#when i was 11 and in another school my best friend suddenly started not talking to me. after a month or so of this i decided to invite her

[haemosexuality]

these past few days i have been uncharacteristically. emotionally open. w my friend and it has me thinking about how truly for all of my life i just did not expect anything from anyone

[lilioopdf]

always enough time (cardigan)

pairing: reader x (childhood best friend! + college!) pepe marti

notes: fluff, a little angst, then fluff again! 3.2k words (oops 😓😓 i should've probably split this up)

warnings: mentions of alcohol

a/n: dedicating this to my lovely mutuals who have been here from the very beginning and even before i started writing 💗💗 idk if this is too sappy but i genuinely love you guys for interacting with my writing posts and my non-racing posts because it really does mean so so much to me and i didn’t know any better way to say thank you

and if you’re reading this, have a lovely lovely day/ahead ahead 💞💞 may people always shower you in love and warm hugs

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the first time his eyes meets yours, you’re 4, clinging onto your father’s trousers as he speaks to another man about work related things. it is a business event, after all. he waves at you, a complete stranger then, and he watches as your head tilts a little, eyebrows raising slightly in surprise, before you hide your face behind your father.

he’s six, and yet he still feels his face burn in embarrassment, all because the prettiest girl at the party didn't say hi back.

he sees you again the next day, when you're both having dinner with your fathers at a hidden little restaurant near the beach. your fathers recognise each other almost instantly, and you suddenly find yourself sat next to him as the adults talk about complicated grown up topics over some drinks.

after dinner, he offers you half his cookie under the table, and you give him half of your ice cream in return.

he's too shy to say anything this time, but he lets you play with his toy car the very moment he notices you looking at it curiously.

it's a strange start to your friendship, but it's a sweet one nonetheless.

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you grow up together, but at a distance, only seeing each other during summers when you would follow your fathers to overseas work conferences.

he looks out for you for years.

when you're 8, he teaches you how to ride a bike. how to tie your shoelaces so you don't have to stick to velcro shoes forever. how to run faster, how to run without tripping over your own feet. he's gentle with you, and doesn't ever seem to mind your clumsiness.

you're only ever the same height as him once, and that is when you're 11. that year, his hair is almost always a little too overgrown, but he smiles more, and he has more stories to tell. he's at a new school now, one where they can bring their own phones with them. he tells you about the new subjects he's learning; physics, chemistry, english lit, and history. he has more friends now, and he shows you pictures of them alongside their text messages about online games you don't quite get.

when you're 13, he seems so different from the boy you knew last year. he's significantly taller than you now, and his voice cracks a less frequently than it used to, but he still blushes lightly whenever it happens. you don't mind though. if anything, it makes him even more endearing. pepe tells you about how he joined his school's soccer team this year, but you're sure you would've known even if he didn't tell you. he's so much happier these days, but he seems so grown up too. so much more ahead of you in life, at least.

the year you turn 15, things start to feel a little funny. 2 years feels like too big of a difference between the two of you now, and he just feels like too much of a boy. he towers over you now, and his voice has changed so much that you couldn't recognise it when he called out your name at the airport. you notice how the girls around you seem to look at him a little longer, letting their gaze linger on him for a little too long before they notice you at the side, standing awkwardly and feeling just a little too out of place.

you don't know how to feel about the fact that he's almost always looking at you instead.

now, he's quicker at picking up on your body language. he puts an arm around you and holds you when he can tell that your cramps are too bad, he's quick to offer you his jacket when the wind is just a little too chilly, and he's always carrying around your things for you. "just looking out for you," he says. "don't want you feeling alone when i'm right here."

and then you're 16, and lines start to grow a little blurry. it's a year full of insecurities and unfufilled longing, and most of the summer is spent in your head. it's weird to hang around him like that now. you start to distance yourself from him, but you're pretty sure he doesn't notice anyway. he still brings you around for dinner with him and to hang out, and you accept, but you don't ask him to follow you to places you'd like to visit anymore.

you run into a school friend of his one day, and you're suddenly made aware of just how differently he acts around you. his friend's nice to look at, you think. pepe tells you that's he's a soccer teammate from school. he calls you pretty and asks for your instagram, but pepe says something you don't understand in spanish and his friend just nods, apologises, and leaves, leaving you feeling just a little wounded and put off. you wonder if you did something wrong, but you're too scared to even ask your school friends for advice. they've all passed this silly stage anyway— you're the only one who's never even had a crush, let alone be asked out.

pepe gets his first girlfriend by the end of the year, and you're almost happy for him, except you can't help but feel a little jealous. it's silly though, you think. you're just a lovesick teenage girl pining over an older boy. she's cool and loud and she's always able to visit the same places and parties as him. a perfect match. he sees her more often than he sees you anyway.

your friendship ends on a rocky note the year you turn 17. neither of you follow your fathers the next year. neither of you can. it's pepe's last year with you before going off to university.

that summer, you're on your phone almost the whole time, texting a guy from school who's just asked you out. a hockey player of some sort. he parties and drinks a lot, but he's nice to you, and somewhat interested, you suppose.

when pepe finds out, he lets out a huff of laughter. "you're not seriously considering dating him though, are you? this is just for fun, right?"

you feel yourself still at his words. "what do you mean?"

"he won't be good for you. you're just... not like that. that lifestyle wouldn't suit you," he replies nonchalantly.

your blood burns just underneath the surface of your skin in anger and annoyance.

"who are you to say what lifestyle suits me? maybe this is what i want. i've grown up, you know."

you're more hurt than angry, although you're not quite sure why. your tone is indignant and fierce, and you watch as his expression turns neutral and unreadable and his eyes flicker from you, to your phone, and back at you again.

when he realises that you're being serious, his face contorts into an ugly expression, one of anger and almost a little bit of hurt.

"fine, suit yourself then."

then he walks out the room, and hot tears start running down your face.

and that is that. he still says goodbye to you at the airport, but the both of you don't hug this time.

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you try not to think about him for the next two years.

you drown yourself in your schoolwork, tackling assignment after assignment, exam after exam, anything to prevent yourself from indulging in any thoughts of him.

when a childhood friend brings him up one day, asking why you don't meet him during summer anymore, you pretend that he was just a phase. just a blip in your life; minor and insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

time goes by, and you continue to study hard, because you want to study humanities and the arts in university but still have the grades to prove that you could've done stem if you wanted to (like pepe, although you'd never admit to thinking that).

and then in a blink of an eye, you've graduated, and your months long break comes around as you wait for uni results to come back out.

its been a full two years now, but you'd be lying if you said you'd forgotten about him completely.

how could you?

you thought about him during mugging season in school, and during university applications, and sometimes (maybe especially so) during interschool games for soccer, imagining what it would be like if he was here, playing for your school team. (you also wonder what it'd be like to wear his jersey and cheer him on loudly and proudly in front of the whole schoot, but that's not something you're ever going to admit.)

you spend your summer soothing yourself to sleep by reminding yourself that pepe's been gone for two years now, and you're still doing fine. that you have done fine without him, and that you can and will continue to do so.

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imagine your horror when you realise you've been posted the same university as pepe. same campus too.

your father is ecstatic. he immediately wants to call up pepe's dad and tell him the news but you beg him not to, tears in your eyes. you can't risk looking like a hopeless and dependent little puppy even before the school term has started.

before the first day of uni, you've already studied the campus map well enough to plan routes that avoid going near the school of engineering, just so you can avoid pepe. you're almost 100% confident that you'll be able to hide from him for his remaining two years in uni. plus, you definitely look different from the way you did two years ago, so you technically have an extra layer of protection.

except you have an orientation camp the very first week of uni, and you're just that lucky enough to have a familiar face as one of your orientation group leaders.

he recognises you instantly. how could he not?

you half expect him to ignore you, or at least, pretend not to know you. but to your surprise, he smiles. in fact, he beams at you, and he waves before jogging over to sit next to you. your mouth is slightly agape, and you can't tell if this is some kind of cruel joke that he's playing on you right now.

"how have you been? you're lucky to be here today. the weather isn't usually this nice, and i know you get chilly easily." he's still smiling while speaking to you, and he's just acting so... normal, but you?

you feel like smacking him. you left each other on a sour note two years ago, after being friends for more than a decade, and he chooses to talk about the weather, of all things.

but you just put on a smile and act the same.

arguing with a best friend is one thing, having to make small talk about mundane, boring, topics with a friend you've known for years and then forgotten is another. you can't figure out if talking to him is helping heal your heart or slowly shattering it into more tiny little pieces.

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the first few weeks of uni fly by, and you don't end up using any of your pre-planned routes.

in fact, you end up meeting pepe almost every day before you your lessons. for breakfast, or brunch, or lunch... and maybe even dinner, once both your classes are done.

you can’t read him that well, and you wonder if this is only weird for you. but you’re not one to complain. you’re not one to take this for granted either.

you’ve spent years of your life missing summer and pepe, and then you spent two more years missing him without even speaking to him at all. no, you’re definitely not taking this for granted.

you learn that he's playing soccer for a kids charity event that happens yearly, that he's studying mechanical engineering (which doesn't surprise you at all, not really), and that he's broken up with his girlfriend, because of different goals in life or something. you stop yourself from thinking too hard about whether or not the both of you have compatible life goals upon hearing the last part.

he’s still sweet to you.

maybe even more so now that he can actually look out for you. he always gives you his jacket when you’re cold, offers to help you run your errands on busy days, and he even helps you get special oppourtunities thanks to his friends and connections. and when you’re sick, he gives you updates for classwork even though he’s not in the same classes as you, bringing you heat packs and checking up on you daily with warm teas and essential balms.

it's all so lovely that you could almost cry.

except he’s always just a little too stiff around you. too hesitant to touch, too close for distance.

he'll bring you heat packs on your period, and allow you to lean on his stronger frame when the cramps get too bad, but he never gets close enough to cuddle. and when either of you stay over for too long while studying together, he always offers to sleep on the floor or on the couch, but he never allows himself to lie in the same bed as you.

it's all so polite but so frustrating, and you're even more upset because you have absolutely no right to feel that way. he's your best friend, and he has been for years. he's not someone you could ever have the priviledge of dating, and he deserves a friend he can count on, not someone who's helplessly unable to stop their one-sided longing for him.

and so you let another six months slip away as you spend more time with pepe in your head than physically, while he continues keeping a distance from you, leaving you wondering why.

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suddenly it's feburary, and pepe's been so busy with schoolwork and training for the upcoming charity match that you just don't see him that much anymore. you're pulled back into that aching feeling of loneliness, and busying yourself with your own schoolwork and friends doesn't seem to help.

i can't risk doing badly this semester, he says. this is the one that counts. i’ll have to find myself a good internship for portfolio— maybe with formula one, he says. you nod. you’d be proud of him regardless of what he did anyway.

you end up following him to the gym in the early hours of the morning just to hang out with him, even if hanging out now means you just watch him get through his workout routine while you sit next to him and sort out your schedule.

his friends refer to you as pepe's girlfriend now, and you stopped correcting them when you realised that pepe didn't seem to care. you can't blame them anyway, you're together almost all the time. you're always waiting for him at his apartment after classes, usually in an oversized t-shirt or hoodie of his, and he even wakes up early just to bring you breakfast before class.

the domesticity of it all makes you ache, but you can't even bring yourself to imagine what if would be like if your relationship was actually as desired.

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pepe visits you the night before the charity match.

he brings you a jersey. his jersey, and he shyly asks if you'd be interested in showing up to watch him the next day. you almost scream with joy, but you control yourself, accepting it gracefully and holding the jersey gently and close to your chest.

you whisper a string of thank yous, careful not to wake your roommate up, and all pepe does is pull you in for a hug. he buries his face into the crook of your neck, arms wrapped tightly around your shoulders and all you can do is press yourself closer to him, taking in the scent of clean laundry and his cologne.

before he leaves, he flashes you a teasing smile, a somewhat knowing look on his face as he asks, "am i going to have to say it, or will you?"

you're caught off guard by his comment, and you just tilt your head in confusion, unsure what he's talking about. but he doesn't explain further. he just chuckles, gently shakes your shoulder, and leaves.

