#the time to even read these
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calling your representative is way less scary than you think it is. you're going to get some tired 22 year old with a scratch pad taking a tally at their desk. takes fifteen seconds and you're done
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
--
no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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"just as I did, in 1983."
you'd never know my favourite parts of the show are the fucked up insane bits when my first instinct is to draw the cheesiest thing imaginable
#my art#interview with the vampire#iwtv amc#iwtv#armand iwtv#daniel molloy#armand#armandaniel#devils minion#drew this before the finale but idk maybe this is during the unspecified amount of time between armands divorce and daniels press tour#the titian painting doesnt fit at ALL with the timeline btw#i THOUGHT it did bc i assumed 1508 was when armand was turned into a vampire BUT upon reflection thats more likely the year he was born#and even then the painting was made in like 1510 so fuck me i guess. also im foggy on when armand was taken to rome#idk man i havent read the books and i failed art history on two separate occasions i cannot endeavor for accuracy#anyway as much as i love 70s/80s devils minion i have equal love for old man daniel#his cynicism has been tempered by time... refined like a diamond... he dont gaf and bullies his loser vampire and its hilarious#like ''sure yeah fine all these old italian renaissance guys saw ur ethereal otherworldly beauty but literally anybody can see that''#''IM the only mf who gets to experience the incandescent joy of seeing you be a messy idiot''#sidenote trying to make armand look unflattering is impossible u can blame the show for casting the worlds most beautiful man
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I Saw the TV Glow is such a uniquely, devastatingly queer story. Two queer kids trapped in suburbia. Both of them sensing something isn’t quite right with their lives. Both of them knowing that wrongness could kill them. One of them getting out, trying on new names, new places, new ways of being. Trying to claw her way to fully understanding herself, trying to grasp the true reality of her existence. Succeeding. Going back to help the other, to try so desperately to rescue an old friend, to show the path forward. Being called crazy. Because, to someone who hasn’t gotten out, even trying seems crazy. Feels crazy. Looks, on the surface, like dying.
And to have that other queer kid be so terrified of the internal revolution that is accepting himself that he inadvertently stays buried. Stays in a situation that will suffocate him. Choke the life out of him. Choke the joy out of him. Have him so terrified of possibly being crazy that he, instead, lives with a repression so extreme, it quite literally is killing him. And still, still, he apologizes for it. Apologizes over and over and over, to people who don’t see him. Who never have. Who never will. Because it’s better than being crazy. Because it’s safer than digging his way out. Killing the image everyone sees to rise again as something free and true and authentic. My god. My god, this movie. It shattered me.
#i saw the tv glow#I saw the tv glow spoilers#it is SUCH a queer story#the disassociation. the hiding in fiction to feel alive.#the horror of watching time tick by and knowing you’re not who you’re meant to be#the unique paralysis of staying put in hell because it’s safer than what might be over the horizon#the tragedy of trying to help someone who isn’t ready to be helped#god it’s so much. god. rarely do I walk out of a film and just stare soundlessly into space#anyway. please see this movie. although I sort of hope if you’re reading this post it’s cuz you already have#eta: I used he because the main character never quite vocalizes another pronoun#but this is SUCH a trans story. suuuuch a trans story. it is not even a little subtle#it’s so good and so so painful
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Is this my best comic ever?? Nope. Do I think I characterized either of these two particularly well in this comic?? Not really. Did I spend an unreasonable amount of time on it to the point that it would be a waste to not post it?? Yes, yes I did.
I really committed to this one, spent a lot of time on those backgrounds and treated myself to ample suffering with the perspective, which is not my strong suit but I am happy with how it ultimately looks. Yay perspective and background practice!!
(Tbh I shouldn't talk like I think this one sucks, I think I've just been staring at it for so long that my brain has decided it's not good and it's actually way better than I think it is, and honestly I am quite happy with it. The artistic process really is something, isn't it?)
The inspiration was basically me reminding... myself... to take breaks sometimes... by drawing for several hour stints during my only little bits of free time. Which totally tracks. Probably. But I've been rolling around in my brain this idea that Lambert is a very uptight people pleaser and anxious workaholic, but Narinder, at least since adjusting himself to the circumstances (which probably took at least a century, maybe two) has discovered the joys of self care, and has made an active effort to chill tf out. This has not made him any less terrifying to the cultists (save for Lambert's closest disciples), nor has it made him friendlier to really anyone but Lambert (and maybe his siblings), but he sure has found some serious peace of mind. That said, I can't place what his motivations are here. Perhaps he is secretly concerned about Lambert's sanity, because he doesn't want them to turn into what he was, or maybe he's just trying to steal away some quality time with his one and only friend, but regardless of the reason, I spent too much time on this for nobody to see it, dang it.
