#the spotty dogs was my first thought

[marsfingershurt]

O nonbinary chaos creator, I ask of thee to *Gets shot by 101 arrows that are all black and white*

WHAT DOES THOU ASK OF ME DONT DIE-

[realizinau]

Alright welp time to get on my backlog of ocs while I'm fistfighting the next comic. Let's start with Eclipsa Fenine

Eclipsa is derived from my Catnap Catclipse design, listen I just liked the design too much to only draw it once do you feel me chat

They're not Catnap anymore, IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE- Considering they are now one of the first iterations of the bigger bodies Catnap. They would have been the final version, if not for one quirk: That being they became agitated in the dark. They were kept around as a reference for the final iteration of Catnap. While they were there the company also decided to make them into their own character: Eclipsa Fenine.

To differentiate them from Catnap, parts of a failed Dogday were added to them too, to give them a calico or spotty sort of look. Then the character Eclipsa was made, an enigmatic and mysterious cat-dog who's merchandise is exclusive to onsite Playtime Co. locations. So they're a bit of a collectors item! A lil bit rare

In adding Dogday parts to them the staff thought that might calm their agitation, IT DIDN'T IT JUST MADE IT WORSE. So Eclipsa still hangs around Playcare, it's just important to not turn off the lights around them <3

Personality wise they are quiet, graceful and calm, a serene yet slightly eerie presence. They're kind of like Catnap, just more confident and they have more of a dominating vibe than a gentle one. They can also be quite menacing, especially to the staff.

They're also agender- No gender here PFF. They were experimented on for so long they didn't really develop a gender identity, so when they were given the one Eclipsa was supposed to be, they just kinda said "no thanks". So true bestie

That's all for now, here's a scrungly draft design of them as well cus I like ya <3

[murfpersonalblog]

IWTV S2 Ep7 Musings - Loustat: The Trial (Spoilers)

Imma split my Loustat musings into 3 parts, cuz there's A LOT to unpack. So I'll do the Ep3/4 & Ep5 revisits in the next posts; this is just general/initial Louis & Lestat stuff I wanted to respond to.

They beat the dog snot outta Louis, omg. They nearly snapped his neck! Louis was barely conscious, ofc his memory's spotty.

I LOVE how they're emphasizing the physicality of the Maker-Fledgling bond, first w/ Lou & Madz, now w/ Les. It's ofc all wrapped up in how much Loustat loves e/o, but its also their blood connection thru Amel. (I wonder how Louis Merrick'ing himself in Ep5 affects his connection to Amel if his heart didn't stop, cuz Armand stopped him from burning too much?)

And I love what Jacob said in the Insider, afterwards.

Fear that Lestat's come to exact revenge; excitement (a frisson of both negative & positive emotions, excited to see Les just cuz of the tension of having not seen him in so long, but also having all his nerves & senses tingling cuz of the tense anticipation & not knowing what to expect--hence: fear); fury cuz this whole mess could've been avoided if Les had told them WHY European vampires should be avoided at all costs; and relief cuz Les's' alive, his husband's ok.

But this time Lou KNOWS he's the real deal, cuz he can FEEL it--"it wasn't NOT his hand." And Dream!Stat jumpscare in Dubai, well well well; I thought Lou'd stopped seeing him on that Parisian bench? 👀

Here we effing go, whatever this French bish has to say better be good 🍿🍿🍿

I HATE HIM YOUR HONOR 🤣 Omfg take ONE thing seriously! Not the Roland-Garros, STFU! XD Lestat going off script got the coven like WTF?!

OML 🍿🍿🍿

Well that's not helpful at all--WHICH ONE!?

Les was asleep for the whole 100 years b4 he went to NOLA--but we KNOW this can't be true, cuz Les met Marius after he left Paris❗ SAM (the vamp) has been mouthing the words to this whole script, so I wonder if that's just what Les was TOLD to say, OR! It's what HE told THE COVEN, so they wouldn't know about TWMBK❗❗

NOT LES DOING A PIROUETTE INTO THE EARTH STAHP OMG 😭

THIS GAY QUEEN CAN'T HELP HIMSELF, I CANNOT

Awoke in 1908 & disembarked in humidified daughter of Paris, NOLA--but Les told Lou he was headed for Saint Louis, Missouri. 👀

"And who did you meet there?" DANG this is TENSE--Loustat finally making eye contact for the first time, Les having to see his husband all beat up & sad; as Claudia languishes in the background, as usual.

Not Louis with the cigar 😭

"The ACCUSED," LOL, Santiago had to catch himself--stay dehumanizing the violent evil Black man whydontcha; we see you. And Lestat had to feed him his own lines after derailing everyone with that homophobic soldier's evisceration.

Omg this sounds like every court case b4 they throw the book at a Black man. And the bored unaffected way the white audience just rolls their eyes & shakes their heads & smokes--they DGAF about Lou; they've already decided he ain't ish--A STONING.

LOUIS FACE. This is EXACTLY how folk in the fandom talk about Lou--and it came back with a vengeance during all that Loumand Maitre/Arun crap, as y'all were QUICK to jump on Lou being an evil pimp, even though your fave Daniel literally said that was just kinky roleplay Armand didn't take seriously when ish got REAL.

I thought y'all were just bartering for the "last bouquet of lilies"!?

Oh great, the coven's making Louis look like a perv predator. 🤦‍♀️ And the visual centering of Lou's dastardly mind-control waves like a halo over sweet innocent victim Lestat's blonde head, I CANNOT.

Omfg Louis face, SAME! If this crocodile-crying liar don't take his To Kill A Mockingbird, Central Park Five lookin arse off that stage! 🤬

Omfg Lestat I'm finna kill you myself. Omg this nonsense is too much; I know Lou, speak up, YES! But also, STFU, Les is actually tryna save your life by tearing your reputation to shreds. 😬🤦‍♀️

I loooove this effect when the coven uses the Mind Gift on them. They effed him up so bad his left eye started hemorrhaging. 😭

Armand don't you look away for an INSTANT, don't you even BLINK! You could've prevented this, EFF ALL Y'ALL in this nasty AF Theatre!

This gaslighting is hitting way too close to the way IRL court cases go when the innocent get the book thrown at them for crimes they didn't commit.

This is so painful to watch, but Sam Reid you better werk; the way he was yelling those lines had me shook, oml.

Les knows he's effed up, but what can he do? His eyes are going red; he's gonna cry. (His contacts look different, I thought they said they were gonna stick with purple eyed Les?) "I offered it to him in the church on the altar: My companionship." And Lou nodding along, cuz that was their wedding! 😭💔

I was wondering how these frames would be used. It's about the Ep3 race riots and vampire loneliness, the night Louis left & Claudia was made. But I love the implications, cuz how could humans know ANYTHING about hows vampires feel--which is SO important when they start lying about everything else that went down with how Claudia was made and how it would affect her as a "defective" vamp.

Even the VAMPIRES don't know how other vampires feel, and the capacity they have for enduring--Armand said it over & over to Louis in Ep3 and Madeleine in Ep6. Lestat came closest in S1 when he commented on Claudia's eternally 14-yr old metabolism & needing to eat more than an normal vamp, but beyond that none of them had a effing clue what Claudia was going through. They don't know REAL loneliness, even with her diaries telling them what she thought, not HOW SHE FELT.

(And I'm reminded of what I said here about Gabrielle telling Lestat what her loneliness felt like. I think "vampire loneliness" is different for every vampire; which is precisely why Gab (and Claudia) was able to walk away from her Maker/son & live alone; while Nicky & Louis went crazy.)

Lestat crying blood tears, daaaaang 😥

Kill this dude (but I stan a Loustat ally, LOLOL).

Imma stop here, cuz I've run out of Tumblr's stupid 30-pics per post, and the Ep3/4 revisit that "took all the pieces of Louis life, defiled them, bent them into a Lestat-shaped effigy" is IMO the JUICIEST part, with the most new meat to chew on.

[thecapricunt1616]

Blue Lotus - SxC One-Shot

♡ O/S Inspo: Blue Lotus - In Vedic Hindu tradition, the lotus represents enlightenment as well as purity. It is the symbol of the consciousness rising out of the mud of Maya and attaining its original nature or self-realization. 

♡ Summary: Carmen accidentally almost checks out of life permanently due to a migraine fucking up his vision, and Sugar flips & sends him off to a trauma rehabilitation center, Syd is realizing she finds it extremely hard to stay away from him.

♡ W/C: 7,616

♡ Posted Date: 04/06/2024

♡ A/N: This is my first SydCarmy fic aaa!!! I have a hard time writing in 3rd unless its not my characters, so writing in 3rd for them was okay! This OS is all thanks to the LOML - the person who FULLY turned me into a #SydCarmy4Lifer - @gingergofastboatsmojito - This fic was HEAVILY - heavily, inspired by hers - Tucson, It can be found right ❀ here ❀ - My only request is you go read hers if you are going to read this one!! Her SydCarmy fics are the best, and the only ones I really read, give her a follow because her SydCarmy theories are also out of this world. Also, YES GINGER - Stardust is .... a horse - ol' girl TOLD THEM she'd always be watching!! If you'd like to meet Madame in her human form, mosey on over here - this fic also heavily inspired me to write for SydCarmy hahaha. If y'all want more of Blue Lotus let me know! I have ideas for a PT 2 if it would fancy anyone :)

♡ Warnings for BTC: Accidental OD , Vomit, Sad Syd, but fluffy kinda!! Only lightly edited (we die like men), OC Carmy (IM SORRY) we all know he's down bad for her so maybe this can be considered IC Carm, because were just in his head more then watching him? But that's all basically.

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

Carmen was sick as a dog. Well - physically- the mental demons never stopped nagging at his overall happiness level, but it had been a long time since he’d felt this horrible, physically speaking, at least. 

His muscles were aching, to the point any brush on his skin left a dull pain in its wake. His throat was swollen and sore, he had a terrible fever- his head felt like it was so full of pressure that it would explode. 

He’d never experienced a headache like this before. His vision was actually spotty, there were little blotches in his vision, that were... glowing? He wasn’t quite sure, it was beyond the realm of anything he’d ever felt or seen before. 

That was what must have caused him to grab his black bottle of oxydose he’d gotten after a root canal he had a few months back- rather then his liquid Zyrtec cold and flu liquid medicine. 

The pain in his head was so bad, he didn’t even question why the usual cherry flavor had been replaced with bubblegum, as he swallows straight from the bottle, before putting the cap back on and going back to the couch, collapsing in the nest of pillows and blankets. 

It was only about 10 minutes, and Carmy was feeling fine- no…Carmen was feeling… amazing. 

His limbs all felt very heavy, but he felt warm, and comfortable. As comfortable as he’d ever felt. He actually found himself thinking ‘have I ever felt this good?!’ And before he knew it, he was laughing to himself about how he should double dose cold medicine more often, because he felt as if he was on cloud fucking nine. 

He laid back on the couch, closing his eyes, and wasn’t sure just how long he laid there that way. It could have been minutes, hours, days for all he knew. The only thing he was thinking of, was her. He began wondering what she was doing right now, if she was adorably leaned over the counter, writing in her little notebook- her braids cascaded over her face like a beautiful beaded curtain. 

If the blood in his arms hadn’t been replaced with cement, he’d have grabbed his phone and called her, and poured out his entire heart to her. Because nothing else in the world right now mattered. Carmen had no other thoughts, the past didn’t exist, nor did the future. The only thing that existed in this world at this very moment, was Sydney. 

‘Psssst’ 

Carmen opens his heavy lids, just barely, his vision was blurry and almost doubled. “Mmm?” He hums, not even sure if he heard someone- or why he would hear someone. He lived alone, and didn’t hear anyone come in. 

‘Yo. Dipshit.’ Carmen knew that voice anywhere. 

“What?” Carmy looked around, and knew something was very amiss, when his brother was standing there in his living room, looking at him. He had this ethereal glow to him. 

“What the fuck” Carmen said, sitting back on the couch, rubbing his eyes.  

‘You’re nodding out right now. Here’s what y’gonna do.’ 

Carmen couldn’t do anything but nod his head obediently, was Mikey really here? He couldn’t be- he was hallucinating. 

“Monkey are you here?” Carmen asks softly, rubbing his eyes again to see if he would disappear. He didn’t. 

‘I’m as here as you’ll be if Y’don’t listen. Crawl to the fucking bathroom and throw up. She’s gonna be here f’you, don’t fight her’ 

Before Carmy could look back at him and question what he meant - he was gone. 

Carmen suddenly felt…much too hot. He tried getting up, but narrowly missed bashing his skull on the coffee table trying to get to the bathroom, so he decided to take his wise older brother's advice and crawl there instead. 

He didn’t finish the journey, though. He actually collapsed in the bathroom a few feet in front of the toilet, luckily on his stomach. 

He was catching all sorts of luck today, because Syd had insisted she go and check on Carmy, as he was supposed to be at work today but hadn’t said a word- and that was nothing like him. 

