#i know its alot
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As I lay here happy, content and sleepy, covered in a warm comforter, clutching one of my heavy pillows tight to my chest, listening to the blinds gently bump into one another stirred into movement by the cool night air coming in through the open window I allow myself to remember.
I remember the first couple times we met. The young Hispanic girl that was overly shy but so pretty to me. I remember how she made me feel and how hard I tried to hide it so that I could seem cool. I remember how much of a fool I was.
I remember some of our earlier fights, how stubborn and hard headed I was, how i could have easily changed so many things, how o could have and should have been better, for her, for me and for the both of us. I remember letting go and how truly sad and alone I felt.
I remember regaining contact and the rush of pure joy i had felt, how even talking to her hundreds of miles away lifted my spirits. How she could infuriate me so much and yet il never get enough of her. I remember how much I need her and in so many different ways.
I remember a recent trip back home where I got to see her, me standing at my hotel room window eagerly watching for her smile to appear along with her stepping out of her car. I remember making fun of her for her food choice as I ordered Chinese delivery for us and ice cream, laughing as she spilled cookies and cream ice cream on the sheets while watching some movie I can't remember.
I remember how I hoped she couldn't tell how fast my heart was beating, and how I couldn't look her in the eye because I never knew if that whole "your pupils get larger when you stare at something you like" idea was true. My pupils must have been huge... I remember her skin brushing against mine, her taste filling my head and making every cell in my body sing, her teeth eagerly bruising me and how much more i wanted and how I slept so soundly that night.
I remember how much I enjoyed breakfast with her the morning after and how just genuinely nice it was to be able to just be with her. She said the waitress was extra nice to me but I didn't notice, all I could see was her. I remember how we finally had to say goodbye how hard it was to see her driving off toward her home and how empty that rental car felt. I remember the song playing that I must have restated about 5 or 6 times and how hard it was to move again. It felt like I was trying to move my body but it had the weight of solid steel.
And I remember how happy i was to get her text that she had made it home safe and sound and how she was already planning out next fateful meeting. I dont think she knows that when i dont get responses from her i get anxious, or how i have alarms set that let me know shes on lunch or off work so that i can hear her talk about her day or even just sit and listen to silence on the phone with her. As long as its her. Theres so much to remember and I'm so so sleepy. Some of it is painful. Most of it isn't. But either way I already can't wait to text her good morning. To ask her how she slept.
I know I'm rambling. I told you all i would. It feels nice though. Like I'm watching a movie back in my head. One where I dont know how it ends yet.
#i know its alot#it feels like a lot#but its important to me#this blog is just as much a journal as it is someplace to express my kinks#maybe i should seperate the two?#so yall dont have to deal with the whiplash from swapping between the two?#maybe...#i figured out how to hide my ramblings so you dont all have to deal with it too. so thats cool#goodnight people who live in my phone#sweet dreams#sleep good!#sleepy needy bunny#bunny thoughts
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Mostly spoiler free summary of my viewing experience
#The boy and the heron#how do you live#studio ghibli#ghibli#in all honesty that movie was legitimately so fantastic and im like changed as a person#Story wise as well! It hits really hard if you know a bit about miyazaki and his legacy. Its a very personal movie i think#And you can feel it in every aspect#The eng dub voice actors were really good as well and the animation was beautiful as always#Also really loved the tone!!! The story really relied a bit on the use of negative space in both sound and pacing and i enjoyed that alot#in conclusion go read a article about miyazaki and his son and then go watch the movie it’s probably going to be one of my favorites#image id in alt
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silly comic based on a time i struggled to read live on stream :thumbsup:
context clip compilation below ASDASDFASA
(cw for brief mention of hospitals/strokes)
#in stars and time#isat#isat odile#isat siffrin#isat spoilers#<- not big ones but the convo this stems from occurs on 3rd floor before king act 2 so#cw hospital#cw stroke#<- brief stroke talk in the clip thats why#odile i am so sorry for making u deal with the fact that i cant read#or just input words?? where there arent any??? i dont know why i do that????#these streams have made me realize i sometimes just autofill words when reading SAFADDA#also random side headcanon i was thinking of while drawing this#is odile speaks alot with her hands?#idk why i just think its fun?#and kinda makes sense as someone who has travelled a lot thru different countries?#personal observation but you can convey/tell a lot without knowing a much of a different language via body language#as someone who grew up with family who spoke a different language that i do not speak LMAO#especially hands!! those say a lot!!#reading body langauge/tone helped me a lot when guessing if what was being talked about a good thing or not#tho tone to a lesser extent since uh it can be hard to tell at times i think ASDFDA#so it makes sense to me???#the art of pointing in general location is a universal skill i think?? yea#to a lesser extent i think siffrin might do this? but more subdued/under the cloak so#the cloak ends up getting in the way 90% of the time so no one can actually see that lmao#okay tag talk over#no stream time today because weather boooooo storms
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"chilchucks a real hater"-wrong! chilchucks a lover!!
