#there is so much i've spent so long wanting to do and if i can just Stay feeling Like This?? maybe i can ACTUALLY DO IT.
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˖ ࣪ ‹ missing hours 𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡
cho hyunju x fem!reader.
c/w: smut, phone sex, hyunju before transition, dirty talking, sub!hyunju x powerbottom!reader, needy hyunju, mentions of dick, full porn, sugarmommy kinda?? reader, little mention of breeding, and others things, lowercase intentional. hyunju rose dialogue.
a/n: guy's it's my first time posting something so please give me constructive tips!
you've been with hyunju for almost 5 months, and it was wonderful. she was the sweetest girl you could ever asked for, caring, lovely, understandable, comforting..and a nice cooker, of course. she was the first girl to not care about your money, even tho she knew that you have good amount of it, she never asked, and whenever she did for some reasonable and no doubts reason, she was so embarrassing to ask you for money, but you didn't care.
if you could, you would buy everything in your power to make hyunju happy, happy wife happy life, as they say.
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some weeks ago, hyunju talked about how much she wanted to do the bottom surgery. it's not like it's anything new for her to talk about, she always did, she always showed how she wanted to be fully transitioned but she was also very afraid to do so. but since you guys got more comfortable and more intimate, she gained some confidence and desire to have surgery. it would be in thailand, she would say, because there's a lot of procedures well done there. so, the next day, you caught yourself searching for thailand travel flights and gender transition surgery clinics, and of course, you brought the best ones.
when you showed it to her, she almost cried of joy and expressed how much thankful she was for you by kissing your whole face (you loved it). but she also got feeling guilt because you spent money on her, but why wouldn't you? she deserves everything she wants. the girl was so happy but then reality touched her. you would not come with her since you had work to do that day, money doesn't come for nowhere, right?
she pouted while looking at you, sad that you would not be with her in such a beautiful and memorable moment in her life, and trust, you were so sad as she was, you wanted to go with her and give her all the love and comfort but you just... couldn't.
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it's been two days since hyunju arrived at thailand, on the 3rd day, the surgery would be done. it's was fucking difficult for her not being with you, even if it was only two days since she saw you, she missed you so much like she was not seeing you for weeks. she mumbled from one side to the other with longing, she missed your sweet face to her, your soft hearted words for her, your touch which was always hot, since you had warm skin. urrgh, she missed you and she needed you so much. some hours passed, and it's has already 11pm for her, the time where you guys would call each other before hyunju passing out in sleep, so it wouldn't be long before you called her. she was waiting anxiously, and finally, she heard the phone ringing.
"hello?" you say, amazed at how quickly she responded.
"hiii baby! how was your day? busy one?"
"not really, it was fine. and you? how you doing? nervous about tomorrow?" you asked, already knowing the answer. how badly you wished you were with her right now. and so did she, your voice and genuinely concerned tone made her feel safe and loved, and that only made her long for you even more.
"mhm...but it's gonna be just fine.. everything is going to be as it should and it won't take long until you're with me tomorrow after the operation, right?" you could sense her nervousness through her voice but as she spoke the rest, she became happier and more relaxed.
"yes, baby. i can and i'm so excited to see you..and to see our future place to live in." a smile appears on your face when you remember all the promises of living together in thailand.
"thank god...i've been missing you so much."
"aw really? i miss you too."
"no, i really miss you badly. i can't stand not having yours slightly touch."
you paused for some seconds, not responding to her. you always loved when your girlfriend was needy, just because it was something rare to happen because she was an expert on containing herself. so in this case, she was really missing you.
"i need you here, sleeping with me, killing me with love and kisses. i wanted you to touch me until i sleep... it's so difficult here without you."
she continues confessing this and that, and you could tell she was imagining everything she was saying out loud as you hear her pauses and heavy sighs. you didn't know what to do or say, should i let her continue or should i respond something? you thought repeatedly.
"i need you, i miss you. i-i wanted to enjoy the last night together while i have...you know.." her voice trembles a little bit but you couldn't decipher whether it was desire or nervousness. you gulp hard as you got what she meant. was she for real?
"w-what?" that was the only thing that escaped from your mouth. how pathetic.
"i wish you were playing with my co...cock..." what came out of her mouth sent you to heaven, the shy way she said such thing. and she was not helping neither since you could clearly hear her panting heavily. you were trying to putting the dots in order, was this really happening? does she want it? should i risk it? but as you were thinking hardly, hyunju spoke.
"please...say something, help me.. somehow."
okay, fuck it. it's your girlfriend and she's extremely needy for you, so why would you deny her with your head bubbling up right now?
"what are you wearing?"
"a blue pajama-type dress, no underwear."
nasty, you thought. even without you, she would be still that naughty. and in some sense, you could feel your blood popping up thinking about her being like this, all alone. without you taking care of her.
