#the relief i felt finding this out
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There is now confirmation that Stress leaving is on her own accord and separate from the aforementioned complaints in the statement
#the relief i felt finding this out#this isnt like full on Yeah she wasnt involved BUT its good enough for now
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the sheer fucking ✨GENDER ENVY✨ neal caffrey’s outfits give me
like LOOK AT THIS MAN
i want what he’s wearing please 🥺
#funny story before i realized this was gender envy#i was watching white collar like…am i finding this man attractive?#and like you don’t understand#i’m aroace#i was PANICKING thinking i was somehow experiencing attraction??#i was so worried i was finding neal attractive#this goddamn show made me question mu sexuality for a hot second#but the sheer relief i felt once i realized this wasn’t attraction this was me wanting to be him/wear his clothes#i was so concerned like i was literally going what the fuck what the actual fuck#what is this feeling?? i’m not feeling attraction right?#so yeah that was an experience#but luckily we figured it out and crisis averted#white collar#neal caffrey#love me my criminal comfort characters#gender envy#reinanova rambles#(ps i tried my best with the alt descriptions but my knowledge of nice men’s suiting is limited at best)#(says the person who literally worked at a clothing store that sold some men’s suits but shhhhhh)
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"Cuhut it out- you guys!" "Nu-uh, not until you're all perked up first! You don't want those gym challengers meetin' with an ol' mopey leader, do ya?" "Whitney's right, dear friend. No need to hide that beautiful smile of yours, alright?~"
What it takes to cheer up Johto's beloved ghost boy 👻💕
#some incredibly self-indulgent fluff for my own sake SKJDFSNDFS#Morty was having one of Those days where the weight of his responsibilities as leader and expectations as someone meant to bring back Ho-Oh#-felt a little too heavy to handle (more so than usual)#luckily his best friends (and mayhaps crush of nearly an entire decade) are here to take a stand against his low mood 🤼#I've been having brainrot of Whitney's dynamics with these two alrighttttt they all deserve to be silly with each other#best wingman award goes to this girlie for putting up with these two's mutual pining antics for years sdkfjskjdfh#the way I see it Morty and Whitney were besties way back before they had even become leaders (with Morty being the older between them)#there were definitely rumors going around between their towns about how they're an item#when the reality is that Whitney's more focused on winning the affections of the other cute girls she hangs out with#while Morty's a repressed gay lad burdened with religious guilt SDJFHUISJDNFS /LH /LH#the second Whitney caught wind of Morty actually developing a crush on someone you just Know she was on his ass Immediately#asking about aaall the details--who he is- what he does- how he dresses- if he could even conceivably pass her standards of how a--#--fitting partner for her best friend's meant to be#to which an incredibly exasperated Morty struggles to answer because Eusine is just beyond his comprehension /affectionate#when Whitney does eventually get to meet him in person the first time she most certainly takes a jab at his fashion sense SDKJFSDFNS#BUT they do end up getting along a lot better than Morty braced for- which was a huge relief to him#it soon reaches that point where Eusine's secretly asking her for details on the things Morty likes and how to possibly impress him#all the while Morty's asking her for advice on how he could cope with his feelings when he's still unsure on whether they'd be requited#Whitney finds the whole ordeal simultaneously very funny and perhaps one of the most frustrating things imaginable SDKJFSKDNFS#enough of me yapping thouuughhhhhh I should save that for its own post 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️#pokemon tickle#gym leader morty#morty pokemon#gym leader whitney#whitney pokemon#mystery man eusine#eusine pokemon#eusine#lee!morty#ler!eusine
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[Id. Salarymen AU pen sketches. 1. Kintoki's in his office looking at a tablet's screen and saying with disgust, "Ugh, this looks like a powerpoint. Can Tosshi fix it?" 2. Meanwhile, in his cubicle, Hijikata sneezes at the metion of his name and then shudders, feeling a disturbance in the Force, saying, "Oh, crap" to himself. End Id.]
Any resemblance to actual events is purely coincidental.
