#the way she is literally my gay awakening

[noodle-is-unstable]

“HeAr mE oUT” and showing a conventionally attractive man, woman, human, human esque thing, anthropomorphic animal, robot, regular animal, etc IS NOT A HEAR ME OUT ILL DIE ON THAT HILL. EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHER WILL HEAR YOU OUT ABOUT MUFASA AND SPIRIT THE HORSE AND LOLA BUNNY OFC THEY WILL (I LOVED Lola bunny in space jam oh my god when I was a kid I was like oh my fucking god Lola bunny miss ma’am helLO!!! Gay awakening fr she inspired me to have a crush on a classmate in like 3rd grade and I remember thinking “I wish I was a boy so I could be her boyfriend and hold her hand” then I stole my dads lingerie magazine and I scolded him for reading it and I hid under the dining table and looked at women in their underwear. Seriously how did no one notice I was fucking queer)

Anyway bout to blast my hear me outs that aren’t a lot bc I tend to be superficial and thirsty for conventionally attractive characters. Ahem 😑👓🤏🏻

Mewtwo. Yeah you heard me. The fucking Pokémon. He’s cool as shit and he made good fucking points. He fucking TALKS. He’s just like grumpy bf coded to me no I’m not taking notes.

The Epicurean Paradox. Literally eight lines of philosophical text from Epicurus and I fuck with the principle to the point I would FUCK the principle. DK how I’d find a way.

Curly from Mouthwashing. Not pre accident Curly. Well I mean OF COURSE pre accident but post accident I’d still be saying hear me out (I love that game and I’m not excusing ANYTHING that a lot of ppl seem to be missing from the fucking story. Not spoiling it but literally so many people are missing the fucking point. I’m just saying I WOULD fuck post accident Curly.) ((I can go on for hours about Mouthwashing but I won’t))

Jack from Jack in the Box is NOT a hear me out it is a WOULD. So is Megatron. He’s conventionally attractive. He is a WOULD. Doctor Phosphorus is also a would bc he’s a conventionally attractive skeleton.

This is choctopi on instagram. Like they’re attractive these are would to me if I had to say “hear me out” for you to consider then I’d actually be surprised. Idk how this is a hear me out this is just hot. If I had to explain WHY they are hot… you explain WHY are we friends

Venom is also a would and a monster fucker thing he’s not a hear me out. No I’m not taking constructive criticism on that. But like the person who posted the robot angel named Sunday? Absolutely would. In the kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, garage, dining table, in public and at church—

You know I adore you but I need you to chill 😅

In the real world those are valid hear me outs. Tumblr is just a freaky lil hell site of everything fuckers and size kinks

What's kinky to some is vanilla to others and we don't need to shame people

Just because it's an obvious would for a lot of us doesn't mean it's not a hear me out 💖

[the-moonprophet]

so i just finished arcane for the first time and not to sound lesbian or anything but holy fucking shit. oh my lord. good heavens. holy f ck. oh good lord. my fucjing shit. good fuck. ing lord hesven almighty

[orcelito]

There's also the impulse to be like "women ain't shit" but that's a lie I love our women. Not women as a whole's fault that one of them turned out a selfish bastard of a coward.

I just need to find a woman who doesn't treat me like That. Get me a good butch. I need me a good butch.

[mywritersmind]

SLIM PICKINS - LN4

summary : in which y/n is over her pathetic love life and lando sees an obvious way to fix her situation. inspired by slim pickins by sabrina carpenter ifykyk😘

listen up : no warnings !! i don’t write smut so sorry lol

word count : 600

⋆｡‧˚⋆

“I’m literally going to die alone!” I groan and lay back on my bed, on the phone with my friend.

She laughs on the other side, “You’re so dramatic!”

“I am not! These are just my thoughts.” She makes the point that my phone is constantly blown up by men, “Yes well they’re all douchebags! All I want is a boy who’s jacked and kind!”

“What about Lando, then? You always complain but Lando Norris is the definition of that!” I groan into the phone. My infamous best friend, the subject of my fantasy’s and utterly and completely off limits.

I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it, many times. “No chance.”

“But why!?”

I sigh, “He’s just… my friend! I don’t even see him like that.”

I hear her scoff dramatically, “You don’t see him as jacked or kind!? Do we need to get your eyes checked?”

I hang up.

⋆༺

There’s a boy in my room an hour later, laying next to me after putting out in five minutes. I text Lando to call me with an ‘emergency’ so he’s gone as quick as possible.

Lando laughs over the phone, “That bad, huh?”

I fall onto my bed, screaming into my pillow, “He didn’t even know the difference between their, there, and they are.” I hear his laugh on the other side, biting my lip from screaming even more because he sounds so damn sexy.

“Sorry love…” fuck, that nickname. “ever tried it with a girl? It’s fun.” He’s joking to boost my mood but I just frown.

“I think the Lord forgot my gay awakening.”

⋆༺

I walk with Lando to the elevator, drinks and shopping bags in hand, “So, what? You’re just gonna keep moaning and bitching until a man falls into your lap?”

“The good ones are all deceased or taken.” I shrug, “So yes. I mean seriously- what’s a girl to do? Every man is evil and lazy but I gotta get off somehow.” Lando chokes on his drink.

“Shit, Y/n. Tell it to me straight then.” I roll my eyes as we exit the elevator. We walk his room, swinging my bags and throwing them onto the couch, “So what is your type then?”

I plop down on his bed, laying back and staring at the ceiling, “Any nice man who breathes? Someone who’s jacked and kind!” He laughs, “I’m serious!”

He’s still laughing, I throw a pillow at him, “Come on!” he shakes his head.

“Lando!” I watch him shake his head and throw the pillow back. “What is so funny?”

“I’m jacked and kind.” He shrugs, unscrewing his water bottle top and taking a swing.

I lean back on my hands, tilting my head to look at my best friend, “Lando.”

He's still drinking water when he pulls up his shirt, revealing his *ahem* jacked body. Fuck.

Look, seeing Lando’s face and arms every day is enough to keep me up at night. But this? THIS!? I’m fucked. At least I wish I was (by him).

