#there is no way i can start before 11
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i had to chase 3 (THREE) people today just to get one of the people I am managing to please be online by 10.30am in the morning and I don't even know what to say at this point
#granted we as a company start on the later side#with the official start at 9.30am and we are flexible within reason (e.g. many people come online around10)#BUT LIKE#how do you have a regular office job#and when your manager politely says hey can you pls be online by 10.30 you just go#there is no way i can start before 11#ELEVEN AM#lord help me
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I’m not excluding Peter because I think he wasn’t a part of the four, I am excluding Peter because I don’t like him. Hope this helps
#also the whole oh he did nothing when he was young thing is bullshit it lmao#y’all do realize he had 10 years#they met at 11#he officially betrayed everyone at 21#which means he prob became a DE a few years before#because why would Voldemort trust him in any way#he prob became one when the whole thing kinda started#so say that’s what 3 or 4 years before??#this means he didn’t betray them at 21#he did at 17#so they met at 11#had maybe 1 or 2 years of getting inseparable#which takes us to 13#and then at 17 he betrayed everyone#young Peter is lit the one who did bullshit#and he can go suck a dick#also it it’s disgusting behavior to betray people close to you#and young Peter is in fact the one who did that#maybe child Peter didn’t#but what?? he was a child and then the moment he developed a personality he betrayed everyone??#he’s excused from shitty behavior because his 12 year old self didn do anything?#I sure hope he wouldn’t because who does heavy bullshit at 12 lmao you’re barely out of the diaper era
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i'm seeing three times as many people bitching in the tag about the very idea that someone might not like this breed than i see people actually expressing unambiguous dislike for this breed
#the preemptive counter-bitchers are consistently orders of magnitude meaner and more uncharitable about it too#like i'm convinced at this point these people just have these counter-bitches ready to go on launch regardless of actual reception#it's starting to feel like they just fill out a generic “what moral failing can i accuse the potential idea of dislikers of” template#and post it as soon as the thing's out whether or not anyone actually complains much less the way they accuse people of#these people are getting to the point that even when it's about something i unambiguously *like* i still have to resist the urge#to comment “fr staff aren't gonna fuck you bro”#there's like 11 different posts all insisting that the only reason anyone could dislike the new breed is fatphobia#meanwhile i scrolled down the entire tag and found like 2. maybe 3 people that even mentioned it in the same post as disliking the breed#before anyone gets ideas i'm generally-neutral-to-appreciative of the attempt at moldbreaking on the breed#and am completely indifferent the weight of dragons. the only thing i care about is if the design is original and interesting#a vast majority of the dislike posts i've seen so far have been in the vein of “nah man this one's just not for me” or “too maggot”#or “i hoped for an eldritch horror”. and there's not that many of these dislike posts in general. especially compared to normal.#meanwhile the counter-bitching has all been like “YOU'RE ALL JUST GREEDY UNPLEASABLE ENTITLED WHINY BABY FATPHOBES DIE MAD”#it's like this every time and i feel like it takes less and less to get people going like this every time#it almost feels like they get angrier faster the *less* anyone actually complains in the first place#a behavior pattern i'm well versed in from experience with my mother#and they always seem to get angriest at the most mild polite complaint posters rather than any of the actually questionable ones#like they'll ignore someone spouting clear fatphobia to go fling bigotry accusations at someone who just said “eh i kinda hoped for scary”#they also consistently have a bad case of “fr players are a monolith who all ask for the same things”-brain#i don't know what it is that makes it so fr players are so insecure about liking anything that the possible existence of anyone who doesnt#makes them feel like they're being directly attacked#flight rising#i suspect it's downstream of a similar kind of “we know if we don't get what we want we lose our chance because the devs are fickle” thing#to the fundamental flaw that doomed the minecraft mob votes
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MY BOY, he got started today, i have like 5 more sessions to do his wing and his body and then some colour but now that im not all red and swollen he looks amazing!! his name is Bartholmeo