She got the extra key from Nat, and told her she would go check because ‘Pregnant women have by nature weaker immune systems’ and would blame herself if she ‘let Carmen get her sick’, so she convinced Sugar to let her go by herself. 

When Sydney had opened the door, the first thing that greeted her was loads of empty Gatorade bottles on the coffee table near the couch, and a random French cooking show playing on the tv. 

“Carm?” She calls, but when she saw one of his feet sticking out from the bathroom, she dropped her bag and ran, gasping when she saw him splayed out there in a puddle of vomit, looking sickly pale, with dark blue lips and fingertips. 

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO YOURSELF!” She shrieked, getting him on his side as fast as she could and quickly pushing the emergency button on her phone, putting the call on speaker and setting it to the bathroom counter. 

“Carmen? CARMEN! Wake up!” She slapped his arm, shaking him violently. “Carmen! Oh- oh god.” She said nervously. 

‘911 do you need fire, medical, or police?’ The woman at the other end says. 

“Medical! Medical my friend- oh god Carmen” she shakes his shoulders. 

“Okay what’s your emergency?” The operator asks 

“Uhh- I- he’s- so he’s thrown up, he’s passed out, his pulse is weak- he- his lips- t-they’re blue. oh Carmy” she touches his cold clammy forehead. “He- he’s- he’s cold oh my god why is he COLD can you fucking send someone Jesus Christ!” Sydney snaps angrily. 

“Okay- it sounds like he is having an opioid crisis ma’am, do you have narcan available?” The operator asked her and Syds heart drops. 

“No- what? No! He- he wouldn’t- his brother- he…get here!” She said frantically and quickly told her the address of Carmen’s apartment complex.

“Yes, yes you’re calling on an Iphone, ma’am - we have your exact coordinates. Just in case - do not try to make him throw up more, make sure his airway is clear- what is your name?” The woman asked her. 

“Sydney- my name is fucking Sydney - but it doesn’t matter! He matters! My god! His name is Carmen- C-Carmen fucking Berzatto! Put that in your notes lady! He- he’s 31- where the fuck is the ambulance?!” She uses all of her strength to get him leaned up against the counter. 

His vomit was getting everywhere, but she didn’t care. She couldn’t find a way to care, the only thing that mattered to her was that each breath Carmy was taking looked more and more difficult. 

“They are en route! Remain calm, how long have you known this friend?” The Operator tried to distract Sydney, since there was only so much you could do for an OD patient if there was no narcan. 

“He- he’s my…my partner we run a restaurant together. This doesn’t matter! Save him. Please! I can’t loose him!” She said, shaking his shoulders. 

“Carmen! You fucking asshole! What did you do!!!” She shouts at him. “You would never do this! What did you do!!!” She couldn’t stop the tears from flowing, it didn’t matter though- Carmen wasn’t awake to see it. 

No, Carmen was far, far away. Somewhere floating between life and death, he felt like he was being embraced in the warmest most comforting hug he’d ever felt, he’d never been more comfortable in his life. 

But Syd, was in hell. Her own personal version of it. It felt like a lifetime before 2 paramedics came barreling into the bathroom, one of them holds Carmys head steady and the other sprays a full dosage of narcan in his nose. 

Sydney stood in the corner near the shower, shaking hands cupping her face absolutely terrified. 

Carmen was up now, nearly the second the paramedic hit the plunger release. He sits up with a gasp, eyes wide like a caged animal. 

“What the fuck.” He mumbles, looking at both of them before meeting eyes with Syd. 

“Syd?” He blinks a few times. 

She lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding “you asshole” she grumbles, wiping her teary eyes. 

“You’re home, you’re safe, you overdosed. Do you take opioids often?” The paramedic asked, putting a blood pressure cuff around Carmen’s arm. 

“What? No- what the fuck don’t touch me!” Carmen snaps, ripping off the cuff and whipping it across the bathroom “stop- stop! Stop touching me- get away” he shouted angrily “I’m fine” he hissed. 

“CARMEN!” Sydney barks, she’d never used that tone with him- so it was fair to say it very quickly got his attention. 

“You will let them do their job, dick. I just- I- I find you in a puddle of your own vomit on the bathroom floor- I couldn’t wake you up! So now? you’re gonna listen to them.” She said angrily, grabbing the blood pressure cuff from next to her leg where it fell and handing it back to the paramedic.

“Give him your arm.” She snipped. 

Carmen sits back against the bathroom wall like a dog being scolded, wordlessly offering his arm to the paramedic and keeping his gaze fixed on his lap. 

“192 over 96” the paramedic told the other. 

“Christ kid” the paramedic said, “gave you a fuckin dose of narcan and y’wired like y’re on coke” they helped him up and on the gurney. 

“Hes- he’s gonna be okay?” Sydney asked anxiously, watching as they buckled him in by his hips and legs. 

“He's gonna be fine in a day or so.” One of them responded. Carmen just looked away, the shame and embarrassment already looming over his mind like a huge storm cloud. 

“I’m gonna…I’ll- I’ll clean up, and meet you at the hospital, ok? And I’ll have sugar meet you” she told Carmen and went over, giving him a hug. 

He couldn’t understand. It made him slightly angry how sweet she was being to him. He was putting her out, he was fully fucking up her whole day- but all she was worried about was him. 

“Syd..I’m fine. Thanks. But I’m fine. Don't- just…ugh no- please- I’ll do it. Just go- go home. take the day” He said, gently patting her back. 

He wanted to throw his arms around her and never let go, he wanted to kiss her- he wanted to hold her and tell her he would never leave her again. He wanted to tell her he loved her. 

But he didn’t. He wouldn’t, and he wasn’t sure if he ever would, or could for that matter, since he didn’t even realize yet that was what the feeling in his heart really meant. 

“Thank god. Thank god you’re fine, Carm. What would I do without the biggest pain in my ass?” She teased. 

Even though Carmen was hurting all over in a way he didn’t realize was possible, his lungs were aching, as was his entire body, and he felt as if the pressure behind his eyes were going to make them pop out - he smiled. It was slight, of course. But it was there. 

“Couldn’t get rid’a’me if y’tried, Syd.” he told her. 

The ride to the hospital was Carmen’s nightmare. They insisted on the stupid flashing lights and sirens, since his blood pressure was ‘dangerously high’ so he was at risk for a heart attack, and then rolling him out on a stretcher in front of all his neighbors was nothing short of a god damn dumpster fire. 

He was never home, but like hell he’d ever intentionally show his face during the day again. 

The hospital was even worse, he got plugged in to all these monitors and had an oxygen mask, got poked and prodded with needles, and was told he was being put on a 24 hour psych hold per hospital policy after an overdose- just in case he’d been trying to end his own life. 

Sugar got there shortly after the nurses had finally let him be, when he heard her loudly telling them “CARMEN! BERZATTO! Like bear! B-e-r-z-a-t-t-o!!! Where IS HE !” He ripped off the oxygen mask, knowing if she saw him that way he’d never live it down. 

Even though it really was helping ease the ache in his lungs and the pain in his head, he was willing to deal with it for his very pregnant sister not to worry. 

Her heels click as she storms down the hall to his room, ripping the curtain back. 

“Oh- Bear” she said, bursting into tears and rushing up to him, hugging him tightly. “Oh my god, bear. Never do that! What did you do? No- no- you aren’t in trouble, you aren’t in trouble, Carmen. I love you. You just worried me! You made Sydney cry Carmy! What the fuck- what happened?” She cupped his cheeks, observing his exhausted face. 

“Oh you’re sick- you’re so sick- Carmy” she felt his forehead and cheeks with the back of her hand like she did when they were kids. “It was an accident, right, right Bear? You wouldn’t do this?” She said, more pleading him than asking.  

“No. No. No sug, no- I- I’d never. I just fucked up! I’m fine. I’m fine. C’mere” he hugs her close, kissing her head gently. “Stress isn’t good for the baby bear” he joked, hoping it would get her to lighten up. 

“Carmy stop” she pushed away, looking at him seriously. “No. No. This isn’t okay- nothing - nothing about this is okay, bear! You almost died! Syd said- “ she shook her head. “Carmy. I- we can’t do this. We can’t. You’re right.” She sniffled, sitting back in the chair next to his hospital bed and wiping her tears. 

“What- what do you mean?” He sat up a bit. 

“I- if you….i can’t watch you like this anymore, Carmy. I can’t- I can’t see you wither away. Fucking emotionally anymore. It’s killing me. It’s hurting-“ she took a shaking breath. 

“It’s hurting your niece. Carmen. I can’t do it anymore. here.” She dug around her purse, pulling out a brochure. 

“Go- go. Get out of fucking Chicago, Carm. This place- I-i heard of it” she sniffled “its stupid-“ she laughed a bit, shaking her head. “So stupid, fuckin this..this Astrologer. She said in her podcast that this is the best place to go based on the location? I dunno…it’s a therapy place” she said. 

Carmen looked at the Brochure, his brows raising. 

‘Blue Lotus Trauma Therapy Rehabilitation Center’ the front contained photos of absolutely breathtaking pine trees, mountains, as well as red cabins. 

‘Blue Lotus is tucked safely away on Big Bear Lake in Big Bear, CA. Come and experience an inpatient by day, outpatient by night 30 day program, along with 15 days of sole inpatient TF-CBT therapy, focused on your direct needs as a patient. We specialize here at Big Bear in Equestrian Therapy, and Cattle Therapy. Enjoy hiking on hundreds of miles of breathtaking trails, and get to know the stunning haven that is Big Bear, California.’ 

“Horses.” Carmen looks at her, unwavered. 

“Yes! They say they like- get us or something? You’ll be back before I give birth. Go. Carmen. Go. Or- or I can’t work there, anymore it-“ she shakes her head, looking down at her swollen belly as hot thick tears stream down her cheeks. “It’s like watching Michael…again. In a different way” she said quietly, wiping her face and looking up at him once again. “Please.” She whispered. 

He shook his head, setting the stupid brochure down on the bedside table and laying back in the bed, grabbing the oxygen since his head was beginning to pound again and putting it back over his face, averting her worried gaze. 

“I don’t have the energy to call these people” he muttered, closing his eyes and resting his head back, hoping that would be the end of the conversation. 

“I- I already got you a bed. I called them…on the way over- I begged them. And they are willing to take you, Carmy. Please. I’ll pick your cabin and everything - you- you stay in a cabin after the 15 days and then for 30 you go back and forth. It sounds so nice, bear. I know they’re gonna take such good care of you think about it- please- will you go?” she got up, pulling him into a hug. 

“Thank you” she whispered after a few moments when he didn’t decline her. 

Carmen didn’t reply. If Sugar really thought that stupid place would make him ‘change’ (if that was even possible) and if she really felt as if it was affecting her child that was growing inside of her- he would give it a try. Even though he felt as if it would be just another money pit in the name of ‘mental health’ that didn’t do a thing. 

“There’s dead man walkin’!” Richie said, Syd following in behind him. 

“Stop! Don’t call him that Richie it was scary!” Syd shoves his shoulder. 

Carmen grabbed the brochure, quickly tucking it under the blanket. 

“Fuck you, cousin” Carmy said, his voice all nasally and low from his flu or whatever the fuck he’d picked up, that had led him to giving himself a cocktail of meds that almost sent him to Michael prematurely by total mistake. 

“Carmen is leaving. As soon as he’s released. So- get your time in he won’t be home for a month or two” Sugar said and sat down, not budging on the issue. 

Carm just rolled his eyes, laying his head back and wanting to melt into a puddle on the floor, but at the same time, he also wanted to pull Syd into the stupidly small hospital bed, and hold her to him, never letting her go. 

“You are?” Syd asked, coming to his bedside and meeting his gaze. 

He just stared at her. Wordlessly, he pulled out the crumpled brochure and offered it to her. She took it, looking at it. Richie comes over as well, peeking over Syd’s shoulder to read. 

“Equestrian therapy? Gonna go play with some horsies Carm?” He teased, his smugness being wiped off his face when Syd stomps on his foot with most of her weight, causing him to whine in pain. 

“Woops! Maybe you should learn some personal fucking space asshole” she shoved back in to him so he would take a few steps back. 

“Ow!” He said dramatically, plopping next to Sugar who was also glaring at him with equal fire. 

“Okay- okay- sorry fuckin hell. The kid is fine” he said and Carmen motions to him. 

“See! See! Jagoff is right sometimes” he said to Syd and she shook her head. 

“This…is good. This is really good. I’m for this.” She said, looking at Sugar before handing the brochure back to him. “I’m… gonna miss you, but…you need to get the fuck out. Like really, out, Carm.” She told him. 

He sighed deeply, resting his head back and closing his eyes once more. 

Whatever will make Syd happy, he would do, no matter the amount of discomfort it brought him. 

“Fine.” He mumbled.  

“Really?” Sugar asked him and he looked over at her, brows slightly furrowed. 

