#the teachers made me feel better | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

guummy · 2 months ago

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hi chat, i have so much homework to do omfg. I js wanted to pop in and say hi but i probably won’t be online until like tmr evening

#. ( text . )#the grind is real #rowing was so fun #even tho i was quite bad #the teachers made me feel better #and I spent the rest of my time talking & laughing w ppl #so yay #I’m finally socialising

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jash-updates · 8 months ago

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Most normal energy drink consumer

#new tags time yippee #cj updates #so there's some old-ish tags here lol #i had this saved for a while actually. just didnt know if i wanted to post goofs yet #old tags:#i will say i personally cannot make fun of him for that #as i was [still am even] overly invested in drinking mnt dew #they used to sell a full liter mnt dew bottle for like a dollar at the stores near me & id take one to school a lot an drink the whole thin #[Sometimes id be able to get a whole 2 liter. Tho I couldn't drink the whole thing during the day [mainly just to save it for later rlly]]#which i would then have after the can id get every morning.....#im better now i swear #tho it was always very funny when i had a class with a friend where id slowly pull the very long bottle out from my bag #the face they would make is always so funny to me still #so i have a feeling i know *exactly* what face his teacher made #either like a mix of astonishment & confusion or its just disappointment #a “why are you like this” typea look #its great #however his story is still horrifying #i drink monster a bit & like one can is enough for me for a day [if i can finish it even]#maybe if i clutched onto that instead of mnt dew during school years id be just like him then #im in the good timeline thank god #rant over lol my bad

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ganondoodle · 4 months ago

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(idk if anyone wants to keep hearing my opinions on totk book stuff but-)

apparently it says that rauru DID have kids, multiple even, which yeah... is kinda necessary for zelda to even be connected to them so much so that sonia can SENSE a blood connection (which, even with all the excuses with magic, is just a little too far for me to suspend my disbelief bc its over, OVER, ten thousand years worth of generations that seperate her from them that one lil touch of the hand can sense that (feels more like an attempt to make you care about them or .. see them as zeldas "better" parents just bc they exchange a few nice words, i never got the feeling they were 'better' parents and its also kinda disrespectful to her actual parents, like sure rhoam wasnt the best but i wouldnt call rauru better just bc he was polite)- i could see maybe the light power of hylia or sth but since its the coolest dude that ever lived rauru now that had it which still doesnt make sense and makes me unreasonably annoyed and she can sense BOTH of their powers in her? nah) the fact theres NOTHING about them in the game itself is just so ... no way they planned any of this

i dont think theres anything they can do or say that wont make be believe they either

are making it up alla 'fix it in post' mentality trying to hastily explain stuff the game never bothers to do to try and appease fans or let it appear as if they thought about it at all

something went really REALLY wrong during development, which kinda seems likely given how the game turned out (im sorry i cannot let go, its not just the writing, the game design too and how little was changed in the map while being so damn expensive, i dont know how people dont feel scammed q_q)

given that they (allegedly) spent the last entire year of development on polish (where??? where????? huh??? like it would make it more understandable (EXCEPT for the price) if there was alot of trouble, which was also bc it got delayed and ... turned out like this, but they dont want to say it, especially given their reputation, with that quote i have heard way too many times 'a delayed game blah blah') i just??

are they just gonna go and do it like they did with kashiwa (kass)? "they uuuh where flying around the whole time ony cool sonau tech maschines, you just dont see or hear from them ooooorrr they were uuuuh out of the country at the time" (sending invitations to other continents to join their glorious kingdom ;) )

(bet they are also gonna say they did all the stuff like ... moving the shrines around (lol?) and lifting the islands up into the sky- which is still weird bc ... didnt they also say they were living in the sky before coming to the surface?? so where?? did they park all their islands on the surface and the mystery kids had the keys so they had to repark them back into the sky after they returned off camera?? xD also why are the islands so different as an environment if they where from the surface? like even the STONE up there is different- and if they were first in the sky then on the surface and the nback in the sky .. why is there not a single yellow tree or grass in the past- you cant really argue that it changed bc they were up there so long bc .. nothing else changed, the suddendly and totally always there sonau buildings are largely in prime condition, only some slightly moldy, and what we see of the glorious past looks barely any different from the present, aside from like ... some standard trees shuffled, no castle yet and that glowy uwu filter DESPITE that stupidly long time frame between it)

