#the rage and the pain and the loneliness
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
I want to kill myself yaaaaaay
#i’m seething and crying and feeling sorry for myself#the rage and the pain and the loneliness#it feels like a lot
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
#web weaving#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#itadori yuuji#yuuji... oh yuuji#can you tell im being a little biased here? this one's a lil more elaborate i think#what to say about itadori yuuji#the boy who became a monster; the heart that would stop beating before it could rot; the child who grew up too fast#the victim of his own best intentions#yuuji is i think the perfect intersection of guilt and grief and rage and love#he hates himself but he loves others more#he has a monster inside of him but maybe it never consumes him because hes used to the monster#maybe he already carried it with him long before sukuna and his fingers#the beauty of itadori yuuji to me is that he knows the ugliness of the world#he knows pain and grief and rage and hate and fear#he can be brutal#he understands sukuna's cruelty because hes wielded it just as much as hes been pinned through by it#itadori yuuji knows darkness and monsters#the thing that makes him such a driving force and so beloved of so many#is because he doesn't let himself succumb to it#he tries not to resent his suffering and forces himself to look forward; he perserveres through loneliness and smiles through grief#he remains kind#he laughs#he loves#he struggles and cries and screams and breaks down#but in the end he gathers himself he breathes#and he takes one more step#thats his choice: in the face of all the odds and all the bitter flavours the world has to offer he says#no#if i cannot be good i will be kind
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
i'm so sorry for speaking, i'm so sorry for bothering you all with my existence. don't worry i literally won't ever speak again, maybe i'll even leave if you like!
like why am i even there..?
#vent#mypersonalventaccount#hurting#bpd rage#bpd#borderline personality disorder#feeling unwanted#actually bpd#i feel so lonely#personal vent#anxious avoidant personality disorder#anxious avoidant#pain#i'm annoying#why am i like this#i want to be loved#i want to be a part of the group#fear of abandonment#mental illness#actually mentally ill#help#vent account#vent post#suic1dal#sad#sadness#loneliness#feeling rejected#rejection#ptsd
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
mitski + radiohead collab NOW!!!!!!
i wish it could come out of thin air
i need you to show me the depths of my despair
only you two combined could make sad²
#i need the female rage and loneliness of mitski combined with the soul crushing sounds of radiohead and the agony of thoms voice#i need them to pound their painful poetry into me#radiohead#thom yorke#thomyorke#jonny greenwood#mitski#existential pain
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
Five years ago, Wren MacGowan was an ordinary farm kid from a small town who ran away to join an adventuring academy.
Now, after pretending to be nobleborn for a few months, a potential war, a military invasion of the school, an ongoing clone conspiracy, a god-like being known as "Salvation", dropping out of school, half a decade in isolation from their friends, and a lesbian situationship with a traumatized Rogue, Wren must prepare to face a new, but old, threat that has been left alone too long: themself.
#my art#my ocs#d&d#d&d character#wren macgowan#paladin#context: we're in the kinda final stretch of the campaign and clones that were made of us pre-timeskip popped up again#and tried to get us killed in a dark dank cave - we got out and survived (mostly)#so now we're one-by-one hunting down our clones to stop them from ruining/taking over our lives or generally just. being evil#our monk/barbarian's clone was nothing but rage and pain and loneliness (kinda the least overtly evil of the ones we've seen)#our selunite favoured soul's clone was a full sharran and was like a clerical equivalent to a dark justiciar (which fucked Hard we loved it#and wren's is a dark armored general of a small army devoted to hextor (an evil god of war and destruction and opposite to heironeous)#so they're our next target bc they're uh. headed straight for wren's hometown. which is not a good sign#anyway hehe haha i love wren so muchhhhhh
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
hayley realizing that everyone from the original sr1 Normandy that's she's reunited with have grown with loss and grief as a constant companion on their shoulders.
#liara's rage. garrus' loneliness. kaidan/ashley's anger. tali's stoic grief. anderson's tired grief. even joker hides his pain with jokes#meanwhile wrex is like FUCK YEAH SHEPARDDDDD#hayley: 🧍♂️🧍♂️🧍♂️🧍♂️
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I wish I would stop falling for men who shows even the littlest bit of attention twords me, it’s getting annoying.
#female loneliness#female rage#all encompassing loneliness#female hysteria#i need a hug#i really want to be touched but i also fear at the same time#fear of intimacy#pain#i need a boyfriend#i need clinical help#autism
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
#RAGEBOOK#sadness#pain#rage#despair#trauma#ptsd#loneliness#art#drawing#I'M FUCKING TRYING#I'M TRYING
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
12:30 PM
I feel like an outcasted bull. Juggling between rage and profound sense of loneliness, ruminating some words and urges whom i can't place anywhere and satisfy. It feels like i have a wound on my buttocks which I can't see or show. I am carrying my own demise.
#rage#bull#outcaste#loneliness#alone#sad#grief#pain#existential crisis#diary#journal#notes#notebook#love#heart#blank#hollow#void#writing#confusion#purpose#emotions#feelings#nothingness
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
My hold on this book will be ready in 5 weeks
#erin talks#photo#just in case: this is lighthearted I love when fiction makes me miserable if I was having a genuinely bad time I'd put it down <3#I'd way rather be upset & get emotional catharsis from fiction than think about . what's that one onion image .#'local woman knows exactly what corners of her psyche not to think about at night' . yeah#anyway like hnnbl 🤝🏻 vdr insisting that Nothing was done to them; They happened to them . *they* completely obliterated their own lives &#mental health; they never gave a single person that kind of power over them vis a vis loving them <3#lmao#anyway 2.0 it's the shifting between the blinding rage & betrayal of YOU LEFT ME and the terror & loneliness in the present tense#DON'T LEAVE ME that really gets me like he's still . on that planet in his mind . trying to get the conversation right over & over & over#trying to actually say what got caught in his throat by his stubborn anger & arrogance; that he was scared & needed help#& wanted reassurance that at least 1 person didn't think he was too far gone; even if he didn't deserve that 1 person's faith#on that bank it was his master who violated their teachings by saying he loved him & he was the one who ended it with hurt out of spite#so in that claustrophobic painful suit there's just the thought 'please don't leave me' skittering around looking for an escape#no matter how much time passes . his own personal purgatory with his own personal messiah who still chose to say he loved him#sw novels
1 note
·
View note
Text
From Gold to Mold
Chapter 10: The Meeting
As the Megamycete watches as you stomp around your room and vent your frustrations about the last few days, it begins to wonder how the Bats came to remember their little black sheep and why they are so insistent you return to Gotham.
It searches through your memories and experiences all the sadness, fear, anger, hatred, and loneliness you experienced for years, all those emotions still so potent even after your departure from the manor four years ago, having been dredged up by their unwelcome visits. It was clear that, besides the butler, none of them considered you a part of their merry band of misfits, not even bothering to spare you a passing glance.
The exception to this is the youngest one, Damian, who constantly went out of his way to make your life harder by mocking you, hurting you, and releasing his menagerie of pets on you, forcing you to run through the endless halls of the mansion barricade yourself in the closest room you could find.
Now, after four years after your escape and maintaining little contact with the family butler, they show up on your door, one after the other, trying to force you to leave your perfect life for one that brought you nothing but pain and misery.
Why?
Why do they want you so much?
Why do they insist on you returning to a place you clearly hate?
Why do they now wish to give you the love they denied you for so long?
Why—
Wait, they are meeting in their little cave, gathering around the massive computer in the center of the massive cavern.
Its roots have long since surrounded the cave and it is still connected to the main colony back in Gotham, but when it took you as its host, it has had no need to tap into its roots to see the world above when it can see the world through your eyes and experience it through your senses.
Using its roots to see the outside world no longer has the same appeal when your senses are far more vibrant and provide far more detail.
When it proposed you become its host, it must admit, it never thought it would be so mutually beneficial. Of course, it would be able to leave the cavern and finally experience a world firsthand that had been forever just out of reach for over four-hundred years, but you would recover from your injuries and be akin to a god among men with your newfound abilities. You were the one who had more to gain from your joining, but it was willing to trade one prison for another if it meant finally seeing the world above and having someone to talk to.
But you proved it wrong.
When it became a part of you, you treated it like a person, not a thing. You value its input and alter your plans if it desires to see or experience something. You frequently talk to it, telling it things that you haven’t told anyone else and speaking to it like it was a lifelong friend.
It has no further use for that toxic city and its citizens when it has the warm haven of Goodsprings and you to keep it company.
It has come to admire you, even going as far as to see you as a friend and confidant, and wants nothing but the best for you as you so rightfully deserve and to see you suffer teaches it a new definition of rage.
“Running blood tests,” your failure of a father says as he types on the keyboard, causing a machine next to the massive device to make noises.
“If Master Y/N does test positive for the Meta Gene, what do you intend to do, Master Bruce,” the butler, the only one in this crowd it respects, asks.
“If Y/N is a meta, I’ll have to find out what his powers are and how to counter it.”
So that’s what this meeting is about, they managed to put the pieces together that you are no mere human. But how did they manage to get a sample of your blood? Since your joining, you have had no need for doctors as its influence makes you immune against common illnesses and diseases.
“Getting his blood was a simple task,” Damian taunts. “Honestly, this would have been solved already if you sent me, Father.”
Of course. It should have known the little menace gave up too easily.
While you hate Bruce Wayne in every sense of the word, Damian Wayne is right behind him. From the moment you met him, he went up of his way to make your life a living nightmare and was allowed to get away with impunity due to obvious favoritism from Dick Grayson.
The memory of Dick defending Damian after he gave you a scar made the Megamycete furious. No matter his upbringing, he had no right to harm you, and yet, he was allowed to draw his sword on you. It was only pure luck that you managed to move to avoid being critically wounded, only resulting in a scar.
The Megamycete has seen your many fantasies of hurting Damian and making him feel inferior and wants to help you make them a reality.
“Results are in,” Bruce announces, making them all crowd around the computer.
“No Meta Gene,” Tim remarks, staring at the monitor with alarming intensity.
“Yeah, but look,” Jason exclaims, pointing at one of the results. “He’s got something in him that doesn’t belong.”
“For once, Todd is right. The tests show foreign substances in his blood.”
“Wait,” Tim mutters as he leans over and begins typing on the computer, bringing up an extensive menu and going through various files. “That looks so familiar.” An image is pulled up on the monitor. “Here it is! The stuff in his blood matches the stuff found in what remained of Joker.”
Well, this is rather unfortunate. It had hoped that there would be very little of the clown left to examine after his execution by your hand, but as usual, these people cannot resist poking into areas they do not belong.
“If this is substance is in Master Y/N’s blood, does that mean he is responsible for Joker’s death?”
“Bruce, you can’t lock up Y/N after bringing him home,” Dick whines. “You have to admit, your thing with Joker was only going to end one way!”
“We don’t even know if Y/N killed Joker,” Tim interjects. “It’s possible this strain of mold was in both of them and Joker’s was somehow activated, killing him.”
“That’s not exactly comforting, Drake,” Damian responds, glaring at Tim. “That means that Y/N could be in danger. If I had my pick, I would he be responsible for Joker’s death. Knowing he can take down as formidable as the Joker is proof he is a Wayne and my brother.”
If it had eyes, the Megamycete would roll them. This insecure little terror spent years making it clear he saw you as an interloper into his “perfect world” and not as a brother and that you are a disgrace to the Wayne bloodline (although that bloodline was tainted far before you came to be). He has some nerve to call you his brother now.
It still made it angry that he had the nerve to critique your mother (your memories of her painted the woman as a saint) when his mother, the daughter of a millennium-old maniac with delusions of grandeur (yes, you are very aware of his familiar secrets) who drugged Bruce in order to bring him into the world.
