#the worst insult to those two would be being called straight

[sapphicdiabetic]

nathan: do it or your straight

maysun: *loud gasp*

[labyrinthofcrystals]

GOBLIN'S RELATIONSHIPS IN MY AU

I feel like I should give a warning but…don’t really know what to warn for? I guess just codependency & generally unhealthy relationships? idk Goblin is a traumatized former villain. What do you think her relationships are like. I didn’t list all the characters in my AU, but if you want to know what their relationship with Goblin is like/how they interact lmk. 

I do want to mention that everyone is in therapy & coping with their issues in a (mostly) healthy way. 

Join me in being a she/her goblin truther 🙏

Norman

THE SIBLINGS EVER. BUT ALSO…

I call them siblings a lot, which is absolutely true, but tbh they’re like. Twins. Technically. They were twins and then Goblin stopped aging for a bit. They’re best friends but also horribly codependent on the other in only the way sharing the same body your entire life would make you. They are so sssooo used to each other, Norman has difficulty setting boundaries with Goblin because (1) they shared a body. there is nothing there that Goblin has not seen or even used herself. (2) they’re used to each other being around 24/7, even if Goblin wasn’t co-fronting/near the front, Norman still knew she was there, really only a call away. and on some level it was a comfort to know he was never fully alone. and he STILL seeks out her comfort, which Goblin relishes in and absolutely takes advantage of. 

Goblin absolutely adores Norman, thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread. Incredibly over protective & possessive of him, at first trying to convince him to ruin all of his relationships so she’d have him to himself. Of course, that doesn’t work, and Goblin comes to realize that the more people who care about Norman/are in his life, the happier he is. She will do literally anything for Norman if it meant making him happy. Anything. To an unhealthy degree. She can, will, and has ignored her own needs/wants in favor of Norman — whether to protect him or make him happy or if it’s simply what she thinks he wants her to do. He was her whole life & reason for living for 17 whole years. Excuse her if she wants him to read her a bedtime story once in a while. 

tldr: siblings but in the worst way possible

Otto

Goblin hated Otto at first. She did not like the fact that he was now married to Norman, and was now the “most important” person in Norman’s life, a title Goblin felt belonged to her. She was also deathly scared of the actuators, having no experience with them other than when they fought her. So, naturally, she thinks that Otto will lose control and hurt Norman. Or is just with him for his money. Or both. And so she thinks she’s protecting Norman by being mean to Otto — he was going to leave anyway, might as well lower those attachment levels! But obviously this isn’t true at all, Otto loves Norman and wants him to be happy. The actuators are also pretty curious about Goblin, which she unfortunately reads as hostility. Otto eventually manages to calm Goblin down slightly by pointing out Norman would probably be happier if they got along better (and also explained that the actuators were basically curious toddlers lol). Over time Goblin accepts that more than one person can make Norman happy, and even comes to enjoy hanging out with Otto and play-wrestling with the actuators. Shoutout to Otto, man has the patience of a saint I swear. 

Harry

Siblings but. 👀 Both were very argumentative at first, being passive aggressive and just straight up insulting each other, much to Norman’s dismay. Main reason is that they both want Norman’s attention, but think they’re the only one deserving of it (not so much on Harry’s end, but he does have Daddy Issues). Norman tends to favor Harry, trying to make up for his past treatment and repair the relationship between them. Whereas Goblin sees Harry as an ungrateful brat. He hated Norman, and now he wants his love? Unbelievable! 

But thanks to therapy, Harry realizes that the two have more in common than realized: being forced to live in Norman’s shadow. So he makes the decision to try and be nice to Goblin, see where she’s coming from. And also because no matter his feelings towards his father, he truly doesn’t like how quickly Norman will disregard Goblin when it comes to him. They like to complain and make fun of Norman together <3

tldr: siblings but in the best way possible

Peter

Raimi/Tobey: Likes Goblin! Thinks she’s great. The most used to her outside of Norman & Otto. Also she’s technically his sidekick??? I mentioned Goblin is a hero, but she’s mostly regarded as a sidekick of either Spiderman or Doc Ock. It totally doesn’t piss her off. They also like to spar/fight/train together because neither have to worry about severely hurting the other (super strength + advanced healing combo). Typically invites her out to things with Andrew & Tom if they’re cool with it. 

Amazing/Andrew: That's his little sister and if you try to say otherwise he will gaslight you into thinking it’s true. Was largely neutral on Goblin as unlike Tobey & Tom. he didn’t really have a connection to her outside of another villain that needed to be defeated. So really, he was curious about Goblin when she gained her own body, and went out of his way to hang out with her. 

MCU/Tom: Tentative. Like Tobey, he acknowledges that Goblin was under the influence of the serum. Unfortunately, that doesn’t unto the bad shit she did, and he still resents her for it. Not as bad as Harry in terms of picking arguments, mainly because he doesn’t want to or like stressing Otto out. Goblin has apologized to him, as she’s done with everyone, but also respects that lines were crossed, even if they weren’t 100% her fault. They only interact in group settings and have minimal contact. They’re cordial, but that’s about it, y’know?

[microwave-core]

Oh God it's more Headcanons

To prepare for XC3 (because the DLC drops at like 9pm for some reason) I wrote more headcanons, mainly because I didn't have a specific character in mind to drabble about.

Sonia my beloved. God, Galar has so many great characters and yet I just don’t have the time to write for all of them… even those with banger designs. Anyways, Sonia. Where to even start with her.

Her hair is a mess. Humidity is her worst enemy. She spends dozens of minutes a day attempting to detangle it when the weather goes to shit. She would be forever indebted to you if you brushed her hair for her. Please just be careful, she will complain if you tug too hard.

Also be careful if you sleep next to her at night, because you very well may end up choking on her hair. Even just cuddling is risky business. You are never safe, not even if you are the little spoon. But it’s worth it because Sonia runs very warm, so it’s always comfy to hold her or rest in her arms.

Speaking of hair, she wants to style yours. Doesn’t matter what kind of hair you’ve got, she’ll find a way. Straight or curly or coils or braids or what have you, she will play with it. Doesn’t matter how long it is either. If you ask for a specific style, she’ll do it, but at some point she will weave little hearts into it to match her own. Don’t ask how she does it, it’s a secret.

Anyways, enough about that. I am absolutely obsessed with the idea of a kid rocking up to get their first pokemon from the Professor and her wife and their adopted son assistant. She’s just… so powerful I love her so much. 

Hop loves you. He ships you so hard with Sonia it’s unreal. He is Galar’s best wingman and will do everything in his power to get you two alone together. You guys could literally be married already and he would still be trying to set you guys up. And Leon is no different. Sonia’s his best friend and she talks about you all the time. This guy knows how much Sonia loves you and wants nothing more than for you two to be happy together. Sometimes a family is just a professor, her wife, their assistant, and his brother.

Not enough content for Big Sis Plumeria. She’s gotta take care of basically all Team Skull because they would never get anything done without her around, so she’d be immensely grateful if you either helped corral them or help her relax after constantly chasing after them.

She’s very much an “asshole to the world, sweetheart to her girl” type of girlfriend, mixed in with some tough love. She would never raise her voice at you or seriously insult you, something she does often with the grunts. The most she’ll do is mildly insult you for doing something stupid (as in she would call you an “idiot” or something along those lines), but it’s always evident that she’s more concerned than upset.

As long as you're her girl, no one is going to mess with you. Especially if you have a storied history. Asshole ex? Shitty family members? Straight up enemies? You don’t have to worry about those people anymore. 

Oh also all of the Team Skull grunts look up to you and would literally die for you. You’re Big Sis Two, their third favorite person. Also, if anything happened to you on their watch, they would have to face Plumeria’s wrath, which might as well be worse then Guzma’s

Slightly older contest-star Shauna who, despite being pretty girl-crazy, attempts to navigate her first serious relationship. I realize that I like Shauna more than most people, but hear me out.

When she went on a journey through Kalos with her friends, like stated above, she was completely girl-crazy. Literally every girl she met was the absolute prettiest woman she had ever seen (especially Diantha). But she never ended up getting into a relationship, despite wishing otherwise.

When she meets you, she is absolutely smitten. When you’re just friends, she dreams about you every waking minute. She really, really wants to hold your hand and kiss you and go on cute little dates to restaurants and picnics and do contests together and go shopping together and and everything else girlfriends do. She is obsessed. 

But once you start dating her, she’s a mess. She has all these things she wants to do with you, but she doesn’t know how to go about doing any of them, so sometimes she comes off as a little awkward in the most endearing way possible. She’s a little clumsy and hesitant when initiating affection, but every little thing you do together makes her so happy. It’s got the energy of a cute high school romance, just two dumbasses in love with each other.

Also she’s super supportive of you. Like Marnie, she is your personal cheerleader. She’ll bring up your achievements to everyone she comes across because she needs everyone to know how great you are and how lucky she is to be dating you. Please be supportive of her in return, she would actually ascend to heaven if she saw you in the audience of one of her contests.

Zisu… big woman. I don’t even have words to describe this absolute unit of a woman. She is far too powerful to fully put into words. Her strength is seemingly unending. She canonically trains with pokemon with her bare hands and could absolutely fuck all of them up.

She can bench press your ass, no matter your size or stature. She’ll carry you anywhere you want whenever you want, she’ll get anything you need off of the top shelf, she will lift up anything you need for whatever reason, and she will give you a little kiss on the forehead because she loves you very much.

If you’re afraid of Pokemon (which is pretty likely given the time period), she will do whatever it takes to help you get over your fears. Zisu is all the protection you need in Hisui. No Pokemon will ever get past her. But she would also like to help you get more comfortable with them, if nothing more than for her peace of mind. She can’t be there all the time, given her position in Team Galaxy.

But if you have a strong team, she would love to train with you. If you managed to beat her, she would love you forever. She’s hella strong, so she finds you being stronger than her in one aspect incredibly attractive. And if you managed to beat her in hand to hand combat? She would never recover.

I think Larry is objectively the funniest gym leader, but I whole-heartedly believe Iono is right behind him. I just think she is a funny little guy with an absolutely banger design.

As the most popular streamer in Paldea (I think), people across the region are going to know that you're dating. There is nothing you can do to avoid it. And Iono doesn’t want to hide your relationship. She wants to show you off.

Showing up on stream at least a few times is a mandatory part of dating her. Both Iono and chat love when you’re there. Sometimes Iono will warn you about what she’s planning beforehand, but other times she’ll leave you in the dark. Don’t worry, though, she won’t ever do anything that will make you uncomfortable.

More importantly, when dating Iono, you get to see the normal her, without the energetic streamer persona. Not to say that she’s completely different on stream, she just amps everything up for the camera. Off camera, she just wants to lay down with you and chill out. Let her complain about the weird people in her chat while you hold her close, she desperately needs it.

Outside of that, this girl loves to gossip. Tell her all about the drama you're dealing with or about the people you just don’t like, she eats that shit up. Likewise, she’ll also “spill the tea” as the kids say. She’s got a lot of people and things to tell you about, both big and small. Just promise to not blab to others about those she complains about. She already has to deal with too much weird shit to have time to deal with additional drama from other people.

Flannery is, like, an og waifu, or something like that. Anyways I like her because her design is sick and so is her gym aesthetic (at least in oras). Girlypop is confident in her abilities but she also only has a vague idea of what she’s doing and is just trying her best.

Being a rookie gym leader is hard, even if she is highly skilled. More importantly, it’s stressful. Thankfully, Lavaridge has a hot spring, giving her a perfect way to relax at the end of the day, and she is borderline desperate for you to join her. Listen, she just radiates disaster lesbian. Being in your presence helps her unwind as is, so pairing you up with the hotspring makes her melt. 

She is very dedicated to her training and would love it if you were to join her sometime. Be warned, it gets uncomfortably hot and you will most likely regret it almost immediately, so be prepared. She doesn’t ask you to join her because she doesn’t want you to accidentally strain yourself due to how rigorous it gets, but she’d let you if you asked (after warning you of how difficult it would be, of course).

She seems like someone that would enjoy hiking. Conveniently, there is a volcano right nearby to track up. Flannery desperately wants you to come with her because it would give her a chance to share something she loves with someone she loves. Don’t worry about getting tired, she will carry you up the remainder of the track, no sweat. When you make it to the top (or just find a clearing to rest at), you get to gaze at the beautiful scenery with her. 

Okay I now realize that I didn’t do much outside of the first point to show how much of a disaster she is but she just like… is. I cannot explain it, that is just the vibe she has. So even if she seems confident and held together in your presence, she is screaming in her head because you’re so pretty and she loves you AAAAA.

Oh shit I forgot about Tymeand Ryme for the gilf section of the last headcanon post fuck. Uhhhhh, I like them in the same way as the other gilfs in that they’re cool but ultimately they are funny little grandmas, so here comes your grandma posting.

Like the others, Tyme would totally bake you cookies and while eating them would help you do math. I don’t care if you’re not taking some kind of math class or if you're a student at all, she is going to help you do math. Someone has to teach you how to do your taxes, right? If that is not enough to entice you, then perhaps you would like to see her very cool rock collection, because she would totally have one, and a big one at that. Unrelated, but if you give her any kind of rock she could identify it immediately and would also cherish it dearly.

Ryme is the cool grandma. She doesn’t have time to bake cookies (she isn’t very good at it), but she makes up for it in other ways. You want to see a band or artist live? Just tell her, she’ll find a way to get you to that concert. She’d also let you get away with a lot of things, letting you off easy where others would be upset. Like, if you got into a fight with someone, she would lightly scold you then immediately ask if you won. She’d be really proud if you did and would comfort you if you didn’t. Also teaches you how to rap, but that much should be obvious.

Hopefully this is the last of the grandma posting because if I do this again it means I forgot someone else and I don’t think I did. I guess if there’s one major appeal to the gilfs it’s the domesticity of them? Like, you get the ideal of living your life alongside one another for such a long time, which is the dream, really. Girl I don’t know I’m gonna get back to regular unhinged scenarios sorry about this.

One professor was not enough for one post apparently because I wanna talk about Professor Juniper, the original hot professor. Ever the reliable woman, she will do all she can to lend a hand should you need it, but in return you need to put up with her deciding to do things before confirming with the other people involved beforehand.