"you're so naughty, hyunju. i know you really want me to suck your cock and feel your gland beating in the back of my throat but no underwear isn't resolving nothing, baby, you know that, right?"
"i-i know...It's just to stay relaxed at night because i always end up thinking about you and then i get hard...and it hurts when i have something rubbing down there.."
"my baby thinking about me at night? about what? me bouncing on your big dick already dirty with cum of both of us?"
"f-fuck yes, i want that so bad.." it was hard for her to control her breath while speaking and you could tell right away.
"how bad?"
"so so so fucking bad, i need you to r-ride my cock so badly... it's throbbing and craving for your pu..ssy..feels so good when i'm inside you, you make me feel so fucking go-good..please please let me-"
"let you what?"
"let me touch myself while thinking about you swallowing my cock, please please pleas...se, i c-can't anymore..."
"turn the camera on and touch yourself."
and hyunju did. she placed her phone right in front of her so you could see exactly how her face looked like at the moment. she was with her cheeks extremely red, same as her lips which were also wet from the times she bit her lips to contain herself. she was wearing what she told she was, and it suited her so well. her cock was full out, hard, juicy, and throbbing with need. she waited some time for you to admire her, because she knew that you would. and then finally, she placed the palm of her hand on top of the cock that had been begging to be touched for some time now. hyunju started to masturbate herself and you swear that the view was way better than any work of art. her free hand was glued to her mouth, being bitten to contain the louder moans and pleasure that hyunju felt, but she failef miserably since you could perfectly hear every sound that came out of her mouth, her eyes closed tightly and her eyebrows that the furrowed and moved with every movement that hyunju made on her own cock.
"just like that, baby...imagine it's me there, imagine your hand is my pussy taking care of your desperate dick."
"lo-ve...i'm gonna...i-" the hand that surrounded her cock began to make much faster movements. you could see her dick twitching.
"cum just inside of me, hyun."
and then, her orgasm arrived. the jets of liquid were falling down on her cock and hand. oh, how you wanted to lick that. her chest coming and going fast desperately, controlling her panting breath as she opened her eyes slowly as if she had just woken up.
"you did so well, my baby. you-"
she cut you off.
"i need...more, i want to make the most of my last day with a dick...and with you, please let me cum more."
reality hit you, this was going to be a long night and the best phone call you ever had, you should send her to thailand alone more times.
#yunjinstoy ⋰˚☆#cho hyunju x reader#player 120#cho hyunju#player 120 x reader#hyun ju x reader#hyun ju squid game#squid game smut#smut#squid game#fem!reader#Spotify
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Joker and I agree on one thing, I guess.
Following you and a couple other people on here has made it clear that I really need to read more comics. As a kid, I was raised in a rural area by conservative parents. Not outright abusive, mostly, but definitely not people I could be myself around, and basically anytime I was enthusiastic about something, people gave me shit for it. So if childhood was an exercise in learning to hide in plain sight in order to survive, adulthood for me has been a journey of letting myself be myself and explore stuff I wasn't allowed to explore as a kid.
It's also been a journey of realizing how much the adults in my life fully failed me as a kid. I only really understood how much their shit affected me when I first really felt loved and accepted by someone, without having to hide, and that didn't happen until I was past 30. Now that I'm able to start making moves to sort my shit out, the Orange Menace is being sworn in, so there are about to be more forces than ever invested in keeping me miserable and beaten down.
So in a very real sense, I'm scared about what's happening politically. I'm angry, too, for obvious reasons, many of which are not personal to me. I don't have to be an undocumented immigrant to think they should be treated with basic human decency, for example. I don't have to be Jewish to be horrified by people chanting shit about them. I don't have to be a target at all to give a fuck, but I'm trans, so I have the distinction of being labeled a problem and the knowledge that I'm in one of the last groups that will be defended when shit hits the fan.
But I am angry and frankly annoyed for personal reasons. And one of those reasons is that I spent my life hiding and trying to be acceptable, and when it didn't work, I thought it was my fault. I'm not perfect, but I feel like the deck was stacked against me from the start, and making it my fault was just one big scam to keep me complacent. I'm annoyed that it fucking worked so well and for so long.
The annoyance also comes from the fact that these people are living rent-free in my head and controlling so much of my life. But that's part of how they make you feel helpless, you know? You focus on all the weight they're throwing around, and you get overwhelmed by the brutality and cruelty of it all, and you feel so exhausted that you start to wonder what the hell the point even is of talking about it.
But that's what they want. I've survived out of spite before, and I'll do it again. The last thing they want is for people like you and me to enjoy anything in life and find reasons to keep going, which is exactly why you have to keep finding reasons wherever you can, in whatever form they take. So I'm going to enjoy what I enjoy and explore what I want to explore, because finding some kind of joy and good in the world when and where I can is the only way I'm going to survive all the things that are coming.