“We need to bring him back here, Bruce,” Dick says, defusing a fight between the two. “If he’s in danger, he needs to be back home.”
“I agree,” Bruce responds. “Cass, you and I will go. I’ll distract him and while he’s busy yelling at me, you’ll sneak up behind him and inject him with a tranquilizer.”
The mute nods and the Megamycete wishes it has a mouth so it can scream. Not only is it offensive that they believe you are stupid enough to fall for such an obvious trick, but that they believe they have the right to decide something like this on your behalf.
If they have failed to realize that you want nothing to do with them after you have yelled it at them, perhaps they will understand if it tells so itself.
And it knows the perfect form to take.
He stands up from the chair and makes his way to the armory where they keep the tranquilizers meant for the larger criminals, like Bane and Killer Croc.
He hates the thought of using such methods against you, but you’ve made it clear you aren’t going to come back to Gotham willingly and the discovery of this mysterious mold inside you has forced their hand.
Nevertheless, improvisation is one of their many skills, a requirement in their line of work. Once they have you back home, they’ll be able to conduct more in-depth tests and be able to find out what’s wrong with you and go from there.
As much as he hates the idea of you possibly being in pain and may even be in danger, he can’t deny there’s a small inside him that’s glad this has happened. This discovery accelerates their plans and will have you brought home far sooner.
And, there’s the chance that this mold may explain most of your hatred towards them. Sure, he knows you have every right to despise them, but when he saw the look in your eye when you pushed him down that night of the award ceremony. He could tell you enjoyed inflicting pain on him.
This stuff in you must’ve made your temper more volatile and made you lash out at them.
It’s the only explanation.
“Excuse us,” a familiar voice calls throughout the cave, stoping his dead in his tracks.
That voice… No, it can’t be. There’s no way…
He turns around to see you, standing in the cave, all of them looking right at you. The small smile on your face making the hair on the back of his neck stand up.
“We believe there are some things we should talk about,” you say as you walk closer to them, making his children back up with each step you take.
“No fucking way,” Jason remarks, his eyes wide as saucers.
“Wait,” Tim says as he rushes over to the computer and rapidly types on the keyboard. “You can’t be Y/N. His phone says he’s still in Goodsprings and we’ve been monitoring his GPS signal, so there’s no way you could’ve come all the way to Gotham from Nevada without us knowing!”
That’s right, they’ve been monitoring your phone ever since Alfred helped them remember you, tracking you every move and committing your searches, social media usage, and all your texts and phone calls. They would’ve done the same to your computers that are linked to your phone, but your cybersecurity is tougher than they anticipated (clearly custom) and they haven’t been able to crack the encryption.
He knew you were skilled at making videos games, but he didn’t know your skills with technology expanded into cybersecurity. Ever since they made that discovery, Tim’s spent nearly all day trying to pierce your firewalls, but hasn’t made any progress. He’s also made it clear he wants to have lengthy conversations on computers and programming with you once you’re back home.
So, you’re still in Goodsprings, so who the hell is this, why the hell would they take your form, and how the hell did they get into the Cave without setting off any of the dozens of alarms or sensors?
“Who are you” Damian hisses, taking a defensive posture. “And what gives you the right to assume the form of my brother?”
“You have some nerve calling him your brother,” the Not-You hisses back, the smile morphing into an all-too familiar snarl. “He is too good for you, for any of you.”
Even though he knows this isn’t you, hearing those words in your voice still hurts him.
“Do you know Master Y/N,” Alfred interjects, trying to bring tensions down, most likely so he can learn more from this person.
“Yes, we do,” Not-You responds, looking at the butler, the snarl morphing into a look of… admiration? “And we know you, Alfred Pennyworth. We know of you and how you helped him during his stay in this wretched mansion. You have our gratitude.”
“Look, whoever you are, stop taking Y/N’s form,” Steph exclaims. “You’re obviously a shapeshifter, so turn back to normal! Or the very least, take a different form!”
“Oh, do you all wish for us to take another form,” the Not-You asks, a ghost of a smirk gracing “your” face.
“Yes,” Bruce says without hesitation.
It’s bad enough to see you look at them with such hatred, he won’t tolerate some imposter doing the same thing.
“Very well.”
Before them all, the Not-You turns into a shifting mass of some type of black organic mass before taking on a humanoid shape once again and Bruce’s heart stops when he takes in the new form.
“Hello, Bruce,” the shapeshifter says in a voice he hasn’t heard in years.
Not since that fateful night in Crime Alley.
“Good God,” Alfred says, his eyes wide and his jaw practically on the floor.
In front of them is his mother, every detail exactly how she was that night, still adorned in her favorite pearl necklace and wearing her green dress.
As he stares at her looking at him with those eyes that use to look at him with nothing less than unconditional love, he feels his breathing start to become erratic and eyes begin to mist up.
“What’s wrong, Bruce,” the shapeshifter says in her voice (god, even her voice was exactly how he remembered) as they begin to walk towards him, making him step back. “I thought you would be happy to see me. It has been so long since I was killed.”
“No,” he says, his voice barely louder than a whisper. “You’re not her. You can’t be.”
“But I am. Do you not see? I know everything you have done.” His mother’s face then morphs into a disgusted snarl, making him sick to his stomach. “And I am absolutely disgusted in you! Why did we have to die that night? Why not the disgrace we once called our son!”
He knows this isn’t his mother and she never would’ve called him a disgrace, but hearing those words in a voice he’s longed to hear for so long makes him want to cry.
He’s had dreams of seeing his mother’s in the flesh again and now he has to endure this berating? Is he truly that horrible of a man to deserve this?
“Stop it, you bitch,” Jason exclaims as he steps between Bruce and the shapeshifter. “Take another form or get the fuck outta here!”
“Oh, you want us to another form?” His… the shapeshifter shifts once again and in his mother’s place is…
“Hiya, Dead Hood,” Joker exclaims before exclaiming in that all-too familiar cackle and waving around a crow bar in his hand. “Did you miss me?”
It doesn’t take a detective to notice Jason tense up and his breathing stop; Joker left a mark on Jason that unfortunately will never be erased (another shortcoming that eats away at Bruce everyday) and whenever news of Joker escaping Arkham would bring up all the anger, fear, and sadness that was planted in Jason that night he died.
After Joker was killed, he noticed a weight seemed to be lifted off of Jason’s shoulders. Sure, he made jokes about the clown burning in hell, but Bruce could see he was genuinely happy and was ready to move on form that horrible chapter in his life.
And now, all that trauma is about to be dug back up after four years.
“You have five fucking seconds to take another form before I beat the shit outta you,” Jason says in a tone that says he means business, his eyes flickering into that shade of Lazarus green.
“How about this form,” the shapeshifter says in Joker’s voice before changing into John Grayson, making Dick tense up. “Or this form?” John Grayson then shifts into Janet Drake, making Tim tense up.
“Alright, you made your point,” Barbara shouts. “Just turn back into Y/N.”
And with that, the shapeshifter takes your form again.
“Who are you,” Bruce growls, pissed that his sons have had their trauma jabbed at. “We know you’re not Y/N, but you know him and us.”
You may call us the Megamycete.”
“Megamycete,” Tim asks. “So, you’re not human?”
“No, we are a super colony of mold given sentience via a Lazarus Pit.”
“Of course a fucking pit’s involved,” Jason mutters.
“What’s your tie to Y/N,” Dick interjects.
“Y/N is our host. Before, we were confined to a cavern beneath this city, but when we joined with him, we were freed from our prison.”
“So, you’re using him.”
The Megamycete glares at Bruce for his accusation.
“No, he and us operate on mutual trust and respect. Y/N is a respectable young man.” A smirk appears on “your” face. “A trait he clearly did not inherent from you.”
The words hit him like a punch to the gut. Even though this thing is probably the reason why you feel so much hate towards them, it still pains him to know this is his reality.
“Were you responsible for the Joker’s death,” Steph chimes in. “We found weird strains of mold in his remains and you’re a walking, talking pile of mold.”
“While we are not directly responsible for the Joker’s death, we do not deny we were involved. That night, Y/N took us out to Amusement Mile to celebrate when we learned the Joker was sighted in an arcade. Upon seeing the many deaths left in his wake, our host took matters into his own hands and eliminated the biggest threat this city had ever seen.” It gives Bruce a wide smirk. “In a single night, our host did more to help Gotham than you and your brood have done in years.”
Knowing you were responsible for killing Joker didn’t sit well with him. Sure, he’d accepted that Joker’s games were only going to end with one or both of them being dead a long time ago, but knowing that you, his son, had killed him…
“What about Harley,” Dick asks, breaking Bruce out of his thoughts. “He killed her too?”
“She forced his hand. He had no choice.”
“What do you mean he had no choice,” Dick shouts. “Did you force him?”
“Do not be stupid,” it says, glaring at his first son. “Our host was in complete control of his actions that night. We no more control his actions than you. The woman was a lost cause, without Joker to keep her in line, she would have punished all of Gotham as retribution for the loss of her love. Also, she would have informed you of him, causing you to devote all your resources to finding him. In order to both save Gotham from her wrath and himself from your scrutiny, Harley had to die.”
No, this thing has to be lying. There’s no way you, one of his sons, could ever rationalize killing someone. It had to have forced you to kill them. It had to…
“How did you even find Y/N,” Damian interjects.
Upon being asked that question, it smiles. And not a normal smile, but a smile that says it knows something they don’t know and something tells Bruce he’s not going to like it.
“He was thrown into our cavern after being left for dead.”
Bruce hears the words, but they just don’t process.
You were… left for dead? When? How?
“It was four years ago, while the butler was on his vacation. That day, his boss was forced to retire due to Gotham’s high crime, so he was forced to find another bus stop within Crime Alley as he had no other way of returning here, where he was unfortunately captured by three thugs and takes to a cabin in the nearby forest. They intended to ransome him off for a high price due to his school uniform.”
You were held hostage? Why didn’t you call for them? For him?
He knows you have no reason to think he’d help you with homework, but surely you’d call him if you were ever—
Just then, memories from that time frame kick in.
Random…
Phone call…
Oh… Oh no…
“Since the butler was out of the country, he actually reached out and gave the thugs the phone number for this manor.”
He so desperately wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole.
“You said all your children were with you and you all laughed and mocked the leader of the thugs.”
He sees all his children tense up at the realization and Alfred looks at him to see if it was true. Based on the butler’s look of shock and disbelief, he knows it’s the truth.
“The one time he reaches out to you for help, you laugh and mock. He needed you and you failed him in the worst way possible.”
He remembers that night. He thought it was so stupid that someone would think he wouldn’t know when one of his kids were missing. He said all his children were with him and meant it.
God, he really is the worst, isn’t he?
“After that phone call, the leader took all his frustrations out on our host, beating him until he could cry out for mercy no longer before shooting him in the head.”
He wants to cry when the image of you being beat up enters his head, and based on the way he flinches, so does Jason, who looks like he wants to cry.
Alfred looks like he’s ready to go nuclear and Bruce doesn’t blame him. Hearing all this years later and he had no idea what happened just proves he was never worthy of being your father.
“He was on the brink of death and had he not accepted our offer to become our host, he would be dead and the world would have been deprived of a brilliant mind.”
The thought of you dying brings a brunch of thoughts to the surface.
How long would it had taken him to notice you were missing?
How would he reacted upon learning you were dead?
Chances are your body would’ve never been found and all there would be to remember you by would be a tombstone with your name in the Wayne Cemetery. Hell, you’ve made it clear you want nothing to do with the Wayne name, so you probably would’ve never agreed to be buried with the rest of the Waynes.
“Our joining restored him to full health and gave him access to many powers, including our records.”
“Records,” Tim asks, clearly interested in this.
