#the useless comics

[uselessboss]

Always Prepared

"I also have painkillers if you need them"

As a single man that raised a girl all by himself Matthias developed a habit of carrying the "lady utilities" with him just in case.

[meanbossart]

A reasonable one

[liorlen]

gale origin playthru from astarion’s pov or smth like that

[mari-lair]

get him!

[keferon]

…..I should be working rn but one of the songs in my playlist hit harder than usual so

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

got a worm nibbling my brain. can someone help me find a piece of obscure media?

webcomic/indie comic from the 2010s. basically a sci-fi short story about a young girl (with red hair?) who was being raised by scientists as part of an experiment. she receives a haircut/has her head shaved, in preparation for her annual brain scan/testing. it is revealed that while her body is human, her "brain" is artificial, made of computer implants throughout her skull and spine. at some point her biological mother (also a scientist on the same campus?) encounters her and is repulsed, viewing her as a machine who has murdered her daughter.

it was very poignant and it bruised my heart and i can NOT find it anywhere

[violent138]

Valid reasons for interrupting JLA meetings:

Emergencies

You have cute baby pictures. This is a surefire way to distract everyone.

[xobloodletter]

hal and johns turn to be shot by my woman beam

extra-

[yellowocaballero]

Miguel is Fine, Actually (Being Spider-Man's Just Toxic As Hell)

Before I watched ATSV I said that I would defend my man Miguel O'Hara's actions no matter what, because he's always valid and I support women's wrongs. I was joking, and I did not actually expect to start defending him on Tumblr.edu. But I'm seeing a lot of commentary that's super reductive, so I do want to bring up another perspective on his character.

Miguel wasn't acting against the spirit of Spider-Man, or what being Spider-Man means. Miguel isn't meant to represent the antithesis of Spider-Man. Miles is the antithesis of Spider-Man. Miguel represents Spider-Man taken to its extreme.

Think about Miguel's actions from his perspective. If you were a hero who genuinely, legitimately, 100%, no doubt about it, believed that somebody is going to make a selfish decision that will destroy an entire universe and put the entire multiverse at severe risk - if you had an over-burdened sense of responsibility and believed in doing the right thing no matter what - you would also chase down the kid and put him in baby jail to try and prevent it. He believed that he was saving the multiverse, and that Miles was putting it in danger for selfish reasons. Which is completely unforgivable to him, because selfishness is what he hates the most. And then he goes completely out of pocket and starts beefing with a 15yo lmfaooo he's such a dick.

But why did Miguel believe that? Why did he believe that Miles choosing himself and his own happiness over the well-being of others was the worst possible thing? Why did he believe that tragedy was inevitable in their lives, and that without tragedy Spider-Man can't exist?

Because he's Spider-Man.

Peter Parker was once a fifteen year old who chose his own happiness over protecting others. It was the greatest regret of his life and he never forgave himself. Peter's ethos means that he will put himself last every time, and that he will sacrifice anything and everything in his life - his relationships, his health, his future - to protecting and helping others. Peter dropped out of college because it interfered with Spider-Man. He destroyed his own future for Spider-Man. He ruins friendships and romantic relationships because Spider-Man was more important. If Peter ever tries to protect himself and his own happiness, then he's a bad person.

That is intrinsic to Peter. Peter would not be Peter without it. A story that is not defined by Peter's unhappiness is not a Spider-Man story. If Peter doesn't make himself miserable, then he's just not Peter.

That is a Spider-Man story: that not only is tragedy inevitable, that if you don't allow yourself to be defined by your tragedy then you're a bad person. If you don't suffer, then you're a bad person. If you ever put anything above Spider-Man, then you're killing Uncle Ben all over again. Miguel isn't the only one that believes this - as we saw, every Spider-Man buys into what he's saying. There's no Spider-Man without these beliefs.

Miguel attempted to find his own happiness, and he was punished in the most extreme way. He got Uncle Ben'd x10000. He tried to be happy, and it literally destroyed his entire universe. It's the Spider-narrative taken to the extreme. Of course Miguel believes all of this. Of course he believes this so firmly. He's Spider-Man. That's his story. And the one time Miguel tried to fight against that story, he was punished. And like any Spider-Man, he'll slavishly obey that narrative no matter the evil it creates and perpetuates. Because if he doesn't, the narrative will punish him. The narrative will always punish him. It's a Spider-Man story.

