#i keep crying i keep like getting rlly sad & self

[tiredofthehumanlife]

Honey(s) I'm home and very sad!

Barbie dolls: Roommates! Rosekiller x gn!reader

Word: 2.6k

Summary: uh you have a rlly rlly bad day and your lovely roommates make you feel better with cuddles and ice cream

Warnings: uh Barty dresses slutty?, eating mentioned and particuly described (ice cream), undefined retaliationship you're roommates but also crushing but also affectionate but also not talking Abt it idk stop asking, I lost like three hundred followers bc I was super depressed so to those three hundred people you suck I think🫀 so actually I take that back new information has come up and turns out its a Tumblr glitch my bad, you sleep in Evan and Barty's bed for like three seconds, Evan smokes, Barty hates fiction books and reads self help and nonfiction instead, Evan's very cleanly, Barty's very not that, idk do you guys actually rlly even like me or whatsittoya, kisses very cutesie, you cry, uh extremely brief mention of fighting

Hard days were never something that you truly expected. Sure you could picture all the worst possibilities and know that something bad will happen but you still never catch the full feeling of your reaction until you're sitting in it. You don't particularly want to show your upset but at the same time, you haven't turned your lips up in hours. The whole day just went downhill from the start. Once you start to think of the specifics you feel tears well up in your eyes. You just needed to get home. That's all. 

You weren't going to cry on the way home you'd do it in the safety of your own walls. You hoped your roommates, Evan and Barty, were in their room. You couldn't face them like this, you needed to hold on to the last bit of dignity you still had with them. You could never keep a hold of yourself with them. You snorted in your laughter even though their jokes weren't that funny. You fell over your words and came away from your conversations wishing you could try again. You stared too hard and ended up getting caught. You'd share too much information in an attempt to impress them. 

All you wanted was to go home, curl up in your blankets, and cry until you felt like a raisin. You felt the weight of your day double as you slipped your key into your front door. You hooked your keys onto the key holder on the wall. You shrugged your coat off, throwing it at the coat tree. You felt your tears building up as your walls slowly slipped away. The familiar home relaxed them even then you wanted to hold strong until you got to your room. You couldn't toe your shoes off fast enough, getting so frustrated you reached down and yanked your shoe off. You flung it at the shoe rack, ignoring that it wasn't anywhere near the other one you had slipped off. 

As you left the foyer, stepping towards your bedroom, Barty and Evan’s door opened. Barty leaned against the frame, crossing his arms over his chest. His sweatpants were riding low on his hips, showcasing his happy trail. His shirt was butchered and jaggedly cut along the bottom of his rib cage.

“Hey baby, have you ever tried that cake-” Barty paused when he saw the anger and tears pulling at your face. He straightened up, dropping his arms to his sides. 

“What's the matter?” Barty asked. You shook your head and waved him off. You could easily slip away now, get to your room before Evan found out. Barty could let something like this slide but not Evan. Evan must've been summoned by your thoughts because just as you thought you could get away scot-free Evan’s hand slid over Barty's shoulder. His form appeared after that, slipping next to Barty past the doorframe. He furrowed his eyebrows at you. You grumbled incoherently as you realized you weren't going to be able to get out of this one. 

“Are you okay?” Evan asked. You hated how easily Evan was able to massage away your wall with just his tone. You had been holding the tears back so well too. Just a few more minutes and you could’ve made it to your room. You wanted to just say ‘yes’ and to retreat your room. You wanted to swallow your tears and act mature… by hiding your feelings, obviously. Unfortunately what you wanted and what Evan's presence caused was something entirely different. 

Something about him just broke your walls so easily. It wasn't his tone, it wasn't his words, it wasn't his charming attitude, it was just him entirely. Evan could just lay his eyes on you and you were falling apart at his feet. You wondered if maybe Barty felt the same. 

Your throat tightened with sadness and your eyes welled with tears. You shook your head, looking away from him. Evan’s breath hitched and covered it up with a hum. He stepped around Barty and held his arms out for you. You didn't bother fighting the urge to hide in them. You wrapped your arms around his waist, pressing your cheek into his shirt. Evan’s arms warmed your back, it pushed you closer to tears. Evan hummed, the vibrations comforting you. 

You felt Barty's hand join at your back, rubbing up and down. You let the tears go, crying into Evan's sleep shirt. Barty’s hand continued its comforting circles. You let it all go, all the frustrations of the day. Evan and Barty didn't stall for a second. They let you choke it all out, your shoulders shaking with tears. 

A few minutes later, your tears slowed. You sucked in a breath, pulling away from Evan. Evan drew his hands away from your back, cupping your face instead. Barty didn’t move his hand, continuing to rub circles on your back. You steadied yourself with your hands on Evan’s waist. 

“Do you want to lie down?” Evan asked, raising an eyebrow at you. You nodded, feeling the urge to slink back into his arms again. Evan released your face, slipping his hand into yours. He tugged you towards his and Barty’s room. You ignored the gnawing feeling that you were intruding. Barty stayed back, the sounds of him shuffling towards the kitchen behind your head. Evan nudged his bedroom door open with his foot, dragging you after him. 

You were rarely in Evan and Barty’s room. How frequently did one really need to be in their roommates’ bedroom? Not very. You’d ventured in once or twice before when Barty asked you to get something, or when Evan overslept and you had to nudge him awake so he wasn’t late for work. Though Evan rarely overslept anyway. 

Some nights you’d wake up with a deep desire for water, wandering for the kitchen with your eyes closed. You pull down a glass, fill it, and take a sip before noticing Evan’s presence. You still have your lips on the edge of the glass, halfway through the motion of tipping it up.

Evan was frozen on the windowsill, a lit cigarette still half between his fingers. The moonlight made his eyes shine like the way you’d catch a marsupial stealing your garbage in the middle of the night. His thumb flicked, making the bright cigarette bounce and the dark ash fall outside the window. You raised an eyebrow, lowering your glass. Evan sniffed, pulling his hand to his mouth again. He sucked in a deep drag of his cigarette, the end’s color glaring in the dark room. You kept your eye on him as you chugged the rest of your glass, finishing off the water completely. Evan stuck his hand out the window again, tilting his head back as a plume of smoke floated above his head. You set your glass in the sink deciding to wash it in the morning. 

“You know if you wake up in the middle of the night with intense thirst, it means you’re dehydrated,” Evan said, his voice still quiet from his distance. You groaned, flipping him off and shuffling back to bed. You ignored his chuckle behind you, still too tired to think of a good quip. 

Evan dropped your wrist, dragging your attention back to the moment. Their room was messy, but not terribly. It was a little obvious who was the messy one. The clothing on the floor you had only seen Barty wear and the large pair of black boots thrown at the foot of the bed were definitely his too.

Evan’s shoes were precisely set next to the door. The dresser shoved in the back corner seemed like his too, with multiple books stacked on top. All fiction, Barty couldn’t stand fiction novels.

You could easily deduce which side of the bed was whose, the right, closest to the door, had a pillow on the floor, and the blanket was skewed and clumped. The left had a pillow tilted but on the mattress and the blanket was set straight. The nightstand on the right had a tented book that appeared to be a self-help book on romantic relationships and a knocked over cologne bottle, the cap missing. Barty seemed to be about three chapters in, if that. You raised an eyebrow, slowly turning to Evan. Evan pressed his lips together and shrugged. 

“Barty’s a little messy. I’ve learned to live with it.” Evan muttered, his hand flying out to set the tipped-over cologne bottle on Barty’s nightstand upright. You hummed, still glued in your spot. Evan ignored it, stepping over Barty’s boots to get to his side of the bed. He slid under the blankets, smacking the mattress next to him on Barty’s side. You joined him, picking Barty’s pillow off the floor on the way there. You tossed it onto the bed, laying down and dropping your head on it. Evan let out a huff through his nose and gently brought his hand to your face, tracing the lines of your face. You closed your eyes and let your mind and body rest now that you were finally home. 

It probably wasn’t a good thing that you associated your sense of home with your roommates. It’s an obvious connection but maybe not to this degree. Your apartment didn’t feel whole without them.

At some point, they were going to pack their bags and move, or maybe you would, either way, you’d be without your two very peculiar roommates. You’d miss their strange habits. You weren’t sure you could find another roommate who would walk around the house on all fours if he got too sleep-deprived and your other roommate who would use stares as a form of communication. You weren’t sure if you could move on from your freaks of shared living quarters friends. They made you feel free and utterly comfortable. You knew they wouldn’t judge you for any of the slightly odd things you did because they did far worse things. 

You shouldn’t feel so attached to these two and yet here you were, snuggled up in their blankets. You weren’t going to even think of the strange urge to lean forward and kiss them both that washed over you far too frequently. Evan’s hand slipped away, instead pulling your hand away from your chest to hold onto it himself. You felt sleep pulling at your mind, his soft fingertips on your skin slipping away. Your lungs filled and released like a rocking wave with ease. Your body stopped moving, joints going rigid with sleep. 

And then Barty slammed open the door, the doorknob knocking back into the wall. You jolted, your rest shattering like a glass vase. You sat up on your elbows, looking back at the door. Evan sat up straight, annoyance weighing his brow down. 

“Barty!” Evan chided, staring at the man in the doorway with disbelief. Barty turned around with three bowls cradled in his arms. A spoon was held between his teeth, his foot jutting out to find the edge of the door. He hooked the back of his heel over the edge, kicking his leg back to close the door. Barty tried to respond, the spoon in his mouth making it choppy. A few strings of guttural sounds slipped out from behind his teeth, making the general shape of a sentence. You let them stir in your head for a moment, trying to decipher them. 

Evan shook his head, not understanding a lick of what Barty said. He turned to you, to see if you caught it but you doubted you could’ve caught it if there wasn't a spoon in his mouth. You threw a hand up, giving up entirely. Barty let out a scoff, joining you two at the side of the bed. He set down one of the bowls on his nightstand, next to his book. He leaned down over his bowl, tilting his head to the side. Barty opened his mouth, letting the spoon clatter inside the bowl. You sat up, looking inside to see his favorite ice cream inside. Barty stuck the other two bowls out to you and Evan. You gently took it from him, looking between Evan and Barty. 