“We have existed for four-hundred years, our roots expanding towards every corner of this city. As our roots touched those buried beneath the ground, not only have we watched the goings-on of Gotham, but we absorbed the memories, knowledge, and structure of the deceased. As horrible as the city is, it has attracted many brilliant minds, like artists, scientists, engineers, and many more. He has access to the knowledge of these people, making him one of the smartest humans alive.” It chuckles. “In fact, many of your employees are in our records and he used this knowledge to get revenge on you, selling the secrets of your company to Lex Luthor for a tidy sum.”
You were the one who did that? He’s been racking his brain and reviewing network logs to find any sort of security breach and it was you using the remains of his dead employees.
“Alright, so that solves a lot of mysteries,” Dick interjects. “But that still leaves one: why are you here?”
“We have been by our host’s since that fateful night, peering through his memories and seeing the world through his eyes. Ever since he was forced to move to Gotham, none of you ever made him feel welcome here. For years, he wanted nothing more than to return to his rightful home, where he knew nothing but love. Now, after four years since his departure from this wretched manor, you appear, one after another, trying to bring him back to a place he despises more than anywhere else. We wish to know why.”
“He’s my son,” Bruce answers, not liking what this thing has to say.
“He’s family,” Dick adds. “Of course we’d want him back.”
“But none of you have ever made him feel that way. And if you are honest with yourselves, you never saw him as one of your own. You only want him because you feel guilty about how you treated him, and that guilt is making you believe you are owed a second chance. And you seek to obtain that second chance, no matter how much harm it does to him.”
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re taking about,” Jason exclaims, clearly getting more and more pissed. “Yeah, we fucked up! But that doesn’t change the fact that he’s a part of this fucked up family!”
“He was never a part of this family. We know for a fact that he wishes he could take out the Wayne DNA and return it.”
“That’s because you’re manipulating him,” Damian interjects. “Nothing will change the fact that he’s my blood brother.”
“It is funny you say that when the last interaction you had with him was a fight.” It lifts hits arm and manifests a gold pen in its hand. “Do you remember this? This is the pen you tried to steal from him and then threw out into the rain when he gave you a much deserved slap upside your head. Do you know the significance of this item to our host?”
Bruce gets the feeling that he’s not going to like why that pen is so important to you and based off Alfred’s expression, that feeling gets even worse.
“This pen once belonged to his mother, made by her father when she set out to become an author. When she was taken from him, this pen was the only thing he had to remember her by. And you, the arrogant beast that you are, felt you had the right to take this, his most treasured possession, from him.” It turns its gaze from Damian to the rest of them. “And the rest of you supported this irreverent mongrel and condemned our host without listening to him before passing judgment.”
It seems like a day can’t go by that Bruce feels like the scum of the earth; ever since he learned of how he neglected you for years and forgot you even existed, his sense of worth has taken hit after hit. He was thinking about that argument you had with Damian and how furious he was when you refused to obey him not too long ago, thinking how stupid it was for you to cause so much trouble over a simple pen. Now to find out that “simple pen” was the only thing you had to remember your mother by…
It just never ends, does it?
He could spend the rest of his life atoning for everything he’s ever done to you, spend his last dollar to make your wildest dreams come true and he’d never come close to earning your forgiveness.
He knows he’s not the best father for his children, but he was never worthy of being your father and he’s certainly not that now.
“Y/N,” he whispers, knowing this isn’t you, but it has your face, your vice, and your memories, so it’s the next best thing. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
He knows tears are falling from his eyes, surprising both Alfred and his children. He doesn’t want them to see him like this, but he can’t help it; the last few days have been one emotional turmoil after another and he’s reached his limits.
He failed his baby in every way possible.
“Now you understand,” it responds as it walks closer to him. “You fulfilled your purpose, Mr. Wayne. You brought Y/N into this world and had him brought to Gotham, where he was delivered into our custody. Now please, do not worry for him, we assure you we will provide him with true happiness. Go on, all you have to do is stay in Gotham and out of our host’s business.”
“Father,” Damian exclaims. “You can’t possibly be considering this!”
“Bruce,” Dick adds. “You aren’t going to actually do it, right?”
“Don’t fuck this up, Bruce,” Jason adds.
“We can’t just give up on him,” Tim adds.
“Yeah, he’s your son,” Barbara adds.
“He’s our brother,” Steph adds.
‘Family doesn’t give up on one another,’ Cass signs.
“Master Bruce,” Alfred warns, clearly not pleased at the thought of giving up on you.
He should, though. He knows that he’ll never be worthy of calling himself your father and you’ve made it clear you hate him and your siblings in every sense of the word. You wanted to go back to your childhood home in Goodsprings, a place that made you feel loved, something his home never made you feel. And the last four years were good to you based off your appearance and success. Plus, you had the Megamycete, that apparently has been more of a family to you than them.
If he was a good person, he’d put your needs and wants ahead of yours and agree to leave you alone and tell his children to do the same. Repeatedly harassing you would only make you hate them more and widen the gap between you and them. You don’t need them and clearly learned how to live without them. Over the past few days, he’s gathered every piece of information about you he can find and from what he sees, you love it in Goodsprings and fully intend on living in the house you and your mother lived.
But he’s not a good person, not by a long shot.
The night his parents were gunned down like animals in that disgusting alley, his sadness had turned into a bright inferno of rage; he wanted to inflict on every criminal that he met every ounce of his never ending vengeance and make them so afraid of him that they refuse to step outside whatever hole they call home, so that no one ever has to lose a child, a parent, a friend, or a loved one to some scumbag with a gun. That was his reason for donning the cowl.
After his parents were taken from him, he made it his mission to never lose anything of his ever again and two things that he holds dear more than anything in this world are Gotham and his family. And as long as he’s breathing, he’ll hold onto those two things until the bitter end.
Is it possible that in his mission to protect his city from Arkham’s inmates have made him forget the little details? Of course, Gotham needs Bruce Wayne as much as it needs Batman.
Is it possible that his need to hold onto his children with an iron grip has made him lose them on multiple occasions? Absolutely, he’s constantly remembering that his children are their own people and that even though they may leave him, they’ll always come home.
And that’s what his situation is with you. He knows he fucked up with you and he can never undo the damage he’s done to you, it doesn’t change the fact that you are his blood, his son, his firstborn.
You belonged to him the moment you were born and there’s nothing that can change that. He wishes he could go back in time and accept the gift of your affection that his past self spurred, but he can’t (his time as a Justice League member has taught him that going back in time is more trouble than it’s worth) and his only option is to move forward and make you see that the only place in this world for you is with him and your siblings here in Gotham, a city that has and always will belong to the Waynes.
And right now, this Megamycete is an obstacle standing in his way of completing his family. And if there’s one thing Bruce is very good at over the years, it’s overcoming obstacles.
“No.”
“Pardon,” it says, confusion etched onto its face.
“No,” he says loudly, making it clear he has no intention on letting you go. “Y/N is my son and their brother. He belongs here, with me and his family, not in some backwater town with some sentient mushroom. We’ll find a way to bring him back here and separate the two of you. And when we do, he’ll have all the time in the world to realize this is where he needs to be. Once he realizes that, all of Gotham will celebrate his return.”
He looks around and sees not only does his family seem happy with that statement, but they think the same as him.
The Megamycete looks at him, silent, seemingly shocked at his statement.
Then, it begins to laugh. First, just soft chuckles, then a laugh so loud, it echoes off the walls of the cave.
“Our host was right, you have clearly lost what sanity you had left. You reject him for years and now that you realize your folly, you seek to make amends? Please, spare us your delusions. This has nothing to do with our host and everything to do with your guilt. The moment you feel absolved, you will return to the status quo and forget he exists.” It motions to his children. “You have plenty of children here to drown in your need for forgiveness, surely you can make do with one of them.”
Then, it leans closer towards him, a smug look adorning its face.
“Also, Y/N belongs to us. He has the moment he fell into our cavern and will continue to until the end of time. Attempt to take him from us and you will suffer the same fate as those three thugs who left him for dead.”
It’s then another mystery gets solved: the slaughter at My Alibi. The three men in the back of the dining room who looked like they had gone through a meat grinder. That was your doing and they had been the ones to kidnap you and leave you for dead.
While he never advocates for killing people, he’s more than happy to make an exception for them. If they tried to kill you, they deserved to be slaughtered.
He only wishes they were still alive so he could pay them a visit before being turned over to Red Hood.
“We’ve fought plenty of Metas in the past. Do you really think you’ll be any different?”
“We have the knowledge and wisdom of countless people over the course of four-hundred years, all of them at the disposal of our host. You still think of him as that timid little thing from all those years ago, but he has become so much more since our joining. You believe yourselves superior than the rest of the general population, but you will find our host far surpasses you in every respect. He also possesses one thing your past adversaries never will.”
“And what’s that?”
“Unbridled hatred towards you.”
He wants to laugh at that. This thing must not have watched too carefully if it thinks people like Joker, Penguin, Poison Ivy, and so many in Arkham don’t hate his guts. He’s spent years being cursed at by all of Gotham’s rogues and beating all of the Riddler’s countless murder attempts to know Batman is at the top of many people’s Most Hated lists.
“If you don’t think half of Arkham doesn’t have dart boards with our pictures on them, you’re not as smart as you think you are,” Steph mocks.
“We do not doubt the genuine animosity the inmates hold towards you, but they are too far gone to imagine a life without any of you; you have foiled many of their crimes so many times, it has become one of the few constants in their lives. Every time they are put back in Arkham, they devote their time to coming up with their next attempt to best you until it is the only thing they care about. If any one of them were to ever defeat you, they would eventually realize how empty their lives are without you and their victory would soon sour.
“Joker would be a perfect example of this as he was as obsessed with you as you were of him.”
As much as he hates to admit it, the talking pile of mold is right. The clown made it clear that as much as he hated Batman, he was just as obsessed with him, going as far as to go after any criminal that took up too much of his time, Harley included in that.
And Bruce was just as obsessed with Joker, coming up with countless contingencies to counter any plot his sick and twisted mind could come up with, as well as devising security protocols and measures for Arkham to keep him contained and treatment plans to find a way possible bring his sanity back (assuming he had any to begin with).
“But our host is not like them. He has longed for a life free of you lot and now that he has that, he has no intention of surrendering it. Attempt to force him to return to this wretched manor and he will be more than happy to bring his fantasies of killing you a reality.”
He knows you hate them, but hearing that you hate them enough to fantasize about killing them cuts him deep.
“Please, I tried to kill Tim and Bruce back when I returned to Gotham,” Jason mocks, but Bruce can see Jason’s obviously concerned about hearing you thinking about killing them. “And Damian took a few tries at Tim. Everyone in this fucked up family’s got anger issues, it’s nothing weird.”
“You are kidding yourself if you believe you and that monster can a hold a candle to his fury. Your so-called anger is nothing more than a candle compared to the inferno that is his rage. You will feel the full might of his righteous fury, which will swallow you whole and leave nothing behind. And when you all are dead, you will be denied entry into our records.”
“So you don’t plan to absorb us,” Dick asks.
“Our host is the one who made that decision. To be added to our records is to be a part of us, and to be a part of us is to be a part of our host. He refuses to have you in his life in any way.” A small smile etches across its face. “We agree with his way of thinking. When you are gone, there will be nothing left and the world will forget any of you ever existed. And that is when our host’s revenge will finally be complete.”
It takes everything Bruce has to not flinch.
With this… thing inside you, what are you capable of? Would you really attack them with intent to kill? Would you really murder your own family?
“Make all the threats you want, creature,” Damian boldly states. “Nothing will stop us from bringing Y/N home.”
“Then this concludes our meeting, we suppose. We had hoped that we could convince you the best thing for you and our host would be to leave him alone and let the past rest, but we see now you all are too deep into your delusions to see reason. We look forward to seeing our host tear you apart, bit by bit.”
