#theoppoet

[theoppoet]

i time travel nightly.

daily if i have time.

i whoosh back to my happy childhood.

everything is bigger. nothing frightens me.

my puppy nibbles my ears and i giggle but

there’s a dark shadow here. it’s blurry.

so i jump to the seventh grade.

it’s early morning.

the air is cold and dry in my room.

i can feel the window is already warm where the sun hits it. everything is quiet.

i ignore my sadness and snuggle back into my duvet.

that is not why i came back here.

i zoom to our first encounter.

i wore all black and chased some chickens.

we got high and fell in love immediately.

no one else mattered.

i hop to my panic attack four months ago. these scenes are clearer. i cannot breathe. i haven’t eaten in three days. i replace meals with sleep.

i don’t like these times.

i open my eyes.

i’m back in bed.

my time machine does its best.

it’s never been too reliable.

- they say hindsight has 20/20 vision but i don’t believe that’s quite true

[theoppoet]

i’m already thinking about you in past tense

it didn’t feel this way the first time round

you’re still mine and i’ve begun to move on

[theoppoet]

“the stars were out and the air was cold, dry.

i don’t think i’ve felt this weightless in years.

we’re laughing outside of a seven eleven on the main street

i’m sitting in a grocery cart. (i have no idea how it got here)

the neon colors wash over us like a blessing (your eyes are flashing)

we’re eating pizza and smiling (the steam rising off the pizza warms my face)

your eyes are the same deep sapphire as my hair”

- (blue green is my new favorite color)

[theoppoet]

The fury scorches my veins and fire dances out of my mouth. I hate you with every fibre of my being. I want to rip this bitter burn out of my chest And use it to incinerate every trace of you from my being.

You are not a human being. You are a dust.

[theoppoet]

I never wanted you to be the villain. I painted you in every pastel I owned, I even borrowed another kind of yellow But the gentle, warm and happy colours couldn’t make a murder look like a picnic.

everything you ever said to me was a lie

[theoppoet]

I called them all lovers but really very little love was involved. I never felt good enough and no one calmed my insecurities. It didn’t taste like it should’ve. And the smell was all wrong. It wasn’t ever love. But once it almost was. I would’ve given my life to that smile

devotion doesn’t guarantee loyalty

[theoppoet]

My duvet is knotted around my feet The heater is on and I am shivering. Even fevers taste like I’m missing you

// 

[theoppoet]

dipped in slick sorrow,

waiting in my fluffy robe;

the tub is near full

- lil haiku

[theoppoet]

‪all my love letters from the universe are tied together with woven moonlight. she sends me them whenever i forget myself. ‬

- they never fail to make me feel safe

[theoppoet]

i’m sitting in my room in the dark (well as dark as it can be at 14:56) my floor is hard and cold and my bed is unmade but it’s comforting. i’m tired and i ache and i don’t know when i’ll feel alive again (or if i ever will for that matter) it’s like i’ve been sitting here for years just watching the sun rise and set watching that box get fuller and more colourful and more deadly by the day.

hopefully it’ll all be over soon. @theoppoet

[theoppoet]

You called for the first time in months, just to say hi. It was a happy conversation, And now I'm lying in bed thinking about how it felt to break your heart and gravity is pulling on my back as I lie on my side and I think I am floating

- is it the drugs or the rush I get when I think about dropping the heart of the one who hurt me.

[theoppoet]

It was an accident, I swear. I was sitting at my desk Pretending to work while I daydreamed about next Saturday night. I was thinking about getting drunk and forgetting my name when suddenly your name flew through My mind Oh so fleetingly I didn't think it was possible to miss someone for this long but maybe it's because we dragged it out for two years Our heavy hearts pulling the weight As we fought to stay afloat And just like the first time I saw you When I first looked into those icy eyes On that scorching day The heat pressing against me and pinning me down It was an accident. I didn't mean to make you love me. I didn't mean to break your heart. I didn't mean to think of you 7 months down the line and wonder if I could've loved you. I didn't mean to do all that. I swear.

- I'm sorry you fell in love with someone who couldn't love you back.