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you show up to pepe's match half an hour before it starts, just so you can get a good view of the match. the venue is already half full, and you're just grateful to have gotten front row seats.

you act as casual as you can, pretending that your heart isn't racing while you're wearing his soft jersey, with the number 23 boldly printed onto the back. when your friend teases you about the way your cheeks seem to be permenantly pink, you gently slap her arm and tell her to be quiet in a weak attempt to save your face, which only results in a laughing fit from her.

the match is mostly a blur, but both teams are very evenly matched, and there's suddenly only 4 minutes left to the end of the game and both teams are stuck in a tie.

you're not sure when your focus zoned in on pepe. it could've been since the very start of the match, but you somehow catch that split second when the ball is passed over to him, and his expression changes from one of neutrality to determination. you watch as he expertly drabbles the ball between player to player, rushing to get close enough to the goalpost to shoot before the end of the match.

you're sure that everyone in the venue held their breath at the exact same moment you did, and that time must've stilled when pepe slid and kicked the ball into the goal, just 30s before the end of the match.

the whole venue erupts into cheers. it's defeaning, but all you can think of is how proud you are of him in this moment.

you don't take your eyes off him for even a second, and when the referee finally signals the end of the match, he looks at you too.

he’s all sweaty, hair plastered to his forehead, face flushed.

he's sipping from his bottle, standing directly in front of you, having run straight to you after the match.

your boy.

there's a wicked grin on his face, and you can feel the heat rise up to your face as you take in all of him in awe.

everyone’s staring, you think, but you know he doesn’t care, so why should you?

you barely allow yourself time to hesitate, but he's quicker.

he kisses you.

his mouth is warm and soft, and yet there's a certain pressure and intensity with which he kisses you that makes you think that he probably wanted this as much as you did, maybe more.

and when you both finally break apart for air, you realise that all the cheering is now directed at the both of you, and you can't help but start laughing shyly. he smiles at that, and presses a quick kiss to your temple before rushing off for a debrief, with promises to talk later.

you don't even care that your time together has been cut short, because all you can think about now is how grateful you are that you won't have to return him this jersey.

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© lilioopdf 2024 – please do not plagarise, repost, or translate any of my work on this or other platforms

thank you for reading this far!! stay hydrated and safe always!! 💗💗

taglist: @oscnorris/@httpiastri (the one and only person on my taglist 💕💕 also i realised i forgot to ask you which account you wanted me to tag so i’m just doing 2/3 :p)

[malfoyscoffee]

birthday cakes ౨ৎ draco malfoy

♡ draco malfoy x transfer!slytherin!reader ᝰ fluff, slight angst ☆ reader has neglectful parents, use of y/n

a.n.: this is my first fic for this account, so it's not my best work.

6:02 pm

“Finally, in a few hours, our lovely Y/N will be 16!” Pansy clapped her hands together in delight, excited for your birthday.

“Oh Pansy, it's not that serious.” You shrug while picking at your food.

You were a transfer student from Drumstrang, so this was indeed the first birthday you would spend at Hogwarts.

The moment you were placed into Slytherin, Draco approached you and befriended you into his group of friends. Ever since, you have grown closer with all of them.

Mattheo puts his fork down, “But Y/N, this is your first time celebrating your birthday with us!”

“He’s right,” Theodore started, “we should stay up till midnight since we don't have class tomorrow anyway.”

You looked up at your friends, knowing they wanted to cheer you up.

It was this morning when you received your monthly letter from your parents. They wrote that you should study harder to keep up your—currently perfect—grades, along with how they were going on another business trip to America.

They wrote about everything but your birthday.

This was nothing new, after all, they were always busy during your previous birthdays.

Blaise joined in, “If it makes you feel any better, we all had our gifts bought last month because someone,” he looked over at Pansy, “wanted to start gift shopping early.”

You turned to Pansy who simply grinned, “Oh, come on, you didn't have to spoil the surprise, Blaise!”

Pansy playfully slapped Blaise’s shoulder while you, Mattheo, and Theodore laughed.

The laughter died down and you spoke, “By the way, where's Draco?”

Draco Malfoy, your best friend. You would consider him the closest person to you in all of Hogwarts.

You haven't seen the blond a lot this week, mostly during classes. After classes ended, instead of him hanging out with you, he would leave the common room and not come back all night.

Two days ago, he returned late at night to the common room, passing by your group of friends while his dark robes were covered in some white powder. You asked what was wrong as he bee-lined towards the stairs, but he muttered something with a frustrated face; you haven't had a chance to talk to him since.

All the talk about your birthday made you start to feel excited, but you wanted Draco to be around too. But seeing how he has been the past week, you were starting to doubt he remembered your birthday.

You were too busy in thought to see the four of your friends sending eye signals to each other, each of them caught off-guard to give you an excuse.

Unlike Blaise exposing everyone’s early gift preparation, this was something that needed to be covered up.

Theodore cleared his throat first, “I think he's practicing more Quidditch. You know, since the season is starting soon.”

Mattheo added on, his food long forgotten, “You know how serious he is with beating every house, especially Gryffindor.”

“Oh,” you nodded your head “that reminds me, I'll see my first Hogwarts Quidditch match soon!” Your mood was suddenly lifted, thinking back to your old school’s Quidditch games. You always loved Quidditch and attended every game since you were a first-year at Drumstrang.

The moment you started to ramble to your friends about your favorite sport, you didn't hear the sighs of relief at your table.

11:50 pm

Pansy and Blaise were walking with you back to the common room. You just spent a few hours stargazing with them by the Black Lake.

Mattheo and Theodore said something about having to practice Quidditch with Draco too, which you didn't want to hold them back for. They made sure to tell you that they would meet the three of you back before midnight before they hurried off.

“We’re going to the Three Broomsticks tomorrow?”

“Of course, we’re going to have a birthday dinner. We always celebrate our birthdays there.”

You smiled, grateful to have wonderful friends. “It's not even my birthday yet, but thank you both for preparing so much. You guys know already, but I didn't celebrate my birthday during my childhood.”

Pansy and Blaise look at you with sadness, knowing about your life with your busy parents. It was a post-party hangout at Draco’s dorm when you opened up to all of them, partially because you were drunk, but also because you knew you could trust all five of them.

“Y/N, we’re your family too. We will always celebrate your day with you, so don't think too much about your parents.” You smiled at Blaise, grateful for his words.

The three of you finally reached the Slytherin common room. Although it was late, there were many students sprawled out of the room, hanging out with each other.

“Should we go check up on Draco?” Pansy asked, staring at her watch.

“Wouldn’t he be asleep?” You asked confused.

You assumed that since he was busy with Quidditch, he forgot about your birthday. The thought of him forgetting your birthday made you grow a bit sad, but you didn't want to make it a big deal.

Blaise started walking to the stairs, “He doesn't sleep early, come on.”

Pansy followed quickly behind Blaise, leaving you a little confused.

“Y/N!” Pansy yelled from the top of the stairs, “Let’s go!”

You grew confused but followed after your friends, walking up the stairs to Draco’s room.

“Pansy? Blaise? Where did you guys go?” You reached the top and did not see your friends.

You approached Draco’s dorm, knocking on the door.

“Draco? Are you in here?” You pushed the knob, stepping inside the dark room. You took two steps before there was a loud sound next to you, like something popping.

12:00am

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY Y/N!”

The lights turned on and you looked around, Draco’s dorm decorated for your birthday. Green balloon letters were written ‘HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY’ and confetti was thrown all over the floor. There was also a stash of gifts in the corner of his room, definitely the one Pansy made them buy in advance.

You were immediately hugged by Pansy, “It’s midnight! The start of your big day!”

Blaise, Theodore, and Mattheo chuckled before all saying happy birthday to you.

You had never smiled so hard, feeling so grateful for all of your friends.

“What happened to Quidditch practice today?” You ask Theodore and Mattheo, assuming they must have decorated Draco’s room. However, it may have been the messy arrangement of the balloon letters that gave it away. 

Mattheo looked at you with wide eyes, “That was a lie. Sorry, we tried to have you distracted to prepare this.”

You let out a laugh, “It’s okay, wait a minute, then what about Draco’s practices?”

The group felt silent, not before looking behind you at the currently opened door “If your practices were a lie, then was Draco’s-”

“Happy Birthday, Y/N” A voice interrupted your own.

You turned your body to the door, and a smiling Draco entered the room. Looking at his hands, he held a green cake with a single lit candle on top. It spelled out ‘Happy Birthday Y/N’ in frosting.

“Draco? What is this?”

“Well, snake's out of the bag,” Draco said standing in front of you.

Pansy went to stand beside you first, “But before, let’s sing first!”

The others agreed and started to sing you a happy birthday, Mattheo’s off-pitch voice making you laugh the whole time. When they finished you smiled, closing your eyes to make to make a wish before blowing out the candle.

“Yay!” Mattheo screamed excitedly, jumping up and down.

“Let’s go down to the common room to eat!” Theodore suggested, leaving the room to race Mattheo.

The rest of you four laughed, following them quickly.

“So,” you started, “did Draco have practice this week?” You sat down on the couch as your friends surrounded you.

Draco grinned, “You’ve caught me. I made your cake myself.” Your eyes widened in surprise as he put the cake down for Pansy to cut it.

“You thought Pansy reminding us a month in advance to buy gifts was insane? Draco spent the entire week learning how to bake a cake for your birthday.”

Draco took a seat next to you on the couch, hiding behind you as Blaise and Mattheo teased him further.

“Is that true?” You asked Draco, who shrugged his shoulders as if it was nothing.

“Have the first slice, Y/N” Pansy passed you a slice on a plate that she somehow prepared while you were too shocked.

“Come on, tell us if it’s bad!” Mattheo said from the couch across from you, earning a smack in the head from Blaise.

You took a bite and it seemed like the cake was baked by a professional. You savored the taste and smiled, “It's delicious!”

That was all it took for Mattheo and Theodore to beg Pansy for slices, while Blaise was busy helping her cut the cake.

“Thank you, Draco, I didn't know.” He put his arm around your shoulder, leaning closer to you.

“I’m happy you love it, and that the cake didn't taste bad.” You laughed as you kept eating the cake.

“Y/N,” Blaise said, all your friends now settled down with cake slices except Draco, “You don’t understand. Not only did he learn how to bake that cake, he asked all of us to taste test it each time..”

A realization hit your eyes, “Is that why you were all sick a few days ago? It was his previous cakes?”

All your friends laughed as Draco hid his face in your neck embarrassed.

“At least it tastes wonderful now.” Mattheo munched on his cake slice with a smile, “Draco, you need to bake all of us birthday cakes now.”

Draco shook his head, before looking at you.

“Only for Y/N’s birthdays.”

[latenuitrambles]

Flufftober day 11

Kaveh X Reader

Imagine an accidental meetup with Kaveh In the tavern while he’s drunk

A/N: Not proofread, God I haven't written in so long law school is hard but I do wanna write something for all my fav charas for October. Only fluff No Tw maybe like mention of booze?? but not really.

Kaveh who is once again shit drunk in the tavern. Something about a client and their unreasonable demands and lack of creative freedom he had for this job.

Kaveh who tried to order another drink, slurring barely even able to get the words out “One more Boss!”, his manuscripts and sketches strewn about all over the table, truly what a pathetic sight he must be right now!

Kaveh who is then told he can’t have any more his tab is already too high for tonight, but he doesn’t have any money left that damn Alhaitham took it all saying it was rent for this month. He hates that bastard always egging him on!!

