#the useless comics
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Always Prepared
"I also have painkillers if you need them"
As a single man that raised a girl all by himself Matthias developed a habit of carrying the "lady utilities" with him just in case.
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A reasonable one
#when you find out you have the most useless skill in the world#your first course of action should always be to prank your man with it#art#comic#ask#du drow#astarion
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gale origin playthru from astarion’s pov or smth like that
#bloodweave#astarion#gale of waterdeep#gale dekarios#bg3#baldur’s gate 3#ihhhhhhhhhuuhhhhh bad idea to make a comic that’s not required for work#but finally fucking finished it. excuse the horrible lettering I cannot be fucked#tbh when Tara came in with that fucking ring of agility like#first rest I was like. girl why are you giving me something useful#and I rushed to find the most useless object I could#thank you Komira you’re a real one#also I’m so sorry to astarion for simplifying the swaggy gold decor on your outfit but I was not drawing that twenty times#also yeah this is like early act 1 no one knows about the netherese orb or astarion’s vampirism (supposedly) yet
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get him!
#siffrin? more like sif is out au#inspired by someone that said the panel where everyone turn around and go 'siffrin!' in the useless idiot comic made them imagine sif as#a dog being reprimanded#isat#isat spoilers#?
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…..I should be working rn but one of the songs in my playlist hit harder than usual so
#maccadam#transformers#deadlock#idw deadlock#drift#ratchet#idw ratchet#dratchet#ratchlock#also#this kind of fics that makes them run into each other during the war#while Ratchet is younger and Drift is still Deadlock#i love them#*stops shooting* oh hey Doc#*stops shooting* oh hey kid#both proceed to just casually ignoring each other’s fractions#Deadlock would never even think of killing Ratchet and Ratchet would never betray this trust#…….sometimes I like to think that tfp Ratchet doesn’t like being called ‘doc’ because that was how tfp Deadlock called him#one day I gather enough motivation to draw that one comic I was thinking about for half a year now#about tfp Deadlock arriving to earth to rejoin Megatron#and then humans and Autobots at some point discovering his fucked up romantic situation with Ratchet#….I just thought I probably would need to make Deadlock flying alt mode so he’s not completely useless in space and sky#eh idk#I just wanna draw everyone’s O_O faces when Decepticon’s high in command just casually calls Ratchet doc or Ratch or smth#oh wow I got carried away with these tags
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got a worm nibbling my brain. can someone help me find a piece of obscure media?
webcomic/indie comic from the 2010s. basically a sci-fi short story about a young girl (with red hair?) who was being raised by scientists as part of an experiment. she receives a haircut/has her head shaved, in preparation for her annual brain scan/testing. it is revealed that while her body is human, her "brain" is artificial, made of computer implants throughout her skull and spine. at some point her biological mother (also a scientist on the same campus?) encounters her and is repulsed, viewing her as a machine who has murdered her daughter.
it was very poignant and it bruised my heart and i can NOT find it anywhere
#i thought it was made by the creator of 'O Human Star' for some reason but apparently not?#goddammit goddammit goddammit#'i don't have to write down the title of this piece of media i encountered in my formative years bc i'll always remember it'#*cut to ten years later frantic googling*#fun fact 'a.i.' is now a completely useless search term#google in general is useless#and stuff i read 3+ years ago regularly vanishes from the internet#bookmarks are not enough! if you like indie media--download that shit! buy digital/physical copies while you can#save it to the cloud back it up and organize that shit!!!#keep a list of the stuff you read (organized by date/media type and possibly with keywords if you want it to be useful longterm)#(or a spreadsheet even if you're like me and rabidly consume short stories/comics like a pack of amnesiac piranhas on a feeding frenzy)#(that stuff PILES UP over the years ok. if you wanna make sure you'll be able to find it again a decade later--curation is key)#because art WILL touch your soul and then vanish into the void leaving naught but a 404 Error in its wake#i am an old man shaking my fist at the kids on my lawn but the kids on my lawn are me and my longterm digital planning skills circa 2012
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Valid reasons for interrupting JLA meetings:
Emergencies
You have cute baby pictures. This is a surefire way to distract everyone.
