#the version of them in other people's heads -- that you've put there! -- are not your own

[asterdeer]

i can't get excited about welcome home anymore because we've spent years (decades???) spitting at the mention of anne rice and her litigious ass trying to dictate what fans can do with canon but now the welcome home creator is out here saying they may not "allow" explicit fanworks, and fans on the reddit are agreeing and calling people who make the explicit fanworks freaks, degenerates, and perverts. i just am not interested in engaging with media like this

[gojoed]

"oh my god satoru you look so cute here!"

"wait wait wait, don't look at those!"

you were currently holding a picture of satoru in your hands. it's nothing you haven't done before, going to the corner store and flipping through recently printed pictures of you and your friends after waiting a week for them to develop.

but this time you weren't holding snapshots of suguru having permanent marker on his face while sleeping or ridiculous photos of satoru and shoko grabbing onto each others hair, fighting over who gets to get the last snack from their stash. this time you held a photo of satoru, except younger. exponentially younger. as in, you just got your hands on a photo of satoru the moment he was born. literally.

like every other newborn he had that faint pink shade on his soft skin, button nose, and little hands that had the chubbiest of fingers. you swore you fell in love all over again with him.

the grown up version of the baby however did not feel the same. he didn't think a visit to his family's prestigious estate would lead to you seeing the one photo he would rather die than having any one of his friends see. he'd rather have you take a photo of him falling flat on his face on a pile of garbage actually.

how you came across that photo of him, he has no idea. you both were currently residing in his old bedroom, laid down on the old tatami mats that still smelled new. all he remembers is you getting up to look for something within the old cabinets of his room before you exclaimed about your recent discovery.

"oh there's more, lemme see."

"nononononono, no! you've already seen enough!"

satoru tried desperately to snatch the small box of photos that was now on the floor. seriously who put this here?? — maybe his mother heard of how he was bringing you along for the weekend and planted a little surprise for you to find. he was unsuccessful, again, as you seemed to be faster than the strongest now since the box was now sitting on your lap — the stack of photos now in your hands as you flipped through them one by one.

"you used to wear such cute things too! look at that, it's a little onesie with a duck pattern!"

satoru was now internally screaming, his ears blowing out steam now from embarrassment. they must be, since he could feel his face rise in temperature faster than ever, he might even be a new shade of scarlet now. he's resorted now to lying face first on the floor, burying his face in his arms trying to shield himself from your commentary.

he didn't budge when you poked him with your fingers, trying to show him photos of his even younger self. satoru won't deny it, he was cute as a baby. the cutest even (his ego was whispering that) — but to have you witness him in all his newborn glory? that was too much for him. now his image was shattered (the one he created in his head), you won't look at him the same anymore. you'll only think the words cute and adorable, and so on after this. no more comments on how hot he was, how undeniably attractive his smile was.

satoru gojo, was indefinitely, ruined.

that was at least his way of thinking. you were internally dying on the inside.

to think that at such a young age, satoru still held the most striking pair of eyes you've ever seen. even as a baby you could see that he held the heavens and even the depths of hell in them. you can see why many people whispered how his birth had changed everything in the jujutsu world.

but even so, you couldn't bring yourself to care about those old rumors. right now, you were focusing on just how cute he used to look, back when he was just a couple of pounds and was drowning in innocence that any baby had.

"hey satoru?"

"..mm?", well at least you got a reaction.

"who took these photos anyway?"

you had to wait a few seconds until you heard him shuffle, moving on all fours before sitting up and placing himself right next to you. the embarrassment had died down, just a bit. there was still evident pink on his neck, ears, and cheeks.

"it was mostly just my mom and the maids. they were the ones who always dressed me up too."

that made you smile, the image of a fussy satoru not wanting to put baby gloves on with a matching outfit — it was too good not to imagine. a few moments passed before satoru carefully snatched a handful of photos from you. you were about to protest when he began telling you the story behind each of them, or well, the ones he could remember.

maybe you seeing him like that wasn't so bad after all.

p.s., now he's totally gonna send some of these to the group chat. bet he was a cuter looking baby than suguru and shoko anyway.

[erinfern0]

husband simon "ghost" riley

husband!simon who cried while reading his vows, looking around the venue to see his team cheering for the both of you. They're one of the few people invited from his side of the room, but it was all the family he had and needed.

husband!simon who feels like he waited for this moment his whole life, the moment you finally said yes, giving yourself to him fully. Wearing the fanciest piece of clothing he ever had, saying the most important words he ever did, standing right beside you was a dream come true.

husband!simon who wouldn't drink a lot during your party, just admiring the view of you dancing and being so happy for him, with him. Especially enjoys when Kyle and Johnny stumble upon you and chuckle, pushing you towards the dance floor, having the time of their lives at the wedding of their favorite couple.

husband!simon who would take secret pictures of you, especially if you fall asleep amongst some guests. Head on Price's shoulder, Kyle's lap, or tangled up with Johnny on the couch in the hallway of the venue. He'll definitely torment you with them later, especially since you didn't really have a chance to get back at him as he has a spider-like sense for cameras and quickly avoids them.

husband!simon who's the happiest man alive beside you and would do absolutely anything to make you happy too. Acts of service are his favorite way to show you his love, especially when he's back from deployment for some time. Doing most chores and bringing you hot tea every morning,

husband!simon who spends as much time with you as he can, usually at home where he can just pull you close without caring for others. Grabbing your hips while you wash the dishes or pulling your waist when you try to get out of bed are a must.

husband!simon who just can't resist you, thinking about you all the time. Being far or close doesn't matter, you're on his mind 24/7. You can sleep beside him or be a thousand kilometers away, he's still thinking about you. If he can't see your face in the morning, he'd just imagine it with a smile on his face.

husband!simon who attends therapy regularly so he can be a better version of himself for the both of you. Especially if you're planning to make your little family a bigger one.

husband!simon who suffers from sleepless nights whenever you argue. He can't just fall asleep when you've just argued, so in most cases, he occupies his mind by cleaning the entire house or filling in some missing reports.

husband!simon who gets his stuff after the argument and gets ready to sleep on the couch, only to smirk when you enter the living room and make him come back to bed. You can't sleep without him as much as he can't without you. Yeah, you may not talk, but his arm will find its' way around your waist as you fall asleep.

husband!simon's favorite way to make up after an argument is waking you up with his arms around your frame and soothing apologies spilling from his lips. He loves the way you immediately pull him closer and comply, adding your own apologies to the mix.

husband!simon who is too old to care about morning breath, if you don't mind, he'll put a thousand kisses all over your face at any time of the day, especially to wake you up.

husband!simon who brags about you to his mates and won't shut up even if they complain. That's the price they pay after begging him to get to know more about his secret little love before.

husband!simon doesn't care about the money, because let's face it —he's got tons of it and will gladly spend it on you. Buys you secret gifts that he hides around the house before deployment, so you don't miss him too much.

husband!simon leaves the room whenever you call him. Your conversations are sacred, no matter how much his team wants to say hello, it's your time. They can call you themselves if they are so interested.

husband!simon who becomes a handyman as soon as you ask for anything. Your shelf is not leveled properly, and the sink is broken? Don't worry, love, he'll take care of it.

husband!simon who watches lots of documentaries with you in your free time. Also, secretly enjoys cooking shows and even more secretly — makeover TV shows. Especially the ones where they turn alternative-looking people into some normies, and loves to complain that they rip them off all their personalities.

husband!simon will get a matching tattoo with you. Probably already has some that remind him of you.

husband!simon who becomes very conversational, something you wouldn't expect the day you two meet. If you finally let him open up, he's yapping all the time with you, just rambles about all the little things that are on his mind.

husband!simon who very much enjoys those conversations while you two have sex, makes it even more sweet and domestic in his mind. Most of the time, you two talk about plans for the day or random chores that you need to finish while he pounds into you, making you both giggle and out of breath.

husband!simon definitely changes his tone around you. When Johnny heard that for the first time, his jaw dropped at the soft way he talked to you.

husband!simon who does everything in his power to protect you. The address he doesn't share with anyone, burner phones to contact you while being deployed, highest quality security. Most of the time uses nicknames instead of your name when in public, and probably one or two guard dogs that are y'alls most-loved pets (he pretends not to see how you spoil them while he's gone).

husband!simon who takes you on nice vacations whenever he can to make up for the time you two lost while he was deployed.

husband!simon who cannot see his future without you, you're stuck with him for eternity.

masterlist | request info

[fishnapple]

How you can find love

This reading is about romantic love, but you can use it for other kinds of love, just change the details a little to suit you better. How you can find it or accept it, what are the obstacles and opportunities.

This is a general reading meant for multiple people. Take only what resonates and leave out the rest.

Your feedback is much appreciated. If you find the reading resonated with you, leave a comment, I’d love to know 🎐

About me | Masterpost Book a reading with me - KO-FI (Read this post : personal reading)

AMETHYST

There's an element of downplaying yourself, settling for less, or just wanting to float on the surface. Maybe you've been used to the kind of relationship that only centre around the superficial mundane matters, just gliding on the surface without going deeper like talking, sharing about the past and the future together, about dreams, inspirations, fears, life philosophy, etc.

You might keep going for the same kind of people, those that remind you of something or someone from a distant past, the unconscious memories. Even though these people don't actually bring you fulfilment or help you going forward, on the contrary, some can even hinder you.

You also have the tendency to keep your thoughts to yourself, refusing to voice your opinions and feelings. Maybe it makes you feel vulnerable, or you're not too sure of what you actually feel about someone and how they feel about you. There's maybe lots of crushes, fleeting moments of attraction that you kept hidden, not allowing them to materialise into something more concrete.

All of this needs to be changed. You need to go to the opposite direction of these tendencies, to give yourself a new space to explore and dive deeper. You might feel the urge to runaway, to avoid when things start to get more serious, when you feel like you have to open yourself up and share a part of yourself while receive a part of the other person. Both the act of giving and receiving are scary but necessary.

If in the past, you were more tolerant of many behaviours of others that weren't in alignment with your values or make you comfortable, you would easily accept the possibility of a connection with someone if they managed to remind you of those familiar patterns. Now, you should be more selective of whom you can share that possibility with. There's a need to be more discerning and choose what's best for you. Choose someone who actually can go far with you, not just from shallow compatibility viewpoint. To do that, you need to be more vocal and express your desire more clearly, which starts from keeping a clear head even when you find yourself falling for someone.

But if you're sure of someone, don't try to hide it, don't try to stall for more time. The more you keep them hidden in your head and your heart, the more distorted their image are, you will begin to prefer the distorted version of them in your head rather than the real person.

ROSE QUARTZ

You have many conflicting ideas regarding love. This conflict of different ideas is what makes you feel confused and hard to find a suitable person who can satisfy all those criteria.

There's this definition of an ideal love and partner you've been observing from the community and the society you're living in. A traditional viewpoint that you can't help but subconsciously absorb it. It may be about how you have to do many hard work to be a perfect lover, a perfect spouse, how you have to have this skill or that skill, how you need to behave, how to talk and act in a manner that can attract potential suitors.

Then there's also your own version of idealistic love, what you think love ought to be. You put love on a pedestal, making it a sacred and mysterious concept that hardly any mortals can touch and possess it. This view might have been influenced by what you were taught and what you saw in the media. You've put love onto such a high place that you couldn't find anyone fit for it, nor did you find yourself capable or worthy of it. If someone managed to trigger an association with that perfect ideal, you would put that person also on a pedestal, trying to be the right partner to them, regardless of how you really are. On the opposite end, if they showed a sign of failing, you immediately judge them as not right for you and discard the possibility of a connection.

While a part of you think of love as a fairy tale, another part of you just want to live a normal, realistic life with mundane concerns. So then sometimes you might wonder, when will this ordinary life sparkle, transform into a fairy tale?

You might think that being in love will stifle your independence. The energy is directed inward. You're so used to spending time and effort on yourself, making your life as much fulfilling as possible. There's this tendency of when you are in a relationship, you focus on the security of yourself in that relationship while neglecting the necessary compromises to make a relationship work. These compromises mean changing your routines, making an effort to understand the other person's, working out your own shadows, and taking care of each other.

So to find love, a love that you can hold in your hand, not admiring from afar, you need to take the vision of love down from the pedestal, make it mundane and real with all the ugliness and awkwardness. Stop waiting for the moment when you'll become a perfect human to love and another perfect human will come to love you. Just remove the "perfect" part. What you need to be ready is how to be with another person. Not in an individualistic way like "I do my part, you do yours, then the relationship will work", but more like "we do this together". It's not wrong to look for an ideal love, but you need to realise that love exists just around you too.

FLOURITE

For this group, it is not so much about how you can find love, but it's more about how you can let love in. The thing that you need to realise is that it's okay to open yourself up, and that love can make you feel safe.

I think many people are attracted to you, but you seem to keep them at arm-length, not pushing them away but not letting them closer either. One part of you wants to love and be loved, but another part of you seems to doubt your ability to love and the chance of meeting someone who can truly love you. I think your end goal is marriage or a long-term commitment. So choosing someone means that person has to have the potential to be your life partner, someone you can see a future with.

I sense some negative talks surrounding you. Maybe they come from your own mind, you might worry about how you come across to other people, are you attractive enough, are you lovable. Or the negative talks could come from people around you, they might rush you to find a partner, or saying things that make you fearful of relationships, those opinions could come from their own experiences and their beliefs but their words have the opposite effect of encouragement.

There's a heavy shadow hidden in you that affects how you perceive romance and relationship. This could come from a domineering figure in your life that imposes a set of restrictions and control. Or some painful past memories that left a deep wound in your heart, making you build walls around yourself. There's this belief of being "deserving" or "worthy" of love. You tried your best to be someone loving, but sometimes you might feel that your efforts weren't rewarded, that you weren't appreciated enough. Which made you questioned yourself why it was so, and the answer that you've arrived at might not be entirely objective and correct, you might think that it's because you lacked something and you needed to try harder. While the answer might be just that you haven't met the right crowd, the right person yet.

The greatest components of an ideal relationship for you are the feeling of safety and unconditional love. Some people might seem perfect on paper, they might do all the right things but if you don't feel safe and accepted when you're with them, they are not the right one for you. What can be considered safe is pretty subjective. The definition could be formed by past experiences and upbringing. What one considers safe might not actually be healthy for them, so a certain level of objectivity is needed.

Someone who will not trigger your wounds and hurt you further, someone whom you can be yourself with, someone who can give you advice and guidance when you're feeling lost, someone who is strong enough to be your rock in difficult times. The person having these qualities will likely be the one who can get past your walls.

CITRINE

The answer can be pretty straightforward, you have the Sun stone landed on the centre. You can find love when you put yourself into the centre of your life. When you're confident enough and consider yourself being in a good place in life. It might sound egotistical, but focusing on yourself can mean many things.

One thing is you allowing yourself to shine your brightest. You might have some reservations about expressing yourself fully to people. Maybe you're afraid that you will be judged as selfish or too assertive. There's a desire to be rebellious, to be free, and do whatever you want, but there's also your ego wanting to be in control, to retain your dignity. Between them is a wall of fear that can be linked to the unconscious realm. You might be used to the idea of sacrifice, serving others, being selfless. Acting in any other ways would be considered not desirable. But by expressing yourself fully, you deliver the message to the world that you care about yourself and allow yourself the freedom to be. This message can be translated into the care you have for other people's expressions, the freedom you can give them. This can be very attractive and open up many new opportunities for you to explore.

Another thing about putting yourself into the centre is that you have a chance to examine yourself closely, getting to know yourself, unravel all the hidden desires, the unspoken fears, both the good and the bad.

I see a lack of action. There are things holding you back, gripping you immobile. There are offers of love and connection, but you don't see them, or you turn your back to them while focusing on other things. It's like when things come to you, you dismiss them because it's not what you want, you are waiting for the things that you want to come to you, they have to be chosen by you first. You get into a tunnel vision of seeing only the things you want. But then you tend to be passive and wait for them while falling into over-thinking mode, dissecting every nuance and scenario. In the end, too tired and pessimistic from the conclusion you've reached, you choose to stay still and withdraw. Another failed dream goes unto the archive.

So instead of waiting for love, this group truly needs to actively recognise and find love and seize the chance when it comes to you. This will require you to completely overhaul your beliefs. Especially about how one should act.

There's a greater chance of finding love through groups of friends, through a community of shared interests. An emphasis on communication, talking about what you love, communicating openly, sharing lighthearted joys while also being able to discuss more serious and philosophical matters.

TIGER'S EYE

I see that you're already on the journey of love. It started with an open heart in the subconscious realm. I feel that you're very guided and protected. It might come from your own intuition or a higher spirit. Who knows, maybe they are the same. Right now, there's a gate opened for you, a new opportunity, your intuition can guide you towards it.

But I also see there's a wall obscuring that opportunity from coming into life. You might be dealing with some difficulties in material, physical plane. Trying to stabilise yourself. You might think that now is not the right time to be in love, a relationship right now would be impractical. You would be in thinking mode, trying to be logical and staying still, denying the possibility of love even when your intuition is saying otherwise. It's like you're trying to restrict yourself, trying to control, to bring order into your life, which might be the opposite of what love could bring you. You discard feelings that you deemed frivolous and silly fun, only looking for serious commitment but failed to realise that frivolous fun can develop and grow into something more serious and long lasting. You're sceptical of the feeling when you are in a truly fulfilling relationship. Is that really wonderful like how those romantics are telling us? Or is it just an elusive idea, fused by loneliness and the longing for completion?

But there will be an event or events shaking you out of that mode. It will be when you decide to leave the old way of living behind and try to find who you really are. I see travelling to distant lands, somewhere with a different culture that can open your mind and expand your ideas, somewhere that can make you forget all about your current reality in a moment to find stillness within. Love comes to you when you have the space to hold it and can give it to others

You might find love from a faraway land but sustaining it, keeping it alive and growing with it will be an ongoing lesson that you need to never cease learning. It's easy to slip back into old thinking mode, putting on suspicion and caution. Sharing yourself with another person seems daunting enough, navigating all the ups and downs of a relationship will require even more hard work. But I think you are brave. Beneath all that scepticism is an unwavering faith and an adventurous spirit that needs to come out boldly to take the reign, once in a while.

RED JASPER

I feel that love is something very intense for you, something that you may get drunk on, putting it on a pedestal. When you're in love, you want to be all in, emotional fulfilment comes before anything else. If a connection doesn't elicit strong feelings in you and things seem mild and lighthearted then you could not sustain it for too long.

There's a tendency to be obsessive, especially with potentials. If you catch feelings for someone, you will immediately think about how to cement the connection and then worrying about potential discords. This tendency might have put you in situations that left deep scars. On one hand, you want to love blindly, on the other hand, you are cautious of potential hurts and pains, of the past repeating itself.

There's might be a focus on the unusual, a liking for the differences. The more someone is different from you, the more foreign they feel, the more likely they're to catch your eyes. Exotic features, foreign accents, alternative style and taste, an element of other-worldliness.

Physical compatibility might be an important criterion. You want to immerse yourself with the other person, holding them closely, both physically and emotionally, mentally. But doing that can put a burden on you, everything feels so heavy, sometimes to the point of suffocating. You hold yourself and the other person prisoners of love. And when the unbearable weight keeps pushing both of you down and down without a way up, one of you or both will want to break away, resulting in a seemingly sudden break.

The advice for you is to take things more lightly, lightly is different from not being serious. Seeing things in different angles, imagine being someone else looking in from the outside, detach yourself a little bit. Focus more on the mental compatibility, not just how many things you both agree with each other but also how you can disagree with each other, how different you are and how that difference contribute to the growth of the connection.

You might be in a more masculine energy when pursuing love, the act of going after something and trying to control it requires masculine energy. On the contrary, accepting love and nurturing it needs you to be in feminine energy. I'm not saying which energy is more preferable but there's a need to balance them out, to be in more of one energy when the other is being too dominant.

Then you will find love is not a burden to hold on your shoulders or a fruit that can be devoured completely, but like a plant you want to nurture steadily and see it grow day by day. It's something to be celebrated and enjoy, not something to be chased after and then be kept away in a safe.

[personasintro]

A part of Mutual Help series!

pairing: mh!jungkook x reader

warnings: explicit language, Kiko is mentioned (this deserves it's own warning)

genre: fluff

word count: 1.8k+

a/n: Merry Christmas! ♡

Mutual Help Series

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.