#sorry#tattoos#crow#birb#my hair is sticking to the plasma 😭 aaaaaaaaaaaaa#hes gonna be so prettyyyyyyyy and so biggggg#i feel.so cool now even tho im gonna look like the bent neck lady from hill house rip#i just got a quick lil oracle card reading and ngl i feels like it aligns with what im working towards latelt#its mostly appearance stuff but for me that has a lot to do with my life#getting my crow started and going in t injections instead of gel ans getting my teeth fixed is a massive step for me to get#where i want to be before i can leave for nova scotia or rather before the opportunity arises#im also going to get a new mattress topper and jars for making fancy drinks soon too#i kinda feel the motivation to do my own groceries too but hm less so#i feel really happy today after visiting my dearest friend too and getting a lot of good deep talks in#sad we live so far apart but also calm because i love them so much and im glad we feel the same way but again sad life has to be so hard#i hope that lil card reading is a good sign#i also keep seeing 11:11 everywhere too and im choosing to believe thats a lovely thing
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thinking about nora again
#fallout#okay first of all her full maiden name is lenore dubrovhsky#she's somehow related to the russian diplomat who is the grandfather of natalia dubrovhsky#maybe his niece? idk but she immigrated to the us after meeting nate during his tour because she claimed she was IN LOVE#i imagine she was in her late teens and nate was in his early 20s#and she falls for him and he promises he'll help her with going to college in the US and they'll have an equal marriage yadda yadda#so they get married and nora becomes a lawyer#so they've been married around seven years and she's doing her training as a legal secretary when oops! she becomes pregnant#(nate sabotaged her birth control but shhh she doesn't know that)#so nate persuades her into putting her career on hold just for a little while until they can start putting their son in daycare#(shaun takes heavily after nora's side of the family to the point nate jokes about whether his DNA had any say at all)#(he also later joins the army and dies in action)#so nora's being kept at home all the time. taking care of the kid. cooking all the meals. cleaning the house. barely any time for herself#and she gets so frazzled she gets into a minor car accident while taking shaun home from the doctor#nate freaks out and confiscates her car keys so now she can barely get out of the house without him on her arm#barely any adult social interaction and any family she could have had keeping her company was all the way over in russia#so she has a quickie with a door-to-door salesman and when her next kid pops out with red hair#the lack of resemblance to nate stops being funny#he agrees not to leave her but says he can't trust her at home alone anymore so he gets her a job at shaun's elementary school as a teacher#this happened around when shaun was 11 and he's harbored a hatred for his mom and his sister ever since#nate promised to raise the girl like his own but he's distant with her which rubbed off on shaun#so the girl. i'm calling her annabelle. TOTAL mommy's girl. wants to be just like her#so when shaun's seventeen he fakes his enlistment papers so he can be enlisted early and dies in combat#i imagine nora misses the baby boy she raised and is utterly upset he turned out this way#and by 'this way' i mean i imagine him as a patriotic misogynist and nora does not hold kind feelings towards the US for various reasons#nate was proud of his son for dying for a cause he believed in#so when annabelle's six nora gets pregnant again and that's when i imagine the bombs drop#the school nora works for is a really privileged private school (nate comes from old money) and that's where the cryo pods come in!#i imagine it would be like a 'saving america's youth for a brighter tomorrow' thing idk#also the day the bombs dropped nora killed nate before heading off to work. woulda been totally caught had the bombs not dropped HEYOOOO
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some of you guys weren't raised on heroes (2005) and it shows
#you're gonna denounce the show forever just because it started to suck???? me age 11 (biggest heroes stan alive) could never#it's making me so sad to see so many people who were so active in the tua fandom decide to leave it completely#idk there's a place in almost all my favorite shows i can point to where it all went wrong#(heroes s2. chuck s4. stranger things s3. supernatural s6 but the final death knell was s9 idk that one's complicated.)#(malcolm in the middle kind of sucked after s4. teen wolf went downhill after s3.)#(the witcher and twd had such consistently mid seasons i stopped watching. only the first season of the flash was worth it.)#doesn't mean i was any less obsessed with them or that i don't still look back on them fondly#why should i leave tua in the dust just bc i can add 'tua s3' to that list? hell it's already been on there for two years#like the obsession isn't nearly as strong as before but i still look back on the show and my experience with it fondly!