Thank you for existing, by the way. Sorry I wrote a book on here. I'm going through some stuff, as you might have guessed lol
🚨WATCH: Donald Trump and JD Vance mockingly laugh at the National Prayer Service when the National Cathedral Bishop proclaims "let us pray for the most vulnerable."
These monsters are the antethesis of what Jesus preached.
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Hardcore lurker and long time purveyor just dropping by to extend my well wishes! I just got home yesterday from having my gallbladder removed so I truly, deeply sympathize. Just wanted to thank you for what you do and hope that you can recover quickly!
Funny coincidence! Honestly the worst part of it all was my insurance xD on Thursday I was only able to drive myself to the closest hospital (I could barely see straight from the pain and my father sent me the address there) which turned out to be out of network xD they ended up fasting me for 4 days trying to just discharge me so I could outpatient my surgery which, given my pancreas was VERY ANGRY and kept giving me a 100 fever, wasn't happening. I got transfered eventually when insurance blocked the surgery, spent another day waiting, and finally got it. Left next day.
Worst pain was just the one spot right where the gallbladder was after, it ached but I just whined and they gave me pain meds and it was gone in a few minutes xD the gallbladder attacks were FAR worse than having it removed.
Thank you so much for the well wishes! I've been dealing with my gallbladder for over a year now, so I'm excited to feel better and get back to work in a few weeks.
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Sorry - it's been a while
So, I've been missing for a while. I had to take a break from socials of all kinds (although, tbh, I really only have tumblr and Ao3). There's been a lot of stuff happening. Trump getting re-elected was just the first brick in the wall (enjoy the Pink Floyd reference, if you like). I've been going through deep clinical depression, which is not unusual for me, but a real stop sign for social activity. I can cope, but only with a very basic amount of social activity, which includes 'real' relationships only, as those make my paycheck come through, where social media relationships do not put ramen on my table.
This sounds bleak, but on the plus side, prioritizing my real world activities has netted me a side gig that pays a hundo an hour for teaching the elderly to play the ukulele. That sounds like a joke, but it really isn't! And it's uniquely fun!!
I've also had to divest all of my investments that were made in the US, and transfer the funds to my bank up here in Canada - that took several days, and I was making sure to make it happen before the Inauguration took place. Luckily, I was able to make that happen, but I have a bunch of work to do now to make sure I can make some good investments in Canada instead. I would surely love to invest so properly that I actually become wealthy, and then I can start giving back in a really big way to the various communities that I so desperately want to support. But that's kinda first world problems, so I understand if you don't care about that! (I mean, my real dream is to become like Michael Sheen and just give up everything to help the people around me, and only keep that which I really need to live - unfortunately, with inflation and everything, what I have now is barely what I need to live for the next couple of years - and again, first world problems, but I have some plans - that don't include crypto - that might actually make it possible for me to turn what little I have into something big that could actually be life changing for the world around me)
On a far more personal note, I've finally made the decision (at the ripe old age of almost 48) to finally transition to male. I wanted to, like 30 years ago, but the LGB community was really unfair to trans people back then, so I spent the last almost 30 years trying so hard to be femme, when that's not what I am. I'm going for top surgery, as soon as I can lose enough weight to make it look good (I'm not enough overweight to have a problem with surgery, but enough that I wouldn't be happy with the results), and then we're on the road. If anyone wonders, my name now is Ezra - partly a cultural thing, and partly a Good Omens fan thing (if you know, you know), and I've gotten approval from everyone - friends, mother (and that was the hardest one, friends were all like 'yeah, we knew', but mom is a bit difficult) and best of all, my husband, who said 'I'm not much of a boob man anyway' in answer to my revelation. He also said that he couldn't live without me, no matter who, or what I was. That's something special right there! The plus is that I would be a gay man after transition anyway - never been really attracted to women in the first place, just didn't want to be one. So, I'm still wildly attracted to my husband of 20 years (this year in November - on Guy Fawkes Day, no less), but now I'm coming at the attraction as the man I've always been, rather than the woman I've been cosplaying for way too long. That's something, and it's been a big thing eating at my mind and soul for a long time. It's been keeping me from being completely open with everyone, and I apologize for that. But I had to wrestle with this particular demon one last time before I could rejoin the world.
I've also had walking pneumonia for the last month and a half, which does NOT make it easy to do anything, so I've been avoiding anything which isn't strictly necessary to do. I'm starting to recover though, so I will try harder now to rejoin 'all y'all', to make an appropriate Texasism, as I lived there for enough time to pick up the local jargon.
Suffice it to say that I will try harder to be a better friend to the friends I've made here, but give me a minute - I'm still finding my feet. And I've had a bit of trouble with the GO fandom, as I am finding it hard right now to hyper-focus on it when I've got so much else going on.