“Oooh, what could be in here?” Taehyung muses, pursing his reddened lips that has gotten its own intense color thanks to the cold weather outside. 

What was he doing outside when you've been at this place for around an hour? Flirting, of course. 

“Knowing you, probably tons of condoms.” you answer, causing Taehyung to stop shaking the present he's just gotten from Jimin. It stops rattling under his grip as he shoots you a glare across the table. 

Unfazed, you reach with your chopsticks for a piece of meat before you put it in your mouth. Next to you, Jungkook cackles under his breath and Jimin looks proud by your little comment. 

“Well, miss I-don't-need-anyone, we all like to have our fun. Maybe you should try it.” Taehyung bites back. Though his tone sounds serious and deep with his thick accent, there's a glimmer of amusement in his eyes. 

You know how far you can take it to joke with each of your friends. Taehyung's got a thick skin and there's only so little you could actually say to offend him. Not that you would ever want to. Taehyung loves jokes and fun, he loves teasing and most of the time he's the one who takes it too far but never to actually cause a damage to your friendship. Whatever he says, you know should not be taken to heart literally. Therefore, no matter what he says about your single life – you don't take it as an insult. 

“Hooking up with a bunch of strangers? No thanks.”

He grins, “Maybe you should try it.”

“You offering?” you shoot right back, Jungkook choking on his soda as Jimin laughs out loud.

“You know what? Once you grow up a little, text me.”

You snort, “Stop acting as if I was a child.”

Taehyung shrugs, “No, but you're the baby of our group.”

Groaning, you frown. “Don't call me that.”

“Deny it all you want, Y/L/N but we all know the truth.”

“You guys scare almost every guy that looks at me. It beats the point of having fun.”

“Don't say shit like that, now! I'm all for you exploring and having fun.”

“Our point of fun is slightly different than hers, Tae.” Jimin comments, putting more meat to your plate as you thank him with a grateful smile. For the meat, of course. Although, he's not that off about the entire fun topic. 

“We all know what kind of fun we're talking about.”

“Alright, let's move on, yeah?” Jungkook calls, shaking his head at Taehyung.

“Here we go, protective Jungkook.”

“Why do you always somehow bring up sex in every conversation?” Jungkook scolds him.

Taehyung gasps, feigning offense as he points his finger at you. “First of all, she started talking about condoms!”

Jimin laughs out loud while you shoot him a glare for being too loud. God, you hope the owners won't kick you out. Talking so publicly about sex is often frowned upon. No one who wants to enjoy their meal wants to hear someone talking about sex from the other table. Unless those people are… open like Taehyung. He's always been a bit shameless. 

 Jungkook glances at you upon Taehyung's finger that's directed toward you. You shrug innocently. “So what? You automatically got into it.”

“You know it doesn't take too much for me.”

“That's true.” Jimin nods along with Taehyung's response. 

You laugh, “Just open the goddamn present, Tae.” 

He cracks a grin and starts laughing before he rips the package open. Surprisingly, it's not condoms – you would seriously laugh your ass out if it were – but it's a box of popular male fragrances in smaller versions. You recognize all of them, silently praising Jimin for this year's present. 

You all exchange presents for each other. There was an idea coming from Jimin, you think, last year to pick up a secret Santa for each year. But there's something special and thoughtful about buying everyone a gift. And it makes a slight burden to all your wallets, but nobody said the presents have to be expensive. Yet, they're always meaningful and nobody gives shitty presents here. 

You meet every year before Christmas since all of you spend it with your families. You've decided to make your own and celebrate it together, even if it's beforehand. This year it has to be because you're flying back home sooner than usual. 

They were kind enough to meet no matter what, said it wouldn't be the same if you weren't here. 

After that is done, Jungkook is the one to take you home since Taehyung came to pick you up. There's fog everywhere with snow sitting down and not melting anytime soon. You love when there's snow around Christmas time.

On your way home, it's not that late by the time you arrive. Jungkook helps you with your presents upstairs and accepts a cup of tea you offer him with a stern look. You're quick to shed the layers of clothes and make yourself more comfortable. You bring Jungkook his tea and make a hot chocolate for yourself.

“What you got in there?” you ask, plopping next to him as the warmth and scent of home hugs you. 

“A little something,” he says with a cheeky grin. 

Spotting the same Christmas wrapping paper he has used for all his presents, you give him a knowing look. You're about to protest and scold the shit out of him when he shakes his head with another grin. 

“Stop.”

“No, you stop!” you whine, “You already gave me your present.”

And it was great. Jungkook has given you two tickets to a water park that's located on Jeju Island. That alone tells you it wasn't quite cheap.

“It's not much, I swear.” 

“But why? We all decided on one present.” 

Grateful that he's so thoughtful, you're slightly annoyed that he broke the rule that perhaps never was so serious but it makes you feel bad. 

“Just because.”

“That's not a valid reason.”

“Sounds very valid to me,” he sings out, teasing you a little further as you both giggle. “You'll understand it once you open it.” he finishes it with that, urging you to open it.

Hiding the heat in your cheeks, you playfully roll your eyes and start unboxing the little box he has managed to sneak in his jacket. Curiosity and excitement takes over you because Jungkook's presents are always something else. You rip the package and gasp as soon as you recognize the familiar box.

“Kook!”

“You told me you ran out the other day.”

“Did you–”

“Bought it when Jimin bought Taehyung's present? Yeah.” He answers, already knows what you were about to ask. But you're too stunned to scold him for interrupting you.

You open the box and pull out your favorite perfume. A few weeks ago, you don't even know how that conversation came up but you mentioned to him that your perfume is running out indeed. It wasn't anything intentional of course, more of a whine when you were about to spray a tiny amount as you were about to go out. You thought he was barely listening to you, urging you to rush out your ass outside. His exact words. 

But he's always listening. 

“I think I'm gonna be more careful what I'm about to say in front of you. You're gonna buy me everything I mentioned.” you chuckle, taking a good inhale of your favorite flowery and powdery scent. You mostly use it during warm seasons but it's a good one even in the winter.

It's your staple scent. Everyone knows it. It's special. You were using it back at home and it not only smells incredible, it also holds a certain emotional attachment you have with it. 

“Don't worry about that, you're out of my budget.” 

You kick the side of his thigh as you cross your legs under your butt, carefully placing the bottle on the table next to the ripped wrapping paper. “I wanted to buy it after Christmas.” 

“You don't have to anymore.”

You give him a look, questioning his answer for everything as he simply justifies his thoughtfulness in the most basic manner. He always brushes it like it's nothing. But it's very special to you. He is. 

In seconds, you wrap your arms around him and hug him tightly. He lets out a surprised gasp, a low chuckle escaping his lips as he hugs you back. He's warm, smells like a mixture of his wooden cologne and winter air. 

“Thank you.” you mumble into his shoulder before you slowly pull away. “But seriously, you should stop spending so much money on me. Don't you have a girlfriend to spend money on?”

As far as you know, she's fine with it but who knows. Jungkook isn't the type to let anyone get into your or guys' friendships. But he's also in love and people in love tend to be slightly blind, if you must say so. Not that you speak from your own experiences but well, it's quite known. And Jungkook is definitely in love. 

“Don't worry about Kiko,” he assures you, “She'll get a good amount of presents too.”

“Well, I hope she loves you for you and not for your bank account.”

He scowls, causing you to give him a childish toothy grin that acts innocent. “She's not like that.”

“But I'm serious, you should stop spending so much money on people. Especially on me.”

“I spend my money however I want and you know what?” he asks with a grin, leaning closer to you as you watch him with wide eyes. “It's none of your business.” he flicks your nose with his thumb causing you to cuss him out as you push his forehead to get him away from your proximity. 

“So really, just accept it.”

“You're stubborn.”

“You're telling me?” he laughs out loud as if you just told him the biggest joke.

Rolling your eyes again, you purse your lips. “I wanted to be nice, you moron.”

“Be nice by just accepting it. And the simple thanks is just enough, not needed though. The hug was very nice.”

You slap his arm in a teasing manner which causes him to laugh even more. “I'll hug you for the rest of my life.”

“Promise?” he smirks. 

“I promise.” you giggle, nodding.

“Well, then Merry Christmas.” 

“Merry Christmas, Kook.” you smile, the warmth spreading all over your heart. Even though this year hasn't been all rainbow and sunshine, it's alright as long as you have these people right beside you. 

Who cares about presents? They're nice and show the thoughtfulness behind them by each of your friends. What you need the most is just them. And the special relationship you have with each of them will hopefully last your lifetime. Because if it doesn't, nothing will ever be the same. 

Without them you would feel lost. At the moment, you're anything but lost. You have your second family, hoping this tradition between you never dies and will continue years and years.

[woso-dreamzzz]

Treat You Better V

Laia Codina x Reader

Summary: Sometimes, Laia can't understand you

When Laia first joined Arsenal, she studied English hard.

Arsenal was a big change and she wanted to hit the ground running and she did for the most part.

The only issue she had was understanding everyone's accents.

You and Katie are very Irish. It leaks from your every pore, right down to the way that you both decorate your cubbies at training.

Your accent is a little softer than Katie's, more tempered by the English people you surround yourself with.

It's softest at home with Laia, when you're both curled up on the sofa together, watching some mindless tv show to help Laia with her English.

But your Dublin accent comes out when you're around Katie.

It's thick and throaty and Laia is always shocked when it suddenly switches back to your softer one when it's just you two again.

Laia loves your accent, she really does. It's different to everyone else's she's heard and it's so unapologetically you that she can't hate it.

But, god, does it make you difficult to understand.

Laia can barely follow along as she sits at your side at the breakfast place you've dragged her to. Katie's there as well, opposite you in the booth.

You're both talking at a mile a minute and Laia just can't keep up. Your words jumbled into each other and it's like you don't even need to come up for air, your accent mixing with Katie's until it's all just a jumbled mess in Laia's ears.

She'd be a little bit annoyed if it weren't for the fact that you're still holding her hand under the table and the look on your face is so happy that clearly she isn't missing out on much by not being able to understand.

It also helps that Caitlin, who sits opposite her, looks like she's in the exact same boat. That helps a little, that a native English speaker also can't keep up with the fast paced Irish accent that's filled the booth.

"Honestly," Caitlin whispers over the table, leaning forward so you and Katie can't hear her," It's like listening to the radio in another language. I can never tell what they're saying."

"It's easier when it's just me and y/n," Laia confesses and Caitlin nods along.

"Yeah. Katie always slows it down when it's just us. I don't know what it is about those two being together that brings out this side of them."

"Side of who?"

It's impressive the way your accent switches back to what Laia normally hears when you're not addressing Katie, the way it softens and goes smooth.

"No one," Caitlin says.

You look at her in confusion for a moment before shrugging and turning back to your conversation with Katie.

It's not just with Katie that your accent switches though, Laia notes as she sits next to you on the sofa one night.

You're on the phone to your parents and it goes all thick and throaty again. You're not talking quite as quickly and you're not talking quite as hard but your accent does turn back to what Laia supposes it must be like at home in Ireland.

She has no idea what you're saying but she could listen to you waffle on forever.

You're talking to your mother about something, Laia can only catch a few words here and there but she can't help but stare, a small smile on your face as you laugh at whatever your mum has just said to.

"Yeah, yeah," You say," I've got her here. Do you want to talk to her?"

Laia sits up a little bit.

"Laia, my Mam wants to talk to you."

It's in that moment, when Laia takes the phone from you and greets your mother, that she realises your accent was a much more tame version than everyone else's.

Your Mam speaks fast and without her being here in person, Laia can't attempt to lip read to fill the gaps. She talks fast and it seems like she's asking questions that Laia stumbles through answering, hoping that her hesitation is put down to English not being her first language.

Somehow though, with her head reeling and a little more stumbling over her words, she makes it through the conversation and you both say goodbye to your Mam.

"She approves," You preen, puffing out your chest like her approval of your girlfriend is the greatest thing you've ever done," You really impressed her."

"I did?"

"Yeah. She's super impressed. She said that she'll come over to visit us soon. You haven't lived if you haven't tried my Mam's roast. Perfect every time."

You relax back on the sofa, arm flung over Laia's shoulder.

"I...But how? I-I stumbled over my words. I couldn't under-"

She catches herself but you seem to know exactly what she was going to say.

"Understand her? Yeah, Mam does that whenever I date anyone that isn't Irish. She really exaggerates the accent but you really pushed through."

"Wait, that was on purpose?"

"For sure. Mam won't accept anyone who doesn't try. She was really impressed with you."

Laia grins, feeling pretty proud of herself.

"It's why me and Katie have been training you." You grin at Laia as she looks at you in disbelief. "If you could handle us together then you can certainly handle my Mam."

[inkskinned]

there's this video you've probably seen already where a woman is shaking in front of a microphone and delicately tries to ask - how can i make my husband listen to me, i've tried everything, i don't want to seem ungrateful and the other man laughs - the problem is that you married a man, we're only listening 25% of the time and we only understand 5% of that! and the audience laughs and the woman laughs and you just sat there, phone in your hand, letting the sound of it echo

and the thing is that people make think-pieces about it (isn't this one of them) and satire versions and "flipping the script" which is good and fun but at the end of the day, there's some truth in that man's response about men-not-listening. and you have tried to language that feeling for years, this sense that you can only take up 33% of a conversation before others view it as being "dominating".

it's not that they aren't listening, it's that the action they're taking is purposefully silencing. it's different. you accidentally-don't-listen a lot; just because the world is loud and you're distracted. you don't mean anything by it. and the truth is that the man who spoke is relying on that to be true of you; the way it's true of everyone. but there is a different undertone to his kind of not-listening. what he means is they don't respect you and you shouldn't expect them to. there is a difference between oh shit i forgot to take the trash out and why didn't you remind me to do it, just like there is a difference between i didn't realize you wanted to go out this weekend and why do you expect me to plan things why can't you just tell me where we're going.

and the thing is that it isn't just him, and it's actually not just because of your gender - your skin, your class status, your weight, their ableism - it happens often. so often it feels like a tightness around your throat and a weight in your stomach. you're not even "really" allowed to be upset about it, because to them it's a joke. and they laugh. and you know exactly the amount of work that goes into every conversation. how you have to work to condense down your thoughts into intelligent, crisp soundbites; worried someone will try to swoop in and cut you off. and there's this sense from everyone else - oh stop being so sensitive, are you really upset just because they weren't listening and you don't know how to say the way that feels when it happens constantly.

there's that video of the science summit where a woman in the audience finally says let her speak please! and the whole crowd bursts into applause and the man leading the summit holds up his hands and bows his head and says oops, sorry! like what he did was awkward and embarrassing, a little social gaffe that happens easily. later in your meetings, you're asked to take notes, and you don't say anything, you just hear let her speak please! ringing in your head and know that you'll never be brave enough for that kind of thing. and besides. think of all the people who agree this was a one-off, he just got excited and all of the people who say one man is not indicative of all of society

at the dinner table you're talking about someone you don't like and how he's not good to his girlfriend and how she always has to remind him to put the effort in and before him, she was glowing with curiosity and passion but now she just seems... tired, unhappy. that he likes the way she burns out; she stays home and takes care of him and their 2 kids. and your father sniffs and says that men take a while to learn those kinds of things. and you just stare at him and think about your childhood and are like - no wonder i turned out like this

and you want to say - there's no fucking secret school or mystic form of communication. i was not sent to Rearing a Child University. i did not graduate from Getting Chores Done College. i ask questions and i listen and i pay attention, because that's basic fucking human decency. it stems from respect, and how i respect others and their agency. i clean the house because someone should clean. not because it comes "naturally".

hell, you had to google "how to boil an egg" the other day, just because you usually make them scrambled. you can never remember which of the 2 bathroom cleaners make chlorine gas, only that two of them definitely do. you've accidentally bleached your clothes. it took you like 3 years of self-teaching before you figured out how to actually cook things correctly - for that whole time, you burnt or undercooked everything. but you did teach yourself; just like you taught yourself how to listen with empathy. just like how you taught yourself to think before you speak. to be kind first, to be better at communicating. it seemed like a good thing, an adult thing.

the joke the man in the video makes is that women say i'm fine! when they are not fine. and you think about the 150 conversations that happened around that; about how she probably has had so many arguments with her husband. how she said i'm upset you don't take me anywhere and he got mad at her because of course i do, you made me go to that stupid restaurant like last week and she probably said that's not what i'm saying and he said now i'm supposed to be psychic or something and she said no of course not and he said how am i supposed to know what to do when you don't even like everything and she said i do like things and he said well how am i supposed to win? and her pastor probably told her to be more grateful because they do things at all, even if she has to plan them and her mom probably told her that's just how men are honey and she probably cried over her journal, trying to figure out why the fuck she "has everything" and is still so bitterly, horribly unhappy

and how, in your life, for so many reasons, you looked down the barrel of another argument; of explaining yourself and being vulnerable and begging for help again. how many times you just said i'm fine because it was better than doing that again; it was better than wringing yourself out when it's literally easier to just pretend. because he wasn't going to listen. your father wasn't going to be better and your boyfriend wasn't going to be better and your boss wasn't going to be more respectful.

and you sit in front of a video of a woman shaking, looking horrible and guilt-wrought that she's even asking this question. and you know; deep in your heart - that's you. in a different life, you are her. you've stood in her spot. and you had to listen while someone else cackled - why would we bother to notice when you talk?

[11cupids-tarot11]

A letter from your future self.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

1 -> 3

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Love y'all!

- Cupid 𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡ꗃ⋆࣪.

˖⁺‧��˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

Pile 1- The star, Two of wands, The devil.

"I think it's time you and I have a talk, I know you know who I'm talking to, yeah I'm talking to myself, but it's not just you and me here, what about little us? Past us? The most important form of ourselves? You haven't been listening to all of us, why? Why do you ignore the child in you who screams to be listened to, to be understood, who just wants to heal like the rest of you. I promise you it's not silly at all to be in tuned with your inner child, I promise you no one's going to hurt you or make you want to hide away again, they can't control your emotions. They only want you to feel so powerless against them, like you're helplessly chained to them, but you have the power to break the chain and run free again, wild. You deserve to follow your dreams, do whatever you want, whatever it is that's been bugging you like a fly in your ear, a project that's always on the back of your mind, the one that just wouldn't go away since you were a child, you can do it, I know you can because I'm already here as proof, but I can't spoil too much. Be creative, shine brightly and never let anyone dim that light. I love you with all my might! ;)

- Me"

Don't forget the poll below!

⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

Pile 2- The devil in reverse, Three of wands, Justice.

"Hi buttercup! I hope all is well these days, I've been thinking about you so much these days, well let me explain, I've been thinking about how hard we've worked, how far we've come and what we had to do to be here. I know, it's a lot. I'll often look back a lot and think about how unfair things were, how many people were never on your side, how many battles you've had to win on your own and how many you've had to lose. I'll never forget the day we decided we had had enough of our problems, our addictions, the toxicity and just did something about it, we cut that toxic person off, quit that stupid job or finally changed that damn schedule of yours and did something better for your health. Whatever it was we did it <3 and it paid off so much, I'm so happy we did because it led us to better days, so much abundance, everything we've always deserved. We got the justice we've always been searching for in such a cruel world and I'm so proud of us for doing that baby girl! We never gave up, no matter how much we wanted to, how much we wanted to go back to that same place because it was comfortable and we just got so blind sided we never knew we could do so much more if we just put our mind to it! Go us! Go me! Go you!

Love- The version of yourself you were always meant to be 🩷"

Don't forget the poll below! Love you!

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖.

Pile 3- Six of coins, Ace of wands in reverse, Two of coins in reverse.

"Psst! Remember that project you weren't so sure about? You know the one, well I have a message for you! If you get started with it now I bet you a million bucks you could never guess where you'll be ten years from now. You remember that big house you've always wanted? All of the wealth you've always wanted to share and give back to others? We finally can! We did it! It was always important to give back to the ones we love, to be able to support and live comfortably and we finally did it. Just try not to get too big headed, okay? Remember who you are, where you come from and why you started this in the first place. Don't forget about your loved ones, the ones who supported you through thick and thin. I know your schedule might be busier, just don't forget to find that balance. We're at a very important time in our lives right now, I understand this, but remember to take a break from that damn schedule of yours. Take time for us, okay? I want you to call off as soon as you see a single sign of distress and go to the spa, I promise you're going to need it! ;) "

-Big boss lady (this pile was channeling feminine energy, someone who's in charge of their own business and gives orders to others. Very important business woman vibes here.)