#i know i keep saying it but i cannot begin to fully express how deep i was in with tua and how much of an impact it had on me#no one is obligated to stay or pretend to be happy but like yeah it makes me sad to see people turn their backs on it#we had so much fun for a while! that's what i want to keep celebrating and keep alive even if it's in a background casual way#the parts that we all loved and came together over were great!#i know there's not much of a reason to come back together again or to feel inspired#but like. it's one thing to be upset and uninspired. it kind of feels like another to decide to leave the fandom forever :(#no disrespect to anyone bc i do understand wanting to wash your hands of the whole thing. i just wish it didn't go down like this :(#anyways. i love you guys and i miss being a five stan when it was easy a little bit rn <3
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i hate group projects so much jfc
#IVE BEEN ASKING YOU PPL IF ITS OK FOR HOURS AND YOU START GIVING SUGGESTIONS AT 11 PM#i’ve literally been trying to get a move on with this since thursday night#and i know ppl are busy but this is not a huge thing they just had to look at this and decide if it’s lacking or not#and if it is literally just add to it yourself#this has been the most draining thing in a while#and i need to edit the thesis tomorrow. and get all the grades before weekend#im missing one (the group project) and my promotor needs to click the 'passed' next to our seminary#but he said he’ll do it when i send him the finished thing#and if he doesn’t (bc he’s on vacation) then at least i won’t be worried bc he knows all the administrative crap#so it’ll be ok either way#📓#can you guys tell i’m insanely on edge
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I used to have a really giant family like tons of tias and tios and cousins and i say used to cause like it seems like after my grandparents died on both sides both families seemed to never speak again and i had no chance to even try and keep hold of those ties i was in elementary school watching my parents marriage crash and burn in real time dealing with major death in the family and then subsequent family abandoning me at the tender age of 11. Hell my brothers were older and jumped ship it was just me and the horrors
#my moms dad and my dads mom were like the heads of their families and they both died really close to each other#but my grandma and a tio on my moms side died within 3 days of each other after being in hospice literally 3 doors away from each other#for months and my parents both took the roles of like taking care of everything and being the descision makers cause no one else would#which im sure was super traumatizing in everyway possible but their siblings both seemed to resent them in ways#when they didnt want to be those people but had to be and they arent even the oldest siblings they are both like 3rd youngest#but like it just ruined the families and me and mom and my dad were all at the hospital or hospice center for months#we were there every day and night i remember it so much i can get anywhere in any hospital in my town using the stairwells#like i knew them that well#it also likely ruined my parents marriage which was bumpy before the intense major tragedy#which like yaknow what fair it was a lot to deal with ontop of like trying to crawl ur way out of the recession#but after all was said and done i talk to no one on my dads side i bearly talk to my older brother#and i talk to like my nina and two tias on my moms side and occassionally a few cousins#when theyre arent being fucking insane and unhinged#idk i loved having a huge family the like going to 5 houses on christmas type#going to birthdays or weddings and seeing everyone taking at least 45 mins to say bye to everyone#and now its gone and i wont ever get it back#and its by no fault of my own cause i was literally 11 and every adult decided i was gonna pay the price too#like i think abt when i get married its not gonna be what i thought itd be or when i get my first movie in theatres#im not gonna have the major family celebration ill have all my friends which im so greafull for#but its not the same yaknow#and id love to have that relatiomship with my family again but like where do u start when its been over 10+ years#like they remember 11 year old me if they remember me#and thats part of the problem#like on my moms side specifically i have some family who acts like theyve never met me before when i used to see them every weekend#and it was a major failing on my part as an 11 year old for not keeping in touch even tho we did my mom calls everyone and she tried#but people didnt want to return it#and as for my dads side its the same and if it was a moral failing for me as an 11 yr old to not reach out and they didnt like my mom much#my grandma fucking loved her but the rest of the family didnt and like i lived w my mom and was fucking 11 i couldnt go anhwhere by myself#and i didnt like not being places without a parent and i hated sleepovers i refused and they took it so personal#and they stopped talking to my dad and bad mouthed him and still do nd ill never allow that around me my dad isnt perfect but hes a good man