Unlike most professors, Juniper has another professor to rely on, that being the other Juniper, so she does have a bit more free time on her hands. That being said, she is often doing things for other people, so she is pretty much as busy as the others. But because she’s just helping out other people and not completing research, she is definitely more accessible. Not going to say that she would hold off on helping someone to come help you if you were to need it, but she would do that (assuming that what she was doing before wasn’t urgent).

She loves to travel around the region, and would love it if you joined her. It’s not really a date, but it’s good quality time. Most of it is taken up by her rambling about the Pokemon that can be found in the area. She would also love it if you lent her a hand in her research. It’s a fun and cute little bonding activity, and it means you can spend more time together afterwards.

Like Sonia, the idea of rocking up to a lab only to be met by the professor and her loving wife is a very powerful one, but Sonia remains more powerful. After all, Juniper doesn’t usually give kids their starters in person, nor does she have an assistant whom she and her wife can semi-adopt.

As a side note, I considered using her first name because she has one, but I don’t know if that is common knowledge. It pops up at the very beginning of B2W2, but I didn’t realize it was there until, like, two days ago. 

Oh my God I forgot about Professor Magnolia because she isn’t even on my list of characters. I am so upset. And no I’m not going to fix this my moving her up to be with Tyme and Ryme because I need it to be known that I fucked this up here’s your grandma posting again and if I mess this up for a fourth time I’m going to be so upset with myself.

Magnolia is just a chill grandma. She always has cookies in her kitchen to give to Sonia. I’m pretty sure they live together so it’s not like she’s visiting her, but she feels that her granddaughter should always have access to finely made cookies. If you were to come over, she would break them out along with tea and have a surprisingly intellectual conversation. She may have given the professor title to Sonia, but she continues to delve into research, if nothing to fulfill her own self-interest.

These visits are especially interesting if you were, say, dating Sonia. She would give you all kinds of stories from when she was growing up. They aren’t particularly embarrassing, per say, but they usually embarrass Sonia anyways. She’s happy that her granddaughter has found both a path in life and someone to spend it with. In general, she would be interested in you as a person. She wants to have a good relationship with her future granddaughter-in-law, after all!

I swear to God if I forget another grandma (besides Cogita because I already write about her plenty) I’m going to lose it.

Let’s end this one with Misty. She’s normally sweet and bright, but she has a tendency to get snappy when annoyed, which tends to leave a greater impression on people than her regular nature since she easily gets frustrated.

Like all gym leaders, she has lots of responsibilities and is busy and also has an affinity for the type she uses. This is especially true for her since most of her designs are just swimsuits (good for you girlie). She will take you on walks all over Cerulean, as well as swimming in the water surrounding it. It’s her happy place, and she gets really annoyed when people interrupt the tranquil moment.

Sorry to say that it usually falls to you to keep her temper down in those situations. Remind her that it’s probably just a challenger looking to continue their journey and that you’ll get to continue your little date when she’s done. She’s still going to be annoyed, but it’s hard for her to remain bitter when she knows she gets to spend more time with you soon.

At some point, she wants to leave Cerulean and its gym for a while in order to go on a journey of her own. When she does, she wants you to come with her. Nothing sounds better to her than getting lost (metaphorically, she can’t stand actually getting lost) in nature with you by her side. Hopefully you don’t have something that could fry her bike because that would be pretty unfortunate.

I would say her sisters are supportive but they aren’t really there enough to know much about you. Sorry Misty. It’s a shame that they’ve been on the same cruise for twenty years. Someone should really check in with them.

[kutputli]

One thing I wished the show would talk about is racism in English Football, esp given how the Richmond team is comprised of mostly Black and Brown players. In real life, 43% of the players in the English Premier League are Black, and despite representing England, Black players are subjected to racist abuse should they fall short of spectacular. The fact that the white footballers are given more screentime and depth in the show is frustrating as fuck. But thats the product of a white writing room I suppose.

Mmm HMM.

I reblogged a Subjectify Media post yesterday that talked about this, and how it would be weird if the show had the crowds heckling Colin for being gay in a way the Black and Brown players and coach never were. It was a post I was deeply upset by because the two fans writing it were being so racist themselves, in a typical queer white fangirl way, while decrying the more obvious racism of football fans. Their take was that it was better that the show not get into spectator heckling at all, for anyone.

Which in and of itself is a valid way to tell a story. I think of my favourite sports anime Yuri on Ice, and how it just gracefully sidestepped into an AU where gay ice skaters are just normal and unremarkable and there is no homophobia at all.

It would be a logistically easier storytelling choice to limit the portrayal of bigotry to interpersonal interactions within the professional settings of the club. But here's why I know that the show won't.

Because they did already include crowd heckling. Only, the target was (presumed) straight, white man Ted Lasso. Ted is the only one we see getting yelled at by the crowd. And even though its the extremely tame insult of 'wanker', which gets cutely diffused into a term of affection, we see Ted reacting to being yelled at by the crowd with the beginnings of a panic attack.

So Ted Lasso faces the gauntlet of a hostile crowd, and pulls through it and wins them over through charm and shape-based jokes, and not once does he ever think that anyone around him might be facing hostility as bad or worse.

When I say the show gaslights fans of colour, its not just because we seem delusional for assuming that racist things are happening to characters of colour that the show never shows. The show gaslights us because none of the characters act like those things happen. Nate never says, 'yeah, the first time I was called a Paki I was...", Sam never says, "I never really thought of myself as Black until I moved to England and they were throwing bananas at me". And none of the kind, supportive people around Ted - Keeley, Roy, Rebecca, Leslie, Beard - tell him to put his heckling into perspective by empathising with what the people of colour around him must be going through.

The AU world that Ted Lasso lives in is where the the worst football heckling happens to a white man.

[pain-in-the-riri]

April 15: Buds

OFMD Microfic

Prompt: Buds

-------

Stede was about two minutes away from abandoning this stupid cross-continent trip entirely. Initially, it was off to a great start. His train cabin was nice and cozy, the food car had an amazing prosciutto sandwich he'd had for lunch, the views were quite lovely. The only problem was his absolute curmudgeon of a cabin-mate.

On first impression Stede thought: Ok…he's intimidating. He's wearing a lot of leather. He's hot. This is going to be great.

Cue twenty-four straight hours of grumbling, snapping, and bitching. Stede, normally used to being the bitchiest person in the room, spent the day irritated at best, antagonistic at worst.

It didn't particularly help things that mere moments before getting onto this train Stede had said to himself, "Stede, you are done being a pushover. This is a new start," and promptly started a fight with the tattooed stranger the first time he gave Stede an iota of attitude.

But now, fresh from a night of being rocked to sleep by the chugging of the train, Stede was rethinking things. Maybe he'd been a tad too hasty. Truly the guy was…unsettlingly good looking, and it felt like a mistake not to at least TRY to be friends. On top of that, even during their most heated fight last night over whether or not his cabin mate should be allowed to prop his booted feet up on Stede's chair, he'd been so hilarious in his insults that it took every ounce of Stede's stubbornness not to break and laugh (because that would mean losing the argument), and wasn't that a good sign that they might get along, really?

And anyway, Mary would kill him if he called her from the middle of god knows where to tell her he cut his trip short because he got into a fight within the first ten minutes of travel.

So, here he was this morning, knocking on their shared cabin door with an offering of one of those really yummy prosciutto sandwiches as apology.

"Hey," Stede said, realizing suddenly that he didn't actually know this guy's name yet.

The man, currently slouched in his seat and obscured by an enormous unfolded newspaper, lowered his reading material to glare at Stede over the top. "I was hoping you jumped off."

Stede pursed his lips and squinted back at him, and was THIS close to saying something like "I'm sticking around in hopes for the opportunity to push you off, actually," but instead he cleared his throat and said, "peace offering," and held out a wrapped sandwich and a mango jarittos bottle.

After a pause, his cabin mate lowered his paper entirely and said, "is it poisoned?"

Stede laughed. "If it is, it was the cook."

"Did you piss them off, too?"

"Not yet!"

That seemed to assuage the man's fears and he took the offered lunch from Stede with a hum. "Thanks."

"I'm Stede, by the way," Stede said, sitting down in his seat across from his roommate.

"Ed," the man said, unwrapping the sandwich and inspecting it, seemingly finding it enticing, and taking a big bite.

"I think we got off on the wrong foot. Let's not fight, please. I can't stand another day of this," Stede said. "And besides, the whole rest of the train is booked solid, so we're stuck with each other."

Ed sighed around his mouthful of sandwich and finally nodded, holding out his closed fist to Stede. "Okay. Buds?"

"Buds," Stede laughed, and bumped his own fist against Ed's.

[jeekyl]

I wonder if the Christianism church and 1 millions “i’m bored with my life “ didn’t make a petition to pressure NEtflix into cancelling Warrior Nun

Halo Baerer, I just watch a podcast aboout 4 movie that was a scandal. 2 of two were religious, " The Last Temptation of Christ “ and “ The exorcist”. 

Now imagine for 1 second that the Christianism church along with 1 millions i’m a bored mom ( who hated everything that is LGBTQIA+, and is extremist catholic or christian whatever) made a complain and pressure Netflix into cancelling Warrior nun because “it’s a blasphemy”. 

- A dude who pretend to be an angel but turn out to be a demon, that use the bible’s plague as a mean to convert people into submission just to “demonize” them. - The pope being shown as heavily politic and corruptible.  - The main character being women heavily trained to fight demon and protect the halo, somethings that is basically shown as purely angelic.  - The halo bearer being compared as Jesus, and more. There was the implication that Jesus was human who got divine power ( the question was never finish and never answered) - The crown of thorn being the reason that Jesus died and not by divine plan. - The name Ava like a reminder of Eve. (Sound it out loudly). (Add to that the fact that Lilith was supposed to get the halo but Ava got it instead) - Everyone being heavily coded as LGBT.  - Man being worthless piece of garbage except for Michael, who has a mission of “ killing”/banishing Adriel - the demon - from existence. ( For those who don’t get it : the angel Michael, first class archangel who banish lucifer on the fucking earth) - All the cross. - Beatrice and Lilith  have rich parent who just send them in a boarding church, pretty sure there are other like them, except for Camilla. And both have so much trauma that a psychologist who just start practicing would be rich within a week -Lilith our favorite hybride mi angel mi demon. Do i have to say that In the bible and many book Lilith is Adam’s first wife but refuse to submit to him and wanted them to be equal ? Adam refuse so Lilith just pronounce god’s name and yeet herself far away from adam and is basically the mother of all demon ? yes ? ( i knew i had a good reason to love this fandom.) No ? it’s her story a bit shorten.  - The imagery that again put the image of Ava as Jesus. Along with all the church. - A nun in the orphanage being worst than the demon the first circle of hell ( which remind me a lot about those “angel maker”, nun who killed babies because they hated children but love money.) - Implying - more or less saying basically -  that the vatican is manipulating people and got power to be on the top with the power of a fucking demon. When you know they love to say that you’re going to hell if you don’t believe in Jesus or is LGBTQIA+.. yeah. I can’t think of other things but that is enough to piss off 1 million” my brain got stuck in my mother uterus” and the church. The fact that the church were able to pressure a whole industry to shut down a fucking movie just because it imply that Jesus was probably human, think about what they could do about a platform that is loosing money since the beginning of 2022 ( sorry guys), and got worst at the end of the years. A platform that keep insulting LGBTQIA+ people ( more Lesbians but let’s not fight amongst ourselves shall we?). That drive people insane with the bullshit they pull with straight shows and movie that no one like and is a fucking disaster but keep going on for some reason.  Warrior nun makes you question things. “ Who are we praying to ? Adriel is sucking our prayer”. It makes you wonder what is really going on in the vatican. Are some nun’s really evil ? Does such Ninja nun exist ? Are we surrounded by demon and the vatican knows it and don’t give a flying fuck ? How can we believe ? Lately i learn that agnostic believe that everything we call “ good” is actually Evil, the vatican, the priest, all the angel (when you look for bible accurate angel you.. yeah. it’s yeah.. it makes sense.). All of our belief is based on a lie and we are worshipping demon. I mean Lucifer did fall on earth so.. Take that as you will or want or don’t.  To say that Warrior nun is a show that makes you question your belief - belief not faith - in the vatican and that it could be based on the agnostic belief system is pretty believable. And that maybe it’s the reason the vatican/church/1 millions demon would try to push it down and far away from the public eyes ? Think abut the fact that Netflix hide it, didn’t promote it, literally ignore it just to cancelled it without any justifiable reason. They are losing money and it cost a lot to make ? who invested 20 millions just to bring Friends on the platform? Who keep making kissing booth when people didn’t like it the first time ? Emily i’m a bullshit in Paris that no one like and lot of French people hate with passion. How many other show/movie people can’t even bring themselves to start are being renew or keep going into it 2 or 3 movie ? It’s bullshit and they know it. Netflix is worldwide. I’m not from the US, i’m from Reunion island, a french island. where the platform is more restricted than France apparently for some reason, and i still pay for it. Who am i paying then ? Adriel ? Are they serious with this non sense ? Yeah no there’s more than that. And from now on i will blame the1 bastard from hell and the vatican’t until i have proof they didn’t know or didn’t do anything about it. 

[disparatemind]

Part 9 is here! If I ever write about something that is not entirely accurate, whether it be a mistranslation or an incorrect portrayal of a faith or culture, PLEASE let me know.

Links to parts 1—8 here

TW/CW: mention of burning witches/being burned to death

"You're the one who asked her if she wanted to stick around," I laughed.

A sudden jolt went through my body, and I looked toward one of the patrons who'd arrived not that long before Ashley. Tucked in a corner was a soul of somewhat frail stature, and as I approached I smiled kindly.

"Is everything alright?" I asked, keeping an arm's length away in case there was any flailing.

"Se fue," came the reply.

It's gone.

I wanted to reach out and touch the soul's hand, but I knew better. Switching to Spanish, I lowered my head.

"Que ha pasado?" I asked. What's gone?

The soul sat in silence, a hollow look in their eyes.

"Mi vida." My life. "Ya no puedo sentir me cuerpo."

I can't feel my body anymore.

I bowed my head. "Te acompaño en tu dolor," I replied. I will sit with you in your pain.

The only sounds were the clinking of cups and soft conversations, and I could almost see the waves of grief pouring over the spirit in front of me. Clasping my hands together, I focused on the soul before me.