Don't forget to do the poll at the bottom! Love you!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

[cozymoko]

Kamaboko boys reaction to, "I love you."

This includes: Tanjiro Kamado, Zenitsu Agatsuma, Inosuke Hashibira, Genya Shinazugawa

Pairing: All x Gender neutral reader

WARNING(S): none

HASHIRA VERSION KNY MASTERLIST

TANJIRO KAMADO

He smiled kindly, sneaking a peek at you through his dark, thick lashes. A field of unkempt sakura blooms blossomed along his round cheeks, tingeing them a faint pink. BA-THUMP! BA-THUMP! BA-THUMP! His heart cried out. Your words left him uneasy, embarrassed even, as they lightly tickled his chest. Despite his wishes, he could not speak for he was grinning far too wide to do so.

Training that evening proved to be quite the challenge for the young slayer as vivid pictures of you had obscured his mind, slowly but surely eating away at his concentration. Your words rang through his head like a silver bell, loud and persisting, furthering his desire to see you —touch you— He's getting red just thinking about it!

“T…Thank you for loving me. I really don't deserve you sometimes.” He whispered, leaning into your shoulder. “I love you too.” Tanjiro pressed a light kiss to your cheek, using his free hand to gently grip your unoccupied shoulder. A cheery laugh had escaped you at his chastity, nearly sending his heart into another frenzy. And to no one's surprise, you were enjoying every bit of it.

ZENITSU AGATSUMA

Oh my, you've made the poor thing faint. Stumbling over his words much like any other sweet adolescent. His fair skin held a warmth much like the sun, if not putting it to shame. Even with his lack of consciousness, that same lovesick grin had never fled his lips. Oh, and be a dear and close his mouth. We wouldn't want him to swallow any pesky flies, would we?

Upon his return from the land of dreams, Zenitsu was distraught. His body rested against the plush cushions of your futon with you seated by his side. He watches you gently rest a damp cloth on his burning skin, humming a feeble tune to occupy the silence. Zenitsu cleared his throat in hopes of "cooly" responding to your confession, but as you'd expect, he fails miserably.

“I-I love you too!!” He shouted, clasping your hands to his chest. “Wait, no — I love you more than anything!” You gently push him back towards the futon, tucking him beneath the sheets once more before lightly caressing his rosy cheeks. To him, words simply cannot convey his feelings for you. They are far too complex to describe. He's happy and he sure as hell wants you to know that.

INOSUKE HASHIBIRA

“Eh? The hell is that!?” Of course, he's confused, why wouldn't he be? Don't take it to heart, you expected this after all. (growing up in the wild does that to you.) Nonetheless, you can't help but feel a little bit annoyed by his statement. Just how clueless could he possibly be and why did you care about him so much? Two questions that you decided to indulge in another time.

Once you walked away, Insouke was quick to find Tanjiro and ask what this "love" thing was, seeing as you were so reluctant to tell him. At first, he finds it rather silly. Why do people use those words as a term of endearment anyways? He can just show you how much he cares! But with further convincing from Tanjiro, Inosuke shoves his inquiries to the side...for now.

“I ‘luove’ you, or whatever you said, too.” You gave him the most deadpan expression, using that moment to take in the immediate panic dancing across his gentle features. A snort slipped past your lips as you snaked your arms around his perfectly thin waist. At that point, you didn't know what you hated more, his obliviousness or his pretty face.

GENYA SHINAZUGAWA

“What...what'd you say?” He grimaced at the harshness of his tone as it was not his intention. He turned away from you, brushing his nose with the pad of his thumb in sheer hope of masking his embarrassment. But it didn't. You were able to spot the deep red creeping up the back of his neck to the tips of his ears. Scooting a bit closer to him, you rest your head on his back, rendering him stiff. But at that moment, you just didn't care.

Being as ill-mannered as he is, Genya hadn't expected anyone who didn't share the same blood to genuinely care for him. The boy has natural bitch repellent unbeaten in his DNA so surely even you are aware of the reasoning behind his insecurities. But, I suppose that makes him charming in a very questionable sense.

“You aren't too bad yourself...” which roughly translates to “I love you too so please don't take this the wrong way.” Genya needs as much love as he can get, though he refuses to admit it. As his partner you should go with your gut when dealing with him — if you think he needs comfort, a hug, then just do it — because at times, you seek to understand his emotions better than himself.

[alwaysmoncheri]

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐈𝐈𝐈 | 𝐫𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐧

summary: you've always had a thing for JJ, but your relationship with Rafe has always been intense—heated and frustrating. The two of you are bound by similar trauma and can't deny that your hate for each other might not be hate after all.

cw: fem!reader, slightly bitchy!reader, pogue!reader, swearing, family trauma, soft!rafe??, angst, smut, 2.4K

<3

You have always known the love that is messy, unpredictable, and filled with resentment. 

The walls of your childhood home were filled with that type of love. At times, your parents' love was loud and sharp, words that shattered glass and held the air—your mother’s sobs still echo in your mind—raw and desperate, and your father’s voice, deep and laced with bitterness, only pushing your mother further over the edge. Then, there were the moments of uneasy calm, when they would put it all aside and pretend to be okay. They would love each other like they should, treating you the same, creating a fragile illusion of normalcy, one you’d cling to for a long time. You’d catch them sharing a tender glance and for a moment you’d selfishly let yourself believe everything was okay—but you knew better than that. 

The nights after they fought, they slipped into your room, brushing your hair from your eyes and kissing you good night. The silence was thick enough to choke on. You wanted to kick and scream, to sob in their arms and beg them to tell you that everything was going to be alright. But you were completely alone, no matter how much they told you they loved you—it felt like a twisted version of what love should be. And every time they fought, you realized it wasn’t just a fight—it was their way of  choosing each other over you, time after time. 

It’s frightening to not know anything else—knowing you can’t give the same love back because you don’t know how. 

When you met the Pogues, it was a disturbance to the way you’ve always known things to be—and it was freeing. They welcomed you with open arms, pulling you into their tight-knit circle that felt like home. And when Sarah joined everything clicked into place. You had each other and that’s all you really needed—Pogue for life, the six of you against the world. 

But, somewhere along the way you guys lost that. Maybe it started when JJ and Kie got together, spending more time in their own world and drifting away from the group—they were always with you but they were distant, always more wrapped up in one another. Or maybe it was when you lost sight of the love that they opened you up to—when your parents finally split, leaving you to deal with the mess they made.

You missed the closeness, the stability, the only people that have ever felt like home. 

But, goddamn Rafe Cameron was a wake up call in the most intoxicating way. He got under your skin the same way you got under his. You’re both stubborn and hot-headed, relentless in getting what you want, and neither of you willing to back down. You reveled in the tension, the way his jaw clenched during an argument, the way his arms flexed when he crossed them. He was tall and imposing, his sun-kissed skin glowing from countless hours under the warm coastal sun. And that grin that made your stomach flip and touch that sent heat to your core. Fuck, you loved it.

He was the embodiment of messy, unpredictable love. It was the kind of passion that felt dangerous, exhilarating but filled with resentment. You couldn’t help yourself, you were drawn to it then just as you are now. You have your parents to blame for that, and possibly the lack of therapy. But you kept a balance with the Pogues—they were your refuge, your safe haven, while Rafe stirred something inside you, raising your temperature to dizzying heights and keeping your heart racing with every glance and every argument.

But now, you’re in deep shit. You’ve done it again. And again. And another fucking time. And you hate to admit, you’re catching feelings. 

No. no. no. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It was supposed to be easy with Rafe—a quick fuck, no strings attached and no goodbyes. Just pure animalistic desire and hate, pushing you onto the bed, fingers digging into your hips just enough to prove something to himself. You’d be a brat, stubborn and teasing before he’d have you begging for him—you fucking hated that it turned you on. 

 It was easy at the beginning, the time you called after your fight with the Pogues was simple. 

“Oh? Do you need another distraction?” he said, teasing evident in his tone. 

“Fuck you.” you shot back, bitterness settling in your mouth, but you knew he was right. 

“Is that what you want?” he taunts and your guilty silence is deafening. Then, you heard Rafe sigh through the phone, a real sigh, “My doors unlocked.” A silent invitation, an easy one. But simple doesn’t always mean easy. And Rafe Cameron is anything but easy, you’re naive to think that this situation ever really was.

Each time you saw him, it became more and more real, and now you can’t help but want him in more ways than one when he looks at you the way he does after sex, so raw and real. You want to stay and trace his jaw, spend the rest of the day wrapped up in bed with him. But you aren’t those people, you don’t do that. So then you leave before it’s weird, before he closes off and shuts you out, before you feel the guilt of your actions. 

You should end it now, but you can’t bring yourself to when he makes you feel this good. 

His lips trail the expanse of your body kissing, biting, sucking his way down, thumb playing with your bottom lip, before leaving to rip your panties apart. 

“You’re fucking paying for those.” you snarl.

“Whatever you want, baby.” you can feel the shape of his smug smile against your throat, and it makes you want to slap him. But instead, you're reaching a hand up to cradle the back of his neck, keeping him close to you. 

He rocks his thumb against your clit, smirking at you with pure arrogant satisfaction from the way that you shudder underneath his touch.

“I fucking swear,” you nearly hiss, nudging your hips in hopes that it’ll drag the pressure of his fingers closer, “If you don’t do something, I swear I’ll—”

“You’ll what?” The low rasp of his voice sounds completely unbothered. 

"I'll leave,” you say firmly. Or as firmly as you possibly can with the way that the knuckle of his thumb has begun to rotate around your clit in tight, but soft sweeping brushes. But he doesn't appear to be worried in the slightest. He just grins at you. 

“No, you won’t,” He says so certainly and he’s right. You won’t leave, you have never before and you definitely won’t now, “‘Cause you need me, baby. Need me to make you cum because that dirty Pogue fucking won’t.”

Fuck him.

He tugs his hand from your underwear, and you can't help but mourn the loss. His rough hands move under your shirt, squeezing your chest. His calloused fingers brush against your nipples and you arch your back into his touch. 

“So fucking good, just for me.” he whispers with a condescending smirk as his thumb brushes against your bottom lip.

“You’re all talk, Cameron.” you say, biting back a moan. 

He fucking laughs, “I can make you beg.”

“Like you can?” Of course he can. 

“Just shut up and let me fuck you.” he says irriated, his voice low and rough. He pulls himself out of his shorts, giving himself a few tugs before shoving himself into your tight walls, making you gasp. He doesn’t give you time to adjust, his hips immediately snapping in and out, the force of his thrusts making your body jerk forward.

“Does that feel good, baby?” he taunts, chuckling at your pathetic noises, “Don’t have much to say now, do you?”

“God, I fucking hate you.” you spit, nails pressing into his biceps, before his thrusts become more aggressive, his hips slapping against your own, anger and tension seeping out of you both. 

“Mm, but you’re taking me so well.” he whispers, bringing his lips to the shell of your ear—you clench around him driving him crazier, hips snapping wildly, “S’good…so pretty.”

You moan, losing it as you grip him harder, body shuddering as your orgasm approaches, “oh my god.”

“Are you gonna cum for me?” you nod deliriously, to far gone to the point that you’re not even embarrassed that Rafe is seeing you in this state, “What a fucking cock-slut, using me everytime you need to forget about your little crush.”

You’re both so close. So, so close. 

Rafe takes one hand from his grip on your hips, using it to reach down and press his thumb against your clit, rubbing tight circles. Your back arches off the mattress, a loud moan leaving your lips.

“Oh, fuck, Rafe—” you squeeze your eyes shut, wrapping your arms around his neck, finger nails digging into his skin as you clench around him. That’s all it takes for your orgasm to rip through you, your body shaking. Then, you feel him twitch inside of you, a guttural groan rumbling from his throat as you pull him closer. Your body spasming and pussy still clenching wildly is all Rafe needed to go over the edge.

You groan internally, the guilt settling as you roll over after Rafe pulls out of you and leaves a chaste kiss on your collarbone—he’d never done that before. 

Your heart is still racing as you take a deep breath, the air thick with mingling scents of sex and shame, which makes your nose scrunch up in disgust. 

Why do you keep doing this?

Rafe was undeniably a good time—a whirlwind of lust, but a big mistake. A repetitive one. You’ve dug your grave and now you’ve fallen into it. You mentally curse yourself for wanting more than just the thrill. This was never part of the fucking plan.

“You okay?” he asks, his voice low and soft—something you’ve never heard from him before—cutting through your thoughts. Clearly, you’ve been lying here for too long, and this is his not-so-subtle way of suggesting you get out. 

“Yeah, sorry.” You reply, your voice barely above a whisper as you stand and start to gather your clothes to put them back on your body. 

“Woah, wait, where are you going?” He asks, sitting up on his elbows, his expression shifting from casual to urgent, as if the mere thought of you leaving sends a jolt of panic through him. You’re taken aback, this isn’t supposed to happen either, he’s supposed to let you walk out and wait for another knock on the door. He isn’t supposed to care. 

“What? You want me to stay?”  you ask, half-teasing and half-defensive, tugging your shirt the rest of the way on. The fabric feels soft against your skin, unlike the way his hands felt just moments ago.

“Maybe I do.” He leans back slightly, his eyes searching yours. 

For a moment you just blink at him.

“That’s real funny, Cameron,” you scoff, throwing your hands on your hips, “Don’t you have another whore for that?”

“Why the fuck do you have to be like this?” He asks, his frustration palpable as he runs a hand through his hair in a way that makes him look even more disheveled and appealing. But he drops his hand quickly, as if he’s too tired to keep up the fight.

“Like what?” you ask, tilting your head, feigning innocence—you notice his jaw tick, “I thought you liked this?”

He falls silent.

“Hm?” you mock, leaning forward slightly, “You did earlier.”

“Seriously, just—”

“You don’t do this,” you counter, gesturing between the two of you, your hands slicing through the air. “You don’t just...want someone like me.”

“What if I do?” Rafe’s voice is low, and he holds your gaze challengingly, before you break away, rolling your eyes.

“You don’t.”

“You can’t tell me what I want.” He says, and you can tell you’ve hit a nerve, but he still doesn’t raise his voice. 

“You don’t even fucking know what you want,” you shoot back, pointing your finger at him, “And I think you’re scared.”

“Fuck, Y/n,” Rafe sighs, eyes pleading in a way that makes you want to punch him. “I just—right now, I want you here with me.

Those words hit you like a punch to the gut, and you freeze, your breath catching in your throat. No, no, no—he can’t do that.

“The fuck you do.” you reply, trying to keep your composure even as your heart pounds furiously in your chest.

“Will you just c’mere.” He sounds defeated, pulling the covers down on what he's inviting to be your side of the bed, “Please?”

“Rafe…” you whisper, shoulders slumping from their previous tense state, “I can’t.”

“I just—want you here.” His voice is sincere, it makes your head spin. 

You can’t help it. You give in. Not when he’s looking at you like that, like he cares in the same way you do. Like he’s afraid to lose you too. 

“Don’t make me regret this.”  you mumble, the words escaping as you walk back over to his bed, sliding under the covers with him. The moment you settle in, you’re hit by the lingering scent of sex, a bittersweet reminder of your guilt, but it fades when he pulls you closer. Your hands instinctively press against his chest, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath your fingertips. An arm wraps around you, and his leg slots between yours. You never would’ve taken Rafe for a cuddler but here you are—you don’t hate it. 

“This what you wanted?” You ask, almost letting out a genuine laugh when he shoots you a glare. 

“Yeah, now shut up.” The arm around you moves lightly over your ribs, the other cautious as he raises it to your face. When his lips meet yours, they’re soft, unhurried—so different from the heat you felt earlier. It’s almost overwhelming, like he’s kissing someone he really cares about. It’s still dizzying but in a different way that you’re used to. He shifts, aligns his parting lips with a firmer pressure and–oh, there’s the heat, but you lift your hand to his jaw, your thumb grazing his skin—a silent signal for him to slow down. He responds instantly, breaking away for just a moment to plant a soft kiss at the corner of your mouth before returning to your lips with the same gentle, deliberate pressure that makes you feel wanted. Like maybe what he said was true. He doesn’t just need you—he wants you. And that’s more than enough for you to stay.

<3

masterlist . rafe cameron masterlist

thank you for reading, my darling! remember to like! reblog! and comment! i’ll give you a smooch if you do, ily! send requests to my inbox!

alwaysmoncheri © ─ all rights reserved. please do not repost/translate/copy any of my work.

[austinsastrology8991]

> moon in houses <

The moon is the real you; its the reflection you see when you look into the mirror. Its the version of you that comes out when you stop showing everyone what they want to see.

Moon in the 1st - You are the moon and because of this, you look emotional. But you put on this face to protect yourself, but the very fact your putting on a face tells me and everyone else; that your emotional. And this should be fine but many people like to poke at defensive people for the simple fact that they are reactive. But your a comfortable person to be around... until you start getting defensive. Moon in 2nd - You are a pretty stubborn person and you get emotional if you don't get things your way. since your aware you want your way; you make sure to get your way. And so your usually comfortable to be around because we atleast know what will make you happy > your like that baby that needed its go go juice Moon in 3rd - You need stimulation to survive. So your a pretty interesting person to talk to, but you were probably an annoying kid. but now as an adult, you've kept your childlike spirit, and in all likelihood it was because of your overactive mind in your childhood. Which has stayed the same. Yay. Moon in 4th - You keep your feelings private because your emotional. This is good though because others usually respect your boundaries because they are aware it can hit a nerve. You were raised well, and it could be very emotional thing to think about, but full of nostalgia. but because of this comfortable way you were raised, your lowkey a lil soft. Ik you hated that, but people eat this shit up Moon in the 5th - Your like a painter or you own a cringe ass blog or something. You love to keep your hobbies private, because they mean so much to you. But if someone gets you talking about what you like; your very passionate. So when someone shows the slightest disinterest in something you like; you get pretty insecure.

Moon in the 6th - You need to feel useful otherwise you feel incomplete. You are always working and whether that be just ideas inside your head, or getting that bag; you won't feel satisfied unless you have accomplished something. Moon in the 7th - You are looking for emotions in others so you always show your emotions. You have a compulsive need to understand others, and a good way to do this is by getting them to open up to you. So you show a smidge of your vulnerable side to see how much the other person will show you. Moon in the 8th - You are trapped in an emotional pit of fear. And you struggle to escape your epiphanies of existionalism/ traumas of your past. You know why people are the way they are, and thats why your careful in how you communicate to others; you don't want to see them have a worser emotional reaction, when it already is bad enough (as they provoke deep unsettling feelings within) you attempt to transform others emotions in hopes it’ll change your own. Moon in the 9th - You are almost devoid of feeling, because your so focused on interpreting the deeper meaning of things, which in all honesty detaches you from your feelings more often than it connects you to it. Moon in the 10th - You are master oogway, you understand others well and know how to put others at ease. But because your so focused on your reputation, you confidently tell others you can be their confidants. And whilst you do understand psychology well, you neglect your own well being to save face. Moon in the 11th - You have many friends that are emotional/sensitive and act defensively. But I believe you meet these people so you have a broader understanding of emotions, and can connect the dots that others could not have > especially given how we are all caught in our own emotions. But this makes you relatively fearful of potential ramifications of your own emotions; because you have seen the best case and the worst case scenario many times over. Moon in the 12th - You don't understand your emotions. Or others emotions. It's kind of a sore spot for you. And because of this you may not be all that defensive towards others because you don't understand when your in a dangerous situation. and this may contribute to why you run in dangerous situations often; because you trigger people like a sensor with ur lack of awareness and clear openness

[iluvmattsbeard]

lost time (m.s)

master list

matt sturniolo x reader

warnings: nothing!

preview: your parents and the triplets parents have been best friends ever since before you guys were even born. you were sort of forced to grow up with the triplets. you and Matt were the closest. you two were hard to separate. but as you got to high school, you sort of fell off wanting to go do your own things. now as adults, you guys reunite and decide to make up for lost time.

a/n: i’ve been having so much inspo to write. you guys are keeping me motivated! i really appreciate it. listen to the song while reading, it really sets the scene. i encourage this with every imagine i write! LIKES AND REBLOGS ARE VERY APPRECIATED!

