#the problem is... i only have first books of sagas

[celticwoman]

at last... starting the raven king today

[diaruchann]

I think for most people it went:

Percy Jackson -> Greek Mythology -> Epic: The Musical

But somehow for me it was:

Epic: The Musical -> Percy Jackson -> Greek Mythology

[caliblorn]

I promised to make this post months ago and completely forgot about it until the last few days (a classic!), so here I am now. Making it. And with silly art included. Yay!

As many of you know, Mannimarco and Vanus Galerion in Elder Scrolls Online are portrayed as 2E contemporaries who mirror each other journeys to leaders, out of the Psijic Order and into their own groups. ESO makes it clear that they're meant to be similar in age as well, and it does so both by de-aging Mannimarco's model for the "Half-Forming Understandings" quest, and by making it say by Vanus himself in Artaeum Lost.

BUT! If you have played Morrowind or Oblivion, you might already be familiar with Where were you when the Dragon Broke?, an account of different people's experiences during the Middle Dawn, the 1E Dragon Break. And oh! Look who it is.

(notice also he says God, not King) The Middle Dawn happened between 1E 1200 and 1E 2208. Time fuckeries as much as you want, but nonetheless, 1E ends in 2920, and we know FOR SURE that Vanus was born the first years of 2E and that he joined the Psijics as a 11 yo. So, even if we took into consideration ONLY the latest period of the Middle Dawn, Mannimarco would have been a... 700+ years old novice when he met Vanus. Very funny to think about, but an old mer having an intellectual rivalry with a teenager doesn't really scream "brilliant" to me.

I'd say the retconning of his age is also supported by Worm Saga, were he doesn't mention at all his period in the Maruhkati and makes it sound like he was either born or taken to Artaeum at a very young age.

Plus, both in Worm Saga and in the Vault's flashbacks and in every other source ever (WRITTEN FOR ESO. AHEM.) we see that his "discovery" of necromancy happened on Artaeum. Like, it's screamed into our ears a couple of times or more in the game itself.

The problem with all of this? The book that implies he lived through the Middle Dawn is still present in ESO.

Which is to me one little example of a bigger issue with ESO writers rewriting/retconning things without taking away/trying to somewhat link the original sources. But I digress, there are different ways to make this work but since some are too complicated to be discussed now, I'll just share with you what I usually go with;

Mannimarco is a great liar. Not only a liar, a politician. A sales man. A guru. He knows how to give himself prestige. What "Where were you when the dragon broke?" is to me is either fake accounts fabricated by the Cult themselves, or stolen accounts (probably from Artaeum's archives!) where his false experience was added and then sent around Tamriel.

If I had to make a TIMELINE for all the pieces cited, I would say the publication order would be "Where were you when the dragon broke" (used as propaganda by the Cult to make Mannimarco's figure important)-> "Artaeum Lost" (disproves what was fabricated about Mannimarco)-> "Worm Saga" (new attempt to give himself prestige with that "aldmer, scion of et'Ada").

[goldensunset]

so i guess it didn’t occur to me but like. Yeah. even if the app is offline and only provides theater mode that’s still a real canon kingdom hearts entry. those cutscenes are part of the story. and that app is the official means by which those cutscenes are accessible. there’s youtube of course but that’s all the work of fans… without the uxdr app square enix is currently straight up not offering an actual official way to experience this story anymore. which is. really low. nintendo type move. and like. bad for an overarching story that relies on this and is only going to do so more and more…

i’m betting on this being the first symptom of square enix doing something new with this story in the future but for the time being it’s like. man that really reflects poorly… not that it’s even that irrational to take down an app that’s been dead for years now but what it does is bring to light how ridiculous it is that square enix hasn’t done anything else in that time. no announcement of a remake or other new means of making uxdr available, no warning about the app being removed, etc

not to sound like one of the mobile game saga haters but in the end. when you get practical with it. it really is unprofessional and far-fetched for game developers to expect the masses to get into a story that’s only accessible through a gallery of cutscenes on a mobile app. like i understand there are always gonna be casual fans who aren’t interested in every last side game ever (even if they’re wrong) but in general stuff like bbs and ddd or whatever we’re good at appealing to broader audiences. i think square enix really needs to face the reality that people want real and playable games and the rabid passion of us tumblr weirdos who will gladly watch hours of cutscenes isn’t enough to float their boat

like khux has been around for so long you’d think they’d have realized ‘hmm the cute little online pc/mobile game we made got popular and we expanded the lore a lot hmmmm maybe we should reconsider our initial choice if confining it to the realm of a cute little online pc/mobile game.’ it hurts my heart to hear people dissing the mobile games bc it’s done from ignorance of how good they are but i’m not mad at those people. they’re judging a book by its cover but like yeah some books have unappealing covers. i get it. not everyone will immediately see the hype. the khux superfan in me says skill issue they should try harder. the pragmatic person who wants the series to survive says square enix you gotta do something to appeal to the broader audience

and like only offering the thing in a mediocre form is bad enough but it’s even worse now if they don’t even let you have the thing at all. now it really is up to the fans to preserve this work of art? a set of crucial support beams for the entire mythos’ lore is being curated by youtubers doing this entirely out of passion? and square enix doesn’t see a problem with that? mannnn if you want to be taken seriously as a storyteller. provide access to your stories. ideally make it a good and widely popular type of access but at least do something. nintendo type of move smh . as long as they don’t go full nintendo and start striking down people who upload it online

[thecomicsnexus]

TMNT: 40TH ANNIVERSARY COMICS CELEBRATION

July 2024

By Kevin Eastman, Edgar Alan Poe, Jim Lawson, Tristan Jones, Gary Carlson, Chris Allan, Erik Burnham, Lloyd Goldfine, Ciro Nieli, Andy Suriano, Tom Waltz, Ronda Pattison , Tom Napolitano, Steve Lavigne, Paul Harmon, Frank Fosco, Adam Guzowski, Sarah Myer, Luis Antonio Delgado, Shawn Lee, Khary Randolph, Emilio Lopez, Michael Dialynas, Pablo Tunica, Freddie E. Williams II, David Petersen, Ken Mitchroney, Aaron Hazouri, Dan Duncan, Sophie Campbell, Jodi Nishijima, Stan Sakai, and Emi Fujii.

Come and enjoy stories that will remind you of the 40 years of turtle history.

SCORE: 10 *

* Assuming you are familiar with these iterations.

This is a strange read, and curiously, there are three or four highlights for me, and they are not exactly the ones you would imagine.

Spoilers after the break...

The first story by Kevin Eastman is in the Mirage section of the book but... well... I'll leave at that... I wouldn't call it the Mirage we knew.