That said. Enjoy this silly little comic that I spent way too much time on, and I hope this silly comic brings you some joy today.
#cult of the lamb#cult of the lamb fanart#cotl#cotl fanart#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#cotl narilamb#narilamb#(like honestly narilamb is a qpr to me specifically and i intend this as such but this can easily be read as romantic as well tbh)#also we get some bonus jalala and rinor in this one!! and some bonus... implied leshycat. technically#not gonna tag those individually cuz there's just like. not enough of it for me to feel like those tags have any meaning#but they're here as a bonus. also jalala and rinor are fun to draw maybe i should make a mini comic just about them sometime#rambles aside pls enjoy this ridiculous comic that i spent an unreasonable amount of time on it was a joy to work on#and even tho its not my best comic ever i do love how it turned out it was such a good time
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HOT, SINGLE, UNSTUDIED SPONGES. 3000 NAUTICAL MILES AWAY. Come sail the distance and read Tiger Tiger!
#tiger tiger#ludovica bonnaire#remy bonnaire#jamis arlesi#This comic has been on my radar for *years* and I only recently - finally - sat down to read it. And by god is it amazing.#I don't want to spoil anything! But if you like amazing art and character writing *and* high seas adventure? READ TIGER TIGER.#If you asked my who my favourite character is I could not tell you. I truly like them all!!!#I even like the sleezeball who has less charm than a dead rat. He's *my* darling little rat man. With every disease.#A special shout out to my lad (he is the lad of all time) Jamis Arlesi.#Who - upon walking into frame makes me go 'Sir! Is your bosom too heavy? Do you need a new bra? My hands are free on Thursdays!'#And Ludo! My lass! I love her dearly! Every page made me more fond of her.#Book smart and uses it in very good ways! Naive enough to think it is all she needs! Learns a lot and stays kind through the horrors!#I could go on and on but...you...the person reading this...you *are* going to read it - aren't you?#So I'd hate to spoil you any more! Go read Tiger Tiger! Do it! For the sea sponges!#Rumour has it they are also freshly divorced. It was messy. Sea sponge needs a distraction. That could be you. Distracting that sponge.#You wont know until you click that link and start reading!
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I WAS READING THE BOOK OF BILL AND IS THAT FUCKING HOOTY?!
#gravity falls#the owl house#the book of bill#hooty#IM SO CONFUSED#DOES THIS MEAN SOMETHING#??!!#Im shocked I even caught that because this is like#my first time reading
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sometimes while i think about that while a lot of adults did not treat me very well as a kid i also get a lot of 'in hindsight this person was so good to me and i didnt even realize it until now' as an adult. today i was thinking about how the first anime convention i ever went to was when i was 10 and i asked the man working the manga cafe what manga was/what a good place to start was (because the con was very overstimulating for me and i had gotten lost) and he asked how old i was before recommending yotsuba and asking if i wanted any water or something to eat. its really simple but theres a lot of bad things that couldve happened or he could've been careless in his recommendation, but instead yotsuba has remained one of my favorite manga for years, and probably a large portion of why i continue to read manga as an adult... i think adults who try to involve kids in the world safely/kindly even in little ways make so much more of a difference than they ever really know.
#and i know that sounds silly like YES. it was just a bookr ecommendation#but i feel like a lot of people either dont really care about whats a good starting point for younger kids in their shared fan spaces#or dont really take the care to recognize different peoples ages would effect what they would both enjoy or#be capable of engaging with#not to mention theres a lot of manga that would NOT have been appropriate for a 10 year old to read#so the fact that he askedd and even asked what sort of thing i liked at the time#was very sweet. i think about him a lot and i hope hes doing well#txt#scratchpost
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When I broke the cycle, I made sure that the tear was rough. You carry a part of what should be her, and she carries a part of what should be you.