Can I say that the world sucks right now? Can I say to all of my friends here, and all of the friends that I'm yet to make, that I feel you, and will protect you? I am really feeling a sort of way, and it's hard to deal with. I wish the troubles were over, and that we could all sing together in fields of green - that we could love each other, even when we don't always agree. I would give anything, including the blood in my veins, for that future.
Sorry for the ramble - meds are partly to blame, but so is my depression - and my planning for a future I cannot see. I want to be engaged, but I'm finding it difficult. I want to be present for you, but that may not always be possible. I'm trying though, and I haven't forgotten any of the friendships I've made here - I'm just trying to be a better version of me before I come back and interact with everyone again!
@missunderstoodlyrics, @naturallyteal, @isiaiowin, @ilikeblue, @inezrable, @copperplatebeech,@phoen1xr0se, @di-42
#I'm okay#just not right now#trying though!#LGBTQIA++#if I didn't include you in the ats I'm sorry - just not doing as well as I would want to right now
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Long question incoming, appologies.
I ended last night's episode actually feeling a bit better about this "make the gods mortal" plan. Aside from feeling like it came out of left field narratively, my general feeling last week was fear that the Hells were going to go completely unilateral and somehow contact the gods while on Ruidus, with no one on Exandria any the wiser until all of a sudden all signs of divinity disappeared. So, to me, the fact that the Hells are headed for Vasselheim is a relief, because it means that, regardless of what is ultimately decided upon re: the gods, people on exandria are at least going to be aware there is a new option being discussed. And, maybe this is me being naive, but I'd imagine it opens the possibility that it won't just be the gods and bells hells alone in a room doing the discussing.
Most of what I have seen in the online circles I inhabit, on the otherhand, is either a continued sense of frustration/disappointment/anger at the choice, or a sense that the new developments this week make things worse in presentation/spirit/practice. I follow these people for a reason, and I appreciate/enjoy their opinions and meta, so I am left wondering if I missed something fundamental.
Thus I come to ask: what am I missing? And if the answer is 'a different life/lived experience,' or 'a lack of naivity' that is totally fair. I've just been milling over this since dinner and I wanted to touch base with someone and see if there is something in the "text" that I have overlooked or misunderstood.
Hi anon,
I can answer briefly regarding my experience, but I would recommend you perhaps talk to those people in your circles rather than me if it is their opinions that are confusing you. In general that's a good idea, but I also didn't watch any of this episode in real time and haven't spent much time in the tag, so my perspective is particularly limited.
I wasn't particularly worried about the possibility of Bells Hells asking the gods to be mortal while on Ruidus without telling anyone else. I didn't think it wouldn't happen; I just didn't see why it would be any more or less kind than informing Exandria in advance. I also don't think they will be joined by many others.
What I personally found disappointing was firstly the weak and wildly inconsistent portrayal of Predathos (this post outlines the mechanical flaws well; I also found the genuinely ominous vibes it had when Imogen attempted to commune with it earlier to be totally absent). I also think a lot of people are responding to how Matt essentially had to spoonfeed them the answer to get out of the chasm, and most of all to how, in the end, Bells Hells come off as small and petty people who fell ass backwards into a source of power and are mostly using it to act like high school bullies.
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This fic took a lot for me to write — in a good way, but it was still a lot. Time and energy and commitment and thought and all of those juicy things. And then it was done and posted and part of me missed it, is still missing it. I've spent so long in its world that being without it feels weird. So to see this art emerge from one of the scenes feels like closure or, dare I say, fulfillment. I wrote that scene to be a moment of harmony and community in the middle of a war. This art takes that feeling and expands it into a new realm, and brings it depth and vividness and a sense of magic and energy. It is this writer's dream to be seen and understood in such a way, and to get in turn to bask in the way joy saw and shaped the world. I saw the art less than a day ago and have already pored over it so many times, zooming in on every tiny space and getting to see the intuition, the transformative and collaborative mingling in such beauty and character and detail. This scene is everything that i could have hoped for in that it feels exactly as i wanted it to feel (Rosie so perfectly childlike and joyful, the focus and contentment of harry and draco who are finally becoming friends after years of hurt and loneliness, a moment of joy and distraction for malfoy who is alone in another world, his red string trailing out of the world, seeking.... plus all the DETAILS there is so much to marvel at) but it feels like the essence of joy's art too, which takes it out of my brain and puts something else into the world, and I'm so grateful.