There is a story by Lawson and Lavigne with the Rat King that... it's fun. But, you know... I wouldn't even try to fit it in canon... the amount of continuity physics you need to bend to place this story is not worth the time. Just enjoy as a new story by these two iconic Mirage artists.

This other story by Tristan H. Jones and Paul Harmon requires more analysis. I'll revisit it on my gang wars video and try to give it more context... but unfortunately... it's just too vague. All I can say for sure is that it happens in the future of that incomplete saga, but the narrator just takes too many artistic choices to be taken at face value.

Also... I believe this is the first official (frontal) appearance of Agent Bishop (unless I got the character wrong, but Jones already tried to introduce him in this saga). I think he is still holding on to it, and I really hope he gets to tell his story. I wouldn't mind a mini-series... just saying!

The Volume 3 story was... not for me. The dialogue alone felt tired.

The Archie adventure was short, eventful, and funny... and it looks amazing too!

In just four pages a new character was introduced and... a new love story was implied! And it's not just a gratuitous cameo... this is a funny sequence.

The Saturday Morning Adventures (the de facto 87 story) looks amazing as usual, but I didn't find the story that interesting. However, it started a theme that would run across most of the stories in this special after this one: Master Splinter.

The 2003 story is a... loose canon?

Hun is Slash, and Shredder is back... so make of that what you want. All I'm going to say is that this felt a lot like watching the beginning of a 2003 episode, with the narration setting the tone.

The 2012 story was one of the least interesting in the previews, but I have to say... it was probably one of the best. It brought back a villain and it technically serves as an excuse to continue the series?

But to me the best thing about the story is the art. I am surprised Ciro Nieli didn't do more comic book work for the Turtles all these years. In fact, if they somehow decided to continue the 2012 universe in 2D in this style... I'm all in. Well, who am I kidding... I would be in anyway... but this looks amazing.

Andy Suriano did probably the most interesting story in the book. Now, I am not sure if his style doesn't translate well to static panels or what the problem is with the comic format... but it doesn't matter... this small story brought in a lot of things that ended on the editing floor after the show's second season was reduced to a few more episodes. There was a rumor about a female turtle, and not only it is here in all its glory, but there is also a brother?

And come on... it's so Lou Jitsu to die with a cliffhanger.

There are two IDW stories. One is another Splinter story, but the other one is perhaps one of the best in this book.

The Ronda Pattison story takes place just before the Armageddon game, and it shows the five turtles in full sibling dynamic (even Jennika). It was refreshing to see these turtles having fun for a change.

There are no stories by the new team, but... well... that's just starting.

[bombshellsandbluebells]

One thing I'm so relieved with in Alan Wake 2 is the handling of female characters - especially Alice. The women of Alan Wake 1 were fairly lackluster: we have Barbara Jagger, a concept of a girlfriend more than a character, Rose, a pretty one-note fangirl who also just gets taken over by the Dark Presence for most of it, Cynthia Weaver - by far the best of all of them and one of my favorites, and then Alice.

Alice is so bland in Alan Wake 1. She's the classic hero's tragic wife who gets taken/killed early on to prompt him to save her. We get very little of Alice outside of her relationship to Alan. She's a plot device more than a character.

But I found myself so much more invested in her in Alan Wake 2. We get to see her photography - something that had mostly been introduced as a way she creates covers for Alan's books in the first game and now gets to stand alone as something purely from Alice. We get to see her process her fears and her traumatic experience through her art. We see her using her art to fight back against the thing haunting her. We see her as an artist in her own right and not just the wife of one.

I love the decision to only ever show Alice in videos - she feels real that way, and the choice to have her staring at the camera telling the viewer directly what she's going through and how she feels really worked to actually connect me to her. She finally felt like more of a person than just a concept.

And on top of that, we got so many other fantastic women.

Rose got more personality and agency - still a fangirl through and through but there's more to her than that now. She's hilarious and weird and runs around fighting shadow monsters because she thinks a dead author speaks to her through the clouds - and she's GOOD at it, actually. She knows what she's doing and how to protect herself and does what she can to help Saga along the way.

Saga is fantastic. She's capable and determined and good at her job, but also weird. She's excited to get a cult case. She finds a weird doll in the woods in some kind of ritual set-up and thinks it would make a good gift for her daughter. She's been psychic probably her whole life and just wrote it off as intuition. She's tormented with doubts and insecurities but the people in her life reassure her that's she's doing her best and has done so much for them.

Kiran is the tough government agent trope but as a woman, and I mean that in a good way. She gets to be a strong leader, kind of mean and annoying to deal with at first, stubborn, and capable. She has the bitter ex-wife who couldn't deal with her work. She bonds with Casey over marriage problems and drinking. She gets to shine in The Lake House, and I love it. Her role in the story would have been so easy to write as a man and they didn't go that route.

Remedy Games overall do still tend to have more men than women, but it feels like they're making a genuine effort to include more diverse, interesting women with every new installment, giving us more options to play as them, and I really appreciate it.

[richincolor]

We've got five books on our radar this week! Which ones are you adding to your TBR list?

The Corruption of Hollis Brown by K. Ancrum HarperCollins

Hollis Brown is stuck. Born to a blue-collar American Dream, Hollis lives in a rotting small town where no one can afford to leave. Hollis's only bright spots are his two best friends, cool girls Annie and Yulia, and the thrill of fighting his classmates. As if his circumstances couldn’t get worse, a chance encounter with a mysterious stranger named Walt results in a frightening trap. After unknowingly making a deal at the crossroads, Hollis finds himself losing control of his body and mind, falling victim to possession. Walt, the ghost making a home inside him, has a deep and violent history rooted in the town Hollis grew up in and he has unfinished business to take care of. As Walt and Hollis begin working together to put Walt’s spirit to rest, an unspeakable bond forms between them, and the boys begin falling for one another in unexpected ways. But it’s only a matter of time before Hollis’s best friends begin to notice that something about Hollis isn’t quite…right. With the threat of a long-overdue exorcism looming before them, will Walt and Hollis be able to protect their love and undo the curse that turned their town from a garden of possibility into a place where dreams go to die?

If We Were a Movie by Zakiya N. Jamal HarperCollins Children's Books

Lights. Camera. Love? Rochelle “the Shell” Coleman is laser focused on only three things: becoming valedictorian, getting into Wharton, and, of course, taking down her annoyingly charismatic nemesis and only academic competition, Amira Rodriguez. However, despite her stellar grades, Rochelle’s college application is missing that extra special something: a job. When Rochelle gets an opportunity to work at Horizon Cinemas, the beloved Black-owned movie theater, she begrudgingly jumps at the chance to boost her chances at getting into her dream school. There’s only one problem: Amira works there… and is also her boss. Rochelle feels that working with Amira is its own kind of horror movie, but as the two begin working closely together, Rochelle starts to see Amira in a new light, one that may have her beginning to actually… like her? But Horizon’s in trouble, and when mysterious things begin happening that make Horizon’s chances of staying open slimmer, it’s up to the employees to solve the mystery before it’s too late, but will love also find its way into the spotlight?