“I didn’t have hands, it’s hard to be quiet when you’re opening a door with no hands,” Barty said. His hand flapped, silently telling you to scoot over. You scooted into Evan’s side, leaning back against the bed frame. Barty flung himself into the mattress, making you and Evan bounce up and down for a moment. You stared at Barty in displeasure with your rather cold bowl in your hands. You pictured the moment from outside your view, Barty’s relaxed and stretched frame on the bed. You and Evan glaring while bouncing with your bowls held away from you. You would’ve laughed if your nap hadn’t been rudely interrupted. Barty sat up, pulling his bowl off his nightstand into his lap. He stuck his spoon into his ice cream, bringing the spoonful to his mouth. He looked up and paused in his eating. 

“What?” His words were muffled by the ice cream in his mouth. You sniffed, turning to look at Evan. Evan shook his head at Barty. 

“We were peacefully sleeping, Barty,” Evan said, still accepting the ice cream and pulling his spoon up to his mouth. You decided they had no problem with eating in their bed, scooping out your own bite. 

“Yeah in my bed. That I paid for, thank you for your service, Barty. We love you, Barty. You’re so sexy, Barty. Please, Barty, let us repay you for your kindness. That’s what I want to hear out of your mouths right now, not complaints.” Barty said, tipping his voice up to mock your voices. You glanced at Evan to make sure you heard right. You kept your eyes on your ice cream as you readied another mouthful. 

“I’m not saying that.” You muttered before taking a bite into your mouth. Evan hummed in agreement. 

“You must’ve forgotten to take your pills this morning because I would never say that.” Evan frowned, licking his spoon clean before taking another bite. Barty quickly swallowed his scoop before faking a gasp. 

“You don’t love me? Wow okay, I see how it is.” Barty joked, a smile playing on his lips. Evan froze, staring at the blanket to run back through Barty’s words. He dropped his spoon into his bowl. 

“Well, no. I do love you. I take back what I said.” Evan said, keeping his eyes on Barty to make sure his point was taken seriously. Barty cooed, leaning forward over your lap. He puckered up his lips and you leaned back. Evan met him in the middle, pressing a kiss to Barty’s lips. You stifled a groan at being trapped both between and under them. 

“Gross. I have feelings too, you know.” You muttered, trying to look anywhere but the kiss between your two rather attractive roommates. They pulled back from each other, returning to their original seats. You felt your shoulders relax, knowing the discomfort was finally over. You looked down at your bowl, stabbing your spoon into your ice cream again. You are startled at the feeling of their lips pressing against both your cheeks in two brief kisses. They pulled back returning to their ice cream. 

“We love you too,” Barty muttered before taking another bite of his ice cream. You hummed, swallowing down the true feelings you could bring up. Barty was the first to finish his bowl, setting it on his nightstand. He took the silence as a sign for him to tell you both about his day in extreme detail. You didn’t mind it. Barty was entertaining and it distracted you from your terrible day. You actually enjoyed laying in bed with them, eating ice cream, and watching Barty fling his arms about to explain his day. At one point he got up to act out how’d he‘d pummel Evan’s boss if he didn’t give Evan a promotion soon. 

[axel-skz]

hey!! I have a request🤭;

Ok what about chan w a vv sleepy s/o like their always falling alseep everywhere or they can fall alseep rlly easily not like narcoleptic but just sleepy🤷‍♀️

Chan had always been very accepting of the fact that you were always sleepy. You had a talent of falling asleep anywhere and everywhere, he was actually a little jealous. He struggled to sleep. It made him feel good to look after you though. Randomly feeling you fall asleep on his shoulder or somehow leaning on him or holding his hand.

It made him happy. He felt like you trusted him. To be able to fall asleep without worries around him. He slowly started to keep items in all the spaces he was in regularly. Things that would help keep you comfortable. He had a special drawer in his office with a nice pillow and there was always a blanket on the back of the sofa.

People noticed it in his live and he chalked it up to him taking naps in the office. But no, it was for you. He kept snacks for when you woke up and felt hungry. He would turn his music down as to not wake you as well as shushing anyone who came in.

You never realised just how strict he was about his shushing when one day, you were half asleep and jisung came in. He said something, fairly quietly. But there was Chan. This man, fully jumped like it was jumpscare in a movie. Then turned and so dramatically shushed Han that you would think he was Hyunjin.

He really loved you and made you feel so comfortable in your own skin. He never let you feel nervous or self conscious about it. He’d always say, ‘I get to hold you while you sleep. How could I be upset? I’m winning here.’

A/N: I’M CRYING RN! OMFG DO NOT LISTEN TO SAD SONGS WHILE READING THIS! I was listening to same boat by Lizzie Mcalpine and I’m just breaking down. The thought of someone so loving and accepting- my soul is dead.

Listen to cielings if you really wanna cry cus Istg that would hit so hard.

I hope this was better then the other stuff I’ve been posting lately :’) my brain is just not on my side lately and I’m so tired and sad. It’s hard to be anything rn.

I said this in my other post, todays song is Muddy water.

[nightcolorz]

woahh okay first time i attempted to send this ask my tumblr glitched and deleted it. idk if it sent but ignore it if so i wanted to reword it anyway. (tw for sa discussions and sexual abuse/trauma)

either way ive been thinking a lot about the post you wrote about armand’s (or amadeo’s) hypersexuality in venice and i saw a very similar post on twitter, essentially saying armand was so confused and horny in venice and ended up going to bianca for solice (then feeling incredibly guilty about it) and then later harlech as he weaponised his sexuality as a form of revenge on marius “ignoring” him (eventually tragically leading to his death)

it just puts such a tragic image into my head of amadeo in bianca’s bedchamber, crying and crying after having sex with her because he doesn’t understand why he feels the way he does, why he desires sex so much after all he’s been through, and not realising it is a trauma response, a last ditch effort to keep himself alive by acclimatising to his environment of sexual abuse, and then it later killing him anyway.

Armand is so Sad. im so sad.

any other thoughts from you?

doooonttt worry lol ur previous ask didn’t send haha (I’m sorry stinky tumblr deleted it tho damn) but I LOVE this ask so thank u sm for resending it!!

omgg this makes me so sad holy shit 😭 I never made the connection that Amadeo’s hyper sexuality reaction to sa trauma led to his death but ugh, omg, ur so right that’s so tragic. It’s also specifically Marius abusing him that leads him to his death, bcus Armand feeling the massive loss of agency and control over his life and sexuality cuz of Marius causes him to get with harlech (someone he knows is dangerous) bcus he wants to make Marius angry and to distance himself from his perceived control by self destructing. Marius starts having Armand go to brothels against his will, Marius resents Armand for doing the thing he told him to and starts “ignoring him”, boom harlech boom death

the Bianca thing is so interesting, especially Armand’s guilt and perceived lack of control of his actions. It’s like, he is realizing that for reasons he can’t understand he isn’t able to control his sexual impulses and he is consumed by them in a way that dictates his behavior, which is scary as shit especially for someone who has been taught to be frightened of sexuality for his entire life. Armand seems to perceive himself being hyper sexual as akin to being like his abusers, where he seems to think that since he can’t control his sexual urges and makes poor decisions bcus of horniness hes akin to a rapist which 😰💔 that type of guilt is rlly common for sa victims who experience complicated reactions to trauma unfortunately. But ugh.

slight change of topic, but I always think about how hard and strange it must’ve been for Amadeo to go from 24/7 sex and sexual urges to sexless being thrown into catholic cult where u can’t bathe urself let alone fuck. Like that’s the kind of whiplash between two harmful extremes that makes someone into a person like Armand, lmao

[yaoibanker]

im thinking of how in the hypmic anime they had a host club episode and its making want to see the brethren in that situation.

like i want to see osomatsu slack off and be his shitty eldest self but some of the patrons actually really fw his energy like in the oso and todo ep. and everyone else is like “ehhh?? (ｰ ｰ;)” but if a patron really started to coming onto him serious style he’d freak out, and internally he’d be so thankful for the unspoken host club rule of not getting with your patron outside of club hours

karamatsu would honest to god fit right in, to a fault of course, BUT the second anyone shows any real interest he gets freaked out and starts sputtering. unfortunately hes also a lightweight so im rlly not sure how long he’d be able to keep drinking w the patrons. just remembered the kara and todo host club doramatsu, and yeah he would be exactly like that, like he fits the vibe but he’s a matsu so he’s always gonna be too weird but thats beautiful

i need to see choro bring out the champagne tower just for him to fall and spill everything. i want to see him make that sad crying face again while on the floor doused in alcohol.. sorry. i feel like hes so inept at talking to women that the roles would end up reversed and that he would end up getting taken advantage of, and paying out of pocket for the patron instead.

ichi that poor fucking specimen would be trying to hide in some corner and/or would actively do little things to sabotage his brothers, id say mainly karamatsu but i believe in evil equality. this could honestly segue into them wrongly blaming each other then brawling which is always a classic bit i love. he may just have to work in the back honestly😭 but if he’s forced to sit at a booth he would hunch down and try to hide himself, and if any of his brothers walked by he would try to trip them

its hard to pin down anything specific because in his case jyushimatsu will always be jyushimatsu. i do think patrons would fw him a lot though due to his energy. he has a lot of charisma and i think his wild personality and antics would liven up the whole place, for better or worse

todomatsu has the highest potential but the furthest to fall… we all know hes a good talker, and it would honestly be the most normal experience out of all of them. but unfortunately his desire to try and fix situations is ultimately his downfall, if things arent quite going his way he’ll try to fix it but just end up making it worse for himself</3

[annimator]

dat hurt/comfort tho

(new TomJake episode dropped, my reaction’s under the cut as usual)

• LMAO THAT HUG BETWEEN JAKE AND ELLIE WAS SO AWKWARD, I LOVE IT

• wait wdym Tom got injured trying to intervene with smth job related I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING THROUGH SOME PTSD OR SMTH-

• “I’m sorry Jake, the good ones always seem to get hurt.” THAT SHIT HURTED ;-;

• HE WAS WORRIED FOR TOM GETTING HURT AS A COP OMGGGG

• Gabbs looked so sad ;-;

