#the tags on that post are fucking bleak

[txttletale]

wow this is so brave. finally someone heroic enough to tell people they can be cis

[jtownraindancer]

top 5 burn characters go

Good gods Anon this is evil. Only five!??? 😭💕

I spent like three days trying to make up my mind on this, and I'm still not satisfied, but as of the moment, in no particular order:

The Best Boys

Mr. William Guppy of Kenge & Carboy, Bleak House

He's awkward, he's manipulative, he has no real social skills to speak of, and he's in love. I actually really disliked this character when I first read the book circa 2011, but as Burn seems wont to do, I ended up being completely won over in the end. ^_^; His Guppy is expressive, less a comic relief and almost sympathetic. I mentioned in a conversation with @synthapostate about how Guppy is technically an antagonist, but he's played in such a way that you really can't see it (unlike the book). Also the camera is half in love with Burn this entire series, and it makes it very, very easy to fall in love with this dorky, curly-haired puppy of a man.

Dr. Hermann Gottlieb, Pacific Rim & Pacific Rim: Uprising

I could write sonnets about Hermann for how much I've come to love him. 😅 He's one of the Characters of All Time for me. From his passion, his stubborn resilience, and his sharp humor, to his unwavering loyalty for those he cares for and his ability to care so deeply, how could I not irrevocably fall for him? (Also singlehandedly the cause of the 2023 Burn Binge.) Hermann found his way into my heart from the very beginning, but I never realized how at home he had made himself until the day I turned around and he was patiently waiting for me to see him. I think I fell for him and Newt in the same fell swoop, and my love for both of them is unwavering.

Dr. Owen Harper, Torchwood

I've been in love with this bastard since 2013; I've been repressing that adoration for 10 years. I- I don't really remember the exact moment that my opinion of Owen shifted from extreme dislike to him carving a permanent place in my very being, but there it is. He's sarcastic, an incorrigible flirt, and has one of the biggest, kindest hearts I've ever come across in fiction. At the time, I was pre-Med, and I aspired to be half as compassionate a doctor as him. After Exit Wounds, I gave up Torchwood (I couldn't, not with Tosh gone too.), but I've slowly been dipping my toes back in via Burn's reading of some of the books & the Big Finish audios. It's been 10 years, yet I think I'm more in love with this bastard than I ever was before. (And okay, I admit, he might be my favorite-favorite ^_^;)

Sgt. Detective William Blore, And Then There Were None

Bill, Bill, Bill... He's a crooked cop, he's tired of everyone's nonsense, he's filled with regret, he's probably gay. Detective Blore is yet another classic lit character that I first met back in the late 20-aughts, early 2010s who I really didn't care for. Then 2023 rolls around, and not only did I come to love him in this adaptation, but I've ended up going on an Agatha Christie bender because of it. Burn made me... well love would be too strong a word, but I definitely rank Blore as "a poor little meow meow."

Major Edmund Hewlett, TURN

How could this list be at all complete without including my beloved major? (Just picking a gif for this made me realise how badly I've missed him. 🥺) Edmund is... How do I explain how much I adore this guy? How do I possibly pin down the levels of pride I have in his journey, in his growth, explain the way my heart aches at the twists and turns that will tear him apart and build him back even stronger? How do I possibly do justice in conveying how damn aspirational he is, how merciful, how delightful? I can't, really. He's a force of nature that one must experience for themselves. (And I need to resume my rewatch methinks~)

Runner-Ups

(or the characters who have been spinning in my brain nonstop like rotisserie chickens and absolutely deserve mention)

Ben Jarvis, Cheat

I... I have entire essays I want to write about this guy. I have theories I want to discuss, but as most of them are... I can't. Yet. Maybe soon? I- Anyway. Ben was a huge surprise, and definitely nowhere close to what I was expecting when I finally got around to watching this show. I would be lying to say it wasn't a pleasant surprise, and I absolutely love how Burn was able to do a lot of solo work this series, with a lot of focus on body language and his uncanny knack for killer expressions.

Jacko Argyle, Ordeal By Innocence

This... This beautiful little shit ♡ One of the first Burn movies I actively chose to seek out, my second in his Agatha Christie adaptations, and my first dive into gif making. And Jacko-! Oh, Jacko... You stole my heart then broke it in only a few, few precious moments of screentime and backstory. He haunts the entire film, he haunts me still, and I'm so glad I had the chance to meet him.

Martin, Up There

(Oh look yet another one of my gifs 😅)

Martin is absolutely one of my favourite characters, especially for his absolute growth during the film. He crawls out of his downward spiral, he finds himself again, and ultimately discovers that there can be life after death. He just- He's grumpy, he's beautifully sarcastic, he's depressed, he's loved, and he just- Seriously I love him. Martin feels like a friend who I haven't seen in an age, and it's always a good day to bump into him again.

Reverend Benedict Marley, Lark Rise to Candleford

I almost forgot my favourite clergyman??? D:

Benedict Marley came into my life just to shake my very foundations, send me on an existential journey of self discovery, and waited for me at the end of it all with a soft smile and encouraging words. He only had one episode in the show, but his story was so easily woven and understood, his humility humbled me, and in ways that make me almost afraid to admit aloud- I felt seen in a way that I ever so rarely am. I connected to him; I understand him. He has depths that I could hardly explain in a single paragraph, but I can say that- out of all these characters- my feelings are birthed more out of a very deep respect and admiration.