Iron Tongue of Midnight (The Forge & Fracture Saga, Book 3) by Brittany N. Williams Amulet Books

Swashbuckling and romantic, this series delivers an unforgettable story—and a heroine unlike any other. It all ends with the Fae Queen. Seventeen-year-old Joan Sands must banish the Fae, just as her ancestor did nearly two thousand years ago. But first she’ll have to unravel the mystery behind the original pact that allows the Fae to openly terrorize London while King James hides in the countryside, protected by the children of the Orisha. Armed with a magical sword and the power to manipulate and create metal, Joan gathers allies and enemies in unlikely places as the world she knew slips further away. But the children of the Orisha struggle to wield their magic for war, and Joan clashes with the elders who refuse to trust the fate of the world to a child, regardless of her Orisha blessings. All while her two loves, Nick and Rose, grow closer to each other, a prospect more momentous and alluring than Joan ever could have imagined. When a spirit bent on annihilating all who worship the Orisha is unleashed, Joan discovers the unsettling truth behind the original pact. Faced with the lies of the past, the frightening power of the Fae, and a mortal king whose dangerous whims hold her community hostage, Joan must decide: Is the old world worth saving or is it time to forge something frighteningly new?

The Summer I Ate the Rich by Maritza Moulite & Maika Moulite Farrar, Straus and Giroux

Just add garlic, lemon, and a dash of the one percent. This smart, biting novel explores what happens when a Haitian American girl uses her previously hidden zombie abilities to exact revenge on the wealthy elites who’ve caused her family pain. Brielle Petitfour loves to cook. But with a chronically sick mother and bills to pay, becoming a chef isn’t exactly a realistic career path. When Brielle’s mom suddenly loses her job, Brielle steps in and uses her culinary skills to earn some extra money. The rich families who love her cooking praise her use of unique flavors and textures, which keep everyone guessing what’s in Brielle’s dishes. The secret ingredient? Human flesh. Written by the storytelling duo Maika Moulite and Maritza Moulite, The Summer I Ate the Rich is a modern-day fable inspired by Haitian zombie lore that scrutinizes the socioeconomic and racial inequity that is the foundation of our society. Just like Brielle’s clients, it will have you asking: What’s for dinner?

Under the Fading Sky by Cynthia Kadahata Atheneum/Caitlyn Dlouhy Books

A teen boy thinks his vaping habit is harmless until it becomes a crippling addiction of nightmarish dimensions in this searing young adult novel from Newbery and National Book Award winner Cynthia Kadohata. So, stuff has, like, a beginning and an end. And you don’t really realize that until the end, or right before. Before that, you’re just thinking that you and your homies are chillin’ and getting high, and it’s all gonna work out. You know? Truth is, the way life works is that you were born in the eye of a hurricane, and you think that’s just the way life is, calm-like. Until…it isn’t. So, yeah, Elijah is only sixteen, and already he would change a lot of stuff if he could go back in time. But you can’t ever do that. And when you can’t, that’s when you find out who you really are.

[maxdibert]

You said that defending the marauders' actions is elitist, and I agree, because people are more willing to side with the rich boys than their victim, who is a poor boy. But honestly, I kind of understand why readers may do that, because the narrative itself seems to "take their side" in a way. It's like JK Rowling herself believes it wasn't that bad, because in the end, they were fighting for the good side, and that makes up for everything. They don't have to prove themselves, they are already forgiven (except Peter, of course).

However, she doesn't give that kind of understanding to Severus. He's the one who has to spend the rest of his life making up for his bad choices. And the narrative only "forgives him" after he dies.

Yeah, of course, but the thing is, Rowling is elitist and classist in herself, and she has a lot of highly conservative prejudices that are revealed throughout the saga. I mean, she spends several books highlighting every time she can how handsome Sirius is, or makes the fact that Remus Lupin knocks up his twenty-something-year-old wife and leaves her be forgiven as if nothing happened, or excuses James’ violence by saying he changed, even though no one ever sees it, we just have to believe it because Lily married him (so what?). Honestly, it feels like she didn’t have certain things planned at first, or what she really wanted was for James and Severus to have a more straightforward relationship, but as the books took a less childish and more young-adult turn, she decided to load up the story with drama and instead of changing some foundational things she initially planned (like insisting on certain heroics for very questionable characters), she just left everything as it was and didn’t bother exploring certain serious themes more, and in the end, it all turned out badly. The problem is also that Rowling insists that the reader thinks like her, and you can see that through how Harry perceives things, which is just him perceiving them the way she wants the reader to perceive them. That’s why Harry makes value judgments that are often super inconsistent and don’t make sense, like overlooking the fact that Sirius broke his best friend’s leg just because he found out he’s good and always loved him. It’s like, okay, but he broke Ron’s leg, are we not going to talk about that? Is he not going to say anything? Rowling doesn’t care because she wants the reader to adore Sirius, so she overlooks those details. And I don’t know if it’s lazy writing or if she simply doesn’t know how to treat her characters, but honestly, when you look at the treatment of them with perspective, there are holes everywhere.

[centrally-unplanned]

I blogged before about this company, Orange, that is an AI-powered manga translation company. Essentially, their pitch is that most manga is still (officially) untranslated, a ton of manga gets made after all but few become mainstream enough to get ported overseas. They posit the barrier to that is the cost of translation; if they could automate that process, then they can make viable for release what previously was not. That concept rests on two questions - does the tech pan out, and does the economics add up?

Recently they went live, under the name Emaqi, so we can better explore those questions. What I notice on first glance is the pitch seems to have shifted a little bit in post:

You are not the translators of Vinland Saga, Witch Hat Atelier, or Magic Knight Rayearth, very obviously so. They have Sailor Moon in here lol. These are just the official translations being cross-listed into their "manga platform", where you buy it there and it lives, DRM-locked, in their app. Which is fair enough as a model, that is just Kindle, it works. Though Kindle and a dozen others already exist, so their value-add has to be the AI translation stuff right? That is why I would choose this over another app.