Empty eyes stared straight ahead, seeing things I couldn't possibly fathom, and a single tear made its way down the soul's cheek. "¿Cuánto tiempo estaré en el purgatorio?" the soul asked softly. How long will I be in purgatory?

I tried to answer the question as gently as I could. "No me corresponde a mi decirlo," I said, "pero eres bienvenido aquí todo el tiempo que quieras." It's not for me to say, but you are welcome here for as long as you like.

Two short, slow nods answered my statement, as another silvery tear slid down the soul's cheek. I made sure that the soul had something to drink and eat, and as I was walking away, Louisa called my attention.

"How can I help you, Louisa?" I signed as I approached her table.

"You know about Catholic teachings?" she asked.

"A little, and only what I've learned from other patrons during my time here," I explained.

"How did you die?"

The bluntness of the question and the sudden subject change took me back a bit, but I only hesitated a moment or two before answering.

"I burned to death," I told her.

Her eyes narrowed. "Were you burned for being a witch?"

A short laugh escaped me before I could stop it. "No, I was not burned intentionally. It was an accident." I studied her for a moment, and felt my stomach drop. "You were burned intentionally, weren't you?"

Louisa's lips tightened and she looked away. My heart sank and I wanted to give her a hug. And burn every fucker involved in her death.

"How dare they," I seethed, my anger apparent in every slow, deliberate hand movement.

Louisa looked at me, a sheen to her eyes that hadn't been there before, and she blinked quickly to prevent tears from falling. The sadness and anger she felt was clear on her face, and I gave her a small bow.

"May those who burned you face their worst demons and lose the battle," I said, infusing as much energy as I could into the words. Whether or not it would actually have an effect on the living I didn't know—probably not, being where I was—but Louisa felt the energy, and added her own.

"So mote it be," she finished, eyes still shining but this time with a spark I hadn't seen before. An image flashed through my mind of a small town of people screaming insults and accusations as they tied me to a pole and doused me with gasoline, then lit a match. I knew this was a memory of Louisa's, and my anger sparked all over again.

"I have no idea what waits on the other side of the door for you," I said, "but you are welcome here for as long as you need." I paused for a moment, then added, "My heart aches for you. I hope you are able to find peace."

Louisa nodded and thanked me, and as I did my next walk-around of the cafe, I ruminated on how Louisa's story could have very easily been my own.

You run a café on the edge of life and death. Souls who have been departed from their bodies temporarily, such as in comas or near-death experiences, can relax in your quaint cafe for as long as they need before they can either return to their bodies or begin their journey to the afterlife.

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #674

Top Ten Movie Insults

You fight like a dairy farmer!

Sadly that’s not from a film, otherwise – of course – it would be number one. But cinema has long had a fascination with invective; words as weapons, wielded to wound. Basically, people insulting each other is pretty funny, and it’s been used a lot in all sorts of fiction.

Despite the world being, well, the world (gestures at everything), it wasn’t current affairs that prompted this particular listicle. It’s actually been gestating for a few months, after I rewatched a particular film and was reminded of how much I loved this one particular insult. Yes, it’s on the list, and it features quite highly. You’ll see for yourself before too long. Anyway, that got me thinking about my favourite cinematic insults. Because some of them are belters.

Some of them, also, are very rude. I’ve tried to avoid incessant swearing. But sometimes it can’t be avoided. As a result, this is probably the filthiest list I’ve ever done. It shall be hidden under the fold, as it were; placed in a metaphorical brown paper bag like a naughty magazine or a copy of the Daily Star. Those of a nervous disposition are directed to one of my other Top Tens, like this delightful one about the Muppets that’s still probably the closest this stupid blog has ever come to going viral.

And that’s about it, really. There follows a list of some people being mean to each other and calling each other naughty names. There are probably some big ones missing – I never got round to watching Blade: Trinity, because everyone said it was shit, so Ryan Reynolds’ famous line does not make this list on technical grounds. But there are definitely some classics here, from the sublime to the ridiculous to, well, ones that just blow the bloody doors off. There is, I think you’ll find, an insult for every occasion; all of them from the movies.

How appropriate. You fight like a cow.

No disrespect, but you’re a cunt. (Brendan Gleeson, In Bruges, 2008): straight in with the filth. But it’s not the no-no words that make this funny; it’s the repetition, the sheer weight of cursing that Brendan Gleeson inflicts upon Ralph Fiennes. And more than that it’s the matter-of-fact delivery, which Fiennes takes with quiet, simmering anger. There's a sadness and a banality to it which speaks to the tone of the film as a whole, and it’s a beautiful, sensitive performance from Gleeson.

Yes, it’s true. This man has no dick. (Bill Murray, Ghostbusters, 1984): really a punchline to a wonderful setup from Dan Aykroyd (“dickless here shut off the power.” “Is this true?”) but it’s a terrific punchline; a playground insult delivered at the best (worst?) possible time. Even funnier is that in the melee that follows, when William Atherton lunges at Murray, you hear the latter try to defend himself with “well that’s what I heard!”.

I bet you’re the kind of guy who would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around. (R. Lee Emmry, Full Metal Jacket, 1987): to be honest, Emmry’s entire speech to his squad of recruits is fantastic and full of outrageously offensive insults. On the one hand, this is such over-the-top invective as to be utterly hilarious; on the other, it speaks to his characters horrendous and overbearing nature that (spoiler alert) leads to two deaths. This incredible, evocative, imaginative insult is the icing on the whole filthy cake.

You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! (Mike Myers, Shrek, 2001): this was, in fact, the insult that inspired me to write this whole list. It's such a benign, slight thing really; it washes off Donkey’s back when Shrek spits it at him. But the structure of it, the layering of adjectives, and the use of “beast of burden”, makes it both funny and memorable. My favourite line in the film.

Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries! (John Cleese, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, 1975): a line that was quoted ad nauseum when I was at school and every third boy suddenly discovered Python. The group was successful with humour both highbrow and old school, and this was positively playground; Cleese’s French knight is so supremely childish as to be hilarious. “I fart in your general direction”; legitimately classic.

It was nothing like that, penis-breath! (Henry Thomas, E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, 1982): Spielberg and writer Melissa Mathison really had a handle on the performance and language of the kids in this film, and Elliott’s frustration and anger and not being believed, and being patronised by his big brother, boils over in supremely realistic fashion. It's the sort of thing a kid would say, spat out almost nonsensically, and Dee Wallace’s reaction – spontaneous laughter followed by telling him off – is spot-on.

You stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder! (Carrie Fisher, The Empire Strikes Back, 1980): this is partly the script – the escalating series of increasingly-silly adjectives – but mostly Carrie Fisher’s expert performance; searching for the most cutting and incisive insult possible, trying to maintain composure despite obvious fury. The way she spits “nerf-herder”! what even is a nerf-herder? And, of course, it’s capped by Harrison Ford’s wounded “who’s scruffy-lookin’?”

Look up “idiot” in the dictionary, you know what you’ll find? (Val Kilmer, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, 2005): a film made up almost entirely of fantastic one-liners, hilarious dialogue, and cutting insults; this one is simple but also ingenious. A furious Val Kilmer barks the question at a pathetic Robert Downey Jr, who knows how the joke ends – “a picture of me?” – only for Kilmer to give it an inventive and, well, really bloody funny little twist.

That fake old tough guy! (Joe Pesci, Goodfellas, 1990): this one might be less popular, although the scene is certainly iconic. Pesci’s Tommy DeVito is belittled by Frank Vincent’s Billy Batts, and turns homicidal. Pesci’s performance throughout the film is a livewire one, at turns boisterously comedic and terrifyingly vicious; here, though, clearly rankled, there’s none of the menace or charisma, just a primal rage. Tommy is almost reduced to a childhood tantrum, and as such his insult is pathetic, small, but darkly funny.

This is my bargain, you mewling quim! (Tom Hiddleston, The Avengers, 2012): a line so famous that it very briefly became something of an unofficial catchphrase for Hiddleston. On one level it’s just a biting, sneery insult, reeking of misogyny, spat by a rage-filled Loki at Black Widow; but then there’s the fact that, well, how on Earth did they get the word “quim” by Disney? I can only assume that a lot of people didn’t know what the word meant. It’s fitting, really, to circle back to gynaecology here at the end of the list; a somewhat more palatable version of the insult from In Bruges. And yes, I instantly regret the use of the word palatable in this context.

EDITED TO ADD!!! As a rule I don't edit my lists after publication, so this ranking will stand. But I've only just remembered one of my favourite - and simplest! - movie insults: Withnail to Uncle Monty. You know the one. In fact, I'm shocked and ashamed that I forgot Withnail altogether: "A coward you are, Withnail! An expert on bulls you are not!" is also great. Sorry everyone!

[bilbobagginsomebabez]

swift just will not give the kanye/kim thing a rest. and she has GOT to move on. like Kanye's a fucking mess but swift was still the dickhead in that situation. it was straight up a situation of miscommunication that swift turned into a feud.

first and foremost, rap is not known for respectful language. it's a genre of aggression and claimed power; beefs between rappers and diss tracks are embedded into the culture of rap for a reason. the diss track is a demonstration of claimed power. i don't know why it needs to be stated, but kanye was obviously working within the norms of his musical genre. TAYLOR IS AWARE OF THIS.

kanye breaks those norms slightly to call taylor and both warn her and give her an opportunity to workshop the diss in an upcoming track. this is EXTREMELY POLITE. she herself said she would never expect him to run lyrics by her and that she deeply appreciated him reaching out.

when she hears the line, the second concern she expresses is "I thought it was gonna be like 'oh this stupid dumb bitch.'" this is in context of asking whether she has a preference between the word choices of "still might have sex" or "might owe me sex." why might she owe him sex? because he 'made her famous.' taylor was fine with this on the phone call, said "that's not mean" and "It's even kind of a compliment." kim and kanye took that to mean 'don't insult me' and apparently Taylor meant the specific word bitch. or at least she said that's what she meant, two years later with more than enough time to review the recordings and find an angle.

in rap, i honestly think that bitch counts as a third person pronoun that points towards aggression; aggression being a fundamental energy that rap taps into and explores. there are a hundred million thinkpieces already about how common the word "bitch" is in rap. i do not think i've heard a single rap song that didn't include the word bitch at least once in YEARS. if I were a rapper, i wouldn't think twice about using the word bitch in my lyrics. i doubt i would even realize that someone could be upset by the word itself rather than the diss that surrounds it. and I don't know what other word I'd use to maintain the aggression and flow. "made that girl famous" (no aggression). "made that woman famous" (too many syllables). "made that ass famous" (she has no ass). we can and should have a conversation about the misogyny inherent to rap and how it's wrong that bitch is so common, but it sure as shit is not a personal attack on anyone. it's a genre convention. a genre convention worth criticizing, but a genre convention all the same.

so kim and kanye assumed they were adhering to her wishes and the addition of one (genre-appropriate and extremely common) word wouldn't fundamentally or significantly change the stanza. (my bias: straight up agree with them. weird white woman shit right there where being called a bitch is like the Worst thing that could ever happen. she never moved past early 2010s girlboss feminism.) in this specific case of lyrics, i literally think kanye was attempting to be more respectful rather than less. he could have said that she OWED him sex for making her famous (actually concerning from a feminist perspective). he chose instead to say that she may consent to having sex with him out of gratitude for making her famous. I genuinely think the lyrical implications regarding her autonomy are why kanye went with "might have" and "made that bitch famous." rather than "owe me." he's mentally fucked right now, but he was never actually stupid.

so she says either lyric is fine, implies she doesn't want anything more insulting with "stupid dumb bitch" as the example of too far, and at the end of the phone call, both of them seem to feel respected and valued and on good terms.

then the song came out, and swift's fans automatically went up in arms. which changes the landscape, as a hoard of millions of angry people are wont to do. kanye mentions being afraid of them in their conversation about the lyric, and i think taylor feels the same way after her 'but daddy i love him (my fans made matty healy dump me)" bullshit i see the swifties whining about. what's obvious is her fans create her reality. she says something like "once enough people say something about me, it becomes true" in her little PR princess 'im so sad without a constant influx of adoration' documentary where she cries in her mansion after telling people to vote blue. enough people were apparently saying the lyric was offensive that that's what became true. she felt the risk of their ire by saying she had agreed and hadn't seen a problem, so she starts publicly focusing on the specific word "bitch" and how she had specifically worried about being called a bitch. in her mind, CLEARLY Kanye had called her to find out what would really bother her and purposefully insert it into the song. not even worth considering that Kanye used what is likely one of the most common words across all rap songs.

so let's talk go back to the FIRST concern she expressed. "I'm like this close to overexposure." That's what actually happened. The diss track came out, generated too much negative attention, tipped her into overexposure, and her PR damage-control response was to play up white woman victimhood and pretend that a rapper using the word bitch in a song is a shocking, immoral, and profoundly disrespectful act maliciously directed specifically at taylor. it could not possibly be a genre convention if it's actually a direct attack on her, a misogynistic attempt to silence her.

that's racism babes! first by refusing to recognize that it IS a genre convention, and then, instead of criticizing a genre convention across the entire genre, she took it as a personal attack and is STILL berating the musician's EX-WIFE about 5 years later. not the artist himself who wrote the lyric and is responsible for his music. his ex-wife who fled their marriage fearing for her life and is desperately trying to move on. that's taylor's target. that's who she wants to attack. presumably because that's who she knows she can hurt. it's like she wants to permanently punish kim for releasing the tape of their conversation and rub it in--'I declared a man Bad and you supported him, so you deserved it when he hurt you. aren't you happy you fought for nothing? i am. your kids are gonna sing my songs about how you deserved it." I cannot stand kim kardashian, but the sheer satisfaction taylor expresses towards a woman being domestically abused is profoundly disturbing.

i don't really think it would be possible for me to dislike taylor swift more at this point. this is supposedly one of her most personal albums or whatever, a poetic confessional of the "torture" she endured that led her to alcoholism and struggle. and what we get is some of the most petty and disgusting sentiments a billionaire white woman can express. we get gems like "how dare my fans question me for dating a racist" and "someone i had an argument with 5 years ago was abused by her husband and i'm happy about it :)"

i will leave this at what I believe is the most honest distillation of taylor swift's personhood and worldview at this point, in her own words:

[troglobite]

oh right the worst part re: the person i'm unfollowing

she's chubby.

she is not thin.

she is a brown southeast asian person.

and she's letting this fatphobia slide.

