#there is so much i’d miss but it’s just not my place
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So, about The Veilguard.
This post is:
Long.
Spoiler full.
Read at your peril.
So.
The fact that I devoured the game in virtually less than three days should speak for itself; I was worried about the playing style, I was unsure about the combo system, and having only two companions travel alongside the MC felt a little alien to me and also added to my anxiety. (Yes, I’ve played Mass Effect, yes, I’ve been in a fighting trio before, but never in Dragon Age.) I thought, “There’s only three of us?! We’re gonna die so much and so hard.”
Turns out I didn’t die so many times as I’d expected, so yay me.
I had refused to watch anything that had to do with the plot, with the exception of the trailers, because I wanted my experience to be fresh and untainted by expectations. Of course, I had hopes — but other than that, I dove in blind and without any sense of direction.
As you know, the depths of the ocean hold both horror and beauty, so here are mine; I shall start with the horrors so all the bad air is cleared out first.
My primary horror is that, save a few points, the game very clearly follows BioWare’s own canon, in which the Hero of Ferelden must have died to stop the Fifth Blight, and thus there is no Kieran. Morrigan plays a pivotal role yet again, but her presence implies that the decisions made in previous games are… well, your own, but not the world’s own. So, no Kieran, and it is heavily suggested that it was Morrigan who drank from the Vir’Abelasan. Even if she hadn’t, turns out she ends up with a piece of Mythal inside her anyway, granted by a regretful (and finally gone) Flemeth.
Story-telling wise, well, I don’t know if it was the best choice— I just know it bummed me out a bit to find some of my decisions discarded, not considered at all.
My second horror is the absence of either Hawke or Stroud. The events at Amaranthine are mentioned, but (unless I missed a codex entry) there’s no word on what happened to the brave soul left in the Fade to fight that giant monster demon. Since I always leave Stroud behind (because Alistair is and always will be a king to me), I can’t say I’m suffering to know his fate, but it would’ve been nice to confirm something.
At the end of Inquisition, Morrigan narrates that should Hawke live, they go to Weisshaupt, but soon all news from there ends. What happened?! Am I missing something found only in the comics or books?
Also what happened to the rest of the companions? What about the woman made Divine in Inquisition? Whether it’s Leliana, Cassandra or Vivienne, you’d think the Divine would have something to say about two ancient elven gods turning the world tits up.
What about the Qunari who are not part of the Antaam? Are they in agreement with Elgar’nan and Ghilan’nain? Is Seheron torn asunder like Minrathous?
Why is nobody remarking on the fact that the Crows buy (or used to buy) people?! I love the Antivan Crows, I do, but one cannot forget Zevran and all he told us about them.
Those are my particular points of horror.
Now, to the rest.
Veilguard is a game that doesn’t hold back. It’s out to punch you in the guts and kick you in the feelings, and boy does it do it brilliantly. The sacrifices are real. The choices are heavy and carry weight on them that slumps you down (especially if you’re extra sensitive, like me) throughout the game. The dilemma and problems your companions face are heart wrenching, and you want them all to thrive. Yes, even the one who was hardened because you can’t bloody be in two places at once. These companions are well fleshed-out, they’re alive, they’re complex and they are so beautiful to live and travel with. The emotional moments they have, I felt them, I suffered with them, I cried. I /cried/, which had never happened to me with a videogame before. And not just because this companion is my favourite or that topic hits a bit close to home— not just that. It’s because they’re amazingly written and acted out. They feel so real.
The locations are gorgeous (I especially fell in love with Treviso), and I love how much you’re able to explore. I love that you can pet animals. I love that you can interact with the world in front of you. I /love/ that you don't miss dialogue even if you get into a fight because the companions re-start conversations now.
The NPCs? My children. Isabela is fire, as always; Antoine, Evka, Viago and Teia have my whole heart. The Mourn Watch is fascinating and the Shadow Dragons are bold, united and righteous. I really like that the Veil Jumpers don’t diss on the Dalish just because they know more— they understand that, as a people, they are one. And they’re accepting of everyone, not just elves!
I simply adore Rook as a protagonist. Not just because they give purple Hawke, and I love Hawke, but because again, they feel human and real. They know this is well above their paygrade, and they’re in way over their heads, but they still step up and lead because damn, someone has to. Iron Bull would be so proud. They are fun, they are caring, they are talkative and they know they’re drowning, but can’t afford to stop swimming.
Both in Origins and Inquisition it felt as though we were The Chosen One, even if in the latter one tried to swear it off and deny any possible divine intervention, but in DA: 2 and here, we are just people trying their best with the worst circumstances, and to me, that’s beautiful. Rook is a delightful protagonist.
The game allows you to choose who you’re going to be and /how/ you’re going to be thus. You can be cis, you can be trans, you can be neither and you can be both. No limits now.
Which leads me to another point I simply adored: how the questions of gender are treated. It’s really big to have an NB character go through their own acceptance process before our very eyes. While in Origins (and a bit in Inquisition too) you have the choice to be shocked that there are people who like their same gender, this game is Thedas saying “The world is big, the world is complex, and people everywhere are not defined by your expectations or rules. It’s not even an option. Deal with it.”
Regarding the magic, I’m not even mad it looks and feels different. After all, Dorian used to say that “the South is so charming and rustic”, and now I see that’s because what he saw in Ferelden and Orlais was not what he is used to. Even in Absolution we see that the way Tevinter used magic is distinctly unique and not how it is done south of Arlathan. I understand it. I like it. It’s not as if there had been no changes in the designs of demons and darkspawn before, and now that’s what they look like. It’s fine. Time has passed and people are allowed to make different creative choices.
Now, to Solas… Solas. Oh, Solas. I understand you so much better now.
Veilguard really helps put into perspective some bits of dialogue from previous games. Why does this 8-ball care so much about spirits and the Fade? Gods, because he /is/ them, and the Fade used to be his home. Every time he has to hear that spirits are monsters or unreal he takes it personally, and how could he not? People are saying he’s a monster, he’s not real, and nobody knows any better because they wouldn’t believe him anyway. Now I understand why he gets so worked up if you make Cole more human—you’re doing to him what Mythal did to Solas himself. You’re forcing him to be something else and Solas knows it hurts. (Also, Cole is happier as a spirit— “Thank you for helping me find this again. For believing in me. You don't know what it means”, he says, and now it hits so differently.)
I have to remark on some things I’ve read that have shocked me— first of all being the interpretation of Solas and Mythal’s relationship. Like Taash, you can assume “they were doing it”, however, I don’t think they ever loved each other like that. Their bond, to me, is that of a queen and her most loyal knight, a “king and lionheart” sort of situation if you will. Solas knows her better than anyone else, certainly, but the way I see it, that right there is his commander, inspiration and also, his heaviest shackle.
Their relationship merits another post altogether, I believe, as does Solas and Lavellan’s.