Which they do have, though it is kind of buried:

"Only on emaqi" - there is no mention of the translation approach, poor guys! Can't fault the branding decision I guess given the state of the discourse. When it comes to the products themselves, I went through ~6 or so of the sample chapters of different manga, did a few spot checks with the original Japanese, and read the reviews of some others who looked into it. They seem fine! I am cautiously impressed, I think there proofers did a good job smoothing out some edges, it has a "manga tone", and while small issues like the hyphenation the reviewer above mentioned do exist and are legit noticeable, they aren't common and not a huge deal. It has flow issues? Some dialogue should link together in how it is written, but doesn't. But it isn't crazy off or anything. You will not be wowed by these, but certainly if you are someone who reads bootleg scanlations you are gonna have no problems. A lot of manga uses pretty simple vocab and isn't breaking new ground on plot, I can see how a purpose-built tool could handle it well enough.

The economics though...here is where I don't think this case was ever going to pencil out and isn't now. Because I am pretty sure no one here has heard of any of the manga listed above as exclusives. (I saw 90's manga Geobreeders in there, but that was already partially translated in the 2000's, not sure if they did a new one? Setting it aside) Which, of course you haven't, if you had it probably would have been translated! Books are a 90:10 market, most books never get read and some books get read a ton. Anything big enough can justify a professional translation, and the other can't really sell to begin with.

On top of that, their model is mass translation; which means these obscure manga are presented to you with no context, no hype, no build-up. Wtf is The Blood Blooms In the Barrens?? See, if you were like a boutique publisher, selecting "the best of the best" in untranslated manga, you would promote your specific product. Interviews, social media, the value of the brand-itself as a quality seal. Publishing less is more, actually, your value as a publisher is as a quality selector. Or you could be say the porn market, where you max quantity so people can search "foot fetish breeding kink oshi no ko" and get results; they know what they want. But they aren't doing either! And to be blunt a lot of these are not gonna sell on their art alone:

I'm not mocking The Delayed Highschool Life of a Laborer here, that is better than I could do; but if you want to me spend money on a whim the bar is high and these don't reach it. Which of course they don't, they would be professionally translated if they did.

And finally, the price - $5 dollars, for volume 1's, like a 100-200 pages. The cross-listed manga typically sells for ~$10? That isn't much cheaper! If "translation" was this big cost barrier, and all you got is cutting the price of ebooks in half, I don't know if the analysis was so solid. This is a new product, I doubt they are overcharging to make a quick buck right now - this is the "sell at cost to scale" era.

In all of their lead up press they would say things like this:

Orange's process uses AI to read the manga through image analysis and character recognition, then to translate the words into English, Chinese and other languages. The technology is specialized for manga, meaning it is able to handle wordplay and other difficult-to-translate phrases. A human translator then makes corrections and adjustments. The process can deliver a manga translation in as little as two days. Orange will work with multiple Japanese publishers. The company looks initially to complete 500 translations monthly.

But this is missing a lot of context. For one, these manga are simple high school or battle manga that are ~200 pages long, many of those pages have only a few lines of dialogue, etc. Imagine you are a professional translator, and you are given that manga to translate, all the set-up done for you, all you gotta do is write. How long do you think that would take? Not that long! It could probably take like a week if it's actually all you did (calc'd from a 10k word count manga volume, 2k is a typical "good translator" per day count - many manga are shorter than that). And note how they said "as little as two days" - not median two days! Just, you know, aspirationally.

Translation is just not a big bottleneck. You gotta do layouts, lettering, proofs, etc, these can all take just as much time - and are being done by people, they still need wage workers doing all this. But that is small fry in comparison to publishing contracts, author approvals, distribution, all of that. And most importantly, product acquisition - you have to get authors to sign with you! That can be months of work. I am sure they are trying to get bulk agreements with publishers and such, but authors will push back on that, this is not an easy endeavor.

Which is why, in above, they say they hope to have "500 translations monthly". And after a year+ of work, on launch, they have...

...18. As best I can tell at least, their site deliberately obfuscates what they actually translated versus are just hosting for resale after all.

So yeah, as mentioned I don't think the economics pencil out. These aren't worth $5 dollars, they can't actually generate volume that makes "massive economies of scale" actually valuable, and their approach is currently antithetical to the idea of generating traction for any of their individual works. Niche publishing just doesn't work this way.

But it is early days, and hey I respect the experiment! I do think the tech is pretty good, and it is nice to see a company showcase it. It isn't quite good enough yet for prime time, but it could get there. I do want more manga to get exposure and audience; I will give a fair shake to any who try.

[positivelybeastly]

From the Ashes Infinity Comics #15: Pygmalion, Part 1

So, for those who are not aware - Infinity Comics are online-only comics distributed through Marvel Unlimited, their subscription based app and browser collection of comics. Regarded as 'inessential,' but still very much canon, the raft of Infinity Comics coming out of From the Ashes have been quite good, but I haven't seen fit to comment on them for a bit, until now, because . . .

Let's go.

For those not aware, Pygmalion is a famous novel by George Bernard Shaw, detailing the attempt by a phonetics professor called Henry Higgins to 'elevate' a Cockney flower-girl named Eliza Doolittle.

Intrigued by a bet that he could pass her off as a duchess through careful schooling, he decides to take her on, and though he succeeds, she ends up feeling marginalised and overlooked, treated as an object of gambling and curiosity rather than an individual in her own right, and though the play is best known for the 'culturing' of Eliza Doolittle, it is as much about the arrogance of Higgins, who is a thoroughly unpleasant and rude individual, in thinking that he has any ownership over Eliza for his education of her. He may have 'created' her, but he does not control her.

The Factory that the X-Men are living in at present must have really good central heating for Cyclops to be wearing basketball shorts and a crop top that short.

Beast is currently investigating some kind of issue with Magneto's chromosomes - to put it succinctly, he appears to be ageing rapidly, and does not have access to his X-gene at present. This is a continuation of the storyline in the previous Infinity arc, which focused on Magneto.

Something worth noting - this is the first acknowledgement of the fact that though Hank's body may be of roughly the same physical age as his original, his mind is considerably younger, situated at some point in his mid 20s. For someone who was always the oldest of the original X-Men, this is fairly significant.

Also worth noting - Hank joins the ranks of superheroes who are actively seeking therapy for their problems! Good on you, Hank! And good on you, too, Scott, for suggesting it. Though, perhaps, given recent developments in the mainline X-Men comics, you should take your own advice . . .

The fact that Hank refers to himself as the only one left seemingly confirms that X-Force took care of the Beast clones who Beast Prime planted around various landmarks as part of the Ghost Calendars arc. Though they were defeated in their respective future timelines, I wasn't quite sure if they had been taken care of in the present as well. This seemingly confirms that they were.