#chilaios#laichil#he tries to save face but its pretty obvious by now deep down hes cares alot!#especially towards laios because that lug was enough to make chilchuck stay with the party#the fact that i only wanted to have 4 panels but then i just kept adding more cause chils love is so subtle. ..#god these boys have so much subtext and history remember they been together for 3years :)#y'all know what this is going in main tags cause yeah#dunmeshi
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"it must be the caffiene."
"...? we didn't have anything caffinated?"
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CHILAIOS WEEK DAY 2 : Changeling
HI THIS IS SUPER LATE BUT ART HAS BEEN. HARD. AND YES I SKIPPED ONE DAY THAT ONE IS GONNA GO LAST BECAUSE ITS TAKING SO LONG TO MAKE.... ill get to the others when i find the time.
Bonus :
#its been soooo long since ive made a finished artwork... or at least it FEELS like so long#i just keep starting new things and dropping them that i cant remember the last time i did something finished even if its recent#anyways. deadlines always make me stressed so i had to give myself/get 5093839 peptalks to finish this#ANYWAYS ANYWAYS.#look at these disasters#the 'half-foots can hear heartbeats' headcanon is one of my favourites of all time#i think about it alot....#also by the way. yes they imagine themselves here as normal but with the other's clothes.#i dont know how to explain my thoughts on it so just take it as you will#GRRGHHKKK IM OBSSESSED WITH THEM#chilaios week#chilaios#chilchuck#chilchuck tims#laios#laios touden#aaaand im not tagging anything else out of embarassment
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remake of something I did 2 years ago ⁉️ cuz why not
#uhhh alot of things are wonky cuz i kinda stopped caring far into it sorry#i dont know how the og got to 1k notes 😭😭😭😭 IT SUCKS sorry#i doubt this one will get as much#but its ok#virtual assistants#clippy#coppy#gijinka#object head#webcore#tumblr#digital art#comic#tw alcohol#i decided to not render it ppbrpt#tw emeto#implied
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pro tip: you can always put the bugs in little outfits :thumbsup:
#rain world#five pebbles#lttm#looks to the moon#no im not procratsinating what im actully drawing to put the bugs in fun outfits what are you talking about#anyhow uh yeah man been a lil since i uploaded anything huh. that will not be changing. stay tuned for as scarce art as always. we stay thr#anyhow! you know i have done similar scehctehs alot and i always do the undershirt longshirt for them cause i feel like moon would like it#nd pebbles got it from her even if hed hate to adit it. sometimes your older sister figure has good taste (subjective) and you will never r#each her high#anyhow also i like desiging tshirt prints even if its always a pain when i need to do it#ough#anyhow i have suns also if anyone wanna see that i suppose?#otherwise hmmmm well if anyones reading this who has an opinion i wokring on a comic and concidering if i should wait with posting and do t#e whole thing once i anage to struggle through adding the text#or if i will be weak and post my fave parts beforehand for funnsies hmmmm many choises someone tell me what to do i hate making choises#uh for anyone not intrestied in my long tag rabling music rec for today is cop car by mitski!!!! and not at all because ive been watching a#disco elysium aniatic with that song on loop on youtube for days#thats not soemthing id do#anyhow anyhow!!!!#my art#see i can remmeber that tag sometimes :)#oh also an its nice to go back to drawing these guys after weeks of my own rw ocs. strange experince man#^-^
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Happy new year my dearest uwu
Drawn for an exchange, but also so I can unapologetically draw edgy shit
Funky alt colors, line art under read more:
#persona 3#makoto yuki#minato arisato#p3#persona 3 reload hype#i know what you are#requester wanted male mc but i will draw hamuko soon#i drew most of this on the train coz ive been traveling alot so its a lil shakey#ryomina
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"Growing up is realising a (random ship) you loved is actually weird and bad"
Yeah? Is it? Great, I love it even more. The worse it is the Better.
