#the way everything comes out when im on my way back from work is so anti me
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cozmowrites · 14 hours ago
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Wonderwall: One
one
11:38 AM
you: hi ☺️
bkg: Who the fuck are you?
you: oh im (y/n)! mei is a bit busy with other students so ill help her and fix up what you need on your costume
bkg: I don't need your help.
you: oh okay
2:20 PM
you: you're looking directly at me but you're not talking
you: what is it you need? use your words
bkg: I'm looking for the crazy one.
you: mei is busy with the green haired kid and the robot looking guy. it's me or whoever else with their hands free so pick
bkg: I need my gauntlets fixed.
you: what about them needs fixed?
bkg: Can't you just figure it out? I don't have all evening.
you: feisty
you: im trying to help but i can't because you're not helping
bkg: The crazy one knows.
you: news flash, i am not mei
you: so are you going to tell me or not?
you: i can just hand over the project to someone else that mei trusts less or i can do it and you can tell me.
You looked away from your phone briefly as you watched his eyes avert from your form, annoyed at him for acting so childish. Especially for a third year. You looked back down to your phone to send him a quick text.
you: oh, so you're just not gonna look at me now, ok. have fun with someone else
bkg: Something inside keeps malfunctioning.
like what? mei told me you use that to store your quirk's sweat.
bkg: I don't know. Something isn't pushing the sweat out like it used to.
you: ill look at the problem overnight, but you won't see them until at least tomorrow after school
you: just set them on my desk and ill text you updates if i got them
You looked away from your phone briefly as he set his gauntlets down on your desk with a grumble. You rolled you eyes and added to your text.
you: don't grumble at me
(bakugou disliked your text)
Later that night, you worked in the workshop on his gauntlets, finding the problem after several hours. Before you could dive into it, you heard a text come from your phone. The bright light blinding you momentarily.
7:53 PM
bkg: Update?
you: some of your things in there are rusting, did you know that?
you: i can't fix it from the inside, i have to take it all apart and fix it like that
bkg: No way in hell.
you: bakugou, right?
you: the rust is all inside. you have to replace that every few months because of the moisture from your sweat.
bkg: The crazy one would be able to fix it.
you: im. not. mei.
you: get that through your thick skull.
you: mei gave me your information so that i could help you, and i could help her take off some of the slack.
you: she trusts me the most. do you fucking understand that?
you: i would be GLAD to hand you off to another student in the class.
you: mei didn't tell me you'd be a complete asshole but i should've known when i had seen you in the sports festival win for both first year's and second year's.
you: you're still so full of yourself, even after that big war
you: call me insensitive, but you can let someone else work on your gear and your costume just fine.
you: it's NOT that big of a deal.
bkg: Fine.
bkg: Do whatever you can to fix them.
bkg: Don't fucking break them.
you: why would i do that?
You took a moment to breath from the frustrated typing you just spent. Your breathing raged.
you: put more trust in me third year
(bakugou disliked your message)
You worked tirelessly all night. That's what you did, on all your projects, even student ones. You got no sleep what-so-ever and eventually, you watched the sun rise. It made your eyes and head hurt, but you were quite used to it.
6:04 AM
you: good morning 🌅
you: i completely tore everything apart last night and found more issues so it'll be longer until you get your gauntlets back.
you: on the bright side, i fixed a bunch of stuff mei did in a rush and made it more stable.
7:11 AM
you: your gauntlets are really heavy, do you really carry them around?
you: i thought you had bad wrists or something
you: there's a way to double the sweat storage without making it any heavier for your wrist you know
you: they just won't look so classic to your grenades or whatever
You decided to step away from your desk and head to the student's dorms to change and freshen up. Just since it'll be another day of school and you spent all night in at your desk in the classroom.
A little over an hour passed, and you were back at the classroom, the rest of the students working hard on their projects and gear for other students. You, however, stopped when you saw breakfast on your desk. You furrowed your brows, it was not from the cafeteria, rather bought from some fast food place. There wasn't a note or anything, but Mei saw you quickly and peered around the corner.
"Bakugou dropped that off for you by the way." She smiled and returned to her work area, busying herself once again. You couldn't ask her further what was up. Or if he had said anything when he dropped it off. You didn't want to bother her further.
8:26 AM
you: yo mei said you stopped by and left this shit on my desk
you: [image of food attached]
you: is this your way of paying for tearing apart your gauntlets?
you: either way, ill eat it ig
You didn't give him the satisfaction of a 'thank you'. He didn't deserve it, he treated you like shit.
12:03 PM
you: i got it mostly done. you can pick them up tomorrow morning.
