#therapy with l

[keepingthehopealive]

Therapy updates

I have officially started the termination with L, but we are going slowly which I appreciate and makes it feel a little less real. So we've got as far as going every other week and will go monthly after. I'm not sure how long this will be and I'm letting L kind of chose because it's too hard for me. As I am starting with a new therapist, I feel like I might get to a point where I feel more ready to end with L but I also know it's going to be super hard and painful either way. L has been so good to me for the last 2 years and it's hard to have to go through yet another termination where it is premature, even if I chose it by moving. She is a consistent person in my life and in my weeks and has been there with me through a lot. I so appreciate how she is letting the termination be slow, I know she knows how hard this is for me. We haven't quite discussed it a ton yet, but I imagine over the next few sessions we will.

New therapist B is going well. I've seen her twice and feel very comfortable with her already, I can already feel trust building with her and have taken a lot from the sessions. All good signs. We talked about the blog a bit and I didn't flat out ask her if she's comfortable with it or not, but she also didn't say she wasn't. I think I might ask for more clarification if she's OK with me writing about the sessions, respecting her privacy of course. I don't see why it would be an issue, but given the history I would feel most comfortable asking and making sure it's OK. I've been using my journal a lot to process sessions and already making lists for our appointments which has really helped already (and she accepted openly and encouraged)

She has not made me feel too much with anything that has come up so far. She's also done things already to help me feel comfortable and safe in sessions. She does a couple different modalities of therapy, one of which is Brainspotting, that sounds super interesting and I'm hoping it's something we can do together. It's similar to EMDR (I think the same person?) and is based in mind body connection while processing things (trauma, emotions, past experiences). She already suggested something we could do it with. She also seems very integrated in that she doesn't stick to her modalities alone and is very accepting of everything it seems. So far so good. Which doesn't stop me from having lots of anxieties and fears, but I do also feel lucky to have already pretty easily found someone who I think will be a good fit for me going forward.

[rowqnrb]

‘happy’ 15 years since light yagami passed away!!

1/28/10

[captainhysunstuff]

5 more images below the cut:

@lawlightweek2024 Day 3: Sleeping Together/Nightmares

L notices Light fussing in his sleep. He becomes interested, hoping that it could be Kira-related... only to be Light recalling the faux execution that his father and L put him through. Disappointed, L realizes that he's not going to get much work done tonight and lies down on the bed. Light then snuggles up to him, calming down. L allows it.

I'm kind of imagining L acting like a cat that lies beside someone who's upset and allows them to "pet" him rather than directly comforting them (not that he really intended to here).

[applestorms]

almost made a joke earlier that light yagami would pull the “ackshully i’m neurodivergent and also a minor,” card if he had access to current-day internet but had to stop myself because. he would not fucking say that. light yagami would never fucking admit to being neurodivergent. he just can’t do it. he Can’t.

current day AU where light’s school starts running a program to discuss mental health. light listens to all the lectures about the different types of mental illness and goes “damn. that’s so unfortunate for everyone who has to deal with that, i can’t even imagine 😔😔” and everyone claps but then later when they start playing the obligatory “DONT KYS LOOK AT THIS CRYING FAMILY THEY MISS THEIR KID SO MUCH PLS DONT KILL YOURSELF” video he has to excuse himself to cry hysterically in the bathroom for approximately 7.2 minutes before patching up his concealer and sitting back down like nothing is wrong.

[hazyange1s]

and the rest is history 😌

I’ve been wanting to draw this scene forever — it’s one of my personal favorite quests, besides being a catalytic point for Seb and Raegan’s relationship as a whole. I like to think this is the moment they realize that there’s something more than just camaraderie going on here… and that they’d die for each other what who said that

[crimson-nail]

GIVE ME CONTROL OF S2 DONT BE SHY I DONT BITE PUT YOUR FINGERS IN MY ENCLOSURE I DONT BITE

[sticks-and-souls]

Barnes: We call that a “traumatic experience.”

Barnes, turning to George: Not a “bruh moment.”