Kaveh who suddenly hears someone say from behind him as he’s in his squabble with the tavern owner, “I’ll cover his tab for tonight.” He turns around expecting it to be Alhaitham or one of his other friends. “I’m really not in the mood for a lecture right now just cut me some slack, ok? I’ve had a tough day Just let me drink some more!”

Kaveh who then sees you instead standing there with a little smile on his face. He feels embarrassed, his face getting red “Uh I thought you we-re someone …else, I’m soh so-rry for lash-ing …out.” Oh god he’s still slurring his words how embarrassing. How could he let a you pay his tab god did he look so pathetic right now that even strangers were taking pity on him??

Kaveh who sees you had some money to the owner. Then turning around maybe because you read the expression he has on his face you say to him, (your voice sounds so sweet and nice?) “Hey, don’t worry about it ok? But if you want you can take me out for coffee someday in return?”

Kaveh who is dumbstruck he’s never had a girl hit on him like this before?? He is probably blushing even more now, and he can see a small smile forming on your face too, waiting for his reply.

Kaveh who then gets walked back (well walking was probably an overstatement he was tripping) to his house with your help, you both talking along the way, giggling. You told him how much you admired his designs, and it struck him how genuine and amazing you seemed. As you both reached his (fine Alhaitham’s) house, he thanks you for dropping him and honestly everything tonight. You both smile and say goodbyes and, and you turn starting to leave.

Kaveh who mustering up some courage, calls out to you, “Coffee sounds good, Tuesday 5pm it’s a date?”. You turn around your face a mixture of bewildered and flushed, holding back a giggle, “It’s a date then.”

Archons he was still slurring when he said that wasn’t he.

(As always criticism is appreciated (and I'm begging for it) I'm not the best at dialogues so I try to keep it short as possible, but any suggestions would be nice!!) Here's the prompt list I followed its from last year in case you wanna you it. Credit for it goes to the original maker.

[reyggtv]

There's only so much I can say on Twitter to truly express my feelings about the show Hilda, and how much of an impact it has left on me to make me the kind of person I am today, so I'm taking to Tumblr to write all about it.

If you don't know who I am already, hi, I am ReyGGTV, though you can just call me Rey. I like to make YouTube videos, memes, talk with other Hilda fans, and make occasionally make art. You may already know me from the Hilda Crack videos I made since several years ago, as well as some more recent big videos of mine like my comparison video between Aster and Hilda. I am 20 years old, and have been a diehard fan of the franchise ever since I was just 14.

Firstly, let's discuss how I actually managed to discover Hilda in the first place. It was 2018, freshman year of high school had just started, during this time, I was still big fan of another animated TV show at the time called Star vs. The Forces of Evil. I was a fan of that show ever since its premiere in January of 2015 when I was only 11 years old. Honestly even if I don't look at it nearly as fondly as I do now, to its credit, the show did most certainly help me get interested into animation as a whole more than any other show I saw at the time.

Not even like 2 months after I got in though, I was kicked out. Not because I did anything wrong, but because for a while, my parents had me enrolled in a school district that I didn't even live anywhere near in at the time, so once they found out that I actually lived much farther from them, that's when they decided to let me go. This was devastating to me, all the friends I made in middle school, were suddenly going to go away, and it was only at the very last minute, at the principal's office that I received this news. I was upset, literally everything was going great and they just wanted to throw everything away for me, in favor for me going to a school that was so bad, it caused my family to move to an entirely new city with a better school by the time Sophomore year came around.

But anyways, about 2 weeks before all this happened, I was in a cartoon Discord server, where someone recommended me to watch this show called... you guessed it, Hilda. I took a lot at the promotional material for a while, and put it at the back of my head, not knowing that I would soon revisit it not long later. Fast forward to when I was out of school, I had like 2 weeks in the beginning of October to just cope with everything. It wasn't long that I just became bored, and wanted to do something better, so I pulled up Netflix wanting to find something new to watch. The suggestion from someone about Hilda just so happened to come up on my mind, so I was like "Eh, sure, why not?". I put it on, and the rest was history. I knew from the very moment I finished watching the intro for the very first time, that this was about to be the show of a lifetime for me.

Despite that however, I did not anticipate just how much impact Hilda would leave on the work that I am now doing nearly 6 years after that very faithful day.

I guess the biggest reason why the show left such a massive impact on me right from the beginning is because of its main title character, Hilda. Look, I may be no blue-haired adventurer from the wilderness that likes to munch on cucumber sandwiches all the time, but Hilda at the time for me, was the most relatable character and the character I found the most comfort in when watching it for the first time. Just like me, Hilda too, was also forced to move away from the place and friends she was always happy to be with, despite all her efforts, all it took was one giant, to come and crush it all, leaving her forced to live a new life in a new environment she was not familiar with at all. But, she moved on. She knew that while this was not the ideal way for things go out, life always comes with surprises. But maybe, just maybe, this could be something that could work out in her favor. This whole becoming friends with other humans and living in the big dirty ol' city, could be the best decision she has ever made. And I think it goes without saying that as the series continued, it was.

This was a message that I desperately needed to hear as I was going through overwhelming times at such a young age, and one that I was so happy to hear and watch once I finally finished the first two episodes of this amazing damn show. It showed me that if an 11-year-old girl from the wilderness can be brave enough to move into the big city, be okay and make the best out of it, maybe I too, will be okay with belonging to a new school, finding new friends, and creating new passions for me to follow for years to come. Hilda inspired me to look towards a bigger and brighter future, rather than doubt the bad that comes with the present. For that, I am forever grateful for the creative and writing team of this show, for helping me go through such a difficult time in my life, and convincing me that even despite all that has happened, there will always be something better to look forward to.

I would be lying if I said that this was the only reason as to why I ended up becoming such a huge fan of the show for the next 5 years. Asides from the writing being so good it literally cured my depression. The animation, worldbuilding, and characters were just unlike anything I have ever seen with my own two eyes. It was simple, yet jaw dropping at the same time. Just a silly kid either helping a Raven jog back his memory, try and fight nightmare spirits or ghosts, or help Jellybean out of a scary situation in which everyone wrongfully accuses him of being a big scary black hound. Even if certain episodes of season 1 didn't always turn out perfect, I would always rewatch every single one of them all day for several hours and for several weeks. I had even skipped multiple days of school especially when it was raining, just so I can head to the living room, cuddle up in some warm blankets, with the heater on during the winter season, and just binge the crap out of it for multiple hours a day. This was just the show that I can always count on to bring back the happiness inside of me. Even when I wasn't necessarily having a bad day, I would still continue to watch it for hours because it just kept on getting better and better with every watch I could get possible, it was almost like an addiction almost, haha.

Hilda was the show for me, and I had no intention of trying to watch anything else.

It was also around this time that I started to also get myself more involved with the show's fandom as well, back when it was a lot more populated and not as niche as it is now. While I'm not gonna say that my reputation in it has always been 100% perfect, at the end of the day, I'm just forever grateful I was able to meet some of the most wonderful people and hundreds of fans like myself because of it like @hkthatgffan, @helgafolk618, and many more I can't list here 'cause most of them are not on Tumblr. So much so that I now have the pleasure of creating hundreds, if not thousands of people who are fans/supporters of ME all across all my social media pages. All because I like to talk about Hilda, literally all the time. And to those reading this who has ever left a nice comment on one of my posts, said hi to me on my Discord server, worked with me on a commission, even went as far as to make fan-art of me or just tuned into any of my content whatsoever, thank you. Your support has left a massive impact on me and what I'm continuing to do now. Because at the end of the day, it's not about any popularity points you get from just talking about a TV show consistently for 6 years, for me at least, it has always been about making thousands, sometimes, even millions, happy with my love for it that is the reason that I'm doing any of this in the first place. I love Hilda, always have, and I want to make people happy the same way Hilda did for me, all those years ago.

Surprisingly enough, even though I was already as big of a fan as I could possibly be by the time November of 2018 rolled around, I still wasn't really a guy interested in getting my hands on Hilda merchandise. I knew that the graphic novels by Luke existed, but the only thing I even managed to get for myself at the time was this old T-shirt I bought from the now defunct official Zazzle store they had up for like a few months lol

I guess that all changed when I got my first ever Hilda plush though when I was 15. While it has now certainly showed its age after nearly 5 years, I loved this thing so much lol. It wasn't official because official Hilda plushies didn't exist at the time. I bought it off an Etsy store from AngelinaLily, and I would literally take this thing out with me everyday to everywhere I went to and take photos of it, especially in the wilderness. It was my favorite pastime. My little Hilda, in the palm of my hand 😆. Hey, when you have to wait more than 2 whole years for a brand-new season, what else are you gonna do to entertain yourself during the hiatus?

I had gotten this in the mail right when I had just exited out the mental hospital because I was actively wanting to h*rt myself and potentially putting myself in danger of committing s*icide. Because while Hilda did definitely help me cope with a lot that I was going through at the time, there was still a lot of overwhelming issues I was experiencing, and my mental health was the lowest that it had ever been. This plush effectively, was a way to help me cope with those thoughts I had, which turned out to be a great thing because I literally couldn't be happier with it.

After that, I just decided that "You know what? What if I just got... ALL of the Hilda merchandise?" Thus... that now leading to my massive hoard of Hilda stuff, that I now have everywhere in my room lol

These photos aren't even all the ones I have!

At 16, I decided to write Luke Pearson an e-mail, thanking him for his work and how much it has inspired me to become the person I am now, explaining everything that I just mentioned in this Tumblr post, and at the end of the day, just wanting him to know, that his creations mean a grave big deal to me, and that I will always appreciate just how much of a positive impact it has left me. I didn't really expect anything to come out of it, but about several weeks later, he said this to me lol

"I just wanted to say thank you for writing and relaying your experience to me. I'm sorry to hear that you've been through such difficult times, but I'm glad that you're able to look back on those times and find yourself in a better place. And if Hilda has played any small part in that, which it seems like it has, then I'm extremely pleased about that and it warms me to hear it. It can be hard to know exactly what good a cartoon can actually do for the world (beyond being a few hours of amusement) which is strange when so many people devote so much of their time and creative energy into making it happen. But hearing something like this goes a long way to making it feel like something genuinely worthwhile. I hope things continue to look up for you and hope you're taking care in these trying times." - All the best, Luke

When I tell you I cried like a baby when I first received this e-mail from him, I really did, lol. Hearing this, from the man who made it all possible, was truly the most inspirational thing I could have ever heard. And I was happy, that he was happy, that I was truly able to tell him for the first time, just how much his creation has meant to not just me, but to soooo many fans just like myself. It was truly something to never forget.

Now I'm 20 years old, still talking about the same ol' dang kids show I fell in love with all those years ago. What's happening now? Well now, I am an aspiring film director and video editor who has been taking film classes in community college for the past like 2 years now, I should've graduated already by now but turns out, college is pretty fricking expensive, and I don't even know if I have the funds to try and even graduate by next year. Asides from that though, I am actually in the works of creating my first ever feature-length Hilda fan-film called The Ultimate Hilda Iceberg. It will basically be one of those iceberg explanation videos you see on YouTube, but with the original source of the iceberg being about Hilda, specifically a version someone made on the r/HildaTheSeries subreddit. I've had the idea for this Iceberg video/fan-film as far back as January 2021, with the current script having started work as far back as nearly 9 months ago. And it's still not even finished! Me, as well as tens of dozens of other Hilda fans like myself, are actively working on it to have it be ready by the time fall of this year comes around, right now as we speak! If you want to support and/or follow this massive project as more updates come around you can either follow the official accounts on Twitter/X (@/HildaIceberg) or on Instagram (@/theultimatehildaiceberg).