#gintama#gintama fanart#my art#salary men au#office worker au#kintoki#hijikata toushirou#my graphic designer's lament#this designer lay-outed a visual aid and in defense of boss no 1 yes it was UGLY FUCKING UGLY like a thousand drops shadows and a thousand#typographys and the ugliest icons you can find and the smallest graphs ever even if it is the point here and... okay okay#anyway boss no 1 whined to the design coordinator (casting pending) and she copied me the whole conversation without any context#and yeah i felt a disturbance in the force sorry for using star wars terminology but there's no other way to describe it#(oh hey he liked mine that's a relief)#<- yeah i had to repeat all her work#fixed his mayo hairpins i think this is a better way to draw 'em#i'm CONVINCED Kintoki will call Hijikata Tosshi in this AU context#not that I base all of boss Kintoki in boss no 1
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it makes me so sad to read the file in lost in nightmares after getting the 3 passwords and seeing all the wesker children because they weren’t called that, they were just called test subjects :(
it’s honestly sad to think that all of them but albert and alex died a horrible death because of the prototype virus too. mutation isn’t exactly painless when you’re not compatible
even in wesker’s file in re5 it says:
“Some took the virus on the recommendation of a friend; others were given the virus as part of their medical treatment; still others had it forcibly administered to them
Albert Wesker was not different. His partner, William Birkin, gave him the experimental virus, and he administered it to himself.”
fuck spencer fuck spencer fuck spencer i can’t do this anymore
#honestly i feel like alex and albert knowing they even existed was a relief to them as well#since they did not know each other growing up given they were all put in different locations to be monitored#like imagine the relief and happiness they felt at knowing they weren’t alone in what they felt#RAHH STOP IT BRAIN IM GONNA CRY ☹️#also albert did not even know about him being a test subject either..#alex got to know because she was close with spencer which also probably hurt her#but wesker must’ve been fuckin devastated to find out his entire existence was literally to be a test subject and servant like#dude i’d be fucking pissed too
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I read a post that completely opened my eyes on how I feel about jjk and the reason I was emotionally detached on how it ended and of the loss of other characters.
It wasn't because of the continuous deaths nor of the endless fightings and fast pacing of the manga but rather with the lack of fillers to provide world building and develop character relationship and interactions.
After the shibuya arc, there was no silly fillers post shibuya. Too many characters died and many new characters introduced yet there wasn't enough chapter that provided character interaction and for them to grow. Even a bonus chapter would have been fine to at least create emotional impact within the viewers (heck I would gobble up even a written note or story at the end of each manga if it happened). Without this things the characters imo felt flat, there was no depth, seeing them die or in critical conditions in the fight, I didn't even mind nor care.
Personally I would've liked to see silly interactions with other characters just joking around or story centric fillers that would have developed the world building.
#just wanted to share my 2 cents#it just felt weird being emotionally detached with the character deaths#and then finding the reason for it is such a relief#like the cause was poor and rushed writing all along#cause seriously I was emotional with tojis death the more I found out more about his life#thats good character development that created emotional impact#well at least to me#anyway#as long as yutamaki lived then I couldn't care less#jjk#jjk characters#yutamaki#jujutsu kaisen#anime#anime rant#manga#manga discussion#hc are keeping the jjk fandom alive
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A brief return just to let people know, my wife had her full hysterectomy today and the surgeon said they are incredibly confident that the cancer is gone, but that they are going to biopsy everything to be sure. There were no complications, she didn't need a more intensive surgery and is currently getting some much needed sleep. I am so proud of her for being so strong through this and I love her with all of my heart 💜🩵
#also see me getting in trouble because at one point i thought they forgot to take me to her so i ran off to go find her#ya know in an area with like 4 or 5 different connected hospitals and im storming through all of them trying to find my wife#before i get a very frustrated phone call from a nurse who was like where tf are you were trying to take you to her and you vanished#i was a lil anxious i was incredibly fucking anxious#the way i felt everything in me give out and the sigh of relief when the surgeon came and told me she was ok and they got everything#im never going to forget that feeling i think#anyway i might hang around for tonight just because im so tired but sleeping in hospitals is hard
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food stamp card arrived, god bless
#my diary#the sigh of relief I sighed when I heard the balance#that shit un-greyed a hair on me#I am also a grubhub driver now#I chickened out on uber anxiety won but food delivery? much less stressful#I did a test run delivering pizza to some kid on campus at the nearby college#minor stress trying to find the dorm's parking lot but we got there#making less than 5 dollars felt pretty demeaning lmao but it's $4.82 more than I had yesterday#not gonna do any more tonight but I think spending a couple days a week doing lunch deliveries could be profitable#and I hate to say it but the grubhub driver app sets it up so it's kinda like a game with a map and quest markers and like.... I enjoy that#if this paid like a real job I might do it in lieu of a real job honestly I like driving around doing little errands
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Golden flame danced between her fingers.