Barnes, turning to Lucy: Not “it is what it is.”

Barnes, turning to Lockwood: And DEFINITELY not “oof LMAO.”

Insp.

[ruenii]

YES i also like toxic shizun-disciple jiuyuan (platonically)

And YES i ALSO love it when after the damage is done to shen yuan, shen jiu will quietly suffer and panic at what he’s done. But healing isn’t easy, especially for a completely damaged person like shen jiu.

but shen yuan cares more about his self preservation more. why should he care about the scum villain? if anything, it proved his case even more that he’s a scumbag that could never be saved.

he would never enact revenge on him, shen yuan thinks, it would be worthless in the end. why would you try and force the person who hurt you to apologize when they don’t even see their wrongdoings in the first place?

their ending becomes bittersweet, imo, if it ended up this way.

shen yuan would leave to become a rogue cultivator to travel the world, and probably just avoid the plot all in all. (because as much as he admires Binghe and his badassery he does NOT want to be part of the kill count)

shen jiu will come to know of shen yuans decision to leave, and he wont stop him. he’ll continue to manage his peak without that pesky disciple of his.

he doesn’t miss the snarky arguments they have. the mind games, the competition of who could outsmart the other. no, he doesnt. and he wont acknowledge it.

he keeps the fan that shen yuan once brought him, though. he’ll say its a reminder of the insolent and ungrateful brat, and how he wont tolerate such disrespect like that once again.

but its one of the only fans he keeps on using.

[rawrlight]

(template on pinterest)

[stari-hun]

I’d have so much more sympathy for Kakania if she wasn’t a therapist or overestimated herself so badly. Like I get she’s just a girl to the highest degree but also. So , so many of the problems stemmed from the fact that she decided that she wanted to treat mental health issues while not wanting to be certified. The biggest step in any new field or a new study is setting up your own ethos. Hell, it’s HALF of what Windsong’s character story was about. The lack of credibility and her entire degree and study being ripped from under her led to a total inability to be published or taken seriously. Even if Kakania had succeeded in helping Isolde gain control over her mental health (which she couldn’t have without hypnotism or sealing off her arcanum because the possession is a massive factor in her mental decline), what then? Sure people will have come to her and Kakania would get more patients. But she’s also have to deal with countless people coming to her then giving up immediately because they couldn’t fix her immediately or soothe them. The medical community surely wouldn’t give them any hope. They’d look at Isolde’s case or similar ones and simply call it a result of community support at best or a midwife’s cure at worst. They’d tear apart all of the flaws in her results that Kakania would inevitably have from her total lack of experience in a formal environment and completely discredit her. Kakania’s incident in the start of Book 6 showed that sexism is still very much alive, so on top of being an arcanist when even having arcane blood can lead to immediate disapproval from some, she’d have to deal with doubts purely based on her sex.

In any other field or state of life, you’re 100% the victim even if you accidentally encourage a person’s obsession when you don’t want it. Accidentally exasperating someone’s issues when it isn’t your intention and becoming a victim is never the victims fault. Unless you’re a therapist encouraging a patient to be dependent on you. If Kakania was certified the first thing she’d learn is to be aware of dependency issues because it would be something researchers have seen show physically: people getting dependent on substances or other people to alleviate mental struggles. Also the fact that the Freud study, while from- well from Freud, it would’ve had other people interested as well. The question of if the mind is separate from the brain and self has been going on for years. Is a person their brain? Are you the neurons firing in your head? Are you your thoughts and is your sense of self you? Does your body and physical form also count as apart of oneself? The theories Freud posed that the mind can be ill in more than a physical way would undoubtedly peak the interest of research groups. Even if they hadn’t, I’d Kakania had fought to become certified instead, then she could’ve gone on to start one.

