

“Hardly, I’ve tried being friendly when he checks in but he couldn’t care less, it’s gonna take more to butter him up,” Eunbi said with a sigh, “Maybe he has a girlfriend.”

“Maybe,” Hoseok shrugged, “But it won’t hurt to try.”

“Y/n, what do you think?” She asked playfully, contemplating it.

“I think you can do whatever you put your mind to,” You answered sarcastically, making her lightly shove you as you smiled. Without much thought to it, you looked back at Jungkook trying to see what Eunbi saw.

He was attractive but he looked similar to many of the other regulars here. There was definitely something in his aura that seemed different but was Eunbi attracted to that type? Somewhere between your zoned out staring, he caught your gaze.

“I met this girl last night, she’s hot, her friend’s hotter and she’s interested in you,” Taehyung told him as he let go of the bar and made room for his friend’s turn.

“Is she?” Jungkook asked, barely paying attention as his friend did a set. He was supposed to be making sure he was doing them correctly but he was more distracted by who he saw in the mirror.

He’s seen you a couple times now but everytime is more exciting than the last. He doesn’t know you, doesn’t know anything aside from the fact that you’re an instructor here, but he’s only been able to have one interaction [if he can call it that] with you.

“Yeah, I’m hanging out with them this weekend, you should join,” Taehyung huffed tiredly, pacing a little to catch his breath, already wanting to move on to something else.

“I’ll think about it,” Jungkook wiped sweat off his forehead with the end of his shirt, “Have you ever checked out the training here?”

“Not when I’ve got free training sessions with my best friend,” Taehyung said with a chuckle, patting Jungkook’s arm, “Come on, I can’t take any more of this torture.”

He let Taehyung lead the way to the locker room, trying his hardest not to start at the front desk where you had been at for the last ten minutes waiting on someone. He still remembers how you bumped into him and he had to put a hand out to stop you from stumbling against the corner of the wall.

“Why?”

“Huh?” Jungkook asked, opening his locker to grab his things.

“Why are you asking about personal training ? You trying to ditch me onto someone else?” Taehyung asked jokingly.

“No, nothing like that. You’ve been here longer, I just wanted to know if you’re close with any of them,” Jungkook said with a shrug.

“I know the guy at the desk, his names Hoseok,” Taehyung said after they grabbed their things, “And Eunbi.”

“Which one’s that?” He asked, beginning to walk out of the locker room.

“The one at the desk, she always says hi,” Taehyung said, trying to subtly point at her. Jungkook looked with some recollection of who she was but she wasn’t the one he was curious about. He’s seen you a couple times around but not as much as the others.

He just simply thinks you’re pretty.

“Have a goodnight,” Eunbi said with her usual polite smile as they walked past and he couldn’t help but look at you instead as he said it back. You weren’t looking but that didn’t bother him too much. For now he had to play it cool, he didn’t want to be the creep at the gym who flirts with people there.

“So this weekend?” Jungkook asked as he unlocked his car, trying to think about what Taehyung wanted to do.

“I’ll text you more about it later. I’m still trying to figure out what we’re doing,” Taehyung said, “Same time tomorrow?”

Jungkook nodded and waved goodbye, leaving the gym’s parking lot to call it a night.

When you left work that day you barely remembered anything special that happened. It was more so the usual with your private sessions, gossiping with coworkers and Eunbi going on about the latest gym rat she’s obsessed with. Your at-home routine didn’t far off from the ordinary either, you had a quiet dinner waiting for your boyfriend to text back and called it an early night.

The weeks flew by pretty mundane aside from the times he’d get a glimpse of you. He still thinks you’re pretty, he likes your smile and your body, even your hair. You’re not exactly his type but for some reason his mind is stuck on you everytime he comes to the gym—which is often. To be honest, he thinks he moved to this location because of you and not because Taehyung came to this one more. It’s nothing serious aside from a small crush and there’s nothing he planned to do about it.

It was just his luck to catch you at the front desk one early morning with no one else around.

“Good morning,” you said with a yawn, regretting telling Eunbi the night before that you’d cover part of her morning shift before your first session. Jungkook hesitated to scan his member QR code immediately like he usually did. The gym was empty aside from a few early morning goers like him and it was still a little dark out.

“Good morning,” he said quietly, exiting out of the app and thought quickly what to say, “The code doesn’t seem to be working right now.”

“That’s okay, I’ll check you in,” You moved toward the desk top, trying to navigate through the check-in system you rarely used and asked, “What’s your name?”

“Jeon Jungkook,” he cleared his throat, leaning against the counter a little. That seemed to wake you up a little more, you looked up curiously to find the guy Eunbi was ‘crushing on’ and who you bumped into a while back. He was definitely more attractive up close and it took you a little by surprise.

He didn’t think twice about meeting your gaze with equal curiosity and he used this time to get a good look at you.

Pretty.

Very pretty.

You looked away first, ensuring the picture in the system had matched the guy in front of you.

“Alright, go ahead—“

“You’re not the one usually here, right?” He asked, stalling just one more time.

“No, Eunbi’s the one who works the front desk, she has an appointment this morning so I’m helping her out,” You told him with more enthusiasm, wondering if he was interested in her. If he was, Eunbi would be thrilled. Maybe, she likes to jump around a lot, her “Gym Boy of the Month” might have changed. It’s a fun staring game that she has and you like to play along with it despite being in a relationship.

Jungkook just nodded in acknowledgment at what you said before heading to the locker room.

He lost track of you when Eunbi came back and he finished his workout. You were probably working with someone and doubted he’d see you again until he’s back later tonight.

“You’re late,” His friend joked as he got to the car shop he worked at. He threw his things down in the office and clocked in.

“Went to the gym this morning,” Jungkook answered with a shrug. He grabbed his navy blue jumpsuit and slipped it over his clothes, “At least we don’t have any early appointments.”

“If you keep going twice a day you’re going to get too bulky like you did when we were at camp,” Namjoon joked as he read over the planner, “And we’ve got a failed transmission to fix some tint to do in an hour.”

He tried concentrating on work but today he struggled which wasn’t usual for him. He was distracted and had an itch of curiosity he couldn’t scratch.

When lunch came around Jungkook found himself on his cellphone, looking over the training program the gym provided and scrolled through the instructors. It didn’t take him long to find yours and learn your name. You’d been at the gym for two years and were basically booked out.

“Who are you talking to?” Namjoon asked curiously.

“Nobody,” Jungkook said.

“How’d it go with those girls Taehyung was talking about?” His friend pressed him.

“They wanted to reschedule so we never met up,” Jungkook told him as he searched you up on other social media platforms, “What are some telltale signs that someone has a boyfriend?”

Namjoon scrunched his face in a scowl, “One of them has a boyfriend? Yikes, and Taehyung still wants to—“

“Not them, who gives a fuck. I mean in general, I’m looking at someone’s Instagram but she doesn’t even post so I can’t tell,” Jungkook said seriously and Namjoon chuckled. He took the phone from him and looked at your profile.

“Everyone’s taken nowadays and this girl definitely is,” Namjoon said with a shrug, “Look at her tagged photos.”

Jungkook cursed under his breath.

“Who is Y/n?” Namjoon asked.

“No one, just some girl from the gym. She works there and I think she’s cute,” Jungkook tried sounding indifferent.

Namjoon smirked, “Ah, so that’s why you went this morning—you're still planning on going later aren’t you? I mean, yeah she’s cute but too bad she’s taken.”

Jungkook didn’t say anything because in all honesty he stopped listening—conveniently around the time Namjoon tried reminding him you had a boyfriend. There was no way to really tell anyway. Sure he was staring at a picture you were tagged in looking close to some guy but it could’ve been anyone. Right?

Later that day when you returned home, checking your cell phone for any missed calls you washed up and began to prep dinner when your boyfriend arrived. He didn’t bother knocking, unlocked your door and let himself into your apartment with no hesitation, “Here.”

“I see that,” You looked over at him from the kitchen, “Where were you?”

“I was with the guys getting a couple beers,” Minu said, kicking his shoes off at your door like he usually did, “I thought you were working late.”

You hummed in acknowledgement, “I got home a while ago.”

“I see that now,” he cleared his throat, walking past you for a glass of water and he reeked of beer, “Oh, and I’m going out this weekend.”

“With who?” You asked, already knowing the answer.

“The guys,” you couldn’t help but mock him quietly. With a shrug of your shoulders you said, “That’s fine, Eunbi wanted to get some drinks this weekend too.”

“Eunbi? Who else is gonna go?”

“Just us two, maybe Hobi I don’t know,” You told him as he watched you finish up cooking.

Minu rolled his eyes, “Great.”

“What? You’re going out with your friends so I can go out with mine,” You told him with a raised brow trying to see what tone he was using.

“Nothing, just Hoseok’s a guy and Eunbi is… yknow,” He looked away, “Boy crazy?”

“So? All your friends are single and I don’t say anything when you go out for beers with them every other night,” You carried plates over to the dining table and Minu followed to sit down, not bothering to help you, “Plus Hobi has a girlfriend.”

“It’s different, the guys and I just hang out. You and your friends get drunk and do who the fuck knows,” Minu’s tone raised with irritation as you began to serve him, “What time will you be home?”

“What time will you be home?” You asked him harshly and watched as he scoffed.

“Let’s just eat, we’ll talk about it later.”

Choi Minu was your boyfriend of three years. Three years together and you get the same questions anytime you bring him up.

Why don’t you live together?

Why aren’t you engaged?

Do you plan on marrying?

Usually, the two of you did pretty well at avoiding them and finding something else to talk about but sometimes you find yourself asking those questions too. One would say you’re in a long term relationship and couples nowadays at least move in together after a few months, why didn’t you and Minu?

You were similar in many ways but it still felt like you didn’t know each other that well. He liked loud sports games and visiting dive bars every other night. He can be somewhat irrational and hypocritical but he wasn’t too bad of a guy. You loved him—of course you did—but you didn’t always like him.

He can surely say the same about you—he has. He’s called you a bitch before or screamed in your face for something stupid but you’ve done your fair share to annoy him. He’d say you’re stubborn and moody, confrontational instead of sweet. In reality, the question should be why you’re still together.

Clearly neither one of you cared to progress the relationship but at the same time neither of you wanted it to end. You’re comfortable with each other’s ugly parts and the idea of letting someone else get that close again grossed you out. So, you stuck around and you’re sure he felt the same.

Saturday came quicker than expected and you found yourself with your best friend getting dressed in your bedroom listening to whatever song was queued. With the weather as shitty as it’s been and packed schedules, you’ve barely had time to go out for a good night and you were determined to make tonight work. It probably had something to do with the fact that your boyfriend would be out doing his own thing and you didn’t want to spend the night wondering what that was.

“Is Hobi meeting us?” You asked, looking at your reflection in the mirror one last time. Despite it being cold, you felt the urge to wear something short tonight and to be honest, you think you looked good.

“Yeah, he’ll meet us somewhere on 11th street,” Eunbi applied a final layer of lip gloss, “Did you order the Uber.”

You rummaged through the grocery bag you bought earlier and pulled out two mini bottles of liquor for some early, well-needed liquid courage. You always got nervous whenever you went out with your friends—not because it wasn’t fun but because usually it ended with Min blowing up your phone while he’s drunk off his ass needing you to meet him somewhere.

“It’s five minutes away,” You handed her one of the bottles, making sure everything you needed was in your mini bag before you quickly cheered each other on and finished the drinks in one go.

Jungkook was thankful he chose to drive tonight. It worked as an excuse to not drink and he could make sure his friend wasn’t driving himself out. Finally, after a couple weeks those girls from before got back to Taehyung and asked him to go out.

Usually, Jungkook doesn’t entertain people a second time. He gives them one chance and if he’s not impressed he doesn’t try again, and when they rain checked his friend for the first time he had no intentions on going out tonight. The only reason he agreed is for Taehyung’s sake knowing he liked one of the girls.

“So you work with cars? You must know a lot,” one of them said to him over drinks. She had to practically tell it in his ear over the loud music and even then he can barely make out what she was saying.

“I guess,” He said with a shrug of his shoulders, “What's your name again?”

“Koo, we’ve been talking all night and you seriously forgot my name? That hurts my feelings,” she said with feigned hurt, putting her hand on his arm, “Hyejin.”

“Right,” Jungkook couldn’t bother to sound more interested.

He tried, he really did, and when Taehyung scolds him for not being more enthusiastic he’ll have to make him believe that. It’s not even that Hyejin wasn’t attractive, she was and probably his usual type but he wasn’t interested. She just seems like she tries too hard for approval from others. Does that sound bad? She was just boring and the girl Taehyung was with was so much hotter. Okay, now he probably sounds like an asshole.

“Want a smoke?” Jungkook asked Taehyung, hoping to get his friend away so he can convince him to let him go do his own thing with someone he would probably be more interested in.

“Sure,” Taehyung looked down at Mina, “We’ll be back.”

He didn’t bother asking them if they wanted to come along and left the nightclub with Jungkook for fresh air, “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing,” Jungkook pulled out his pack and handed it to Taehyung while feeling around his pockets for a lighter, “What about you? How’s it going with Mina.”

Taehyung lit the end, “I’m sleeping with her tonight. I just know it. I’m sure Hyejin would be down if you actually acted interested in her.”

Jungkook could’ve said something about the way Taehyung was talking but it seems like he didn’t care enough to, so he just said, “Well I’m not interested.”

“She’s hot.”

“Yeah, so?” Jungkook rolled his eyes, inhaling smoke and releasing it into the cold night air, “I’ve been listening to her go on and on about absolutely nothing for the past two hours.”

“Great wingman,” Taehyung shoved his arm playfully, “Thanks for taking one for the team.”

“Yeah whatever, I’m about to leave you guys and do something else,” Jungkook said, “Tell them something came up and I’ll be back.”

“Are you serious?” Taehyung groaned, “Don’t go.”

Jungkook wasn’t fully listening anymore as he looked across the street at the long line leading into another nightclub. He had to do a double take and make sure who he saw was who he was thinking of.

“Isn’t that the people from the gym,” Jungkook asked trying to get Taehyung to look over. He noticed you first [clearly], you wore something black with light pink accents that suited your complexion nicely and the Eunbi girl had on something green. One of the guys behind you with an arm around another girl was Hoseok from the gym and the other he didn’t know. The only thing he did know was that he didn’t look like the guy from the pictures on your profile.

“Oh shit, yeah, looks like one of them has a boyfriend,” Taehyung said, finishing his cigarette before Jungkook finished his and threw it on the floor. He stepped on it to put it out before picking it up and taking it to the trash bin, “Ready?”

“You go ahead,” Jungkook said, looking across the street curiously, “I’ll go right now.”

“You better not be lying man,” Taehyung said with a sigh, showing the bouncer his entrance bracelet and going back in. He watched your group reach the front of the line to go in and without question, he found himself crossing the street to follow.

“I swear Y/n if I see you look at your phone one more time I’m stuffing it down my pants,” Yoongi said.

“Is that a threat?” You teased playfully, clutching your phone tighter in your hands and trying to deflect, “Or an invitation?”

“A threat,” Hoseok chimed in, “Can we just say ‘Fuck Minu’ and get drunk?”

“What have we been doing for the last three hours?” You asked following them to the bar at the club you just entered.

“We’ve been drinking, you’ve been babysitting one cup at every bar we go to,” Ara, Hoseok’s girlfriend, told you, “You gotta catch up.”

“Minu’s out with the guys, you know how he gets when he—“ Hoseok covered your mouth drunkenly, pulling you into a back hug.

“Shush, enough about him I need a drink and it’s your round,” Hoseok said, playfully shoving you toward the counter. With a roll of your eyes you made your way to the front and ignored your drunk friends behind you. You didn’t pay much attention to who was around you until someone made room for themselves right next to you.

For a second you thought they might try and cut in line before you but he didn’t seem to do that. He was able to get the bartender’s attention better than you but once he had it he directed her to you.

Jungkook listened to your order and waited to see if you’d notice him. Would you even remember him? You see him practically every day now.

“You work at the gym on ___ street, right?” He decided to ask, unable to stop himself from grabbing your attention. You looked at him closely, finally getting who he was and nodded your head.

“Yeah, I saw the other one, Eunbi over there,” He cleared his throat, “I always forget your name though.”

Y/n.

“Y/n,” you said with a clear voice, “Yours?”

“Jungkook, sorry I'm not trying to be a creep or anything but I see you practically everyday,” He said with an apologetic shrug. He tried looking indifferent but in reality he was extremely happy with the way things have turned out. He never expected to see you on a night out. It was like a reminder that you weren’t some figment of his imagination for when he’s working out.

“Yeah, you go a lot,” as you said it you couldn’t help but check him out. He wore a black button-up shirt and baggy jeans with sneakers and he looked good. His shoulders were still broad and his tattoos still peaked from under the sleeve. His hair seemed slightly pushed back which made his face look prettier even under this poor lighting.

Of course you shouldn’t be looking at another guy’s physique when you have a boyfriend, it just happened. In your defense you were a little tipsy.

Jungkook smiled, “Nice of you to notice. What are you drinking?”