#slay the princess#illustration#art#stp princess#the long quiet#stp narrator#arguably lol#slay the princess spoilers#scopophobia#tw scopophobia#i've been wanting to use the narrator's quote there as a caption for the longest time#originally i wanted it to be for a pair of black and white pieces of lq and the princess but i lost steam on that halfway through#(still have the finished piece for quiet! probably not gonna post it here though) (it's pretty old by now)#this piece was also partly inspired by the girl from the other side#hence the skull and cloth and hatching#i finally watched the movie ova can you tell? lol#my art#anytime i post art i always end up rambling in the tags#does anybody even read these?#if you do uh#i hope you have a nice day :^)
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every teenage friend group needs their horse girl
#read the issue garth gets imp for the 1st time#garth training his wild (sea)horse to ride as a mount like ok horse girl fantasy#garth of shayeris#dc#dc comics#imp#um..#sea imp#does he even have a tag LMAOOO#my art#guy w the glasses in the red lighting voice: i can draw anything
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“Those two things can exist at the same time. Like you said, it's all—it's all tangled up together, you and me.”
double page spread for one of my favorite luzo fics of all time, poly philtatos (the most beloved by far) by my good friend - @swordsmans!
I knew I wanted to do a double page spread the second I finished this fic and I drafted abt a dozen ideas before landing on what would ultimately become this. There were so many snippets and moments I wanted to illustrate but I ended up doing more of an abstracted version of the fic as opposed to 1:1 drawings of scenes
funnily enough while the fic itself is told in zoros pov this spread is framed mostly through luffy’s eyes - his tears literally frame comp for their reunion, the moment he loses zoro, and the centerpiece of the first page which is this weird abstraction of him on the beach seeing zoros corpse-not-a-corpse in the waves just beyond his reach.
gyro put the crane wives’ never love an anchor on the playlist for this fic which i heavily used as inspiration in picking ornamental things for the spread (the anchor, the fleet of ships by luffy, and the nautical rope splitting the second page). also just like. overall really heartbreaking lyrics guys
there are smaller elements throughout the spread that are 1:1 references though (all i will say for these is if you know, you know hehe) i wish i had more time to do a lengthier piece for fanart for this fic bc it's one of the few luzo fics that have been rattling around in my brain forever now - once again please please please read poly philtatos if you haven't. gyro is a masterful writer and they deserve all the love! ok byeee
#i read this for the first time on a 18 hour flight and all i could do was pace the aisles and obsessively wipe at my eyes when i finished i#so i hope this conveys even 5% of that feeling#my design notes are like only 10% of what i want to say abt this fic. i am very ill#one piece#one piece fanart#luzo#zolu#zolu fic#monkey d. luffy#roronoa zoro#my art#one piece fanfiction#gear 5 luffy
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tags update: rafah is 8th on trending
edit: it is now at 7th
FOR CONTEXT:
israel has launched an invasion and heavy bombing of rafah(a.k.a the "safe zone" 1.7 million Palestinians were forced into) after the UN approved a ceasefire resolution for the rest of ramadan... all 2 weeks of it. results were 14 votes for YESes. 0 NOs. and 1 didn't vote(take a guess who it was) the resolution called for an unconditional release of all hostages on both sides. so yes, mr "i am totally just doing this to get my hostages back whom i totally care about and totally didn't kill" Israel is launching harder attacks even after being promised all hostages release. just in case anyone was still questioning if Israel was using hostages as just an excuse for colonialism
russia tried to turn it into a permanent ceasefire but the US vetoed it. i guess vetoing a ceasefire looks less bad when russia is the one proposing it
DON'T STOP TALKING ABOUT PALESTINE
#also bibi cancelled his visit to the US because of this... Oh ThE TraGeDy#i read about the resolution and was like “huh i wonder how long it will take israel to break it”#i didn't even have time to post THAT and they already did it#yemen#jerusalem#tel aviv#current events#palestine#free palestine#gaza#free gaza#news on gaza#palestine news#news update#war news#war on gaza#settler colonialism#genocide#gaza genocide#Gaza port#rafah
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Teyvat's "Most Down Bad" Award Goes to Alhaitham for a Second Year Running
Seeing everyone making fun of Alhaitham for his "stalkerish" tendencies in this event is funny, because I feel like a lot of people missed that "Be literally everywhere Kaveh is" has been Alhaitham's MO from the day Kaveh appeared in the game.
From only grabbing his house keys after Kaveh returned from the desert (he couldn't have had both sets of keys at the end of the Archon Quest unless he went home and got Kaveh's copy) to ditching conversations to get back to his house only after Kaveh came home, to showing up without any warning or explanation in Kaveh's hangout with some ridiculous excuse about hearing his voice through noise-cancelling headphones... Refusing to offer any help in the Temple of Silence story quest other than staying in the library with Kaveh...