“You’re staring.” He teases, dropping the fabric and putting his water down. I am staring. And I do not have any plans to stop.

“Lando.” I warn as he steps closer, a slow smirk forming on his face.

“Y/n.” He mocks me in that sexy voice he does. “Say the words, love. I’m there.” His knees knock mine, he’s standing right in front of me and looking down with those green eyes of his.

“Please.” I whisper, and he’s on me in an instant.

[tang3r1n]

ᴄʀᴀᴄᴋ ʙᴀʙʏ

cw; 18+, heavy topics ngl, refrences to poverty and starvation, angst, GAY LESBIAN SEX, slight cannibalism symbolism if you squint rly hard, refrences to sex work and/or sexual assault

A/N: abt 900 words and literally cranked this bitch out in lile half an hour. jesus fuck how in the hell did Sevika bring me out of my fucking writing dry spell. what the actual fuck. i haven’t written in a year and ofc when i do it’s fucked up analogies and lesbian sex.

To be born of the cursed flesh is a cruel fate worse than death.

To be born as a tainted babe, cast out from the womb with vile stares and scornful words, is the most unlucky a child could be.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t just. She’d lived her life good, honest, she deserved the fruits of her labor, a young life filled with pain and struggle. But she was that of the unfavored, not the blessed ones of Piltover, not the nobles with their mansions or the Council with their riches. She was impoverished, born starved, raised hungry, grown into a ravenous woman who begged for the moresles of candied love the scum around her shoved down her throat or inside her.

She lived to survive, didn’t have time for anything outside of the coins thrown her way and the scraps she fed from. Ironic how she never looked the part; plump and soft, malleable and pliable, her hunger hidden beneath that syrupy, sugary smile that oh-so softly graced her cherub cheeks. She pranced around in fine silks and soft feathers, smoke and shimmer stinging her nose and eyes, ears never without the soft whines and moans that fluttered through the halls of the brothel.

Men were somehow more starved than she, their oafish bodies sweaty and fetid as they grabbed her with rough hands, uncaring of the bruises and marks that grew, staining her already tainted body. She loathed them, pushing her brain to the clouds of smoke circling overhead as she rode out whatever sick ride they put her on. The rides were never long, thankfully, mercifully, their essence all that remained once they stepped off with little more than a sideways glance and those same scornful words she learned years ago. Her bed was a sanctuary, a soft, pillowy escape where she could let her mind drift and fly away, she dreamed of soft touches and sweeter kisses, honeyed words and gentle smiles against her plush skin.

This woman above her, her tan skin and dark lips, soft breasts and firm muscles, rough hands caressing her like she was made of porcelain, felt like heaven. Her touch was better than shimmer, a rush incomparable to any human emotion, a religious awakening, it was invigorating. Men were hurtful, slapping and choking all while they shared the same blood and flesh that she had— but this woman, with her metal arm and scars, was slow and sybaritic, gluttonous how she sucked and kissed at her skin.

Long fingers pumped inside her, working choked gasps and impossibly soft moans from the cursed one’s mouth, curling inside her cunt to almost lazily press against that spot that made her dizzy, stomach twisting as her eyes fluttered shut. The woman’s voice was low and deep, chiding her for looking away, for her hips trying to worm away from this pleasure, “look at me,” the woman whispered, licking a stripe up her neck littered in hickeys. The other keened, hazy eyes half lidded as she looked up to her savior, the older woman grinned, wolfish and possessed, yet she didn’t feel fear. Not like she had before, the woman was all-consuming, dominating her very soul and suffocating her under that strong body built by the gods, yet she could only cry and cling to her skin, begging for more and more.

She was starved, and this woman, bringing her to climax, the sinfully delicious sounds of her own cunt squelching clashing with her pitiful cries, was feeding her. Feeding that bottomless pit she had been build with, feeding her with lips sloppily meshed together in a fucked up display of power and perversion. Feeding her with those dangerous fingers circling her pearl and filling her up. Feeding her with praise and love like a false prayer, flooding her mind with devotion and compassion she so desperately craved.

With the burst of her orgasm, she wailed, tugging on her savior’s messy hair as her body shook in pleasure. White blinded her as her glassy eyes rolled back, devilish smile fading away with a dark chuckle. The woman gently slipped her fingers from her cunt, a dull ‘pop!’ making her ears burn as she watched the woman suck on the soaked fingers. The woman’s eyes rolled back, a delicious moan rumbling from her chest and in that moment she wondered if this woman was starving too. If her savior craved just like she did, if this woman watched her with the same kind of hungry eyes as she did.

She was pulled into another sultry kiss, lips smooshed and smacking as they stole each other’s breath, wrapped up in each other’s arms. The woman pulled away first, keeping her close with a firm hand around her thick neck, string fingers ever so gently cutting off her oxygen, “such a pretty girl,” the woman whispered, a secret for just the two of them, “my new favorite treat.”

Born damned, she scavenged for love and life, but staring into those dark eyes, she saw the same hunger, the same damned flesh tangled up in her’s in a macabre display.

[sideeve]

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀LITTLE MISS PERFECT

synopsis : getting homosexual tendencies for her best friend? absolutely not!

note : i just started playing tlou2 again and my love for abby and ellie blossomed again. naughty dog knew what they were doing

ft. : questioning homosexuality, internalized homophobia, non-apocalyptic au, implied smut but not that descriptive, ellie already has a crush on reader but it’s not really described until they kiss and what not.

you search through the rack of bras, lazily looking for one that at least looks fitting. you huff, starting to lose hope. your hands stop at one. a black lacy one, which if your wore, would cover nothing. it reminded you of that erotic video you found went internet surfing.

two women alone together, exploring each other’s bodies. their tongues acting like a paintbrush and their bodies were canvases, covered in saliva.

you press your lips together, trying to push down the tingling in your body. you can’t be gay. you literally have a crush on that ABC news host.