Hank's therapist is Dr. Andrea Sterman, a supporting character from Jed MacKay's Moon Knight run, and a member of the Midnight Mission. Given that the writer, Alex Paknadel, confirmed on Twitter that he talked with Jed MacKay about making sure all the details for Hank's storyline would line up with the mainline X-Men book, I can only imagine this was done as a rather fun continuity nod.

Hank also refers to a Shi'ar warship, an avian alien race that the X-Men deal with on a regular basis. This makes sense, given that Hank was beamed aboard the Shi'ar imperial flagship during the events of Dark Phoenix Saga in 1981 - ancient history for us, but relatively fresh in Hank's mind, given his memories come from 1985.

Hank, naturally, does himself a disservice here. Dark Beast was, assumedly, abducted at a relatively young age from his human parents, and indoctrinated by Mister Sinister as something of a protege - a protege living in perpetual fear of his mentor. He probably didn't have a chance to develop any kind of moral code divorced from the social Darwinist hellhole that is the Age of Apocalypse.

That being said, Hank probably lacks that context, and Dark Beast is unique among Age of Apocalypse denizens, not just for his unerringly cruel nature, having never shown any altruistic tendencies (unlike, say, AoA Cyclops or Nightcrawler), but also for his resilience. He persists, even now - though last seen in Immortal X-Men #9 as a head in a jar, he has come back from the dead at least twice before, and it is unlikely he is gone for good.

Fun fact - his appearance here is based on the costume he wore during his scrap with Emma Frost's X-Men team in a confrontation with Spider-Man and the Lizard. Though the X-Men naturally encountered him after this point, it's fun that this appearance by Dark Beast is considered iconic enough to be the 'definitive' look for him by this comic.

Hank's final remark, about 'Henry McCoy plus time equals atrocity,' is a sentiment often repeated on social media boards, and it's interesting to see it being internalised by Hank himself, given his unique perspective on the events that created his future self and the other potential timelines the X-Men files likely refer to.

Mm. A lot to unpack here.

Hank's relationship with his X-gene has always been complicated, and the way he views it here, as essentially morphing him into a shape that he finds abhorrent, predatory, and beyond his control, is consistent with how Hank seemed to see himself during his feline mutation, which lasted from 2000 to 2013.

Though his feline phase is not referenced in this comic, beyond the 'over time, and with a little help, these became more pronounced,' (probably a reference to Sage's jumpstarting his secondary mutation) it assumedly would be in the files Hank has been using to catch up, and one has to wonder if he's been repeating some of the thought processes that made feline Hank such a uniquely neurotic version of the character.

It's also nice to see a canonisation of my long held fanon that Hank's X-gene is actively attempting to craft a form for him that is best suited for survival, a belief that Hank only hinted at back in Morrison's New X-Men, but which made sense, given the circumstances of his mutation in X-Treme X-Men.

That being said, Hank's own mind seemingly strays back to the night his furry mutation first manifested at the Brand Corporation in Amazing Adventures, where he flew into a berserker rage and nearly killed Carl Maddicks, which always seemed a little incongruous with how Hank was written in subsequent appearances in Avengers and Defenders, but which now seems to be retroactively made an expression of the brutality he was capable of during his feline phase.

The 'violent upheavals' Hank refers to here are likely his initial secondary mutation, and then his near-death experience when said mutation randomly destabilised in All-New X-Men. It could also be a reference to his numerous genetic troubles during X-Factor volume 1.

His opining that he found refuge in the life of the mind is very reminiscent of Hank's desire to find meaning in poetry, literature, art, humanity, in the wake of the changes in his body in both X-Factor and New X-Men. X-Factor #33 and New X-Men #117 both specifically reference his delight in the freedom to think, in opposition to the clouding of the mind that came with his Pestilence inflicted dumbing down, or his newly awakened predatory impulses.

Ironically enough, Magneto is, aside from Simon Williams, the character with whom this version of Hank has shared the most panel time and dialogue, between his conversations in X-Men and previous From the Ashes Infinity Comics. It would appear that Max's need for a cure for his condition are fostering a necessarily stronger bond than Hank and Max have ever shared before in canon.

Precisely where the rest of the team is during the course of these events is unknown. If I had to guess, it's possible this might be set during the events of X-Men #2, where the rest of the team was attending to a mutant rescue in San Francisco, accounting for the lack of availability of the Marauder and a reliance on an old Quinjet.

Quite how Hank got his hands on said Quinjet is unknown, though it's possible it might be a holdover from Hank's Defender days, where he would regularly borrow a Quinjet from the Avengers, for purposes ranging from actual superhero missions to attending Patsy Walker's wedding.

Though this Hank's memories originate in closest proximity to the Defenders, and though that team did enjoy some degree of notoriety under Hank and Candy Southern's stewardship, the Avengers have always been where Hank was most popular in-universe, and he has had a habit of using that association to smooth things over in mutant related books, such as in X-Factor volume 1 and the 90s X-Men run.

Unfortunately, mutant rights are in a more dire state than ever before, with things having seemingly gotten only worse for them since the 1980s, and it's likely Hank didn't expect this level of hatred from normal civilians.

I have, unfortunately, run out of images, so I'll be posting the last of this issue and my final thoughts and predictions in another post.

[ironspdr6700]

WHY IS CLYTEMNESTRA JUST AND GUILTY AT THE SAME TIME (ACCORDING TO AESCHYLUS)?

Medical school, unfortunately, has been taking up more of my reading time than I'd like. But since we're on 14-HOURS blackouts now, it gives me time to at least read my favorite Greek tragedies in more detail. And of the big 3… My favorite by far is Aeschylus.

I recently read some passages from Gilbert Murray's book "Aeschylus: Creator of Greek Tragedy" and I can't recommend it enough for anyone who is a fan of the Oresteia, because you read Murray first and then you re-read Aeschylus in a totally different way and all the parts that seemed incomprehensible at first make sense. I've read a lot of posts here on Tumblr that defend or demonize Agamemnon or Clytemnestra or Electra, defending one, condemning the other or claiming that they are all equally bad, but I think the problem is that we read the saga of the house of Atreus from our modern perspective. And I think that shows that we don't know how to read Greek tragedies. Tragedy… AUTHENTIC GREEK TRAGEDY AS AN ARTISTIC CREATION, according to Aristotle, should provoke TERROR and COMPASSION in the viewer at the same time. Tragic heroes are different from the rest of traditional heroes because they are not worthy of being imitated, but are trapped in a situation that none of us would want to be in. And we regret that because if we were in their place we wouldn't know how to make a better decision.

Precisely because we are a modern audience, we feel more comfortable with Euripides' theatre, his criticism of mythology and the lack of ethics of the gods (don't get me wrong, I love his Medea and the Trojan Women, which is, in my opinion, one of the greatest treasures of universal literature), but we find it difficult to get into the thought of Aeschylus.