she says "be kind in the comments!"

and there people are VICIOUSLY throwing around insults at the fat person in the story (who absolutely was out of line! BUT STILL!)

more information below abt the situation in particular (usage of uncensored slurs as examples in hypotheticals below, also more explicit fatphobia)

i was afraid to say it in the comments but it's legitimately the same as

a gay person calling a straight person het or straighty or breeder [though that one is Nasty]

and then the straight person asking them to stop, the gay person not stopping, and the straight person responding "okay hey faggot"

that's legitimately the same thing

or a trans person saying "hey cissie" or "hey agab" or whatever

and the cis person asking them to stop, the trans person continuing, and the cis person going "okay fine. hey tranny."

the story was

fat person--a coworker--calls the op toothpick, slim, etc.

she is asked to stop.

she does not stop. no one tries to address the issue and convince her to stop.

definitely unprofessional and shitty.

but the op then responds "okay fine. hey chunky." the fat coworker then cried.

and you know what? i'm 100% positive that that's NOT the word op used. i would bet MONEY she called her a different word and chose "chunky" for the post bc it was slightly less bad than whatever she DID say.

because earlier in the post she called the coworker "very overweight"

people in the comments are going "FINALLY someone acknowledges that skinny shaming is so hurtful!!! :(" and "i would've called her something worse, and then added in annoying shithead" or "she was SO justified saying that to the coworker!"

no. she wasn't.

see my above examples.

everybody sucks in that situation, and everyone saying that the op was RIGHT or JUSTIFIED is a fucking shitting garbage fuck rot in hell piece of piss jackass who can die for all i fucking care about them.

i'm tired i'm tired i'm TIRED

the op ABSOLUTELY fucking knew that ANY comments abt the fat coworker's weight was going to be ASTRONOMICALLY MORE HURTFUL than the comments abt op's weight bc of the sheer volume of societal hurt behind it.

should fat coworker have done that at all? NO. it's stupid and unprofessional! it's hurtful!

to continue doing so after being asked to stop makes you an absolute certified jackass and asshole!

but i know why she was doing it.

and i also know why she cried.

it's not "oh you can dishout but you can't take it"

it's quite literally trauma

she's lashing out at someone super skinny--A BAD AND HURTFUL AND CHILDISH BEHAVIOR!--in retaliation for all of the hurt that has been sent her way.

and when it's tossed back at her, all of the years of her life spent being fatshamed and bullied and harassed come roaring back

op absolutely could've dealt with years of body shaming, too!

but there'd be no medical discrimination, job discrimination, LITERAL WAGE GAP/PAY DISCREPANCY, there's not a million ads telling people to GAIN weight, almost every store will carry something in her size, every chair she's ever sat in in every public place will have fit her and held her, she wouldn't have to pay extra for accommodations or basic shit, she wouldn't be told to rip out her own stomach or starve herself or mutilate her body--

as hurtful as it is, it's not the same. being told to eat more or put some meat on those bones while CRUEL AND UNNECESSARY! STOP COMMENTING ON PEOPLE'S BODIES!

it's not the same as

"have you tried starving yourself and ripping out your functioning organs so that either you die or you become more visually appealing to the rest of us so that we don't have to gag every time we see you?"

and i'm tired

fatphobia. is getting me so badly lately.

so i had to get this out of my system.

but i unfollowed her. i unsubscribed. i left two comments that i'm sure people will reply to calling me crazy and angry and stupid--even though i say REPEATEDLY that what the fat coworker did was 100% unacceptable

but what the fuck ever

my EDS has decided to be a giant pain--literally--again and i should stop typing

i'm going to shove my head into some fanfiction to cope

and try to not feel every relationship i tentatively have slipping away from me bc people refuse to examine their own biases

i'm being dramatic, MOST people i know don't let fatphobia ruin our relationship or our lives.

most.

but it's been hitting too close recently and i'm tired.

i'm tired of how uneducated and unwilling to listen everyone is.

you'd think i'd be used to this by now, being a disabled, autistic, mixed race, genderqueer lesbian.

but no.

bc OUTRIGHT HATEFUL BIGOTRY of fat people is SOCIALLY ENCOURAGED.

and i am. tired.

and it's not a fucking competition, either, i don't think other oppressed groups "have it better"

FUCK THIS i'm so tired of trying to inject disclaimers in the name of nuance nobody reads this shit anyway and anyone who reads it in bad faith to try and WELL ACTUALLY at me can rot in hell i'm fucking tired

@ all fatphobes who refuse to listen to reason: die mad about people being fat, and i hate you

[foone]

Which is especially funny because the Romans had a very rich vocabulary for being rude. And a lot of it got very well preserved, unlike some other ancient cultures where the only people who could write were scholars and priests and the like, who weren't going around talking about slurs all that much. Not the Romans. We have a city full of rude graffiti that got preserved when the nearby volcano asploded, and poets like Catullus who loved to get FILTHY. He wrote poems about love and lust, for men and women, and he wrote poems about people he fucking hated, and he spared no invective.

So the Latin has a bunch of rude words, we still know about them, and the hilarious thing about this quote is that it's an ancient Roman complaining about a word for penis... And it's the one WE STILL USE, SOME TWO MILLENNIA LATER.

I sorry Cicero, you lost this battle, hard.

He could have been complaining about peniculus (little brush), mentula (prick), sopio (penis), vomer (plowshare), verpa (hard on/ literally penis with retracted foreskin).

But nope. He picked the one word that ended up in English.

BTW one of my favorite things about English vocabulary that you can't not see once you realize it's there: there was a period in Englandwhere the upper classes spoke romance languages and the lower classes were germanic, before this all melted together into the Frankenstein's monster we call English

So English has a lot of cases where we have two words for the same thing, but one is formal and medical and polite, and the other is rude.

Why is copulation clinical and fucking rude? Because "copulation" is Latin and "fucking" is germanic. Same goes for "feces" and "shit", "vagina" and "cunt", and so on.

Interestingly this goes for some other words too, in a way that makes sense if you think about it. You know how we have different words for some animals and the food made from those animals? Like, "cow" vs "beef", "sheep" vs "mutton", "deer" vs "venison".

It's the same thing! Just not always going back to Latin, sometimes it's just to old French. The animal is germanic, the meat is romance/Latin.

Why? Well, think about it. You've got a class system. You've got upper-class rich people eating their fancy meals, and a bunch of poor working class people raising the animals on the farms. The animals get germanic names, and the meat get romance names, because Lord Snooty What'sHisFuck only ever sees a cow when it's cooked up and on his plate. So he calls it "beef", since he speaks something like French, and the guy who raised Tasty Betsy called her a "Cow" because he speaks something like German.

English has centuries of linguistic classism built into our very vocabulary! And it's really neat to notice and see how prevalent it is.

BTW to get back to Latin, another fun thing about how their assorted dirty words worked is that it implies a lot about their value system, and how they saw gender and sexual roles. See, they had a real thing about what we now would call "top" vs "bottom". We still have some of that, of course, but we tend to make it more gendered, and more about straight vs. gay.

The Romans didn't think "gay" was an insult. They did have a word for that! But they did use "cinaedus" as an insult, and the closest term we have is "cocksucker". Except they didn't really imply the homosexual nature of that insult... For them it was just about being the bottom in oral sex. "cocksucker" or "pussylicker", it's all the same. Similarly they had "irrumo, irrumare", which means "to make someone suck your cock", which is an expression of dominance. Again, it's not about the possible homosexuality: it's the topping.

And similarly, they had "pathicus", an insult that means something like the f-slur. But as always, it's not about homosexuality, as that's fine: it's about being the bottom. One of the worst slurs you could call a Roman man was one that meant he let people fuck him in the ass.

The bottom line (no pun intended): Linguistics are always interesting because they tell you so much about the culture that speaks that language. Romans had a culture-wide hang-up about topping and bottoming, and to this day English has a big formal/informal divide in our vocabulary because of who won The Battle of Hastings in 1066.

been reading cicero's rant about words being given obscene meanings and i don't think i've ever seen a latin sentence that made me burst into such immediate and violent laughter before

[scarisd3ad]

i saw that you don't have any eddie munson fics on your master list, so i decided to request something :D

could i request a gn! reader x eddie where reader has anger issues and nearly picks up a fight with jason (because he was being a dick to eddie), but eddie is the only person that can calm the reader down (and so he calms them down) snd calls them 'cute' when they're angry? there's nothing angsty, just pure fluff and whipped eddie :>

I genuinely hate this I feel like I couldn’t do this prompt justice but anyways vampire! Eddie had had I choke hold on me recently so I’m thinking of writing a few of those fics.

Calm down e.m x gn!reader

Warnings - cursing, shouting, angry people lol, one suicide joke at the end, Fluffy

Masterlist request box

I leaned my head against Eddie’s shoulder as he ranted about some article in a magazine about dnd. I didn’t really care much I just silently ate my lunch.

“Dungeons and dragons. at first regarded as a harmless game of make believe now has both parents and psychologists concerned studies have linked violent behavior to the game” Eddie read out in an obnoxious deep voice. I rolled my eyes and continued to take a bite out of an apple I had in my hand.

“Saying it promotes satanic worship, ritual sacrifice sadomy, suicide, and even murder!” Eddie read out dramatically and loudly before placing in front of the rest of the hellfire club members. Jeff and Gareth began to laugh. I wasn’t too close any of the hellfire club member only the three freshman, Mike, dustin, and Lucas (because I used to babysit them)

I watched as dustin and Mike anxiously walked over and sat down. Both boys sent a bright smile towards me before sitting down. “Society had to blame something we’re an easy target” randy? Maybe jarad I honestly dont know his name. No one ever said It.

“Exactly” Eddie replied.

“We’re the freaks because we like to play a fantasy game..but!” Eddie then stood up up and stepped on the table making me sit straight up. “Eddie!” I warned tugging onto his arm. He was going to piss someone of who would probably insult him a few time which would most likely piss me off. And I had no off switch once I was mad I was mad.

“Sorry sweetheart” he mumbled winking. Normally that would fluster me but I knew he’d probably piss Jason carver off today. And he’s probably spew a few slurs from his stupid mouth and then piss me off. Jason and I have had a bunch of confrontation?..fights? Whatever you want to call them. Jason and I have never got along for example in the third grade i broke his arm because he was making fun of eddie. I pushed him off the swings, He landed on his right arm, he was tooken to the hospital then after two days he came back with a cast. No one really liked me because I told the truth the brutal honestly truth.

“But as long as you’re into band…or science…” he began to walk down the lunch table not even listening to my pleas for him to stop.

“Or parties” he sneered. “Or a game where you toss balls into laundry baskets!” Eddie shouted. God Eddie loved to rile up Jason I swear he thought it was funny. But Jason was cruel and he’s said the worst things about Eddie but it always seemed to bounce right off of him. But me..it didn’t it always pissed me off.

A bunch of students shouted “loser!”

“You want something freak!” Jason shouted as he stood up. I also stood up ready to defend eddie with all my might. “Awe..you gonna have your little (girlfriend/boyfriend/partner) protect you?” Jason laughed making everyone else in the cafeteria laugh. I rolled my eyes as I crossed my arms. “You’re such a pussy you’ve gotta have y/n protect you” I was fuming if it was possible for smoke to be coming out of my ears it would. Oh it definitely.

I stomped my way over to Jason “y/n! Shit!” I heard Eddie mutter before he hopped off of the table following after me. “You’re an asshole!” I said pushing Jason. He stumbled back, his eyebrows knitting up but I couldn’t tell if it was from anger or confusion. He then chuckled “Whatcha gonna do about it?” His friend group of jocks giggled and taunted me before a grabbed his arm twisting it around.

“I’ll break it again, you want me too?” I smiled as he began to whimper “stop okay! Okay!” I let go of his arm and he sighed in relief. “You’re a crazy bitch!” He shouted. Just as I was about to land a punch on his cheek I was grabbed up. “Let go!” I muttered, I was placed back on the ground and Eddie’s hand was wrapped around my wrist.

“Let me beat his ass!” I said trying to pull Eddie off of me as Eddie dragged me away. “He’s such an ass I just want to kill him” Eddie rolled his eyes “no you don’t” he said as he pulled me outside. “Come on honey cool down..calm down” i grimaced. My facial expression still scrunched up, still angry. Angry at Jason for being a total dick, and angry at Eddie for not letting me to murder Jason. We both sat down on a bench near the main entrance. “Calm down cutie” i huffed. He pressed his lips to my cheek. “why didn’t you let me beat his ass?” I mumbled. Eddie shook his head.

“He was being a total dick he shouldn’t be able to treat you like that!” I shouted. He shook his head again “I know but you’ve gotta calm down. Even though I think you’re so fucking cute when you’re mad” he giggled. I rolled my eyes and leaned myself against Eddie. “I feel like a toddler” I did it wasn’t a lie. I felt like one of those toddlers who had to get taken out of a play date because they were hitting. “You’ve gotta stop trying to beat the shit out of Jason..I love you for it but I don’t want you hurt he’s a basket-laundrybasket player” he said smiling down at me. “He’s half your size.”

I shrugged my shoulders and said “I broke his arm when I was like eight” he laughed “you’re adorable..but he was like four foot what? five? at the time?” I laughed and nodded. “I love you” he said staring down at me love filled eyes. “Love you too” I mumbled as I pressed my lips to his. “Okay are you calm now?” I nodded slowly, “you don’t gotta protect me anymore baby” i grumbled and muttered “but he just pisses me off so much” he laughed. “I know he does honey but you’ve gotta have some self control.”

I rolled my eyes and muttered “you barely have any.”

He giggled and pressed his lips to mine once again. “I love you so much you don’t understand” he muttered against my lips. I did understand though because I loved him just as much. I wouldn’t be anyone without eddie, He was the only one who could calm me down in shit like this. Eddie was my rock he kept me going. If Eddie wasn’t alive I think I’d kill myself.

[obsidiancreates]

An Honest Talk

(Got to the episode where Valerie gets the ghost hunting stuff. I just want her to be happy and not Filled With Vengeful Rage so, here's this.)

Jazz sees the whole thing.

Really, Valerie isn't even good at hiding it. As soon as that Ghost Hunter shows up at that school game, Jazz figures it out. Not just because her voice is the same, but because of the insults she shouts while hanging in that basketball hoop. Sure, Jazz is in a higher grade, but she's heard that A-Lister group plenty of times in the hallways and after school.