I can't say this list will stay the same- I'm far from through with Burn's portfolio- but for his on-screen roles, these guys firmly remain top-tier for me. :)

(If you'd like to hear about his voice work instead, please let me know; I could go on for Hours about some of those lads. ♡)

Thanks for the ask Anon, and if you haven't seen any of these yet, I definitely recommend them!

[nerdyqueerr]

THE DAYBREAK AO3 TAG IS ALMOST EXCLUSIVELY ELI/JOSH LEAVE THOSE BOYS THE FUCK ALONE

[guiltyidealist]

I've inexplicably picked up writing again after 9 long years of radio silence, but now with memes. Here's that I guess

~ Credit via link to my post if you reupload ~

[kidsomeday]

I’m crying with him. He deserves this. I think the Oscars are a hollow sham for the most part but this is one of those moments that bring joy to my cold embittered heart.

Ke Huy Quan wins the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for Everything Everywhere All at Once 

[thisapplepielife]

Written for @steddieholidaydrabbles.

Click, Click, Click

Prompt Day 29: Fairytale | Word Count: 734 | Rating: T | CW: Post-Apocalyptic | Tags: Canon Divergence Post-S4, Hurt/Comfort, End of the World, Survival, Just the Two of Us, The World is Bleak, But We're Together

Set in my connected one-shot End of the World AU 'verse, but can be read standalone.

"If I click my heels three times, do you think we'll get to go home?" Eddie asks, and Steve laughs a little too loud. He shouldn't. They're hunkered down, hidden out of sight, in an abandoned house.

It's been 813 days. 

At least Eddie thinks so. He's tried to keep track, but there were a few days where he was feverish and barely lucid. 

Eddie knows it's at least been two years. That much he's certain. But he can't ask Steve. Steve won't talk about it. 

Because Steve thinks there's a way to fix this, a way to revert everything back to the way it was, and Eddie knows that's not true. That's a fairytale. Especially after 813-ish days.

"You could at least try," Steve banters back. He's tired, they both are, but he's still got his sense of humor. At least most of the time.

Steve's filthy, not that Eddie isn't, but seeing Steve Harrington with greasy hair hanging in his eyes wasn't something Eddie ever predicted he'd see in his lifetime. Running water is a thing of the past, and they haven't exactly found a safe source of water to bathe with in a while. Everything they find has to go to drinking.

Running water. A luxury he took for granted, even in the worst parts of his childhood. On a long list of things he misses from the real world, running water is near the top. If they ever get back to their version of Kansas from this shitty version of Oz, Uncle Wayne instead of Auntie Em waiting, he's taking the longest, hottest shower in history.

But for now, they're still following this shitty yellow brick road, but it's more as if they are in the book version of Oz, not the story MGM polished to a sanitized shine. No lions, tigers or bears.

That'd be preferable, honestly, after dealing with demogorgons, demodogs and demobats, oh fucking my, indeed. 

Eddie's given up hope that they'll ever find anyone else out here ever again. But at the same time, they can't be the only survivors. That's too implausible. But it sure feels like that now. Steve keeps them moving. Searching. He hasn't given up hope.

And Eddie'd never give up on Steve having hope, so they'll forge ahead. As long as Steve doesn't start hacking off his limbs to become the tinman, well, then they're still ahead, no matter what this world is, or isn't.

"That stove looks like something out of Hansel and Gretel," Eddie comments, and Steve laughs again. There are dishes piled on top of it. So, Eddie thinks someone survived here, at least for a while.

"I'd eat some Hansel or Gretel about now," Steve says, flippantly, and Eddie grins. The world is bad, but it hasn't gotten that bad, which Eddie is grateful for, because he's the only other person around to end up in said stove.

"I'd settle for some of the witch," Eddie banters back, and Steve smiles. They're okay. They're still okay, Steve sitting next to him, clicking that stopwatch he always keeps in his pocket. 

Click, click, click.

The numbers ticked over an hour. And Steve kept trying.

He's reset it so many times since.

Eddie isn't sure he fully believes the tale that goes with it, but Steve does, so he'll never contradict it. Time travel? Eddie had died? And now, instead, everyone else died? Vecna taking over the earth is Steve's fault?

There ain't no way. Eddie will never believe that.

Steve's just cracked a little. Which, understandable. They've been through hell and back.

Click, click, click.

Nothing happens. Nothing ever happens.

Steve puts the stopwatch back in his pocket, buttoning the pocket closed. A nightly ritual that never produces any results. Even still, Steve's determined to keep it safe. Eddie thinks the only thing Steve protects more than the stopwatch is Eddie himself.

"Tell me a story," Steve demands, and lays his head down next to Eddie's on the bunched up duffle bag they are using for a pillow.

It's not much, but it's better than the ground.

Eddie's imagination hasn't truly run wild in a while. Maybe not since before he ever heard the cursed name Vecna, ripped from the game he once loved, and thrust right into the real world. With real consequences.

But he misses telling stories.

So, he'll try. For Steve.

"Once upon a time..."

If you want to write your own, or go see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @steddieholidaydrabbles and follow along with the fun!