#Hal and Bruce and Diana and Clark all become completely useless.#The others try and fail to get it back on track#But then come the cute baby videos#dc comics#jla#Justice League#Watchtower shenanigans
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hal and johns turn to be shot by my woman beam
extra-
#dc comics#green lantern#hal jordan#john stewart#kyle rayner#projecting my uselessness on kyle#also projecting my perverted brain on hal by turning him into a muscle mommy. sorry world. i cant help it
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Miguel is Fine, Actually (Being Spider-Man's Just Toxic As Hell)
Before I watched ATSV I said that I would defend my man Miguel O'Hara's actions no matter what, because he's always valid and I support women's wrongs. I was joking, and I did not actually expect to start defending him on Tumblr.edu. But I'm seeing a lot of commentary that's super reductive, so I do want to bring up another perspective on his character.
Miguel wasn't acting against the spirit of Spider-Man, or what being Spider-Man means. Miguel isn't meant to represent the antithesis of Spider-Man. Miles is the antithesis of Spider-Man. Miguel represents Spider-Man taken to its extreme.
Think about Miguel's actions from his perspective. If you were a hero who genuinely, legitimately, 100%, no doubt about it, believed that somebody is going to make a selfish decision that will destroy an entire universe and put the entire multiverse at severe risk - if you had an over-burdened sense of responsibility and believed in doing the right thing no matter what - you would also chase down the kid and put him in baby jail to try and prevent it. He believed that he was saving the multiverse, and that Miles was putting it in danger for selfish reasons. Which is completely unforgivable to him, because selfishness is what he hates the most. And then he goes completely out of pocket and starts beefing with a 15yo lmfaooo he's such a dick.
But why did Miguel believe that? Why did he believe that Miles choosing himself and his own happiness over the well-being of others was the worst possible thing? Why did he believe that tragedy was inevitable in their lives, and that without tragedy Spider-Man can't exist?
Because he's Spider-Man.
Peter Parker was once a fifteen year old who chose his own happiness over protecting others. It was the greatest regret of his life and he never forgave himself. Peter's ethos means that he will put himself last every time, and that he will sacrifice anything and everything in his life - his relationships, his health, his future - to protecting and helping others. Peter dropped out of college because it interfered with Spider-Man. He destroyed his own future for Spider-Man. He ruins friendships and romantic relationships because Spider-Man was more important. If Peter ever tries to protect himself and his own happiness, then he's a bad person.
That is intrinsic to Peter. Peter would not be Peter without it. A story that is not defined by Peter's unhappiness is not a Spider-Man story. If Peter doesn't make himself miserable, then he's just not Peter.
That is a Spider-Man story: that not only is tragedy inevitable, that if you don't allow yourself to be defined by your tragedy then you're a bad person. If you don't suffer, then you're a bad person. If you ever put anything above Spider-Man, then you're killing Uncle Ben all over again. Miguel isn't the only one that believes this - as we saw, every Spider-Man buys into what he's saying. There's no Spider-Man without these beliefs.
Miguel attempted to find his own happiness, and he was punished in the most extreme way. He got Uncle Ben'd x10000. He tried to be happy, and it literally destroyed his entire universe. It's the Spider-narrative taken to the extreme. Of course Miguel believes all of this. Of course he believes this so firmly. He's Spider-Man. That's his story. And the one time Miguel tried to fight against that story, he was punished. And like any Spider-Man, he'll slavishly obey that narrative no matter the evil it creates and perpetuates. Because if he doesn't, the narrative will punish him. The narrative will always punish him. It's a Spider-Man story.
I don't think the universal constant between Spider-Mans, the thing that makes them Spider-Man, is tragedy. I think it's the fact that they never forgive themselves. And Miguel is what that viewpoint creates. He doesn't believe this things because he's an awful, mean person. He believes them because he's a hero. He's a good person who hates himself.
