#this has been the most draining thing in a while
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I take every single opportunity to project my sensory issues/neurodivergence on every character with perpetual headphones- Nino included.
Some headcanons about the main 5 and their persona changes under the cut!
Each protag has something that changes when they're in either one of their personas.
The main two's are obvious and fairly cloae to canon but the other three are a little bit different since they pertain a lot to this AU'S headcanons.
- Marinette's biggest is her confidence and decision making that doesnt always come through in her civilian form.
-Adrien's is his carefree attitude and agency that he doesn't have in his everyday life.
The more headcanony ones:
- Alya is always mediating between her older sister, parents, and little siblings. With her older sister and dad butting heads a lot, and the twins being the pranksters they are, Alya's patient and calm front to the situations helps keep everything under control. Constantly emotionally aware and trying to monitor everyone's moods, but doesn't abuse the influence she has in her family. D O E S however manipulate the FUCK out of her enemies when transformed. Makes the trickster part of her miraculous proud.
Also does gentle parent her teammates when there's a dispute. Only Carapace has noticed.
- Chloe in this AU is like Jane Austen's "Emma": constantly helping her dad keep things in order. Has been the one honestly running the hotel business since she was 10, at least in every aspect but on paper. She sees her dad and his bouts of depression, and tries her best to ease his workload at home at least. She's not perfect, but she's trying. As class president, she tries to please everyone and lead with a firm, but fair, hand. In comparison to the busy mayor's daughter who's tried her best to clean up her image and ebb her temper, Queen Bee is a harsh critic. Chloe feels her emotions much more freely when transformed, and is the most willing of her teammates to do the dirty work that needs to get done.
- Nino's grew up entertaining his brother while their mom would work late, taking on a more upbeat attitude longer than he would actually be comfortable with. This behavior moved into school too, where he got into habit of pushing his social battery past what it should while trying to make everyone comfortable. Doesn't mask as much with the class and his main friend group, and always puts his headphones on as a "do not disturb sign" that everyone in class respects. Carapace is the complete opposite. Since there's no need for a social buffer between the heroes and Carapace was the last to join and was welcomed warmly- Nino stays mute/speaking when necessary and has his gear help buffer his senses. Incredibly observant since he's not draining himself, and is the best defense and tank the team could ask for.
#ribbonrambles#mlinheritenceau#mlinheritenceau rambles#nino lahiffe#carapace#queen bee#chloe bourgeois#marinette dupain cheng#adrien agreste#alya cesaire#my art#digital art#procreate#miraculous
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PARADOX | Viktor AU
Summary: Reader receives the shock of their life when Viktor essentially materializes into their world, forever altering their version of reality as he tries to get back to his own.
Content Tags: Gender neutral reader with They/Them pronouns (no use of Y/N), Kinda follows S2 Pt. 2 canon, Angsty, Vi and Jayce deceased in this universe, Strangers to Friends?
Note: May become a series, or at least a 2-parter if people like it!
Sulfur.
That tang has always sprinkled pockets of air in the Undercity, to the extent that those dwelling within barely take notice anymore. Therefore, when you do, it takes you by surprise. You glance around the room, troubled. Had the ventilation system halted? Or worse—had Piltover’s best decided to poison your already polluted oxygen with sewage, or something similarly offensive? And then a sharp, metallic singe punches you square in the nose. So sudden that your eyes squash shut, overwhelmed.
After taking a moment to reorient, you are shocked by the sight of a man scorched onto the coarse floorboards of your shabby homestead. Like a meteor had cannoned through the building, but a cursory glance upward reveals no such destruction.
Even more curious is the man’s appearance; he is a sinewy splat, draped in a white robe, crumpled on his side and perfectly pristine. Despite the edges of his garment and the surrounding space having been kissed with char. Mahogany tresses cover most of his pale face, shifting over sharp peaks as he stirs to consciousness. All the while, you are struck statuesque with bewilderment and a whisper of utter captivation.
How?
Who?
Why?
The stranger groans, a hand coming up to soothe his head that must be pounding from such a sudden entrance. Amber eyes blink open slowly into a squint. Confusion, then some kind of realization has his eyes widening when they meet your own. Your expression must match his as the two of you scrutinize one another, a pregnant pause scribbling the walls of your mind with even more questions that you cannot fathom one single answer to.
“Tell me…” He breaks the silence with an accent that tells you he is a Zaunite, in spite of such an odd appearance for this origin. “Do you know who I am?”
“No,” you reply softly, cautiously. And then your walls come up, as though your subconscious punches an internal panic button. No matter how otherworldly this materialization has been, this is still a stranger. “You better explain whatever the hell this is before I manually eject you from my home.”
A nimble hand reaches for the nearest weapon: a knife you’d left out on the counter to be washed. In his direct line of sight, you hold the flat of the blade against your thigh, posed to get rid of any threat quickly and efficiently.
“There is no need for that.” He says your name. Your real, given name. You almost don’t react since it’s been eons since the last time you’ve heard it said aloud. That hand at your side clenches the hilt of the blade—Not in anger, but petrification. “You don’t seem to know me in this timeline. I promise I am not here to hurt you, but to ask for your help. You are the only person I can trust.”
“How do you know my name, and what do you mean by in this timeline?” You take a step backward, bumping into the counter and jolting when the rough surface meets your clammy skin.
“I will answer all of your questions, but first,” he clears his throat. “May I have some water?”
Viktor is the name of your unexpected guest. This is the first thing you learn about him, after he drains two full glasses of water. The second piece of information you glean is that he is a scientist from another version of your world. A version in which you knew one another. In fact, the two of you were co-creators of a scientific breakthrough in his world with Jayce, another man you don’t know. Supposedly, this creation led him to end up here, on the other side of your dining table, looking as if he has been through hell and back.
While it is an interesting anecdote, you still do not trust that he isn’t someone sent by the heathens that haunt your past. How can you even believe something so utterly improbable? Does this man take you as a fool?
“If you are who you say you are, from where you say you’re from, how can I know that? How can I know what your intentions are? That little magic trick was impressive, but if you’re a minion of my father’s, I will find you out and you won’t be leaving in one piece.” You begin in an even tone, but work yourself up to a growl by the time the last words rattle from your mouth.
A small smile quirks the left side of his mouth upward. Fed up, you plant the tip of your knife into the table in the blink of an eye. “Your time is up.”
“Wait! I can prove it,” Viktor sputters, shock widening those gemlike eyes. “You cannot stand the way looking into deep water makes you feel. You have a need to protect those weaker than you, especially if they are children. And one of your dreams is to be able to ride in one of those fancy carriages the wealthy do, no matter how much you despise them.”
Your stomach churns, nauseous from the fact that all he said is true, even the truths that solely live in the back of your mind, never voiced to another soul. He explained himself perfectly— The how, the why, and the who— but you have great trouble comprehending that what he says could be— No, it is true. It has to be, right?
Is he attempting to disarm you so that he can kill you? No. The man could barely stand and make his way across the room to his chair. He is weak. He is begging you for help. And worst of all, he knows another you. That fact makes you feel as though you stand in front of him exposed. He has all of the power, even though you could take him out in seconds.
“What are your intentions?” You finally ask after a good few minutes trapped in lip nibbling thought.
“I am determined to get back to my world, with your help of course.” His tone is so annoyingly matter-of-fact, it brings out some of the bitterness you’ve been attempting to wrangle since he first said your name.
“And how am I supposed to help you? Clearly I’m no big scientist in this world!” Frustration is the way you naturally cope with all of this.
“That is fine, but you still harbor a love for inventing, do you not? Over there.” He points to a shelving unit on the other side of your living space. “That was your favorite creation: A simple device perhaps, but it works as a security system for the community, to warn children and the weak of impending danger. Your city would be left vulnerable without your work.”
That crude little contraption is, in fact, your proudest work. A vaguely cat-like creature that joins two wires when provoked, to make a noise the whole town can hear. To give the people enough of a warning to protect what they hold dear… If only there was someone in your hometown that had such a thought. Maybe you would have ended up in Piltover with your version of Viktor. Maybe things would have been different.
A deal is finally struck after hours of slow conversation. The two of you sit at that table until you can hear his stomach growl, and his expression screams exhaustion. Over a meal you almost burn in your distracted state, you agree to try to help him. But in exchange, he must answer all of your questions about the other version of yourself.
He agrees, of course, but not without a warning that some things are better left unknown. That flying too high does, in fact, come with grave consequences. You can only imagine the horrors those tired eyes have seen. A man beyond his years, steeped in tragedy, from a world that seems a whole lot better than yours. How so? You must know, even if it destroys you.
First thing on the agenda is to get Viktor equipped with a cane or crutch and some regular clothes. You learn of his disability and the impact growing up in the lower levels of Zaun has taken on his overall health. As he tells you more about his life, you wonder if the two of you could have been friends if you’d bumped into each other organically. Even though he has an irritating air of knowing what you do not, something about the way he looks at you makes you feel… odd. You mull this over as you browse the town market for the items on your shopping list.
Kids run between peoples legs, causing a man to fall on his ass and yell after them. They laugh and sprint faster with reckless abandon. A woman with a large basket of goods spins gracefully to save herself from the same fate, giggling as she adjusts her grip. The smells of the street food and perfumes and the people fill you with a sense of pride in your environment. A moment of peace amongst the absolute shitstorm that awaits you back home.
Last night, you were unable to get much rest with a virtual stranger on your couch. The lack of sleep as well as all that you’ve gleaned from the sudden appearance of Viktor has left you pensive. Your hand skates over the fabric of a plain shirt and you wonder what he usually wears, how he would look in something more familiar to you. It isn’t lost on you that this man is attractive, and his attentive attitude toward you leaves room to wonder just how close he was to the other you. You could see yourself falling for him, maybe in a different life. A fleeting thought that causes you to chuckle under your breath. There is no time for such thoughts, never has been.
A slightly banged up, but still fine-looking, cane catches your eye and you immediately inquire about it. It would cost nearly the rest of the coins in your pouch, the money you need to use for food. You stand dumbly in front of the grizzly man that runs the small shop off the top of beaten up tables, a hand on your chin as you go over your options. All the while, the man in front of you looks unamused at your indecision.
As he goes to spew some most likely unkind commentary, you hear a familiar voice bellow from behind you. “What’cha doing at the market? I never see you here.”
“Powder!” You chirp in surprise as your blue haired friend rounds you, peering curiously at the cane sat atop the table.
“What the hell do you need this for?” She considers the object, not paying any mind to the vendor as she holds it in front of one eye, mimicking peering through a telescope. “Some kind of sex thing, huh? Always knew you were a bit…” She makes an inappropriate gesture that shocks you into temporary silence.
“Whatever,” you disregard, gently prizing the item from her sly hands. You sigh as you roll it up and down your palms. There is no doubt it was made well, with consideration for anyone who may need it. “I was just trying to decide if it was worth the coins.”
“Ah, I see. Old man Harry’s marking up his goods again?” One pointed look from her has the aforementioned scrambling to explain himself, but she interrupts him. “How much did you get this for?”
“Well, you see, I- I didn’t buy it, so much as acquire it,” he splutters.
Powder hums. “And so you’re gonna make our people pay out the ass for some stolen goods?” She shakes her head, scolding him with a simple motion.
“Fine, I’ll lower the price.“ He chuckles nervously. “And tell Vander I say ‘Hi’.”
“With pleasure!” Powder remarks, her infectious smile beaming at him as she drops a small fraction of your coins into his open palm.
The two of you swiftly exit the area with all of your items stuffed into a rough, burlap pouch. The cane hangs safely from the strap, rhythmically thudding against your leg as you rush forward. Powder is hot on your heels, no matter how hard you try to lose her on the way home. She is relentless as always, too inquisitive for your own good.