To have joy with us again feels like Good Things distilled, something precious and very much hoped for. Thank you joy, I'm honoured to have this, it has made me more happy than i can even convey. And to have it as a gift from sweet and Maester too - my two dear friends, who poured more energy, time, and thought into this fic than anyone has a right to ask, to do it so generously without ever making me feel like the horror i was (let me stress again... THREE YEARS of listening to me and talking me through and reading hundreds of thousands of words and taking all the shit and helping me fix it). Not to sound trite but I'll never forget this. Thank you.
art inspired by first watch of night by @tackytigerfic
“Rosie!” Harry shouted joyfully from somewhere over their heads, and then they heard a “woah” and the creak of something old and wooden, and looked up just in time to see Harry, holding one of the fencing swords from the training room, balanced on the upper bannister of the mezzanine stairs, his body twisting lithely away from a flashing flurry of something.
hello! this is the first time i’ve done something in my… actual style on here in forever, but what better cause for it than tacky’s new incredible, epic fic. this piece is a gift from @sweet-s0rr0w and @maesterchill!
like the characters of this story, i’m blessed with good friends in every universe i inhabit, especially this one. i was completely swept up by what it must have felt like to be in that library - a heavy, hard-won, sudden happiness, the kind that often appears in tacky’s work. i felt the need to do something that would visually translate the immense detail, whimsy and familiarity of that moment.
the chapter title comes from a wilfred owen poem, and i continued to borrow from him for the piece - the big sigil made by malfoy and rosie, as well as the small ones helping harry and draco duel, are all coded from lines from two of his poems.
from training day:
harry - none else may meet me till I wear my crown
draco - my renown be the clean beauty of speed and pride of style
the big sigil malfoy and rosie are casting comes from owen’s poem the end and it spells out: all death annul, all tears assuage.
i hope you all go and read this incredible story (and tacky's entire back catalog) and i hope you're all happy and safe forever.
#sorry for the essay#i normally stick to tags#but there's no way i could stick that essay in there#thanks arent enough#they're all i have though so you'll just have to accept them forever#also i said this when i shared the art in a server im in#but i would feel overflowing even if this art wasn't for me#to have joy with us again!!!#to see his vision!!!#ok ill shut up now#drarry#drarry art#amazing art#yes i cried
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last artfight I received a long comment on one of my attacks, the person I attacked wrote so much and was so sweet and it made me super happy!! 🥹🥹💞💞
they inspired me to write long comments for all the defenses I got, since I hope others will also be happy receiving long comments !💞
I had over 30 defenses and it took me probably around 30 minutes to over an hour for each comment I wrote, so a bit time consuming haha.. but it helped me appreciate every defense I got even more, since I spent so long admiring all the details and techniques the artists used!! 🥹💞💞💞 and a few people even responded to me and said reading my comments made them happyy!!!!! GOAL ACHIEVED!!!!!!!! it makes me so happy to know that I could brighten someone's day!! 🥹🥹🥹💞💞💞🥹💞💞💞💞
for next artfight I hope to continue writing long comments and hopefully people will enjoy them!! 💞💞 although I'm worried I'll be too busy to spend as much time as I want on appreciating all my defenses since I also try to revenge everyone.. QwQ (I've been doing a lot of revenges off-season for the past few years, but I want to try and finish my revenges during artfight this year if I can, since the amount of (self-imposed lol) art debt is getting to me a bit QwQ)
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umineko fans are the original "if you don't like it you just didn't understand it" people. I genuinely cannot think of anyone more annoying and obnoxious, except SNK fans, except not even them, because in Umineko's case that behavior is enabled by the author himself. It's crazy how a story that spent hundreds of hours discussing the value in several coexisting interpetations will have both characters and fans turning around and tell you that actually you're completely wrong for thinking a certain way
The crazy part is they don't even realise how their smug attitude about being part of R07's very special club of people who "have love" and the superior way they act about holding the true answer are EXACTLY the Erika traits they criticise in readers who don't think like them. "He spells it out but you still cannot see it? Lol" "are there still people who can't accept the literal canon answer? lmfao" "you know you're exactly the goats r07 wrote about right?" (Because r07 is a god who cannot possibly be contradicted, this is supposed to be the worst insult somehow) (these fans cannot seem to decide who the goats are an analogy for, considering they'll scramble to say they only represent the story's witch hunters as a criticism of true crime fans when you call out r07's arrogance, yet they'll smugly tell you you're just a goat when you question the story itself. Thank you, it's nice to know that Ryukishi wrote about me, but that doesn't answer the fucking question, Brian)
It's incredibly ironic. How did a story like Umineko create and encourage so many people to sanctify one "official answer" and taking any other attempt as an insult?? Like is anyone feeling how ryu07 completely fucked up at what he was trying to do?
"So I won't open the catbox and reveal what actually happened on the island." oh, that's cool, I actually really like that! I agree that ultimately the true events of that day are a pretty trivial part of the story, and it's way more interesting not to know - "anyway it's Rudolf and Kyrie and it happened exactly like so and so, and Shkanontrice did this and that".