Across the Spider-verse isn't really a Spider-Man story. It's a story about Spider-Man stories. Miguel's right: if this was a Spider-Man story, then Miles acting selfishly really would destroy the universe. But Miles' story isn't interested in punishing him. It pushes back against Peter's narrative that unhappiness is inevitable and that you have to suffer to be a good person. It says that sometimes we do the right thing from love and not fear, and that Peter's way of thinking is ultimately super toxic and unhappy. ITSV was about Miles deciding that he didn't need to be Peter Parker, that all he needed to be was Miles, and ATSV is about how being Peter Parker isn't such a good thing. Miguel shows that. Whatever toxic and unhealthy beliefs he holds - they're the exact same beliefs that any Spider-Man holds. He's a dick, but I don't think he's any more awful a person than Peter is.
TL;DR: Miguel isn't a bad person, he just has Spider-Man brainrot.
#across the spider-verse#atsv#atsv spoilers#across the spider-verse spoilers#across the spiderverse#across the spider verse#miguel o'hara#atsv meta#source: i recognized an embarassing amount of those cameos#im also seeing a lot of ppl make a lot of assumptions about what miguel was injecting and why#we dunno guys! im not gonna suppose anything#I just think that Miguel and Miles are great foils#and that what makes them interesting as foils#is the fact that they're both good people who want to do the right thing#miguel shows how that gets twisted#to the point where you beef with a 15yo sometimes which is still so funny#im a big spidey 2099 fan#which I love bc it is NOTHING like spiderman and yet it's such a good spiderman story#but talking about comics migs is useless bc he has 0 in common with atsv migs#but there is a lot of VERY cool stuff to say about how#the sm2099 comic has nothing to do with spiderman at all whatsoever extremely pointedly#but its still a wonderful spiderman story that finds its own way#tbh it was kind of a breath of fresh air to read a spider-man story that wasn't about spider-man for once#and that was just about miguel#anyway stan women's wrongs#miguel o hara#miguel ohara#my writing
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On the discourse (that somehow still exists) of why the X-Men are feared and hated but other genetically modified heroes like the Fantastic Four or some of the Avengers aren't :
I still see this argument online that some people, usually not X-Men fans, pull out in a sort of gotcha moment. To kind of stick it to Marvel for being unrealistic or to vouch for the fearing of other heroes in the marvel universe to tip the scales.
There are two points for the "why is *random x-men* oppressed and not *random marvel hero*" discourse that people are always intentionally missing.
One- A base of mutant fear and repression is the argument that "it could happen to your children too". It could happen to ANYONE, from birth, and there is nothing you can do about it. No being careful of scientific experiences can stop your close ones from becoming a mutant. (Kind of like people are okay with gay celebrities as long as they're doing their thing from afar but it's a threat when it comes to their children/Friends/family being gay)
They layed it on thick with this amazing advertisment back in the day: "do you know what your children are"??? I mean come on it's not rocket science
Fun fact, the kid labeled "mutie" here is actually Franklin Richards, son of Mister Fantastic and Invisible woman. He used to be a mutant and this goes to show how somehow johnny storm can be beloved but his super powered nephew doesn't get the same treatment.
Two- Spider-Man, the F4, the Avengers etc... All these heros who get some powers by some incident. They're supposed to be rare and few in between. The fear of mutants mainly comes from the fact that they started popping up in the MILLIONS. A mutant isn't necessarly seen as an honorable individual that acquires powers and realises they have the responsibility to use it for good. To humans, they're millions of people (or at least hundreds of thousands) that are, just by existing, threatening the status quo of humanity. They are changing the natural dominance of humans for good.
So of course humans love the F4 (usually). Because they're not scared to be replaced by them in their day to day life, however they are scared to be rendered obsolete by mutants. When humans look at the F4 they see brave selfless HUMAN heroes. They relate to them, they identify with them. They're a sweet family dedicated to the world's safety. In contrast, the mutants represent a world changing threat that truly shifts the balance. And that's not comfy at all no matter how cute or harmless the power is.
This difference can even cause very understandable tension in between the X-men and other super powered groups:
In short, the mutant moral panic comes from the fact that for exemple:
-humans are afraid to loose their jobs to super powered level talents.