[groovebunker]

i’m gonna be obnoxious about this and people are just going to have to be cool about that. yes? good.

happy birthday to what would you do (if they ever found us out) (affectionately known as wwyd)!!! a year ago today, i posted chapter one and (i’m not being dramatic here) i think it changed my life?

little backstory: i’m a dyke with eyes and a type, so when i watched fran drescher making impassioned speeches about labour rights, i was both smitten and reminded that i’d been meaning to watch the nanny. i was also (mostly unbeknownst to me) about as mentally ill as i’ve ever been in my life. i was halfway through a phd which i loved but it was making me so, so unwell. anyway, i started watching the nanny as some kind of escapism and one night, i was like…has anyone thought of fran and cc kissing on the mouth? and they had (obviously) and so i started thinking about that and how whine cellar is a deeply disappointing episode in so many ways and then i was like ‘i can fix that! with a one shot!’.

fast fwd to april 2024. i’m in my favourite city in the world. i’m posting the 11th chapter of that one shot far too late at night (sorry sara). it’s ended up about 85k words long. i’m no longer a phd candidate. i’m significantly less mentally ill. and i’ve spent the last 8 or so months being held by a group of people i would never have met if i had never started writing again.

i didn't quit my phd to write fan fiction, obviously. but writing fic helped me realise how unhappy i was because it was something that gave me joy in a time that was so fucking bleak. i don't really like thinking about it too much but it wasn't great. and then i had this lifeline. these two idiots (affectionate) falling in love with one another, not only in wwyd but all the other fics i was writing. and talking about with people who were commenting and finding me on tumblr. and then, eventually, we weren't just talking about fran and cc, we were talking about our lives! because we were friends!

people will tell you before you start a phd that it's a lonely experience. i was the only history student in my cohort. i only met one of my supervisors in person at his leaving drinks. i have two friends i met at my uni, one of whom was the first person i told that i had to quit. i had other friends and an incredible, loving, patient partner, and they were amazing. but still, it was lonely.

and then i just fucking wasn't.

january ‘24, the squad evolved from being my stupid tumblr tag to being the most chaotic group chat i have ever been part of (until nic got us nicely organised). a week or so later, i quit the phd. and i told a bunch of people i’d never met that i was dropping out of grad school and they were so fucking kind. i will never forget that. the squad, in all its iterations, will have my heart for my whole life. i will not rest until i have annoyed you all in person. my dream is winning the lottery and flying you all to a villa in spain for a week so i can cook you dinner (and cass can make bread) every night and drink wine and splash about in the sun (or in sara’s case, hide in the shade and probably yell at us to put sun screen on). when i say i love you, i mean it so wholly and truly.

anyway, back to wwyd. it’s not my first fic. i’ve been writing on and off for 15 long, long years. but i hadn't written a ton for a while (other than my aloto fic bc gretson my beloved) and i really kind of expected to get a couple of comments and a few kudos. i just had a story that wanted to get out so i published the first few chapters in really rather quick succession (i’m sorry to anyone who reads my stuff, my adhd is too bad for a posting schedule) and people…loved it? like, really loved it. which was so nice because i’m gonna be honest, there was not an adoring audience for my academic work (perils of being a genocide scholar). and i know it's become quite a few people’s comfort fic. i know people have reread it, more than once in some cases, which feels wild. people have left the most wonderful comments, said the kindest things, drawn gorgeous art, made a fanmix (which is fucking amazing), followed along on this journey which i did not expect them to do.

i don't have favourite children (b&w fans, i promise you, the next chapter is in the works) but if i did, wwyd might be one. sure, she's my difficult eldest child. but she got me into a fandom for the first time in years, she’s given me friends i know I will hold onto for the rest of my life, she reminded me how much fun writing can be. and she’s spawned so much more because she made me so much more confident as a writer.

so i don't think i’m being overdramatic when i say it changed my life. if you’d told me all of this when i hit publish on chapter one last year, i would have told you to fuck off. relatively vehemently. but i’m better now. and i’m so fucking grateful for this fic for being part of what gave me that.

anyway, thanks for letting me be a bit self indulgent - promise you don't have to sit through this ever again (maybe for won't you when i finally get it done. i’m sorry. i’m verbose). and once again, to everyone who has read wwyd, given it kudos, commented, reblogged a chapter on tumblr, all of it, my eternal thanks. i couldn't have done it without you.

finally, because i cannot say it enough, to the squad, you have my whole heart. it’s actually mad to me that this time last year, i had no idea who any of you were. your stamp on the last few chapters of wwyd is indelible. your stamp on my life is somehow more permanent than that. thank you. ilsym 🫶🏻

[bloodandthebreakingofmyheart]

I have an addition to your theory- Krosis was likely not his priest name.

"Krosis" means "sorrow" or "apologies" in dovahzul. It's possible (and indeed likely) that his name was changed at some point because of something bad that happened... like the dragon he served rebelling. Think of all the other priests- they have names like Morokei, or Otar. Most aren't names immediately translatable from dovahzul, and those with dovahzul names make more sense in their meaning ("Nahkriin" meaning "revenge" or "Miraak" being one letter removed from "miiraak" meaning "portal", for example).

So why is the only dragon priest without a temple named "sorrow"? Going with your theory, it would make sense that the dragon Krosis served was marked as a traitor, and after that, Krosis had his name changed and his temple taken.

Whether it was changed by him, though, is unclear (or maybe it's not and I just don't care enough about the timeline to know when he would've died in relation to Parth's rebellion). Personally, I like the idea that he had his crypt removed and name changed AFTER his death- kind of like how the ancient Egyptians would scratch the names off the tombs of traitors.

listen i know bethesda never stated this but just by the clues it’s 99% possible that krosis was the priest of bleak falls barrow, and it was once paarthurnax’s temple. after paarthurnax’s betrayal and overthrowing the cults power, krosis’ crypt was dumped at shearpoint. dragon priests were hailed as kings and buried in the temples, you don’t dump a figure of that power on top of a mountain for no reason. this also explains why bleak falls barrow is without a named dragon priest despite it being one of the larger ruins in skyrim. 

and i like things that add up. bleak falls barrow is a fairly large ruin, like labyrinthian and skuldafn. so why would there be no named dragon priest? and of course there’s no confirmation that it was paarth’s temple or not, but he was second in command to alduin and that kind of power doesn’t amount to a tiny temple.