They're real jerks. But not murderous jerks.

So she decides to do something about it. No-one attacks her baby brother. ... Well, except other ghosts. But Jazz can't always help with those.

This? No problem.

"Hey, Valerie."

Valerie jolts, yelping and almost dropping what is clearly some kind of ghost-detecting device. "Who are- ugh, aren't you Fenton's sister? What do you want?"

"To talk to you," Jazz says in her most empathetic voice. "I noticed you're having kind of a rough time."

"Why do you care?"

"Because my brother does." Cares about not being pummeled, at least. But Jazz is sure Danny hopes the best for his schoolmate, even with the attacks.

Valerie huffs. "Great, pity from the loser kids."

"Come on, it won't hurt to talk about it?"

"Talk about what? That some ghost kid and his dog ruined my life? That we're broke, and all my friends hate me for it? yeah, talking will fix everything."

Jazz sits down on a bench, and pats the seat next to her. Valerie looks away.

But then... she sighs. And sits. "I keep thinking about that five hundred dollar shirt I ruined. Maybe if e hadn't bought that, or I hadn't worn it to school, we'd be a little better off right now."

"It's not your fault."

Valerie grits her teeth. "Yeah. It's that ghost kid's."

"Ghost kid?"

"... You believe in ghosts, right? Because of your parents?"

Jazz nods. "Plus, that thing during the school game,, Kind of hard to deny."

"Heh. Yeah. ... That dog broke into the place my dad was working for. he was showing off what he did for their security, and none of it stopped the dog or the kid. And then they showed up again at the garage sale and wrecked our moving van, and the dog stole my lunch after all my friends rejected me!"

Valerie wipes her eyes, scowling. "It's not fair!"

Jazz hands her a tissue. "It's not, not at all."

"I wanna destroy that kid," Valerie growls. "Like he destroyed me."

"... Valerie... how old is he?"

"About my age, I think."

"And he's a ghost."

"Yeah. And?"

"So... how do you think a ghost kid comes to be?"

Valerie doesn't reply. But after a moment, her eyes widen a little. "Oh... no, no, but... but he's a kid. He can't be any older than me."

"Yeah," Jazz says softly. "So something horrible must have happened to him already."

Valerie looks at the device in her hands. "... But... he still ruined my life." She sounds a bit unsure now.

"Maybe he didn't mean to. I mean... imagine one day you wake up and everything is... different. Suddenly you've got no gravity, and-and no-one can see you sometimes and you're this weird thing-"

God, how scared was Danny when it happened? She's pretty sure by now that it was The Accident that did it, she can't think of anything else that explains it. What was it like for him, waking up as something different?

"It would be tough," Jazz finishes, looking at Valerie.

Valerie still won't meet her eyes, looking at the beeping device. "Then why is he following me around?"

"... Well... does he show up first, or the dog?"

Valerie thinks for a long moment. "... The dog. It's always the dog."

"So maybe he's trying to catch it."

"... I mean, I guess that could be it. But he's been fighting me!"

"And you've been fighting him."

"But-! ... Aw, geez..." Valerie deflates. "What do I do now, then? I can't... I can't keep attacking some kid who... we've barely lived, I can't just make it so that he's barely lived twice."

Jazz stands up and offers her hand. "How about we try talking to him?"

Valerie looks at her. "For real?" She's skeptical.

Jazz nods. "For real. Maybe we can clear some things up."

Valerie turns away again. And then, with a hefty sigh...

Takes Jazz's hand.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Cujo?" Danny calls out. "Cujo! We need to get you back to the Ghost Zone, buddy! Come on, where is he?"

Someone clears their throat behind him, and he yelps as he shoots up in the air.

He turns around, and sees possibly the worst thing he could see right now.

His sister, and his hunter.

"Hello, Ghost Boy!" Jazz calls out.

"Um... hi." Danny waves, still looking startled.

Jazz nudges Valerie, and Valerie huffs. "Hi," she says shortly. Jazz smile at her, though.

"I'm here to mediate a talk between you two," Jazz says, walking closer (and somewhat pulling Valerie along behind her). "I figured there might be more to this story than we all three think."

"Um, you're not- I mean, I'm a ghost, you're just... casual about this?"

Jazz nods. "My parents are well-versed with ghosts, this is nothing."

A straight-up lie. Jazz hadn't even believed in ghosts until she peeled Spectra. But maybe it's to save face for Valerie? Or maybe Jazz recognizes him as the ghost from that day.

"Anyway," Jazz says, "Valerie here has something to say."

Valerie, arms cross and back hunched angrily, glares at Danny. "Who are you, and why are you out to get me?"

Danny floats back down to the ground, standing on it now. "I'm, um... Phantom-"

Valerie gives him a disbelieving look.

"Uh, Ghost Names are uh, different! It's this whole thing. And, I'm not out to get you, I swear. It's all been terrible coincidences."

Valerie scoffs.

"Val, we're here to listen," Jazz reminds gently. "Let him explain his side of things, and then you can explain yours, and we'll come to a solution. Trust me, I read a book about this."

Danny doesn't doubt it. "I don't own that dog, I found him wandering around outside. I thought he was cute at first, and then he turned into the big dog that keeps haunting you."

"And why's he doing that?" she snips.

"I don't know yet." Danny rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed. "I'm trying to send him back to the Ghost Zone, but he keeps coming back out! I'm starting to think it's some cliche 'unfinished business' thing. But until I can figure it out I don't know how to get rid of him. All I can do is try to minimize the damage."

"Doing a great job." Valerie rolls her eyes. "Ruining my father's business, ruining our garage sale, ruining my lunch!"

"I swear, I was trying to help! He's really, really hard to get under control! He's like five times my size!"

"And you can't grow bigger and handle it that way?" Valerie retorts.

"No! I'm only a few months into this, I-"

He cuts himself off at the look on Valerie's face. "What?"

"A few months? ... So... so I could've known you?" Horrified, is the best word for her expression.

Danny shrinks, holding his bicep and hunching a little. "Um, nevermind. I just mean I'm not super powerful."

"No, no, we're going back. Did I know you? Is this a revenge thing?"

"What? No! I already told you, I'm trying to help prevent things from getting worse! And... no. I'm a loser kid, and you're popular."

"... Was," Valerie says quietly. "... All my friends ditched me when I lost my money."

"That's awful."

Valerie nods. "I don't know why I thought they liked me for more than money, looking back. But it still hurts. Being a lonely loser is the worst."

"Tell me about it," Danny mutters. "I mean, I have friends, but sometimes some stuff just makes you feel alone no matter what."

He thinks he sees Jazz tear up at that, but he's not sure. He's distracted by Valerie letting out a sob.

"I don't have anything left," she says, voice quavering. "I don't have the popularity, I don't have money, I don't have the grades..."

"... So you turned to revenge?" Jazz's voice is soft.

Valerie sobs again, and Jazz gives her some comforting slow pats on the back. She looks at Danny, nodding at Valerie.

Danny gets the hint. "You... you could, um, make something, more?"

Valerie gives a somewhat bitter teary chuckle. "What is that supposed to mean, huh? I'm already hunting ghosts. It's... something."

"... You could try to make new friends."

"Oh sure, that's easy. I'm a social pariah."

"So am I. But even just one or two friends helps a lot."

"You got a lot of ghost buddies?"

"... Humans, actually. An if I can make friends with some high school kids as a loser and a ghost, you can make friends too. You just might have to lower your social radar a bit."

Valerie rubs her arm. "... You're really not out to get me, are you?"

"No, I'm not. I want to protect people, not hurt them."

"... I'm sorry I shot those missiles at you."

"I'm sorry I couldn't keep the dog contained."

"... I'm sorry you're a ghost so young."

Danny snuffles a little. "... Thanks." Sometimes he is, too.

Valerie looks at her hand, and then holds it out to him. "Truce? I won't mess with you. I can't promise the same about that dog if it keeps showing up, but I won't mess with you."

Danny sighs. "So you're keeping the weapons."

"Oh, you know I am. Even if I'm not hunting you, now that I know about ghosts I want to be prepared."

"I guess I understand that." Danny shakes her hand. "Truce."

Jazz grins. "See? Just needed a real, meaningful talk!"

Valerie laughs a little, wiping her eyes again. "Yeah, I guess. But... now what? Who do I blame for this?"

"Probably the boss who decided that Ghosts Suddenly Existing was your father's fault," Danny says.

Valerie's eyes harden. "Yeah. Yeah, I can go with that."

"But," Danny and Jazz say at once. They look at each other, and Jazz let's Danny speak.

"But," Danny says again, "Maybe focus on making some more friends, first. One thing about us losers, is we don't ditch someone just for money reasons."

"... I'll give it a shot." Valerie smiles a little at Danny. "With better aim than the ones I took at you."

Danny chuckles a bit.

They both wave goodbye, Jazz and Valerie leaving Danny to continue his search.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hi."

Danny, Sam, and Tucker all look up. Valerie is standing nervously with her brown paper bag of lunch. Tucker brightens up, and Sam gives a little, slightly suspicious, wave.

Danny scoots over. "Wanna sit with us?"

Valerie looks over at the A-Lister table. They're all staring, smirking, whispering.

Mocking.

She looks back at the 'losers'.

They're looking at her with... openness.

"Yeah. Sure."

She sits down, and gets out her lunch. For a minute, she just listens to them talk while she unpacks the sandwich.

"Hey, is that peanut butter and honey?" Sam asks. Valerie nods.

Sam holds up a thick roast beef sandwich. "My parents are trying to get me to eat meat again, but I'm staying vegetarian. Want to trade?"

Valerie blinks. "Uh... sure?"

They swap sandwiches. Valerie looks at the sandwich, mentally trying to figure out the carbs and calories and fat content-

She looks around the table. No-one else is analyzing their food. Or, judging hers.

She takes a bite. It's pretty good.

This... is pretty good.

She smiles, and laughs a little at a joke Danny makes.

Yeah. This is pretty good.

[messers-moony]

Stella | R.L

Paring: Remus Lupin X Wife!Reader

Summary: Stella brings light to many situations to the people she is surrounded with.

The little girl on her lap gasped and rushed to the door as it opened, “Daddy!”

Y/n jumped up from her place on the couch, grabbing her four-year-old daughter, “Hey, not yet. Daddy’s hurting, okay?”

“It’s fine, Y/n.” Remus grunted at Sirius, and James helped him inside, “You sure?” Y/n questioned.

He nodded, and Y/n let her daughter go, running straight first to hug her father, “You’re home!”

“I am home, baby girl.”

Y/n exchanged looks with James and Sirius, “He’ll be okay. Not the worst night we’ve had.”

“Thank you both. Do you want anything?”

“We’re okay.”

James huffed, “I have to get back to Lily and Harry. I'll make sure we stop by soon, okay?”

“Of course.” Y/n smiled as James apparated out, “Siri? How about you?”

“Mind if I crash, sis?” Sirius asked sheepishly, “Never.” Y/n smiled.

Stella let go of her father and then turning to her uncle, “Uncle Siri!”

“Hey, little girl!” Sirius smiled, pulling her into his arms as Y/n dragged Remus to the couch.

Remus had his back to their brown fabric couch. He was grunting and groaning upon impact. Y/n rushed for her wand that remained in the kitchen and taking off her husband's shirt—occasionally moving his hair out of his face and holding his hand. Sirius had thankfully occupied Stella for the time being.

“How was it?” Y/n asked as she whispered incantations on the scratches along his body, “Could’ve been worse.” Remus replied.

Y/n deadpanned, “Seriously though, how was it?”

“Awful, dreadful, painful? Is that what you’d like to hear?”

“I’d like to hear the honest answer, so, yes.”

After a couple of minutes, Sirius had taken Stella upstairs to the guest bedroom - Sirius’ bedroom - to keep her diligent instead of seeing her father bloodied up on their couch. It broke Y/n’s heart to see him in pain like this; nonetheless, their own daughter who seemed to be having the same issue.

After he was finally done, Y/n lifted his head to sit on the couch, his head on her thighs, “How- How was Stella?”

“She was very achy tonight.” Y/n answered, “Headaches, body pain, very fussy. More so than usual.”

“Great.” Remus chuckled bitterly, “Now you have two of us to take care of.”

Y/n cupped his cheek, “Hey, don’t ever think about it that way. You’re my family, and I love taking care of you both. We knew that having children this was possible. Now let’s do the thing your father couldn’t. Let’s love Stella regardless.”

“Let’s show her that who she is isn’t a monster. Let’s be those parents that give her love unconditionally. I know - and it pains me to say this - that you didn’t have that growing up, especially with your father, so please, let’s love Stella.”

Remus nodded, “I’d never leave you guys.”

“Stella will need you - you more than anyone.” Y/n added, “You need to be here, for both of us.”

“Of course, I’d never leave you or my baby girl.”

Y/n smiled softly. Thankful to hear those words. It would be so easy for him to walk away right now. But he wouldn’t, and those words meant absolutely everything to her. Stella only had her parents and Sirius.

Along with her fake uncle James and aunt Lily. But since Lyall - Remus’ father - didn’t like associating with his son due to his condition. And poor Hope, who didn’t know what was going on. They had never met their grandchild.

They met their daughter-in-law once. Hope was such a doll and so sweet. Lyall was a disaster. From the moment they stepped into the house, he was arguing with Remus about something. Both men were so stubborn, so hot-headed. It was nearly impossible to get them to agree on something. But when Lyall finally gave in and called Remus a disgrace, Y/n pulled him out of the house as fast as she could.

Y/n had been called those words, those words and much worse. So had Sirius, for that matter. It meant something entirely different to see it from the outside rather than being the person getting insulted. Y/n saw the way Remus’ fists bunched together and how his jaw clenched. Something terrible was going to happen if Y/n hadn’t taken him out of that situation.

“I love you, Moony.”

Remus smiled drowsily, “I love you too, Mrs.Moony.”

He had fallen asleep on her lap, and Y/n stayed awake just in case he needed anything. After an hour, she heard footsteps on the stairs. It was Sirius, her twin brother, coming down, and he sat on the armchair beside them.

“Wheres Stella?”

“Asleep. Tickled her right to bed.” Sirius answered, “More inconveniently on my bed.” He added.

Y/n snickered, “You can sleep in our bed if you’d like. I don’t think he’ll be moving very soon.”