#ganondoodles talks #zelda #ganondoodles rants #idk if others feel like that too but i cant shake the feeling there was something that either went horribly wrong during development-#-or the entire thing was neglected the whole time which is why its so .. i hesitate to even call it bare bones #...which is WILD given that its the supposed sequel to their best seeling zela game #like wtf where you doing #i get that the pressure can be immense but imo it wasnt that hard to make a sequel to thats better than totk #like i think it was harder to make totk like it is NOW bc it scraps and throws away so many things you could have easily used-#-as sequel material #its all so weird to me #my tin foil hat theory is still that they saw the success of the mario movie and immediately shifted everything to make more movies #bc it made so much money #and a movie is easier to make than a good game #so totk or botw2 at the time got the short end of the stick #which is why everything feels like .. so ... bare bones .. untested .. unfinished .. non sensical...#like an alpha build that got enough visual polish to look like a full game when its still an alpha build at its core #some main ideas like the abilities implemented and the basic map layers #mechanics functioning but untested on how it feels to play #like the sage controls and arrow fusing and ... contradictory game mechanics that dont work together #like the bulding WORKS but its clunky and underused- everything can be cheated so easily you dont even feel good cheating-#-bc it feels like the teacher just allowed you to mark your test with a green circle and you still got an A (or however USA grades work)#despite not even reading the questions- why attempt to solve a puzzle if you can just skip it #and how they tell you to be creative with it yet creativity gets punished and only efficiency is rewarded #which completely undermines the entire thing #...theres so much more you know i have ranted about it all before #ALSO rauru and sonia seemed like a rather newly wed couple to me- not one that had multiple kids that never appear-#since it only mentions rauru ..... if its only his then ... that doesnt explain anything bc zelda needs both sonia and rauru dna #................do sonau leave eggs to incubate somewhere heavenly or sth #watch out the springs where built to hatch rauru eggs bc they need the gods holy blessing bc they are oh so holy to hatch

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hammill-goes-fogwalking · 9 months ago

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I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI.

#not dislike. its hate #it made me cry several times today #thinking of how my classmates manipulate our teachers #and chatgpt AIs can EVERYTHING #its so painful to think of it #today I broke down in the bus and cried #idc what people think. hiding my feelings any longer would destroy me from the inside #maybe youve also seen how people use freakin AIs in their exams #the thing is that:#we wrote an exam for which Ive studies for like 2 whole days #this week we finally got the exams back (w the grades ofc)#and ok Ive got a 3 (C in America syste #*m)#my friends who used chatgpt throughout the exam got way better grades (I didnt expect it otherwise)#PLUS #the most provocating messages from the teacher:#“10/10 POINTS :)” “YOURE ROCKING THIS” “YEAH”#💔#seriously #this breaks my heart #dont the teacher see something suspect in the exam?!#why cant they open their eyes and get modernized to reality.#& they KNOW- the students Im talking of. they usally have bad results.#once our teacher came to a chatgpt student and said the most miserable thing:#“youve been using duolingo a lot lately hm? thats where your nice grades come from 😉🥰”#you get it?#no- this peoson didnt learn.#no- this person isnt even interested in the stuff we learn in lessons #AWFUL feeling to hear the praisings of da teachers when *I* gotta sit among the gpt-students and look like Im a worse student than *them*#[writing this at almost 1 at night] still have some tears. this topic really has the power to destroy someones day. 💔💔

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spaghett-onaplate · 7 months ago

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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed

#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself #and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change #it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly #so there was somewhat of a gradual progression #but still #also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time #i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i #had been socially involved #anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change #and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find #the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever #and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha #(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically #it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni #ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that #but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped #and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr #i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years #and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it #and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing #kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao #i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school #and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build #--ing towards #which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now

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pup-pee · 9 days ago

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hi this is a post saying i will not b online((or try)) until i get my g.e.d.

i love u all if i uh, yk never return

hugs hugs many sweet dreams & good mornings!