All in all, the good, to me, far outweights the bad.
Give the Veilguard a chance before you discard them, enjoy the appearance of some of the characters you love, enjoy getting to know the new heroes. Give yourself the option of having an informed opinion before you love or hate.
Also, petition for Solas to let his hair grow out again.
That's it, for now.
#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#the veilguard spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#neve gallus#bellara lutare#lace harding#varric thetras#evataash#taash#davrin#assan the griffon#spoilers#morrigan#inqusitor lavellan#cole#videogames#games#emmrich volkarin#rook
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hii!! hope you’re taking requests rn (if not, feel free to hs delete this ask) <3
what about idol!heesung x idol!leader!reader?? js some fluffy winding down content where they both relax for a day together after finishing up their leader duties 😔
A Pause In The Chaos
pairing : idol!heesung x idol!reader ୨ৎ content / warning(s) : fluff, est relationship ୨ৎ word count : 793
synopsis. after a long day of promotions, all you want is to rest with your beloved boyfriend. together, you escape into the quiet city night, finding peace beneath the stars and streetlights. lev notes : thank you for requesting <3 and oh my goshhh T-T this is so cute. hopefully i got your ask done well & you like it <3 finished this as soon as i could (pretty fast since i didn't have school when i wrote this)
being an idol was rough. you loved it, sure, but that didn’t make the job any less demanding—especially as the leader of your group.
after a long day promoting your newest comeback, all you wanted was to unwind, free from any thoughts of work. just as you settle in, your phone lights up with a message. seeing heesung’s name instantly lifts your spirits; he’s been just as busy, caught up with preparations for the romance: untold - daydream repackage, and it’s been weeks since you’ve seen him in person.
“y/nnie, are you free today?” his message reads.
you quickly reply, smiling at the screen.
“yes :) we just wrapped up for the day!”
a response comes almost immediately.
“perfect! we just finished too.” “you up to just hang out? no plans—let’s just do whatever we feel like.”
you smile, already feeling lighter.
“i’d love that.” “great! i’ll pick you up by the usual spot near your dorm ;)”
chuckling, you slip into comfortable clothes, pulling on a beanie and mask to stay low-key. in the living room, a few members lounge around chatting.
“y/n! heading out?” one of them asks, noticing you by the door.
“yeah, hanging with hee,” you nod, pulling on your shoes.
“be safe and have fun!” they call out, hoping your time together remains undisturbed by fans.
“will do,” you say with a grin, slipping out through the quieter exit.
as you approach a convenience store near your usual meeting spot, you catch sight of heesung’s familiar figure waiting for you. you break into a jog, grinning beneath your mask as you close the distance. noticing you, he chuckles and opens his arms wide, waiting.
you melt into his embrace, wrapping your arms around him and burying your face in his chest.
“i missed you so much,” you whisper, nuzzling closer.
he strokes your hair softly, a gentle hum of agreement. “i missed you too.” tilting your face up, he pulls down his mask just enough to place a tender kiss on your forehead. for a moment, everything feels right, the world reduced to the warmth you both share in each other’s arms.
heesung’s arms linger around you, both of you savoring the embrace. when you finally pull apart, he gives you one of his trademark smiles, the kind that makes you feel as though the world outside has faded into soft blur. with your fingers laced together, the two of you start strolling down the quiet city streets.
as you walk, the weight of the day’s stresses begins to lift, and conversation flows easily. you laugh, sharing funny moments from promotions, and he listens, hanging onto every word as though he hasn’t seen you in years. he shares his own stories, recounting funny moments in his practice sessions and the odd ways his members keep each other awake during long nights.
eventually, you make your way to a park. the swings creak softly in the night air, empty and inviting, lit by a nearby street lamp that bathes the area in a warm, golden glow. you both settle onto the swings and you kick off the ground, letting yourself drift back and forth. heesung does the same, the swing creaking in sync with yours. you exchange glances, both smiling feeling like kids again.
you talk about how much you missed each other and share how demanding everything has been, yet neither of you ever really wanted to trade it for anything else. there’s a bond, a mutual understanding in your shared love for performing and your quiet wish for more time together.
after a while, heesung suddenly stands. “stay here. i’ll be back in just a second, okay?” you watch him walk away with curiosity, but you keep swinging, letting the cool night air wash over you.
moments later, he returns with two corndogs and your favorite drink. he holds them out, grinning. “fuel for us hardworking idols,” he jokes, and you laugh, taking one of the corndogs.
the two of you munch on the food, quietly content in each other's company. there's no need for words. you simply enjoy the simple, comforting act of just being together, with the occasional nudge of his shoulder against yours. after finishing the food, you look up at the stars. heesung follows your gaze, his hand reaching for yours again.
“it’s nice, isn’t it?” he murmurs, glancing at you as you gaze at the sky. you nod, leaning your head on his shoulder.
under the soft light of the stars and streetlamp, with heesung by your side, everything feels peaceful and right. you breathe deeply, closing your eyes for a moment, letting yourself truly rest—knowing that even in the chaos of your world, you have this pocket of quiet with him.
perm taglist.@honeybelleee @honeychocos @manaah02 @kozumesphone (open!) requests. open!
©levandright
#lev writes#🦁 lev moots#ᐢ..ᐢ lev's request#enhypen imagines#enhypen oneshots#enhypen fics#enhypen x reader#kpop fics#enhypen#enhypen fluff#enhypen soft hours#enhypen soft thoughts#enhypen scenarios#lee heesung x reader#heesung enhypen#heesung x reader#heesung fluff#heesung scenarios#enhypen heeseung#heeseung x reader#heeseung imagines#heeseung scenarios#heeseung fluff#lee heeseung scenarios#lee heeseung imagines#enha x reader#enha scenarios#enha imagines#enha x you#enhypen x you
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Cowboy Rule With Brimstone, Cypher, Sova and Harbor
Words: 622
Request: hai :3 could you do the cowboy rule with a gender neutral reader w/ brim, cypher, sova and harbour? Requested by: @floralflytrap
Couldn't stick to just hats so; Brim = hat, Cypher = hat, Sova = cape, = Harbor = rings
It was practically silent around the protocol today, plenty of the other agents have been sent on various missions. This left the rest scrambling to find something to do, which luckily almost everyone else found something. But you weren’t as lucky, already gone through anything that kept you distracted.
And now you have moved on to bothering anyone you could find. Few entertained you but in the end you went looking for one person in particular, Brimstone, or as you call him, Liam. Who was hunched over his desk focusing on some paperwork, working so much he didn’t register you entering.
Sneaking behind him, your hands slowly reached for his hat. Swiftly pulling it off and stepping away as he finally looked away from his work, eyes quickly settling on the stolen hat that was now placed on your head.
“Come on Doll, I can’t have you distracting me right now.” “It can wait~” Sitting on the edge of the desk, leaning closer to Liam. “Can it?” Before you could respond you felt his hand land on your hips, giving you a quick warning before lifting you up. “Hopefully you locked the door.”