“Want me to fuckin fight you about it?” He snipped, already annoyed with how easy he was giving in- but he was too exhausted to fight, and Syds lavender perfume was so comforting, and so familiar. He just wanted everyone except Syd to leave, and to be able to hold her. 

That wasn’t going to happen though, probably ever was what he’d told himself. No, that would be too good, the universe would be much too kind to Carmy as to let him have the ultimate pleasure and enjoyment that would come from being with her in that way. 

“No…no. I’m sorry. Thank you, Bear. I know this is gonna be good”  Sugar said quietly. 

The doctor came in, saving Carmen from the uncomfortable conversation. “Hello again, Mr.Berzatto. I have your results here- is this okay company? If not I can have them step out for a moment” she’d said. 

Carmen had already completely forgotten her name, her name to him was simple - not Claire. Which was the only good thing to happen to him today. 

“As long as I’m not dying cause these two will pitch a fit. You can go ahead” he said, sitting up slightly in the bed. 

“No, no. you are very healthy, well- for the most part. Does your family have a history of high blood pressure?” She asked, sitting in the rolling chair next to the bed and holding her tablet in her lap. 

“Dad. Dad did, bear.” Sugar said. 

“Oh! Lovely- and did dad also have chronic treatment resistant depression?” The doctor turns to her. 

“I- I don’t know but…I know he was depressed for sure.” Sugar replied honestly. 

“And I know per your file you’re a smoker, heavy or moderate?” The doctor asked 

“Heavy” Syd buts in and Carmen didn’t even have the energy to fight either of the women. 

“So heavy is a pack plus a day does that sound average?” The doctor asked Carmy and he nods a bit. 

“Sometimes…sometimes two. Depending on uh…how shit is” he cleared his throat. 

“Yeah, so we’re gonna need to reduce as much as we possibly can. And we’re also going to speak about treatment options. Have you ever done mental therapy?” She asked Carmen. 

“He’s getting help. Don’t worry” Sugar said, “he’s going to do a therapy program. Blue lotus? Heard of it?” She asked. 

The doctor nods with a slight smile. “That would be wonderful for you, by the looks of your chart.” She got up. 

“Visiting hours are over at 10 pm, he will need to remain here until at least 1 pm tomorrow afternoon- then he’s yours.” She headed towards the door, shutting the privacy curtain behind her before closing the door. 

Richie chuckled “hack job name” he muttered, rubbing his face tiredly. 

“What was her name?” Sugar looked over at him. 

“Doctor Ginseng?” He said, “isn’t that a- a fuckin-“ 

“A root. A very expensive, luxurious root. It can be put into tea, or soup…the native people of China believe it has properties that make your body better deal with stress” Syd said absentmindedly, staring at the clock while nervously twirling the end of one of her braids. 

“She got it” Carm said and the corners of his lips tugged into a smile, just a bit. He absolutely adored the way if Syd wasn’t beating him to the punch when someone asked a random food question- that she was teaching him something. 

Even after years in the kitchen, the hundreds of hours watching cooking shows, Sydney still managed to teach him. He was utterly amazed by her every single day. 

“That’s a good idea. I- I think we have some. Back at the restaurant. All the stuff here will be shit- I’m gonna make you tea. And soup.” she got up, grabbing her bag. “Don’t fucking die when I’m gone, Kay? Guess you need that reminder now” she told him. 

He rolled his eyes slightly “Y’don’t have t’fuckin make me tea Syd. I’m fine.” He said, but something deep inside him yearned for Syd to take care of him. He craved it. 

“I’m making the tea, and you’re drinking the tea. Be back soon” she said before heading out.

Sydney had stuffed Carm full of pastina chicken soup and warm ginseng tea with lemon, ginger root, and plenty of local honey. As well as sourdough bread that Marcus had made fresh that morning. 

They sat and talked, just the two of them for hours until visiting hours were over. The nurse had to actually warn them both that she’d told them 4 times already it was past visiting hours and she ‘wasn’t afraid to have people removed’ before Sydney finally hugged Carmy goodbye and left. 

They both took his leaving for 45 days extremely serious. They’d joked together about just how quickly and casually Sugar had whipped out the information, all put together so neatly - it was quite obvious she’d been waiting for an opportunity to ship Carmen off here. 

They laughed a bit, and shared stories, and of course Carm answered any and every question Syd had about running the restaurant on her own while he was going to be away. 

Syd had even pulled a chair up to the bed at one point, resting her legs across the mattress after taking her shoes off, and her legs were draped across his own. He didn’t dare say anything, though. He was relishing in the feeling of closeness with her, even if it was as close as they’d ever be.  

Syd had actually made him so excited that the nurse had come in when she first came back and Carmy realized they’d be alone, to realize he was perfectly fine- his heart had just settled at a new pace since she was around. 

He was feeling worlds better by the time he’d gotten to the airport on Sunday morning. He’d spent the rest of Saturday evening at Sugars after he’d been discharged from the hospital, and had one last close family meal with Syd, Richie, Nat, and Pete, well, Pete was a must - he couldn’t uninvite the man from his own house, unfortunately. 

Carmen would be in a hotel in Big Bear, California by nightfall, and by the following morning he’d be starting his 15 day inpatient stint at ‘Blue Lotus Trauma Therapy Rehabilitation Center’ tucked away on a farm, in a dip of Big Bear Lake. How fitting. 

The parking lot of the airport was full of tears, not from Carmy- of course, but a very tearful Sugar, who’d conveniently spent the rest of his hospital stay packing him 2 weeks of clothes to cycle through, explaining phones were allowed- but they gave the toiletries, since it was a mental health center after all. 

She kept hugging him, kissing his cheeks- as if she was sending him to war and not a fucking treatment center. “Is there…somethin’ I’m missing- am I never coming back er somethin are you selling me to some weird chef collector?” Carmen teased, getting at least a small giggle from her. 

“God no. I just… this will work Carmy. It has to work. You’ll get better, okay? It’ll all be fine.” She wiped her face. He nodded a bit. 

“It’ll work.” He said, he wasn’t sure if he believed it- but if it got her to stop feeling so sad, he would agree. 

“I love you, be safe ok?” She said for the millionth time “and remember look at your phone I sent you-“ 

“The flight number, Nat. I love you. Thank you again” he kissed her cheek, grabbing his suitcase and opening his texts, clicking his flight number she sent him. 

“Gate D11! Thank you Nat. Gotta go now- unless…” he teased. 

She smiled a bit, finally. “Get out of Chicago.” She pat his arm gently and got back in the car to a waiting Pete. 

The flight was okay, it felt much longer than he was expecting, but his anxiety told him a lot of things- he couldn’t trust minute things such as time and how he understands it anymore. The first thing he noticed upon landing was the stunning green, and the crisp air. 

The air felt…cleaner, then Chicago. It was chilly- since fall was quickly approaching. Carmen was suddenly grateful Nat had him put on a hoodie before leaving this afternoon. He had the entire evening to explore, and not be himself. 

He already was feeling some kind of new. He wasn’t here to work, definitely not to play, but he could enjoy himself, because he didn’t have to be him. At least not for the night. He opened the Uber app on his phone, booking a trip to the hotel to check in.  

When he’d gotten to the hotel and showered, dressing in some vintage Levi’s and a white long sleeve in trade for his short sleeve, along with his favorite plaid jacket. He had to get somewhere to see how people live here, how to be apart here, so he didn’t stick out like a sore thumb at this rehab place. 

He’d grabbed his backpack, slinging it over his shoulders and opened Apple Maps on his phone, looking for a park to go sit at and just be. He found a park close by, simply called ‘BearHill Park’ and following the walking directions. 

He’d missed his ventures to various parks in New York, but especially in Copenhagen. Copenhagen had the most beautiful sunsets Carmen had ever seen before. He missed it sometimes, not the work, but the life. It felt worlds more simple then his life now, where every relationship, every aspect of his job- was dripping with difficulty to manage it all. 

When he got to the park, he’d found an oak tree that looked well over 200 years old, getting situated under it and resting against the trunk, taking out a cigarette and lighting it.  

He watched a couple and a baby walking by, carefully though as he’d learned quickly as a child most people don’t take kindly to being looked at for more then a few moments at a time. But Carmen didn’t watch people in an odd way, of course. He was just wanting to observe, see how he should be. And in a place so new, so out of his ordinary all by himself, it was gonna take a lot of observing to get himself readjusted. 

He watched as the father pushed the carriage along, the mother holding his hand happily. They were far away so he couldn’t hear what they were speaking about, but it must be funny because their heads were tilted back in laughter multiple points throughout the conversation as they continued on. 

He continued on his cigarette, his eyes now finding a younger couple. He sat up a bit, leaning further against the tree to get a better look. From behind, the woman reminded him a lot of Syd, of course it wasn’t- but it was also the way her boyfriend or- husband- Carmen wasn’t emotionally advanced enough to look for a ring, he’d never needed to before.

It was how his arms were covered in tattoos, and his hair was a muss of dirty blonde curls like his. It was how the woman was beautifully tall, with stunning long black braids, and a floral scarf tied around the top of her head. She was much more…boisterous then Syd, but none the less. They looked like them in another world.  

So not only, has this other man, found his Syd, the universe was determined to rub Carmen’s nose in it, or that’s how he took it, anyhow. 

He scoffed a bit, rolling his eyes and looking the other way. Of course. He thought. Everyone can be happy but me. I’m headed to adult crazy camp! And those two are just, fuckin happy and in love. 

The girl laughed loudly, causing Carmen to look back over. “CAMREN!” She squeaked as he tickled her. “Cam! Stop- I-I can’t breathe!! You asshole” she punched his shoulder playfully. 

“Do you give up?! Say it!!!” The man countered, continuing the assault on her sides. 

“No- NO! This- this is cheating!” She said, interrupted by her own laughs. 

“Cheating?! No, I'm getting what’s rightfully mine Scarlett!” He pinned her arms above her head. 

Carmen now looked away. He couldn’t help but think of Syd while watching them, and think of everything he was too pussy to pull off. He wished he could take Syd somewhere like this, but who would run the restaurant, and why would she say yes. 

He’d finished his cigarette by the time the couple had left and he took out his sketchbook and the pen that lived inside of it. He looked at the recipe on his phone Syd had sent ‘Farro Mafaldine with browned Black Truffle Butter and Chanterelles mushrooms’ 

He had tried it for her, and he actually told her he wanted another bite to be sure he was ‘getting everything’ when really- it was just so fantastic he couldn’t stop at one single bite. 

“Syd that is…wow. Really, really fuckin fire. If it weren’t for the mushroom, we’d need that on the permanent menu. Have you tried others?” He’d asked. 

Syd just smiled and nodded, a lot of times she was around Carmen- she thanked god for her darker complexion, considering he made her feel overly hot, all the time. Nearly every time he spoke to her, and she wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t always this way. But ever since they opened the restaurant together- things had changed between them. Not for better, not for worse, the energy just… shifted. 

Carmen got lost in thought of Syd, and before he could realize what he was doing- he was drawing her. He rested his elbow on his knee, crouched over as he added details to each intricate little braid. It was one of Carmen’s favorite things about Sydney. 

No matter how she wore her hair, she looked absolutely beautiful. The braids, he did have to admit, were his favorite. Maybe it was because it was how her hair was when they met, but they interested him. He wanted to sit and watch her doing them. She told him a while back, she did them herself. 

Apparently, her mother wasn’t able to teach her- but she had cousins that could. She says it was usually much more expensive to have it done then just do it yourself, that part made sense to him. He was really impressed the first time he told her, she laughed a bit at that.  

‘Most of us do our own hair, I mean- unless you got it like that. But otherwise, just like the white girls we have to do it on our own’ Carmen blushed, feeling silly for not realizing. 

‘Yeah- yeah I..I get that but. I dunno…I’ve seen Sug do her hair…it seems easier” he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. 

‘Oh, well yeah, that’s why I only do mine every 6 weeks!’ She’d said, wiping down the counter. 

‘Really? Well that’s cool. I thought you like…I dunno.’ He chuckled a bit. 

‘That I went home, took out 200 plus braids, and then put them all back in before I come in every day?’ She teased. 

Now Carmen’s cheeks were bright red. ‘Okay- listen I’m not a girl. I wouldn’t know’ 

Carmen caught himself smiling at the memory. He looked up at the setting sky, and his heart fluttered a bit at the beauty of it. He’d realized he’d sat there now for probably 5 hours, his back was aching, but he didn’t care. 

He didn’t care because this was the most at peace he’d felt since moving back to the states. And he was alone. He snapped a photo of the gorgeous sunset with his phone, hitting the send button and hovering over Syds name for a moment, before deciding to click it. 

She did tell him to text her when she got settled in after all. 

In CA - this place lives up to the name. Never seen so many bear statues in my life. 

He sends the text, with the photo attached, not even realizing the photo had been a live capture, and you could fully see the drawing of Syd for half a second if you held the photo down. 