(bakugou liked your message)
By the time evening rolled around, you fixed the gauntlets earlier than intended. It's evening and you haven't eaten since lunch (which was 6 hours ago). You can't decide whether to eat and just return the gauntlets after eating or to pay Bakugou back for the breakfast and return his gauntlets to him.
You ultimately decided.
5:07 PM
you: by the way, your gauntlets are heavy as fuck.
You switched to your dashdoor app and looked at options for food. No need to try and order food for anyone else, no one else was in here with you except for Yuka. Mei was out doing who knows what.
"Hey Yuka, Do you want anything? I'm ordering takeout." You decided to ultimately speak up. Yuka was a good classmate to you, and often covered for you, so you could pay her back with some food or something. 
"If you're offering, sure." She smiled at you, her voice soft and gentle, compared to Mei's or Power Loader's.
"What would you like?" You asked, genuinely curious in her taste in foods. You'd assume soft and sweet, but when she opened to answer, you were a bit surprised.
"Spicy. The spiciest they have." She smiled and turned back to her workspace. You ordered food for the both of you and when it arrived, you ate quietly. She would occasionally ask a question about what you were working on currently, only for her to nod or hum in response.
When you finished eating, you bid goodbye to Yuka and she did the same. You headed down the hall and past the hero course hall, kind of curious as to if Bakugou was still hanging around. You could give him his gauntlets, but that would result on taking a detour and all you wanted to do was get home. You ultimately decided to just go home, shaking off every curiosity you had about Bakugou. He was not worth a thought. You headed home instead.
The next morning was pretty uneventful. You settled in to your workspace and started messing with a project of yours's that you started, some old junk that maybe could be some laser detection or something. You weren't sure. You tore apart other old projects of Mei's because she gave you permission to do so, and want to try your hand at something different. It was just regular free time morning stuff. The door opened and the ash blond walked in, in his school uniform. Hands in pockets and all. You rolled your eyes and pointed to the gauntlets on the other half of your workspace.
"My costume tore." He gruffly spoke up, pulling his bag around from his back and pulling out a folded hero costume.
"Okay?" You replied, not interested in fixing it, or at least fixing it right away. "Not my problem."You don't take bullshit from anyone, especially not Bakugou. He was notorious for that, or so you've heard.
He shook his head and replied with a 'tsk', inviting himself into a chair. "I don't care. Fix it."
"Is saying 'please' so difficult? Maybe saying it will have me care a little more." You replied, going back to messing with this item if yours's. He tapped his foot impatiently.
"I need it by this afternoon."
"Great." You snapped back quickly.
He let out an aggravated sigh. A moment later, a message notification.
8:20 AM
bkg: Why can't you just fucking do it? It'll only take a few minutes.
you: where's the "please"? hm?
you: i only do nice things for people if they're nice back
bkg: You piss me off.
bkg: Fix it.
you: you piss me off too!
you: im glad the feeling is mutual
you: and i won't do shit
you: you said you need it by the afternoon?
you: you'll come get it at lunch
you: you are not my priority today
you: i gave you priority yesterday
"You texted me just to get the same answer." You spoke up making him snap his head up from his phone. You were right, all he did was get the same answer, but in text form. You shook your head and set down the laser sensor. "I'll give it to you at lunch."
He stood from his chair and moved out of the room without another word. You'll work on this other student's thing and then his in time for lunch.
+++
By the time lunch rolled around, you finished the fix. It was a bit more difficult than you had hoped. You're not one to see costumes, that's usually Yuka's thing, but she was not in the classroom usually until afternoon so you had to take what she taught you and remember it the best you could. You were better with hardware over anything else. You got your lunch tray through the line and walked over to where you saw the ash blond poking out from the crowd. He was sitting with 4 others that looked like they invited themselves there.
"Here." You set down the bag in front of him and he looked up at you briefly before a loud voice gasped.
"Oh my gosh, you're so pretty! You know Bakugou? You should totally sit down and eat with us!!" You looked over and it was the pink alien one.
====
read it all here:
wattpad
ao3
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LET ME COOK🔥🔥 LET ME COOOOOOOKKKK🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
…..
“Hiori, I like rin.” Nanase flopped onto the midfielder’s bed, laying his head on his lap. He decided to take a break from training with Rins permission, well he just gave him a huff and he just took it as affirmation and visited the bastard münchen dorms. The country boy felt quite left out when he realised that both Isagi and Hiori were in the same building let alone they share a room. “And I still can’t believe y'all didn’t tell me about pickin’ Bastard München while I’m stuck in the PxG building. It's so unfair. Do ya how stressful it is with Shidou n Rin fighting every time they see each other?!” he sighs turning his head up to stare are Hiori who gives him a bashful smile
“Aw c’mon, we didn’t plan this Nanase we jus happened to pick the same team. An’ just sayin’ you will get no peace a mind in ‘ere as well. Isagi and Kaiser are the same” Hiori carded his fingers through Nanase’s hair “And what was that? Ya like Rin? Now that’s something that we can talk about! Tell me how’d ya realise that? And what are ya doin’ right now to get him to fall head ova heels for ya!”