“Where has it gone?” Amir was mumbling to himself through the hall, looking for something of his that has gone missing. So cuaght up in his thoughts he missed the sound of footsteps coming down the hall. “Yo, Cypher!” Phoenix did a double take before noticing, “I thought you would’a have another?”
“So you know where it is?” “Yeah, I just saw Y/N with it.” Pointing towards the living area, “Ah, thank you Phoenix.” Why didn’t he think of you? Rushing into the living area to find you sprawled across one the couches, Astra and Skye were just leaving. “There it is,” Snatching the hat back from you, catching your attention. “Oh حبيبي, do I need to look through your history again?” “Maybe…” Even with the mask you knew what he was thinking, and you welcomed it.
The room was quiet apart from the sound of metal quietly touching other metal, finding Sasha tinkering with his bow. As soon as the door slid open he looked up, seeing it was you entering so he returned to the bow.
“There you are my Голубь, Как прошла миссия?” “English Sasha.” “Sorry my love,” Stepping behind him you slowly undid the cape, “How was the mission?” “Eventful for sure.” When you successfully got it off you draped it over yourself, missing the look Sasha threw over at you. His face was becoming more red the longer he looked, coughing into his fist as he looked away. “Something wrong?” God, you knew what you were doing. Leaning over him, purposelessly getting in his sight. “Not exactly,” Prompting him to speak as he paused, “Maybe we should go somewhere else, I’d rather no one else hear this.”
He swore the rings were placed back in the box when he returned to his room last night, but now, in the morning, he is unable to find them. Only finding an empty box on the dresser where the rings should’ve been. With all his rushing around he had woken you up, shuffling from under the sheets to stand behind him.
Hands reached over his shoulders to rest around his neck, causing him to relax. One of his hands reached up to intertwine with yours, only to come into contact with something warm but hard. Lifting your hand to see your fingers adorned with his rings.
“I’ve been looking around for these, but it was you. तुम छोटे चोर हो.” Spinning you around into his arms while keeping you close, “You know what happens to thieves?” “I don’t think I do, why don’t you show me~”
#valorant x reader#valorant brimstone#valorant brimstone x reader#brimstone x reader#valorant cypher#valorant cypher x reader#cypher x reader#valorant sova#valorant sova x reader#sova x reader#valorant harbor#valorant harbor x reader#harbor x reader#wisteria♥
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Hello!
I absolutely adore both your MJTY fics, as well as your new Fangs of Fortune ones! I saw that you opened your asks, so I thought I might throw my idea into the mix 👀
In some nebulous timeline, wherein Yichen does in fact become a demon, writing a fic centered around that transition process and how Zhu Yan guides him through the aspects (physiological and mental) of being a demon. Most importantly, coping with the physical challenges of growing wings + plus the ensuing wing grooming (I am a sucker for intricate rituals ✨)
Anyway, I don’t know if you’d be interested in this prompt, but I thought I’d check anyway!
♥️
A/N: Hullo lovely! Sorry for the late response to this prompt... I hope you'll enjoy my kinda short take on it :) I zeroed in on one aspect of your prompt. It's been a long time since I wrote a wing fic.
A little bit of a reading guide, this was the wing anatomy descriptor I was working with.
--
Xiao Zhuo-daren hums when Zhu Yan begins smoothing down his feathers, tilting his head to the sunshine. There's something ridiculously fond in the way his trust is laid so easily at the great demon's hands. Really, he should be more careful.
Zhu Yan works carefully and slowly. Savouring the way Xiao Zhuo-daren is seemingly content to let him be. It has been a while, much too long in Zhu Yan's opinion, since they'd had time to sit down and groom each other, but they're both guardians of the Wilderness now. There are duties to do, demons to wrangle, and in Xiao Zhuo's case, justice to uphold.
He's not complaining. How could he? Zhu Yan's just very pleased that he isn't alone anymore.
And so, he takes his time. Smooth his thumb over the down of a feather out of place and move his touch higher until he is pressing down on the deltoid, pulling a soft gasp out of Xiao Zhuo.
"When did you catch this injury?" Zhu Yan gently unfolds his healing power, pouring it through to knit back the strained muscle and sinew. He keeps his voice levelled, but he knows Xiao Zhuo isn't fooled one bit.
His Xiao Zhuo-daren is sharp like that.
"Mm. Just a little thing. My mistake really, I misjudged the angle of my landing."
Don't go on a killing spree, you old fool is left unspoken but Zhu Yan hears it loud and clear nonetheless. Pouting a little at being denied bloodshed, he continues until he rubs his thumb against the little spot at the base of Xiao Zhuo's wing, smiling big and wide when the touch elicits the most indecent moan as the body under his hands quivers and shakes.
"Bastard.... You could have left that for our bedroom."
Reaching over, he carefully gathers Xiao Zhuo into his embrace, plying his face with a thicket of kisses. "Yes, but I have missed you and I would like to spoil my consort."
The eye roll he receives is expected, but the true delight is in the way Xiao Zhuo-daren smiles shyly at the tail end of it.
"Come on, your turn." Zhu Yan preens a little, excitedly pulling back to take his place in front of Xiao Zhuo for his own grooming.
#fangs of fortune#fangs of fortune fic#大梦归离#yuanyi#zhao yuanzhou#Zhuo Yichen#gab writes stuff#if it isn't already obvious I am procrastinating at work
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first monthsary & her plans. | tbnd.
“welcome to jang’s! do you have a table reserved?” the waiter asked as gyuvin nodded his head, “it should be under gyuvin.” the waiter nodded and brought us to a table with flowers on the table.
gyuvin sat on the opposite side as we settled down.“for a cafe… this place is giving rich restaurant.” i joked to which gyuvin giggled, playing with my hands before kissing my palm.
“hello..! i’m wonyoung and i’ll be serv— gyuvin..!” we both looked up and i immediately felt uneasy, do they not have any other servers here..?
“hello to you too. my girlfriend is here too,” gyuvin said as he held my hands again, smiling widely as i saw wonyoung rolling her eyes from the side of my eye.
“hello yn.” she said with a fake smile before leaning more towards gyuvin on the side of the table, “what would you like to eat? panini? waffles? or me..?” wonyoung said before i shot her a look, gyuvin immediately getting up from his chair and sitting next to me.
“just kidding. gosh, yn. don’t have to be so mean.” she cleared before we ordered our foods and drinks.
“what’s her deal.” wonyoung ‘joked’ with gyuvin before giggling away on her own and walking off. “wow, are you two close? am i missing a chapter here?” i mumbled, “i honestly don’t know, i have not opened her chat at all. too busy texting and calling my pretty girl.”
i blushed as we talked about other stuff such as when eumppappa somehow went to our school to send gyuvin his pencil because he forgot it. others like how riri wouldn’t stop humping hanbin’s arm because she was in heat.
