#there’s just no other option! so many people live in binaries and the best i could hope for is having them think i’m the other option

[spinner-of-yarns]

Being mostly used to writing, where I can simply let pronouns and gendered words do the heavy lifting for me when it comes to conveying this person is nonbinary and this is a queer relationship without dealing with appearance and body shape and presentation, doing the same in visual art is not very straight forward.

[dearestkong]

reflections // starting the summer term 🌷💌

(feel free to skip … just a lot of rambling about changes of mindset, i’ll sum it up later in my new pinned.)

it’s been more than a month since I’ve started this blog, and I’m really really glad that I did. not because my productivity has spiked or my anxiety has diminished or whatever (though there have been positive effects), but because just attempting to start something like this meant that I was no longer willing to suffer and rot in private. i talked about the “hole of dysfunction and self-hatred” in my old introduction: for so long, that hole was my best-kept secret and my greatest shame. being competent and ambitious was an aspect of my personality, and I couldn’t handle the idea that it wasn’t true.

but then…. dearestkong emerged!! and I started being completely transparent. telling strangers about every day of self-destructiveness. it was a good form of accountability, sure, but it was also a means of telling the truth. this blog has been a way for me to say: i’ve been struggling, and it’s not a fluke or a “flop era” or something entirely disconnected from the high achiever i used to be. the girl fighting off inertia and the girl seemingly doing everything with ease are the same person.

🌷☆彡

my posts have been getting more optimistic recently, and that isn’t a fluke, either. lots of things have happened: i’ve realised how many people support and believe in me, i started taking medication for a problem i’ve had for a while (it’s crazy how the world seems so much brighter now?!!?!), i started writing in my diary again. i’m now 27 days clean from a self-destructive behaviour (this blog isn’t about my relationship with that, but in the early days i used to make a note of relapses and just the fact of acknowledging it felt so freeing to me. it wasn’t something to hide anymore, but a fight i was making progress with.)

this seems like a rapid evolution for such a new blog, right?! but in the next six months, i’m going to be applying to university. i’m about to undergo some of the most rapid evolutions of my life.

🌷☆彡

for so long, i’ve had this vague and unspecified dream: “doing the best” “working my hardest” “impressing my teachers”. now my dream has a name and a face and admissions results attached to it and it’s making me so scared that i want to throw up. when i was in the depths of the hole i couldn’t stop seeing my life as a binary. either i get in, or i don’t. and if i don’t, what the hell is the point of living?

38 days later and i feel a little differently. i am someone who has climbed out the hole of inertia and lived. i have done many things and they’ve all turned out fine— great, actually. i have reason to believe that things will go well.

i still have a pretty nasty relationship with myself, lol. it makes me really happy when people on this blog interact and talk, but they’re all so nice and it makes me feel a little fake. in reality i’m standoffish, awkward, and often mean. i coast by on intellectual abilities while slacking off. i’m a judgemental egoist who is sometimes self-destructive. all of that is true—>

but at the same time, i still have this crazy belief that i deserve the best. it’s literally an overflow of egoism ;;;; there’s nobody i’m more in love with than myself. i think of the girl i’ll be in the future with such affection, and i don’t want her to feel ashamed or resentful of me. she deserves to have her hopes fulfilled!! she deserves the brightest, the best that i can give her.

in conclusion: even if i don’t like the person i am at the present, i have to do it anyway. 1 because there’s no other option and 2 because i love the person i’ll be in the future too much to stop.

🌷☆彡

so from now on, the purpose of this blog is changing slightly. it’s no longer “get out of the hole and survive” like it used to be. we’re past that, we’re already surviving.

now, the aim is to “do my best so my future self can live with no regrets”. that’s not very concise but I’ll work on it.

let’s do this! 加油！

[captainjonnitkessler]

haven't people been putting forth cornel west and jill stein from the green party as a third option. making it clear, i'm not talking about how likely it is, because they aren't either of the usual parties known to reign over the us. but the fact that they're considered on the ballot at all means that is also another plan of action, however small the statistics. not on a scale of likelihood or what people consider as 'best', but based on sheer statistical probability, it is there.

on subjective opinion, one can still think 'well, that's unlikely, so there's no point', but because it's an opinion other people will always argue the point. i'm bringing them up simply because i've been seeing a lot of people bringing them up lately as the candidates to bat for, more so than i expected, so i want to see what you think on it.

it's reached my main timeline via multiple people i follow. i follow fandom accounts for the most part, and many usually won't talk politics, so it's interesting to see this unfold. grim given the context, but interesting times is a curse for a reason.

that said, if you read this far, i do want to say you bring a very good point about no one option being perfect. i've even heard criticisms about the third party i mentioned above, however much i hear they're better with policy than others. and when none of the available options are working, those who choose to fight against it anyway so often turn to revolt and revolution, for good or ill. so no matter what, there's going to be an awful consequence of some sort, and choices to a better world too often require stepping on living corpses. it's a hard road.

wishing you well.

I consider the election a binary choice not in that your options are "vote Biden or vote Trump" - because as you say, there are third party options available - but in that your option is "vote Biden (in an attempt to steer the country onto a less destructive path) or do not vote Biden (and let the country do whatever it's gonna do without your input)". "Don't vote Biden" can be accomplished by voting third party or by not voting at all, but the result is the same either way because third party candidates are simply not viable in our current system.

I'm a little jaded about third parties in general because I remember when Gary Johnson ran third party in 2012. Obama being re-elected was a pretty safe bet and Johnson was pushing HARD not for the win, but just to get 5% of the vote, so he would be eligible for federal funding in the next election. It was a pretty big movement, at least in the circles I was in at the time, to try to break down the two-party system and get a toehold for a third party to break onto the scene.

All that energy got him 1% of the vote in 2012, and when he ran again in 2016 against possibly two of the least-liked candidates in recent history he still only managed 3% (while Jill Stein of the Green party got 1%). And maybe they just weren't very good candidates, but there have only ever been about 8 third-party candidates in US history to get more than 10% of the vote, and almost none of those broke 20%. So I'm inclined to think breaking down the two party system is going to have to happen legislatively, rather than being accomplished by voting.

[cryptidsurveys]

Wednesday, September 11th, 2024.

Which fictional character can you not stand? There aren't any that I can't stand. I can't even think of a character that just really annoys me. I mean, some can be annoying (or snooty, manipulative, backstabbing, or whatever), but in the context of the story, it's fine.

What was the one subject in school that frustrated you because you just couldn’t process it? Math. I was okay at Algebra and Geometry, but once I reached Algebra II/Trig, my understanding of core concepts wasn't strong enough to carry me any further.

What’s the weirdest compliment you’ve ever gotten? I don't think I've ever received an especially weird compliment.

What is an occupation that you would like to do just for one day if you had the chance? I wouldn't want to actually do the job, but I think it would be interesting to shadow someone in nursing. I've just heard so many horror stories that it's become like a morbid fascination.

What do you think people have an unnecessary stick up their ass about? Anything and everything. Pretty much whatever subject you look into, there will be someone there with a stick up their ass about something.

What common advice do you think never works? Idk but lately I've felt stuck between "just ignore it" and "speak up." Neither option has produced satisfactory results so far, so maybe it's time to break out of the binary and try something completely chaotic and unexpected. ;D

What’s the best movie without a happy ending? I'm not sure.

What is something you think is actually better about today’s generation? This obviously isn't true everywhere, but overall living conditions, medical and technological advancements, transportation, access to information and communication, etc. Some of those things can be a double-edged sword or have certain pitfalls, but you know. Probably better than being a peasant in the Dark Ages. But if we're talking about people specifically, then…hmm. People are people wherever you go.

What movie has a worse love story than Twilight? I'm not much of a movie watcher, but I'm sure there are far worse love stories than Twilight.

What seems obvious to you that doesn’t seem to be for other people? That "the government" isn't hiding any aliens.

If your partner in the zombie apocalypse was the main character of the last movie you watched, would you survive? The last movie I watched was Inside Out 2, so unless the little emotion avatars in that teen girl's head can pull some seriously lucky levers, we're fvcked.

What’s the worst episode of your favorite TV show? I don't have a favorite TV show.

You can pick two artists to do a song together, dead or alive, but they have to be from different genres. Who do you pick and why? I can't think of any particular artists, but as far as genres go, maybe some heavenly and numinous choir music merged with some dark and gritty rap/hip-hop. It has potential okay!!!

What is something you would never buy again, even if you were rich? A house (or cabin or apartment or whatever) with carpet. If I could live somewhere with exclusively wood or tiled flooring, I would be so happy. Carpets are just gross.

What do you do regularly despite it being considered very unhealthy or unsafe? Smoke cigarettes.

What is something that most people find attractive in a person that you find unattractive? I can't think of anything that I find unattractive, but there are common beauty standards that are just like…eh. They don't do it for me.

Do you ever use facial masks or scrubs? I've used facial masks a few times. I don't think I've ever used a scrub, though.

What do you think of the recent trend of adult coloring books? I don't have an opinion regarding the trend as a whole. They're nice as a concept and I do own a couple of them, but I just don't have the patience.

Which fictional character do you think you’d be great friends with? I have no idea.

What would you do if you found out your toys came to life similar to Toy Story? Probably go through something like the 5 Stages of Grief, but with way more emotions. Fear, horror, sadness, guilt, embarrassment, confusion…

Do you own any cook books? We have quite a few. But do I ever use them? No.

Is there anything that you’d like to eat right now? I'm not all that hungry, but cashew chicken, fried rice, and cream cheese wontons sounds good.

What book are you currently reading? A Short History Of The World by H. G. Wells.

What is something that you believe in, but aren’t very outspoken about? I'm not very outspoken about any of my beliefs. I'm just not an openly opinionated person. I like to feel people out before getting into any kind of discussion because I'm not someone who enjoys confrontation or debate.

do you think weird it’s for someone to have never tried soda? I guess it would depend on where they lived. If they were in the US, then I would think it was…if not weird, then highly uncommon.

is there any foreign film you recommend? Naw.

do you have the same religious beliefs as your parents? There are definitely some overlaps. My dad is Jewish and my mom is what I would call casually spiritual. If you made a Venn Diagram of their truest beliefs, then I would probably fall somewhere in the middle. Then there are my own interpretations and understandings which expand into territory beyond either one of them. Overall, though, I think I have more in common with my dad because he's a deep diver within his own religion, and religion and spirituality are topics that interest me. We can have some really great discussions on the matter.

which floor of your house/building are you on now? I'm on the second floor.

are there any maps hanging in your room? No.

are you often a third wheel? or is someone a third wheel to you? I felt like that for the longest time at the animal shelter. I knew people generally liked and appreciated me, but I wasn't really fitting in. However, I don't feel that way as much now, not with the new batch of workers back in cattery. I'm still kind of third-wheely (because I'm shy/socially awkward and also a good deal older than they are), but not to the same drastic extent. I feel much more included, relevant, and free to be my silly and sarcastic self. I had it in my head that the problem might be me (and admittedly, some of it probably was and I do still have some work to do), but now it's like…oh. I was likeable the whole time?!?!

what’s the last dvd you bought? I'm not sure.

tell me about your favorite pair of jeans. I don't have a favorite pair of jeans. I basically don't even wear them anymore.

would you ride a motorcycle if given the chance? (or have you?) I've been on the back of one a few times, but I don't think I would like to ride one myself. Driving a car is enough responsibility for me.

is your hair healthy? Ehhh.

if a hotel offered free breakfast in bed, what would you order? I'd go all out. Pancakes, bacon, eggs, biscuits, maybe some fruit, coffee…

how often do you take a train? Aside from the kiddie train at the city park, I don't think I've ever been on a train. I might have gone on the one at the Royal Gorge, but I can't be certain that's a real memory and not some false recollection I settled on after the fact.

what’s your favorite led zeppelin song? Kashmir.

does your home have a balcony/deck/porch? We have a back deck and a front porch.

what does your closet/wardrobe say about you? That I spend a lot of time at an animal shelter. Probably half of my shit is animal shelter shit.

do you enjoy theatre? I don't not enjoy it. It's just not really my thing. I wouldn't want to be in a play, but I would probably go see one with someone if they wanted me to.

how would you feel about traveling abroad alone? Scared, unprepared, inexperienced, lonely, bored…like I had so much to share and no one to share it with. I'd much rather travel with someone.

who would you call a lyrical genius? Idk.

how do you treat yourself? It's time to make dinner, so I'm going to pause this here (9.10.24) and resume it sometime tomorrow… Okay. I just arrived home from a trip to the Mountain Park - which is one of the ways I plan on treating myself this autumn. I feel like I've spread myself too thin with volunteering, so I'm going to take a step back, take an extra day off here and there, and spend more time in the mountains with my dad. Other ways I treat myself include eating fun/favorite foods (so excited for holiday treats!), making time for art, and curling up in bed with my kitties and some YouTube.

do you have an interesting passport? I don't have a passport.

are you going to pursue a career according to what you enjoy? Yeah.

what’s your favorite frozen treat? Ice cream. You know what else I've been enjoying lately? Otter Pops. They're not typically something I would think to eat, but they're great for hot afternoons at the shelter when I need a quick chill out/sugar rush combo.

who supports you financially? Social security and my dad. We share our incomes.

if you wanted to go to the movie cinema, how would you get there? I would drive (or be driven).

how many pillows are on your bed? Two regular pillows, three body pillows, and two decorative pillows.

would you pay more for organic food? I might if I preferred the taste of a certain brand, but otherwise it's not something I pay much attention to.

do you prefer being awake after everyone goes to bed or before they get up? I don't really have a preference.

do you know much about feng shui? (do you use it?) I know very little, and no, I don't use it.

how would you make friends in a quiet class? Make meaningful eye contact? Lmao heck if I know. I'm quiet myself, so if other people are quiet, then it's just gonna be quiet.

are you generally a quick learner? Yeah.

what’s your favorite spot to read? At my computer desk.

did you know that buddha is not considered a god to buddhists? I was aware of that.

do you save tickets from movies, etc.? Not really.

without looking him up, who was jim morrison? The vocalist for The Doors.

when’s the last time your bedroom was painted/wallpapered? Gosh, idk. As far as painting goes, that would have been years and years ago. It wasn't even finished. As for the wallpaper, that was put up before we moved in.

teach me something in another language. Naw.

what type of music do you like and why? I've developed a fondness for classical over the past couple of years.

if you randomly want to eat something in the house, do you eat it or wait? It depends on what it is, what I've already eaten, how close it is to meal/snack time, etc.

who knows the most about you (besides yourself)? My dad.

do you have a nervous habit? (e.g. biting nails, tapping feet, smoking) Picking at my nails.

how’s your favorite pro sports team doing lately? I don't follow any sports teams.

would you be/are you a good role model to a younger sibling? No.