-humans are scared from groups of super powered people that could threaten their safety.
-Governments are scared of these groups being the equivalent of entire armies concentrated in a single individual.
- They're scared that their children could turn into something unimaginable once they hit puberty
-And some just hate the idea of being manipulated by a random telepath on the street without ever knowing.
In contrast of Spider-Man, humans feel like nature is done with homo sapiens and THAT'S what brings hate and fear.
That's why everytime a mutant hate crime happens in the comics, it's always accompanied by some human saying "y'think you're better than us weirdo".
+ Contrary to the avengers, mutants also claim a culture, a shared history and common experiences between thousands. This binds them together in a way they doesn't necessarly make them identify with humans. And this is overall irritating and scary to humans.
Also, religious fear-mongering of mutants is rampant!!! It does a ton to set appart the mutants from the scientifically modified heros of the marvel universe.
In the end, one of the best comic to portray this whole thing is still God loves man Kills.
It depicts a villain, Striker, that gains popularity by spreading religious propaganda to justify mutant hate. In an emotional and shocking twist, we come to find that Striker has had a mutant son, that he killed with his own hand because he was a "monster".
You can understand how Captain America, with his super body, doesn't really evoke the same existential dread. Bigotry isn't rational, but also, a shit ton of things complicate the mutant's inclusion into society that doesn't necessarly parallel perfectly with real world struggles so that's also to take into consideration.
#the only part of truth i'll concede to this discourse is that yeah it's blurry how humans wouldn't assume#that any super powered person is a mutant#but this is i think a useless gripe that would just make mutants too present in other marvel books#xmen#marvel#comics#x men comics#scott summers#comic panels#jean grey#xmen 97#the x allegory#mutant 101#magneto#professor x#charles xavier#storm#kitty pryde
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Protector
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Jason's never seen Bruce cry before.
He often admires the sharp cut of his jaw flexing, clenching tight when he's yelled at. By Gordon, by the mayor, by an unhappy civilian displeased with the justice they're handed.
He sees Bruce's lips pressed together, his brown eyes polished by a sad sheen when Dickface won't answer his phone. The birthday cake glares on the table like a bad omen.
When Jason asks for extra homework (no, he's not a nerd, Steph) and lecture, he requests Bruce read to him; He does like his voice. Soft, satiny, almost calming. If they weren't putrid rich, he'd make a goldmine in audiobooks.
They read The Mask Of Zorro, and he doesn't see Bruce for a few days.
A part of Jason doesn't like it; He's Robin. He's supposed to be magic. It works on everyone else, so why not on Bruce? Why not on someone Jason wants to be happy?
"I am happy, Jaylad. "
" Nice effort. Put more soul into it. You're almost making me believe you."
They've been driving a while. He knows what Bruce is trying to do. He's trying to lull him to sleep, like Jason's some baby.
" You are a baby,"
" I'm 9! I'm gonna be 10 soon! That's a full adult in the Narrows," Bruce's face, -- Batman's, -- betrays no reaction, but it's clear he wants to say something. But chooses not to. For some reason, that makes Jason fume quietly.
There's fingers tickling him.
He screeches, trying to push Bruce away, nevermind his tiny hands. Giggles and snorts and boisterous laughter fills the Batmobile, flooded by Jason's screams. " STOP! I DON'T CONSENT TO THIS!"
"Say you're a baby,"
" I'm-- I'm a baby, okay, I'm a baby,"
Satisfied , Bruce mercifully retreats, leaving Jason to wheeze and pant. It's really important, to capture these moments of joy. Gotham gives quick and takes quicker.
He wishes he wasn't so right.
It's clear on Bruce's face he didn't plan to come across any preps. "I know those guys," Jason hisses, watching a familiar clown gang lurk around the batmobile like a murder. "Joker's boys."
"Stay here."
"No! You don't have to do this alone!"
Bruce doesn't listen. Maybe that'll be their fate forever. Jason, screaming and reaching for him, and Bruce pushing him away to spare him.
