hello-depression-my-old-friend - Tumblr blog

[hello-depression-my-old-friend]

I have my mother’s rage and my father’s grief

Therefore, try as I might,

I cannot yell and I cannot cry.

Had I my father’s rage, I would scream.

Had I my mother’s grief, I would weep.

Alas, I cannot,

so I do nothing but burn in silence

and rot in my cage.

[hello-depression-my-old-friend]

A fourth version a year and a half later bc I like seeing my progress

Been four years since my original :p

“The Magic in Him”

So this is my OC who’s the long lost prince has always wanted to see the Festval of Magic which is, unknowningly to him, put on every year for his birthday and his best friend/ future boyfriend took him to see it.

It’s a spin-off of Tangled btw..

[hello-depression-my-old-friend]

Redraw I did today (two years later, 10/25/22)

Third time’s the charm :)

“The Magic in Him”

So this is my OC who’s the long lost prince has always wanted to see the Festval of Magic which is, unknowningly to him, put on every year for his birthday and his best friend/ future boyfriend took him to see it.

It’s a spin-off of Tangled btw..

[hello-depression-my-old-friend]

Drew myself with le teet yeet

[hello-depression-my-old-friend]

*takes a knee* hey gang

so you may or may not know this, but the tumblr metrics system works in a really interesting way where it literally does not count likes. only reblogs. that means if something gets 100 likes and 5 reblogs, that thing actually registers as having 5 notes.

i don’t know how everyone finds fic on tumblr, but i tend to go through the tags. what ends up happening is a lot of really great fic gets buried because it was posted, like, a day ago, so it doesn’t show up in “recent” and it doesn’t show up in “top” because of lack of interaction.

reblogging is vital to keeping this community alive, otherwise we stagnate

[hello-depression-my-old-friend]

IT’S THE FIRST OF HALLOWEEN SO IT’S TIME TO BRING THIS BACK

[hello-depression-my-old-friend]

Hey this is the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever made but I hate that it was for my 10th grade American History class ;-;

[hello-depression-my-old-friend]

TW: self-harm

The addiction of self harm

It must sound insane

To say that one is addicted to opening their skin

That picking and scratching and cutting feels so bad but so good

Because it forms a sort of blood lust beyond sadism that it becomes masochism

But sobriety isn’t the issue

The issue is the lack of wanting to be sober

It’s hard to see, beyond the open flesh, where the real harm is

And in the moment as your vision goes blank

And the pain is so familiar that it’s more comforting than love

The pain is all that feels okay

Everything else is falling apart

But at least you still have something as constant and reliable as pain

That you don’t have to worry about the consequences of indulging:

The worried glances

The disappointed white coats

The threat of hospitalization

The judgement from those who could never understand the addiction of lines

Not white and made of powder

But the red ones carved into your skin

They swell and bleed and open again and again

But you can’t stop

Why should you?

It’s not really harming anyone else

It fades away

And like anything else, you could stop if you wanted

Right?

But that’s what makes it so dangerous

You can’t lock it away in a cabinet

Or give it away

The only thing that could stop you is yourself

And so if you don’t fully want to, you can’t stop.

The addiction hides in motivation

There are few motives to continue

But there are also few to stop

Then the pain begins to float on a line of dopamine and serotonin

Those of which had been locked by the tension of self-restraint

And the release feels better each time

So why stop?

To be honest, I don’t know…

No one has told me why they keep pleading

No one has told me why the lines are so bad

No one has told me why they want me to stop

So why stop?

Guilt?

Spite?

Pride?

Or are those reasons to continue?

Everything’s a blur and I can’t tell where my motives lie anymore

So now all that remains is the reliability of pain.

(9/28/21 10:33 pm)

[hello-depression-my-old-friend]

 i tried to be funny and it backfired miserably

[hello-depression-my-old-friend]

Some recent art of mine that I’m actually proud of 👉👉

[hello-depression-my-old-friend]

Random cute oc comic bc I’m bored

[hello-depression-my-old-friend]

[hello-depression-my-old-friend]

Someday...

Someday I’ll find the name that fits me.

Someday I’ll cut my hair the right length.

Someday I’ll wear the right clothes.

And, Someday I’ll be they or maybe he, but not she.

Someday I’ll find my identity.

I’ll get the right body.

I’ll be perceived the way I want to be

And I’ll leave them all behind.

Someday I’ll be me.

Today is not that day though.

No, today I have the wrong name.

Today I have too long of hair.

Today I’m wearing the wrong clothes.

And, today I am she.

Today I don’t have an identity.

Today I’m in the wrong body.

I’m perceived incorrectly.

I am still near them.

Today I am not me.

And I don’t know how long I can wait for someday.

[hello-depression-my-old-friend]

[hello-depression-my-old-friend]

Alrighty so I drew this originally ten months ago, posted it in April, and decided to redraw it today (11/23/20). I definitely like this version better

“The Magic in Him”

So this is my OC who’s the long lost prince has always wanted to see the Festval of Magic which is, unknowningly to him, put on every year for his birthday and his best friend/ future boyfriend took him to see it.

It’s a spin-off of Tangled btw..

[hello-depression-my-old-friend]

TW: suicide mentions and implications, abuse, general depressing content, and possible anxiety triggers.

Suffocated

I’m suffocating as I lay alone

My arms are drawn in and I can barely breathe

I cover my mouth with my hands to suffocate me more

Because if I don’t then you might hear me.

You might hear me as I cry to myself

You might hear me as I have a breakdown because of you

You might hear me as I lay on my floor and whisper that I wish I were dead

You might hear me as I suffocate

And it’s not just when I’m alone

No, the pressure you have put me under constantly takes my breath away

And not in the good way like being in love or finding something beautiful

No, it takes my breath away to the point of death.

It drowns out my screams with a pain in my chest

And there is nothing I can do but cry.

I cry

And I cry

And I cry

But only when I’m by myself

Because you told me not to cry in front of anyone else

You told me to be tough and keep it together

To smile through the pain

And I don’t even know who you are

My mother, who put me through so much stress?

My father, who left us in an affair?

My sisters, who abused me and taught me unhealthy coping skills?

My imaginary friends, who I have slowly grown apart from?

That voice in my head, telling me to jump off a cliff?

I don’t know who you are.

I don’t know who I am.

I know that I am suffocating

I know it’s from years of emotional pain

I know it’s from going over my memories so that I don’t forget them

Because I have grown comfortable with being suffocated

I feel secure in this rut of misery and despair

I am unhappily content with lying on my floor and crying again.

And whispering to myself that I should tie up my noose again

And smiling through the pain to get some water in the kitchen again

And coving my mouth, holding my throat, and suffocating again.

Because all I can do is suffocate

And it’s all thanks to you.

[hello-depression-my-old-friend]

Mental break down

I’m on the edge of breaking down

No where to run, no one’s around

Just a mental freak out, nothing new

Broken to splinters, more than feeling blue

Cause I can’t seem to think

That used to be my strong point, now I’m just weak

Sleeping was made for peace

But my mind’s made up scenarios, now I’m on the brink

“The world isn’t ending, you’ll be fine”

“Just take some meds and clear your mind”

I can’t not think, that’s my savior and my doom

I cope with pain, by thinking it through

But I think till I can’t anymore

I’ve thought all that I can, and now I’m just bored

Meds would make me numb, but either way

I still wanna die, no, I’m not okay

10:00 pm 10/5/20