“there’s no way riri actually did that… i’d be traumatised..!” gyuvin said with the funniest facial expression, causing me to laugh out loud, a little too loud.
“your food and drinks have arrived ~ i asked the chef to make it extra delicious for you, gyuvin! you guys don’t mind if i have my break with you guys here right..? thanks!” wonyoung basically self invited herself to our table wouldn’t stop flirting with gyuvin.
“haha! you’re so funny, gyuvin..! too bad you’re stuck with this… thing!” she eyed me before smiling widely at gyuvin.
“you know, if you’re so much better than me, why isn’t he with you huh? oh! i know! it’s because i don’t text other people’s boyfriends knowing the fuck well that he has a girlfriend!” i went off at her as she rolled her eyes, about to say something but i cut her off.
“also! if you don’t mind? we’re on a date. me and my boyfriend, gyuvin. my boyfriend, not yours.” i smiled before she let out an angry whine and left.
“oh that was so hot of you.”
next | back | mlist
tl— @kaynunu @iiamshk @evpyzx @choppedballoondetective @yourssincerely-mimi @petralovesbonedo @hahaechans
#gyuvin zb1#zb1 kim gyuvin#zb1 scenarios#zb1 x reader#zb1 smau#zb1 texts#zb1#zerobaseone smau#zerobaseone fics#zerobase1#zerobaseone fluff#zerobaseone#zerobaseone kim gyuvin#kim gyuvin#gyuvin imagines#gyuvin fluff#gyuvin x reader#heeheesang
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Gravity Falls: For Your Own Good, Ch. 6
Summary: A few years after moving to Gravity Falls and having his lab built, Stanford Pines happens upon his estranged twin brother, Stanley. He mentally prepared himself to be suffocated by his brothers neediness all over again - what he wasn't prepared for was Stanley walking right past him like he didn't even notice him.
Rating: M for language, violence, and adult implications
Preface: Dialogue only, but some actions will be annotated for clarity. Cross-Posted on AO3 Here
First - Prev - Next
CH.6
“Good evening, Stanley.”
“...”
“I can see in lieu of speaking, you have instead chosen to communicate with an obscene hand gesture- two obscene hand gestures. I'll excuse your immaturity because I understand you might be feeling… upset.”
“Upset? Me? What could I possibly be upset about?”
“I understand your current state of… lodging is making you apprehensive. On account of being involuntarily committed.”
“You not picking up sarcasm doesn’t surprise me. And this isn’t an involuntary commitment; this is an unlawful abduction and confinement. I have enough experience with both to know the difference.”
“You what?”
“Ask me whatever stupid questions you’re about to ask, but I refuse to stand up. This is literally the first bed I’ve had since prison; and in that bed I had to worry about bed bugs, dirty needles, poisonous snakes… and Jorge.”
“What was that last thing that you just whispered to yourself?”
“Don’t worry about it. Now, what do you want, Doc? You here to scan me again? Get me to take more drugs? Ask me weirdly personal questions like your hot friend?”
“I want to talk. I may have come on a little strong when we crossed paths in town, in order for you to truly understand where I’m coming from, I’m going to have to give you some context in place of your lost memory.”
“Please tell me you’re not about to give me the tragic backstory of you and your missing twin.”
“Listen, Stanley, you don’t remember this; but we had a falling out ten years ago.”
“Aaand you’re doing it. Yeah, that’s pretty much what I was expecting. Fine, I’ll play along.”
“We were in our senior year of high school. You ruined a project of mine, and it cost me my dream college. We had a fight, and you got- you left home after that.”
“Man, dunno why I’d do something like that.”
“You were scared of me leaving you.”
“Did a shitty thing, and ended up alone anyways. That's something I'd expect from me.”
“And then you tried to justify it and say there was a silver lining-.”
“I’m sorry.”
“...What?”
“I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”
“... Where’s your excuse?”
“Hm?”
“Your excuses- your reasons? You cannot just apologize- so casually.”
“Sure I can. I just did. You don't accept it, that’s your right."
“...You don’t mean that.”
“Naw, I’m pretty sure no one deserves to be betrayed. I’m sorry you were.”
“Saying sorry doesn’t make it okay.”
“Didn’t say it did. Nothing can- it’s already happened, and there’s no changing it. You don’t wanna forgive and forget? I won’t make you.”
“And you’re going to simply… move on?”
“Look, PhD, I can’t tell you why your real twin did what he did, or what was going through his head when he did it. But he did the wrong thing to the wrong person, and paid for it. It’s too bad you had to pay for it too.”
“You are-.”
“Can see why you’d get us mixed up though. All I do is ruin things, too. Maybe if that thing with your project hadn’t happened, you wouldn’t be a wackjob who carries a tranq gun with him everywhere and abducts people off of the street.”
“I’m not mixing anything up. You are exactly who I keep trying to tell you that you are. You’re just not you right now.”
“I’m never anybody but me. You feel better now? Get all of that out of your system?”
“Now that I have told you what separated us-.”
“I’m gonna take that as a no.”
“Can you fill me in on the years that followed?”
“Doc, a lot of what I remember is like smoke - it’s hazy, and it’s hard to hold onto, can you be specific?”
“How about we start with something tangible?”
“Like what?”
“I am going to slip a paper and a pen through the slot in the door. Write down a list of the people who’ve tried to kill you.”
“You sure?”
“Yes. You told my associate a number of alarming things during his interview with you, and he reported that a not insignificant number of those things revolved around people trying to kill you.”
“A lot of them still want me dead, you know. If they figured out where I was, they might raid this place. It’s not too late to just… let me go, and we can pretend none of this happened. I’m not gonna hold a grudge against you, it's clear to me you've got issues because your real twin is either dead or hiding in Cuba.”
“They can try. They’ll fail.”
"Gutsy. We coulda been friends if you weren't insane."
"...We were."
"If you say so."
To be continued...
#gee Ford I wonder what Stan is so upset about#fords evil basement sub lab#stan finally apologizes to ford but its all for nothing#for your own good#Stan calling Ford anything but his name#fanfiction#fanfic#cross posted on ao3#stanford pines#ford pines#stanley pines#stan pines#mullet stan#fiddlestan implied#gravity falls
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Jealous
David x fem!reader
(I am obsessed with this man)
UPDATE-finally got round to editing it and making it a little better in my opinion.
You been hired as a part of the makeup team for the 3rd Terrfier having the first 2 be some of your favourite films, you were stoked beyond words.
The makeup and costuming department was a small due to a smaller budget. So you’d gotten the know the others well. It was the first day on set and you’d yet to meet any of the actors, getting the prosthetics ready, and talking through any final makeup changes with Damien.
You’d been given the golden ticket, working on the man himself, thee art the clown. Due to clashing schedules the cast read through was something you’d had to miss out on, so you really were a newbie. Having been in awe of David since Terrfier came out, getting to be so up close to him was a dream come true.