In the blink of an eye, the Megamycete turns bone white and crumbles like chalk, scattering all over the floor, leaving them all to stare at the remains in silence.
“So,” Alfred says, breaking the silence. “Was anyone ever going to tell me about a call regarding a random?”
The tension becomes so think, Bruce thinks he’ll start to choke on it. He racks his brain to come up with any answer, but doesn’t find any. At lease not one that won’t make Alfred pissed.
Clearly his children came to the same conclusion, because they remained silent as well, looking away or at the floor when he met their gaze.
“I have to say out of all the disgraceful things all of you have done throughout the years, this definitely takes the cake. I know Master Y/N wasn’t a priority for any of you, but I never would’ve dreamed you would allow him to be put in danger like being held hostage by common thugs.” Every word he says is dripping in venom. “I am absolutely disgusted with all of you.”
The words cut him deep and he deserves it. It was thanks to his incompetence that led to you being kidnapped, beaten to a pulp, shot in the head, and tossed into a cavern like trash and left for dead in a place no one would ever find you.
There’s nothing he can do that will ever make up for all that he’s done to you. He can apologize until he loses his voice permanently, spend all his money to buy you apology gifts, and subject himself to whipping by your hand until he’s lost every bit of his skin and he’d never scratch the surface of everything he’s done to you.
You came to him, a scared little child who just lost his mother and was forced to move to a massive city to live with a man he’s never met and all you wanted was for him to tell you that he loved you and that everything was going to be alright, but no, he was too caught up in his work as Batman instead of finding a healthy way of dealing with losing Jason.
But that’s not all he did, was it?
As much as he wants to, he can’t deny that he replaced you with Tim after the boy lost his parents. He suffered the same loss as you, but he gave Tim the help he needed while denying it to you. But that’s his fault, not Tim’s. His inadequacies are his alone to deal with, not any of his children’s (a lesson he keeps forgetting).
And he did the same thing several more times, bringing in more children and giving them all the love and affection you were denied as a child. He can’t help but wonder what went through your mind as you saw him spending time with them, both in groups and individually. And when you watched them hanging out in the dining room when they came home from patrol, enjoying themselves and each other while you were left alone in some room barely the size of a closet.
God, how many times did you wonder when you’d be asked to join before giving up?
When exactly did you give up on them?
And of course, he can’t forget about how he handled you and Damian meeting, another sign he was never fit to be a father. He knew Damian’s LoA upbringing left him unable to interact with others the proper way, but he still allowed him to see you (because he never considered your safety a priority) and allowed the boy to draw a sword on you, give you a scar on your face, and make several threats on you and insult your mother.
And what did he do after that?
Did he do the responsible thing by taking away the sword, scold the boy for his unacceptable behavior, and make it clear you were his brother and that he’s not allowed to hurt you?
No, of course not.
He did nothing but carry Damian off while allowing him to shout even more threats and insults, thinking nothing about the harm you just experienced and thinking Damian would just outgrow of his behavior on his own.
If he had to guess, it was probably that day you realized you didn’t matter to him and that Damian was the only one he considered a biological son.
Y/N, his baby boy.
He’s so sorry.
“This doesn’t change anything,” Bruce finally says, making his family turn their eyes to him. “We still need to bring Y/N home. Meeting this Megamycete just makes it more important we get him back to the manor.”
“And if Master Y/N fights you? Based off what you were able to gather from both crime scenes, this Megamycete appears to make him a formidable opponent.”
“We can find a way to neutralize it,” Tim chimes in, motioning to the crumbled remains. “I’ll analyze the remains to find a weakness.”
“And if that’s not enough, it said it has roots all over Gotham,” Barbara adds. “I can use the Clocktower to locate the closest sample.”
“Say you manage to subdue Master Y/N and rid him of the Megamycete. What then?”
“Then we make it clear he’s a part of our family now. And we’ll keep telling him that until he believes it. And when he does, we’ll give him the love we should have given him.”
Alfred looks at him before glancing at his children, all of them nodding in agreement.
“I shall hold all of you to that promise. We have a second chance to right our wrongs. I highly doubt we’ll be given another. But don’t think for a second this conversation is over.”
And with that, the butler turns on his heel and promptly makes his way out of the cave, clearly still furious at them.
“Alright, everyone,” he says, getting their attention. “We have work to do. Barbara, get to the Clocktower and start searching for the Megamycete’s roots. Tim, start analyzing the remains and see what you can find. And be ready to receive new samples. The rest of you, be ready to go out and retrieve the roots.”
They nod and set out to work, leaving him with his thoughts.
Fuck, after hearing all that, his mother probably sees him as a failure now. He had so many opportunities to make this right, but he being the complete and total fuck up that he is, missed them, leaving you all alone to fall into the hands of low-life thugs and a sentient mushroom.
He balls his fists so tight so tight he draws blood, but not caring at the pain or the drops of crimson falling onto the cave floor.
All he had to do was be there for you, love you, tell you he’d always be there for you, but he couldn’t do that. When he first learned of you, he was shocked to hear that he had actually been stupid enough to not take precautions to prevent getting a woman pregnant and actually thought you were an inconvenience, blaming you for something that wasn’t your fault. You hadn’t asked to be born, you didn’t ask to lose your mother in such a tragic way, and you sure as hell didn’t ask to be given to a man who had no right to be called a father.
He—
No, this line of thinking isn’t doing him any favors.
He takes a deep breath and releases it, throwing all his thoughts and emotions into a dark corner of his mind and locking them behind a massive door (like he always does instead of dealing with them in a healthy way). He’s done the same thing to so many other thoughts and feelings, what’s the harm in doing it now?
What he needs to do now is find a way to deal with a Megamycete and figuring out a method of getting close to you to administer it so they can bring you back home. While that’s already an uphill battle, the true war will be convincing you that they’ve changed and that you need to come back to the manor and live with them.
You’re his son and the brother to his children. And as much as you want to deny it, you have Wayne blood coursing through your veins, tying you to him and Gotham. You belong here, by his side.
And when this is over, he’ll throw the largest gala Gotham’s ever seen to show his love for you.
He’ll do whatever it takes if it means having you back home so h and your siblings can bathe you in their love and affection.
Even if it means taking away your powers and dragging you back here.
Like he said, he’s not a good person.
Tag List: @space1crow @lunaluz432 @type-ink @bat1212 @eyeless-kun @deathbynarcisstick @minkyungseokie @orbitingtraveler @1s3v3n1 @nosyrobin @roseytheteacup @bunbunboysworld @kitty-from-daaaa-voidddd @feral-childs-word @phoenixgurl030 @soriansick @hellcatsworld @bellethesleepypotato @prettyboys247 @marsmabe @exactlynumberonekryptonite @paolexsstuff @fantasyhopperhea @c0l1fl0r @ellaprime7 @starryperson @kore-of-the-underworld @kiarst @vanessa-boo @moxiemy @ratchetprime211 @greatwhisperspaper @tatsuri-zomushiki @bunbunbread @starsdotalk @luna57765 @solelifauna @jsprien213 @diejager @lizz-lrm @v0idl1nq @chericia
#from gold to mold#yandere batfamily#male reader#batfamily#batfamily x male reader#batman#dc x male reader#yandere barbara gordon#yandere cassandra cain#yandere bruce wayne#yandere damian wayne#yandere dick grayson#yandere batfam#yandere dc#yandere jason todd#yandere tim drake#yandere stephanie brown#yandere alfred pennyworth
737 notes
·
View notes
Text
⋆。˚ ☁︎ ˚。Acolyte⋆。˚☽˚。⋆
𐙚Yandere! Qimir/The Master x Reader
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ Plot: Your loneliness is suffocating, engulfing. Qimir is the only one who seems to subdue the pain. But every forbidden fruit has its price.
⁀➷Warnings: Yandere behavior, gore, angst (at the end), author having an anxiety attack over this fic
🪐Note: Why is the longest thing I've ever written for a fandom that barely exists? Anyway, here's the long-awaited Qimir piece!
⁺₊𝄞₊⁺ : Disturbia - Rihanna, Dark Vacay & Motion Picture Soundtrack - CAS
⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆🍓⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺
Your master's anger is tangible. You harbour it stubbornly on your tongue. Relishing in the frustration. You aren't sure how many times you've cut out your soul to place at a master's feet. Gnawing on perfect lips to keep quiet during another scolding. Your new master's disappointment reverberates through the room. Thick and oozing like an infected wound.
You messed up again.
"We do not injure other padawans during training. We do not lash out and attack, especially when your training partner has fallen. How have you trained for so long without comprehending these basics?"
The rage that boils inside you is not Jedi in nature. It's something else, a bizarre second, something ancient, ghoulish. An all-consuming fire that burns inside your veins. It shouldn't feel so welcoming, so familiar.
You roll your eyes.
"With all due respect master. How is one to win, if they do not strick when given the opportunity? That too should be a basic notion, no?"
You see the anger snake across your master's face. A defeated, disgruntled, glance that you've become a bit too acquainted with. This is the look that all your previous masters give you. And yet none have yet to master its eeriness quite as well as your first master. Master Sol.
Your master sighs, a piercing noise, deflating every ounce of his willpower. You are exhausting to be around, his annoyance is becoming discernible. "Master Sol is coming by the temple to check your...progress. He's requested a few items to take back with him. Please go fetch them from the apothecary."
Progress is a gentle word and Jedi love using gentle words. It's easier to say than the full truth. Sugar-coated things always taste better.
But the sugar refuses to stick to you.
It burns away in your bitterness.
Coruscant is a distant memory, it was never your home to begin with. But the high bustling volume is something that is hard to forget. Here things are quiet, you slip through the bazaar undetected. Small basket clutched tightly. You wonder what's dragging your former master halfway across the galaxy. You wonder if it's really just to see you.
You gaze blankly at the holographic list. A few rare herbs and some medical roots. This planet grows them in abundance, and the local apothecary carries more than its fair share.
The apothecary is an old, disheveled thing. The older Jedi say that its presence is as old as the temple itself. Odd how some things have a will of iron. You gently rap at the worn metal door, waiting for an invitation to enter. The hinges cry as the door opens ever so slightly. You squeeze in, surveying the cluttered den. Careful to avoid the half-empty bottles and neon puddles scattered across the floor.
"Excuse me" your voice holds an urgent annoyance. Where is the pharmacist? What kind of store owner abandons their shop in the midday? You run your fingers across the strange bottles, letting your nails pick at the murky glass. The colors flash, begging to be freed, strange space pinks, and summer oranges all trapped inside square prisons. Baby poisons dying to taste the world, burning it if they must, but experiencing it nonetheless, tasting their own form of freedom. Funny, they almost remind you of yourself.
Trapped and fatal.
"Hello?", the voice behind you is languid, dozy. Mirroring a late afternoon nap. When the man next speaks you notice a lyrical lint "What brings you here little lady?". You turn to see it, the voice, or rather the man harboring the voice. He's loosely robed and shaggy in the way that only the most spirited vagabonds are. He smiles tenderly upon seeing your face, strange red fruit caught between his teeth. "I um...I" you click your tongue anxiously against the roof of your mouth. Feeling around for those pesky words, in the end, you just shove the hologram holder forward, hoping he'll understand.
"Oh, I see, out here doing some chores?" You nod, mind preoccupied with the otherwordly fruit. "what's that?" you ask, schoolgirl curiosity lacing your voice. "What, this?" he asks holding the freckled thing between his fingers, it's only in the mild light that you notice the shimmering gold scattered across its red skin. The stranger laughs, walking closer, he places the hologram base on the black table, clicking it on as he studies the list. "They're called strawberries. They're from the forest planets, not many grow here in the mid-rims." He's nimble as he packs the herbs and roots, fumbling with the straw ties. "care for a bite" he asks, handing you the bitten fruit.
