#it feels like a lot

[herlittlebunnyboy]

As I lay here happy, content and sleepy, covered in a warm comforter, clutching one of my heavy pillows tight to my chest, listening to the blinds gently bump into one another stirred into movement by the cool night air coming in through the open window I allow myself to remember.

I remember the first couple times we met. The young Hispanic girl that was overly shy but so pretty to me. I remember how she made me feel and how hard I tried to hide it so that I could seem cool. I remember how much of a fool I was.

I remember some of our earlier fights, how stubborn and hard headed I was, how i could have easily changed so many things, how o could have and should have been better, for her, for me and for the both of us. I remember letting go and how truly sad and alone I felt.

I remember regaining contact and the rush of pure joy i had felt, how even talking to her hundreds of miles away lifted my spirits. How she could infuriate me so much and yet il never get enough of her. I remember how much I need her and in so many different ways.

I remember a recent trip back home where I got to see her, me standing at my hotel room window eagerly watching for her smile to appear along with her stepping out of her car. I remember making fun of her for her food choice as I ordered Chinese delivery for us and ice cream, laughing as she spilled cookies and cream ice cream on the sheets while watching some movie I can't remember.

I remember how I hoped she couldn't tell how fast my heart was beating, and how I couldn't look her in the eye because I never knew if that whole "your pupils get larger when you stare at something you like" idea was true. My pupils must have been huge... I remember her skin brushing against mine, her taste filling my head and making every cell in my body sing, her teeth eagerly bruising me and how much more i wanted and how I slept so soundly that night.

I remember how much I enjoyed breakfast with her the morning after and how just genuinely nice it was to be able to just be with her. She said the waitress was extra nice to me but I didn't notice, all I could see was her. I remember how we finally had to say goodbye how hard it was to see her driving off toward her home and how empty that rental car felt. I remember the song playing that I must have restated about 5 or 6 times and how hard it was to move again. It felt like I was trying to move my body but it had the weight of solid steel.

And I remember how happy i was to get her text that she had made it home safe and sound and how she was already planning out next fateful meeting. I dont think she knows that when i dont get responses from her i get anxious, or how i have alarms set that let me know shes on lunch or off work so that i can hear her talk about her day or even just sit and listen to silence on the phone with her. As long as its her. Theres so much to remember and I'm so so sleepy. Some of it is painful. Most of it isn't. But either way I already can't wait to text her good morning. To ask her how she slept.

I know I'm rambling. I told you all i would. It feels nice though. Like I'm watching a movie back in my head. One where I dont know how it ends yet.

[wanderingmind867]

I have a dentist appointment in an hour or two. I'm nervous because I don't want to have to deal with any cavities, but I'm worried I'll have one. I just don't want one. It's the least of my f***ing problems. I have to do an allergy test at some point, I need bloodwork before my next doctor's appointment, and now I may possibly go to the dentist and find a cavity. Wonderful. Great. Just great. Sigh...

If I do have a cavity but find out it isn't very painful, them I'm going to want to hold off on dental work. I have too many concerns already. So I'm nervous about this appointment, and needed to vent about it here.

[gwyoi]

I’ve been cleaning a lot and I think I’ve found like 3 whiskers in the past month or 2?? is that normal ……

[mabelsguidetolife]

I want to kill myself yaaaaaay

[royposting]

100kg leg press fuckin WHOOOOP

[hiroshotreplica]

ngl the amount of notes my posts get sometimes is crazy to me. i didnt realize so many people liked my work

[x-crowmancer-x]

“My body, No choice”

[lifesizehysteria]

My job starts tomorrow and I have so much to do tonight but my wife has been sick for days and though she's helping as much as she can, I still have had a lot more on my plate than normal, while also trying to prepare for a completely new schedule tomorrow and making sure nothing gets missed for me or the kids - who are also varying degrees of sick and might not even be at school tomorrow. So, I'm hitting a wall and just want to sit and let my brain veg out, even though I still have plenty to do tonight, on top of the general anxiety of starting a brand new job after a year and a half of not working.

[shrubsparrow]

It's in the eye of the beholder

[vamprisms]

i feel like a lot of the 'i hate kids' crowd would be more tolerant if they understood that due to a kid's limited experience of the world that 4 hour flight might just be the longest they've ever had to sit still for or that trapped finger might literally be the most pain they've ever felt in their short life or they might not have ever seen a person with pink hair ever so of course they want to touch it or nobody's told them yet that they can't run around the museum and they only just learned cheetahs are the fastest animals so of course they want to put that to the test. how were they supposed to know etc etc.