"Y/n!" you hear your mother shout out from excitement as she runs over to you. you put down your luggage before embracing her in a hug, "hi mom! I missed you so much." you say rubbing her back. "I missed you more Y/n!" she says pulling away, giving your dad a chance to greet you. you haven't seen them in months. you were currently living in New York after you finished high school. you always wanted to live in the big city. you were grateful for the opportunity you received. you were majoring in the Arts. it was something you always wanted to do, but being apart from your family in Boston was the hardest thing you've had to go through.

"let's get inside. we have something to tell you." your mom says with a smile. you nod as you grab your luggage but, your dad ends up taking it from your hands. "dad I got it." you say letting out a soft laugh. "no you're our guest." he says letting out a chuckle. you three walk inside the house and you take off your coat. it was currently winter time. that was the reason why you were back home. it was December 20th, five days before Christmas. you were home for the holidays. you hang your coat on the rack and take off your shoes. you walk around analyzing everything. it was still the same, except for the fact that it was decorated for Christmas. you head towards the Christmas tree as you reach out for an ornament that had your elementary school picture in it. "did you really have to add this?" you ask with a soft laugh. "it was too cute not to add sweetie!" your mom says handing you a mug of her homemade hot chocolate.

"thank you mom." you say taking it. "so, what was it you needed to tell me?" you ask taking a sip. "Marylou, Jimmy, and their boys are coming to spend the holidays with us!" you almost choke at your mother's words. "they're back in Boston?" you ask with an awkward smile. last time you seen the triplets, it wasn't quite the ideal farewell. at least with Matt it wasn't. you still talk to Nick from time to time, Chris would like your social media posts, and Matt? well, nothing was happening between the two of you. not ever since high school at least. "yeah! the boys still live with them. I think they're like entrepreneurs or something. Marylou tried explaining it to me but I didn't quite understand." your mom says. "they'll be staying here with us until after Christmas." she adds on. your eyes widen a bit, "oh? you failed to mention this before I got here?" you say with a nervous laughter. "well, I know it isn't ideal for you. I know you and Matt didn't quite leave off on a good note." she says.

-FLASHBACK-

"so what? you meet a whole new group of people that you decide not to spend any more time with me?" you say standing there with your arms crossed. "y/n, we were always together. we're older now. we don't have to be with each other every single time." Matt says frustrated. you scoff before responding, "so you're telling me you want to stop being friends?" he shakes his head, "that's not what I said. all I said was, maybe now we can just do our own things." he says. "well that's not what you've been doing. you've shut me out completely." you say with a hurt expression. "maybe because everything has changed Y/n. you know I don't hang around your crowd." he says catching you off guard. "so just because you gained popularity, apparently my 'crowd' isn't your ideal group of people?" you scoff before continuing on, "yeah maybe everything has changed. you changed." you walk away from him leaving him in silence.

-END OF FLASHBACK-

"they'll be here any minute." your mom says adjusting the centerpiece on the coffee table. you felt like your heart was going to jump out of your chest. you took constant sips from the warm mug as you sit down on the couch and wait. "you guys are adults now. you will figure it out." your mom says rubbing your arm. you didn't hold a grudge against Matt but, you still felt a sort of somber from the thought of what last happened. you suddenly hear a car pull up in front of your house. "they're here!" your mother says quickly getting up to rush over to the door. you stand up placing your mug on a coaster on the table before dusting off your corduroy pants due to your nervousness. "April!" you hear the familiar voice exclaim your mother's name. "Marylou!" she responds, happily embracing her in a hug. "is she here?" Marylou whispers to her. "yes she is! she's inside." your mother says before looking at the triplets boys. "Nick, Matt, and Chris!" she exclaims. "you boys are so grown up!" the boys smile with them shortly after embracing your mother individually in a hug. "hello Tyler!" Jimmy says greeting your dad, they end up doing a handshake.

after they all greeted each other, they finally headed inside carrying all their bags. you turn around swiftly as you see Marylou gasp from excitement, "my baby girl!" she says running up to you, hugging you. "hi Marylou, how have you been?" you say hugging back with a smile. "amazing now!" she pulls away looking at your mother, "April she looks just like you when you were in college." she adds on. you let out a soft laugh before turning towards the boys. Nick and Chris greet you with a hug before having a little small talk. Matt greeted you with a small 'hello' and awkward smile, which you did as well.

"i'm so excited for Christmas! it'll just be like the old days!" Marylou exclaims. "I brought the album book with photos of every Christmas we've celebrated!" "pull them out!" your mother says putting her hands together happily. now, you were all gathered around the couch as Marylou flips through the album book. "look how chubby your cheeks were Y/n." your dad points out with a chuckle. you felt your cheeks turn red from the comment as everyone laughs. "if only time would slow down." you hear your mother say. "I know. we're getting old!" Jimmy adds on. Marylou continues to flip through the book before landing on a photo of you and Matt smiling as little kids with missing teeth. you were both in matching Christmas sweaters as your head rested on his shoulder. "this is my favorite." Marylou says with a smile. you felt your heart ache from the sight of the photo. "you guys were so small!" your mom exclaims smiling. "yeah. now everything has changed." you blurt out with a fake smile. Matt turns his head towards you, shifting uncomfortably in his stance from the familiar words that came out your mouth.

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

you guys just had finished eating dinner. “that was amazing April.” Jimmy says wiping his mouth. “very delicious honey.” your dad says rubbing his stomach. everyone thanks your mother as she smiles, “my pleasure everyone!” she says cheerfully. you decided to help your mother clean up the table. the triplets were lead to the rooms they’ll be staying in for the next days by your father. Marylou and Jimmy were settling into their room.

“Y/n, get out of this kitchen.” your mother says pushing you away playfully. “mom let me help you.” you say trying to stop her. “no Y/n! this is your break. go relax or something.” she says still pushing you away. “you’re really not going to let me help?” you ask letting out a small laugh. “no! now go!” she says smiling. you shake your head with a smile before walking away. you head up the stairs, walking into your childhood bedroom. you look around at the pastel pink wallpaper as you let a small smile appear on your face. you were reminiscing over all the memories that you had in here. you were glad to be home. you then hear a slight knock at your door as you turn around to see Matt. “hi” he says. “hey”. you reply.

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

it was the next day, the mothers had plans to do some holiday baking while the dads just sat around and watched TV. Nick and Chris were out catching up with old friends as Matt stayed at the house. “Matt! Y/n! join us!” you hear your mom say happily. you walk to the kitchen as you see materials and ingredients laid out on the island table. Matt was on the opposite side of the island from you. “we’re going to bake gingerbread cookies!” Marylou says handing you and Matt aprons. you tie your hair back in a ponytail as you respond, “yummy”.

as you guys started it off, Marylou and your mother left it up to you and Matt to handle the cookies while they started to prepare this upcoming dinner. you were mixing the batter as you ask Matt to pour some flour on to the table. as he does so, you both took dough into your hands as you both talked. “i hope these turn out right.” you say. “me too.” Matt says with a smile. you guys just caught up talking about college as he talked about his career he started with his brothers. it felt nice to talk to him again. the conversation stops as he looks at your face, “wait hold on. you have a little something right here.” he says putting flour on your nose.

your mouth went slightly open from his actions as you let out a small scoff which turned into a smile. “oh really? because i think you have something on your whole face.” you say placing your floured hands on his face, rubbing it in. you pull away and start laughing, “oh you’re going to regret that.” Matt says with a grin, picking up more flour as he chases you around the kitchen. you shriek as you try to get away from him but he soon grabs you from behind, wrapping his arms around you as he rubs the flour all over your face.

“Matthew!” you exclaim. Marylou taps your mother trying to make her look at the scene that took place. “look April.” she whispers. your mother looks up and smiles. “guys! you’re making a mess!” your mother says laughing. your smile soon drifts away as you realize what was happening. you step away from Matt as you take off your apron heading straight upstairs. Matt just stood there feeling awkward.

later in the day, Matt knocks on your door anxiously. "come in." you shout out from behind the door. he opens the door stepping inside. you look at him before speaking, "what's up?" you ask sitting on your bed. you could tell he was hesitating to speak, "I think we should discuss about where we left off from the last time we've seen each other." he says sitting down next to you. "what's there to talk about? you made it very clear that you didn't want to be surrounded by me anymore." you say. "that's not true Y/n. at the time, I just felt like we were always together. I felt terrible for what I said. our friendship was great and I let it go stupidly." he says letting out a small breath.

all you do is avoid eye contact before he speaks up again, "can I make it up to you?" you look at him as you respond, "how?" “well i want to know you better now. you know, figure out what you’ve been doing ever since we fell off.” he says. you just look at him with a blank stare, “i don’t know about that.” you say.

“okay then let’s see…” he says looking at the time on his phone and smiles, "come on." he says standing up. "what? where are we going?" you ask confused. "just come on. put on a sweater." he says walking out your room. after a bit, you meet him outside as he stands there with his hands in his pockets. "Matt where are we going?" you ask putting your hands in your pockets. the snow fall was light, but the ground was coated white from earlier. he starts to walk as you follow quickly behind. "you'll see!" he exclaims. after a while, you guys were now standing at the park you use to go to as kids. "why are we here?" you ask smiling softly. "well, remember our snow days?" he asks. "of course I do. while Nick and Chris attacked each other with snowballs, you helped me build snowmen." you reply. "yeah. i'm glad you remember." he says crouching down bunching up the snow. "we're going to build a snowman." he adds on with a smile.

"this is how you're going to make it up to me?" you say crouching with him. he looks at you as he speaks, "to make up for the times we missed building a snowman." you look into his eyes for a bit before letting out a small laugh. you guys then continued to build a snowman. “it’s head is as big as yours.” you say laughing. Matt’s mouth opens slightly as he responds, “that’s so mean.” you both laugh and eventually after laid in the snow looking up at the starry sky.

“what are we going to name him?” you ask. Matt hums while he thinks before he thinks of the perfect name, “Louis.” you turn to face him as you hear the familiar name. Louis was the name of your childhood stuffed animal that you had matching with the triplets. “you remember Louis?” you ask. “of course i do. i still have his sibling.” he says which causes you to let out a small chuckle.

"I missed this." you hear him whisper. you stay silent as you thought to yourself. where was this effort back then? as much as you missed it too, you still couldn't forget. you sit up, "we should go before it gets any later." you say before getting up and walking away.

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

you were out sitting on the porch drinking hot chocolate as you had thoughts. should Matt be given another chance? he had you where he wanted you before until he made it disappear. why now does he want to fix things? your thoughts were interrupted when you feel a figure sit next to you. you turn to see who it is to find out it's Matt. "can I still prove to you I want to make up for lost time?" he says quietly. you could tell he was genuine. "okay how now?" you ask. he gets up with a smile as he asks you to follow him. he gets in the car as you join him in the passenger seat. "where are we going?" you ask putting on your seat belt. "some place special." he says as he drives off to the location. you look out the window as you see familiar scenery. you fix your posture as you try to hide a smile, "don't tell me we're doing what I think we're doing." he parks the car and smiles, "come on let's go." he says getting out the car.

he opens the trunk to reveal the famous sled you guys built together with your parents in middle school. you gasp while covering your mouth. "you kept it?!" you exclaim. "of course I did." he says pulling it out from the trunk. "we're going to do our tradition." the tradition was a silly thing you both liked to do during snow days. you would try to get to the highest hill and slide down without trying to fall off. you guys always failed. you and Matt climbed up a steep hill as you look at him. he places the sled onto the fluffy snow as he sits down leaving space for you in between his legs. you smile as you sit in front of him.

"are you ready?" Matt asks, "yes I am but, how did we do this back then? I forgot how steep this hill was!" you exclaim. you both let out a laugh as Matt speaks, "well you know the drill." "try not to fall off!" you say as he slides down the both of you. you shriek from the thrill as Matt laughs. when you guys reach the bottom, the sled comes to a sudden stop causing the both of you to tumble over into the snow. you both laid there cracking up. "I knew that would happen." you say clutching onto your stomach from how hard you were laughing.

"I don't think we'll ever not fall." Matt says shaking his head. "maybe next time." he adds on. "yeah maybe." you reply as your guys' laughter calms down. it eventually got silent as you continued to lay there with your arms by your side. you did miss this. "do you ever wonder what could've happened if we stayed close?" you ask still staring at the sky. "I'm not quite sure." he says doing the same. little did you know, he was inching his hand towards yours slowly. you guys laid there as his fingers were nearly touching yours.

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

it was finally Christmas morning, you were woken up by your mother shaking you excitedly. "Y/n! it's Christmas! time to get up." she says cheerfully. you rub your eyes as you look at her tiredly. "the triplets are already downstairs! come on!" she adds on before leaving your room. you get up and stretch before heading to the bathroom to do your morning routine. you put your hair up as you went downstairs. "good morning sunshine." Marylou says with a smile. "good morning" you reply smiling as well. "are you ready to open gifts?" you hear Chris say. "because we've been waiting." he adds on and you see Nick shove him.

"don't act like a child." Nick says to him as Chris rubs his arm. you let out a small laugh as you nod. you sit next to Matt and he greets you ‘Good morning’.

by the time all the gifts are open, everyone could be seen talking and laughing as you and Matt sit there taking everything in. "we need to make this a tradition again." your mom says. "absolutely!" Marylou says. "Y/n?" you hear Matt whisper to you. you turn your head to face him, "yeah?" you whisper back. "I got you a gift." he says. "you did?" you ask raising an eyebrow. he smiles and nods. "oh Matt... I don't have anything for you. I didn't know you were going to be here in the first place." you say with an awkward tone. "don't worry. I got this gift last minute. come with me." he says getting up. you look around as you notice nobody is paying attention. you get up as you follow him out the front door. "what plans do you have now?" you ask letting out a small laugh.

"well, I wanted to have this moment for just the two of us." he reaches into the car as he pulls out the same matching Christmas sweaters from when you were kids but in a bigger size. "Matt..." you say grabbing it slowly. "I think we should keep up with the traditions." he says putting on the sweater. you smile big as you do the same. "where did you even find these?" you asked looking down at the design. "I have my ways." he replies looking at you. you look up at him and smile, "thank you Matt." he smiles as he stands there rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "I have one more thing." he says. "what? how much stuff do you have?" you say letting out a small chuckle. "you need to close your eyes for this one." you look at him confused before responding, "okay? you're not going to throw a snowball at me right?" he lets out a laugh as he shakes his head, "just close your eyes!" he exclaims. "fine sorry." you say shutting your eyes.

you heard his feet shuffle in the snow before you hear the movement stop. "alright you can open your eyes." you hear him say. you open your eyes slowly as you see Matt holding up a little plant. "Matt, is that what I think it is?" you say as your eyes turn soft and you gulp. it was a mistletoe. he lets out a shy laugh as he speaks, "you don't have to if you want but, I wanted to see if we could start a new tradition since we're older." you look at the plant as you smile wide, "of course I do." you say looking into his eyes before pulling him slowly into a soft kiss. Matt drops the mistletoe on the snow as he attaches his hands onto your waist.

you slowly pull away as you both hear a click. you and Matt turn towards the front of the house to see Marylou and your mother holding out a camera smiling. “everything has definitely changed.” your mom says. you and Matt look at each other and laugh.

a/n: this is a little longer than my usual stuff! i hope you enjoyed this as much as i did writing it! LIKES AND REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED! comment what you think about this and if i should do more taylor swift songs for my swifties.

[latenightdaydreams]

Hey i dont know if you take requests but i had an idea based off a song for könig

Bück dich befehl ich dir wende dein Antlitz ab von mir dein Gesicht ist mir egal bück dich

Which translates to

I command you to bend over Turn your face away from me I don't care about your face Bend over!

What if the reader was listening to the song without knowing what it means and könig decides to tell her and use it on her?

Song is Bück Dich by rammstein

Hello!! I do!

Bück Dich!König (fem)

MDNI🔞

MLM Version

Master List ✍🏽

>cw: fem/afab, p in v, rough sex

1.1k word count

.

.

Today is your free day, so you cleaned up around your room. You get dressed in leggings and a baggy shirt, putting your playlist on shuffle. Since most people were out of their barracks, you play your music loudly. Most people, except for König.

He’s taking long strides down the hall to make his way out to his office when the sound of your music distracts him. König stalls and looks around, trying to pinpoint where the music is coming from. He turns on his heels, quickly heading towards your room. The next song plays an older German metal band. Instantly, König recognizes the song playing.

König walks up to your door, banging his fist on the wood. On the other side of the door, you jump up and spin around. You drop the laundry that you are folding onto the bed and open the door. You're greeted by the icy stare of your 6’10 colonel. Quickly, you dash to grab your phone and pause the music.

When you step away, König enters the room. He looks around, noticing how you've decorated your room to be personal to yourself. You don’t realize that he’s standing behind you, so when you spin around, you gasp.

“Your music was very loud.” König’s voice sounds cold.

“I’m sorry, Colonel. I’ll turn it down.”

König takes two steps closer to you. The smell of tobacco and his natural musk hits you. “Do you even know what that song means? You don’t speak German, do you?”

“Um, no. I don’t know.”

A small chuckle leaves König’s lips as you admit you don’t understand the song. His eyes travel up and down your body, noticing how your leggings hug your thighs. The baggy shirt on you hides your curves, but your breasts are still obvious.

“It’s a dirty song, Liebing. Not exactly one you should blast on base.”

One of his large gloved hands reaches out and caresses the side of your face. You can feel your heart beginning to pound. His touch gently, different from the way he’s looking down at you. What you can’t see is the smirk underneath his sniper hood.

“He’s basically saying to bend over, your face doesn’t matter…” his voice trails off for a second. “Just bend over and get fucked.”

You hold his gaze and swallow hard. There is a clear growing tension in the room. König traces his hand along your jawline, noticing your shaky breathing. He is aware he is getting to you and it boosts his ego a bit.

“Would you like for me to demonstrate?”

“I—uh.”

König takes your bashful gaze and stumbles over your words as consent. His hands drop to his belt, undoing it, as he looks down at you. “Turn around.”

You do as he asks, grabbing you by the back of your neck and walking you to your bed. König gently bends you over so that your face is pressed into the soft fabric of your sheets. He crouches behind you as he pulls your leggings down. The sight of your blue cotton pants caused a wave of desire to wash over his body; he’s eager to see what you look like, smell like, taste like.

Since you cannot see him, he lifts his mask. Pressing his aquiline nose against the welcoming heat that is radiating from your sweet cunt. He takes a deep breath, savoring the smell. His tongue flicks out, licking your folds through the fabric of your underwear. Your legs squirm, every light touch sends a wave of euphoria throughout your whole being.

König grabs the fabric of your panties and pulls them down, exposing your wet cunt to him. He pulls his gloves off to be able to feel your soft skin. His hand grabs your ass, shaking it slightly before spanking you. Standing back up, he pulls down his mask, then pants, letting them drop to his ankles.

You grab the bedsheets as you feel König’s massive cock push against your tight entrance. A guttural groan leaves König as he pushes further into you. Your back arches as he buries himself deep, his size causing a bit of pain.

“Nein, you can take it.” König places a hand on your lower back and pushes your back down, sticking your ass in the air.

“Fuck, it’s too big.” You mewl, your hips rolling on his cock as he lets you adjust to his size.

“I know, but you can take it. Let me stretch your pretty little cunt.” He groans as he begins to rock back and forth in long steady strokes. His eyes glued to how massive his cock looks inside of you.

He leans forward, putting some weight on you and thrust quicker. Each time his cock goes in, a mindless moan falls from you. Your silky walls flutter around him as you struggle to adjust. How he has you bent over, he’s almost able to get every single inch of his ten-inch cock into you. Every time he fills you, he can feel your body tense and you whimper in pain.

“Mein Gott, you’re so wet. You can’t even fit all of me.” His hands move to grab your hips, his fingers digging into your supple flesh. As he thrust into you, he pulls you back to mee him. The sound of your moans would wake up the whole barracks if people were in.

König continues to mercilessly buck into you. Your eyes flutter back as you feel overwhelmed with a rush of explosive euphoria. With both your hands, you push yourself up in an attempt to run away from his cock. The orgasm builds up to be too much.

“Don’t run for me.” His massive hand comes down and pushes you into the comforters. Your face pressed into the comforters and you bite them to suppress the scream needing to be released. “Just let it out, cum on my cock.”

“König!” You cry out lifting your head. Your legs shake, your words borderline gibberish as you beg for him to fuck you. Beg for him to make you cum.