#seeing alot of gf fans deny the billdip phase and you are all WEAK#god i wrote some true shit for them#do you guys notice how most dni accounts are under 25 cause i do#and we all know why#babes some day this will not matter as much as you fucking think it does#i used to think some things were weird but now im older and weird things is just good taste#explore your ships#youre fucking allowed to age up characters stop letting people stop you thr characters are fake!!!#nothing you do will hurt a fictional character#feel free to ignore this#clicking into an account and seeing a dni and sliding over to the age and being like “yep#yep yep yep i knew it“#never in my life have a seen actual adults care#okay for the sake of this resonancing#freaks interact#lmao#is this discourse?#its for sure proship
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(totk rewritten)
finally, all the arm and spirit abilities- for the first half of the game (rauru) and for the second half with the shiekah arm replacing links arms instead and the spirit abilities gained through ganondorf
(please excuse my handwriting and sometimes repeated info on the first two, i lost motivation/patience at the end and couldnt get myself to basically redo it all from scratch just to make it a bit more cleaner)
note, the camera rune is unconnected to the arm, its the shiekah stone copy link has (zelda carries the one from botw, a copy was attempted to be made for link but it lacks all runes except the camera, the map and its teleportation, and journal/archive)
note for the heal effects of some spirit abilities- im also reworking the healing system, making it more like the older games, so healing isnt as easy and much more restricted, thus making those effects of spirit abilities more valuable ( lil potion icon on the d pad will act a little bit like in skyward sword, opens your limited selection of healing items and if chosen link switches to holding it and letting you consume it with -a- while walking around in real time- to avoid more pausing and mass healing on regular items while in menu)
additional note, the automatic recharging of the magic meter depending on the environment gives you a reliable but less abusable way of using abilities and allows for even more creative dungeon/challenge design by using it effectively- it works by absorbing magic from its surroundings, so if its an area with little magic it recharges slower, if its a very spiritual or healthy place it will recharge faster, it can be used to make things more challenging and also as subtle storytelling (example, theres a graveyard with the magic energy around being off the charts, even if there are no spirits to see, it could hint at the people buried not having died peacefully, no matter what their gravestone says...)
the usage of magic and how much the different abilities cost also allows for a much more dynamic fighting style for players to choose and try out, balancing them all out with their cost instead of a fixed timer, and the recharging beign affected by the environment perhaps forcing players that favor high cost magic abilities to use the lower cost ones for example, or not being able to charge one up bc the enemy is too fast and doesnt give you enough time to charge it
about half of the small overworld dungeons (not shrines) are also locked/inaccessible for the first half and new quests appear as the second half commences- together with the additional changes raurus return brings with it (sonau buildings, enemies being mostly cosntructs that he summoned etc) and whole set of new abilities giving you a fresh new way to play while (hopefully) not making you feel too restricted for the first half
... making these detailed concepts took me longer than id like to admit q-q
#ganondoodles#zelda#ganondoodles rewrites totk#tloz#art#concept art#loz#ok im gonna play some games now#might do future concepts more with clean text#so i dont even get into the situation of having to redo everything jkdfkd#also im not a game designer so if i got any game designers following me id love to hear what you think#THOUGH theres alot of other mechanics missign here#like the weapon repair system- the new healing system in detail- the mini dungeons that arent shrines again- the pockets to find to-#-expand your inventory instead of krog poop- etc etc#ngl so nervous about posting this bc i know its less appealing than the full art pieces#but how am i gonna get mechanics across if not like this#i dont even know what to tackle next lol#everything plays into each reworked system so theres always gonna be soemthing that seems off on its own#but i cant put it all into one post bc that would put the colors of the sky post to shame how long it would be kjbgvkdbngkk
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Louis & Armand • Do you know what it means to be Loved by Death
#okay woahh#their love is so lush ohh i was right abt a bunch of things but also shocked by otherss its soo interesting learning bout these characters#i love themm also i was soo tempted to make an armand blog bc he looks soooo good#loumand is so so interesting to me how they span accross decades are a lil fucked up can reminice (and they look so soft while reminiscing)#maybe i will record the part...but when theyre both sitting there thinking abt the time they met...and louis' lil 'yeah?' my heart melted#the show got me soo attatched (as i presumed)#i will be posting more screenshots i have alot...#there was alot of dubai how exciting !#dubaipenthouseupdates#amc interview with the vampire#amc iwtv#louis de pointe du lac#vampterview#the titular vampire#armand#interview with the vampire spoilers#loumand#armand x louis#iwtv spoilers#do you know what it means to be loved by death
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sick(?)