You looked back at the bartender who currently made the drinks for you, trying not to think of how you were just looking at him, “I actually don’t remember. One of my friends told me what to order.”

He nodded his head, getting the bartender’s attention, “Add them to my tab—“

“No, don’t do that,” You rushed to say but Jungkook just flashed her a smile and told her to do it.

He couldn’t help but stifle a laugh, “Why? It’s fine, it’s just a little ‘Hey I know you’ gift, nothing more.”

“But—“

You were hesitant to leave, not liking the feeling of him paying. If you were slightly more drunk and less aware you don’t think you’d care but you do. Jungkook shook his head, nudging your arm playfully, “It’s fine, go take them to your friends and if I find you again you owe me a conversation.”

A light scoff left your lips, not able to leave just yet as you caught on to his act. He was flirting, maybe? You can’t tell when someone’s flirting with you anymore [Minu doesn’t even bother] and maybe you’re overthinking it but that’s what it felt like. If that was the case then you shouldn’t entertain it. You know that.

“I thought it was nothing more than a gift,” You said, meeting his stare again. You weren’t nervous per se but this conversation felt strange. There was a slight teasing tone in your voice that urged Jungkook to keep going, hoping the conversation would go somewhere.

“You’re right, but I’d still like to talk to you just a little,” he couldn’t help but quickly look you over once more. Usually when he sees you you’re in some form of athleisure. He noticed your favorites were in soft colors like pink, matcha green, a nice cream and sometimes powder blue. Right now you’re in a black top with pink bows on the sides at the neckline near your chest. Your skirt was dark but he couldn’t quite tell the exact color but he’s sure he’ll figure it out. Simply put, you looked even prettier tonight than usual.

You considered stalling a little longer but you knew there was no reason to. All your friends were drunk and your phone buzzed with a notification from your boyfriend but Jungkook said it was nothing… he just wanted to talk. Surely it was nothing more…

With a small sigh, you pushed away from the bar counter and said, “Thank you for the drinks but my friends are waiting.”

And you have a boyfriend, you thought.

Jungkook looked back at the group with little interest but nodded his head anyway. It’s not like can force you to stay even if he really wanted to. You told him a quiet goodbye and he watched you walk away from him. What was he supposed to do now? Return to his friend and those women who could barely remember? Stay here and entertain whatever bimbo approaches him just so he can keep an eye on you?

He was more sure than ever that he was interested in getting to know you.

The way things would go was all mapped out in his head. Not once did he stop to consider your so-called boyfriend because he never saw him. You didn’t bring him up and in reality, Jungkook had no reason to think you were in a relationship. As far as anyone knew he was just someone you kind of knew.

After the night drinking he began to make himself more known when he saw you. He’d say hi at the door or give you a smile when you’d walk past him. Occasionally when he was lucky enough, he’d try and spark conversation—and not once did you mention a boyfriend. You talked about other things, your friends, your hobbies, but never once a partner. Even if you had a boyfriend it must not have been serious, he thinks.

“I can’t anymore Kook, my legs are going to fall off,” Taehyung groaned one afternoon as he nearly collapsed on the ground. Jungkook looked at him, slightly unimpressed and said, “You want to quit already?”

“Oh I’d love to,” Taehyung said sarcastically, “I’m done. I want to go home and take a nice hot shower.”

“Alright, well I think I’m gonna stick around a little lo—“ Jungkook began to say when Taehyung cut him off with a laugh.

“Just grow a pair and ask Y/n for dinner or something. That’s why we’re here this late, right? You’ve got a little crush,” Taehyung said looking around for you, “Personally I think Eunbi is more my taste but I think she’s got a thing for you.”

It was hard to ignore the constant attention Eunbi put on Jungkook whenever the two checked in. Jungkook didn’t say anything about what his friend said and let him leave without much care. After a while he finished his last set and headed toward the locker room to freshen up.

The sun had set by the time your last session ended. You were running behind schedule and hurried downstairs to the locker room to change. Your phone lay in a heap of clothes and you grabbed it to see the time.

You were supposed to meet up with Minu for dinner after work and you’re cutting it real close on time. He hasn’t texted you or tried to call so that worried you a little. Either he was running late too or something came up like usual. You sat on the bench for a moment, trying to ring his line but he didn’t answer right away. You nearly ended the call when he picked up.

“What’s up?” Minu asked casually.

“Are we still on for tonight? I just need to wash up—“

“Oh shit, yeah I forgot, um,” he looked around his apartment nervously, “I got off work and joined a tournament with the guys. Do you want to just pick up a pizza and come over? I got some drinks in the fr—Shit!—yeah, just come over. My team’s winning.”

“Are you fucking serious?” You slumped back, hoping the locker room was empty, “We’ve been talking about dinner for over a week now.”

“I know, I know but I might win money—fuck, I gotta hang up just walk in when you’re here,” Minu hung up on you.

He had the nerve to hang up on you.

You couldn’t help but scoff, annoyed with your boyfriend and unable to do anything about it. You could text him a long paragraph about what a stupid piece of shit he was but maybe that was too much? Was he even worth the energy?

Once you had all your things you walked to clock out at the desk and Eunbi was there talking with no other than the man of the hour. Her mon amour, Jungkook.

She looked at you with hearts in her eyes, “You’re off already? Where are you going now?”

“Home,” You said almost bitterly, glancing toward Jungkook. He flashed you a little smile but you didn’t return it. You were annoyed with Minu and it ruined your entire mood now.

Eunbi’s brows scrunched together, “I thought you and M—“

“Not tonight,” you cut her off quickly, heading around to the front of the desk and began walking toward the front doors, “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Jungkook didn’t want to act too sudden when the opportunity presented itself. He didn’t want to raise suspicion from Eunbi who he was currently buttering up. He wasn’t attracted to her but if she liked having him around it could bring him closer to you. Clearly it was working, he caught a hint of your conversation and it didn’t take much for him to understand what was going on.

You were upset, going home and with no plans tonight. The mere mention of you and someone else that Eunbi attempted to bring up was quickly shut down on your end and it was all Jungkook needed to hear. You left a couple paces before him but after a minute or so, he came up with his farewell to Eunbi.

The parking lot was dark aside from a few lamp posts here and there but he was able to find you pretty easily. He wasn’t trying to be creepy or anything but he had to make a move. You were walking toward a white, polished car.

“Are your days usually this long? I feel like I see you all the time,” Jungkook said, keeping a safe distance away to not startle you but he managed to, only a little.

You smiled in relief once you noticed it was someone familiar and began to unlock your car, “Sometimes. I take longer breaks between clients so it's not too bad.”

“You still owe me a talk,” Jungkook said with a playful tone.

“We talk all the time now,” You said back.

“We haven’t over dinner and drinks,” He said, “On me, I know a place near here.”

This was it. This was your chance to just outright tell him you’re in a relationship. He’s clearly not hoping to just be friendly like you’ve been telling yourself lately. He’s asking you to dinner, that’s gotta be something. You need to just tell him you’re taken. You’re in a relationship with someone that drives you insane and you can’t go out with him because he’s so clearly trying to pursue you.

“I don’t know,” you bit your lip, standing at the door of your car but not getting in just yet.

“It beats heading home for a boring night,” Jungkook said with a shrug, acting like it made no difference but he just wanted you to take him up on his offer already.

What he said hit closer to home than it needed to and it kind of irritated you. You were supposed to be heading to a nice dinner with your boyfriend but like usual he finds something more important to waste his time on. Tonight he chose video games over you, how considerate. The thought alone was enough to make you want to scream but now you’re being reminded of it and felt the need to do anything but spend a night alone.

“Where are you thinking?”

He smiled as you gave in and told you the address.

It was a small ramen place that you’d never been to but it was nice. The food was good and there weren’t many people around which made you feel less guilty. If you told yourself Jungkook was nothing but a friend then it’d be less weird to be having dinner with him alone behind Minu’s back.

“So, you’re always at the gym, what kind of work do you do? I’ve been wondering about that,” You played with your silverware as you waited for your meal, unable to think of what better to say.

He smiled a little at the thought of you being curious about him too and he sat straighter as he said, “I’m a mechanic, I just finished my military service a couple months ago and that’s the only kind of work I knew. It pays the bills.”

You saw the car he drove, it was a large truck that marketed around 80k dollars at the least. Even if he didn’t want to brag, clearly his job did more than just pay the bills. It was a black truck with silver detail and it somewhat suited his mysterious persona. You weren’t into cars but you knew a thing or two about popular models. Plus, although it’s mandatory, knowing he was in the military recently made you look at him differently. Did he bulk up while he was away or has he always been into fitness? What about his tattoos?

When the server came around with your bowl of soup Jungkook helped clear the table for you and watched how you thanked them, “Have you been here before?”

“No, I’ve walked past it before but I’ve never been inside, it’s nice,” You told him honestly, “Do you come here often?”

“Sometimes, with Taehyung or my coworkers,” Jungkook said.

“You live around here then?”

“About ten minutes away, you?” He asked curiously in between bites.

“Yeah, I live about the same distance? Crazy I’ve never run into you anywhere else,” You said, making him nod his head.

“Well we ran into each other that one night,” Jungkook told you, “I was surprised when I saw you. I don’t know how honest I should be but you looked very pretty.”

Okay, he’s flirting, you think. Tell him now, stop walking around it and just tell him that you’re in a relationship and shouldn’t be here.

You looked at him, finding his eyes already trained on you and every thought to tell him left your head. Jungkook was attractive and surprisingly soft spoken. He was attentive and made an effort to get to know you so you found it very hard to end this by telling him about Minu. Could he possibly be interested in a friendship instead of anything more?

“You looked good too. I thought you were one of those guys that lives in gym clothes all day and everyday but you clean up pretty well,” You said in a teasing tone, “I was impressed.”

He quirked a brow in amusement, “Good. Do you go out often?”

“Sometimes if I’m in the mood for it but lately it’s been too cold to be walking around from bar to bar,” You told him. Guys don’t usually like girls that go out and have fun so you fully expected him to get the ick but he just nodded.

“So tell me something else about yourself,” He said. In all honesty he had been waiting for you to bring up your boyfriend. You had many chances to but you hadn’t yet and now he couldn’t be any more clear. You can tell him how you’ve been seeing someone for a couple years now but will you? Will it make a difference to him anyway? He’s already decided that he likes you. Would he run off right away? No.

He’s never struggled in the dating scene but lately he’s found a lot of the women who approached him boring. Hyejin tried too hard to appeal and even Eunbi came off too desperate. He’s gladly never gone for someone in a relationship but he’s finding out that he doesn’t really care. Something about you has captured his attention and he doesn’t think he cares about who you’re seeing. Once his mind is set on you, he doubts it’ll change.

“I want to open a gym and teach reformer Pilates, that’s my goal,” You finally said to him, “I like working at the gym but that’s just something to help me save up for what I really want. Does that seem like too big of a goal?”

Minu always tells you it is. He said there’s other things you can use the money on but that’s what you want.

Jungkook smacked his lips in disappointment and looked away from you. You worried he’d tell you something similar about how it’s not likely to happen but instead he said, “I don’t think I’m flexible enough for Pilates but I’ll be your first client when it happens. Will I get one on one sessions where it’s just you and I alone somewhere?”

Inappropriate, that was inappropriate to say to someone in a relationship but in his defense he didn’t know. You’re supposed to tell him but you haven’t yet.

“I’ll see what I can do,” You said with a smile that matched his. The two of you finished eating, talking about anything and everything in between and to be honest you had a good time. It was getting late and you should be home by now but nothing was really urging you to go. Your boyfriend never called back asking why you didn’t go to his place and it only made you want to be with Jungkook more.

After a small disagreement over whether to split the bill or not, you let Jungkook cover it and followed him out. Jungkook held the door open, “I’ll walk you to your car.”

You didn’t decline his offer and walked down the street to where you had parked and looked back at him. It was late and time for you to go home.

“This is it,” You leaned against the driver’s side of your car, looking up at him as he looked around it. The space between you grew smaller with every step he took toward you but you didn’t do anything to change that. His arm rested on top of the car, practically trapping you between his body and the vehicle but once again, you didn’t do anything to push him away.

“When can I see you again?” He asked just above a whisper, leaning toward you more than before. His forehead nearly touched yours yet you still wouldn’t just… push him away.

“You’ll see me at the gym,” You said in a poor effort to distance yourself from him. He didn’t take the bait, only chuckled at your words and brought his arm closer, slipping down the car and so close to where your back pressed against the door. It would be so easy for him to pull you into him.

“Not enough,” Jungkook said simply, closing the space just a little more. He licked his lips, looking down at yours and not caring that you were in public or not. There was no one around and it was dark so really, who was worried about two people looking a little too close on the side of the street? “Just push me off if you don’t want this.”

You blinked, unsure what to make of what he was saying as you began to ask, “Wha—“

His hand touched the softness of your face, tilting your chin upward until you were at the right angle for his liking. His lips brushed against yours teasingly, trying to catch a taste if you wanted this or not and you haven’t pushed him away. It urged him on, closing the distance until his lips pressed firmly into yours, feeling the way you gasped in surprise and welcomed his advances.

Your hand fell on his chest, not to push him away but to grasp at his shirt and pull him into you with more force. Jungkook was tender at first, basking in the feel of your soft lips molding against his and how your face fit perfectly in his hand. As slow as the kiss was, it felt oddly intense and wanting like he couldn’t get enough. Once you opened yourself up to his advances, he didn’t hesitate to keep going.

His tongue slipped past his lips, swiping against yours softly and your lips parted more to let him in. With a low groan, he pressed into you harder, arm circling your waist as he kept you caged in his hold so he could kiss you however he liked. Your arms wrapped around his neck, dragging him down and kissing back with eagerness, tongues tangled together and without a care of what you were doing in public.

When you felt his fingers sneak under the head of your top, you seemed to snap back into reality. You shoved at his chest, nipping his lip with your teeth on accident but it didn’t seem to waver him. He stepped back, licking over the sudden swelling on his bottom lip and looked down at you, “Was that too much?”

“I—“ your mouth felt dry, combing your hair out of your face and looking around feeling embarrassed. Did you just kiss someone who wasn’t your boyfriend for anyone to see?

Realization hit you hard and you swallowed the lump in your throat. You shouldn’t be doing this, you were an idiot and a… cheater, what were you thinking?

“Y/n,” He reached down for your hand, lacing your fingers together, “Everything alright?”

Tell him. Tell Jungkook you’re in a relationship. Tell him you’re nothing but a cheating liar and made a mistake meeting him tonight. Tell him you can’t do this and that you don’t think you should see him outside of work but you found yourself staying quiet. Jungkook was waiting for the truth too but it never came.

Maybe if you told him, he might’ve hesitated to kiss you a second time…

This time around it felt more needy. Jungkook could feel the desire laced with every touch of your lips and he wanted more. He struggled to speak between kisses, “Let’s go somewhere more private. Where do you live?”

“No, no, we can’t,” you sighed breathlessly, eyes closed trying to reel yourself back into reality. You looked up at him with lust blown eyes and bit your lip in thought.

“Back to mine?” He asked instead, taking your keys out of your hands when you didn’t protest, “My truck’s fine parked here overnight…”

You didn’t argue when he led you toward the passenger’s side, drunk off his affection when he kissed you one last time before getting in the driver’s seat. His hand stayed firm on your thigh the entire ride, inching upward and back down in a soothing manner like he knew the earthquake that was happening in your head.

The drive back to his place passed you in a blur and you don’t remember how you found yourself tugging at his clothes the second you entered his apartment. Al thought his hands were rough and stained with grease from his job, they were oddly tender against your skin, sliding your top up so he could feel your bare waist.

You kissed heavily, following his lead to wherever he took you and felt yourself fall into black bed sheets beneath you. His hair wasn’t long but the front pieces fell against your forehead and brushed against your neck when he trailed his lips toward your jawline, nipping at your skin teasingly and making you gasp at the feel. With your lips parted to catch a breath, he kissed you again, tongue kissing yours in a nasty, wet mess of saliva. Usually when Minu got a little too handsy or did something you weren’t used to, you’d push him away but right now you’re welcoming this somewhat aggressive approach Jungkook took toward you.

You pushed at his chest gently, surprised when he began to lift himself off you without wanting to break the kiss and you followed him up until you were sitting. You worked quickly to unzip the front of your light pink defined jacket and he didn’t hesitate to help you slip it down your shoulders. His suddenly rough hands held onto your sides, pressing you firmly against him, not able to get enough of your mouth on his.

Jungkook released a breathless grunt when he felt your fingers slip into his hair and he pulled away to stare at you. Your breath hitched in your throat, when his hand cupped your jawline, fingers disappearing in your hair as he held you to look at him firmly. Without any meaning behind it, your fingers wrapped around his wrist as if he was holding you too strongly but that wasn’t the case at all. You liked the way his hand felt on you and he made sure you were looking in his eyes. You were even on your knees, sitting between his legs on the bed and in just your leggings and bra now.