“[name], honey? did you find one yet?” your mother asks, messing with the displayed jewelry. “no, there’s nothing here.” you sigh, hiding the bra in the rack.

you had no problem with homosexuality. hell, your whole search history is the complete opposite of heterosexuality. your best friend is a lesbian. but there is no way you’re gay. that’s…just not you.

after many of those “are you gay” tests, your answers remain the same. ‘you’re most definitely a lesbian, babes’.

you lay on ellie’s bed, blindly flipping through one of her many comic books. you blow raspberry, getting bored a little. “what?” she diverts her eyes from her TV for a second before tending back to her game.

“nothing.” you flip a few more pages until your eyes land on a certain panel. two girls in close proximity, lips ghosting over each other. you swallow a large lump, trying to push away the thoughts again.

but now you can only think of you in that situation. curled up next to a girl, her hand rubbing softly on your waist.

you try to picture what she would look like, only seeing your best friend’s face. you groan, rolling on your back.

“ellie?” she hums in response. you fiddle with your thumbs before asking the question. “how did you know you were gay?”

her game pauses. “what?” she looks at you before her eyes travels to her opened comic book. “ooooh.” she laughs, picking up the book. “you picked the one i didn’t want you to get.” she closes the book, stuffing it under her bed.

she leans back, propping herself up with her arms. “ i dunno. i just…” she shrugs, “never pictured myself with a guy. and you know, boobies.”

you softly hit her, making her laugh. “i’m serious, ellie. i think i might be gay. lesbian, bi-i don’t know!” you groan, stuffing your face in your hands.

“i mean, why don’t you?” she lays on her side, looking at you. “that ABC news host.”

“David Muir?”

you nod, making her scoff. “do you have a crush on any guy at job?” she twirls a strand of your hair in her fingers. “god no. they all look like troglodytes.” you grimace at the thought of liking them.

“can you picture yourself marrying a man for the rest of your life?”

that question made your stomach drop. you feel bile pile up in your throat. ‘yes, you can’ you try to convince yourself.

“no, i guess not.” you give a slight frown at your answer, looking down.

“hey, it’s normal. not everyone is straight. and you sure aren’t.” she laughs. “oh shut it!” you huff.

she stops laughing after a while. “well, let’s kiss to see if you are gay.” she suggest so nonchalantly. kiss? your best friend?

“uhhhh..” “if you don’t like it, we don’t have to ever talk about it.”

you look at her, contemplating whether you should go through with this. you couldn’t deny that ellie was very attractive. you could say that she was your “gay awakening”. they way she was naturally flirty with you was the beginning of the questioning phase for you.

“let’s do it.” you sit on your legs, waiting for her to kiss you.

she gives you a soft smile, getting up.

“you sure?” she questions, not wanting this to go wrong. you nod.

she takes a deep breath, putting her hand on your cheek to pull you in.

your skin ignites. this is what you’ve dreamed of. intimacy with a woman. natural intimacy. not like those forced erotic videos you watch in your free time.

her lips press on yours, her eyelashes tickling the apple of your cheek. you reciprocate the affection, putting a hand on her cheek.

a moan slips from your lips, your eyes fluttering shut. the hand on your cheek falls to your hips, her hand squeezing for a few moments to tell her that this is real; this is actually happening.

in a flurry, her body is pressed on top of yours, her tongue exploring every crevice on your mouth. her hands slipped under the hem of your jeans, fingers brushing over the seat of your panties.

you card your hands through her auburn hair. “els…” you call to her as she pulls away, a string of saliva connecting from hers and your bottom lip.

“you okay, princess?” she moves her hand at an angle, her thumb drawing tight circles on the pearl of your cunt. you arch into her, making her chuckle.

you nod, a moan slipping from your lips again.

“yeah, you’re definitely gay.” she giggles, stuffing her face in the crook of your neck, making you laugh too. “shut up and use your hands, ellie.”

“oh, i know something better than my hands.” she leaves your neck for a moment, digging under her bed.

she pulls out a harness. one not built for your shoulders. the purpose accessory catches your eye, making you widen them. “is that…”

“i haven’t used it yet.” she smirks. “your call.”

do you have enough red orbs? stop by my store to request a fic!

[dead-boy-edwin]

20 reasons to watch Dead Boy Detectives

Queer people, lots of awesome queer people

Very binge-able

CATS. You will see A LOT of cats. Who doesn't love cats?

Niko is the DEFINITION of AUTISM 🔥

Lots of twinks and badass ladies

Awesome acting, perfect cast

Loveable and charming characters

Angry Scottish lady played by Ruth Connell (she hates paperwork)

Gay awakening via cat man

It's campy and quirky, in the best way possible

It's like a cross between Good Omens and Sherlock Holmes, paired with Sandman characters and lore

Kirby Howell-Baptiste returns as Death of the Endless (I love you Kirby!!)

Tragic and messy queer romance

The only acceptable version of the "bury your gays" trope (let them return as ghosts)

Everybody has trauma

EPISODE SEVEN KILLED ME AND THEN DANCED ON MY ROTTING CORPSE

Literally the perfect resolution. The ending is satisfying, all main subplots are resolved, yet it tempts a 2nd season

Authentic and respectful queer realization and coming out subplot

Likeable antagonists (except for David, fuck you David 🤬🤬)

Dead married couple on acid.

[set-wingedwarrior]

My most important sapphic ships post before Pride Month ends

What the title says, studying kept (and still keeps me) busy so we gotta go fast lol

Bumbleby (RWBY)

to the surprise of absolutely no one, they get first place (despite me not going in a particular order) because of reasons. They're perfect. Soulmates. Slowburn of all time. Yin and Yang. Eyes the color of each other's souls. Truest OTP to ever OTP in my book. ∞/10

Konosetsu (Negima!)

I already talked about them in their own post, this scene changed my life leading to my self-discovery and it still lives rent-free in my mind.

Kyosaya (Madoka Magica)

I'd also add MadoHomu but I'm trying to keep it to just one for each fandom. That said, they still make me mentally unwell. I love them, and I did for a long time now. I can't wait for the next movie to come out and suffer.

Ruby and Sapphire (Steven Universe)

These bitches had the first cartoon gay wedding and kiss DO I NEED TO SAY MORE???