Shit, she can’t see Viktor, you think. But there is no stopping her once a seed is planted in her head.
“You gotta tell me what all this is for, c’monnnnn,” she whines as you arrive at your doorstep.
“I’ll talk to you later, I just have a lot to do and it’s all so boring, you should just—“
With no consideration for your privacy, your friend bursts into the front door. Viktor is in plain view of the doorway, sitting on your grungy couch with a book poised in one hand. His eyes widen at the sudden invasion, taking in your embarrassment and then focusing solely on Powder.
“Ha! I knew it was a sex thing,” she exclaims, all the while you attempt to push her out of the door, talking over her in an attempt to distract from her brash exclamation.
“You.” Viktor’s voice is barely audible, but the iciness to it causes pause for both you and Powder. He scrambles for something, eventually landing on a glass vase that he holds as if to defend himself.
As you look between the two, it clicks that something must have happened between them in Viktor’s original world. Now is not the time for theorizing though. The energy in the room is building and you must get Powder out of here. A protective feeling overpowers you as Viktor glares at the girl.
“Jinx,” he spits at her, then he turns to you. “Why did you bring her here?”
“Whoa, okay. Chill out. What the hell did I do?” Powder’s hands fall onto her hips and her bottom lip pokes out in a provoking manner.
“She’s dangerous, get her away from me!”
“Wow, your boyfriend’s being rude—“
“He’s just a friend,” you grit out, nearly seething now. A harsh inhale through your nose. “Listen, Powder, I need you to leave. I’ll explain later, but things are complicated and I need some time. Please understand.”
She is silent for a moment before scoffing and quickly leaving, slamming the door behind her. A frustrated groan escapes you and your knuckles kiss the rough wall paneling.
Your gaze lands on Viktor. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” You throw the bag of clothes and the cane at his feet. The things you’d spent your hard earned coin on. “She’s not dangerous, she’s a nice fucking girl.”
“That girl is a terrorist in my world, responsible for countless deaths. Jinx—“
“Stop calling her that!” You scream, every muscle within you coiling up with rage. “She is the sweetest person I know. Do you know how much she’s gone through? How many times I’ve had to pick her back up after the guilt of her sister’s death nearly destroyed her?!”
You rant on about that day, about how early on Powder learned the value of life and kindness. When their little group showed up at The Last Drop without Vi, three kids in tears, all covered in soot, you made a promise to yourself and Vi that you would take care of her little sister. Claggor and Mylo were never remotely attentive to her, Vander had his own things going on, and Ekko was just a child himself. It had to be you.
“… Violet. She is dead?”
Another sharp look from you wounds Viktor as you snap, “How do you know Vi?”
Viktor runs a hand over his face, appearing even more exhausted than you know him to look. “Things are so different here,” he whispers to the floorboards beneath his feet.
Heavy breaths turn calm as you watch him, clearly having a hard time adapting to this place. You can acknowledge that this must be like a weird dream to him. Hell, if you were in his place, in a timeline different than yours, you would most likely lose your mind. Two long breaths.
In.
And out.
“Listen. This is a whole lot to take in, for the both of us, but I think laying out a few ground rules and giving each other the benefit of the doubt would be very good for us. If we intend to get along and get you home.”
“Home.” Viktor nods slowly. “I think you are right.”
“Anyway,” you nudge the bag you tossed at him earlier with the toe of your boot. “I got you these.”
He notices the cane and gains the first genuine smile you’ve seen out of him, mumbling something about feeling like himself again. Quietly, you observe as he tests it out, getting used to its assistance after a few steps and then giving the object a little nod of approval.
He looks over to you with an unearned softness that irks you just a bit. “Thank you.”
“It’s nothing. Just some things to help you blend in and get around,” you brush off, scooping the bag up and handing it to him. “Get changed. We have a lot to do.”
When Viktor returns from getting freshened up, you find yourself taken aback. Replacing the man with scraggly tresses and a tattered robe, is a completely new person. He has tied up the top half of his shoulder length hair, and you notice the blond underlayer for the first time. The look softens his striking features, and accompanied by the casual style of clothing you picked out—a long sleeved yellow shirt tucked into some straight legged brown slacks—it looks as though he will fit in quite well now.
“Lookin’ good,” you comment offhandedly, looking him over and mentally patting yourself on the back.
You catch a faint redness painting his cheeks before he turns away from you, fiddling with the cane. An oddly nervous innervation wraps around him for a moment, and you choose to ignore whatever is going on with him. There is a mission you must complete. The sooner you finish it, the sooner you will be rid of this man.
“So, how do we get you back?”
What a simple question for something so complicated that it may nearly be impossible.
“We will have to go to Piltover and talk to Jayce. He is a friend, one of the only people who will understand this situation and be able to help us,” Viktor supplies after clearing his throat.
Simple enough. Although you hate going up there, you follow his lead, creating a plan and mapping out where exactly this Jayce guy lives so you can get in without raising too much suspicion. A quick meal, some supplies from a couple trusted merchants, and you’re off.
Viktor and you begin the journey through the undercity, to the elevator that will spit you out on the opposite side of the river from Piltover. It is silent from the moment you exit your place, until Viktor dares to cut the odd atmosphere.
“I may sound crazy, but I missed walking through these streets,” he muses offhandedly, eyes taking in every little detail on your path through Zaun’s city streets. As amusing as this is to watch, it is dangerous nonetheless.
“Don’t act like a tourist, unless you’d enjoy getting your ass kicked. Or worse.”
Almost as if on cue, the two of you round a corner and nearly bump into somebody. You are initially ready to square up, but then you spot a familiar head of choppy, blue hair.
“Powder, what are you doing this far out?” Your tone is scolding, but your hands grasp her forearms protectively, having stopped her from tumbling over.
You feel Viktor’s hand on your bicep, tugging you backward, away from Powder as if on instinct. It pisses you off just a bit, scratching at the just barely scabbed over wound that was the last interaction you all had. You must center yourself, remembering the agreement of peace that came into place right after all the theatrics. He should remember too, though. His hand falls from you when you move out of his grasp to the side, freeing your hands and standing between the two.
“I could ask you guys the same thing.” Powder’s arms cross over her chest, hip cocked out in a defiant, and admittedly petulant, stance.
“Uh, we were just going out,” you explain, half-honest.
“So you are together!” A shit eating grin causes your eyes to roll. “You should’ve just been honest from the start, instead of rudely kicking me out.” She punctuates the statement by sticking her tongue out in the direction of Viktor.
Quick on your feet, you decide to go along with this narrative. It’ll be easier to get out of this quickly without involving her in this mess. “Sorry, Powder. You know I’m not the most… open person, and Viktor here was just confused. He thought you were someone else. Isn’t that right, babe?”
“Mm. Yes, of course. I do apologize, Miss Powder,” Viktor quickly plays along.
Powder hums and accepts the shitty explanation in all her victory. She values being right over being alert.
“Well, where are you going? Somewhere fancy, I bet.”
“I can’t afford fancy, but—“ Viktor cuts you off.
“But, I want to show them some beautiful spots I’ve come across in the uppercuts. The sky is so beautiful there, when I first saw it I was in awe.”
It’s your turn to become struck off guard and Powder giggles excitedly.
“Oh, I see. Treat them well, or I will find you and kill you.” She says it in an overly matter-of-fact manner that is clearly humorous, but the way Viktor’s eyes narrow lets you know that he isn’t trusting of the girl at all.
It is true that the sky is beautiful in Piltover. The way the fluffy clouds dapple the rich blue backdrop is breathtaking. Yet there is no time for sight seeing. Viktor is leading you straight to your destination with the vigor of somebody who is late. You know he’s trying to get back to his timeline and all, but his urgency leaves you a little on edge.
Finally, you reach the outside of an apartment building and he stops dead in his tracks, focusing on a giant hole in the space where you can only assume a very nice penthouse used to lie. Viktor begins mumbling to himself, something about the explosion still happening but a something-core can’t exist here because— he stops and turns to you.
“Something is wrong here. We must make another stop, but first I would like to investigate.”
He suggests that you stay outside, but there’s no way in hell you’re doing that. You stick with him and end up in front of a gate at the base of a staircase within. Locked. Viktor curses in defeat after rattling the barred door. You scoff at his simplicity, grabbing a set of lock picking tools from your pocket and instructing him to keep watch. Upon seeing your rolodex of tools, he is baffled, but then a smile develops on his face. He is impressed.
Upstairs, you come upon a memorial outside the door the two of you seek out. Viktor freezes for a moment, closes his eyes and sighs. He places a hand atop the one already resting on his cane, the weight of this revelation leaving him physically laden. You inspect the display and spot the name Jayce Talis.
Realization instantly hits. The man with the answers is dead. More so, Viktor’s friend doesn’t exist here. Hesitantly, you place a hand on his shoulder and he squeezes his eyes shut harder, lips pressing together. A long silence before he turns to you.
Voice just above a whisper, eyes still cast downward, he says, “I hate to ask for more of you, but would you happen to have anything to add to the memorial? It would mean a great deal to me.”
You slowly nod, shucking off your bag and finding a pretty rock you collected on the way over here. You place it near an unlit candle on the polished floor, gentle and with care. The heaviness somehow extends to you and wraps around the both of you for the time that you spend in that hallway.
“We must continue,” Viktor finally says, gesturing to the door. You try the handle and find the wooden slab barely attached to its hinges. It swings open and then adjusts to its weight, hinges squeaking before it settles on the floor permanently.
Viktor waits outside for a moment, eyes cast downward, and you wait to go further until he joins you at the threshold. Fragments of a blue gem embedded in the wall are collected and placed in a stray vile you find on the floor. It is difficult to maneuver the place. It looks as though there was an explosion that blasted the hole through the outside wall.
Some effort to clean up afterward was made, but you notice some blood spatter on the floor and wall. Your skin crawls, and you wonder if this incident could be connected with Vi’s death. From the little Powder has filled you in about that day, you are able to spot connections within the little details here and there. Your heart sinks and you halt your imagination from going any further. As soon as you get what is needed, you rush to get out of there, Viktor in tow with the same sentiment.
That secondary destination Viktor spoke of is Piltover Academy. You ask many questions about why you’re here exactly, and Viktor feeds you continuously bland answers. All you can glean is that you seek a person that will be in the courtyard shortly. Viktor has memorized their schedule, so they must’ve been close in his world. You hope, for his sake, that they actually appear.
And they do. The person in question is a professor: Cecil Heimerdinger. You’ve heard of the Yordle inventor in passing, word of his contributions to Piltover reaching even the far sides of Zaun. Enough to know that he is a highly respected scientist, and you deduce that this is why Viktor was so insistent on finding him.
Viktor gets straight to the point, spilling his guts about traveling to another dimension and wanting to get back to his original timeline. He speaks of the crystal fragments you gathered, how they have the potential to create a machine capable of taking him back.
“This is very much feasible with the correct mechanics, I am quite impressed,” the professor remarks, a hand on his chin as he mentally scrutinizes the possibilities. His eyes then land on you. “And who is this friend?”
A pregnant pause. Viktor stares at you for an uncomfortably long time before speaking. “This is my only ally here, a co-creator of the technology I speak of… They were also my significant other in my original world.”
This is news to you, and the way Viktor tears his gaze away from you tells you that he didn’t want to divulge this information. But why? What difference would it have made in this whole affair? The unearned affectionate glances and his shyness around your compliments all make sense now.
“Oh, I see. How poetic that they should lend a kind hand to you here as well,” Heimerdinger muses.
Viktor hums, looking lost in thought. You remain silent, ruminative for the rest of this interaction. The Yordle agrees to lend one of the university’s labs to the two of you, with the condition that he oversees your work. He connects the explosion at the apartment with the gem fragments and notes the dangers of the operation. While he is wary of such a conquest, he seems almost tickled by the prospect.