[hezekiahwakely]

I would actually kill to hear your post 200 jmart messy divorce thoughts you alluded to in those tags

Woof OK let's get into it then

My foundational piece of thought for this comes from the fic it will be this, always by bluejayblueskies on ao3. That fic is basically the closest I consider canon to the 'jon and martin managed to survive somewhere else, with consequences' ending (if you're an 'optimist' like me and you choose to believe in that option :P) Their relationship in that fic has similar tones to the show-- the writing captures the feeling of TMA well--and the fic in general is very bleak and cathartic, clinging to the edge of a damaged relationship that's about to fall apart. So, I enjoyed this fic A Normal Amount and it's stuck with me ever since.

Now I don't actually have the brain cells or the energy levels to write the fics that're floating around in my head atm, but here are my scattered thoughts on the subject of jmart post-mag 200:

Basically, they can never truly come to terms over the final decision

(Jons desire to end the world's suffering, vs Martin's POV, the betrayal of their relationship and Jon's self hating suicidality)

At least, definitely not in the first few months when they're forced to live together bc they're stranded in this brave new world and have no one else.

Both fall back on negative habits. Jon starts smoking, withdrawing, becoming paranoid; obsessively searching for signs of the fears.

Not one person in the world understands what he's been through. What kind of sacrifice he made. And they don't know how much he failed them all.

And his body hurts. All of his wounds hurt. His head struggles to clear and the empty space in it seems so silent. He sometimes gets mentally lost without the eye to guide him.

He almost wishes they had died. He wishes he hadn't cut the tether. But hes so happy Martin is alive---even if he seems to hate him right now. That's ok, hes alive. Even if he can't smile at him anymore.

Jon craves any sort of comfort. But the only man who had ever wanted to give him that is now enormously angry with him and maybe rightly so. And besides, of course, he's so unworthy of comfort that it's shameful to even desire it. He deeply wishes he could stop wanting it, to stop feeling so disgusted with himself.

He feels disgusted with himself regardless. Helpless and hopeless and confused in this floundering relationship and so very guilty of the things hes done.

He's sinking deeply, deeply into self hatred and despair.

But he still lashes out at Martin occasionally bc he's a bastard

(And bc he deserves to a little bit, y'know? He's angry about a lot of things right now and he has a right to be! And some of those things might be bc Martin uhhhhhhhh. Did not always treat him with the most compassion, understanding, or patience during the apocalypse.)

NO I don't think their relationship in show is toxic or abusive. I think it's realistic that two people who love each other very much in terrible circumstances are going to fuck up. and them hurting each other makes for good drama. anyways

Martin also withdraws, becomes cold and passive aggressive. Assumes the caretaking role for Jon (again) and walls off his feelings

He just can't forgive Jon for leaving him like that. For betraying his trust. For abandoning him. For hurting him immeasurably deeply by forcing him to kill him

And he can't understand his reasoning for doing so, when he thought that there was a chance for them to get out and be ok, and it could have all been so easy, but Jon didn't seem willing to take it. He chose to die instead because of his guilt, and martin is so, so angry at him for that.

And now he's stuck. Again. Forced into caring for someone who has treated him badly, AGAIN.

And he has no one to talk to. No one outside of Jon to go to for comfort, and being around Jon hurts. He is increasingly alone. Again.

Martin's fine. Everything is fine. He doesn't want to talk about it. Would you like some tea? I.e., it's time to shut the fuck up, Jon.

His anger and resentment sometimes turn his tongue as sharp and cold as an icicle. In those moments of icy rage, Martin thinks his voice sounds like his mother's.

Except when he finally can't hold it in and he explodes at jon like a sadness volcano, because Jon can't even look him in the face anymore. And then he leaves to go cry alone in their bedroom

Eventually communication breaks down. Then I have a few fun ideas for what might happen

Jon has a full-on mental break. Becomes catatonic. He's paralyzed by the need to stay here for Martin... but he's also held in place by the webs he sees now tying around his whole timeline. He was never going to be able to stop what they had planned for him. None of his choices ultimately matter --so he stops doing or wanting anything. It will all be taken away from him eventually. Whatever's going to happen will happen regardless of what he does

At the same time, he is experiencing so much pain and so much guilt and self hatred and lack of love in their relationship that he's desperate to escape it. When he finds no relief from any quarter, he becomes extremely suicidal. The only two things holding him to life are 1. not leaving Martin alone, and 2. his hopeless resignation to the web.

Starts having severe panic attacks.

Has that PTSD 'avalanche' where, now that he's finally somewhere he can be relatively safe, everything that happened to him is hitting him all at once.

He's scared of everything. He's scared of what might happen to Martin. He's scared of himself. He's scared of Martin.

Then there's the vomiting, anorexia, agoraphobia, bodily neglect, other passive self harms, the whole nine yards. He's physically falling apart.

Jon has a very bad time.

And he's moved almost entirely beyond Martin's reach

Martin is suddenly forced to come to terms with the fact that Jon needs immediate, intensive medical help if he's going to survive

Fate turns slightly in their favor, and they find a good physical rehab doctor, a good psychiatrist, and a good therapist for both of them. Perhaps at this point they're separated, maybe just bc of a hospitalization, but they're attending counseling together.