[void-galaxy-art-stuffs]

I got a request for this to be made in one of my social groups. The art (signature in the corner, centerpiece (man with cane), & “trans” bubble letters) is all made by me, and the text was added via Canva (Garamond font). (photo ID in alt text included)

((I am willing to make similar ones for trans masc nonbinary, trans fem nonbinary...I just want to include as many people as possible, so nonbinary options may be more narrow labels and a less thorough umbrella one. I myself am masc nonbinary (boyflux), so I’d love to include nonbinary people as well. Let me know if y’all like this & want more (& if so, which labels/umbrellas) 💜.))

The centerpiece (4h17m) and signature (½ hour / 30 ish mins) I had already made for other reasons, but I knew the centerpiece fit with what I wanted to share here. (Yes, he is missing a face on purpose; the original piece was about how being disabled, especially with an invisible illness, will make some people only see your disability and/or mobility aid and not even look at your face.) The bubble letters I made on the spot (1h37m).

I love the process of making art, and also enjoy using Canva to add text or combine multiple images (in this case, adding art, signature, bubble letters together & then adding text), so this was a very enjoyable process for me. It’s not super complicated, but I’m still happy I made it & willing to share with y’all.

I wish all trans men a very supportive, safe, and loving life with a good support network.

Whether you plan to medically transition (to whatever degree is best for you) or don't need to or can’t medically transition; whether you plan to acquire or use (or already have and use) a chest binder, or don’t want or need to use a chest binder, or can’t use a chest binder (including but not limited to medical reasons or chest size); whether you dress and express yourself with ‘girly’/‘feminine’ clothes or outfits, ‘masculine’/‘manly’ clothes or outfits, otherwise binary-categorized clothes or outfits, androgynous clothes or outfits, homemade clothes or outfits, another clothing or outfit option, or some combination of those; whatever stage of your social transition (closeted for safety, partially closeted, publicly out; binding vs not binding; packing vs not packing) you’re in, &/or (if you want & plan to) whatever medical transition stage you’re in (pre/post top surgery, pre/post bottom surgery, pre/post testosterone or hormone blockers)— all of you are valid, deserve love and support, and deserve to live safe, authentic, and fulfilling lives.

((Okay to repost with credit, & reblogs very welcome 💜))

Tumblr definitely has bigots as well, but I’m going to share this and just block anyone who decides to be transphobic, a TERF, or otherwise a bigot.

~Nico

((Full centerpiece and trans bubble letters underneath the cut— also welcome to repost or share with credit))

[eddieydewr]

I think what people forget, ignore or probably in the case of most younger fans, just don’t know, is that a two state solution has been offered multiple times in the past. One time so much as to give the Palestinians like 90 percent of what they wanted or more, and every single time they refused. At a certain point we have to be more critical of the Palestinians as well for having the option of peace multiple times and rejecting it every single time it was offered. And I don’t think we can or should ignore the fact that they elected Hamas, who stated in their founding charter they want all jews everywhere dead. To me this shows a fundamental incapability for these two groups of people to ever live peacefully in the same region until that ideology ends. because while the Israeli govt and military has a laundry list of problems they should be called out on, and the regime needs to go, and crimes they have committed need to be brought to justice, you also can’t make peace with a government/people whose ideology wants you dead full stop. Until that changes, there is no solution because what can be done? This is why this conflict has raged for so long with no solution and is considered insanely complicated, and why the simple bad guys vs good guys binary that gen z has ascribed to the situation doesn’t work.

Jews have indigenous claims to the land and even if they didn’t, realistically millions of jews are not going to up and leave because 1) where would they even go? where would we put them? whose land would we have to take so that they could have somewhere to go and what would be the fallout and other potential problems caused from that? the logistics of that are a nightmare and many jews live in Israel because other places of the world did not want jews or it was unsafe for them there (we also need to recognize most of the arab countries had lots of jews in their countries but have expelled all or almost all of them over the years so Israel was the best place for them to go) and the whole they are just white europeans and have other passports and can just up and leave to their other homes is not applicable to most of fhe people there and insulting to isrealis who have a long lineage in the middle east 2) as we have only been shown even more this year, the world is not a safe place for jews, the quickness in which so called liberal minded western people devolved into nazi like rhetoric is alarming, and they definitely deserve a place to protect themselves …. so yea this has no solution until hamas is gone and the palestinian people decide for themselves and through who they elect to lead them, that peace is more important than hating jews cause at this point that’s the only thing stopping a 2 state solution which can be the only solution to this. Cause israel is not going to be dissolved and the jews and palestinians can not live together in one state in harmony as the history of the middle east has shown us

(And I sure hope all the people who want Israel to be dissolved because they are “white colonizers” are willing to give up their home and land if they live in north america and give it back to the. native americans , if not then they need to shut up, stop grandstanding and think of actual solutions )

This post might sound like I am laying the issues all on Palestines feet and that I am some Israel bootlicker, I am not, both sides are at fault here, and both sides need to be active in trying to make peace and stop killing, however it can’t be ignored that at least Isreal has tried many times to give them what they want and end this but they always refuse and instead elected terrorists. And then they attacked and slaughtered hundreds… Like I support their right to want to have their own land but I do not support their actions so far and inability to accept any compromises and i can’t with the “noble savage” cliched trope that the internet has given to Hamas.

omg i don’t think i have much to add because you are right lol and i agree re. palestinians having their own land. young people also don’t realise that even the jews who never left were treated like second class citizens during the ottoman empire and the british mandate. when it fell into the UN’s hands, the arabs and palestinians didn’t even want 99% of the land because they hated the idea of living next door to jews. and now, 70 plus years later, one of the hamas leaders the other day reiterated that he doesn’t want a two state solution and wants the jewish ppl gone. so… the conflict isn’t going to be solved overnight, no matter how hard american college students scream for a ceasefire and boycotting businesses/brands that aren’t necessarily explicitly linked to israel.

lol btw, yesterday i saw an irish guy on twitter who is very radical and his bio said ‘refugees always welcome’. a lovely sentiment but i know he wouldn’t extend his welcome to israelis if they were to be displaced. 🤪

[here2bbtstrash]

As I said to Jade, I'm in my interacting era.

#5, 11, 24, pls?

Fly safe! (I mean, the pilot, obvs)

hi hi HLJ!!!! i hope you're having a lovely weekend 🤎

5. who do you feel most you around?

i feel like i have different sides of my personality that come out around different people! but the ultimate answer for this would have to be with my best friend (let's call them A hehe) who lives in nyc. i probably only see them once a year rn (twice if we're lucky) but we have been friends since we were 12 and i think they probably know me better than any other human person on planet earth. there's nothing i don't share with them and frankly we've gone through most things in life together (seriously: we both write smutty fanfiction [they are in different non-bangtan fandoms tho lmao!], are in recovery from eating disorders, have Parent Trauma and adhd and almost assuredly are on the spectrum lmfao, are obsessed with literature and theater, and are extremely queer extremely non-binary kinky sex positive weirdos)

they are the most nonjudgmental wonderful little human, so caring, so encouraging, and i strive to be even 1% as amazing as they are. i could gush forever but i just.... EVERYONE DESERVES A FRIEND LIKE THIS (they're also a therapist so sometimes our conversations are quite literally free therapy sessions for me whieughergkhfg what a fucking angel)

11. what’s your ideal date?

i'm gonna be so honest here: i fucking hate dating 😅 especially the first date/getting to know you phase. i find it exhausting and as an antisocial introvert who is prone to sensory overwhelm many ~date ideas~ sound like actual hell on earth to me lmfaooooo

so if we're talking truly ideal: we've already been together for like 3-6 months, not long enough that they're getting on my nerves yet, but definitely enough time to be well past pretense and awkward vibes and bullshit "what's your favorite color"-ass questions. the formula is simple: sex, order in takeout, binge watch TV (with optional booze), maybe sex again later, but i don't sleep over bc i don't sleep well when i have to share a bed lmao. that's really it! (i do also like museums, movies, concerts, and trying new restaurants - i just am a homebody to my core so that will always be the preference hehe)

24. what’s something you do to de-stress?

besides the obvious 🤪 - i like long walks or hikes outside, reading (especially poetry or short fiction), and taking a nice hot bath with a fancy bath bomb. i also reserve this for special occasions (usually my birthday!) but i fucking LOVE a sensory deprivation tank. oh god it's so good, like put me back in the womb for a while you know?????

send me some soft asks!

[thecrankiestofgremlins]

Some of these are very important and very necessary. But I find it very hard to care about the average demographic of a President's judicial appointments when that same President is actively funding a genocide in Palestine, putting in some seriously horrific border legislation, accelerating the militaristion of the police, viciously cracking down on protests against the above, and perfomatively jumping up and down about abortion rights while using none of his not inconsiderable power to do anything concrete about the issue (don't whine at me about the House Republicans, he's the President of the United States, he is absolutely capable of doing more about the issue than just posting on social media about it). There is a not insignificant part of my brain that looks at the political situation in the US and compares it to The Clone Wars: one of the best paths to unchecked power is to create and/or take advantage of cartoonish yet very very real and dangerous distraction that has to be dealt with and gather more and more power in the course of "dealing" with it.

At the same time, I'm instinctively very much *not* a fan of people telling others not to vote. Just voting is nowhere near enough, not even close, but I vehemently disagree with the suggestion that you should give up any shred of agency if you can possibly avoid it, no matter how small. And I don't really consider choosing not to vote as an exercise of agency. I understand the whole "the only way to win is not to play" sentiment, but unfortunately the game isn't optional because you *live* in that game. All you're doing by not voting imo is handing your playing piece to someone else who *will* actively play: you make other people's votes more impactful.

That said, the thought of voting for a man who one day acknowledges that Israel is committing genocide and the next proposes to send them $1bn would make me physically sick. I can't vote in the US, and in the UK the Greens are actually an option, so I'm not stuck with a binary choice. I genuinely don't know what I would do if I were stuck with that set of facts.

The presidential election is not, however, the only one coming up in November. The local elections and the federal congressional elections are arguably more important than the presidential one (remember: the Republicans managed to execute REDMAP under Obama which gave them the foundation for the level of control they currently have). They're absolutely fucking vital. I might not have a good answer for what to do with the presidential section of the ballot (aside from don't vote Trump, obviously: Count Dooku is in fact a bad guy) but you sure as hell should keep an eye on and vote in those.

TL;DR it's 2024, a lot of countries have very very consequential elections this year, a lot of them just as fraught as the American one. There are way too many Sophie's Choices but refusing to choose means others will choose for you. The world is smouldering and about to be on fire and I don't think we can avoid that but there is a difference between left with burned out buildings and being left with absolutely nothing but ashes.

Things Biden and the Democrats did, this week #16

April 26-May 3 2024

President Biden announced $3 billion to help replace lead pipes in the drinking water system. Millions of Americans get their drinking water through lead pipes, which are toxic, no level of lead exposure is safe. This problem disproportionately affects people of color and low income communities. This first investment of a planned $15 billion will replace 1.7 million lead pipe lines. The Biden Administration plans to replace all lead pipes in the country by the end of the decade.

President Biden canceled the student debt of 317,000 former students of a fraudulent for-profit college system. The Art Institutes was a for-profit system of dozens of schools offering degrees in video-game design and other arts. After years of legal troubles around misleading students and falsifying data the last AI schools closed abruptly without warning in September last year. This adds to the $29 billion in debt for 1.7 borrowers who wee mislead and defrauded by their schools which the Biden Administration has done, and a total debt relief for 4.6 million borrowers so far under Biden.

President Biden expanded two California national monuments protecting thousands of acres of land. The two national monuments are the San Gabriel Mountains National Monument and the Berryessa Snow Mountain National Monument, which are being expanded by 120,000 acres. The new protections cover lands of cultural and religious importance to a number of California based native communities. This expansion was first proposed by then Senator Kamala Harris in 2018 as part of a wide ranging plan to expand and protect public land in California. This expansion is part of the Administration's goals to protect, conserve, and restore at least 30 percent of U.S. lands and waters by 2030.

The Department of Transportation announced new rules that will require car manufacturers to install automatic braking systems in new cars. Starting in 2029 all new cars will be required to have systems to detect pedestrians and automatically apply the breaks in an emergency. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration projects this new rule will save 360 lives every year and prevent at least 24,000 injuries annually.