He took the second to look you over, staring straight down at the black material of your bra. The hand around your jaw pulled you further, nearly making you stumble into him while his other hand traced along your spine, feeling around for the clasp of your bra and undid it easily. You didn’t care to act surprised about the indecency you found yourself in. His fingers brushed against your shoulder blades as he helped you out of the straps and his lips kissed every inch of skin he passed.

You couldn’t help but sigh, feeling the way he kissed your collarbone, trailing toward your breasts and teasingly touching you just just under them without acting touching your chest at all. It made you arch your back so your front would be pressed into his face more and he had you lying back down on the bed in no time.

“You gonna let me have a little taste?” Jungkook asked, hand finally cupping your left breast, thumbing your hardened nipple and running the pad of his skin over it to feel how your breath hitched. Goosebumps formed on your body when he kissed down your stomach with his experienced fingers gripping the waist of your leggings so he can pull them off. You went limp as you let him finish undressing you and his eyes didn't shy away from checking out your naked form.

His head fell, looking straight toward where your legs parted around him and lifted a curious brow before looking back up at you.

You shrugged, holding your head upright with your elbows digging into the bed, “Sometimes I don’t like wearing anything underneath when I work out.”

“Mm,” He hummed, taking in your words and running his hands up and down your bare thighs, wanting to crouch over to get a better look at your naked pussy, “Good to know.”

Just before he went all in, face first into your spread legs, you spoke up, “I need you to take something off too, you’re being a little unfair.”

He could hear the teasing tone in your voice and he couldn’t help biting back a smirk as he sat back on his haunches and did as told. You watched him stand up and pull his t-shirt off first, eyes scanning down to his sweats and watching him pull them down too. He wore white Calvin Kkein’s that showed the bulge of his erection clearly. You’ve seen most of this at the gym before but goddamn was his body amazing. Feeling impatient, he got back on the bed, hiding his body from you as he laid between your legs and threw them over his shoulders.

You squealed in surprise when he pulled you closer to his face. With his arms around your thighs, you felt his hands now pushing down on your hips, likely to stop you from squirming away as he pressed a soft, butterfly kiss on your hooded clit. It was just a teasing touch but your body reacted immediately and he smiled knowingly. Even if you had a boyfriend—clearly he wasn’t taking care of you.

Jungkook can show you just how well you need to be taken care of. You were beyond soaked and it made Jungkook want to ruin you with his mouth. He sunk his head down and licked flatly along your cunt. Your slick pooled on his tongue and he dragged it up, wetting your labia until it was to his liking and covered your hardened clit with your own arousal. Your thighs threatened to shut but his bruising hold on your legs kept you suffocating him. Even if you did, he doesn’t think he’d mind.

To be honest, Jungkook loves putting his mouth on someone and hearing them come undone by his actions. It made his cock hard and he couldn’t help but rut against the bed for some friction.

He had your lips parting with breathless moans at the way he worked his tongue inside you, his nose bumping your cloth beautifully and his tongue lapping at your pussy like it was his last meal on earth.

Your hands clawed at the silk sheets, body wanting to shudder with pleasure, unsure how to take everything he was giving to you, “Fuck, I can’t.”

You said it as your nails traced along his hair, grabbing a good chunk of it and pressing his face more into your pussy, moaning at the way he kissed your clit while his fingers pulled your folds apart.

“Just a little more, baby, you’re soaked,” Jungkook said with a glistening chin, looking down at your greedy cunt hungry for another taste. His middle finger played at your entrance, wanting to get inside of you but the longer he tempted the ring of nerves, all he could think about is how good it’d be to feel the first stretch of your cunt around his cock instead.

A low groan left his lips as he sat up suddenly, shaking his head of hair in disappointment when you whined cutely, “Condom, we need a condom.”

“Just pull out,” You said in a sultry voice that made his heart beat faster but he was thinking with his dick too much. He needed to think with his brain, “I’m not gonna pull out so I need a condom unless you want my babies tonight.”

Though the offer was half tempting, you very clearly didn’t want that all and let him search for protection. When he got back to you, his dick was covered and pointing at you and your legs spread shamelessly for Jungkook to lay between them. Instead, he grabbed your left leg and threw it over your right so your hips were on their side and your ass was toward him nicely. He still had a view of your pretty tits but now he got a view of your ass too and the way your torso turned in this position.

“Pretty pussy, fucking hell,” He mumbled to himself, placing one hand on your hips to tilt your ass up and his other hand was pointing the tip of his dick to your puffy folds, red with abuse of his tongue and sloppy wet.

“Fuck me already,” you said with a wiggle of your hips and a gasp leaving your lips the second the words fell from your mouth. Jungkook didn’t hesitate to push his cock in, focusing solely on the tip as he watched you take that breath. He kept pushing in, taking your expression as a sign that you didn’t mind the sudden intrusion and pushed in to the hilt, skin touching skin with his cock fully sheathed inside you.

“I wanted to go easy on you,” He clicked his tongue in disappointment, hand rubbing your ass cheek possessively, “But if you’re going to be impatient then I will too.”

You weren’t thinking clearly at all. He felt too good. You felt too good. You can’t remember the last time you had a good fuck, usually Minu only cares about himself and to be honest he can’t last for shit. You're a little surprised with yourself and how the last thing you wanted was for Jungkook to go easy on you. He was the release you needed.

Jungkook’s presence loomed behind you and sweat trickled down his taut abs that had you letting out a moan when you watched the way the veins on his v-line led straight to his cock. He didn’t catch the way you looked at him, too focused on the way your dripping pussy sucked him in and refused to let him pull out. You’re tight, more than he expected frankly.

It’s such a shame that your boyfriend has someone like you and he doesn’t please you? A real shame, he thought as he licked his dry lips and pulled out, only letting his tip stretch your entrance and once he caught a good breath, he began to set a pace.

His thrusts were slow at first, hard and well making you let out the prettiest of noises. His nails dug into your thigh, anchoring himself as he fucked you with intent to make a mess of you. Right now you hugged a pillow to your face, trying to blur out your noises and he didn’t like that at all. Don’t be ashamed to feel good with him. That’s what he’s made for.

He bent forward, cock buried in you as he reached for the back of your neck, squeezing slightly until you got the hint and tried to hold your head up. You pushed your hands into the mattress, unable to fully got on your knees with the position Jungkook had your legs in but your back was flexible. You fucked back into him while turning to look at him and being met with a wet kiss that had you whining. Your arm came around his neck from behind and he moved back, dragging you with him until his hands were pushing your hips back to sit on his lap, making you grind your ass on him.

“So close baby,” he warned, fucking you open on his thick member.

You couldn’t find words, only moans that tumbled out of your mouth, fucking him with eagerness you hadn’t felt in a long time until you were at your breaking point.

Jungkook didn’t give much warning after that, his hand fell toward your clit and rubbed your wet pussy while he bounced you on his dick and brought you to the edge. You couldn’t process the sudden pleasure and how you screamed his name before almost collapsing on the bed if it wasn’t for his hold. Like he said, he didn’t pull out when he came. He pushed you down his entire length until his orgasm hit and thick cum was spilling into the condom.

“Oh my god,” you sighed, trying to catch your breath as he let you go, inevitably falling face first into his bed. Jungkook was puffing out of breath, sweaty hair sticking to his forehead as he ripped the condom off and stared down at you. Without thinking, his hand came down on you ass, shimmying down once more and trying to get you on your knees so he could get back to work.

“No, I need a second,” You said with a small moan when he angled your ass up and his face a mere inch away from your used cunt.

“I’m just gonna clean you up from the inside,” he licked his lips hungrily, “Relax.”

And you did. He had you asleep in his arms before he knew it and all he could think about is how long it had been since he had sex that good, wondering what was on your mind and if it was him or not.

When it felt as though your body had finally relaxed to fall asleep, your actions sank into your bones jolting you awake. It was the witching hour when you checked the time on your phone, the blinds were closing out the moon and there was a heavy arm draped across your body that didn’t feel right.

Jungkook stirred in his sleep, nuzzling his hair into your side when you tried to sit up, “What are you doing?”

“I have to go,” You told him, not able to whisper as you looked down at him in disbelief. Did you really sleep with him? A stranger. Yes, you knew Jungkook to an extent but at the end of the day he was not your boyfriend, he was not your friend, he was still a stranger to you. You’ll jeopardize your relationship for him?

This wasn’t like you at all. You weren’t the type to cheat, never in your life did that ever cross your mind yet in a blink of an eye that’s what you’ve done. You can’t make any sort of excuse at all. It wasn’t a text or some light flirting. You slept with him, slept with someone who you were not in a relationship with. It was making you sick.

When Jungkook processed what you said, he was snapping himself awake, sitting up and reaching for you, “What are you talking about? Look at the time.”

“I know but I should go, I have to uh…” You struggled to think of a better reason without exposing you for the truth and began to grab your thrown clothes off the ground. It was a humiliating reminder of your actions. With a hitched breath you tried again, “I shouldn’t be here.”

“Y/n,” Jungkook said your name so calmly, “Relax, it’s fine. Just get back in be—“

You practically ran out the room. You couldn’t think to look back when he called your name out the front door and went straight to your car. The cold had seeped inside and the windshield was lightly frosted over making it hard to leave as quickly as you wanted to escape. You got the courage to check your cellphone and check your notifications. There were a few texts, DMs, and shares from your friend but only one text from your boyfriend.

minu: ig u didn’t want to come over?

minu: goodnight

It was sent an hour ago when you and Jungkook were… yeah.

You cheated. You cheated on a man you’ve been with for three years with someone you barely knew. There was no way to sugarcoat it [not that you could] and it made you sick to your stomach. You couldn’t beg for understanding because how? What reason did you have? That Jungkook was attractive? That he was nice to you and actually wanted to be around you? You don’t know him! You don’t know what kind of guy he is and clearly you don’t even care because if you did you wouldn’t have risked your relationship with him.

What the fuck was wrong with you? You needed to tell Minu right now.

The ring of the call echoed through the silent car as you pressed the phone to your ear, gnawing on your bottom lip. There was a big chance Minu was asleep but you had to say it now. You wouldn’t be able to face him any other time.

“Hello?”

“You’re still awake?” You asked with a small sniffle, sitting up in the driver's seat where Jungkook had once been taking you to his place.

“Yeah, we finished the tournament. Now I’m playing Minecraft,” Minu said, too focused on his game to catch the tone in your voice and how it quivered.

You didn’t say anything as the words caught in your throat. You had to tell him, you know that but he didn’t sound at all worried about what you could’ve possibly been doing. For all he knew you were at home still pissed off he canceled dinner and he would still be playing games.

You felt like crying.

Jungkook had to stop Bam from barking loudly when you stormed out and took even longer to find his own things. He ran after you in shoes with no socks and a zip-up sweater with no shirt underneath. His hair was a mess and he was half asleep but he wanted to go find you. It was cold, late and dangerous out for you. Why on Earth would you leave at this hour?

“I’m probably gonna go to sleep soon though,” Minu finally said.

“Yeah, me too,” You said back, slumping in the seat and closing your eyes. He didn’t care to know what you were doing and though that didn’t excuse why you didn’t tell him, it made you feel better. As twisted as that sounded. Minu was not the type to reach out to you first. He hadn’t been at all worried about where you were or who you were with.

It felt like forever before you were able to move again and the first thing you did was look back at Jungkook’s apartment. You nearly jumped as you watched him standing just outside your car looking dazed and confused. You gathered enough strength to roll the window down and looked at him.

“I just wanted to make sure you got to your car,” He said, not mentioning anything about how he clearly saw you on the phone with someone. He didn’t say anything about the way you suddenly jolted out of bed or the reason why.

He knew why.

“I’ve got to be up early,” Was all you could think to say and he chuckled. He couldn’t believe how you still avoided the mention of your boyfriend but he didn’t mind it.

“Okay,” Jungkook said with a small nod, “I’ll call you?”

No, you needed to tell him no and drive off but instead you just nodded in response. He watched you leave for the night and returned home feeling good compared to you.

In all honesty, after you had finished and were just laying in his arms he had a second of weakness where he let his guilty conscience set in. He thought about the guy you were seeing and how fucked up it was to have you in his bed but it was a short lived feeling. He realized he liked how you felt with him and how he could treat you better and all sympathy left when you fell asleep.

He didn’t care you were with some other guy, he’ll fix that.

Cloud 9.

He felt as though he’d been on cloud 9 the other night. That was the only way he can explain it and it’s all he was able to think over the weekend. Even when you ran off on him it didn’t stop him from feeling this way. He understood it would take time for you to come to terms with your new feelings and the last thing he wanted to do was pressure you any further.

On Saturday he went to the gym with Taehyung but you were nowhere to be seen.

On Sunday was his ‘off’ day and he spent it at home hating himself for never actually getting your phone number. How was he supposed to call you if he never got it? What an idiot.

Monday came and he had been brought down from his cloud of bliss when he didn’t see you first thing in the morning. He expected you to be around like you usually were but you weren’t and though part of him wanted to ask your friends why he decided not to overthink it. He went to work and hoped he’d see you later when he returned.

“Someone’s in a good mood,” Namjoon said at one point. Jungkook had been smiling all day, being obnoxious to his hyung and doing everything in his power to remain feeling good. He kept telling himself that he’d run into you later and get everything sorted out.

“I’m in love,” Jungkook said dramatically, only half-joking, “I mean like… maybe too soon to tell but real close? I don’t know.”

Namjoon chuckled, “So it did work out with that girl? Taehyung was complaining to me for days about how rude you were. What happened? Did you guys go out again?”

“No, with the girl from the gym, Y/n,” Jungkook smiled as he leaned against the Ford Focus that Namjoon was tuning up, “We had dinner last week and it went really well.”

“I thought she had a boyfriend,” Namjoon looked up from under the hood.

Jungkook waved his hand as if shaking the thought away, making Namjoon sigh, “Don’t be that kind of guy.”

“Sh, just trust me okay?” Jungkook said as he pushed off the car, “I’m seeing her later.”

You practically crouched behind the front desk at work as you read over your schedule. You had one last client today and then you were free to bedrot like you’ve done for the last couple days. Thankfully your boyfriend didn’t care to reach out to you —he was too busy with his friends to notice something was off—and you were allowed to be alone with your thoughts.

Your guilty conscience was eating you from the inside but more so because you’ve realized what a terrible person you are. For some reason what happened with Jungkook had felt like the end of the world. Minu would somehow know immediately that another man touched you and do something about it. You weren’t sure what was worse.

Your boyfriend finding out about your infidelity immediately or going on with his usual act of ignoring you too much to notice you did something wrong.

The angel on your shoulder has been begging you to confess to someone but the devil whispered not to. If he hasn’t caught on… he never would. You can continue on like normal and just avoid Jungkook, focus on your boyfriend and become a good doting partner.

“Hey Tae, Jungkook,” Eunbi said in her usual chirpy manner and you felt like disappearing into the floor.

“Hey,” both guys said as they checked in and you could feel Jungkook’s eyes on you. You forced yourself to look at your planner and not up at him but he made it too hard.

“Y/n,” He said, sliding down the front desk till he was directly in front of you, “How are you?”

His question was harmless, he was just a regular who knew you by name. That’s how it appeared anyway but the look he gave you was different.

You gave him one of your best customer service smiles and stood up, “Great, Jungkook. You?”

You didn’t give him time to respond as you turned to Eunbi, “I’m going to go check on the saunas, tell me when my client is here.”

Taehyung looked between the two of you as Jungkook went to follow you. Eunbi barely had time to process what was going on when someone else came to check in and she had to shift her attention. The two went to the locker room where Taehyung finally asked, “What was that? You finally getting the courage?”

“Something like that,” Jungkook said with a shrug, shoving his bag in his locker as he switched shoes and put on a waist belt to work out in. Taehyung couldn’t help but smirk, “I’m still a little pissed you blew me off with those girls the other night but if it was to get lucky with Ms. Trainer, I’ll let it go. Did you? So she doesn’t have a man?”

“I’ll meet you for warm-ups, alright?” He left before Taehyung could respond and headed upstairs.

The sauna rooms were small and mostly empty so it wasn’t hard for him to find you cleaning one up for your next client. He knocked on the door lightly, waiting for you to turn and look at him, “So, I said I was going to call you and like an idiot, I never actually got your number.”

“Jungkook,” You stood straight, looking at him with unnecessary embarrassment, “Um, about the other night… it was a mistake.”

“Really?” He asked, taking a step closer to you, “I thought we really hit it off. I’ve been thinking about you and you don’t know how mad I was at myself that I couldn’t call you or see you until no—“

“I have a boyfriend.”

He stopped walking, standing just a couple inches away from you and it made you realize just how much bigger he was than you. It’s probably why he was able to manhandle you so easily in bed—snap out of it, Y/n.

You expected him to scoff and storm off annoyed or call you some mean names figuring you weren’t worth his time then but instead he laughed. He walked closer, “Is he gonna beat my ass now?”

“What?” Your throat went dry, stepping back when he reached out to touch you.

“I figured a girl like you wouldn’t be single so where is he?” Jungkook looked around for entertainment.

“You knew?”