You’d come to set early to get set up and after talking with Damien, you grabbed your kit, laying out the things you needed and the order you’d use stuff in. Being able to be in the quiet was calming, your nerves were heightened, feeling like you were living in a dream. You were talented, but to be working with the likes of Damien and David had your head spinning.
A light knock pulled you out of your head, it was still slightly early but nothing major, still, the knock surprised you none the less.
“Come in” you called out, pushing your half empty kit bag on the the shelf. You hadn’t realised it was David that had knocked since you were stood with your back still facing the door.
“Thought I’d come say hey” his voice was gentle yet charming, you spun on your heels to face him, your cheeks turning up ward into a bright smile. There he was stood right there, within arms reach. You were taken aback at how truly handsome he was, you knew he was attractive from photos and panel videos but nothing like having him stand in-front of you in the flesh.
“Since you know we’re going to be spending hours a day together. Plus we never got to meet at the cast reading. I was kinda gutted you weren’t there. I love your work, especially that joker piece you did” he continued, letting out a small laugh.
“Hey! yeah, im y/n. It’s actually nice to finally meet you. I was so bummed I had to miss it. Im in shock that you know of my work! But thank you that really means alot!” You answered sticking your hand toward him, he returned the gesture. Gently placing his hand in yours and shaking it. You locked eye contact with the tall man, a blush rose to your cheeks, which in turn caused to look away.
You both clicked instantly, after light flirting and a conversation that seemed to flow like water, it was time to get him in the chair. This man was a charmer, you don’t know how you’d survive the duration of filming, you could already feel yourself gaining feelings for him.
~a couple of months into filming
You’d gotten to know David well, and he you. You two had become kind of inseparable. Finding that you both seemed to gravitate toward each other, even on days that David wasn’t filming you’d usually end up doing something together to get your and his mind off of work for a while. The early mornings and late nights you had together became the best part of the working day for both of you, although doing the makeup and taking the said makeup off was tedious, you and David got the trailer to yourselves and that time was filled with belly laughs and constant chatter between the two of you. Your feelings had developed for David, being around him so much just intensified them.
After filming finished, premiers and cons were beginning. Your name had gotten out there, you’d become as popular as the main cast especially due to all the content fans got from your and David’s outings.
~You’d been invited to a panel, along with David. You’d stood at the side of the stage. You’d never done anything like this before, your anxiety was through the roof, your knees shook as you waited shifting your weight from one foot to the other. You felt a firm squeeze on your shoulder you knew instantly who it was, David. He kept his arm over your shoulders whilst he stood beside you. As if he was magic, he could tell how nervous you were about the whole thing. You appreciated him.
“You’re gonna smash it pretty lady” he whispered to you, pulling you into a hug, he rested his chin on top of your head not letting go until he was called up onto the stage.
It was your turn, you tapped the tip of your middle finger against the pad of your thumb a habit you’d picked up to replace picking at the skin around your fingers when you got anxious, the crowd was far larger then you’d expected. You took the seat next to David, and plopped your self on the chair behind the long table.
The interviewer was pretty, no. Drop dead gorgeous. And you could tell she had eyes for David, you swallowed down the pit you had in your stomach. The flirting was obvious, she batted her lashes, pushed her arms to reveal more of her cleavage, all the text book things. You didn’t hate her, why would you? but you envied that she could probably have David right there and then if she wanted too. You were quiet on the stage, you’d usually be able to keep your anxiety in check and David picked up on this instantly, he hated seeing you struggling, he wanted to hug you, comfort you, but he couldn’t so instead he hooked his pinky finger on to yours under the table, if anything it helped calm him too.
If asked a question you’d answer and thank fans when ever they came up. You were extremely grateful and loved every single one of them, they meant you could be sat were you were today. But due to your inner turmoil you tried your best to stay composed remaining polite and appreciative but quiet. Jealousy bubbled, even though he sat there with his pinky intertwined with yours you’d convinced yourself he only viewed you as a friend, he was a charming beautiful soul, you hated being like this you were a grown adult. But with it mixed in with the shame and the embarrassment, for thinking about David romantically. Why would a man such as himself glance your way, when he was surrounded by such interesting, gorgeous women?
A fan had walked up to the mic situated in the audience, you were away with your thoughts and you hadn’t realised the fan had asked a question directed toward just you, having the majority of fans ask questions primarily for David you hadn’t realised this one was for you. You felt David unlink his pinky with yours and gently place his hand on your wrist, David gave your arm a slight stroke with his thumb to get your attention, offering you a reassuring smile whilst tilting his head ever so slightly toward the fan.
“Hey, Sorry! Could you repeat that? I didn’t quite hear” you smiled at the fan, feeling bad for not listening.
“Of course! hi I’m kay! im such a huge fan of you! So obviously me and the fans want to know what was your favourite thing to do in your down time when you weren’t working on the film? We’ve seen all the photos of your guys days out but I really wanna know!” Kay finished, it was an odd question but a sweet one at that with all the photos circulating of you and the cast hanging out, fans get curious.
“Hmm, probably just catching a film with David and sometimes other cast members every so often! Or me and David would find the BEST takeout places if we were filming in the same location for a while so we’d always get takeout then build Lego sets together. Elliot would join in when he wasn’t too busy too! Me and David also have a shared love of theatre so we’d catch shows together! Especially musicals. I think having down time when filming a project like this is highly important! being around guts and gore is so so fun but day in day out can get tiring”
The fan seemed super happy with the answer you gave, but what you did miss out was any time you spent with David was your favourite when working or not, even when the job load was stressful David made it all feel okay again.
You were desperate to get off of the stage, your emotions were starting to drain you and so was your social battery and thankfully the panel was coming to a finish,
“We want to thank the panel today! to the wonderful David and Y/n!” The lady said, the crowd erupted with applause, you thanked the crowd and left the stage. The interviewer nodded her head toward you as you walked off, you returned the gesture. Once off the stage you turned to wait for David releasing she’d swooped in to give David a goodbye hug, the hug lasted a while, and with that you walked away you needed air.
Mentally beating yourself up for ever thinking there was something special between you and him, surprised at yourself for just walking away, as you’d usually wait for David or vice versa. But you needed a breather. Being in love with this man was too much. Soon as the press and cons were over you’d have to go back to your old life anyway, a life that was a million worlds away from David’s . His new found stardom would mean, you’d soon become just another makeup artist he’s worked with. And it hurt.
You’d managed to make your way outside avoiding the large crowds of horror fans by navigating the labyrinth of corridors in the venue,“Hey, y/n wait up!” David called out to you, you hadn’t realised David was behind you, his tall frame taking large fast steps toward you making his way through the door that was propped open.