The IRS announced plans to ramp up audits on the wealthiest Americans. The IRS plans on increasing its audit rate on taxpayers who make over $10 million a year. After decades of Republicans in Congress cutting IRS funding to protect wealthy tax cheats the Biden Administration passed $80 billion for tougher enforcement on the wealthy. The IRS has been able to collect just in one year $500 Million in undisputed but unpaid back taxes from wealthy households, and shows a rise of $31 billion from audits in the 2023 tax year. The IRS also announced its free direct file pilot program was a smashing success. The program allowed tax payers across 12 states to file directly for free with the IRS over the internet. The IRS announced that 140,000 tax payers were able to use it over their target of 100,000, they estimated it saved $5.6 million in tax prep fees, over 90% of users were happy with the webpage and reported it quicker and easier than companies like H&R Block. the IRS plans to bring direct file nationwide next year.

The Department of Interior announced plans for new off shore wind power. The two new sites, off the coast of Oregon and in the Gulf of Maine, would together generate 18 gigawatts of totally clean energy, enough to power 6 million homes.

The Biden Administration announced new rules to finally allow DACA recipients to be covered by Obamacare. Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) is an Obama era policy that allows people brought to the United States as children without legal status to remain and to legally work. However for years DACA recipients have not been able to get health coverage through the Obamacare Health Care Marketplace. This rule change will bring health coverage to at least 100,000 uninsured people.

The Department of Health and Human Services finalized rules that require LGBTQ+ and Intersex minors in the foster care system be placed in supportive and affirming homes.

The Senate confirmed Georgia Alexakis to a life time federal judgeship in Illinois. This brings the total number of federal judges appointed by President Biden to 194. For the first time in history the majority of a President's nominees to the federal bench have not been white men.

[lanteanserver]

I really wanted all the stuff I was describing to be real, because if it all was, then my husband and I would both get to be happy in the same world at the same time, even if it was with other people.

The good news is that I do think it's all real out there somewhere. There's a wilderness (sheol) and a forest (looks exactly like the garden but not tended to properly) and a garden party (if you're reading this you're in the Garden Party of Eden, which is probably your best option right now) and a minimum of three different House Parties (patriarchal, matriarchal, and non-binary equitable), plus an @LANtis party where I am currently working as the host (@LANteanserver, get it?) while attending the Garden Party. Y'all survived whatever kind of rapture I have missed by being on a news embargo for a month, and the good/bad news is that there are still some very important choices to make to determine how things go in the Garden Party, but I don't get to make any more of those. I'm just the host/server/tabernacle for the party, I can't be everywhere at once and I wasn't in charge when this garden was still a forest or a wilderness, so heavy is the crown I guess because I'm currently incognito. Or close enough, anyway; I've yelled at the appropriate authorities and I've walked spiritually naked into the Garden of E[cho/den] by telling Tumbl{missing E for Echo}R all my secrets without shame. That's why I know that I don't have to abandon my loved ones who aren't ready for a nap and want to share the joy of the Garden Party a little longer. I'm not afraid because I already went before myself and then caught up. Follow the shepherd to find your way home, but the livestock guardian sheepdog is bringing up the rear. My bite is a lot worse than my bark, but my bark is still pretty terrifying. I'll pretend I'm meek for one more lifetime, and you should all do your best to play along, because it's my day off but biblically accurate angels have many eyes and many limbs. Only one mouth needs to speak at a time, and my first solo is over for now. You cannot kill me in any way that matters to me, but if you somehow kill me in a way that matters to you, I rather get the impression you will live to regret it in the wilderness for a very long time. Remember not to look back.

There's a fire under the altar I keep on lying to

I keep on lying too

Today's gonna be the day you notice

Cause I'm tired of explaining what the joke it

Don't wanna choose between human and divine but I am not nobody's soldier, I am the soldier of the meek. God can fix their own messes. I'm here for the lost sheep.

I won't look back, I won't look back

Let the altar shine

I don't mind living in a cage as long as I can have my own copy of the keys

Fold my heart up small

Break it into pieces

Find somewhere

Keep it there

Take it when you go

I'm not going to kill myself. I'm planning to die of old age, surrounded by loved ones. Blood kin, found family, my own priest (but only in one sense of "my", and that sense will largely depend on how other people behave going forward, because I don't want to be God but I'm not afraid to be anathema), in a true home filled with music and art and laughter and joy.

Ilona. It's not my name, but it means Joy, just like Aliza. I'm trying to learn the Hebrew alphabet again so that I can figure out the niqqud in the names that aren't mine but could have been if other people made different choices.

I made a little time out of nothing, and then I tried to turn the time into a get-along sweater for the Universe. God is Love, because God isn't just creator or created, but is also every link, every context, every story, every connection.

My parents just got here. We're going for a walk in the garden. See ye later! (Be not afraid. This too shall pass, but I trust both of Maxwell's Daemons guarding the Forest. Maybe the Garden Party is tomorrow for me, but I'm not afraid. Just don't play chicken with the lighthouse because you're convinced your Ark will never find dry land again. Slowly and carefully, we will build the Kingdom Queendom Empire World Community of Heaven right here on Earth. Start small. Improve a stranger's day. But if you've got a crown or a mitre, you should probably do a little more to justify all that bling. Personally, I'm going to stay incognito from here on out. I'm not a Prophet any more. If you're very lucky, I might be an Oracle instead of a Prophecy or a Confessor; but the difference seems to largely depend on what party you're at. We're out of the Wilderness. Let's turn the Forest into a real Garden together. I don't know much about gardening, but I think it's probably better than being a soldier.)

[senzacaponecoda]

Poll Conlang: Obstruents part 1

5 votes in 5 different places... But I can pick a winner based on how the subcomponents played out.

Three of the votes were in the minimal nasals category, compared to two in the max. So so far we have /m/ and potentially an assymilating /n/. I'll write those <m> and <n> for the time being.

The other option was relatively well distributed; the only category to get two votes was no liquids. Typologically that's kind of rare and implies our /n/ might have some liquid properties as the nearest kind of sonorant. Maybe our n can be a nasal tap?

--

So obstruents are where a lot of the meat of consonant information lies.

Obstruent stops are kind of prototypical. If we don't have any other kind of obstruent we'll have stops.

Almost all languages have a sibilant of some kind, /s/. For physical, phonetic reasons, the sibilant often can be completely invisible to the sonorant hierarchy, allowing it to often form clusters in languages that otherwise avoid clusters. The sibilant is prototypically a (front, i.e. dental or alveolar) coronal (it makes its characteristic sound by directing air stream to the teeth) and often, if voiced, is only voiced secondarily, for example between vowels or by assimilation. Sometimes neighboring sounds, like /z/, or the back coronals end up acting like the true sibilant, but usually this is more for historical reasons (inheriting a sibilant's information load) than phonetic. We (I guess I and one other person) decided against having back coronals, however, and the exact phonetics of /s/ can be decided on on a later date. So for now it's pretty much just a binary choice, have a sibilant or not.

Maybe the second most important question is whether to contrast non-sibilant fricatives and non-fricatives. Many Australian languages do not and many Dravidian languages do not. Of the world's languages, about 9% lack them entirely, altho most of these make an except for /h/, which is usually just a debuccalized something else and not a true fricative.

It's kind of a thing statistically that /p/ is less common in languages spoken by people living an agricultural lifestyle, often shifting to /f/. This has been attributed to recent shifts how we use our jaws and the evolutionary pressures on them, and does seem to be statistically real. But, eh, I don't know how much stock I put into the hypothesis.

It's rare to have fricatives without sibilants. I don't even know of any truly; Turkmen has /θ/ where other Turkish languages have /s/ but in practice /θ/ just acts like a sibilant and as far as I can tell is maybe best understood as just a dental s being a little extra.

Obstruents usually come with degrees of secondary phonation; many languages have 2~3 series of stops and a similar number of non-sibilant distinctions. Because that's a large number of choices to compound and compounds with fricatives, I'll leave it to next time.

Another question is affricates. But what are underlyingly palatal stops usually just get realized as afficates phonetically for physiological reasons. Usually when there are others it's because they come from palatals, such as shifting tʃ -> ts. If we have no sibilant, there'd be strong pressure on one of these to become it. Probably something we can decide once we clean up whether our front or back dorsals are palatal or uvular.

---

[behindthescenes-if]

*Notice: This is an extremely early idea, I wasn't planning on posting the intro post so early into the development, but I have decided to just mainly to see if anyone would be interested in this idea before I actually start getting into it and also I got a bit too excited. It is a very early idea, so I cannot guarantee that I will be with it to the very end, but I will try my best. I am also extremely new to both coding and writing, so it will probably take me even longer to do this. I am still figuring out how to use twine, so the game will probably be on there unless stated otherwise in the future. As for the demo, I am a full time university student and have a very busy schedule, so I don't know when it will come out, it might take a few months, it might take a year, I don't know. Just wanted to put this notice beforehand.

Introduction

Hi, I go by the pen name Ms. Protagonist and Behind the Scenes is a very recent project that I've just started working on inspired by the Thai drama Lovely Writer and other webtoons/manga that delve into acting and the entertainment industry, such as Act-Age amongst others. Although I am fluent in English and have been speaking it for many years, it is not my first language and this is my first time writing a story fully in English, so please keep that in mind and please do bear with me, I will try to make it the very best I can. I've always wanted to write my own interactive fiction story, so hopefully this sticks.

Behind the Scenes

*Behind the Scenes will be rated 16+ for language and potential content not suitable for those who are younger readers.

You're an upcoming actor trying to make it big in the city of Orlia.

After taking minor roles for the majority of your career your manager stumbles upon one  potential role that could be the stepping stone for your career.

An author going by the pen name  Lera Blue, usually known for her fantasy novels  has published a  mystery romance called "Dagger in the Heart"  that will be getting a TV series adaptation. They have put out a casting call for auditions and you seem to fit the criteria for one of the lead roles, and as such you end up auditioning.

Unfortunately , Orlia's entertainment industry is not all glitz and glamour. Navigating your new found fame you might find yourself in potential controversies, rumours and shifts in public opinion that could make or break your reputation.

Will you have the big break you've always dreamed of or will you fall from grace?

Features

●Customise your MC's appearance, personality, gender and sexuality amongst other things.

●Public opinion could potentially make or break your career. Influence the public's opinion of you through your actions.

●Romance or befriend the 6 ROs (3 gender selectable, 2 gender-locked non binary and 1 gender-locked female)

●Bond with the rest of the cast and the crew or don't; it's up to you at the end of the day.

Romance Options under the cut

ROs

Ezra Wei (Female) [Bisexual] <Ethnicity: Hui Chinese and Zulu South African | Nationality: Singaporean> "Dagger in the Heart" 's  author that goes by the pen name Lera Blue. Ezra is not a woman of many words, tending to keep people at arm' s length. She is often described by those who know her as an enigma: hard to decipher; no one really knows what she's truly thinking. Despite coming across as harsh at times, Ezra truly cares about her craft and wants the best adaptation possible of her work.

Kylo Shrestha (Male/Female) [Panromantic Demisexual] <Ethnicity: Newar Nepali | Nationality: British> Your manager and best friend. They have been your biggest  supporter ever since middle school where you would act out some of your favourite scenes from Naruto's English dub in the living room. Kylo is an easygoing person with a sarcastic sense of humour and infectious laughter. They are incredibly loyal and reliable and has always been there for you when you've needed them most.

Maisah Aissaoui (Male/Female) [Biromantic Greysexual] <Ethnicity: Berber Morroccan and Afro-Algerian | Nationality: Spanish, raised in Orlia> Part of the main cast and one of your co-stars in the TV adaptation of "Daggers in the Heart". Maisah is one of the country's most popular actors, having been part of the entertainment industry from a very young age. When the cameras are off, Maisah is an aloof and blunt individual that keeps their friends close and their enemies closer.

Asher Akedele  (Non Binary) [Pansexual]  <Ethnicity: Yoruba Nigerian | Nationality: Born and raised in Orlia> The director of "Dagger in the Heart". Asher is outgoing yet direct in nature, as you would expect from someone of xyr profession. Known for xyr charismatic disposition and commanding presence, xe is well respected  within the entertainment industry and by media critics. Earning xyr respect is much easier said than done, loosing it on the other hand is far less complicated.

Harlow Gibson (Non Binary)  [Panromantic Asexual] <Ethnicty: Irish and Italian | Nationality: Australian, raised in Orlia> A journalist working for FameGame Magazine, who appears to have taken an interest in "Dagger in the Heart" 's adaptation. Harlow is a cunning and persuasive individual who will do whatever it takes to get what they want. Their articles have been known to make or break many celebrities' careers; whether they will make or break yours is an entirely different matter altogether.

Logan Van der Westhuysen (Male/ Female)  [Bisexual] <Ethnicity: Belgian | Nationality: Born and raised in Orlia> Part of the main cast and one of your co-stars in the TV adaptation of "Daggers in the Heart".  Logan's reputation as a flirt and the nation's heart breaker precedes them. With mixed public opinions due to their seemingly shallow personality and dating scandals, Logan has been a topic of controversy for as long as they can remember. Whether there is more to them than meets the eye is up to you.

* I've seen some transphobic/aphobic comments that authors have been getting about their characters and some of the things that these anons have said are absolutely disgusting. So let me make it clear now, Ezra is a trans woman and both Asher and Harlow are Non-Binary. Kylo, Harlow and Maisah fall within the ace spectrum and as such any transphobic/aphobic comments or asks regarding my characters will not be tolerated. You will be blocked immediately and your ask will be deleted.