In my happiest ending, Jon responds well to the meds and is able to start talking to someone about his overwhelming feelings. Martin is actually able to find therapeutic help for his trauma, finds other people to help him and Jon so it's not all on him anymore, and he starts getting more of the love and support he deserves from his boyfriend

they recommit themselves to the relationship and to making it work. slowly, they start healing.

While also beginning to rediscover all the reasons they loved each other in the first place :)

In a sadder ending, one of them dies ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Eventually both, if we're being honest. One would not last long without the other. Not with that kind of connection

Or perhaps they do separate. Maybe they keep in close touch, in which case I think it would lean more towards a happy ending. Orrrrrr they make a hard break of it. Maybe it's sudden, urgent, painful and messy. Maybe they dont see each other again for years.

Regardless of what they do, I don't think they could truly be apart forever. They would visit. Even if it hurt every time. They would want to see each other again.

Because they care about each other.

But maybe, in one timeline, they need some space to heal and rebuild their lives and themselves. Maybe when theyre ready, they'll try again.

I may continue this later with my other branching ideas possibly but I wanted to get this bit out while it was fresh and I was thinking about it. This line of thought continually haunts the back of my subconscious so I'm always happy to share it

[serasarascreams]

Might as well add more thoughts into the mix. I was going to do it in the tags of the last post but it felt long enough. The last set of tags was a perspective I don't think I've seen yet, but then again I haven't been here too long. I think they're right in idea that the theme of responsibility doesn't just extend to Curly and Jimmy and that the game itself is a showcase of how all the little things add up and create the bigger issues alongside the certain major steps that were taken. They (aka @son-of-crows-and-rats) put it in much better terms than I did.

I was so focused on the main plot of the game a lot of other things went over my head, and while some things hit me later I'm sure there are more things like the person (and multiple others) pointed out that I'll catch here or again have it hit me later. Fuck Jimmy is the initial reaction I had at the end of the game, screaming disappointment in Curly came next, and the bleakness and awfulness of the events continue to seep through whenever I think about it.

I'm also very much on board with the statement that Curly did not deserve what happened to him and it's kinda messed up to say. Him getting deep fried, for lack of a better term, is another major consequence of him and Jimmy's actions (or inaction in Curly's case) while Anya is another. It's just a consequence that effects him directly now and I think that's a parallel to the way Anya was directly affected by Curly and Jimmy's actions. Neither Anya or Curly deserved the pain inflicted upon them, deserved to be forced to continue to live with it and all the suffering that followed, or deserved to have their autonomy ripped away from them.

Curly is not a trash human being, but I don't think I can call him a good man either. Good natured maybe, but not the best guy. The painful irony of his situation hits harder after the final conversation with Anya. His eye is always open, it's too painful to move, he can't speak. He can only watch and listen. There's no way for him to take responsibility anymore even if he desperately wants to. I think what's worse for him is that he got to live after seeing the monster beneath the skin of his friend destroy everyone and everything around him. I saw someone else say that when he froze the day of the crash it was a moment of "you were everything I feared you were" and I think that just adds an extra layer of awful to it. Curly could have been better, and if he gets rescued and lives, I like to think he will be. But I wonder if in the back of his mind it'll always eat at him that it wasn't when it mattered.

Sorry, that this partially ended up turning into a Curly post. It's just that he seems to be talked about the most. That's fair. He, Anya, and Jimmy are the ones who push the initial topic of discussion to the surface because it's there front an center.

I'll probably have more to say the more realizations dawn and the more I scroll through the tag. This is the first game in a long time that made me cry and the only horror game to really mess me up. Funny enough, it's because Curly scares me more than Jimmy.

I love this game and all the infuriating and saddening elements within and around it. I love and hate how human all these characters are. If Wrong Organ ever makes another game in the future, I'll be running to check it out.

[jtownraindancer]

A Careful Study

[khanger]

@rhubarbspring thank you for tagging me. i made a new post since it's started to get long. Oh, I have svaha on my watching list, and I will try to get to it soon 😊

2 horror movies

When evil lurk and antenna

I'm in love of the bleak atmosphere and the foreboding tone in when evil lurks there is no hope no one will get out unscathed I really enjoyed it and highly recommend it and antenna i will just say that there a bathtub scene that still makes me sick every time i remember it 😨

2 spooky shows

Kingdom and stranger from hell

Surprisingly both of these dramas came out in the same year on 2019 and they are both favorite to me in different ways in kingdom i guess it's the zombie media that I enjoyed and would re-watch again and strangers in hell is enjoyed the slow build of an ease and total isolation the ml and how he seem always find himself in more and more fucked up situations i think 🤔 i gravitate to hopelessness in horror hmm.

2 spooky music

Resident Evil 4 save room theme and scary by Megan thee stallion ft Rico nasty

Save room themes always make me feel unsafe and unsettled. Even though i never played the game, i was only watching my brother play it , but it's doesn't fail to give me anxiety and scary is fun banger I wish Megan would experiment with horror theme and sounds her hoping she releases something this Halloween 🎃

TAGGING

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[inexplicablymine]

WIP WEDNESDAY

Here is a little more of Little Drummerboy, the rockstar drummer au!