[requinum]

I'm in some kind of mood

[keepingthehopealive]

Updates

Job- going so well. I have a lot to learn, but also have a good basis of skills and knowledge which is allowing me to jump right in. My preceptor has worked there over 30 years so her knowledge is beyond extensive. Everyone has been so nice and I love the patients and their families. I'm definitely where I'm meant to be. I'll write more specifically on my other blog about work though

Fostering this weekend was so nice! It was good for me and for my dog to have another dog around and I know it was good for her to get a break from the shelter. I miss her so much already. Me and the dogs spent time with my cousins this morning, the dogs got to enjoy the nice weather and run around, B (foster) practiced being brave and meeting new people. All around a good day. E is currently catching up on sleep from all the play time. I hope to take her, and other pups out for breaks again, until I'm on nights or find a good fit that can do ok when I'm at work all day with just the walk mid day. B had too much energy so I know in some ways its better than the shelter but still didn't want to do that to her. Once I'm on nights I can take longer term fosters, but in the meantime these slumber pawtys are perfect.

Therapy- had an intake on Friday with a therapist and I thought it went really well. I didn't book another appt yet because I have another intake on Tuesday and therapist 1 (the nature therapist) knew that. Long story short we specifically talked about if she would see me and felt comfortable (I asked) and she said yes and said she would be upfront if that wasn't the case or if I needed more care she would tell me that and get a team for me etc. Then today I get a message that was pretty nonspecific that she's not able to see me, no reason given, just that the level of clinical support I need is outside her practice (what?! I've been doing weekly therapy now for 2 years and have been fine with that). I know it's unreasonable and maybe weird but I am so hurt and confused by it. I'm in a stable place and have been for a while, I'm not overly relying on therapy but benefit from the support. I don't know what I said or did that made her make that decision. I thought it was gonna be a good fit and was excited to work with her because she's different than what I've had in the past. I know I can't get stuck on it and maybe it's not as personal as it feels, but it feels pretty damn awful. And personal. I did message back and nicely asked for more of an explanation but I imagine she won't likely respond. And I know at this point I shouldn't want to see her anyway. It feels like a big rejection and proves that I'm too much and too hard for even a therapist to put up with me. I'm spiraling a lot. I thought this time would be different and that I would be in control of choosing who I want to see and had options (last time I had intense SI and SH and that really limited who would see me outpatient especially)

I'm hoping Tuesdays intake goes well and I've already started looking for other options if I need them. I still will be seeing L too until I settle with a new provider. I sent her an email today because that helps when I'm this upset and triggered. I know I'll find someone to see, I just hate all this so much.

I'm excited to go back to work tomorrow and am just gonna snuggle the pup and try to move on from this situation because I can't do anything to change it.

[cent-scratchnsniff]

messy doodles plus with some picked ramblings with them as i process, learn, and progress. yes only some out of many. i talk far too much. i missed so much too im just too tired to talk abt those aspects rifht now

[julezo]

“i’ll never go to therapy because i am too smart for it” <- obnoxious, judgmental, rude

“ill never go to therapy because i would treat my therapist like they were L (from the POV of me, as the multiverse’s most depressed Kira). Mind game after mind game after weird sex adjacent conversation after mind game and my brain would deteriorate swiftly. the risks are too great” <- polite, esoteric, sexy

[pearlcaddy]

– natasha trethewey [in/sp]

[lemme-perish]

Me and my nephew both like Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous but the problem is he’s 5 so he’s like “cool dinosaurs!!! Roarrrrrr!!!!!!!!!”

And I’m 21 so I’m like “these kids are children. And they were in survival mode for SIX MONTHS and were abandoned by society. No one tried looking for them. The only people who gave a shit and had faith they alive were the counselor who knew them for a few days and Darius’s brother. Everyone else just accepted they died and that’s that. They were hunted by dinosaurs and bad humans. Including KENJI’S FATHER. Sammy was pretty much trafficked and blackmailed into being a child spy. If she got caught she probably woulda been killed. By humans not even by the dinosaurs. And that’s not even doing a deep analysis that’s just surface level”

Then I look back at my nephew and just pick out a dinosaur toy and go “Roarr!!! I’m a Baryonyx!!”