An appointment is made for Viktor and you to return tomorrow. At that time, you’ll receive the keys to a lab and the consent to invent… A magical machine, you suppose. You just hope this endeavor doesn’t take too long. You have already grown tired of the friction Viktor is causing in your personal life.
On the long journey home, a thought you’ve had since you heard Viktor’s confession spills from your mouth before you can hold it back any longer. “If we were together in your world, why did you tell me you hadn’t seen me in a while when you—appeared here?”
“I don’t wish to discuss that at the moment. It has been a long day,” Viktor responds, voice rough with his exhaustion.
You let it lie, for now at least. He promised to tell you all that you ask, and you intend to hold him to it. A quiet meal and a few more words are exchanged before bed. Tomorrow, more answers await the two of you. You can’t help how heavy you feel after today, or what to think of Viktor’s unwillingness to divulge the truth about your other self. It must be more than a simple falling out, or a breakup.
What could have happened to the other you? Could he have hurt you? You don’t think so, but the guilt behind his eyes makes you uneasy. Once again, the night is restless with too many unanswered questions. You will get to the bottom of this, but will you regret it when you do?
Viktor’s haunting anecdote rings in your mind all night.
Some things are better left unknown.
Viktor nation! It is done!!! Please leave me your thoughts, I would really appreciate it :) The huge, positive response to the preview post motivated me to get this done quicker than I thought I could. Anyway, thanks for reading, I appreciate every single one of you 💕
#arcane viktor x reader#viktor imagine#viktor fic#viktor x reader#viktor nation#viktor arcane#fluff#angst#fanfiction#peach.pen
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Ticklish tornado; An epic battle
Author’s note: About a week ago I got asked to write a tickle fanfic for Pomni and Jax and I have to say I had a blast writing this. I never really thought much about Pomni before but writing this helped me get to know her better (and of course I had fun writing Jax) So if any of you reading have a suggestion for a tickle fic for any characters from Sanders sides, Helluva Boss, Hazbin Hotel, Murder Drones, or The Amazing Digital Circus then please send in your ideas and I may write them (Won’t promise anything though). Also this can be read as romantic or platonic. With that being said, enjoy your reading.
Word count: 2535
Warnings: Tickling, Teasing, Mild touch aversion, Anxiety, Negative spiraling, Jax being a mischievous little bunny, angst, (Let me mknow if I need to add anything)
How many adventures must one go on to get used to this wacky place? Pomni thought as she walked through the portal Caine had opened up for them to go back into the circus tent.
It had been another crazy adventure of surprises, traumatic events, and trombones, and Pomni was feeling the drain from it. Not only did she feel exhausted but she also felt her anxiety racing in each of her fast heartbeats and rapid breathing, each movement around her felt like an abrupt explosion with her brain feeding her thoughts that did the opposite of soothing her troubles.
Will I ever get to leave this place? Does my family know I’m gone? Does anyone in the world miss me? How long has it been since I put on this headset? The digital world became increasingly drowned out to Pomni as her anxious thoughts began to snowball.
She was acutely aware of everyone sitting down in the couch area with her muscle memory being the only thing to pull her to sit down on a couch alone, away from everyone else. Whatever they were talking about was a distant murmur.
Her chest felt tight, her vision felt hazy, and her stomach felt like it was trying to digest itself. Pomni was indeed spiraling and like with most cases she didn’t know how to bring herself back.
Time passed, or maybe it didn’t? Pomni couldn’t be sure anymore. When the snap of fingers in front of her face seemed to pull her out of her spiraling thoughts and suddenly she was back on the couch with a close up of Jax’s face jumpscaring her.
“Ahhh!” Pomni screamed quietly as she flinched back.
“Oh good, you’re still alive.” Jax stated assured, while moving out of Pomni’s face and behind the couch.
Pomni then watched him walk behind the couch then lean both of his arms down then rested his head on them all while looking at her.
“How long have I been sitting here?” Pomni asked.
“If I had to guess~.” Jax dragged out the last word as he looked skyward in consideration of his answer. “About four hours.” He shrugged.
Pomni only sighed, even if Jax had been there far longer than her, how could she trust his ability to keep track of time?
“Everyone else checked in for the night.” Jax clarified, tha mean’t it was only her and Jax here.
“So~ something on your mind or is staring out into space with your eyes going on all scribbly scrabbly just a new hobby of yours?” Jax titled his head at Pomni waiting for her answer.
Pomni hesitated, her and Jax had never been close, in fact no one was close with Jax. Mostly because he bullied everyone and just generally made everyone feel uncomfortable.
Though he had seemed pretty nice back at Spudsy’s when he got back from…wherever Gangle had sent him off to and they had a short exchange, where he didn’t even try to joke or make fun of Pomni, so maybe part of him wasn’t all that bad.
“It’s just been…a lot, lately.” Pomni’s voice dropped in volume while talking just out of habit but Jax seemed to have no problem understanding.
“How so?” Jax pushed further. Pomni supposed if Jax got mean she could just ditch him and hide away in her room.
“Just - the idea of being here forever and missing out on everything life has to offer, you know.” Pomni wrapped her arms around herself before continuing.
“My whole life was just taken from me, I’ll never see my family again, I won’t ever die because that’s impossible here! But at the same time I won’t ever get to live because I’m trapped here for eternity! OR AT LEAST UNTIL I COMPLETELY LOSE IT AND ABSTRACT, THEN I’LL BE THROWN INTO THE CELLAR TO BE FORGOTTEN ABOUT BY EVERYONE-.”
“Pomni!” Jax yelled, stopping Pomni’s ranting. “Ok short stuff, I want you to take a deep breath.”
Pomni didn’t realize until then how audibly she had been hyperventilating so she did as told and inhaled as much air into her as she could then holding it.
“Now let it out. Slowly.” Jax instructed and Pomni did so, they repeated the process five more times before Pomni felt remarkably better and Jax saw the change too as the next thing he asked was. “Feel better?”
Though Pomni still felt heavy with worry she hummed with a nod giving Jax the answer he wanted.
“Good. Now I know it’s easier said than done here but try to relax. You don’t have to worry about a problem that doesn’t exist yet.” Jax hopped over the back of the couch and laid back beside Pomni sighed as he sunk back into the cushions.
Pomni fiddled with her gloves and her body refused to comply with the idea of relaxing as her muscles were still tensed and brain kept trying to throw her back into her anxious spiral despite her best efforts to think about something else.
“You’re not relaxing.” Jax cracked open one eye to look at Pomni who was visibly not relaxed with her tensed posture, leg bouncing under her, and her eyes fixated on her gloves.
“Ugh! I can’t help it, how can I possibly relax in this f#%king place!” Pomni exclaimed to the empty circus tent.
Jax had to admit she had a point, relaxation was a skill one had to master after coming into the circus and there was really no such thing as being completely relaxed, but if anyone needed to learn how to it was the chronically anxious and traumatized jester girl.
“Do you need some help?” Jax asked only to get a suspicious side eye from the jester in return.
“What are you gonna do?” Pomni asked back clearly, not sure of any idea Jax had.
“Oh chill Jingle bells. I’m not gonna try anything, I just wanna help out a friend. It's so hard to believe.”
“Yes.” Pomni said flatly.
“Fair enough, but this time I swear I just wanna help.” Jax smiled at her. This had a bad idea written all over it but Pomni decided that if Jax really was just gonna prank her or something then at least it'd take her mind off everything.”
“Fine, but don’t even think about trying anything.” She warned the rabbit.
“Alrighty then.” Jax stood up from the couch and went back behind it, leaving Pomni’s line of sight. She felt a little uneasy about this but tried to keep her mind calm.
Pomni then felt the pressure of two hands on her shoulders, her initial reaction was to flinch at the contact then immediately feel her skin prickle under her jester outfit.
She was close to asking Jax to stop whatever he was doing but then he started rubbing his fingers into her muscles and immediately Pomni eased up. While physical contact was something she had a love hate relationship with she was enjoying the pressure and warmth of Jax’s hands on her shoulders rubbing slow gentle circles with each of his fingers.
She could feel Jax smirk behind her as he continued rubbing her shoulders but she didn’t find it in herself to care, right then she tried to focus on the good things because that’s what had worked for her so far, holding onto the good things she remembered and from in the circus.
Reassurance from Ragatha, games of chess with Kinger, the pretty stars at night in the sky, no longer having to deal with–
A sudden shock moved through her nervous system as she felt a squeak involuntarily come from her mouth.
Her hand flew to cover her mouth as her tension suddenly returned with a bite. She realized that Jax’s hands were no longer on her shoulders but near her mid back around her ribs, he had probably just brushed against them but it was enough to create a ticklish sensation.
“Pom pom?” Jax hummed. He knew it, the jig was up.
“Yes?” Pomni answered back in the most hesitant way known to this digital world.
“Did I just hear you squeal like a little chubby piglet?” Jax’s grin was a mile wide, he knew what he heard, but he’d never give up the chance to fluster someone.
“Umm…” Pomni stuttered but lying would do her no good in this situation. “Yeah…”
“Don't tell me you’re ticklish~.” Jax was now wiggling his fingers at Pomni only succeeding to make her even more unnerved.
Pomni was stuck and no words were coming out of her mouth to try and defend herself against the claim.
“I’m not hearing a ‘No’.” Jax’s hand went back into Pomni’s ribs though she did see how he left the window open for her to push him away if she didn’t want it.
But once the first notes of Laughter rang through Pomni’s body she let her body go limp. She hadn’t thought about it but it had been so long since she had truly laughed. She recalled how laughing supposedly released hormones that make you happier.
She wasn’t exactly too sure how biology applied to the digital circus as biology and technology were two very far apart subjects but she certainly felt a little lighter than before.
“Aww! Look at the cure face you’re making.” Jax cooed at her. She was trying to squirm away out of instinct but Jax took the chance to jump over the back of the couch and over her to keep up the tickles.
Pomni’s face was now significantly red even though she hadn’t been holding her breath. The tickling sensation over her body was at the same time too much and too little in some paradoxical way.
“Jahahahahahahaxx, you M@H@H@Th$$RF###%%%R!” Pomni’s laughter even though the profanity censor was still present which only encouraged Jax to rile her up.
“Pom pom, how come you’ve never told anyone you’re ticklish?” Jax’s eyes were completely trained on her and her reactions to each spot, boy he loved getting reactions out of the others.
“Quhuhuhuhit teheheheheheheheheasing meHHEHEHEHE.” Midway through her sentence Jax‘s hand got in her armpit which caused her laughter to intensify greatly and she found herself getting a little overwhelmed by the stimuli.
“But you’re so much fun to tease.” Jax made a pouty face at her but then his signature grin reappeared as he focused one hand to tickling her ribs while the other tickled her armpit.
It was quite odd how not much effort behind the tickles was needed on his part. Seemed Pomni was quite sensitive to light stuff.
If her memory didn’t lie her pits were always a bad spot for her and she didn’t know how much longer she could take it there. Then she got a devious idea.
Pomni realized nothing was stopping her from fighting back. In fact Jax hadn’t even pinned her arms and hands down anywhere, he had just let them try and deter his hands from their tickle assault. Huge oversight on his part, as he would soon learn.
Through her laughter Pomni found it in her to reach out fast as a bullet and latch onto Jax’s waist and gave it multiple squeezes.
Jax let out a squeal of his own as his body went limp like a noodle overtop of Pomni. She turned the tables on him as she pushed him back into the couch and scratched much more ruthlessly at the front of his overalls
She took the chance and went for his stomach which earned her a stream of non stop chuckles.
“F$$$$%%%%K Pohahahahahahm Poahahahahaham! Nohohohohohohoho!” Jax’s attack on Pomni had been put on halt as his hands now tried to grab hers. His smile now miles wider.