#i had a much longer post then realized no1 wants 2 read all that long #i dont want 2 like fill the tags w/reasons y im suddenly doing this #hell i might regret this & delete it a minute l8r #but like. i need my highschool diploma #ive failed school like all the way through. my entire school career looks good in concept but its not #shit im going 2 start crying again #<- that is also y #i keep crying i keep like getting rlly sad & self #destructive & idk how 2 fix that so im doing this so no1 hears my whining #uhhh pray 4 me 2 pass ig lol #hugs hugs hugs mnay hugs #this feels like a final goodbye bc my self confidence is so bad jdjfiosk #summer school; switching classes bc of bad grades; getting expelled; having numerous teacher conferences; having my teachers talk 2 me like #im their kid just bc my mother works @ the school ohh my god that hurt the most & made me want 2 go monkey mode #point is im not good @ school & never have been & it stresses me out & im so scared #im so afaid im crying just thinking about sitting in a class #i love learning i love ideas i love questions MY FAVORITE SUBJECT IS MATH but im just so scared 4 some reason #& idk if ill b able 2 do it #i can barely see my screen help djchis #anyways im going 2 try my best bc i want 2 talk 2 my friends & uhm thats rlly it #but i cant do that unless i get better so im going 2 try 2 not #i ended up rambling in the tags blehhh #niko is also w/me rn as always & i will give him all the kisses &love i can so nobody worry about that #watch me take this post back in a day bc the internet has been 1 of my only safe soaces #this is so pathetic kanfkf & me saying so does not make it any less so #i just jumped out of the car & walked 2 hrs home crying bc im an actual disaster rn #like what if everything im thinking rn makes no sense #i mean not the school thing #i need 2 do that #i need 2 stop stalling

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youreyeson1y · 2 months ago

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never thought i'd hear chk chk boom be played at our school field on the speakers but we gone done it lol

#we're basically having sports week at our school and all of our days are spent at the field #and they were making the kids play musical chair AS A SPORT (😭) but we were having fun because they started playing songs on the speakers #while everyone was busy cheering me and my friends started chanting 'change the song! change the song!" LMAO #and it was so fun seeing others join haha #its not like our school didn't play kpop. its just the usual gangnam style and SOME bts songs if we're lucky #but usually its just random songs i feel like the sir was just scrolling through insta reels and chose whatever he was watching 😭😭#WE SUCESSFULLY MADE THEM PLAY APT BY ROSE #we started chanting 'A-P-T!' continuously and then EVERYBODY JOINED IN IT WAS SO FUN #and maybe he found a kpop playlist via that because then he played dynamite lol #BUT THEN one of my teachers called me aside for some discussion regarding the prep for the next days and then while shes talking to me #I HEAR CHK CHK BOOM PLAYING HDASHDASJK #my stay friends came up to me to call me but then they saw things were v serious between the teachers and all so they started smirking/groa #-ing #RAHH I MISSED IT THE FIRST TIME AND THE FOMO WAS HITTING ME HARD #but THEN after a few rounds of some desi item songs THEY PLAYED IT AGAINDHAHDA #i had a religious experience listening to chan's pre-chorus on the loud speakers. thats all ill say #we were literally rapping in gibberish and i literally fell on my knees when chan's part came up im not even embarrassed 😭😭#and it was so surprising to me to see everyones reaction because they were like oh! ur a kpop stan! oh! like i feel their whole perception #of me has changed somehow 💀 cant say if its for the better or worse loll #but all that matters was i got to experience this religious moment with my friends cuz im just a girl🙇‍♀️🎀#(also cuz it was musical chairs they stopped playing just before the chorus 😥 but that didn't stop us from screaming the whole song heheh)#stray kids #skz #personal

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this-should-do · 3 months ago