“No thanks.” Sirius grimaced, “Don’t wanna know what his hormones are like during his furry time.”

At that, she broke into a full laugh, “It’s times like these where I feel like we’re still teens at Hogwarts.”

“Me too, sis.”

It was silent for a while. The only thing being echoed was the cracking from the fireplace—some of Remus’ snores being added into the mixture of sounds. Sirius stared solemnly at the red flames inside the brick canister.

“Do you- Do you miss him?”

“Everyday.” Y/n replied, “Every single day, I wake up and pray that he’ll owl me.”

Sirius sighed, “I feel like I’ve had no time to grieve.”

“Why?”

“I might be doing it on purpose, I dunno.” Sirius responded, “I consume all my time with Stella or Harry, so I don’t have to think about him. But I still do anyway.”

It was quiet for a minute before he spoke up again, “Stella- She- Um- She looks like him.”

“Does she?”

“She does. She really does, and it freaks me out sometimes.” He confessed, “Stella is a female Regulus except with Remus’ hair.”

“It’s scary.”

Y/n chuckled, “I think she’s beautiful.”

“I think maybe that’s why I spend so much time with her.”

“What?”

“She makes me think I’m spending time with Regulus. She looks so much like him that my brain tricks me into thinking she’s him. Like- Like she’s all I have left of him.”

“Sirius, Stella isn’t Regulus.” Y/n admitted, and tears filled Sirius’ eyes, “I know- it’s just- I wish I had more time with him.”

“I know.”

“Sirius, get some sleep, please.” Y/n stated as his eyes began to fall.

Sirius smiled sweetly at her, “Love you, sis.”

“I love you too, Siri.”

Sirius fell asleep on the armchair. Remus asleep on her thighs. Y/n’s hand ran through Remus’ hair while he slept. Light snores echoed throughout the room from Sirius and Remus. The fire crackled in the fireplace, and she felt at peace, despite everything that has happened. Y/n felt so at ease.

[devilgirl101]

The Angry Lonely Sliver dragon

(I hate Tumblr on phone, the pain I'll try to re-white from memory I have an idea spin on Yukidragon's au, first off I'm angry at King Joseph, not Yukidragon okay, so no @ing me, I'll be using a female y/n for this)

To say Trina was pissed would be an understatement, she went past frightened to straight through angry Ville I imagine this trina mc to be more grumpy with a bonus of a hatred for humans, she hates the idea of being trapped to a single place, and she hates it, even more, the thought of being any humans pet, Jack tries to reassure the king wouldn't do anything she doesn't want, she calls bullshit cause well distrust (and feeling of something aren’t right tho she can’t quite put her finger on it,) and didn't care for chains of any kind on her, she finds the chains ugly and finds it insulting that the king didn't bother to show his face.

Jack obviously doesn't want her to find out that he and the king are one and the same since creatures that are born and made of magic can see through all glamours.

it's bad enough she lost her home yet again but now she's lost her freedom and her ability of choice, she feels humiliated like an animal, and nothing Jack does or says makes her feel better. This can go one or two ways one depressive route (my least fav) Trina stops eating, Possible self-harm if that doesn't work possible suicide if she can't be free why go on (I might write a short on this route...maybe)

Other route she becomes a menace to the very kingdom she is trapped by, traumatizing the nobility, being a nuisance to the common town's folk, and being kin to being a prankster, turning their crops into sterling-silver shaped crops, and calling the guards does no good either, she just turns the ground to sliver as well making it slick like ice, as she laughs maniacally at their attempts to catch her as they fumble trying not to slip and slide all over. the worst thing she does is curse the children of the local craftsman as punishment for making the accursed chains that now encircle her wrists and ankles, only promises to remove it if he helps take off those chains, but he can't of course.

"Then you better get used to having dragons for children!"(Don't worry the curse is miner it just gives them dragon horns, tail, and wings.)

it becomes a real headache for Joseph, his people now constantly coming to him with complaints about his 'pet dragon' ranging from laughable to cumbersome grievance, "She turned my hair white!" "She turned our house into sterling silver, we can't even open the doors or the windows!" "She gave our cow Bessie wings!"

It all comes to a head when even his council demands he do something about her since her pranks on them make their work difficult.

let me know if anyone wants a part 2

What if Prince Joseph got tired of being treated badly and decided to be the ruler if the kingdom by any means necessary. As revenge on how badly his family treated him and succeeded, way before they tried to assassinate him. How would the story go from there?

Hmm... that would be an interesting twist on the tale. Rather than waiting until he becomes the all powerful dragon Jack to take back the throne, Joseph instead takes the initiative while he was still human. It might stop Joseph from being cursed into a dragon in the first place, or maybe destiny will force its hand to ensure that he meets with a draconic fate regardless...

As things currently stand in the timeline I set up, Joseph lived in an era long before the other love interests and MC were born. Either something still happens that allows him to encounter them later, possibly even reincarnation, or maybe, just maybe I can take this chance to flip the script a little.

But let's first focus on the tale of the unwanted prince who came to rule a kingdom.

From Prince to King

Joseph did his best to earn his family's love, but their cruelty towards him was too much for him to ignore. It left scars on his heart and twisted it. It wasn't just cruelty towards him either, as the family were tyrannical rulers to their subjects. In order to escape the abuse at the hands of his family and the cutthroat court politics, he took advantage of them wanting him to "live like a dead rat" and snuck out of the castle often while growing up.

Once leaving the castle, Joseph got to see what it was like for the rest of the kingdom, the suffering the people endued. His world expanded as he met more people and learned of new experiences, other ways to live, and learned more about all the injustices that his family were responsible creating. He knew that it wasn't going to get better with the future heir, or even the next in line after them.

Nothing would change... unless Joseph forced it to change.

Joseph, like many nobles, had learned how to sword fight, and he was good at it. His skill in battle was one of the many ways he tried to seek the approval of his family. He put those skills to use when he secretly gathered an army of rebels and launched a coup.

It wasn't an easy decision for Joseph to make, turning his sword and the hatred of the people on his family. Unfortunately a strong love can be twisted into hatred that is just as strong, especially when all the love he gave them was only met with cruelty and scorn in return. All of the suffering he and the citizens faced were returned tenfold.

Joseph was a hero to the people who freed them from tyranny, while still being of royal blood, and thus being worthy of the divine right to rule. Regardless of whether he ever felt worthy of the crown, he had no choice but to wear it, or risk seeing the entire country fall into anarchy. Without a ruler to guide them, the various factions would splinter and squabble with one another to fill the power vacuum left behind leading to more and more bloodshed.

Being king wasn't easy for Joseph, especially at such a young age. He was still a teen at the time, but things had escalated far faster than he ever expected. It was a miracle that things didn't go worse than they did, really.

Joseph's education never focused on preparing him to rule. If anything, such an idea was actively discouraged at every turn. Still, he had a good overall education, and he learned so much from his time with the people. If anything, learning firsthand about the needs of the kingdom was a far better teacher than any tutor had ever been.

Of course... learning by doing means learning from mistakes, and Joseph is a man who has made many mistakes in his life...

So now that Joseph is king with his family deposed, in a way he feels more lonely than ever. He made comrades, but there's a distance between them now as he has to rule. He now lives with the memory of the people he killed during the coup, including members of his family. He had to order and watch the executions of those who survived the coup, but were still too dangerous to live.

Joseph has so much blood on his hands, but it was worth it... right? The people of the kingdom are happier now, right? He'll do better than his family did. He must do better.

Right?

Joseph is a hero to the people, but he's also under so much scrutiny. His power is balanced on the edge of a sword. As long as he can prove himself to be better than the rest of his now dead family, he can redeem his family name and lead the kingdom into a better future. As long as he makes the people happy, he will be loved, even if only at a distance as their king.

After everything Joseph went through, after all he sacrificed and the guilt that weighs on him for all the lives he took, he is more desperate than ever to keep the love and admiration he achieved. It's the only love he's ever really known.

Now... we could stick with the timeline as is from the original post, with MC and the others being born much later and something unfortunate happens to Joseph to encounter them later on, orrrrrrr... perhaps the universe will give the rest of the cast some different roles to fill.

It seems a shame that a dragon AU is without a dragon, so how about we flip the script? MC gets to be the dragon in this telling of the tale. However, unlike Jack, they were born a dragon rather than cursed to become one.

So let's turn back the clock a bit to mingle together a familiar set up with a few new twists, shall we?

A Lonely Dragon

Now, since MC has a vague background by design in order for us to fill in the details, I'll start off with just the broadest of strokes before I get a bit more specific with my version of the MC, Alice.

As was touched on in the previous post, dragons are beings made of magic. They also tend to be solitary creatures, beings so powerful that they can affect the land around them. This can lead to quite a lonely life, which is often filled by creating a horde of treasure. It doesn't necessarily have to be a horde of gold. A dragon can collect anything it wants. Who is going to stop them?

Dragons, of course, come in all sorts of shape, sizes, colors, and powers. This leaves so many possibilities for the MC, but in general, they're a creature to be feared, and many choose to leave them alone.

Humans also often want to slay these powerful beasts, especially if they are a threat... or simply perceived as a threat.

When MC was young, they came across a human that was just as much of a child as they were. Young Ian, the child of a noble, was in awe of the young dragon. An unlikely friendship developed between them, and strong feelings of loyalty, even love grew...

But sadly the happiness of youth can't last forever. Things fell apart when MC and Ian were adults. Sure, Ian could have cheated, but even if he didn't, he betrayed them in a way that they may never forgive.

A dragon, when young, is much more vulnerable than an adult. It can lead them to making foolish decisions, giving their weakness to someone they trust with all their heart, leaving themselves vulnerable... and if the person they trusted was swayed by others, it can lead to disaster.

Ian was always weak to his mother. It's just as much a fact in this universe as it is in the game. Dragons have a beastly reputation, fierce and terrible. They're the monsters to be slain in many a tale.

But MC is different! Ian tells himself. He tells his mom this too. He tells everyone in the mob that quickly forms to slay the dragon before it can raze their land to cinders and gobble them all up for its supper.

Maybe MC trusted Ian with a special tool or magical item to protect himself. Maybe they even went so far as to trust Ian with a piece of themselves, something that made them vulnerable, like a magical item crafted from their own magic, scales, whatever. Maybe they forced Ian to tell them a secret weakness. Maybe they were just caught off guard, having never expected the invasion.

Maybe they didn't want to hurt anyone...

In any case, MC was ill prepared for the band of stalwart adventurers to raid their lair and come for their head. The battle was gruesome, forcing them to flee, but outside of the cave an angry mob was waiting to strike the dragon at its weakest.

Ian had tried to reach MC, to warn them. Perhaps his warning was the only reason why they survived the attack from the band of adventurers in the first place.

Regardless, his betrayal cut MC deep, as did the many wounds from the battle, and they were forced to abandon the home they made for themselves. They lost whatever friendships and bonds they forged, betrayed by the one they loved and trusted most.

Embittered by the experience, MC left to find a new place to call home.

Ian wasn't the only friend MC had made in their old home. Shaun had one day stumbled across the dragon's den and was excited to meet a dragon in the flesh. Shaun was a scholar, wanting to wander the world and study its wonders, and meeting an actual dragon was like a dream come true. MC, having grown up with the friendship of Ian, became fast friends with Shaun.

Maybe Shaun helped MC escape from the mob that fateful night. Maybe he managed to at least misdirect them. Maybe he arrived only in the aftermath, learning only afterwards of Ian's betrayal. I lean towards Shaun managing to help in some way.

The new lair MC finds is so much emptier than their old home. They lost everything. Embittered and in hiding, they have lost much of their trust. Although Ian tried to redeem his betrayal, it still cut so deep. It makes them question their friendships will all humans, and they keep their distance from even Shaun for a while.

Of course, being a giant dragon is conspicuous. Fortunately, since dragons are beings made of magic, they can learn magical spells. A spell that can transform them into a human temporarily will allow them to blend in the nearby town to get supplies, and slip away to build a new home far from anyone who might hurt them again.

The merchant MC most often has to haggle with is Barry, who works in the adventurer's guild buying and selling from adventurers. It's obnoxious how the man seems to wrangle them into doing fetch quests for him. Still, with almost nothing to their name, and not wanting to face another mob by doing anything conspicuous, they play along, grudgingly. Still, fetching a bunch of goblin ears is less annoying than singing some embarrassing song for a few coins.

Nick is a bard in the town. He came across MC during one of their stints having to do one of these embarrassing singing requests at the guild's tavern. Being seen by anyone during these times was mortifying. How far the mighty dragon had fallen... but they found Nick to be a bit awkward as well during their interactions. It was almost... charming? Well, maybe a little comforting that they weren't the only one facing embarrassment. Maybe

Still, being around humans is hard for MC after what they've been through. They're constantly on edge, especially during the few times they visit any human settlements. They need to make sure they pass as human and not let anything slip of their true nature. They can never trust anyone like they did Ian ever again. They can never allow anyone to hurt them like Ian did ever again...

A Fateful Encounter

Joseph is an active ruler to his kingdom, constantly going out of the castle to ensure that things in the aftermath of the coup settle peacefully. He's constantly coming across people, having to meet and memorize countless faces. There are so many problems to resolve, tasks to delegate, and changes to be made from the regime that made everything so hard. It's exhausting work, and it seems never ending...

During a stressful period during his rule, one of Joseph's advisors suggest that he remind the people of the glory he showed them on the battlefield. Maybe defeating another threat to the country will quell any unrest before it could potentially bubble up into another coup...

Frankly, Joseph would rather avoid that. He already has so much blood on his hands, so much guilt. The sins he committed haunt his nightmares, making it even harder for him to find rest.

But Joseph can't rest, not really. He can't lose the fragile love of the people, the legacy he's carved for himself. He can't be forgotten again...

Sometimes Joseph left the palace in disguise, much like he did when he was younger. On that day, he used the alias of Jack and a little magic to look differently, turning his hair a pretty shade of blue while covering up the magical tattoos on his body. He used different disguises and aliases over the years. It helped him get a clearer picture of what the people actually thought of him and the country for himself.

It was a chance encounter. A dragon and a king both in disguise in a little shop of old things, antiques and curios.

The dragon had gone there to see if they could find anything interesting, something to add to their particular type of hoard perhaps. All dragons have the desire to hoard, and they lost theirs when they fled their old home. Slowly, they were building it back up, but it would take time, as they lost a collection that they had been building since they were a child, many sentimental pieces as well.