“Well ya know he’s just so…” Nanase lets out a dreamy sigh, a smile creeping onto his face. “But it doesn’t matter cause he doesn’t like me, in fact I think he’s just tolerating me” his smile turns tight, his eyes averting from Hioris pitying gaze.
“Now why would ya say that Nanase you’re a blast to be with and maybe you can woo him off his feet hm?”
“I doubt I could but anyways he likes Isagi and I can't stop Isagi from getting some ya know.” Hiori raises an eyebrow at the others statement.
“He likes Isagi? Really? Did ya ask ‘im?”
“No but i can jus’ feel it. He's so obsessed with him everything he does has Isagi in his mind he's his motivation…”
“It's jus’ their rivalry Nanase dear,” Hiori tries to explain but Nanase was stuck on his belief
“Ya don't need to support my delusion, Hiori. I know that Rin doesn’t and won’t like me… Thank ya though.” The navy blue haired boy lifted his head up from Hiori’s lap sitting on the edge of the bed. “Oh! And before i forget Karasu told me to tell you to come visit him or I think Otoya might steal him away from ya.” at the mention of Otoya’s name Hiori’s eye twitched.
“Actually I'll come with and pay Karasu a visit. Let's go.” Hiori stands up and drags Nanase to the door and bumps into Isagi on their way out.
Nanase’s eyes brighten at the sight of Isagi, an idea coming to his head. “Isagi! I'm so glad we ran inta ya! I've stolen Hiori from ya so i was thinkin’ that you should come with so ya won't be lonely in ya room!” He doesn't wait for Isagi’s answer and drags him along to the PxG building. Isagi stumbles along confused but nonetheless goes along with Nanase, it has been a while since he's seen the other due to practise and being in different buildings and teams.
Once they reach the buildings Nanase and Isagi wave bye to Hiori who went to pay Karasu a visit. Now with just the two of them Nanase drags the other to the practise field hoping that Rin was still there and then his plan would come into action!!! And there he was lo and behold Rin Itoshi still practising.
“Rin!! Guess who I brought along for practice!” He moves aside revealing Isagi who waves at the other.
Rin frowns when he sees Isagi and Nanase holding hands turning away from the two and goes back to shooting from all types of distances. “What's he doing here? I thought it was just going to be us…” he mumbles
“Hm? What did ya say Rin?”
“Nothing, it doesn't matter. Get back to practicing Nanase we need to work more on your passing or how else will you serve me on the field”
“Ah, um actually about that I would love to practice more with ya but i'm winded so maybe next time? Promise!!” Nanase rubs his hands together apologising to the other.
“That's all the more reason to practice more Nanase you should build up your stamina plus we barely started,” Rin walks closer to nanase ignoring Isagi beside him. He raises his arm placing the back of his hand on Nanases forehead “Are you sick?”
Nanase flushes red ducking away from Rins touch “Nope im doin’ alright just uhm ya know it's one of those days amiright?” Rin sighs and takes a step back staring at the other before waving him away “Go get some rest. I can't have my property falling even more sick on me”
Nanase yells out a ‘yes sir!! And have fun with Isagi!!’ as speeds away leaving the two by themselves. His plan was in action. If he can't be with Rin then that would be okay. Rin's happiness is more than enough for him and a bonus is that Isagi wouldn't be single anymore and his boyfriend is the Rin Itoshi. Like how is that not a win in the history books.
The navy blue haired male walks back to his room the smile slipping off his face.
….