Because Aeschylus belongs to the last link of Archaic Greece, which was transformed into the Classical and rationalist Greece of Euripides, Socrates and Thucydices. Aeschylus was a deeply religious man who lived through decades of transformation: the passage from tyranny in Athens to aristocracy and then to democracy, the battles of Marathon and Salamis between the small Greek city-states against the "excessive" Persian empire and the beginning of the golden age of Athens marked his vision of the world that Divine Justice had an active participation in the world to always balance the scales.

And this also involves a transformation in the conception of Law and Justice in that period of Greek thought. Like the archaic idea that justice is only a synonym for revenge, it becomes a state-mediated process to maintain social peace. According to the archaic conception EVERY MURDER OF ANY MEMBER OF THE FAMILY MUST BE AVENGEANCE, it is not an option, it is an OBLIGATION. From that point of view, Clytemnestra has every right in the world to take revenge on Agamemnon for the sacrifice of Iphigenia, not even the Furies have anything against her because she is not Agamemnon's blood relative, which, superficially, would seem to close the cycle. The only problem is that this is a cycle of violence, and the more violence you add, the more times the cycle keeps repeating itself and the more the wheel of Ananke, the Need to satisfy the spilled violence, keeps turning.

Clytemnestra calls for help from Zeus, "Zeus, through whom all things come to an end", so that she can succeed in her plan. If Clytemnestra kills Agamemnon, it is because ZEUS HAS ALLOWED HER TO DO SO. In Aeschylus, no event ever happens that was not the will of Zeus. Zeus is the guarantor of destiny, the protector of supplicants, the guardian of hospitality… And he is also Zeus the Avenger, in charge of making sure that everyone pays for their crimes in due time. And Agamemnon has a long list of crimes to carry out, not just Iphigenia; as leader of the expedition against Troy, he has allowed the army to destroy everything during the siege, including the altars of the gods… the refuge for the supplicants.

"The altars and temples of their gods have disappeared; the entire race of a people has been annihilated."

Zeus, as guardian of hospitality, sent Agamemnon and Menelaus against Troy for the abduction of Helen:

"Paris, who, having been welcomed into the home of the Atreids, dishonoured the table of hospitality by the abduction of a wife."

But Agamemnon allows his army to GO TO OVER THE TOP IN REVENGE

"Paris will never boast, nor the city that was his accomplice, that the deed outweighed the punishment… he lost the stolen garment, and ruined the house of his parents along with his own country. WITH DOUBLE PUNISHMENT the sons of Priam PAID FOR THEIR GUILT."

So now it is Zeus, Suppliant and Avenger, who must again balance the scales.

"Now those who conquered my country are in turn sentenced by the gods."

As a second point in favor, Clytemnestra, at least in the first work of the trilogy, is more than just a woman, she seems more like she is possessed by a divinity:

"…say not that I am the wife of Agamemnon. That ancient and fierce spirit of vengeance that garnished the cruel feast of Atreus, that is he who, taking the appearance of the wife of him who lies there, avenged on a man the sacrifice of two children."

This was part of archaic thought, the idea of ​​demons or minor divinities that influence the thought or behavior or actions of human beings and also that the crimes of parents must be paid for by their children if they are not avenged. One of the most interesting posts I read is one that commented that, in archaic literature, one never knows exactly where human freedom begins and where divine will ends. BUT THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT FREE WILL DOES NOT EXIST AND THEREFORE THAT HUMAN BEINGS ARE EXEMPT FROM RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR ACTIONS.

And this is where Clytemnestra also becomes guilty. First, because she murders Cassandra, a Trojan princess, a priestess, a slave who has no say.

"I am forced to suffer the yoke of slavery"

She treats her as if she were Agamemnon's lover, which highlights 1) Clytemnestra's hypocrisy, because she had also taken Aegisthus as a lover, and 2) this is more important, THE LACK OF COMPASSION. Greek tragedy must generate terror and compassion because they are the two emotions that make us human. Only the person who is authentically compassionate, that is, literally feels the suffering of others as their own, as a shared experience and inheritance, can be called an authentic human being in the highest spiritual sense of the word. Clytemnestra HAS NO PITY, on the contrary, she delights in the very violence she commits:

"She, after singing her funeral dirges like a swan, fell too, and lies there beside her lover. Delicious contentment that satisfies the pleasures of my loves!"

Clytemnestra triumphs as Iphigenia's mother, but fails as a queen, just as Agamemnon triumphs as a king but fails as Iphigenia's father. Clytemnestra does not care about the opinion of the chorus of elders, she does not care that Aegisthus establishes a tyranny and that the respect for majesty that Agamemnon did have for his subjects is transformed into fear, into threats of hunger and deprivation for those who oppose her.

It is true that Clytemnestra is justified (Justice in the most archaic sense of the word) in her revenge in the first act, but that does not give her the right to laugh, or even to feel proud of what she has just done. "For my own part, I boast of my work. If it were lawful to pour libations on a corpse, they would be just, most just on this occasion." Not even Odysseus, who murdered 108 people in his own house despite having received the approval of Zeus and Athena, takes delight in the slaughter, because "it is not godly to rejoice over the death of these men."

In the end, Clytemnestra does not seem to die for killing Agamemnon (that is Aegisthus). She dies for having killed Cassandra, as she herself prophesies:

"… when a woman pays for my life with her life, and a man atones with his blood for the blood of the unhappy husband of a bad wife… I ask you that my hateful murderers receive from my avengers the payment for the easy death of a defenseless slave."

And that is what leads Orestes to be one step closer to absolution than Clytemnestra will ever be. Orestes obeys Apollo's orders, but against his will, forced by fate, he finds neither pleasure nor satisfaction in matricide. It is the first step that will later lead him to be absolved by Athena. While Clytemnestra, even in death, has no compassion, she cannot forgive even her own son when he sees himself subjected to an unwanted fate.

[about-faces]

I'm still loving Gotham Nocturne and I wish it was getting the love/respect/attention is deserves. I've spoken several people who haven't been reading the current Detective Comics run because they're Batmanned Out (good lord, do I get it) and they see it as just another attempt at some kind of "ultimate Batman story with Batman fighting the ultimate evil," which I strongly disagree with.

THAT SAID... as time has gone on, and the story seems to be reaching its finale, there are a few things that stand out of me as problems with this epic storyline.