“That’s it, fucking cum.” König grabs a handful of your hair and pushes your face down as you scream out profanities. Your creamy cunt leaves thick streaks up and down his pink cock. “Look at you. A fucking mess for your Colonel, aren’t you?”

You nod as König forces your head to the side. He sees the hazy look in your eyes from experiencing such pleasure; drool staining the bed sheets as you breathe heavily. At this moment you look absolutely beautiful. The afterglow makes you look like a cum hungry angel.

“You want more, Engel?” König’s Austrian accent comes out thick as he’s consumed with desire.

“Please, please fuck me.” You beg, not even caring about the pain.

“That’s what I want to hear.” König has a cocky grin under his mask, he knows he has you wrapped around his finger. You’re addicted to his cock now and he knows he will be seeing you again.

[literaryavenger]

Broken

Summary: after Civil War you meet and bond with Bucky Barnes. You want to help him, but do you really realize how hard it's going to be?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Warnings: Minimal use of Y/N. Hints to eating disorder. Language probably, for now just fluff and innocent and broken Bucky. My poor attempts at being funny.

Word Count: 2.7K

A/N: This is my first story, and it's taken me a long time to even decide to post it. As of now I honestly have no idea where this story is going, the idea just popped in my head and I ran with it. I do have the first three chapters ready and I'm starting the fourth, I hope I find a plot at some point, we'll see how this one does and go from there. Also, this was a reader version of a story I had on wattpad with an OC so I had to rewrite it accordingly so if there are any mistakes that's why, feel free to point them out so I can fix them thanks.

Masterlist

You enter the kitchen of the Avengers tower and saw two people sitting at the counter, immediately recognizing the one closer to the door.

"Stevie!" you practically yell, running towards the blonde man who stands up and opens his arms in time for you to jump on him, hugging him tightly while he raises you in the air and spins a little.

"Good morning, koala bear." he says while chuckling lightly.

"When did you come back?" you ask excitedly after a few minutes of hugging, not letting go just yet.

"Last night." he answered "Nat said you had just gone to sleep, I didn't wanna wake you."

"Steve, what's happening? Is she hurting you?" a voice you've never heard says.

You let go just enough for him to be able to put you back on the ground without letting go of you.

"It's okay, Buck, it's just a hug." he say to the other man as you turn a little to look at him better. He has a confused look on his face, at which Steve adds "It's just a way to express affection, it's fine."

At this you're a little confused yourself so you look at Steve who gives you a look that tells you not to question him, so you don't.

Instead you let go of Steve, turning completely towards his friend and stepping a little closer.

"Hi," you say looking at him and introducing yourself.

He doesn't look very comfortable so you don't try to shake his hand, choosing to wave a little with a smile.

He answers with a quiet "Bucky." while looking at the ground, like he's quite sure if he's even allowed to answer.

You tilt your head to the side, considering him for a second before saying "Do you want a hug, too? I promise I won't hurt you." you add quickly after he raises his head a little and you notice a slightly worried look on his face.

He thinks about it before just shrugging and nodding his head slightly.

"Okay. Do you... want to get up?" you hesitantly ask and he raises his head a little more, still not looking at your face but slowly getting up from his chair.

You glance at Steve who seems very interested in what's happening and is watching intently without making a sound. Your eyes meet for a few seconds and he raises an eyebrow and motions slightly towards his friend as if to tell you to keep going. You nod and get closer to Bucky until you're right in front of him.

You watch him for a couple of seconds and when his head stays lowered you decide to take the lead and move to put your arms around his neck, slowly so as not to startle him.

After several seconds of you gently hugging him while he stands with his arms to his sides, you're about to pull away when you feel him slowly move his arms to your lower back and keep them there lightly, being very careful like he was afraid of hurting you.

You smile a little into his shoulder and wait a couple of minutes before pulling away.

"Now that wasn't so bad, was it?" you tease, your hands still on his shoulders.

He gives you a little smile and finally looks you in the eyes for the first time and, as soon as his eyes meet yours, you're transfixed by how blue they are.

You're not sure how long you two stay looking into each other's eyes, but you're brought back to reality by Bucky's voice.

"Are you okay?" he asks, seeming genuinely concerned.

"Yes? Um... if you ever want another hug I'm always up for it... I love giving hugs." you say smiling and taking your hands off his shoulders as he drops his arms to his sides again.

He drops his gaze to the ground again, while your eyes stay on his face and you see a small smile and a slight nod.

After a few more seconds of looking at him you turn around and start walking towards the fridge, passing Steve and noticing a weird smirk on his face.

"What?" you ask him with a confused look but still smiling.

"Nothing..." he says, still smirking.

"Okay, weirdo." you say back laughing a little.

"Okay, weirdo. Breakfast?" he asked.

"No, I'll just drink some water." you say casually, avoiding his eyes.

"Y/N..." he says warningly.

"It's fine, Stevie, I'm just not hungry." you say, still not looking at him and grabbing a water bottle from the fridge.

As soon as you turn around you're met with the slightly disappointed face of Steve and the confused face of Bucky.

"Besides I don't have to train until this afternoon..." Steve's worry doesn't fade, so you add "I'll eat something later, I swear." you don't know if he's convinced, but his face softens and he lets it go.

"How about you fill me in about what happened while I was gone?" he says, changing the subject with a sympathetic smile.

"Sure, I'll just take a shower first, is that okay?" He nods and you run to your room to take a quick shower.

After you come out you put on some sweatpants and a sports bra just to not have to change until after training.

You grab a hairbrush and run back downstairs where you find Steve waiting for you alone while sitting at the table.

"Hi koala, that was a quick shower." he says with a smile when he sees you.

You lean with your back to the counter in front of the table he's sitting at and start brushing your still damp hair.

"Yep, you know me it's either 5 minutes or 50." you say smiling while he chuckles. "Where'd your friend go?" you ask casually while concentrating on brushing away a knot in your hair.

"He went to take a shower. Last night he was so tired he practically passed out in the guest room."

You humm a response before asking "So, is he gonna live here now? You know, be a part of the team and all? Tony refused to share any details with me..." you add with disappointment, which you're sure he notices because of his answer.

"Tony's still not 100% okay with it, but he's getting there. You know how he is, he doesn't talk about things until he's finished processing them... anyway yes, he'll live here and eventually be part of the team, I hope."

You look up and think about his words before nodding and waiting for him to speak again, but when he doesn't you try to sound as casual as you can while asking questions about his friend. "Why did you have to tell him what a hug is?"

He doesn't look you in the eye and you know he's getting uncomfortable so you don't really expect him to answer. But he does nonetheless

"Buck's not really been himself for the last 70 years... he hasn't been shown a lot of kindness or humanity. That's why I was surprised that he let you hug him so fast. Don't get me wrong I'm happy about it, it's real progress I just wasn't expecting it so soon..." You let him talk without interrupting, pretending to be more concentrated on your hair than his word so as to not make him even more uncomfortable.

You know stories about Bucky in the 40s from Steve and you have seen photos of him, only in black and white, but it was nothing compared to having him in front of you. Something about him just made you want to know more, like you were drawn to him.

You guess Steve picked up on this because, after a little pause, he adds "Look, I know you want to know more, but it's not my story to tell. If and when he's ready, it's up to him who he wants to tell." damn him for knowing you so well.

Of course you understand what he was saying and you know he's right, so you nod and say "You're right... I won't push it, I promise." before he has time to reply though Bucky enters the kitchen with different clothes and wet hair.

To not let him know you were just talking about him Steve quickly says "So, tell me, what have I missed around here?"

You thought about it for a moment as you watch Bucky make his way through the kitchen and sit at the table next to Steve.

"Um, well, Tony made a new addition to the team. It was very abrupt and it's weird that he's so young, but he's a nice kid. His name is Peter, he's 15 from Queens and apparently he's this Spider-man that's been all over youtube. What?"

As you talked you could see a bit of guilt on Steve's face. "We've met him... didn't know he was a kid though..."

"Well, what happened?" you ask, getting more and more frustrated that no one will tell you anything.

You're part of the team after all, and, even though you don't have powers or are a super soldier, you think you have a right to know why everyone suddenly disappeared one day on some mission that you weren’t allowed to know anything about, and why it took half of the team a couple more weeks than the others to come back.

It's not that it was uncommon for you not to know details of a mission you weren't assigned to, but, since Fury chose you from the SHIELD agents to join the Avengers several years ago, it's never happened that a mission required the WHOLE team except one single person.

What pissed you off even more it's that you're not the youngest in the team, nor are you the newest or the least trained.

You started as a SHIELD agent right before Natasha, granted you were a teenager, but both of you trained a lot together with Clint and you fought alongside the other Avengers in the battle of New York.

You also fought together against Ultron, where you united forces with the Maximoff twins, Wanda and Pietro, (the latter had to spend a lot of time in the medbay after, having almost died) and then also Vision, which is still a little weird since you still have Jarvis controlling the tower.

In all of this time you developed family-like bonds with the whole team.

You honestly consider Tony a father figure, him and Pepper treat you like a daughter and you love them for it. Rhodey, Happy and Bruce are like uncles.

Natasha is like a big sister and Wanda is like a younger one. Clint, Thor and even Loki (since he's been made to spend his exile with you as punishment for New York) have been like big brothers to you, Vision and Pietro are kind of like younger brothers, and now even Peter the last few months.

Scott is another new face that's quickly becoming a chaotic best friend. Sam is like a best friend that still shamelessly flirts with you, after years, obviously knowing nothing is going to happen.

And Steve is your absolute best friend, your favorite brother. He's overprotective (to be fair they all are when it comes to you) and caring, can't really say no to you, spoils you a little and you love every minute of it.

They are your family, and having them keep what feels like a very serious and important situation from you, and only you, not only makes you extremely angry, but it's also very sad to think they don't trust you enough.

Or at least that's what it feels like even though they keep telling you that's absolutely not the case.

You can see how uncomfortable Bucky is getting, while Steve is looking more and more guilty by the second, but neither is saying anything, so you just give up.

"Fine," you say, a little disappointed. "Don't tell me. I guess I'll have to wait on Tony to know."

You don't wait for them to answer as you bring your attention to Bucky.

"Can I?" you ask him while pointing to his hair with the brush that you just finished using on yourself.

He gives just you a confused look, so you explain. "Your hair is pretty long, it would be better if you brushed it before it dries otherwise it hurts like hell to do it later."

He looks at Steve with an uncertain expression, and, when the blonde just shrugs in response, Bucky looks back at you and nods.

You go around the table and position yourself behind Bucky. "I'll be as gentle as I can, but I'm sorry if I hurt you. If you want me to stop, just say so, okay?"

He nods again and you start to slowly and carefully brush his hair while telling Steve all the things you did with the others while he was gone.

The mysterious mission happened about 3 months ago, half of the team came back after a day, the others a couple of weeks later, while Steve and Bucky were the only ones to come back just now.

You tell Steve how you bonded with Peter over being "Tony's children", how Scott became something of a girlfriend and the time you spent with him and his daughter, Cassie, who was just adorable.

You tell him about the weird best friend-like friendship that Peter and Loki developed, much to Tony's annoyance, but that you find very cute and funny.

You tell him about all the pranks that you pulled with anyone and against everyone, specially with Sam, Scott and Loki and against Happy, Clint and Thor.

Steve knows everyone in the team is very quick to forgive you, he always jokes about how you have everyone wrapped around your finger, especially Tony.

And you have to admit, he's not totally wrong. Nobody really stays mad at you for more than a couple of days, and sometimes you're definitely treated like the kid of the family. The golden child.

Even Fury has a soft spot for you, which is very rare, to the point that you're the only one allowed to call him Nick.

You also tell Steve of all the "family time" he missed, which is essentially a whole lot of movie nights, game nights and things like that.

You tell him all the jokes you can remember being said, all the funny moments, all the missions and all the times when you missed him like crazy.

By the time you're done telling him everything you could remember, he's crying laughing and you're almost done with Bucky's hair.

"Are you okay? Am I hurting you?" you ask Bucky, as Steve tries to compose himself, still laughing at the prank you and Sam pulled on Clint where you turned his whole room into a giant bird's nest.

Bucky shakes his head and says a quiet "I'm okay" that you're sure Steve doesn't even hear over his own laughter.

You gently finish brushing his hair, then sit in the chair next to him leaning in and gently turning his head towards you so you can check you did a complete job.

At this point his hair is dry and falling down both sides of his face. You push his hair behind his ears to see his face better and smile, his eyes scanning your face.

Neither of you take notice that Steve has stopped laughing and is watching you with the same smirk he had after you hugged as you're both too intent in taking in each other's appearances.

"Is that better?" you ask after a few minutes of silence.

"What?" he ask, a little confused, which makes you giggle.

"Your hair. Is that better?" you ask again.

"Oh. Yeah, thank you." he says blushing, his voice still very quiet.

"You're adorable." you said with another giggle that makes Steve laugh too, while Bucky blushes even more.

You smile at him again before getting up, giving Steve a kiss on the side of the head while you pass him and going towards the door. "I'll see you guys at lunch. I'm supposed to meet Scott and Cassie in 10 minutes. Bye, Stevie."

"Bye, koala bear." Steve answers.

"Bye, Bucky."

"Bye." he says, still kind of quiet but loud enough for you to hear.

You turn around and give him one last smile before going through the living room to the elevator and to the floor that Scott's now living in and where Cassie spent the night.

part 2

[lifeonmarz-blog]

Moon through the zodiac

Aries: Your blunt and it often comes across as insensitive. Yet at the same time people may think your too sensitive. Growing up your household was very busy and or very gossipy. People may question your intentions alot with this placement even if your not doing anything some may still assume your up to no good. Its almost like damn all that assuming you might as well actually do something. The way you express yourself is always being judged and people are always trying to ''correct'' it. Causing you to be anti social, very particular on who you share your personality with or a bully. The way you express yourself is very unique just like your sense of humor you be accidentally funny as hell and thats needed in this world dont give away your power to people and allow them to change you into a dolice version of yourself. Light fire under they ass the way you how to. Anyways I wouldnt be surprised if you daydream about your ideal life alot, careful not to be in your head too much and create unrealistic expectations for yourself or others to uphold. I want yall to stop being so hard on yourself. If nobody else tell yall ima tell you i love how passionately you express yourself. The purpose of your moon being here is for you to learn more about yourself and who you are and how your actions/reactions affect others. Step away from whats familiar and comfortable and dig deep. Listen to your intuition. Have some fucking fun.

Taurus: Its your way or the highway HUH? Your moon chose to be here becasue you are the defender. There will be times were you feel your back is against the wall and you face alot of scrutiny from the world. They may come down on you hard but if you can withstand the pressure you will be rewarded. Willpower and self discipline comes easier for you. You have the tendency to be arrogant, domineering and passive aggressive. A good leader keeps those emotions in check. Yall get stuck in yall ways fr i want yall to put more energy into leaving your comfort zone and taking risk. Slow down smell the roses and enjoy where you are. Dont be all work and no play.

Gemini: Yall love some drama. Somehow always ending up in the middle of some shit. Seeing others as competition even when them ppl not worried about you. You like being the center of attention and dont care if its in a postive or negative light. It works for yall though because popularity comes easy for you. This is one of the most social placements for the moon to be. Your reputation means alot to you and networking is high on your priority list. Its common for yall to feel like you always have to choose between something. It may be hard for you to balance your work life and home life. In friendships and relationships you choose to keep the blindfold on ignoring whats really in front of you, procrastinating to handle your problems just hoping theyll go away on there on. You end up in situations where people are betraying you. With the two sides to gemini its like a secret element to your life. Your no stranger to scandal. I feel for you, this isnt a easy place to have the moon be. You care so much about your relationships with people but yet often have issues with ppl. This couldve stemmed from feeling like you were a target growing up that people always chose to pick with you. Or that you were punished more extremely than others. With this placement you've probably seen or experienced things that really made you question humanity. Dont let those experiences shape the type of person you'll be. You gotta learn to let shit go and not be bitter or have a victim mentality. Be careful not to burn yourself out. Drowning yourself in work to ignore your feelings. You dont always have to do everything on your own... collaborating is just as rewarding i promise. It would be beneficial to learn how to except help, knowing when to back down and not being so critical of yourself.

Cancer: If they dont appreciate everything you do FCK EM. No but fr with moon here you may feel like people overlook the things you do for them. Cancer moons can be way to stubborn and stand in there on way because of the fear of change. Repeating the same lessons way more than they should have to. When your redirect your energy to new experiences and growth your determination and passion unmatched. This is type of person you want to have on your team they bring so much positive energy and comfort.

Leo: Main character syndrome AF lol Unnecessarily rebellious at times growing up you may have felt your parents were controlling on how you expressed your creativity or because of the way you grew up you express your creativity in a rebellious way in relation to your family. Your career could be taboo. I could see a lot of onlyfans stars having moon in leo. Success in career comes more natural for you because of your consistency and ambitious nature. Yall really find pleasure in chasing money. Dont get so carried away with fulfilling your material desires that you dont leave time for introspection and searching for who you really are away from the titles.

Virgo: How does it feel to be kids favorite? A happy home life is important for this placement. Theres an innate need to belong. You love parties, holidays and kids ofc. Hosting parties and having a full house will give you happiness. Where this placement gets stuck is not being able to let go of the past. Getting sucked into the loophole of self pity and regret. Focus your attention on what you can do and what you can change. You work better with other ppl there to bounce ideas off of. Let your gaurd down, Succuss is reached quicker for you when you collaborate. Having this placement is testing your ability to strengthen your willpower and resourcefulness. Once you can do that you'll manifest way easier. Careful not to live beyond your means. Dont let desires put you in debt. Trust your intution, take the first step and take the risk. You go be perfectly fine.

Libra: Your love language is def quality time and acts of service this is very important for this placement to feel loved. Yall thrive in group settings and really value friendships. Even if you dont talk that much it makes you feel better to be around others. If you want to get with a Libra moon the best way is to become their friend first. You may have a tendency to put yourself in drama and create chaos among your inner circle though lil messy ass. Always wanting to be right, when this placement is in its lower natures is a good example of the native american folklore of the hunter that stuck a blood coated blade in ice knowing the wolf couldnt resist. It licked the blade continuously not realizing it was slowing bleeding out. The only way for the wolf to survive is to acknowledge its self destructive behavior. Bottom line just because you can ignore something doesnt mean others are going to do the same. Just becasue it didnt effect you doesnt mean it didnt effect them. Make the effort to listen to understand not listen to respond. Your words matter use them responsibly and take breaks from people or things when you feel you need to, your mental health will thank you.

Scorpio: Transformation happens with this placement alot. Moments of feeling isolated or depressed may be brought on by extreme emotional shifts. Anxiety and fear is no stranger to the scorpio moon. It can be to the point of really debilitating you. You've experienced things you've kept to yourself or have repressed but the issue continues to reappear time after time like a broken record. If it hasnt been dealt with it way on you really heavy and appear in your dreams often. You've felt shame, not understanding how you couldve allowed yourself to be in that predicament in the first place but seriously bro shit happens. It can be hard to maintain emotional balance with moon in scorpio, so its essential to have methods to release your emotions in healthy ways. Careful not to become bitter or victimizing with things dont go the way your controlling ass intends. Vengeance doesnt work well for you it often backfires, you'll try to set somebody house on fire and you burn yourself in the process. You may feel that people often oppose for no reason that you have to go through power struggles to be heard or to get the things you want. You may second guess opening up and are critical of yourself and others but opening yourself up to the world will be one of the best things you can do for your relationships and career. Your maturity and originality is threatening. Express yourself in your full nature and make people adapt to you not the other way around. You have authoritarian energy and if your putting yourself out there which ik you are, yr often mistaken for the boss. That is if your not already the boss. Im sure your that your the boss. Mwahahaha. Your demeanor comes across as serious and strict. Ppl naturally think let me not play with them. Your standards are high for yourself and your partner. You wouldnt be with somebody who doesnt match up to your standard. You need to feel like the person you’re with is equally as respected as you in any room you walk in.

Sagittarius: Im sure you believe you were meant to be famous. Sagittarius moons are very charismatic and great negotiators with a very convincing personality they are great at creating solutions quickly. So ofc that makes its very easy for them to make friends. In relationships they attract and are attracted to more dominate personalities. Loving the idea of love but really being in denial about that. Def gives player vibes they have flirtatious ass whore ways lmao. If you cheating ik you not even finna try hard to hide it. Easily bored they will chase thrills lowkey in a running from your problems type of way. Where sag moons can grow is appreciating the value they bring and not feeling the need to always compare themselves to others. Don't attach your self worth to financial security. Be more secure in what you believe and don't back down so easily when others challenge your ideas.