Since when does Alhaitham willingly cover anyone else's duties?
But this trend of "Be everywhere Kaveh is" didn't start when they were adults. It was already in place when they were still Akademiya students--and it's a trend that didn't end even when they had their fight.
Even when they weren't speaking, Alhaitham dogged Kaveh's every step through published responses to Kaveh's research articles in academic journals. He insisted on keeping a line of communication between himself and Kaveh open, even if the only way to do that was through very public ideological clashes. Pulling Kaveh's pigtails to get his attention lolol. It's implied that, for at least the few years between their fight and Kaveh moving in, this was the only communication between them--Alhaitham's refusal to allow their connection to entirely fade away. (And the fact that this is revealed in Kaveh's character stories--through his precious journal that records the moments of his life that had the most impact on him--shows just how deeply he values the fact that Alhaitham didn't give up.)
Another relevant side note: Alhaitham never asked Kaveh to give up his half of their house. Knowing half of it belonged to Kaveh, knowing that Kaveh may one day want to reclaim his part of it, knowing that it was listed as theirs, Alhaitham moved into the house and made zero effort to change its ownership. He was completely fine with living in "his and Kaveh's house." The stories suggest it was only months later (or even longer) that Kaveh even noticed he had the house, and he transferred away ownership of his portion without Alhaitham ever asking him (or even seemingly wanting him) to do so.
Please, let that sink in. Alhaitham actively left his grandmother's (presumably comfortable) house to move into "his and Kaveh's house," with no apparent explanation for why, and after doing so, he made no attempt to change that "his and Kaveh's" label. He moved into the house with no promise that Kaveh wouldn't show up on the doorstep the very next day and move in too. It almost feels like another deliberate provocation--I've moved into our house, are you going to come stop me? LBR, if Alhaitham had had his way, Kaveh would have been living there with him from Day 1...
There's also the fact that Kaveh literally can't write on a single message board anywhere in the entire nation of Sumeru without Alhaitham hunting his messages down and responding to them (which absolutely no one else does, by the way).
"NUH-UH!" "UH-HUH." "NUH-UH!"
Alhaitham's own character stories tell us explicitly that one of Alhaitham's defining character traits is "He is never where you need him to be," yet somehow...
Shot, and chaser:
Any time Kaveh is in the slightest bit of need or danger or just wants Alhaitham near, Alhaitham is "coincidentally" exactly where Kaveh needs him to be, whenever Kaveh needs him to be there.
Alhaitham didn't just "happen" to run into Kaveh in Port Ormos, an entirely different city from where he was supposed to be working. He didn't just "happen" to read the same terrible book as Kaveh when we know he otherwise would not waste a moment of his time on poorly-written literature...
He didn't just "happen" to appear when Kaveh was upset and needed a distraction in the House of Daena during Kaveh's hangout. He didn't just "happen" to be sitting around waiting when Kaveh needed answers after the Archon Quest. He didn't just "happen" to find Kaveh's academic publications and every single message board posting and respond to them at length and in public.
The only person for whom Alhaitham just "happens" to be available is Kaveh, over and over and over again--because he is very deliberately making himself a constant presence in Kaveh's life.
Which is exactly what Kaveh's mother told Kaveh he needed.
(Like, out of all things, I think people really underestimate the devs deliberately paralleling the romantic relationship between Kaveh's mother and father with Kaveh and Alhaitham's relationship. If you want to point to one thing that says "These two characters are intentionally queer-coded," it doesn't get any more obvious than this.)