1.) It's one of the most egregious examples of "writing for the trade paperback." This simply isn't a story that's meant to be read month-to-month. It's too slow, with too little "happening," at least on the superficial level. Paradoxically, it's NOT a story that should be binged! The best comparison that comes to mind is Better Call Saul, since that's the only other example of serialized media that's meticulously slow-paced yet INCREDIBLY RICH for those willing to engage with it on its level rather than expecting it to be Breaking Bad (or in Nocturne's case, a typical Batman story.) Ram V is capable of writing super-engaging monthly issues, as the fantastic Rare Flavours proves, but that brings us to...

2.) The story is sprawling. Maybe even TOO sprawling. When it comes to people who are sick of Batman, I try to sell them on the fact that this story is about GOTHAM AS A WHOLE, right down to the villains who call it home, and how everyone there is as intrinsically a part of Gotham as Batman is. But ensemble stories like that are tricky, and it makes the focus feel all over the place at times, with alternately too much and too little attention being paid to the main players, Batman included. It's a balance that was handled beautifully with Batman: The Audio Adventures, but it seems a bit more awkward here. Again, it's hard to pull off!

Like, we have characters pop up and then vanishing without explanation. We got Azrael back in the AzBats armor for the first time in decades, like, holy shit! That should be a HUGE development! And then, poof, he vanished! There's simply no time to explore Jean-Paul's character because there's so many other things the narrative needs to explore.

This feels like it would have really benefited from a companion series, something to focus on the characters the way the backup stories have done, but just more so. I think about how Peter Tomasi would write companion books to the main big storylines written by Geoff Johns, Grant Morrison, and Scott Snyder, and how he'd focus on character, which always enriched the greater "big important storyline." Which, in turn, also brings me to...

3.) The backup stories have really lost a lot of their punch since they stopped being written by Si Spurrier and were taken over by Dan Watters. Watters is incredibly capable, make no mistake, and his Cheshire/Lian Harper story is one of my favorite parts of this entire saga. But by and large, his tales focus more on the spooky and weird sides of what's happening with Nocturne, whereas Spurrier's stories were more focused on characters navigating the weirdness of the events. As a result, Spurrier gave us what I consider to be some of the very best stories about Jim Gordon, Harvey Dent, and Victor Fries ever written. I really miss those, and how they enriched Ram V's (possibly overly-ambitious) narrative.

Ultimately, Gotham Nocturne feels like the Batman equivalent to an arthouse film, which means it's going to be appreciated by a handful of nerds while leaving most other fans cold, and I can't really blame them. If anything makes me sad about all this, it's how all this incredible character work with Bruce, Harvey, Victor, Talia, and others is going to be ignored. Hell, it already is, given the complete lack of acknowledgement we've seen in other Bat-books for what's going on in Nocturne.

At this point, I just hope it sticks the landing in the finale, because I want to be able to have a complete, satisfying epic to recommend to people who want something a bit richer than the typical "guy in Bat costume punches clown" stories we usually get.

[annabelle-creart]

Good morning, Dear Trollhunters Fandom

I have a question

WHY THE FUCK DOES ANGOR ROT HAS ITS STONE-FLESH EXPOSED AND LITERALLY NO ONE ELSE DOES HAS IT?!?!?!?

And this post is dedicated to solve that question literally no one made

But let's make this profesional

1. Hypothesis

Angor Rot's stone is made of granite and is part of his physical condition because of time. He also needs his living stone constantly for his tools

2. Contextual framework

Angor Rot is known for being a hunter, he's agile and sneaky but mostly he just watches, he likes to play with it's prey and creates golems as weapon.

Nonetheless, he is also know for being the only troll to have it's stone exposed, Angor is a hunter and cautelous, he shouldn't have it exposed having in mind birth stone is something so delicated and powerful, nonetheless, the series by itself tells nothing about how powerful it can be except creating life, which Angor had done multiple times by using its own flesh-stone to make the golems

3. Evidence

Despite it is not supposed to use the behavior of one subject as default for an entire species, it will be used in this section to explain possible traits of Angor Rot's species lacking the information of it

Despite Angor Rot was first introduced in a jungle in India, and then he made the deal in Bulgaria, it is know that Angor is not from Bulgaria or India, because in the book Angor Reborn, the sixth book of the Trollhunter's saga made based on the series, it is said he traveled a lot to gain information so he could get Morgana's location, one of the places he had to go in said book was Egypt, said country has granite's quarries in it, same in India

Trolls are made of both birth-stone of other trolls and an specific type of rock, if granite is the most typical stone, then, trolls probably will use it to craft their whelps, case of Angor's species

Unfortunately, there is no direct information in the series that talks about Angor Rot's species like the way the series did with Kruberas except that they probably lived in caves, which is a default troll behavior because of their sensibility to the sun or UV rays in general, nonetheless, Angor is a hunter, a very skilled one, he's more agile and flexible than any troll, as much as Nomura, he's also smart and an expert in traps, but he had to learn that from someone, if his culture had hunting as main activity that would explain how he gain said abilities, the problem with said abilities is that he depends in the environment to make his traps, which doesn't give any hint if his traps are more dessert focused or jungle focused, so, is still unsure if Angor is from India or from Egypt

On the other hand, having in mind both India and Egypt have granite's quarries, the points thar explain why Angor Rot is possibly made of said material will pass to be exposed

In first place, granite is known to be resistant and strong, but not because of it is inmune to splinters and cracks, cracks in granite can be unnoticiable like in Angor's case, also, granite can come in different colors, one of them is white, which is the main color of Angor's skin; the composition of Angor's eyes is smooth and brilliant, almost like black glass that can be obsidian which pupils took the color of Angor's soul (having in mind his pupils became white when his soul was destroyed and Arghamount's eyes also became black with green pupils when he gets angry. Trolls are magic-based creatures, this kind of behavior is probably expected). The reason of why it can be obsidian is because, like granite, obsidian becomes from magma and both are igneous rocks, but granite is an intrusive rock, which means the cooling process is slow

On the other hand, granite, after numerous hits and pass of time, which probably happened to Angor Rot, can break, another point in the case is that Angor Rot's skin is more thin than a normal troll skin, which is the reason why he is so flexible can be also the reason why he can be more fragile against breaks on his skin, which he probably suffered of before making the deal with Morgana, having in mind he was a warrior and fought during the time of Gunmar's conquest

As Dral requested during the time Jim and he played Pyroblist for Aarrrgh in the first part, trolls tend to close their wound faster using hot iron, but having in mind Angor lived isolated and he needed his flesh exposed to carve the totems for the golems, he never sealed said wounds by his own decision

4. Conclusions

Angor Rot's shell is made of granite and his eyes are made of obsidian, he, maybe, is from India or Egypt and he decided not to close his wounds, the exposed living stone of his body, to make golems easier

End of essay

References:

Angor Rot's wiki fandom page

Granite's wikipedia page

Seven Easy Ways To Damage Your Granite and How To Avoid Them (Feb 22, 2024). Granite Liquidations

Obsidian's wikipedia page

[cdsillylilyposting]

A DARK STORY.