(chapter two posted today this is a snippet from chapter 3)

A song lyrics snippet preview for the next chapter! And yes you should be reading between ALL of those lines ;) The song is entitled “Every other Weekend” you might possibly imagine this to a somewhat similar tune to Conan Gray’s Heather if you so please:

you tried it for years/love wasn't enough/the front yard grew weeds/roof started to rust/you said it’d get better/trashed every one of my letters/broke bicycle training/rust under the mainframe/the car you brought by/when you’d teach me to drive/every other weekend

why would you ever miss me/stuck half alive in your memories/you gave me your word/you left me unheard/I stay undeterred/till the worlds end/every other weekend

stuck behind, loveblind/aged out of a system of bliss filled remission/ wandering halls long empty phone calls/ you walk by, what a sight for sore eyes/ bleak words of admission/ every other weekend

why would you ever miss me/stuck half alive in your memories/you gave me your word/you left me unheard/I stay undeterred/till the worlds end/every other weekend

so I fucked it up/so I ran it off/so I blew a fuse/till the world stepped up/but then you took me down/ran the weekend gambit/took my love for granted/should’ve guessed you planned it/we struck a match/ burned the whole place down/ took the weekend off/ gave you the runaround/ but still you stand/ by that bygone date/ for your sacred meeting/ some sick twist of fate/ so I hold it up/ for all to see/ every other weekend/ but you’ll never get all of me (you’ll never get all of me)

stuck half alive in your memories/you gave me your word/you left me unheard/I stay undeterred/till the worlds end/every other weekend

Can’t wait to continue posting more of this over the course of February!!!

Read Here: Part 1 | Part 2

Thank you for the tags: @whimsymanaged @futureseaempress @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @onthewaytosomewhere @kiwiana-writes @suseagull04 @cha-melodius @three-drink-amy @orchidscript @heybuddy-drabbles @wordsofhoneydew @sherryvalli @firenati0n

And some more Wednesday tags!!: @anchoredarchangel @anincompletelist @affectionatelyrs @adreamareads @babiemonk @cricketnationrise @cultofsappho @celaestis1 @celeritas2997 @daisymae-12 @dumbpeachjuice @dragonflylady77 @everwitch-magiks @14carrotghoul @gayrootvegetable @gay-flyboys @lizzie-bennetdarcy @iboatedhere @hillerskas @leaves-of-laurelin @leojfitz @ninzied @nontoxic-writes @nocoastposts @ships-to-sail @indomitable-love @rmd-writes @welcometololaland @happiness-of-the-pursuit @read-and-write- @littlemisskittentoes @saintlynomenclature @raysletters @notspecialbabe @onward--upward @magicandarchery @msmarvelouswinchester

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

Sydney's tower moment #Flimsywalls

And Carmy's.

So, as I mentioned here, Emanuel knows her walls are getting flimsier. And on shipping terms that is actually a good thing.

BUT

On Storer's terms, that may ALSO symbolically mean that Syd is about to come crumbling down and that her relationship with The Bear (both, restaurant and chef) is collapsing, which is what S3 was all about, basically.

I am team Syd threatening to quit Carmy's ass and THAT being the wake-up call he needs to turn it all around, that being said there is a chance that she actually does quit on him and then comes back, -as she usually does- in which case I wish she did that because he crawls and begs and rips Shapiro's head off in the process. Still, in either case, there is NO DOUBT IN MY MIND about Syd staying at The Bear and winning a star there, by Carmy's side, even maybe a JB award too. I'm basing this theory on the fact that they both hit rock bottom in 03x10 but I see that as a BREAKTHROUGH, not a breakdown.

Since Syd is clearly into tarot symbology as her 3 of swords ink indicates

I started thinking outside the box of the flimsy walls analogy I already went over in previous posts, so the image of a building collapsing came to mind, which immediately reminded me of the tower card, and turns out that the meaning of it fits the "Crying game" moment aforementioned.

I really don't wanna dig into it's meaning that deep because I think the superficial meaning fits perfectly, so there's no need to go deeper.

"This card is a powerful catalyst for change and personal transformation. You are being offered a fresh start and a chance to build stronger foundations in your life. This card brings a major life shift and the knowledge that things will never be the same."

How right on the money is that, right?

So both Carmy and Syd are at that evolutionary point of their journeys, they are mirroring each other in a very fucked up way, sure, but also... SOULMATISM.

Syd is at her breaking point and no matter what she chooses, nothing will be the same between Carmy and her after she makes her choice, and the very foundation of their whole relationship is being shaken and will have to be reformulated, re-built in a different and better way because status quo has no chance of being preserved.

"It has to get good or go away".

That's the tower energy that card represents, alongside the traumatic way in which events unfold, where the person feels is no longer in control, and that all those changes, no matter how necessary are being forced upon them. It's harsh.

Again, walls. Sydney is all about walls and for her to make the changes she has to make → (Their Synchronicity) she needed to go through her own tower moment. Carmy also went through his, exactly in the same season → (The end of Carmy). There's absolutely no coincidence in that.

"This card symbolizes the foundation of ashes in which the phoenix is born. The lightning-struck Tower is associated with chaos and destruction of boundaries."

Carmy was her lighting. And in a way, she was his too.

Love is an act of mirroring.

According to the tower card, after this collapse of walls, chaos and destruction, comes the "Phoenix moment". So, we're good. Don't dispair. She's gonna be just fine.

Sydcarmy will be just fine.

More about The tower tarot card → here.