He put his phone back in his pocket, continuing on his drawing. Back in Chicago, Syd was very glad that she was working today- because the only thing on her mind otherwise was one single person. 

“Okay guys! I need some hands here- we got 3 dishes for table 13 let’s move! Keep up the pace!” She called out. She had already been here 12 hours, and wasn’t planning on being out for another 6. 

It was just how Sydney operated - she couldn’t sit and worry about Carmen. It would just unearth emotions she didn’t want to go searching for, and once they came up she was worried it would ruin absolutely everything she’d worked so hard to maintain. 

And back across the country, 2,000 miles away, Carmen was contently packing his backpack, getting up, and heading to a small diner he’d seen. He enjoyed a quiet burger to himself, in the corner booth, looking out the window at the water. 

The place truly was beautiful, and very hidden away. There were barely any cars here, it was fully the opposite of anywhere he’d stayed long term, and he was beginning to feel as if he needed that, he wouldn’t admit that to sugar, though. 

He’d gone back to his hotel, taken a shower, gotten in his pajamas, and was laid in bed, watching some random cooking show on the food network since the TV unfortunately didn’t have YouTube like his did. 

When Sydney had seen the photo, she almost didn’t realize it was live at first. She was also at home, finally in bed- but she was 2 hours ahead of Carmen- so instead of it being 11 pm- it was 1 am. She’d scrubbed the restaurant floor until she was sure someone could eat off it, and made sure every station was in perfect condition before returning home.  

She laid in bed with sore hands, a sore back, and sore knees, and sore- well, everything. When she finally had checked her phone and seen it. She smiled a bit at the comment about the bear statues, clicking the photo open to see more. 

It was a breathtaking sunset for sure. She went to close the photo, her thumb lingering because she saw a speck of white in the corner- and the photo started moving. For just a short moment she sees…. Herself? On the page of Carmen’s sketchbook.

She could feel her heart thumping in her throat. Why would he be drawing her? Unless- no! Keep the emotions buried! He is sick. He is so depressed- treatment resistant depression the doctor had said his chart showed. 

She swallowed thickly, not sure what to say back. Should she just ignore it? Should she mention it boldly? Should she just…forget about it and convince herself it didn’t happen? 

She typed and retyped the message multiple times, smiling to herself a bit as she jokingly typed out ‘pretty sunset, even prettier drawing.’ Before deleting it and retyping before hitting send;

fire sunset. so I take it big bear is treating the bear well so far?

Carmen looked at the message right away, smiling to himself a bit. She’d never called him bear before, something about it made his heart begin to race. 

According to Nat, bear+big bear = depression gone, I’ll let you know in a few days if that's the truth.

He wasn’t sure about the whole equestrian therapy thing still, but he did know that being here seemed to allow him to breathe a little easier- and he was already here, so he would try.

The first 5 days in the inpatient program were…quite the adjustment. That was because it was what he learned was the most intensive part of the treatment, and meant to break down your walls by setting you in a hard routine so you had no choice but to think about your shit. 

This included a wake-up time of 6 am, the lights in his inpatient room literally turned on, then at 7:30 was breakfast, then- at 8 am they had 1 hour of either equestrian class, which you learned how to begin caring for the horses, or an hour of tending to the cows - Carmen chose the Horses because he was not going to shovel cow shit. 

Then, you had a therapy class of your choice from 9-11:30, he chose art therapy. It didn’t feel like therapy to him, they got to draw, or paint. Carmen just sat by the window, drawing different recipes - or, more often than not, drawing Syd from memory. 

12:00 was lunch, 12:30-2:00 you had mandatory either equestrian therapy, or cattle therapy. Carmen was more drawn towards the cattle on hard days, and the horses on easier ones. This was because the hour of 3-4 was mandatory group therapy. That usually emotionally drained him until at least art therapy the following day, since to progress and complete the program- you need ‘participation points’ in your 15 day inpatient stay, before you’re trusted to be on your almost fully on your own for a whole 30 days. 

The horses were usually nervous around new people, so it was a challange to get them to trust him. While the cows, people in the group joked- were ‘giant grass puppies’ the therapy consisted of literally just laying with the lazy cows and cuddling them, and feeding them snacks, which they very much enjoyed, and Carmen found to be very soothing once he learned to douse himself in bug spray before heading in the pen so the flys would be out of his way.

Then, dinner was at 5, and afterwards you had the evening to yourself in your room, or you could walk the trails until they closed at sunset. In your room you could watch tv, read, and the residents were also allowed to have their cellphones.  

It was quite exhausting the first 5 days, but the second 5 he was getting into a groove at Blue Lotus. He was beginning to enjoy the hard manual work that came with working with the animals, and the time it took to build their trust. There was one particular horse Carmen had become fond of, a white horse named Stardust. Perfect name for her. 

When he looked in her eyes she felt more human then most people he met in real life. She was different then the other horses. He’d been told that she rarely took to men, and that he was the only male she’d never need startled by. He always took extra time brushing her mane, and they both seemed to appreciate eachothers silence. 

Carmen heard other people in stalls next to him, they would talk to the horses- dump their issues they were too afraid to tell their therapists out on them. He wondered if the horses ever got annoyed, he probably would if he was a horse. He smiled a bit at the thought, and it was almost as if Stardust could tell what he was thinking, because she turned her head and looked at him before snorting almost in agreement and sticking her head back out of the stall. 

Getting into outpatient life at lotus though, was as easy as falling into bed for Carmen. His inpatient stay, he made sure to take the time in the evenings to learn his favorite quiet trails, the ones less taken usually, so when he graduated to outpatient - he could take stardust for rides on his own.

 It took them about 3 days to get to know each other in that regard, it was mostly Carmen’s fault though he realized, because when he’d get nervous he’d pull on her reigns in such a way that she thought he meant for her to go faster - when it was the opposite. But, Stardust was so, so patient with Carmen. 

He made sure to sneak her extra apples with a small drizzle of honey in return, so she knew her patience with him always came with great reward. 

Carmen had been gone for about a month now, he and Syd would text intermittently, sugar was sure to call once a week and they’d talk for about an hour. But it was mostly quiet from Carmen’s end, he had told them it was because he was usually out, all day long unless he was at therapy. 

It was day 19 of the outpatient part of the program, so he had just 11 days left. He had just finished his morning art therapy, and was in the stables tending to stardust, feeding her slices of pumpkin they’d had in the snack bucket for the horses today. “Come onnn- the tongue, really star” he wipes his wet hand on his jeans and she nudged his shoulder with his nose, asking for more. 

“You are greedy! I’m always the first one in here y’gotta leave some for the rest of these guys!” He grabbed another piece of pumpkin, feeding it to her. 

“And this is our horse stable, he spends a lot of time out here” Carmen heard one of the employees likely giving someone a tour, only half listening. 

Stardust snorts at him, nudging his chest and he rubs her neck gently. “What is it? Y’done? Pumpkin not good enough for ya? No honey apples until after our ride or Y’don’t listen missy” he pats her head gently. 

“I didn’t take you for a horse guy but I guess drop anyone off in the middle of nowhere and you’d be surprised. 34 days and you went full fuckin’ cowboy on me- are those boots, Carm? ” An all too familiar voice said from the large open sliding door of the stable He looked at stardust for a moment, he must be dreaming, or ODing again. Maybe he died, and had been dead the entire time. Because there was no way he could believe Sydney Adamu was standing behind him, 2000 miles away from their shared city, in Big Bear, California.

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡ ⋙

[maddie-grove]

I have also historically given most of my pets human-sounding names, but I just got the scare of my life because an old classmate’s facebook post about her family’s recently departed dog called the dog by his first, middle, and family name (think something like Daniel Alexander Green) and only mentioned that he was a dog three paragraphs in. I only kind of remembered her three sons’ names (we last spoke in 2020), the dog not only has a human name but a name that matches the vibe of her children’s names, and my Facebook use is spotty enough that she could have had another child without my noticing. So for about thirty seconds I thought one of her children had passed away. Remind me to specify that my dog is in fact a dog right away if I ever eulogize a pet on social media again.

[bullet-prooflove]

The First Month: Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson x Reader

Tagging: @chickensrule @iwannabeinthesequalmrghostface @justameresimp @lxaah11 @librarian1002 @littlebadariell @imaginecrushes @luckyladycreator2 @emersxn99 @flrboyd @nani-kenobi @areamir @b-bradshaw @adaydreamaway08 @beausimpson @crimeshowjunkie @crazy4chickennuggets @kmc1989 @oureternalbond  @shepgurl @ashcosmo @inkandarsenic

Deployment!Series:

Propriety (NSFW) - All thoughts of propriety goes out of the window when Beau finds you in his office.

Rumours - Beau doesn't realise there's a rumour about him.

Disengage - Beau discovers your secret.

Stalemate - The stalemate between you and Beau breaks when he recieves some news.

Absence - Beau misses you.

The first month is always the hardest. The scent of your shampoo still clings to your pillow, flooding his senses when he tries to sleep. He decides to wash the sheets, get a fresh start and instead finds himself mourning the loss. The house feels empty without you in it, your presence slowly fading from his existence. 

It’s like this in the beginning, a constant stream of sadness and agitation. Communication is always spotty during this time, your messages sporadic, coming through at odd times of the day. The distance stretches and Beau feels restless and out of sync.

He plans to spend the weekend burying his head in work, but his plans are interrupted at 8pm in the evening when Warlock turns up at his door followed by Maverick and several other members of the Dagger Squad.

Poker night, Warlock informs him as chaos rains down on his kitchen. It’s a flurry of noise and activity. Bob, Rooster, Phoenix and Hangman are all shit talking each other as Maverick sets up the poker chips with a smile on his face. Beau knows their Captain is going to wipe the floor with them. He’s seen him in the field, that man doesn’t blink. Already they’re in his cupboards, removing glasses, seeking out plates and dealing hands. Beau likens it to when your nephews come over and invade the place, they’re in and out of everything, running around being boisterous.

“Ally set this up?” He asks Warlock, his palm rubbing across his jaw.

The other man inclines his head and Beau sighs because you know him far too well. He struggles the most during that first weekend, there’s always an abundance of free time and he never knows what to do with himself. He gets stuck in his own head, trapped in that destructive emotional cycle.

When he steps into the kitchen, he picks up the bottle of whisky Rooster brought and scowls at the label.

“I’ll get the good stuff.”

The night devolves after that, into a haze of cigar smoke and bourbon.

***

Beau wakes up the next morning with a pounding head and a scratchy throat from the cigars. He’s barely taken a sip of his coffee before his doorbell rings, and he’s greeted by Jake clad in athletic wear with an enthusiastic Belgian Malinois called Cujo. My partner’s K9, he reminds Beau, because they apparently, they spoke about that last night when he agreed to go running first thing in the morning. He has no memory of the conversation.

It's a slog, Beau feels fucking terrible for the first couple of miles. It’s only when he gets past the third one that he starts to feel anywhere normal. He manages to keep pace with Jake and Cujo the rest of the way around the track before he makes it back to the house with an invite to a cookout later that afternoon.

“I’ll see if I can make it.” He tells Jake.

He realises he has no choice when Warlock turns up on his doorstep with a cooler full of steaks. Beau snatches up another bottle from the drink’s cabinet, before heading out because his mama raised him right and it isn’t polite to turn up to a gathering without a gift.

He spends the evening sipping Diet Coke and playing tug with Cujo, because he can’t face another hangover and once that dog takes a liking to you, there’s no chance of being left alone. The same can be said for the Daggers, he’s barely had a second to himself and he’s grateful for it. He finds himself sitting on the porch at the end of the night, the sun setting in the distance and the air cooling.

Jake drops down beside him, his palm running over Cujo’s head as the dog rags at the toy in Beau’s hand.

“Thanks.” Beau says distractedly, tightening his grip on the rope. “For this morning, and for tonight.”

Acknowledging his feelings doesn’t come naturally to him, neither does admitting he needs a little help. The people around him though they see it, they give a shit about him and about you. He thinks it was show and tell that did it, he gave them insight into his life outside of his position and he became a person instead of just another officer. They adopted him after that, he became part of their pack.

Noone talks about how isolating his job can be, you’re trained not to show weakness, to hide your vulnerabilities. You manifest that prerogative, make it a part of yourself. That’s who he is when you’re not around, it’s his survival technique. This weekend has shown him he doesn’t need to be like that, that he has a support network, that he can lean on other people if he needs to.

“Anytime.” Jake says, his elbows resting on his knees as he gazes out across the garden. “Can I ask you something?”

“That depends on what it is.” Beau says, inclining his head towards the other man to show that he’s listening.

“How did you know?” Jake asks him, his eyes coming to rest upon his partner Jenna as she stands in the midst of a conversation with Rooster, waving her hands animatedly as she laughs.

Beau doesn’t need any context, he knows what’s being asked. It’s the first time he’s thought about you over the past couple of hours and he feels a pang in his chest because it’s only been a few days, but he misses you so fiercely he aches. The silence stretches on as he considers his answer.