• Jake’s Dad fucking suck. mf rlly called him loving tom a “LiFEsTyle”

• “Holy shit, you’re despicable!” YEAH TELL OFF YOUR ASSHOLE OF A DAD JAKE

• NOT THE SCENE OF JAKE ALONE IN BED PARALLELING THE SHOT OF TOM ALONE IN EPISODE 1

• TOM FLASHBACK. HE LOOKS SO ADORABLE AS A KID

• WAIT HIS MOM CALLED HIM EAGLE EYE WASN’T THAT ALSO USED IN EPISODE 1

• why are shitty parents a staple in DC lmao

• bro that scene with Tom looking into a mirror and seeing his older self tho

• Tom calling out for his mom :((((((

• ofc Jake and Lucia memorized Tom’s favourite donuts

• “I did it for Tommy- uh- er Reed.” AW SHE CARES FOR HIM

• OUGH THE WAY JAKE’S HOLDING TOM

• Tom’s (and Jake’s by the looks of it) love language being physical touch despite all the physical trauma he’s had over the years FUCKS ME UP

• HE CALLED TOM “LOVE” OMGGGG

• SO MUCH TOMJAKE HURT/COMFORT. THEY CARE FOR EACH OTHER SM I LOVE IT

• Damn that PTSD scene was actually pretty good. Jayce’s voice acting is great as always

• JAKE’S SO WORRIED FOR HIM ;-;

• ��A lovely mother, but father was less than ideal.” So he’s like Moxxie from Helluva Boss- *I AM DRAGGED OFF THE STAGE*

• HAND HOLDINGGGG

• Awwww he called him “babe”

• “Jake, I’m just really scared. What if something were to happen, and I couldn’t protect you?” “Don’t talk like that, the most safe I feel is with you.” omg the communication between these two improved so well off screen

• that hug between Tom and is mother nearly made me cry ngl

• “He’s even cuter in person!” “I know right!” AWWWWWW

• Miriam ate this episode fr

• HELP JAKE SAID SMTH AND THEN IT CUTS TO TOM SAYING THE EXACT SAME THING.

• TOM JUST WANTED TO HELP PEOPLE, AND WANTED TO PROTECT HIS LOVED ONES BY TAKING THE HEAT THROUGH HIS WORK AS A SPY AND AS A COP

• Tom’s mom is based as hell I love her. Glad she’s accepting of Jake :D

• “He’s a dream boat, good pick!” “MOMMMMMMM” LMAOOOO

• “You’ll always be my hero.” “Thanks Mom” I don’t fell like retyping the whole convo they had in that scene, but OMGGGG

• “She mentioned that she was my honorary new mom.” aww that’s nice :D

• “She said she’d try to pop in for Miriam’s birthday!” “Aw, great!” “I can’t wait to see everyone!” YEAH SO AM I. IF JAMES AND AIDEN DON’T MAKE A CAMEO NEXT EPISODE I’LL BE VERY FUCKING DISSAPOINTED

• “The way you aren’t afraid to jump in help in any situation made me realize i don’t have to rely on others.” FUCK YEAH JAKE, AND GOOD FOR YOU TO DECIDING NOT TO BE ON SPEAKING TERMS WITH YOUR DAD >:D

• “That took a lot of bravery, I’m proud of you Jake.” AWWWWWWWWW

• Tom’s terrible at keeping secrets lmao

• NO WAY IT’S SHAWN- wait that’s Alec’s VA lmao

• so yea, great episode, another 10/10, but I CLEARLY REMEMBER JARED (Disventure Camp’s creator btw) SAYING HE’D MAKE A CAMEO, SO WHERE THE FUCK IS AIDEN-

[fizzywashere87]

Pros and Cons of Dating Fizzy

notes: i decided to make a compare and contrast post for me?? why the fuck not cuzzos. this is some form of self advertisement and im not above it. (im off limits and a minor)

M. List

Pros:

i will be very loyal towards you

if i like you a lot, i won't get an ick -unless it's something SUPER bad but even then i tend to let red flags pass over me.

i'm a good listener when i want to be -if i rlly like you again, i would always want to be

i'd do literally anything and everything for you

id buy you gifts and pretend not to care if you didn't like it

i don't keep secrets of mine from you -unless i CANT say anything, then, sorry

you don't have to do much to gain my trust if i like you a lot -that doesn't stop intrusive thoughts.

i'll adjust to your needs after studying your behavior

i have a good memory so i'll remember certain topics you bring up -likes, dislikes, facts you share, a story you tell me about.

i'll defend you should anyone try to do or say anything bad about you -i'll throw hands for you

i am not a dry texter most of the time so you'll have an interesting convo for the most part

it doesn't take much for forgiveness if i'm rlly down bad -i don't forget tho

you get goodmorning/night texts

giving you my hairtie/bracelets and spraying perfume on it -i'll pretend not to notice if you don't wear them

A Double-Edged Sword:

i'm blunt - i could be overly blunt but at least i'll be deadass with u

ill drop my needs for yours -if you rlly care then you'd be sad abt this i think

i struggle to pick up certain implications -you can probably use that to your advantage

i've learnt to mask really well to adaptto your personality - you wont rlly know how i'm feeling unless i choose to let you know

i'm attached to you -maybe too clingy? if you tell me to fuck off i will tho

i'll take what you say literally most of the time

i'll brag to my friends about you -i might also complain if you make me sad

i put my family before you

i have a hard time saying no a lot of the times

i hold onto promises -i keep mine tho

i'm kinda stubborn

i do dangerous shit -it has the potential for entertainment but if u rlly care then the downside is that i might get hurt over a simple dare

'are you sure?' x100

i laugh at everything -you could end up thinking ur funny bc i laughed so you go retell that joke to ANYONE else and realize my humor is shit and you are not funny :|

i send you memes/videos and go 'us' -it could get annoying

i'll pester you to take care of yourself -it could get annoying. also i do not take my own advice

i can be rlly protective but not like super alpha sigma dw

i'll want to wear your hoodies/shirts

my standards are dangerously low -you don't have to do much

i put myself down a lot -this could end up funny

Cons:

at least once a week i'll ask you if you're gonna leave me

i have underlying health complications that show up at the worst times ever

i am not funny -and it's worse cuz i'll actively be trying

i'm very specific about A LOT and i'll lose my shit if my shit isn't together -yes this has potential to become your problem

i will not tell you what i need from you -i just won't. unless you pester me for way too long

i'll assume you'll leave me at some point -this is regardless to your answer to the first bullet point

i WILL complain about my day and you WILL have to listen to it -it's full of complaints and i'll only stfu if u tell me to

i'll cry over the dumbest shit -whether it's front of you depends on how close. usually early on and you'll be the cause 8/10 times

if i'm overstimulated it might be your problem

i'll get mad at you from the cause of my overthinking

i'll secretly not trust you -not for like other people i mean reassurance wise

i need constant reassurance and it might be brought up indirectly but snarkily -i'll never tell you outright

i suck at flirting and i'll run away from you

i might zone out on you during face to face convos -probably from calculating correct eye contact durations or just thinking bout you- but while you're talking so its not good

i'm kinda loud and it's worse when i'm excited -i'm quiet in the mornings tho :3

i'm a lil aggressive

i'm kinda shit at comfort and my advice may not be good advice

if i see a point/indication and i don't like it i'll ignore it because i don't want to deal with it

i want your praise/validation

i get pissed easy

i take nothing seriously

'oops'

[no1novelist]

sir lukas of beacontown i lost the theatre dream role i wanted and now i think im having a second quarter life crisis 😭 ive been rlly hard on myself lately

do you have any tales of rejection or times you felt nothing would get better? usually im pretty good at pulling myself up by my bootstraps but. it feels particularly difficult this go round. any words of wisdom?

((sorry if this is a bit of a heavy topic to ask, my apolocheese in advance,,,🧀))

-🐛

I’m so sorry to hear that, genuinely. I don’t know if I have exact tales but I think the best way to feel better about things not going to plan or the way you wanted them to is firstly, acceptance. Letting negativity control you is never a good thing and it only attracts more negativity in the future. You have to keep your head up and accept that stuff happens but new things will always come along as well. It may have been your dream role but you’re so much more than what you could have been or could have done. Your worth is not tied to whether you have or don’t have something. Again, I am fully sorry that life is being a bit of a pest but every sunset, there’s another sunrise. Life goes on and you have to go with it sometimes even if it hurts because the longer you sit alone, sad and blaming yourself, the less time you’ll have to overcome it. Every bad thing is just an opportunity for you to arise from it, turn the bad to good. Look for the better side of every coin.

But of course, you’re entitled to feel bad right now. So if you really need to, let it all out. The good can wait while you work on picking yourself back up again. No problem is EVER the end of the world! The witherstorm, Romeo and more… no problem is ever too big and I believe in you.

((OOC: I feel this on a personal level, just a few weeks ago, I was rejected from my dream university. I spent an entire day crying but I knew I couldn’t change the outcome. What’s out of your control, don’t let it get to you. You did what you could and I promise you, better things are coming your way. You WILL feel bad. You WILL feel disappointed. And you WILL still want what you can’t have. It’s not something that just disappears because you say “can’t change it now!”. It will remain and linger for some time, maybe a long time but it’s up to you on whether it will slow you down. You can feel bad while also pushing yourself still, you’re allowed to go down a different path while also looking at what could have been. Bottling things up isn’t good but nor is standing still in self resentment. So don’t blame yourself and don’t let it make you doubt who you are, I don’t know you that well but you seem like an amazing person and I know you’ll get more opportunities in the future!))