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[aiscapades]

putting this under a cut bc i'm going off the rails (this turned into me x you fanfic) ?? happy new year

gonna take this moment to appreciate tumblr (and all of you). this is a fucking hell site and it always has been, but i've been here since 2012 and it's the only social media i actually use anymore.

my writing instagram account that i used extensively during nanowrimo 2022 was hacked and i had to fight this person for control over it (i lost my art account like this in 2018). but it's all mine again :) all my posts about my gay cowboys and me finally being proud of my writing (after giving it up for years) and all the cute stories i posted abt my characters (the only time i've ever talked like that abt my ocs on the internet) REMAIN ALL MINE !!!

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

if i want to mention nasty gay sex and tell the hacker to eat butt and die I WILL! i won't be censored. even a story i posted got a popup warning me about the language. saying bitch is a fucking internet crime now???? mark zuckerberg's internet is fucking BLEAK y'all.

this is so baffling to me. how do people live like this??? i stopped using ig years ago (rip my photography hobby!) because it just kept getting worse and worse. tumblr is infamous for never really meeting its users' expectations but at least i can say luigi should be freed without a quirky lil popup message asking "are you sure??? you could get in trouble!!!" mark zuckerberg you are an actual ai lizard robot abomination and you are ruining humanity and our planet. i would skin you in an instant. no hesitation no remorse. you would become a human skin rug and i would stand on you with muddy boots and remark about how you don't fit the space very well then let my 3 pit bull mutts piss all over you. then i'd piss on you too. the things i would do to elon musk (and others) would actually get me banned off tumblr and i think that says enough.

i love this stupid ass website because at least i can be a person here and not be gaslit or brainrotted by an algorithm. i can share whatever media i'm currently obsessed with and see other people obsessing over it too and forge actual community and friendships. i may be alone every day irl but at least y'all think i'm worth interacting with (🩷). this is an unhinged rant about how much i hate rich people who are ruining all of our lives BUT IT'S ALSO an appreciation post for every single person who has ever even looked at me here.

i'm in love with you platonically and we're kissing platonically on the mouth or on the cheeks and forehead or whatever. i'm open to whatever if it's with you. you are everything bright and beautiful to me. i take your hands in mine (no bandages) and run my thumbs along your knuckles. i read your tags and it made me laugh out loud. i don't know why that shit post about the ts cast's eye colors has 300 notes and i'm worried for all of you but also that's hilarious and i appreciate the love. it's really cool that you draw and post fanart for all of us to fawn over. i admire you. i take your wrists now and pull you in for a hug. my boobs are big and i smell like aluminum-free deodorant but there's love in the way i hold you gently, and i hope you remember that feeling when you're sad. i would wait outside while you robbed a bank and be the best damn getaway driver even though i don't have my license. i would dig a footer with my bare hands then construct my own mud blocks to give you shelter when we finally run away from it all and find a nice spot out in the woods. the sun is warm on your skin and butterflies keep thinking you're a pretty flower. your ais fanart made me horny. also your leander fanart. and that was honestly unexpected but it happened! i ain't a liar. some of you i view as gods (in like a totally normal average way) and i hope you don't notice how my whole being trembles when you say something to me. i would sacrifice my firstborn for you if pregnancy didn't scare me. i hope you like the mark zuckerberg rug i put in our sitting room (in our shack in the woods where we escape everything bad). i know you said you prefer cozy minimalism but i want our feet to stay warm and i hope his glassy eyes don't scare you too much. if they do, i'll just hold you tighter :) you're safe with me. thank you for being you and sharing your interests with the rest of us. i hope you have a wonderful new year.

[loserchildhotpants]

here have an angst drabble inspired by an evil post by @sheepstiel that posited ‘you know what would be evil. dean rescues cas from the empty but cas is set back to factory settings.’ #remembers nothing... etc’ 

@sendhelpnewobsessionincoming asked to be tagged when i eventually got around to writing it

this will probably have a sequel at some point bc... pain and suffering lol

anyway

Umbra

“You need to calm down, Dean.”

“Don’t fucking start with me right now,” Dean mutters flatly, pacing crop circles into the floor; he’d usually muster more vitriol, but he’s exhausted and still half-terrified.

Jack insisted on everyone staying out of the dungeon as he rescued and healed Cas, and so, of course, Dean is directly outside the dungeon door, anxiously waiting to be let in.

For a long time there was just stressful silence, but then, after roughly three hours, he, Sam, and Eileen had heard the bizarre, pulsating sound inter-dimensional rifts make when they materialize, they’d felt the barometric pressure throughout the bunker shift, and Dean very nearly barged in, breaking his contract with Jack.

Sam’s hand on his shoulder was the only thing that reminded him of the terms of this agreement.

A peculiar torture, knowing Cas is right behind that door, and Dean still doesn’t understand why he’s not allowed in yet. 

He wanted to be there to receive Cas from the Empty, he wanted to be the first to touch Cas, to speak to him, but beggars can’t be choosers, and he can’t question Jack — not with the stakes so high, and not after it took so long to get Jack to bend.

Dean paces in angry circles for another hour, and then Jack summons Eileen — and only Eileen.

Sam and Dean are flummoxed, but can do nothing about it; the door opens, Dean sees absolutely nothing, Eileen walks through, the door is shut again and Dean goes back to pacing.

When Eileen reemerges, she looks nervously between Sam and Dean, and tells them, while half-signing, “you need to be prepared. This… isn’t going to be easy.”

“What does that mean?” Dean asks.

“The Empty took from him,” Eileen replies, face regretful, “it’s… hard to explain.”

“Am I allowed in there?”