Korrsami (Avatar)

Still down the queer cartoons making history path, these two made me insane back in the day because I still didn't understand I was queer and lots of sapphic couple were starting to appear in media, and I remember jokingly say how "lesbian ships were hauting me". All I can say now is "Thank you" lol. Anyway, they were incredibly important and all the people criticizing how little queerness there's in the show will never understand just how massive this scene was.

Catradora (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power)

Friends to Enemies to back to Friends to Lovers. Iconic. I still want a movie with their adventures bringing magic back to the universe.

Hollstein (Carmilla)

My third beloved blonde with a cat gf ship. I miss this web-series every day. Also, Natasha Negovanlis played an immense role in my gay awakening.

Ellie and Riley (The Last of Us: Left Behind)

Ellie and Dina are adorable and I love them, BUT I just will never get over these two. That dlc fucked me up. (also, they're in the same category with Korrasami as "gay ships that hauted me before I realized I was queer" lol)

Lumity (The Owl House)

I remember starting this show feeling it as the successor of Steven Universe, at least to me. We could say that at level of mistreatment from its parent company, it defenitely surpassed it, but at least I'm glad I was right and we got Luz and Amity becoming canon. I love these two and not a day passes without me yelling at Disney for what it did to them.

Bubbline (Adventure Time)

I actually watched Adventure Time fully only recently, but I always loved them even when I watched the show randomly when it appeared in tv back in the day. Getting to see the progression properly just made me love them even more.

Yasammy (Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous/Chaos Theory)

Incredibly recent addition, but I am so glad that I checked out Camp Cretaceous and got into it. It's a nice show and these two are a really cute couple, their confession and especially Yaz's internal turmoil were just so on point. I was really happy to see them go still strong in Chaos Theory, and I can't wait for next season.

Pricefield (Life is Strange)

These two caused me pain in the best possible way. I felt literal heartbreak at the Bay Ending, and I was just as emotional at the Bae one (Bae > Bay Forever) I hope the new game will respect their relationship OR ELSE.

Wow, this is quite the list. I do have an amazing taste, if I do say so myself, ahah!

Well, I guess this is it for now, glad I could make it before Pride Month was over! Knowing myself I might have actually forgotten some though, so keep an eye out for possible updates (what makes me even think that you'd care? lol).

That would be all, be gay and do crimes! Bye!

[so-sirius-rn]

HI IM SIRIUS

among many other names... 😏😏😏 (like padfoot 🫶🏼)

i like chilli cheese fritos but i am !!allergic!! to bananas 😓😓

HE/THEY 💪 and a GRYFFINDOR 🥳🥳🥳🥳

DNI: shitty people (jkr supporters, racists, sexists, misogynists, homophobes/transphobes) literally just dont be an asshole 🙄

anygays... 😏😏

YOU SHOULD FOLLOW THE GANG 🥳🥳🤩🤩

LOVE OF MY LIFE - ( @definitelynotawerewolf103 )

my baby brother - ( @totally-not-regulus )

we should get married in vegas - ( @prongsie-rambles )

petey boy - ( @petertheratatoullie )

the one who taught me eyeliner 🛐 - ( @marleneslostmarbles )

SHE HAS TO GET A FARM - ( @i-dont-have-farm )

lils - ( @fieldoflilllies)

the okay slytherin - ( @meadowesofflowers )

shes crazy in a crazy way - ( @pand0ra-certifiedweirdo )

her bf also crazy - ( @xen0-lovegood )

her twin - ( @thorns-and-rosier )

that/bitch - ( @thatbivthbcj )

marlenes gay awakening and my replacement mom - ( @effie-potter )

my crazy cousin - ( @bellatrix-black-bitch )

the other one - ( @narc1ssa-black )

a leSTRANGE😏 - ( @thebetterlestrangebrother )

if i said bellas girl...? haha thats crazy its rita - ( @skeeeeeeter-gossips )

(ooc- hi i'm rheeve! cred for the header and pfp go to artist 🫶🏼 if you find them lmk! this is my interpretation of sirius. if you dont like, dont look! my account is @marauders-bs feel free to find me there. have a good time here :D except ali and lei /j

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

⚔️⚔️ Sword gays showdown, grand finale ⚔️

*Camilla fanart by @friendamedes, used with permission

Propaganda:

For Camilla:

she prefers dual-wielding two short blades but can fight with pretty much anything. she's ambidextrous she's autistic she's even sex-repulsed ace. she sighs longingly when reunited with her weapons. she's from planet academia and dresses like an off-duty librarian. literally one of the most iconic moments of the entire series is when she gets challenged to a duel and absolutely wipes the floor with her opponent even though she doesn't even like rapiers that much. 'swords don't lie.' 

OK I’m sure you’re getting just about every character from The Locked Tomb but Cam is my favorite. She's a nerd AND a jock. She is in this deeply intense and loving and unhealthily codependent soulbond partnership with her best friend second cousin and prince. She is smart and deadpan snarky and fights like a grease fire and I have never been able to get that line out of my head.

For Gideon:

she's incredibly good w/ her two hander and less good with her rapier but she's still pretty good!! she is a horny lesbian who's taste in women seems to exclusively be "girls who have tried or are going to try to kill her". she's a redhead. i love her

Gideon’s a HUGE Butch lesbian and literally always wanted to use a broad sword. Specifically a broad sword. She said fuck rapiers. Uhhh literally dies to save the girl she cares for and the sword she uses then becomes like an altar for said girl. Gideon Nav Supremacy <3

oh she is the most badass swordswoman lesbian in media. she’s her gf’s cavalier, defends her in battle, she’s incredibly butch and buff

C'mon shes THE sword lesbian like... canonically 

Loves her broadsword more than anything on her home planet and practices whenever she can. Spoiler it’s possessed by her mom. Gave everything so her best enemy could eat her soul and become the new saint. The character of all time child of two separate threesomes, child of the god emperor, she’s dead, she’s butch, she’s a dork, she’s doomed by the narrative. She’s my favorite.

girlie is literally the swordswoman supreme. she’s the cavalier primary to her necromancer. she has a fuckoff huge longsword. she gets absorbed into another person SPECIFICALLY to swordfight for them. in a gay way too.