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me when i meet with my colleges first out trans teacher who is like a celebrity with me after one of my teachers puts me in contact with her again (i had interviewed said trans teacher 4 years prior and hadnt met with her since) and she tells me tjat my teacher had so many positive things to say about me, about how i was one of her brightest most well spoken students and that she (within like 5 minutes of having been talking) immediately sees exactly what my professor had been talking about and so many super implied positives about me that i would never had known about and i dod everything in my power to avoid prying for more details but even what i heard was soso nicies

#iwillspeakincessantly #god it felt so nice to meet with her again #talking woth someone whos been so influential at my school and the whole state as far as transgender and queer policy making and has #so many connections amd experience and is also trans and historically a teacher bfor she retired #genuinely makes me feel so much better about my life and where im going #and less worried about if ill ever be able to live a peaceful life as a trans twacher when she personally knows #multiple other transmen tbats shes taught who are now teaching IN MY STATE #safely and happily #ough #we said wed meet more in the future and she encouraged me to join the cities pride group that she had founded and is the head of #and maybe tjis time ill actjally go #she even gifted me a book that she had had that she thinks would give me solace and comfort in my life #tbat was also written by a trans man sinxe she thinks im easily intelligent enough to get the humor and referwnces in #god she said i was well spoken and articulated even tho i feel so stupid and inarticulate sometimes #since i ramble a lot and lose my thoughts and i feel like my speaking vocabulary is so lowbrow and cheap often #no matter how many times other peope say i always sound so intelligent when i speak #ARGH #been super steessed about a lot of things in my life and if ill make it out alive but just this short hour and a half convo over a food #has made me feel so mich better and happier and hopeful #argh argh ougj i love finding out that people talk immense amount of positive things about me #god #i was rlaking about how often i struggle woth socializing amd making friends and she aas like really? ive been having a wondefful time #walkimg with you youre so intelligent and well spoken and its like thank you my issues ckme from group settings #and unclear un familiar subjects and ettiqutes of my fellow youths #but it made me feel so good about myself #im gonna implode :333333 positive

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hunsa-jars · 4 months ago

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Dread be dreading

#ughg #i usually have awful thoughts randomly popping up here or there #make me pretty anxious for a few days then i won't think about them for a while #but man i can't handle doubts suddenly resurfacing #like this monday i was listening to my last lecture and everything bad i cooked up a in the past few months hit me like a truck #couldn't even focus i was too busy internally chanting shit fuck i don't want this i made a huge mistake shit shit #i won't be able to handle all this responsibility i'm so tired this will butcher my mental health should have chosen media studies fuuuck #what was i thinking what am i gonna do help #then proceeded to distract myself with an electric outlet otherwise i might have started crying #:/#and those thoughts aren't wrong unfortunately #i love this university and the classes and the things i study #the teachers and my classmates and the kids i got to take care of #but i don't think i could do this for real #i'm not even struggling with anything i'm just scared and tired as hell #and thought i could just. power through it- like if i'm stubborn enough it won't matter that it's draining #but damn #and hell originally i came here because i wanted to teach english to kids #i guess my expectations were too high i don't feel like i've learned anything that useful this far #and turns out it won't get better #we just gonna do presentations again #to be fair i loved researching nursery rhymes but i hoped we would have... more. of that #also about media studies. chief... i crave to be there #could have picked the english specialization there too- i'm a moron. a bozo. holy shit #well. gonna go through this semester either way. because again everything i study here (almost everything) is genuinely great and useful #and perhaps i'm just in a Pit right now #the dread pit #should probably break this to my sister. somehow #random squeak

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guinevereslancelot · 4 months ago

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decided to leave my job and i'm gonna fr gonna cryyyyy