“I had a feeling,” Jungkook said calmly and for some reason it made you want to relax too but you forced yourself to remain tense with him. He released a sigh, “Well? Where is he? Or have you not told him?”

You opened your mouth to speak but nothing came to mind. Was he being serious? Why did it seem like he didn’t care? Maybe he really didn’t. Maybe you were just a one time thing and he couldn’t care less? If that was the case why was he even bothering with you right now?

“I haven’t told him,” You admitted, “I’m sorry, I can’t do this. I already fucked up and I can’t talk to you anymore.”

“Come on Y/n,” He reached for your hand and you dumbly let him take it, “I’m not dumb. I knew the second you ran out on me something was up but be honest right now. You wanted to spend the night with me, don’t call it a mistake.”

You shook your head in disbelief, “No, I know, but… Jungkook, let’s just forget about it. I’m sure it was nothing serious for you anyway, I’m the one that fucked up.”

“So go tell your boyfriend right now,” Jungkook pointed to the door of the sauna, “Because if you really felt guilty you wouldn’t be bothering to tell me how wrong it was. You’d be telling him.”

Fuck, he was right.

You tried not to pay attention to the way his thumb caressed your knuckles, pulling you into him as he said, “You can say how wrong it was all you want but you wanted to do it. You had all night to tell me you were in a relationship but you didn’t. I have feelings for you and you can’t say you don’t feel anything for me.”

“I don’t, I shouldn’t,” you ran your fingers through your hair anxiously, “This is fucked up.”

“But it happened already, it’s been days and you haven’t told him so why bother now?” Jungkook was speaking to you in his usual calm tone but his hold on your hand was firm, making sure you can’t let go until you were in his open arms. There was a single tear in your eye that he couldn’t help but kiss away and though you flinched at his touch, you didn’t pull back. He smiled softly and hugged you, “We’ll figure this out.”

The two of you didn’t have anything to figure out. You had things to figure out. What you needed to do was push Jungkook away—not give him your phone number so he can be there for you like he claimed.

He texted you that night and the night that followed too. It was hard to avoid him at the gym but he understood enough to not bother you there. That didn’t mean you couldn’t feel his eyes on you anytime you were near but you tried not to focus on it. You had to tell Minu if you wanted things to work out with him.

You’ll tell him tonight. You decided already.

Hoseok had made a comment today about how you’ve been off lately and if he noticed you’re sure Minu caught on too. That’s why after work, you went to visit him.

“Min?” You called him for him as you let yourself into his unlocked apartment holding bags of takeout to have dinner together.

You can hear his shouting from the living room followed by more and walked in to see him and his friends already eating.

“Babe,” Minu said with a mouthful of pizza, “Sit down, you're blocking the TV.”

“What’d you bring?” One of the guys asked, trying to open one of the bags you brought as all motivation to tell him tonight quickly left your body and was replaced with what felt like unrightful annoyance.

You called him earlier to ask if you can come over for dinner and he said yes. You’d told him you wanted to talk about something and he said he’d hear you out. Now you’re here and so are four other guys he calls his friends all trying to eat the food you brought and pretend you weren’t here.

“I'm getting another drink,” Minu said as he got up while the game paused and you followed, “Sorry, I forgot that I planned guys night at my place. What’d you want to tell me?”

“Well I wanted us to be alone,” You said over their loud banter from the living room, “You couldn’t cancel one night with them for your girlfriend?”

How were you supposed to tell him now?

Minu laughed softly, working around you to open the fridge and grab a soda can, “Besides what’s so important they can’t be here? Don’t tell me you’re pregnant.”

You scoffed, “No I’m not fucking pregnant, Minu. Jeez.”

“Then what is it?”

“Minu! Man hurry up!” One of them called out.

“I’m going!” Minu shouted back, “Come on.”

“I’m going home.”

“Suit yourself.”

You stormed out of the apartment angrily. Stupid, you were so fucking stupid and Minu was the worst. You made a mistake and wanted to tell him because it actually is a big deal and he blows you off, like he always does [!]. It made you want to scream. You cheated on him and he didn’t even care to know.

Once again you found silent comfort in your car as you sat alone deep in thought. You tried owning up to your mistakes but you couldn’t. It wasn’t the time. It made you feel so much worse to think about what Jungkook said.

Why bother telling him now?

Clearly Minu doesn’t care what you do, or at least that’s what you told yourself. You can break up with him and he probably won’t care. It would be for the better if you did but then who would you have? Jungkook? What if he really was just stringing you along as some sort of karma? Maybe the universe thought you were in the wrong being with a guy you didn’t love for three years and was trying to fuck your life up.

It would be the only explanation for why Jungkook knew when to call.

You looked down at your cellphone, his unsaved number on display as he called and despite telling yourself not to, you answered, “Hello?”

“I haven’t heard from you, I’ve even done my part and given you space when I see you, Y/n, it’s getting hard,” Jungkook said as he stood in his bedroom while Namjoon and Taehyun drank in the living room, petting Bam, “I want to see you again.”

“We can’t,” you tried to hide the sniffling you let out, “I have a boyfriend.”

You couldn’t see the way he rolled his eyes and sat straighter, “But you answered my call and I can tell in your voice something’s wrong. Are you home?”

“I’m about to be,” you lied, starting your car to get your attention off of him.

“Have you eaten?” He asked, standing up abruptly. You thought about the food you left at Minu’s and sighed. He picked up on it and couldn’t help but smile, “How about I come over and make you something? I told you I’d be here for you.”

But he can’t be. You can’t let him comfort you. You cheated on Minu with him for fucks sake.

As if your heart was speaking before your head could think it over, you were telling Jungkook that your text him your address and hung up.

Jungkook couldn’t contain the smile on his face as he went to the living room, “You guys can hang out here for as long as you want but I’ve got plans so I gotta go.”

“Where to?” Namjoon asked with furrowed brows but Taehyung answered instead, “We know where.”

“Make sure Bam is in his kennel before you guys go, alright?” Jungkook hurried to change, ignoring Namjoon’s look of judgement.

When he arrived you didn’t say anything as he looked around curiously. It was a small one bedroom apartment but it seemed to hold his interest well. He focused on everything he could from your kitchenware to the dying plants at the window or the bowl of pomegranates on your dining table and the yoga mats rolled up in the corner of your living room.

“Lucky for you, I’m a good cook,” Jungkook said as he went to your kitchen with the bag of groceries he picked up before stopping here. You watched him find his way around your apartment, not bothered at all by your circumstances tonight. He didn’t care at all if you were in a relationship or not.

“What are we doing?” You dumbly asked,’wondering if he’d tell you something about why he dealt with you.

Jungkook looked up with a quirked brow, “About to have dinner?“

He smiled when you rolled your eyes and waited for you to really ask what you wanted to know, “I mean you and I. I know I said you can come over but we both know that it’s wrong.”

His shoulders rose in a shrug, bringing out your cutting board and a kitchen knife, “It doesn’t feel wrong.”

You let out a huff, frustrated with yourself more than anything. Of course he wouldn’t think it’s wrong he’s not the one in a relationship. Still, shouldn’t he feel a little guilty?

“I don’t like how you try and act guilty and like it was all a mistake,” He told you honestly, making you look up, feeling taken back by his statement, “If you really felt as guilty as you’re acting you wouldn’t have let me in. You wouldn’t have answered my calls or been with me that night. Is it hard for you to get that you like me?”

You didn’t want what he said to be so brutal and honest but you needed to hear that. You were trying to sound so pitiful like you’re the sole victim here when you’re not. Sure, Minu treats you like shit but why don’t you just leave him? Why do you sneak around with Jungkook and then acting like you don’t want him around?

He finished making dinner and brought over two plates, sitting next to you silently eating and waiting for you to say something. He felt bad for putting you in a situation like this but if you didn’t want him… you would’ve never fallen for his advances. He clearly treats you so much better than your current boyfriend so why are you acting like it’s a burden to have him around?

“Where did you go earlier?” More specifically, where did you go after work?

“I was with Minu,” You answered, watching how his eyes stared you down for a second before he nodded his head, taking in what you said. Maybe Jungkook was only pretending to not care as much as he did. What kind of person wants someone that someone else already has and how do they not feel an ounce of betrayal or jealousy or possessiveness? You weren’t trying to instigate anything, you just wanted him to be more honest with himself too.

You’ve risked your relationship with a guy you barely know and you’re not even 100% sure about how he feels for you. Was Jungkook using you for entertainment or did he have feelings for you?

“Nice,” Jungkook had lost his appetite and sat back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest but his attempt to seem casual failed, “What’d you guys do?”

“I shouldn’t tell you,” You leaned against the table when he drew back and it made him eye you suspiciously.

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes as he said, “So how’d you end up with me instead?”

“He has a tendency to prioritize his friends over me and tonight was no different.”

“So you haven’t told him?” He asked, “How long have you two been together?”

He gave you no time between questions, wanting to get to the point of it and it made your feelings of guilt return.

“Three years.”

“Well, if you loved him you’d leave him,” Jungkook said with a shrug that was so indifferent and unbothered that your mouth parted in surprise.

“I was going to tell him tonight, I had it all planned and then at the last minute he invited all his friends and how would I tell him then?” You said and he couldn’t help but smile. You explained yourself but you didn’t really care for what he was saying. He had half pointed out how you can’t possibly love your boyfriend while also telling you to dump him already. You didn’t reject either.

“So I’m your dirty secret then?” He asked in a playful tone, leaning forward again and mirroring the way you rested your chin in your palm and observed him. Even if you wanted to act like he didn’t get to you, he knows he did. You like him and he’s not backing down until he has you all to himself, “If that’s the case, will you let me spend the night?”

“Desperate,” you pointed at him and sighed, getting up to gather the fished and wash up, “Shameless and…”

“Can treat you better? I know, say what you want but I’m very self aware,” Jungkook ended your sentence and followed after you, “Just one movie then and I’ll leave, how about that?”

You granted him at least that and let him lay with you in your living room trying to find something to watch. Neither of you were interested in watching a movie but it was something you wouldn’t admit. You wanted Jungkook around even if you knew you shouldn’t.

“How’d you meet?” Jungkook asked, pulling your legs on his lap. A part of you wondered if he was going to ask you all kinds of questions tonight since it’s the first you’ve seen each other and been around long enough for the topic to be brought up. You’ve done a lot of avoiding and now there’s no way around it—which is good, right?

“Through a mutual friend. We were friends for a while before he asked me out,” You opened up to him so easily it drove you wild. Why were you so willing to be after telling yourself you wouldn’t be able to get too close to anyone aside from Minu?

“And you guys still don’t live together? It’s been three years,” he said, trying to read your expression when he ran a soothing hand along your leg, itching to reach for your waist and pull you onto his lap. He missed being this close.

“It’s complicated, clearly,” You said with a scoff, hiding your face behind your hands as you scooted to lay down.

“Clearly,” Jungkook couldn’t help but smile, “Come here.”

“Jungkook…” You looked at him but he was reaching for your arms to make you sit up. You let him drag you onto him.

“What?” He asked feigning naivety and doing such a poor job at it when his hands found your hips and positioned you to straddle his lap, “Don’t tell me it’s wrong.”

You won’t. It was obvious it was wrong and admitting that over again wouldn’t make you suddenly push him away and that made it all worse.

“Are you usually this persistent?”

“When there’s something I really want,” Jungkook said in a whisper now, lips brushing against your neck.

“This is such a bad idea,” You whispered back, tilting your head to the side, exposing more of your neck to him anyway. He placed a soft kiss, “Shh, just stop thinking about it and kiss me, yeah?”

“That’s not good,” You whined, hand cupping his chin and making him look up to kiss you, “Fuck.”

He kissed you with a need you haven’t felt from anyone else in a while. His hands circled around your waist, taking their time traveling across your hips and settling comfortably on your butt. With a firm hold, he pressed your body into his more and you kissed him harder.

“I’m hungry,” He said between kisses, tongue peeking out lazy and he watched how your lips covered it in nasty kisses that had him guiding you right over where he needed you the most. His body reacted instantly to the thought of you and as embarrassing as it was to admit, he’s been turned on since you decided to wear those little black shorts you like to wear when you work out.

You smiled, pulling back with a tug at his bottom lip with your teeth, “We just ate.”

“Mm,” Jungkook hummed, head dropping with disappointment and you ran your fingers through his hair, unsure what he was thinking. His big hand began to roam along your butt, fingers hooking around where your hips met your thighs and felt the crease from your sitting position with tenderness. You looked down when he caressed your thighs, sliding his hands up to tease your pelvis while managing to avoid your heat. It would be a lie if you said you weren’t beginning to feel aroused. You knew what he was implying and though it excited you, you wanted something else.

You slid off his lap with your hands on his thighs, “How about I treat you to something this time?”

His face lit up instantly, smiling giddily, “I can work with that.”

You were in the wrong and you knew that but after a while it didn’t seem to bother you as much. Jungkook made you feel wanted and it made you weak to him. The obvious thing to do would be to dump Minu so you don’t keep betraying him but every time you thought about it you couldn’t bring yourself to actually do it.

You became one of those girls who cheats on their boyfriend and Jungkook was so readily available. It felt like you were using him too but he didn’t even care—or well it felt like he didn’t.

When you’d see him at work he’d keep things brief in front of everyone but you’d feel his eyes on you anytime he was around. He tried not to bother you all the time but would happily accept your calls everytime you rang for him. He was enabling your terrible behavior with a smile on his face and it was the damndest thing.

“You’re distracting me,” He said a few nights later when he passed you on the staircase. You hesitated a second, looking up at him as you headed down and your eyebrows raised, “How? I was with a client.”

If anything now that you’ve seen him, you’re the one left distracted. Sweat marked his hairline and his cheeks were rosy from whatever warmup he’s just done and he was breathing heavily, chest rising and lowering with each breath.

“Yeah and there’s mirrors all over,” Jungkook smirked when he had your attention, “I can get a good view of you wherever I’m at.”

You couldn’t help but scoff, annoyed but stupidly charmed and began to walk back down, “Don’t be a creep.”

“Can I see you tonight?” He asked in a lower voice, looking down both ends of the stairs to see if anyone was around.

“Maybe,” You told him playfully, “If I’m not busy.”

Before he left, he pushed his bottom lip out giving you a sad and dramatic pout and nodded his head. You rolled your eyes with a smile and headed to the front desk to clock out.

It’s not that you didn’t want to see him too but you had to be smart here. You can’t just spend all your time with Jungkook because that would raise questions. Besides, Ara and Eunbi were coming over to watch the latest episode of Single’s Inferno.

You had really thought Jungkook would be okay with not seeing you tonight but it appears that wasn’t really the case.

jungkook: not even for a little bit? :(

you: I have ppl over

jungkook: mmmmmmmmmm

jungkook: after?

You typed back ‘maybe’ and set your phone down, trying to ignore it so you could spend time with the girls. You wanted to enjoy some time by yourself and act happy and normal like everything should be.

When your friends left and you debated calling him or not, you received a call from your boyfriend.

“Y/n?” Someone said on the other end that had you furrowing your brows, “It’s Rowoon, I’m with Minu and we were having some drinks after work an—“

“Is that Y/n?” You could hear Minu ask before some rustling was heard and he was talking now, “Babe, what are you doing? Can you come pick me up?”

“No way you’re drunk, it’s a Tuesday,” You said with a sigh, happy you were alone when you got his call, “Where are you?”

So it was a good thing you never told Jungkook to come over. It just sucked that you spent the night getting scolded for telling your boyfriend not to drink so much and for not sleeping with him lately. It was a night wasted in arguments when you could’ve been with someone who wanted to be around you.

“Remember Hyejin?” Taehyung asked him randomly a couple nights later, “She started seeing someone, probably got tired waiting for your attention.”

Jungkook shrugged, “Good for her.”

“What are you doing tonight?” He asked him.

“I’m gonna see Y/n,” Jungkook told Taehyunf honestly as he packed his things into his sports bag, “We’re making dinner and watching a movie.”

It’s been just a few days since he last had seen you but to him it felt too long. Time goes by extremely slow when you’re not around and as much as he likes to act unaffected with your current situation [that’s how he’s started to view your relationship], its starting to get to him. He just needs things to speed up already.

“Look at you, someone’s handsome late-night call,” Taehyung teased, not caring much about his friend’s choices. He knew Jungkook was wrong for seeing someone in a relationship but that didn’t change his friendship with him. Jungkook isn’t the one in the relationship and Taehyung isn’t the one being lied to so what does it have to do with him?

“I prefer the term, ‘Evening call’ instead,” Jungkook said in a joking manner. The oldest released a scoff as he swung his backpack onto his shoulder and began walking out the locker room first, “No shame.”

Jungkook just smiled and shrugged his shoulders, following his friend out. He knew your schedule had been free for the evening and left home a while ago so he didn’t bother saying goodbye to anyone else at the front desk.

“I really am shameless, aren’t I?” He asked once the two were outside, “Does that make me a terrible person?”