“Why’d you speed off? I saw you wait for me off stage for a sec then you vanished. I was gonna ask if you wanted to sneak off and go get coffee, luckily I’d seen you through the window” he smiled down at you once he caught up, your face was flush and red. It’s like you couldn’t even look at him, you’d made your self feel like a child with a one way crush.
“Just needed some air, big crowds, it’s all new to me.” You answered him, you both walked in sync with each other. You allowed yourself to take deep breaths, it was all abit overwhelming. From being around people you now considered family every day, to falling in love, to having to do press and premieres. To knowing it was all going to go back to how it was before again.
“Wanna sit?” He gestured toward a bench, and you obliged. You had seemed to manage to find a quiet haven away from the craziness that was just beyond a wall.
“Y/n, what’s really going on? I know you were anxious but on that stage, it’s like you’d lost your sparkle. And I know for a fact you can handle your anxiety like a badass.” he was so in tuned with people, especially yourself.
“I don’t know, I guess I was in my own head. Which I shouldn’t have been. The fans had come from far and wide. And I sat there, like an idiot” you looked toward your feet, kicking at the dry, dead leaves that lay on the floor.
“well, despite what’s going on in that head. You did well, I could tell you were struggling with something but the fact you got up there and did it anyways. I’m proud of you” he once again smiled at you, nudging you lightly with his shoulder.
“Thank you David, I’m so proud of what we’ve all created. But those crowds dude. They’re intense” you said whilst letting out a long breath,
“Y/n, wanna know something funny, the interviewer slipped her number in my pocket whilst we were leaving the stage! That’s an old school trick if I ever did see one.” He laughed, suddenly the jealousy came bubbling back in your stomach again, you gave a pathetic attempt at a laugh back trying to hide the hurt but failing miserably , you were never an actor.
“Bless her, I’m sure some horror film buff will make her happy” David said as he took the piece of paper out of his pocket and crumpled it in his fist. You looked at him,
“Your not going to text her?” You questioned, genuinely confused.
David looked at you, raising an eyebrow, “Why would I want to text another woman when I’ve got the woman I want right next to me.”
Your eyebrows knit together,
“Y/n, have you not caught on yet? You think I let just anyone paint my nails” he stated, as if the question was rhetorical.
you chuckled, genuine this time, “Yes David, because you’re so sweet if someone asked if they could paint your nails you’d let them” smiling at him, he was a man to be cherished.
“Well that’s besides the point, y/n. I am absolutely crazy about you. Silly. Head over heels or what ever you want to call it. I’m in love with you. And I need to tell you now, before you have to go back, other wise I’d never do it.”
You grabbed his arm, hooking yours onto his, relaxing into the bench and crossing your leg over the other in the process. A smile so wide slapped on your face you’d look manic to anyone walking by.
“Good, because im in love with you too. And thank god, because it means I don’t have to be jealous anymore” you smirked at him, as he turned to look at you, a grin plasters on his face too.
“Jealous nelly are we? I could tell you weren’t fond of that interviewer” he said as he leaned in, to finally kiss you.
#david howard thornton#David Howard Thornton imagine#terrifier#terrifer 2#terrfier 3#art the clown#David Howard Thornton x reader
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Halloween
Author's note: And that officially concludes my Promptober! Yipee!! I had so much fun reviving my blog with these little writing snippets, and thank you so much for making it this far! I shall have a master list consisting of these prompts out later this week, so keep an eye out!
Content: Spoilers from JP TWST Halloween event: Skully Graves is in town!
A full moon illuminates a barren cliff, overlooking a magnificent view of Halloween Town. You hear the clamor of townsfolk going on their day-to-day routine, the eeriness of blacks and whites melding away in vibrant yellows and golds. There was something about this town that seemed unsettling at first impression, but endearing over time: its sights.
Jack and Sally both said that this place was quite the romantic place, the moon bathing the town in a blanket of white. You didn’t mind being here by yourself, just you and the chilly wind lightly teasing your locks. An idyllic moment with you and Mother Nature, a rarity like a gemstone midst of a sea of rocks.
You watch citizens come and go, partaking in jovial spooks and light-hearted pranks, some you get to witness yourself with a giggle bubbling at your lips. The Halloween town before you was awash with its festive spirit, a treat for those with a likening for spooky haunts.
“What are you doing here, all by yourself?”
You glimpse patterns of black and white, a pair of sunglasses and white locks. Skully..
“I needed a breather from the festivities. Jack and Sally told me about this place; it’s nice.”
“The others missed you, my dear [Reader]. Why not come back to it?”
The gentlemen extend a hand to you. You align your gaze to Skully, a smile by his lips.
“I ate too much candy.”
Another flimsy excuse, one that you hoped would be enough to divert Skully’s concern from you.
“Oh, my dear, one must pace themselves with eating candy. May I introduce you to some tea, then?”
Skully was persistent, much to your surprise. His mannerisms were nearly perfect, reminiscent of Jack - well, you thought it may have been Skully just being nice.
“Skully, I’m fine.”
“Oh? I thought you’re not feeling well.”
You feel your temper nearing its end.
“Look, Skully, I needed an excuse to get away from the noise.”
“Aww, would you like some company then, my friend?”
You turn your gaze back to the scene before you.
“It’s fine.”
You consent. There, Skully sits next to you, his gaze still fixated on your side profile. A pregnant silence reigns.
“But did you enjoy yourself during Halloween?”
Skully’s question breaks the silence.
“Did I enjoy it?’
You echo the question. Skully awaits for your answer, his amber eyes glinting in anticipation. His eagerness palpable, akin to a child receiving a present during the holidays. You had to answer, all with a pleasant smile on your lips.
“Of course, I did, Skully. I had the best Halloween ever.”
“Beautiful.”
His eagerness melts away to affectionate tenderness. A gloved hand extends to you, as if offering assistance.
“Would my dear [Reader] like to come back for dinner then?”
“After all that candy? I’d have to take up your offer on tea then, Skully.”
You let loose a chuckle.
“Why, where are my manners? Pardon me, my dear-”
“It’s fine, Skully.”
You reassure him with a light pat on his shoulder, accepting his offered hand.
“Now, shall we get going?”
From the light of the full moon, pale light bathes Skully’s features, adorning his gorgeous smile in eerie luminescence. Halloween Town was once a place that greatly unsettled you, but its quirky charm had you enamored with its people and their hearts - Skully was no exception; his charming facade conveyed a youth who loved Halloween with all his heart, the desire to spread the joy infectious. You can only affirm, Skully imparting a gift by a kiss on the back of your hand before you two depart for dinner.
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moonstruck ; birthday event !
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As a way to celebrate me being old and a way for me to get back into writing I decided to host an event! I wrote these prompts like a year ago back on @soleillunne with the help of @starrveill (i love you)
This is a request based event, if you have an idea in mind send me an ask with a prompt, a genre (optional) and a character of your choice.
You can send in as many asks as you want, but only one prompt and character per ask is allowed. So you can ask the same prompt for different characters with multiple asks.