“We took a trip once, up to her sisters. She used to have this beaten-up old car, a real junker. It drove me crazy; I was terrified it would break down somewhere in the middle of the night and she’d end up stranded.” He tells Jake, shaking his head at the memory because he really fucking hated that car. ���Anyway, we’re on the way back and it is pouring down with rain, I can barely see three feet ahead of me and the tire blows. It sent the car into a spin. I swear I thought the both of us were going to die…”

He remembers that moment, the panic that rushed through his nervous system as he gripped the wheel so hard, he had the indentations imprinted on his skin in the aftermath. He knew what to do in a situation like that, slide the gears into neutral, steer into the skid but he saw that tree coming up on your side and the thought of what could happen…

It had scared the living shit out of him.

“I managed to get it under control before we hit the tree, but I have never felt fear like that. I didn’t give a shit if something happened to me but to her…” he trails off because even now the thought feels too terrible to consider. “I proposed to her there and then because I couldn’t stand the idea of not having her in my life, she means too much to me. I’d been thinking about it for a while, but that really solidified it.”

“It happened to me.” Jake says quietly as he sips from his beet bottle. “When my plane almost went down a few days ago, before I passed out, I just had this regret sitting in my chest. I should have asked her; I should have taken that step.”

“And yet you haven’t.” Beau points out.

“You’ve read my file.” The young Lieutenant says, and Beau knows what he’s talking about. In care from the age of seven because his parents were a couple of meth heads, straight into the Navy in the aftermath. He has fought and clawed his way up the ladder to get where he is. He can’t imagine the emotional toll that must take on a person, to live your formative years being unloved, unwanted.

Don’t come to me looking for a father figure, he wants to say. I don’t know any better.

His own was a gambler, who threw away everything including his marriage and his family. Beau hasn’t spoken to his dad in years, he has no idea where the other man is and that’s the way he likes it.  

However now there’s this kid sitting next to him, one that’s looking for guidance and Beau realises at some point Jake has become one of his people. Someone he actually gives a shit about.

Fuck… he thinks. When did that happen?

“You’re past is not your present.” Beau tells him. “And it is certainly not your future.”

He thinks of you, how far you’ve come from that girl who thought she was going to live and die in a mining town in Idaho. The one whose parents were convinced she was going to marry the boy next door and spit out a couple of kids. You’d had no future and no opportunities until that Navy Recruiter had come through. He can’t imagine the life he would have lived if he’d never met you.

“You deserve to be happy Jake, and Jenna makes you happy.” Beau says frankly. “It doesn’t have to be more complicated than that.”

Jake nods his head, his thumb chasing over the label of the beer bottle in his hand.

“Thank you.” Jake utters, before taking a sip form his beer bottle. “I mean it. Shit like this, it’s hard for me to talk about.”

“Yea, I know a thing or two about that.” Beau says, rubbing the space behind Cujo’s ears that makes the dog’s tail wag. “Things weren’t great before Ally left, I wasn’t around…” He trails off.

“The mission.” Jake says knowingly.

“Yea.” Beau says frankly before pausing. “I feel like I wasted the time she was here by being mad at her over the deployment. By the time I got my head on straight I was already shipping out. We haven’t spoken much since then, the signal’s spotty out there. I wish I could tell her that I’m sorry, that I love her, that I’m proud of her for taking this step for the two of us. For doing what I couldn’t.”

“Do you think she doesn’t know what already?” Jake asks him, setting his beer down on the decking alongside of him. “The two of you have been through what four of these since you’ve been together?”

“This is her fifth.” Beau tells the other man, leaning back as he watches the sun start to disappear beyond the horizon.

“Fuck.” Jake says, his elbows come to rest on his knees as Cujo wrenches the toy from Beau’s hand and lopes towards Jenna to show off his prize. “My point is you’ve got through it before; you’ll get through it again.”

“Yea.” Beau says as he watches the dog drop the toy at Jenna’s feet. “Let’s hope so.”

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Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Mini Costume Meta

Poker game Eddie!!

I did bucks outfit yesterday and today its the turn of Eddie!!

Again I apologise for the rubbish screenshots, I'll have better ones in my actual costume meta after the episode has aired!!

It's really hard to tell in these screenshots, but Eddie is dressed in a blue tartan suit. When the still dropped and we all went into meltdown, I thought the jacket was blue and a dark green teal, now I've seen it a bit better, I'm pretty sure its actually royal and navy blue - a navy that is almost black!

Ok firstly we have the check theme to contend with and the fact that in 911 verse, check means potential danger and change and that rings true here, I just don't think the check is for physical danger.

We need to look at all the times Eddie has worn a suit to fully appreciate what is going on with the check, so bear with me!

This new suit is the 4th one we've seen Eddie wear. First up is the navy suit (and grey marl tie) we see him wear to his interview and look around Durrand School.

Then we have the black on black suit we see him in when he's suit shopping for Christopher with Ana.

Followed by the blue check suit with black spotty shirt we see him in at Hen and Karens vow renewal.

I hope you can all start to see what is going on here - each suit is connected not only to where Eddie is at mentally, but it is also connected to a person (Shannon, Ana, Eddie himself and then this new one Buck) and a key moment in Eddies story.

I'm not going to really really drill down into all the suits because I don't have the time, but that first navy suit with its white shirt and mismatched tie is very much conveying an Eddie who is both uncomfortable and unsure of who he is - the mismatched nature of the overall outfit is meant to look a bitt off and jarring. The navy of the suit itself is about trust, loyalty and stability - all things very relevant to Eddie in that moment - he is trusting Carla (and by extension Buck), he is trying to provide stability for Chris, and he is still loyal to Shannon.

Its very telling that the only truly odd one out is the black suit - the one connected to Ana! Its also the only suit we know for definite that Eddie didn't pick for himself. The black suit is meant to indicate the concept of the black dog of depression - a black cloud hanging over both Eddie and the relationship with Ana.

The suit Eddie wears to the HenRen vow renewal with its small check pattern and the black shirt with the blue dots is showing us Eddies progress - he's still going through it, the check tells us that - but the fact that we've gone from Eddie having panic attacks in a black suit and we've now got an Eddie in a much brighter blue (still with some black in the shirt as a nod to the previous suit - think of it like the blue overtaking and erasing the black) indicating that he is much calmer and at peace with himself. If you want to read more about this suit, then head over to my pinned post and read the costume meta for 5x18!

Back to the check theme and the new suit jacket - yes this is a darker suit than the previous one, but its still two shades of blue - a combination of the navy of the first suit and a brighter blue which connects to the vow renewal suit. connecting the two suits to this suit is important from a narrative perspective,

for me the use of this tartan check is just the next stage of the very tiny check - its not going to be all smooth sailing for Eddie yet and I think the Pepa meddling is the thing that the check is foreshadowing

White pocket squares - nobility and wealth as well as love and luck - much of these meanings stem from the age of chivalry - ladies pocket squares being given to knights of the joust as a token of luck etc

In modern US parlance, pocket squares are a symbol of anti traditionalist values - by this I mean, you won't find those of a right wing persuasion (Donal Trump and his lot) wearing a pocket square. Pocket squares are and were considered a symbol of sophistication - especially in golden age Hollywood - Cary Grant, Fred Astaire, Clark Gable etc all wore pocket squares in various ways.

The reason I'm giving you all this information is to point out that the fact we have Eddie wearing one here is both interesting and telling. As far as I'm aware this is the first time we've seen one worn on 911 (I don't have any notes of any of the mains wearing one in my costume plots!) so this is tapping into all of the meanings above, Eddie is wearing it as a symbol of wealth (appropriate for a poker game!) but mostly as a nod to old school Hollywood.

The costume department are trying to evoke that era through Eddies costume, the set is also evoking that era and so the two things are working in tandem (Bucks red velvet suit jacket also does the same thing - it mimics a smoking jacket which was a common thing for men to have in their wardrobe and wear to play poker or pool). They're essentially trying to make Eddie look like those leading men because in their films they always got the girl (in Eddies case its indicating he's gonna get the boy!).

Onto the Black turtleneck! Black turtlenecks have such an interesting history, they have very strong links with antiestablishment and activism - often worn as a statement or a symbol of protest. The turtleneck is meant to be non-conformist and set the wearer apart from societal norms. The black panthers wore them as part of their 'protest uniform' in the 50's and 60's making them part of the activist style and cementing them as a garment of protest and dissent.

Steve Jobs very deliberately chose the black turtle neck as part of his uniform - to appear down to earth and casual, but also to set him apart from the shirt and tie wearing Bill Gates - it made Apple seem not only aspirational, but also more user friendly to the everyman over the nerdy suits of the establishment!

We've seen it used for the same purpose in film - think Cary Grant in to catch a thief - wearing both a navy and white striped turtleneck as well as a black one when he's being 'the cat'

Or even Audrey Hepburn in Funny Face - when she's in the jazz club dancing - a scene supposed to show her as different from the traditional models found gracing the pages of 'Quality' the fictional magazine Fred Astaire's Character photographs for.

In the 1920's and 30's, Noel Coward made them popular and as a result they became a symbol of queerness - this is also the origin of the black turtleneck as a piece of clothing representing something non-conformist that all the other iterations stem from.

So Eddie wearing a black turtleneck at this moment in time is such a choice. It is meant to show us an Eddie who is comfortable in his own skin and that that Eddie is non-conformist. This works on a couple of fronts - it is a nod to the fact he has defied his families expectations and choices for him - that he has decided to be better for himself, that he's going to therapy and working on himself. But its also a nod to an Eddie now comfortable enough to break from heteronormativity and embrace his queerness - something which is still considered to be non-conforming!

I've already screamed about Eddies watch (you can see a decent glimpse of it in the still above), so I won't go into it too much here, but I will mention again how important I think it is that this is (likely, as we've not yet seen the episode) the first time we're seeing this new watch. I mentioned previously that the first time we saw the blue faced leather strapped watch was at his coffee date with Ana - a watch very much connected with Christopher and of course that relationship was very much about Eddie following Christophers heart not his own (even though we know Christophers heart will probably be happier with Buck than it ever was with Ana!!!). So this new watch is very much now connected to Buck (and the fact that Buck appears to also be wearing a new and metal watch has me all kinds of feral because if he is it is telling us that Buck and Eddie are both on the same page and that their timing is now in sync - so Buddie cannon here we come!!

[fountainpenguin]

Hi Riddle, I've been following your Pixel Imperfect series for a while now and I am absolutely hooked on it. It's honestly amazing!

I do have one question though, and I realise it's a bit late in the series to ask this, but it has been bothering me: what are the 1s and 0s in the Pixel Imperfect universe?

I understand it is a parallel alcohol, I moreso want to understand how it works and what the differences between drinking the 1s and drinking the 0s are.

Thank you for thanking the time to read this and, again, you are an inspiration as a writer.

Thank you! That's incredibly kind of you to say, and if I've given you or others inspiration, that's very flattering and I'm glad <3 I'm extremely passionate about my Pixels Imperfect works and I'm delighted you find them so engaging.

Here's some background info (and secret bonus lore) about code, and the drink commentary is in the section after.

Minor #ridspoilers for Dog's Life Sessions 1 and 2 - Commentary about how code works using characters and plot points as examples (plus showing the drink scene from Chapter 7).

Background on Code

The Pixels Imperfect characters are made from code strings: in other words, their programming. These strings are tangible sequences of characters that weave through them and give them energy; we've seen anivores (like phantoms) eat these strings to disconnect people from the Between dimension, sending them back to their designated AFK server.

- Data from your code starts out with "Traits your creator envisions you with" (when you're born in your AFK server). This can be personality and early species leaning. These traits don't have to be envisioned consciously and can include things like hoarding items vs. storing them. These traits can adapt across the lifetime of play. - After that first playtime experience, the hybrid and creator are separated, and the hybrid hatches from a dragon egg in the Between dimension. Theoretically, this is determined by early species leanings (and conscious thought), but it may also be random; no one in-universe knows for sure. - The baseline is then layered with default information about mob behavior. In the Pixels Imperfect lore, mob behavior (and mental reasoning) increases as the moon waxes and decreases as it wanes. - A hybrid's code, or programming, is full of default player data (How to walk, run, jump, mine, and craft) alongside mob behavior. Basically, the game fills in their blanks with existing game data (which is WHY hybrids are affected by the full moon like mobs are). -> There's actually a whole thing about Tweenborns - hybrids who are mobs exclusive to Legends or Dungeons as opposed to the base game - having weaker or more flexible data in their systems. Some are based on IRL animals and are extreme stereotypes of their species (Hence Joel having anxiety about his firefly instinct to flirt and opting to mod out of it... and now struggling with being reset back to his firefly body). Others, like illusioners, have very spotty, unstable bits of code. -> We delve into this in the species and culture sections of Herobrine's Guide to the Between Dimension, though it probably won't come up in-story much :) -> In Pixels Imperfect canon, BigB's code is highly unstable, but tamped down by his moth mods, and Joel's firefly instincts can easily get out of control, so he keeps them on a firm leash and stays away from situations that will set him off, like flirting with people under a full moon. Also, Herobrine - who is technically the Cluckshroom Dragon - has extremely unstable code, and lots of it. Probably the most unstable hybrid in the whole dimension, now that I think about it. Yeah, that tracks. Get creepypasta'd, idiot. -> There IS one line in my next Dog's LIfe chapter where Ren mentally describes BigB's nervous code as "frizzy" (because he's mildly glitching out and hasn't cleaned his code or slept in a while) and then instantly remembers "I can't say that; that's a slur for Tweenborns," which is a nod to the lore I wrote for the Guide. Kinda neat that it came up!