While everyone else was developing common sense, she studied the blade. This dyke's main weapon and true love is the long sword, but she's also passable with a rapier. The sword is, in her own estimation, pretty much all she's good for. That and her smoking hot bod and terribly charming sense of humor. 

"While we were developing common sense, she studied the blade." (Direct quote from the book). She's the most useless lesbian to ever exist, and she's obsessed with an absolute wet cat of a woman. Learned longsword mostly on her own and is such a genius with the sword she learned rapier in a few months (by personal experience, it's really really hard)

Most badass broadsword wielding lesbian easily slaying bone monsters and evil space wasps

The cavalier to her necromancer. very gay. in a complicated codependant lovehate relationship with the only other person her age she knew growing up.

For Xena:

It is HER! The OG woman with a blade! 

Her show was so iconic that any lesbian over the age of 30 knows her IMMEDIATELY because this show probably helped her have her awakening. Fandom foremothers and fathers rise up and get your gal a title.

An all around badass, bisexual woman, comfortable with many different bladed weapons. Her show was so much better than Hercules people forget his exists.

Xena is one of the OGs: once a baddie who turned good, she's a warrior who uses swords, daggers, and her trusty chakram to defeat evil and defend the innocent, while traveling with her kickass girlfriend Gabrielle. 

She has many skills

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Barbara Stanwyck (Ball of Fire, The Lady Eve, Double Indemnity)—I hope someone else has submitted better propaganda than I because I don't want my girl's prospects to rest on me just yelling PLEASE VOTE FOR MY TERRIBLE HOT GIRLFRIEND. She is a delight in everything! She is often a sexy jerk! (It's most of the plot of Baby Face!) Even when she plays a "good girl" (as an example, Christmas in Connecticut, which more people should see) she's still kind of a jerk and I love her for it! She won't take men's shit and she sure wouldn't take mine!

Mae Clarke (The Public Enemy, Frankenstein)—she was in frankenstein. which i think is neat

This is round 1 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Mae Clarke propaganda:

Barbara Stanwyck propaganda:

"THE queen of screwball comedies. I adore her, I'd kill for her, I will cry if she's not gonna win this poll."

"listen ok she had awful politics she was a mccarthyist right wing wacko BUT she's so incredibly hot that i've deluded myself into believing i could fix her. if you see her onscreen she carries herself in a way that's just so effortlessly sexy AND she has just a stunning face. imo she was at her hottest in the 1940s but even as early as the late 1920s she had a rly captivating screen presence and just a beautiful face, and then post-1950 she was just irresistibly milfy so really she was just always incredibly hot. she was also an incredibly talented actress who was equally stellar in melodrama, film noir, and unhinged screwball comedy. the blonde wig they made her wear in double indemnity is notoriously silly looking but she still looks sexy in it so that's gotta count for something. i've watched so many terrible movies just for a chance at seeing her that i think her estate should be paying me damages."

"Not often thought of for her sultriness, Barbara Stanwyck was incredible in that she could actually choose to be hot if the role called for it, and then have a glow-down to look ordinary for another role. She wasn't the most beautiful or effervescent, but damn did she have rizz. Watch her with Gary Cooper in Ball of Fire teaching him about "yum-yum" or with Henry Fonda in The Lady Eve whispering huskily into his ear."

"THE leading lady of the golden age of hollywood. One of the only actresses to work independent of a studio, making short-term contracts that enabled her to make movies wherever she wanted. She had so much range, and could act in basically any genre. She's been rumored to be a lesbian literally since she was active in Hollywood; most notable is the rumor that she had a long time on-and-off relationship with famously bi Joan Crawford, her "best friend" for decades (They lived right next door to one another). She also lived with Helen Ferguson, her "live-in publicist" for many years. She was the quintessential femme fatale in Double Indemnity, and really pushed sexual boundaries in her pre-code films like Baby Face, and the famous screwball The Lady Eve, where she plays basically a downlow domme. Allegedly, when a journalist asked her if she was a lesbian, she straight up threw him out of her house. She even played a lesbian in Walk on the Wild Side"

"She is always the smartest woman in the room. Watching her play Henry Fonda like a befuddled fiddle in The Lady Eve was a highlight of my life. Femme fatale in Double Indemnity, comedy queen in Ball of Fire. She can do anything."

"She was part of my gay awakening"

"SHE'S A PRE-CODE QUEEN. She did everything, drama, comedy. The most beautiful woman in the world to watch weep. Beg for to step on you with those legs. Fun Babs story: Ginger Rogers was offered the role in Ball of Fire but said, “Oh, I would never play that part, she’s too common.” So they called Barbara Stanwyck and they said “We offered this to Ginger Rogers but she’s turned it down, would you be interested?” And she read the script and she said; “You bet! I LOVE playing common broads.” (Source: https://misstanwyck.tumblr.com/post/72996544180/barbara-stanwyck-photographed-for-ball-of-fire)"

[butterflywithsass]

Watched Dead Boy Detectives last night and I’m obsessed. If you like the queerness of good omens, but with more gore, and in the same universe as the Sandman (death and despair both show up) if you like dark academia gay boys, if you like ghosts, or paranormal stuff, or demons, if you like cats — lemme tell you this show is for you.

So, like, there’s these two ghost boys who are best friends but also gay for each other but also a secret third thing and their names are Edwin and Charles.

Edwin Payne was a demonic sacrifice in 1916 and as spend literal decades in hell but escaped. He’s a repressed Victorian gay who has zero charisma but every single man he meets becomes obsessed with him and wants to sleep with him except the boy he actually likes which is his best friend Charles. His entire character arc is about gay panic and getting over his internalized homophobia — he wears bow ties!!!! He doesn’t know what a hand job is. He’s literally the perfect tumblr blorbo. His superpower is getting tortured. He’s so sassy! His sexual awakening comes at the hands of a cat king and his first kiss is with a crow.

Charles died in like the 90s or something I’m not sure. He’s so optimistic and sunshine but also so full of rage. He’s the most supportive guy 100/10 would trust him with anything. He doesn’t like to talk about his issues. When confronted with the inexorable monsters of hell he solved the problem with a Molotov cocktail. I love him and his single earring he’s a golden retriever who would rather stay on earth with best friend than move on to a peaceful afterlife. His jawline is impeccable he can’t not press a big red button when he sees it.