Hesitantly you bite.
Letting the sweetness erupt on your tongue.
"Thank you" you mumble trying not to moan at the foreign taste. The stranger laughs, it's a cheery noise like birds chirping in first bloom tress. "you're a Jedi, aren't you?" he asks stepping around the table, eyebrows furrowed, caught in a dream he doesn't seem to understand. You choke on the rogue static as he steps closer, eyes half-lidded dreaming of nothing. "Here..."
"Wha-" your voice catches in your throat, it's getting harder to breathe.
"Your supplies" He hands you the brown paper bag, motion a little too phlegmatic to be right.
"Oh, right...thanks" You anxiously shove the bag into your basket and scurry out of the shop. Holding your breath.
"Come back soon." the voice chirps behind you.
Your old master arrives by spaceship, a newer, albeit worn model. The landing pad ejects to reveal a small escort.
Master,
Knight,
Padwan,
Apostate,
You stand still watching as they descend. Bits of envy bubble in your throat watching your former master and his band of little heroes. You wish you had their belonging. Forgoing the loneliness to find kinsmanship with your coterie. You swallow down the bitter thoughts as they finally approach you.
Master Sol's smile reaches his eyes. Gentle and wise. The true epidemy of a Jedi in every sense of the word. Funny how he now has two failures under his belt. None of which are capable of scratching his shining repute.
His hands are on your shoulders, bright smile. "My padawan, it's been too long." You try to bow, awkwardly and stiffly. "Mater Sol, I'm grateful you've come to asses my progress". If he hears your doubt he doesn't show it. Instead, he reintroduces you to Yord, Jacki, Osha.
You try to be polite. Gulp down the awkwardness
You imagine the taste of strawberries on your tongue.
Remember their stiff sweetness and prickly tasteless freckles.
You smile. Easier this time.
They'll stay here for some time. Hunting assassins and documenting progress in their free time. Jacki seems more invested in your training than you are, trying to teach you everything she knows. At least she doesn't mind the rough play, the violent strikes, and sloppy prideful defenses. She speaks in pointers and parries. She's the one to drag you along these assassin hunts. Welcoming you...or at least trying to.
But there is something else at play. Darker, broader, Sol and Jecki welcome you into the fray. Yet you still feel your old master's hesitance, he's still wary of you. Worried about your anger, your defiance.
The distance grows, some icy void.
Sol used to tell you fairytales. This was back when you'd been young and bright-eyed. Freshly welcomed into the order and still overflowing with artless hope for a colorful future.
But even back then, he had known there was something wrong with you.
Looking back it was evident.
Every story started and ended the same. Little princess against the big bad world. Holding out until her prince came along. Only problem was the morals never registered right in your little messed-up brain.
Why didn't the princess fall for the dragon, the wolf, the tyrant king with a crown of bones? Why didn't she swoon and sigh over someone rousing, compelling? A paradox wrapped in black ember? Why settle for a sun-painted prince, with no complexities, no mysteries to unravel?
You would have married the dragon, or the wolf, or the tyrant king with a crown of bones.
Even back then, it was evident something was wrong.
The temple's roof isn't restricted per se.
It's rather abandoned as opposed to forbidden.
Maybe that's why you find solace here. The abandonment feels familiar, similar. The chipped cement kisses the soles of your feet, you imagine it's something like walking upon the rough terrain of a star.
You breathe in the night air deeply.
Expecting the fragile scents of moonshine and star glitter.
Instead, you choke on heavy mist and blood-drenched air.
The thing standing in front of you isn't human. It can't be human. It's created from the blackness, ebony in all the ways a living thing shouldn't be. For a second you think you're staring at a black hole. No doubt this creature crawled out of one.
What sheer willpower one must need to drag themselves out of endless nothingness?
"Little Jedi should not brave the night alone."
It speaks
"There are far too many monsters roaming in the dark"
Its face never moves, statue in all the ways the figures towering over the entrance aren't. This statue is something else, a lost page to some forgotten epic. Carved from gems born in darkness. Evil and rotten.
"What are you?" your voice susurrate, quivering in this surreal scene. The air is thicker now, overflowing with raw static.
Your fingers itch for your saber. Only when the cold metal kisses your palm do you regain some semblance of reality.
The hiss, the green light.
The figure chuckles.
Its voice bouncing from every direction. Everywhere all at once. When it speaks the air cackles, raining as if it were a frightened child.
"I am something akin to you, another child of the force" His voice comes out distorted, uneven in tone. "I am what's birthed when one learns of the true strength of the force."
Your body moves on its own, feet kicking the ground sprinting faster and faster before the final leap. You aim for the helmet, for the morbid toothy grin permanently etched within steel. In a flash the word stills, floating around you like fluorescent bubbles, the rain tumbles around you, curving and diving for the wet ground. It dares not land on something within his grasp.
You feel the slithering across your body. They start from the ground, summed from the unknown depths. Clinging firmly to your ankles before inching up your knees, your hips, your neck.
long, slipper tendrils curling around your body. The figure watches, bare arm outstretched. You should probably be focused on how the unseen things are inching closer to your mouth. Not on the toned muscles and limber fingers of the monster. Not on how, for a fraction of a heartbeat, his smile appears genuine, caring, aimed straight at you.
Only You
They finally reach your lips, prying your teeth ajar and flooding your mouth. Sinking deeper and deeper into your soul, your mind, you.
The smile grows.
In a blink you're suspended in the space between worlds, dark damning thing cradling your body.
"The dark side once belonged to the Jedi, yet they chose to discard it. Deeming it malignant, ungovernable."
Your weightlessness unnerves you. You're malleable in this void.
"Those few who embraced its calling were dubbed Sith." He says the word with such fervent pride. Devoted to it's weight and all it carries. You try to roll the word off your own tongue only for it to burn the roof of your mouth.
The stranger stalks closer, lethal and lithe.
The void vibrates, the darkness bends to his will.
He reaches down to cup your face. His fingers feel warm, welcoming. You nuzzle into his palm, fighting the urge to kiss each finger and suck on the dark force they emit. "You..." he starts, his voice shakes you to the core. Its horror amplifies with the proximity. You wonder if it'll cut through steel, armor, flesh.
your flesh.
"You aren't like the other temple dwellers. You have potential."
His thumb presses your lower lip, demanding entrancing. You comply, needing to feel something solid.
Something you've been denied your whole life.
"They keep you locked away. Trading you between craven masters. Seeing who can tame you first."
He nicks his thumb on your teeth,
Pressing bone into dentin.
His essence drips into you.
He tastes of power.
Of dark, dreadful things you can not name.
"They do not know how to train you. How to use your power..."
The world crumbles, ebony midnights giving way to reality. You feel yourself fall, plunging through the air like a comet bent on destruction.
"They only break you further"
Your knees collide with the harsh ground. Skin splintering in the aftermath giving way to bruises and bloodmarks.
The ground feels too solid beneath you.
A poly, a ruse.
You all but expect to melt through it. Slipping and falling into the vacuum, into him, once more.
He hovers above. Absolute in his strength. You're beginning to believe that blackholes birth divinity. Eyes shimmering with fanatic fidelity, staring up at the holy creature commanding the storm.
"Teach me..."
You've never begged for anything so terribly in your life.
But you need this.
this power
this control.
him.
Sol never told just how the princess met the villain.
He never said it wasn't love at first fright.
Sol insists that the local apothecary knows the truth behind the Jedi-killer. Definite that the unseemly man can tell you something important. He sends Osha inside to play Mea. To get the man to talk.
You crowd around the communicator urging back giggles. Yord's chin is placed upon your shoulder and Jecki's cheek rests against yours. Their touches come so early. And yet they are utterly alien.
"He will be so pleased." No sooner have the words chime from the corroded speakers that Sol is ushering you all towards the small metal hut.
Yord entwines his fingers with you as he runs.
Jacki wraps around your arm.
You feel at times they are trying to tame you.
Befriend the feral puppy they found in the backyard.
The apothecary's face is utterly stunned. He's stammering over his words fear glistening in his eyes as he stares at Sol. "Please, please don't wipe my memories. Or whatever it is you Jedi do." A rosy blush colors your cheeks, at his terror. It's terribly amusing seeing someone so carless, anxiously list off everything he knows. You almost feel bad for the poor scared man.
There isn't anything important here. But Sol decides that you will all return at midnight. The Jedi-killer will be back. Apparently, Qimir -that's his name, that the strawberry-eating, disheveled pharmacist's name- is holding something of value for her.
There's a tug on your wrist as you go to follow the others. Gentle and firm as he pulls you to his chest. "Come by tonight. I'll have some strawberries waiting for you." why does he feel too genuine? When you turn to look at him, he's painted in his usual sweet carefree smile that tugs at your heart.
He looks so innocent...
Starlight really brings out his eyes. He's laughing with a nervous smile,
School-boy crush on full display. You're licking strawberry juice from your hands as you listen to him talk. Backs pressed against the rusty wall and bodies half sprawled in the dirt. He's telling you about the first time the Hutts made him retrieve a plushie for their son from another solar system.
Qimir's voice feels like rose peddles melting into your skin. Sweet, jejeune, free. You offer him a berry from your pile. Watching tentatively as he submerges the red fruit into his mouth. Missing your fingers by an inch. He's laughing after the fact, head thrown back as if he's about to engulf the stars. You decide to laugh too.
"Are you really that lonely," he says in a voice that's almost not his own. You're not expecting the invasive question, although you guess he means well. The words still cut deep. Piercing through the laughter, stunning you for a breath too long. "No...I'm a Jedi, we do not-"
"Form personal connection. I know...But you just look so lonely." He shuffles closer, the dirt particles almost look celestial in this light. Your fingers pitch a civil war. Pinching and clawing at each other. "No, yes. I don't really get along with the others." He rolls his eyes, bored and amused in the same breath. "Yeah, no wonder your money." He's picking at another strawberry, letting the crunch fill up the silence. You're beginning to think he just likes having something to chew on. Gulping down the anxiety with something toothsome.
He's a little closer now, fingers gingerly tucking back your hair. His fingerprints reverberate across the shell of your ear. Lips gliding against yours. You swallow as his lips fall across yours, pushing sweet stars past parted lips. He tastes of odd things, whimsy things. Everything you'll never come to understand. Xeno fruits and asteroid fields. His fingers glide up your arms, leaving moondust in their wake. He slowly parts, holding you softly with his soulful dark eyes
"You taste so sweet"
Strawberry, Starberry, You kiss him a little too deeply.
Maybe your new master is right.
Maybe there are other ways of being a Jedi.
The movie playing is doused in shades of rose and lilac. Gentle in all the ways. Everyway. The twi'lek girl is in love with the zabrak boy and their families do not approve. You think you remember Sol telling you a similar tale.
The makeshift auditorium is cozy. Brown couch housing the three of you and your armada of blankets and popcorn buckets. Jacki's head is in your lap, you're playing with the end of her braid imagining the hair to be the lace of a Love-sick girl's ballgown. Yord's arm traverses the length of your arm, absentminded as he studies the motion picture, poking holes in the lose rose-tainted plot. Your head rests against his broad shoulder taking in his new cologne.
Maybe you really did miss them.
Jacki reaches for the popcorn, offering you some before shoving a handful into her mouth. You think the little symmetry-less kernels would taste better with a strawberry glaze. Qimir flashes across your mind, smiling sweetly as he tilts his head.
You think you're a little too similar to the star on screen.
Pinning after forbidden love,
Forbidden power.
Master Sol is growing acutely aware of your drastic improvements. He's noticed the betterment in your offense, your defense. To the way, you wield your saber, your techniques, and yourself. There is esteem in the way he smiles. In the words of praise, you've longed to hear. But you notice the lingering glances, the undertone of skepticism and worry when he asks about practice. He doesn't need to know of the black-glad creature that trains you in the unholy hours.