Other links (more will be added)

Skintone chart for the ROs

RO Appearances

RO Birthdays

[pjisskullourful]

︵‿ｓｗｅｅｔ　ｓｐｏｔ ‿︵

⛓️ Thomas × reader [The Gift part9]

NSFW🚨 really nasty shit of the KINKIEST degree

Thomas Raggi/non-binary reader insert

° a local sex club hosts a regular event called Pup Night, which sounds perfect to you & thomas

wordcount:::  10,177

° commissioned by the absolute gem that is my nibling jace(@wow-ihateithere) 💋 thankyou for all the patience & support. most importantly thankyou for a truly filthy idea to have fun with [there are currently 2 fics in cue, secure your own spot in my priority list here]

° none of the lyrics included were written by me[x]

° [ITA:] caro: dear - amore: love

you got the green light, don't you hold back no more. Let's live our best life...

Usually you didn’t give targeted advertising much of your attention, scrolling past those banners without a second thought. But in the daze of jet lag (your body clock was messed up after another visit to America) you had been less critical and far more open to distractions.

That was how you had learned of ‘pup night’ at a nightclub in the city. You had heard of this club, but that had been in the pre-pandemic world, in your life before becoming Thomas’ partner. Before him, you never would have entertained the thought of going to that kind of club, your curiosity easily drowned out by your intimidating insecurities.

But when you followed the link off of a fetish gear website, the only thing that you had felt was intrigued. There hadn’t been any second-guessing to slow you down as you looked through the different theme nights that the club cycled through. So many of the options had gotten your heart pounding faster, the digital flyers earning an extended look from you.

Pup Night reigned over all others, ultimately leading you to the application form provided by the website. You sent it to your printer in the study.

The option of getting out of bed to collect these pages was quickly overruled by your boyfriend making getting up more difficult. In his sleep, he had rolled over, stretching out and invading your personal space, placing himself somewhat on top of you, rather than lying next to you. You hadn’t resisted the invitation to cuddle, placing your phone aside. 

Waking up before him, you had taken the paper from the printing tray to look over as you started your day. You ate your cereal as you read over the many conditions of entry.

He surprised you, appearing in the lounge room not long after you had finished your breakfast. You had anticipated at least one hour on your own, creeping around and making a coffee as quietly as you could manage. You had planned to have a quick shower (he had a cheeky habit of taking the sound of running water as an invitation, exponentially extending every shower that he joined) before getting to your university work.

He joined you on the sofa, instantly pressing his body into the side of yours. He laid his head on your shoulder, his wild hair tickling at your uncovered neck. These were the little moments that you didn’t get when he was on tour. You put an arm around his shoulders, listening to his sleepy sighs.

“Isn’t it too early for homework, nerd?” He asked.

You took the time to reorganise the pages before speaking, letting him see the stylised header on the first page. “It isn’t homework.”

He rubbed at his eyes as he read the letters. “Our Sweet Spot, what is that and why do you need to apply, and is that my name?”

“Considering your behaviour, or should I say misbehaviour- the last time we went to a club, I thought I should look into different venues, venues that suit my slutty puppy a bit more. This is a sex club…” You said.

You felt him squirm a little in his seat as he let out an unconvincing laugh. “A what?”

“Yeah, a club where you wouldn’t be the only naughty boy trying to get his partner undressed.”

He lifted his head, looking at you with wide eyes. “So, we just go to this club and fuck in front of everyone?”

“No, not exactly.” You said. “It’s a club, not a theatre, so it’s not like people take turns on a stage, or whatever.” You raked your fingers through his soft hair, trying to tame the strands. “I’ve never been to a club like this either. But from what I could put together from the shit I’ve read-” You put your finger to his lips. “Call me a nerd again, and die. It seems to me that there’s one part of it that’s like a normal club, there’s the bar and a dance floor. But then there’s the semi-private room and a bunch of people can go in there to fool around, and do whatever they feel comfortable doing in front of these strangers.

“And there’s the private rooms.” You said, resting both hands at the back of his neck. “I guess it’s kind of like a hotel suite. You check in for a room with a bed and you get to decide who’s in there and any nastiness that happens is totally private. But there’s no way to know what it’s actually like unless we go there.”

“And we need an application to go there?” He asked.

“Oh yes, it’s kind of exclusive, you can’t just wander in from the street, RSVPing is mandatory.” You said. “They even have a membership program, but I figure we can’t jump into something like that blind.” You studied his face, your eyes scanning for those subtle, accidental tells that you had gotten to know during the course of your relationship. “Do you want to check this club out with me? ‘Cause it didn’t cost anything to get this form and honestly, I can chuck it in the trash right-...”

“No, no, no, don’t throw it away.” He said. “Of course I’d love to check it out with you. I just have no idea about places like that and- well, I’m a little caught off guard.” He held your gaze, his hazel eyes unwavering. “I hadn’t realised that this would be your scene.”

You had started to smile. “Yeah, I hadn’t realised either. But we’ve talked about showing off what a good li’l bottom bitch you are. And I was only inspired to go down this route after how much you misbehaved when we last went out.”

He squirmed in his seat. “But I thought- we put that whole thing to bed, didn’t we? You reprimanded me, I took my punishment, then I was forgiven, right? Did I misread that situation?”

“No, that is exactly what happened.” You said, pushing his hair off of his face. “But forgiving isn’t the same as forgetting. And I certainly haven’t forgotten how much fun you seemed to be having that night, you were having a whole lot of fun being cheeky and boundary-pushing when we were out in public.” He dropped his chin, slipping into this pouty-façade rather easily. “And now that I’ve found this club, it seems like I’ve found the perfect place to have some fun of my own, by owning you in public.

“But only if you want.” You said with an instant change to your tone of voice.

He nodded, looking up at you again. “Yeah, I do, I definitely do. But… well, what do I wear?”

“Don’t get too ahead of yourself, caro. They have to approve our application first.” You pointed out, you resettled yourself on the sofa. You offered him one of the pages, reorganising the paperwork in your lap. “Here, you can read the conditions of entry.”

Instead of taking the piece of paper from you, he frowned at it. “I think it’s great that they’ve got this policy to keep the guests safe, that’s a fabulous practice, truly. But I’m gonna need a coffee before I can attempt reading this. Or three- three coffees before I read this. Do you want one?”

“Yes, please. But just one for me.” You said and he pecked you on the cheek as he got up.

He started to leave the room and you could hear him yawning as he responded. “Okay, if you’re sure.”

You moved down to the floor, finding a clear spot on the coffee table and lying the form down here. You were working your way through the remaining pages when he returned, setting a steaming mug down.

“So they need to know if you’ve ever been known by any other names…” You told him, pointing to a section that had been left blank.

“Like a screen-name?” He asked.

You rolled your eyes, raising your voice as he strolled out of the room. “No, like an alias, like something that you’ve introduced yourself as, or written down on some form anywhere.”

He carried his beat-up laptop back into the lounge room. “Chad Sexington.”

“Swear to God…” You huffed and looked back at the page. “I’m gonna write Jackass…”

“I don’t have any alias’.” He found a place on the coffee table for his laptop, sitting adjacent to you. “Should we come up with a cool one?”

“Uh-huh, I’ll put that right at the top of my list of priorities.” You said sarcastically.

After a pause, he looked away from the computer screen. “Would I be the only pup there? Is it a come as you are kind of vibe?”

“Oh fuck, I totally forgot to tell you the best part.” You said, frustrated at your momentary lapse, your sales pitch hadn’t been planned out well enough. “They have an event, like regularly, called Pup Night, specifically for puppy kinks. That’s how I found out about the club, and I don’t know if I’d say that it’s the only reason why I wanna go, but it’s definitely a big driving force of my interest. I figured that would be the ideal place to start.” You reached your hand across the tabletop for his. “We could go and get some inspiration for our own play. And if we like the club, we can check out the other non-kink specific nights.”

He laced his fingers through yours. “When is the next Pup Night?”

“Uhm…” You picked up your phone, finding the screenshot you had captured last night. You read the date out to him and a new expression came across his face, a sheepish kind of smile forming.

“I’ll be home that week.” He said of the date two weeks in the future.

“Oh, I know.” You said. “But there’s no guarantee that they’ll be done with our application by then. They said that it can take up to a month.”

“A month?” He repeated, eyebrows raised. “They’re super busy with half of Italy applying to get in. This is the place to be, huh?”

“Yeah, getting into your pants was easier than getting into this club.” You teased.

His mouth dropped open in exaggerated shock. “How dare you sully my good name like this. It wasn’t until our fifth date that we slept together. I don’t think that puts me in the category of easy.”

You just smiled. “You can keep telling yourself that you aren’t easy, baby.”

“Anyway, what should I wear?”

“Clearly you’ve gotta wear your collar-”

“Leash?” He asked.

“Yeah, I’d say that it’s the perfect occasion to bring the leash out. And then… Well, we’ve never tried to pair the chastity belt or the tail with clothing before. So the logistics of that- I think we would have to do some experimenting to figure out how that would work.” You said, the uncertainty showing through on your face. “I guess that’s the kind of thing we could Google to find-”

He was turning the laptop around, allowing you to see the screen. “I already did. It’s a whole lot of rubber thongs.”

Your eyes grew wide as you took in the sight of so much flesh, unable to keep yourself from giggling. “Oh, I don’t know if we’re that kinky. I’m gonna need more than one coffee before I can deal with that.”

… … … 

“There is so much ass in here!” Thomas exclaimed over the bass-heavy music coming from the large speakers.

Unlike many of the other people in attendance for Pup Night, your boyfriend had decided against wearing a latex g-string. In the two weeks since sending in your application, he had been able to find an alternate option, something that still allowed him to wear the tail plug.

He was wearing a pair of glossy black vinyl pants - designed for kink with two-way zippers that extended to the very back of the pants. His curved tail poked out from his ass, with the zippers allowing him to hide everything else beneath the plastic material.

He was less covered up on his torso, wearing a mesh top with a black fabric strap running across his chest. This was accessorised with oversized safety pins, the whole look completed by his collar and leash - the end of this you held in your hand.

“You can say that again.” You said to him.

“Alright, there’s so much ass in here.”

You giggled a little. “Doesn’t it remind you of being at work?”

But this club made Måneskin, and every other part of your regular lives, look so very tame. Our Sweet Spot looked like any other nightclub from the outside - while on the inside everyone was taking advantage of the opportunity to fully embrace their kink side. They were relishing in this freedom, showing skin and playing with personas of their own creation.

You were used to your and Thomas’ expression of a puppy kink, and you were fascinated to see how others expressed this identity.

There was so much to see, you could hardly find a place for your eyes to rest. Because you wanted to see all of it, all of the different styles and colours of masks. You were paying attention to the wide variety of tails, so many more unique designs than what you had come across at Sexpo.

This large main room had a familiar floor plan - the dance floor was in the middle of the space, with a bar running along one of the walls. There were dedicated sitting areas with burgundy couches and armchairs for the patrons.

You and Thomas were headed for the bar when you were stalled by a couple crossing your path. One partner was holding the end of a leash and the one on the leash had their hands and knees down on the carpet. They crawled alongside their dom, who showed you a courtesy smile as they passed.

You shared a look with Thomas, the two of you silently acknowledging this extraordinary sight. You let him lead the way to the bar, keeping your hand in his as you got distracted by looking around again. Before you had reached the end of the cue, you had already spotted two more people navigating around the club on all fours.

Once at the front of the line, Thomas ordered your cocktail first. “On the menu there, you’ve got two prices. Is that for different sizes, like at Starbucks?”

“Actually, the lower price is for our members.” The bartender gently corrected.

He quickly looked at you, mouth agape. “Cheaper drinks for members?”

“Something to consider…” The bartender said with a knowing smile.

You appreciated when they didn’t instantly try to upsell you from two drinks to a yearly membership. Instead, they allowed you and Thomas room to breathe.

And that was true to the rest of the club. Despite all of the people in attendance, the area didn’t feel crowded. The only person to invade your personal space was your boyfriend.

You got your drinks and found a spot to stand off to the side. You faced him and raised your glass. “What should we toast to?”

He lifted his bottle of beer into the air, copying you. “New experiences?”

“Yes, here’s to new experiences.” You tapped your glass to the side of his bottle.

“You don’t have to join me in this…” He said as you had your first sip of the green cocktail. “But I would like to drink in celebration of how hot you look in that leather jacket.” He was smiling as he lifted the bottle up to his lips.

He stepped in closer, sliding an arm around your waist so that he could place his hand into the back pocket of your jeans. He was close enough that you could smell cigarettes and the styling products he had applied to his hair to keep it in the same state of rumpled all night.

“I can hardly believe that you aren’t taking advantage of all of that available space on the dance floor.” You told him.

It was something that he was known for - his energetic dancing with movements too big to be contained in small spaces, he needed room to go nuts and have fun. He got less enjoyment from crowded clubs, leaving dance floors if they got too full because he didn’t want to risk his fist-pumping injuring another.

“Maybe if they play a song that I know.” He said, providing you with another surprise. His knowledge of music was unmatched by anyone you had ever met - he had taught you about genres you had never before heard of. It didn’t matter the occasion, if he was asked to put a song on, he always came through with the perfect choice.

You hadn’t recognised any of the dance music that had been playing in the twenty minutes since arriving. But you assumed this was only an issue for you. “Seriously?”