Asides from that, the biggest passion project I have for my career moving forward, is directing my own big-budget Hilda movie. Specifically, a live-action Hilda movie. Now now, BEFORE you try and cancel me and tell me that this is the stupidest idea of all time and could taint Hilda's image forever. Let me cook. I am a huge movie bluff, I know which live action remakes are genuinely amazing, and which ones just really suck. My vision for a live-action Hilda movie is to make it sorta like how Who Framed Roger Rabbit was. All of the human characters and outside settings are done with real people and practical assets, whilst creatures like Trolls, Elves, or stuff that would normally be done with CGI, be actually turned into 2D-animation, ideally in the same style as that of the Netflix show. Ideally, I also want it to remain as faithful to at least how the show was as possible in terms of story. Look, if there's gonna be anyone else who knows their Hilda best asides from people like Luke or Andy Coyle, it's gonna be me, just sayin.

In conclusion, I just want to wrap this up by giving a huge shout out to people like @littledigits and literally ANYONE who has ever done any time making this fantastic and wonderful show (I couldn't think of anyone else to tag so I only tagged you Meg so sorry if that bothers you 😅). As this post has indicated several times, this show, has really made the best kind of impact in my life and I'm forever grateful to the creator Luke, the directors Andy Coyle, Megan, etc, the voice actors, artists, editors, composers, everyone who has ever had a part in making this amazing show just, please let me hug you. While I may not have been as enthusiastic with the show's third season overall as I wanted to in my opinion, Hilda will always have a soft spot in my heart, for years and years to come, for just how much it truly inspired me, to not just not only being able to have the luxury to do the things I love to do now, but do so in a way that has made, and hopefully will continue to make thousands, hundreds of thousands if not millions of people happy, because of the love that I will continue to have for this very show. Just because a show is small, doesn't mean it can't leave big enough impacts on people for the better ❤️

[atlantis-just-drowned]

Okay I can't fucking take it anymore I need to lay all of the proofs on the table and figure out whether or not I'm actually crazy

This is not a mental health coming out post. Or maybe it is. Who fucking knows. I'm just trying to figure out whatever the fuck is going on with my brain.

I've been running around in circles for more than a year trying to find the truth while simultaneously denying it. Here I'm just going to list it all under the cut once and for all. And then, I don't know, I'll just hope for the best.

For most of my life I've always been experiencing conflicts "with myself", or my "conscience", or whatever I called it. I always felt cut in small parts, like there was something inside of me fighting against me

This has been a recurrent subject in my life. I started writing diaries at 11 years old and ever since then, there has been multiple entries, spread over several years through all of those diaries talking about "the little guys in my head", "the different parts of me", "the other half of me", "me and my conscience", etc, etc etc... I even wrote dialogues between them

I've been through a fair lot of traumas in my childhood. My coping mechanism at the time was to escape in my imagination, to invent worlds were I was someone else, with a different name and different personality, and I lived a different life. I thought there was a door in my wall that let me access to this "other dimension". I had a lot of imaginary friends. Basically I dissociated a lot

This one might be slightly less meaningful but I've had sudden personality/taste changes happening to me more than once through my life. When I was younger I suddenly stopped liking crepes and affirmed I never liked them when I very much did, though I can't remember ever liking the taste. My parents won't ever stop retelling this tale as they swear it happened so out-of-the-blue that they never understood what has happened to me. Later in middle school, I didn't like mangas and found them weird, until I woke up one morning and suddenly I loved them, without transition. It just hit me like a flash. More generally, I never truly felt like I was the same person through all of my life. It's like different me's existed at different periods, in cuts, and got replaced by another me after a while, but are still all existing inside of my head

Those changes can also happen on short periods of times. I'll start feeling weird and disconnected from my body, and behave/talk/walk/write differently from the usual. I had people asking me if I was intoxicated when I was completely sober, because I didn't "seem like myself". I had moments where I suddenly felt like an 8 years old child. I don't always recognize myself in the mirror. My gender change like the weather in a way where it's not mine, but it's like another gender overlaps my own. The pitch of my voice can also change

I never experienced black outs. I've seen people talk about the concept of "grey outs" which I recognize myself in, and more generally there's events or entire periods of my life I can't remember about, or barely, and in a way where I know the facts at an intellectual level but have no distinct, first-person memories of it. But no black outs. I'm always here but different, or floating above my body, but never absent

However, I do experience strong thoughts that aren't my own. Sometimes they're directly addressing to me. It's not voices but like very clear and distinct messages sent through my brain

I don't know where I'm going with this. I feel like an impostor and a bitch for even just talking about it. I know for certain that I don't have DID. As I said, I do not experience black outs and some other symptoms of this disorder, and I do not recognize myself entirely in the experience of DID systems.

Ever since I started giving more place to those 'parts', I started identifying distinct ones, with their own traits, quirks, personalities, vibes, etc. Close friends of mine also identified some of them over time. Some of them always had names that they identified with right away. But most importantly, they all have a "special goal/function/trait" that's specific to them, and for some of them, their origin can be traced way back in my childhood and their influence has been identified at different periods and in different aspects of my life

I came back later to realise I forgot to mention this, but I do experience depersonalisation and/or derealization a lot. I have stronger episodes when experiencing specific things but on a daily basis I'm almost always "not entirely here"

So what am I doing this post for? No fucking idea, honestly. Maybe so that I can't keep pretending like there's nothing happening. Maybe so that the people around me will understand a bit more what's going on with me. Maybe so that someone will tell me I'm not going crazy or faking it. The only thing I know is that if I don't post this now, I'm going to chicken out yet again and never be fucking honest about it. I'm kinda tired of ruminating the problem all alone, and if I don't reach out I'll never trust my own judgement on this issue. So let's just do this and see what happens.

[sweetiepotatofry]

Hello everypony, welcome back to Bubbles rants about cube shaped people who's stories may or may not ever be finished, today's topic..

The portrayal of homeschooling in Aphmau's PDH. Reviewed by, a shut in homeschooled teen girl.

Aphmau

PDH!APH IS LEGIT ONE OF THE BEST PORTRAYALS OF HOMESCHOOLING I'VE SEEN.

like she doesn't fall into the 'I was homeschooled, so I'm good at everything' or the 'social freako who was locked inside their house for a reason' stereotypes. She's a normal somewhat awkward, occasionally cringe, teen girl.

Speaking of cringe, I find most (not all) cringe moments very very relatable to irl experiences I've had. Especially the way you don't necessarily realize how words sound when they first come out. (Yes this is about the 'let's make a new one!' Babysitting scene.)

And the whole 'she finds nearly everyone she meets somewhat cute' thing (Katelyn, garroth, laurance, Aaron etc) is the most accurate thing ever, like for non-homeschooled shut ins, imagine how whenever there's a new kid at school and everyone suddenly has a crush on them, but everyone is the new kid to you.

The whole back and fourth she had with Teony on how homeschooling isn't that fun and all she did was play video games? Amazingly accurate to every conversation I've ever had about homeschooling.

Another quick tid bit is that I enjoy the habit Aph has of talking to herself, because sometimes when you have nobody to talk to, you start talking to yourself, but when you do have people to talk to again, the habit of talking to the invisible person doesn't disappear.

I find that Jess having been homeschooled for a year herself due to 9/11, makes her writing and handling of PDH!APH hit home for me.

Aaron.

^ the social freako who was locked in their house for a reason, and I was homeschooled so I'm good at everything. While he is technically a stereotype, he isn't technically homeschooled, he just went to military school.

BUUUTT, he is a good example on how sometimes when you grow up isolated, you stay isolated.

While I relate to Aph more nowadays, what's implied to be how Aaron was pre-senior year does remind me loads of the person I used to be. All lonely and off in a corner.

He really does highlight how some people get their daily social interaction by being aggressive to others. It's harsh, but it's true.

I enjoy how in FCU he is seen actively *trying* to make friends, his struggles are eerily realistic that I quite enjoy. I also like how he portrays how sometimes socially isolated people can be jerks, just like how they can be not jerks.

Conclusions.

Both Aaron and Aph can be seen as two of many ways people can take loneliness. 'Accepting' the loneliness and shutting out any chances of social interaction, and trying to cope with the loneliness by pretending everything is smooth sailing. sometimes you're even a strange hybrid of the two. Moral is, severe isolation sucks.

Anyways this is also one of those times where writing for your and your spouses kinda self inserts come really in handy! Like I said in Aph's final tidbit, Jess' writing really shines whenever she writes stuff she knows.

As an ending bit and a slight disclaimer, this is mainly from my experience of being homeschooled for the past nine years, other people might have different experiences.

[blindrapture]

SATURDAY JULY 9TH, 2011 (School Bus)

8:05 AM Had another one of those pretty surreal dreams. We were in a house. Typical little small house in England somewhere. It was my house; Donnie was a friend who was coming over for the day. She was standing with me at first, occasionally speaking, but as the conversation went on, she’d be more and more quiet. By the end of the conversation, she was still there, but.. she was standing so far away that she went through the wall. It’s like noclip but I could still see her. I dunno. Then church bells rang. Then Legsteps marched down the street outside, turning the church bells into a dubstep remix of Metallica’s “For Whom the Bell Tolls.” Then there was a car chase and Batman, but that all doesn’t matter; that was just typical dream fare! Anyway, I’m somewhere now. It feels familiar. Getting up. I’m in a bed.

8:09 AM This is a house, a fancy house covered in much dust. It feels really fucking familiar, though.

8:10 AM I hear running water. Fuck, I hear a shower! Upstairs!

8:11 AM I knocked on the door. Donnie replied, says she woke up half an hour ago and decided to see what works.

8:35 AM I showered too. This was our first time getting clean in a really long time, wasn’t it? Feels nice.

8:40 AM Hey, this house has a basement.

8:41 AM Oh my god. I know this place now. We’re in Bones’ house. Derek Taylor, my best friend from back when I had life in Georgia. That feels like it was decades ago now. It’s been almost a year. I met Derek in Band Camp as a rising 9th grader. We were prepping for marching band. He was wearing a brown fedora, and that’s what got us talking for the first time, we were the hat boys. We spent our 9th grade year hanging out every school morning, and every Friday football game we’d talk and laugh about everything we could think of. Hell, for the first half of the school year, I’d hang out with Derek at our friend Josh’s house. There, I introduced Derek to a little game called Rock Band. I watched him speed through the difficulties until he was a decent Expert bassist. Around the last month of school that year, I found out my family was moving back to England. It was my home country, but I was finally in various established circles of friends, for the first time in my life I could say I really had friends, and that’s all I wanted. That’s all I’d been trying to make all my life. But we had to move, and I was gonna lose all that. But I still had a couple months, so that summer, I hung out with a lot of friends as much as I could. I wound up hanging out with Derek the most. We did so much. We played so much Rock Band, and then there was the time Paul Botsford took us to downtown Atlanta, and we listened to Octavarium in his car. And that homeless person said Derek and I looked like the Blues Brothers.Come to think of it, I’m not entirely sure why I call him “Bones.” I think it was his nickname during Band Camp, but as the school year actually started, people just started calling him by his initials. I was one of the few people who stuck to “Bones.” But the dude was always thinner than me. I was taller, but he was thinner. That might be why he was called it. I dunno! You gotta admit, though. “Bones” is a more badass name than “Derek.” …hey, his Xbox is still here. No guitar controllers, though. No Rock Band. No nothing. What, did the zombies suddenly decide to take his good games?

8:53 AM Donnie’s in the kitchen, looking through the cupboards for supplies. There’s some canned goods, but not much has lasted the month and a half of apocalypse.

8:54 AM ..is that what I think it is? :DDDD Yes. Oh my god yes. And are these its YES We’ve hit the jackpot. Derek’s parents left a car and keys in the garage.

8:58 AM We do have one little problem. I haven’t been in this area in almost a year, and I never exactly learned the layout of Derek’s neighbourhoods and surrounding areas. Oh well! When has that ever stopped me?