#literally can't work with my new boss bc i can't trust her #she went to the head of the department with complaints abt me without ever speaking to me or giving me any indication she was unhappy #and various other reasons im not happy w management and the school in general #HOWEVER #i love the kids sm and im gonna miss them and worry abt them 😭😭😭😭#im literally scared for some of them bc it feels like the other teachers have no empathy for some of my favorite kids #one of them who is so so sweet and when he cries i'm the girst to comfort him bc everyone else thinks he needs to toughen up 😭#also my new boss sucks so so bad and is gonna be such a bad influence on him and all the other kids #and my main co teacher said she's gonna quit if i do so i cant even beg her to look out for my babies and take care of them 😭💔#and it would be unprofessional to mention any concerns to the parents but genuinely some of the kids would be better off elsewhere #like im actually worried about it #i dont want some of the really sweet sensitive kids to lose their sweetness bc they're being treated unkindly #and the worst bullies and spoiled kids are the ones the teachers dote on #so it encourages some of the sweet ones to act out for attention #anyway 💔#i really do need to go tho #and i'm sure i'll love the kids at my new job #but im so sadddd #also its unlikely i can find a well paying job w this age group even tho i love this age group #its basically impossible not to get attached to them at this age and i get to pick them up and hold and cuddle them and stuff #and you cant really do that with the older kids sadly #literally on the verge of tears even seriously thinking abt leaving #things have been p bad for a while due to management but i never seriously considered leaving bc i love the kids so much #but i literally can't see a future here #and my new boss clearly hates me and im worried she's going to try to get me fired #she already made up a bunch of lies about me and its only been three weeks #anyway i only make 15 an hour so hopefully i'll at least get more somewhere else and i know i'll still love the kids #its just really hard #which is why i've stayed this long #i was p unhappy before my new boss even started bc of the way they treated my old boss

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phoebepheebsphibs · 7 months ago

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Hey. Hey you. Psst I have something to tell you. Come closer. Just a bit closerrrrr... Okay here goes. You're an awesome person and I'm glad you exist :]

Thank you for this ☺️ it really made me happy

It’s been a full week for me and it’s only Tuesday lol

#thanks #yesterday was super stressful for me #i work part time as an art teacher and my monday class was absolutely insane #so this helped #made me feel a little better #tumblr asks #sweet anons #nice anon

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wanderingmind867 · 30 days ago

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Today at school I had to do some sort of interview thing for my period 1 class. It was incredibly nerve-wracking, but I managed to do it with a teacher i'm familiar with, and so i didn't feel as stressed I was worried I would feel. So that was a positive for me. I still hated doing it, so all I felt was shock and anxiety instead of pride, but I can sort of acknowledge now that it was an achievement for me that I was able to handle the whole thing. Still, I hope I don't have to do it again for a long time.

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falling-hand-in-unlovable-hand · 1 year ago

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the worst part of break is the last day when you're just drowning in stress thinking about going back. i feel literally physically nauseous

#the stupidest part is that i'm so fucking stressed mostly about my fucking FILM class #more than any of my honors courses #i haven't done enough work in it at all and i'm so embarrassed about it so i don't want to start working on it and show how little i have #done so i get even more behind #i have a film i have to make and it's only half done and now i can't fucking find it in my files cuz i'd planned on working on it this brea #but i got sick and wasted 4 days of my already stupidly short break #i have TWO whole presentations on an actor and a director and i don't CARE or know about any actors or directors #i just feel sick #i wish i could drop it or just fucking fail it but i can't #it's so so stupid #i'm never gonna be able to take another class with that teacher from the fucking shame i feel actually horrible every time i go in her clas #and the worst part is that it's literally my fault i could have just done the fucking work and i didn't #kiwifae says shit #ugh okay this made me feel better i need to just figure out my actor director presentations (which are my fucking final btw 😭)#i accept the shit grade i'm getting on the film i can fix it if i make decent presentations i'm just mad i'm doing bad and getting so #stressed over a dumbass extra class like film production like what #i still don't think i can take another class with her she's really pleasant but i just feel so so sick whenever i go in there cuz i feel so #guilty #which is a shame cuz she teaches photography which i would really like to take #maybe senior year idk i might not care anymore then #also i'm aware this isn't a normal amount of shame and anxiety just for procrastinating i just feel super bad abt this for some reason #sorry for ranting but i'm just blehhhhhhh rn #ok i'm gonna get something to eat and take a shower maybe i'll feel less like i'm dying #👍