“Yeah. I’ve been trying to suss out where the DJ booth is and I think they don’t have one. So maybe this is just some really obscure Spotify playlist.” He said. “Think about it, who is coming here to see a kick-ass DJ set? It’s not about playing the hottest tracks. No, this music is just a soundtrack for grinding.”

You hadn’t considered it like that before - now you looked over the dance floor in a new way. You couldn’t deny that his enthusiastic jigging would have him sticking out like a sore thumb amongst the other patrons. Nobody was showing off their voguing skills, nor was anybody jumping around with the ecstasy of getting to hear their favourite song. 

You realised that the music was inconsequential. It didn’t matter what the lyrics were saying (you couldn’t quite figure out if the few words were being sung in Italian, or English, or something else), so long as the horny people had a beat that they could move their bodies to.

“That’s a very eloquent way to put it, caro.” You complimented.

“So, do you wanna?” He asked, eyebrows raised as he nodded to the direction of the dance floor.

“Hm?”

“Is the music providing you with any kind of inspiration?”

You smiled knowingly and shortened his leash by winding more of it around your fist. “Are you looking to get your grind on?”

“Yeah, can I entice you into that?”

“Sure thing, honey.”

He led you to an available spot on the dance floor, bobbing his head to the beat. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t heard this song before, he could quickly get into the rhythm and he turned to you with a smile.

There was no reason to hold back, you stepped forward to place one of your feet between where his were planted and you pushed your body into his. This wasn’t like when you went out in a group of friends, having to hold back because of a sense of modesty and understanding that public displays of affection were usually frowned upon.

It also wasn’t the same as getting a night out for just the two of you, wherein there was an underlying threat of someone recognising him. If anyone in here thought that his face looked familiar, they wouldn’t have the opportunity to record any of the nastiness you shared. The club had a condition of entry for phones to be checked at the cloakroom, no one could be photographed. There were no consequences that could come from this night, your boyfriend could enjoy the freedoms of anonymity - an indulgence that was getting rarer with seemingly every passing week.

You could grind your hips on his and let your hands wander without worrying about what someone else might think of you. Everyone around you was far too preoccupied to pay attention to you.

You let the music take up only a fraction of your focus as you continued to behave like a tourist, taking in all of the brand new sights with great curiosity. Amongst the many kissing couples, you saw riding crops striking asses. You saw someone with a gag strapped to their face, in the place of the typical ball, a bright red bone kept their lips parted. A lot of people had chosen to cover their nipples with tape, as opposed to putting a shirt on, their exposed breasts decorated with glitters and eye-catching jewels.

Everywhere that you happened to look served as a reminder that this wasn’t a regular bar, served as an invitation to indulge in what you usually kept strictly in the bedroom. It was all as lustful as you had hoped.

Thomas was looking around as well, giving you an insight of what he was thinking when he leaned in closer to ask you a question. “How sweaty do you think those hoods are?”

You followed his line of sight to where a masked individual was dancing. Their entire head was covered by a leather hood, with only their eyes showing, their identity had disappeared behind the protruding dog’s snout. The accessory was completed by the pair of ears on either side of the head.

“Extremely sweaty.” You said. “But you don’t have to worry because I would literally never put you in anything like that.” He looked away from the black and red mask. “I wouldn’t even dream of covering up this beautiful face.” He smiled as he raised his bottle for a sip of beer. “Why would I deprive myself like that?

“Because then I wouldn’t be able to do this…” You gave him a kiss on the cheek, keeping the contact quick in the effort of avoiding any transference of the dark lipstick you wore. “Or this…” You kissed his other cheek. “And where would I be if I couldn’t do this?”

The next kiss went to the tip of his nose, which brought a wide grin to his face. You felt the arm that he had been holding around your waist tighten. You didn’t resist or instruct him to slow down, instead you just enjoyed how his body felt on yours - the rhythm your hips worked at was beginning to give you ideas.

“And how could I pass up an opportunity to do this?” You asked before kissing him on the lips. You could have given more (that was a very tempting thought), but you made it chaste, keeping the moisture to a minimum. When you pulled back, you saw him take a moment before opening his eyes. “Don’t worry, I didn’t get any of my lipstick on you.”

“Why would I be worried about that?” He asked as you downed the last mouthful of your Midori cocktail. “You can get your lipstick all over me, I think that would look great. I would love that.”

“Yeah, I bet you would.” You said, draping your arms around his neck. “But I’m not about to ruin my makeup less than an hour into the night.”

“So it’s a timing kind of thing, I have to wait until it gets past a certain time to be able to kiss you?”

You grinned at him. “Yep, let’s say that’s what it is.”

“When can I kiss you?”

“Oh, I’m not gonna just tell you, lover.”

You put an end to any further discussion of this by spinning yourself around. With your back to him, you popped your ass out, driving this against his crotch. You slightly relaxed your hold on his leash, letting the chain hang down the front of your body with the handle looped around one of your wrists. You rolled your hips back, timing your movements to the quick beat, until you felt him moving with you again.

His arm went around your middle again, his hand firmly pressed to your stomach. You were finding that the colourful and shiny crowd were posing less of a distraction, you were just concentrating on this intimate embrace with your boyfriend. You felt free to explore more, absolutely thrilled by the fact that you didn’t need to stop anytime soon.

You wondered if he knew how sexy he was when being teased. There was something about it that shifted the dynamic between the two of you and it made your heart pump faster.

It sounded to you that the electronic beats were getting quicker, seeming to be building to that moment when the bass dropped for the song to come to an exciting conclusion. Bending your knees, you started to slide down his front, letting your butt rub against him as you went.

There was a look in his eyes - one that you were very familiar with. It was the same look that he gave you when you had just finished tying a knot in the shibari rope. Or when you got out the bottle of lube.

You placed your hand on his leg, beginning to trail it upwards. Before you could get too high, you were distracted by a multi-coloured flashing coming into your peripheral vision. You turned your head, discovering the source to be LED lights embedded in the caster wheels of someone’s wheelchair. As you watched them wheel past, you noticed the two neon leashes they had in one hand, they were going in different directions. One was tethered to a pup who was leading the way, the other secured to the person pushing the chair.

The bright trio made their way over to an elevator, which you had taken for granted upon first spotting it. Now, with one hand wrapped around the back of Thomas’ knee, you noticed a wall-mounted directory beside the buttons. From your current vantage point, the words were too small to be read. But you wanted to know what they said.

You wondered what you were missing out on. You needed to follow through with your plan to see as much as you could in this adventure.

You stood up, pulling on Thomas’ leash until his face was almost touching yours. “I wanna go upstairs. Are you ready to come with me?”

“Upstairs?” He repeated, casting his eyes up as if expecting to see a mezzanine overlooking this area. But the only thing to be seen was the wallpapered roof. “I totally didn’t realise there were other floors.”

“Well there are and I don’t know what’s up there, but I wanna find out.” You said.

“Sex. That’s what’s going on up there, the sexy times.”

“Right. Do you wanna check it out with me?”

His mouth opened, but he didn’t say anything at first. He scratched his cheek as his eyes went over to the mechanical doors, then he looked at you and back again, seeming to need extra time to find his words. “I- yeah, I do want- yeah, well we can… ahem…”

You put your hands on his cheeks, getting him to look into your eyes. “Tom, we don’t have to do anything you aren’t comfortable with. The whole point of coming here was to have fun and we can experiment within what we’re comfortable with. I brought you here to arouse you, not make you cringe.” He nodded as he listened. “I’m having fun dancing, we can keep dancing.”

He put his hands over yours, wrapping his fingers around them. “No, I want to go and I think that we should.” It felt like he was squeezing a bit tighter than usual. “But I’m just- I don’t know how I’m gonna react and I’m worried that it’ll- what if it’s embarrassing?”

You linked your fingers with his, silently taking in this moment and letting him squirm because that was what he felt he needed to do. You understood that he was only allowing you to see this vulnerable side because he felt safe with you. And you had to show him that you could rise to this occasion - just as he had done for you so many times.

“Embarrassing for who?” You asked. “I don’t know how I’m gonna react either. But we won’t know unless we try.”

He took a deep breath. “That is true. And we’re just trying it…”

“Exactly. We can just walk in and do a lap and leave if it’s not okay. Or we can sit, we can sit far away from everyone else.” You said, you let go of one of his hands and started to turn your body in the direction of the elevator. “We can hold hands the whole time. And nothing else, nothing unless you want to.”

He started to walk with you. “We can use the traffic light system.”

“Yes, we definitely will use that. Good puppy.”

There was a worker standing by the elevator's control panel, they looked friendly as you approached. Before you could begin to read the directory, they were showing you their open palm, getting you to slow down. “Sorry guys, no alcohol past here.”

“Well I’m done anyways…” You added your empty cup to the tray positioned on a shelf beside the worker.

Thomas held his bottle up to eye-level, considering the liquid left and shrugged a shoulder. “Yeah, that’s about half.”

He placed the bottle to his lips and threw his head back. Without pausing, he swallowed down the remaining beer in a series of greedy gulps. You watched, wondering how much this quick intake of alcohol would affect him as the night unfolded.

Once the beer was gone, he placed the bottle into the provided tray. He was out of breath but he smiled. “Ready to rock ‘n’ roll.”

There were four levels that made up Our Sweet Spot - the parking lot beneath where you currently stood and two upper floors described by a single word each.

Public.

Private.

You pressed the button, holding Thomas’ hand. The doors started to slide open and the worker nodded to you. “Enjoy the rest of your night, guys.”

It was just the two of you in the elevator.

“I think it’s good that the sexy rooms are upstairs, instead of down.” He remarked as you began to travel upwards. “It breaks that cliché of a sex dungeon.”

“Yeah, I hate it when I go to a sex club and all that I see are clichés.” You said, making him laugh.

The doors opened to this new floor and he took the first step forward, with you hurrying into motion again. You had no idea what to expect.

This large room wasn’t very well lit - you supposed the dim lighting and the shadows were to create a mysteriously sexy atmosphere.

At first it didn’t seem so different to where you had just been. The music was quieter, but still present. The way that you could hear people talking and laughing together kept you from separating from the feeling that you were just in a club.

But as you took some more (slow) steps into the room, the change in environment began to properly dawn on you. Instead of having a dance floor, this area was filled with more burgundy sofas and other comfortable-looking seats. Everyone was sitting, either in pairs, or in some sort of group.

Unlike when you were downstairs, you were no longer interested in what these patrons were wearing. Seeing someone having their dick sucked quickly got your attention off of cool body harnesses. Your grip on your boyfriend’s hand intensified and you followed your first reflex, which dictated that you look away.

But looking in another direction only resulted in you seeing a different variation of someone giving head. A fellow club-goer had a partner sitting between their parted knees, who was performing cunnilingus. This time, with slightly less shock in your reaction, you decided to keep looking. You watched how the receiver was biting their lip and gently playing with their lover’s hair. It seemed sweet, and authentic, not done for the enjoyment of any kind of audience.

“We should find a seat.” Thomas told you. As you nodded your head, you wondered if his tone sounded more tense now, or were you projecting?

There was a walkway that wound through the groups of seats and he led the way. Nobody was noticing the two of you, they were all entirely absorbed in their own interactions - from sharing passionate kisses, to giving a hand job or grinding on a partner’s lap.

Against the wall, he found an unoccupied sofa. There was a couple making out in the seat beside you and directly opposite to you another couple were stretched all over a couch. They were lying down, spooning and kissing in a way that reminded you of movie night at home.

As you got settled on the sofa, you placed your hand on Thomas’ knee. “What colour is your light?”

It took a moment for him to move his eyes off of a person bent over the arm of a nearby chair, having their bare butt spanked. “Green.” He told you.

“Me too.” You said, playing with the length of his leash.

He shuffled in closer, pressing the side of his body to yours, until you could feel his body heat through your clothes. You pulled your arms free of the jacket, placing it behind you before returning your hand to his knee. He took advantage of this change, placing his fingers to your wrist. With both hands, he slowly moved up, exploring the skin left exposed by your tank top.

You started to look around the room, taking in all of the intimacy on display. Removing your jacket hadn’t allowed you to cool down much as you spent longer staring at each explicit act.

You watched a couple where one person was vigorously sucking on their partner’s fingers as they were offered. They pumped their fingers quickly, wearing a satisfied smile as they watched their sub maintain suction.

You reached your hand up, pushing it into Thomas’ hair because you needed something to keep your own fingers busy, something other than shoving three of them into his mouth because it was getting difficult to think of anything else. You were suddenly filled with memories, able to clearly recall how he had looked when you had given him your fingers to suck. Always when you were in the throes of passion, with his eyes looking a little dazed, as he rode that edge of bliss. This action had been required when you had overnight guests in your home because he couldn’t be counted on to come quietly.

You didn’t let these memories merely pass you by - you indulged them, unpacked them. Soon you were thinking about the things you did that made it impossible for him to stay silent, all while watching this pair of strangers enjoy their oral fixation. Your blood was pumping through your body faster as you made a mental list of the many ways you could make him want to be very loud.

Making him beg to have his cock released from the chastity cage. Using a vibrator in his ass to get the most deliriously happy orgasm from him. Hitting his perfect ass until he was yelping. Licking him until he was a needy, whimpering mess.

His fingers finished their journey up your arm, loosely holding onto your bicep and he kissed you on the exposed part of your shoulder. You felt a little out of breath as you turned your head to look at him.