don’t let me cook i’m burning the kitchen down🔥🧍‍♀️🔥
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neige-leblanche · 2 months ago
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i honestly think the stress of my job is bad for my health tbh
#txt#negative#today someone came in & started racist hassling the other people just waiting in line#& yesterday i was Also having trouble calming down after work just like i am now bc a different person came in and started losing her shit -#-abt something someone else did#its like customer service but everythings heightened =_=#im gonna wait until the spring and then if im still tense & miserable after my vacation then im gonna quit#SPEAKING OF im. regretting inviting this friend of mine along on this vacation sooooo much. which fucking sucks bc i adore her but like;;;;;#she & i are two vastly different people when it comes to travel like shes way more detail focused & strict than me which i. super -#-appreciated when we went to montreal. but now we're going to asia & she. knows nothing about asia so it feels like she's relying on me to -#-patch the holes in her strict framework which i like. wouldnt be doing at all if it were just me 😀 i am a pathologically chill person when-#-it comes to travel. and now im like. im gonna be away from this stressful job & need everyone with an anxiety disorder to stay minimum 5ft#-away from me until i come back. except i will have one such person right next to me the whole time 😀 WHICH AGAIN SUCKS BC I LOVE HANGING#-OUT W/ HER IN LIKE LITERALLY EVERY OTHER SITUATION. LIKE;; INCLUDING OTHER TRAVEL SITUATIONS#ugh sorry i had to get this out of my system. i think im just sad my Fuck Off To Asia fantasy is becoming less that & more of a chore#shes also gonna be dependent on me for part of the trip bc i speak chinese & she doesnt. which like. i thought would be a necessary -#- unpleasantness for a greater good time when i was thinking to invite her.#i cannot stress enough how this is regret toward myself & not spite toward her.#its like i packed my most beloved tank top to go on a ski trip ya feel
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yeonjune · 11 months ago
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minisode 3: TOMORROW Concept Teaser“The moment light gets in the little cracks, we will be able to meet again”
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itsalwaysdark · 2 months ago
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and when i live on my own ill be able to decorate like real life decorate ive never gotten to do that in real life b4
#like im not barred from doing it Nd i do like. a little bit kind of but its like. Idk my entire life is a very transient thing and im rly#rly rly not used to being in one place for a long time so as a kid we never rly decorated ever#and like obv i wont be Owning a house or anything like that so itll still have to be moveable but i can like. but furniture that i like and#stuff... ive never gotten to do that b4 even in um. wa. i didnt rly get to do any of the decorating even when i was in the actual house bc#him and the roommates umm. did all that. Okay well now ive sort of freaked it by making myself think of that so im going to go stare#longingly at the floorplan i did#bc umm. well ideally id like to move into one of the apartments thats right across the way bc theres a couple of apt buildings like right#there 5 min walk tops and one of the places Has an open one but no floorplan#i wont be movjng out for ages i just wanted to look at floorplans yk#but like i said no floorplans BUT theres one a bit further away not rly walkable bc its umm#youd have to walk on the interstate and stuff and um. no sidewalk and everything but theeeeeeeeee thing had a floorplan#still very close by like 2 min drive but yk. but i still did my little mockup floorplan with that apartment instead#i want it to be closeby so everybody can come visit and so that i dont die and explode . i dont rly want to continue living in this town#4ever once km like Normal and have savings and ive got everything worked out i wanna maybe move to chicago or something since il is better#for the transgenderisms. + ive always wanted to try living in a big city at least once and i think itd be awesome#but thats Ages and ages away like maybe 5 years depending on how good i am. weeee will see if 5 years in the future is like on the table 4#me LOLLLL 24 year old connor seems rly crazy to imagine. but anyways....#but itll be nice to move out and still be in town bc then i can have the same job yk . and maybe ill know how to drive atp and i can like .#buy a car ..or something . if i do know how to drive#which i probably should since this town very car dependent and i dont want my mom to have to drive me to work esp if umm. i dont live with#them ... im just rly rly rly rly rly fucking scared of driving but i know also in my heart that when i do know how to drive the bond between#me and that car will be crazyyyy like. idk how many of you followed me last year but you may remember my insane bond with angel my cart from#work and there was a lot gokng on woth that <- was Very delusional at the time and i was convinced that she was a sentient thing and had the#power to make my life better or worse if i upset her so i said good morning and goodnight to her every single day so that i could have a#good day . looking back on it probably was something to be concerned abt but whatever.... she is still my best friend and i do miss her#deeply#her bathtub and heater were my besttt friends when i was in wa LOL. i was quite unwell#bathtub is still in my room tho yayyy. heater lives with lamp now and angel is of course at my old job....#bathtub currently is holding a project i gave up on. everyone say thank.you bathtub im looking at her right now
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penisbilt · 9 months ago
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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savage-rhi · 3 months ago
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🫂