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itspileofgoodthings · 1 year ago

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a few months ago I ran into one of the students from my very first year of teaching and he was talking about the first day and how he was like "damn you just made us start reading right away no get to know you game or nothing" and the gentle outrage in his cadence made me SCREAM-laugh

#teaching tag #as;ldfksal;fja;fsa idk it's just. yeah that is exactly what I made them do and they were all shook #it wasn't even really a matter of principle (well at the time it was) but it was also just #my brain was going to die if i had to come up with a fun activity. i am getting better at incorporating ones that feel organic #but it's still not really a natural fit for me #i'm just like give me your names okay now i have them okay let's jump right in #anyway this student became one of my favorite trouble-maker types #and i just know his fourteen year old self was just like hell YEAH a brand new TEACHER for us AND for her we ain't doing NOTHING but games #all day and unfortunately for him .......

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1ns3ct3y3 · 4 months ago

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Alka Seltzer my beloved (it has banished my cough for maybe an hour or two but that’s fine because I’ll probably be asleep before 10:30 at least)

#fun fact my ceramics teacher from last year would tell me that i was barkin like a seal hdgdjsgddhsh #it always made me feel better - she was always really nice to me and made me laugh lots :}#which I do infact sound like a seal when I’m very sick so sometimes it’s funny to watch people stare at me when i cough because it’s so #loud lmao #I might not talk a whole lot verbally tomorrow if it’s bad but yk:D

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glittertimes · 6 months ago

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I think I finally understand what’s at the root of all my weird little problems and why I have such a hard time connecting with my body.

I do so much work to read and be smart as a defensive mechanism because I’m a really kind caring person and that makes me a little naive and I look a lot younger than I am so I feel like people think I’m easy to manipulate.

But then there’s a part of me that feels like it’s not safe to be smart, and that sounds so weird and counterintuitive but I realized it’s because I’m terrified of being seen.

Like if I’m smart I’m going to have to act on it and challenge people and that’ll bring attention on me that I don’t want to deal with so I’ll continue to be the kind naive nice girl even if people are mistreating me because it’s not safe to be seen it’s not safe to be smart.

Like my body will not use basic protection methods like setting boundaries, saying no or standing up for myself because that requires me to get over that fear of being seen. Like my body fears being seen more than it fears being mistreated and that’s kind of terrifying.

#it’s why my nervous system is so dysregulated because all the methods of healing and getting better require being seen #and having vulnerable conversations that feel scary and overwhelming to my nervous system #that’s learned that to be safe I have to hide and not take up a lot of space #and I know I learned that directly in my abusive house and elementary school where if I did like one thing wrong I’d have a teacher #screaming in my face even though I was a literal child going through abuse at home #so I was never taught emotional regulation or how to interact with people in a healthy way #I’ve also had a lot of friends who didn’t like when I was smarter or better at something than them and they would get insecure #and immediately try to put me down to make themselves feel better so that reinforced that it wasn’t safe to stand out and be smart #partially because I didn’t want to hurt other people’s feelings and partially because I learned it made me vulnerable to criticism #I didn’t understand why I always end up being friends with people who are kind of manipulative/ people who don’t genuinely like me and see #me as this punching bag to take out their insecurities and unhealed trauma #but I think these people feel safe in a way because I know they’ll never see me and I won’t have to be super vulnerable #I also don’t really trust myself and I’m so scared of being mean or hurting other people because my teachers called me mean and entitled and #disrespectful all the time bc I didn’t know how to communicate that I felt mistreated and scared in their classrooms #and any attempts I tried to do it in a healthy way ended with me getting punished anyway #I remember I tried to write a letter to my parents because I didn’t want to be in my 2nd grad teacher’s class anymore bc she was really mean #to me and I was so hypervigilent of getting in trouble and I left the letter in a folder in my desk #and my teacher went through my desk and I got sent to the principal’s office over it even though I didn’t remember saying anything mean or #disrespectful in it I was literally just trying to advocate for myself and I got punished for that too #personal

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