9:00 AM On the road again! We're a long way away from New York, but considering how deep we went into the rabbit hole, that's not unheard of.

9:18 AM I know this area now. This is the Sandy Springs that I grew up with. In fact, my old high school should be somewhere over here.

9:25 AM Oh my god. The school is covered in a fresh paint of blood, and anything that’s not covered in that already had dry blood on it. And that’s just the outside. There’s graffiti up the cornholio out here. “SOUF SPRANG IS DEAD” “THE FOOTBALL TEAM WILL NEVER WIN A GAME NOW” “IT NEVER EVEN HAD A CHANCE.” “THE BAND’S BACK IN TOWN.”

9:26 AM Front door works. Memories, oh goodness. But now it looks considerably altered. The grey and blue floor is a notably darker hue, with skid marks and blood stains everywhere. The white-and-blue walls follow suit. The ceiling is the most notable, with rotting corpses hanging from the lights. …hello, person. Goodbye, person who is now running down the E hall. Funnily enough, that’s where I was going.

9:30 AM E108 is the room I wanted. The door’s barricaded. I intend on entering, though. I intend on it. Donnie’s looking at me with curiosity. Don’t worry, boss. You’ll find out soon enough. Now then. I know all too well that there’s more than one entrance to this room.

9:32 AM The connecting hall from the commons to the cafeteria looks… daunting, to say the least. There’s a cheerful little fold-out sign above the doors to the cafeteria that reads “Sparta Cafe!” However, all the doors have been bolted shut and surrounded with barbed wire. There’s stakes in front of the doors with zombie and spidercat heads on them. But the cafeteria’s not where I was trying to go. There’s a convenient little door here on the side of the hallway; that’s what I want. …and some poor bastard left it unlocked. Lucky us.

9:34 AM Band room. Oh my god, the band room. It’s been far too long. This large room looks virtually unchanged. Someone’s been keeping it clean, from the looks of it. Wait the band director’s office door is open It just closed WAIT

9:35 AM Holy fuck. It’s Minor. He’s still alive. He’s surprised I am, too. He’s surprised I actually managed to make it here. What’s he doing?He needs concentration. I’m taking Donnie back into the main room. Minor was a sophomore when Bones and I were freshmen. Actually, Minor was one of the first high school band kids I met. He visited my middle school when I was in 8th grade to try to get kids to sign up for marching band. Since my brother was the Nathan Dooling, I was definitely in. As my freshman year went on, Minor remained one of the kids I always wound up remembering. He was always chilling with Mister Brown, cracking jokes and playing his brass really well. I’d tell you what instrument he played, but it’s been over a year, man. I can’t remember.

9:56 AM He's calling us back into the office.

9:57 AM Oh shit, I see what he’s been doing. He’s been fixing a radio. He says I came at a good time. He’s turning the radio on.

9:58 AM It’s static. “Mephistophelectro to Bandwagon, do you read me, over?” Static. “Mephistophelectro to Bandwagon, we have an old friend, please come in, over.” Static. “Bandwagon, do you read, over?” …noise. Coughing. “What is it, Minor?” “We have an old friend.” Silence. “Which old friend?” “Nathan’s little brother.” Silence. Static. “Could you repeat that?” “I thought he was in England.” “So did I.” Silence. Minor “Should I just send him down to see you?” Silence. “…yeah, go ahead. You come down too.” “Kay, see you soon.”

10:05 AM Minor says we’re going down to Thermopylae. Donnie asked what that is. Why, it’s the football field! What better name for the Spartan battlefield?

10:11 AM I asked Minor where in particular we’re going. Apparently, we’re going up to the box. The box, journal, is that room way up at the very top of homeside stands in football stadiums. I’ve never actually been in it before.

10:13 AM We’re in. Ooh, cozy in h MISTER BROWN FUCK YES "Man, you can't contain that grin, can you?" I never thought I'd see you again! I never thought I'd see Georgia again. "You look really British." looking at my getup Thanks! Trilbies are cool. "So who are you?" "Donnie. You're.. Mr. Brown?" "Mitchell Brown." handshake "I was a band teacher." "Ah, this is all starting to make sense." "Can you fight, Donnie?" Can she ever!

10:15 AM He's gone to check on something. Mister Brown was our band teacher. He helped make things just that much more pleasant, even when outside influences made it harder to focus on schoolwork. I’m really excited to get to see him again because.. well, that’s how I imagine anyone would get with a teacher they really loved, right? I mean, this is the guy who doesn’t play realistic video games, and if he wanted to play a zombie game, he’d “grab a shotgun and go to downtown Atlanta.” It’s hard not to love a man with philosophies like that. …come to think of it, that joke used to be funny for its absurdity.

10:17 AM Brown came back. Says the trap is set. Asked him what trap he meant. Says he’ll show us.

10:19 AM We’re at the bottom of the stands now. In the middle of the football field is a tuba. “We can’t stay in South Springs for much longer. The zombies are coming. We got a visit last night from a monster in a gas mask. He was driving a school bus filled with the undead. JT– you wouldn’t know him– got on the bus, almost like he was in some kind of trance. The masked thing told us the bus would be back today at noon. Then he drove off.” Noon. That’s an hour and a half from now. Okay, so what about this trap you’ve made? “You let me worry about that.” What do we do for now, then? “I dunno, go crazy in the school, swing from the lights and pretend you’re the principal or something. Be back here before noon, okay?”

11:51 AM We wound up passing the time talking about random stuff. School complaints and whatnot, and laughing at how we don’t have to worry about it anymore. I expected things to be a lot more exciting, having complete freedom to wander my old school, but.. I guess nostalgia paints things differently. The Loop of Unhappiness Effect. Now we’re heading back to the football field.

11:58 AM Hey, we’re just in time for the show. Minor’s here, but Brown’s gone. Minor says to stand on the back field and be ready to ‘march in.’ Well, I do have Tiger Stripes on me. Guess I’m marching the guitar controller this year.

12:00 PM Materializing on the field is he who we met yesterday. The Archangel... uh.. the Archway... uh... Arch... Archie. He’s standing at the endzone. His gaze is fixed on me. Minor’s standing in the center of the field, wearing the tuba. Shit, the tuba was never his instrument as long as I’ve known him. I hope he knows what he’s doing. And I hope Mister Brown shows up soon.

12:01 PM I hear a lot of running footsteps nearby. Sounds like the front of the school. And a lot of unpleasant screams. I take it the zombies are here.

12:02 PM Good god, you can see a huge mass of colors just charging down the hill, coming to the football field at an incredible velocity. Donnie's ready to stand her ground. Minor’s just staring at the mass patiently.

12:03 PM I recognize some of those zombies a lot of the What the fuck, they’re all dead high schoolers. Teachers and students alike. Don’t get too attached, Jordan. They’re not your friends anymore. …but wow, I’m really gonna be leaving all of them behind. again No. They’re already gone. No remorse. …please. ._.;

12:04 PM They went straight for Minor, fuck! Prepping Tiger Stripes. WHACK-A-MOLE TIME

12:13 PM Shit, Minor can really fight with that tuba. It gives his body a lot of top-heavy force.

12:15 PM What’s that noise? It sounds an awful lot like… SCHOOOOOL BUUUUUUUUS It’s running over plenty of zombies and coming our way. Now it’s stopping. …Minor says that’s JT driving! o_o

12:16 PM JT’s urging us to get in. But Mister Brown’s not here yet! D: Minor got on, says Brown’ll catch up. Well, okay wait Mister Brown’s catching up with us. He’s asking what the hell just happened. JT just happened, man. ”Don’t get on that bus! What are you doing?!“ DOOR CLOSED DRIVING OFF MINOR’S IN IT FUCK

12:21 PM We’re up at the main street. All the zombies have suddenly vanished. There’s not a hint of a bus anywhere. Not even the faint roar of its engine. What the fuck.

12:24 PM Donnie says to look at a gas station nearby. It’s Archie. Staring at us. Arms outstretched, as if expecting us to come up.

12:45 PM We went back to the band room and sat in Mister Brown’s office in silence for a while. Then he looked at us. "What the hell happened to the plan?" You never told us the plan. "I was coming out with a cart full of weapons. Some hammers and drills and things left over from the janitor's closet, but a shit-ton of instruments too. They'd have lasted us a good few days at the least." I don't think this would have done much good. That guy out there was a Fear, and one in charge of the dead. He just wanted a show. "'Fear,' what's, what's a 'Fear?'" Uh. Very, very powerful monsters. donnie "you have those essays that rogers made" Yeah, uh. Hang on, these might help. These were written by someone we met in Liverpool.

12:49 PM He read them, doubling back sometimes, and muttering. Then he gave them back. "Okay, that read like a knockoff Doctor Who episode; I take it your friend wasn't a writer. But point taken, there are monsters now that we've got to share our planet with." He's getting up. "I think another one's been with us for a while."

12:50 PM Led us to the cafeteria. It's utterly trashed. "I don't like going in here anymore. Spending too long in here, I'd start hearing things. Sometimes I'd swear I was seeing things too. Things I've seen before, old memories, things that can't be here now. One night I was in here, by myself. The whole school was empty, I knew this for a fact, as I'd just done a sweep with Minor before he left for the night. And I was here, in the cafeteria, in the dead of night, with two men I'd never seen before." Two men… "Black suits and hats, much like yours. Skin pale as ghosts, all I could make out of their faces were two black beady eyes. My vision couldn't focus so long as I was looking at them. I tried to speak to them, but my fucking voice wouldn't come out. Instead, I sounded like a saxophone." Did they say anything to you? "Yeah. They said it so loud I was deaf for a few days." What did they say? "'This is the place.'" Like. Like they were scoping this building out? donnie "When was this?" "A while ago. Start of June." looking at this cafeteria... I do keep thinking I can see mushrooms on the tables. red, cartoonish mushrooms. "This is another Fear, right?" I think so. I think they're called the Musicians. "Great, we're competing with another band. C'mon, let's get out of this haunted moldy room."

6:05 PM We spent the rest of our time just idling, talking about old times, comparing notes on the apocalypse. He thinks it's silly to call it the apocalypse, but.. he's coming around. I probably shouldn’t be saying this, but we’re all pretty sure Minor and JT are gone. We’re in Derek's house. All three of us, Mister Brown came along too. We all agreed it wasn’t a good idea to stay in South Springs for much longer. I’m.. I’m gonna go to bed. Donnie wants to go with me. Mister Brown says he’ll stay up for a while. Says he has a lot of things to figure out.

11:00 PM Some films rely on our fear of the familiar becoming the unknown, or in other words, our fear of death. This is often a very difficult fear to represent in media, but the fear of death is a very justified and real one. It’s the fear of the end, or of the knowledge that everything’s coming to an end, and it goes hand-in-hand with worries about blame. Body horror is often used in horror, disgusting things done to our bodies, especially when feral animals are used. The same feral animals, usually dogs, are often used as omens, much like vague illnesses. This is a fear of body horror and dogs. Newborns in horror are used to refer to the fear of the future, for the newborns that cause fear are the ones who look terribly off. This provokes the fear in viewers that this newborn will grow up to be something terrifying. Eyes are the symbol of judgement. Humans have a natural fear of being judged. Horror tends to make the most use of this. Fear is not limited to just creatures. We humans also greatly fear alien architecture, incomprehensible landscapes, and the concept of being whisked away into an alternate world by as comfortable a trap as a door. The inability to escape is another popular fear. Fear the day the Fears fall from their thrones.