Capricorn: The moon doesn't like being here. Its emotionally depressing actually lol. I'm sure you've already read enough depressing interpretations on cap moons tho so this one is not going to be that. This one is meant to empower you. Youve experienced alot of chaos anger and pain. You've experienced very intense situations that have completely emotional up rooted you. But the smoke always clears and its important for to spend time away from the people and places that have caused this. Take the steps needed to regroup to be by yourself to develop better understanding of your emotions and learn what it is that truly want from your life. If you are not following your intuition it is easy for you to end up in friendships and relationships that do not mean you well. Your not the type of person who can just hang with anyone you need to very intentional about who you allow into your life. Communicate your feelings stop keeping everything bottled in. That shit will drive yo ass crazy. You dont have to be the strong friend all the time your emotions are valid, open up to ppl and share that shit because you dont share often you open up and talk people listen. Use that power to help others that have been through similar experiences to you. When you succeed in whatever obstacles you overcome ppl cant do anything but respect it bc your road was slow and steady but you stayed with it. When it comes to relationships you are very black and white you'll commit yourself fast but if you feel you cant trust the person you may still deal with them but emotional you shut them out. You like being partnered up rather its a relationship or situtationship you deal with the person for a long time.

Aquarius: I want to give you a hug, you are too analytical for your own good. Baby you need to stop thinking so much and you need to feel, you need to experience, act on impulse, dont give yourself time to think about everything that could go wrong. You sabotage so much of your own happiness that way. But i understand people have disappointed you so many times you feel you must do everything on your own. Its like nobody understands you or that people are committed to misunderstanding you. But news flash your not that expressive with your feelings how is anybody going to know if you dont tell them. Yall are cute though with yall dry ass humor. Listen stop being such a fly on the wall you hold as much value as anyone else stop acting like your presence is a fuckn burden. You dont have be agreeable all the the time they will be O FUCKN K. You are very intelligent and more people need to know that. Believing in yourself and communicating is your lesson. Shine your light and stop playing like fr...

Pisces: Ok we’re gonna get the sad shit out the way first. Just how yall like. I really feel like yr parents just let yall cry it out as a baby and you took that personal lmao. No but fr i feel like you always came across like you can handle things so you weren’t really checked on everyone just assumes you'll be ok. You come across as very strong and resilient which is beautiful but everybody needs a shoulder to lean on. Okay now remember how i said yall took that personally ummhm you can be very vengeful never forgetting he littlest slight somebody done towards you. Yall resort to committing crimes rather easily if you need some money lmao im not mad at it though. Literally rationalizing damn near anything if that means youll get what you want. And another thing yall be lying fr. lol sometimes it really do be on accident though you just forgot what really happened and your imagination is very vivid you thought that was the truth. You can be too hard on yourself sometimes you see very clearly the person you want to be so you put so many time limits and expectations on yourself. Chill out enjoy the journey and flow through life the way you know how to. You have very high standards so anything you invest your energy too is executed properly. I honestly cant even imagine a Pisces moon not running their own business. Im sure you cant either. You naturally have very authoritarian energy. Theres not much push and pull when it comes to you getting your way people go with your flow pretty easily. Naturally you wouldnt assume a pisces to be practical but they actually are. Sure they dream big but if they didnt know how to practically implement that into this realm that would just be depressing as hell. When yall find something that works for you, you are very disciplined at seeing it through. Very protective over those you love yall def give stand up when i walk in the room vibes lol

[nackrosor]

~Midnight Healing~

𝓢𝓲𝓶𝓸𝓷 𝓖𝓱𝓸𝓼𝓽 𝓡𝓲𝓵𝓮𝔂 𝔁 𝓣𝓮𝓪𝓶𝓶𝓪𝓽𝓮!𝓡𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻

[I highly recommend to put this song on repeat as background music. It will help set the mood.]

warnings/tags: 18+ smut, p*rn with feelings & plot, unexperienced reader, first kiss, first time, oral s*x (fem receiving), p in v, soft Ghost, slow dance, mutual pining, slight angst/comfort, Soap being the best mate, the team being supporting in their own way lmao, cap. price approved 👌🏻 summary: You're at the pub, enjoying a night out with your team. The soothing lulling music, the booze, Johnny's taunts and your own repressed feelings embolden you to invite Simon to join you in a slow dance. The dance leads to long overdue confessions which in turn lead to your first time together. word count: 12.5k. (longest one yet)

A special and huge thank you to my dear @magnoliabutters who has helped me SO MUCH. You've given me so many suggestions that inspired me to write the best possible version of this story. I probably would have given up halfway through if it wasn't for your support. I love you and appreciate you a lot. ♥️

You close your eyes and take a deep breath, elbows resting on the smooth surface of the counter with a thumb circling the cold rim of your half-full glass of bourbon. The soothing blues music playing in the background adds to your sense of calm, with notes vibrating through your limbs, echoing in your ribcage, and clearing your thoughts. You let yourself be lulled by the soft melancholy tune, quietly humming along and rocking your head in rhythm. 

Given your job as a task force officer, you rarely get a breather and a chance to enjoy a night out. It is a luxury for you and that is what makes it so special, a time to truly look forward to. Especially when you can share it with your brothers in arms, your family, not bonded by blood but by a profound feeling born through shared hardships and nurtured by trust, respect and understanding. One would imagine you'd prefer to spend your free nights alone or with different people, perhaps even a one-night lover, rather than with your coworkers, the very same guys you spend your entire days with, through sweat and tears, anger and frustration, and occasionally a moment of respite. This is exactly the reason why you wouldn’t dare unwind with anyone else; they are everything for you, the sole people you trust and you would gladly give your life for without hesitation. Why would you need anybody else? 

Seeing them loosen up for one night, just enough to treat themselves to a pint or a glass of whiskey is such the delight. You wouldn’t even need to chug a drink of your own to feel the tension leave your body, finally allowing yourself to relax. 

This time is no exception. Same place, same company, same feeling of being exactly where you need to be, of needing literally nothing else in the world.

"Enjoying yourself?" 

Soap's voice sounds clear in your ear and interrupts your blues-induced trance. A lazy smile greets you as you turn to look up at him. He settles down on the barstool next to you.

"Yeah… I love this music. It feels like a lullaby but instead of making me want to sleep, it makes me want to move, you know? "

"Sounds like you want to hit the dance floor! Care to give us a show?" 

"Wouldn't you like that!" 

You smirk at him, bumping your shoulder against his.

"Who wouldn’t?” he returns the nudge, playfully winking at you, “But I know someone who would particularly enjoy it, more than anybody else."

You raise an eyebrow, giving him a knowing look. Every time you come to the pub, you can't avoid one or two, occasionally three, drunken brash males hitting on you or simply gluing their eyes on you from afar, never stopping for the entire time you're here. You'd think that being literally surrounded by four menacing - some more than others - muscular men would prevent anyone from ever looking your way twice, especially weak-minded misogynists who don't believe a woman could take care of herself… That clearly isn't the case. Go figure! These people have no sense of shame or… self-preservation. 

"What ugly old man’s ball sack-looking dude is staring at me this time?" 

A chuckle escapes him. He shakes his head as he swirls the liquid in his glass before taking a sip. 

“No ugly old man’s ball sack-looking dude , just a possibly ugly dude.”

"Oh?" a wry smile takes form on your lips, "well, I could get behind that."

"He's been throwing some not-so-sneaky glances your way ever since we arrived."

"Yeah?”, you ask, taking a quick glance around the room. “Coordinates, Sergeant. Don’t leave me in the dark."

Soap's eyes glint mischievously as he subtly nods to your left, then raises his glass to his lips to take another sip and mask his grin. You follow the trajectory of his nod, gaze skimming the whole length of the counter, overlooking the serene faces of Gaz, Laswell, the captain, until it locks on a familiar pair of big dark eyes. The smirk on your lips immediately falters and your stomach flips. 

Simon is holding your gaze, seemingly unfazed, arms folded across his chest and muscles flexing under his black windbreaker. No matter how accustomed you are to seeing him in his casual attire, your heart always loses a beat whenever your eyes land on him. The way his skull balaclava hugs his face and the way the hood of his dark grey sweatshirt is all the way up, hiding his head, make his mesmerising eyes circled with black make-up even more striking and thus much more lethal to your poor weak heart. You’re so attracted to him, so infatuated… you’ve never felt this inexorable pull toward anyone before. It’s like a new form of gravity, so strong that you can’t even avert your gaze; it takes too much effort, like going against the laws of nature. 

Soap’s giggle draws you back from the trance. Your eyes dart around aimlessly for a moment before you whip around to glare at your friend.

“You’re a bastard.”

He shrugs innocently, that stupid grin of his still tugging at his lips.

"You saw it for yourself, he was staring."

"Yeah, 'cause he probably heard you or read your lips or… something."

"Right,” he says with a scoff, elongating the word. “Didn’t know superman was part of the 141…"

His mocking tone makes you roll your eyes. Grabbing your glass, you bring it to your lips and savour the sensation of the cool, sweet but strong liquid flowing down your throat. As you knock the empty glass back onto the counter, you catch a glimpse of Ghost. Fortunately, this time he appears to be engaged in discussion with Price, providing you with the green light that allows your wistful gaze to linger on him, unnoticed. 

"Well, you must admit that…”, you mutter almost to yourself, eyes reverently roaming his figure, “...if anyone had superpowers in our team, it would definitely be him." 

"Heh. You certainly look at him as if he already has them."

Johnny interrupts your reveries again and you shake your head, tearing your eyes away from Simon and trying to clear your mind in the process. "Stop it. He's just, he's-" 

"He's single, for all I know." 

The sergeant shrugs again with an innocent smile as you give him the stink-eye.

"You’re a menace ."

You poke him hard in the ribs, causing him to wince and almost spill his drink. You both can’t help but laugh.

“I swear if you told him or anyone anything… I'll strangle you in your sleep.”

“Mmm, so passionate, y/n. He’s gonna love that.”

You roll your eyes again, yet can't help but smile.

Soap is your best mate; you're closer to him than the rest of the squad, which is saying a lot given how close the team is. You may or may not have let your feelings for Simon slip during a private conversation one night at the HQ while you were a little tipsy, and he's been a little shit about it since then, unwilling to let you live it down. You know it's all in good fun, there's no malice in his words, but his taunts do nothing to help you keep your feelings under control. 

“You should tell him, by the way.”

“We’ve already talked about this, Johnny…”

“I just don’t understand why you’re keeping it to yourself. You scared of getting rejected?”

You shrug, your gaze fixed on the empty glass in front of you as you fidget with it absentmindedly. He struck a nerve. Taking the first step without being absolutely certain that your feelings are reciprocated and thus making a colossal blunder scares the shit out of you. Actually, the mere thought of taking a shot in the dark makes your stomach churn with dread. 

“Y/n, he would never turn you down. Never .”

“You don’t know that.”

Soap scoffs incredulously. “C’mon! You’ve seen the way he looks at you! There’s nothing PG-13 about it.”

He pauses for a moment waiting for your retort but when you don't give him any, he draws conspiratorially close to your ear. “Although, I guess you don’t get to hear what he says about you when it’s just us boys…”

You perk up, turning toward him with a curious and clearly hopeful look on your face. Does he know something you don’t? Or is he messing with you? You can never tell with Soap.

“W-what does he say?”

Soap grins victoriously, undoubtedly pleased with himself for catching you failing, yet again, to hide your stupid little crush. 

"Gave my word that I would keep my mouth shut..."

“Ugh!", you push him away with a hard smack on his arm, "you’re insufferable.”

“Go talk to him and find out on your own. In the unlikely case that what you fear the most happens, any of us smart boys would gladly take his place in your heart, love ."

You shake your head with a scoff, eyes drifting aimlessly to the other side of the room. Turns out, Johnny was trying to get under your skin, as per usual, however you can’t help but mull his words over.

Perhaps he's got a point, perhaps it is time to let it all out in the open and face the consequences , whatever they might be. Johnny said that Simon has talked about you with the guys. It might be nothing, but what if he really has let his own feelings slip during a conversation, just like when it happened to you with Soap? Or perhaps, he had a real heart to heart talk with his mates… 

You have your doubts, but then again why would Johnny mention that he spoke of you? Why would he try so hard to reassure you that Simon would never reject you? Why would he stress out the fact that he often gets caught staring at you? Could your friend be doing this solely for a laugh? No, Johnny is not that kind of person. He cares about you and he clearly understands how much you care about Simon. He would not give you a friendly push merely to watch you fall face first to the ground. There must be some truth behind his jokes and teasing… but are you ready to risk it all to find out? Being rejected isn't the only fear that prevents you from acting on your feelings... 

"Whatever.” You sigh at last, propping yourself up by pushing your palms against the edge of the counter. “I'm here to unwind, not get caught up in my head as usual. So… now, I’m going to dance. And, just to be clear, I'm not doing it for you or Simon or anybody other than myself."

The pointed look you give him makes Soap raise his hands in defeat, however it doesn't wipe that little smirk off his face. The glass grazes his curled up lips as he looks at you with an amused twinkle in his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah… You'll thank me later.”

His words get lost in the rising bustle of the pub; the cacophony of voices and the clatter of glasses gets louder just as the music fills your ears the more you get away from the bar. The soothing tune comes out of two huge amps set at either side of an empty stage, and floods over you, the sole person standing in front of it. You feel a bit self-conscious at first, sensing everyone's eyes on you but you try your best to ignore them. Letting your eyes flutter shut, you focus solely on the music, allowing yourself to be transported by the slow lulling rhythm. 

Soon, you're swaying your hips in time, your feet picking up their own pattern. You don't care about how you're moving, how it may look; all you care about is letting go, setting yourself free, feeling the music pass through you, and being completely in the moment. You dance worry-free, entirely surrendering control of your body to the enthralling and sinuous voice of the electric guitar. Few things are more freeing than dancing like nobody’s watching…

The song comes to an end almost too quickly and so does the enchantment that has seized you. When you open your eyes, chancing a look around you, you immediately meet Simon’s stare. He's still sitting at the bar but now he's turned toward you, back to the polished wood of the counter, one elbow resting on its edge. Clearly he has been watching you the whole time, enjoying the show , as Soap said. You feel a thrill run through you. Perhaps it's the alcohol kicking in, perhaps those feelings pushed deep inside you are finally emerging to the surface. Or is it just the adrenaline of the dancing still holding control over your body? 

Regardless of the answer, you find yourself walking toward him; the initial notes of a new song matching your sultry and unhurried steps. He firmly holds your gaze, but you notice the shifting in his seat as you approach him with renewed confidence.

You stop when you’re right in front of him, a coy smile plays on your lips while you hold out your hand.

"Care to join me?" 

His eyes flicker to your extended palm then wander over your face, as if he's looking for a cue that would tell him whether you're joking or being serious.

"You're outta your mind, princess ."

You raise your eyebrow at the word 'princess'. He knows you don’t like to be called like that but he doesn't seem to care. He keeps using that stupid term, especially when he wants to reprimand you, putting you in your place or just to tease you and get under your skin. But there is something in the way he said it just now, an endearing nuance in his tone that combined with his thick accent makes you melt like chocolate.

"Why? You seemed really interested only a minute ago."

You tease him with a challenging look on your face while you nonchalantly tug down the zip of your biker jacket. After the dance you're feeling a bit flushed, you need to let your skin breathe. No other reason for uncovering your cleavage, right? Definitely not to draw his attention to the deep neckline of your dress. Of course not, why would you do that? 

"I was only-" 

You interrupt him, arms folding across your chest, drawing his eyes even more to the curves of your body. " Enjoying the show , right."

"No.” He counters quickly, his voice loud and clear even over the music. Doesn’t he sound a little nervous? Or are you simply imagining it? 

“I was just… glad to see this carefree side of you. It's a good look on you."

You stare into each other’s eyes, your heart thumping hard in your chest. You didn’t expect to hear him say that.

"Well…”, you bite your lip as you try to ease your racing heart, arms falling back to your sides, “...dancing is very freeing. You should try it."

"I don't think it would work for me."

"Why don't we find out?" 

Shivering just a little, you take another step forward. His head slightly cranes up so that he can keep his piercing gaze on yours. You move your hand on his wrist, fingers wrapping gently around it before giving a little pull in your direction.

"C'mon…", you give him a teasing smile as you step back, head nodding back to the space behind you, “...let’s go.”

Despite your pulling, Simon doesn’t budge a single inch, but you see him hesitate. You keep tugging at his wrist, stepping backwards, even attempting to pout, until he silently relents and stands up, letting you drag him toward the stage at last. You didn't expect him to give up. You thought you'd have to put much more effort into it, or that you'd have to be the one giving up in the end. You're genuinely surprised by the turn of events but you won't let that dent your spirit now. You've just started playing with fire and you can't help but feel the thrill of it, the excitement lighting up inside of you. 

You stop when you reach the spot you previously made your own during your solo dance and turn around to face him. He stands there, tall and motionless, the hood of his sweatshirt still on; he looks so out of place on the dance floor, the sight makes you chuckle.

"Don't worry Si, nobody would dare judge you."

"I don't care about that."

"No?"

With a smile on your face, a gaze fixed on him, you start to sway your hips in sync again. His eyes immediately flicker down to take in your movements. He doesn’t seem to care about the fact that he looks like a freaking pole, standing so still in front of you, not moving even one muscle. His whole focus is on you and he seems to particularly enjoy being able to watch you from the best seat in the house.

“You could move your shoulders a little bit, you know? Or even just nod your head in time with the music.”

It’s so evident that he doesn’t know what to do with his body, where to even begin. You almost feel guilty of having dragged him there, of putting him on the spot.

“Here, follow my steps.”

You pick up a simple left-to-right footwork, following the slow but steady rhythm of the drums and encourage Ghost to mirror your motions with a nod and a gentle smile. He studies you, eyes observing your body attentively, picking up every little movement you make. 

He appears quite stiff as he attempts to follow along; his bulky body doesn't seem keen to make him look as graceful on the dancefloor as it does on the battlefield. But he's trying at least, and quickly getting the hang of it.

“That’s it! You’re not half bad, Si!” 

A soft chuckle escapes you as you bite your bottom lip. Seeing him dance - or try to - makes you oddly giddy, euphoric even. It's just such a rare and bizarre thing to see that you can't help but smile wide and enjoy the moment to the fullest.

Raising your arms in the air, you swing your hips and bend your knees as you lower your body to the ground, only to raise up again, twisting your curves like a snake. The thrill of his probing stare piercing you causes you to shudder; his eyes are unwavering, admiring your every move with utmost devotion. Having his undivided attention makes you feel alive, it makes you feel special and bold. 

You take a step closer and reach out to grab both of his hands in yours, your movements mellowing to fit his laid-back rocking. His calloused hands are surprisingly soft and warm as they wrap perfectly around yours, like matching pieces of a puzzle; his touch feels comforting, stable, safe. As you look up at him, eyes locking once again, you feel your heart pound rapidly in your chest. A small smile takes form on your lips to mask the turmoil rising within you.

“This feels… nice, doesn’t it?”

“It does.”

Your heart soars upon hearing his answer, smile widening.

“I didn't know you could dance."

"I can't dance”, you correct him with a light chuckle, “I simply enjoy moving my body to the music."

"Never seen you do that before."

"Well, most of you guys don't even like listening to music, so I only get to do it when I'm on my own… which is a rare occurrence since apparently you babies can’t leave me alone for more than one minute."

You squeeze his hands playfully, a cheeky grin playing on your face. You notice his eyes crinkle lightly in response.

"You can use my office, if you want. There's enough room to… move around."

You let out a hearty laugh, head shaking softly. Your eyes lower to the floor for a moment, monitoring the way both your feet move perfectly in sync and at the same time picturing the silly image in your mind.

"You gonna sit at your desk, grumbling over your paperwork while, with music blasting in my ears, I dance like nobody’s watching right in front of you?" 

"Why not,” he says with a shrug.

His voice doesn’t betray his collected demeanour, but you know he’s smiling underneath that mask.