“It makes you a stupid one, what are you gonna do when she gets caught? You’re just here to ruin her relationship for fun?” Taehyung asked curiously.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Jungkook told him, “Have you ever seen something that you knew you just had to have? Anything, anyone?“

“Aish, you’re crazy,” Taehyung said with a laugh, “Just be careful what you get yourself into.”

“Yes, hyung, I promise,” Jungkook said, smiling as he got into his black truck, “I’ve got a date to get ready for.”

Jungkook knew what he was doing was morally wrong and it was probably a shame to know he was that kind of guy but he really did not care. From the moment he’d seen you he knew he had to have you. It wasn’t just the way you looked, it was about your almost shy glances that would catch his attention. The way you’d carry yourself when talking to others and how you walked with a little sway in your hips. Knowing you had a boyfriend had simply been a bump in the road and nothing more to him.

He had begun plotting on you since he realized he’d get to see you so often and he was not a patient man. He wasn’t going to wait for you to suddenly be single so he can have his chance, he planned on taking it and that’s what he did.

On days where he’s actually lucky, he wakes up with you at his side. He skips his morning workout when you stay in with him and he can imagine what it’d be like to see you all the time. Just that alone made his morals slip away so easily—that’s how he likes to think of it. It makes answering his friend’s judgments easier than acting bothered by the way things actually were.

Of course he’d prefer to have you all the time instead of just when you’re available but that wasn’t an option at the moment. He’s waited for you to get past the guilt and hoped you’d come to your senses and get the courage to leave your piece of shit boyfriend. Yes, Jungkook is greedy, makes bad decisions when it comes to who he chooses to involve himself with but who can blame him?

Those late night conversations where you listen to whatever he tells you about himself and he does the same for you made him a lot more… mushy than he cared to admit. Past girlfriends were fun while they lasted but he can’t remember feeling this… fluttery for them. It just didn’t compare and that’s why it’s such a pity he had to share your attention.

“What about this weekend?” He asked with a hand in your hair, massaging your temples nearly bringing you to sleep.

“Can’t,” you answered in a sluggish tone, snuggling into his naked chest, “I’m going to something with Eunbi. She met a guy.”

“Mm,” Jungkook didn’t care but asked for your sake, “Really? Do you know him?“

“No, I guess he’s a little bit older,” You told him, “She told me his name but I forgot.”

“And that’s on Saturday? What about Sunday?” He tried again.

“You know Sunday’s are when I see Minu,” You released a sigh, sliding off his arm a little and feeling him pull you back again.

“But all you guys will do is stay in and eat leftover pizza or something,” Jungkook said with a hint of annoyance.

“I like pizza,” You smiled, sensing his light jealous tone that amused you more than it should. It was like willingly playing with fire. Dangling a match over dry leaves and waiting for it to catch. As far as you’ve known, Jungkook is a very tame guy but there’s this spark in his eyes that shows a mischievous side—like the kind that joked about your boyfriend fighting him.

“I can get us pizza,” Jungkook said with a roll of his eyes trying to get you to relax against him more, “Baby, if that’s all you’re with him for then goddamn, why are you still with him?”

“Jungkook,” You said with a whine, hand on his chest as you pushed off him, “Don’t ask me such difficult questions.”

“Don’t think too hard, I’m just saying, I’d be a much better time on a lazy Sunday,” Jungkook forced a smile, pulling himself up on the pillows a little more when you sat up facing him.

You placed a manicured finger on his toned stomach, “You’re bad for me.”

“Oh, am I?” He chuckled, arm behind his head against the headboard, “I should be saying that about you. You want me but you’re with him, how shameless.”

You covered your ears instantly, eyes squeezed shut as you tried to tune him out but he just smiled and sat up, “It’s true, no need for theatrics.”

“Shh,” You groaned, unable to help the smile, “You’ll make me realize I’m a terrible person and put a stop to this right now.”

“You think I’ll let you?” He reached for you, arms around your waist until you were leaning against his front, “It’s going to take a lot to get rid of me now. You’ve already made the mistake of getting in bed with me tonight, I might just keep you here until the weekend starts and ends. Then he’ll really wonder who you’re with all the time. Or maybe I’ll tell him myself.”

You couldn’t help but laugh when he turned you over so your back hit the sheets and he hovered over you, throwing your bare legs around his waist, “Are you threatening me? Trying to use blackmail?”

“You think it’ll work?” He pressed his body into yours, feeling the way your figure fit against his so well. It was no wonder there was chemistry.

“What a terrible, awful guy to seduce someone in a relationship.”

“Mm,” Jungkook looked down at the curve of your lips and the softness in your cheeks with admiration. He nodded his head in agreement and felt your arms circle his neck anyway, “Try not to be so easily swooned.”

He waited to hear your annoyed scoff, laughing softly into your neck when he hugged you, pulling the sheets over both of your bodies, “Now go wash up because if I go with you we’re not leaving my apartment at all.”

He let you go with a displeased groan, hand touching down your back and watched you practically run to his bathroom and take some clothes off the dresser with you.

“Who is she seeing again?”

You looked at Minu with an irritated smile, trying to be happy about the fact he was joining you tonight. Despite how much Eunbi and Minu despise each other, she invited him too in hopes that he wouldn’t pick a fight with you about tonight.

Usually, when you and your boyfriend decide to go out with your friends you have a tendency to drift away from each other. He’d go with his friends and you’d go with yours. Very rarely did you two stick together but it seemed like tonight that was your only option.

“Jin,” You told him for the fourth time since you got to the packed bar, “He’s somewhere over there.”

He followed the lazy wave of your hand in the direction of Eunbi and stared off. Minu wasn’t usually shy or antisocial but of course he’s forced himself to tag along where he knows no one but you and now is pissed off about it.

“Let’s get one more drink and go home,” Minu said, making you glare up at him.

“I’m not leaving, we just got here,” You told him, “If you want to leave go ahead.”

“You don’t even know anyone here,” he said with a roll of his eyes, “You just want to get drunk. We can drink in my apartment, let’s go.”

A sigh escaped your lips as you tried to weigh out your options. If you leave, Eunbi might pop myget a little upset but she’ll get over it easily. She’s with her new man and is surely more worried about that. If you choose to stay, there’s a high chance you won’t hear the end of it. Minu won’t stop bitching until you leave and you’ll probably argue over something stupid. Ashamed to be defeated, you decided to compromise with him. “Fifteen more minutes and then we can leave.”

As surprising as it might seem, Jungkook had plans to spend his Saturday night with Bam couch rotting just at the thought that you’d be out having fun without him. Lately he’s realized he only has fun when he’s with you and when you’re not around he feels it more intensely.

He had no plans of stepping out of his apartment but when he got a call from one of his good friend’s asking what he was up to tonight, he just had to tag along. Seokjin wasn’t the type to go out anymore so it was a surprise to them all, especially announcing he was kind of seeing someone and when Jungkook asked for the name… well, it wasn’t hard for him to connect the dots.

You couldn’t remember the name of the guy Eunbi was seeing and it all worked out so easily. It’s times like this that Jungkook seriously thinks the universe wants something stronger to happen between you. If it didn’t, there’s no way you’d be connected this way too.

Admittedly, he arrived late because he went to pick up Namjoon but it didn’t seem like he’d missed anything more than a few rounds of drinks. He wasn’t here to drink anyway.

“So you know each other? I don’t know why I didn’t think to ask,” Jin asked him and Eunbi when she finally spotted them. Jungkook nodded with a polite smile, not sure what else he could do. He’s already losing hope when he couldn’t immediately see you right there next to her. Didn’t you come along just for her? Where were you?

“Y/n is here too! You know the trainer?” Eunbi had said to which he pretended to be surprised by the news and looked around, “She’s somewhere with her boyfriend. I’m sure she’ll come back around.”

Boyfriend? You brought your boyfriend and dint care to tell him? Maybe he’s being unreasonable considering he’s just the one you’re having an affair with but doesn’t he deserve at least a little knowledge? You’re usually more honest with him than the man you’ve been with for three years a so what’s your deal? Won’t you see Minu tomorrow? Why does he get to see you both Saturday and Sunday’s now?

“In the meantime, let’s drink,” Jin said to his group of friends, leading them toward the bar and Jungkook followed behind with Namjoon. He felt his eyes fall on him but he didn’t do anything, too stuck on why your boyfriend was here and what would happen when you see each other.

“So Y/n’s here too, just a coincidence, right?” Namjoon asked with a scowl, “I was wondering why you suddenly changed your mind about going out tonight.”

“Jin called and asked what I was doing, possibly seeing Y/n would just be a nice surprise,” Jungkook’s tone was as mischievous as the smile he forced on his face, “Come on hyung, I said I’d pay for the first round.”

“You’re a lost cause,” Namjoon said with a sigh, unable to hide the amusement of seeing how persistent Jungkook was. How… caught up he was with you. It was beginning to be entertaining despite if it was wrong or not.

Jungkook tried paying attention to his own friends but it didn’t take him long to find you on the other end of the bar. You stood next to a somewhat tall guy with a familiar face and his arm around your waist. You were too far for him to hear what the two of you were talking about to the group of guys you were now with but he could easily read your expression.

Even with a smile on your face it was obvious you didn’t care much about what any of them were talking about. Your boyfriend was the one doing most of the talking, happy and acting sweet with you which was the complete opposite of how you described him. There was a chance you were exaggerating how awful he was to Jungkook but he didn’t think that was likely. He can tell that whatever display of affection you were showing each other wasn’t real. There was no need for it to upset him but it did. When you’re with Jungkook he knows it's because you want to be. He never has to force you to smile or open up to him, you just do. Right now everything you do seems like an act and he’s not just saying that because he’s jealous.

“We might head to another bar soon, I don’t know I guess it depends how everyone is feeling. There’s a lot of us,” Jin said, looking around at the group that gathered. On one hand he had his own friends, Jungkook and Namjoon, Eunbi and her friends. It would be hard to have everyone talk so he had to bounce around. Right now he would like to take a break and talk with just Jungkook and Namjoon, “So what’s up with you guys?”

“Me, nothing much just working at the shop, how about you, Jungkook? Does Jin know you’re seeing someone?” Namjoon said with a smug expression that had Jungkook glaring at him. He just smirked, a laugh threatening to slip as he watched Jungkook think of a response.

“You’re dating someone? You dog, once you got back from the army you kept going on about not jumping into a relationship and look at you now. A few months out and you’ve already gotten a girl,” Jin teased, “Why didn’t you bring her out tonight?”

“I’m sure she’s somewhere,” Namjoon said with a clear throat making Jungkook nudge his arm. Jin looked at the two of them and rolled his eyes, “Whatever, I need a shot.”

“I’m gonna go with him, are you coming or … ?” Namjoon asked him, question dying on his tongue when he followed Jungkook’s line of sight. His tongue poked against his cheek trying not to tense his jaw but it was obvious he saw something he didn’t like.

You still haven't noticed Jungkook watching as you let Minu press a kiss to your lips. It didn’t even matter to him that you slightly pulled back, he was annoyed enough just by watching it happen. It must have been some parting kiss because you tugged Minu’s arm off your waist and began walking away. Jungkook didn’t think twice about going after you.

“Eunbi,” You had to shout over the loud music once you found your friend, “I’m going to the restroom.”

“Okay!” She shouted back, smiling giddily and drunk so you began to walk away when she tugged you back, “Oh! We might go somewhere else, I think Jin is asking his friends. Did you know Jungkook is here?!”

“Jungkook?” Your brows furrowed looking at her with a confused expression. Play it cool, you thought.

“Yeah, gym Jungkook. Apparently he’s friends with Jin,” Eunbi said looking around before she said, “Anyways, I’ll text you if we do go.”

“Okay… Minu might want to uh—“ You blinked in thought, looking around anxiously, “Tae-oh came and one of his other friends so he might want to stay.”

You need to make sure you don’t run into Jungkook. “I’ll be back.”

You weren’t too familiar with the club you were at tonight but that didn’t stop you going off on your own. Minu was busy with his friends and Eunbi was with Jin. Plus, you needed a moment to yourself so you can wrap your mind around what your friend just said.

Jungkook lost you for a second but found you again when you turned a corner. The hall light was a deep green that casted unnatural shadows where people should be. The music was muffled and there was security at the front of the hall but they didn’t seem to be paying attention too much. He gave them one last look to make sure they weren’t giving him to much focus and before he knew it, he was pushing the door for the restroom open.

You leaned against the stall door, biting your nail anxiously as you debated texting Jungkook or not. You wanted to know if he was really here.

“Y/n.”

Your heart sank down your chest, when he said, “It’s me.”

Something was telling you not to open the door. Thankfully this restroom was a maze to get to so it didn’t have much traffic because there’s no way he would’ve been able to just walk in. You shut your eyes in thought, hand reaching for the handle to unlock it and the second you did, he came in.

“What are you doing here?” You rushed to ask when he pushed you back into a stall, hands cupping your face as he didn’t think twice to press his lips to yours in a heated, well-awaited kiss. You ignored the moral conscience telling you to push him away—it wasn’t the right time or place to be doing anything like this but you couldn’t help it. Your arms circled around his neck, making him dip his head lower and angle to the side to deepen the kiss. Your back hit the stall wall making you squeal in surprise but the sound was muffled with his tongue.

“Wait,” You sighed, putting your hand on his chest to try and put space between you, “Koo-“

”Just a little more,” He whispered, lips trailing down toward your jaw, threatening to suck on the skin and create a love bite but this time you pushed him back with more force.

“How’d you know I was here?” You asked, wiping the smeared lip gloss off your lips while Jungkook just locked it off his own. His shoulders rose in a shrug, “Apparently we know the same people.”

He pretended like he hadn’t figured that out earlier and you didn’t tell him how Eunbi just let you know too. Still, you didn’t think he’d actually come looking for you. You don’t know if he’s seen Minu but you’d prefer if they don’t run into each other at all. Thankfully, Minu doesn’t know anything about Jungkook [why would he?], but you can't remember if Jungkook knows how to spot Minu.

“I’m here with—“ “I know,” Jungkook cut you off almost bitterly, looking down at you with a dark gaze that had you awfully aware of how small the stall was when there were two people in it. The music from outside was nearly turned out completely ad it felt like everyone else was on a different planet than you but you knew Minu would wonder where you were soon. If not him, his friends would ask him where you were. Just before you could tell him, you needed to go back out, there was a knock on the restroom door. It was a public place and if someone was looking to use it, they wouldn’t have knocked…

You bit your lip nervously, waiting to see if they’d knock again but this time they spoke, “Y/n?”

You looked at each other with mixed expressions as the truth hit you. Minu was the one trying to get you to come out. You pushed past Jungkook to get the door open but he wouldn’t budge, ‘Jungkook,” you huffed, getting him to move aside so you can leave but he was right behind you.

Your boyfriend knocked again, this time sounding more impatient and you turned to Jungkook, “Can I just text you once I’m gone?”

His brows furrowed, “What? Ju tell him righ—“ “Please,” You begged and with a sigh, he nodded his head. You gave yourself a quick look to make sure you didn’t look bad and immediately sighed when you spotted the red bruise Jungkook put on your neck, using your hair to cover it, you opened the door wide enough for you to slip out.

”What took you so long?” Minu asked, standing right at the door and trying to stare in but you tried blocking it.

“I was fixing my makeup,” You lied, trying to get him to walk away, “What’s up?”

”I heard you talking to someone,” He pointed at the closed door and you prayed Jungkook wouldn’t decide to come out now. “I was fixing my makeup,” You said once more but it was obvious Minu didn’t believe you. Usually he’s clueless about anything that has to deal with you so it was strange how adamant he was to stick around.

‘It still looks like shit,” He muttered under his breath, half tempted to swing the door open and see for himself. He wasn’t as dumb as you thought he was. You’ve been gone for a while and he swears he heard a guy’s voice just now. Plus, you were acting strangely, “Where’s your bag?”

Shit…

Jungkook stood with his ear pressed to the door and looked into the stall you once were. Thinking quickly he grabbed the mini bag just as Minu said, “Go get it.”

You squeezed your eyes shut with worry, bracing yourself to go back in while still making sure Jungkook wasn’t seen but your efforts were useless. Minu looked in far enough to watch a tattooed hand pass you your bag. Someone was hiding there.

Your breath caught in your throat when you went back out, noticing how close Minu was to you now and it told you everything you needed to know. He was onto you and the last thing you needed was him to storm in and confront Jungkook while all your friends are out there waiting. How stupid could you be? You should’ve never answered Jungkook when he stood outside.

“Let’s go,” His tone was sharp and unusual/ it was obvious he was mad but he was also too calm for your liking and that almost scared you more. Usually he doesn’t bite back from telling you how he feels. Yes, at times he can be too dismissive but when it comes to how he feels, he never holds back. That’s why it’s strange for him to not say anything.

“Min—“ You tried to call for him but he was already a few steps ahead of you, wa;Kim out of the hall and back to the crowded bar. He barely gave you time to react when he took your hand in his and forced a smile on his face as he told his friends the two of you were calling it a night. He made some excuse about you drinking too much and when you tried looking for Eunbi, he didn’t let you go and dragged you to the car.