(Attached: ”Jordan's background, since he's not here to discuss it, is that of a British immigrant raised in America. His father was a managerial IT guru who lavished his family with money to make up for the fact he was never home, which he made sure of by drinking his evenings away. The times he was home, he brought his work with him and did not like being interrupted. His mother was a housewife with aspirations to act in Hollywood, but was instead saddled with three boys when what she wanted was a daughter. The boys had video games, lots of video games, and a computer to each of them. The mother had television and medication. Jordan was the youngest of the three boys. One brother was The Bad One, spreading toxicity and violence at a moment's notice, usually when the parents weren't around. The other brother was The Good One, the one to look up to, who preached responsibility and the middle path and prioritizing the comfort of those around him. The Good One was very popular at school. Jordan dreamed of the day he'd get his chance. The thing is, Jordan was a big source of affection for that whole household. He hugged his parents goodnight every night, he stuck up for his brothers, he believed in doing the right thing and telling the truth and loving his life. But he was still left alone, left in the care of people who didn't want to raise kids, and an older brother who definitely had no purpose being in that position. The finer details of what happened in that house are not my story to tell, and Jordan isn't here to give me permission. But the facts stand: Jordan is scared of knives, preoccupied with sex, willing to stare into the face of scary men, and pathologically convinced he can make sense of a chaotic world. And here we see him.. something like happy. When the father lost his American job and the family had to move back to an England Jordan did not know, Jordan fell through the system and never went to school again, crying himself to sleep at night. And he ended his 2010 with a loved one's hands around his neck. That's Jordan's background. The apocalypse is pressure, but Jordan already had an idea of how to operate under pressure. It's friends that he wasn't used to.“)

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[heeheesang]

xoxo cupid crush

ep. 11

made up?

"hey, are you attending our performance later..?" juyeon asked as he came up to me beside my locker with changmin.

"i have to suppprt right? i wouldn't miss it for the world... how's class?" i asked as i accompanied them to their dance lesson.

it's been almost a month or so since i've left dance class and i've never been more focused in my studies. it's been lonely without sunwoo, i admit i kinda miss him, but it just makes me so annoyed whenever i see him.

"class is nothing without my co-chairman. promise you're coming later on?" changmin said, pouting and holding my hands. i nodded and smiled at the way his dimples showed, "of course, changmin. i promise."

"how's things between you and the sun?" juyeon asked as they both started practicing for their dance.

"i've never talked to since since that day, i just can't bare to see him. even in classes."

"he talks about you, you know? he cried to me, talking about how he misses you and how he shouldn't have done this and done that." juyeon agreed to whatever changmin had said.

"doesn't look like it in class! he's having a fun time talking to yubin everytime and distracting the whole class."

"jealous?" yubin suddenly came out of nowhere and we all rolled our eyes, just when i thoight i escaped her.

"why would i be? just know that if you break sunwoo's heart or anything, you're dead meat. i may not be talking to him but if i see him crying, i'm coming after you." i threatened her.

"i'll see you guys tonight, all the best for your performance ju, min." i bid my goodbyes before heading back home to rest and change.

i put on my headphones and played my favourite song, putting it on the loudest volume and scrolling through instagram while waiting for the traffic light to turn green. a post of sunwoo and yubin popped up... wow they're really close...

once the green light flashed from the reflection of my phone, i crossed the street but was pulled back onto the side walk by someone and a car zoomed past me. i took my headphones off, getting ready to thank the person.

"be more careful next time..." his voice rang in my ears before i could even turn around.

i was going to walk off when he pulled me back again, "yeongji... can we please talk..?"

"i'm sorry do i know you? if i don't, then there's nothing to talk about."

"yeongji, c'mon.."

"i have to go."

with that, i ran off home with tears brimming at my eyes. why did i say that? i didn't mean to say that... was that too mean? i mean, he should've seen it coming right..? once i got hoem, i started changing immediately.

i was wearing a vintage white dress given to me by my grandmother and a black shoulder bag. we all met outside the school gates and walked to the auditorium together, getting a few drinks and getting a table.

"yeongji..?! haerim..?! yujin..?! oh my god! you look so good!" juyeon and changmin complimented and we got shy, "thank you~ you both look great as well. where's sunny?"

"i'm here!! you look so good yeongji!! juyeon, help us take a picture!" sunny pulled me off my chair and posed with us as we took the picture. i was going to go back to my seat when i felt something cold with my back.

"oh gosh! i'm so sorry~ i must've tripped~"

oh my fucking god.

"oh my— fucking god. you did not."

"i said sorry~" yubin smirked and fist bumped her little minions.

"you little motherfucker, i'll show you what's sorry!" i was about to punch her but almost everyone was looking at us so i held it back. plus, i was wearing a dress and she wasn't.

"what? can't throw a punch? how about another?" she took her friend's cup and dunked it on my head, the liquid was rather thick. it was fucking syrup.

"oh? you gonna cry? what about this?!" she took out a bleach bottle and was going to throw it at me when someone held her back.

"yubin!" sunwoo yelled in her ear and the girls ran to my sides immediately upon hearing sunwoo's scream.

"sunwoo... i... i can explain!"

"there's nothing to fucking explain. i thought you changed. you said you would stop messing around with my friends and i after you got that dance spot."

"she threw water at me!"

"you fucking bitch... you're not even wet!" haerim was going to rip her hair off but yujin and i held her back, we all know how feral haerim can go after taking those taekwando lessons...

"apologise to yeongji."

"no, what the fuck?? she deserves it! you should be with me! not some slut like her!"

"what the fuck, did you call me?" i asked, grabbing a cup full of peach tea from the side and pouring it over her head, "a fucking slut..? you say?"

"you bitch." she threw a punch and sunwoo pulled her back by her hair.

"i didn't even fucking care about you, i thought you really changed. now fuck off my friends and i before i rip your wig off."

the crowd gasped, a wig?! she quickly ran off with her minions and sunwoo went towards me, i took a step back. he quickly grabbed my chin and gently pushed my head to turn and looked at the bruise from the punch, "c'mon, i'll help you."

i was holding on to yujin and haerim but they pretended i wasn't holding them and let my hand go, letting sunwoo have more advantage. but when i didn't move from a spot for quite some time, he picked me off my feet and carried me bridal style to the first aid room.

"ouch.." i winced when he pressed a cold pack onto the bruise.

"i'm sorry, yeongji..."

i kept quiet.

"she made me... 'kick' you off the team and we had a deal. if she got the spot, she would leave us alone but clearly... she didn't. i really missed talking to you, i missed hugging you, gossiping with you, studying with you, and even sitting next to you in classes." he said as he checked my arm for any other bruise.

"i know." i said, wincing when he accidentally pressed too hard.

"changmin and juyeon told me, you cried about me." he cursed under his breath and let out a small laugh before agreeing.

"let's make a deal. no more making new suspicious friends and let's stay together. like we always did," sunwoo said and i agreed, we sat down for an hour talking about whatever and he waited for me outside the ladies room to clean off my hair. he even gave me his jacket to cover the back stain of my dress.

"i missed you so much."

"me too."

ep. 10 | ep. 12

m.list

[parcequecestnotreprojeeeet]

Hello! It's Winter! Have a nice weekend!

Envy

He loved visiting high schools. The students, teachers and enthusiasm inside the classroom energized him. His high school years were some of the best (but most complicated) years of his life. It was where he met his future wife, best friend and soulmate. 

She loved visiting high schools just as much as he did. Speaking to all the teachers and students about her experiences, while passionately listening to theirs, had her missing that special time in her life. It was where she met her future husband, best friend and soulmate. 

Today, the couple found themselves in a Grade 11 English room. Emmanuel stood in the far corner, conversing with a small group of students; however, his eyes never left her body. His gaze was so focused on 2 teenage boys shamelessly flirting with Brigitte that he had completely ignored what was being said to him. 

“Isn’t that right, Mr. President?” A female student asked, curious to hear his response to her environmental question. 

“Huh? What?” Instead of waiting for her to repeat the question, he politely excused himself to join his giggling wife at the front of the class. It was then that he saw one of the boys stroke Brigitte’s arm. 

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need a moment with my wife.” Emmanuel grabbed hold of her waist and led her into the hallway. 

He found a quiet corridor, and when he made sure no one was around, he laced into her. “What the hell are you doing?” 

“What do you mean?” Brigitte asked, confused by his sudden outburst. 

“I saw the way you were laughing with those boys! The way you let that one with the curly, lion hair touch your arm! Are you …” 

She interrupted his sentence by pointing a finger in his face. “Don’t say something you’re going to regret! Or, better yet, something you can’t take back!” Brigitte raised her voice. “I was not flirting with anyone! I’ve been your wife for 16 years! Shouldn’t that count for something?” 

“You would think!” Emmanuel scoffed rudely. 

“I don’t understand you,” Brigitte wanted to scream but she lowered her voice to a whisper, suddenly realizing they were still in a public place. 

“What don’t you understand? I’m your husband who doesn’t appreciate boys flirting with my wife!” Emmanuel confessed. 

“You just said it! They’re boys!”

“I was a boy once,” Emmanuel countered back. “How do I know history won’t repeat itself?” 

She felt all the oxygen leave her body, shocked by his disgusting remark. “Are you being serious right now? It’s not the same thing! Why can’t you realize that I am in love with you? Only you! Who do I sleep beside every night?” Brigitte asked. “Who do I wake up next to every single morning? Who do I share almost all my waking hours with? Who do I open my legs for?” 

“Me.” He whispered. “But ….”

“No…. Let me talk and just listen to me,��� she grabbed his face. “Just because I laugh with another man doesn’t mean I want him. You’re my husband! You’re my everything! Do you remember what we did last night?” She asked, recalling their spontaneous lovemaking. It hadn’t been planned but the previous night ended with him inside her, and eventually, they fell asleep naked in each other’s arms. 

“Of course I do!” Emmanuel admitted. 

“Good! Because I wouldn’t do that with anyone else! Remember that the next time you accuse me of flirting!” Brigitte brushed past him.

“Brigitte…” he called after her. 

She quickly turned around, ready to continue their fight if that was what he wanted. “What?” 

“I love you.” He whispered.  

“You’re lucky that I love you too because I wouldn’t tolerate this behaviour from anyone else.” 

Hellooo Winter! ❤️

Come here, Manu, I will hug your little jealous ass!

But hey Manu, she can flirt with others or let others flirt with her, but you are the only one having her 😏

And now we should be starting to get jealous Brigitte too. I vote to bring Kolinda back!!

Thank you so much, Winter! ❤️❤️❤️

[ludrii]

1. Games on your to-play list?

2. do you sleep with your door open or closed?

3. tell something supernatural that happened to you

4. what kind of reputation do you think you have?

5. what's your ideal job?

6. what made you start your blog?

7. What do you wish people would stop asking you?

8. If I could only know one thing about you, what would be the most important thing?

9. What was the last concept that inspired you?

10. Your last obsession? And why?

11 Do you ever want to get married?

12. A movie you like to re-watch?

1. Games on your to-play list?

Deathloop, a game about an assasin stuck in a timeloop, in the same day repeating again and again.. My friend played it and said it was cool, so I wanna check it out.

The The Upturned, horror comedy. Recommended by a friend again.

Then Ori and the Will of the Wisps, sequel to my beloved game Ori and the Blind Forest. Already got it, although I keep postponing the day I play it for some reason xD

Ah, and of course, Silksong, sequel to Hollow Knight. Or prequel, whatever. Just another game about bugs.

2. do you sleep with your door open or closed?

Closed, I can't imagine leaving it open, it fills me with unease.

Also our cat could just walk in and sleep in my bed.

3. tell something supernatural that happened to you

Hmm... I got a few

It's been a while, but me and my brother were home alone, and we were up past our bed time. We were on our way, but we just kept talking and talking.. Then we heard a clap. As if someone clapped their hands. That startled us for a while, but then we kept going, and talked more. When we've heard a loud "SHHHHH", we decided to go to sleep.

Sometimes when we were home alone again, we'd hear cutting noises come from the kitchen and then there would be bread crumbles, even tho our parents always clean it before leaving.