“Aww~ Is the big tough bunny too sensitive to take what he gives?” Pomni put on her baby talk which only succeeded in making Jax’s laugh even more squeaky. He sounded like he was an actual rabbit who was getting loved on. It was just as adorable as it was hilarious.
She was frankly amazed that he hadn’t thrown her off him yet since he was like twice her height and she weighed about as much as a baby kitten according to Caine
Feeling eager to experiment with her new found power over Jax, Pomni went up to his ears and stuck one finger into one of them and began to swirl it around. Jax lost it.
His laugh grew ever more sporadic and uncontrolled and he began kicking his feet too. Though it seemed his ears provoked the same reaction within him as Pomni because he went on to go right back into Pomni’s ribs while Pomni Hands clung onto his ears continuing her retaliation.
They continued going back and forth for a while after that with each of them taking turns pushing the other one back into the couch and gaining the upper hand from them. They couldn’t even tease each other through their shared laughter.
At one point they had both even fallen off the couch and were both just on a floor still laughing like they were high on helium. After a couple minutes both of them were now just laying on the floor together giggling and smiling.
After everything went quiet for a few seconds when Jax spoke up. “So, that make you feel any better?”
Pomni sighed “Yeah, it- it did. Thank you Jax.”
“Yeah, yeah don’t get all mushy on me Jester. Just do me a favor and don’t tell the others about this, I don’t need them thinking I’ve grown soft.” Jax shook his head.
“Aww~ Does that mean you’re going soft for me?” Pomni broke out her baby talk voice again seeing how much it embarrassed Jax before.
“Hah!” Jax huffed out a fake laugh as he flicked one of the bells in Pomni’s hat. “In your dreams Jingle bells.”
Oddly enough Pomni laughed too.
Both of them said their goodnights and went back to their respective rooms both oblivious to the four sets of eyes that were secretly watching them from around the corner.
Ragatha felt like her heart was about to burst at the two’s cuteness, Gangle was scribbling down notes for her next tickle fanfic for her OCs, Zooble was smirking on the inside they planned to use Jax’s weakness against him the next time he tried to steal their limbs. Meanwhile Kinger was facing away from the group staring off into the hallway wondering what they were all looking at.
#random#tadc tickles#jax tadc#funnybunny#ticklish pomni#pomni x jax#tdac pomni#jax x pomni#pomni the jester#lee!jax#lee pomni#switch!jax#switch!pomni#ler!pomni#ler jax#tadc jax#tadc pomni#tickle fight#tickle fic#ticklish!jax#the amazing digital circus pomni#the amazing digital circus#ler!jax#tadc funnybunny#jaxni#pomjax#jaxpom#funbunweek2025#funnybunny week#funnybunny week 2025
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i hate group projects so much jfc
#IVE BEEN ASKING YOU PPL IF ITS OK FOR HOURS AND YOU START GIVING SUGGESTIONS AT 11 PM#i’ve literally been trying to get a move on with this since thursday night#and i know ppl are busy but this is not a huge thing they just had to look at this and decide if it’s lacking or not#and if it is literally just add to it yourself#this has been the most draining thing in a while#and i need to edit the thesis tomorrow. and get all the grades before weekend#im missing one (the group project) and my promotor needs to click the 'passed' next to our seminary#but he said he’ll do it when i send him the finished thing#and if he doesn’t (bc he’s on vacation) then at least i won’t be worried bc he knows all the administrative crap#so it’ll be ok either way#📓#can you guys tell i’m insanely on edge
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“Ellie?”
She had kept herself closed off most of the day, doing as much as skipping meals, not sketching, and declining their routine movie night.
Joel turned the knob, opening the door only slightly. “Ellie?”
“What?” She bit. She was around the corner, still in bed.
He bit his cheek. “Can I come in?”
She sniffled, a mumbled yeah from around the corner to let him know it was okay. He entered, keeping the door somewhat open behind him. He found her on her back, covers pulled up to her shoulders as she stared at the ceiling, counting imaginary stars.
The look on her face was a sure sign, as any, that things were not good.
He sat by her feet, the corner of the mattress sinking down as he sat, her feet following suit and lightly falling against his lower back.
“Do you need something?”
Joel inhaled and exhaled. He kept his hands awkwardly in his lap. “I wanted to check up on you.”
“Why? I’m fine,” she grumbled, eyes still glued to the ceiling.
“You sure?”
She wasn’t. She knew she wasn’t fine. Every possible thought about Joel, Tommy, Maria, Riley, Sam, or Henry that wasn’t positive made its way to the forefront of her brain, twisting everything she knew about them. Making her believe things that she was sure weren’t true. Convincing her of truths that were hard to shake.
Everything is still so new to them. Young and needing navigation and direction. Their relationship and being together now, no plan in sight of leaving or disregarding the other.
She has someone in her life now who cares about her. Who has cared about her for over a year. Someone who dedicates every single day to being present. Who always makes breakfast for the two of them. Someone who holds her when she cries and who lifts her up even higher when she’s happy. Who carries her to bed when she needs it and finds her new comics when he’s outside the walls. Who protects her at every moment and encourages her to eat and shower when she struggles.
Someone who loves her.
And that revelation is what makes these days even harder.
“Hey…” he nudged, turning his body slightly more towards her. “What’s goin’ on, baby?”
Ellie sighed, closing her eyes tightly, waves of colors forming in the black of her vision the harder she squeezed. She opened them, her eyesight wavering as tears pooled at her eyelids. The imaginary stars on the ceiling kept her gaze, still avoiding Joel’s concern.
“Today just… hasn’t been good.”
And while he knew it, hearing it from her still hurts to know. Whatever happened, it hurts to know she’s struggling.
“I think it’s been little worse than hasn’t been good.” It felt inappropriate to point out her near crying and the tight-lipped expression on her face in an attempt to keep her emotions at bay.
“I’m just… having fucked up thoughts,” she sighed, tracing all the constellations she knew into the white of the ceiling.
Joel didn’t say anything. In all honesty, he didn’t know what to say.
Neither of them were the best at talking. Sharing something that pissed them off, frustrated them, or upset them and navigating that conversation in a healthy manner always felt like forcefully pulling teeth before they ever broke the surface of the gums.
Joel hopes his silence is an invitation for her to continue. He wants to help, to walk through what bothering her with her.
“I…,” she started, choking slightly on the syllable. “I feel like people don’t care. They don’t care, they don’t…love.”
Joel tilted his head to the side, eyeing her avoidant gaze.
Ellie brought her hand up and wiped it across her right temple. Her voice wavered, her lip quivering as she spoke, “me.”
Joel had an inclination, but hearing it still hurt all the same.
“I feel like people…” she paused, sniffled heavily. She lazily raised her arm off the bed in his direction, “you… don’t.”
Frustrated, Ellie sat up, her back making content with the headboard harder than she intended. She locked eyes with him momentarily before avoiding his gaze again, fixing hers around the room. Her dresser, a heap of clothes on the floor, her blinds, and the open door.
She stopped keeping her head upright and let the crown of her head fall back, banging against the headboard. She sighed, a wet, embarrassing laugh escaping her. “I… I know. I know you do. I do. But sometimes, I just… get convinced you don’t.”
She fiddles with her hands in her lap as her tears threaten to spill over, Ellie massaging her fingers and cracking her knuckles, even with nothing left to crack. She picks at her cuticles and nails uncomfortably, clearing her throat to get rid of the tight burning that has coated it.
“What convinces you?” Joel asked, his eyes looking twenty years younger—like he’s talking to someone else entirely. Like he’s held a similar conversation before.
His question stumps her.
And she realizes it’s nothing. Nothing has ever convinced her. Nothing could convince her that Joel doesn’t care about her. Nothing could ever truly convince her that Joel doesn’t love her.
He may get frustrated over something. He may be extra tired some days. He may spend a little more strength some days fighting his own demons that it’s hard to be there 100% for her.
But those things don’t mean he doesn’t love her. They don’t mean he wouldn’t lay down his life for her at any given moment. They don’t mean he doesn’t look at her with anything less than adoration, devotion, and appreciation for who she is. Who she is and what she has come to mean to him.
“Have I ever done anything-“
She cut him off. “No. No, no. Fuck no, never.” She threw the crown of her against the headboard again, a few tears spilling down the side of her face and flowing along her jawline. She hastily wiped them away, clearing her throat.
“I don’t know. I don’t know. I guess I… don’t think I deserve it or something. So I look at you or Tommy or I… I remember Riley or Sam or anyone else and I… I think they don’t—didn’t care.”
She knows they do. Riley—she knows. Sam she knows. Henry, too. Tommy and Maria—she knows. Joel—he she knows better than any of the others.
“I remember them or I…” she brought her head down from her gaze on the ceiling and looked at him, clearly, for the first time. “I look at you and I wonder why.”
She cries. Her lips pressed together, not enough breath in her lungs to combat the tears falling down her face and slipping down her neck, soaking the collar of her shirt. She wipes and wipes and wipes until her tear-soaked hands can’t catch anymore and they flow freely. She dries her hands on her sheets and it’s still not enough to catch every single one.
Joel moves quickly, his right hand lightly on her shin as he reaches his left out towards her, keeping it held right above her lap for her to feel.
She can barely see, and yet she reaches out, knowing he’s there. Trusting he’s there.
She grabs his left hand with her right, holding it until her knuckles turn white and it hurts. Until it stings and her fingers go numb. Until her hand shakes and the blood flow is cut off from her fingertips.
He moves his right hand from her shin to press a fist into the mattress on the other side of her, scooting himself closer to her. He settles closer to her, bringing his right hand up her shoulder and eventually finding its home on her cheek. He strokes his thumb across it, more tears falling as she leans into it. She turns her head into it, her lips in his palm as he continues wiping her tears.
He pulls his hand back from her face and brings it to her other cheek, sliding his knuckles across to clear the streaks of tears. He returns his hand back to her other cheek, lightly scratching at the roots of her hair on the back of her neck.
Ellie grabs the collar of her shirt with her left hand, wiping the snot from her nose and using any drier part of her shirt to dry her neck and chin.
Joel lifts his left hand to bring up to her face, but a mumbled, snotty no keeps it in her lap, Ellie still clutching it.
She continues to sniffle, finally opening her eyes to see Joel looking back at her, a streak down the left side of his face, right by his ear.
“I’m sorry,” she says, quickly averting her gaze from his.
He smiles slightly, rubbing those all-comforting circles with his thumb over hand. He brings his hand up from her cheek as she closes her eyes, using two fingers to drag hairs down her forehead and tuck them behind her ear.
They didn’t need to be tucked away—but the affection always comforts her.
She takes his right hand in her left, bringing it down into her lap next to their other hands. She watches their hands intently as she rubs circles on his with her right hand and he rubs circles on hers with his right.
“Hey,” he whispers, trying to get her attention. It does, and she looks up at him. The tug on the corner of his lips reaches his eyes. “You don’t have to apologize.”
“No it’s… it’s stupid. I shouldn’t be crying over something I know isn’t true…”
“You know it’s not true?”
She inhales a shaky breath and exhales one just as heavy. She focuses on it, keeping any other tears down as best she can through controlled breathing.
“Yeah. Yeah I… I know.” She pauses for another breath. “But sometimes it’s… fucking difficult. I don’t…” she hesitates, shaking slightly, “I don’t want to look at you and wonder why.”
She chokes, wiping her cheek on the shoulder of her shirt. She feels her back against the headboard and adjusts slightly, rolling her shoulder blades over it.
She looks up at him. His eyes still hold that twenty-year-old look. They glisten because of the tears gathered in them, and the loving smile that hasn’t quite reached his lips has already hit his eyes.
“I’ll remind you. Every day, if I have to—if you want me to. Even if you don’t, I might jus’ have to-“
She laughs—giggles—at that. He laughs too, the kind of laugh that resides deep in his chest. The one that sounds better through his rare toothy smile. The laugh she only hears so often. The laugh when he thinks he’s done something right. The almost triumphant laugh when he seems to have cheered her up.