I don't think the universal constant between Spider-Mans, the thing that makes them Spider-Man, is tragedy. I think it's the fact that they never forgive themselves. And Miguel is what that viewpoint creates. He doesn't believe this things because he's an awful, mean person. He believes them because he's a hero. He's a good person who hates himself.

Across the Spider-verse isn't really a Spider-Man story. It's a story about Spider-Man stories. Miguel's right: if this was a Spider-Man story, then Miles acting selfishly really would destroy the universe. But Miles' story isn't interested in punishing him. It pushes back against Peter's narrative that unhappiness is inevitable and that you have to suffer to be a good person. It says that sometimes we do the right thing from love and not fear, and that Peter's way of thinking is ultimately super toxic and unhappy. ITSV was about Miles deciding that he didn't need to be Peter Parker, that all he needed to be was Miles, and ATSV is about how being Peter Parker isn't such a good thing. Miguel shows that. Whatever toxic and unhealthy beliefs he holds - they're the exact same beliefs that any Spider-Man holds. He's a dick, but I don't think he's any more awful a person than Peter is.

TL;DR: Miguel isn't a bad person, he just has Spider-Man brainrot.

[ffverr]

On the discourse (that somehow still exists) of why the X-Men are feared and hated but other genetically modified heroes like the Fantastic Four or some of the Avengers aren't :

I still see this argument online that some people, usually not X-Men fans, pull out in a sort of gotcha moment. To kind of stick it to Marvel for being unrealistic or to vouch for the fearing of other heroes in the marvel universe to tip the scales.

There are two points for the "why is *random x-men* oppressed and not *random marvel hero*" discourse that people are always intentionally missing.

One- A base of mutant fear and repression is the argument that "it could happen to your children too". It could happen to ANYONE, from birth, and there is nothing you can do about it. No being careful of scientific experiences can stop your close ones from becoming a mutant. (Kind of like people are okay with gay celebrities as long as they're doing their thing from afar but it's a threat when it comes to their children/Friends/family being gay)

They layed it on thick with this amazing advertisment back in the day: "do you know what your children are"??? I mean come on it's not rocket science

Fun fact, the kid labeled "mutie" here is actually Franklin Richards, son of Mister Fantastic and Invisible woman. He used to be a mutant and this goes to show how somehow johnny storm can be beloved but his super powered nephew doesn't get the same treatment.

Two- Spider-Man, the F4, the Avengers etc... All these heros who get some powers by some incident. They're supposed to be rare and few in between. The fear of mutants mainly comes from the fact that they started popping up in the MILLIONS. A mutant isn't necessarly seen as an honorable individual that acquires powers and realises they have the responsibility to use it for good. To humans, they're millions of people (or at least hundreds of thousands) that are, just by existing, threatening the status quo of humanity. They are changing the natural dominance of humans for good.

So of course humans love the F4 (usually). Because they're not scared to be replaced by them in their day to day life, however they are scared to be rendered obsolete by mutants. When humans look at the F4 they see brave selfless HUMAN heroes. They relate to them, they identify with them. They're a sweet family dedicated to the world's safety. In contrast, the mutants represent a world changing threat that truly shifts the balance. And that's not comfy at all no matter how cute or harmless the power is.

This difference can even cause very understandable tension in between the X-men and other super powered groups:

In short, the mutant moral panic comes from the fact that for exemple:

-humans are afraid to loose their jobs to super powered level talents.

-humans are scared from groups of super powered people that could threaten their safety.

-Governments are scared of these groups being the equivalent of entire armies concentrated in a single individual.

- They're scared that their children could turn into something unimaginable once they hit puberty

-And some just hate the idea of being manipulated by a random telepath on the street without ever knowing.

In contrast of Spider-Man, humans feel like nature is done with homo sapiens and THAT'S what brings hate and fear.

That's why everytime a mutant hate crime happens in the comics, it's always accompanied by some human saying "y'think you're better than us weirdo".