He refused to speak to you for the first couple minutes in the car, your leg bounced with anxiety and you bit your nails nervously waiting for him to speak up.

“I can’t believe you’d fucking embarrass me like that,” Was the first thing he said after five agonizing minutes in dead silence. “In front of my friends? In front of your friends? What were you thinking?”

So does he know? You can't exactly tell since he’s not yelling at you over it yet.

“I’m out here looking like an idiot trying to find you and you’re being a slut with another guy. Are you stupid? How am I gonna face my friends? I just don’t get why you’d do this to me. I treat you so well, I love you so much and you were willing to risk what we have for some random guy?” It took you a second to understand what he was mad about. Was it just that he caught you with someone? Was it that you did it somewhere where his friends were also? Did he feel like you weren't grateful for whatever imaginary things he’s done for you? He has a right to be upset but what reason was he going to use and why were his friends brought up into everything?

It was time for you to just be honest, or as much as he’d let you be anyway, “He’s not just some… I’m sorry, okay? I’m stupid and shameless and I know there’s not anything I can say right now to fix what I fucked up.”

All Minu could do in response is scoff and shake his head. He went back to not speaking to you and you decided it’d be better to just wait until he was ready. He’s being too calm but you rather have him like that than yelling in your face in a moving car. You were sur[rised when he still chose to take you back to his place like originally planned but you understood why. He probably wanted you to speak up now, “Minu…”

“No, Y/n, I can’t even look at you right now. Why would you do that to me? After three years, you just… you try and throw it all away, why? I don’t even care who that guy is, all I want to know is why you’d do that,” Minu said, finally being more open to talking but you can tell he was barely holding his anger at bay.

“I don’t know,” you admitted, following him toward his bedroom as he began to rip off his jacket.

“Yes you do so can you just be honest with me for once and say it,” Minusaid and that’s when you started to feel a little confused. You were always honest with him, if anything this was the first time you’ve ever lied to him but it’s obvious why. You wanted to see other people behind his back but still have him around. You even tried telling him immediately the first night but couldn't bring yourself to tell him after how he acted that night. When you asked to have dinner so you can try again, he brushed you off, so what did he mean ‘be honest for once’?

“I don’t know,” You said again, “I just… he’s not like you. I don’t have to beg him for attention or fight with him about every little thing.”

You knew it was the wrong thing to say after you said but it was too late to take it back. He heard you clearly and whipped back to look at you, “So it’s my fault then?”

Shaking your head no, you tried to deny it, “That’s not what I’m saying—“

He stood near his desk, arm swinging across the top until a sack of old books fell to the floor along with a picture of you he had on his laptop. You didn’t bother to jump as you get a sense of familiarity. This is the guy you knew, this was your boyfriend—the one who gets mad and starts throwing things. It’s been a while since you’ve last seen him like this but hats because you’ve been avoiding him. He shook his head in disbelief and said, “Well I’m sorry we fight Y/n, all couples do. I didn’t realize that wasn’t fucking normal. I’m sorry that I’m busy and can’t pay every second of attention that you deserve. You want a guy like that? He’s what you want? I can’t give you what you want so you go to the next person that does? I could’ve slept with someone else since you won’t have sex with me anymore. You should’ve let me know and then we both could’ve been assholes.”

You sat on his bed, ;eating him keep going because you couldn’t think of anything else to say. You didn’t want to fight for forgiveness or beg him to take you back because clearly.

Once he stopped pacing back and forth, you tried again to speak, “I’m not saying what I did was right but I think it’s crazy that suddenly you’re this perfect boyfriend that didn’t deserve anything bad but what you’re saying is not true. You seriously think things were good between us?”

Minu had the decency and awareness to shake his head, “No but I was trying. I’ve been trying, that’s why I came with you tonigh—“

You stood up, feeling your patience run thin as you looked at your boyfriend, “I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t sit here and talk in circles with you like we always do about who treats who worse and who puts in more effort than the other. Neither one of us have been good to each other but I’m taking full blame for betraying you, if you want to break—“

“Are you stupid? I don’t want to break up!” He yelled, “I want you to sound like you mean it when you apologize. What are you even thinking? You think that guy gives a fuck about you? You want to end it with me so you can go be with him?” Minu asked, standing directly in front of you now, pushing on your shoulder, “You seriously think he’s what you want? After everything we’ve been through? You’re so ungrateful.”

“Hello? You can’t hear me or something? I said, you’re ungrateful,” he pushed you one last time, “Now that you found something better you want to leave me behind? No.”

“No?” You looked at him with disbelief. He didn’t want to break up. Not to mention he thinks you’re ungrateful. He thinks he does so much for you and it’s actually insane. “I’m ungrateful? I literally do everything for you and have you ever even noticed?”

“Don’t start Y/n,” he shook his head, “Stop trying to turn this o—“

“I’m not!” You told him angrily, “I said I was sorry, I don’t know what else you want me to do! It happened, I fucked yo and you still want to be together. Why? Just so you can hold it against me and keep being the way you are?”

“The way I am? I’m so sick and tired of your bullshit. You think you’re so much better than me at everything. You hate my friends, you hate that I don’t make as much as you do. You hate me.”

You sighed, “I d-don’t hate you. I just… I can’t anymore, do you know how hard it is to be with someone you don’t… I don't know… you don’t feel the same for? A—and I did it all wrong, if I knew I felt this way I should’ve just ended it sooner—“

“With who? With me? Why? Why can’t we just work through it? Do you really want to start over with someone else?” He looked at you with hatred in his eyes and it pissed him off. This is not how it’s supposed to be between you two. You both knew early on you were together because it felt… well, no, it didn’t feel right… but it felt comfortable? You didn’t ask much of each other and never did anything to move forward but he thought it was alright. Sure, he might’ve gotten lazy at times but what did he do that was so wrong you’d try and find comfort in someone else?

“I don’t,” You admitted with a sigh, “But I don’t want to be with you anymore. Call me selfish, clearly I am but I don’t want to be with you and have you constantly remind me how I messed up. I don’t want to keep putting up with the same routine because to be honest… I’m tired too. I’m tired of feeling less important than everything else in your life, Min. Hell, on days I really wanted you around you were too busy playing Minecraft. How do you think that made me feel? Like I said, I’m not making excuses I just… I don’t want to keep pretending to be happy with you.”

Minu didn’t say anything and you wondered how much he actually bothered to listen to. You just wanted him to understand there was no going back to before. He wouldn’t be happy. “You walked in on me with someone else and you couldn’t think of anything worse than embarrassing yourself in front of your friends.”

He scoffed, not denying what you said but not agreeing. It wasn’t like that exactly; he doesn’t think. His friends knew you well, they knew your relationship well and sure they also knew you fought but Minu doesn’t pretend for them… he’s not insecure like that… It’s just, well, he wants them to think he’s in a happy relationship because it makes it look like he has his shit together. You were always perfect for making him look good so of course he didn’t want them to see him out of character. It took him a second to realize there were a few tears in your eyes and it disgusted him—something he could finally admit, “Stop crying. You fucked everything up.”

Fine. You’ll take it. If he wants to yell at you more and just let it all out you’ll let him as long as it all just stops. If there be a point where it stops and you can be done. Your silence annoyed him more than your crying did and he couldn’t look at you anymore. You wanted to be done with him, fine, he doesn’t care, “Get out then.”

Your best option would’ve been to call a cab and wait at the front of the building but the thought of being anywhere near him had you walking into the night with tears down your face.

Jungkook prepared for this, alright? He wasn’t just some crazy guy who thinks everything would work out just fine. He knew you being in a relationship made things hard but maybe he didn’t plan ahead enough. He was too impatient to wait and he got with you as fast as he could. It was that easy, so why is it now… now that your boyfriend knows about him… why haven’t you called him back?

It’s been days and you haven’t responded to his texts or calls. He just wants to make sure you’re fine so why won’t you talk to him? It was beginning to bother him a little.

“Namjoon told me about what happened the other night,” Taehyung said as they found a spot to park for the gym. A mischievous smile appeared on his face, “Was he better looking than you?”

Jungkook scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief at his friend’s question. The guy was no competition at all so why are you bothering to ignore him instead? He can’t understand. Taehyung raised a curious brow as he watched his best friend just leave the truck without him. Sensitive topic, he wondered, following him into the gym.

“Is Y/n here?” Jungkook asked immediately. Hoseok was alone at the front for once and he didn’t care to get to know him at all. It’s been a few days since what happened over the weekend and hasn’t been able to see you. He has seen you at the gym but you’re out close enough or ever alone for him to approach you. It felt like you were avoiding him but why would you? What has he done wrong?

”I think she finished early today,” Hoseok said with a shrug. He’s been alone for a few hours now since Eunbi left with you and he’s got no clue what’s going on with you and Minu. Hosek’s gotten some of the story but not all of it. All he knows at the moment is that the two of you aren’t dating. Eunbi’s been trying to fish more out of you but he doesn’t know if she’s succeeded. It was a little strange that one of the regulars was asking for you. Jungkook doesn’t like one of your usual clients so why was he asking for you? Before Hoseok could even think to ask why, Jungkook as turning to his friend with a tense expression and stormed back out. Taehyung stood there confused, knowing exactly where Jungkook would go but kind of wishing he wouldn’t. He could’ve done more to keep him from leaving but was it worth it?

All the years he’s known Jungkook, he’s never kept himself from going after what he wants and he’s been more stuck on you more than anything at the moment. He doesn’t remember the last time he found him caught up on someone like this, or has gone as far as to ruin someone’s relationship but he’s done nothing aside from standing back and watching it all unfold.

You walked around the shop mindlessly, not looking at anything specific and barely listening to whatever comforting words Eunbi was trying to tell you. It didn’t work but you didn’t have the heart to tell her that.

“I mean, I feel like you both knew you were barely keeping the relationship going,” She tried saying. It didn’t help that you haven’t been fully honest with her either but at this point you don’t care. Yes, its being selfish but you didn’t end another person reminding you how shirt you are for messing with Jungkook. It didn’t help that he’s been trying to reach out to you and the smart idea would be to block him but you just can’t.its even worse toad it you miss him more than your now ex boyfriend.

“Are you going to try that on?” You asked, hoping to change the subject. She wanted you to come shopping with her so you wouldn’t lock yourself at home but right now you would prefer doing that instead. She looked down at the small pile of clothes in her hands and nodded, telling you she was going to the fitting room and left you alone to keep going through the racks. From your back pocket, you felt your phone vibrate and curiously you checked. When Jungkook’s name appeared on screen, you put your phone back away and tried to think about him. That was after the first ring, the second and third were harder to avoid.

“Hello?”

”Hey,” Jungkook let out a breath of fresh air once heard your voice on the other end, “I've been trying to call you…”

”I know, its been a weird lately few days,” You bit your lip in thought, looking toward the fitting room to see if Eunbi would be out soon, “Can I come over late? I think we should talk.”

Part of him wondered why your tone sounded off but he tried to remind himself what happened. Clearly you’re not with your boyfriend anymore and you need someone to talk to. Maybe you’ve realized he’s the only person you can open up to. A small smile adorned his features as he thought about seeing you. It hasn’t even been an entire week before he last saw you and it feels like its been forever. When he got home that evening, he didn’t bother telling Taehyung why he never went back and his friend never questioned it either. He waited around for you, cleaned his place, got dressed up for you and everything but when you knocked on his door, he nearly pulled you into his arms.

”I’ve got something in the oven, you haven’t eaten right?” He asked, letting you follow him inside trying to sound as relaxed as possible even when his heart was racing. You didn’t say anything, letting Bam run up to you to get a pet and you fed into it.

“I ate with Eunbi,” You told him honestly, “And I don’t think i'll stay long, to be honest.”

”Why?” He asked with a raised brow, “I thought you wanted to talk.”

you stood in his living room, still wearing your coat and holding your bag as if you were ready to leave any second and he didn’t like that. Were you planning on leaving already? You just got here, he’s barely had a chance to see you. You looked at him once he came back from the kitchen, turning off the oven since his dinner plans were cancelled and feeling annoyed by it. “What happened the other night..”

He let out a sigh, feeling a sense of deja vu to the time he found you in the saunas, “It’s fine.”

”It’s not, I’m serious this time,” You said, trying to sound firm but you knew Jungkook wouldn’t care. He’d find a way to disarm your hostility and get you in his arms again. Jungkook couldn’t help but scoff, “You haven’t ended it with him?”

“I did,” You said, “But obviously that doesn’t make everything alright. I still did something wrong and i hurt him—“

”And? You didn’t care when you and I were in bed together or when you would leave him to go see me,” Jungkook asked, stepping closer to you, “If he didn’t catch us when would you have told him? if you’re done with him i don’t get why you’re still playing hard to get.”

“You think I’m playing hard to get?” You asked, taken by surprise, “That’s crazy.”

“Well how else can you explain why you’re trying to push me away now?” He asked, getting closer and this time you backed away. With a small roll of your eyes, you crossed your arms over your chest and too him, “Why do you think?”

“Because its not fun for you anymore? Did it finally hit you how wrong it was because we’ve been doing this for how long now? Stop acting surprised that shit didn’t end well, you were sleeping with a whole other man knowing you had a boyfriend. Plus he treated you like shit,” Jungkook felt the need to remind you and it was getting hard to ignore his condescending tone. You didn’t expect him to baby you or tell you you’ve done nothing wrong but it wasn’t entirely your fault. He’s the one who kept going after you even when he knew you were in a relationship.

When you didn’t respond, he looked down at you closely, “Are you guys going to try and get back together?”

“No.”

”But you want to?” He asked, pushing for a response you didn’t want to give him. At this point you didn’t think he deserved to know either. The only reason why you’re trying to end things with him is because its too hard to ignore how wrong it was for you to involve yourself with him in the first place.

“No, but i also don’t think that means I should be with you,” You finally confessed. He didn’t say anything for a minute, staring down at you with an expression you couldn’t read. Usually, when Minu got quiet in the middle of a disagreement that meant he was going to get more aggressive. It usually involves throwing something or hitting furniture but Jungkook wasn’t doing any of that. Maybe he realized you weren't worth the fight and it kind of hurt you but he would be right. You weren't worth fussing over anymore, you think.

Plus, how likely would a relationship with Jungkook work? The way it started was built on disloyalty, what did he expect? Sure, he probably felt used but what else can you do? Nothing you say could change if he felt that way.

“I should go,” You tried to say, ignoring the scoff he let out. It’s obvious he was mad which was strange considering you’ve never been in a situation where Jungkook has to be mad at you but that’s whats happening right now.

His jaw tense with irritation, watching as you looked toward the door, getting ready to leave. That was it for you apparently. You said what you had to say and now you’re done with him. You’re trying to throw him away and clean your hands of all wrongdoings. This entire time he kept telling himself that he was different, that you really would realize he’s better and not think twice about choosing him but that isn’t the case at all. You want to rid yourself of both of them and it didn’t sit right with him.

His body moved before he could think about it clearly and grabbed you by your wrist, making you jerk back to him. His nails sunk into the skin making you wince, trying to pull yourself free and it took him a moment to realize he was actually hurting you. He let go of you quickly, shaking his head as if trying to clear his head and put some space between you. You looked at him with shock, trying to soothe the pain, “I’ll call you?”

It was probably not the best thing to say but you dumbly said it. He did seem to relax when you said but you weren't sure if he fully believed you or not. Maybe he was just happy you weren't mad about the way he just grabbed you suddenly.

He felt frozen in place, even after you left. It was a new feeling for him, this sense of being thrown away.

To be honest, this is not how he expected things to turn out. Yes, he knew he was getting into a big mess if he went for you knowing you had a boyfriend but at the moment he didn’t care—he still didn’t. He just thought that once he’d have you, you’d see that you don’t need another guy to waste your time. He tried waiting patiently for you to break up with that guy and after a while maybe he couldn’t take it anymore.

It was seeing you at the bar with your so-called boyfriend pretending to be happy that pushed him over the edge. Why did he have to see you being kissed by someone else? He’s the one you run to at night so was he second to you? He knows your ex did you wrong many times but what about you? How good of a girlfriend were you when you were fucking Jungkook behind his back?

Since you’ve lost your boyfriend you want to pretend nothing ever happened with Jungkook and that really does annoy him. Did you push away so you can hopefully get Minu back? Is that what this is? He refuses to believe you’re done with him just cause. There has to be a reason and he doesn’t want to hear that it was a mistake. If it was a mistake it wouldn’t have gone on for so long.

Fuck, right now he sort of hates you. Is that bad? He swears he wants you, he loves you and wants you to only think about him but you’re so stupidly selfish. You knew how he felt about you and you used that against him in some way. He was your dirty secret and in the moment it was fine but now that he’s alone it pisses him off.

The smart thing to do would be to move on. If he just puts what happened with you aside then he can move on. Maybe he’ll find someone he feels for him the way he does for them. Maybe he’ll take some time to himself. Who knows, all he has to do is stop thinking about you but it was so damn hard.

All Jungkook wanted to do was talk to you but he wasn’t allowing himself to. It’s been a couple days since you showed up on his doorstep and it’s taking everything in him to not reach out to you. You said your piece the other night and he should just respect it. That’s what he keeps saying in his head every time he catches a glimpse of you at the gym or when his finger hovers over your contact in his phone.