Elide recoiled, and the fire vanished as quickly as it had appeared.
"My name is Essar," the female said softly. "I am a friend--of your friends, I believe."
Elide said nothing.
"Cairn is a monster," Essar said, taking a step closer. "Stay far from him."
"I need to find him."
"You played the part of his mistreated lover well enough. You have to know something about him. What he does."
"If you know where he is, please tell me." She wasn't above begging.
Essar ran an eye over Elide. Then she said, "He was in this city until yesterday. Then he went out to the eastern camp." She pointed with a thumb over a shoulder. "He's there now."
"How do you know?"
"Because he's not terrorizing the patrons of every fine establishment in this town, glutting himself on the coin Maeve gave him when he took the blood oath."
Elide blinked. She had hoped some of the Fae might be opposed to Maeve, especially after the battle in Eyllwe, but to find such outright distaste...
Essar then added, "And because my sister--the soldier you spoke with--told me. She saw him in the camp this morning, smirking like a cat."
"Why should I believe you?"
"Because you are wearing Lorcan's shirt, and Rowan Whitethorn's cloak. If you do not believe me, inform them who told you and they will." Elide cocked her head to the side.
Essar said softly, "Lorcan and I were involved for a time."
They were in the midst of war, and had traveled for thousands of miles to find their queen, and yet the tightness that coiled in Elide's gut at those words somehow found space. Lorcan's lover. This delicate beauty with a bedroom voice had been Lorcan's lover.
"I'll be missed if I'm gone for too long, but tell them who I am. Tell them that I told you. If it's Cairn they seek, that is where he shall be. His precise location, I don't know." Essar backed away a step. "Don't go asking after Cairn at other taverns. He isn't well regarded, even amongst the soldiers. And those who do follow him... You do not wish to attract their interest."
Essar made to turn away, but Elide blurted,
"Where did Maeve go?"
Essar looked over her shoulder. Studied her.
The female's eyes widened. "She has Aelin of the Wildfire," Essar breathed.
Elide said nothing, but Essar murmured, "That was... that was the power we felt the other night." Essar swept back toward Elide. Gripped her hands. "Where Maeve went a few days ago, I don't know. She did not announce it, did not take anyone with her. I often serve her, am asked to... It doesn't matter. What matters is Maeve is not here. But I do not know when she will return."
Relief again threatened to send Elide crumpling to the ground. The gods, it seemed, had not abandoned them just yet.
But if Maeve had taken Aelin to the outpost where they'd lied that the Valg prince had been contained...
Elide gripped Essar's hands, finding them warm and dry. "Does your sister know where Cairn resides in the camp?"
For long minutes, then an hour, they had talked.
Essar left and returned with Dresenda, her sister. And in that alley, they had plotted.
Elide finished telling Rowan, Lorcan, and Gavriel what she'd learned. They sat in stunned silence for a long minute.
"Just before dawn," Elide repeated. "Dresenda said the watch on the eastern camp is weakest at dawn. That she'd find a way for the guards to be occupied. It's our only window."
Rowan was staring into the trees, as if he could see the layout of the camp, as if he were plotting his way in, way out.
"She didn't confirm if Aelin was in Cairn's tent, though," Gavriel cautioned. "Maeve is gone--Aelin might be with her, too."
"It's a risk we take," Rowan said. A risk, perhaps, they should have considered.
Elide glanced to Lorcan, who had been silent throughout. Even though it had been his lover who had helped them, perhaps guided by Anneith herself. Or at least had been tipped off by the scent on Elide's clothes.