... Okay, well I really wish that had remained a mystery forever, since the point was that any truth would've been anticlimatic, and the choice to reveal that genuinely kills a lot of what made Umineko's appeal to me, but I guess we can still have fun with EP1-4 and try several alternative theories for the sequence of events- "here's the manga explaining everything in detail and if you didn't get it have you tried maybe having some more love? It would be sooo clear if you had love lmfao. you literally cannot comprehend my work unless you have"
... I really wish that guy would stop making assumptions about the inner mind of complete strangers who read his work, but I do enjoy getting to choose an ending! it really fits in with Umineko's theme of choosing the truth for yourself and making your own path that you can be happy with, as long as you keep thinking- "the Magic ending is meant to be the true end btw. if you prefer the other one you pretty much have no heart lol, it's obviously framed like a bad ending and there's only one acceptable choice and one way ange can find happiness"
... man, I'm so bored. Why write a game like that and then make it so that some choices are better than others instead of letting people think for themselves? Why would you force an interpretation on people/Ange when I've been led to believe that the narrative was against that sort of things? You want to highlight the value in your vision of "magic", fine, but why am I the heartless bitch for disliking that perspective and even trying to see things differently?
Why would you write a whole game around the really fun concept of several tales happening at the same time and the existence of endless truths inside the same catbox only to open the catbox and tell me "NO, you need to think a certain way, and if you don't like my answer FUCK YOU"
I understand that maybe he just had a specific answer in mind but I'm sorry the way he write the ending simply does not match the vision he seemed to have in the earlier chapters.
I genuinely respect Umineko as a work, I think it's one of the most ambitious stories I've seen and there is some amazing writing in there, but if Ryukishi wanted to allow for people to keep thinking and discussing what it means, he has failed miserably and I'm not talking about confession of the golden witch, I'm talking about the way he and his minions have shut down any possible discussion under the guise of "you just don't get it" (rephrased to "you don't have love" to make it sound more enlightened) and it's soured my enjoyment of something that should've been an amazing story. What is even left to discuss here when everyone has pretty much already made up their mind?
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Quick re-do of a 4 year old piece
#to test my abilities... no jk#I mean kind of lol#I WANTED To test my abilities but then I couldnt think of anything#so then I just redid an older piece#I remembered the old one started black and white and then I did effects over it so I did that again#cause I just wanted to play around with lighting#and I think its pretty obvious how much I've improved#I also only spent like an hour on the second one#wasnt trying to make anything amazing here#just trying t make something that reminds myself how growth can look and feel#important stuff to do as an artist#I'm still sick btw lol#I love how when youre losing your voice everyone goes 'wow you sound terrible'#I get why. I sound terrible. but its so fucking funny like. culturally#like holy shit what the fuck is wrong with you !#but its polite and empathetic#I havent been getting work done on account of is sick#actually not entirely true#I did a good bit of work for we were legion and some for TTA too#but it was just no drawing work#all writing work#which theres just a lot more of to for wwl than for tta#anyways#we were legion#zagan#art redo#art improvement#spent easily twice as long on the original thats a skill upgrade roight there
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Taiya & Genba │ Lap 3
"Genba has just lost track of his wheel. That's all."
+ bonus
#boonboomger#bakuage sentai boonboomger#super sentai#genba bureki#taiya hando#bun orange#bun red#userdramas#umbrella.gifs#tokuedit#please do not repost#umbrella.edits#umbrella.posts#// long post#translation: over-time#tirebrake <3#i've talked about this arc so much and about taiya and genba's connection in my lb>>>#boonboomger lb#don't even ask exactly how much time i spent on this set it was a lot of time#still not the best at blending but i'll live ig#this was originally planned to be 5 gifs but then i got carried away...#still wanted to add more things but i didn't want this set to be too long#and i figure i can make another set in the future with the other things i wanted to include#either way them <3#soulmates tethered to each other via candy and an axe
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Every once in a while I think about the ship I've been obsessed over for close to two years now and feel like I'm ascending to another plane of reality. Like sometimes you just encounter a ship that hits every single mark and is perfect in every regard and you're left stunned how something like that can even exist
#Anyways I'mma put the actual inane ramblings in the tags#Medic and Engie make me so ill every time I think about them for a while I feel like tearing into things and biting people and throwing up#How something like that can exist completely defies me#I don't know how something that perfect can exist#I'm typically a multi-shipper and while I still kinda am I honest to god don't really care to write other ships#Not cause they ain't good (they are pretty damn good) but because Engiemedic is just on another level#Like dammnnn!! that's why I've spent so long writing a fic about them!#I can't fathom it honestly how characters like that can exist#They're like a slightly warped reflection of themselves#They're both intelligent mentally ill lunatics with no morals whatsoever#The only thing is that Engie is marginally better at hiding it#If you go into headcanon territory than WHOO!! OHH DAMNNN#Like what gets me the most about Engiemedic is how they're so similar#They think and exist on the same wavelength#In tune with each other. Their neurons braided like wires#If I start talking about how the machine and the flesh are not opposites but rather one in the same we gonna be here all day#I just can't...believe the ship exists#Like man how does this happen#You want humour? Goofy wacky experiments and silliness of them violating several conventions#You want angst? Hell yeah they've got plenty of it#Fluff? Buddy I start wailing and sobbing if they accidentally brush hands while working on stuff#I could write about them for ages and not get bored they can fit in every circumstance#They make me SICK they make me CRAZY I love them so so much#They would do anything for each other#I look at what they have and I can feel like I understand what love is#I need to write more oneshots and minifics about them they're so flexiable and fun#Can't wait to do parallels with them in these upcoming chapters#Either way GODDDDD I love these two so much I could go on for hours about them#especially if I'm allowed to talk about headcanons#sp-rambles
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Saw a YT vid with the title, "Fandom Can't Handle Asexuality"
You're right, they can't... Because it doesn't fucking exist to them.