“... be careful, Dean,” she says — and Dean wants to tell her that he’s insulted she thinks he’d be anything other than that with Cas, but it quickly occurs to him that she means with himself.

Knowing he’s allowed in now, he doesn’t bother hemming and hawing in the hall any longer — he lets himself in, Sam right on his heels, and they both stop before they’ve made it ten feet inside.

Cas’ body — vessel — is young again. 

He looks malnourished, windswept, weak, but not grotesquely harmed, as Eileen’s ‘prepare yourself,’ tone in the hall might have implied.

Swallowing the guilt that comes with seeing the evidence of Cas’ long imprisonment and torture, Dean ventures forward again, opening his mouth to greet him, but Jack intercepts him, looking at Cas and saying, “Castiel, do you know who that is?”

“This is the Righteous Man and Michael Sword,” Cas answers in monotone, “I recognize him as all Angels can. The color and sound frequencies of his soul indicate that he has divine purpose, and the engravings on the spires of his soul specify what purpose that is.”

Dean’s brought up short again.

No one says anything; Jack looks at Dean, repentant, and trying to communicate nonverbally that this is not a joke.

Dean’s not sure he believes that yet; it’s an awful joke, a bleak, horrendously un-funny joke, but no alternatives are coming to mind.

“Do you understand where I’ve brought you from?”

“You’ve told me I’ve come from the Empty, but I have no memory of this.”

“Oh… oh, no,” Sam utters just audibly.

Dean’s stomach churns, sharp and hard.

“Regret is a corrosive,” Jack explains to Cas, but also to the room at large, “the Empty uses regret, shame, and guilt, and sort of… injects all of one’s memories with it, amplifies it in the ones that already contain it, which reduces the memories to only regrets. Regret strips the memories of all other qualities, until all that’s left is the interject; the regret. Memory becomes feeling only, a reductive feeling, which makes everything smaller and smaller until…”

Jack glances up at Dean and finishes, “... well, until there is nothing left.”

There’s loud static in Dean’s head.

Jack adds, “this is how the Empty feeds. This is what it takes. It is the full power of regret.”

“I’m missing memories?” Cas asks Jack.

“Many years of them, yes,” Jack replies.

“Heal him,” Dean rasps, barely a whisper, white hot terror sparking at the soles of his feet, flickering up into all of his body as it tenses from the hairs on the back of his neck to the nerve endings under his nails.

“I cannot heal what isn’t there,” Jack responds sorrowfully, “there is nothing broken. There is — there’s nothing.”

“Why does he — look like that?” Sam asks, throat sounding thick.

“Castiel used to age his vessel’s appearance purposefully, to feel closer to the two of you,” Jack tells them, “I think, at first, it was so that a unchanging human person who does not visibly age wouldn’t alarm the two of you by how unnatural it seems — the same reason he gave his vessel vital signs and engaged in sensory processing in the third dimension. He didn’t want to upset either of you by being too… alien. Then he came to appreciate looking as though he belonged among you.”

Cas raises his hand to his jugular, and must be setting a pulse into motion, then he studies Sam and Dean for a few moments and his vessel ages rapidly before their eyes, until he looks about their age, until he’s just as he looked nearly a year ago — the way he looked in this very dungeon when the culmination of he and Dean’s shared memories were so fortified with happiness, fealty, and unwavering, unconditional love that it was enough to save the world.

He glances between Sam and Dean blankly, and asks, “is this more acceptable?” 

“He —” said he loved me - but he said he loved me. He loved me. It was the most important thing he ever said, the way he said it, what he told me... he said he loved me, he can’t have lost that, I can’t have lost that — Dean can’t say it.

No one else knows.

He and Cas were the keepers of that beautiful, terrible moment in time, but Dean’s just flashing morse code into emptiness now. 

Emptiness.

“... Dean?” Sam starts worriedly from somewhere over Dean’s shoulder.

Emptiness in his eyes, empty hands, an empty mouth with no words left for Dean; an umbra. 

Shaky legs move backward, Dean’s unsteady where he stands, and while it’s hard to look away from Cas, it’s also too painful to keep staring. All he can do is retreat.

“Dean?” Sam asks again.

Dean can’t get out of the dungeon fast enough; he shoves past Eileen and Sam, even as they shout after him; he can hear Jack’s voice in his head, apologizing so gently, full of a child’s fear that they’ve done wrong by their parent.

He can’t breathe in the bunker, he thinks he might vomit, so he rushes outside for air, and the summer storm raging there mutes his voice as he pants, out of breath from running, and then roars into the night; no particular words, just grief made audible, just another monster languishing, just the sound of suffering.

He’s bombarded — what if I’d convinced Jack sooner? What if I’d been able to figure it out myself? What if I’d grabbed Cas when the Empty first came for him and just gone with him? What if I had gotten to him sooner? Would he have any memories left? Would he have lost even more of himself had he stayed any longer? Is this why he’s so skinny? Did the Empty run out of incorporeal food and so cannibalize him? What more could I have done? I should have gotten to him sooner, I should have saved him faster, then there’d be something left, there’d be anything left —

How many times? Dean wonders as his voice crackles like dying embers, splintering and winding down in a clap of thunder, tears bubbling to his eyes, and in how many ways can he be taken from me? How many more times will I have him ripped from me? How many more times can I survive it?

When Dean lands in a sprawl in the mud, head in his hands, fingers clawing at his scalp, he feels Sam approach, he lets Sam wrap him in a hug, and he thinks to himself — I can’t. I can’t survive it. Not even once more. Not even now, I think.