"You think we can trust her?" Elide asked Lorcan, though she knew the answer.
Lorcan's dark eyes shifted to her. "Yes, though I don't see why she'd bother."
"She's a good female, that's why," Rowan said.
At Elide's lifted brow, he explained, "Essar visited Mistward this spring. She met Aelin." He cut a glare toward Lorcan. "And asked me to tell you that she sends her best."
Elide hadn't seen anything that came close to pining in Essar's face, but gods, she was beautiful. And smart. And kind. And Lorcan had let her go, somehow.
#Chapter 23#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Elide Lochan#Essar#HoF#Heir of Fire bonus Chapter#TOG series#Throne of Glass series#another great Maasverse enterance — aka one of my favs in these books & this one got me — totally adding the chapter myself when I get HoF#no spoilers please first read to read along with me Pt3 of 4 perspectives w quotes/notes/reacts in tags below spoilers in both post & tags#Elide talking about keeping them safe even if at the prospect of Maeve’s hands which is worse than death yet Aelin did for months😭🖤#Rowans I did 2 weeks-shit-hurry & you didn’t break even when she feels she did-but she literally had Maeve in her head for months & didnt#To shield them from any eyes--those on the ground and above. — the raptors — Elides got a knife ok girl😅😂 but when they halted once more…?#Golden flame danced between her fingers. — AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH#My name is Essar the female said softly. I am a friend--of your friends I believe. — YES YES YES HOLY FUCKING SHIT FIRE WEILDER HOF AH#Cairn is a monster Essar said taking a step closer. Stay far from him. —she doesnt know who she’s just being kind I knew I liked her#how does Maeve not know about her? or does she? is that an issue with the fire? hmm… also does the color change per wielder? we need more!!#If you know where he is please tell me. She wasn't above begging. — for Aelin😭#Because you are wearing Lorcan's shirt and Rowan Whitethorn's cloak. If you do not believe me inform them who told you and they will.#They were in the midst of war and had traveled for thousands of miles to find their queen and yet the tightness that coiled in Elide's gut#I'll be missed if I'm gone for too long but tell them who I am. Tell them that I told you.-cairn u seek he shall be-ok riddler😅#Don't go asking after Cairn at other taverns. He isn't well regarded even amongst the soldiers. — well at least they all agree on that#The female's eyes widened. She has Aelin of the Wildfire Essar breathed. — how did she know? Rowan being there (cuz clearly love)?#Aelin of the Wildfire — the regard That was... that was the power we felt the other night. — what doesn’t matter?#Relief again threatened to send Elide crumpling to the ground. The gods it seemed had not abandoned them just yet.#Just before dawn Elide repeated. Dresenda said the watch on the eastern camp is weakest at dawn.-Dawn?Mala?the sister?! I love Essar!#Lorcan’s ex lovers oh sweet Elide😅😭🖤 then the she’s a good woman&met Aelin that’s why cuz they all luv her&the risk we take&Elides 1 line😂#yet he didn’t let you go Elide TAKE NOTE OF THAT BABES#We all go in. We all go out. — and so they planned…
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i’m also just baffled people are simultaneously saying like “oh no i was so invested/i didn’t even have time to get invested!” like ?? which is it? the show has always revolved around osha and mae we really on had jecki and yord for like ??? two-ish episodes? bc there was a whole flashback they weren’t even in at all. the show has truly focused on mae and osha how dare the show be about the main characters i guess
#i’m done now this is my last post about this cuz imma go back to drawing#but it’s just so silly to me#also yords hair was lowkey driving me insane bc i don’t feel like it matched his character at all#lyriumsings txt#they should’ve given him a different hairstyle#but like the whole time they were basically just ??? comic relief#and enforcers of like the status quo lol#like sure there were sparks there for a second between jecki and osha but nothing like magnetic and ground breaking#spoilers#the acolyte#like i can say andor 100% felt like there was absolutely no wasted time#everything served a purpose#yord and jecki to me didn’t really serve one besides being tethers to the jedi for osha#so far*#like so far all they are are links to her past and like a weird glimpse at what she could’ve been/had#once we find out what the jedi masters did to osha and mae#my opinion may change but i doubt it#sometimes a characters purpose *is* to die tbqh