At that point his friends caught on to the fact that this bothered him more than he could admit. Namjoon would catch him anxiously checking his phone at work or getting irritated much easier. Taehyung couldn’t hold a conversation anymore without Jungkook sounding bored. He wasn’t interested in anything and he looked tired all the time.

“Just one drink Kook,” Taehyung said as the two packed their things in the locker room.

“No thanks,” Jungkook slammed his locker shut, slinging his bag over his shoulder and walking out. Today you were at the front desk looking over something on one of the computers and it hurt him to know you wouldn’t look up at him once.

He didn’t bother acknowledging Eunbi when she said goodbye and Taehyung felt lowered after you without a word. As Jungkook’s friend, he feels the need to be on his side. Clearly he knew all along that Jungkook was messing around with you and that it was wrong but it’s not all Jungkook’s fault. It’s mainly yours, he thinks, and if anything he’s annoyed you have his friend worked up. He doesn’t care talking to you until Jungkook is over his shitty mood and this could all blow over.

“Is it just me or do they just not talk anymore?” Eunbi asked absentmindedly, leaning back against the counter as she stared after the two, “It’s weird, Jin said he’s good friends with them so you think they’d be nicer to me in case we run into each other, right?”

“Mhm,” you hummed quietly, looking out the large windows of the gym front and watching them leave. You felt your chest tighten when you locked eyes with Jungkook, turning to look back at you and catching you staring. Eunbi narrowed her eyes as you shifted your head to look down, pretending to be focused on your schedule book. When she looked at Jungkook he was getting into his truck.

“So you still haven’t talked with Minu?” Eunbi asked curiously, “I mean good, I didn’t think the two of you would ever actually break up but clearly it needed to happen. You know what we need, a girls night out where you can just let loose and not worry about him getting mad at you.”

“I don’t think so,” You said with a smile. She frowned, glancing away in thought, “Honestly, I thought you’d be more relieved to be single but lately you’ve been so quiet about it. You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“I know,” You let out a sigh, “There’s not really anything to say. We’re not together anymore.”

“Hm,” Eunbi sounded dissatisfied but it’s all you could think of. The last thing you wanted was for your friends to be more involved in your clusterfuck of a life.

When you got home that night you had an odd sense of being watched. It wasn’t strong but uncomfortable at least. You couldn’t even explain it properly but it made you feel uneasy. It sort of opened your eyes to how vulnerable you’ve become. You got so used to Minu’s cold demeanor with you that nights alone weren’t a problem. Then Jungkook came along and every time he’d be at your side. Did you love him? Was it more than just you trying to find comfort in someone else? It was crazy to think you missed Jungkook more than the guy you dated for three years.

He thought about trying to talk to you but couldn’t bring himself to knock on your door. Instead he found himself calling Taehyung and taking him up on his offer earlier.

All he could think about though is how he could get you back. He worried you were still talking to your ex and that’s why you pushed him away. He wondered if you’d ever look at him again or if you’ll wait till his back is turned. You were still the only thing on his mind when he drank the feelings away.

“Alright, I gotta get going or I’m gonna be late.”

The shop was nearly empty when Namjoon decided to leave Jungkook to work alone tonight. He had plans and all Jungkook had for the night was crawling into bed and going to sleep. He cancelled his evening gym session with Taehyung in favor of working longer and avoiding you. He doesn’t want to but it’s for the best. You’re making it hard for him not to go find you. He wants to be patient and bide his time but how much longer will it take?

All he could think about as he worked alone past the sun setting was what you were doing. Who were you with? Who were you talking to or thinking about? Was he on your mind at all? You can't seriously avoid him for that much longer, right?

Some song played loudly through the speaker set aside, he nearly missed the sound of the doorbell chiming. Since business is extremely slow at this time of night, he usually just cleans up and tries to figure out what he has to do the next day. He didn’t at all expect anyone to make their way into the shop at this hour. The irony, however, of how things really worked. It took him a second to really notice who was standing in front of him with an impatient smile. “You’re open, right?”

“What can I do for you?” Jungkook stood at the desk in the lobby, looking at the guy with a blank expression. The guy got distracted by something on his phone so when he spoke next, he didn’t look up to talk. It gave Jungkook an opportunity to get a good look at him. It was the same face, same height he’s seen in pictures. His voice sounded the same from the phone calls and the other night. Was this really who thinks it is? No, there’s just no way this is a coincidence.

“An oil change,” He said plainly, pressing the phone to his ear and looking back at Jungkook.

“Alright,” his jaw tended created a small bulge in his cheek as he tried to ignore the guy’s tone, “Model and year?”

“Hey, you called? Sorry, I had to run errand after work,” The guy suddenly said on the phone and this time he couldn’t resist rolling his eyes.

Between whatever he said on the phone, he filled in Jungkook’s questions so that the paperwork could be filed.

“Sign your name and date and I’ll get started,” Jungkook told him, sliding the clipboard across the counter and watching him do as told.

“How long will it take?” He asked, Jungkook read the name he put and felt his breath hitch. Choi Minu.

“Half hour?” Jungkook looked up, gave him a polite smile and made his way out of the lobby so he can go to the garage and see what car was parked outside its door.

This piece of shit car lines up with the kind of guy who drives it. Muttered curse words slipped from his lips as he got to work. Would it be terrible of him to admit how much he hates the guy? Technically speaking, he never did anything to Jungkook. He is the one who put himself in a situation where he had to deal with Mimi’s type. The stuck up, shitty, insecure man who takes out his problems on his girlfriend—or at least that’s how Jungkook sees him. He was rude as fuck at the counter and he was rude that night he caught you. It sounds unreasonable to an extent sure, but Jungkook thinks he got what he deserved with you.

If he treated you better then Jungkook wouldn’t have had to step up.

He hated this guy. Hated him.

All these thoughts ran through his head as he laid under the car with a flashlight to his side trying to get the oil emptied out. His eyes wandered over other familiar mechanics and grimaced at the dust collected around everything. His wrench made a sound every time they touched metal and he wondered how often you were driven around in this car. You complained once about how Minu always asked to borrow your car so clearly you didn’t get in it as much. Plus, Jungkook’s truck was so spacious and you loved it when he drove you around, even said it yourself so he can’t imagine you being comfortable with Minu and the shit he had to offer you.

Curiously he looked to the wheels on either side of his head, an idea in his head that was half tempted to try if he was a little less… aware of what could happen. He’s never been the kind of guy to pull off such risks. Without meaning to, he tapped against the master cylinder and shook the thought away, trying to focus on the oil change.

“We’ve been having problems for a while but it’s not like us to not be together, yknow?” Minu said with a strained voice as he spoke on the phone still. Jungkook walked in, unnoticed, and pretended to ignore the conversation. In reality his heart was racing, wondering if he was hearing something about you.

“You know how Y/n gets, Rowoon, when she’s in her mood she doesn’t want anything talking to her. I promise we’re fine,” Minu walked toward the front desk, clueless to his surroundings, “How much?”

When he finally spoke to Jungkook, he was pulling his wallet out to pay. He told him the price and managed to say, “Cash only,” before he tried handing him a credit card.

Minu rolled his eyes and flipped the other of his wallet to grab cash, all while still on the phone, “Alright, imma let you go. Are we still on for Saturday? Yeah, see you then.”

With a sigh, Minu was relieved to see he had enough on him. Usually paying with a card isn’t a problem so it was strange that they only accepted cash but he didn’t question it. He just wants to go home and get on a game.

He extended his hand out with the money, looking at the mechanic finally before looking down at his hand when he took the cash. His body stiffened, “Nice tattoos. Where do you go?”

“A shop somewhere around here,” Jungkook with a shrug, rolling the sleeve of his shirt up, a small smirk stretching his lips as he watched Minu’s gaze harden.

Where could he have seen this exact pattern of tattoos? Surely they weren’t so common but they seemed so oddly familiar. Minu nodded his head, getting a better look at Jungkook. He’s never met him before but he swears he’s seen those tattoos somewhere before.

“You’re all set to go,” Jungkook said, clutching the clipboard with Minu’s forms to his abdomen, “Drive safe.”

Minu nodded, taking his keys and turning his back on him. As he passed by the communications board on the wall, he found a few business flyers and he couldn’t help but concentrate on a familiar business card. It was for a gym somewhat far from here and Minu knew then something was up. The gym you worked at wasn’t popular enough to be here and how it would get promo over here? He looked back at the mechanic who had the audacity to wave him goodbye, a real smile on his face as he watched him leave.

Once he was alone in the shop, his hands trembled with discomfort, hearing the engine come to life and Minu drove off without a care. Never in his life has he had to restrain himself from putting his hands on another. It was from how arrogant Minu was as and how confident he was that everything was going to be alright. That’s how he is, just think of how he pretended the two of you were wildly in love in front of his friends. How he refused to confront Jungkook the night it all happened. Jungkook had been just a door away yet Minu was a coward and took you home instead. The guy was a joke.

He grabbed his cellphone and went into his boss’s private office looking for a wired telephone. He pulled up your contact and dialed the number.

“Hello?”

“Y/n, it’s me—before you hang up, I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” Jungkook rushed, “I know I only made things worse in your relationship and never really cared to know how you really felt. I have feelings for you and I don’t think they’ll go away that fast but if you never want to talk to me again I get it. I just had to hear you one last time.”

His words were rushed and almost incoherent but you were able to get the gist of what he was saying. Was this his goodbye though? He just apologized and told you he had feelings for you all while also making it seem like you’ll never speak to each other again. That’s what you wanted though, right? You wanted space from him, so why did it bother you that he was making it sound like he was done with you too?

“What are you doing right now?” You asked him curiously, trying not to think about everything he just said. You needed to hear him say this in person.

He looked around the empty shop, “At work but I’ll be off soon.”

“Can you come over?”

Just like that, his miserable mood after seeing your ex boyfriend at his work. He had been anxious to talk to you after Minu left and it brought a smile to his face knowing you wanted to see him. It’s stupid how weak he was for you. You push him away and he waits for you to pull him back in. You keep him a secret but crave his attention at the same time.

“Jungkook?” He heard your voice call his name from the front or the apartment. He took his shoes off and put them at the door, hanging his jacket where he usually does and headed down the familiar hallway.

“Sorry it took me a while, I had to close by myself tonight,” Jungkook cleared his throat, finding you in your bedroom, seemingly changed into casual clothes, “Did my call bother you?”

“Sort of,” you crossed your arms over your chest, closing yourself off from him when he got closer. Seeing you do that made him stop; looking down at you with a confused expression.

“I don’t get you,” You admitted, feeling his hands on your forearm, trying to get yourself to open up to him, “At first I thought you just wanted to mess around and that you didn’t actually care about me, yknow? Then when I told you I had a boyfriend you talked to me so… bluntly and tried to write it off like some sort of joke but then we spent more time together and I wanted it to work between us.”

He wanted to tell you that it was working between you but he had your arms open and was able to move closer. “I know I’m being unfair because I was the one in the wrong to begin with but I don’t like how you sounded on the phone—like you were done with me or something.”

His lips turned downward in a small pout, “I thought that’s what you wanted to hear. You were avoiding me and ignoring my calls, it hurt.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so dumb,” you tried to turn away from him but he held you closely, “I’m so fucked up, Jungkook and I don’t have anyone to talk to right now because all my friends think Minu and I broke up because he was the problem and not me and I’m not bold enough to tell them I cheated an—“

“Shh,” he tucked hair behind your ears, “Didn’t I say I would be here for you? You’re not dumb, we made a mistake.”

It was strange yet comforting to hear him say that after telling you over and over again how it was never a mistake. You let him hug you and even brought your arms around him too, relaxing into his hold.

“I’m sorry,” You said again, this time with your voice shaking and closing your eyes to stop you from crying. It’s your own fault you’re so close to spiraling out of control and you refuse to let anyone else know. Eunbi would look at you differently, Ara wouldn’t want you around anymore and Hoseok… well, who knows. You messed around with someone at your workplace and ruined your relationship all in one go. It’s a lot to face and Jungkook shouldn’t be comforting you because you’ve been very tense with him too but he seems to be the only one who ever makes you feel better.

“It’s the weekend, right? How about we just spend it together and we’ll do whatever you want baby,” Jungkook pulled away, “Yeah?”

Your brows furrowed, wondering why he wasn’t more upset with you after everything but you nodded your head. You’ve never spent a full weekend with him before and right now it’s all you want to do, “I want to see Bam.”

He smiled warmly, “Do you want to come to my place instead?”

Something about the way the light of the moon peeked through the blinds and how the arm around your waist held you possessively made waking up feel like deja vu. Of course at this point you’ve spent the night in Jungkook’s bed many times but it reminded you specifically of the first. How confused and shocked you were to see him asleep beside you. Once again, you've found yourself with him between dusk and dawn trying to figure out what you were doing.

You looked at the nightstand to your side and reached for your cell phone. The sleeping body next to yours seemed to move closer, trying to pull you back down and you tried to be quiet as you took your phone and looked at it.

“Baby, do you know what time it is?” Jungkook groaned in his sleep. It didn’t take him any time to adjust to being with you again and it was truly mind boggling to know that. It’s like he really was just waiting around for you to want him back.

“I know but I have to go to the bathroom,” You told him, shaking his arm off and getting out of bed. He didn’t question it when you locked yourself in the bathroom and finally paid attention to everything on your phone.

Six missed calls.

This many missed calls from an unknown number was alarming and you felt the need to figure out what was going on. It wasn barely three in the morning, what could have happened from now and the moment you got in bed with Jungkook?

“Y/n, it’s me Rowoon,” A guy said through the phone the second the call went through, “I’ve been trying to contact you all night.”

Your brows furrowed, why would Minu’s best friend be calling you?

“Look, I know you guys aren’t together right now but he needs you right now.”

“What are you talking about?” You asked, whispering so Jungkook wouldn’t hear.

“I’m at the hospital, Mimi’s been in an accident,” Rowoon told you and you froze. What was he trying to say? Was Minu involved? “Minu’s in critical condition a nd I’ve been with his parents since we found out. I guess someone found him somewhere off the interstate when they saw his car was completely demolished. Everyone’s still trying to figure out what happened and it’s been hours, I’ve been trying to reach you—“

A light knock made you jump in surprise, remembering Jungkook was out waiting for you.

“Okay, give me a second, I’ll uh… which hospital?” You looked at your reflection in the mirror trying to take your hair.

“Y/n,” Jungkook knocked again, trying to get the door open, “It’s so late.”

“I have to go,” You swung the door open, surprised by how close he was and walked around him to start getting your things. Yes, this definitely felt similar to your first night with him.

“At this hour? No, come on I thought we were spending the day together,” Jungkook said, following after you in just a pair of sweats and not caring about it at all, “Where are you going?”

Do you tell him the truth? How would he react? Just last night you were talking things over with him and trying to see if this could work and now you’re leaving him for Minu. Of course there's a reason behind it but does Jungkook need to know? He watched you get dressed in yesterday’s clothes and scratched the back of his neck, confused.

“Can I tell you when I come back?” You asked, heading out of his bedroom with your things.

“You left your car at your place so don’t you have to tell me if I’m taking you somewhere?” He asked, tone even and calm.

Shit.

“I’ll get an Uber or something, let me figure out what’s going on before I bring you into this,” You told him, knowing what you said would only urge Jungkook to keep pressing you. He’s not the type to just let things go you’ve learned.

“Is this about Minu?” Jungkook asked, eyes narrowing suspiciously, “You’re done with him.”

A sigh left your lips, shaking your head, “It’s not like that, I am done with him bu—“

“Then why are you trying to bail on me for him right now?” Somehow and you’re not sure how it happened, but he was standing in front of the door keeping you from leaving. It didn’t feel intimidating but he was making it hard for you to just leave like you normally do, “He’s going to be fine.”

He said it somewhat bitterly, looking away from you for a second and you nearly missed the way his jaw clenched. His words comforted you for a short moment before you began to think it over.

Minu probably will be fine, he’s strong and has people supporting him. Even if you cheated that doesn’t mean you lost all feelings for the guy. He’ll always be part of you in some way, a reminder or a memory. He’s going to be fine, possibly, but what does Jungkook know? Did everyone around you hear the news before you could?

“How can you be so sure?” You asked, wanting to see how much he knew about the accident.

Jungkook smiled, relaxing his face as he ran his fingers through his hair, “I mean… you know… he’s a grown man and the two of you are over. What do you need to go see him for? He’ll be fine.”

“Jungkook, he was in an accident,” You finally said, hoping he’d just drop it and let you go.

He released a huff, irritated and barely holding it together as he pinched between his forehead, “And he’s still alive so why are you rushing out at this hour?”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“I’m just saying, clearly the car accident wasn’t that bad if he’s still breathing,” His annoyed tone only became more noticeable when he got closer, hands suddenly holding your face, brushing hair back and trying to smile, “So relax and just stay with me like you promised, okay?”