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begging on my hands and knees. if u have a mother's day booking somewhere this weekend please please please be on time and also the most understanding and chill version of urself that you can be. please. it is the busiest and most stressful weekend of the year for pretty much everyone in food services and the weekend we dread the most and we are all trying so so so hard please just don't be fucking Demanding about it. please
#also again. on TIME. not early not late on TIME.#it is like. mental gymnastics to try fit in the amount of bookings we do on these two days and youre all allotted a certain amount on time#so that we can fit everyone in#but if you're late! then you try stay later! which has a domino effect on all the bookings for ur table after#and if ur early! chances are we havnt got to fix ur table yet becos the ppl before might still be there! so please. on Time#also we have it spread over the day in a way that usually helps with the flow in the kitchen#and if the group of 11am tables order closer to the 11:30am/12pm tables then that effecte the kitchen#like please just. Please#also i remember last mothers day specifically we had a few Demanding people and it rly was like..... can u please just not#'i wanna make my mums day special <3' bro youre booked in with 300+ other people#with mostly mothers who would rather be at home with their kids serving you.... don't start with that shit fjvfhdfg#anyway im going to go die these next two days see u all on the flip side
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#so I have officially been to a club/bar now#tag talk#it was a country bar which was actually cool cause they played like. actual old country none of the post-9/11 shit#except everything else about it was ugh awful. music too loud drinks FUCKING EXPENSIVE holy shit stay home and drink instead pleaseeee#it was a work thing but none of my coworkers I'm friends with actually knew what they were doing so while I wasn't actual awkward they were#and the thing about social interaction is that if no one knows what they're doing it's not very fun#I grabbed someone and started a pool game because the table was open and both of us were absolute garbage at the game#but I was laughing about it and they were like... apologetic about being bad?? d#I did have the classic experience though where your friends disappear and you end up alone because you don't know where they went#all in all an interesting experience but not one I'm eager to repeat.#I did get invited to someone's Christmas Eve Party though which is cool and they gave me their number to make sure I have the info#so probably worth going just for that I think. got their phone number so we can communicate so that's like. successful social connection.#we're already friendly at work but easier to talk to someone when you're both not busy on the opposite side of the store with customers#anyway. who tf out going to clubs. awful environment.#I was like.. twenty percent of the way to being comfortable going out and dancing but hard to just swallow your hesitation#and a) alcohol as liquid courage is hmm not ideal and b) it was expensive anyway#oh well. it'll take more time to come out of my shell and I'd literally never been to a bar/club before in my life.#so I'll have some patience with myself and not be annoyed with how I could have done better or been more confident.#literally totally new environment. also... country music was nice but not a group of people I could really be comfortable around yaknow?#Lotta old white straight couples dancing the country two-step so I didn't really feel like I fit in.#anyway. interesting experience. neat to have. if I ever have a reason to go to a bar again I'll know more about what to expect#also... no one carded me. no one asked for ID? aren't they supposed to#oh wait. comment about the yodeling cause it was actual old country but they didn't do the voice register changes for it#I was like WAIT ARE THEY GONNA YODEL FOR REAL??? but then he didn't he just jumped intervals without shifting voice.#was a little disappointing but maybe a lot to expect from a random stage show at a bar.#wait wait I'm also proud of myself because the bartender asked open or closed and my mind scrambled for half a second to figure it out#but then I realized it meant open tab or closed tab like ordering more drinks and then paying at the end and so obviously closed#cause I ain't buying more than the one drink holy fuck it was so expensive also they mix them way stronger than I like#I like my drink weak ass and pathetic. alcohol is like spice I like a little to taste but not a lot. complimentary not overpowering#I drank it and then remembered I never ate lunch so I was like fuck and immediately went and ate something (work party so free food)
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How long can I procrastinate learning how to shave before I look like shit... 🤔