[minquiec]

Why GiftedEyes is kinda special to me

Oh my goddd it's been a while since I yapped 😭 I've just been busy I promise I never stop the yap but this is uhmmm smth new that I haven't really posted about cause I literally came up w it 3-5 weeks ago but it's a oc PLUS canon not oc X canon cause it's a platonic pairing between an oc and.....GOJO SATORU OUT OF ALL PPL but yea enjoy I think

This is but a temporary diversion from jipunk hshahaha cause thinking abt moving on makes me wanna throw up cause I don't like change 😍😍 but I realise it's okay to like multiple things at the same time and it doesn't define me 🤺 so anyways

(I still love all my ocs and characters and ships and what not I never move on I just can't multitask and fixate on two things at once [me trying to self affirm LOL])

So how the fuck did I get here

How did I join the masses and suddenly become a gojo satoru enjoyer? Tbh idrk cause I've been into jjk for a while and it kinda appears in phases where I'd be pretty into it for a week and then ease out and then repeat for the next couple of months but this time round it's especially bad for some reason bc???? Hello??? I suddenly grew heart eyes for gojo satoru?? Scratches head fr but LAWD ITA SO FUN cause fanart wise jjk is a way more popular series than spiderverse and i can literally feel my starving body being replenished

But besides him being obviously a pretty boy I've actually grown to like his character a lot

So you see ☝️🤓 the problem w me is whenever I like a character I always gotta really REALLY like them to the point when I start analysing their personality to see if I actually fr like them and that's how it lasts longer than an average "he fine I want him"

And w gojo I think I realized I rlly like characters who have compassion for other ppl? 😭 but it's gotta have layers idk I have a range of types so maybe I'm just talking bs

Cause it's not rlly obvious w gojo but he's really kind in terms of his compassion for humanity which makes me ssooo 🙂‍↕️☝️😭🙏🙆‍♀️🤺🫶💔💔🧍‍♂️🗣️📈📈🔥🔥‼️🆙🆙 and it shows in the way he treats his students (ignoring the fact bro stepped on peoples faces in shibuya but you sort of get what i mean not really) and in that one line where he said smth like "no one should take the youth away from young people" and im going to leap because of his own youth that was taken from literally his birth cause of his groundbreaking, historic birth with his six eyes AND limitless

So very obviously he didn't have a normal childhood, probably put on a pedestal and worshipped which meant he grew up! Kinda weirdly! And when he met suguru he could probably experience his youth for the first time (geto!! Suguru!!! Was his first and last blue spring!!!! Blue spring is a poetic way of saying youth!!!! I'm gonna LEAP) and that youth was prematurely taken away at FIFTEEN and SSEECONNDD YEAR when riko was killed which could basically be a metaphor of the death of their youth with their morals and principles being thrown into a clothes dryer and tumbled around

And I'm not gonna. Get into how much stsg make me wanna tear my hair out cause tbh I Will Cry cause I've cried atleast 4 times about them before and I'm trying to keep my peace and they actually make me so sad bc the depth of their connection Makes Me Want to dddiiieeeee 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ they're so much more than just ahaha silly ship tgt and it drives me crazy but I'm not gonna get into it bc once again; I'm Gonna Cry

Anyways back to sat or oo gojo, he can do very easily be that cold typical guy that doesn't care but instead he chooses to hold the responsibility of the jujutsu world on his shoulders alone bc unlike the higher ups who are fucking useless!!!! He doesn't want the youth to suffer for the mistakes (they inevitably do anyways though 💔) cause I saw this tweet where he literally, could've solved the whole shibuya incident in a split second if he wanted (hollow purple the whole place and easy as that) but because of the innocent people involved he chose to literally risk vulnerability by over exerting to the max like wtf did you see that he's insane he's crazy he's gojo satoru (which in the end cost him his temporary freedom 💔💔💔 but I digress)

But uhmmm that concludes why I like him so much rn 🙏🙏 I saw this rlly good tweet where it mentions from who I believe is a jjk screen writer?? And mentions that gojos attractiveness stems from his ability to show weakness and that he isn't all invincible in terms of character and im like uuueEEEEEE but I appreciate him a lot

So ofc as any normal person would deal with loving a character, obviously my crazy ass decided "wow!! What a tragic character who's so, so lonely!!! I can't stand this and my heart cries for you so I'm gonna give you a companion because the canonical media treats you too painfully!!!!!"

Like a normal person does

So now we enter mins crazy bitch domain, my mind palace, my noggin if you will and all this takes a sharp detour to Cringeville but when have I ever gaf

A key aspect of Ruri's character is that she revolves around the failure of authorities in her life, starting from young where she is exploited for monetary means because of her jujutsu talent. I kinda made it on purpose that she parallels w satoru in a way where both were deprived of a normal childhood due to their talent? She is then failed again by the higher ups in the incident where she loses an eye due to their mistake and it's important to note that during this time (around ~2006 to ~2007) the star vessel plasma stuff happened and haibara dying due to higher ups so it really just solidifies that theme of children being exploited and burdened for the mistakes cause by the generation before them.

So because of this, there's already a different kind of connection between all of the surviving students of this time (mmm sort of minus suguru cause he went off and uhm,, started his cult and became public enemy #1)

On top of this initial connection of trauma, prior to it ruri and satoru had a more whimsical thing going on where they both have special eyes kind of (hence why I named it GiftedEyes cause they're technically both gifted in their own sense and they got fucked up eyes hahahaha) and during this time period, he's just very cheeky and cocky and she barely tolerates him bc ehhh he's just like that but he's nice in his own fucked up way

For shoko and suguru it's more of a normal friendly close relationship cause ruri's canonically likeable HaHaHa she's just very nice to be around so the 4 are in this close friend group tgt but I won't get tm into their dynamic or whtevr the fuck they have going on

So after the star ves incident and ruri's accident, she disappears for like ATLEAST A DECADE I THINK,,, TO HEAL?? (I'm still working on this but all ik is the higher ups took her away for healing) so none of the three see her again till 2018 (WHAT REALLY FUCKS ME UP IS THAT SHE NEVER GOT TO SEE SUGURU AGAIN,,,,, there's one situation where she actually sort of walks past mimiko and nanako in a public setting and she recognises a bit of his CE [this shit ain't canon, making this up cause it's part of her CT ajjajaj] but she brushes it off)

But anyways the dynamic changed when they meet again as adults in 2018 where instead of barely tolerating his shenanigans, ruri grew to be one of very few people who actually indulge his personality (as masked as it might be bc cmon now) because seeing familiar faces after all they've been through makes her sad 😞😞 it doesn't help she's older AJAJA only by a little but she's biologically inclined (ruri: oct 20 shoko: nov 7 satoru: dec 7 suguru: feb 3)

And while I say indulge, I don't mean she's actively encouraging it LOL she still has that stoic calm personality from adolescence but it's more like she turns the other way whenever he's being goofy (she buys him sweets and souvenirs whenever she comes back from missions)

And its cause like, the idea of someone who's on the top of the chain, the world even, finding comfort in an old friend makes me soooooo sssssssooooooo aAAAUYYEEUUGGHHHHHH it's what he deserves after so long so this is my coping okay and it kills me cause i think he (bear with me here lemme be cringe) would find a lot of comfort in her presence again cause sometimes it's like she's a time capsule from the distant past where he was actually happy and can't help but almost revert to the silly cheeky version 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ he may be suffering from his breakup for the past decade BUT atleast he got his girl SPACEBAR friends to support him (shoko and ruri)

Platonic love also really makes me sob cause like ,,, it's the way you've formed such a connection and affection (non romantically) strung by the mishaps and tragedies you've suffered together,,,ueueue but yea that's it i think i need to honk shoo mimimi they r special to me

[vialacteas]

recently I quit my Big Girl Job...

it wasnt rlly a choice. i got burnout and it came to a point id cry all day from stress. i didnt recognize myself anymore and i still dont, its gonna take some time for me to recover from all...

but all the last conversations i had with coworkers and my managers replaced my anger with sadness instead. working for a multinational kind of messes with ur brain especially if u have a background like mine - someone who never had much chance to land on this type of position. my resume wasnt that impressive compared to the other interns who were all from brazilian ´ivy leagues´ and had the money to pretend they changed the world with voluntary work overseas... but despite it i got hired and promoted and had the opportunity to be transferred to different areas, while most of my intern peers didnt even get to be hired in the first place.

everyone i talked to this last week was shocked and sad that i was leaving and they were all super gracious abt it. it kind of frustrates me because for these last 3 years ive worked my ass off and rarely had any sort of recognition besides the times i got hired and promoted. and not to say that i need to be babied or whatever, but i barely had serious feedbacks about what was working and what wasnt. i just did what i had to do and sometimes that meant staying late, working for 3 different teams, going beyond my job description etc etc etc. it came to a point that all i ever did was to solve crisis after crisis.

no one was ever truly mean to me but also ive always felt incredibly isolated and alienated. no process to follow, no person to small talk, no time to even analyse my own work - despite absorbing things easily i still needed guidance sometimes and felt terrible every time i had to ask for help or admit that i didnt know how to do it. and i recognize part of why i got so far was because ive always been engaged and self taught, but it can get incredibly tiresome and time consuming to have to figure out everything by yourself.

i dont know if this is part of a natural process, to feel like youre growing ~unevenly~, and it wasnt the only reason why i quit. most of it was the stress and the amount of workload i had, which was kind of insane... but after talking to my managers they all said the same thing along the lines of being sorry for not realizing + understanding why its hard to say 'no'.

which is whats been kind of saddening me... my brain keeps telling me: what if i did things differently, what if i was more vocal about it. im not sure if me saying 'no' would ever work as the tasks needed to be done, but what if i at least tried harder... but then, i also didn't really know how i was being perceived. i have this horrible habit of thinking my coworkers and managers would barely stand me for doing the bare minimum. ive never felt like a good professional in the end. they have a different perception though, and i got told that it would be ok for me to negotiate my own conditions because i was valuable.

they said its something that i should take for my next job: understand that im also a person who has needs and as long as im doing my job, i should at least try to be heard. obviously thats a very capitalistic conversation bc ideally id want to run to the forests to live a self sustained life etc etc.

but anyway i will try to take it as a new start instead of an inevitable ending. bc it would never be sustaining for me to stay there for more years, its not the job i wanted tbh. ill just have to trust myself this time to follow my own path. and try to be happy with it.