You blinked in realization, trying to take a tentative step back but he kept you out where you were, “Car accident?”

“I heard a little of your phone call,” Jungkook said with a shrug but you were pushing him off. “I’m going to the hospital.”

“Y/n—“ The door slammed shut as you snuck away from his hands and he was grasping at air. With another sigh, he went to Bam’s bed, asking if he wanted to go on the balcony for air and acting like nothing happened.

You barely made it downstairs when your phone began buzzing to life with another phone call. You answered without question, “I’m on my way now, is there anything I should bring?”

“No, I just wanted to tell you what authorities are saying,” Rowoon said standing outside his best friend’s hospital room, “At first they thought he might’ve been drinking because it was late but tests came back negative. They had a mechanic check out the car just now and I guess something was wrong with his brakes.”

Minu’s brakes? He’s had problems with them before but you remember paying nearly a thousand dollars to fix it for him so what was wrong with them this time?

“Do you know where he went after work?”

“I remember calling him and he said he had some errands to run, he’d been talking about getting an oil change and going to pick up some parcels from the lockers but I don’t know if he did that last night,” Rowoon told you through the phone, “The lockers he usually goes to are south but I guess he was coming from the north side of the interstate when he wrecked. It was probably close to 10pm when it happened.”

You live north but Minu always lived further from you. What was he doing on the north side, getting an oil change? Wouldn’t whoever was working on the oil change notice his brake lines?

“Okay, uh, I’ll be there as soon as I can, I'm not home so I need to get some things, I’ll call you,” You cleared your throat, looking at Jungkook’s large truck and the familiar decal of the auto shop he worked at.

Before you knew it, you found yourself turning right back around and going back to Jungkook. You didn’t bother knocking as you let yourself in and found him relaxed in his living room, “What time did you get off work last night?”

“I thought you wanted to go see your piece of shit ex,” he couldn’t hide his annoyance even if he tried. The short minutes you were gone he’d managed to upset himself with the thought of you going to see Minu and how he possibly made it worse for himself. You’re worried about Minu, which is not what he wanted at all. He needs to stop acting so impulsively because it bites him in the ass. For all he knows, he could be pushing you back with your ex. Although annoyed, he couldn’t help but answer your question anyway, “You know what time I got off, I came over right after.”

When he called it was about 9:40pm, the shop is usually open until 10 since it’s one of the only places running so late some nights they’re busy and some nights they’re slow. There’s no way Minu would’ve found himself there, right?

Sure, he works late at the office sometimes and he waits till last minute to do things and if he’s in dire need of an oil change and can’t wait for the next day; there’s a chance he’ll go to whatever shop is open late but there’s no way.

When you talked on the phone with Jungkook he wasn’t doing anything, saying he was ready to close but the shop isn’t too far from the interstate going south and if Minu were to be going home from the shop, that’s about a forty minute drive. You had to be overthinking things.

A smile stretched across his face as he looked at you, “Change your mind and want me to drive?”

“Why’d you call me last night?” You asked suddenly and he felt the urge to laugh. Since you had left just moments ago he knew he wasn’t going to be able to sleep again and now you’re questioning him about the dumbest of things.

“Because I wanted to talk to you,” Jungkook answered without missing a beat, “You look freaked out, come here.”

“Jungkook, just tell me right now, did you run into Minu last night?” You asked. You weren’t trying to sound so accusative but you just had to know so you can have peace of mind. There’s just no way the man you had an affair with would do something to your former partner.

It’s so cliche, so vindictive, bizarre, shameless.

But then again Jungkook is nothing but — and he’s proven that to you since the moment he found out you were taken. You’ve been shameless with him but that doesn’t mean he’d go as far as to hurt someone? Sure, there’s been times you think he’s too intense or too caught up on you but he’s also such a playful flirt that it throws you off. Was there a side to Jungkook you didn’t know about? A side that hurts others and has no remorse? He’s always blunt which you know, but he’s been so abrasive about Minu. He practically told you to get over it because Minu’s alive but why’d he say it the way he did? Now that you’re thinking it over… he was sort of… apathetic. You’d think he’d have some sort of empathy.

This entire time Jungkook can see the wheels turning in your head. He hated keeping things from you but he can’t tell you everything. There’s things someone does for the person they care for that they just can’t say. He did this for you so you wouldn’t have to worry about Minu tryin to get in the middle of you two again so why are you looking at and questioning him so hard? The best thing he can do right now is keep his cool.

“I can’t remember,” He said, eyes locked with yours as if daring you to ask something else. Will you?

“They said there was a problem with his brakes which is kind of weird because I footed the bill a few months ago to have them fixed,” You told him, walking closer.

He just shrugged, “Whoever fixed them did a shitty job then I guess. Sorry you wasted your money on him.”

“You really didn’t see him? Apparently he was on this side of town an—“

“I don’t remember, fuck I thought you were done. Can we stop talking about him?” He stood up abruptly, arms on your waist and pulling you into him harshly, “I love you, you know that? I’ve never actually said that before but it feels right telling you.”

He waited to hear you say it back but you didn’t.

“You did something, didn’t you?” You gripped his forearms, feeling them tighten so you could pry him off you, “You’re acting weird and it’s weirding me out so just tell me it’s not a coincidence.”

“If I were to do anything it’s because I don’t want you to worry about anyone else anymore,” Jungkook said, locking his arms in place so you couldn’t move. He felt your struggle trying to get his arms off but he gets what’s going on. You’re acting strange and accusing him [of things he clearly did] but it doesn’t look like you’re interested in hearing him out. He doesn’t want to confine you and dim your spark like Minu did, but he wants you to relax and trust that he’ll fix things for you.

“Let me go,” You said, breathing hitching when he began to walk you back toward the living room, “I have to go.”

“No, I don’t think you do. You said that earlier and you still came back so why don’t you just stay?” He let you down into his couch, “Minu’s not going anywhere I’m sure so just stay with me. It’s kind of bothering me that you’re still giving him any attention.”

“It was you, you did something to him,” You tried getting back to but with no effort needed, he had you sitting again, this time with his hands on the back of the couch trapping you. Your hand pushed at his chest trying to find room around him to get yourself out but he gripped your hand roughly and yanked it over your head, “Look, I did you a favor. I was just thinking about you and what would be easier for us.”

Jungkook hovered over you, keeping you from moving and dug his knee in the space between your legs while his hands held yours over your head. His hair fell over his face now but it didn’t obscure his vision of you. You tried kicking your legs up but it did nothing and you felt like screaming with frustration.

“You could’ve gotten him killed,” You spat back feeling the urge to laugh bitterly, “And for what?”

“For you,” Jungkook leaned down so he was more eye level with you, “I remember the first time I’d seen you, you barely looked at me, y'know. I tried getting over it because, really, it wasn’t anything serious at all but then I started going to the gym more often and every time I’d see you I’d just… well, I thought you were pretty.”

“I knew you had a boyfriend before you even said anything,” He admitted watching your expression change to realization, “And I was a little nervous about pursuing you still but you made it so damn easy, Y/n.”

You looked away from him, disgusted with yourself and shook your head as if it’d change things, “You didn’t know anything about me.”

“So? I knew that I liked you and that you were with someone you didn’t care abo—“

“That’s not true!” You tried to argue, stiffening when he cupped your face with his hand. His touch suddenly felt cold and uncomfortable against your skin. You attempted to shake him off, “I actually loved Minu, I s-still do and I’m going to go see him and he’s going to take me back, I know he will because he’s said it and I’m never going to see you again because you’re a crazy stalker freak.”

A laugh sounded through the room and the fingers cupping your chin tightened around your jaw making you wince, “You can’t love someone you don’t even fucking like. Give me a break, Y/n I’ve had to listen to you for weeks tell me how you don’t like him, you can be mad at me all you want but that doesn’t change the fact that you don’t care about him. He’s in some hospital room fighting for his life, probably asking where the girl he’s loved for years is and you had a chance to go. I gave you a chance to walk out my door but what did you do? You came back, love.”

“Shut up,” you fought against his hold, feeling him get closer and closer to you and it was freaking you out. Just hours ago you welcomed his warmth and how he felt against you but right now it was making you sick to your stomach. He’s acting differently and he’s being strangely aggressive and telling you things you don’t want to hear and admitting things that are wrong. He’s done something to hurt someone you once held a lot of love for and he doesn’t care.

“Why? You don’t like the truth,” his forehead pressing into yours to keep you from looking away from him and he could practically feel the tear slip from your eye and into his skin, “You wasted three years with him just to not be by his side when he needs you the most.”

“You’re not letting me—“ A strangled whine left your lips as he forced his mouth into yours. You fought against his hold on your wrists, pushing back into the couch to get further away from him. Your refusal to kiss him back hurt him more than your fight against his grip did, “I told you I’d be there for you and figure it out so why are you being so mean to me right now? You weren’t supposed to care about what happens to him now. You hate him, I know you do so please stop pushing away from me.”

You blinked nervously, looking around him and searching his face for what he was thinking. His grip on your wrists was tight by the way his fingers trembled everytime he took a breath. He had you fully caged underneath him and there was no way for you to get him to ease up. You had to think. Of course you’ve never been in a situation like this and despite the many times Minu got aggressive he never did anything more than shove you away. He never made you feel restricted like this with nowhere to move. Part of you wanted to freeze up but then the other part of you wanted to run. Jungkook has always been sweet [right?], so why is he acting crazy?

He was becoming unpredictable and an unpredictable man is a scary one.

Jungkook felt your wrists go limp and you released a sigh, trying to keep yourself calm and it gave him an ounce of hope. Sure, he could’ve gone a better way about things to keep you from leaving but he had to be sure you didn’t leave. There was no point in continuing to pretend he didn’t know Minu or how he got hurt. He went too far, he knows, but it’s a little too late to regret that, right? If he lets you go you’ll leave him and who knows, probably tell authorities. It’s be hard to prove it was him unless you spoke up. It’ll be written off as an accident and Minu will be fine so there’s no need for you to go anywhere. It’s not like he put his hands on the guy… so what? You’ll come to realize it was so bad, right?

When you looked up at him he couldn’t find the disgust in your eyes from earlier and that made him happy. He pressed a soft kiss to your temple, feeling the salt of your tears and checking to see how you’d react to him this time. You didn’t flinch away and he took it as a good sign. Unable to stop himself, he tried kissing you again. Your breath hitched, giving him a delayed response as you tried to kiss him back. Something was wrong with him deep inside and it made you want to be as far from him as you could. You didn’t want to kiss him but it’s been a lie you’ve told yourself since you met him. The truth is you like kissing Jungkook and being around him but he makes things too complicated for you.

His lips were soft, as usual, and the hand he had cupping your face was sliding toward your neck, disappearing into your hair and trying to get you to lean your head back so he can deepen the kiss. Just as he began to relax and melt against your touch, you bit.

Your teeth dug into his bottom lip, hooking onto the lip ring and pulling hard enough for him to jump back. The second he stumbled off you, you finished giving him a shove and sprinted toward the front door.

“Aish,” he held his hand to his lip, feeling liquid trickle onto his fingers. You nearly tore his lip off using his piercing and with an annoyed grunt, he spit out, looking down the open front door. You’re starting to piss him off.

You sprinted down the hall, feeling around the pockets in your gym shorts for your phone but felt nothing. Did it slip out when you were fighting for him? You refused to look back and see if he was coming after you or not so you ran down the stairs.

The sun wasn’t even out yet and most places around weren’t open yet. You needed to get ahold of someone, anyone. You were in little clothes with no identification on you and no way to pay for a cab fee. Did you seriously drop your phone? If you’re lucky, there’s some street vendor getting ready to start their morning or maybe someone walking their pet. It’s not completely dead.

“Excuse me,” You shouted from across the street, trying to get the attention of some old person walking toward the bus stop. You ran across the empty street and got her attention, “I’m sorry, c-can I borrow your phone? I lost mine and I need to make a call.”

She handed you an old model and stared at you confused as you tried to dial someone. The police would be the best thing but maybe you were more stupid than you thought. Something was stopping you from doing it. What if you were overreacting? What if this was all in your imagination or maybe you escalated the situation without knowing it?

“Did you cut your lip?” The woman asked, pointing at the blood trickling down your chin, “Have you been in an accident?”

You wiped off Jungkook’s blood and looked back to his building. What if you’re the one who gets in trouble? What if they say you attacked him? You can tell them that whatever happened to Minu was because of Jungkook but that’s only happened a few hours ago and they’re still trying to get him help. Jungkook was with you, it would take a while for them to believe it.

No, not the police. You should call Eunbi or Hobi, yes, that’s better. Your fingers froze over the buttons, shifting nervously as you tried to remember their numbers. Fuck, why can’t you think right now? You pushed the phone back into her hands, “I’m sorry.”

The woman called for you but you were walking away, shaking your head anxiously. It was cold and your brain was hurting. You’re trying to understand what is going on but it feels like you’re blanking. What did Jungkook do? What did you do?

Jungkook ran downstairs, he wore a black hoodie and ball cap and with a wound closure bandage on his lip. He fished his keys out of his pocket and checked the time, 4am.

It took him a while to clean up so there’s a chance you’re long gone but he’s going to find you. You just need to talk it out.

Across the street he found someone sitting at the bus stop and though his truck was just a few yards back, he headed in her direction. “Excuse me, ma’am, I was um… I was wondering if you’ve seen a woman around here?”

She looked at him strangely, eyes catching on his busted lip and he touched it insecurely, “You see, my girlfriend and I just got into a little bit of a disagreement and I’ll admit it’s my fault. I’ve upset her and she left really mad at me. I want to give her space but I at least want to make sure she’s alright. I mean look at the sky, the sun’s not even out yet.”

“You don’t have to tell me where she went but can you at least tell me if you saw someone get in a car or not? She was in shorts and a pink shirt, pretty face and she’s about this tall?” He proceeded to describe you.

“She didn’t get in a car,” Was all the woman said to him. For all she knew it could’ve very been a lover’s quarrel. Jungkook took what little information she gave him and ran back to his truck.

What hospital did Rowoon say again? How far was it? What street were you on? Why can’t you remember? Are you shutting down right now because you can’t. You can’t just let yourself forget everything. You stood at the end of a street trying to read the street sign, jumping when a car passed.

You weren’t crazy enough to ask a stranger for a ride at this point but would Jungkook just let you go? You had a heated argument just now and he’s already proven to be more unhinged than you thought. Maybe it’s best to stay off the main streets. You know this neighborhood well enough, surely you’ll pass by a street you recognize.

You know your bag sat on the couch most likely with your phone and you hated how stupid you were. Not only did you let him drive you to his place last night but you also left all your things when you fled.

Jungkook knew you couldn’t have gotten far without your things, especially if you were on foot so he drove down the streets slowly, looking around every shadow and alleyway. He hated that you were scared and out there. You should’ve just stayed with him. Why are you complicating things? Maybe he should ditch the truck and go on foot like you.

You did a 360 of the street you were on, okay, you can kind of tell where you’re at. What time was it? There was a sliver of orange in the sky, the sun wasn’t out yet but soon it would be. You turned down the corner, stopping abruptly as you stared ahead. You covered your eyes with your hands as the bright led headlights of a familiar black car stood before you.

“Are you lost?” Jungkook asked, stepping toward you cautiously, “You left all your things when you left in such a hurry, I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

You blinked, “What time is it?”

“A little past five in the morning, come here,” Jungkook called for you but you didn’t move, “Babe, if you want me to take you to go see him I will but please just come with me. You’re acting out of line, I mean look at me. You bit me.”

He pointed at his swollen, bandaged lip and took another step toward you, “Bam is scared and you’ve woken up all the neighbors I’m sure. I know you’re upset because someone you once cared for is hurt but you’re acting paranoid.”

“W-where are my things?” You asked, feeling his hand touch your side.

“At my place, come here, it’s cold,” He pulled you into him and winced at the feel of your trembling body against his. He tightened his arms around you, petting the back of your head and trying to lead you to his running truck.

“I need my things,” you mumbled, letting him help you into his truck And buckle you in. He smiled, kissing your hand gently, “I know, we’ll get them, okay? I told you I’m here for you so relax.”

You nodded your head but he could tell you weren’t fully listening. He locked your door as a precaution and quickly made it to his side. He knocked the hat and hood off his head and shook his hair free. His truck was tinted and hard to see through and the street was dark so he felt more at ease now that you weren’t out on it wandering around.

Honestly, he’s not ashamed to admit how surprisingly easy it was to get you back in his arms. He just needed to find a way to keep you here with him like hes been wanting this whole time.

E N D

::.

NO PART TWO

I got tired mid editing sorry

okok ik yall are probably mad at the ending but listen 😭im tired of damn fic 😔like I feel like realistically shit really would hit the fan so fast and that’s why I rushed the ending

I haven’t posted in five months and I had so much of this complete but the end I’m like ahhhhh

anyway I kno there’s going to be mega y/n haters but remember jk is crazy too 🤓

what do we think tho 🫣ngl I thought he was kinda hot but like such an asshole but also so sweet but also a manipulator

inbox is open for questions about the fic so ask about the characters it’s probs confusing

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