#i've had many people ask me in the DMs what could be done to help me out given the orange menace is coming back into power#the best things for me right now (I can't speak to others) is this: 1. Keep supporting my creative endeavors#no matter how little I might post or interact. Please hype me up. I need community. I need spirit to survive.#2. Help me find resources that will help myself and others. Food banks. Community meets. Passports. Finances. Mental health etc.#these are important and I don't want others feeling like sitting ducks. Even though I'm scared I want to be a solution to the problem.#I am going to be a helper in this mess cause that's who I am and I need ammo in this capacity#3. Donate so I can up my ration storage. I've been collecting food water and nonperishables and I'm trying to stock up on medication#and other basic necessities. I'm collecting as if I'm preparing to be homeless again and if I am over capacity I'm giving rations to others#I've had to make peace with the fact I can't run away. I can't move to another country as I'm broke and poor like the rest of my loved ones#4. If you have friends who are disabled or a minority or lgbtq etc. do what you can to protect them and show them that you love them#and build community#5. Share my work and that of others. Who knows if we're gonna have sites like AO3 in the future or even access to tumblr.#this is all I can think of at the moment and again I can't speak for others this is what comes to mind for myself#And I admit I'm coming from a place of the worst case scenarios#because in my mind if I imagine I'm dead or homeless etc. and work my way backward to the next worst thing before that it unravels my fear#and it gives me back my power in the situation by sitting with those fears and giving them time to speak#because in my mind if I'm already dead if I'm already homeless or at war etc. etc. then its already happened and what else is there to fear#if I've been through everything already in mind?#I'm hoping that the worst case scenarios don't transpire but I can't ignore the fact many of them could and probably will happen#in some capacity but I can control the actions I take through prep and facing these fears one by one#and most importantly sticking to routine by making sure im healthy to help people#anyway this is why ive been quiet for a while besides for spending time with friends and loved ones recently to get over what happened#im going to keep going to my classes keep helping people through my jobs try to be creative when I have spoons and little by little#make sure I have enough of what I need to get through the storm and outlive the bastards in power#I'm not sure what sort of pink variant to assign this to but its along the magenta spectrum#love you guys#we'll get through this
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swag-system · 4 months ago
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Can I be honest here. Finally accepting that I am an introject both explained so much and has been very healing for me. Like after being in denial for 5+ years finally just going "ok fine yeah maybe I am JD from heathers the musical" was like taking a massive weight off my shoulders. Me when I finally accept myself!!!!!! 🐬🌈✨
#herbert speaks#it also just explained a lot#like “why do i have not real memories of dying in an explosion that are distressing to me” (pointing at myself) YOU ARE JD!!!!#“why do i have such an obsession with 711 and slushies?” YOU ARE JD!!!!!!#i still want to fakeclaim myself real bad but im working on it 💪💪#the source memories became so much less distressing when i finally figured out what my issue is. like “ohhh its just source stuff i see now”#finally accepting myself and learning to live with everything!! 🐬🌈✨🐬🌈✨#kinda funny bcs I Am the Core too. like hey guys im the original person born in this body. im also JD from heathers the musical.#which means i can make jokes abt how if i wasnt a system id be a JD kinnie singlet 💀 terrifying thought tbh i cant imagine not being a sys#like what would i even do as a singlet. i would just be One Guy. what would i even do. i straight up cant even imagine that#cause even before i knew i was a system weird shit kept happening. like blacking out n when i come back my friends call me hawkstar now.#or like blinking and 4 days had passed and i couldnt tell u a single thing that happened in that time#the amnesia was badddd shoutout to system acceptance and knowledge being more available online bcs imagine if i never knew why this happened#imagine if i never figured out what a system was or found ways to communicate with my system or broke down amnesia barriers. .(shudders)#thats like. the evil timeline. where i never figure out wtf is happening to me#UGH I HAVE TO GO TO WORK NOW AND SEE MY SHITTY COWORKER that fucking SUCKS
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selfoe · 7 months ago
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biggest reason shepherd is so connected to dogs, specifically dogs bred to fight, is he was also bred to fight. he wasn't born with parents who wanted him to be a doctor or lawyer, but he was created to infiltrate and help destroy. he was made to be uncaring of anything but his missions, he was pit against his 'siblings' (other re-genes) at the farm, he was made to keep fighting no matter how badly he's hurt because he was made a weapon that can just be picked up and put back together again—and not only do his creators see him this way, but everyone in the city and, in his universe, the world.
and that's the main reason he's so independent, why it's so difficult for him to accept help and to accept that people want to help him, that people actually care for him and his wellbeing; and even if he can acknowledge that they truly care, he can't trust them enough to care after seeing his tattoos, after finding out what he is. his arrogance cannot override his fear of true recognition, of being truly seen, and this is where a lot of his anger comes from. he's angry he feels this way, angry he's scared, angry that he was made the way he was, angry at the people who made him this way and have instilled this fear into him. it's a deep-rooted anger that wraps around his veins and stabs into his heart and brain, anchors there—it's not something that can be dug out from the pit of his stomach, that can be cut out in sections. he is a dog bred to fight, baring his teeth at the people trying to extend their kind hands towards him. he is a dog bred to fight, shaking, wanting to trust but unable to.