Alhaitham, are you not embarrassed to be this transparent??? 🫣
#genshin impact#haikaveh#kavetham#alhaitham#kaveh#I wasn't even looking for half these screencaps#I was just scrolling through the content and “Oops; there's another one”#imagine thinking it's a “coincidence” to run into someone in a desert that stretches hundreds to thousands of miles#I say this in the most positive way possible#but I think Alhaitham might actually need an intervention#bro is reading PULP FICTION for a man#checking the message boards daily for updates from a dude he already lives with#skipping work to do favors for his favorite#I would say his Kaveh hyper-focus is impacting his quality of life#but Kaveh IS his quality of life so...#do you think the merchants in the market are getting savvy#when they see Alhaitham coming they're just like#“Oh Mister Alhaitham! Mister Kaveh was really admiring this painting the last time he came through--”#how many times do you think Alhaitham's brought home new foods only to never buy them again because Kaveh didn't like them?#we could end world deforestation with Alhaitham's pining alone
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[ID in ALT] I've made posts before about Talia/Dick co-parenting Damian moments (will never happen but let me dream) and this came to me in a vision. Took me ages to finish for some reason 😭 and then even longer to post
#dc comics#dc#damian wayne#dick grayson#talia al ghul#batfamily#dc robin#nightwing#anyway. yes im a self-indulgent ''dick as damians secret third parent'' truther#like i DO think it's way more complex and nuanced than the schmoopy affectionate fan portrayal of it#they're brothers they're father and son they're partners they're the dynamic duo except only in past tense etc etc#but consider! I'm not immune to schmoopy affection in fanworks. it compells me despite itself#anyway it's technically not that crazy when it comes to dick and damian. they hug! often! at least they did#it's not as big a leap to these types of scenarios#also talia ''somewhat absent for complex reasons on both her and damians part but very loving and loved by her son'' al ghul#you will always be famous to me#son of the demon origin...bwahhh#anyway. someone made a comic kind of like this/like a post i made abt this topic#but way funnier bc dick and talia starting trying to beat each other up#so go look at that as well#anyway. it's been a somewhat difficult few weeks so I'm. desperately trying to take it easy#i got some reading with me (first vol of kevin smiths GA run that i found second hand and jaimes BB run vol 2!)#so we'll see how far i get through those. considering there's demons in my head telling me to re-read things (LET ME OUT!!!)#when i finish GA and BB i do plan on rereading robin 2021. as a treat to myself#it's a run I've really warmed up to as time went on#I'm keeping up w/ the current b&r run even though it is. admittedly very slow w/ some weird dialogue#i read it for the damian content more than anything. also nikas back so that's neat :]#idk I have a feeling that after absolute power shakes out we might get some more creative team switch ups#so if anyone at dc is interested in taking over the reigns on b&r...that could be very neat#mine
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Often when trans women ask me when I'm performing next, and I tell them that it's a queer/trans event, they will tell me that they'd rather not go because they do not feel comfortable or safe in those spaces, that they have been dismissed or belittled at such events before. Even trans women who are dyke- or bisexual- identified often don't feel welcome or relevant in queer/trans spaces. And whenever a trans woman or ally points out aspects about the queer/ trans community that contribute to these feelings of irrelevancy and disrespect—such as the way our community coddles those who support trans-woman-exclusionist events or who make trans-misogynistic comments—we are described as being "divisive." This use of the word "divisive" is particularly telling, as it implies that "queer/trans" represents a uniform movement or community—a "oneness"—rather than an alliance where all voices are respected.
Julia Serano, Whipping Girl. Published 2007.
#reading#just finished it and this from the final chapter was my fav moment and one of the few times i was nodding along#the book is solid in certain places#even incisive at times#but it is so theoretically confused and downright wrong in some of its foundatioms#that i CANNOT recommend it as an introduction to transmisogyny and i can only SUGGEST it as a v critical read#may say more later#whipping girl#transmisogyny
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ok someone please correct me if i'm wrong but am i weird for thinking those 'audiobooks don't count as reading' posts are ableist as fuck????
#ramble#my first thought was like: how is this even a debate what about blind people. not every book comes in braille but MOST have an audiobook#or dyslexic people#you still enjoyed the book!! you still absorbed it!!! you got EXACTLY the same thing as people who read the words!!!#how does it not count????#i guess you miss out on the 'learning new vocab' you get through seeing the words but also#i don't really do audiobooks but i do a lot of podcasts esp fiction podcasts#and i have ABSOLUTELY picked up new stuff from there that helps with my writing#someone please explain how this is even an argument of COURSE it counts????#idk in my opinion finishing a book means 'i put the words in my brain and i thought about them and i enjoyed a story'#not 'i held a stack of paper in my hands for a bit'#i'm v lucky that i do have time to sit and read. and whenever i commute anywhere it's public transport so i CAN bring a book with me#but if i didn't have the free time or had to drive for hours everywhere i would be STOKED to still get to enjoy books#it's been REALLY bothering me lmao idk why i feel so strongly#for some reason it's giving the same energy as like. being told you can't take a comic or manga from the library bc it's not a 'real' book#of course it's a real book it's a story somebody wrote down#i can see this spiralling into 'if you have a kindle you aren't reading'. you have to sniff the paper. feel the papercuts
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