Ellie smiles, watching his own unwavering smile. “You can, if you think about it. I mean, I won’t expect it every day. If you forget some days, it’s fine. I’m not-”
“Ellie.”
“Sorry.”
Joel takes note of her. The dried tears along her cheeks. Her red and puffy eyes. The way her nose is red. The soaked collar of her shirt.
He doesn’t want to see her like this again. Not over thoughts like this.
“Will reminding you help? You know… keep thoughts like this away?”
She opens her mouth to speak, but it hits her that she doesn’t know. She’s never been positively reminded, certainly not daily, that someone cares for and loves her. No one’s been constant enough to tell her the truths she missed out on as a child. No one’s stuck around long enough for them to mean anything. No one has ever loved her enough to say them and mean them. Nothing other than doubt, hesitation, or reluctance has followed such reminders.
“I don’t know. I think, I… I hope. I don’t know, I’ve… never had someone who did something like that.”
He doesn’t frown at the thought, but his smile fades. Sadness, disbelief at the thought, the truth that she’d never had this before. “Well… we can try it out. You can tell me if you hate it ‘n we can try something’ else.” He smiled again as he rubbed more circles along her hands. “Sound fair?”
She smiles, tears welling at her eyes again. One spills over, Ellie fervently nodding in response to Joel’s question before too many more tears follow.
He lets go of her left hand and opens his arm up, welcoming her in. She scoots into him, tucking her body against him. She lets her legs freely fall into his as she leans against his body, his right arm coming across her back and holding her shoulder tightly. She keeps her face hidden away as best she can in the crook of his neck and shoulder. Her right hand finds the bottom of his shirt, rubbing the fabric back and forth between her fingers.
Joel kisses her head, leaving his lips pressed into her hair briefly. “I just… I don’t want this to become something you know is true. Cause it ain’t.”
“It won’t. I… I know it’s not true.”
He kisses her head again, a muffled good reverberating through her. He rubs her upper arm a few times.
“Come here,” he says, letting go of her shoulder and standing up.
She smiles shyly, standing up and wasting no time to hold on to him, her arms wrapping around his middle and settling behind his back. She rests her ear right over his heart, the thump-thump drowning the world out. Drowning her thoughts. Her feet stand in between his, Ellie attempting to get as close to him as she can.
Joel, just like every time before and every time to come after, keeps a steady hand across her back and one behind her head, carefully threading his fingers through her hair. He tilts his head down, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head.
He sways them gently, covering her back in hand-drawn lines, circles, and a myriad of other shapes. “This is your first reminder.”
She giggles at that.
Something bubbles in her chest. A fire. Butterflies—as cheesy as she thinks that is—it fits. It tickles, in a way. It reaches her finger tips and warms her skin. It helps her breathe easier and keeps her heartbeat beat in rhythm with his. It slows her thoughts and relaxes her shoulder. It lets her relax completely against his embrace.
The reminder is there. The reminder of his care and protection, no matter what. The reminder of the steadfast, uncompromising, sacrificial love that he has for her.
#this is uh#incredibly personal#probably the most personal thing I’ve posted#I’ve never personally been comforted like this#but the way Ellie feels is how I do#pretty much every single day#and it’s not like it’s ever been made evident to those in my life#especially my family#so I’ve never been comforted over it and it still haunts me into adulthood#and I’ve had. not the best past few#weeks? just a lot of thinking and dilemmas and a lot of things and it’s been kind of emotionally and mentally draining#and then my period started and#just about every single thing today has gone bad so#I’ve been crying a while. I just don’t feel well currently and more or less projected#this like 2400 words but it probably won’t go on ao3 bc of how personal it can be to me?#I don’t know I’ll have a real fic out in a few days#anyway sorry this is probably heavy#L writes
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tomorrow is my first day back to work and I'm a lil nervous
I haven't been able to get anything written for here bc I've been trying to get a couple other things written (updating my Bill Cipher redemption fic and starting a Gyutaro x reader x Daki because I make poor life choices)
but I'm on light duty for a month, basically just sitting at the register checking people out, unable to do any stocking or anything bc I'm not allowed to lift anything over 15 pounds so I can't lift totes, bend much, or reach much, so I'm allowed to bring something to do in between customers... maybe I'll get some writing done? I feel as if I'll be slacking off bc that's how my brain works
but you know what, I kill myself for that store normally, I don't work full time simply because I can't afford medical insurance if I did, but even working only part time I give my all while I'm there, I'm not someone who slacks off. so if I'm healthfully and approvedly permitted to slack off and take it easy for a month, I guess I'll take it (... plus, I mean, I'll still be working, just light duty, it's not like I'll show up and get paid to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, I'm still gonna be ringing out customers)
ANYWAY MY POINT IS-
get those last requests in! after I get home from work tomorrow, I'll be closing the askbox and won't open it back up till this batch is finished and I swear I mean that this time 😂
#mod post#should I have ordered Jessii Vee merch knowing I am not getting paid for two weeks bc I didn't work for two weeks ? maybe not#BUT DAMMIT THIS IS WHY I HAVE SAVINGS#'weirdness all the way ' button and YANA 'be kind' button and squishy pink gummi bear COME TO ME#... been uh. been doing a lot of impulse online shopping while I've been sitting at home bc idk it scratches a certain itch in my brain#and my mama has been nice enough to be buying most of my food when I usually buy my own just bc it's hard for me to walk around much rn#but I'm feeling a lot better physically I just get tired easily so hopefully I'm gonna be back to buying my own food soon#like I appreciate everything my mom and lil bro have been doing for me but MAN I don't like being UNABLE to do shit myself you know?#I took a shower this morning and it exhausted me and Mom had to be in there to help me the whole time in case I lost my balance or smth#it's better than it was the first week but I still hate feeling like I've temporarily lost some of my independence#I can't wait to shower by myself again and for it not to drain me#which is such a small thing to want and miss but like#OKAY TAG RANT OVER THIS RECOVERY IS JUST DRAGGING#I'm getting old tbh that's what it is I'm 30 and don't bounce back like I used to 😂😂😂😂
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I’ve been spending less and less time on this stupid ass website recently and honestly….. good
#idk I just don’t find it as? enjoyable as I once did?#which is sad in a way cuz I’ve used tumblr YEARS now and I DO enjoy the way the platform functions#and I for the most part enjoy the space I’ve created#but idk#it’s getting harder and harder to find ppl I actually want to follow and interact with#not many ppl post about my interests in a way I like#and while I once had a pretty active and good chunk of ppl I followed#more and more of them are starting to be inactive#on top of that I’ve been fighting the urge to just drop off of social media entirely recently anyways#like idk….. something about it all of a sudden has started to feel very draining and not fun#not that I have a lot of social media accounts to begin with…..#but I have been seriously debating just deleting most of them#I think part of it is not wanting old ppl in my life having a method of contacting me haha#but also it’s not like I use or enjoy them that much anyways#idk I have some mutuals on here I still enjoy interacting and seeing their posts and such obviously#but idk…. just not been feeling it lately#which in a lot of ways is a good thing! the amount of time I spend on my phone has dropped A LOT#I mostly just use it on breaks at work now and for a little bit before bed#other than? I’ve been actually engaging in hobbies and not mindlessly scrolling#mostly gaming writing and cooking and idk it’s been nice#I doubt I’d ever actually delete this blog#I’ll be here until this website goes down#I am starting to feel like my activity might be slowing down a lot from what it once was tho#kaz rambles
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I’ve been sitting here for 3 hours about to be 4..
#sorry its blurry I took it off my iPad cause my phones dead#but Jesus Christ#I didn’t know the game was this massive#like all I knew was that It was fun and dnd#which I’ve been meaning to get into#im learning but due to work school and medical I’ve been too drained to actually sit down and LEARN#the most I know is what my Freind goon 2 has told me and what TikTok has said#😭😭😭#pls baldurs gate 3#be faster#its almost 2am#espy#but not eepy enough#also strangest thing today#while me and my dad were at Home Depot we got an alert from our ring camera that there was activity outside our house#and we also got a text from mom saying that there was fire people and ambulance people just standing outside our house pointing at it#and all talking in a big circle#which#???#what?#why are you here?#we originally thought it was for someone on our street but they literally stood there for 30 mins just staring at our house pointing#and talking#so we thought maybe someone called them on us but there would literally be no reason to#esp cause they never actually came up#and when my bro got home from work they didn’t say anything either#so like??#when we got home they were gone#🤷#weird
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A hard pill for me to swallow lately has been that, despite everything, I'm probably the best version of myself that could've existed. And that's not really a comforting thought.
#it's a special kind of doomed imo.#every other path most likely led to something worse#maybe it's pessimistic to think of it that way. maybe I should be more grateful that it isn't worse#but it's hard to find that within me atm#the best of bad outcomes doesn't mean good. it doesn't mean I'm happy.#it just means every other option would have been more miserable. and it's disheartening to think like that ofc#and I know the logic is flawed. but I know myself and even with the advantages I have I'm unable to make anything of myself#had I chosen differently it would only be worse. I'd still be impoverished. I'd still be depressed.#I might just also be stuck in a cult and married w kids in the middle of fucking nowhere wisconsin on top of it all#<- that's the worst case scenario. probably. really hard to say#biggest bullet I've dodged yet tho. completely unintentionally too.#another hard pill to swallow: sometimes the things we want the most WILL ruin your life and it's a blessing when it falls through#unfortunately you don't get to know this until years later#as you watch your ex best friend marry a man almost 2x her age and birth kids she never wanted into this world#and then you're like OHHHH that would've been my fate... I get it now 😐#still. there's no relief in the realization because while you would've been miserable w a shitty husband and 3 or 4 kids#you are in fact still miserable without them. but oh well.#I would say 'anyways. I just need to go to the beach.' but honestly. I haven't felt the desire to do anything at all lately.#we're past the point of letting the sand and waves heal me. we're almost past the point of needlessly venting online!#there's so much I usually would vent about here but I have hardly had the urge to do so.#I'm just tired. life has drained me dry. my heart aches constantly and I barely know why
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Many thoughts running through my head as I prepare to upload my last UTAU cover of the year because I'll barely touch the silly singing robot program next year when I have more exciting things to work on...but even then it feels like you're saying goodbye to a close friend you've been with for almost 9 years
#mine#text#currently i am trying to finish a cover for my utaus' 9th anniversary next year and man#the spark for making robots singing usually isn't there nowadays but when it comes to my own utaus#god it does feel nice working on something!#this entire year i've been pumping out covers that first started as an outlet for my creativity#but then halfway into the year i kept getting into creative ruts and it was frustrating because i only limited myself to one outlet#so discovering animatics...gaining new interests...and picking up new skills has helped me branch out from utau significantly#but i will say that using utau bestow me lots of skills that will prove useful beyond just making utau content#i guess working on this one cover helped me reflect on that some more...but god it's kinda making me emotional#even most of my friends who used utau back in the good old days have moved on to other things now and i'm sort of in that boat...#it's not too fun trying to enjoy utau by yourself but honestly i think it all boils down to the fact that i was forcing myself to--#--enjoy using utau constantly. and that spark to create new covers just dies out.#i suppose that coming back to utau once in a long while to work on something nicd amidst working on other projects is something that's--#--more healthy for me yknow? i know i'm sort of betraying my utau-oriented audiences on youtube and bilibili with the way i've been slowly-#--moving away from utau and uploading other kinds of media and interests#but i'm opening up a new chapter for myself in making more oc media and animatics and they're more than welcome to stay along for the ride#i think i'm running into tangents at this point but what i'm trying to say is that for me uploading utau covers weekly was draining#and with me moving away to other projects and not being too hard on myself...my creative drive is slowly coming back#and maybe once in a while my creative spark for using utau apart from anniversary reasons will come back better than ever#and i will try to keep my own utaus alive as ocs apart from singing robot shenanigans and diffsinger development#it is a hobby i enjoy for myself after all and its not supposed to be a chore
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...