From the newer ones, I was once really upset, scrolling mindlessly on Tumblr, when a cold-ish air surrounded my hand. Kinda like a breeze, but static. And out of nowhere I could smell roses, despite it being winter and everything being frozen.

Oh and last time I was going down the street and stopped suddenly to look at something. Not the best idea cause someone could walk into me. Which almost happened- I heard the sound of boots scratching the pavement as someone right behind me had to stop just as suddenly as me. I turned around, kinda startled- and no one was there.

4. what kind of reputation do you think you have?

I always felt like my classmates thought I'm arrogant. I'm an outcast in my class. But it's getting better I think. I tried talking to them more so I could show them who I really am.

On here, on Tumblr.. just sum artist. I don't think I really have a reputation here at all. But I got a few people who care about me, and that fills me with happiness and determination.

5. what's your ideal job?

Heh, if only I knew. I need my freedom- I'm not much for structure, I find fulfillment in my own things I'm passionate about. I'm one hell of a procrastinator, I'm messy with socialising (I wanna but it drains me out, I need it but I can't, and then I need my alone time too), if I lose my passion my vision fades and it's hard for me to keep going. Sometimes I have a block and can't do The Thing and it sucks.

Busywork kills me. Standards kill me. I wanna do my own thing without outside pressure to meet some quota or goal I don't believe in.

Plus, school kills me too, and nowadays you can't do almost anything without a degree.

So, you tell me. I'm only built for dancing, drawing, and robots xD

6. what made you start your blog?

At first I just wanted to see where all the memes on Pinterest came from, but then I decided to do what I tried on Instagram long time ago and it failed- share my work. I just wanted others to see what I do, to spread the joy, so I tried it once more..

And without an algorithm killing it, it worked.

7. What do you wish people would stop asking you?

Uhhhhh "Can you draw me?" I suppose xD There's definitely some question that gets on my nerves, but I can't really think of one rn. I'm more tired of the "You're an adult, you should be independent and responsible and be able to do (x)"

8. If I could only know one thing about you, what would be the most important thing?

Uhhh idk? That I'm an artist?

9. What was the last concept that inspired you?

Hmm.. Asexual succubus was an interesting concept.

I felt more inspired by your drawing of us two though. Motivation bomb.

10. Your last obsession? And why?

Glados, I suppose, although it's not really an obssession, or at least not That Much. Tho she had me replay both Portal games, and replaying is not a thing I really do, especially if the story doesn't change. I dunno, she's just snarky and sarcastic and funny and I'm addicted to her voice. Idk.

Actually what am I saying. That was some time ago. Now it's Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel. Idk. Demons funny.

11 Do you ever want to get married?

No. Well, maybe. Like, I'm open up to the concept, but it's not my lifelong wish, if you get me. Depends. Rn more opposed to the idea though. Maybe to prove a point you don't need to get married to lead a meaningful and happy life, idk..

12. A movie you like to re-watch?

Robots (2005), Megamind (2010), How To Train Your Dragon (2010), Shrek 1 and 2, Interstellar, Martian (2015), the Men In Black trilogy, the original X-Men trilogy, The Incredibles 1 and 2, Wall-E,

Oh wait, just noticed you wrote "movie" not "movies"-

Well, too late now xD

[scottstiles]

Hi sorry I have a horrendous father and I was wondering if you'd share some of your favorite stories of your dad? I'm sorry if this is too personal but I'd love to hear what a good dad does.

oh no i'm so sorry you have such a horrible father and i wish you didn't have to experience that :(( here are some nice memories of my dad from yesteryear:

he used to be 6′2 and carry me on his shoulders. it felt like being a little bird in a tree. my mom is 4′11 and they are extremely funny looking together.

on the same theme of when i was tiny and he was huge - after a bath he’d dry me off and then i would curl up on the bathmat and he’d drape my (each of us girls had our own towels of course) huge pink towel over me and i would stay perfectly still pretending to be a rock. he’d tap his fingers along my back and pretend to be little animals perching on me like birds and squirrels and he’d tell little stories or have animal conversations while i huddled under there and listened and giggled and what not. if i moved a bit he’d pretend to be surprised because rocks don’t move, and when i threw the towel off he’d go “oh! there was a little divvy under there all along!”

after waking up in the morning i would call down the stairs “daddy! come and carry me!!” and then he would carry me down the stairs to the kitchen for breakfast. usually piggyback.

from about 6 to 16 i was on the ski team and we’d have these early morning races at other hills, sometimes a bit of a drive away so we’d have to leave while it was still dark. i remember my parents dressing me half asleep in the long johns and the snowpants and the ski socks and everything but the boots then my dad would carry me to the car and i’d sleep until we got to the hill. he was always standing right at the bottom of the hill when i raced and even tho my times always sucked he was so proud of me.

before i became more kosher i used to go downtown with my dad to schwartz’s and we’d always order the same smoked meat with yellow mustard pickles french fries and black cherry soda. he still stocks the downstairs fridge with black cherry even tho we don’t go to schwartz’s anymore.

we used to have a family house in vermont that my grandfather bought and we’d go every weekend as a family (hence the ski team stuff), and on the 2 hr drive my dad used to tell stories from his childhood. he is the BEST storyteller. when my dad talks you’re hypnotized either by boredom or complete fascination but there’s no way around it. anyway theres a story ill never forget about a former friend of his who turned into a bully in high school... my dad was a little bit nerdy (if you can picture a small jewish white boy with glasses big ears and a smart mouth who loved chemistry and stamp collecting thats my dad) and a lot bit mischievous, but anyway, when my dad was walking home one day through a park this ex-friend started teasing him with a bunch of other bullies and one thing led to another and the punchline (ha) of the story is that before he knew what was happening this kid had run into my dad’s fist with his nose which was suddenly bleeding profusely to everyone’s surprise. great story but obviously he tells it much much better than me, my apologies XD

i’d love to think of some more to share but this is kinda makin me sad also so im gonna leave it at that. hope you enjoyed this weird little snapshot into my childhood XD

[dangermousie]

S2 ep 1

1. This show continues its belief in lack of clothes and work outs. This is our first shot of Marcos this season.

2. Hector making up with Elsa out of duty while he and Maria stare at each other is a total visual parallel with Carol making up with Ivan out of pity while she and Marcos stare at each other. In both cases, NEITHER relationship leg of that triangle works out, which is surprisingly realistic.

3. Some of the creepiest things were constantly associated with Paula. Btw, pls tell me I am not losing my mind and she’s the clone of Irene, Marcos’ mom?

4. The one thing that can consistently, shamelessly make me cry in this show is not any ships (not even my beloved Ivan x Julia), not even Maria’s maternal relationship with Ivan but the way Marcos is the best brother to Paula. That just hits me straight in the softest, most vulnerable part of my heart. He may have been a lousy boyfriend, but an excellent friend and a brother without equal. This scene, where he tries to explain to Paula what death is and why she should enjoy life even though death is inevitable by likening it to her loving her birthday party even though she knows the candles will be blown out, the clown will leave and the party will end - ooooof. And the way he answers all her difficult questions (can children die? why do we not live forever? etc) and somehow manages to smile and make it all a good talk and not a horror...

5. Fermin, our amazing super agent, is so so so SO soft for Maria.

6. The thing that I always loved about Marcos was how unbreakable and unbroken he was. (I think he’s inherited it from his mother and Hector.) You could break Ivan (show delighted in doing just that tbh) though he’d be able to glue himself together somehow - continuing despite being in pieces was his trademark. But you could never break Marcos, not in any way that mattered (unless they took Paula away I suppose - shudder.) But also, when he tells Hector he could never be like his father - the bitter irony of that in retrospect. He’s right in the worst, best ways.

7. It’s pretty telling that Ivan on the run felt safe to call Maria and ask for help. Even if it all turned badly (Hector followed and brought him back to school and now Ivan is back to loathing her feeling betrayed), it speaks volumes about his instincts being on point.

I am also amused to note that this is the start of them not even bothering to pretend he looks like a high school student. Hi there, leather and designer stubble!

8. He’s only been on screen for a minute in this new season and he’s already being broken down. This show def catered to its strengths!!!!

I do so love Maria tentatively trying to console him. I looooooove how slow they took the mother-son thing.

9. Noiret! We did not miss you. I do love Ivan basically hiding behind Hector and asking to stay. It’s pretty telling that, as @theseasasleep​ pointed out, the school that might as well be a portal to hell is Ivan’s haven.

10. “I hate you!” Poor Maria, having to deal with teen acting out without having even gotten the cute baby years.

11. Marcos telling Ivan he’s glad Ivan’s OK. Awwwww, another step on your road to eventual cuddling bros!

12. The first and last time we see parents care about what is going on at the school. Apparently it’s drugs that’s the deal breaker. Not corpses or plagues or a convicted child abuser running the place or literal Nazis!!!!

Somehow with those parents that tracks however.

PS Have noticed that this school has provided zero support or counseling to minors whose classmate and friend supposedly overdosed and died suddenly? It’s business as usual!

[maditalksmusic]

The Thriving Underground Music Scene of New Brunswick, NJ

It’s a Saturday night, 8:00 PM, a shoegaze band you don’t even know the name of is playing at some random house you’ve got no clue the address of, there’s some people moshing, the lights are that perfect balance of bright and dark. You came with your friends and you know they’re still there somewhere but you’ve all made a few new friends too, complemented some band t-shirts and exchanged some Instagram handles. You’ll find them outside again when the set is over, grab another drink and debrief the night as it goes, and then you’ll head back down into the basement or back into the garage for the next set, and they get better as the night goes on. Maybe it’s the cheap vodka talking, but suddenly it’s the best garage rock set you’ve ever witnessed and now it’s 11:00 and you don’t want to leave. You get back to the bus stop and it’s weird because everyone else is just getting out, ready to go hit the frats and party until 2 AM, and you’ve already wrapped up a great night out. 

Kyra (right) and Kevin (left) of Kyra and the Chameleons, covering the Beatles at Sunday School on November 1, 2024. Shot by me.

In my opinion, a basement show is the best way to spend a night out. Anyone you talk to that knows what they’re like agrees. This past weekend I was at a Halloween cover show at one of the more popular basement venues here in New Brunswick, Sunday School, featuring local bands covering Steely Dan, Ween, the Garden, and the Beatles. I decided to chat with some others in attendance, asking all of them one question - what’s your favorite thing about the New Brunswick basement scene? Here are some of my favorite responses:

“I enjoy that in New Brunswick there’s a different crowd for everyone. You don’t have to go to the frats or traditional “college stuff” to have fun. I think the energy here is different than a lot of the other stuff you go to, everyone’s friendly and cool and here with a common interest to enjoy the music. You’re not all here for a party, you’re here for a show, so it’s a better place to meet people.”

- Juliette R.

“Well, I’ve only recently started coming here, my first basement show was the last Mud House show on the 26th. I find meeting new people and hanging with friends, the social aspects of the New Brunswick music scene, to be really cool. I’ve met a lot of really cool people going to these events. The underground music scene here beats any frat party going on on College Ave. It’s a different kind of vibe.”

- Linus M.

“I like how it’s inclusive, it’s very different - each band is very different from all the others. It’s still all pretty cohesive, mostly shoegaze, but it’s super unique. It’s very fun, and I like it here.” 

- Noah R.

I was also able to speak to one of the members of the band Daddy’s Closet, AJ, following their set and asked the same question. Their response was brief, but it sums up the energy of the scene perfectly: “Playing with my friends, playing the music I like to play, and hearing the music I like.” 

AJ of the band Daddy’s Closet, covering the Garden at Sunday School on November 1, 2024. Shot by me.