IS NOT.

DEFINED BY.

HOW IT.

ENDS!

LILY you are confusing a TRAGIC STORY with a DARK STORY!

first of all dark COMEDIES exist!

But speakin further on the matter you are just wrong

So here's the deal, in a dark story you can have a happy ending bitter sweet or otherwise, the point could be watching a tragedy play out or it could observe the struggle against the dying light or even behold this humorous misery in this dark comedy!

In closing: A Dark Story is Not Defined By its Ending that's STUPID, but it's also not always a woe as me tragedy

Examples:

Game of Thrones is about decite and upheaval that is only throwing the realm into more problems (meanwhile the old army's of the dead march but anyways) there isn't an undying lands or a Shire to return to, we see the world it's just kinda shit and getting worse cause those with the power to do something won't and their is no "fixing" this

Aliens opens on Ripley being crushed down by a system that neither cares for or treats her trauma, while still wanting to exploit her AND having to relive all of it on a bigger scale (yeah she overcomes it a bit) so she escapes and saves Newt suffering through that still a DARK story!

We roll on down to Warhammer town with Ciaphus Cain surviving in his books while the empire (continues to) decay the Necrons steal absurdly powerful tech and he is arguably given even more influence that he SELF ADMITTEDLY DOESN'T RUN PROPERLY

Furiosa: Succeeds in getting her revenge on Dementis, succeeds in climbing to a status in Immortan Joe's army(cult) Still an objectively dark story even with the happy ending full of rip roaring motor action

The Elric Saga is famous for toying with classic fantasy tropes, an early example of the doomed hero cursed to suffer due to his fate as the Eternal Champion he constantly suffers but STILL fights against the darkness

Chernobyl (HBO series) has a grim tone (as it fucking should) with government cover ups human misery and tragedy abound but it ENDS with Legasov winning and has real change! Nope still one of the greatest nuclear disasters in history

I could name more series movies and books but quite frankly these post by lily are maddening

[henry-the-queer-artist]

movies that absolutely suck but I really like them and actively participate in their fandom and I think you should too

Jupiter Ascending

the plot of this film is half-baked trash but I never cared for plot and I don't think you should either. they give eddie redmayne a sparkly cape and a golden chariot that may or may not have an actual person melded into it. a win in my book. reincarnation and a space dynasty made up of fussy siblings with mommy issues. 3/10 as an actual movie but 9/10 for me liking it.

2. The Twilight Saga

my ass is not going to reuse the ''twilight sucks haha'' thing. it is getting old. These movies are also half-baked in plot but hilarious when watched ironically and the side-characters are interesting and loveable, no matter how dull the main characters can be at times. the extremely long pauses between dialogue are not the only problem with these movies, but I definitely enjoy making memes and talking about the other members of the cullen family. 2.5/10 as actual movies (the plots get worse as they go along) but 10/10 for me making memes and loving the cullens besides edward.

3. Like Minds

ok hear me out I LOVE this movie. the people in its fandom are some of the only people who have ever been actually nice to me in my life. this is my second favorite movie. but is it good? heck nah. The plot isn't half-baked it's overbaked. they thought too much about it and then none of it made sense and then they were like ''this is the worst movie ever'' and gay trans teenagers (me and 4 other people) were like ''do you promise? 🥺'' this movie is the best because it's gay gay homosexual gay and you can already tell how much I love stupid eddie redmayne movies. 5/10 on the actually good movie scale but 100000/10 in my heart.

4. all three of the star wars sequel movies

I used to really be into star wars, ok. I still like it now. I always grew up watching the prequels which were also bad but I love those ones and they were kinda better than these. So when I saw these in theaters at first I was like ''this is garbage. is this what we're feeding the star wars fandom now?'' but then I rewatched them with an open mind but more importantly an open heart and my opinion has changed. they may have ruined luke skywalker but damn. the new characters are lovable and Kylo Ren deserves the world. need I say more. the ''I need a hero'' version of Kylo running into the Exegol temple in the 3rd movie is legendary. 4.5/10 on the actually good movie scale. 9/10 in my heart.

[remae-freyae]

The Spy vs. Me (Part 2: Questionable Life Choices)

((Part One in the Link Below:))

I stared at the second guy in the unmarked black car. He was either asleep, dead, or deeply regretting his career choices.

“Morning,” I called, raising my coffee mug in greeting.

He jolted upright like I’d set off a firecracker in his lap. His head smacked against the headrest, and he winced. The other spy—the first guy, my original stalker—was sitting in a different car across the street, watching this play out with what looked like sheer exhaustion.

I took a sip of my coffee. “You guys need anything? Snacks? A blanket? A better line of work?”

Silence.

The first spy sighed, opened his car door, and got out. His trench coat was rumpled, and his sunglasses were gone, probably sacrificed to his growing migraine. “Look,” he said, voice hoarse like he hadn’t spoken in days, “I just need to know what you did.”

I squinted at him. “Did what?”

"The thing.” He gestured vaguely, looking about five seconds away from collapsing. “Whatever you did to put you on our watchlist.”

I frowned, trying to think back. I mean, sure, I’d done some weird things lately, but nothing illegal. Unless jaywalking counted. Or eating a gas station sandwich that had no business being that color.

“I don’t think I did anything,” I said finally. “Unless… wait. Wait.” I gasped. “Oh my god.”

Both spies tensed.

I put a hand over my mouth, pretending to be horrified. “I returned a library book three years late.”

The second spy groaned and dropped his head against the steering wheel. The first one ran a hand down his face. “I hate you,” he muttered.

“Cool, but like… how high up are we talking? CIA? FBI? MI6?”

He gave me a long, tired look. “Stop talking.”

“Ooooh. Secret secret. Got it, fam.”

At this point, I was just messing with them. They had tormented themselves for weeks trying to track me, only to realize I was too sleep-deprived, financially oblivious, and generally incompetent to be a serious threat. That was their problem, not mine.

“��Alright.” The first spy inhaled deeply like he was about to make a major decision. “We’re calling this case closed. You’re—” he exhaled, clearly pained by the words—“not a danger to national security.”

“Not even a little bit?” I asked.

“No.”

I was mildly disappointed. But before I could ask what had put me on their radar, both spies were already packing up their stakeout gear. A minute later, they drove off, leaving me standing in my driveway, sipping my coffee, and still having absolutely no clue what just happened.

I went back inside, flopped onto my couch, and pulled out my phone.

Netflix: Your payment has been processed!

Nice.