[kacchanbaby]

wait long-ish vent p2,,

I sawwww smthnnn and it made me feel yuckyyy :c it has nothing to do with me and usually this kinda thing doesn't make me feel bad!!! but today, yeah.. felt grrr

someone was like,, i know more about this one thing (that m really heavily attached too) better than everyone else actually, I'm the #1 enthusiast!!!" and idunno why I felt so upset :T okay to be fair, I was feeling kinda little when I saw but grrr

dunno. ijusy felt yucky bout it,, n my brain went everywhere, starting 2 negatively spiral ab it ans yeah... waaa don't like feeling indirectly invalidated T^T m rlly sensitive about it, it seems..

it's been kinda rare feeling jealous ab that one thing,, that's more of Kat's thing hehe... i just felt really mad, like i was gonna cry n kick n throw everything around me till I didn't feel bad about it, but I just stepped away n distracted myself n I eventually forgot about it🤭 I just wanted to write this down somewhere!

and I went back n looked at it again n now I don't feel the same way ab it! tumblr is becoming my silly little diary atp giggless..

ON A NOTHER UNRELATED NOTE: aaaaAAAAAA im being grhehehrhehehhrgerrrer /neg

okay wait firstly, I did what I was supposed to today! m doing good on that rn,, just have 2 stick to it :3 I will stick to it!!!! n tmmrow I will do the rest. for sure.. it's for the best for me, mhmm

but anyways BESIDES THAT. I KEEP SELF SABOTAGING... in somanyways m not doing it on purpose LIKE WILLINGLY. itkust keeps ughhhdhdhdh💥💥💥 ugh :( I'm not trying to do on purpose.ijust feel yucky n isolate cuz used to it n it feels safe, like I have to do it to start all over again and be new and better, but :(( don't think that's ever rlly worked out for me. n I don't like being aloneeeee!! i keep losing ppllll n it's myfault!!! not alll the time, but still. grrr idk :( jus don't rlly feel secure n safe kinda,, still feel really yucky in bad headspace a bit but... aaaa💥 forcing myself not to be as much as I can ALSO OMG I LEARNED QUBO'S NOT A TV CHANNEL ANYMORE?!?!! m so heartbroken...... damn.

ALSO UGHH >:( how do u not remember the things I dont like... or bother to even ask me!!! that sucks so bad!!!! we're related!!! I remember what YOU don't like but when it comes to me >:/ hurts. m literally the only one here, you know everything about him but whn it comes to me... ugh. I shouldn't even be getting my hopes up for u anyways... feels a little mean to say tht, but at the same time, m just over it. n I have to live with him too. mommy n daddy would NOT do this to me... free me NEOWWW!!!!! >:( iwammt them :( having source memories make me really sad.

i want mommyyy :'{ n daddy BOTH OF THEM!!!! aomuch better. n izuku too,, miss zuku lots. I hate this. it'll never be the same

dum stupid face I'LL BITE YOU!!!! n giv kiss😞 imiss my daddy.. irlly do. maybe m just better off bymyself? no n yes.. Mm :(

[cakejerry]

couldve just wrote out the question yourself

crazy to me that i literally named my #1 twt opp and yall keep sending me their tweets. like is this a joke to pmo on purpose?

man to be honest i stopped reading halfway through but im happy for you or sorry that happened. i think we discussed all of this like last year

hah nice one, havent heard that one before

okie! whatever you say!

no like aklhfslihf he's so stupid he will give money to some rando but make damn sure he's not donating to charity too much! all rich people are the same

that's crazy he rlly loves self SABOTAGE (by kwon eunbi) but wait jimin sugar daddy era?????????????? sleazy fuckboy era???? paying off countless girls he sleeps with???? this might be tea

he just wanted to be messy and get some attention because he knows he's too much of a flop otherwise its sad for him honestly tbh we hate you jin. they rlly cant stand how popular jimin is slkj well maybe if you let peace and love into your hearts and werent homophobic toxic MEN

yass we love fat jimin. the tea is that that extra bit of chub truly gives you a glow of youthfulness and femininity like

it looks like a white people eye to me tho idk slfjlskfj but wait liskook shippers cannot be a real thing what is the correlation there 😭😭😭 if anything rosekook because *i will find that one meme and post it later*

thank you for the message <3

idgaf

jungkook lowkey just stimming by rubbing the fabric of jimins shirt like idk. they be bored during a livestream and start doing the most random shit not everything is that deep.

man idgaf the concert wasnt even on his birthday and bts making fun of him isnt even the problem (its not an isolated problem, thats just how they always act towards the angel that is the only reason theyre not still in nugudom). the problem was blinks and other fandoms memeing his crying face

what, fanarts tracing over random chinese gay couples from weibo? id reckon we get a bit TOO much of those already

no like 'omg they mentioned women in a song once feminst kings!!1!' babe they literally dgaf. if we were brave we'd bully them into endorsing feminism just like they did blm (if they rlly wanna be progressive intl pop starts and stand on business) but of course we cant even get them to denounce a genocide sooo lmao

yes but my interpretation was that they were making fun of her because she was a WOMAN who was PRETTY and they are insecure toxic MEN. that whole interview just convinced me that that tweet about bts seeing uggos in the front row was real

looks like, looks like.... we shall evaluate further. he's a king for that though, hearing butter and realizing his life is over. i actually had some more thoughts about this but they escaped me...

lmaooo looks like you dont believe in true love like the rest of us do!

his WHAT era

no like her asking jimin whether he watches his every step because he's famous was so shady. and im not surprised at all at armys worshiping a y/n self insert

[sonic-love-island-official]

gonna post a convo rq bw me n my sister for later reference

arcs / observations / Knuckles Stuff mostly

her: the hedgie boy def get jealous of each other all the time

me: all the time. i think they all kinda wish they were one of the other ones. except maybe sonic bc i think he loves himself a little too much

her: they are so funny like that

me: they rlly are. shadow wishes he had more of sonic's endearing, approachable traits. silver wishes he was anyone but himself bc all he is is 'nice'. and sonic loves himself bc sElf lOvE yOu KNow. in fact, let's be real for a sec: everyone kinda wishes they were sonic and that's just how sonic is

her: even knux and thats sad

me: yeah :(( and i think it's sonic's charisma that knuckles wants bc he's one of the ones that struggle with socialising since he's been isolated on angel island for so long. which is why he tries to hard to be funny and for ppl to like him

her: poor knuc

me: when u think abt it, he hardly lets his guard down and is constantly trying to be someone he's not to fit in. that's also why he can't be honest with rouge right away

her: NOOOOOOOOOOO im gonna cry

me: it's always been there man. you've seen it. knuckles is actually very intelligent in his own special way. he's not smart in the ways that everyone else is, but he has a knack for stuff no one else does. knuckles is constantly under pressure bc he hasn't spent as much time around people as someone like sonic or silver or amy has. knuckles has ALWAYS been awkward and he's trying. he's just trying his best

knuckles secretly knows a lot but never shows it bc everyone has right off perceived him as 'dumb'. their mistake, as they later see

her: STOP PRETENDING KNUCKLES

me: LITERALLY. i think it needs to be a part of his character arc. if not his WHOLE character arc

her: I think by the end everyone knows that he's hiding his true self

me: shadow was fs one of the first to clock this. shadow says little observations abt each of the characters throughout the thing and i like that. it shows that even tho he looks like he doesn't care, he's keeping tabs on everyone's behaviour. especially The Elusive knuckles, i reckon. bc he's closest to rouge

her: I believe even rouge notices it but she hates that its true and he's good for her cause he has brains

me: they have their own personal issues that end up conflicting with one another bc knuckles can't be himself and rouge refuses to stop sabotaging every good thing she has bc she doesn't rly feel like she deserves it. rouge only acts like a bitch bc she doesn't know how else to be when presented with something seriously meaningful

idk how this conversation went from: everyone sorta wants to be sonic to Psychological Analysis of Knuckles

[bbina]

I was not prepared for last chapter user bbina 😭😭😭😭😭 also omzzz Seok got a girlie 🤭🤭🤭 ngl this is the best work I've read till this date frr like usually if the story gets to detailed i start losing interest and sometimes the slow updates too (but i understand that cuz we're human🫂) but BTL had me invested since the v beginning till the end everyday i used to wait eagerly for the next chapter 😭😭 it's a bit sad that it has ended 😭😭 thinking about all the plots by anons : the love triangle, tgat one anon thinking 💊 had a part where yn dies and also i still laugh at how quickly bbinaverse turned against yn when she made Binnie cry we were ready to k word her and even mentally prepared for a whole new character as Binnie's new partner 😭omg as much as I'm excited for the future work of yours I'm srs gonna miss BTL era sm it'll always be v close to my heart🩷 thank you so much user bbina for giving my precious ynbin an interesting love life 🤪😭 ilysm thank you for working hard

SEOK GOT CUFFED 😭 WONBIN IS FREE FROM HIS CHAINS OF BEING TORMENTED!! ITS EUNSEOK'S TURN TO FEEL WONBIN'S WRATH!!!! jk

thank you so much for sticking around til the end!!! usually people start to leave once the climax hits and no one rlly sticks around for the ending but THANK YOU FOR PUSHING THROUGH AND INVESTED IN BTL!! HOPE UR TIME WASN'T WASTED!!!!

god the 299792 different canon endings because of our tenants creativity 😭 y'all are so fucking funny the pill and wave poll rlly did a number on everyone after yn literally broke wonbin's heart 😭 UNITED WE STAND FOR PARK WONBIN!!!!! lowkey was preparing an ending where yn didn't end up with nobody at all bc everyone HATED yn so bad 😭 yall acted like it wasn't a self insert fic but yn is a whole entity 😭

thank you so much for reading!!!!!! i'm truly am so grateful for the readers who took their time of day to read and keep up with btl 🥹 fruits of labor tbh... like i wish i can tell u all about how i plotted btl from the start AAHHHH i really am so happy you guys enjoyed it the way i enjoyed every process of making it!!!

[gokartkid]

the part in the pacific rim au where daniel experiences max’s nightmare/trauma about his family

omg pacrim!!!

its a bit long so under the cut lol

“Neural handshake, initiated.”

The robotic voice is the last thing he hears before it feels like his brain is being sucked out of his skull, thrown backwards into the blue haze of the Headspace. [in pacrim the transition into the headspace is always rlly funny their faces look like theyre sucked inwards so just wanted to write that feeling] He spins through images, his own memories, squeals of children running through feels, his mother’s voice saying something muffled, his own pealing laughter. [wanted the feel of smashcut movie-isms here]

Already, it feels better than before, his vision clear when Daniel opens his eyes and looks around.