Crystal Palace I wasn’t sold on because I thought she’d get between my boys but she actually so cool and I developed a bit of a crush let’s be honest I have a thing for curly haired witchy girls, she’s a physic with amnesia and a demon stalker ex boyfriend people stare at her when she hangs out with the boys cause it looks like she’s talking to herself. Everyone she knows thinks she’s insane. She’s a reformed mean girl.

Niko Sisaki I was a little iffy about because it felt like they were gonna go with the bimbo anime Asian girl but turns out she just had a parasite that made pink hearts float around her. She’s so weird she tries to help Edwin with his gay problem by introducing him to explicit gay fan fiction, she tries to get her landlord to date, she likes cool rocks. She has two tiny people trapped in a jar in her room. Her friendship with Edwin is everything. She’s ghosting her mom.

Jenny. I love her so much, she feels so safe which is weird because she chops meat and all her clothes are covered in blood. Everything about just screams big sister and her character arc is learning to embrace that. She goes on one date and almost gets murdered.

Monty. He’s literally a crow turned into a boy. He’s down bad for Edwin. He’s a secret honeypot agent for an evil witch. He has the most adorable smile, the whole time I was expecting him to be an agent of Morpheus. He’s obsessed with astrology.

The Night nurse originally annoyed me a bit (in a good way) I just wanted to get rid of her. When Charles punted her into a giant sea monster I clapped. Then it just got weird and I love it.

The cat king. He’s such a creep, but honestly, I love that for him. He has some of the best lines and he just exudes cat. He’s a classic fairy tale trickster, he a nuisance for the whole season, he’s central to the plot, he’s constantly hitting on Edwin.

Esther. She’s a archetypal evil witch. She gives off mystic trash vibes. She’s obsessed with beauty and revenge. She’s shamelessly horrible. She feeds kids to her giant snake. She literally can’t die.

All in all, I think I’m gonna have brain rot over this for the next year, go and watch it.

[columboposting]

I say this as a certified gwen cooper stan and defender and lover etc etc so if i see anyone in my replies coming for my girl its on sight. But it is honestly completely batshit insane to me the way seasons 1 and 2 of torchwood consistently do this thing where on-screen development or depiction of Jack and Ianto’s romantic relationship is directly preceded by a category five Gwen and Jack Unresolved Sexual Tension event. Like, Jack propositioning Ianto over Suzie’s corpse comes right after a scene where Jack and Gwen make moon eyes at each other from across the Hub; in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Jack only asks Ianto out on a date after a failed attempt to woo Gwen; in Reset, Martha’s conversation with Ianto about getting him and Jack a red UNIT hat comes after her convo with Gwen where both of them are like “man we must be the only two people in the world who havent been with Jack.” The obviously most insane example is in Something Borrowed when Gwen and Jack dance together extremely intimately AT GWEN’S WEDDING and Ianto literally has to WALK OVER to take Jack off Gwen’s hands. (If I missed any more examples please tell me because i feel like I did. Also Fwiw not every Janto scene follows a Gwack UST event, though by the same turn not every Gwack UST event is followed by a Janto scene. But I think there’s enough here for it to be a pattern.). So there’s this consistent thing where we see Jack make moon eyes at Gwen and only going to Ianto after this fails to result in anything substantial. This creates the impression that Ianto is Jack’s second choice for a partner, and that Gwen is his first.

You could argue that this pattern constitutes Jack choosing Ianto over Gwen, but… I dunno. The obstacle that consistently stops Jack from pursuing Gwen further in the scenes I’m talking about is not his commitment to Ianto but Gwen’s commitment to Rhys. (If you want an example of TW S1/2 actually showing Jack choose Ianto over Gwen I’d point at End of Days: Gwen metaphorically awakens Jack by kissing his corpse (he doesn’t seem to object but Gwen is obviously the one initiating), and then Jack immediately runs off to make out with Ianto. Compare with, say, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, where Jack tries to initiate with Gwen, gets cock-blocked by her engagement ring, and subsequently asks Ianto out. You see the difference?

To set my cards on the table I am obsessed with Jack and Gwen’s straightbait situationship, and I think it is completely fine and cool and entertaining, actually, for Jack and Gwen UST to coexist with canon Janto (Jack is from the Free Love century and has two hands; meanwhile it baffles me that people get on Gwen’s ass for the crime of (checks notes) being into Jack Fucking Harkness, as if being attracted to him is not completely normal and understandable), HOWEVER the show’s scene to scene editing CONSISTENTLY gives the impression that Jack would choose Gwen over Ianto if given the opportunity. So for all that I think a lot of Gwen hate is like, people being unfairly mad at Gwen for “getting in the way” of a gay ship that, per the show’s writing, she never actively interferes with or disapproves of and is generally shown to support, the way the show uses the language of editing does actually kind of value Jack’s hypothetical straight relationship with Gwen over his existing gay relationship with Ianto in a way that frankly fucking sucks. I have no idea whether or not this was intentional or whose fault it is (if I had to blame anyone I’d blame the writers involved and the editors involved, but tv production is complicated and this is a systemic problem that would be difficult to identify if you’re only looking at one episode at a time) but whatever happened its like. A lowkey homophobic element of an otherwise mostly queer-friendly show. Literally what were they thinking.

[most-datable-datable-bracket]

ROUND 4 MATCH 7

Chrom propaganda:

“Chrobin (Chrom x player character) is so many tropes in one oml. You have friends-to-lovers (Chrom and Robin are canonically best friends according to Nintendo), enemies-to-lovers (Robin is heir to the Grimleal cult, the enemy of the Halidom of Ylisse which Chrom is the prince, and later king, of), there's amnesia, time travel, official next-gen AUs, changed dialogue to lore important events in the game if you marry Chrom, and Nintendo keeps teasing us with the ship. Cheery prince who knows when to be serious, very strategically smart but very bad at communicating, a guy that can comfort you when you're down, make a fool of himself when you're not around, and he's just generally a very sweet guy. Also please consider the fact that you get to watch a cutscene of him dying in the prologue and despite the horrors he's just so supportive of the protagonist. Chrom doesn't care about where you came from or who you're related to, he cares for YOU. He gets KILLED by the protag and he reassures them that they did nothing wrong and pleads with them to get out, to a safe place. I lost my soul to Chrom, I physically can't play this game without romancing him.”