#aroace#asexual#enby people arent real either#we're told to stop using neopronouns and to stop being aroace bc 'nobody will take LGBT seriously'#keep being exclusionary#i dont want to be your friend if you're gonna act like that#I'm a genderqueer aroace person who's pronouns are it/its and you're gonna fucking respect that or be called a bigot#this shit has got to stop#also... because it matters#dont be ableist#ever. just dont#one of the main reasons i hate Alastor so much... is the fandom's treatment of him as a character#most of them completely erase his sexuality in favor of shitty crack ships.#I think a QPR with Lucifer or Rosie is a cute idea! but that's it#keep Vox pining for Alastor... that's great too#its like when I tried to erase Porter Gage's Bisexuality.... It was wrong and I've changed (Fallout 4's romanceable companions are cannonic#cannonically bisexual... I don't make the rules) I was just mad because someone had MY BLORBO in a disgusting ship and I got sick of seeing#it... And THEN I learned how to block tags!!!#idk where this is going#i'm just upset that aros and aces and enbys are erased#maybe it's a confirmation bias and i've just spent too long doing demographic research#i HATE demographic research#it takes me to disgusting places#i need to find my sewing patterns so I can refocus my energy into something good
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Guess who :3c (Patreon)
#My art#Webkinz#Diamond#Ukadevlog#Ghostkinz#Ta-dah! My November behind-the-scenes project was this! The poll was for this reason! Though I already knew I'd start with her haha#Have a little preview to start us off - I have Lots of thoughts to each part of development I ended up in but I want to roll them out slowly#Not everything all at once anyway haha - thoughts get all jumbled now that I'm on this side of things pft#I wasn't able to finish A Version I'd be willing to publish in just a month - even then I only worked on Ghostkinz about 3 days a week so#But for the time I spent I'm quite pleased with how its shaped up so far! :D I got to implement a lot!#Actually learning-then-implementing-then-learning-then-implementing - it's a loop I've been out of for such a long time now :0#Really interesting to fall back into after so long away haha#A lot of my other projects have been Pick Up One Thing and then do that forever and I was tired-tired of that!!#So going into this project knowing that I'd only have November to Get Guud at as much of it as possible and then that was it#I think it helped propel me - didn't end with me getting stuck on Perfecting Just This One Thing#I'd read a bit and then go utilize it and then come back and read some more of Zarla's template/walkthrough - compelling system!#I still couldn't manage to actually finish in a month but I got up to Phase 4!! Previous attempts at Ghost-making has gotten stalled at 1!!#Maaaybe 2 but never anything beyond that - and while I didn't actually Finish any Phase apart from 1 I still read through much much more!#On top of the learning aspect being fun ♪ getting to understand some of the more technical side ahh - it was also just fun to read haha#Like a course that can be silly hehe ♫ Enjoyable even outside of getting to make a little guy for my screen haha#But also yes that too!! I'm really glad I finally settled on an idea that I feel confident in seeing through#The best part about reaching for the Webkinz style is that Webkinz uses vectors - I've gone on record multiple times as loving vectors#They're an exceptionally easy medium to manipulate and that was The Thing that had been holding me back from committing to Ghosts prior#Drawing every single thing when I already struggle to plug in my tablet...no...... But Vectors#You can see here that Diamond's expressions are just a matter of tilting her head and moving her tail - so so soooo simple with vectors#Being able to super-quickly put out a lot of different expressions and animations and piecemeal everything together...yes..........#And for what further I have in mind :3c It's really all I could ask for in an art style to seek ah ♪ Just right for my purposes!#I thought it'd be nice to show off Diamond-for-real as her plush next to her digital version as well :D She's still the only OG8 I have#I want more!! I'd love to have a code for her as well haha - secretly just started this so I can have a digital Diamond lol#Plush-Diamond actually wears a necklace these days but I opted to leave it off her for the photoshoot - maybe once I figure out clothes haha
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Messy school doodles HAHEHHE
Season 2 Robbie (not canon Robbie ofc, but rather the "S2" of my own fic which I may or may not ever finish). The lore is that his hair was MUCH longer than this, but it got shaved off due to Lore Reasons™ and now it's growing back :]
NOT STAN. That's my beta Dipper HAHEHHEE. My notes are just emphasizing how similar they look. Me, earlier today, drawing beta Dipper: "STAN PINES ?! 😨😮😮😨😨😨"