Once you go to a basement show, you can’t really go back. A lame DJ playing the same five songs from 2016 pales in comparison to some real live music. The sense of authenticity is what makes it so special - these shows provide a wonderful third space for the Rutgers student population in particular. Since being in college, I’ve realized that most people don’t even know spaces like this exist, and they think frat parties are their only option to get out and socialize. And with that frat culture, it’s almost frowned upon to not be going out every weekend getting absolutely hammered and staying out all night, whereas with basement shows, it’s over by 11:00. You’re home by midnight, and you don’t feel like total shit the next morning and screw over your sleep schedule for the next week.  I’ve only been here two months, but having such a vibrant music scene here in New Brunswick is something I’ve already come to treasure.

Harry of the band Kyra and the Chameleons, covering the Beatles at Sunday School on November 1, 2024. Shot by me.

[gooolixx]

Music That I (gooolixx) Likes ....

thought i would write about some of the bands ive listened to recently and share my thoughts on them. because i am bored and have nothing to do hahahaha

... in no particular order ...

The Beatles - yeah i dont think a period of no beatles has ever happened in my life. ive basically always been listening to these guys pretty much constantly, and even more-so now that ive started to interact with other beatles fans online instead of just talking to my friends about them (well... i started doing that last november but it still feels recent....). anyways, recently ive been buying beatles CDs more than ever. not sure why they're showing up second hand a lot more now but im not complaining. ive almost got every album on CD, now, which is nice. theyre mostly the 87 versions with a few 2009s and 1 giles mix, but i stopped caring about beatles mixes mostly so any are fine for me lol. but yeah the beatles are the best and most influential band of all time yap yap yap everyones already said that. you should give them a try if you havent.

Supertramp - the way i found supertramp happened pretty suddenly and strangely. it all happened back in january when i discovered german "happy hardcore" group SCOOTER. who are amazing and hilarious (i have unironically bought a few scooter singles and albums). anyways, some time in mid-march of this year, i bought scooter's "Push The Beat For This Jam" album, which is all of their singles up until 2002 (?) i think. anyways, that includes THE LOGICAL SONG. i kind of assumed that this track was a cover, because, well, i dont expect lyrics like that from HP Baxxter (no offence to the guy he is amazing). i looked up the logical song and found the supertramp version, and instantly recognised the breakfast in america cover! id seen this just around on the internet and remembered it mostly from some insane "9/11 predictions" video i watched a few months beforehand. anyways i listened to about like. 10 seconds and got bored and closed the tab. fast forward to mid-APRIL, and i come across "Retrospectacle - The Supertramp Anthology", 2 disc edition second hand. supertramp? i recognise that name sure whatever ill give it ago. i remember being really confused by the album cover because for some reason id forgotten about the logical song and thought they were some 90s band (technically not wrong). it look a few listens until i completely fell in love with this band. it took until a few weeks ago to actually start ordering their albums, but so far ive bought Crisis? What Crisis?. Even In The Quietest Moments, Brother Where You Bound, Some Things Never Change, and The Very Best Of.. Vol. 1 (only to get hide in your shell hahahah) honestly, supertramp has some of the best musicianship and songwriting ive seen in any band ever. i genuinely think some of roger hodgson's deeper songs like A Soapbox Opera, School, Hide In Your Shell could rival lennon-mccartney, they are amazing. of course, rick davies is also awesome, i love his bluesy, funkier songs like Another Man's Woman and C'est What?, however my favourite song overall has to be the 1975 remix of Land Ho. this track stuck out to me from the start and is one of my favourite songs of all time. while not as globally influential as the beatles, supertramp have sure been influential to me, influencing my compositions heavily and my arrangements (WURLITZERS!!!!!!!!!) even more. just a brilliant band (shame whats happening nowadays with them tho). you should give them a try if you havent.

Kula Shaker - i first heard kula shaker back in 2017 (?), when i listened to their album "Peasants, Pigs & Astronauts". now, at the time, my music taste was way more limited, but this album stuck out as something great, and i must have listened to it hundreds of times. anyways, about 6 years went past without a thought until around april 2023. i randomly remembered them and went to listen to PPA again, even downloading it in flac for my collection (at this point i was only starting to buy CDs, and i wouldnt have even thought about ordering them!). of course, i knew some of their other songs like Hey Dude, Govinda, Tattva, Hush, but thats about all i knew that wasnt from PPA. on and off throughout the year, i listened to PPA without much thought about them, although i did manage to get Mystical Machine Gun on CD single in october (disc 2 i think?? it had guitar man and prancing bride on it so whichever one that is i cant be bothered to check). in around december, i listened to their debut, "K", on spotify, as i had signed up for it that month, and really, didnt think much of it. when their newest album, "Natural Magick" released in february, i listened to it on spotify, and thought it was good, but nothing super special. anyways, in mid-march (march was actually a pretty important month this year, wasnt it?) i came across a copy of "K" second hand (not hard to do, i own like 6 copies now LOL), and bought it. suddenly, now owning it, it really clicked with me and i started to get curious about them. i started researching them and becoming familiar with their discography (NOT listening. i like to listen to things for the first time when i own them. not sure why, i just seem to like it more when i physically own it). anyways, in april, i ordered copies of "Peasants, Pigs & Astronauts" and "Strangefolk", and again, i loved these albums! now, i started to look into their singles, and mostly, their B-sides. i had gotten a hold of Shower Your Love on cassette, and upon trying to find the B-side, Goodbye Tin Terriers online, it just wasnt there except for old youtube uploads. this intrigued me, one thing let to another, and i ordered a ton of their singles online. after about 5 months, i finished my kula shaker 90s collection, owning "K", "Peasants, Pigs & Astronauts" and all of their singles (excluding promos and that interview CD). the first three albums and the singles werent too expensive... unfortunately the same cant be said for the rest of the albums, which i spent a total of £80 on (not including the japanese version of "Strangefolk" that i bought, or "K-15"!) with "Pilgrim's Progress" being most of that (GOD that album is weirdly expensive. it is probably my favourite post-90s album tho so), and "Natural Magick" being the least expensive, as i bought it new in a shop, and being a new album, wasnt too expensive, although id watch the price as it will probably increase based on what the others have done. anyways, kula shaker are a solid band, and despite what people may think, are actually really good. kula shaker havent particularly inspired much of my arrangements (except for one track, which is actually released. Millway Freezer, which is the B-side for "Fried Chicken"), although they have inspired my compositions quite a bit (mixolydian yippee!!!!!!!!!!!). shame that theyre a bit of a laughing stock, because i bet some people have missed out on some music theyd really like just from people hating on them. you should give them a try if you havent.

Supergrass - okay, i have less to say about this band. ive always known about supergrass, mostly only the name, and Alright, which i thought until a few months ago was by The Charlatans (no clue why but theyre both britpop so whatever). the best way to describe this band, at least on their album "In It For The Money", is a middleground between Oasis and Kula Shaker. they are an incredibly energetic and fun band, with some genuinely great moments and some catchy as hell moments. ive been lucky that their albums arent too expensive, and i even managed to find the 3 disc remastered 2021 version of "In It For The Money", although i prefer the original mixes (the bonus stuff is cool tho!). if i had to recommend anything to get into them, id probably tell you just to listen to their compilation "Supergrass Is 10", that should be enough Supergrass for anyone who wants to listen to them, because most of their stand-out moments are on there (except for everything after "Road To Rouen" and I'd Like To Know). i really do like this band a lot. you should give them a try if you havent.

[silentexplosive-diary]

2/3

So my ex best friend came into my coffee shop today, so let's talk about her bitch ass :)

Not gonna use any names cos I'm not messy like that, but I am messy enough to talk shit about it.

So, me and this girl met back in sixth grade, so when we were about 11. I thought she was super weird because she had weird fashion (in my opinion) and hung out with the rest of the weird kids. And don't get me wrong, I was a weird kid too. I was just a different genre of weird. She was emo band obsessed weird, I was obsessed with Twilight weird. Somehow our weirds did not mix, I don't know why.

It wasn't until we were freshmen in high school that we met again in a class we shared, and we formed a friend group in that class, and eventually me and her just paired off together.

Our friendship lasted all through out high school, even when I dropped out at the end of junior year due to mental health complications. She was my only friend for a few years after that, the only person who bothered to stay in touch with me. She was there for me when I was hospitalized at 20 and came to visit me every day, if not multiple times a day. I even talked about marrying her at some point as like a platonic life partner or something because we were that close.

Then I got into an abusive relationship with someone when I was 22. They were 26 and used me to cheat on their girlfriend, and eventually just ended up dragging me along and cheated on me. It was a whole mess, and my best friend had my back all through it, even when I wouldn't listen to her and take her advice because I thought I was in love. I wasn't. I apologized multiple times over to her and thanked her for sticking with me throughout it all. She forgave me, always.

But then came my autism diagnosis. To make a very long story short, I was diagnosed as a kid, my mom hid it from me, I started connecting the dots at 22, and my mom and therapist confirmed it for me, leaving me feeling like a whole part of my identity was just hidden from me and also feeling very alone and like everyone knew something about me that I didn't know.

She, my ex best friend, did not help with this in the slightest. At this point, I'd been a barista for about 8 or 9 years, and coffee is very clearly a special interest of mine. She was suddenly always talking about me getting a "big girl" job and leaving the industry. She herself got a "big girl" job right out of college, and it's just a glorified desk job in my opinion. I personally hated it, just the idea of it, but she was excited about it, so I was happy for her. I knew she worked her ass off through high school and college to achieve this, so I always shared in her excitement. I was confused as to why she couldn't share my excitement about my job whenever I got a promotion to shift leader or manager, or even when I came up with a new drink to go on the menu, or even just learn a new skill to apply? I didn't, and still don't, see how it's so different.

Then it slowly started making sense to me. She looked down at my job and just thought hers was naturally "better" because she had to get a college degree to achieve hers. She didn't see my job as a "real job." She just straight up doesn't think service industry people are people, and she made it extra clear that that's what she thought when she would visit me at my job and how she would treat my coworkers. I was always apologizing to them after she left for her behavior, sickening as it was, and I started to question why I was still friends with her.

Then one day, me, her, and another friend went on a day-long shopping spree, and after we dropped the friend back at her house, I admitted that I was pretty overstimulated and tired. Immediately came things like "Oh, we can talk really quietly and you can play your music and we can just get you home so you can rest, I totally understand, just let me know if you need anything." Which at the time I thought was super kind and understanding of her.

But then, if I would say something that was socially inappropriate, as I kind of am known to do, as is a classic symptom of autism, she would turn vicious against me. Then would come comments of "That's sick of you, you're a monster, you're an abomination for saying that, you're so horrible." I have clear memories of her saying these things to me. Even after I would tell her that I don't realize when I've said something inappropriate, but I do realize I can make mistakes. The most she needs to do is just correct me, not berate me. But she never did. I would be called names, shouted at for a bit, and then would not hear from her for days or weeks at a time.

Eventually, she was the one that suggest we "take a break" from our friendship. That was about two years ago now, and yet she still comes to the coffee shop she knows I work at and just ignores me as I make her drinks. I've given up on leaving as soon as I see her walk in to go hide in the back. Doesn't stop her at all and nothing will. As much as I want to ban her, I have no actual reason to other than she's a person who crossed me. And she knows full and damn well that I am not a forgive and forget kind of person. I hold onto my grudges forever. There has yet to be a grudge that I've let go of. Once you've wronged me and not apologized for it, I remember that shit forever.

So, yeah. Moral of the story, if you go to a place where you know someone that works there that you don't get along with is there, just don't go there. Find somewhere else. We're all villains in someone else's story. You're just making their day worse.

My day before that was waking up at 3am in pain and then missing my alarm to get up and get to work, and then a rush that lasted about 3 hours. So I really didn't need this sudden appearance from a past cast member of my life. But whatever. Shit's over now.

Partner is coming over later tonight. Still mad I can't get railed lol. Would improve my mood greatly. Sigh.

✌🏻