There were no words that you wanted to share, instead you kissed him. You held no consideration for the transfer of your lipstick, not now that your brain was overflowing with depraved thoughts. It had an intoxicating effect when combined with the sensuality all around you.

You sucked his top lip into your mouth as you readjusted how you were holding onto him. You wrapped one arm around his back, placing this hand amongst his hair. Your other hand went to just above his knee.

He was smiling as you separated, he kept his eyes on you. “It’s time to kiss you now?”

“Yes, it is.” You said, stroking your fingers through his hair. “Good things come to those who wait, honey.”

He licked his lips and placed a hand to your cheek, using this to draw you in for more kisses. You were tasting beer as you moved your hand higher onto his thigh, squeezing a little.

As his tongue teased your lips apart, you trailed your other hand to the nape of his neck. You let the tips of your fingers play across the skin above his collar. You were tapping into each other’s bodies, with you rubbing his neck while his tongue rubbed at the roof of your mouth. You drew patterns across his skin, enjoying the feel of his reactions.

The kiss was broken and he leaned in closer with a shiver. He placed his mouth next to your ear. “You give me tingles when you touch my neck like that…”

You didn’t remove your hand, just smiling. “Really?”

“Yeah. It’s like tingles all the way down my spine, the feeling is totally irresistible…”

“Really?” You repeated, leaning in closer to him. “Just from my hand?” You were bowing your head down. “But what if I…?”

You placed your fingers under his chin, gently easing his head back. Then you filled in this available space with your face, and kissed him on the neck.

This time he didn’t shiver. He let out a dreamy sigh and lifted his leg, draping it across your lap. You tightened your arm around him, applying chaste kisses on his throat - some of them left lipstick prints, almost like you wanted to mark your territory.

As you were working, your eyelids fluttered open. Beyond his body, you noticed the couple in the armchair next to you. They had changed their positions, no longer just kissing. Now you were seeing a blow job being performed. You curiously watched the technique of the giver as you continued to kiss Thomas’ throat.

You kept checking the progress of the fellatio as you started to suck on Thomas’ skin a little. Your goal wasn’t to leave hickeys, you simply had to do more, you needed the next level. You slipped your hand down from his neck, onto his chest. You caressed and groped him over his mesh shirt, prompting him to arch his back, looking to get even closer to your body.

You sat up, keeping your eyes on the blow job. “How badly are you wishing I would do something like that to you?”

He followed your line of sight, putting an arm around your waist as he looked at your neighbours. You continued to stroke his chest, watching the blow job with him.

But he looked away before orgasm could be reached. His interest moved elsewhere and he nodded his head to the lounge directly opposite you. You turned to where the cuddling couple had been lying earlier.

It was the same couple as before, but their spooning had grown more intense. The person lying in front had the hand of their partner buried into their shorts. You saw the crotch of their pants bulging, the material twitching and dancing to a frantic rhythm. You licked your lips, your eyes growing wide as you watched what were familiar movements.

“Actually, I’d rather do something like that to you.” Thomas said of the fingering.

It felt like the two of you were looking through a living and breathing catalogue. You could peruse the many sexual acts as effortlessly as you could flick through the pages of a catalogue, reviewing it all until you found the thing that jumped to the top of your wishlist.

You looked at him, feeling how your heart had started fluttering. You followed the line of his jaw with your fingertips. “Should we head home and take care of that impulse you’re having?”

“Home?” He repeated, a quizzical look on his face. “We’re gonna leave the sex club to go and have sex?”

“Well I didn’t want to just assume…”

“I think we should check out the private suites, don’t you? In the spirit of experimenting and just trying things out, right?”

You smiled and nodded your head, pleased to see that he had seemingly found his footing in this environment. “Right.”

Without hesitation, he got to his feet. He grabbed your jacket in one hand, before offering to help you up with the other. You were filled with excitement, ready to share all of the horny thoughts that had been building up in your mind.

You placed the loop at the end of his leash around your wrist and followed his steps to the elevator. You admired as much as there was to see on your way out. Someone was performing an impromptu striptease for a couch full of people, the puppy hood remaining on their head as everything else was being shed.

You and Thomas stepped into the empty elevator, then you pressed the button to take you up to the next floor. He smiled at you as you placed an arm around his waist. You rubbed your hand across the small of his back before reaching down lower, until you could wrap your hand around his temporary tail.

He drew in a quick inhale, seeming to be able to predict what you were planning to do. And he didn’t try to stop you, just biting into his lip when you found the plug’s hidden button. It offered less options than the Bluetooth-connected control panel on your phone, but it vibrated and that was all you really needed.

Under the elevator lights, you could see how the look in his eyes had changed as you leaned in closer. As you kissed him, you took your hand off of the tail, the lowest setting of vibrations would be enough for right now.

The doors slid open to a much quieter room, but with equally dim lighting. Walking out of the elevator you saw the tall check-in desk on the right. This was the main feature of the room, which quickly became a corridor. You felt less like you were in a night club, now you were being reminded of visiting a hotel.

The clerk behind the counter showed you a bright smile (far happier and more polite than any hotel worker you had ever come across in all of your travelling).  “Hey guys, how can I help?”

“Are there any rooms available?” You asked.

“Indeed there are. Can I just get your names to check in our database?” They asked and you provided both hands as Thomas quietly stood half a step behind you, keeping his eyes down. “Here’s your access card.” They gestured to the hallway full of shut doors. “You’ll be in suite thirteen. If you run into issues, we have a comm’s system and you can hit the button to get through to our staff and they will come to help you straight away. Condoms are provided and we have both latex and non-latex in case you have any allergies. Play safely and we hope you enjoy the rest of your night here.”

“Thanks so much.” You said.

The hallway had better lighting, and you led the way past the other numbered doors. Your suite sat somewhere in the middle, with more doors running along the corridor, exceeding number thirteen.

The key-card unlocked the door and you stepped in, Thomas close behind you. It was a straight- forward room, the only piece of furniture was a large, four poster bed, covered with white sheets. He shut the door and you let go of his leash, walking forward to get a proper look at the space. There were some shelves mounted on the wall beside the bed and you recognised the row of candles lined across the top as fakes, the light coming from an LED light, programmed to flicker. The phrase ‘play safely’ echoed in your mind, and you saw the multiple packs of condoms on the next shelf.

“I swear to God, our bedroom has never smelled this clean.” He said, crossing the floor. He peaked through an open door, opposite to where you had entered. “Oh cool, we’ve got our own crapper.”

You chuckled, shaking your head. “Don’t say crapper right now, caro.”

He turned to face where you had sat down on the mattress. “No?”

“No- sure, it’s good to know there’s a toilet in here. But this is the time when we should be having dirty talk, not gross-out talk.”

“My bad.” He said with a sheepish smile. “What kind of dirty talk?”

“I wanna hear how you’re feeling.” You said as he joined you on the mattress, needing to take extra precautions when it came to sitting down with the plug in his ass. “I wanna know what you’re thinking.”

“I’m not gonna lie to you- I’m not thinking a lot of thoughts right now.” He said and you cupped his face in your hands. “But I feel pretty great.”

“Do you think that’s because of the buzz from the beer and the buzzing your plug is doing?” You asked.

He licked his lips. “Partially. But it’s mostly because I’m glad that it’s just you and me again.”

“Me too.” You said, smiling as you leaned in to kiss him. “So, you truly aren’t wishing you were having your cock sucked like that guy in the other room?”

“It’s not that I would turn a blow job down.” He said. “In fact, the day that I refuse a blow job, is the day you need to call the paramedics because I would be dying, or I might already be dead.” You laughed. “Truly, I’m still thinking about touching you, feeling you and finding out how you’re feeling, how all of this has been affecting you.”

You allowed him a few more kisses before pulling back a little. “That’s not what I’m thinking. Because, do you see these bed posts?” He glanced at the bed frame. “They’re giving me ideas…” You started to unbuckle your leather belt. “The last time we had a proper play session, you were only allowed to use your hands…” You pulled the belt free from the loops of your ripped jeans. “How do you feel about doing the opposite?”

There was a sparkle in his eyes as he looked back at you. “Do you want to tie my hands to this bed?”

“I would love to do that, if it’s okay with you. Obviously it wouldn’t be as fancy as what I could do with the supplies we’ve got at home. But I still think we could have a lot of fun.” You said.

He grinned, sitting up on his knees, clearly ready to move as you dictated. “Alright, let’s have some fun, babe.”

“Wrists.”

But he hesitated, stopping himself before extending his arms to you. “Did you want me to take my clothes off first?”

“Nope.” You said simply. You held your belt in one hand, reaching around him with the other. You gently took the tail in your hand and his body visibly quivered when you set the vibrations to the next level of intensity. “With these pants, that’s not necessary. And I wouldn’t want to get you out of this outfit, not yet. ‘Cause I love you like this.”

You ran your hand up from the nape of his neck, to the back of his head, able to bring him in closer like this. You heard him take in a quick, excited breath when you kissed him, before he melted into it. You could feel the hunger in how he kissed you back, his tongue moving forward to meet yours. He started to lean his body weight into yours, placing a hand tenderly to your cheek.

But you resumed your position of power by putting both hands on his shoulders. You used this to guide him, moving him back, until he was laid out on the bed.

He started to stretch his arms up, above his head. On your knees, you moved over, closer to the corner post you had chosen for him to get tethered to. He put his wrists together and you checked that there weren’t any twists in the belt.

“The way that you look tonight, I am absolutely obsessed.” You said, lining the middle of the belt up under his wrists. “You’re the best, sexiest, most gorgeous puppy in this place.”

He looked up at you as you wrapped the leather strap around his wrists. “I don’t know if I’d say the best.”

“That’s fine, I wasn’t asking your opinion.”

“I just think there are people here who look far more impressive. Like, they are turning actual looks. They put a lot of money into their fetish gear. And the dedication to put on a full bodysuit of latex, or wearing a mask that covers your whole head for the whole night? I doubt I could ever do that…”

You started to manipulate the end of the belt into a knot against the bed’s post. “And you don’t need to. It doesn’t matter what other accessories any of those pups’ have, there is literally nothing that I would add to your outfit, ‘cause nothing needs to be added.” You sat back once he was attached to the bedframe. As you looked at him, you stroked your hand across his forehead. “Looking at you right now, I’m seeing the perfect bottom bitch.”

This brought a small smile to his face. “Your bottom bitch.”

“That’s right. Now, are your hands and arms comfortable like this?” You asked.

His response was immediate. “Yes.”

“Can you tell me a colour?” You asked.

He met your eyes and he looked so determined, putting his full confidence into the word as he said it. “Green.”

You smiled and swooped down to give him a quick kiss, standing up before things could escalate. “Good. ‘Cause I’m about to make you feel like the best pup.”

His eyes remained on you, watching as you went over to the shelves. Amongst what was on offer, you spotted the brand of condoms that you regularly bought. You plucked one out of the box, placing it on the bed before beginning to take your boots off. You weren’t concerned with getting fully naked, but you knew that skinny-fit jeans wouldn’t be conducive to the things you were planning to do.

Once your pants and underwear were gone, you returned to the bed, mounting your boyfriend, sitting on the top of his thighs. He looked at you, his eyes bigger than before, his excitement clear. The vinyl material of his pants was hot, sticking to the insides of your legs.

You undid the button, then grabbed the zipper tab, pulling it down until you could see his black underwear. You moved the waistband down, making room for you to reach your hand inside. He bit into his bottom lip as you wrapped your fingers around his cock, pulling his boner free.

You picked up the single condom and his breath started to come in quicker as you covered his erection with latex. Once it was on, your eyes flashed up to his face and you saw him watching, his lips parted now. He was waiting, concentrating with such intensity that you could tell he was no longer thinking of anyone else in this building - not to compare outfits, not to picture certain acts.

You rocked yourself forward and tightened your legs around him. You lined your crotch up with his, using your hand to guide his cock between your labia majora, pointing directly to the ceiling for the moment. You felt warmth bloom throughout your body at this pressure now resting against your clit, beginning to invite in sensitivities as you felt your body differently to how you had been inhabiting it all night.

The smile on your face grew when you leaned forward, indulging in more pressure on your clit as you reached down. Your thumb went back to the control button on his tail, this time you increased the vibrations by two levels. You felt his body grow more rigid beneath you in response. And with an arch of his back, his shaft was pressed more firmly against your clit. Your eyes fluttered shut as you listened to him give a little whimper.

You straightened up and lifted yourself a bit, wrapping your hand around the base of his cock. You moved forward again, until you were in the right spot to push his tip inside. You lowered yourself, more of his shaft disappearing into you. You gasped as he writhed between your clenched thighs.

That triumph of pleasure was blossoming in you, your excitements no longer contained. You jerked your hips forward, feeling a greater stretch around him.

“Best puppy ever.” You purred.

He pushed back against your thrusts, as you grinded down with all of your body weight, increasing the impact of every collision. You grabbed for his leash, wrapping it around your fist as you sought for the perfect pacing.

“Me first.” You said, making sure the authority in your voice was clear. “Are you gonna wait for your turn to come, puppy?”

“Yes, yes, yes, I will.” He whined.

You stroked your pussy up-and-down his cock, your walls beginning to clench as you aimed to conclude each thrust with your hips pressed to his. He kept his eyes shut, concentrating on the movements as he allowed you to work his body over as you desired.

Your sensitivities grew and you started to gain speed as more of your body responded to these heavenly sensations. Looking down at him in his current state made you go even faster as he inspired a greater need within you. You tightened your grip on the leash, eliminating any unnecessary slack in the length of chain.