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stopping myself from quitting my job by remembering it is payday and getting. a jellycat bunny
#i put my face into it once i got out the store and felt instant relief#fucked up that its considered weird for people to have soft toys in adulthood if i could carry this thing in my arms all day#it would stop so many of my sensory issues#i also grabbed a pair of knitting needles in anticipation for my next project (friends scarf) a sewing book with helpful tips#and patricia graces' biography which i was thrilled to find as i really enjoy her work. potiki is one of my favourite pieces of literature#like. ever#also i found out the owner of the secondhand bookstore i bought it from grew up a street over from her house#which is a verified nz moment you are 1 degree of seperation from everyone in this place
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Got a month’s prescription of klonopin. Wish I could find out how other people are affected by it, but all I find are posts about getting fucked up. I mean, I guess good for y’all, but not very helpful for me 🤷🏻♂️
#I’m about to take my first one in a bit#been trying to find actual reviews online that aren’t from people just partying#it suuuucks#okay first of the nurse was super sweet and nice BUT I ASKED FOR XANAX#I did NO research on klonopin so now I’m scrambling to build up the courage to take this stuff#I’m sorry. I’m not a big drug user. I’m paranoid about side effects#I just want to feel mellow and not as sad#I know this is for anxiety not depression but my new antidepressants aren’t in yet and I need SOME kind of relief#I kinda just sat and cried and freaked out in the car earlier so… wanna get on this before that hits again#I tried to go for a run this morning.. which… I can’t run. this body sucks and I have bad balance and it just feels bad#so instead I walked around the neighborhood for awhile. it was nice. so pretty.#it rained earlier so it was cool and dewy and peaceful#and I could hear the birds and felt peaceful for awhile#now I’m in this house and it’s OPPRESSIVE!#THIS WORLD IS SHIT PRISON IN ISOLATION GALAXY!#I went to Walgreens earlier and tried to see if I would be able to work in a place like that#trying to hear people talk while wearing hearing aids#it… wasn’t a hopeful trip. depressing. I want a job and to get out so bad#I need cash and I need to be around people#it’s just hard. trying to adjust. trying to see some hope. it’s rough.#I wish I could listen to music but it’s just noise now#and I can’t eat because nothing tastes good. it’s all dry and bland and I know I’m hungry#and being hungry makes my mental state worse but it’s hard to feel the need to eat#blegh whatever. gonna try some ramen and I got a Gatorade for the calories so we’ll see#sorry about the bitching#I appreciate if you actually read all of this#text
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Germany have selected their act for Eurovision, and thank goodness they went for Lord of the Lost with Blood and Glitter!!! I was getting nervous after those Jury points, but despite all worries the Televote actually came through! Will Church might be a good singer, but Lord of the Lost easily had the best performance in my opinion, the show was great despite the small space, and the lead singer has a great metal vocal. I'm so excited to see them amp this up for Liverpool, I'm expecting more of everything - more pyrotechnics, more glitter, more drama! The song itself is great, sure it's lyrically very repetitive, but it's all it needs to be for the three minutes. I don't know how well this will do at Eurovision, even with a male band heavy lineup I expect it to stand out, but I don't know how polarising it will be for voters, both jury and televote. However, from my point of view I think it's a great addition to this years set of songs!
#eurovision#esc2023#nf winner#germany#I tell you the relief I felt!!#was about to bitch about NDR always sending radio friendly pop after the jury results#but in the end my favourite won!#I do want to mention Frida Gold - I was so sorry for them with Alina falling ill#I really hope we get to see them again#Honestly the Big 5 are bringing it so far#between this and Spain I might actually try and go for final tickets!#I was considering just going for the semis since I reckon the final will be so competitive#anyway guess I'll find out on Tuesday!