#messyr#doodle#vent art#?? well not really! just skl#coping through drawing bc its what keeps me from rotting in bed#my body cant keep up fjdshzhl and i just feel worse every time i try to 'function' even as basic tasks it makes me want to throw up AAAAH#this artist does not KNOW how to take care of themselves help help help help fsdjxhf#how am i supposed to fkin tell my dad nor my relatives im just so- PHYSICALLY- and MENTALLY TIRED without it perceived as lazy or an excuse#same goes to my professors bc ive been missing out ALOT in school lately and my classmates are also probably wondering where the hell I am#( group activities etc etc i want to km s - I've failed TWO MAJOR SUBJECTS BC OF HOW IVE BEEN DOING-AAAAAAAAAH)#if not physically then its my noisy ass brain that spirals me into depressive episodes where I literally cant do jackshit about
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Who’s your favorite dc loser
Oh I'm sorry let me introduce you to him
#ask#anon#i know i dont mention him alot#but my son#is the biggest loser i know#love him so much#oh the art is by dexter soy btw#first image that comes up when you type in dc red hood on google images#its his wiki page image apparently
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this game has consumed my every waking moment, have a sif
#in stars and time#isat#isat art#my art#its a universally acknowledged fact that if a character's hair has a HINT of curl to it i WILL make it More Curly. i simply cannot help it.#anyway! this is based off that one official art. yknow the one.#i dont know why he has his dagger out but i REALLY wanted to draw it so. there it is. its such a fun shape#also im glad i didnt post this last night because i realized at like 2 am that i forgot the little wear lines on their cloak and hat lmao#expect more isat art to come! i have so many ideas!#i love this game for alot of reasons#but im especially grateful its managed to kick my art brain back into gear after so long of zero motivation
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cw// implied character death, double life nonsense
because you are love itself.
#my art#trafficblr#double life#divorce quartet#<-- insane about how scott killed pearl in limlife.#this comic has been sitting unfinished in my files for a good month its def not finished to my usual quality but god it needed to be done#so uh scott... yeah. i like villain scott but not pure evil scott. i like a scott whos scared of being loved and manipulates others to spar#himself the pain. i like a scott who ditched pearl because their friendship was actually becoming real and when the server gods confirmed i#with DL he freaked out a bit and ran off.#ofc u can interpret this comic however u want but i was just thinking way too hard abt smajhor#i feel like often ppl get divided into scott did nothing wrong vs scott is pure evil alot of the time#which is understandable cus like i said with fanart/fic u only have so much space to show someones personality#but idk i like him all angsty. like i know im a bad person but to keep myself safe i need to keep being like this.#hes so blorbo *puts him in a blender*#i hate him *wraps him up in a blanket and takes him home*#cw implied death#cw implied violence#scott#pearl
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i think people give elise too much shit for her little outburst at the end of sonic 06 because if i was running a country at 17 and had been repressing my emotions for 10 years straight and one day i got kidnapped like 500 times and ended up befriending the guy who rescued me and while spending time with him i felt like i really got to be myself and have fun for the first time in forever and formed a really meaningful relationship with him only for some weird demon rat thing to show up and kill him right in front of me just to make me cry so the destructive fire god that my dad sealed inside my body would be unleashed and then in order to save the world i had to reset the timeline and forget we ever met i would have become the joker
#posts that sound insane to people who dont know the sonic lore#been htinking about sonic 06 again lately#also i didnt know how to work this in but remember the scene where she jumped off eggman's airship not knowing sonic was gonna catch her .#yeah#also i think its pretty obvious that she wasnt actually gonna let the world end so she could stay with sonic#considering she ended up blowing out the flame anyway. she just had a lot of feelings about it. which shes allowed to do#anyway. people alwasy say elise is boring and has no personality or character#but i think shes interesting. once you actually start paying attention to her#also i dont even ship sonelise but i think its pretty clear that sonic and elise meant alot to eachother#even if i prefer to make it platonic in my mind#people who say sonic hated elise just hate elise themselves and are projecting that onto sonic#< TO BE CLEAR PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS CAN STILL BE VERY DEEP AND MEANINGFUL#idk if my wording on that was weird
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