#its been a long while since ive made one of these posts#want to preface it by saying im okay#im just going through a lot#this whole school year has been really awful#its just been constant one thing after the other#most recently i got bit by a student and sent to the hospital bc it swelled so much#im fine its mostly just some really bad bruising now (and no broken skin)#its just been frustrating when i cant do things like normal because of the pain#ive also got other things going on that i wont get into#but im just feeling very emotionally drained and physically exhausting#i keep pushing through and trying to act like everything is fine#but its taking its toll on me#im struggling to keep it together this week but i know i need to#ive cried on the way to work two days in a row now and i have a feeling tomorrow will be a third#its just hard to make myself go there when im surrounded by so much negativity#but i honestly love my job#and i know ill be fine#things are just difficult right now and i have to keep looking for the good things#being out in the sun helps so ive been doing a lot of that#and ive been trying to look at the positive sides of things when i can#i just feel like i shouldnt let my feelings be so big bc it feels selfish right now#anyway#i just needed to put this all down in words somewhere#it helps to get it out#thanks to anyone who actually read this#i hope youre doing well 💙#delete later#late night ramblings#probably delete in morning#this whole thing is a mess
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i need to find the people who "inspected" my new place and said it was in good condition and i need to beat their ass so hard they quit their job and never leave any other tenants with a place as weirdly fucked up as this one ever again
#the oven door was broken for ages and when they finally got that fixed turns out the damn thing doesn't heat up#gf went to take a shower tonight and the fucking drain clogged so bad that we can't do anything to fix it without special tools#the walls in my room had fucking boogers smeared in random spots (thank god for nice girlfriends who scrub the walls for me)#the walls in every other room in the place had tape residue in random spots#and there was goddam animal hair EVERYWHERE#entering my violent era 2k23#there's literally so much that's been fucked up about the place that i don't even remember all of the things to put in the tags right now#like literally as i typed that last tag i remembered 4 other things#i'm just so fucking tired#at least with my last place it was messy and gross cuz there wasn't a gap in between the previous tenants moving out and us moving in#and the landlord was Just Some Guy#this place has a whole fucking TEAM of people#and there was a 10 day gap in between the last tenants leaving and my lease starting#and also most of the rest of the month after that for them to come in while my gf and i were figuring out how to move in#but noooooooooo they had to give it to us in fucking Disgusting condition#TLDR I FUCKING HATE LANDLORDS AND I HOPE THEY COLLAPSE DEAD
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I fucking hate my culinary class table group soooo bad i should be allowed to hit them with carrots i think
#They made me do basically everything while they got chairs and phones wayy before they were supposed to except for the dishwasher#At least she offered to help occasionally AND did her work (tho i did steal it towards the end but i voluntarily did it so. Doesnt count)#Im literally missing like a quarter of a nail on one hand on top of the usual joint and back pains and migranes and i was sous today#But noo the executive who should be doing the most is the guy who sits on his ass the whole time and has his earbuds in all the time and#Half asses everything like. Bitch why the FUCK you in culinary if you dont wanna do shit and just eat!!!!!!#He only does things when hes forced to do them like. The fuckers were on their phones while i had to squeeze the water out of shredded#and sweated zucchinis while also trying to keep my injured finger from coming in contact with the water#and i barely got the executive to help squeeze the water for like. Less than a minute while i went to grab smth#Before he just dumped the still too wet zucchini into the mixing bowl and he just went back to sitting on his ass#Also while i was cutting the green onions and mincing he was supposed to be start mixing the batter but he just stood there and did nothing#i had to make the batter and while i was writing on the zucchinis i only then realized that after shredding the zucchini no one started the#sweating process and just left it there. And watched me mix the batter instead and i had to hurriedly dump the zucchini#And forced them to add the salt and toss it while i brought the dirty dishes to the dishwasher#And by the time we drained the zucchini and mixed it into the batter the class was halfway through and everyone else was eating and shit.#So while i fried the rest of them just watched hells kitchen#At leas the dishwasher offered to help shes a fucking godsend#And we also got them to fry the last one so. While it isnt much and it amounts to absolutely nothing we did get them to do something at lea#And dont even get me started on the state of the kitchen that we come to all the time#The previous class just leaves everything dirty and when i got the pan out all three were all greasy and sticky and gross#And the mixing bowls were yucky and encrusted in some unknown white substance#I washed them all#And i am so very fucking mad even though its been 4 hours since the class#I need to explode all of the fuckers NOW
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AITA for divorcing my vampire husband because he lied to me about his human job?
I (542 vampire) and my husband (260 vampire) have been together for a little over two centuries. There’s a saying in the vampiric community that it takes a century for a tryst to become an enduring partnership and another century to become soulmates. I thought that was true and that Matthew (using his real name because fuck you, Matthew) and I would be together forever…until this week.
First, let me explain a few things to the mortals here. I don’t mean that negatively – I came here specifically to get the opinion of those with a finite lifespan. However, I want to be fair to Matthew as much as possible and some of his decisions are very immortal-minded.
Both Matthew and I are vampires who have chosen to forsake some of our powers in exchange for the ability to daywalk. We made the transition together on our 100th anniversary almost 115 years ago. It wasn’t an easy transition for me. I was very dependent on human blood and I spent the first twenty years in almost constant sleep as my body adjusted to running off of less lunar magic and more solar magic.
It really felt like I was losing everything. My body got physically weaker and my powers began to disappear one by one. It felt like every time I woke, another part of me was missing. One day I could turn into a wolf, the next I could barely turn into a vapor. I could command a legion of undying servants, and then I could barely convince the mailman he didn’t see me levitate down from the second floor.
Matthew, however, took to daywalking like a werewolf to a sheep farm. He barely seemed to feel the pain of losing his power, maybe because he was so much younger than me. Whatever the case, he was out all the time once he stabilized. He would be gone for days sometimes and when he came back it was with fantastic stories about the humans’ new inventions or the new structures being built in whatever town we were in.
I’m not saying I regret transitioning. Just that Matthew and I had very different experiences. It felt like he barely changed at all while my entire being got rewritten. Being immortal makes you comfortable in your own skin. I never doubted myself or my power after I turned 100. But becoming a daywalker made me feel like I was being born as a human again. It was humiliating and vulnerable. I have to admit there were times I resented how easily Matthew did it. I blamed him for not supporting me like I thought he should. I would daydream about draining a human in front of him, showing him what I thought of his fascination with them. I had all sorts of vile and vengeful thoughts. I’m not proud of the person I was and now I’m grateful Matthew wasn’t there to see the lows I sunk to.
Despite all my awful thoughts, I didn’t quit. I don’t know why, but I didn’t. I stuck with it and, day by day, things got easier.
After 26 years I began to stabilize. The benefits of being a daywalker slowly blossomed before me. Now I can say that I am completely happy with my daywalker status and all the changes it’s brought.
I am the most mentally stable I have been since my Turning in 1482. It’s like I’m awake. The fits of rage that used to consume me for months at a time have completely disappeared. I don’t experience the same level of obsession I used to which has freed up a lot of my time that I used to spend stalking my victims.
However, that drastic of a change would be challenging in any relationship. Matthew and I ended up together because of my obsessive nature. Our relationship became strained when that part of me went dormant. He expected me to follow his immersion into the human world just as I had followed him in his revenge quest against his Master. He expected me to support him wholeheartedly and with everything I was. He wanted sacrifices from me that I used to not even flinch at before making. But something was just…different. We wanted different things. I wanted different things.
Matthew was obsessed with being the perfect human. He craved full immersion. He still makes it a point to get a human job every twenty years or so. Me? I’m happy to live off our investments and some mild mind control while enjoying the art and theater community the humans have evolved.
It got bad. Some years, we spent like ghosts in our own house, drifting by each other without a glance. Other years, it was like we were spies behind enemy lines. He would do whatever he could to thwart me and I would go out of my way to ridicule him. Our vitriol poisoned the earth. Matthew didn’t speak to me for a full decade when that poison killed off an entire town.
About twenty years ago, it all came to a head. We had a serious sit-down talk about our relationship. It wasn’t easy. What they say about teaching an old dog new tricks is sometimes true. Matthew wanted me to be as involved with the humans as he was. He wanted me to care about them like he did. I wanted him to travel with me like we used to and not just hop from town to neighboring town (which he did to maintain a human identity with references so he could keep working). When it became clear that we were at an impasse, I brought up the idea of separation.
Separating in the vampiric world isn’t easy. There are a lot of alliances and blood oaths to be considered. Over the two centuries we spent together, we became known as a unit to a number of supernatural entities that we maintain an uneasy truce with. Separating would mean creating new oaths and alliances with the same individuals. And there was no guarantee that those individuals would make new pacts with both of you. A LOT of vampire couples end up in blood feuds while separating. Neither of us wanted that.
There was also, of course, the emotional side of things. While a lot of immortals tend to only feel muted emotions (especially vampires as old as me), Daywalking had made both of us more sensitive than we’d been before. We were both attached to the memories we shared and neither of us could imagine life without the other. After 200 years together, it felt like Matthew was my right arm, and I his. When I brought up separation, we both felt it like we were discussing an amputation.
After about a year of talking, we finally reached an agreement. We didn’t want to separate, and so we would compromise. I wouldn’t interfere with any of Matthew’s human jobs for the 15-17 years if he could hold them without arousing suspicion. In exchange, he would take a year off to go traveling with me before finding another town for us to live in. In between my trips, he would go to plays and galas with me to enjoy human artistry at least once a month.
Maybe our deal was in his favor. At the time, it felt practical and fair. A year of traveling wouldn’t undo Matthew’s string of connections. We would still see each other frequently by going on dates that I liked. Matthew would get to stay immersed in the human world at the level he wanted, and I could stay within my comfort zone.
Which brings me to my current problem.
We are currently at the start of one of Matthew’s work cycles. He’s been everything from a fireman to a politician to a subway worker to a barista. He craves knowledge and connection to a terrifying degree. If it weren’t for how we move every 20 years and he goes without protest, I’d call it obsession.
This cycle, Matthew told me he was going to be a teacher. I was hesitant. While the humans have become more tolerant and less violent over the years, that doesn’t mean they will tolerate us near their young. Enough humans know about vampires that staking in the modern era is a real possibility. Matthew could incite an angry mob against us or, heaven forbid, get a vampire hunter on our tail. I have yet to be shot, but I hear that they have silver bullets that hurt like Hell.
When I voiced my protests, Matthew reminded me about our agreement. He said that I wouldn’t interfere with his jobs and he’d go to all the plays I liked. He even pointed out that, as a teacher, he could get us into high school plays and expositions. I was uneasy, but agreements are penultimate to immortals. I silenced my objections and let him get a job as a science teacher at a local high school.
When Michael has had jobs in the past, I’ve never really paid attention. One time he was a state senator for ten years and I never even heard him speak. I didn’t consider it worth my time to hear whatever his facsimile of a human would say. Real humanity is in the art they create, not in the parody Michael enacts.
But this one…I couldn’t ignore this one. Maybe it was because I was still uneasy about his proximity to human young or maybe I could sense his lies even at the beginning. Whatever the case, I watched him.
The first thing I noticed was the hours. He would go to work early and would often come home when it was time for us to sleep. When I asked him about it, he said that he wasn’t used to grading and that he had underestimated what it took to put a good lesson plan together. I visited some online forums and that’s apparently reasonable for first year teachers.