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Someone told me that he 'like hanging around with me' and he 'love my smile' today
#years after my birth im finally finding out the genuine joy of making friends#also relief. ive got so used for my mere existence to be an annoyance to other people as a child so its so important to me when people say#they like to have me around#had to turn down a very big socialization opportunity bc i was hungry and i couldnt come with him - will try to make up for it next time#what he said was totally platonic btw hes gay and im not a man#he also told me 'when i first met you i thought you were trans' and the urge i felt to come out to him and say 'YES ACTUALLY (but also here#the nuances:') but it came out of nowhere and there were bystanders so i didnt want to risk it and just. 'honestly im not sure' was the bes#half-truth half-lie i could muster#but hey he made me comfortable with coming out to him so one day perhaps#gosh i wish im not going to mess up this newly forming friendship (?) with my little to non-existent social skills#man also has the same dumb humor as me. i have to find a way to keep him around#my mom would burst into tears if she knew how much i smile talk and am open around him. not my fault he is a person whom you naturally feel#safe around#normally people ask me if im 'angry/pissed/annoyed/sad' because i have a resting bitch face and dont talk much to anyone#the surprise people must feel once they get to know me better.. granted i cant name any but whatever lol
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i know this point has been made exhaustively but being fuck zoned hurts SO BAD. thinking you make a friend only for them to distance themselves when they realise they can’t have sex with you, for that to happen over and over, to feel like the only way you can make some kind of connection is to be sexually available…it’s crushing and extremely isolating. This is an experience I think most people perceived as female can relate to, doubly so for those who are in male dominated spaces and/or autistic
#autism#sexualisation#fadetext#i made a few friends after moving to the city after spending a while in an EXTREMELY weird and bad headspace#they were very involved in the local scene of the niche music i liked#and after meeting them i started feeling more optimistic about finding a community and about life#so when they disappeared after finding out about my relationship it was crushing#it’s still crushing and i lost my in into the scene#one was my fault for being too scared to end a misunderstanding asap#and that still hurts because we got extremely close and i felt a connection which is EXTREMELY rare for me#and i still think about them almost daily lol!!#but the other wasn’t my fault beyond if they didn’t like my personality but it still hurts#it’s hard to feel like i can have a partner OR a larger social life/friends#he doesn’t do anything to isolate me himself it’s all not being able to make friends without sex#both because of men’s dehumanizing interest in me and because i can’t open up without sleeping with someone#and they’re rarely real friends! only 2 have stuck around and one (online) doesn’t want to visit if i’m not single#so i only have about 2 irl friends and the rest are my boyfriends that i would lose if we broke up#this is all to say that i feel extremely isolated and men’s sexualisation is both further isolating and a source of temporary relief#i love tags sm thank you public but effectively invisible personal diary system#if anyone has read all this it’s sin and even if i do a bad job of keeping in touch i love you dearly#and wish you were here
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For fun things.......
So I'm doing laundry rn. I had enough coins to wash and dry One load of laundry. So I went and washed it, then put it in the dryer... except the dryer wouldn't turn ON... and it still ate my quarters!!!! 😭😭😭
So I was standing there with a wet fuckin load of laundry in the faulty dryer and going. Fuck. Do I have Four Quarters. *Anywhere*. Just four quarters. So that I could use the other dryer and I wouldn't have sopping wet load of laundry to deal with. So I went scrounging thru my shit for ANY kind of quarters anywhere... and I found...
THIS!!!!
Which I got from my dad lol. I thought it just had pennies but I looked just in case bc I was desperate and there are MANY quarters!!!!!! So I was able to change to the other dryer so my clothes won't be wet AND I could wash a 2nd load too!!!! Yay!!!!!!
#speculation nation#my dad helping me pay for my laundry postmortem ❤️ thanks dad ❤️❤️❤️#fr i was like panicking i did NOT want to have to deal with a bunch of wet laundry like that#honestly if i couldnt find the quarters i probably wouldve just taken some cash to the convenience store &asked if they could give me change#wouldnt wanna do that this late in the day. both going out and going to the convenience store. but fuck dude#it wouldve taken much longer to hang up all my laundry. not that i even have SPACE to hang it all up to dry.#but thankfully i dont have to do any of that!! yay!!!!!#the sheer relief when i realized how many quarters there were in this thing...#felt a lil bad to pull coins from here but i made sure to thank them and my dad for helping get me out of a pinch.#and i'll just take another trip to the bank before long to get more quarters so this doesnt happen again 🙏
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