#unloved

[im-permanently-damaged]

Yall ever feel like you’re better off dead?

Like everyone just gives you the vibe that you’re bothering them so you feel like leaving?

[addictt-with-a-pen]

oh, don’t mind me, just over here being the most unlovable creature in existence

[aishespoeticmuse]

everything hurts. i know it my heart i will never be enough.

[butterflylvr]

I feel like nothing good in my life ever lasts

so whats the point of trying if everything is always temporary

[life-spire]

[emotionallyvoidformymascara]

I feel like a chore to you, something you have to put effort into but really don't want to, an obligation

[dainty-o-o-angel]

Why can't I ever be anyone's first choice?

What's so wrong about me?

Is it the way I look?

The way I speak?

Or is everything about me the problem?

All I have ever wanted was to be loved the way I love people.

To be chosen the way I choose people

To be prioritised the way I prioritise people

But I guess..I'm too unlovable and boring of a person to be chosen...

I have always hoped the best for people, saw the best in them and loved them the best that I could

But I'm always met with disappointment and feeling left out..

I guess..I am the problem after all

I'm nothing special.

[shihlun]

Kunitoshi Manda

- UNloved

2001

[weshallcleansetheworld]

…and sadly I keep setting myself up for it.

[silently-screaming-insidee]

I should just do everyone a favour and kill myself. What's the point anymore. I can't do anything right. I hope I die in my sleep tonight that will be what's best for everyone.

[originalmoonkid]

The intimacy of just being heard and understood.

[janthewriter]

I Am Tired

I am tired of feeling unloved.

I do not think anybody could ever love an unusual creature of perpetual habit like me. Only can they become intrigued with fascination of the unknown. Digging and prodding, only to yield no answers, fueling their anger until they move on to next best thing of existence, one that will gift them with the satisfaction they do hungrily desire.

I am tired of feeling this way.

My mind takes me to the dungeons of a Victorian castle in some frightful place unknown. Even the moonlight raises no hope against this stand of darkness within. I can never seem to escape the shackles. I must free myself. I must free my brain from it’s cranium. And then maybe I will finally be set free at last.

I am tired of the hollow emptiness.

It almost feels as if there is nobody else out here in this void of darkness. I call out, echoes of silence are my only answer in return. I turn mute. Only to match the peaceful, yet painful silence, that I am forever engulfed in.

I am tired of feeling trapped.

I wish I could free myself from this labyrinth, that I somehow found myself stumbling into. The birdcage in my chest that encloses a beautiful bluejay, feels punctured with every breath, being poked and prodded for amusement.

I am tired of breathing.

I breath, just for the oxygen to be sucked out of my lungs through the mouth of a lover, into the infinite space unknown. It is pointless, I shall take shallow breaths until my breathing diminishes altogether; this way it can never be stolen at the hands of a thief needy for more, again.

I am tired of seeing the good.

It becomes painfully hard to see the good, when I can only feel the bad. My eyes are the most diligent. They never fail at accomplishing to deceive me with enticements that are almost up for no refusal. I know better to believe the sweet lies that my eyes show me, telling me all is well. Almost nothing in this world is.

I am tired of fighting.

I am strong and indestructible, until I am not. I become so weak and fragile that with every step I take, my bones creak, revealing my hand of vulnerability. My armor has become too heavy, my arms to weak. Tears cascade down the calming silver onto the battle ground. Fighting has become pointless. It is not in my favor. But someone must win the battle. This war must end eventually.

I am tired of only being seen externally.

My body has nothing left to give. I have ripped every organ out with my bare hands, just to serve them on a silver platter to the greedy. I have given almost everything away, but no one has accepted my heart yet. Seek pity on me and just take what’s left of my heart and make it yours.

I am tired of this torturous day to day life.

A good day only seems to stare at me with wide eyes, extending it’s hand. I reach out in acceptance, thinking greatness is to be bestowed upon me, at last. I am deceived into receiving the small left over bread crumbs called inconvenience. I watch as the the latter is passed on to the next one in line awaiting the opportunity of delight.

I can’t do this much longer.

I am just really really tired.

~Jan

[another-0ddity]

Hanging on by the tiniest thread and I’m slowly slipping…

I can’t live without an FP or partner. I have no worth or purpose or identity.

[howifeltabouthim]

. . . but I see how little people care. Somehow my story doesn't interest them.

Siri Hustvedt, from The Blazing World

[my-unsent-thoughts]

When there's no feeling left, reading old posts here just makes me sick.

[demi-flower-prince]

Does anyone know the cheat code to erase the pain in my heart?