[brawnie]

*grabbing mlm shippers by the shoulders* guys nobody needs to be the twink. nobody needs to be the sub. nobody needs to be the femboy. they can both be big fat hairy men who bask in each others masculinity or they can both be unspeakable monstrous creatures with inhuman genitalia it’s okay I’m holding your hand. Let me show you the way

[inbabylontheywept]

i did wrestling in middle school. on one hand, i was actually quite good at it, which was nice. being good at any sport was a new achievement for me. on the other hand, i was bi, and i was trying very hard not to notice that i was bi, and getting folded into knots by very kind, very muscular dorks made that task somewhat difficult.

adding fire to the problem was that my parents and my grandparents wanted to watch my matches, because they were very proud that their Gangly Nerd Son was actually Sporting, and they wanted to cheer me on. which would've been sweet and all, but if there are four people you do not want there during a key part of your Burgeoning Sexual Awakening, it is your mom and your dad and your grandma and your grandpa.

right? i mean, imagine some guy's got your head in his armpit, and you're going you know, old sweat smells bad, but fresh sweat has a sort of and then you make eye contact with your grandpa in the stands and you remember you're swearing spandex so if you pop a boner people aren't just going to be able to see the outline, they're going to be able to count the veins, and the only way you will be able to restore your family's honor after that would be by moving to siberia and renouncing joy, forever. that, or lift your entire body up by your kneck then twist 180 degrees without paralyzing yourself.

it’s a lot of pressure, is what i’m saying.

still it did motivate me to win my matches really fast. because i was so tall and skinny, i was stupidly good at the double leg takedown, and then once someone was knocked down, i'd just do the half nelson and kind of flip em over for the pin. then the ref would count to three and i’d win. EZPZ.

i had one match where that went great. won in the first ten seconds, sat back down, and prepared myself for a good hour or two of doing fuck all. didn't even feel bad the parents/grandparents were gonna be bored. the matches went up from me in 5 pound increments (i was in the 115 lbs division) and it was going great until we got to the 145 lbs division. the other school's wrestler stepped onto the mat, and she turned out to be a girl so our guy flipped, because for straight guys, wrestling a girl is not a pleasant experience.

i'm not entirely unsympathetic. my experience wrestling dudes was definitely a little traumatic. but also, i dealt. guy could've dealt too. instead, he refused to wrestle, and the coach went - fine. not even worth fighting over.

so he went to the 140 pounder, and that guy said, nosir, my mom said mormons can't wrestle girls. next guy down, 135 pounder, now he knew he could pull the same card and thus did. 130 pounder, 125, both tapped out. he got to the 120 guy, and that guy was catholic, but he said he was considering being mormon, and thus would have to pass. as a precaution.

coach blew up a little at that. he said "is there anyone - anyone - on this entire goddamn team that is willing to wrestle a girl?" and then he pointed at me and said "YOU. MAT. GO."

and i'll be real, if i'd been paying more attention, i'd have pulled the mormon card too, but i'd just been putting all that audio into a buffer file because i was reading, so i was halfway across the mat before i even processed what had been said and by then it was too late to turn back.

still i had a plan. and my plan - my beautiful, perfect plan - was to do what i'd always done. tackle, flip, pin, win. sit down. read. bore my family to death. move on.

i got the first part right. she was bigger than me, but she wasn't taller. just an incredibly stout woman. god built me like a snake with glasses, just as he built her like a combat cube. the problem was the half nelson. soon as she was down, i tried hooking my arm under hers from behind and for both genders, the defense for this move is just clamping your arms really fucking tight against your sides. if you're a guy, that's whatever, but if you're a girl - especially if you're god's chosen combat cube - that pins your opponents hand right against your boob.

so, i got the hook in, she clamped, my whole arm pressed against something soft, my coach was yelling THE HALF NELSON. BABYLON! JUST FINISH IT! FINISH THE HALF NELSON! and i was just trying to press hard enough to finish, when then my brain went

...oh.

and i flipped out. of course i flipped out. i like girls, and touching a boob is an elemental experience, and i was not ready. i was not prepared. i had not committed the sacred rites. i recoiled like i'd just brushed my arm against the surface of the sun, stood up, and backed away. nobody in the room knew why i'd given up. all they saw was me, right about to win, suddenly flailing around and scrambling. so everyone started screaming at me to just get the half nelson again, and i couldn't really yell back there's a fuckin' boob in the way and it was very distressing, and the only way i could think of to make them stop was just doing it over again the right way.