He’s standing in a room, darkened by nightfall. He can hear a faint sobbing noise, coming from somewhere, a darkened closet. [scene setting, wanted it to be pretty dreamlike. like, there are only specific details that daniel is catching. fuck the rest of the room lol.]

When Daniel looks to his right, in the real world, vision double-layered, he can see Max frozen looking into the distance.

“Max,” he shouts, voice echoing back in the dream and the pod, “Max, snap out of it.”

He’s unresponsive. 

Daniel walks carefully through the room in the Headspace. There’s another, hitching cry and he opens the door of the wardrobe to see a boy, clutching at a blanket and sobbing, round red cheeks and a scrap of pale blond hair. [hes a little guy 😭 the littlest guy]

“Mama!” He’s sobbing, tears coming too quickly for him to be able to see, soaking into the collar of his shirt, down his neck. Daniel watches as he wipes them away, futile, little chubby hands digging fists into his eyes. [that feeling kids get when they are literally overwhelmed by tears. no self soothing skills. hes been crying for so long his shirt is wet...]

“Hey, hey, Max.” Daniel drops to his knees and starts shushing him, like he did his nieces and nephews at home. [uncle daniel feature! also... lightly touching on like. he never gets to see the kids but he always is thinking about them...] “Hey, come on.” 

He lets him fall forward into his chest, little fists clutching at the grooves in his armour. [the contrast between his child hands, and the harsh lines of daniels armour-- the reminder he is here for a purpose]

“Shh, that’s alright, shh,” he murmurs. Daniel feels little-Max tense as the muffled sound of shouting comes from another room, distant in the house. Looking around, he’s starting to get an idea of where he is. [creeping suspicions, WHY hes upset, but daniel still doesn't want to assume anything. all he cares about is that max is upset, and theres danger]

“This isn’t real Max.” 

The best way to wake someone up from a drift-nightmare is to tell them, calmly. That’s what Sebastian had told him. [rlly wanted to emphasise the way seb was a mentor for him and even in their short time together they rlly connected. daniel saying 'thats my friend' abt him driving past 😭]

“Calm and collected, you don’t want to scare them more,” He’d said, gesturing into the air, “but you have to wake them up, quickly. Otherwise things can go very wrong. You just have to keep telling them until you can continue the handshake.”

It’s hard to not feel nervous though, when you’re confronted with the maybe 5 year old version of your teammate.

“I want my Mama,” he says tearfully into Daniel’s chest. There’s more shouting, a crash from somewhere, all muffled like the soundwaves are travelling through water.

“Yeah, yeah buddy,” Daniel nods, pats at his head and down his back. “It’s alright. This isn’t real, you just have to wake up, alright?” 

“It is real.” Even as Max says it he seems to come back to himself, slowly, “my mama and my sister, they’re sad and I’m going to have to go away-“ [max's brain is going between being a kid and being himself, adult max, and so its like moments of illogical logic... still the thoughts of a kid but able to deliver it more and more like an adult, and he knows whats going on too that this isn't real]

He wails and Daniel bites back a curse, just puts his hands on his shoulders, smooths them down. 

“I’m sorry Max but this isn’t real. You have to wake up, and then everything will be fine.” 

He casts about for things to say and settles on- [daniel's child comforting skills/child rearing skills in videos are... um... i was rlly thinking about that one where he's just laughing at his nephew falling over lol so hes obviously feeling a bit ?!?!?! here]

“Come on, okay, just breathe with me, alright? In-“ he sucks in a deep breath, watches Max’s cheeks puff up [literally his round cheeks in baby pics] as he struggles to breathe in smoothly, chest hitching with hiccups. “-and out.” An exaggerated ‘whoosh’ out of his mouth that makes him giggle.

“Good job, in, and out.” Daniel moves into the wardrobe, and shuts the door on them, as if to protect them. [again, not talking about what is happening. they dont need to talk about whats happening. the only thing is max feeling more okay!] They repeat that, and then Daniel starts to feel the telltale tug in the bottom of his stomach that they were leaping through again, Max’s face going funny.

He gives his small, chubby hands [BABY MAX. AGAIN.] a squeeze before-

ask me for directors commentary!

[sleeping-on-cracking-ice]

can you make the sfw alphabet for hyunjin? i rlly loved the one with félix <3

Sure! ❤

SFW Alphabet | Hwang Hyunjin

{Stray Kids Masterlist}

Warnings: suggestive themes but it’s only mentioned once

A - Affection

(How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

At first Hyunjin would be unsure with showing his affection

He would take a while before opening up to someone like that

So with his S/O, he wouldn’t be overly affectionate or touchy at first

But after be becomes way more confident around them, he would literally never let go

I can see his love language being either physical touch or acts of service

When he gets the chance to relax with his S/O, he’d be like a leech

Would keep his arms so tightly wrapped around them and complain whenever they tried to remove him

Even when just sitting on the couch together, literally all his limbs would be caging his S/O

He seems like the type to be very clingy to those he feels comfortable around, so his S/O would never catch a break

For acts of service, he would do small things for his S/O just to show he cares

Like making them some food after they’ve had a bad day or giving their head a rub when they’re lying in bed at night

B - Best Friend

(What would they be like as a best friend?)

Loud and annoying best friend definitely

Like his best friend doesn’t get a break from him

He’d be the type to just show up at their house uninvited

What’s theirs is his

Knows exactly how to make parents like him cause he’s so polite so he’d be the favourite

Sleepovers galore and walking to the park at some ridiculous time in the morning

He’d be the type to give his all in a friendship, so he’d be incredibly loyal and expects that back from his best friend

C - Cuddles

(Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He’d only be very cuddly when it’s just him and his S/O

He’d be nervous to do it in front of people, even if it’s in front of the rest of Stray Kids

He would still sit on their lap / have them sit on his if he’s comfortable

But when their alone he would be a lot more intimate

Like lying across the top of them or running his hands along under their shirt

His favourite way to cuddle would be him simply just having his head in his S/O’s lap

He would love it because he’s a dramatic princess and would beg for his S/O to play with his hair and braid it

Every night he would just slump on the couch and force them to sit up straight so he can place his head on their thigh and they immediately knows what he wants

D - Domestic

(Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He’d wouldn’t be fussed in terms of settling down quickly

Although he would always think how cute it would be to share an apartment with his S/O where he gets to see them everyday

And when they finally do move in together, him and his S/O would become so fussy in terms of chores

Always disagree on who does what, so they’d have to end up doing it together so they can suffer the frustration together

They would usually share both the cooking and cleaning, but Hyunjin would prefer to cook since he’s rather decent at it

But overall, hates doing housework but he would rather jump off a cliff before he watches his S/O do it all on their own

E - Ending

(If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Hyunjin seems like the type to avoid a break up as much as he can

If there was an issue between him and his S/O, he would try everything in his power to work it out without resorting to a break up

If he was to break up with his S/O, he would feel guilty about it

It would take him a while to muster up the courage to do it (unless there was a major problem)

He would want to stay friends with his S/O, and would always promise them they would remain close

Hyunjin wouldn’t let him and his S/O’s relationship end badly, but more on a mutual agreement

If his S/O was to suddenly break up with him though, he would get very in denial about it

His sadness comes out in anger, causing a screaming match between the two as he keeps denying them trying to break up with him

But after a while, when he’s calmed down, he would sit down with them and listen to their reasoning

It would take a while for him to recover from it, as he seems the type to pin his needs onto his S/O slightly

Some days would be worse than others, but soon enough he would be back to his cheery self and would accept being their friend again

He realises that staying together as friends with them would at least mean he still gets to see them

F - Fiancé(e)

(How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Hyunjin seems like the type to take a while to commit to someone

Even when he first meets someone, he has to take a while to get to know them before he feels comfortable

Most people are like that though

But in a relationship, he would at first come across as either shy or aloof, as he wouldn’t be incredibly affectionate or loud

But when he starts getting comfortable, pray for his S/O

Doesn’t leave them alone, never

He couldn’t have a relationship with someone if they weren’t also his best friend though

So when he’s finally comfortable, he would become so committed

Always just assumes that he and his S/O will get married

Talks about it like it’s happening tomorrow

Of course it would be sometime in the far future, but he would love talking to people about what him and his S/O have planned for their wedding

G - Gentle

(How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

When he first starts dating, he would be so afraid of hurting his S/O, physically or emotionally

Comes back to how it takes a while for him to get comfortable with someone

But after him and his S/O become a lot closer and start to understand each other’s limits when it comes to harsh jokes or rough play

He does not hold back

Physically, he’s not at all gentle

When his S/O is just minding their business, he would take it as an invitation to tackle them to the ground

Or to pick them up and throw them over his shoulder

Even when just playfighting, he gets so competitive and his S/O has to beg him to lay off to let them breathe

Emotion wise, literally the last thing he would ever want was to hurt his S/O emotionally

Although sometimes he may accidentally say something that could be taken the wrong way, he never has bad intentions

He would love a relationship where him and his S/O can cuss each other out without actually meaning any of the harsh jokes

But if he ever accidentally goes too far and offends his S/O, he feels so guilty

Apologises to them over and over and makes it up with kisses and loving compliments

H - Hugs

(Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He obviously enjoys hugs so much

Only when he’s alone with his S/O though

In public, he wouldn’t be too lovey-dovey because he gets shy about it

But he also thinks his relationship doesn’t need to be seen by everyone else

But when he’s alone with his S/O, he becomes a lot more affectionate

Especially after a long day and him and his S/O are both sleepy and cuddling on the couch or before they go to sleep

You know those sudden urges to squeeze something that’s really cute? Yeah, he would get that every time he looks at his S/O

They could literally be doing anything and he would just throw himself at them, whining about how cute they are

But I think he would hug them the most when they’re in bed and just about to go to sleep

He could lay awake for hours and cuddle them, chatting and kissing with them until his words slur from tiredness

Usually his hugs would be very playful, but also would make his S/O feel very safe at the same time

He’s quite tall, and if his S/O is smaller than him, he would envelope them in his arms

When they’re lying down, he would wrap all his limbs around them, trapping them against his body

If they’re his height or taller, he would always give them back hugs and nuzzle his face against their back

I - I Love You

(How fast do they say the L-word?)