In other words, the code strings running through bodies exist in a processed state; they're nice and clean. However, hybrids naturally shed their code as their energy starts to fade, the same way humans shed skin cells and hair.

The data that makes code stick to you is called ecto code. This keeps code stable and inside the body. Hybrids naturally lose ecto code over time, leading to glitches, but they can refresh it with a night of sleep.

- Multiple days of not refreshing your code with sleep is what draws phantoms to you (They can smell and hear the unstable state). Reminder: sleep is the Overworld's blessing alone; you can't sleep in the Between dimension - Secret piece of my lore: Phantoms are fantastic search and rescue teams... but only if someone's been missing long enough to lose their ecto code - Joel and Lizzie, who prefer not to be logged out by anivores, have a special cleaning routine they do with brushes, clippers, and other grooming tools - SnifferMyFeet used to eat ecto code when he was an endermite; I designed my 'mites after cleaner wrasse, who eat mucus when they clean fish. - Ecto code is what "holds up the sky" and separates dimensions, which is why endermites were able to chew through it in my creation story for this world (Herobrine's Guide to the Between Dimension, Chapter 1)… thus connecting The End to the Overworld and uniting the elements that allowed the rise of more advanced lifeforms. - I also designed a Between-specific creature - the mirage - to function like an aquatic phantom. It attacks you if you dive too deep in the darkwater biome without wearing magmamarine armor (i.e. SCUBA equipment), because diving without protection makes your code extremely unstable and they'll just eat you. I think this comes up in our very next Between Dimension Guide chapter, actually- It's the landscape and native creatures one! -> Many of the resources that have lasted through Between's existence to present day are lurking in the depths of the darkwater biome. Very few people are able to get the diamond armor they need AND the magmamarine to upgrade it, so it's a tricky place to explore. -> As a reminder, hybrids can only be canon mobs, so there are no mirage or leviathan hybrids who can dive that far naturally. Lots of fun stuff to play with regarding code and stability lore!

While some characters think anivores are spooky (Because, y'know... they hunt and eat people), I specifically designed the phantoms to be scavengers. Their role in the ecosystem is eating code strings that have lost their energy, preventing them from lying around and making people sick. They eat people's code, though, and not something like stray hairs.

In "Chicken Dinner," I wrote a scene about Secret Life Scar, the bodies of his friends who didn't respawn after losing their final lives, and phantoms playing their scavenger role - No gore, but it's not for everyone. I think it's interesting!

When anivores log people out by eating their code, they're taking that code into themselves and cleaning it before the data is cycled back into the system and the player returns refreshed and anew. Anivores fix things (like chipped fingernails and sore muscles) and soft reset your body.

- This is what we see in the Between scenes of Dog's Life Session 2, where Bdubs has lost his wings, but refuses to be processed by the system because he's proud and stubborn, so he's walking around without them. There's no getting those wings back until he sucks it up and lets someone reset him, but he's dragging his feet about it. - Soft resets let you keep your mods. They differ from dissolve resets, which are hard resets that wipe you off the map and respawn you from scratch (though you keep your memories). -> In Dog's Life, we learn you can use bullet paths - huge rivers of energy - to travel as fast as light from one place to another. New Star Station has a bullet path running beneath it. There's also a moat outside the station that drops you into the Void, which Cleo almost fell into in Chapter 12. -> In Chapter 34, Ren and PiglinMyNose couldn't go any farther when they came across a corrupted bullet path filled with glitchy data. Ren tells the reader that falling into the path would instantly kill them, wipe a ton of their data, and respawn them at their birthplaces (as opposed to their AFK servers). This is because the game would straight-up disconnect them from existence (leaving what's left of their bodies and code to float in the path forever) and it would load a new copy of their minds and bodies from their default data. Pretty creepy. -> Dissolve resets also happen if you fail to reach your server in time when you feel the tingles telling you you're supposed to go online soon (For instance, if you soft-lock yourself or someone imprisons you). In Dog's Life Chapter 35, when Etho finally has time to think about how he didn't get the energy ping to play in Session 2, he has a breakdown wondering if the game already spawned a new Etho and if he's about to die. The game doesn't care about your free time- You WILL be on this server if your player is logging on. -> While it wasn't said by name, One and a Half Birds is a story about a dissolve reset! (A hybrid taking such incredible amounts of damage and corruption that they got wiped out and reset) -> Not to be confused with Scar sometimes glitching out and vaporizing, thus needing new Scars to be downloaded off the system (and we learned in Dog's Life Chapter 8 that Scar really doesn't have issues about this; if Jellie thinks he's Scar, that's good enough for him, even if technically he is a new version). That said, if no one bothered to get a new Scar download, he would get dissolve reset and respawn at the allay hub. Except he can't, because it's gone, but... yeah. -> Unfortunately, pretty much all the aboveground bullet paths are corrupted and no one really knows how to clean them. For better or worse, this has cut their land into pieces and it slows down travel... and pillager patrols. So... balances out?

Fun Dog's Life facts- After Etho returns from SnifferMyFeet cycling him, people keep commenting that he looks like he's cleaner and more refreshed than he's ever been (with Impulse even asking "Who did your strings?")

Usually, Etho is cycled by phantom hybrid Bdubs, who has a high metabolism and processes energy quickly. It's not common for Etho to experience a slow cycle, which is one of the things that draws him towards Sniff as "Huh, this guy is fascinating."

Raw Binary Drinks

We've seen hybrids drink 1s and 0s, also known as raw binary code. This type of code doesn't give you energy in the way that food does. It's a drink, not a meal.

Put simply, 1s are alcoholic and 0s are non-alcoholic (or at least they have very low alcohol levels). 0s (the white-colored drinks) mimic the taste of 1s and give you a light buzz while 1s (blue drinks) affect you much more strongly. They can make your head feel fuzzy.

In other words, 0s mean "off" in binary and don't do anything to your system. 1s mean "on" and flip switches inside you akin to the way alcohol affects humans :)

- In Here's to the Health of Married Men - specifically Chapter 3 - Bdubs became so tipsy that he reached the point he was officially considered drunk. This was symbolized by his wings dissolving into their raw energy state:

Speaking of, Bdubs stands a breath from Jimmy's outstretched hand in the center of the ballroom. He's half hunched over, twisting and untwisting the heel of his hand against his eye. His phantom wings are out - that's par for the course in the Between dimension - but they're no longer midnight blue and leathery in the way Scar's long grown familiar with. They glitter a snappy cyan. Bdubs flaps several times. His wings flex and crack at the air. He mutters so loud, he's half shouting. Bright pixels spark behind him. While Jimmy's mouth twists in sympathy, his own softer wings fluttering, several onlookers playfully jeer at tonight's local lightweight. "Aw, shut up! I'm fine!" (As if his entire form isn't flickering with glitchy patches up and down.) Don't let your soul die on ya, silly…

- Exactly the same principle for his wings is in play here as it was when he lost them in Dog's Life - By drinking too much, he "burned his wings out" (or at least, he's in the precursor stage to the burnout) and can't recover them until he cycles through the system. This is called flaring (or a soul flare).

Important Clarification - Grian, who came from another world, considers flaring a sexual thing [in conversation]; he tends to tell the reader that he wants to flare and he doesn't know how and he's looking forward to it, etc. He forgets that, like... it can just happen if you get too excited, spooked, or drunk. Or just sometimes when the full moon is out. We literally saw him sitting on the Red Velvet Keep roof with his wings flared in "Canadian Idiot," and Scar could sense Grian's wings had flared in "Birdwatcher" (Because they were linked as soulmates and Grian accidentally seized control of Scar's wings by flapping, despite being across the map). Flaring is just a general state of arousal (e.g. alertness). But if you ask Grian, he'll either deny it's ever happened to him or get huffy because "That doesn't count." lol. He IS correct in thinking it can happen if you get turned on, but it can happen for plenty of other reasons, like just getting too wrapped up in your mob mindset. Actually, in my next Dog's Life chapter (41), we talk about flares and learn that Bdubs makes his phantoms take frequent breaks when they're wrestling so they don't tip over the edge. The wrestling isn't sexual, but getting way too into your mob mindset will flare you. Notably, Joel has body dysphoria (Leaning into his "I'm self-conscious of my Minecraft body" line from Double Life). I mentioned above that he's concerned about his firefly instincts getting him into trouble (since his species is known for one thing and it's courtship), but he also just... doesn't like looking at his body. He doesn't like flare-related intimacy and he avoids drinking too much. -> That said, his glowing wings and antennae flared up during his fights with Etho in "Canadian Idiot" [screaming at him to calm down; notably Etho's fox instincts had taken complete control of him in that scene, so his ears and tail were out] -> His second set of arms leaks out in "The Man He Sets His Spawn With" [Fighting to hold back emotions over Etho breaking his trust]. ... Joel does not associate flaring with affection. It's anger, stress, and despair to him :'D

Anyway, I just like talking about this stuff! I think it's interesting.

The short version of what I've said is, drinks let people play with that arousal (alertness) because 1s flip their internal switches into an "on" state. It's hard to flare yourself on purpose because to reach that state, you have to let go and slip into your mob thoughts. If you're overthinking or grounding yourself to the world, you won't be able to disconnect.

It's kind of like a floaty subspace feeling. Not so much if you're angry, though (Then it's your "fight or flight" instinct kicking in).

I think I had an author's note I scrapped instead of posting, but Etho's big secret is that he really likes his mob mindset. Let me see if I have it in my scrap doc....... I don't see it, so I'll recount:

Etho's whole thing is that he struggles with letting go. He desperately wants to take breaks, but we see hints in multiple stories that New Star's official safety protocol is "Get Etho; Etho will fix this" (and we learn in Dog's Life Chapter 38 that Tango - who knows just as much as Etho - resents this). Etho's Dog's Life arc is all about him trying to unravel himself from this persona he's gotten locked up into. He tries to set firmer boundaries (which becomes a struggle due to the sheer amount of drama in this dramedy) and he has some serious internalized issues about thinking people don't respect his time; they "don't allow him" to take breaks. Etho LOVES the full moon because it gives him plausible deniability- He can freely say "Full moon is messing with my head and I can't right now" without feeling guilty (sometimes). He will try not to tell you that, but that's what the moon is to him: an excuse. Freedom. Peace. A break. Of the entire cast, he's the one most likely to give into his instincts by running on all fours or biting people (hence "Canadian Idiot"'s plot about Etho struggling with his fox aggro instincts while linked up with Joel, and biting Joel every time Joel gets hurt). This is WHY Etho is the character whose soul ears prick up when he's nervous and avoiding eye contact... His mob mindset is only one breath below the surface and he doesn't necessarily try to fight it or ground himself in his hybrid body. He tips over the edge VERY easily, and he embraces it. To Etho, SnifferMyFeet - who doesn't know what's going on half the time and hasn't formed solid opinions or expectations about the server hub or its residents - represents the internal peace, confidence, innocence, and freedom that Etho so desperately craves. Ergo, if he hangs out with Sniff, he'll come to understand how Sniff ticks and mimic that in his own life, and finally be happy. So he thinks, anyway. tl;dr - Etho looked at Sniff and said "This is the world's most perfect man; he has never done anything wrong in his life" and he's been weird about that anxious gremlin ever since. He's totally infatuated despite Sniff's many red flags. I mean... I guess he's right- You have technically done nothing wrong if you are newly spawned into this world and the only thing on your resume is "played a death game because I was told to; I have no morals because I am 1 day old." Sniff has zero impulse control and doesn't know stealing and tax fraud are wrong because he's only existed for a few weeks, and Etho thinks it's adorable. I think Etho sees Sniff as like, a baby pillager who just hits you because it has an axe and is learning how to control its body. Fascinating.

Anyway, raw binary can flip your brain into being "on" (bouncy energy, feelings of excitement), which some people find fun, though some hybrids might feel tired when they drink. I like to think the 1s make you more "on" in regards to being a hybrid. You're still doing impulsive things, but you're not going to drift off into your mob state from drinking.

However, after you've already been flared a while, your mind might start to wander and that could lead towards slipping into the mob mindset. But 0s are more likely to lead to a wandering mind while 1s are more about paying attention to things.