so i did.

i hunkered down and prepared myself for Wrasslin' Attempt #2: The Sequel.

i knocked her down again, EZPZ. i went for the half nelson again, but she knew what i was about to do so she super clamped, and i knew she was gonna super clamp, so i wound my arm back like a pop-eye cartoon punch before swinging my arm through the gap between her bicep and her side, but the amount of time i spent winding back super signalled what i was about to to do, which gave her time to clamp even harder, which somehow redirected the entire force of the popeye punch to the bottom of her bra.

it spat out a single boob the same way an action hero might spit out one single tooth after getting a solid crack across the jaw. as if to say:

*ptooie.* "that all you got?"

i did not actually see this. my experience was that first there was an arm, then there was a bit of boob, but i was braced, i was ready, forward at all costs, tatakae motherfuckers, and then the boob went away, and i didn't know where it went but my team, and the audience, and everyone who was in front of me, they all gasped like i just kicked them in the stomach. except for my coach. he was behind me, and thus one of the four people in the room who did not see the boob. now my mom, my dad, my grandma, and my grandpa, they all got flashed but nooooooo, coach thunderbutt was behind me, and he didn't see shit so he was still yelling NOOOOOO BABYLON WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST FINISH THE NELSON! GO FOR THE KILL! BABYLON! BABYLON!

but i did not go for the kill. i stood up and she stuffed her boob back real fast, and we just kind of circled each other awkwardly until time ran out and i won on points. that's not technically allowed, but the ref had some mercy on me.

my coach did not.

i barely had time to sit down before he strode over to the bench to chew me out.

"babylon," he said, in that very calm way people get when they're too pissed to yell. "why didn't you pin?"

and i didn't know how to say well coach, i tried, but there was a boob, and it kept getting in the way, and my mom was watching, and so was my dad, and so was his dad, and his mom, and god (like bible god) and that's a can of worms because i'm pretty sure he was already mad at me, and i'm wearing spandex, and i think i might have to move to siberia, so instead i said

"i uh. i forgot how to do the half nelson."

which is actually impossible. forgetting how to do the half nelson is like forgetting how to swallow your spit.

and he looked at me, like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked through him like i'd just survived my 250th day in a trench at verdun, and he said: fine.

fine.

but we're all going to practice it for an hour tomorrow because you forgot.

and then he left.

and my buddies had the gall to be salty about it. i got so many comments saying "dude, why didn't you just tell him the truth?" and i said "you can if you care so damn much. you could've wrestled the girl too. maybe someone else should do the hard thing today."

but they didn't. so the next day, we did an hour of half nelson drills, and i spent a decent amount of time getting thrown around the mat, and it was pleasant in exactly the way that i hated and the year after that, to the surprise of everyone but myself, i quit wrestling and joined the trivia team.

and if you want more reasons to love my mom, my grandpa joked after the match that i might have to talk to my bishop about it, and my mom told him he would be allowed to make jokes after he stood in front of a crowd of 110 people in spandex underpants while wrestling a woman that was not his wife.

he paused for almost five seconds after that. then he said: aw. hell. sorry babylon.

and i'd have preferred my apology from god, but getting it from him was pretty good too.

[the-jade-palace]

Me teaching my friend about the different parts of fishing

[king-nyx]

Say it with me now

You are never late to a fandom. Your fic is never "invalid" for being "late". Your fic doesn't need a high word limit. Your fic does not need a high standard. Your fic does not need to be highly popular. Your fic isn't less valid than a popular author's fic. Your fic isn't inheritly bad. Your fic is amazing. Your fic is valid. The only thing that matters is that you're having fun. Fandom is not consumption and consumerism. Fandom is fun, free and for the people. Fandom is not a popularity contest. We're all nerds at the end of the day.

[wormy-business]

I saw this question posed on tiktok, but I think Tumblr would really enjoy it too.

If a fae creature offered to give one million dollars for a bone FROM YOUR BODY chosen at random, how many bones would you allow them to take?

Light clarifications; The fae is not the one choosing the bones. The bone is taken at random. Each bone, no matter the size or importance, is worth a full million dollars. You must also declare the exact number first, you can't go bone-by-bone. You either say 2 or you say 10, you can't work your way up to a higher number. The bones are removed instantaneously, and the money is given immediately as well. You will not get in government trouble for acquiring the money.

Tell me in the tags/replies how many bones you'd let the fae take. And as always, reblog for bigger sample size.

[caffeinatedopossum]

Me when I remember something I said ages ago that was wrong or my values no longer align with