It takes a very long while for Hyunjin to say it surprisingly

It would seem to be a very intimate thing to say for Hyunjin, so he would want to say it with a lot of meaning, not just during a simple conversation

But other than that, he probably prefers to say how much he loves his S/O in different ways like helping them with stuff and affection

When he does tell them, it would be in a situation like if they’re at the beach together late at night

His S/O may have had a bad argument with their sibling or their parent, and Hyunjin would have taken them to get Chinese food and sit in the cold air on the hood of his car to make them forget about their situation

They may be crying in his arms, having suddenly not feeling well and needing some affection

But during that moment and seeing his S/O so vulnerable in front of him would make him soft

It would just slip out, and he wouldn’t regret it when they lift their head and give him a kiss straight on the lips as a “I love you too”

J - Jealousy

(How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He doesn’t get jealous too often, but when he does he gets jealous

Like resting bitch face, cold shoulder jealous

It’s not pretty, and a lot of the time I think his S/O would be able to tell quickly when he’s feeling replaced by someone

But he’d be that annoying type of jealous and be like “no I’m fine” when clearly he’s not

If it happens while they’re out at a party or something, he would be so passively aggressive towards the person he’s jealous of

Beyond petty

But when him and his S/O get back home, he would become so touchy and upset about it

Always begs for their attention and love, since he felt so left out when they were out

Denies it by the morning though, using the excuse “I was just tired”

K - Kisses

(What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss their partner? Where do they like to be kissed?)

With Hyunjin’s big pouty lips, I’m sure he gives the best kisses

He would always be willing to give his S/O kisses, never gives up the opportunity to drown them in his affection

But he’s very teasing about it

Sometimes to annoy his S/O, he’ll pout his lips and lean towards them like he’s about to kiss them, but when they lean in he’ll turn away like nothing happened

Always gets himself pinned and getting smothered when his S/O has put up with it for too long

He doesn’t kiss his S/O passionately in front of other people, especially the other members

Because most likely Minho wouldn’t leave them alone about it

His favourite place to kiss his S/O would be their cheeks

Especially if they have squishy cheeks, since he can press his face against the chub and coo about how cute they are

His favourite place to be kissed would weirdly be around his shoulders and collarbones

Especially after a stressful day and he gets to flop into bed with his S/O and they take his shirt off and give him loving kisses around his neck and shoulders to make him relax

Never fails to help him drift off to sleep in their arms

L - Little Ones

(How are they around children?)

(I had to go back and watch that video of Hyunjin and Changbin playing with kids again for this lmafooo)

Hyunjin actually loves kids

If his S/O has younger siblings/cousins/nieces/nephews who he can play with, omg he’s over the moon

Will spend all his time trying to entertain kids

If there’s ever a time when he and his S/O have to babysit a relative’s baby, he’d immediately turn into dad mode

But throughout the time he would secretly be imagining that him and his S/O are parents looking after their own kid

Some times he becomes a bit of a punching bag for the kids, which is always funny to watch

But seeing his S/O with kids would make him blush so hard though

Like he finds the sight so cute and would always look forward to the far future when they can both have their own little family

M - Morning

(How are mornings spent with them?)

Lazy mornings

Takes him literally ages to open his eyes in the morning

His S/O would always wake up and find themselves wrapped up in his limbs since he becomes so cuddly at night

He prefers to stay in bed for a while and just chat, because he takes a while to wake up fully

They have to pry him off them if they don’t want to sleep in for hours

But quite literally they have to drag him out by his arms while he’s whinging about it being too early

N - Night

(How are nights spent with them?)

At night, he would be the complete opposite than in the morning

Always tries to keep his S/O awake with him because he’s a night owl and wants them to keep him company

Usually at night he would become more quiet though

Like he just wants some down time with is S/O and just spend hours on the couch together watching movies and cuddling

But his favourite would be just lying in bed with them while they play with his long hair or run their fingers along their back

He could lay there for ages in complete bliss, loving the feeling of his S/O’s hands on him comfortingly

O - Open

(When would they start revealing things about themselves?)

This is where I think Hyunjin would struggle a bit with

It would be very hard to get him to open up

Especially about very deep and personal subjects

He seems like he would never want to bother anyone, so telling his S/O about his worries makes him anxious

No matter how much they reassure him, he’d assume they’re only saying it because they have to

The only time he would really open up to them fully would be on days when he’s feeling more emotional than usual

He would lay in their arms and close his eyes as they rub their thumbs across his cheeks and talk about some things on his mind

It wouldn’t happen often as it was rare when he became comfortable to talk about his deep inner emotions

But when it does happen, his S/O would always remember what he said and keep it in mind

P - Patience

(How easily angered are they?)

He never gets angry, he just gets attitude

Knowing him and his sass, no matter how much he loves his S/O, they’re still going to fall victim to his sarcastic remarks whenever he gets the chance to say them

It would be a very rare sight to see him properly mad, since he would most the time just get mildly annoyed

The only time he would ever get mad is if his S/O put themselves in danger or if someone said something about them

So overall, he somewhat has patience

He fights bullshit back with more bullshit, so it cancels it out

Sometimes his passive-aggressive sass would get so bad that his S/O would have to tell him to stfu before he starts a fight

Q - Quizzes

(How much would they remember about their partner?)

His clumsy and forgetful ass would not remember anything

But his S/O can’t take it personally because he actually just can’t remember basic things

He loves them with all his heart, but knowing everything about them just isn’t his strong point

They usually have to remind him about things, like the names of their parents/siblings and their favourite restaurant

They would have to be patient with him, but he weirdly wouldn’t forget anything drastic like anniversaries or dates

R - Remember

(What is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

His most favourite moments would definitely be the ones when they’re laughing so hard and smacking each other because they can’t breathe

That would be one of his favourites because his S/O is like his best friend at the same time

But his most favourite moment would honestly be one of their first dates when he brought them to a ice cream parlour late at night

It was around 11 at night and he texted them asking if they wanted to hang out since both of them had had a harsh day

They sat on the dark beach and listened to the calm waves while eating their ice cream, snuggled together in huge coats trying to hide from the cold

Afterwards, they went to the water and splashed each other, their laughter ripping through the silent night beach

It would always be his absolute favourite because he believes it to be the day when he realised he wanted to stay with them

S - Security

(How protective are they? How would they protect their partner? How would they like to be protected?)

He’s actually quite clueless when it comes to being protective

He tries very hard to be a safe space for them and make them feel protected when their together, especially when they’re out somewhere

He does small things like keeping his arm around their torso and pulling them close to his body if someone they didn’t know was approaching them

But overall, if a bad situation was to rise like someone flirting with his S/O or someone just acting weird around them, he wouldn’t be sure what to do

A bit panicky and slightly afraid himself, but he would keep putting himself between the person and his S/O, no matter how much confrontation freaks him out

He would like to be protected in a way that’s emotional

He wants to be protected from his own thoughts, as he seems like an overthinker

So most of the time when he’s not feeling well, his S/O would distract him and always reassure him that he has nothing to worry about and that they love him very much no matter what

T - Try

(How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He would definitely be the type to “out-gift” his S/O on anniversaries

He ALWAYS has to get the better present, or have the better date ideas

He puts so much effort into everything, his S/O could never compete

On anniversaries, they would always wake up to a whole bunch of their favourite flowers and Hyunjin cooking breakfast for them in the kitchen

Would always have them pick where they go

It’s always either they go out to a really romantic and fancy restaurant or they just order fast food and watch movies and make out in front of the tv

For everyday tasks, he does small things throughout the day just to help out his S/O

Like tying their hair back if it’s in their face or giving them one of his hoodies when he thinks they’re cold

They don’t even have to say anything, he just knows

“Babe, how did you know I wanted tea?” “You were giving off “give me tea” vibes for some reason-”

U - Ugly

(What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He has a bad habit of turning the cold shoulder when he has a fight with his S/O

He doesn’t like talking things out, but prefers to just wait until he’s calmed down before going on like nothing happened

Sometimes it would piss his S/O off a lot

On the rare occasion they have really bad arguments, Hyunjin would threaten to sleep on the couch

But when his S/O says “go ahead”, he lowkey would regret it immediately

But he’s petty, and he’s not going to let them win the argument that easily

So he’d try to sleep by himself, but at some time in the early morning he would slip back underneath the covers with them and whisper an apology in their ear while pressing their back against his chest in a tight spoon

He can never keep his stubbornness up for too long. His S/O just has to be patient with him

V - Vanity

(How concerned are they with their looks?)

I don’t think his appearance is one of his main concerns, but just like everyone, he would sometimes become quite insecure

A lot of the time he wouldn’t even mention how he looked, unless his S/O complimented him, so they would assume that he’s confident in his appearance

But when he does doubt himself a bit and perhaps question his S/O’s attraction to him, he would keep it to himself

Until it kind of spills out randomly to them

Like his S/O would say something about a actor/actress’s body and Hyunjin would just say out of the blue “do you wish I looked like that?”

That’s when he would admit to recently not feeling too confident in himself

But perhaps all he needs is a reminding from his S/O how much they love him and his body

W - Whole

(Would they feel incomplete without their partner?)

If Hyunjin had to go a few weeks or even months without his S/O (if he had to go on tour or something), he would gradually start missing them a lot

The first few days/weeks wouldn’t be so hard for him, cause the reassurance that they’re only a phone call away made him feel better

But after a while, he would grow homesick from them and miss their lips on his cheek and their hands on his body

Talking through the phone via skype or facetime would soon not be enough for either of them

He would become more down and become angrier easily

Would seek comfort in Felix, since he’s basically like a little brother to him who he can trust with anything

But when him and his S/O finally get to see each other again, they would not leave each other’s sides for a while

Would even follow each other when they’re at home and one of them gets up to go to another room

X - Xtra

(A random headcanon for them.)