"Well, for one…”, you raise one eyebrow, giving him a knowing look, “I think it would get pretty distracting, rather quickly." You bring your joined hands to the level of your eyes and his chest, slowly interlacing your fingers with his. The muscles of his arms seem to tense for a moment.

"...Fair enough."

"Secondly…”, you trail off, eyes flickering up to meet his serious stare, voice losing a bit of its jovial nuance, “...people might start talking."

"Who cares."

His remark is curt and blunt, and it takes you a bit by surprise. He actually sounds as though he wouldn't care less if your coworkers were to start spreading rumours about you two possibly being... intimate. Or perhaps you're merely grasping at straws. After all, you're talking about dancing. Nothing more, right? 

"You’re telling me that you wouldn’t care what the others may think or say?" your tone is clearly hesitant this time, vulnerable even, eyes frantically searching his, "...watching us dance like this? Being this close?"

He keeps silent for a long moment, gaze boring into yours. His hands then pull on your wrists, tugging you closer to him. He swiftly wraps his arms around your waist, while your hands fly onto his chest for support as a surprised gasp escapes your mouth.

“How could I give a crap about them or what they think… when I have you here in my arms?”

His straightforward statement catches you off-guard, causing you to stumble upon your feet. It feels like the tables have turned. Your flirtatiousness made him take the bait and now you’re the one who doesn’t know how to act. Your boldness instantly vanishes, it’s as if you never had it in you in the first place. A tardy nervous chuckle slips out of you as you struggle to regain your synced rocking.

“You must’ve had a drink too many, huh Si?”

“Never been more lucid in my life.”

You stare deeply into his eyes, a wild-eyed look on your face, as he firmly holds your gaze. Tension soaks the air around you, you can sense it getting thicker and thicker. Suddenly, there's not a single soul in the pub but you two. Your eyes locked, bodies swaying gently together, lightly brushing against one another. Your heart thumps forcefully against your chest. 

[ 2:26 min .]

… 

I just want to get your head back, baby

Give you all the love I got, for sure

So, baby, if you've got that feeling

You know I wanna give you that midnight healing

Oh, I just want to make love to you all night long

… 

Perhaps it's merely your perception, but the music appears to get louder. The song’s lyrics are now distinctly clear; they echo in your head, tickling your mind like a subtle hint intended specifically for you.

Returning your attention to Simon, you detect a strange glint in his eyes. Did he receive the hint as well? The way his grasp on your waist tightens, palms roving over your sides and drawing you even closer to him, seems to confirm your supposition.

You both seem to lean forward, attracted like magnets, until your faces are merely inches away. The music deafens, slowly making its way into the background, providing the perfect mood for this special moment. Neither of you says a word, instead you let your eyes speak for themselves. Everything around you seems to blur into a negligible mist. Simon has you hypnotised, just as the music did, with the intensity of his gaze and the warmth of his touch. As one of his hands slides up to your neck, fingers grazing the soft hollow area just above your pulse point, a sharp shiver travels up your spine. 

The room spins around you. All of a sudden, your heart pounds hard against your chest and in your ears. You sway on your feet with fingers tugging on his jacket to keep your balance. His hands move quickly to your back, to support your body as you shift your weight on him for a moment before catching yourself. You feel hot, dizzy, and out of breath. 

"Y/n?" 

"J-just give me a moment, will you?" You say rather harshly, unable to keep the rising panic and tension out of your voice.

His concerned gaze is the last thing you see before you abruptly pull away and dash back towards the counter, mind buzzing, chest tightening. You notice Soap’s smile drop into a puzzling look as he watches you rush over but before he can ask you anything, you hear Gaz's hesitant voice coming from behind you. 

"What's going on?" 

You throw a quick glance over your shoulder, instantly meeting his perplexed look. Your actions seem to have drawn the attention of Price and Laswell, too; you find both of their gazes set on you. 

You struggle to take deep breaths, your eyes darting aimlessly from one friendly face to another while your hands clutch around the table edges, fingertips turning white. It takes all your efforts to not raise your gaze toward the dance floor and rest it on the man still standing exactly where you have just left him. 

"Nothing! It's all going great!" 

Your voice comes out higher pitched than normal but you try to mask it with the most convincing smile you can muster. 

You turn toward Johnny before you can witness the other's reactions or give them time to question your words. Your friend pierces you with a questioning look that doesn't leave room for lies. 

"I-I think I'm gonna pass out."

He immediately reaches out to place a comforting hand on your arm as he slides his freshly refilled glass towards you.

"You ok? What happened?" 

Your hand shakes as you grab the drink. You rub it to your forehead, cheeks, and neck before moving it to your lips. The cool sensation of the glass against your feverish skin seems to ease your panic, even if only a little. You focus completely on the cold liquid scorching down your throat as you take a long sip. 

You gasp, pulling from the rim of the glass. "Nothing. It's just-" you take another deep breath, squeezing your eyes shut,"...it felt all-too real, all-too quickly, I guess. I'm not entirely sure. I panicked."

"Y/n," he coos softly, gently squeezing your arm, "you don't have to do anything you don't want to-" 

"But that's the point! I want it! We were so close, I mean… you saw it! If it wasn't for the mask, I’m pretty sure he would’ve leaned in for a kiss. I-I felt my heart was about to burst!” The words fall out of your mouth in a nervous rambling. “I wanted to close the distance so bad… that I fucking ran away." A deprecating chuckle escapes you, eyes rolling in disbelief. "I'm so fucking stupid!" 

Johnny squeezes your shoulder again, offering you a genuine smile.

"You are not stupid, y/n... Well, maybe just a little bit." He grins in response to your not-so-convincing glare. "Could a little more privacy help you feel better? You know there are rooms upstairs, you could always go there if you want to..."

You watch as his hand disappears inside his jacket and reappears a moment later, holding a small silver key between his fingers. He holds it out to you and you take it from him mindlessly.

Soap laughs as he detects the mute query in your stunned expression.

"I took it earlier thinking I might get lucky and use it for myself, but it looks like I’m not the lucky one tonight…"

Your gaze darts from your friend's face to the key, then back to him. Your heart starts racing again as the true meaning that small metallic object holds hits you like an unforeseen gunshot to the chest. You let out a loud groan, your hands flying to your face to hide your grimace.

"What is it now?"

"Johnny...", his name falls out of your lips in a sing-songy cry, barely audible above the music and chatter. Lips quivering both in embarrassment and fear for the confession you’re about to make. With a whisper, you share, "I've never been with anyone before... I've never even kissed anyone." You chance a look at your friend through your fingers. "What if I make a fool out of myself in front of Simon? Hell, who am I kidding? I-I already have!"

The astonished expression on Soap's face only aggravates your growing anxiety.

"Creeping Jesus! Y/n… I thought you… uhm, it’s okay-," he awkwardly shifts in his seat, his mouth opening and shutting without emitting a single sound, at least not one that you can hear. His gaze abruptly darts to the side, focusing on something far over your shoulder before moving back to rest on you with a barely concealed alarm. "Ok, take a deep breath, he's coming over."

You only have time to curse under your breath and pull your hands away from your face before you feel a presence behind you that makes every hair on your body stand on end.

When you hear your name being called, you turn warily to face the man standing by your side, stomach twisting as you meet his inquisitive stare. You believe you can also see a flicker of hurt in his eyes, too. 

"Simon, I'm… I'm-"

"She needed some fuel, L.T.!" Soap rushes to your aid, grinning up at Ghost and smacking him on the arm - a little too hard. "She's all good now… right, y/n?" 

He gives you a quizzical look, as if he's asking whether you're ready to handle the situation on your own or if you need more time; at least, that's what you believe he’s trying to convey.

You respond with a feeble nod before your gaze shifts to Simon. You offer him your glass. "A sip?"

He stares at you intently, seemingly studying your face, his expression now unreadable. 

"No."

"A-alright, more for me..." you fake a smile and then guzzle the drink all in one go. You slam the empty glass on the counter as you suck air through your teeth, grimacing at the piercing sensation of the scorching liquor spreading inside your system. Your gaze is drawn to Soap's, and you give him a somewhat confident smile, which he returns with a little wink.

Your hand then moves on its own accord, finding Ghost's large palm and interlacing your fingers with his; the contact sends a chill up your spine. When you look up at him, a ghost of a smile appears on your lips. You're not sure what you're doing or what's going to happen, but you try not to second-guess yourself too much and risk screwing up for the second time in a row.

Taking a step back, away from the counter, you beckon him to follow you.

"Come with me…"

He does not resist your pull. He does not hesitate for even one second. He trails behind you as you lead him up the stairs and to the second floor. 

Neither of you dare utter a single word as you walk through the corridor and come to a door that matches the number on the key Soap gave you. You don't dare glance at him as you walk in, taking in the dim tavern-like atmosphere of the tiny bedroom. Your gaze is immediately drawn to the king size bed in the centre, which takes up most of the space. Your mouth goes dry. You wonder what Simon might be thinking, if the same thoughts that course through your mind are pestering him as well. 

The sound of the door being closed startles you and makes you whirl around. Your gaze immediately captures his, and you gulp under his piercing stare.

With slow heavy steps that mismatch your thundering heartbeat, he walks over to you, stopping only when he’s towering right over you, standing tall in all his imposing height. You keep your gaze levelled in front of you, unable to meet his eyes, however his fingers curl under your chin and nudge your head up, forcing you to face him. 

" Princess… " he murmurs in a low breathy tone, his voice tinged with something akin to irritation, “why are you playing little games with me?”

Your stomach flips again. Of course he’d assume you’ve been messing with him, leading him on; it’s only fair considering the odd behaviour you’ve had all night. And probably not just tonight. 

“I’m not, trust me…”

He pauses for a brief moment, his keen eyes studying your face, possibly looking for proof of your sincerity.

"You brought me here. Why ?" 

"I-I don't know…"

"You don't know?" 

You mentally reprimand yourself for your dumb answer and shake your head in an attempt to dissipate the haze that has settled over your mind.

"I mean, I know why, but-" you try to swallow but your throat is dry. The intensity of his dark eyes boring into yours causes you to stutter, "f-fuck Si, you make me so nervous I can't even think straight!"

Your voice comes out louder than intended and soaked with frustration. Your hand moves on his wrist, tugging at it to pry yourself free from his grasp, but his hold on you does not relent.

"You were dancing for all the pub to see until a minute ago, and I make you nervous?" 

"Yes! Of course! I don't give a damn about those strangers! Why should I? Besides that's not the point! You make me nervous because you are... you are-" 

You shake your head again as you let out a shuddering breath, your gaze averted from his. You know you can't really back down now. You have to tell him the truth but it's damn hard to find the right words to express exactly how you feel. And more than that, to finally find the courage to say them.

You feel like your heart is on the verge of bursting out of your chest.

"You’re someone I really care about, Simon."

His fingers squeeze your chin, urging you to look up, and when you do you notice that his eyes have softened. 

“That made you panic?”

You give him a lopsided smile, but a short-lived one, for your anxieties come tumbling back, slithering into your mind and compelling you to address them, once and for all.

"T-There's something else..."

You want to tell him that you've never been with a man before, that you've never even had your first kiss yet, and that the thought of him, the only man you’ve ever loved, desired , possibly being your first, makes you incredibly nervous and self-conscious. You really want to tell him everything and free yourself of this burden but your voice gets stuck in your throat and you gape up at him, feeling your stomach churn.

Simon waits patiently for you to speak up, his fingers still holding your chin. The soft look he offers you seems to ease your tension a little. 

"I have…”, you draw a sharp breath, "...no experience in this field , if you catch my drift...”. You mutter those few words in a small voice as your face twists into a grimace. 

Your confession hangs in the air for what feels like eternity, your heart seems to have stopped beating altogether. 

"I know."

“Wha-?!”

You are completely thrown off by his matter-of-fact tone.

"H-how? Why-" you stutter, mouth gaping, your eyes wide. How could he know? You've never told anybody, not until a few minutes ago. But he couldn't have heard you, could he? That would be impossible. 

"Is it really so fucking obvious?" 

"No.” 

In stark contrast to yours, his voice sounds cool and collected. His fingers graze your skin as they move up from your chin to your cheek. "I figured you had no idea how this worked when suddenly you’re lacking your usual confidence and turning into a bloody school-girl. It threw me off at first. I thought you didn’t want this…”

" Hell…”, your head slowly shakes in disbelief, eyes darting to the side. 

Suddenly you don’t know if you should feel relieved, ashamed or sorry for it all. Your own body chooses for you, opting for an odd mix of the three; shoulders slumping, mind buzzing, you stare into space while his words sink in. 

So he's been into you the whole time but your mixed signals, caused by your stupid anxieties, have made it look like you were not into him? Or that you were just playing with him? Seriously? What kind of shitty B-rated rom com is this? 

" So , you've never been held by a man.” Simon’s calm voice draws you back to the moment, his fingers taking hold of your chin once again. “ Blimey . Is that what makes you so nervous?" 

"Is it really not a problem for you?" you ask out of genuine curiosity, brows furrowing as your eyes meet his.

Simon’s scoff almost turns into a hearty laugh as he holds your gaze, eyes crinkling.

"No man has ever put their filthy hands on you and I should be - what? Sad? Disappointed? For God's sake, princess..."

He shakes his head, fingertips taking better hold of your jaw as he leans down.

“You and your worries…” His tone is almost scolding but playfully so, eyes studying every feature of your face. “Stop thinking so much, you numpty . It’s not good for you.”

“Tell me something I don’t know…”, you let out a long shuddering breath, in an attempt to let go of the lingering worry still tightening your throat, "I just… don't want to fuck this up, Si. You mean too much to me..."

He hums softly. 

Silence engulfs you. A silence tinged with renewed tension. Not the type of tension that fuels your anxieties but the kind that makes you warm inside. Soft distant notes coming from downstairs fill the room, washing over you in a soothing yet electric wave, reminding you of the dance you shared, of how close you were and the desire that was rising, burning hot, inside of you. 

Just like a magnet the attraction between you and Simon grows. 

His free hand moves on the small of your back, pulling you closer to him and just like before, out of instinct, your hands land on his chest. He holds your chin high, his gaze piercing straight to your heart.

"Do you want me to kiss you?" 

You bite your lip, surprised by his forwardness, a nervous giggle shaking through you. "What kind of question is that-"

"Do you want me to kiss you, princess?" 

He asks a second time with a more serious tone that makes your nervous giddiness fade. Looking deep into his eyes, you take a long breath to ease your racing heart, or at least attempt to.

"Y-yeah, I want you to kiss me."

His hand moves over yours resting on his chest, and guides it up to his neck. 

"Pull up my mask, uncover my mouth. Only my mouth."

You stop breathing altogether, heart jumping in your throat. 

"Y-You want me to do it?" 

"Aye."

Touching his mask, pulling it up to uncover his face feels like such an intimate gesture… Your eyes roam reverently over his newly uncovered skin as your fingers gently peel up the fabric of his balaclava, until his mouth is completely exposed to your sight and you can let your adoring gaze truly linger for the first time. You’ve caught glimpses of his face before, his chin looking vaguely familiar for the few times you’ve seen Simon drink or eat in front of you and the team. But that’s all it has ever been: glimpses. You’ve never been allowed to study his clean-shaved chin and alluring mouth like you are now, from so up close.

"You have pretty lips…"

Your comment slips out of your mouth before your mind could register it and you grimace out of embarrassment. "Uh, sorry, that was-" 

Words die on your tongue as soon as you feel his hand firmly squeeze your jaw. Your eyes immediately dart to his, which bore into yours. Slowly - breathtakingly slow, he draws closer until his lips hover inches away from yours and you can feel his hot breath on your skin. You swallow dry. In a heartbeat he closes the distance, kissing you gently, softly but with a clear, barely-withheld passion. 

You respond to the kiss after a moment of stun. The contact of his lips on yours feels like a soft dream at first, one that seizes your mind in a haze and makes you walk on cloud nine, and then grows in force, as if Simon can't contain his desire any longer.

Your lips part and his tongue slips into your hot mouth, eager to explore this new territory. You moan in the kiss and meet him in a twisting dance of control. 

Every move comes surprisingly natural to you, as if you’ve done this a million times before.

His hand travels down from your back to your ass, fingers digging into the soft flesh with a possessive squeeze, then slips even lower to lift your short black dress at its edges and tug it upward just enough to expose the back of your thighs. He doesn't waste time when moving his hand onto that newly uncovered area, kneading the tight flesh there as he bends forward, causing you to arch your back and latch your hands around his neck. Bodies tucking closer. 

You take a deep breath as you slightly pull away, lips still grazing his, your hot breaths merging together. 

All the words you thought would play out in your head in such an important moment are now nowhere to be found. Instead, it’s all just a feeling of rightness between you and him. None of your fantasies could have ever prepared you for a feeling so… intoxicated. 

"Simon…", you usher in a barely audible whisper, slipping your hand under his jacket and feeling his muscles tense under your wandering touch. His lust clouded eyes search yours, his chest heaving hard, hands pressing against you and relenting a second later, as if he’s trying to restrain himself. 

"...I want you to be my first."

A guttural sound comes out of his mouth at your words, his fingers spread again on your ass cheek, squeezing it hard and causing you to whimper. His gaze seems to get darker and he draws closer once more, teeth grazing your bottom lip, nibbling at it. 

"Are you sure?" 

"Positive."

And just like that, as if a barrier has been finally lifted, his lips crush onto yours once more but harder, hungrier than the first time. In one swift motion he yanks the biker jacket off your shoulders and tosses it on the floor. You instantly match his eagerness, returning the favour; his own windbreaker dropping at your feet. 

Before your mind can register what’s happening, you find yourself back against the wall, your shoulder blades hitting the hard surface in an audible thud. You feel your guts twist as heat starts to pool in your belly. 

Your lips are still connected, unwilling to separate. His hands dive on your hips, the thin fabric of your flared dress creases under his ravenous groping. One hand slides down, curling up the hem and slipping underneath, meeting the side of your bare upper thigh. His palm closes around it, firmly, possessively as he lifts your leg up to his hip; you wouldn’t be surprised if you were to find a red mark on your skin later, nor would you be displeased. You moan in his mouth in response and let your own hands wander on his body, blindly scanning the muscles of his torso from above his sweatshirt, only to slide lower and lower, until you find its edges and curl them up. Your fingers sneak under the fabric, meeting the smooth skin of his abdomen; his muscles tense up at the teasing contact. Your palms climb up his abs, his pecks, committing the tactile sensation of every inch of his taut torso to memory. 

As you both pull away, gasping for air, you let your eyes fall to where your hands disappear under his clothes; you want to look at him, feast your hungry eyes on his naked body but before you can do it yourself, Simon grabs the hem of his sweatshirt and pulls it off his head, adding it to the rest of your discarded clothes. However, he doesn’t give you time to take his bare chest in, for he grabs the back of your thighs and lifts you up like you weigh nothing at all, walks you over to the bed and drops you on the mattress. 

Only at this moment are you allowed to let your eyes wander over the muscles of his torso, probably the only part of his body you've already had the pleasure of seeing in the past, although mostly in not so pleasant times, when he needed to be patched up. This time it's totally different. Your hungry gaze devours every inch of him, glinting in twisted pleasure when it meets the scars that you remember having tended to yourself. 

You're too eager to touch him again to keep laying there waiting. Quickly throwing your boots off the side of the bed, you crawl on your knees toward him, hands latching on the inseam of his trousers to unzip them. In the meantime he yanks his own boots off his feet and out of the way, with eyes glued to yours. 

When you're done with his zip, before you can tug his jeans down, he pushes you back on the mattress and joins you on the bed, settling himself on top of your body, knees resting at either side of your legs. 

“I’ve been waiting to do this for a long time.”

The way his raspy voice breaks a little as he ushers his confession makes your stomach twist.

“Do w-what, exactly?”

His hands move on your collarbone, peeling the thin straps of your dress and your bra off your shoulders. You allow him to tug them down your chest as you look up at him with nothing but unyielding passion. His eyes wander over your freshly uncovered breasts and you can see his adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, jaw setting hard. 

He takes a moment to answer, staring down at you, perhaps struggling to give voice to something that has been swirling against the recesses of his mind for quite some time. 

“Push you on a bed, pin your body under mine and… taste you.”

A sharp shiver runs up your spine at his words, heart skipping a beat. 

One of his palms closes around your breast, firmly squeezing the soft flesh, while the other lifts the skirt of your dress up to your stomach. Without missing a beat he bends down beneath your thighs and presses his mouth against your panties, just above your lower belly. 