He doesn't need to know how beautifully your new master sculpts your rage into lessons. Teaching you how to wrangle the force and control it. How to use it to make the world bow.
These things will remain secret. For you fear Sol and the others will strip them of you. Strip them of the new master you've come to worship.
"Do you think people glow when they fall in love?" Jacki's voice is filled with sleep. Eyes closed as she murmurs remnants of movie memory. "No, I don't believe they do" you answer. "too...bad" There was a yawn there darling and vigorous like the rests of her. She looks so sweet like this, infantile in all the ways she can't be. Little girl dreaming of something impossible. You wonder if Sol's told her the fairytales too. You kiss the crown of her head, your baby sister you think. And big brother Yord, snoring with his head thrown back.
Maybe you should test her theory. rising softly from the couch you make your way to the door. Throwing one final glance at your sleeping siblings. Before going to find Qimir.
His lips ghost over yours, spilling star-clad secrets between each kiss. The apothecary has never been so dark, so secret, so secluded. Qimir's lips glided across your neck biting the flesh and licking the little diamond droplets of blood. Your nails rack across his spine, the wool of his throw-over itching the backs of your hands. "So precious" he mumbles, voice ridden with want, need. it's criminal how desperately he needs to feel you. You writhe under him, "Qimir, kiss." you whine. His lips feel like a lifeline, something keeping you sain. He pushes fireflies and lava pearls inside you, carving you open and enjoying you
He always enjoys you.
It's foggy outside when his tongue clashes against yours. A thick unsettling mist banging against the darkened window. "You're custom-made for me" Qimir mumbles against your lips. "Custome tailored" you boldly correct. "ummm, sure" his hands pinch at your hips, clawing mindlessly and leaving tails to your thighs. But the sensations are growing distant, you hear the heavy hum of saber activation. You psyche cracks
The world is dark,
He alone is absolute.
Your master's mask flashes dangerously across your mind. "Master Sol would be disappointed". You've heard that line a million times. Still, the words cut a little too deep coming from your demiurger. "Gullible" you don't understand, what have you done to earn his rage? He's gone, leaving you in the emptiness, you taste the charcoal from the landscape under your tongue.
Still, you long to call after him.
"Master"
The darkness subsides with the feeling of softness across your muscles. A breeze stirs you from the clutches of slumber. "Good morning" Qimir chirps, soft smile greeting you as you open your eyes. "Qimir, when did I?" he laughs, it's such a pretty sound this early in the morning. Sweet like caramel tea. He kisses your forehead. His quietude is commendable, he tries to calm you with feather-light kisses. You laugh pushing the covers away and still. Frozen.
What's this
The nightgown is lacy and short. It drapes expensively against your skin. Marring it with its tenderness. "Qimir, what's this!" he chuckles, "I couldn't let you sleep in those robes, they looked uncomfortable." You want to argue, to scream, and be angry. But the rage boils down slowly as you notice something dangling around your wrist. A bangle, and an anklet you notice later, black and gold entwined in patterns mirroring lighting stricks. "They're from Korriban, I had some relatives there." oh, why does that planet sound so familiar? "Thanks, but ask me next time before you go playing dress-up doll with my sleeping body" He pouts and can't help but trail a string of mouthy kisses across his neck. Qimir shuffles pulling you onto his lap. Pushing his nose under your chin. His eyes are honey-deo, adoring and scheming. "But you're mine." The possessive ness that flesh across his face is alarming. So is how tightly he grips your waist. It's only in this state of half-undressed that you begin to notice the taut muscles of his arms.
During your most recent lesson, your master gifts you a ripe juicy strawberry. He says it'll focus you, replenish your wither strength. You eat it a little too quickly, forgetting to savor the pink blush within. You believe too ferociously in everything your master says.
He can never be wrong.
You love the way your new master splatters blood across your sleeves. Be it yours or his enemies. He's started taking you out on his kills, having you watch as he hacks and mauls. His enemies must die, no one who doubts such marvels should be granted the privilege of life.
He's only ever spoken in half-riddles.
"Unfortunately legacy is a fickle thing. Tenacious, fervent, yet frail and erratic. No matter how hematological, we all read our bones differently."
The rain falls to your ragged heartbeat. Fast one minute and slow the next. You stick out your tongue desperate for a few drops. Your body is on fire, every muscle pushed to its limit. But the Force is screaming inside you, thumping dangerously between your fingers. You're ready for the next round. Saber ready and only half mesmerized as your master pulls out another blood-red saber. You charge, rage pumping deliciously through your body.
You forget to ask him where he got the berry from.
The next Jedi to die will be Kelnacca. That's why Sol is dragging all of you to the forest planet of Khofar. You think the name is utterly hilarious, the others don't understand the mirth.
Between briefings and Jacki and Yords packing quarrels. You sneak out to say goodbye to Qimir. Scribbling a half eligible not to leave for your master. But the apothecary is deserted upon your arrival, only a taped note on a half-full mortar.
'Gone to get more Strawberries.
Be back soon.'
You wonder if Khofar has strawberries.
Strawberry, Starberry, you're falling between the cracks of so many.
The Sun on Khofar is red, barely breaching the thick canopy. Maybe it's for the best. This scene is not one to remember, but how can you make yourself forget?
Death looms.
Permanent, Eternal
The fighting began in twilight.
The sky has grown two shades darker since.
He had floated in from the high reaches. You'd almost called out to him, 'master', the words die bitterly on your tongue. His saber ignites in the carnage, light growing redder after each kill. The bodies fall haphazardly stirring the quiet night.
Your saber falls onto the woodchip ground. No sound. He has followed you here. Yet it is not you, he seeks. Your master mask is haunting, in the dark the silver mouth glows bright white. Even against a massacre
the smile never relents.
He twirls the red saber with lethal accuracy, red arc severing another life. 'Take the right!' Jacki screams through the force, her eager voice bouncing inside your cranium. 'Don't' you scream but she's already attacked.
Saber sings saber.
Golden light flickers.
Forward. Backward. Lunge. Parry. Flunge.
Just like you practiced. Back in the quiet of the training room. Is it too late to return to the matted ground and wooden swords? Too late for safe comfort?
You won't take it for granted this time you swear.
Your master attacks with vicious zeal, cutting through the light. His black robes bleeding into the night. Jacki, scurries backward, trying to block with every ounce of strength. In one swift move, she spins freeing herself and assaulting his head with the metal of her weapon.
The mask clutters to the ground.
You scream.
He looks every bit the villain here. Blood drenched, water drenched. Smiling like the wolf in a child's picture book. Qimir's face stares back at you, hair matted to his forehead. He's panting, spent. You've never seen him toil. Dreaming him incapable of harm.
Yet he stands above the corpses. Wolf's teeth bared as he slices through the little girl.
It's been years since Master Sol tucked you into bed. Years since he's read you a story and listened to your baseless questions about romances.
You've finally gotten your answer. Painted in a shade of red indistinguishable from black.
Because the villain is too vile to be loved.
You run, catching the limp corpse before it joins the rest, you cradle her close. Tears landing on the orange of her face. There are no strawberry romances here. No sweet forbidden fruits. Just pain, hollow, empty, rotten. "Jacki" your voice muffles into her robes, rain-soaked, tear-soaked.
"Was that its name?" his voice doesn't sound right. No cheerful hellos or drowsy laughs. It's all menacing now, grating and hollow lilt. "Qimir" you wail, sob half caught in your throat. "It can't be you." He shakes his head, smile crooked and maniacal. "I'm afraid so, little one." The force pushed you up, pulling you to him. Qimirs head tilts, his fingers dancing around your throat. Squeezing squeezing squzing. Your glossy eyes take in his unruly appearance. Even now your master looks utterly perfect. Muscles relaxed as he steals your breath. "Master" you whine, your heart shouldn't be hammering like this, leaping through beats like something lovesick.
"(Y/n)" golden light fills the clearing. Yord runs, Prince Charming in every way you should have loved.
Qimir releases you, only to nestle your neck in the crook of his arm. "Don't worry darling. I'm almost done." He blocks the first attack.
Second, third. Yord scrambles to pull you away, missing each time. "Let her go" The urgency in his voice rattles you. He did love you.
Little sister, little princess.
Why is only starting to make sense now?
There's a crack, so loud it echoes across the woods.
"NO"
Yord's body joins the rest.
no no no
"Where were we?" Qimir is every bit the villain.
The dragon, the wolf, the tyrant king with a crown of bones.
"You lied to me, you killed them. Why, why would you do this."
"Because the Jedi say I can not exist." Sith, right those things were supposed to be evil. Hailing from Koriiban, the evil Jedi forced to flee. And here you were having so readily given yourself to the enemy.
The blood flows free in the rain. Dozens of bodies drained.
There's a river of blood. You kneel by the holy thing, dipping your cupped hands into the crimson. You drink deeply from the massacre thinking it'll taste sweet. Qimir pulls you in holding your throat as he submerges you.
Baptized in blood
The world flashes red.
It feels so free here. Floating weightless, letting everything be. The rage can not find you in these depths. Free like an adrift astromech. Free to float amongst the stars.
When you emerge again. The world has grown brighter. You see the wide-eyed bodies, even Sol is among the dead, you swear you see disappointment in his lifeless orbs. You gulp, swallowing the euphoric faint. You see your new master before you. Swimming to him carefully, following the gentle tug of the force. Prey meets predator. Qimir chuckles, the water is shallow by the banks. He sits awaiting, on his makeshift throne.
There is no sympathy here you should know better
"You took adorable" Qimir rasps. Hot breath fanning your ear. "Master Qimir" you mumble shifting as he pulls you onto his lap. He laughs this is submission, a breath away from grasping his desire. He cups your cheeks, drifting his hands to your shoulders. Pulling you closer, bodies melting into one.
His kisses still taste like strawberries. Sweet and metallic. All possession and domination. Biting lips and tongue and flesh. Spilling fresh poison with each snip of your neck. He licks the blood from your fingers with feral pleasure. Swirling his tongue around each digit and pulling it further down his hungry mouth. You swallow the darkness from his tongue, letting him snuff out the little embers of light. The stars are burning away bit by bit. He pushes you under again.
Mornings on Khofar are dark, caught in a perpetual twilight. Qimir wraps his robes around you letting the midnight sink into your bones. "The ships a bit of a walk. But we should be there before noon." You paddle after him. Fingers lashing awkwardly at his hand. He turns and offers you that tilted smile once more, mask bouncing in his free hand.
"Master qimir" you confess, it feels so light on your tongue. Like clutching dying white-dwarf-stars behind your teeth. He chuckles, snapping a berry from a nearby bush. His smile sings of triumph, victory, earned in blood. He places the fruit amongst your teeth. You, his little war prize.