Sure, the dragon could probably steal stuff for their hoard, turn into their big powerful form and threaten anyone to take what they wanted, but they weren't that sort of person really. Plus, after their near encounter with death, they weren't too keen to get into another battle anytime soon. Though some MCs might be gearing up for a battle of revenge should they be o the mind to do so, while others could be much too much of a pacifist to consider it.

Regardless, while the dragon was thinking heavy thoughts about their future, they accidentally bumped into a stack of children's toys. A colorful box fell into another person who had been talking with the shopkeeper, and burst open, revealing a jester on a spring with a bright and shiny smile that startled them both.

Jack reacted quickly when something fell on him, as he was used to combat. Fortunately he refrained from doing anything more besides catching the box that hit him, though he did flinch when it burst open and revealed the jester inside. He chuckled a little and cautioned the person who knocked it over to be careful. He even added a silly little joke to ease the tension.

Despite his charms, MC was on edge against strange new humans, suspicious of anyone who approached them. They cautiously were cordial, giving their name when asked after Jack introduced himself, but they tried to end the counter quickly.

There was something compelling about this person, though Jack couldn't quite put his finger on what it was. There was something different about them. Maybe it had to do with all his years of training to fight giving him a sensitivity to people and things that were powerful or unusual, maybe he had become sensitive to mana due to training with magic in combat mighty enough to conquer a kingdom. Whatever the case, Jack couldn't help but be drawn to MC, wanting to learn more about them.

Though MC attempted to leave quickly without raising suspicion, Jack kept talking. He was strange - sort of charming but annoying by how he kept wanting to keep the conversation going. His silly jokes got groans, but his sincere concern about how they seemed to be having a bad day touched them, which left them with mixed feelings overall.

The encounter was only interrupted when MC spotted something among the various knickknacks of the shop - it was an item they recognized, a treasured item from their hoard, maybe even the most treasured possession they owned. Maybe it was simply a replica, or maybe one of the adventurers that raided their lair sold it to the shop. Regardless of what it was, MC had to have it.

It was just a shame that the price was outrageously expensive.

MC felt their frustration grow from the injustice of it all, compounded by the awkward situation. Why should they have to pretend to be something they're not? Why should they hide like this? Why should they hold back just because a bunch of humans decided they and all their kind deserved to die for no reason other than the fact that they were born? It just wasn't fair, and no one seemed to care at all.

Jack saw the mixture of emotion pass over MC's face, and it reminded him of those days where he felt similarly helpless and wanting. Caught on an impulse, he purchased the item MC wanted desperately and gave it to them, thanking them for keeping him entertained that afternoon with their company.

MC was caught off guard, expecting a trick. What was the catch? They can't just accept this for free. Nothing this good is ever free.

While it had been just an impulsive kind gesture, Jack was never one to pass up an opportunity. He wanted to know more about MC and what it was about them that drew him to them so much, so he decided to make it into a little game.

Well, to Jack it was a game, but MC didn't have to know about that just yet. He had other places that he wanted to visit that day, things he wanted to check. He claimed to be a swordsman with tasks to complete, and if MC helped him, he would gladly give them the item they wanted so desperately.

The tasks seemed simple enough. Though wary, MC agreed.

What followed was a day around the city. While Jack claimed that he had important places to be, it always seemed to involve stopping by to help someone out, usually some sort of coincidence that clearly couldn't have been intentional. Jack brushed aside such concerns by claiming that, well, since they're there, they might as well do a good deed or two for those who need it, right?

The day out with Jack forced MC to spend time with them and the humans that they were so wary of. It was an uncomfortable reminder to MC of the kinder side of humanity. It reminded them of the friendships they made, particularly with Ian and Shaun, even if the former ended badly. It was painful, but Jack noticed whenever they were down and always tried to cheer them up.

It was actually kind of nice being cared for like this, even if it was only because of the deal they made. Even if Jack had no idea what MC truly was. Even if MC was scared to trust humans again.

It was when the sun was starting to set that Jack sadly knew that their little game had come to its end, though he felt reluctant to go. He had grown fond of MC in their short time together, and there was still something about them that was nagging at him, something that told him not to let them go so easily. But even as they got used to his presence, they were still clearly uncomfortable around people.

This was what led to their final stop leading them outside of town. Jack had heard mention of some sort of animal being spotted at night off in the woods. He wanted to check it out before heading back to the castle, but he couldn't force MC to go someplace potentially dangerous.

It was a shame to part ways, but Jack ran out of excuses to keep MC around that didn't involve keeping the item they were so desperate to have. He could at least try to get a promise that they would meet again, though he couldn't be sure if MC agreed sincerely or if they just agreed for the sake of getting the treasure that he promised them.

Jack did consider ways to ensure that they would meet again despite their reluctance, when MC suddenly bristled, instantly on edge. He realized only a moment later what they had sensed - some sort of monster charging towards them.

MC, having the sharp senses of a dragon could detect the tainted magic of a monster instantly. They were then left with a problem. Do they fight and risk revealing their real identity, or do they run and leave Jack at the mercy of whatever beast was coming at them?

Jack, not knowing the internal debate, immediately moved to defend MC, drawing his sword, which they had not even realized he was carrying due to him hiding it.

When the monster revealed itself, it was something MC had encountered before, something they knew how to defeat with their abilities, but humans... well they tended to have trouble with this type of monster. This monster also enjoyed doing awful things to humans while in the process of eating them... delivering a terrible fate that no being should endure.

And here's this foolish, goofy, smiling fool of a human thinking that he can kill it with a sword when only magic could?

MC could abandon Jack of course, but even if their heart was harder than others, the afternoon with him reminded them of the good side of humanity. Then of course there's the MCs who wouldn't hesitate to save someone when they knew they could change their terrible fate, even if it meant exposing their secret.

Needless to say, Jack was not expecting to be saved by a dragon. MC, knowing how to handle this type of monster, dispatched it quickly, and consumed it along with its magic, making themselves more powerful in the process.

Of course, MC didn't expect to be thanked. They expected Jack to point the sword at them next, declaring them to be the monster like so many had in the past.

What MC didn't expect was Jack to ask if they were okay after that.

Jack, by this point, had learned how to act, hiding much of his feelings and intentions behind whatever emotion he needed to wear at the time. It was essential as a king in order to deal with various people. Though the appearance of a dragon was unexpected and alarming, at the same time MC was surprisingly beautiful.

Oh, sure they were beautiful in their human form, but in the sparkling hues of the setting sun, they practically glowed even brighter than the sun ever could. MC had been charming during their encounter, ferocious and powerful when defeating the monster, and now... vulnerable. It was that same sort of wary vulnerability that he saw before when they first met.

Jack talked to MC the same way he did when they were in human form, and it was surprising to them. Everyone who had seen them in their true form for the first time always had a big shocked reaction, whether that was excitement or fear. Jack was so calm, and surprisingly warm.

It felt... nice, confusing, scary, and all sorts of emotions for MC.

Of course, such a big battle drew attention of other people. The sound of approaching humans coupled with these emotions were too much for MC, and the reveal left them too vulnerable, so they fled despite Jack calling after them to come back.

What a shame that MC left behind not only the important treasure Jack promised to give them, but a few other of their important items as well. Luckily their new friend Jack would keep them safe until the two of them could meet again.

And they certainly would meet again. Jack would make sure of it.

What is a Dragon to a King?

Well now, Joseph had a conundrum on his hands. A dragon, a mythical beast of great ferocity and power was masquerading around in his kingdom as a human. A "good" ruler would be expected to order knights and adventurers to slay the "wicked" monster before it could lay waste to the kingdom and consumed any of the innocent people.

Yet, MC was nothing like those tales. Really, were there any stories of dragons pretending to be human? They were powerful creatures, the the most powerful some might say, with bodies made of magic that could be harvested for incredible potions and magical tools. Their bodies alone were worth a fortune, to say nothing of the treasure they guarded. For as dangerous as they were, they offered riches beyond compare.

Funny... how a rich and powerful dragon fumbled around in a shop and lamented the price of a single trinket. The rest of their behavior that day defied all the tales as well. MC was just like any normal human, distrustful and wary, but noble. They revealed their true nature to save Jack, a mere human that should have been nothing more than cattle to slaughter to such a creature. Dragons were widely known for arrogance and greed, for regarding humans as beneath them.

Joseph had to admit that MC had interested him even before their true nature was revealed, and after it was, he saw the beauty in their inhuman form. There was nobility in MC as well, shown in that single act of bravery and kindness, as well as all the other little moments throughout the day. Though Jack may have dragged them around reluctantly, in the end MC did help him assist others. They had rather fun day together in fact.

Aside from his feelings, Joseph has a duty to his kingdom. He has to keep his subjects safe from potential dangers.

Does MC count as one of those subjects then?

If people learned of a dragon nearby, let alone secretly infiltrating the capital city, there would be riots. This is especially a dangerous thing in a country that only recently stabilized from a drastic shift in power and civil unrest. The monster that had suddenly appeared to attack Joseph and MC had been alarming enough. Adventurers were scouring the nearby woods for any others.

What if one of those parties found the dragon? The fear rumbling through the land would erupt into a full blown panic, and MC would be facing an angry mob out for blood.

Joseph didn't want to think of what would happen then to MC and the rest of his people. He had to protect them, all of them.

Even if that meant doing things that could be cruel to some... but he was used to it. Joseph's hands were already irrevocably stained with sin after all.

Joseph worked with the mages and his most trusted advisors to come up with a cunning plan. A stealth party tracked down MC's lair and a trap was laid.

MC would have fled the area if they could, but with the increased patrols due to the monster attack, they couldn't go far. They were afraid of going out in their human form for fear that Jack spread news far and wide about their true identity. They had hoped to lay low and wait until things calmed down before slipping out of the country.

It was a shame that they had to leave behind another home, but MC didn't have any other choice.

Well, at least they would have if they didn't get an unexpected visitor.

Jack showed up unexpectedly to MC's lair, much to their shock. He approached while speaking in soothing tones, saying that he had looked for them all over and that he had been so worried about them. He didn't mean any harm. He wanted to thank them for saving him, and he owed them something. He presented the treasure he promised them, a peace offering.

MC was hesitant, wary, but also painfully lonely. Despite knowing their real identity, Jack was so gentle and kind. It made them waver.

Jack offered to be MC's friend, to give them a place to stay, to belong. He could keep their secret and make sure no one hurt them. They just had to trust him.

Here would be a decision for MC to make - take a risk and trust Jack, or reject him outright. If they agree, even hesitantly, they could even lie just to trick him and flee into the night.

Well... if Jack would let them get away from him that is.

The events of that night are a blur. Whatever happened, the trap Jack laid... it wound up with MC waking up in the palace, forgetting the night before entirely. There, they were bound by enchanted chains, and informed that they belonged to the king now. So long as the dragon obeyed the king for the good of the country and its citizens, it would be allowed to live.

Surrounded by so many wary eyes, seeing MC as a beast, chained up in their true form... it was a nightmare.

This, unfortunately, was for optics and the fearful human citizens. The people were scared of a giant dragon. Only this show of absolute obedience would prevent an angry mob from trying to slay MC. MC, understandably, was enraged at the assertion that they were now the pet of the king, but their own magic was turned against them to force their obedience.

Joseph hadn't wanted to use such forceful methods. He hoped that over time he could calm MC's anger, and those of the people. He wanted to quell all the hurt and fear, and maybe help both sides see that a dragon living in the kingdom among humans could be the best thing to happen to both.

His methods might be cruel and manipulative, but it was all for the sake of everyone's happiness and the safety and peace of the kingdom that Joseph was tasked to maintain.

Of course, Joseph knew that MC hated the king for capturing them and putting them in this position, so he used his alter ego as Jack to try and grow closer to them as a person. He carefully avoided directly lying, but left important details out. MC was suspicious when Jack showed up of course, even if they didn't remember the trap, even when he still acted so kind and gentle.

Jack explained the reason the king ordered MC's capture... how once the people learned of a dragon they wouldn't rest until its death. The kingdom that tried to kill MC before were still trying to find them. There was a bounty on their head. Being the king's "pet" was the only way to protect MC from the scared humans. If the king had control over the terrifying dragon, then it would lessen their fear. It would allow them time to see MC isn't a scary monster, but a friend they just hadn't met yet.

In essence, Jack was trying to soften MC's opinion of the king and sound them out while explaining his reasoning. MC was still, understandably, very pissed that their freedom was taken away from them.

So what was Jack's role in things, MC accused, suspecting betrayal once again. He was careful not to lie, claiming that he came upon hearing MC's capture. (Technically true, since he came after they secured MC after the trap was sprung.) He knew they weren't a danger since they saved him from the monster, and, well... after the day they spent together, he felt like they became friends.

Jack claims that he talked with officials and mages and vouched for MC's character (true) and he was willing to take the chance to prove MC was a good person regardless of whether they were human or not, so he offered to be MC's guardian. (Also true, considering king's pet and all.) He would watch out for them and give them a chance to prove themselves to everyone just how good a person they were and that the humans had nothing to fear.

MC isn't really given much of a choice.

From here it's up to Jack to try and befriend MC despite the circumstances. Strangely enough (at least to MC), they never meet King Joseph face to face, and the orders they're given are surprisingly mild. In fact, they're given a surprising amount of freedom... provided Jack is the one in control of the magical restraints.

Really, there could be a way for MC not to have magical restraints if they make a pact with Jack outright that binds them together to ensure they won't be a danger. It's probably better than being in chains and it would allow them more freedom, which Jack very much wants... though it would also make sure they can't run away from him, which he also very much wants.

Jack does his best to give MC as much freedom as he can, while being aware of how it appears to others. He needs everyone to believe he has MC totally under control if he's to keep them safe. He also wants to make sure MC is happy and make up for his deception and keeping them on a leash.

How the other love interests come in would be due to word spreading quickly of the king's pet dragon. Shaun and Ian would instantly hear the word "dragon" and rush over, wondering if it's MC. They would then try to come up with their own plans to escape with MC, or at least communicate with them. Ian wants to so badly make amends for betraying them so long ago, and Shaun wants to help his friend who doesn't deserve to be in chains!