(smth about looking into the mirror and the face that stares back is your worst enemy. a disconnect from past self, from the dog that tried to trust and had it all taken away, hating that past self for being so naive and it leading to becoming the dog that bares it's teeth despite wanting so badly to learn to trust.)
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screamingay · 7 months ago
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somehow these current roommates we have are the worst that ive known yet and last semester we literally had a girl who smoked cigs IN her bedroom. list of grievances below lol
#first of all they turn all the lights on all the time. the other day i was hanging out in the living room w one light on bc it was light#enough outside thru the windows and one of them walked in and flipped another light on automatically. then walked through#the living room right to her bedroom... girl youre not even using this room and i was clearly fine with the light level??#they always have all 3 kitchen lights on when they cook and dont turn them off plus none of them have lamps#they all use the Big LED Ceiling Light in their bedrooms which is baffling to us#they dont know how to organize the kitchen and they took up so many of the cabinets with bullshit. like 3 pans here a few plates there#we have like 4 cabinets worth of food and even more of pots and pans and shit bc this is everything we own#and we cant afford to use disposable everything like some of them do#theyre always leaving the fridge open while they cook too and i have to physically hold myself back from becoming my mom#and yelling at them to close the fridge when theyre not actively getting smth out of it!! like theyll stand there cooking and have it open#for 2 minutes straight#theres only room for one water filter pitcher in the fridge and one of them brought a big one which is nice but theyre always forgetting to#refill it which defeats the purpose of even having it#and they always somehow start cooking right when we decide we need to eat#one of them sent this long sort of condescending post abt ants and how it stresses him out when the kitchen is messy so we all need to clean#more and try harder to keep ants away as if 1) ants care at all abt dishes in the sink or stains on the stove and 2) as if the ants will#stop coming around if theres no food out in this building where there are notoriously always ants even on the 4th floor#(we are ground floor this time) and 3) as if he isn't one of the people leaving food around and not taking the trash out#nobody responded to it in the groupchat lmao bc he sounds like a fucking cop!! and is dating an rotc guy??? and also is a streamer or just#likes to play games on vc with friends bc hes always very loudly doing that#but obviously we have sex all the time so we're at a sort of loud noise stalemate where neither of us can complain abt the other#to be clear this is in no way the absolute worst situation theyre nice enough people and havent reported us for anything (they both work for#student housing -_-) and generally things go okay in the apartment#but like. ive never been this annoyed this often with any other roommates#ALSO someone spilled soy sauce all over our designated level of the fridge door where we had all our little bottles of stuff#but also a carton a Paper Carton of milk and a pack of butter standing upright which soaked up the soy sauce and for several days#even after id cleaned the bottom of the carton the best i could i swore it tasted like soy sauce from it soaking into the bottom or smth#but it's still all over everything in there bc it was so much it like. pooled in there and splattered on everything#like. u see that happen u clean it up wtf.??#anyway i just felt like i needed to complain and see if im being silly or if these things really are so annoying
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pinkcadillaccas · 10 months ago
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Anyone else feeling the relentless march of time on this Saturday night
#sat on the bus going home from my second to last shift at this job#saw lots of people at work that used to know me for my old job that i absolutely loved and did for 6 years#and i was describing why i know all these people to my coworkers and i was like oh my god thats not me anymore#thats who i used to be what the fuck#and this is the same bus journey that ive been doing for three years#on the same bus ive taken since i started taking the bus#its the same journey but im so different#and im moving into a different phase of life again#how many times have i sat on this bus#how many times have i sat in this seat#how many times have i driven this route how many me's#I've literally moved to the big city and moved back and i am irrevocably changed and im looking at the same shops out of fo the window#everything is the same but so different#since i started taking this bus i have changed so much that i would not recognise myself in the mirror#my boss said 'dont be a stranger' sir i am a stranger to myself#how long can i not be a stranger#how long can you try and keep up with the dregs of your old life until it no longer fits#how long can you keep coming back until it becomes somewhere unrecognisable. or you become unrecognisable#how do you mourn losing something of yourself when it happens so slowly and you dont realise it until its been dead and buried for years#do you ever find yourself falling into old thought patterns and finding that you have no conviction#the you who started thinking that is gone. you dont feel this way. but you did#even just about a band you like. or a snack you always used to buy before school#one of my essays this term could have been about humes view that we dont have a concrete self#and i just thought how am i supposed to answer that#how am i supposed to say no hes right there is no continuous self. i know this because i am filled with ghosts#because i look in the mirror and part of me tries to look through the eyes of teenage me#just to wonder what they would think#and i cant do it. because we are so far apart that they are not me#i am clinging on to friends and places as though i am someone that i am not because rhe ghost of a child inside me demands it#even if the words are hollow and the feelings are long gone