One of his favourite things to do is show his S/O his dances

Loves the fact that they just sit and watch him for hours in the practise room, being so entertained by his graceful moves

Gets so flustered when they keep complimenting his talent though

And also just to make them happy, he would learn dances to their favourite songs

His S/O has an album in their phone just for videos of his dancing

Y - Yuck

(What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He dislikes people who do not have any sense of sympathy

Or people that do not understand that other’s emotions could be fragile

He’s a empathetic and emotional person, so he needs someone who wouldn’t hesitate to scoop him up in their arms when he’s feeling down for no reason

Having someone who would perhaps not understand why he can sometimes feel down randomly would make him frustrated and cause him to bottle things up

Even just seeing the negative trait in people during daily life makes him irritated

In general though, he would hate being rejected by his S/O

They always try to tell him to not take it personally when they say they don’t feel like cuddling one night or they don’t want to talk

He would always act like it doesn’t bother him, but in the back of his mind he’s questioning if he did something to upset them

Z - Zzz

(What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Sleep talks

Not excessively, but enough for it to wake up his S/O

None of the stuff he says makes sense though, it’s just gibberish

One time his S/O woke up to him shaking their shoulder

“Hyunjin, what’s wrong?” “We... we forgot to take the dog out.” “...we don’t have a dog”

Keeps an app in his phone that records when he sleep talks

Sometimes he would listen to them and hear his S/O responding to his weird statements

Never fails to make him slightly embarrassed though

SFW Alphabet Template

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

perfect now - a close reading

only pure and true love for this one. it’s soft and sweet because the one he wrote it for is and needs cheesy uncool romcom soundtrack-worthy affirmations and it’s the most wonderful thing oh my the flurries 

some album booklet art for your viewing pleasure

((just a warning for below: while the lyric analysis was kept fairly neutral and close to the words and their meaning, more and more parallels did ensure me larrying out by the time the analysis kicked off so if you’re not into that, you can skip this one!))

⟼ check out @bluewinnerangel​ ‘s magnificent post with all the parallels to 1d/h&l bc it’s exhaustive and was a source for mine <3 thank you again for your service <3 bc this song really is a fanpiece of every song that has been important to them throughout their career so far, whether they wrote it or not, and it’s honestly kinda impressive

SUMMARY

you’re sad and i love you so much i will do anything to make that undone but while you’re sad know that i sill very much love you and you’re also strong enough to conquer all of this on your own but i’ll be by your side anyway

lyric breakdown ft. the many parallels, incl. little things, through the dark and wmyb

what this says about louis, his partner and the relationship he is in

never gonna dance again frenzy

identity 

louis is a marvellous majestic sonofabitch basically <3

walls, track 10

～ little things “you still have to squeeze into your jeans, but you’re perfect to me”

You don’t feel pretty and it’s hard to miss

You don’t feel pretty and it’s hard to miss

later lyric: “like a neon sign” - i see through you trying to hide away your insecurities

I wish that you could see my point of view As someone staring back at you

“you” is also staring at him, but perhaps is too insecure to realise how mutual the adoration is

i wish i could get you out of your own negative spiral and give you a look at yourself from my perspective

～ wmyb “everyone else in the room can see it, everyone else but you” 

～ wmyb “right now i’m looking at you and i can’t believe you don’t know you’re beautiful”

～ little things “you never love yourself half as much as I love you, and you’ll never treat yourself right darling but I want you to. If I let you know, I’m here for you, maybe you’ll love yourself like I love you”

On Friday night when we’re all out I turn to you and you’re looking down And you don’t wanna dance I know you love to dance You never stop given half the chance

heavy echoes of kmm again, but the opposite: the “nightmare on the dance floor” doesn’t want to dance

when “you” is confident rlly not being subtle with who i think that is, they love to dance <-> tpwk “feeling good in my skin, i just keep on dancing”

“i know you love to dance” = i know what you love bc i love you

“given half the chance” 

～ tpwk “giving/given second chances”

given a chance tattoo, making another appearance (see below for more tattoo meltdowns)

Just keep your head up, love, keep your head up

term of endearment <3 

～ dlibyh

this album is full of encouragement to keep going and as much as it gives me life it ruins me 

Don’t hide away, don’t ever change

“be happy, proud”

～ “just hold on”

“pick someone who’s supportive”

Keep your head up, love, keep your head up Don’t look away, don’t look away

don’t look away from me

～ through the dark “and I can see your head is held in shame”

Cause everybody’s looking at you now, my, oh my

they have the stage to themselves / new career paths they’re doing on their own

could also mean ppl they’re going out with are looking at them, which “you” interprets as sth negative, which makes them self-conscious, while they’re actually admiring them bc they steal the scene

～ wmyb “you’re turning heads when you walk through the door”

I guess some queens don’t need a crown And I know why Even when your tears are falling down Still, somehow, you’re perfect now

“you” is royalty to louis, to put it simply 

they don’t need something on their head to make it known to everyone else - they’re a queen and everyone knows it

gendered: female - also used in drag contexts - the only time L has used any gendered word to identify his partner on the entire album (more on this below)

～ steal my girl "she's been my queen since we were sixteen" can't believe i forgot this one thank you @mortalenemiestolovers for reminding me!!!

～ falling

～ through the dark “you tell me that your tears are here to stay”

You never do, but if you asked me to I’ll tell the truth lying next to you

“you” never asks for affirmations directly, but by saying shit like their pants are too tight make it clear enough to L that they do need to hear once in a while that it’s not true

Cause you’re the only one when it’s said and done You make me feel like being someone 

Good to you even at your worst

～ always you

i love you so much you are a force of life to me, and even when you hate me i want more

～ drag me down “If I didn’t have you there would be nothing left, the shell of a man who could never be his best. If I didn’t have you, I’d never see the sun. You taught me how to be someone” (sung by louis first, harry second) 

～ through the dark “even if you scream and shout, it’ll come back to you and I’ll be here for you

You steal the scene and it’s unrehearsed

reference to working on a stage - their natural presence wins everyone over - that charisma is never manufactured

Don’t you wanna dance? Just a little dance I’ll never stop given half the chance

L keeps encouraging them, will also not pass by any chance to dance with them

Every insecurity, like a neon sign, as bright as day If you knew what you were to me You would never try to hide away

“it’s hard to miss”

L sees through them trying to hide their insecurities, pretend to be strong

～ through the dark “but I know you were only hiding”

SYNTHESIS

Perfect Now is not a fan favorite and I am so not here for that discourse, so please do not pester me with negativity about this chocolate drop of a song. 

As others have pointed out, the parallels with other songs written by Louis, Harry or for One Direction are extremely present. Especially Little Things is echoed loudly, but there’s so much more to be read, as you’ve seen. These are songs that are clearly near and dear to Louis, bc he wrote them or bc performing them was special, like with Little Things and What Makes You Beautiful. A lot of the same emotions come back in Louis’s writing, so much so that you can’t help but see the larger story behind it all. Throughout Walls you can hear him singing about not giving up and holding your head high despite hardships, and if you look back at his earlier writing, it’s always been there. Through the Dark is an early and striking example of this style of Louis song: you’re sad and i love you so much i will do anything to make that undone but while you’re sad know that i sill very much love you and you’re also strong enough to conquer all of this on your own but i’ll be by your side anyway 

basically through the dark’s chorus:

Oh, I will carry you over Fire and water for your love And I will hold you closer Hope your heart is strong enough When the night is coming down on you We will find a way Through the dark

It is very clear that Louis is faced with a partner - I can freely say it’s Harry now right? are the antis gone by now? i think so - that struggles with his body, with his identity, with how he wants to present himself vs how opinions on that might push him down and dampen his spirit. Louis, always the supportive boyfriend, then tries his best to make him see the light, while keeping that space for his sadness, his struggles, or their joint struggles. Accept the sadness but don’t lose your heart to it.

I’ve linked @bluewinnerangel​ ‘s post at the start of this post, but I need to stress how good it is once more as I also shamelessly insert a screenshot from it here bc it makes me feel a lot and summarizes perfectly just how deeply Perfect Now is woven into the history of their lives, relationship and especially “you”s/Harry’s personal struggle with their identity/body/confidence...

Because yes, i absolutely think these tattoos are being echoed in the song. “Never gonna dance again” as a lyric and then as a tattoo on Harry’s legs like shackles around his ankles represents the sensation of shame, of being stuck, bc of your desires, bc of your sexuality. Obviously we can never know why Harry got the tattoo, as in what experience pushed him to choose those lyrics or what exactly he recognizes in himself, but it’s safe to say it’s about the struggles of being queer and navigating relationships with that identity and with others.

Most importantly, the sense of shamelessly dancing, dancing like no one’s watching, dancing together with your lover, as a celebration of self, life, love, is the key here. Harry got that tattoo ages ago, at a time when he undoubtedly felt way more stuck. When he couldn’t dance freely the way he wanted to and with whom he wanted to. Perfect Now is a reminder to him, an encouragement to still dance if he wants to, no matter what people say or think. Significantly, then, Harry’s own Treat People With Kindness heavily features that same sentiment, but in an extremely positive light: i have found a place (in life and in myself) where i feel like i have given and was given second chances and now i dance bc i finally feel good in my skin.

Louis has obviously been there from the start, or at least from when or before Harry properly started experimenting with/questioning how he likes to present and how he identifies as. Before he ever dared to consider pulling on a pair of women’s skinny jeans, never mind a ball gown. Louis has seen him limit himself as well as being limited by others ofc and has always seemed to have been there, with a secure hand on Harry’s back, to encourage him. Even at a time when boys wearing nail polish or skirts was unthinkable. Just remember how much encouragement Harry needed when growing out his hair; Louis literally joined him. yes this might make me cry okay i need to stop bc i’m going off track and this is just becoming a larry breakdown while i was trying to hype up this beautiful song. 

What I’m trying to say is: Louis has always seen all of Harry. He’s always had his back, no matter what. He’s loved every part of him. And now, on a completely gender neutral album, in the sweetest, softest song off of the entire thing, Louis puts in the word “queen”, and that is so very deliberate it makes me want to scream. It’s Louis confirming his love again and again while affirming the multitudes contained by Harry, including everything involving his gender journey. brb crying

It’s a raw Louis, an honest, sweet, kind, loving partner, and both of them are fucking lucky to have each other, and I also wish that all of us end up in a caring and wholesome relationship like that. I truly do.