And he doesn't know how they got him; That green stuff doesn't burn, not from what Jason sees over his spiking panic, but it does something, because Bruce falls like rain.
"No!"
His fists pound on the window, maybe to escape, maybe to get their attention. But if you get the Bat down, keep him there. Till he bleeds. And no one makes Batman bleed.
Bruce doesn't cry; He doesn't cry when they punch him, when they kick him, when they stab him, when they stomp his head, when they break his jaw with a crowbar,
Jason does, thought.
Tears of the father are wept by the son.
That laughter haunts him for years.
#BABY JAY :( WANTS TO HELP HIS PAPA DAMN IT#you ever think about robins watching their dad get beat tf up and feeling useless cause bruce wont let them help. yeah. same#bruce wayne#jason todd#dc#dcu#dc comics#batdad#batman#battinson#text#text post#my writing
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Paris Green (ab initio)
#pathologic#pathologic 2#victor kain#nina kaina#pathologic fanart#my art#my comics#i have so many thoughts about this doomed couple it makes me look stupid#as weird as the kains are i do like to believe this was a relatively happy marriage. they loved each other madly and i'll die on that hill#i mean what sort of love is it when you hold onto the memory of your dead wife so much you would let her inhabit your body.....#my specific useless headcanon is that victor studied mathematics in the capital hence all the math allusions <3
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my 30+ year old coworkers had no idea what the fuck a copypasta was and I think I might’ve traumatized them
#rottmnt#damniteggs art#my art#rise of the tmnt#rottmnt Donnie#rottmnt Mikey#tmnt#tmnt Donnie#tmnt 2018#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#I’m sorry in advance#I ALSO KNOW KOALAS ARE NOT ENTIRELY USELESS#LET ME BE CLEAR#my coworkers now also think I’m completely insane#welcome to my hellscape#pbj duo#pbj#are there people actually blogging about peanut butter jelly#what do they think we’re doing in the tags#rottmnt comic#stupid shit I do at work
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Do you possibly have any more vortex doodles...? He’s my fave and you draw him so good 👉👈
Oh thank you fkfjfj. And yeah I do :D I just kinda stopped posting them bc people didn’t really look interested. But since you asked
These were made by me and @hodd1 during some Magma sessions👆
#maccadam#transformers#Vortex#Swindle#First aid#Texaid#little useless fun fact#the third sketchy thing was made as a part of a comic#it was some short comedy bullshit about Texaid#because I went searching for fics with Vortex#and just like it was with Shockblurr I decided I need my own take#I wonder if I can still find it somewhere in my folders lol
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I love Batman being a part of the Justice League Dark. It's so funny imo.
His whole vibe and gothic asthetic fit so well with occultism, he has nothing to do here. He has an aura of misery and tragedy so strong any entities coined to death is pulled to him, he has no understanding of magic.
He doesn't understand magic, he tried but his brain is just not making sense of it, so he cannot do any of it. Which also means he doesn't see half of the bs happening around, or cannot interact with it. He is useless 90% of the time.
Why is he here? It's not to be the brain, because the guys are pretty smart (especially his bestie Zatanna). It's not to be Zatanna's scary dog, because she is powerful enough on her own to scare people (and they are just impressed to see Batman). It's not for moral support, he's Batman after all. He is just standing there with the team, doing nothing, but helping with the aesthetic.
He can do so little that the bad guy will forget he's there, until they get taken out by a karate chop in the neck. They were using all their energy defending themself against the team, they forgot to defend their back.
I'm starting to think him going on a mission with the Justice League Dark is a vacation for him. He cannot do real vacations, he would stress too much about all the work he could be doing, so this is the best he can have. He is still going to work, but he is not doing shit, and the world will not end. Or, it's Zatanna deciding he needs to go out or something.
#batman#bruce wayne#justice league dark#zatanna#john constantine#and there are others but like too lazy to tag them all#dc comics#my ramblings#batman in justice league dark: slay queen give us nothing#His Zatanna's weird useless pet#she loves him#“we are dealing with some cursed bs let's get the goth”
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