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munch-mumbles · 11 months ago
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ive been a little upset about it all night so i need to write out all the things that happened at work today and are bugging me so i can TRY to get it out of my head and actually RELAX bc i just keep pacing in circles around it instead of just accepting it and moving on
#for context i was working frying chicken today. ok so i arrive and literally all the chicken out expires within ten minutes of each other#meanwhile to remake everything takes about an hour 20#tried my best to get everything out and replaced and make sure i have enough of everything and then take my break bc with chicken there are#few narrow windows to take your break in you have very little control over when it is#get back and while im getting ready for my next fry one of the assistant leaders comes back and passive aggressively asks 'everything ok?'#and when i say yeah shes starts saying how shes 'just checking' because apparently i didnt have enough chicken out for her liking and went#on about how we're in a chicken drive (I KNOW. I WORK CHICKEN SHE NEVER HAS.)#etc etc. i just say ok and she leaves#like 20 minutes later she comes fucking back to rag on me again about how i need to choose my break times better and i need to have more#chicken out there as back up (extremely difficult bc there is literally only so much room in the fryers. the batches i usually make already#nearly completely fill them up) blah blah and then when i try to explain how i WAS making pretty big batches people are just snatching them#up fast she keeps trying to walk out the door right away and keeps stopping and looking over her shoulder to just stare at me while i try t#finish my sentence#and she just. doesnt say anything in response when i do finish she just leaves#so clearly she didnt want a conversation she just wanted to rag on me#then later for cleanup the timing of everything just kept lining up inconveniently so i kept having to get in and out of raw cleaning gear#and slowing myself down and i end up having to stay almost 15 minutes late to finish cleaning#during cleaning i have to go grab a key to the back door to take out my trash and this one coworker i have was standing in the way of the#door. i say excuse me and she just stares at me and goes huh?#and i say i need a key and she barely moves out of the way without responding and she has a look like im bothering her#why are you acting like im being douchey. i just need a key. thats something she does a lot she acts like im inconveniencing her by asking#basic favors . ive stopped asking her to help me open the back door (sometimes needed if i also have raw garbage to take out and therefore#cant touch the key myself) for some reason she takes it upon herself to almost completely close the door after i walk out so when i come#back i have to awkwardly use my foot to reach around and pull the door open#ive asked her before not to do it and she just ignored me#GRAH GRAH. and then like i said in my last rb i realized while i was drivign home i forgot to wash a damn pan#im mostly worried about it because ive forgotten a couple times in the past too . in my defense its a pan i personally dont use but it just#gets left behind from first shift sometimes and then second shifters end up having to make sure its clean#im just irritateddd and im mad im worried about it all. its all little things piling up on each other#LOL I WROTE A LOT MORE BUT THE REST GOT CUT OUT IG I HIT A TAG LIMIT. tumblr voice ok dude quit your bitching !!
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queenerdloser · 8 days ago
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so based on past yearly data, it sounds like some of the schools i applied to will probably start doing responses as early as next week, which means i'm about to become like the most stressed anxious lap dog of a person who has ever existed when it comes to checking my email
#already had to talk myself down off of checking it so much & looking at this working spreadsheet tracking this year's submits#bc im like. AT THE EARLIEST a school could get back to me by like. the end of next week.#so there's no need to be hyperaware right now. it's going to be at least another week#and probably really not until mid-feb tbh#but my goddddd im so bad when it comes to waiting to hear results for something#i wanna know!!!!!!!!!#in part bc i dont feel like i can make a decision about what i'm doing this year until i have confirmation i got rejected lmao#like i cant agree to train up to take over for my supervisor at work i cant really focus on house hunting i cant think about classes#bc every time i do im like. but WHAT IF! and i dont want to start something if i really will be somewhere else by this fall#even knowing the likelihood is so low i still dont want to do it so i just want to wait in limboooooooo#i joined a first timer applicant discord and honestly i cant handle it in there there's so much circlejerk anxiety spirals lmao#but i DO get it#but at the same time im like. well if i dont get in anyway thems the breaks i guess! time to move on to publishing books anyway lol#but tbf a lot of the kids in there are like recent college grads in their early 20s. my god.#if im this nervous now as a more collected mentally stable thirtysomething#i cant IMAGINE how bad i wouldve been trying to apply right out of college. i wouldve dropped dead of stress. jesus.#liveblogging life#anyway i check my email fairly regularly anyway and always have - it's easily one of the best ways to get in contact with me#(yes i AM a millenial lmao)#but im going to be SO INSANE about it for the next like. month and a half.#at least until i get all of my answers and then i can let everything go thank god#these tags really got away from me#grad app woes
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wp100 · 18 days ago
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just handed in over 70 restored artifacts in exchange for Tol'vir fragments aaaaaand still no Crawling Claw pet popping up in the archaeology log.