Nick comes back into the story by somehow managing to make the connection between MC the human he encountered a few times and crushed on, and the dragon the king took as a pet. With his connections to nobility, he arranges meetings with MC whenever he can. How their relationship develops from there is a question for another day, same with how Jack might find Nick's presence a help or a threat.

Here in lies all the different potential routes MC's story could take. Do they trust Jack, King Joseph, and the rest of the kingdom? Will Nick win their heart? Will Ian redeem himself? Will Shaun free them and run away with them?

Naturally, the love interests do see the beauty in the "beast" and are fond of MC no matter the form they take. This leads to potential romance routes as well.

A Dragon Named Alice

Of course, you know me and my love of my OTP. Jack and Alice are endgame. Well, Alice and Joseph in this case. With the general gist of the MC's story out of the way, let's play with how Alice would shape some of the details just by being herself.

The type of dragon Alice is would be a furry dragon, soft and deceptively cuddly. I am forever a Lunar Silver Star/Eternal Blue fan, so I imagine she would look a lot like Nall in his dragon forms, both baby and adult, only totally white. Well... maybe a bit softer in shape and details like Ruby is, but still all white. She would still be albino in this world, with the same light blue eyes. For a dragon she's small, but even when compared to a human she's fairly large.

Alice would be a bit chubbier than Nall here, maybe a touch more cat or bunny-like in shape, but also even cuddlier than he looks.

Alice still comes from a large family in this universe. Dragons are powerful beings, affecting the natural magic in the land and ley lines around them, so it's best if they live spread apart. Too much magic in an area could warp and change it in unexpected ways and turn the land strange. Like, say, the cursed dark woods from the dragon Jack AU? ;3

So dragons tend to live alone or in very small groups of 2 or 3. The exception being temporary gatherings, such as special events or while raising their children.

Even as a dragon, Alice is the oldest child. Sadly, as oldest, she was expected to leave the nest first. She went off on her own at a young age because she had made a friend during her adventures in her childhood.

Alice came across Ian one day while flying around on her own, just having fun zipping around in the sky. She spotted him despite his attempts to hide in some foliage. He had been bullied by some kids. She heard him cry and felt bad for him. Innocently she went to cheer him up, despite her parents' warnings to be wary of humans. Ian just looked so small, pitiful, and harmless. He was so wounded and her heart went out to him.

Ian was amazed to meet a young dragon, though Alice looked quite a bit like a flying cat. (I make no apologies for my love of the Lunar dragon aesthetic and how it influences me to this day.) It was a wonderous first meeting, and from there they became fast friends, meeting in secret when Alice could travel to meet him. When she was finally old enough to live on her own, she went to create a lair near where Ian lived so that they could see each other all the time.

It's such a shame that Ian let the secret slip. Alice is a gentle soul, even as a dragon, and she nearly died when the adventurers attacked her cave. It was only with Shaun's help, and her transforming into her baby dragon form due to using up nearly all of her magic in the battle, that she escaped with her life.

Though Alice had fallen in love with Ian, his betrayal cut her too deep to trust him again, even when he found her and apologized. She couldn't stand to be near him after he destroyed her trust and scarred her heart so badly, so she left, never to return.

It was some time before Alice recovered enough to try again to make a home for herself. She lost everything when her home was raided, leaving her to start again entirely from scratch. Her hoard wasn't as rich in treasures as other dragons, but she crafted beautiful trinkets made of gemstone and gold as a hobby, one she learned from her father, and she had an entire library filled with books, many old and valuable ones.

The most precious item that Alice had lost was a pendant her father made out of a blue rose that her mother grew with magic. The pendant wasn't terribly powerful, even though it was magical, but it was sentimental and beautiful. She never thought that she would find it or anything else she lost in that raid ever again.

Alice did consider going back to her family... but at the same time she felt like she couldn't. She trusted a human despite the warnings she grew up with, and paid the price for it. She felt ashamed, as though she couldn't go back to see any of them until she redeemed herself... somehow. The problem was that she wasn't sure how.

Needless to say, when Alice's random trip into an antique shop led to the discovery of her lost pendant, she was shocked. It made her almost forget about trying to end the conversation she was having with the overly friendly man with blue hair.

The fact that Jack was willing to buy her pendant for her despite the price was shocking. Alice couldn't believe her luck.

She didn't believe she was that lucky.

So Alice wound up accompanying Jack around in exchange for the pendant, helping various people. She pretended to be a human mage, and Jack made use of her powers, especially her healing abilities. Despite having kept her distance from humans if she could help it, she found it gratifying to help people in spite of everything. Their gratitude and smiles warmed her scarred heart.

Defending Jack against the monster had been an instinctive decision. The moment she saw it coming for them, she knew that she had to act. Sure, she could have fled, but then that would be leaving Jack to die.

For as much as humans had hurt her, Alice couldn't do that to an innocent person, especially someone like Jack who had been nothing but kind to her and went out of his way to help others, including herself.

Alice didn't want to see how Jack reacted when she transformed, or after she killed the monster and absorbed its magic. She didn't want to see his shock or fear. Even if Ian and Shaun were shocked and in awe when they first saw her, even though they were her friends... Ian's betrayal had cut her deep.

Though Alice wasn't expecting to hear Jack call her beautiful, or to say it in such an awe-struck, breathy tone.

Finally Alice did look back at Jack, she was taken aback by the wonder in his eyes. No one had looked at her the way that he did. It left Alice frozen in place until she noticed him slowly approaching her.

Unfortunately, Jack was not the only witness to the monster. There had been others in pursuit of the beast as it headed towards the capital. They caught sight of Alice in the distance, or at least the large shape of her, and she fled quickly into the night before Jack could say another word to stop her or prevent the knights from rushing towards them, ready to attack.

Alice laid low while the monster hunt was going on, hiding in the cave that she had tried to make into her new home. She packed up what little possessions she spent so long collecting in this place, once again planning to abandon her home.

Hopefully this time she could keep at least a little bit more than just her life. It was only a shame that once again she lost her precious pendant...

While waiting for an opportunity, Jack arrived.

Alice was, naturally, shocked by his presence. He never expected him to find her. He approached her cautiously, making sure that she knew that he was there to make sure that she was safe, that he had been worrying about her all this time and was grateful that she saved him.

Jack wanted to convince Alice to come with him of her own free will. He said that he wanted to be her friend the day they met, and he still meant it. He promised that he could keep her safe, make sure no one came after her.

Despite how friendly Jack was, Alice couldn't trust someone that she barely knew, not after someone she grew up with betrayed her.

Thus Jack is forced to do what he feels is best for Alice. He just has to get her to trust him and understand that he only wants to protect her.

Needless to say, Joseph is pretty sketchy in this AU no matter how you slice it, hahaha. Still, he does have Alice/MC's best interests in mind, as well as all the people of his kingdom. He also falls deeply in love with his sunshine, naturally, which only complicates things further.

Still, despite the sketchiness, I want to give my OTP a happy ending. Despite Joseph pulling such a stunt, he does pay for it narratively at some point before Alice does eventually forgive him after learning to trust and even love him as well. When that finally happens, Joseph is going to be able to appreciate some big floofy hugs from his sunshine, and maybe she'll take him on a ride or two.

Yes I do mean that in both senses of the word. ;3

Well, I think I'll end things there for now. This post has gotten pretty long, probably because it's about dragons, hahaha. At least I just capped off at around 20 or 21 pages this time. I'm just a sucker for all things fantasy and dragons, and add in my OTP, and I can ramble on and on and on for way too long.

I hope you all enjoyed this alternate path for a dragon AU and the possibilities that it could present for us to play with. If you want to hear more about this or any other AU, please let me know! Also let me know if you want to be tagged in the next ramble or story post. Thanks for reading!

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

[nicksbestie]

Could I request a Michael x nb!reader fic where Michael just tries his best to comfort the reader during a bad dysphoria day? Thank you, I hope you're well!! <3

:(( this one was personal to write but yes ofc :))

Rants

pairing: michael clifford x reader

warnings: ouch. dysphoria, self hate, angst, mention of insecurities (i think that’s it lmk if i missed any)

word count: 1548

<3

Michael was a complete stranger to dysphoria. He was a complete stranger to everything gender related, if you were being completely honest. It wasn’t an insult to him, but he had lived his entire life as a straight cisgender man. He had never had to sit and question why some clothes didn’t feel good, what label fit him best, what he wanted people to call him.

He had never had those breakdowns, crying for hours and wishing you didn’t have to deal with it, thay the answer could just be there in front of you, clear as day, all those frantic texts, hour long google searches trying to find something that would make you feel a little bit better in your skin.

It wasn’t his fault, and a part of you was grateful he didn’t understand. The immense pain and hatred that came with being under the trans umbrella was more thank you would wish on anyone, not even your worst enemy. There was the other part of you that wished he had lived it, that he did understand, solely because then he could help more. And don’t get you wrong, it’s not like he didn’t help, he just couldn’t understand the way your brain was working. It was something he would never be able to.

Despite this, he tried his best to help wherever you needed. He listened to everything you talked about when you had first came out. He asked questions when he had them and he did his best to educate himself and the rest of the band on current struggles. You greatly appreciated his support, and he was a shoulder to cry on when you needed it. You both knew too well that the world was cruel to people like you, unaccepting and unloving, except for the minority of people.

You had nothing to complain about with him. He was truly the best boyfriend you’d ever had. He’d shown his complete support and love in every single way he possibly could, and beyond that. You were so happy with him and had absolutely no regrets. Unfortunately for the both of you, there would always be things he didn’t know or couldn’t relate to, and that sucked because these things were incredibly difficult for you and he hated watching you hurt, especially when the cause of that hurt was something that was a part of you.

Which is why it absolutely broke his heart when he came home from recording with the band at the studio to find you crying in the bathroom mirror, pulling one of his hoodies over your head, using one of the sleeves to wipe tears and turning to walk out, not yet realizing he was standing there. Walking up to you and alerting you of his presence, he gently opened his arms without saying anything, giving you the option.

You took it, wrapping your arms around his middle and just holding.

Gently leading you back to your shared bed, he walked to your dresser and pulled out a pair of sweatpants, silently helping you change into them from your previous shorts you had been wearing. He knew when you had these moments you didn’t want to see too much of your body, regardless of how beautiful he thought it was. You trusted him enough to let him be here when you did have those days, and there was no way he was going to break that by pressuring you in any way. You two were sat on the side of the bed, Michael with one arm draped around your shoulders, your arms wrapped around your stomach.

“Do you want to stay sitting or do you want to lay down?”

A soft tone of voice, as if you were a stray animal he was scared he would spook if he spoke too loudly. And maybe he wasn’t entirely wrong. You were more vulnerable in that moment than you’d ever care to admit aloud. Not answering verbally, just turning and laying down, he quickly got the message and curled up next to you, the arm around your shoulders curling around your body and pulling you into him protectively, as if to use his “guard dog boyfriend” privileges to scare away your dysphoria. His hand came up to rub soft circles on your back, offering nothing but silent comfort, knowing you’d speak first if you needed it. If you didn’t for a while, he’d gently ask if you wanted to talk, and gauge his engagement based on your answer.

This had happened before, but you’d never really spoken about it. He wouldn’t get it, and you didn’t want to bother him. Eventually, he figured out sometimes it was just better to be there and say nothing than to try and talk it out if you didn’t want to. A smile graced his lips when you turned to face him and moved closer, craving the physical contact. You mumbled a sentence, so soft that if he wasn’t so close to you he wouldn’t have heard it.

“I hate this.”

“I know baby. I know. I’m so sorry. Is there anything you need me to do?”

“Just hold me. Promise me you love me. Even when I can’t love myself.”

“I can do that a million times over. C’mere. There’s still a few inches of space and you’re not in my arms. That’s a problem.”

A half smile, not a full one, appeared for a split second on your face. Obeying his request, you put yourself completely into his grasp, and true to his word, he held you.

“I don’t like this at all.” you whispered into his chest.

“I understand.” Two small, simple words. Two words that would normally be comforting sparked uncontrolled anger in you, and you saw red.

“But you don’t! You’ll never understand! You don’t get it! You will never have to feel the hatred that courses through me, the way it feels like bugs are crawling in my bloodstream. You’ll never experience the urge rip your skin off because it fits you like a too small dress from the dollar store. You don’t know what it’s like to wake up and see a person you don’t recognize in the mirror, like you’re watching someone else live your life but it’s not you. You will never understand. So don’t fucking say you do. A cis man’s insecurities will never measure up to this. It’s not, and never will be, the same.”

Hot tears were rolling down both of your faces at this point. Yours of anger and pain, Michael’s solely of pain. He wasn’t mad. There was no possible way he could be angry with you. In a way, you were right. He hadn’t experienced life the way you had, and therefore he wouldn’t be able to feel dysphoria the way you did. It wasn’t unfair of you to be angry, especially when you constantly faced backlash for simply existing as yourself. Regaining eye contact, he noticed you were still crying, and your eyes were full of regret. Believing he was mad at you, you turned your back to him once more. He sighed, and rolled you over to face him again.

“I’m sorry babe. You’re right. I can’t understand, but I will always be here. I love you beyond words, and if you ever need a thing from me that will make you feel better I swear to god I’ll drop everything to get it.”

His words were punctuated by a soft kiss and his hand carefully clasping onto yours. It was your turn to sigh.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. You didn’t deserve that. Thank you for everything you do to help me. It means more than you’ll ever know.”

“It’s okay. I forgive you. It’s gonna be alright.”

“I’m tired of hating myself Michael. How can you love me?”

He looked at you with one of the saddest yet most determined faces you’d ever seen.

“You don’t have to love what you see for someone else to love what they see. The body you were born with does not define you as a person, and I don’t think I realized just how much of a difference there was before I met you. Sure, I knew the gist of it, but you having to live life that way and some days having to only rely on your personality to show people who you are gave new meaning to that. I can love you easily because you’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met in my entire life. You have walked through hell and back alone, and made it out to tell the story. I will walk through hell and back by your side, if that’s what I have to do for your happiness. I value that over anything. You’re gorgeous, even when you don’t think so. You always are. And I’ll remind you of that until you believe it. I could keep going- you’re asleep.”

He quietly laughed. You hadn’t stayed awake to hear the end of his rant, but that was fine. You could continue it in the morning. Another kiss and a whispered “I love you” sealed the night for you two, and it wasn’t long until he fell asleep next to you.

hope you enjoyed!!