#sometimes I wonder if I should have a personal ramblings tag#but I also want to weed out my weak followers#this was supposed to be my sideblog where I'm absolutely feral ham unhinged & nobody knows me#if my follower count gets too high I might get self conscious. so. rent lowering personal posts#if you cant take me at my random 11:30 thoughts you dont deserve me at my#uhhhhhhhh.#:T#either way I cant ask my dad to teach me how to shave because my dad's idea of skincare is a chunk of pumice and a bar of handsoap#he dorsnt use shave gel or shave cream he does that shit DRY. IN HIS CAR BEFORE WORK#he buys disposable 2 bladed razors in 10 packs for like $10 and they get rusty so fast#actually y'know. I could probably teach myself how to shave just by doing everything he isn't#either way I only have 2 beard hair. nobody can see#they can probably see the half inch long military grade peach fuzz in my sideburns zone but that's an acceptable level of scrungly#it's all blond so far anyways so hard to see#if it starts coming in red (it will probably eventually be red) it'll stand out more and I'll have to shave more often 🥲#if only MY VOICE WOULD BREAK#cute person came up to me and said hi and complemented my cloak on the street and I replied#but my voice was so squeaky and they immediately left and I was left thinking like#did theh assume I was a 14 year old boy. they must've assumed I was a 14 year old boy. fuck#I'm 21 I PROMISE I'm just doing second puberty. like a hobbit#either way if you ever see me putting all my thoughts in the tags it's cause I have a bad case of “don't take up too much space”#which is stupid. but growth is a nonlinear process
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I wish someone would stab me
#with a syringe of T#not like. kill me…#my dysphoria will just kinda vanish for a few days before sneaking up on me and beating my kneecaps in#unfortunately with the way that my medical records are (very much not private - long story) I can’t just show up to the gp and be like#HEY man how about some blood tests??#also I’ve already been denied hrt once on medical basis#they just ‘’’don’t know how it would interact with your disorders or medications’’’#girl.#there’s so much wrong with me and yet somehow not a single one of those things have anything to do with hormones#(atypical pcos doesnt count)#doctor was really acting like I’d explode if I started T#the cynical part of my brain is like ‘you just don’t wanna muddy the results. you don’t wanna deal with a Transgender in your studies huh’#totally irrational but still#nothing I can really do about it. suck it up IG#not like I’ve been doing it for 11 years by this point lol#just. someone. STAB ME PLEASE#I got a nice meaty thigh just. stab!#(I only have the one thigh lol)#stab! stab! stab!#so sad Playlist play Transgender Dysphoria Blues
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these past few days i have been uncharacteristically. emotionally open. w my friend and it has me thinking about how truly for all of my life i just did not expect anything from anyone
#like since i was a kid i just accepted in my head that all the ''friends'' id have were ppl who either were just putting up w me (probably#bc they had no one else and i was like. what was available) or ppl who cared ab me yeah but i was still their second or third choice#and i was just like. yeah ok. i can survive w that. like consciously i made the choice to hang out w people i knew didnt really like me#bc it was better than not having anyone to talk to#did it hurt any less when those ppl eventually stopped talking to me or i learned theyve been talking about how annoying i am to others?#no it didnt. bc i still cared about Them and had Them as my first choice. but i just thought. thats just how it is. im jist not really#likeable. so ill take what i can get#when i was like 7 or 8. i had one friend at school. and she had like some issues at home or smth idk but sometimes she would just start.#treating me badly or just ignoring me for months at a time. and its not like it deeply traumatized me or anything i honestly didmt remember#this fact until like last year but the thing is that i just. accepted it. i was just like yeah ok for half of the year or so my only friend#will act like she hates me and ill have no one to talk to. thats fine. ill just wait until next year when she likes me again. at age 7. and#now im just like what the fuck man why did i just accept that as my life. through all my childhood and then with other friends in my teen#years why did i never not once try to do better for myself. yknow?#when i was 11 and in another school my best friend suddenly started not talking to me. after a month or so of this i decided to invite her#to my house to play like we had done so several times before and she just looked at me like she was confused i was talking to her at all#and said ''why?''