He would also sometimes go in on the weekends. He missed one of our dates because there was a “grading emergency” that needed his immediate attention. Something about a student’s test getting lost and then found and he needed to input their grade before the deadline which was on Saturday. Humans like silly rules like that so I didn’t even look that one up. I just reminded him that he couldn’t miss our dates again or else he was breaking our deal. He apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again.
Then about three months into his new job, the phone calls started. We have a private room in our house for when we need to talk without any visitors overhearing. Michael moved all his school supplies in there, saying that he needed a silent space to concentrate on his grading. Whenever he got a call, he would never answer it in front of me. Instead, he’d say “Sorry, work” and just go into his office.
I also noticed that he didn’t dress very professionally. Human fashion changes quickly so it didn’t register at first. A sweatshirt here and there slipped past me, and also the Gucci slides. When he started wearing baggy jeans and jerseys to work, I noticed. I may not be up to date on all the newest fashions, but I do go to classy events. I know what a slob looks like and it didn’t sit right with me that he was wearing that to school. When I asked him about it, he always had an excuse. “This is what everyone wears” and “It’s a theme day” or, bafflingly, “It’s spirit week!”
I tried to leave it alone. The reason we have stayed together for so long is because of our agreement to not interfere in each other’s lives. But between his hours, the phone calls, and his appearance, something didn’t add up.
Then, last Thursday, he missed another one of our dates. We were supposed to go to the Nutcracker together. Even though I prefer matinees (when the cast is fresh), I agreed to get us tickets for the evening show so that he wouldn’t have to leave work early. When he wasn’t there at 7pm, I called him and he didn’t answer. Then, when I called him again, his phone was switched off.
I was furious. I spend nearly two decades in these tiny towns so he can live his human fantasy and he can’t even show up for one two hour show? It was the first time since becoming a daywalker that I felt that angry. I was scared about what I might do, so I made myself go home to wait for him.
Only, he never came home that night. At 3am, he sent me a text apologizing and promising to make up our date on Saturday. But the Nutcracker was only playing until Friday and that would be too little, too late. To be honest, it already was. I texted him that and he never responded.
He never ended up coming home last weekend. I texted and called him probably a dozen times and he never responded. I got angrier and angrier as the days dragged by. Did he think I was someone to be taken lightly? Did he not realize that the fragile agreement between us was all that was keeping us from separation?
Yesterday (Monday), I couldn’t take it anymore. If he wasn’t going to come home or respond to my messages, then I would go to him. If he was so obsessed with this new job that he would ignore me for it, then I knew exactly where to find him.
I arrived at his school at 10am. I researched enough to know how to go to the office and sign myself in. I asked the office assistant which room Mr. Duetto was in.
The lovely young woman looked confused. “I’m sorry, but I can’t give that information out to anyone but family,” she said.
“I am his only family,” I said.
She clicked a few more keys and looked more confused. “His paperwork only shows his mother, Delilah Duetto.”
That’s right. His mother. But I still didn’t understand then.
“That’s me,” I said.
“You are not the mother of 17-year-old.”
“I’m his wife,” I said.
She was upset by that. I won’t bore you with every detail, but I had to alter her memories so she wouldn’t call the police. I may not look like someone who has a teenager, but I also don’t look like a teenager. I ended up having to alter her memories so she wouldn’t call human CPS on an apparent adult swearing she was married to a minor.
I went home and broke into his office. There weren’t any lesson plans. There were no graded papers. There were syllabus from different classes, homework with his name on it, and a few polaroids taped to the bottom of his desk of him at a party with children.
Human children. I don’t honestly know which is worse.
(EDIT: I know the child part is the worst part. I misspoke because of my anger. It’s not the humans’ fault that my husband is a pervert.)
I broke into his laptop and used that to check his text messages. He’s been texting like a high schooler. He’s been to parties with them, listened to their problems and even fabricated a few of his own. He’s caught in some sort of weird love triangle where a freshman girl likes him but his “best friend” likes her. He has texted both of them about it, promising his “bro” that nothing is happening and then turning around and leading this girl-child on.
Some choice quotes: I should know better than to get close with you. You and I come from very different worlds
To which she replied, lol maybe we should let our worlds collide
!!!!
I find the entire situation disgusting. Matthew is several centuries older than them and he definitely knows better. He’s literally wearing the sheep’s fleece amongst the flock. He has no business forming relationships with human children and even less pretending to be one of them. He’s not a baby. He is over two centuries old!
What is he doing flirting with a child? It’s vile and disgusting and I was set to kill him for it.
I confronted him about it when he came home last night. I told him that he was sick and dangerous and if he loved humans then he needed to stop immediately. I told him we either left town today or I would make sure he never set foot back in that school in a way he really wouldn’t like.
He threw a huge tantrum over my invading his privacy. He shouted at me that I had broken my promise to never interfere in his job. He called me controlling and crazy.
I told him he was the crazy one for chatting up a child. He told me he wasn’t, she was just his friend. I asked him to read their texts out loud if he was being so friendly. I also pointed out that there was no way a 260-year-old vampire is a child’s friend.
He told me I was a hypocrite because I basically cradle robbed him (we’re almost 300 years apart.) He said if anyone was disgusting, it was me for taking advantage of him.
I pointed out that he wasn’t a child, he was over 60 and had already been a vampire for four decades. He argued that that was basically being a child in vampire terms.
I was so angry at that point that the house was shaking. I told him if he felt that way, then we could get divorced right then and there. That that was what I wanted to do anyway because I couldn’t be married to a pedophile.
He asked me if I was seriously going to start a blood feud over him immersing himself in human society. I said no, I’m starting a blood feud because he’s become every predatory stereotype humans have of vampires.
He called me a hypocrite again and told me he was leaving. He said not to call him unless I was ready to apologize. I told him that the next time he sees me, he’d better run before I showed him the real difference between us. And it wasn’t just 300 years.
When I calmed down, doubt started creeping in. From an immortal perspective, what he’s doing isn’t really wrong. I hate to say it, but most immortals don’t view human lives as significant. I know a few vampires who would say that divorcing because he’s playing with his food is idiotic.
Plus, there’s the agreement to consider. During our fight, Matthew pointed out that being a student is a job to humans. So therefore I didn’t have the right to interfere. A big part of me thinks that’s bullshit, but a small part of me wonders if he’s maybe right about that?
I also have to ask myself why this even bothers me. I’m the one in the relationship that is aloof from humans. I’m the one that’s always saying we are from different worlds (Yeah, he stole that from me) and for good reason.
But over the years, I’ve become fond of humans. No immortal makes art like them. I may not remember my time as a mortal, but there are works that give me a sense of nostalgia. Sometimes I think I can remember being a child myself, standing in a field like in Monet painting, staring at the wheatstacks and waiting for the miller to come.
The thought of Matthew playing with them makes me sick. It’s like even after all the years of him living amongst them, he thinks of them as props in his twisted play. It’s even worse that he’s doing this to children.
I can’t help but think something went really wrong with my husband when I wasn’t looking. At the very least, I’m planning on divorcing him. But would I be the asshole if I killed him too?
Separating from him will be violent and messy. There will likely be human casualties. But I don’t see any other way. So, I ask.
AITA for divorcing my husband for lying to me about his human job?
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Thanks for reading! I loved answering some of the responses I got when I first posted this over on my Patreon (X)!
These collaborative story telling pieces are the highlight of my week. Next week's story is about a witch who wants to know if she should attend her high school reunion even though she's responsible for stripping two former classmates of their magic...
Please check that out here (X) if you''d like early access! Otherwise I'll see y'all next week :)
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try it. (matsukawa issei x reader)
tags/cw: roommates to lovers, somnophilia, fingering, mattsun sends porn as a coping mechanism, size kink if you really squint
word count: 3.1k
“i’ve always wanted to try that.”
issei chokes on his beer when you speak. you point at the tv in explanation, as though he needs one. the scene playing has just started out with a couple in bed, spooning while they fuck. everything’s covered, but it’s easy to tell through the blanket that the woman’s leg is lifted, her back arching against the man’s chest while she cries out lewdly.
“never been fucked in the morning?” he jokes, keeping his eyes trained on the screen so he doesn’t have to look at you. his laugh sounds awkward even to him.
“mm-mm.” you shake your head, draining your wine glass, and he can’t tell if that’s a confirmation or a rejection of his guess. but he can tell that that wine bottle on the coffee table is empty, because you would never say these things to him sober.
“not that part,” you explain. frowning when you realize there’s no wine left, you rise from the couch, disappearing from the room and padding down the hall. issei sighs in relief at the moment alone, running his fingers through his hair and tugging hard.
“she’s drunk,” he whispers to himself, a reminder. “she’s drunk, and she’s your friend. and you can’t afford rent anywhere else, you stupid fuck.” that’ll do it. he’s broke as shit, and you’re a good friend. he can steel his nerves with those facts.
“she was asleep when he started,” you call from the kitchen.
fuck.
issei drops his head back, hitting it on the wall a few times with purpose. fuck, fuck, fuck.
you come back in, and he straightens, yanking the throw blanket over his lap. you’re too drunk to notice.
you’re too drunk to notice much of anything, really — including your own running mouth.
“she was asleep,” you say again. “and he fucked her anyway—“ you rush to explain yourself, holding a hand out when his eyes find yours, wide and uncertain. “consensually, obviously.”
that doesn’t help. he’d been assuming that, but you confirming it makes it worse.
somnophilia, his mind whispers, the word latching itself to you.
“i dunno,” you shrug, your refilled wine glass brought to your lips. “i think it’s hot, i guess. i’d try it.”
he really can’t afford rent anywhere else.
—
you’re scouring roommate ads in a hungover daze the next morning.
what is your problem?, you think, rolling over to groan into your pillow. you open your bank app, staring at the number in your checking account and wondering uselessly if it’s enough to afford a place on your own. one where you’ll never have to look mattsun in the face again.
why did you tell him that?
your brain flashes through two bottles of wine and drunk admissions, and you switch over to uber eats, deciding that cooking is simply not an option today. standing in that kitchen for more then four seconds and risking running into him is not an option.
you know why you told him that. you know exactly why you told him.
you told him because, despite every coping mechanism you’ve tried over the years of living with him, matsukawa issei persists in being the most attractive man you’ve ever met.
you told him because you wanted to test the waters. why you would ever test the waters with somnophilia, of all things, and not something standard and vanilla like ‘making out with a friend just happens sometimes’ or ‘drunk hookups aren’t so bad’, you will never know.
but you’d told him because you think about it. you think about him, doing things like that. things that aren’t standard or vanilla or easily explained or plausibly deniable.
you think about matsukawa issei fucking you while you sleep. and maybe it’s happened one too many times. maybe now it’s all you think about, enough that it comes up in your stupid, drunk admissions.
maybe — just maybe — you hope he might take you up on it, now that it’s out there in the open like that.
but that’s just a maybe. so you’re looking for another apartment, on the very real chance that he’s going to call you a freak and never speak to you again.
your phone buzzes in your hand.
it’s a text from him.
[10:17 AM]
mattsun: [link attached]
your face crumples into a frown. “what?” you murmur, jabbing a thumb on the link and hoping it’s not a virus.
your phone starts moaning at max volume.
you scream, slamming down on the side button to lower the volume as the video intro plays through. your eyes fly to the title.
milf fucked by son’s friend while she’s sleeping
there’s no fucking way he just did that.
[10:19 AM]
mattsun: smth like that?
“matsukawa!” you scream, rolling out of bed and storming out into the hall. he’s laughing loudly from his room, and you all but kick his door down. “what the fuck is your problem?!”
he’s in bed, cackling gleefully and covering his face with his blanket — but his eyes are anything but shy when he looks at you.