“He eats oranges with the peel still on, he's an absolute himbo. Also the writers accidentally made his daughter canonically trans so he definitely supports trans rights. And technically you can only marry him if you play as female Robin but their dynamic is still just as romantic if you play as male Robin (they literally call each other their other half and m!Robin and Chrom have a valentine's day duo unit in the gatcha, and in the anthology manga m!Robin asks Chrom to make polygamy legal so he can also marry Chrom's wife and they can be a family) so most people play the game with the gay mod so they can still marry him as a guy. He's incredibly stupid ("yeah, let's set all our ships on fire then walk through a volcano, you're so smart, Robin" "I know you've had prophetic visions about killing me and our daughter came from the future to warn us it would happen but I'm sure THIS TIME it won't because of the power of our bonds") but also really sweet. In the summer DLC they're fighting on a beach and when he sees Robin get excited over a weird creature they found he immediately forgets about the battle and starts trying to make a bunch of crafts (and failing) and cooking food (and failing again) and writing "Chrom and Robin were here" in the sand so that Robin could have some nice beach memories. I'm obsessed with this man”

Asra propaganda:

“He GIVES AWAY HALF HIS HEART TO REVIVE YOU okay but like. He's the MCs roommate and they were together for a few years before the MC caught a plague and died and he obsesses over a way to bring them back before succeeding by making a deal with a god to trade half his heart for MC and betraying the emperor. And then when MC comes back but without any of their memories, he takes care of them and teaches them how to live all over again and he never asks for anything in return. On all the routes where you don't choose him he's really supportive and helps you out despite your history and overall he's just really nice and supportive of the MC and is their rock no matter what route you go down. Also he has a pet snake named Faust and I love her she's so <33 

Idk I just appreciate him so much”

"He gave you half his HEART!! He would literally go to hell and back for you!! He wants to take you on adventures all around the world—doesn’t matter where, as long as he’s by your side!! AND he’s nonbinary!!!"

[louiesselfshipramblings]

Straw Hat Headcanons! (And selfship eligibility cause like this is a selfship blog still)

Monkey D. Luffy: Nothing really major. Just darker skin to reflect his Fantasy Brazil heritage, and frizzier hair. I don't wanna say just what Iñaki Godoy looks like, but...yeh, what Iñaki Godoy looks like. Self ship eligibility...no shade to peeps who do, love ya, but I see my boy Luffy as AroAce king. Man was immune to a fruit literally EVERY man was vulnerable to, and he didn't even realize it! On the scale, 0/10 [for me personally].

Roronoa Zoro: Yeh similar to Luffy. Prob darker skin, but him being Japanese, I get a paler complexion. Also he is def a closeted gay man for Sanji. Gonna be so cool when they find the One Piece and the two make out. Very progressive and cool. Tho he's not my type; too emotionally unavailable, and passes it off as being "cool". Fuck you, Zoro! But I still love your goofy ass. Be silly again! 1/10

Nami: NAMI!!!! She should be FAT!! She should be BIG!!! She should be able to eat everything she wants now because she's a free pirate, goddammit!!! And she should still be seen as beautiful cause she's a Straw Hat!!! LET HER KILL PEOPLE WITH HER CLIMATE BATON, YOU LET HER DO THAT IN PUNK HAZARD AND NEVER AGAIN ODA WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!! (Can you see who I made this list for. Shush, it's a secret.) I was late on the Nami train tbh, but when I hoped on I hoped HARD. Nami is so wife...I wanna make her happy...I get it, Sanji...now move it and let me date her! You can have Zoro! Oh, and I could personally see her as pan. 11/10

Usopp: Please. Come on. You know what I'm gonna say. Usopp, my boy...he needs his melanin back even though he barely had it in the first place in both anime and manga but sshhhhhh. The boy's South African, and is explicitly played by the clearly black Jacob Romero Gibson. I suppose Oda is bad at coloring and all, but I see you Toei. I see you still keeping Blackbeard black while making Usopp paler. Racist ass studio...also, no donut lips. I'd still say he'd have thicker lips, but not exaggerated to that, and if it don't work with the style, don't have em, no biggie. And Oda CAN draw Usopp without them cause he DID when he drew Jacob AS Usopp in that promotional letter, SO WHY DON'T YOU DRAW USOPP MORE LIKE JACOB NOW, ODA!?!?!? Ahem...I feel Usopp could be a bi boy. Genderfluid, or maybe in a way to boost his ego. You understand. Personally, I feel I would have to be very lucky to get with GOD Usopp, but maybe, just maybe...6/10.

Sanji: Tbh, he got off most easy for the New World redesigns. Really only switched his bangs and grew some beard. Kinda ugly but in that charming way, ya know? No real changes, he can be the Straw Hats local white boy. Just...please tone down the pervness. I was joking with the Luffy-Iñaki stuff, but please, make Sanji like he is in the live action. I will say he's been on good behavior since Fish-Man Island, so...I'd say Sanji is bi, maybe gay, but I find it funny the hypotheticals that a bi Sanji would be useless cause he couldn't hit men or women. But anyway Sanji is the reason Zoro comes outta the closet and they kiss at the end. But for me...he's not my type, but less not my type than Zoro, so...2/10

Tony Tony Chopper: Oh, Chopper. Poor, poor little thing you. Salty was right; Enies Lobby was the last time you were allowed to be interesting. Tho, I agree, with all the New World upgrades, I suppose controllable Monster Point was the one thing he needed...I mean I feel accessing his other forms without the Rumble Ball is fine enough. Maybe like...semi controllable Monster Point? I dunno. I feel his New World design cutes him up too much...reduce the hat down a bit and keep the goofier face he had from Drum Island, aka the best damn arc in the manga, argue with the wall. Man, I really hope he gets some cool shit when his Human-Human Fruit awakens, RIGHT, Oda!?!? Oh and self shipping? Uh...that's a child. -1/10