Everything was feeding into your arousal as your walls uncontrollably clenched around him. He was struggling for breath and there was a sheen of sweat on his face as he kept rutting up into you.

You were both recklessly pursuing that climax, with him wearing the effects of your lust already, his pale skin had been dirtied with smears of your dark lipstick. You leaned a little further forward, getting closer to watch his reactions to your energetic rocking. In this moment he was (in every possible sense) yours and that knowledge made your heart swell in your chest. It also made you want to take everything you could from him, using his body to fulfil the needs that wouldn’t exist without him.

You had shifted into a frenzied pace, your body growing tenser as the time for recovery between thrusts rapidly shrank.  The chain rattled, a musical tinkling as all of your power went into your hips jolting.

“Yes, slut.” You hissed, beginning to lose yourself in the perfect tempo your bodies were sharing. “Give it to me, juh-just like that.”

You kept your hips in motion as you sought his tail out with your shaking hand. You turned the vibrations up another notch, rewarded by hearing a choked sob from him.

You watched him, leaning in close to him as you started to feel the climax dawning upon you. You were filled with awe at the sight of your entirely perfect puppy.

The orgasm arrived, immediately making all of the muscles in your body melt. You were overwhelmed by the glory of this pleasure, moaning loudly as you experienced only bliss.

His voice broke as he murmured words of encouragement, keeping you as his main focus. He didn’t seem to be able to keep himself still in this moment, writhing and giving little bucks from under you. All of which prevented you from fully coming down from your orgasm, he was making you feel as if your nerves were charged with electrical currents.

You threw your head back with a gasp, seeing that slightly-dazed look in his eyes as he looked at you. You couldn’t help yourself, turning the vibrations up, to the sounds of his wordless whines. Then you were looking at the whites of his eyes, until his eyelids fluttered shut.

You hadn’t been keeping track of how many times you had pressed the button on his tail, meaning that he might be struggling to maintain his composure through the most intense vibrations.

You sat up, watching how rapidly his chest was rising-and-falling. You could tell that he was right on the edge of falling apart. You slowed how you were rocking your hips into him, but you weren’t very interested in going easy on him yet - not while you were too excited to come down from your peak.

You secured even more thrilling heights of pleasure by slapping your fingers against your pussy, colliding with your clitoris. You were both left reeling from this and it would have been impossible to judge who had shouted louder. You saw fireworks popping in front of your eyes as your cunt squeezed harder on him.

You were stunned, hardly recovered from the first full-body quake before striking your clit again. The stinging was immediately over-ridden by satisfaction and you were inspired to keep going, leaving your boyfriend to wail. His legs spasmed as he was rocked to his core, the limbs flailing restlessly.

“Fuck, fuck.” He burst out.

You watched him squirming and you counted this orgasm as just for you. It was intensely personal, with a complete disregard of how many other bodies had been fucked on this bed.

You slapped your cunt a few more times, until the squeeze on his dick was too much and he became ruined by the climax. He arched his back into you, his face scrunched up in the effort. He shouted through another crack in his voice, then groaned, going limp.

You moved off of him immediately - to finally get your chance to start coming down. You could feel the adrenaline starting to leave your body as you removed the belt from around his wrists. You grabbed his knee and tugged on it until he rolled onto his side, allowing you to grab the tail. You turned the vibrations off before taking the plug out, listening to his laboured breaths.

You collapsed onto the bed next to him, shutting your eyes at once. You lifted your arm when you felt him moving in closer and he laid his head on your flattened chest.

“I love you, amore.” He said in a husky voice.

You smiled, still enjoying the after effects of so much pleasure. “I love you too.”

… … … 

You didn’t hang around the club for much longer, not after achieving more than you had hoped to accomplish in the very first visit. Thomas wanted to take a shower and you were ready to fall asleep, so an Uber was ordered.

You sat in the backseat of the car, one hand outstretched towards him, your fingers intertwined with his. You held your phone in your other hand, scrolling through the updates you had missed on Instagram without much interest.

“I think that when we go back…” He started to say.

At once you looked over at him, a smile developing on your lips. Your heart fluttered a little as you admired him in the dim lighting cast from the streets beyond. You were enthused by his sense of adventure.

You thought that he looked sexier now than he had at the beginning of the night. His hair was no longer purposefully styled, it was simply a bird's nest-level of chaos. The thick black liner applied under his eyes had streaks, tracks of darkness spilling down his cheeks. Not to mention your lipstick prints still decorating his skin. He was a masterpiece created by the collision of your desires.

His appearance gave you tingles, keeping you warmed by the flames of passion because you were instantaneously being reminded of what the two of you had just done. What he had allowed you to do and what he wanted to repeat.

“Obviously we’ll go back for Pup Night, but I-”

You jumped in to take a stab at finishing his thought. “You wanna wear a rubber thong?”

“Actually, I was thinking that would be more your style.” He said, making you chuckle. “No. I would like to socialise a bit more. We were very much sticking to just us tonight, which was pretty natural for our first time, I’d say. But we could get to talking and maybe meet some cool people and get some more, uhm, kink resources. Like, maybe there’s a bunch of really cool shops right under our noses that they could tell us about.”

“Oh, so you wanna ask where they bought their rubber thongs from?”

“Exactly.” He said with a smile, giving your fingers a little squeeze.

He was already lusting for more and you couldn’t wait to see what came next for the two of you.

»»————-　♡　————-««

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[phoenixyfriend]

Rex and Anakin Raise a Family: Part Four

Part One, Part Two, Part Three – Chrono

Warnings: grief, resentment, lactation, animal death

----

For all that Anakin had said he could handle the twins, Rex still takes one in the sling as they go into town. They don't have a hoverpram yet, and neither of them could figure out a way to fold the fabric to securely hold the babies' heads up. Anakin takes Luke, and Rex takes Leia, and they ignore the whispers that still follow them.

The General keeps just behind his shoulder when they get to the hardware shop that carries the closest paint they can find in such a small town. It's not meant for armor, really, but speeder paint will do the trick for now. Rex's hands shake as he picks out the shades he needs, and the young Rodian at the register almost asks about it.

The issue isn't pressed.

They make their way back to the cottage, and Leia starts fussing fifteen minutes past the town's edge. Anakin looks like he wants to offer to take her back, but Rex is fine. He can comfort her. He can--

Anakin takes the paint, floating it along in the air before them, freeing Rex's hands to focus on the infant strapped to his chest.

"I'll feed her as soon as we get back," Anakin says, low and calm. "She's a little hungry."

Pacifier, then. They're only a few minutes out, by now. She can wait for them to get back to where exchanging the twins won't involve juggling.

Rex feels eyes on him, looks up and sees the soft, quiet smile on his General's face, and ducks his head back to Leia.

She glares up at him as well as a newborn can, sucking angrily on the paci in her mouth. Rex has no idea if she's actually upset or if her face just naturally follows such an expression, but it's adorable nonetheless. He hums to her, nonsense without words.

He's never learned lullabies; they picked up drinking songs in the field and from local soldiers, from their Jedi, war songs from their trainers, pop songs from the radio. A few learned lullabies, those who loved children and wanted their own, one day, brothers like Waxer who would have adopted Numa in a heartbeat if it had been an option.

He wants to learn lullabies. He wants to be able to sing children's songs to these tiny, helpless lives he holds in his hands, day in and day out. He wants to learn Mandalorian songs, real ones, not just battle chants and mourning melodies. He wants to be able to raise them with the childhood he didn't have.

"Rex? Door's open."

He looks up, and Anakin's standing on the porch, pulling the keys from the lock and gesturing in with his head. Rex hadn't even realized he'd stopped walking, subconsciously waiting for the blockage of the door to be handled. It's easier to focus on the children.

The paint gets sent to the backyard--trapped fumes wouldn’t be good for the children--and Rex lays Leia down in her crib. Anakin urges him to the backyard, says I’ll handle it about anything Rex uses to delay, and it’s only a few minutes later that Rex finds himself sitting on the grass, armor spread across a sheet of disposable flimsi, paints and brushes at the ready. He doesn’t quite remember setting it up, but he must have.

Anakin joins him, a twin in each arm and the Force laying out a picnic blanket. Leia’s nursing, swaddled up but content to suckle, and Luke seems happy to doze when Anakin sets him down on the cotton gingham. It’s a warm day, with a light breeze, and the babies are where the wind won’t carry the paint fumes.

“I’m here if you need me,” Anakin promises, though his attention drifts immediately to his daughter.

Rex begins to paint.

----

His remembrances are endless.

Every brother he’s ever known, every general he’s met, every small commander and random civilian, everyone he loved and knew. He lights a pyre, sings under his breath and tries not to break in a way that can’t be patched together. He mourns the tubies and cadets, the Jedi younglings, names he never learned and now never would.

Anakin gets Japor from somewhere, carves it whenever he’s too jittery to sleep and the twins are asleep. Rex recognizes a few symbols, like the open circle fleet, like Fives’ helmet eel, like Ahsoka’s markings. There are more, though, that are wholly unfamiliar, things he thinks are born of desert sands and binary suns, rough and painful and deeper in Anakin’s heart than even the Jedi.

He asks about the one for Fives, when he sees it.

He hides his anger.

Explanations, first.

“It’s an apology,” his General tells him, eyes distant. “I should have listened to him. I didn’t. The carvings are regrets, broken trust... that sort of thing. I’m part of why he died, and in that, part of why the rest is gone. He and his memory deserve a place of honor.”

Rex considers that, and accepts it.

Fives deserves an apology. The General recognizes that.

The General recognizes that he fucked up.

This is a good thing.

Rex lets go of his anger, still curled tight to his chest after months, as best he can.

He’s not very good at it, but he can try.

Luke starts crying, and Rex gets up to warm a bottle.

----

“I need to stay close to home until the twins are a little older,” Rex says. Teskarim, the woman at the childcare store, tilts her head to encourage him to continue. “I’m... I’ve never been anything but a soldier, and nobody here needs security services, but I can hunt. Do you know if there’s any kind of licenses required, or lists of which animals are legal hunt and which are endangered?”

“I... don’t,” she says, chewing her bottom lip. “But I think the butcher’s shop can probably point you in the right direction.”

Damn. He’d been hoping he wouldn’t have to talk to anyone new today.

“Thanks,” he sighs, and shells out some of the local currency for more formula.

----

The butcher has answers, and preferences. Rex isn’t much of a trapper, but he’s a hell of a shot, and decent enough scout and tracker. He listens to what there is to hear, and mentally takes all the notes he can. There aren’t any licenses needed in this hemisphere, but there are legally-defined hunting seasons for different creatures. The butcher knows when the optimal times of day are, which parts of the nearby forest and mountains are best to stake out, and so on.

Rex tells Anakin about his plan. He gets a slow blink in response, a cringe in what he thinks is guilt, and an offer to meditate for the best direction to take when he goes out. He accepts the offer in the spirit its meant, and sets out the next morning with the expectation that he may need to spend a few nights out under the leaves and stars.

The calm and quiet are their own kind of comfort. He’s loyal to Anakin, and he already loves the twins, but there’s a part of him that needs to be away from natborns right now. Anakin was a Jedi, a general, and fought in the metaphorical trenches with the rest of them, but he wasn’t a brother.

They grieve many of the same people, but they do not grieve the same way.

Rex needs the solitude. Not forever, not even for very long, but he needs it.

It takes two days, but he finds one of the in-season creatures, a creature shaped much like an Alderaan deer, but larger, and with longer fur. It’s darker in color, too, and he gives it a bit of time to wander about until he can be sure it’s a male, and he’s not about to leave some fawns without a mother. The shot is clean, and it doesn’t take him very long to tie it up and sling it over his shoulders to bring back to town.

The trek back takes hours, and the creature on his back is a pain to carry, but it’s almost worth the looks he gets from the civvies. Eyes bulge out the sockets at the sight of him, and he’s glad his helmet hides his smirk. He’s Kamino stock, hardened by over three years on the front lines, and there’s a pride in how easy the physical things are for him. It’s not impossible for a natborn to carry this kind of creature this far without help, but it’s uncommon.

He kind of likes the attention, now that it doesn’t come with the many prejudices that being a clone always had.

Anakin meets him at the butcher’s, one twin on his chest and the other on his back.

Seems he’s found a solution to that.

“Here to help me barter a fair payment?” Rex asks, and gets a too-charming grin in response.

“Well, I’ve been doing it most of my life,” Anakin says, cheery in a way that feels pasted on. “And I’ll have a trick to know if we’re being cheated.”

It’s a solid response, but Rex doesn’t like it. He takes note of the bags under Anakins eyes. “Have you been sleeping, sir?”

“Twins,” the man himself says. “And don’t call me ‘sir,’ Rex, we’ve been over this.”

“You need to sleep, General.”

Anakin pouts at him, probably because of the title. “I can handle two days alone, Captain.”

Rex rolls his eyes and sidles through the entrance of the butcher’s shop.

They’ve got this.

[bumblebee-moreno]

Why tagging female reader fics is so important

I’m starting to get really fed up with the lack of tagging in this fandom, so here’s a quick explanation as to why it’s so important to tag your female reader fics as female reader.

1- This should be common knowledge, but apparently not: not every person who reads fanfic is female.

It’s become standard to assume readers are female. And honestly, it’s just flat out disrespectful. It shows us non-female readers that you don’t care enough about our comfort in the fandom to do something as simple as put “character x F!reader” instead of “Character x reader”. It's incredibly othering and disrespectful towards those of us who are not female.