Man, fuck this grind. I've been at this grind, on and off, ever since I found out about it, like, since I've been doing archaeology in this game. 2012? That long.
At least I can kill two birds with one stone by doing Pandaria/Draenor archaeology and slowly (but surely) earning achievements along the way.
RNG fucking hates me in this game. I've been doing lots of rare spawn farming, rare mount farming etc for a while now and it's just... biting me in the ass. Again. Getting burned out. Can't do it like I used to anymore. Working full-time doesn't help. This is why I stopped.
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tootsienoodlestan · 4 months ago
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#I'm gonna talk into the void for a second#it's been so weird. like. idk how else to describe it#i drove home from work in a daze bc my best friend called to tell me the news#i ate then i locked myself up in my room and cried#now it's been a few days and that's become routine#i was so....idek yesterday that i cut of 5 inches of my hair#i miss him#and it's complicated bci know what he did to others but i also know what others did to him#he was just a kid when he was thrown into fame and with all the pressure and lack of adult guidance or help he didn't stand a chance#he was gobbled up by something bigger than himself and wrung out for money when he was still a kid wanting to please everyone#idk everything just feels weird#the sadness is really ugly and strange#having to compartmentalize has been tough#i had to let some of my students know that i was a huge fan of 1d so they'd shut up bc they were going on and on about him#they're good kids and immediately stopped talking about it but they were speaking so callously about a person's death#i avoid tumblr unless im home because you all get it#i feel so incredibly alone in this in real life#my best friend has been amazing and listened to everything i have to say but she doesn't get it. how could she? her idols are still alive#so i only come on here when i can completely feel everything#I've spent a couple of hours everyday on here crying with all of you because you all get it#this ugly weird thing. you all feel it too#it's been the way it was when the fandom was at it's most active. all of us discussing and feeling and being *together*#I'm so grateful to you all for always being here or for coming back and for understanding it#idk if i would have had a genuine place to go to for this outside of tumblr#and i think thats a testament to all we've been through and the kind of online spaces the boys cultivated#especially liam who always seemed to be so happy to interact with fans and fanart#im going to stop now or im going to keep rambling forever#rest in peace liam and thanks for everything#lp#❤
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dxsertrot · 11 months ago
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Actually everything has been too complicated and now that the sun is out I've decided that everything is actually easier than I thought and nothing has to hurt me unless I let it
#drinking coffee and smoking in the sun after a decent day of work#i got to work ot this weekend and do a tough job and the day after i hiked w my mom and ran along the beach w the dog#the longer i keep myself away from the narrative the more further removed and at peace i feel#although sometimes its somewhat distrupted when i see them but i reel it back in real quick#it just feels good to know that i dont have to let anyone in and that i have my people and thats all i need#im goung to carry myself the rest of the way through like i always have#and i dont need anyone elses validation#things will come to me when im ready and its right#if i dont want someone to hurt me then i simply dont have to allow them to hurt me#and if i hurt them then oh well. i need to protect my peace and my self esteem#i have things that i would like to work out but i need to accept that everything i want to have happen i cant make happen#ive been through too much and worked too hard and loved too hard and learned too much to let things like this touch me anymore#my self perception cannot hinge on anyone anymore because only i know what ive done and seen and felt and thought in every momemt of my lif#and how i look is not a solid descripter of all the aspects of me#it is not the bulk of my humanity it is hardly a grain of sand#im not angry or sad im just indifferent and ready for something better and healthier and more secure#and the things and people that i can have by relying on my looks do not hold much value anyways#besides. i am pretty. and im healthy and im good w my money and i laugh w my belly and i know a fuck of a lot more than i ever thought#and ive done more than i ever anticipated#i have a lot of things to be so okay with that i shouldnt even have to think about it#and the fact that i ever do is a luxary not given to the bulk of humanity#ive had the privledge to love many times and learn the lessons that accompany losing#and the privilege to make my own decisions and have my own priorities#i have the time and money to worry about frivolous things just like ive had the same to experience some really cool things#i am full of energy and opportunity and love and i get to decide when and where i want to direct that#if i direct it in a place that leave me feeling sad and empty and confused i can put my focus elsewhere unless i deem it worthy enough to#work at#and when ive poured too much in and got too little back ill know to reframe things#its not that complicated and its not that messy#it just is whatever i make it out to be and im tired of making everything out to be more and allow it to define me
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