“Oh!”

Your hips buck up on their own at the sudden stomach-churning contact. His free hand moves to rest on your upper thigh, pressing your body back against the mattress. 

"This is uncharted territory, innit?"

"I-It is, Lieutenant…", you match his playful tone even though your voice is but a mere whisper, struggling to get out in between your ragged breaths, "...nobody has yet claimed that path..."

You hear him hum in appreciation and you feel his voice too, vibrating against your core.

"Don't mind if I do."

You take a sharp breath as you feel his lips press against you again, only lower this time, teasing your most sensitive part. The thin fabric of your underwear does nothing to muffle the intense touch and yet the obstacle irritates you, you want it out of the way and Simon seems to share your feelings. Both his hands move on your hips, grabbing the hem of your panties and sliding them down and off your legs. A thrill curses through your whole body at the sight of your undies being tucked inside the back pocket of his jeans. Simon’s eyes crinkle lightly as they watch your reaction, lips curving into a smirk.

You don’t really care about them now, whether he’s planning on returning them or making you walk out of here butt naked. All your attention is drawn to the cool breath blowing against your delicate skin, turning hot only a second later as Simon leans closer, until you feel his lips meet your heat and cause you to whimper. The cloth of his mask grazing against your folds only adds to the stimulating touch.

His hot tongue swipes up your core once, twice, with hands spreading you wider for him to reach every inch of you. Another slow stripe from your entrance up to your clitoris and your body shakes in ecstasy. He latches his lips to you and starts to suck hard, swirling his tongue around your nub and dragging it up and down along your wetness. 

He said it. He wanted to taste you. And that is exactly what he’s doing, with no hesitation whatsoever, nor waste of time. You’re already a quivering mess beneath him, pathetic whines falling from your parted lips, hands closing in fists as fingers dig into the sheets. 

“F-Fuck, Simon…”

You feel his soft chuckle against you; it drives you mad. 

He shifts from his position, lips pulling away as he grabs the back of your thighs to tug you closer and pin your spread legs to your stomach. You chance a look at him through your heavy lidded eyes. His lips and chin are wet with your juices, the sight ignites a fire inside you that you’ve never felt before. The way you’re spread for him, your privateness so thoroughly exposed for the first time in your life… you thought that you’d be embarrassed, that you’d be awfully shy to show yourself like this, especially to him. You do sense a faint tightness in your stomach and a warmth spreading in your face, yet there’s another feeling prevailing over the rest. A feeling that surges from Simon himself; the way he leans back down, hands travelling up your body to grab your breasts, the way he’s devouring you like a starved man, the way he’s taking care of you, making sure to pleasure you, to make you feel good… It allows no room for awkwardness or discomfort, only a warm pervasive and soothing feeling of pure care and devotion to wash over you and envelope you whole. 

The lewd sound of his mouth working against you has long prevailed over the music and it only seems to grow in tone the more the tightening of the heat in your belly grows in intensity. You feel it coming, the high is close. Your hands fly toward him, landing on his head. You grab his mask, tug at it, feeling it slip from its place, then you freeze abruptly, as soon as you realise what you’re doing. You look down again, instantly meeting Simon’s hard stare. A strange glint passes over his eyes; he seems to ponder something for a moment then come to a final decision. In a few dismissive moves, he pulls away from you, grabs the dark fabric curled under his nose and yanks it off his head, throwing it carelessly on the floor. 

Your heart is sent into a frenzy. It no longer knows what to do; whether it should keep thundering in your heart for the intense and building pleasure or stopping altogether for the shock of what you have just witnessed. Your wide eyes wander toward him, curious and hesitant at the same time but they only catch a glimpse of his bare face before he disappears between your legs once again, latching his mouth on you even more greedily than before, possibly feeling more free in his movements without the mask impediment. You want to watch him, stare at him as he drives you to heaven but your head falls back on the mattress, eyes squeezing shut and back arching sharply as a wave of skin-crawling chills sets your entire body aflame. It is nothing like the orgasms you’ve had before, when you touch yourself. This is a new feeling; it’s intense, it goes to your head, it makes you dizzy and wordless. It makes you feel loved. 

Simon keeps moving against you, tongue curling at your entrance, gathering up the fruits of his hard work. His hands still pinning your thighs close to your stomach, fingers digging in your soft flesh as he eases your shakes. 

Your mind is still struggling to come out of the haze when your hand blindly travels down in search of him. Fingers tug at his short locks of hair, urging him to come up to meet you. He lingers a moment longer to press a soft kiss on your swollen bundle of nerves, then on your lower belly and between your breasts as he makes his ascent. Finally he faces you, eyes meeting again. 

If your body wasn't already heavily overwhelmed, the sight of his beautiful sharp features would send all your senses into overdrive. 

He looks at you so openly, dark eyes twinkling with adoration and what you can only read as vulnerability, that you find yourself unsure of how to act. 

Would this special moment turn awkward if you were to make a comment on his looks? You wouldn’t want to make him uncomfortable. Removing his mask must take such an effort… you don’t want to risk making this more stressful for him. You opt for keeping your comments to yourself, at least for now. 

Instead, you let your hand rest on his face, caressing his skin, softly, slowly, as if it’s the most fragile thing in the world and you have to handle it with utmost care. You hope that by doing this you can show him and reassure him that everything is ok, nothing has changed, surely not for the worse. That you deeply appreciate the fact that he decided to let his guards down, to be vulnerable with you. That’s what you try to convey with your adoring gaze and your tender touch, and you sincerely hope it reaches him.

When you feel him lean into your touch, a content smile spreads on your face and you instinctively tilt your head up, capturing his damp lips in a passionate kiss that instantly rekindles the desire inside of you. Simon matches your eagerness, hands travelling down your body to caress, grab, squeeze, grope and tease anything he finds on his path. You do the same, mapping his muscular torso, skimming your fingers down to his navel. 

For a moment, only a moment, you hesitate to go lower as you get caught up in your head, worries threatening to hold you back again, but the way he interrupts the contact of your lips to place a trail of sloppy kisses down the sensitive skin of your neck makes your worries fade again and you slip your hand inside his unzipped jeans. You relish in hearing the guttural sound that rewards your action; it compels you to rub your hand over his boxers with more confidence, feeling his bulge with a light squeeze.

Simon hastily brings his hand to his waistband and tugs it down, his boxers receive the same treatment. Your hand now closes around his erection, giving it a few tentative strokes. He draws a sharp breath.

“ Bloody hell , princess…”

He mutters in the crook of your neck and you shiver. His reaction encourages you to increase the vigour of your movements.

“Is this ok?”

He hums softly, hips starting to buck in sync with your hand. He lets you fondle him, drag your fingers on the tip wet with precum, make him moan in pleasure as your hold around his girth tightens… then he pulls away, grabs your hand and brings it to his lips for a soft peck on its back.

You follow his movements, eyes drawn to his lips then flickering down to his cock. By the touch you assumed it was pretty big and the sight only confirms your thoughts but it shocks you anyway.

You hear him huff a laugh through his nose.

“Do you think you can take me, mh?”

Your eyes dart back to his face, meeting his amused look.

“I don’t know…”, you bite your lips, the angles of your mouth curling up in a playful smirk, “but I sure as hell ain’t gonna back down from a challenge.”

Your heart soars with joy seeing his face crack into a pleasantly surprised expression, a chuckle coming out of his mouth.

“Good girl.”

He pins you with his mesmerising gaze, bending down on you again. He leans on the side, toward the bedside table. You crane your neck to watch. His hand slips into a black smoking-bowl and comes back with a small metallic sachet. Protection. Of course. This place is well-equipped. Your curious eyes keep following his movements as he takes the condom and secures it onto his throbbing erection. You swallow as his gaze moves back on your face, your stomach starts churning again. He seems to sense your nervousness and leans down, hand grabbing your jaw, eyes piercing right into yours.

“Don’t worry, princess. I’ll be gentle.”

You nod with a smile, then take a deep breath.

“It’s okay. I trust you, Si.”

He leans in for a quick soft kiss, hand guiding his erection between your legs, tip rubbing against your slit to coat it in your wetness. Your whole body tingles in anticipation. 

“Stop me anytime if you need to.”

He waits for your confirmation before he slides in, bit by bit, easing you to the intrusion. An instant groan comes out of his mouth.

“Oh, you’re so fucking tight!”

Your brows furrow, your jaw sets, soft cries come out of you as he settles inside your walls but you don’t stop him. He kisses your neck, right on the spot he learned that makes you quiver the most, your hands clutched at his sides. It doesn’t take long for the nagging feeling to fade and for you to get accustomed to the sensation as your core stretches to welcome him fully.

Simon feels your body relax and starts to push into you, slowly, carefully, letting out pleased grunts of his own. His hands wrap around the back of your thighs and lift them up to his waist. You latch your legs around his body, a maneuver that allows him to bury his cock deeper inside you and that causes a loud moan to erupt from you.

“G-God… That’s…”

His lips trail back from your neck to your jaw, teasingly brushing your skin, until they hover on your open mouth; his eyes take in your contorting features with a pleased smile. 

He rocks at a steady pace against you while his hands roam your body, travel up your hips, caress your breasts, skim along the shape of your arms, stopping only to let his fingers interlace with yours, and pin your hands down to the mattress, at either side of your head.

You feel your lucidity slip from you completely. No coherent words come out of you, only a nonsensical mumbling. The way he’s thrusting inside of you, so deep and precise, hitting that perfect spot at each push, it takes every fiber in your being not to scream out loud and make the whole pub know how Simon’s fucking you sensless. 

You can only focus on how you’re connected to him, how he is filling you up so beautifully, how your bodies move wonderfully together; it’s almost like a dance, a primal animalistic dance that belongs to you two only. You even have the music to accompany your dance moves, a soft sensual melody that perfectly complements your passion-imbued union of trembling bodies.

So this is how it feels to have sex? This is how it feels to be wholly consumed by lust and desire? Or could this overwhelming sensation simply be Simon’s doing? To have him make love to you?

“Y/n…”

It takes a lot of effort for you to hum back in response.

Simon’s lips crush clumsily against yours as his movements become frantic and sloppier. He must be close to reaching the high. And so are you. Your eyelids are heavy, your sight slightly blurred and unfocused.

“Si, I think I’m about to-”

He pulls away from your lips, spine straightening, piercing eyes landing on your face as one of his hands slips from yours and travels along your body, down toward your core. He deliberately rubs your slit with his palm before he picks up a hectic waving motion to stroke your swollen nub, immediately triggering a shock wave of shivers to spiral up your back. Your head spins at the additional stimuli. Your eyes squeeze shut, cries fall out of your mouth as you contort in pleasure.

You feel his other hand grab your jaw and shake it lightly, demanding your attention.

“Eyes on me, beautiful.”

You look up at him with glazed eyes, dizzy and yearning for your release. With every stroke and every thrust you lose yourself more and more into the bliss.

His hand settles on your neck, closing around your throat, not hard enough to delay your breathing but providing you with such a thrilling and wicked pressure that makes you salivate and that instantly sends heat flaring in your belly, causing your need to build faster and even more intense.

Panting hard, your hands now free, you grip onto Simon’s strong arms while you progressively lose focus on every way he’s indulging your desire, instead centring your heightened senses on the feelings he’s awakening. The last thread of restraint then finally snaps and you reach the peak, core lightening with an answering flame that you’ve never felt before. You lose yourself in the waves of pleasure overtaking you, barely taking notice of Simon’s rutting inside you once, twice, three more times before his body goes still against you and a deep groan erupts from him. Both of you anchor the other’s body, pressing together, relishing in the other’s shudders and panting breaths. You’re so flush against him that you can feel his heart, challenging your own in a speed race and then gradually slowing down.

Chest heaving, you cradle the back of his head, letting your fingers thread between the roots of his hair, while he blows his hot breath on the crook of your neck as you both ease down from your highs. The warmth of his body is comforting against yours, you never want him to let go. The rousing feeling of his cock still buried inside you, resting between your fluttering walls is one you could easily get used to. It almost takes your breath away when Simon slides out of you, leaving you bare.

His damp lips press against your boiling skin, trailing up your jaw. You close your eyes and take a deep breath, committing this idyllic moment to memory. 

His thumb gently strokes your chin, fingers resting upon your cheek. When you open your eyes, he's already looking at you with the loveliest smile you've ever seen graze his face. You return it with one of your own.

"Si..." you pause, staring deep into his eyes. There's so much you want to say, a multitude of emotions running wild and untamed inside of you that needs to be addressed and yet you struggle to find the right words to tell him how you feel.

The realisation of what has just happened downs on you. You've spent years fantasising about this moment, fearing the real thing wouldn't even come close to your idealised perfect first time. Wondering when, where, with whom you would live through this experience. You're euphoric to admit to yourself that the real thing has surpassed the fantasy by a landslide. 

"I'm... glad it was you."

It sounds silly when you say it. You could have chosen from a billion other thoughts you had swirling in your head, yet this one drowned out the rest. But as silly as it may sound, it’s the truth: you’re beyond thrilled he was your first. There’s no other man in your life that you trust, respect, and love as much as him with whom you could share such intimacy. 

You see the angle of his lips curl up to one side, the pad of his thumb softly brushing the outline of your bottom lip. 

" I'm glad it was me ."

Your face cracks as you erupt in a giggle. With your palm against his cheek, you gently push him away. "Simon..."

He smiles down at you, his eyes crinkling as he leans down again to kiss the crown of your head before drawing all the way back and getting off the bed. 

Your gaze follows him as he tosses the used condom into the trash can and pulls up his underwear and jeans. As he picks up the rest of his clothes from the floor and gets dressed again, your devoted gaze glides up and down his body, a permanent smile engraved to your lips. You feel so lucky to be able to witness such a sight… You still have a hard time believing your eyes.

“Now, who’s enjoying the show ?”

His amused glance meets yours, and you give him a sheepish smile, followed by a shrug.

"I'm just taking it all in..."

"Oh, you've already taken it all in , princess."

You let out a shocked scoff, your mouth wide open. You dismissively wave your hand in front of your face and shake your head, as you feel a crawl of heat flooding to your cheeks. 

"Oh, shut up..."

You love his sense of humour. It’s one of the qualities you like the most about him. And now that you’re… well, even closer to him, the sarcasm is only bound to get more pungent. Not that you’d complain about it.

His low chuckle fills your ears as you distract yourself by adjusting your bra and dress, then taking a seat on the side of the bed to slip your boots back on. You notice a heap of black and white fabric on the floor at your feet and bend down to pick it up. It's his balaclava.

The thought doesn’t even have time to fully form in your mind that you’re already pulling the mask over your head. Unfortunately there’s no mirror in the room to check your reflection, to see how the skull fits you but the cloth feels surprisingly nice against your skin and… you can smell his scent.

The sudden lack of rustling from behind you causes you to spin around and you find Simon staring at you, holding your jacket. He walks toward you, handing you the garment, reaching then for your face to adjust the fabric on your nose and on your chin. He stops to give you an appraising look.

"It looks better on me."

You chuckle, smacking him playfully on the chest. “Oh, c’mon… what if I want to wear one, too?”

"And hide your beautiful face? Negative.”

“Well, then…”, you pin him with a challenging look, palms pressing hard against your cheeks, securing the mask on your head. “I won’t let you hide your beautiful face, either.”

You see him softly shake his head as he huffs a chuckle through his nose. After a moment, he reaches for his back pocket and retrieves your undies, waving them high above your head. 

“What? You’ll put those on your head instead?”

You try to suppress the laugh by biting on your lips but it erupts out of you anyway, like a river in flood. The pointed look he gives you only makes it worse.

“Alright, alright…”

Still snickering, you pull on the fabric and peel it off your head, holding it out to him. 

He takes the mask from you but doesn’t let go of your undies. He puts them back in his pocket as casually as he took them out.

You scoff, tilting your head to the side. "Really?" 

“I’m keeping them, as a memento.”

You stare at him, appraising his solemn expression. If he wants them then you’ll let him have them - the fabric is ruined anyway. They're not even your favourite pair, thankfully.

“First and last time you steal something from me, Si!”

“Can’t make promises, princess.” 

Your chest swells as you try to read between the lines. It's inevitable. You can't help but wonder if he means to tell you something else. Will there be a next time, or multiple next times? Does he plan on stealing something else? Like, your heart? To be honest, he's already halfway there, but he doesn't need to know that. At least not yet. 

You keep on looking into each other's eyes for a bit longer. You think you can detect the profound fondness behind his look. Your lips curl up in a shy smile.

“Ehm… I believe we kept the guys waiting long enough." you say, breaking the silence. "We should get back downstairs."

He gives you a curt nod but instead of moving away, he draws closer to you. Taking your chin between his fingers, he leans down and angles your head to brush one more kiss against your lips. The contact is strikingly gentle and it takes your breath away. It’s a kiss infused with unspoken words of devotion, promises, feelings which are too strong to be shared so early on but that are already there, growing, blossoming. Both your hearts are gardens in bloom. 

He pulls away, resting his forehead against yours for a lingering moment before taking a step back and disguising his face once again. 

The action saddens you but at the same time it fills your chest with pride; you're the only one who has been blessed to bask in the beauty of his seldom-seen bare face and no one else will receive such special treatment. Not today. Hopefully never. Is it selfish of you to wish that? Perhaps, but you don't care. Not when images of your lovemaking are still so fresh in your mind. Not when you can still feel the worshipping touch of his hands and tongue on your body. Certainly not when the cool, humid air of the room hits the wetness of your exposed core beneath the dress. 

You exchange a knowing look before moving towards the door and walking down the stairs together. That soothing tune, now linked with poignant core memories, floods in your ears once again, growing louder as you return to the main area and towards the bar. Your team is still at the counter, exactly where you left them... how long ago? You have no idea how much time has passed. You were too engrossed in your passion to pay attention to the outside world and its trivialities.

Johnny glances behind his shoulder just as you and Simon make a beeline toward the group. You can see his lips moving; he must be saying something to the others because they all crane their heads to look at you before returning to their drinks. Soap is the only one who whirls around, bivouacing on his seat and all over the counter like a fucking braggart as he meets your eyes and winks at you. 

Oh, he'll take yours and Simon's hookup as a personal victory, and he'll brag about it; you already know it. But you're far too happy right now to be bothered by it. Let him gloat. You're the one who got the reward, anyway. 

When you eventually make it to the bar, no one acknowledges your arrival. Nobody says anything about your absence or the dance prior to that. Their silence only serves to emphasise that they are all aware of what happened. The furtive glances they cast your way, some more mischievous than others, serve as plain confirmation. 

"Now that we're all here, I suppose we can head out." 

The captain's voice calls out to everyone as he stands up from the barstool. "Unless the two lovebirds fancy one last drink?" 

You try to ignore the appellation he used and the way your stomach flipped in response. You raise one hand and shake your head, avoiding his eyes as well as the urge to glance up at Simon. "I'm good."

A beat.

"Alright then. Off we go."

On cue, everyone gets off their seats, some knocking back their glasses, others stretching their legs. You take advantage of the shuffle to walk over to Johnny and hold out the key to him. He takes it back without a word but the sly smile playing on his face is hard to miss. You hope at least he has the decency to hold off of grilling you for deets until you’re back at the HQ.

You seem to catch a movement in your peripheral vision: Price giving Simon a firm pat on the shoulder? You’re tempted to turn your head to take a better look when a loud scoff interrupts you and draws your attention back to your best mate.

"Bloody hell, y/n! You and L.T. are not joking around!" 

Your brows furrow upon hearing his remark and when you follow the trajectory of his stunned look, your eyes widen as they meet the cloth of your undies poking out of his back pocket. You spring into action right away, grasping the exposed edge to yank it farther inside his jeans. Simon’s own hand reaches behind him to wrap around yours, fingers interlacing, as he maintains his focus on Price in front of him. Your chest swells at the gesture, heat rising in your cheeks,  but you manage to turn around and zap Johnny with a fierce glare anyway.

He makes a show of zipping his lips and throwing away the key. However, the grin he flashes you is so contagious that you find yourself returning one of your own.

It appears like you're in for a ride full of taunts, jokes, knowing looks and funny name-calling. Your mates will give you two no rest… but who gives a shit about it? Simon said it first. Why should you care? You'll take this and much worse if it means getting the chance to explore your feelings with the man of your dreams and spending many more nights out - or inside his spacious office - dancing together.

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