. and i was just like. ok. thats that i guess. genuinely why did i just accept these things#and like yeah i have friends that i feel Get me now and one i love just so much and i can tell loves me back but theyre online. i dont talk#to anyone irl. i dont know how. and im happy im so happy but im also scared that im just doomed to be extremely lonely forever irl#because i am legit just not likeable. not to be a weird a weirdo but yeah im just too different from ur average person my age i cant#connect with them in any way. and i also dont know how to talk to people or make friends or to find people that are like me. ill just#not have anyone forever#i guess#especially bc now i dont hate myself enough to hang out with people i dont like so like. i dont even have that as an option skdbskdjks#Every friend i ever made happened bc the other person reached out to me first and insisted on it. all the friendships that stuck were the#gay autistic/adhd weirdonerds who can relate to my hyperfixations and dont expect me to act Normal™. idk how to find the former group irl#and have never once iniciated a friendship. my fate is to be someone who has online friends only and exclusively#and dont even get me STARTED on the topic of having a girlfriend someday-#anyways. certified magnus archives moment
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Every day I forget to eat a little snack until it's too late
#And I start thinking well If I can just wait until 12 then I could have a snack at 3 that way I will be hungry at 6 before going to work#and then eventually another little snack at 11:30 when I get off work. yeah
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how’s everyones morning going
#Rasp Rambles#i am Having A Time <-crying because he’s realized there are very likely reasons as to why he’s scared to believe he’s lovable which#only got spurred on by listening to a song from a media he very recently got into where a specific character is portrayed as loving no one#but himself for a long while and eventually confessing towards the end of the song that the character has learned to love more than just#himself by the end of it (and the song got me thinking about how the character in question is usually portrayed as very into self care and#such and how i don’t really allow myself to treat me well for a number of reasons and only do the bare minimum for myself but very#begrudgingly because it always feels like a chore because i feel like its not worth it for a variety of reasons. and since the character is#from a dating sim game i was like “well he probably would like it if i treated myself better and with love” and then i kinda spiraled from#there and started crying a ton and looked up if there are possible reasons why i could be feeling like i’m undeserving of love and am#generally undesirable and a lot of the potential causes are things that are Very Likely with my past and my family’s history of mental#health issues and such and realizing that i could actually be deserving of the love i rob myself of and have robbed myself of for as long a#i can remember. i know the last time i allowed myself to feel loved in any way was when i was a lot younger (like maybe 10 or 11 years#old at most since the only family member i had that actually made me feel loved emotionally died around that timeframe) and it just. it#hurts to think about how i Could deserve the love and care i deprive myself of for reasons i can’t even begin to articulate if i tried. and#its almost 6am here and i’m crying like a little bitch because my feelings are too much and i should probably end this post here before i#start feeling worse than i already do. because at this point i’m starting to feel undeserving of my partner system and i know that if i#dwell on this too much longer it’ll only hurt more to think about. good night gamers.)
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Sincerely, what is the allure of writing up 1 Card In Hand combos for cards?
#marwospeaking#I was told Terrortop. on its own. now becomes 3 omni negates and can hold up against Nib#which. Nice! and all that. But the two versions of it I could find either force the normal summon (Marble) or have a supposed discard??#(You don't discard for Terrortop's effect) so I think someone either forgot effects. or assumed there was a previously activated card#in a one card hand that only consisted of Terrortop.........#The novelty of knowing cards can do things like this cannot overshadow the fact that I'd have other cards to start with - and that means..#.. that one card combo guides roll off me as though I were a slide. Hellish#My assumption on the discard without discarding version is that Scratch or Wheel were activated beforehand. and that another monster..#.. in hand was discarded. so that one's actually 3 cards I guess???#TlDr: I am very tired of one card combos being The Way of thinking about how cards interact to form boards#(because that's not how the game works on first turn. if you don't get hand looped)#To be clear - both versions got to Clear Wing before Nib could come down (and Nib is an 11. so Clear Wing can say No to it)#does that make me feel better? not really
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