Nico Robin: Robin...oh, I love you. Not as much as Nami as I've come to realize, as she's a bit more my type but gosh I love Robin. She's been gettin a lotta love recently, for obvious reasons if keepin up, which I like. Main things with her is bring her bangs back (which the manga is already doin for super emotional reasons), and like Usopp, give her darker skin! Doesn't have to be as dark as Usopp, but some darker complexion would be nice. "But it was a tan, she's Russian". A tan she had for TWENTY YEARS? And only lost over a TWO year time skip? There can be black Russians. Toei inadvertently cooked early on and they were cowards for reversing that. I make it secret I enjoy thicker women, but honestly I think Robin works better as a lanky beanpole. Not to the...proportions Oda draws but def lean and tall. Good contrast to her buff hubby Franky. For fits, I'd really liked to see her wear more mom-style fits, or back to Cowboy Robin. Cowboy Robin was peak, argue with the wall. I feel she could be pan, maybe demigirl? Feels right with her powers, oddly enough. And like yeah, she's my fave behind Nami for Straw Hat self ship. 9/10

Franky: Franky is already SUPER perfect as is, and even his New World style has grown on me. Buuuuuuut...ugh, the shoulder pads...too much. I get he's top heavy, but that's just a bridge too far. I like his forearms being bigger, those should be kept. And maybe less "meaty"/thick fingers; I like em big, but it's funny he has a second pair of small hands in em. Def some more mechanical detail over his bod. His default hair should also go back to the pomp. I like the gimmick he changes it each arc, but the standard buzzcut kinda sucks. Like actually. You gotta understand, I consider pre-time skip Franky perfect character design. Legit, Oda peaked with him. Franky, def bi, but I could see him being trans! Maybe a bit on the nose with the whole "rebuilt himself" background, but it could work! Robin too, tbh. They can be t4t. Not my preferred, but cute! As he is, Franky is def a hunk. I like em big, yeh, and would prefer him fat strong, but strong on its own is nice. 7/10

Brook: Oh, Brook. Poor, poor Brook. It would have been so much better had there been another full arc between Thriller Bark and Sabaody to really get you with the crew (whichyoucankindaachivebywatchingFilmStrongWorldinbetweenTBandSAbutanactualbreatherarcbeforethetimeskipwouldhavebeennice), but even then you are still the best Straw Hat. Again. The wall. Suppose it's made up for the fact he's with the gang for the whole arc even before officially joining, which hadn't been done since, like, Usopp on Syrup Village, damn. But yeh! Like Franky, I kinda consider Brook's pre-time skip design peak, and his New World fit...bad. I get what it's goin for, but it's too many ideas! I feel Oda realizes that cause a lot of Brook's fits have been just his old look (Dressrosa, Whole Cake, Onigashima), which is nice. Skeleton in a suit and top hat, it's a classic. I like the crown hat tho for the "Soul King" aesthetic, but maybe smaller. More top hat than crown. And maybe he can just have themed suits, ya know? And yeh...like Sanji, turn down the perv elements. Like, it was funny the first two times cause "Haha, a skeleton asked for WHAT!?" but it lost its luster after that. At the very least, he's been on good behavior; last he did it genuinely was Punk Hazard I think, but he also pulled it on Big Mom at the end of Whole Cake is a genuinely awesome way (makes sense in context). Also, I feel Brook should be black. I get he's a skeleton now, obvs, but I dunno. Feels right for the Soul King. I have a feeling he'd be asexual—not out of choice, but...ya know—and maybe some level of agender? He is a skeleton after all. Who knows what being like that does do your personal perception. As a partner...eh. I love him, but as a friend! I'd wanna be a string duet with him! I feel Brook should be with a very specific type of person, ya know? Not that he's not my type, just I'm not for him. 3/10

Jimbei: Honestly, I'm not as madly in love with Jimbei as everyone else is! Yeah, he's great. Great in Impel Down, Fish-Man Island, Whole Cake, Wano. He's great! But I'm not drooling over him like some peeps are. And hey, more power to ya! Not much I'd change about his design...maybe make him thicker? Like, fat fat! Around the arms and such! Make him look like a strongman; would contrast nice to Franky's more bodybuilder-inspired physique. Maybe show off him being a lil older too? Gray streaks in his hair, hair a lil frizzy? Idk, just rambling. Tbh, Jimbei is either gay or straight. Feels right for him. As for me...he'd be a decent catch. Get it. Cause. Fish? Heh...5/10.

And that's em all! Granted, I have a few other, bigger OP crushes. Not many more (Perona, Law, Lilith), and I could include some honorary Straw Hats like my daughter Vivi and the cool boy guy man Yamato and maybe Lilith again cause I have theories tee hee hee. But eh, wanted to cover the main crew, so if I do wanna cover the others, I'll do it in a reblog. Who knows.

[sage-lights]

This is Sword AF closure anon also just to say I ship Amanda with literally any woman. Amangela? Yes. Courtmanda? Absolutely! HOWEVER, Amanda and Tommy? That's ironically but also unironicallt my favorite Smosh ship.

Amanda is very much an every young sapphic's gay awakening type of it girl- she's a tall, beautiful woman with a self-assured way about her. I don't know how I could ever ship her with any man other than her actual husband (who genuinely seems to be perfect for her), and A Depressed Gay Man (who also has lesbian energy). Also if people don't read sapphic awakening for Amanda, she DEFINITELY has Gay Boy's First Ally energy. She's def been on the receiving end of "you're the first person I came out to" from many a gay boy. That's just the type of girl she is, y'know?

hehehe saw this come into my inbox as i was typing out my response to your other ask!

amanda is soooooooo sapphic???!!!! and she knows it?????!!!! and i love it! i always think about the moment in the pod with arasha where amanda (referring to herself) says "you're a lesbian, correct?" like GIRL!!!!

tomanda works so well honestly because they both actively play into it. i think that's why amangela and courtmanda work so well as well. they all play into these ships and it gives fans (read: me) some reassurance that they don't feel uncomfortable with the shipping 🤗