Perhaps. Gay people. I am thinking about it really hard fr
#sometimes writing a story is toying with different dynamics and being like “auughh i LOVE this plotline but it'd go completely against -#- everything else in the whole story 😭“ so I gotta kill my darlings.#and I don't mean “killing off a character”#i mean “killing off this cool ass dynamic that sounds awesome but may not fit the story I'm trying to tell”#anyway#gay people... perhaps#do you see the amazing dynamic these two would have in the context of the story I'm making ??? no you don't#because i haven't told you anything about my story LMAO AHDHABHAHAHR#but point is: i love them#god#toxic yaoi is real#they've got the situationship that can almost rival whatever the hell Stanford Pines had going on (unfortunately they do not beat him)#they've got a dynamic that makes others think they don't care about eachother at all. that they hate eachother and that's all#and they DID hate eachother for most of their time together but after a bunch of years spent with no one else to rely on except eachother?#maybe you DO hate them still. but you can't deny the bond you share because the only other person in the world who GETS IT is him#you've seen him at his best and worst. you've driven him to the brink of insanity. you've taken everything from him#and yet you cuddle when the night is cold and it's so so lonely outside#you know how he likes his pancakes. how he'd rather cut his hair off than brush it. how he's entranced by the stars he never saw so clearly#you recognize when he's about to have a panic attack. you sit with him til he calms down. you hold hands and miss your families together#and you know he's the toughest person you know. so the occasional bang sessions? oh; those are NOT gentle#there's nothing more than a single safeword they never used more than once. because they've been together for so long and they know how far-#-they can push until it becomes too much. but to be gentle? to be soft? to a person who has grown so used to dodging your knives?#that is a whole entire INSULT !!! how DARE you treat me like I'm fragile NOW after we spent our lives on opposite sides of a battlefield?#how DARE you be gentle to me now after you ripped open my guts and shoved salt and dirt inside?#you know how much i can handle and you know I've always loved the thrill#so don't you dare make this any less of a battle unless you want me to bash your head in with a hammer. moron#the real valenpines dynamic i stg. i love them so much you don't understand#i can't believe I'm gonna have to sacrifice this dynamic#robbie valentino#dipper pines
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fuck the new year, everyone say happy birthday ichiban kasuga!!!!!
#rambles#yakuza liveblogging#my 2024 was pretty shit overall but im glad i spent much of it falling down the yakuza rabbithole#ive been in desperate need of a story-heavy series to sink my teeth into since my ffxiv fixation has cooled off#and yakuza perfectly fit the bill- got a hell of a lot of bang for my buck too#and while much of the fun of the yakuza games comes from the characters & drama & humor etc some of the themes hit home#y7 & y8's themes were particularly well-timed for me personally#'rock bottom doesnt have to be all bad' + 'as long as youre alive its never too late to change' are pretty poignant ideas for me rn#even more so now than when i first played them back in feb/march#as i just had a birthday that increased my age to a number that i dont much care to think about#but i just need to keep reminding myself that it literally does not matter how old i am#all i can do is try to become who i want to be in the present#i will always wish i'd done it sooner but that regret will only ever get worse the more i stall#and it isnt worth agonizing over the time i've wasted up until now because there's literally nothing i can do about it#anyway. my expectations are low but here's hoping 2025 isnt aggressively awful
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Look at my beautiful bad economic decisions from last month I love them so much
(Now is a new month and I can do more bad decisions 😌 meaning I'm buying a zelda game and paying nintendo online so I can play overcooked with friends)
#i have to constantly tell myself im am adult and i can do whatever i want with the money i worked for#bc i keep looking at these and thinking i spent way too much money on them#even when I've literally been saving to spend on these and for it not to feel like too much#same with my videogames money I've been saving little by little so i dont feel like im wasting money#and i also have to remind myself is not wasted#im investing on my own happiness 😌#I've wanted to have all my pc stuff in white for so long so it can match my pc#im just so happy!!!!!!#dg rambles#will probably delate this later
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