“just trying to ease the tension-“
“by sending me porn?!”
he shrugs and gestures to his phone. “im just saying, you’re not alone! at least—“ he glances down at the screen “—3.8 million other people are into it, too-“
you scream in frustration, turning and stomping back to your room. his laughter follows, echoing through your door even when you slam it.
he does it for two weeks straight. every few days, you wake up to a new link, each video titled something more obnoxious than the last.
guy takes step-sister while she takes a nap
mom wakes step-son up with a special surprise on his birthday
repairman finds sleeping beauty home alone
each one draws an irritated screech of his name and the echoing giggles of satisfaction from his room.
you could stop it. in fact, he’s asked you more than once if you want him to.
‘if you really want me to stop, i’ll stop, he’d said in your kitchen last week.
‘just say the word,’ he’d reminded you on his way out one morning.
‘i think you and i both know how important consent is,’ he’d murmured just two nights ago, leaning on your doorframe, his eyes hot on yours.
you’d shivered under his gaze and pretended to be engrossed in something on your phone. you’d hoped he couldn’t see the way you’d pressed your thighs together, but when you looked up, he was already staring down at them.
he’d met your eyes again and just hummed, flicking his dark eyebrows up at you before turning away. your phone had buzzed with a new link only seconds after his bedroom door had clicked shut.
you’re certain he knows why you haven’t told him to stop. that the truth is that you don’t want him to stop. you’re certain he’s testing the waters now, too.
because each video he sends you gets closer and closer to being about roommates.
your phone buzzes in your hands. you wonder if he knows that you watch each one, waiting for him to pull the trigger on the one that sits unspoken in the space between you.
he does, a week later.
—
you’ve caught him, issei realizes belatedly.
maybe he should have noticed after you started sitting closer to him on the couch. or maybe after you’d refused to tell him to stop sending you porn. or maybe even after he’d sent you something titled ‘roommate can’t help himself while she sleeps’ at 4 in the morning and you hadn’t called the cops on him.
maybe he should have realized you’d caught him after any one of those. but he doesn’t. he doesn’t realize it, not until this very moment, as you’re standing from the couch and bending over to clean the table of empty beer bottles before bed.
he doesn’t realize it until he realizes you’re not wearing any underwear.
he glances at you shamefully when you bend at the waist, hoping you don’t look back and catch him. and then he coughs violently, choking on his own spit and drawing your attention.
he waves you off, blushing furiously and not even bothering to stop his eyes from flying to your ass when you just shrug and bend over again. your pajama shorts have ridden up, but there’s no lacy edge on pink panties where there should be.
yes, he’d noticed years ago that these shorts tend to ride up and not mentioned it. yes, he knows what kind of panties you wear. yes, he has a favorite pair.
what are you gonna do if you find out, call him a pervert? he’d sent you roommate somnophilia porn and you’d made him coffee in the morning.
“‘kay, goodnight,” you mumble, and issei wonders if you’re shy about it or if he’s just hoping you are.
“g’night,” he breathes, eyes finding yours. you keep eye contact all the way out of the living room. your eyes drop to his lap at the last second, and he watches a grin stretch across your face just before you disappear from the room.
he looks down at his lap, and then he swears under his breath. he’s visibly hard in his sweatpants.
—
he feels like a pervert. he really feels like a pervert.
he stands in the hall outside your bedroom, one hand on the knob, feeling like a pervert. it’s 2 in the morning, and he feels like a pervert.
he sighs to himself and turns the knob slowly — ever so slowly, because he knows how it creaks, and he doesn’t want to wake you. he pushes the door open carefully, and then he finds you in the dark, moonlight spilling over your body.
you’re completely naked.
you’re on your stomach, blankets draped over your lower half and one knee bent out toward the wall. issei can see the expanse of your bare skin and the swell of your breast, but you’ve got your back slightly to him, so he can’t see everything.
but it’s enough.
he breathes hard, stepping into the room and shutting the door silently behind him. he runs his fingers through his hair, tugging hard and giving a soft sigh as he pads over to you.
when he lowers his knees to your mattress, it’s with his heart in his throat and his cock straining against his pants. you look so innocent, so sweet like this, even while he’s sliding the blankets off of your skin and exposing you in the moonlight.
is he really allowed to want this as badly as he does?
your breath is steady, only changing slightly when he braces himself behind you, propped up on one elbow. he scoots toward you, breath caught in his throat, and then slides his hand under the back of your knee. you shiver, probably because his fingers are ice cold, and he keeps his eyes locked on the side of your face.
when you don’t give any other sign of waking, he lifts your leg and hooks it backward over his knee, opening your body up for him.
he swears under his breath, staring down at you in the moonlight.
you shift, adjusting to the new angle of your body with a sigh. your back presses to his chest, and issei has to press his lips together so he doesn’t moan at the sight of you.
he keeps his eyes on your face when he slides his fingers along your inner thigh, watching you intensely as his icy fingertips dance close to the spot between your thighs that’s radiating heat.
when he cups your bare cunt, your skin breaks out in goosebumps, but you don’t move otherwise. issei moans now, because your body knows what he’s doing, but you don’t.
he’d had a feeling before — in the weeks between that moment on the couch and this moment right here — that he’d unlocked a new, previously untouched fantasy. that his reaction to your drunken admission might have been about more than just being attracted to you.
he sees it now. now, as he’s sliding two fingers between your folds and watching as you remain completely unaware, he realizes that you’ve done something to him. that you’ve made him want to do this to you, tonight and every night after.
it takes every ounce of his self-control not to shudder and moan in your ear when your pussy twitches under his fingers, reacting to him even when you don’t.
he drops his head to your chest, eyes locked on your face as he takes one of your nipples in his mouth. your lips part, and he freezes, but the sigh that falls out is nowhere near conscious, so he keeps going, sucking and licking and grazing his teeth over the bud while he massages your cunt with his now-warm fingers.
the first sign that you’re reacting is the growing ease with which he’s able to push his fingers against you. your entrance becomes slick, and he can’t help that he pushes his hips against your ass in response, seeking relief. he drops his touch lower and swipes the pads of his fingers through the mess there, spreading it all over your cunt.
when he circles your clit, slippery and warm now, your breathing changes, harder and rougher. the rise and fall of your chest pushes at his mouth, and he latches on with fresh fervor, watching your brows furrow and your lips twitch at the onslaught of sensations.
it shouldn’t be as easy as it is for him to push his middle finger past your entrance.
“fuck”, he whispers despite himself, mouth slipping off of you with a gentle pop and eyes rolling back in his head. your walls pulse around his finger, warm and velvety and wet beyond belief. his cock twitches hard in his pants as he slides his finger in and out of you, searching for that spongy spot that’ll wake you up.
he knows you might have wanted him to fuck you like this, but he can’t help himself anymore. he doesn’t have it in him to be careful anymore.
when his ring finger joins his middle, it’s with intent. the push is rough, bullying your cunt open with the size of his fingers, no doubt longer and fuller than you can get on your own.
you shift under him, a quiet noise of question leaving you, and he lifts his head, attaching his lips to the crook of your neck.
“y/n,” he whispers, more a moan than anything else. “need you.”
he sucks on the column of your throat while you come to, his fingers curling and spreading inside of you — his sloppy attempt to prepare you for him.
“h-huh-“ your head lifts slightly, and then you’re slamming it back against the pillow, your back arching. “oh, my god, mattsun-“
he almost comes in his pants when you say his name like that.
“couldn’t help myself,“ he starts, shaking his head and pushing his body against yours almost desperately. “you were so pretty.“ your cunt tightens around his fingers in response, and he files that away for later. keeps it in mind, the things that make you react like this. “need you so bad, y/n-“
“yes, god yes,” you breathe, a whine trapped in your throat. you turn your head, back still pressed against his chest, and drop your still-sleepy eyes to his lips.
the coil under issei’s navel tugs hard when he realizes how well he can read you.
he pushes his mouth against yours eagerly, moan unrestrained when your tongue slides against his. he wonders if you know how often he’s thought of this moment, years of wanting you and craving the feeling of you coming undone under his fingers.
“please,” you whisper against his lips, back arching when he pushes the pads of his fingers against that spongy spot that makes you whine. “more, mattsun.”
he groans, shivering when you pull his bottom lip between your teeth. “not yet — it’ll hurt,” he murmurs, leaning on every molecule of self-control.
“i can take it,” you just say, pushing your ass back against his aching cock. “promise.”
he never had that much self-control to begin with.
his moan comes out in a shuddered breath, overpowered by the sound of you whining when he slips his fingers out of you. he shoves his sweats down to his knees, meeting your eyes and seeing the urgency he feels reflected in your eyes.
when he slides his cock between your folds, it’s with a choked groan and a heaving pant in your ear.
“can i- are you sure-“ he stutters, already lining himself up at your entrance.
“please, please, please,” you babble, arching your back to make the angle easier on him.
you come around his cock before he’s even halfway in.
there are stars in his eyes by the time you’re done.
you cry out for him, shaking and clenching down hard, and he can’t do anything except bury his face in your hair and keep your leg lifted high with a trembling hand.
“fuck,” he breathes, voice tight. “fuck, y/n-“
“more, mattsun,” you sob. he thinks you might be the girl of his dreams.
pushing the rest of the way in, he shoves down his own orgasm, fighting and kicking and forcing it away so he can last more than thirty seconds inside of you.
he only manages a minute before he’s spilling into you with a stuttered moan of your name, face buried in your neck and head full of static.
you’re just slumped against him by the time he comes to his senses, breathing hard and synced with his.
“sorry,” he mumbles into your hair, ears burning with embarrassment. “i swear i usually last longer than that-“
you laugh, tired and still weak but bright all the same. “yeah — so do i.”
he snorts, pulling out slowly and letting your leg drop closed, trying his best not to moan at the feeling.
“are you sure that was okay?” he asks, a tiny inkling of doubt still seeded in his veins. you just giggle, whispering his name in fond exasperation.
“sorry, which part of me sleeping naked was a warning sign?”
“shut up,” he mutters, curling himself around you and feeling the beginnings of exhaustion start to drain his energy. “i’m staying here tonight. i don’t do one-night stands.”
you just turn in his arms and wrap your arms around his neck. “was i that good, mattsun? i was asleep for half of it.”
you’re gonna be the thing that kills him, he just knows it.
#banner by @/cafekitsune !!#matsukawa x reader#matsukawa issei#matsukawa smut#haikyuu smut#hq smut#hq x reader#haikyuu x reader
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} I want to try my hand at soloing Neo-ExDeath in Omega Deltascape V4
But Warrior, Paladin, and Gunbreaker are apparently best for it and, obviously, the better geared I can be the better I'll do
Like I mentioned earlier though, Euphrosyne keeps refusing to give me Fending Gauntlets when I play Tank in it, which is the one armor piece I still need to replace for all my Tanks armors.
And I haven't gotten newer weapons for my Warrior, Paladin, or Gunbreaker since 6.1 iirc.
If only Dark Knight was equally as good as them when it came to self-sustain and ability to solo things.
#SquEnix has honestly just completely fucked over Dark Knight for a long while now comparing it to the other Tanks#DRK's self-sustain is literally non-existent unless it's in the middle of a giant group of adds or about to die to something#It has a great mitigation VIA The Blackest Night but after the buffs to the other Tanks main mitigation skills it's nowhere near as good no#and Dark Knight uses up way more Mana than Paladin does despite Paladin being the caster Tank but has worse MP regen options#DRK's resource gain is also just the worse out of all three tanks because WAR gains on 2/3 hits in it's combo and GNB gains per finisher#and instead of giving something like Blood Weapon healing they gave MP regen to Abyssal Drain but no HP regen to Carve and Spit#AND connected Carve and Spit to Abyssal Drain for no reason at all#I can solo dungeon bosses if shit goes south on all three of the other tanks but I have no chance to ever manage such a thing while DRK#Dark Knight is my favorite Tank but it's just been a pain to play it in most content compared to the other Tanks
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