I will delete any request that's against my rules and just make me uncomfortable in general. If you have any questions about the characters I write for please don't hesitate to ask.
I will tag this post and each post related to this one with "moonstruck!", and the event will get its own masterlist. I don't know when I will close the event, but I will announce when I do.
Below are the prompts, go crazy (。•̀ᴗ-)✧
1. “don't smile at me like that!”
2. “may i have this dance?” “well, if you insist.”
3. “stop moving, i'm almost done!”
4. “well, if i tell you it wouldn't be a secret.”
5. “the moon is beautiful, isn't it?”
6. “i wouldn't wanna fight you. you're pretty feisty.”
7. “your eyes are always on them.” “…are they? I haven’t noticed.”
8. “do you think the moon is jealous of how pretty you are?”
9. “are you sure you're okay? your face seems a little red.”
10. “...on the bright side, we'll know how not to cook next time.”
11. “you're my favorite person.”
12. “close the curtains! my eyes are burning!” “don’t you think you’ve slept in long enough, you little vampire?”
13. “here.” ”what are you doing?” “giving you my jacket. cover yourself up, people are staring.” (bonus: “…are you sure you’re not the one staring?”)
14. “how… do you understand my feelings so well?” “…because i’d been in your place once”
15. “i love you. now say it back.” “please— stop talking, save it till we get you help—” “say it back—” “i love you. i love you, i love you, i love you so fucking much, please don’t leave me—”
16. “dont miss me too much, okay?”
17. “tell me what i can do for you.” “stay.”
18. “wait! don't go... not yet.”
19. “i swear to you, that as long as I’m alive I won’t let a single soul ever harm you.”
20. “how do you make the pain go away?”
21. “you feel like home to me.”
22. “it's okay to cry, you know.”
23. “you're acting like my mom.” “shut up and let me take care of you.”
24. “i'm never leaving you. you're stuck with me.”
25. “in your darkest moments, I'll be your guiding light.”
30. “you're exhausted, honey.”
31. “can i have another blanket?” “do you really think that’s a good idea, love?”
32. “come over here; let me patch you up.”
33. “how do you do it?” “do what?” “make me feel alive.”
34. “i have no idea how i got through my days before i met you.”
35. “what do you feel when you're with me?” “when i'm with you... i feel at peace.”
36. “you lied to me. was i just a pawn in your game? the easiest one you can discard?”
37. “you make me feel so alone.”
38. “i don't know what to do without you.”
39. “make sure it kills me.”
40. “i love you, until the end of the world.”
41. “you had your chance.”
42. “wait for me, will you?”
43. “i don't want to go.”
44. “i'm sorry, have we met before?”
45. “it's okay, you can let go.”
46. “i can't help but wonder if you ever truly loved me.”
47. “given your history, i should have known better.”
48. “you made a promise.”
49. “in the end, I was just a stepping stone in your path to success, wasn't I?”
50. “i can't trust you anymore, not after what you did.”
51. “…please don’t come any closer.” “why not?” “i don’t want to hurt you.” “who said you would?”
52. “people always leave, so why should it be any different now?” “what if i told you that i never planned on leaving? not now, not ever?”
53. “the only thing that makes every ounce of pain worth enduring is you.”
54. “i love you too much to stay away, and I wouldn't wish for anything less than to spend an eternity by your side.”
55. “the day i lose you is the day that i lose everything.”
56. “please don't go... i love you.” “...i wish i could believe that.”
57. “i'm sorry. you deserve so much more than this, and i can't even give you that, no matter how much i want to.”
58. “do you know the difference between history and you?” “what?” “history is the past, but you’re my future.” “…oh my god.”
59. “now remember, you don’t need to apologize for things you aren’t responsible for, okay?” “okay! i’m sorry!” “…i literally just said not to apologize.” “sorry..” “damn it. we’re gonna have to work on that a bit more.”
60. “i’m sure the feeling won’t last, but let me hold onto you a little bit longer before i go.”
Bonus: send me a prompt/lyrics of your choice!
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moonstruck — unable to think or act normally, especially as a result of being in love.
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@amalythea 2024. | do not re-upload, copy, translate, etc. my works on any form of media.
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fuck it, wip wednesday
eventual swanqueen, ofc
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“She’s his mom, Mary Margaret! I don’t know what else to tell you! She clothed him, fed him, took care of him when he was sick, taught him to walk and talk and all sorts of other things! I didn’t do any of that! He’s my kid, yeah, and I love him more than I thought I’d ever be able to love anything. But the first thing I did? I gave him up.”
“Emma, don’t say that. You were giving him-“
“Yes! His best chance. I gave him up, for him to have his best chance in life. And it was Regina. I know you fucking hate that it’s Regina, and I get it, really. But look at Henry. He’s so good! He’s so good that it hurts sometimes. I would think about him, wondering how he was, who he was. I always hoped he’d be okay; he got better than okay. Henry got everything I ever wanted him to have. Everything I wished I had gotten. Not just food, clean clothes, and a place to sleep. Henry got someone who loved him.”
Snow opened her mouth again. Emma didn’t let her get a word in.
“How can you tell me Regina doesn’t love Henry? He’s so polite and smart and funny and caring! Henry cares so much about the things he loves, the people he loves, and that’s because he has someone who loves and supports him. She’s everything he’s ever had, Mary Margaret, and there’s no world in which I can take that from him. Either of them, actually. How fucking cruel would I be if I took a kid from his mom, huh? Just because I think I’d be better? Because I’m good and she’s evil?” Emma missed the pain that crossed her mother’s face, ignoring how her mouth closed tightly, lips pressed impossibly thin. Her brain had started scrambling, letting out any and every thought she had about Regina. She had been doing a lot of thinking, and yeah, most of it had been about Regina. “I know she’s done horrible things, things I don’t want to dwell on, things I don’t want Henry to hear about. She’s different now, and she deserves as much of a chance as anyone else to prove it. You can’t raise a kid like Henry and be the same person she was; it doesn’t make sense.” Emma finished lamely. Snow was quiet, digesting Emma’s tirade as she leaned against the counter. Emma glanced toward the table, finding that Henry and David had migrated to the living room area of the loft.
Regret filled her when she saw Henry’s bowed head, David speaking in a low, calm voice. She hadn’t wanted Henry to be aware of the arguments surrounding his other mother. He already had too much knowledge of her past, and Emma hated to taint his view of her anymore than it had been. She left Snow in the kitchen without another word, making her way to her son.
“You have to go home, Henry,” Emma said gently, resting her hand on her son’s shoulder as he slumped on the couch in resignation. David stood, giving her an apologetic look before taking Snow out of the loft for a walk. “I’m sorry you heard all that, but it is the truth.” He finally turned to look at her, his eyes wet.