- 1s kind of make you go "Ooh, what's this thing?" and then your neighbor who's also been drinking will infodump on you, and then you both might mess around with the thing (Ex: throw it like a ball). You're active! You're playing! - 0s are a low-energy drink for when you want a light buzz, but not to the degree 1s can give you. They're more like "Haha, what? Aaaah... You're crazy, man."

It's worth noting that you can't drink 1s and 0s unless you're on the physical plane, which is why PiglinMyNose (a cam account who's usually in spectator mode) was unfamiliar with them until Dog's Life Chapter 7... hence this scene!

Martyn straightens, poised as though presenting himself before a king, with a glass of sparkling cyan balanced in his hand. "Aww, it's baby's first corporeal night, then? Come get a drink, Pig! It is 'Pig,' right? We've got 1s." "What's 1s?" Pig asks, absently brushing Etho's arm from his shoulder. Etho presses his lips together, but doesn't replace it. He steps to the side, a little closer to Bdubs. "You know! Numbers!" Martyn thrusts his glass in the air. The binary code sloshes around inside. "I guess you don't have this on the spectator plane. It's the blue one. Tastes a bit like sushi and a li'l like chocolate. Give it a sip, if you're up for it. You might like it. Though it's a little flat this time of eve, if I'm honest… It'll perk up once the night gets rolling." Pig reaches for Martyn's glass, which sends Martyn backpedaling and spluttering, telling him to keep his mitts off and go fetch his own. Etho winces. "Pig, you might wanna stick to 0s…" "I want a glass of 1s," he says, pushing forward, and Martyn, beaming, swings an arm around Pig's neck. "Well, you heard the guy! He maxes out experience points tonight. Let's get him his 1s!" Sure. Pig's his own person; he can figure things out for himself. He may be fumbling around, still more familiar with the ethereal world and its pomp and colors than the corporeal one and its gravity, but he's also lived in New Star Station for ages. He's not a baby villager. Etho lifts one brow, but says nothing.

Conclusion - That's what raw binary does to the system, why anivores can't just drink that for energy "instead of people," and why non-anivores can drink it even though they don't have the biology to process "people code." It's just a thing that plays off your internal body code, but it doesn't give you nutrients.

Recently settled on the name cerivores for non-anivores, although that hasn't come up in-story yet (Thanks for bouncing ideas off with me, @bookworm-2692!)

Thanks for asking! I love talking about Pixels Imperfect lore :)

[gianniart]

Final Project

For my final, I decided to recreate a photo I took of my dog. The first movement I used in this painting was Post-Impressionism. I used thin brush strokes, painting what I could see but not making it perfect. I was playful with my style, using the brush strokes to create depth and shape.

I also used Fauvism in this work. I was inspired by this movement, I really liked the idea of using alternate, bright colors. I chose some warm, brighter colors than he really is. I used the colors to make darker/brighter areas of his coat stand out even more than what it appears in the photo. I used light blue for some of his white hair, it's something that stands out on him because his usual breed is spotty white/brown/black, and he's just straight brown except for a few spots so it stands out to me and I wanted to express that.

The last movement I incorporated into this piece was abstract expressionism. I thought it would be a fun way to completely rework this photo to an art piece. I took some inspiration from Barnett Newman's style of vertical stripes/"zips". I put down some unique brush strokes, dashes, and splatters as well where I felt they would add some feeling and depth for the background.

[ravio-the-cabinet-man]

whats your favourite zelda game and why?

twilight princess All The Way. it was my first zelda game, it came out the year i was born, my mom printed out the entire guide because we had spotty internet and baby ravio Needed to watch her play it.

i have wonderful memories of just messing around on our finished file, running around and scaring townsfolk as an angry little puppydog.

but also the story and aesthetic.. the golden skies of the twilight realm, the sense of home from ordon village, the castle being Dead Silent in the courtyard, aside from the rain.

don't get me started on midnas lament or midna in general. ive always thought she was really cool. shes sassy and absolutely isnt helping you for the right reasons at first, but then she changes. and shes still sassy, but she cares.

also you can pick up the cats. important. you can also play fetch with the dogs. also important.

i have other faves, botw was solid for me, windwaker is a classic and i adore the style and story of that as well, majoras mask has vibes for days too, but twilight princess has been and always will be my favorite zelda game.

ive never beaten it myself though, actually. i tried, but our wii broke when i got to gerudo :/

[joshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

I was actually just playing Forces to work on 100% completing the game on Steam since I haven't actually done so yet, and part of working towards that is getting max medal honours with all different species of animals. I didn't really put any thought into the types of characters I was making when I did that on Switch, but this time I tried to think a little bit harder about what I was making, and you know what? It clicked. Like yeah the appeal of a canon Sonic OC maker is obvious in theory but I've never really cared about that type of thing myself, but something about this specific instance of me making characters in Forces just made me come to actually understand the appeal myself. Like I felt myself being warped into the mind of someone that genuinely enjoys the process of OC creation and stuff, and I feel like I get why, even despite the limitations, the Forces OC maker really is a dream come true for some sorts of people.

To that end, here are the characters I put slightly more thought into! Since I'm still working on 100% completion I don't have every fashion item so even though I don't necessarily want to turn these into like full blown OCs or something I can at least say their in-game designs might not be finalised yet and whatnot.

This one isn't really much of anything per se, but I unlocked the black and white gothic lolita fit right around when I needed to move onto a new animal for medal honours, and decided to make a female dog and throw her in it. Spotted the spotty body wrap thing and it made her look like a dalmation and works well with the gothic lolita fit. Not the most creative one in the world and definitely not one I'm very attached to relative to this whole thing but it felt fun to do and I think that's why I ended up putting more thought into the others.

When I was making a bear I decided that, since the bear's ability basically makes their homing attack better, I'd give them a weapon that had the two homing attack upgrades on it. That gameplay thing led me mentally to imagine this bear character I was making was like very strong and serious, perhaps even silent and stoic - and I started playing around with the clothing to give him a somewhat similar vibe. Experimented with the more military aesthetic stuff but it didn't feel right, and I was imagining that whoever this bear guy is he probably doesn't want to be like a rank and file sort, so the military gear is whatever. Again this isn't actually like a character I'm desperate to flesh out or see more of or anything like that but I just had a moment while making it of "there can actually be a personality there" and I think that's neat.

And lastly we've got a female bird. I sort of knew right away that I wanted to give at least one of the species I'd make the camera, because I like photography a ton. Female bird gets the big ponytail thing at the back that I thought matched that well. Think the vibe I sort of ended up wanting to go for here is like, whoever this girl is she's probably "pretty" and values her appearance and stuff, so we get like the flower crown and bows on the gloves and stuff, nice colour combo too in my mind. But then also the photography stuff and ofc the setting of Sonic Forces more broadly being in the middle of a war. So she's a war photographer? At least currently? But still has time to look after herself a bit. Something like that.

So yeah I mean, none of these are fleshed out and I can't necessarily say I want to flesh them out either, but I mean the fact that the Forces OC maker is getting me to play around with character concepts at all is kinda wild to me, especially since I basically ignored it the first however many times around. I did make one for every animal although these are the only ones I was really happy with the output for, and even then I can take or leave the dalmation. Maybe I'll have an updated selection once I've 100% completed the game and have all fashion stuffs. Who knows. Will say that while writing this I like passively had the thought of like "what if bird lady is from Spagonia or something" so maybe I'm fully cooked and about to just get into Sonic OCs thanks to playing Forces again 7 years after release. Who can truly say. I think that's the post though. Goodnight gamers.

[tiny-minecraft-rabbit]

Day 1: Protection

Using my own prompt list: here. You can also read this and every prompt as they come on AO3.

Summary:

Martyn stands guard at the doors of his King's home, believing him to be in danger. Ren just wants his Hand back inside.

Martyn paced outside the wide entrance of Ren's home, hand on the hilt of his sword. Ren had told him it wasn't necessary, that he could take very well care of himself, but he wasn't the one that had heard what the townsfolk had said.

They were calling for his head, like Ren had done anything worthy of such a thing.

Now, the hunting party coming after Ren was hardly the first. The great Red King of the Red Mountain Peaks had faced many foe over the years. Martyn being one of them. There was a bounty worth his weight in gold on Ren, one that Martyn had sought after at one point and learned to regret his attempt. A bounty which was completely unjustified. People just didn't like having something bigger than them nearby, too scared of what he could do to care that he hadn't done anything at all.

Martyn could feel every step of Ren coming to the door, despite the king's attempt to tread lightly. He didn't look up at him, pointedly scanning the horizon, even as Ren spoke, "Martyn, come inside. Everything is alright, man."

His hand tightened on the sword, "They're bringing a wizard. They're bringing an army. I will not stand idly while they threaten my king."

Ren huffed, and Martyn can hear him kneeling. No other king would even consider lowering themselves, especially to someone so small and insignificant as Martyn. It was something so unique to Ren, even if the other claimed it was nothing special. "I think you will find that I couldn't bear it if my hand was hurt for my own sake."

"I will not stand idly-"

"Neither will I," Ren cut him off. "Come here my hand, let me see you."

Martyn hesitated to look away from the woods. They had the high ground, and you could spot someone from a few miles away, but that was only if the trees gave way. With the new leaves and flowers of spring now in full bloom, you could barely make out the paths.

He turned and looked up at his King. The giant, the monster, the great dog of the peaks. He was enormous, his hand alone would have been able to smash apart his old cottage in a single sweep. Martyn had only ever seen those hands be used for a gentleness they didn't look made for. Now one of those hands was flat on the floor, fingers slightly curled in. Martyn climbed in it without a second thought.

Ren waited until he was steady to lift him up to his nose. The one flaw of his king, he was near blind, his light blue eyes took in too much light, leaving his vision spotty at best. "There we are. Dear Martyn, my precious little hand, so dashing," Ren purred, his other hand brushing against his back and a finger curling to rub his head gently. "Will you allow me to bring you back inside now? Night is approaching, there will be no crusade against me today. Everything is alright, dude."

He couldn't help but let the smile slip into place as he leaned into his king's touch, appreciating the words. Only his king.

"If I go in now, we won't see their torches," He insisted, glancing once more over the woods. He could just barely make out the little village at the base.

"We can watch from the windows," Ren compromised.

They wouldn't. The moment they reentered the Dogwarts Ren would find a million things to distract him with. He'd have to spend the whole morning trekking through the woods looking for signs of the hunting party coming to kill his king, just like he had every day since he had come back from his trip to town. He may again find nothing, or he may find something worse. He held his breath for the day he spotted the wizard the townsfolk had acquired.

"Alright. As you wish, my king," Martyn conceded, bowing his head.

Ren grinned, his mouth filled with sharp canines that Martyn could not find in him to fear. For how could he ever fear his king. Ren stood slowly, and Martyn's whole world swayed as he was brought far above the ground until he was securely held against Ren's chest. They stepped inside, the stone doors closing behind them.

[tuzesdays]

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

(This can also be in dms :3)

its 3am and someone just set off two fireworks directly outside my home so hi andy good morning lets talk dayshift

so i use grammarly and basic spelling correct to edit, right? what yall dont see, that i do, is before every chapter i plug everything into the text box and let grammarly go at it - usually this ends up with.... id say the average number of corrections it suggests is around 70. and every time, i go thru the whole thing checking every correction because man, grammarly does NOT know how real people talk. theres a certain cadence to verbal speech yknow? something i try to emulate in my regular texting style, but in a properly formatted story its different (not harder or easier, different) because while you cant capitalize random words for Emphasis, you CAN do a whole bunch of other stuff: dashes, sentence breaks, i especially like to split a chunk of dialogue in half with a described action. maybe not every misspelling is intentional, but all the words are.

and some of the stuff i thought about is NEVER - or at least UNLIKELY to be - coming up in the story!! for instance, i dont do things like flashbacks. what you see of the characters background and experiences either comes from what they say or what their actions imply. sunbite gives the benefit of internal dialogue and memory, but its a yn fic so even thats spotty sometimes.

people who just read the fic would Never Know that sunbites blood relation father only ever saw them once. and i also dont include things that wouldnt be apparent to the characters- it has no effect on them, how would they ever know? how would sunbite ever know that they have a little sibling, possibly more than one? how would you ever know that obi's "heirlooms" from his grandmother included another ring passed down maternally for the last five generations with a decent sized sapphire on it? would you know that sunbite loves dogs because their first imaginary friend was one, and they named him Lucky? this stuff has no effect of them now, practically forgotten about. but its there cause i say it is.

storytelling is fucking Wild, dude. of course i took some inspiration from bamsara and naffeclipse (god damn at this point what dca writer hasnt a little bit) but also im pretty proud of my 'do no harm, take no shit' yn. it was always gonna be them, theyre the only person for the job in my mind. the way ive structured things and the way things are going to go, only people with that attitude - and that unkillable amount of hope and love - would be able to make it all the way through. maybe thats not the easiest character to project onto, but hey, its more a personal thing. dayshift go figure is, among other things, a power fantasy.

anyway, took the oppurtunity to ramble, its 3am. tldr; i put a lot of thought into word usage and character history, and most of those thoughts arent important to anyone but me.