"My little acolyte"
ᯓ♡ : @feedmestraycats @moonlovefairy @wicked0clouds @phoenixes-and-wizards @peridedarling @morax-on-my-mind @magikmaik @lov4gor3 @manchuria @bucksdonkey @embersofimagination @hauntedhedgehogs @peter-laufeyson @papitas-con-sal @f0odie @boredtone @bluechissbrain @yourfilthydevil @n0t-skywalker @xsister-serpent @gabriqllas @zionysuss @i-love-my-babygirls @pagingoswin @jxp1ter @faebirdie @deezhutts565 @thesithdiaries @pagingoswin @hauntingwolf @scentedbanditlampwobbler @uwingdispatch @mask-knife-is-buggys-girl @lunarsvertigo @scintilla-morningstar @carpinchootaku
#manny jacinto#qimir#star wars#the acolyte#qimir x reader#star wars the acolyte#star wars qimir#qimir x you#the acolyte imagines#darth teeth#yandere#yandere x reader#yancore#yandere x you#yandere aesthetic#yandere imagines#Dividers#yandere core#yandere male#yandcore#qimir the acolyte#male yandere#star wars imagine#yandere star wars#star wars headcanons#the acolyte spoilers#qimir headcanons
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
shy!reader is left alone for the weekend while fratboy!chris is at the fraternity formal — but when the weekend is over... ⌞ part one ⌝
when you found out that this weekend would be spent without chris—a weekend without raging frat parties—you initially thought it might be a refreshing break, envisioning peaceful days for you to relax.
instead, you were extremely unprepared for the loneliness that quickly settled in.
with most of your friends away at the fraternity formal, the apartment felt stark and empty. nick generously spends friday and saturday with you, easily distracting you from the hollow ache in your chest and the gnawing sense of isolation, and you're grateful for his company.
but sunday arrived, suffocating you with eerily silence.
you sit on the couch, the stillness of your apartment pressing in around you, unsettlingly quiet, and you fidget restlessly, trying to push away the spiralling thoughts in your mind as you stare at the flickering tv screen. one of your favourite series is playing, yet it fails to bring the comfort and joy you so desperately crave.
eventually, your hand gravitates towards your phone resting on the arm of the couch, and despite the nagging voice in your head urging you to leave it untouched, curiosity pulls you in. you open the instagram app, and you're instantly bombarded by a flood of posts.
you smile softly, liking the ones posted by kitty and matt, as well as your friend and nate. you even double-tap a few pictures from the other frat boys too. but when chris' post appears, you smile falters.
your thumb hovers over the heart button, and a heavy weight settles in your throat, making it difficult for you to swallow. why didn't he tell you about the formal? why didn't he invite you? did he go with someone else? the answer to that last question becomes painfully clear as you begin to swipe through his posts, and you freeze upon seeing a photo of him standing in front of a mirror, and cherry by his side.
he went with cherry? the last girl he was sleeping with? the realisation hits you like a brutal punch to the gut, and suddenly, you're gasping for breath, the air feeling thick and constricted in your lungs as your heart races with a mix of hurt and confusion.
you know you have no right to feel this way. you are chris are not even dating; you're just sleeping together. it's casual. yet, the pang of betray still cuts deep and you shut your phone off and place it down, your hands trembling slightly as you rub your chest uncomfortably, trying to soothe the ache that has settled there.
you sink deeper into the couch, wishing you could escape the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside you — the loneliness, the shock, and the sharp sting of feeling left behind. you wish you could silence the nagging thoughts that tell you you should be okay with this, that you should just let it go.
but the truth is, it hurts more than you want to admit, and you can't shake the feeling of being pushed to the side in a situation that was never supposed to matter this much to you.
when monday rolls in, you find yourself slipping back into your familiar routine — consciously pushing aside the worries and pain from the weekend as you greet your hungover friend as she stumbles into the apartment, giggling softly as she dramatically slumps on top of you, declaring how much she missed you.
fortunately, your professor called in sick, granting you a day off, so you settle in, spending your morning in your room as your friend fills you in on what happened on the weekend. you nod and hum along, smiling at her explaining to you how drunk she had gotten, but your amusement falters when she suddenly brings up chris.
"everyone thought you were going with chris, you know," her says, her voice still croaky as she rubs her tired eyes with a yawn. "so when you didn't show up, everyone just assumed that he'd be going alone, just to get fucked up or whatever."
"but..?" you press quietly, already bracing yourself for the answer you dread but need to hear.
"he went with some sorority girl — cherry, i think her nickname is? 'cos of her red hair and fucking insane double d's. i'm jealous," she huffs beside you, craning her head on her pillow to look at you. "are you okay?"
her words hit you, dragging you back into the painful reality you've tried to forget about and you swallow hard, attempting to compose yourself.
"yeah, m'fine," you reply, but the tremor in your voice gives you away. you force a fragile smile. "promise, i'm good."
even if she doesn't believe a word that came out of your mouth, she doesn't press the issue, which you're grateful for. instead, she shifts the conversation to something completely different.
throughout the day, you remain in your apartment, working on assignments, baking treats with your friend, and crocheting. you even eat popcorn and watch your favourite shared movies.
yet, every so often, your phone buzzes beside you, lighting up with notifications. you take small glances at the screen to read, but each time you see the name, you choose to push the device to the side, ignoring the person on the other end.
© STURNIOZ
616 notes
·
View notes
Photo
People seem not to understand that I am only still alive under great duress The only reason I don't simply end it myself is because I lack the audacity to do it I also think I'd fail at it. Like I've failed everything else ... It's not because I hold out any hope. There is no hope. There is only need and desire and the universe laughs at my pain That's my only purpose for existing ... If one person's success needs someone else's life to be destroyed first, that keeps skipping me by. The destroyed lives just continue adding up. There is no balance. Only the impending doom of chaos for everyone else who haven't fallen yet ... Whatever I believe or know about God and truth is meaningless and irrelevant to my life because even God doesn't save me from this existence... ... and I obviously will never be allowed to save myself ... 🔥 🌹 💔 🎶 🐉 🐲 #ddsverse #deaddragonsociety #poetry #poetrycommunity #writingcommunity #writerscommunity #hate #rage #pain #loneliness #misery #hurt #lost #stressed #burnedout #fadingaway #broken #abandoned #forgotten #unloved #homeless #quotes #bard https://www.instagram.com/p/Cp8MXwXvNGS/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
#ddsverse#deaddragonsociety#poetry#poetrycommunity#writingcommunity#writerscommunity#hate#rage#pain#loneliness#misery#hurt#lost#stressed#burnedout#fadingaway#broken#abandoned#forgotten#unloved#homeless#quotes#bard
1 note
·
View note
Text
Mornings Are the Hardest
Paring: Bucky Barnes x reader
Warning: Angsty with a happy ending
Word Count: 1.5K
Summary: Bucky Barnes has pushed away the person he cares about most, afraid of being vulnerable, of letting someone into the broken parts of himself. After an emotional breakdown, he finally admits that he wants more—more than the fleeting moments and the painful goodbyes—and when he opens up, he finds that the person he loves feels the same. With that realization, both Bucky and the reader can begin to heal, together.
Bucky Barnes used to love mornings—well, he used to. Back when the days were simpler, before everything got complicated. Before Hydra, and most importantly, before you.
Mornings were never a thing to him. He’d wake up, usually alone, the cold sheets around him just a reminder of the battle scars on his soul, his body, the battles he’d fought, both in war and with himself. He was fine with being alone. He had to be. After everything, he learned to push people away—keep them at arm's length. It was easier that way.
But not anymore.
Not since you.
You broke through the walls he’d built around himself. What started as a late-night distraction, a way to escape the nightmares and the crushing loneliness of his life, became something much more than he ever intended. The moments spent with you—soft laughter in the dark, the comfort of your touch, the way you made him feel like maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t beyond saving—those moments filled something inside him he didn’t even know was empty.
But the mornings… they were the hardest.
He hated waking up to an empty bed, the space beside him cold, and the imprint of your absence hanging in the air like a ghost. He could still smell the faint traces of your perfume on the pillow, the lingering heat of your skin where you had been, but you were gone. Always gone by the time he woke up.
It used to be that those bruises you left on him—the marks of your passion, of your need—didn’t mean anything. They were just physical signs of a fleeting thing. But now? Now, they felt like something else. Reminders of everything he couldn't keep, reminders that you weren’t sticking around, that whatever this was between the two of you was always just temporary.
He had no right to want more. He had no right to ask for it, especially when his life was built on lies, blood, and broken promises. But the more time he spent with you, the more he realized that he didn’t want to be alone anymore. Not like this.
But how could he tell you that? How could he admit that he was falling for you when he was so broken, when he was convinced you deserved more than someone like him?
When Bucky arrived at the compound later that afternoon, he could feel the tension in his chest, the anxiety that had built up all day. Everyone was doing their usual thing—Sam was cracking jokes with whoever would listen, Natasha was on her laptop, and Wanda was sipping coffee on the couch. But you, you were sitting at the table, talking with Steve, laughing at something he said.
The sound of your laughter hit Bucky like a sucker punch. It wasn’t the kind of laughter that made him smile anymore—it was the kind of laughter that made his chest ache, that reminded him of all the things he couldn’t have.
He stood in the doorway for a moment, watching you, his heart heavy. You looked so carefree, so radiant, and it made him feel even more like an outsider. His stomach twisted, the familiar pang of jealousy clawing at him when he saw the way Steve smiled at you. But you didn’t see him standing there, didn’t notice the way his world seemed to slow down as he watched you talk, unaware of the war raging inside him.
“Bucky!” Sam’s voice broke through the fog in his mind. “You gonna stand there all day, or you want to join the rest of us?”
Bucky snapped out of his trance, forcing himself to move forward. “Yeah, sure,” he muttered, slipping into the seat next to Sam.
You turned then, offering him that soft smile that used to make his heart race—but now, it just made him feel like a fraud. A stranger sitting across from someone he wanted to be close to but had no idea how to be.
“Hey, Bucky,” you said, voice light, casual. Too casual. “How’s it going?”
Bucky opened his mouth to respond, but the words caught in his throat. He couldn’t do this anymore. Not with you. Not like this. “Fine,” he said, his voice rough. He avoided looking at you, his gaze darting to the beer in front of him.
“You sure about that?” Sam asked, raising an eyebrow, his gaze flicking between Bucky and you.
“I’m fine,” Bucky repeated, his voice hardening. He picked up his beer and drank it too fast, hoping the burn in his throat would drown out the emotions bubbling inside him. But it didn’t work.
You leaned in a little closer to Steve, laughing at something he said, and Bucky’s stomach churned with the kind of frustration that only came when he felt out of control. He couldn’t take it. He couldn’t just sit here and pretend everything was okay when he knew it wasn’t.
Without another word, he stood up abruptly. “I’m gonna head out,” he muttered, already turning away.
“Bucky—” you called after him, but he didn’t stop. He didn’t want to hear the emptiness in your voice, the concern that you probably didn’t even realize was there.
By the time he got home, he was suffocating under the weight of his thoughts. He slammed the front door behind him, trying to ignore the questions from the others. Inside, he climbed the stairs to his room, pacing back and forth, hands running through his hair, a desperate need to escape the thoughts that were drowning him.
“You can’t keep doing this,” he muttered to himself. “She’s gonna leave.”
It wasn’t a question. He knew it. He was pushing you away—had been for weeks now—but he couldn’t stop. The thought of you getting too close, the thought of you seeing all the parts of him that were still broken, terrified him.
He grabbed his phone, scrolling through his contacts until he reached your name. His thumb hovered over the call button for a moment, the fear of rejection tightening his chest. But the ache in his chest—the one that felt like it would tear him apart if he didn’t do something—drove him to press it.
"Need me already?" you teased when you answered, your voice low, almost playful, like nothing was wrong.
Normally, that would’ve made him smirk, would’ve made him feel alive. But tonight, all it did was break him a little more. “Can we talk?” His voice was quieter than he intended, a mixture of fear and longing.
There was a long pause. “Talk?”
“Yeah. Talk.” Bucky's grip tightened on the phone. “Please. I need to talk to you.”
You hesitated. “Okay. Now?”
“Yeah. Now.”
When you knocked on his door, Bucky opened it before you could even raise your hand a second time. He was shaking, nerves and fear clashing inside him. “Hey,” he said, his voice hoarse.
“Hey,” you answered softly, your gaze immediately scanning his face for any sign of what was wrong.
“Come in,” Bucky said, stepping aside.
The two of you sat on the couch, the space between you thick with all the things unsaid. Bucky fiddled with the sleeve of his jacket, his heart hammering in his chest as he tried to find the words that would make everything clear.
Finally, the silence broke, Bucky’s voice raw as he said, “I can’t do this anymore.”