“I miss her, I really do. I know she was bad, but I love her, Emma,” Henry said, voice thick. Emma wrapped her arms around him, eyes beginning to sting with tears. “People change, right?” he asked into her shoulder.
“All the time, kid. And your mom changed a long time ago, she was just scared of it.”
“What makes you say that?”
“You changed her, Henry. Everything she’s done since you came to her was for you. She hasn’t been evil, she just didn’t know how to protect you any other way. Now she doesn’t have to protect you alone.”
“But she was trying to hurt you at first”
“I was a threat, Hen. I know that might not make sense to you, but she saw me trying to take you away. And I can’t do that to her. I was never trying to do that. I want what’s best for you, and she does, too. We can find a way for us to all be happy.”
“Like a family?”
“Yeah, like a family. Nothing would make me happier.”
#once upon a time#once upon a time fanfiction#wip#ouat fic#I’m working on it#swanqueen#swan queen#swen#emma swan#henry mills
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alright, just had a super inspiring convo with my cousin. we started reminiscing about our travels together and i started to get super nostalgic about europe and just travel and movement in general.
he wants to get back to Thailand and I want to get back to France or Italy. (i speak Italian fluently and this has also been coming up in conversation more and more, i swear it’s like i suddenly remembered i could speak a second language in the last week or so lmao). the crazy part is that today at the post office i was in line to drop off a package and a girl came up to get a passport application. i remembered that mine expires in 6 months so i asked for one too.
and then tonight i’m in the kitchen just talking about random stuff with my cousin and we start talking about Seattle and then Paris and then Verona and all these places we’ve gone together and it all just fell into place.
so anyways, i will be telling my therapist this and i will make her hold me accountable lol
#america ain’t it#there is so much i’d miss but it’s just not my place#and everyone who knows me says the same#and i am fullllly aware that europe will solve zero of my problems#but i don’t really have any problems right now??#so maybe it’s time to make a move from a healthier mental place#i’m rambling
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mother taught me how to spend money freely, father taught me how to spend money tightly, and I taught myself how to be an anxious wreck about those two sides yippee!
#last night we were just generally having a convo about money#and my sister just started the guitar which ig good for her but the place she’s going to apparently offers drum lessons for a lot cheaper#than my current place and my mother mentioned how my place was an unreasonable price and ‘haram’ to spend so much money on it#which makes sense and is fine#but saying all of that right before bed actually made me cry a little about how im just a perpetual waste of money#and when I told her (in a jokingish tone) that I wouldn’t be able to sleep because I’d be overthinking money#she got annoyed because aren’t we supposed to be transparent about these kind of things and im old enough to deal with this maturely#so yeah I might swap drum places which I’ll miss my current teacher but whatever#blippity blap#I really should shut up ngl
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grief will have you saying shit like goddamn and fuck maybe the abuse was worth it
#ive made this post before i just cant find it and it’s all im feeling rn#god i miss my parents so fucking much even though they were the cause of SO MANY of my problems that idk if i’ll ever heal from#but navigating life w this grief and without their support- however little it was- feels like hell#but the abuse felt like hell too.#ive said it before but i was JUST getting to a place where i felt i could stand up for myself and knock down thwir shit a few pegs. or at#least become more resistant to it#i saw a future with them in it for the first time in my LIFE#and it was bc i’d done SO MUCH FUCKING WORK. and now i feel like it was all so fucking useless#it’d be easier if i was still in the phase of anger i was at like 19#but i’d processed that quite a bit and was trying to move on#FUCK. i had made SO much goddamn progress right before my mom got sick#then everything went down the toilet cus i cannot fucking have anything#it’s so unfair. i wish i could at least redo the last 3 years of my life#i would’ve done things so much different but i was so traumatized and still so angry and bitter and trying to preserve myself#ive come to the realization tjat the person i am today did not exist back then and therefore i shouldnt beat myself up bc it literally wasnt#available to me. i couldnt have done anythimg different bc i was in such a state of survival#and truthfully ive grown a lot since then even if im still in the trenches#the timeline of my entire life has been so fucking unfair#and i dont know how to reconcile any of it i dont know how to cope with my worst fears coming true#and i mean worst fears. even the way they passed. spot on to my worst fears#i despised what they did to me but i still didnt see life without them until i was at least 30#it was all so sudden and quick and shocking#yeah they were horrible parents but i was a horrible kid too. maybe i straight up just deserved that shit#and i’d go back to that and seeing a future with them in an instant#over this bullshit#it’s so hard. and then losing all my pets too at the SAME TIME. all my babies#everything that i loved ripped away from me in the span of MONTHS#it’s all too much. l oh fucking l. no wonder im 3 shots deep at fucking 3 pm#it just hurts so bad. so fucking bad.
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Just a few pics I took at the mountains in NC the other weekend and forgot to post
#i miss it#it was so much cooler up there than here#we had a good day of thrifting too#i found a bracelet to match my Robert plant shirt from the concert#same place I got my jeff buckley necklace years before#also bought too many books when I’d just ordered some before I left lol whoops#reading in the morning on the porch before everyone else gets up is relaxing#rambling on
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#I miss Queensland way too much#I had a bad feeling about leaving and I just like. shouldn’t have left#it was just the PERFECT tropical paradise small town in a way that really could only exist THERE#ugh#why did I leave when things started to get good?#I feel way too transient and unsettled anywhere right now#I hate that i logistically can’t go back because it’d be dumb af and a waste of like $1000 to drive my car back up there#and it’s not a place I’d wanna live without a car#I feel like screaming#I am so the embodiment of that fig tree analogy and when I finally make myself choose I always choose wrong anyway
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Hikaru’s mom compilation. 3 times she shows up. Outside of this- I think she’s mentioned three times: cut up some watermelon, one of the reasons Hikaru doesn’t want to die, and then to say she, along with the hikaru’s grandma, doesn’t know anything about Hichi-san.
#Don’t think I missed any but I didn’t check any of the extras#First ones from ch5#Last two are both ch7#Moku is doing another Q&A on twitter#I don’t have an account tho and I refuse to sign up soo#I’ll just whisper my wishes for her name to be revealed to the wind and hope it carries over#Somehow#I don’t think Hikaru’s grandma has appeared a single time#hikaru ga shinda natsu#the summer hikaru died#hgsn#my hgsn shit#Only told to the men… I’ll fight#I’ll fight for her right to be in the story#I’d like for at some point for it to be answered why the women are excluded from this#Because the indoh family has a weird thing surrounding women#Kinda touch on it in my talk on the indoh family curse but it’s very telling that hikaru is told that if HE falls in love#To marry quick like. It doesn’t really matter what the person he falls in love with thinks#All wrapped up with a little bow saying it’s for their safety so that’s why he has to place his own feelings above theirs#And I very much doubt they’d be allowed to divorce. Marry young and quick and marry forever#Of course the answer to why the women are excluded is misogyny but like- an in universe discussion around it would be nice#Real post in the tags#per usual
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