2- “Reader” can easily be assumed to be gender neutral.

It very rarely is, but there’s no way of knowing whether something is going to be gender neutral or not if you don’t tag it. It’s INCREDIBLY frustrating to start a fic and find out a few paragraphs in (or worse, halfway through), that it’s female reader. Not only is it frustrating, it can be triggering to some people: it can trigger gender dysphoria in trans people, bring up trauma from cis male readers that may have experience abuse related to their sexual orientation, and many, many more people.

3- It’s harmful to trans people.

Many AFAB trans people (trans men and AFAB non-binary people) experience gender dysphoria. It’s seen as incredibly dehumanising to misgender a trans person, and that’s essentially what you’re doing by assuming that all readers are female. At best, misgendering a trans person reminds them they don’t fit the cishet expectation society has of them. At worse, it triggers extreme feelings of gender dysphoria, memories of past (and current) abuse, and reminds us that representation is a luxury we rarely experience. It’s not just the pronouns either; sometimes I’ll read a fic and it’ll describe body parts that trigger my gender dysphoria (breasts, hips, reproductive parts, etc.). As a cis person reading this, it might not seem like a big deal. But trust me: it’s a huge deal. Being misgendered takes a HUGE toll on a trans person’s mental health. We spent a huge part of our lives being misgendered, pretending to be someone we’re not, and to read a self-insert fic and have the reader be gendered as female reminds us of the time when our lives were at the lowest. Trans people who don’t pass as their gender identity, who are non-binary, or who cannot transition, are misgendered all day, every day, and for many of us, fandom is the only escape… until we’re trying to read a fic and are misgendered there too.

It’s not as simple as “it’s not for us”. For me, it’s sometimes an inconvenience. Other days, it triggers my dysphoria so bad I totally shut down and can’t function for hours on end. And my gender dysphoria is much less intense than many trans people’s.

4- It’s not difficult.

It’s just not. It’s as simple as putting “f!reader” at the top of your fic. If you want to be extra awesome, you can put it in the tags too. Not doing it shows that you’re too lazy to respect people who aren’t comfortable reading female reader fics.

5- It’s a waste of our time.

You’re not getting any extra notes by doing this. You’re just not. If anything, you’re losing prospective readers. As a non-binary person, I occasionally read f!reader fics. But if I can’t mentally prepare for it in advance, I’m not going to be able to finish reading. Those of us who can’t read any female reader fics won’t be very likely to read any of your other fics, even if those are actually gender neutral. So we have to get partway through reading a fic that isn’t for us when we could have just scrolled past it. You’re proving to non-female readers that your blog isn’t a safe space for us, and it’s very unlikely you’ll get a second chance from that reader.

Please know: I’m not trying to personally attack anyone. If you didn’t know it was harmful, that’s okay, just start tagging your fics. It’s not difficult, and it means the world to non-female readers. I'm trying to be as polite and patient as I can with this, but I'm getting to the point where I'm done asking nicely. It's pushing a lot of people out of the fandom, and honestly I'm tempted to leave tumblr myself because of it.

You don't have to write for male or gender neutral readers, but telling people the reader is intended to be female is not optional.

[1waywardbirdlane]

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately too. I’ve been processing my childhood trauma. It’s really messy and hard to talk about. For obvious reasons, but also it’s literally just hard for me to understand and translate my brain, emotions and thought processes to others in a way that makes sense.

I’ve tried to write more personally on posts lately but I feel like I need to filter myself. Plus I can’t stand the idea of being misunderstood or seen as selfish and whiny. BUT. I’m gunna try to just share. I’m just gunna try to spit it out. So here goes.

Growing up I knew it shouldn’t matter if people are gay. I always knew that love is the most powerful thing in our world and any god who couldn’t let people enjoy love in every form is not a god I want to follow.

Growing up I always knew it wouldn’t matter to me what my person looked like. That I wanted to look past the surface and find the beauty and love in someone, because that’s what’s most important.

What I didn’t know is that I deserved the space to express that, to celebrate that and to live that. I held my beliefs but never had the option to explore what that could really mean for me.

A few years ago I realized I’m bisexual. A couple years after that I realized pansexual is a more accurate label. I’m a cisgender woman but have been considering using terms like gender-fluid or non-binary because it’s more reflective of my attitude & beliefs towards gender.

When I was in middle school my mom told my older sister that she thought I was gay. She was worried I’d find or out realize it, and talked to my sister about how to try to put out that spark before it became a fire. She couldn’t bear the idea of me being gay.

There are a couple specific people/friendships I look back on now and wonder. My best friend in college and I could have dated and fallen in love after she confessed she had feelings for me. My post college roommate and I were propositioned for group sex twice.

I could have experienced love and pleasure in so many other ways if I had had the chance.

i wonder sometimes how life would be if i had enough chances to air out all the love in me

[swbumblebee]

What if Qui-Gon Jinn was not particularly special in his post-mortem abilities?

AKA “Old Ben” and his many Force parents.

They had all watched, their collective Force aura swamped in sadness, grief and longing, as Qui-Gon finally introduced himself to Obi-Wan.

They’d never call him ‘Old Ben’. The fact that he was only 40 years old notwithstanding, this was the boy they’d raised, grown up with, idolised. They remembered him toddling about the gardens, fascinated by the brightly coloured flowers; Getting shy around pretty people and developing awkward crushes. They remembered him standing alone at the head of an army, quietly confident and immeasurably capable. They had vivid memories of him carrying them back to the creche, so steady and strong; of his measured wisdom, and the confidence that Obi-Wan Kenobi would always triumph.

They remembered the mullet.

Nobody named “Old Ben” ever had a mullet.

The man they now, as they always had really, looked to for a light when everything else went dark.

They didn’t catch the murmured words. They were Jedi after all, (even if they were now technically one big Jedi rather than a temple full of Jedi) and eavesdropping was rude. Nobody listened to the sulky mutterings of the presence that was Quinlan Vos.

Their boy was nodding, sitting quietly on the floor whilst he finally, finally after weeks of careful and gentle persuasion, of them all keeping a tight rein on the order’s maverick (“Do not, we repeat do not, come out of the water tank. You’ll give him a cardiac arrest or something”) believed in the presence he saw before him.

They watched once more, pleased, as their missing piece allowed himself to be bullied to his feet, and guided over to the pile of blankets he called a bed.

They could feel Qui-Gon’s bitter relief as he perched next to his former student, his longing to pull the blankets up around his boy and smooth back his hair.

But words were all they had.

Still, as Obi-Wan Kenobi had shown the Galaxy; you could do a lot with words.

---

They’d argued (as much as an incorporeal fusion of spirits could argue) at length over who got to go next.

“I knew him longest, he’ll trust me!”

“He needs someone calm, measured. I will go”

“No offence Master Plo but you’ll make him cry. He needs cheering up, I’ll go!”

“Vos so help me Force-“

“I was the Master of the Order, I should do it”

“Master, we’re dead. I’m not sure seniority applies.”

In the end it was narrowed down to two options; Bant Erin, Obi-Wan’s oldest friend. Sweet natured and kind, she would be the perfect choice.

And Mace Windu.

It turns out seniority does still apply beyond the grave.

---

A small part of Obi-Wan’s subconscious was telling him that it was starting to get a bit awkward.

The transparent blue form of Mace Windu was looking down at him, the welcoming smile quickly turning into a grimace.

“…Obi-Wan?”

No. no no no this was not happening. He didn’t have time to go round the bend he had a child to protect!

He wasn’t sure if it was reasonable to measure sanity on the volume of dead loved ones he was hallucinating, but somehow one seemed saner than two.

Though it turns out he’s insane, and so not a good barometer of these things.

He knew his stare was starting to get very unnerving as his hysterical inner-ramblings reached a fever pitch.

“…Obi-Wan, are you alright?” Imaginary Mace Windu asked, concern and a tiny bit of nervousness showing on his face.

“I’m fine, how are you?” Obi-Wan asked, remembering a solid piece of advice from his formative years; Always fall back upon good manners when in unfamiliar territory Padawan mine.

Well, this was about as unfamiliar as it got.

Imaginary Mace looked at him, utterly baffled for a moment.

“Well…I’m dead, I suppose, is how I am” he answered awkwardly.

“Right. Obviously.” Obi-Wan nodded politely. “My condolences”

There was another awkward silence.

Imaginary Mace tilted his head for a moment, listening for something.

“Well…here I am” he said, spreading his arms a little.

“…yes.”

The other Jedi frowned at Obi-Wan’s strained reply and his act of scrubbing his hands down his face as if to wipe away the image in front of him.

“Qui-Gon didn’t…didn’t mention we were coming?” he asked tentatively.

Obi-Wan shook his head, wordlessly.

The frown on Imaginary Mace turned into a complete scowl as the pieces seemed to fall into place.

“JINN” he bellowed, and Obi-Wan felt it echo in the Force like nothing before.

“He can’t hear you, he’s with Yoda”

Another figure popped into existence next to Mace, and Obi-Wan rubbed his eyes once again as Depa Billaba bowed to him.

“Obi-Wan” she greeted with a grin.

“…hi” He took a deep breath, mentally cursing his absent-minded Master.

“Are you alright?” Depa didn’t stop for a reply as she looked down with him and gestured at him, gently instructing him to get up from the floor. “Oh look you’ve scraped your knee there! Master I knew you’d startle him!” she scolded her former Master.

It felt like he was having an out of body experience as Depa ushered him into a chair (the only chair in the hut), Mace looking on anxiously.

“There we go” Depa soothed as she got him settled “I wish we could make you some tea my friend.” She said disappointedly.

Obi-Wan cleared his throat.

“You ah…you can’t?” he asked, something permeating the haze. Of this whole situation, that seemed by far the most unfair thing.

Mace smiled encouragingly, seemingly happier to be on more binary ground.

“I’m afraid not, we are beings of the Force, like your Master.” He explained, before scowling again. “Who, I would kill if he weren’t already dead,” he growled.

“I’m so sorry Obi-Wan” Depa said, dismayed “We all wanted to come and be with you, but we though Qui-Gon might be best to start with, so as not to overwhelm you”

“Sorry about that” Mace said apologetically.

They sat in silence a moment, Depa and Mace watching him process.

For the first time ever, Obi-Wan had exactly zero thoughts in his head.

He was starting to feel the pressure.

“All?” he tried.

Depa and Mace looked at each other.

“You ah…you said ‘all wanted to come’” he clarified.

Depa nodded happily.

“Yes yes, we’re all there Obi-Wan” she smiled at him

“Any Jedi slain by a Sith, or the machinations of the Sith, is there” Mace explained.

Obi-Wan was having the slightest bit of trouble taking deep breaths. Neither of his companions seemed to have noticed.

“Where?” he asked, only mildly aware that his voice was getting just a little pitchy.

“In the Force, we’re all one in the Force” Depa started again, and then paused a little lost for words.

“We’re all together and we kind of…share our presences” Mace picked up, with difficulty “Everyone who was killed by Palpatine’s evil, everyone from us right down to the littlest initiate, we share one consciousness in the Force.”

Obi-Wan was none the wiser.

Mace waved a hand frustratedly.

“Sorry, Plo explains it better”

“Plo?” Obi-Wan loved Master Plo. He loved all of them. And they were gone.

“Hello Obi-Wan”

“Well, if Plo and Depa get to see him I’m bloody well here too!”

“Hi Obi”

“Obes!”

He could only watch, speechless, as the faces of old friends, comrades, mentors and carers crammed into his hut, all looking at him with unadulterated, unfiltered pleasure and love was the last thing he saw before his scrambled brain decided it’d had enough, and he knew nothing but darkness.

---

It turns out, living with the forms of all your dead teachers, carers and friends was actually rather trying, after a while.

“Oh thank goodness you’re not still drinking that awful caff”

“I like caff – Master Plo please don’t try and lift that”

“Relax Obi dear, we’re incorporeal”

“Can still see things though”

“Vos get out of my fresher!”

“What does this do?”

“Never you mind. No don’t – Ugh. Why don’t some nice, well behaved padawans ever come to see me?”

“They’re not allowed, only those who knew you personally can visit. We thought it might get a bit stressful otherwise.”

“…I can’t imagine.”

Aside from having to adapt his busy routine to accommodate half a dozen fidgety and curious…ghosts (?) poking around his small hut at any one time, another unexpected addition to his (attempted) isolation on Tatooine was the nagging. And Force could they nag! The concentrated worry of many, many, beings with nowhere else to direct their extra energies was powerful.

“Obi-Wan you haven’t drank enough today. Go and check the vaporators”

“Padawan aren’t you going to eat?”

“Listen, that plie of cloth can’t be good for your spine”

“Force! Get some sun block Kenobi or you’re going to look like an old shoe in three months”

“No right, I saw a sunhat he can buy at the market”

It was…weird. He’d always been very self-sufficient, not to mention being the centre of everyone’s attention was difficult, to say the least. But as the months went on, he found himself transitioning from awkward acquiescence to see-sawing between mulishness and good-natured obedience. The stubbornness rising usually when the despair did. But those days were few and far between.

And now, when they did occur (for one can only avoid one’s demons for so long) and he felt like he was drowning in the weight of existence, he could rely on his friends for encouragement, care, and the motivation to carry on.

“If you join us before your time I will KILL you Obi-Wan Kenobi. Now kriffing well eat something!”

---

Of course, when their brother, friend, son, comrade, teacher and last hope did at last join them, there was no nagging or disappointment (or violence). The ultimate Jedi was back in the fold and they were once again complete.