[enbysiriusblack]

thank you for the tags @tempusfugitandallthatblog and @lesbianmckinnonn <33

RULES: Put your playlist on shuffle. For each of the 10 interview questions, select a lyric from the random song that comes up. (Skip if there aren't any lyrics and make sure to drop the name of the song in your interview answer!) <3

1. First off, how would you describe yourself in one sentence?

I tend not to think too much/ but when I do... there are thoughts/ lots of thoughts

mind black no thoughts by noahfinnce

2. What kind of [pisces] are you?

lose my heart on the burning sand

I wanna be your dog by joan jett and the blackhearts

3. You're visiting your favorite spot, what are you thinking about?

well we need art to live and survive, but/ I need a plan B/ I do

escape by destroy boys

4. If your life was a movie, what do you think the first review would say about it?

the film is a saddening bore

life on mars by david bowie

5. Say you get a book deal, what are you titling your memoir?

I'm not for the eyes of a tory

wanker by the oozes

6. What would you say about your best friends?

fairytales of yesterday, will grow but never die/ I can fly, my friends

the show must go on by queen

7. Think back to when you had everything all figured out in high school, what was your life motto as a teenager?

don't try suicide, nobody's worth it/ don't try suicide, nobody cares/ don't try suicide, you're just gonna hate it/ don't try suicide, nobody gives a damn

don't try suicide by queen

8. Describe your aesthetic now:

well you're dirty and sweet/clad in black, don't look back

get it on by t.rex

9. What's a lyric that they'll quote in your eulogy?

I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch, oh the bitch is back

the bitch is back by elton john

10. And for our final question, say we believe in soulmates, what do you think their first impression of meeting you will be?

another teenage rebel/ another spotty problem kid/ another teenage rebel/ take your teenage rebel away

justa nother teenage rebel by the outcasts

tagging: @ace-catboy-ryuuzaki @imagineacoolusername @drownedlove @jegulily-stuff @nefeliibata @ anyone else who wants to do it

[fatedwithmbc]

It’s the night before the Unite for Her 5k. I’m “sleeping” at my best friends’ house because it’s close to the race location. The one dog, Dani, was so much calmer with me this time, which was helpful. I was a little nervous how the dog would react to me after our last encounter. The pup is sweet as pie with Elora, but protective and a rescue which is understandable. It just made me a little more nervous than I would have been around just her little old man, Reentu. He’s a cute pup. He even had on a little bow tie- so stinking cute!

Her mom was a total sweetheart and made us a pasta dinner, salad and even sugar cookies for dessert. She’s such a kind woman, and I was thankful of her to take the time to do that for those of us who stayed here this evening. After dinner, we played a meme game and watched Mike and Dave Need A Wedding Date. I think that’s what it was called. It was hilarious. Aubrey Plaza, Anna Kendrick, Zack Efron and the other guy, who’s also in Workaholics and a million other things were all in it. It was a raunchier version of Wedding Crashers, in my opinion. Not something I would have picked on my own, but I enjoyed it.

To my dismay, it’s supposed to rain all day tomorrow. I feel like what was supposed to be a celebration of my wins this past year is going to be a sad and sorry, soggy affair. Thank you, hurricane season and Hurricane Ophelia. Adam Joseph said inland should be spotty. Fingers crossed!

We were able to pick up shirts and bibs today, so that helped. I also got the extra hoodie I purchased. It’s definitely large on me and I was expecting it to be tight fitting. We stopped at Wawa too. Random insight: I was looking for a Candy Kittens alternative and I think that’s Twizzler’s, NOT Sour Patch Kids Strawberry despite Candy Kittens being Strawberry. Random insight over. I’m not used to having lost weight from when I was on my first line of treatment. But I’ve also regained some weight from being on Abilify since my 10 day hospitalization back in June.

I see my oncologist on Monday. I’ve got notions of traveling to Europe and I’m planning on asking him if I can even think of planning so far ahead in my condition. We’ll see what he says. I always said if I went back to Europe, I’d be going to Poland. Although, there was a trip to Italy that caught my sights as well; but that’s all putting the cart before the horse until I talk to the doctor. And obviously, I’d need travel insurance in case something happens/ed that would prevent me from going.

Back to my thoughts on tomorrow, I’m so appreciative of every donor who helped me reach my top number of $2,000 for fundraising. Additionally, I’m so appreciative of my best friends for braving the weather for me tomorrow to show support and solidarity of my situation. Not many people would do what they are. Why walk in the rain for 3.1 miles for nothing (other than me)?? I’m touched already and we haven’t even done it yet. I’m hoping since we’re more inland, the rain will be more sporadic and spotty and not a complete deluge as the shore is anticipated to get. I did think ahead a bit and ordered us ponchos, but I’m not sure of their quality and how dry they will actually keep us.

I need to sleep, but my mind is racing about tomorrow and I also have a hard time when I’m not at home. I’m still watching (more like listening) to On Patrol Live which is a comfort show. They say if you put on a comfort show it can help you fall asleep. Which I did for about 2 hours before I woke up very warm. I shed a layer and laid down again, but the thoughts keep churning.

I was able to talk my Mom-Mom through the process of getting to Apple TV so she could watch Friday Nighy Baseball (Phillies and Mets). I’m glad she didn’t have to miss the game because I wasn’t around. The Phillies won, thankfully. And the magic number is now 4 for our playoff berth or wildcard spot for the playoff berth. The post season of baseball confuses me. I’m anxious and excited for MNF. The Eagles are playing.

I think I’ve gotten most everything I can off my mind, so I’ll wrap this up. I might even be feeling some effects of sleepiness!

El Fin.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

That’s a good idea….will start check marking….. I’m also realizing I think part of the problem was I actually do press send sometimes but if the connection is spotty and I don’t realize I close out tumblr and then it never ends up fully loading/sending properly….

SHSHS I cant imagine that’d be comfortable with the dizziness…well uh..at least it’s over now!! Haha…..

OUUU wait that’s a good take…..it’s kinda funny I think I remember Isagi and Yuta having the same mbti too?? Not sure how accurate the typing actually is but I thought that was funny LOL but IM CRYING LMAOOOO you really said I need some spice in my life let’s switch it up

Honestly I would not be surprised if that ended up being the case like….after every single time we’ve manifested something into existence I’d be more surprised if it didn’t get manifested into reality LMAO

SHEGSHS every now and then I think about how I’m blowing up your inbox but omg another special tag I’m so honored LOL hope the ideas prove useful for when you’re in a slump!!

AHAHAHA atp trying to guess your final wc should just be a game im sure its at least mildly frustrating for you but I can’t lie every time it happens I chuckle a bit especially when you post it with that one ant meme LMFAOOA

Oh em gee very excited!! Whenever that comes out im gonna reread part 1 to refresh first LOL it’s ok we gotta give our man a break from being protag he’s been going through it LMAOAO between getting insulted by the love of his life in fwtkac the whole freaky Friday conflict and now bfb where he’s been pining since he could walk I

Gotta bless the other sectors of the fandom with your work….give them a taste of your writing then they’ll discover your blog read the Karasu fics and join Karasu nation…that’s the end goal LMAO atp you’re just overseeing all of bllknation covering every base

Hsjshsj glad it went well!! Struggle because of motion sickness I assume? Manifesting very hard that that goes away soon…

GAGAMARU AND YUKI LMAOOO ok that’s a pair I was not expecting ngl it’s ok it’s the power duo one blind one and one with super vision /j actually I feel like that’d be really funny like…since yuki is also a model he has such a refined vibe and as we know is very well mannered while gagamaru spends a lot of the time in the woods in the wilderness fighting bears or something LOL such opposite vibes

Yeah…like I get the shock factor thing but tbh to me that still doesn’t “justify it” to me LOL like it was just so sudden?? And there’s still so many holes like how’d she suddenly just appear good as new minus the one eye…no I fully agree like it was so random, not lead up not even a hint from the past what like 30 chapters?? Like they really just decided to throw her back into the ring at the last second….like we haven’t seen her since Shibuya arc and she somehow just spawned back like make it make sense…..tbh I think the “shock my readers” thing is such a gege thing to do :,) considering all the other comments we’ve heard from him LMAO but yeah the execution was not it……jjk fandom is also scary I see people getting eaten alive for “hot takes”

LMAO safe from kaiserism today…tbh I can’t see myself actually converting BUT the compass >>> the whole animal shelter dog scene was Lowk so cute I love the use of the dog’s own background in paralleling kaiser’s own situation! But that line “she’s my mother but I’m not her son” LITERARY GENIUS but also I’m crying when they talk about marriage and a wedding I’m fr just imagining ness just standing there alone on kaisers side something about the scene just seems so funny to me

- Karasu anon

tumblr is so glitchy sometimes i can’t even blame you 😔 the amount of times i’ve thought i posted something and didn’t or someone will send an ask and i just won’t get a notification for it??? same with dms and then people think i’m ignoring them but that’s not my intention at all 😭💔

yess they do have the same mbti!! and so does hiori apparently 🤔 tbh i tend to like characters who are sassier because they’re more like me so they’re easier to write/connect with (asshole karasu 🤝 asshole mira) but realistically in a relationship you can only rlly have one person like that the other needs to be nice or else it’s just stressful 😭 irl whenever i meet people who match my freak toooo well i get annoyed because like why are we only being mean to each other but when people start to get too moral abt it it’s like “oh it was never that deep” LMAOAAO there needs to be a happy medium of someone who finds it funny and can throw a jab or two out there when necessary but for the most part they’re just chilling 😩 which lowkey IS isagi (and hiori) now that i think abt it but NOOOO if i convert to isagism what will become of me

HFJDJSSJ okay random kiyora headcanons speedrun (kaneshiro if you’re watching these are fire pls include them in the manga): he ran cross country for one year during the soccer off season and he liked it because he could listen to music during races but it wasn’t competitive enough for him so he quit, he’s lowkey fire at either knitting or crochet but no one knows (he’s not shy abt it though it’s just that no one talks to him for long enough to realize), and he got a pet umbrella cockatoo after watching the movie rio in theaters

NO I LOVE GETTING THE NOTIFICATION YOU SENT AN ASK it’s so fun to read them 🥹 and PLSS honestly it’s less frustrating and more just like 😨 whenever the word count gets crazy long because for the most part i’m just happy to be providing 😩 the only thing that worries me is when i take too long writing smth rlly long and people think i’m on hiatus 😭 like no i’m still here it’s just that this one shot is now novel length so…

okay wait genuinely multiple people have been converted to karasu nation because of me LMAOAOA especially bfb and fwtkac…honestly it’s a role i’m proud to play 🤩🙏🏻 but yes atm i need to expand my outreach/not make karasu suffer any longer he’s been through it in the miraverse as of late 😟 i’m excited for cherry tree pt2 i think it’s probably going to be shorter but very cute 🥹 which yk cute and rin don’t necessarily go together very naturally given how he is but trust i will make it work 🤩

HEAR ME OUT GAGAMARU AND YUKI / TARZAN AND JANE AU LMAOOOOO no it’s so perfect hold on i’m going to edit a screen cap of it once i’ve responded to this why does it fit uncannily well…i’ve convinced myself gagamaru and yuki besties number one bllk duo forget bachisagi or kunigiri or nagireo or tabieita or whatever 🥱 gagayuki the ONLY pair i care about (and karasu + shidou they’re cool too)

i completely agree although i’ve already seen people on all corners of the internet calling people who are dissatisfied with it brain dead or without reading comprehension/media literacy…that’s just how it’s going to be ig 😓 jjk to me has this problem where it’s simultaneously overhated AND overrated 🤔 because people do not realize there is a middle ground!! like no it’s not the worst manga ever and there are several high points + on the whole it is better written than several other animangas especially shounen ones however it is NOT peak fiction and it is definitely not the best thing to come out in recent times!! like people don’t realize you can criticize it and still not bash it/gege completely 😒 also i have to say it…a manga being popular ≠ good idk WHY that’s such a popular argument but things can be popular without being well written!! look at any number of ya dystopian novels from the 2010s for proof 😭 nobody’s denying that jjk is popular it’s just that that doesn’t automatically make it the best thing ever…i saw someone on tik tok say that a lot of jjk fans confuse hype moments/panels with good writing and i do think that that’s the case at times 🫣 but what do i know lol

tbh smth abt kaiser’s fuck ass haircut turns me off rlly bad like maybe if he still had the shaggy blond going on or if he put it in a bun more often i’d see the appeal but the rat tails are not it 😰 and LMAOAOAO PLSSS kaiser’s side at the wedding is just ness and noel noa (he was paid to be there) and both of them are just like 😐😐 the whole time HAHAHA they are not into it at all…maybe kaiser was onto smth when he said that they should just get married without any guests because imagine how awk it would be otherwise 😭