+ Contrary to the avengers, mutants also claim a culture, a shared history and common experiences between thousands. This binds them together in a way they doesn't necessarly make them identify with humans. And this is overall irritating and scary to humans.

Also, religious fear-mongering of mutants is rampant!!! It does a ton to set appart the mutants from the scientifically modified heros of the marvel universe.

In the end, one of the best comic to portray this whole thing is still God loves man Kills.

It depicts a villain, Striker, that gains popularity by spreading religious propaganda to justify mutant hate. In an emotional and shocking twist, we come to find that Striker has had a mutant son, that he killed with his own hand because he was a "monster".

You can understand how Captain America, with his super body, doesn't really evoke the same existential dread. Bigotry isn't rational, but also, a shit ton of things complicate the mutant's inclusion into society that doesn't necessarly parallel perfectly with real world struggles so that's also to take into consideration.

[uselessboss]

Protector

[bruciemilf]

Jason's never seen Bruce cry before.

He often admires the sharp cut of his jaw flexing, clenching tight when he's yelled at. By Gordon, by the mayor, by an unhappy civilian displeased with the justice they're handed.

He sees Bruce's lips pressed together, his brown eyes polished by a sad sheen when Dickface won't answer his phone. The birthday cake glares on the table like a bad omen.

When Jason asks for extra homework (no, he's not a nerd, Steph) and lecture, he requests Bruce read to him; He does like his voice. Soft, satiny, almost calming. If they weren't putrid rich, he'd make a goldmine in audiobooks.

They read The Mask Of Zorro, and he doesn't see Bruce for a few days.

A part of Jason doesn't like it; He's Robin. He's supposed to be magic. It works on everyone else, so why not on Bruce? Why not on someone Jason wants to be happy?

"I am happy, Jaylad. "

" Nice effort. Put more soul into it. You're almost making me believe you."

They've been driving a while. He knows what Bruce is trying to do. He's trying to lull him to sleep, like Jason's some baby.

" You are a baby,"

" I'm 9! I'm gonna be 10 soon! That's a full adult in the Narrows," Bruce's face, -- Batman's, -- betrays no reaction, but it's clear he wants to say something. But chooses not to. For some reason, that makes Jason fume quietly.

There's fingers tickling him.

He screeches, trying to push Bruce away, nevermind his tiny hands. Giggles and snorts and boisterous laughter fills the Batmobile, flooded by Jason's screams. " STOP! I DON'T CONSENT TO THIS!"

"Say you're a baby,"

" I'm-- I'm a baby, okay, I'm a baby,"

Satisfied , Bruce mercifully retreats, leaving Jason to wheeze and pant. It's really important, to capture these moments of joy. Gotham gives quick and takes quicker.

He wishes he wasn't so right.

It's clear on Bruce's face he didn't plan to come across any preps. "I know those guys," Jason hisses, watching a familiar clown gang lurk around the batmobile like a murder. "Joker's boys."

"Stay here."

"No! You don't have to do this alone!"

Bruce doesn't listen. Maybe that'll be their fate forever. Jason, screaming and reaching for him, and Bruce pushing him away to spare him.

And he doesn't know how they got him; That green stuff doesn't burn, not from what Jason sees over his spiking panic, but it does something, because Bruce falls like rain.

"No!"

His fists pound on the window, maybe to escape, maybe to get their attention. But if you get the Bat down, keep him there. Till he bleeds. And no one makes Batman bleed.

Bruce doesn't cry; He doesn't cry when they punch him, when they kick him, when they stab him, when they stomp his head, when they break his jaw with a crowbar,

Jason does, thought.

Tears of the father are wept by the son.

That laughter haunts him for years.

[karnaca78]

Paris Green (ab initio)

[damniteggs]

my 30+ year old coworkers had no idea what the fuck a copypasta was and I think I might’ve traumatized them

[keferon]

Do you possibly have any more vortex doodles...? He’s my fave and you draw him so good 👉👈

Oh thank you fkfjfj. And yeah I do :D I just kinda stopped posting them bc people didn’t really look interested. But since you asked

These were made by me and @hodd1 during some Magma sessions👆

[grail-lifesupport]

He then proceeds to get rescued by Lancelot over three times.

This whole story happens beat for beat in the Vulgate by the way.