Your eyes widened in surprise. “What?”
“This,” Bucky gestured between the two of you, his chest tightening. “I can’t keep pretending it’s enough. I can’t keep waking up alone. I can’t keep watching you walk out of here. I want more.” His voice cracked. “I want you.”
Your breath caught, but Bucky was already going on, the words tumbling out faster than he could control them. “I want to know you—your hopes, your fears. I want to be there for you. I want to wake up next to you and not feel like you’re just going to disappear the next morning. I want to be with you, really with you. I want to be… yours.”
There was a sharp intake of breath, and then the silence between you both felt unbearable. His words hung in the air, fragile and vulnerable. You blinked, eyes filling with tears, and before Bucky could say anything else, you leaned forward and kissed him.
It was soft, tentative, but there was a depth to it—something that neither of you had allowed before. When you pulled back, your foreheads resting together, Bucky searched your eyes, still unsure.
“Does that mean…” he whispered, the question hanging in the air.
You nodded, a tear slipping down your cheek. “I want more too. I want you.”
Bucky let out a long breath, relief flooding through him as he pulled you into his arms, holding you close, as if you might disappear if he didn’t. For the first time in a long time, he didn’t feel broken. He felt whole. Maybe mornings wouldn't be so bad after all.
#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes x you#self insert#winter soldier#winter soldier x reader#winter soldier x you#winter soldier x y/n#james barnes x reader#James barnes#james barnes x y/n#james barnes x you#bucky barnes self insert#bucky barnes imagines#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky barnes fluff#fluff#marvel mcu#mcu fandom#marvel imagines#marvel fanfiction#magical-Reid#angst#angsty with a happy ending
422 notes
·
View notes
Text
PEACE | Vander/Warwick X Reader
CONTENT WARNINGS - Fluff • Threat �� Injury • Mention of death • Brief mention of blood • Season 2 Spoilers! • Cuddling (BECAUSE THIS MAN DESERVES ONE!!)
PAIRING: Vander/Warwick X Fem Reader
SUMMARY: you were once Vander’s wife but believed he was dead after the cannery exploded. Now you’re staying at Viktor’s utopia hoping the machine herald can bring him back to you
WORD COUNT: 1.9K
——————————————————————————
The commune had been like a fever dream. That something so peaceful could exist in Zaun. Where everyone pulled their weight and shared resources and supplies without ulterior motives. It seemed like a paradise. It seemed too good to be true.
It was almost too much.
In just a couple of days — or was it even hours — your world had been turned upside down.
When Vi and Pow-- Jinx found you, you were both thrilled and sceptical. To see your adopted daughters together again. It certainly confusing to see that they somehow came back together again and with a little girl in tow but they had some information that nearly made your heart stop.
Vander … was alive!
A rasped pained laugh had been your response. It wasn’t possible. You heard the tale: Vander, your husband, died saving Vi. That was it, end of story. It broke you. So much so that you went searching for his body but found nothing. No doubt Silco had it thrown in the Pilt out of spite.
But Jinx was adamant. She claimed she fought some “version” of him in Stillwater, a beast, but it was still him. There was still something inside that recognised her. It was ludicrous. You had half a mind to tell them to leave and let you wallow in your loneliness. But your motherly urge clenched your heart; there was no way you could let them attempt to track this beast alone. Especially with a young child.
So you followed them, deep into the mines with spear in hand. Vi claimed they’d be safe thanks to her gauntlets but it provided you comfort. It had always been your weapon of choice.
After Vi and Jinx had their rather childish fight, the young girl who you had learnt was called Isha, received a bloody nose thanks to Vi’s elbow. You had wiped it clean with your sleeve, offering her a sweet smile as she sniffed but you all continued further in. Until your heart sunk completely when the ground rumbled. A distant roar surged fear through all your hearts, Jinx pushing Isha behind herself and Vi took a firm stance. Your knuckles became white clutching your spear; breath becoming staggered and fearful.
That when you saw it. A glimmer of red in the darkness, growing closer and brighter with every second; the ground trembling from its pounding fists. Jinx attempted to talk to it but nothing stopped its pursuit.
The sound of Vi’s gauntlet grabbing the beasts body before it could reach you caused the bioluminescent plants to light up and that when you became face to face with it. It’s blood red eyes were raging, a clawed paw stretched out desperately reaching out for Isha. It felt as if your heart was breaking all over again. There was an unrecognisable fury. This thing wanted to kill you all. How stupid it was to believe that this was him.
Vi became bloodied and bruised as she fought the beast, Jinx shielding Isha behind her with her gun raised. In a desperate attempt to save your daughter, you joined her in the fight; slashing and stabbing at its body. Yet it did little to nothing to halter it’s anger. It’s body healed at lightening speed.
This wasn’t a fight you could win.
It reared is large paw back, attempting to smite Vi in one swipe. Until you shoved her out of the way towards Jinx and took the hit yourself. It’s large arm smacked you away, your body surging through the air to slam into the wall. A yell rattled past your lips at impact, body feeling like it had just been shattered. You struggled to raise up to your feet until you realised the beasts attention had turned to your daughters. A glob of bloody spit from your mouth regained it, its crimson eyes glaring at your in a furious wrath. As your grip tightened on your snapped spear, you wielded it like you would a knife. You were ready to die here if it meant your girls could take the opportunity to escape. But Jinx halted your determination. She pleaded — no — begged for you to believe her. That this thing in front of you was the man you loved. Your eyes had shut, breathing slow as it leapt; its teeth bared ready to tear you apart.
But when you were face to face with it, so close that you could feel its breath on your cheeks, a sudden glimmer of familiarity befell you. A flicker of hope. Either way, it wasn’t stopping. So you took that chance. You tossed the broken weapon to the side and screamed his name.
Before you knew it, you were wrapped in its large arms. Eyes wide and breath shuddering, your hands slowly crept up to rest on its chest still unsure. But it wasn’t tearing you apart. Wasn’t disembowelling you with its claws. One of its pawed hands rested almost gently to the back of your head, pulling you tight to its body like it would be the last time. You almost wanted to free yourself from its grip out of fear. Until a low grumble from his jaws uttered a single word; causing a wave of tears to flow from your eyes like a waterfall. Your name.
It was him. It was your Vander.
And here you were. In Viktor’s small utopia; praying that this “herald” could heal your husband. Or return his mind to him fully. You cautiously watched Viktor exited from the greenhouse Vander had been designated to; the mechanical man slowly walking away in exhaustion.
“How long do you think this is gonna take?” Vi asked, staring at him in suspicion.
A deep breath heaved from your nose at her question. “I don’t know. In all my years I’ve never dealt with a ‘herald’ before,” you sighed tiredly. “I’ve never dealt with someone coming back from death either”.
“There’s a lot of things we haven’t dealt with,” Vi replied sadly.
She was right about that. It had been a small comfort to you, knowing that if Vander was gone his soul was finally at peace. But now here he was, back from the dead and twisted in his own body for whatever sick maniacal reason. Your brows furrowed in anger as a certain person invaded your mind. “I’ll kill Singed if I ever see him,” you swore, teeth coming close to grinding at the mere thought of that so called ‘scientist’.
“You’ll have to get in line,” Vi quipped, her soft small smile falling as quickly as it formed. “I’m gonna head to bed. You coming?”.
“I’m … I’m actually gonna go visit him. See how he’s doing,” you informed, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. With a soft nod, Vi watched as you walked away towards the greenhouse.
There was still a wave of nervousness as you reached the door but it faded away when your gaze fell upon him. A few soft grunts huffed from his curled form, lying on the ground with a sorrowful look on face only for his head to perk up at the sight of you.
“Hey,” you greeted, shutting the door behind you. Vander rose up slightly, watching you with his new mismatched eyes as you sat down next to his hulking figure. You offered him a honeyed smile, stretching your legs out and leaning back against a pillar. “Any … any change today?”.
Vander snorted sadly in response and glanced down to his paws. Your hand quickly stretched up to cup his jaw, turning him back to look at you; your thumb gently stroking against his cheek to sooth him. “It’s ok. There’s always tomorrow,” you hushed, blinking back a set of tears as he nuzzled into your hand.
You couldn’t help but take in his features, from the sharp fangs to the large ears that twitched at the slightest sound. It made your heart clenched; that sometimes in a certain light or a quick glance you could just see a glimmer of the man you loved.
Almost as if he could sense your change in mood, Vander’s eyes opened; staring at you with a tilt of his head that must’ve said ‘what’s wrong?’.
“I’m ok,” you sniffed. “I’m just glad to have you back”.
He seemed to think to himself, contemplating something before shuffling closer to your body. You waited with bated breath, curiously watching as he fell to his side and laid his head to rest on your lap, his back to you and gaze directed to your boots.
Though it brought a smile to your face. Your heart fluttering at the recreation of a moment you and Vander would often share before things went to hell. Whenever Vander was stressed after a long day he would rest his head in your lap, sighing in relief as your fingers would cascade through his brown locks. The two of you would talk for hours, about your day or whatever your were worried about. It was a quiet intimate experience between you two.
“Heh, just like old times. Ey, Vander,” you teased, raising your hand to comb through the fur on his head. Vander groaned out softly, immediately relaxing against you. “Remember when we used to do this when we were younger? You denied it from hell to high water … then Benzo walked in and wouldn’t shut up about it”.
There was a chuff like laugh from Vander as his paw rested itself against your knee, his breath coming out steadier. The both of you fell silent as you thought of your fallen friend. Of all your fallen friends. Benzo. Connol. Felicia.
Silco.
You didn’t have a clue if Vander even knew his brother had passed. You hadn’t found it in you to ask or tell him either. There was so much going on already you didn’t want to bring him more heartbreak. No matter what had happened between them, Silco would always be his brother. He knew Vander long before you did. They played together as kids, worked together as teens, planned a revolution together as men. You knew in some way Vander would be devastated.
With a sigh, you continued massaging his scalp. No point in telling him now. One thing at a time.
“When we’re done here, how about we go away? Leave the Lanes, leave the Undercity. Find somewhere peaceful, somewhere safe,” you suggested. “Tell only the girls where we are so they can visit”.
Vander awkwardly glanced over his shoulder, staring at you in confusion.
“You didn’t think I was just gonna leave ya, did you?” You playfully quipped.
“However many tries, however long it takes; I am gonna stay right by you side,” you promised, leaning down to place a kiss against his brow, his eyes fluttering shut in content. “Like I’ve always said: it’s me and you till the end, big guy”.
When the sun rose in the morning, Vi had woken to discover you were missing. Both Jinx and Isha were still sleeping together in a pile of blankets whilst your bed appeared neat and unslept in. She rose to her feet and made her way over to the greenhouse, carefully opening the door as quietly as she could. Only for her shocked face to fall into a slight smile.
Somehow in the night the two of you had shifted. You were now laid out on your side, sleeping the most peacefully you had in years. Vander’s large arm had placed itself over your waist, keeping you trapped against his large body; his breath tussling your hair every time he exhaled. His massive paw was clutched in both your hands, pulled tightly to your chest. There wasn’t a care in the world to the two of you.
Just peace.
Vi smiled and decided to leave you be, allowing you both to enjoy your own personal paradise for a little longer.
——————————————————————————
First time returning to Imagines/One Shots but what they did to this man broke my heart and I felt like writing something for the first time in ages. Riot, I’ll never forgive you for what you did to Vander!!!
#vander x reader#vander/warwick#warwick x reader#give this man a hug#I’ll never forgive you Riot!#arcane vander#arcane warwick#netflix arcane#arcane league of legends#vander imagine#Vander one shot#arcane jinx#arcane vi#arcane silco#arcane viktor#arcane isha#arcane x reader#arcane x you#netflix#riot games#give this man a break
737 notes
·
View notes